> Broken
>  by Bicyclette
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

because I love you…

Pulsing, throbbing pain greeted Shining Armor’s return to the waking world. Waves of it, radiating from his temples, causing him to screw his eyes shut as if the pressure from them would staunch the flow. It seemed to work, as the waves gently eased into an ebbing tide, unmasking the other sensations that they had covered. The softness of the blanket draped over his barrel. The sensation of sweat-soaked mane and pillow beneath his neck. The springs of the mattress underneath him. He was in bed, yes. He must be waking up, but he just felt so tired. His throat was parched.

He opened his bleary eyes, blinking them as they filled with the sight of the familiar. He was in his room. Of course, where else would he be? The hardly-discernible pattern of his well-worn childhood blanket. On the opposite wall, the dresser, and his ant farm perched atop it. Above it, his prized shelf of Power Ponies figurines, arranged in the order of strongest to weakest that he and Cherry Fizzy had argued for hours about when they were little colts. He smiled at the memory. But wait, no, something was wrong. Saddle Rager was to the left of Radiance, and Issue #67 clearly showed that Radiance’s constructs could match Saddle Rager’s strength, even at her angriest. Ah, it must have been Twilight. A little petty of her to go sneaking around in his room to make her point, but she was incredibly stubborn about how to order things. He laughed at the thought, and made a note to have a talk with her about boundaries. At least this was something that undoing wouldn’t take more than just reaching out with his aura to—

A sharp pain blossomed from the base of his horn, driving jagged knives of torment into his temples and behind his eyes. He screamed, clutching his head with both hooves. He heard the slam of his door against the wall, and a voice shout.

“Shiny!” 

He still couldn’t open his eyes, as the pain was too great, but he didn’t need to. He knew whose voice it was. He felt the familiar caress of a hoof against his muzzle. 

“Oh, you tried to use your horn, didn’t you? I’m so sorry, son! I should have been here.”

“Dad?” Shining managed, opening his eyes a crack to see the worried face of Night Light. “What’s going on? My horn?”

“I’m so sorry, Shiny,” he repeated. “There was an accident. You can’t use your horn.”

“Accident?” Shining puzzled. “What?”

“Shiny.” Night Light looked at him with a serious expression. “What was the last thing you remember?” 

“Remember?” Shining tried to think back. What was he doing last night? This week? This month? He could only come up with blanks. He looked up at Night Light with a confused frown.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I… I don’t remember.” 

Night Light gave him a pitying smile, tears welling in his eyes. “The doctors said that you might have trouble remembering things. You were in an accident, at the training camp for the Royal Guard. Your horn broke, and...” Night Light trailed off, his face falling as his eyes drifted upward.

“M-my horn?” Shining followed his father’s gaze with his own, looking up at his own horn. Or at least, what should have been his horn. In the place of the gleaming white cone he kept expertly polished there was this unsightly thing, half the length it should have been, wrapped in a brown bandage. A pit formed in his stomach as the implications sank in. All he had done was try to move some Power Ponies figurines on a shelf. If he couldn’t do even that...

Shining closed his eyes. He could not bring himself to open them. “Is it going to get better, Dad?”

Night Light did not say anything for a few seconds, then sighed. “We don’t know, son. But the important thing is that you rest, okay? And that no matter what happens, we will be here for you.” 

Shining felt a hoof on his own, the one that was clutching his blanket tight to him. He felt his tear ducts burn as water forced itself through them..

“We love you, son. We know you’ll get through this. ”

“I love you too, Dad.” Shining sniffled. 

“Shiny!” a voice rang out from the hallway, and Shining opened his eyes just in time to see Velvet Sparkle entering the room, holding a platter in front of her in her aura. 

“Mom!”

His mother approached him, laying the platter onto the end table besides him effortlessly as she placed her cheek against his.

“Oh, Shiny!” she cried, as she began stroking his other cheek with a hoof. “Everything will be alright, sweetie.”

As his mother kept holding her face to his, Shining could feel a soothing calm wash over him. Enough to almost make him believe it himself. She let him go in order to look at him, and smile.

Shining smiled back, putting on a brave face. “Okay, mom, I believe you. Everything will be alright.” 

Twilight Velvet nodded sweetly. “It will, Shiny. You just need to rest, and heal. And eat up.” She pointed a hoof at the platter beside her on the end table. “I made you your favorite!”

“Corn dogs!” Shining exclaimed as he saw the sticks of golden-brown deep-fried batter on the plate. His first instinct was to reach out and— he stopped himself, his own body remembering what had happened last time. How was he supposed to— How would an earthpony—

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Shiny! Mommy’s here.” 

A purple glow lifted one of the corn dogs off the plate and carried it just up to his mouth. Trying not to feel too embarrassed, Shining opened his mouth and took a bite. The soft batter yielded easily to his teeth; the carrot at its core with a crunch. As he savored and swallowed the morsel, he was grateful that at least his jaw still worked. Especially since he was ravenous. In just a few more bites, he was done, though his mouth parched from the saltiness of the dog. To make him all the more grateful when a cool glass pressed against his lips, followed by a course of refreshing water. Shining Armor greedily drank it down, a little too quickly, dribbling a bit out the sides of his mouth at the end. He felt the glass move away from his face.

Then, he felt a napkin work its way against his lips.

“Moooooom!” he whined around the napkin, as Twilight Velvet finished wiping his lips. “I can do that myself, even without a horn!”

“Oh, it’s no bother for me, Shiny!” Twilight Velvet said chipperly. “We’ve had to clean up much worse messes on you when you were a baby!”

Shining rolled his eyes and smiled, as he felt the warmth of his parents smiling back at him with love. But he couldn’t help but think that something looked off about them. On some level, they looked the way they always had, but there was something in their eyes. A deep weariness. Shining realized that worrying about him must have taken their toll on them. 

“I’m so sorry for making you both worry.”

“Oh, no no no, Shiny!” his mother quickly replied. “There’s no need to blame yourself! It wasn’t your fault!” 

“Nothing that happened was,” his father sternly insisted. 

Shining frowned. “But maybe if I was more careful, or if I—”

“It wasn’t anything you could have done anything about, Shiny. It was something that happened to you.”

Shining blinked, confused.

“So what did happen?”

“An accident.” Night Light sighed. “A boulder fell on you during a training hike. If it was just a little to the left it would’ve missed you completely. A little to the right…”

Shining didn’t need to hear the end of that sentence. He looked up at his own mess of a horn, and considered that maybe it wasn’t the worst it could have been after all. At least he was still here. For Mom and Dad and—

He frowned. “Where’s Twily?”

“Twilight’s at summer camp wIth the other fillies at Celestia’s School!” his mother said quickly. “We haven’t told her yet because we didn’t want to worry her.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Shining realized. She went to that every year, of course! He sighed in relief that she wouldn’t have her good time with her friends interrupted, though Shining knew that she tended to spend most of her days up there reading in her cabin. Still! The last thing he wanted was to worry her like that.

And in a few days or weeks or however long it would be (how far into summer were they, anyway?), Twily would come back, and maybe by then the doctors would find a way to heal his horn and.there will be nothing to worry about after all! But even if not, well. He was still here. He was still here with his parents and his sister and that was what was important. And it’s not like he needed his horn to be in the Royal Guard like he’d always dreamed of. There were plenty of earthponies in the Guard, after all. And maybe he’d have to learn new skills and strengths to navigate the world again, and maybe they would have to earthponify the house a bit, but that was okay. It was okay. Everything would be okay. Even if his horn stayed broken. Even if he never got his magic back. 

Even if.

He looked up at his horn again, as if doing so would tell him the answers that he wanted so badly right now. As if that mass of mysterious bandages would reveal anything to him. His vantage point was so limited.

“Can I see what it looks like? Under the bandages? Maybe with a mirror?”

“Of course, son!” his dad answered sweetly. “There’s the mirror in your bathroom, if you can get there.”

Shining blinked,and realized that while he still had the dull throb of a headache somewhere, besides that, his body didn’t really feel all that bad. He gingerly raised himself up, and didn’t find anything bruising or aching, really. Maybe a little stiff, but that’s all. He rolled himself out of bed, as his parents carefully backed away to give him room, looking at him proudly. He briefly wondered if that is how they had looked at him when he was a foal learning to walk as he got onto his hooves. He took a step, then another. Yes. There was not really anything wrong with his body. All the more reason to be thankful that the accident could have been worse.

He walked through the open doorway into his bathroom, and was assaulted by just how clean every surface in it was. Far too clean for him to have done it, even if he had uncharacteristically done a deep clean of the place within the gap in his memory. Mom or Dad must have taken the time to really go over it, and he cringed with guilt for how far off the habitual state he kept it in was from where it was now. He looked in the mirror, polished to a shine, and stared at his own reflection.

His brilliant blue mane was an absolute mess of split ends and wayward curls, hardly unexpected. His face was unshaven and scraggly. His eyes were tired. And his horn was still wrapped in its spire of bandages, all the more clearly shorter than it should have been in the reflection in front of him..He reached upward with a hoof, and realized.

“Um… Mom? Dad? Could I get a little help?”

“Oh, of course, son!” 

Twilight Velvet’s aura grabbed hold of one end of the bandage and gently unwound it with care. When it fell away, Shining could see exactly what he had been dreading. A smooth column of keratin emanating from his forehead, cut short prematurely by a jagged edge, ringing a gruesome slant of bleach-white bone.

He sighed.
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turning from the mirror, Shining Armor tried to push the sight out of his mind: it had happened, it was an accident, and dwelling on it wouldn't help. The doctors would do their best and he had his family's support - that was the important part. He had to move on with his life. He still had his life. 

But even without the mirror in front of him, the image didn't fade. That jagged, angry, splintery mass that had been his horn. 

He shook his head. "Mom? Dad?" Shining barely finished calling their names before both were at the bathroom door - faces eager. No. Looking closer, the eagerness was a mask. They were worried. Had been for days, possibly weeks. 

A thin frown took over his face, and he set his eyes on his parents. "How long was I out? After the accident, I mean." 

The two looked at each other, waiting for one to take the lead. Night Light did after his wife gave him a little nod. "About two weeks. The Guard moved you home after you were out of the woods. They were hoping that a more familiar environment would ease your recovery. Better to wake up in your own bedroom at home than in a cold hospital room in--" 

Beside him, Twilight Velvet cleared her throat. 

Night Light stopped immediately, mouth shutting with a hard click.

Velvet took over for him. "They also wanted us to confirm that you're on medical leave until further notice. Their doctors will be looking you over and deciding when you're fit to return." 

Beside her, Night Light nodded thoughtfully. "Hrm. Speaking of, I should contact them. I'm sure that they'll be happy to know you're up and about again." 

He left, and Velvet wasn't far behind. "Maybe take a shower? I don't want to say you smell bad, Shining, but…" She tried to smile bravely, but it was wafer-thin. 

Turning his head, Shining sniffed himself - and immediately gagged. "Eugh. Good idea, mom. I'll wash up then…" He frowned. "I don't want to go back to bed already and I just ate. Maybe I'll take a trot around the block and make sure my legs still work right."

She nodded. "Good idea, but be careful. Don't push yourself too hard, Shiny. I'll be very upset if you put yourself back into the hospital already." 

They shared a little laugh at that - then she left him to it. 





It took four times as long to shower as it should have - every motion was a reminder of just how much Shining had relied on his horn before. And each time he instinctively tried to use it as he always did, he was rewarded by a sharp burst of pain. 

He'd stupidly tried enough times that the first thing Shining did after climbing out was to search the cabinet for some aspirin. 

The important part is that he was clean, fresh-smelling and the hot water had done wonders to soothe his sore muscles.

Glancing at the mirror - and only glancing, as the reminder of his wound drove his vision away again - Shining knew there was one bit of grooming he could probably still use. But a manecut was out of the question, at least for now. 

Now it was time for a bit of exercise. Nothing too vigorous - else beware of Mom - but Shining knew full well what kind of fitness was required to be in the Guard. If he wanted to still be in the Guard after he recovered, slacking off wasn't going to get him through. 

So out the door he went and into the bright sunshine of Canterlot. 

The day was downright beautiful: sun shining overhead without a cloud in the sky; a gentle breeze that was just enough to ruffle your hair; the air scented with lavender and honeysuckle. Cheerful homes were scattered about with impeccable landscaping that reflected the upper class residences of Canterlot. Every yard was filled with flowers that pleased the eye and the honeybees. Across the street, old Mr. Moonshadow was out watering his begonias - the same ones in a bunch on his cutie mark - and stopped to wave. Shining, of course, waved back. 

After pausing a moment to stretch - and finding himself thankfully as limber as before his injury - Shining Armor started off down the street. His instincts from grueling Guard training marches told him to pick up the pace, but his mother's voice echoed in his head at the same time. Fearing her more than any drill sergeant, Shining kept himself to a leisurely walk. 

After months away with the Guard, Canterlot seemed strange to Shining. He'd grown up here and it felt familiar enough, but so many little details were unfamiliar. He remembered the tall oak in the front yard of the Cloudmane family's house - the little swing he'd fallen off of when he was ten still dangled from the branches - but they had painted it a different shade of pale grey since he was in town last. And he could have sworn the path up to Dazzleflash's house had curved right instead of left. 

Only a few months away, and so many details had gotten foggy. It felt like a lifetime.

Turning the corner, Shining kept trotting along. He paused briefly to wave to Mrs. Note - she was cheerfully trimming her hedges, clippers held in lime green magic - before finally giving in and picking up his pace slightly. Mom couldn't blame him for being brisk, at least. As long as he didn't work up a sweat in the muggy summer heat, she'd never know. 

At a T-junction, Shining decided to turn and add a bit more to his walk around the block. His legs were practically screaming for a proper jog - despite the long recovery, his body felt like it had been storing energy up and it kept an eager bounce in his step. Besides, taking this route would put him near the park. It was a favorite place - it held so many romantic memories, after all. One more turn and…

Huh. 

Shining frowned. He must have gotten turned around while he was lost in his thoughts. Rather than the street going by the park, it stopped abruptly, dead-ending in a tiny cul-de-sac that he didn't remember. 

Outside one of the houses was a unicorn Shining didn't recognize, hauling the trash out in his green magic. The stallion waved - Shining waved back. Then the stallion turned back to his house, giving a flash of the bunched begonias cutie mark on his flank. 

Shining Armor stood there, breath heavy and heart beating rapid-fire. Maybe he couldn't remember what had happened before his injury - not a thing back to the beginning of his Guard training - but forgetting the park where he got his first kiss? That couldn't be. 

What was going on here? Was he losing his mind?
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Shining?” A chipper voice called out in surprise. 

Shining Armour turned to see a pegasus mare approach him with a rosy pink coat and orange mane styled into an elaborate bundle of braids. She had big golden eyes and a Cutie Mark of a pumpkin wrapped with two leaves. Over her back were a pair of saddlebags patterned with her Cutie Mark. 

As he looked at her he was reminded of cinnamon, dry leaves, and fall treats.

“Auburn Winds,” Shining greeted with a smile, “What are you doing around here?”

“I live here, Shining.” She chortled. “It’s more strange for you, Mister Guard, to be in Canterlot than I am.”

He felt his ears pin back against his head as he looked around awkwardly. “I suppose so. How have you been?”

“Good!” She replied in a cheery tone. “I have my very own bakery now on Castleway and business has been good. Lots of foals coming for my fall themed treats just like a certain colt from high school that did the same.”

Shining turned away and replied nervously, “I’m sure I have no idea what you mean.”

“Oh come off it, Shining,” Auburn said good naturedly, “You were always the first to taste and it got so bad that your hoofball coach was considering changing you from quarterback to linebacker.”

“I was bulking!” Shining indignantly said, “Had to get the hard gains any way I could to stay ahead.”

“A likely excuse. So, why are you in-” She widened her eyes in horror as she finally noticed Shining’s broken horn. “Oh sweet, Celestia! What happened to you?”

“There was an accident that I’m hazy on the details for,” Shining replied meekly, “I’m on medical leave while this… fixes itself.”

“Oh, geeze, Armour. Does it hurt?” Auburn then smacked her own head with a wing. “What am I even saying, of course it hurts. Can you use magic?”

“No, not until this heals and that’s been a pain with how much I rely on it to do everyday stuff.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” she said in a sympathetic tone, “Can I do anything to help?”

Shining was about to tell her that everything was fine, but it occurred to him that he could ask for directions to the park he was looking for earlier.

“Actually, yes. Do you know where Royal Glen Park is?”

Auburn froze, but kept a smile on her face. “I- Yes, I do. You got lost?”

“Yeah, my memory seems to be failing me today. I don’t suppose… ?”

“It’s back the way you came and at the T-junction you want to take a left. Park will be right there shortly thereafter.”

“Okay, thanks, Auburn. I’ll head there now.” He turned to leave. 

She bit her lower lip debating some internal decision. “Wait, a moment, Shining.” He turned back to look at her. “I’ll go with you. I have the rest of the day off anyways and I’m worried about you going off alone with that injury.”

“Oh, you don’t have to, Auburn.”

She walked up to Shining’s side and gave him a wide grin. “I insist on accompanying you.”

Shining tried to think of some form of protest, but ultimately realized that he would prefer to have the company. 

“Sure,” he relented, “Let’s go together.”





The park was in fact a short walk away and left at the T Junction as Auburn had said. 

A scenic spot with playground equipment, small cobblestone fences lining green fields, and various statues depicting Celestia in differing positions of reverence that were spread all over the capitol much to the Princess’s annoyance. 

The spot that most interested Shining was one massive hilltop near the backend of the park with a single towering maple tree. It was the place where Shining had his first kiss back in high school. 

Both he and Auburn trotted to the base of the tree and were lucky to find no crowds nearby. An oddity on such a beautiful day. 

He stood just under the dappled light filtering through the overhead branches and felt a sense of peace settle over him that he hadn’t felt since his injury. 

It was comforting.

“Let’s have a picnic.”

Shining turned to see Auburn laying on the ground with her hooves tucked under her. Beside her were her open saddlebags and bundles of individually wrapped treats.

Shining snorted. “Do you always carry your baked goods everywhere you go?”

“No, I just happened to be carrying the leftovers from the bakery for the day which I planned to give to the hungry guards at the palace,” She stated in an uppity tone, “Since you are a guard, you are entitled to these.”

“Oh, why thank you, Auburn. I shall have to sample these for the good of the studs in armour.”

Shining attempted to pick up a wrapped ginger molasses cookie in his magic and cringed when he felt a sharp pain from his horn. 

“Tried to use your magic didn’t you?” Auburn asked.

“Yeah, I did. Really can’t get used to not being able to use it.”

“It’s okay, Shining. Here, let me help.”

Auburn grabbed the cookie Shining had been eyeing, unwrapped it out of its paper packaging and hoofed it over to him. Shining took the cookie in his left hoof and bit the entire thing in one bite. 

It tasted of molasses, cinnamon, and the season of fall. Just as he remembered it. 

“Okay, Mister Guard. Slow down. Nopony is here to take your cookie. You can eat it like a normal pony.”

“But I can’t help it!” Shining exclaimed as he spit out crumbs. “They’re so good.”

She giggled. “Glad to see you still enjoy my baking but maybe swallow first before you cover me in chewed crumbs.”

He swallowed the remains of the baked treat and gave a sheepish grin. “Sorry, Auburn. You know I’m just a colt at heart.”

“Don’t I know it.” She smiled wistfully before a frown marred her face. “This place sure does bring back...” She paused as she decided on the proper words to say, “Some memories.” Her expression turned dark. “Not exactly pleasant ones.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that, Auburn,” Shining said sympathetically, “I just came here because it has such a special place in my heart.”

Shining shrunk back as Auburn gave him a hurt expression. “How could you say that?”

Shining was confused. “What do you mean? This is where I had my first kiss,” Shining said, “With Cadance.”

Shining’s ears pinned back against his head as she snarled at him. “What did you just say?”

“I had my first kiss with Cadance here after our first date. It was-”

“How could you?” Auburn interrupted. “Was it not enough with what you did last time that you had to add insult to injury?”

“I- What?” Shining was completely lost. “What are you talking about Auburn?”

She stood up and snorted angrily. “This was where we first kissed. It’s also where you broke up with me.”

Shining felt his brain fail to process what Auburn had told him. He tried to remember but couldn’t. 

“I’m sorry, Auburn. I don’t remember,” Shining said helplessly, “I hate to ask, but could you remind me?”

Tears formed in the corners of Auburn’s eyes. “You…!” She took a deep breath and wiped the tears away using her wings. “You have an injury that affects your memory. I should be understanding of that.”

She flopped back to the ground. “The short of it is that we dated in high school in our second year and you broke up with me just before you went off to guard training.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Auburn. Do you...” Shining gulped nervously, “Do you know why I broke up with you?”

Auburn frowned. “You were wary about it being known you were dating a stallion while in the Guard and if it would ruin your chances for advancement. You chose your career over me.”

“What do you mean by ‘dating a stallion’?” Shining asked. 

Auburn looked at Shining in open confusion. “What do you even mean? I’m a stallion, Shining. We dated in high school.”

Shining could feel his heart accelerate and found it a struggle to breathe. As he watched, the ‘mare’ in front of him looked more like a stallion.

A strong jawline. Taller than he was by a head. Well muscled due to his career of pounding bread, but still with a couple extra pounds due to the result of that bread. 

Cinnamon. Nutmeg. Fall. Auburn Wings had been his first date and his first coltfriend.

Long hours of sitting in his parents’ bakery swiping sweets. Auburn cheering him on in the stands during his games. They both played a Paladin and Druid in Ogres and Oubliettes and embarrassed everyone else at the table with how publicly affectionate they were. 

“I- We did, we did date.” Shining stood up and felt a wave of vertigo overcome him.

Auburn looked at him with open concern. “Shining, are you alright? Is your injury causing you problems?”

Opening day at the palace. Auburn had gone with him. He had kissed him on the cheek. A new recruit had seen. Open mockery. Words slung against him. He couldn’t let it stop him from his purpose. 

“I, no, I can’t I-” Shining could feel tears fall from the corners of his eyes. “How could I have done that to you?”

Auburn was standing and stretching his wings forward. “Shining, I think you’re having a panic attack. You need to calm down. Come here.”

“No, I can’t, I don’t-” Guilt. Unending guilt overriding his senses. “I don’t deserve your comfort. I need to-”

“Shining, stop, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scared, BBBF.

“No!” Shining screamed. 

He flung himself upwards in bed. He was back in his bedroom at his parents’ home. He looked around and noticed his usual assortment of nerd memorabilia stacked on several shelves.  

“Shining, come down to breakfast!” He heard his mother call him. “We should eat that bread Auburn gave us before it goes bad.”

Shining took a deep breath to center himself and got out of bed. 

As he trotted to the door all he could feel was an overwhelming sense of guilt.   

He just couldn’t place why.   
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shining got out of bed, his head still spinning. He was sure he had been dreaming, but he couldn't recall anything. Of course, it wasn't exactly common for him to remember his unconscious wranders of thought, but that didn't explain the strange sense of guilt he felt permeating him.

Shaking away the confusion, which for some reason made his head hurt, he set to making his bed, clad with O&O bedsheets and dragon pillowcases. He quickly went downstairs, making no sound on the usually creaky steps covered in carpeting. It was a practiced art, obtained through years of necessary training, also known as sneaking out at midnight. 

Arriving in the kitchen, his mother was sitting at the table with his father and sister, who looked at him with concern. Raising an eyebrow, he looked around, wondering what was off. "Why are you three staring at me like that?"

Twilight mimicked Shining at that. "Do you not remember what happened?"

"Uhh, no? Am I missing something?" Shining said, walking over to the table and taking a seat. While everypony exchanged odd looks, Shining tried to pick up some bread only to get a sharp pain in his cranium and an unmoved loaf. 

"Careful! You'll hurt yourself," Twilight Velvet reprimanded, Shining holding his head in his hooves.

"Oooww, what just happened?" Shining whined in discomfort. Did something happen to him? Had he forgotten it?

Night Light frowned. "Son, you do know your horn is broken, right?"

"What?" Shining looked around for a mirror, which Twilight provided quickly. To his horror, his horn was indeed damaged. For some reason, it wasn't terribly surprising, but it still wasn't a pleasant sight. Taking his eyes off his reflection, he turned to his family. "What happened?"

Again, they looked at each with concern, not saying anything. "Well, sweetie, it seems like you've forgotten a few things," Velvet said, taking charge. "How about you go for a walk?"

Shining's stomach growled. "But I haven't eaten yet!"

Just on cue, a picnic basket dropped on the table. Twilight began filling it with loaves of bread, giving more than enough for a breakfast meal. For some reason, the sight made Shining's stomach twist even further, and he knew for a fact it wasn't because of hunger. The basket rose into the air and was set onto his back via magic. "There you go Shiny, enough bread to last 'till evening! Now, go clear your head. We can talk about this later, alright?" Twilight reasoned, her empathetic eyes convincing him it would be fine.

Letting out a breath, he gave a stout nod. "Okay. But, you know I don't like being left in the dark, Twily. I'm getting to the bottom of this later," he said with a playful smile.

Twilight giggled. "If you say so, my dear Watson."

Night Light set a hoof on Shining's withers. "I want you to have a fun day out there. Maybe you could have a real picnic?" he said with a chuckle.

"And be safe!" Velvet chipped in.

Shining smiled, but inside he wasn't sure what to make of everything. Why so much attention? He was a colt at heart, but that didn't mean ponies tended to treat him like one. Not to mention the weird feeling he got whenever the picnic basket was mentioned. 

He supposed it was all in his head.





Shining trotted through Canterlot, an uneasy frown. Surely, he would have remembered a broken horn. At least, he thought so. He wasn't exactly sure on what damages it caused other than the obvious loss of magic. Oh well, Shining thought, it'll heal in time.

Today was a surprisingly relaxed day for Canterlot, even with this region of the city being mostly unpopulated. The more Shining thought about it, the more everything began to hurt. 

So he didn't. 

He decided to take his dad's advice and scout for a picnic spot, no matter how strangely uncomfortable it made him. Looking around, there weren't exactly many places for him to use. An idea came to him, recalling a small hill by Royal Glen Park. It was vivid in his mind, so he figured it was a sign. Luckily, it was also close by.

Nearing the park, the odd feeling stirred again, but this time it was stronger than before. Shaking it off, he walked to the top of the hill, a giant maple tree towering over him and casting a shadow on him. Opening the basket, he grabbed a blanket; a last minute addition from his sister. Setting it down on the grass, he had to admit, he had missed nature. 

His head started to ache, and his mind became hazy. The shadow accompanying him and the tree looked darker than usual. What was happening to him? Did this have to do with his broken horn? How did he even get here? He was supposed to be at his parents house eating breakfast, but here he was, sitting on plaid fabric atop a hill. His stomach complained. Noticing the basket, he opened it and grabbed a loaf of bread.

The scent was intoxicating, almost teasing him. It made him sick, and he wanted to taste it. It was the best thing he'd ever smelled, but the feelings it gave him felt both familiar and unknown at the same time. 

He took a bite. 

“How could you?!" they yelled at him. Why were they mad? He forgot.

He didn't understand why, but he knew who it was.

"Auburn?"

Shining woke up.
> Chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something was wrong. 

Very, very wrong.

Shining was in… some sort of hospital. He didn’t recognise it. He tried to reach out, to get out of the bed, feeling resistance. He was… he was strapped down to the gurney, dressed in one of those gown-things. An IV had been inserted into one of his forelegs.

Why? Why was he here?

He looked around cautiously. Nopony was in sight, and the room was dark. The hallway outside was dark, too. The only light to be seen was cast by the medical machines around him.

Perhaps this, too, was a dream. A dream, inside a dream, inside a dream. How far did the cookie crumble? How deep inside the labyrinth had he wandered? He really couldn’t say.

But… what if this were real? He tried to think. Tried to remember something, anything.

He remembered a tree. A picnic basket. A maple tree, upon a hill. Royal Glen Park, in Canterlot. The leaves there were the colour of an auburn mane, a very familiar auburn mane... how many ponies did he know who had auburn manes? He… he couldn’t remember them.

Something had happened. Something had put him here, in the hospital, strapped to a gurney without his memories. He needed to try and put together what it was.

And Shining wouldn’t manage that, all cooped up in here. He needed to talk to his parents, talk to Twilight, maybe a doctor or a nurse if he could find one.

He tested his limbs against the straps; they didn’t have much give. No matter, all he had to do was use his--

He stopped himself, a moment too late. Dots of light crossed his vision, like fireflies -- and then a sort of fuzziness took over his head, starting from the back of his skull. It spread like fire, intensifying, overpowering all attempts to think… all he felt was pain.

Eventually, it began to subside. His thoughts returned, his muscles quivering. He’d been clenching them. His head still throbbed. It felt like he’d been drinking again, but he was as sober as a rock.

Shining couldn’t use his magic, he’d… he’d broken his horn, somehow. It had something to do with the tree, with a pony who had an auburn mane. It all felt like a veiled metaphor he didn’t have enough information to understand yet.

He needed to get out of here. He needed to leave. Now.

His frustration mounted. How could they do this, leave him here? Alone? What the hell had he ever done to them, huh? Shining snarled. He would be free, he just needed to work for it.

He shifted from side to side, rocking the gurney. It tipped one way, then the other. He desperately threw his weight, trying to send it tumbling over.

His breath caught in his throat as he felt the gurney come crashing down, knocking a tray of scalpels to the ground. There was a sharp pain as the IV needle was ripped out of his leg. Now he could… yes! The strap on one leg had loosened enough for him to squeeze his hoof out. He managed to unstrap his other legs, and he came to his hooves.

Now, he was free. Now he could get out of here. But… something else bothered Shining. How could he be certain that this wasn’t a delusion, that this wasn’t a dream? Who knows what damage could have been done, besides his broken horn?

Twilight had said something once… about dreams. If you had control, then there was one thing you could always do to help figure it out. What was it, again?

Words. That was it. Find something to read. In a dream, words had no meaning. One word looked much the same as another. But… if you had control, you could consciously read the same thing multiple times. Each time, it would say something different.

That sounded like Twilight, always figuring out something clever.

He looked around the room, trying drawers, and cabinets. All locked. No labels. No posters. Nothing. Even on the medical equipment, there was nothing. Oddly convenient for his dream-self, then. Nothing was here to help disprove his reality. 

Did that mean it was still a dream? Or perhaps it was merely some cleverly constructed ruse? Manipulating him, trying to break him down? Well, it wouldn’t work. He’d get out of here, be it by waking up or by smashing a window.

With nothing to lose, he opened the door.

The hallway? It was a mess. Crates and dollies lined the walls. More gurneys were scattered around, abandoned. Monitors and stands had been thrown to the side, leaving a walkable path in the middle. Above all this was the pervasive stench of spilled chemicals.

And rust.

As well as a scent he recognised immediately as blood.

“How could you?” asked a familiar voice. They were angry, furious with him. Shining turned, and for a moment he saw… a mane with streaks of auburn.

And then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone.

He knew that pony. He knew their words. He’d heard them a lot, recently. Far too often for comfort. Something had happened. Something… because of him.

Shining rubbed his forehead. For a moment, it felt like the pain had eased. 

What choice had he had? It had been him or them, and if he hadn’t--

If he hadn’t--

No, it was not use. He still couldn’t remember.

It filled him with a sense of dread.

Taking a deep breath, he looked down the hallway. He could only focus on one thing at a time. He’d figure out what he’d done, one way or another.

Shining took a tentative step forward.
> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shining regretted taking that step immediately, as a sharp shock of pain shot straight up his leg along with the pained sound of metal moving in a clamping manner. He gritted his teeth, holding back the need to scream in pain like his body’s survival instincts demanded, knowing that despite being inside of what he assumed was some sort of hospital, there was nothing here with good intentions. Hence the bear trap he had just stepped on.

Shining slowly looked down, confirming his suspicions. On the positive side, the trapping instrument was as rusted as all the metal around him, so much of its force and sharpness had been lost, so his leg would survive the ordeal.

Before he could think better, he tried using his magic again, but once more, the only thing he got was a wave of pain coming from the back of his skull as his eyes saw firelights.

“Right, broken horn. How could I forget?” He said to himself before reluctantly using his mouth and teeth to pry the bear trap open. To be fair, he was suffering from some sort of amnesia. 

Remembering that ─ironic as it sounded─ Shining recited what he could remember from before as a sort of mantra as he worked on the bear trap. 

A picnic basket. A maple tree, upon a hill. Royal Glen Park, in Canterlot. The leaves there were the colour of an auburn mane, a very familiar auburn mane. An auburn mane that belonged to a pony that was angry with him. That blamed him for something he had done out of desperation. That had asked “How could you?” from somewhere. That it was probably looking at him right now. From somewhere.

Shining finally managed to release the bear trap from his leg and quickly removed the limb from the instrument’s biting range. A close inspection revealed that, luckily, the metacarpus wasn’t broken, but he was bleeding a considerable amount, he would need bandages, soon.

Shining decided that he had wasted enough time and started moving, checking the floor in case of more traps set out for him, and the surrounding for any kind of medical elements or at least a clean enough cloth that he could use to cover his wound.

Then he remembered ─again, amnesia is complicated─ the other thing he was looking for since he broke out of his restraints. He was looking for words. written words that he could read over and over again. A form of checking if dreams and illusions were real that Twilight taught him long ago.

However, he started to doubt the method. He was in pain. Trying to use his horn was painful. The blood seeping from his wound felt real. This should mean that he was awake. That all of this was real. 

Looking around once more, seeing the destroyed hospital reeking of blood and rust, he wondered if maybe he was trying to convince himself that he was dreaming.

It didn’t take him long to reach the end of the hallway, where he found himself in front of a T intersection, leaving him a choice of left or right before continuing his meandering.

He also found one of the things that he was looking for. 

There were three simple words scratched into the wall.

Twilight’s method said that if things were a dream, each time he read something, the words would be different.

However, each time he read the three words, the three words remained the same.

Sending the same uncomfortable message.

“Please Wake Up”
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was, of course, an inherent oddness, some might say creepiness, in a message urging him to wake up being the thing to provide evidence that he wasn’t dreaming.  Still, Twilight had told him, and she would know; she was dating Luna, after all.  So it was that Shining knew three things.

He knew that reading ─actually reading as opposed to looking at gibberish and somehow knowing what it meant─ was a sign one was awake; he knew that attempting to read the same thing repeatedly and getting the same result was a way to distinguish real reading from fake reading; he knew that he had retrograde amnesia, for he had no idea how the fuck he had gotten into this mess; and he knew that the words, “Please Wake Up,” were scratched into the wall in front of him.

There were other things ─a great many other things, in fact─ he merely suspected.  Chief among them was that he was having trouble counting.  It wasn’t, for the most part, that he wasn’t entirely sure the number of things he knew was actually three, now that he had listed them in his head.  It was more about his broken horn.  How many times had he forgotten, and then remembered, that his horn was broken?  Three?  Six?  Twenty-eight?  It was impossible to say, because the attempt to count them made his cognition become . . . squishy.

He shook his head in hopes of clearing it.  It worked about as well as one would expect.  He resolved to go over some of the myriad things he suspected, on the off chance that might put his thoughts in order.

He also resolved to stop staring at the words, “Please Wake Up,” scratched on the wall in front of him.  While closing his eyes or looking away might, possibly, have gotten the job done, he decided instead to stop looking by making it so that part of that wall wasn’t directly in front of him.

Shining turned and limped down the hall leading left ─taking care, of course, to watch for any additional bear traps─ and started to list off some of the things he suspected.  He did this in the privacy of his own mind, because this was, probably, not a time to draw attention to one’s self.

He suspected Sunburst and Stygian were dating; that he was having trouble counting, as he had noted earlier; that his broken horn and the disused hospital were real, instead of some illusion spell; that the wheelchair he was passing was not designed with ponies in mind; that Cady knew more about Sunset Shimmer than she let on; that he shouldn’t have said that thing, which he said, to Cady; that the sound at the edge of his hearing, which he had only just noticed, was the screaming of a thousand tortured souls; that ‘Endocrinology’ was misspelled on the sign hanging obliquely on the wall; and that the red ‘Deconstructive’ and strikethrough were written in blood.

Having had enough thinking, and instead wanting some action (or, at least, the merciful release of death), Shining decided to visit the Department of Reproductive Deconstructive Health and Endocrimology.

The creek of the door reminded him of the sound Flash Sentry had made when he got his head stuck in a wagon wheel.  The way the door collapsed on the floor reminded him of how Sentry had reacted when he’d realized, or rather when Cady had patiently explained, that Flash Magnus was romantically interested in Sentry.

At first, Shining was disappointed by the lack of demons, non-demon adversaries, and answers.  Then, the shadows in a particularly poorly lit corner started moving of their own accord, and - for the umpteenth time - he remembered that his horn was broken.

It occurred to Shining that, when one is wandering through a derelict hospital while suffering from both amnesia and a broken horn, it is possible, and indeed even likely, that being the victim of shadow creature might not mean the sweet release of death, but could instead lead to torment, like unto that which made the thousand souls, which he suspected he heard, scream.  That he had not considered this before made him consider moving “I am suffering from impaired cognition” from the list of things he suspected to the list of things he knew.

As the shadows coalesced into an eldritch horror in that way that animate shadows are wont to do, Shining tried to form a plan.  The malevolence he could feel emanating from the thing in oppressive waves meant that asking it to play Ogres & Oubliettes with him would probably not be met with copacetic response.

Wait, was that what “copacetic” meant?  Shining decided that moving “I’m suffering from impaired cognition” to the “Things I know” list was a definite maybe.

Twily would probably be disappointed that he didn’t even attempt friendship, but desperate times called for . . . ok, that was fundamentally dishonest.  This wasn’t some consequence of universal truth; this was him being scared.  Terrified even.

So it was decided that he would attack the shadow creature monster thing, the question was: how?  How did one attack a thing made of something so abstract as a dearth of light, when graded on the curve that was the general brightness of the area, when one didn’t have a horn?

Through a series of tenuous mental connections that he was ninety three percent sure somehow involved an avocado, Shining’s thinking came upon the Tempest Shadow solution.  Ignoring the searing pain, he forced magic through his broken horn at positively irresponsible levels.

As the light of the firework overpowered his ability to see, and the creature did a so-so impression of the Wilhoof scream (which Shining had always hated, for the record), Shining repeated his pseudo-mantra, and listed the things he thought he could remember:

A picnic basket. A maple tree, with leaves the color of . . . he’d forgotten.  Royal Glen Park, Canterlot.  The words, “How could you?” in response to something he’d done in desperation.
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forcing magic through a broken horn was a lot like forcing a square peg in a round hole. It could only be done with a lot of willpower and lack of sound judgement.

Fortunately, Shining Armor had both. The blast from his broken horn had destroyed whatever that shadow monster had been. It had been surprisingly easy, but he didn’t let that bother him.

Now he could get a better look at his surroundings. Beams of sunlight shone through the clouds, illuminating a wide, green field. Only a maple tree stood out in the landscape.

Shining could go to the tree, sit still, or wander in a random direction. He had a headache. With a hoof, he rubbed his forehead and discovered his horn was broken. It didn’t shock him as much as it should have. In fact, he had a dim memory of it breaking, and using it through unbearable pain to save his own life. He sat around for a few minutes trying to grasp his memory, but it kept out of reach as if schoolyard bullies were playing keep away with it.

The longer he sat there, the more he felt his mind slip away. The image of him sitting in the open field forever with a confused look on his face shot into his mind. It scared him as bad as if a monster had jumped in his face. He had to do something.

He walked to the maple tree. It was a lot farther away than he had thought. By the time he arrived, he’d forgotten why he’d tried so hard to get there in the first place.

The tree could have been a thousand years old for how big it was. Shining had never seen a trunk that huge. From its base, it seemed to stretch upward forever.

He circled it, examining it from every direction, and almost tripped over the picnic blanket. He didn’t remember seeing it there before.

He had trampled a meal of cupcakes, sandwiches, and fresh melons.

“What a waste,” said Twilight.

“Sorry,” said Shining. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Twilight scowled. “Well, this isn’t how I wanted to tell you, but I have some big news.”

“What is it?”

“You see-- wait, is something wrong with your horn?”

“No. What is it?”

Twilight examined him. “What do you remember about me?”

“You’re my sister. You’re the Element of Magic. You’re dating Luna.”

“And?”

Shining frowned. “And what?”

“Those are the only three things about me that you know?”

Shining opened his mouth to say, “Of course not,” but the words didn’t form. It was all he knew about her.

“I think there might be something wrong with my memory,” he said.

“Wake up,” said Twilight.

Shining smiled. “Oh thank goodness. It’s just a dream. That’s what’s wrong. You know, I was a little worried there for a second, but now that I know it’s a dream I’ll wake up any second now.”

“No, you don’t understand,” said Twilight. “It’s not really a dream. It’s more like--”

“You know, I thought this was all building up to some big mystery, but I’m just having a bad dream. Yes, that’s it. I’m sure that will be satisfying to everyone.”

“Shining, listen! You can only wake up if you find the key!”

“What key?”

“It’s different for everyone. It will be something out of place, that shouldn’t belong, but you still recognize.”

“That’s not very helpful, Twily.”

Twilight stomped a hoof, messing up the picnic even more. “I’m doing my best. If you’d just listened to me in the first place this never would have happened.”

“What is happening, anyway?”

Twilight sighed. “What’s the point? I’ve already told you so many times. You’re just going to forget again.”

“Forget what?”

“You know I’m not really Twilight, right?”

“What? No.”

“You remember what you said to her when you were here last time? How she said, ‘How could you?’ Shining, you ruined everything.”

“What are you talking about?”

Twilight sighed. “I don’t know how much you can retain, but do your best to remember this: Find the key.”

Shining nodded. “Okay, I’ll find the key, but I have so many other questions!”

“I’d love to answer them again, but I don't have time. A lot is going on right now, and everyone would appreciate it if you woke up. Where have you been so far?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Of course. Dumb question. Think of it like this; where is a place you want to be?”

Shining thought about it for a few seconds.

“At home. With Cadance.”

“Look there.”

“Okay. Where is it?”

Twilight took a deep breath. Her horn lit up like a full moon in the night sky. With a look of concentration on her face, she opened a portal.

She bore the entire burden herself. It seemed unnecessary to Shining. He would have helped with the magic if she had asked. It’s not like there was anything wrong with his horn.

“Find the key!” said Twilight.

“Is it in the portal?”

“Probably! Find the key!”

“What about you?”

“Just go already! And remember, find the key!”

Shining took a deep breath and jumped through the portal.

Find the key. Find the key. Find the--

Then Shining Armor woke up.

He was at home, in his own bed. His head hurt, but that didn’t surprise him for some reason. He rubbed his forehead and discovered that his horn was broken again.

Again? Why did he think again? It’s never happened before.

This discovery should have made him panic. It was, after all, a pretty big deal for a unicorn’s horn to shatter. But he had the feeling that, in the grand scheme of things, it was the least of his worries.

What in Equestria could have made him think that?

He got out of bed. There was something important he was supposed to do today. He couldn’t remember what it was.

Maybe Cadance would know.

“Honey, are you home?” he called.

No one responded.

Cadance was supposed to be there, he was sure of it. It’s what was supposed to happen. This was wrong.

He was alone.
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was alone.

Was that his fate?

To be forever alone?

Shining shook his head. 

“No,” he said aloud. “I need to find my way out of this...this nightmare.”

Stepping forwards to the window beside the bed, he looked out over the Crystal Empire.

Empty. No one in sight as far as he could see.

“Now, this is getting weird,” he murmured. “Didn’t I wake up…?”

“Maybe,” a voice said from behind him, and he leapt back in surprise, twisting his body to see who spoke.

    “Flurry?” he blinked in surprise. “Did you just...speak?”

    “Flurry?” the filly looked at her own body. “That is this body’s name, right?”

    “You’re not her.” It was a statement, not a question.

    “Of course,” the filly smiled, and her lips curled upwards unnaturally. “I’m just taking the shape of someone you recognize.”

    “I need the key,” Shining said. “Do you know where it is?”

    “I do,” ‘Flurry’ inclined her head. “But the real question is; do you?”

    Shining stared at her. “That doesn’t even make sense. If you know where the key is, can you tell me? I want to get out of this,” he gestured around him. “Dream, or nightmare. Whichever it’s supposed to be.”

    “Tell me something,” ‘Flurry’ tilted her head. “Do you know where you are?”

    “My home?” he answered. “The C-” he frowned. “Crystal- I don’t know. That’s weird, I was sure I knew just now…”

    “You can’t remember, can you?” ‘Flurry’ asked sympathetically. “Your memories aren’t working well.”

    The sentence sparked something in him. “Twilight,” he muttered, before looking at Flurry. “My sister. She told me that my memories weren’t all there.”

    “Very good!” ‘Flurry’ clapped her hooves. “You remember a little! Now, where can we find your memories?”

    “Uh-”

    “Think carefully,” ‘Flurry’ advised. “Dig deep. Find your memories, and you’ll find the key.”

    Shining closed his eyes, rubbing at his temples. “This is giving me a headache, could you give me a clue-” he opened his eyes to see an empty room. “Figures.”

    Shining sighed. “What do I remember…?” he stomped a hoof on the ground. “I wish Cadance was here. She’d know what to do. I’m useless, even my horn is gone…” his eyes drifted up to his broken horn. 

    “The library.” He straightened upright. “Twily always went to the library whenever she didn’t know anything-” he cried out as a stab of pain was felt in his head.

    “Guh,” he managed weakly. “That hurt. I...I didn’t know that earlier. Does remembering make it hurt?” he frowned. “Is that why I can’t, or rather, don’t want to remember?”

    Nothing answered his question.

    Shining just sighed as he proceeded to the door, pushing it open to reveal an empty corridor. He trotted down it, wandering aimlessly. “Where’s the library…?” he wondered out loud.

    “Wherever you need it to be,” a familiar voice suddenly said, and this time Shining didn’t jump as he looked around to see a white-colored alicorn with a rainbow-flowing mane. 

    “I’m sorry,” Shining tilted his head. “Who are you, again?”

    “That doesn’t matter,” the alicorn shrugged. “What matters is who are you?”

    “I’m Shining Armor. Husband of Princess Cadenza, brother to Twilight Sparkle-”

    “No, no,” the alicorn interrupted him. “Who. Are. You?” She punctuated every word with a jab at him with her hoof.

    He looked at her weirdly. “What do you mean?”

    “That is for you to interpret,” the alicorn rose to her full height. “Your choice to think.”

    “You just said-”

    “Your choice. Think on it.” And with that, the alicorn faded away, leaving nothing but dust where she had stood.

    “Very helpful,” Shining muttered. “Who am I? Find your memories? Next thing I know, they tell me to piece together some puzzle-”

    “That was exactly what I was about to say.”

    “I’m not even gonna bother to turn around this time. What message do you have?”

    “A message? You wound me. I expected better of you!” the voice sounded disappointed. “Am I that boring?”

    Shining raised an eyebrow. “That voice…” he turned around to see a grinning draconequus. “Discord.”

    “Shiny, Shiny, Shiny,” Discord chided. “You should know by now the rules. We’re not who we are! We’re constructs of your imagination, here to fulfill the role of giving you answers you already know!”

    “Then tell me,” Shining challenged. “Where are my memories?”

    “As you already know, where you need it to be,” ‘Discord’ said simply. “But that’s not why I’m here. You have to solve the puzzle.”

    “What puzzle?”

    “The one that you’re in.” ‘Discord’ replied. “Solve it.”

    “How can I, if I don’t know what it is?”

    “You do,” the draconequus grinned. “You just have to solve it.”

    “You’re not being helpful.”

    “Why should I?” ‘Discord’ peeled a banana open and threw the peel into his mouth. “It’s your puzzle. I can’t do anything.”

    “I have to know who I am?”

    “Now you’re getting somewhere,” ‘Discord’ said with satisfaction. “Who are you?”

    “I’m a brother. I’m a husband. I’m a father.”

    “And yet none of those are who you truly are,” Discord said gently. “Who did you want to be?”

    “I…” Shining’s throat went dry as he blinked. “I…”

    “You’re getting it,” Discord nodded. “I look forward to seeing you in the real world, my friend.” With a snap of his claws, he was gone, but Shining didn’t notice.

    Who I wanted to be.

    Memories of him watching the Royal Guard tromping past his home flashed, and he stumbled. “I-”

    A door popped into existence in front of him. Warily, he pushed the door open, revealing a library filled with books. As he trotted into the library, he gazed at the titles.

    Where’s the Key? He read. Every book had the same title. All except one.

    The Key. It read. 

    “It can’t be that easy, can it?” he wondered. Taking the book, he put it on a table.

    “Time to find out.” He opened the book, and all he saw was a bright flash of light before he was consumed in darkness.
> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A shrill cry from somewhere beneath him woke Shining. It was just like any other morning, having the tendrils of sleep cut away by his daughter, but today he did not jump to assist her. He couldn’t.

Pushing away the darkness brought on by his eyelids, he rolled onto his back. Cadance was probably already with Flurry, and without her the extra weight of the sheets held Shining in his place. His head pounded from the intake of light and how the crystals only magnified it. Everything was too bright, and for once Shining Armor wished the clouds would cover up the sky for him.

It was the most selfish idea Shining had thought since he was a child.

His horn’s bandage was a pale, dried out red, from the tip of it he could still manage to see. Sure, it had slowed, but this wouldn’t heal anytime soon. Maybe it wouldn’t heal at all. Thoughts of all the ponies he was letting down tugged on his gut as he stayed bedridden. Another screech from dear Flurry Heart, although this was squeakier — happier. The Princesses didn’t need Shining to save Equestria, and Flurry Heart didn’t need Shining to keep growing into an incredible mare. Staying in bed, just like everypony had told him to do, was a completely viable option.

Shining Armor was stubborn, though. The sheets wrestled back as he tried to get out from under their grasp. A pulse of pain wrung him as he swung his head upwards. His breathing hitched and his rotations paused. Drawing out the movements, he slid his flank out from the slight opening he had made and gradually raised his head to its standing height. The floor greeted his hooves, and he felt the tension in his lungs release.

The library wasn’t far, and even if it took him an hour to walk down this hallway, he was ready to take it slow. Discipline knew nopony better. One step forward, followed by his back hoof. No ache struck him down, thankfully, and he made his way to the door.

Clear hallways greeted him. The white walls were striped in wide intervals with sky blue and royal blue crystals. He gazed downwards as he walked, but couldn’t escape his colors as his reflection walked under him. Some dreary face stared back. Shining wanted to help it find its way, but it was trapped as a reflection, bound only to his sluggish movements and dead-end path. Finally, he turned towards the stairs and the weary traveller disembarked.

Somepony was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, as its long shadow caressed the steps. The kitchen was full of commotion, but this pony was still and firm. In a hectic world, they stuck to their path, unwavering from the food that came flying their way. Shining still took his time, not fond of this chaos which was unceremoniously gracing his skull.

It was the Guard who was usually by his door. With a wave, Cadance trotted over, leaving Flurry to her high-chair and a couple toys. The slow descent ended with clacking hooves and a fearfully retreating Guardstallion. “Shining, you need to get back upstairs.”

He waved at Flurry Heart with a meek smile, and even she tilted her head. “Please, Sweetie, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re really not.” She wore her despair. “This is more than just another headache! Seriously, you’ve gotten concussions before and this is worse.”

“Cadance…” Shining reached in for a hug. His wife stepped back. Flailing hooves and Flurry’s cries blurred together as he went face first towards the ground. His abandoned gut dropped as well.

Magic continued his momentum, but eased his fall and decelerated his whole form. Inches from the ground, Cadance began lifting him back up and onto his hooves.

She was crying and trying to sound stern through the tears. “Oh, oh, Celestia, pl-please just get some rest. I won’t hug you until you’re back upstairs.”

The stunned Shining Armor didn’t respond. He didn’t budge. His hanging mouth just coughed up scattered sounds, all the while his dear family was a wreck. The white knight was powerless. 

Protection was his namesake. As both a guard and a father, his duty was to never let painful conquering befall his nation. This blasted horn and its complications made him a monster to his own family. Trust was no longer present. 

Finally, he spoke up. “Don’t leave me, Cadance.” Her bloodshot eyes only welled further with a reflective new sheen. “I’m so far behind already, please just let me know you’ll both still be here. I don’t have anything else left.”

“Never, never in a thousand years, but we won’t have a fraction of that if you don’t take care of yourself. I’m begging you, Shining Armor, just go. Up. Stairs.” She was nearly on top of him now, but he didn’t move, just like the Guard who stood here before him.

“I just need to do one thing. It was in my dreams, some book. Some kind of key.” Cadance searched for any semblance of rationality in her husband. “You can even come with me, keep me safe. Heh,” he chuckled, “I guess the roles have switched now.”

“They weren’t like this before?” She jeered with half a heart, still wiping away some tears. “What even is this book?”

Shining tried to remember. He let the world spin around him, finding the center of the storm within his mind. Dreams left him quickly, but it felt like the memories were vacant from their normal spot. The clouds were too thick. Cadance held his face, and sounds faded in without any snout moving. 

Tears left his eyes. “I’m sorry, Cadance. I can’t remember, I just have to go there.” He was a hopeless lunatic. The faces of shock breezed by as he walked to the exit. They weren’t going to help, and he wondered if they would ever treat him as anything more than some limp figure. 

He finally found the library, even though he couldn’t remember the walk there. As soon as the door opened, clarity rushed through him. The dreams he remembered melded with reality in that moment as the brown words of “Where’s The Key?” floated over each and every book which lined the green shelves. The path nearly walked itself as he retraced the steps of last night. 

He saw it. The golden words flickering and shining brightly over a small tome. Clacks of his hooves against the marble floor reverberated like a bass drum while he made his way down the endless lines of shelves. None of this made any sense — he wasn’t sure if this library was the one he used monthly. But The Key was here, and he figured it was his only chance at redemption. Finding his identity without his horn, or perhaps even a way to get it back, was bound to lie in these pages.

A quick reach to the highest shelf brought the book tumbling to the floor. It landed cover up, and he brushed away the magical lettering to reveal its true title.
> Chapter 11
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

MI AMOR FAMILY ALBUM

Shining’s mind only had time to register its own confusion before he heard a voice from behind him.

“Dad?”

He turned around to see Cadance trotting into the library behind him, a worried look on her face that was all too familiar. But just what had she called him?

“Cady?” Shining puzzled. “Why did you call me—”

No. The alicorn that was looking down at him wasn’t Cadance. Her coat was too light of a shade of pink. And her mane was all the wrong colors. Violet and blue, just like—

A sick feeling of dread welled up inside him as he felt his heartbeat quicken, his stomach knot. His knees felt weak. 

“Dad!” The alicorn embraced him, pressing her cheek to his, holding up his body with her frame. Shining could feel the heat coming off of her cheek as she gently caressed the back of his head and neck with a hoof. 

“It’s okay, Dad! I’m here now. I’m here. I won’t let you go. Everything is going to be okay.” 

 A memory flashed through his mind. Hugging a pony. A teenaged filly, from how much shorter she was than him. Familiar words from his mouth. 

“It’s okay, Dad.” A soft voice, almost a coo. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Shining squeaked. “Flurry?”

“Yes, it’s me, Dad!” A bright laugh, the most beautiful thing Shining had ever heard. “It’s me. I’m here. Here.” 

Shining felt a warm buzz brush against his fetlocks and he looked down at his hooves, seeing but trying not to register just how thin his legs looked. A large cushion, held in a yellow aura, was being placed gently beside him.

“Just lay yourself down, Dad. Slowly. I can help.”

His first instinct was to protest that he could certainly lay himself down, but he thought better of it. He felt the warmth of that yellow aura on his barrel and legs now, as he could no longer feel his own weight. Slowly, gently, his own legs folded underneath him as he was floated onto the cushion, then let go. The cushion was soft. It felt nice.

“Is that okay, Dad?”

“It’s perfect.” Shining smiled, looking up at Flurry Heart, who was looking down on him with a smile of her own. 

“You look just like your mother now. So beautiful.” Shining frowned. “I must have said that before, haven’t I? I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize, Dad. I—” She paused. “It’s nice to hear that every time.”

“Every time?” Shining frowned. He looked back down at his legs, all shriveled up and wrinkly. That pit began to form in his stomach again.

“Why can’t I remember?”

Was his voice always so hoarse? So creaky?

He felt the caress of a hoof on his cheek: both soft fetlock and the hard edge of keratin. Flurry was sitting down too, now, a foreleg outstretched to touch him, and her other legs folded underneath her.

“You’re sick, Dad. Sometimes you just... forget things. A lot of things, all at once. Then what’s left of your memories gets jumbled up, and you start acting, well, strange. Talking to ponies who aren’t there. Who haven’t been”—her voice quavered—”for a long time.” 
 
Those words lingered in the silent air between them, settling into the cracks and crevices that Shining could suddenly see in his daughter’s perfect face. The lines underneath her eyes; how the blues of her irises were not as bright as they should have been. Not the signs of aging, but the signs of age.

A “long time”? Just how long? How long had he been like this? How many times had she told him these words? And just who—

He felt dread begin to course through him again, as he saw the worry in his daughter’s eyes. A subtle sparkle that could not help but show itself in the corners. 

“I’m so sorry, Honey,” he squeezed out in a sob.  “I’m so, so sorry.” The pounding in his head returned as he cursed himself for being unable to remember. “I’m so sorry! I’m supposed to protect you but I can’t even protect you from myself!”

“No, Dad, it’s okay. Really.” Flurry was speaking in that calming voice again. “It’s okay.” 

Shining closed his eyes, feeling his tears squeeze their way out of them.

“Dad,” Flurry cooed. “It’s okay. I’m used to this now. I don’t need any protecting.”

Shining felt a warm fetlock press against the skin of his eyelids, wiping away his tears. He felt a sympathetic tug at his own fetlock, as he remembered how a young filly’s tears once felt on them.

He chuckled. “I guess the roles have switched now.”

“They’ve been like this for a long time,” Flurry said gently, still wiping away some tears. Some part of Shining lashed out at himself for that, for his failure. For how long he had let this go on.

As if reading his mind, Flurry spoke. “It’s okay, Dad. You’ve spent my whole life taking care of me. Always being there as a shoulder to cry on. Showing me what a good pony was:a loving husband to Mom, a caring leader to your soldiers. Keeping me safe from myself. Always being proud of me, always trusting me, no matter what I did. You were always there for me. You were always Shining Armor, the best dad in the world. And now, it’s my turn to take care of you. ”

Shining frowned at how much this felt like she was talking about someone else..

“But I’m not that Shining Armor, Flurry. I don’t remember being him. I… I don’t remember anything.” He looked around the room and for the first time realized just how spartan this so-called library room was. A single set of bookshelves. Plain walls. No windows. 

“I don’t even know where I am. Much less who I am, or what I am. Just a minute ago, you were--” he chuckled. “You were just a baby. And Mom was there next to you, worried about me. Because of my horn—” 

He rolled his eyes up, straining them until he could see the tip of his horn at the edge of his vision. Instead of a crusty bandage or a jagged edge, the sides were polished up to a blunt and useless tip. He gingerly probed the part of his mind that activated unicorn magic, and felt the disquieting numbness of nothing in return.

“My horn.” He looked at Flurry. “That part was real? When did that happen?”

Flurry gave him a concerned smile. “Long enough ago that I’ve always known you like this, Dad.  It never healed right. It never would have. They saved as much as they could, made it look nice ” 

“I…” He frowned, as a slight headache began to return to him. “That’s why I was down here.” 

“For this, right?”

Flurry floated the family album in her aura to rest itself down on the floor between them as Shining watched.

“It’s funny, Dad. You had it on the floor when I came in. You were looking for this, weren’t you?”

“I was.”  Shining’s mind strained as he stared at the words on the plain cover. Something was tugging at the corners of his mind. The Key? “I thought it was something to help me… Help me find my identity. After I broke my horn.”

“Were you scared, Dad? About your future?”

Shining’s lip quivered. “I was. I just didn’t know how I could be what you and Mom needed. How I could be needed. I— I just didn’t know who I could be. What kind of pony I would become.” 

Flurry smiled at him. “Well, Dad.”

Shining could see that Flurry was holding the album’s cover in her aura. Just one flick, and it would open. Just one flick.

“Some part of you must remember this somehow, Dad. It really is fascinating. Because this is how we get your memories back, by looking through old pictures. Because they’re not exactly gone. You just lose your connections to them.” She smiled at him. “Do you want to see, Dad? Do you want to see what kind of pony you became?”

For a second, Shining wanted to say “no”. As if opening up that cover would end this dream. End the old dream. Why did he want to hold on to it so badly? He couldn’t think of the reason. He nodded.

Flurry Heart opened it to the first page, showing a photograph of a classic family portrait: He and Cadance sitting upright, side by side, giving a look of adoration to the infant daughter they were holding in their forelegs, who herself was giving the camera the most innocent of smiles. Nothing out of the ordinary, were it not for the shattered, jagged edge of his cut-off horn. That smile was as real and as bright as any other.

Flurry turned the page, to another familiar setting: Shining in his uniform as the Commander of the Crystal Guard, which he could tell even from the picture was fitting loose on him. Loss of muscle during his recovery? But there were his soldiers, saluting him with all the respect and pride that they had ever shown him. Flash Sentry, who always took care to make sure the blue plumes of his helmet crest matched the color of his mane, smiling extra brightly. 

Flurry kept slowly turning those pages, leaving him just enough time to take in the details of each photograph. Birthday parties, family vacations. Official ceremonies, too, often with a stern-faced, purple-coated unicorn who had a broken horn of her own. Yes, Tempest Shadow, that was her name! With each photograph, he felt his memories filling themselves into the skeleton they provided, whispering to him names and details. Dominique, Flurry’s little griffon friend, on that day they all went to the lake. Emerald Greave, being sworn into her new position as his second-in-command. Starlight Glimmer, the Headmare of the School of Friendship, awarding a diploma to a much older—no, younger, he reminded himself—Flurry Heart.

Names and details. But not all of them, and many photographs passed by without much of an impression besides a vague dread. Why did he remember Plaid Stripes, the overexcited tourist he met just one time, but not that sullen-looking filly with a light-blue mane that Flurry was always with?

But there was that reassuring beat of the pictures of their yearly skyboat trip to the Neighagra Falls, with Mom and Dad and Twily. That invented family tradition marked the progress of time, as he watched as Flurry grew into a lanky and pouty adolescent, covering up her cutie mark with a thick black jacket; her horn with an oversized cap; the bright smile of her innocence replaced with one of politeness. He noticed Twilight grow and grow until she reached Cadance’s height and beyond, before skipping one picture, then two, then disappearing altogether. He saw the wrinkles on Mom and Dad’s faces set in deeper and deeper, somehow spreading to the rest of their bodies until they were stooping while standing, thin and frail. This would have distressed him more, if he had not also seen that the warmth of their smiles and the happiness in their eyes never faded an iota.

“And here’s the last one, Dad,” said Flurry, to Shining’s heartbreak. And surprise, since they were about a third of the way from the back cover. 

One last skyboat trip. Twilight was in this one, having to sit down in order to not appear so tall and imposing as she was in her regalia. There he was, his horn the polished, useless nub that had become so familiar, the lines of age starting to show underneath his eyes. Cadence next to him, showing no such lines. Then there was Flurry, the same size as that filly whose name he still could not remember, standing next to her. Of course, they were both fully grown mares at this point, in regalia of their own, having shed the signs of their teenage rebellion.

Fully grown mares, but the same size that he remembered Twily being when she took the throne of Equestria. That is, about a head shorter than both he and Cadance were in the picture. But the flesh-and-blood alicorn next to him could not have been any shorter than the Cady he had remembered. And that was not all. He was clearly much older now than the Shining in the photograph, whose legs were still thick and strong. He stared at Flurry for a bit, the gears turning in his mind, trying to divine just what had happened in those missing years. Why the photographs stopped where they did. His mind struggled to knit together the clues. And at the same time, not knit them together…

His mouth spoke before he realized the words.

“Mom’s gone, isn’t she?”

Shining looked desperately at Flurry’s face, hoping for anything but the reaction he got: A sad, slow nod.

He expected it to destroy him. Instead, in the part of his heart where Cadance lived, he felt nothing but the same numbness that he felt where his horn was supposed to be. 

He frowned, his gaze drifting off, not knowing which absence was worse.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We always talked about the future as if I would be gone, but she would just go on.“ He looked at Flurry. “What happened?”

Flurry sighed. “A lot of things you would be better off not remembering, Dad. And I really hope you don’t.” She spoke carefully, hesitantly. “Do you?”

Shining looked at the photograph. At Cadance’s face, her smile, identical to so many of the other times he had seen it. A smile he would never see again. He tried to remember anything, but again, that same numbness.

“No,” he said, looking back up at Flurry.

“I’m glad.” Flurry smiled at him. “All you need to know is that she loved us all so very much. That is what’s important.”

That soft tone of voice. That reassuring smile. A memory, of all of that coming from his mouth, that smile on hers twisted into a snarl, back when she was a teenaged filly.

He just nodded, and mirrored her smile. The roles have switched, indeed. 

A realization hit him. A sour taste.

“How long will it be, Flurry?”

She didn’t need to ask what he meant. 

“Less each time. Maybe a few weeks, if we’re lucky. Then you begin to fade away again. Back to your dreams.”

“Then I forget again. And you have to tell me everything again.” Shining frowned. “How is that a life? Being such a burden. Making you go through that each time.”

“It’s not a burden, Dad Really.” Flurry reached out to hold his hoof again, looking into his eyes. “You always forget that Mom’s gone, and you always dream of her. And when you tell me what she was like in your dreams, it’s like for a few moments, she’s still alive and with us.  It’s… it’s actually really nice. “

Tears welled up in Shining’s eyes.

“I wish I could tell you what she was like. But I…” He sighed. “All I remember is what she was like in the last dream. I can’t even remember if I dreamed of her before that.”

“It’s okay, Dad.” Flurry smiled serenely. “Anything is good.”

“It really wasn’t much! She just wanted me to go upstairs, to rest. I ignored her.”  Shining winced. “I thought of her as an obstacle.“

“She cared about you. She loved you. That is what matters.” 

Shining nodded, and echoed her earlier words.

“She loved us all so very much, didn’t she?” 

“Yes, Dad. She did.”

Those words settled into the air. Shining just felt the warmth of Flurry’s hoof on his for a few moments, in silence. He broke it.

“So, a few weeks, huh? Before all this starts again.” He let his gaze wander. “So what do the past me’s usually do with that time?” 

Flurry pointed a hoof at the bookshelf, as if she had anticipated his question. “It’s not just the one album, Dad. There are a lot of others, and books about what you and your friends did in your lives, and all the issues of Power Ponies that were ever published… It’s actually more than you can get through before you go away again.”

“Before I go away again,” Shining echoed. He looked back at Flurry. “And I just do that instead of spending time with my daughter?”

“Dad!” Flurry scolded. “Going through these memories with you is how I spend my time with you! And I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re just so happy when you do. And besides.” She floated over another book from the bookshelf, one with a side portrait of him and Cadance together on the cover. “Mom’s in here a lot, too. In her letters and pictures and everything she’s done. It’s always nice to remember her together.” She looked at him. “Do you want to start?”

He looked at her soft, reassuring smile.  The warmth in her eyes. The promise in them, that everything was going to be alright. He chose to believe it. That for the next few weeks, he would gorge on the treasures of the past until he burst, before sinking back into the chaotic swirl of nothingness that awaited him. Mired in a haze of dreams until he would be fished out, again, by the alicorn who was now warmly holding his hoof. That he would have this conversation again, and that after all the pain and confusion he would find his way back here to this moment. Where he was here, with his loving daughter, and everything was going to be alright.

“Yes,” he said. “Let’s.”