> The Sparkle of Unlife
>  by Semivivus
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> "What's the worst that could happen?"
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A book arriving at the doorstep of Castle Friendship wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Twilight was insistent on spending a portion of her annual royal stipend on purchasing almost every single book she could get her hooves on, often within days of them being published and added to an ordering catalogue. The parcel lacking a return address was a tad more curious, but still nothing she hadn't seen before. No, the worrying thing about the latest addition to the library, and the reason Spike was currently hiding under a table, was the fact that it seemed to be glowing black.

A scientific pony would tell you that it was impossible for something to glow black, as black would imply the absence of light, but the book was unmistakably emitting an aura of darkness that seemed to suck away all the light around it. Despite the shadowy emissions, its cover was somehow still easily legible, the book emblazoned with blood-red lettering labelling it with the words 'Necroponicon.'

"Uh... Twilight? I'm not sure this is such a good idea." Spike hissed from underneath the table. Twilight just rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Don't be silly, Spike. It's just a book, clearly with some enchantments to make it seem menacing. What's the worst that could happen?" She said, trotting towards the desk that now held only the tome. Spike winced at her words, muttering something about 'death-flags' and holding up a large copy of the Encyclopedia Equestrianna as a shield. Twilight was clearly unworried. Books contained knowledge, and knowledge was good! That clearly implied that all books were inherently good. It was basic logic!

Picking up the book in her magic, she strolled over to her usual reading chair. It was one of the few things that had survived the explosion of the original library, but she'd sooner lose her wings than get rid of the comfortable, albeit soot-covered green armchair that had kept her comfortable through so many nights of reading. "When you stop panicking, I'd appreciate a cup of coffee. Better make it a princess sized one. I'm certain that this one will be an all-nighter." Spike only let out a sigh in response, slinking into the kitchen to get his slavedriver caretaker her usual nightly cup of liquid dark matter.

With her assistant out of the room, she began to leaf through the tome, excited to find what wonderful knowledge was held within its cursed words. The pages felt stiff, unlike any paper she had touched before, and the lettering was harsh and rough like it had been written into the pages with the force of a knife. She didn't recognize the language system, which was odd as the the front cover was written using the standard Romane characters. The ink that composed the strange writing was a deep murky red, near black in tone and saturation until held under the dim luminance of candlelight. The scent of iron wafted from the pages like that of rust from a blade, left to sit after some long forgotten battle. Twilight scrunched her nose, opening a nearby window with a small push of arcana to try and air out the off-putting stench. A small frown on her face, she flipped the pages back to the start. Surprisingly, the first page seemed to be in modern Equish, so she squinted her eyes in the dim light and began to read.



Dedicated to my love, Cinderspark. May you rest softer than those that betrayed us, who shall never know slumber.

And to you who reads this, carry no further until your heart is hardened to commit all blasphemy in the face of the sun. This book shall grant your every wish, your every dream, your every satisfaction, but never your happiness.
- Crescent Heart



Twilight blinked a few times, tilting her head to the side. "What is this, some kind of angsty teenager's diary?" Turning the page, she came face to face with art of a series of concentric circles, filled with symbols and squiggles that brought a smile to her face.

"What's got you in such a good mood, Twilight?" Her assistant asked, returning with a tall travel mug of coffee and a plate of peanut butter crackers.

"Just nostalgia, Spike. I haven't seen a thaumatic matrix since I was Celestia's student. This was how they used to teach spells to other ponies a few hundred years ago. Nopony uses them these days, but she still wanted me to learn how to read them." Squinting her eyes, she scanned over the page, memorizing the links and connections between the circles, and all the symbols interwoven into and around them. "Though... I've never seen one quite this complicated. There's ten separate rings!"

Spike scratched his head. "I'll... assume that's a lot? So that weird spiral thing is a spell? What does it do?"

Twilight frowned. "I'm not sure. That's why we switched to the new method, as it's a lot easier to describe cause and effect using the Starswirl Arcanum Encoding. Though usually they'd still put some sort of title or description near a thaumic matrix." After continuing to scan the arrangement for a few moments, she slowly lit her horn.

"Uh... Twilight? You're not... going to try and cast an unknown spell... r-right?"

"Don't worry Spike, this castle is heavily warded against any sort of destructive magic, there's almost nothing that could go wrong." She closed her eyes and began to focus, lighting up the leylines beneath the hardened keratin of her horn with a blaze of energy. Spike began to back away slowly, hiding behind an armchair once more as waves of pressure began to slowly pulsate around his guardian, papers and quills fluttering off the desk as the light grew brighter and brighter until it was near blinding...

...and then it was over. The spell ending suddenly like Rarity's sewing machine whenever Sweetie Belle trips on the cord. Twilight and Spike blinked at each other a few times, glancing around. "See, Spike? Nothing bad happened!" She then proceeded to fall over, dead before she even hit the ground. Spike screamed.
> Rise From Your Grave!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only a day had passed since Spike had gone running to Fluttershy's in tears, yet the funeral was already being held. Nopony wanted to sit around with thoughts of Twilight's accident on their minds.

The funeral was a quiet affair. Despite the hundreds of ponies that Twilight's life had touched, her friends agreed that it was best not to make it a big public event. She never did like attention. The only invited members were the five of them, Spike, her immediate family, and the three other princesses.

Not a single eye was without tears during the entire ceremony. Even Celestia had to stop for a quiet sob halfway through her speech, comforted by an embrace from her sister. Twilights parents looked like their very hopes and dreams had been shattered, and her brother's eyes were dull and unfocussed. Each pony came and said their words, the thick mahogany coffin being stained even darker with the tears of the ponies that came to speak above it.

The burying itself took place in the Ponyville graveyard. As much as Twilight's family would have wanted her to be buried where she grew up, everyone agreed it would be best for her to be laid to rest near her friends.

Before long, the sky grew dim and the air grey cold. With one last goodbye, and a promise to stay in touch, the Princesses and Twilight's family travelled back to Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, leaving a small group of ponies and a single heartbroken dragon to keep each other company for the rest of the night.





Twilight yawned, blinking her eyes blearily as she awoke from what was quite possibly the most restful nap she's had in years. Gone was the ever-present fatigue from one too many all-night study sessions. "Well, that was certainly quite a spell, wasn't it?" She asked, expecting to see her number one assistant waiting nearby. When she was met with nothing but silence, she attempted to look around, only to see nothing but darkness. With a grunt, she pushed her hoof forward, the hard tip of it coming into contact with some sort of hard wooden surface. An experimental push with her leg brought the sound of cracking and splintering wood, along with the feeling of dirt falling down onto her body.

"That's strange..." She mumbled to herself, attempting to push outwards with her other hooves to dislodge whatever wooden board was blocking her. It must have been made of surprisingly cheap lumber, as it cracked and buckled instantly at even the slightest pressure. With one more hard shove, there came the sound of splintering hardwood, and a sudden downpour of soil. Spitting and spluttering, she pushed herself up through the pile of dirt until she was at last graced with the presence of a starry moon-lit sky.

She stopped for a moment to wipe the dirt and wood fibers from her coat before looking around. By the number of rounded stones and the wrought-iron fence, she was clearly in a cemetery of some sort. Ponyville, most likely, as she could make out the dark form of the Everfree forest a short distance away. She pulled herself up onto her hooves and looked closer at her resting place, noting that she had come up from some sort of (now destroyed) wooden box, still half buried in loose soil. "Did... somepony bury me alive? I thought that just happened in mafia stories and to rival politicians." She mumbled to herself, before noticing a headstone planted on the opposite side of the pit.

Glancing closer at the tombstone she found that she could quite easily read the epitaph, despite it being so dark at night. In fact, she seemed to be able to see better than she could even in broad daylight.




Here lies a good pony, a good mentor, a good princess, and most of all, a good friend.

RIP Twilight Sparkle
982 - 1004 ACR








Friendship Castle was almost dead quiet, despite the six individuals currently sitting around the living room across from the front hall. One might think a party had been happening, had it not been for the dreary mood that blanketed the place like a thick fog.

As a cold breeze blew through the window, Spike shuddered. Struggling to pull the quilt tighter around himself, he continued to stare into the fireplace, as he had for the last two hours. He could vaguely hear Rarity and Fluttershy talking softly behind him, but the words were too faint to make out. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing they said would bring Twilight back.

He was never quite sure what his relationship with her was. Sometimes she felt like his sister. Sometimes she was closer to a mother. Her being the pony that hatched him didn't make it any less confusing. He whimpered. None of that mattered anymore. She was gone. He felt a soft hoof patting his back but he didn't bother to look up and see who was trying to comfort him. It didn't matter.

Pinkie Pie sighed and walked away, her hair awfully deflated. She loved parties, but a funeral after-party wasn't nearly as upbeat as she was hoping. With a soft whimper, she sat herself down in the corner, pulling her legs up to her chest.

At a small table set up on the side of the room, Applejack took another swig of cider, Rainbow Dash sitting beside her in silence. For once, the two of them could put aside their petty rivalry, arguments, and everything else. All of those things seemed silly in the face of recent events, like every moment of fighting was a moment wasted, that they could have spent with their now departed friend. Eventually, Rarity came strolling over to them, pouring herself a mug of cider. Normally she considered herself far too ladylike for such a mundane and low-brow drink, but she wasn't drinking for pleasure tonight. She was not going to make it to morning sober. "I feel like we should be more upbeat. More happy. I'm sure she wouldn't want us to just be hanging around moping. She'd want us to tell stories and laugh, wouldn't she?" Rarity offered, taking a seat beside them.

Applejack looked up solemnly, tilting her hat up and staring at Rarity with her red, tear-streaked eyes. "Well, ah don't feel much like laughing. Don't know bout you." Rainbow just grunted in agreement and took another draw from her own mug before placing it on the table with a clatter that seemed to echo in the quiet chamber, the only other audible sounds coming from the crackling fireplace and the softly mourning dragon.

Rarity pursed her lips and sighed, shaking her head softly. "I suppose you are right. It's hard to be happy for somepony else's sake at the best of times. But when dealing with this... this travesty. There's nothing to be happy about."

The three ponies all sat in contemplative silence for a while, watching Fluttershy hug and comfort the poor drake alone without his guardian. The hearth was slowly dying down but nopony made any effort to put in more firewood. The slowly settling cold breeze was almost comforting, a grounding presence that kept them from drifting off into worse thoughts.

Rarity sighed once more. "Do you... do you think-"

Whatever she was about to ask was cut off by the sound of the door cracking open and being slammed shut. Shaking the freezing rain off her coat, Twilight walked herself into the living room and looked around at the startled expressions on her friends' tear-streaked faces. Thinking back to Step 26 of How to be a Normal Functioning Member of Society, she attempted to break the tense atmosphere with a harmless joke. "What's wrong? You guys look like you've seen a ghost!"

Spike screamed. Again.
> Doctor, Doctor! Give Me the News!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ponyville General Hospital was a surprisingly well furnished hospital, or at least surprisingly well furnished for servicing such a small town. Then again, being located so near to both the Everfree Forest, and the shenanigans constantly surrounding the element bearers, it was probably important to have a well stocked medical centre for the endless amounts of (usually non-fatal) accidents that seemed to be an everyday occurrence here.

Yet on this night, despite all the injuries and illnesses that tended to crop up in this small town, the hospital was quiet. Nurse Redheart assumed it was likely due to everypony’s mood being diminished from the recent passing of Twilight that no one felt up to getting into any of their usual trouble. She was the only medical professional still on staff tonight, the others having headed home for a strong drink and a long rest once it became apparent that tonight was going to be one of the few peaceful nights they may see.

Nurse Redheart stared out from the front desk at the empty lobby and let out a small sigh. As nice as it was to see nopony new getting hurt, this graveyard shift seemed like it was going to be a boring one. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, she huffed and looked back to her book. It was some sort of country-western romance novel that had been recommended to her by a relative, but the whole idea of a busy city stallion coming out to the country and falling in love with a mild-mannered rancher mare was a bit overdone. Still, anything was better than watching the clock for the 5 more hours until her shift ended.

Her reading was shortly interrupted by the sounds of arguing and shuffling hooves on the sidewalk outside the hospital. She looked up and smiled brightly, taking a big swig of coffee from her ever-present thermos. Finally, her night was about to get interesting.





“I told you, I feel fine!” Twilight argued, struggling against all five of her friends who were working together to drag her towards the hospital. “I just had a nap and you girls overreacted! It’s not the first time a pony has been mistaken for being dead!”

Applejack huffed and continued pulling on the rope that was lassoed around Twilight’s barrel.  “And ah’ told ya’, as soon as ya’ve got a clean bill of health, ya can go back home! Ah’m not taking any chances! Woo-nelly… when did you get this strong…”

Rainbow grunted. “I don’t like hospitals either, Twi! But being a wonderbolts member-“

Rarity cleared her throat.

Rainbow shot her the stink eye. “Being a wonderbolts reserve member has taught me that you gotta get yourself checked out when you have an accident! And I dunno about anypony else, but that was one heck of an accident.”

Twilight grumbled and finally stopped struggling, causing all of her captors to suddenly fall forwards with the lack of resistance. “Alright, but right after this I’m going back to finish reading that book. There shall be no books in my library that I have not read!” She declared, stomping her hoof into the ground dramatically.

The other five girls gave each other looks of concern. “Um… should we really let her continue to read that book? She did sort of… die last time…” Fluttershy whispered softly.

“Yeah, and it was totally made out of somepony’s skin!” Pinkie agreed cheerfully, her mane once again as poofy as a poodle.

Rarity stared at Pinkie for a moment. “I’m… not even going to ask how you’re so certain of that, darling. Regardless, we’ll agree for now, and hope that by the time she gets home she’ll be tired enough that we can get her straight off to bed.”

Applejack nodded and they broke their huddle. The farmpony reached out to open the door to the hospital as the other girls stood in a semicircle behind Twilight to make sure she didn’t attempt to escape back to the library for more late-night reading.

“Hello, welcome to Ponyville General Hospital! Are you sick, injured, or dying?” Asked Nurse Redheart, her body jittery from running on nothing but caffeine for the past 12 hours, as usual.

“Uh… dead? Or not dead? Maybe?” Rainbow muttered, caught off guard by the strange greeting. Shaking her head clear of the bemusement, she pulled Twilight into view.

“I swear, you all are just being paranoid hypochondriacs.” Twilight muttered, using big words because she was a very smart horse.

“Aren’t you suppose to be dead?” Redheart inquired.

“So everypony keeps telling me.” Twilight replied tiredly.

Pinkie tutted disapprovingly. “Twilight, you just wasted your chance to say ‘the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!’ It’s like… the one line everypony has been waiting for you to say!”

Twilight just stared at her incredulously for a few moments, before shaking her head and walking towards the desk. “Anyways… I’m just here so that we can do a quick little test of my vitals, proving that I’m not dead, so I can go back to reading my books, and my friends who I love and cherish very much, can stop hugging me and crying every few seconds.”

Nurse Redheart stared at her for a few moments and then shrugged. “Yeah, sure, alright. I had nothing better to do anyway.”

She led Twilight away into one of the side rooms and sat her down on the hospital bed. Twilight, being the mature and reasonable pony she was, grumbled with her forelegs crossed over her chest, but Nurse Redheart wasn't fazed. There were a lot of stubborn ponies in this town, mostly those of the 'applebucking' variety, and she was used to patients not being very... well... patient. "Alright, first things first, lets check your blood pressure." The doctor whose name was Nurse (a fact that has left her estranged to her parents) cheerfully said. Twilight sighed and stuck out her foreleg, deciding that it was better to just get it over with.

Doctor Nurse Redheart expertly wrapped the plastic cuff around Twilight's upper leg and began to slowly inflate it, placing her stethoscope against an artery. After a few moments, she narrowed her eyes and tried with the other foreleg. "Interesting." She murmured, removing the cuff and placing the stethoscope directly against Twilight's chest.

"Interesting?" Twilight inquired.

"According to my measurements, your blood pressure is... 0 over 0. And your heart rate is 0 beats per minute. Congratulations, Princess. You are dead." Redheart then proceeded to empty a coffee cup into the sink, and began to fill it with a flask of something from a drawer. "And I am too sober to deal with the fact that you're a walking corpse."





Twilight and her friends quickly found themselves shuffled out of the hospital and heard the sounds of a door locking behind them, followed by the sight of a sign being stuck to the interior of the window reading 'No Doctors on Duty.' Twilight glanced down at herself and placed a hoof against her chest, trying to feel for a heartbeat. "Huh."

Her friends were mostly staring at her in silence, confusion evident on all their faces. After a moment of silence, Fluttershy spoke up. "Weren't we supposed to take Spike to the hospital too? You know... for the concussion?"

"Whoops." Pinkie Pie said unhelpfully.
> Royal Pain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her Highness, Princess Celestia was having trouble paying attention. That wasn't to say court was ever particularly exciting and a thing worth paying attention to, but today more than any other seemed to slog on. It wasn't the fault of her dear subjects who had come to court today for what to them were probably stressful, life-changing situations, but rather her own mind betraying her focus.

She could still picture Twilight's unmoving body as it was lowered into the casket. Still feel the tears of her sister running down her neck as she comforted Luna with a hug. Still hear the howls of anguished sobbing from Shining Armor, his wife doing her best to comfort him. She could see the broken expressions on the faces of Twilight's parents. All the sensations... they wouldn't go away. They wouldn't stop haunting her.

Raven, ever dutiful to her diarch, had easily noticed the lapse in Celestia's mental state. She quietly strode over to a nearby guard. "Could you alert the ponies waiting chamber that her Highness will be ending court after this pony?" She murmured, quietly enough to not disturb the long-winded speech being given by one 'Oversized Breeches'. The guard nodded and left to inform those waiting outside, much to many pony's disgruntled complaints. 

"-and that is why the point-oh-three percent tax raise on the noble class was a terrible move, likely to cause the entire Equestrian government to destabilize, raise mass riots across the land, and cause the return of Tirek. Now, if you would instead implement a full tax-cut on my... I mean... Equestria's industrial sector, it would certainly be a very harmonious and friendship-y decision!" Mr. Breeches finished, his patented 'Winning Smile' emblazoned on his heavily perfumed visage.

Celestia had not paid any attention to the minutiae of her 'beloved' subject's speech, but hearing him finally stop talking, she nodded her head. "I promise I will look into your concern, my little pony." She spoke in her wonderfully serene voice with absolutely no intention of following her promise. The return of her loyal scribe and assistant to her side signaled that she would finally be able to leave. "As for those still waiting, I apologize, but I must retire for today. An important matter has just come up that requires my immediate attention."





She didn't remember much of the walk back to her bedroom. The halls seemed dim and colorless despite the many torches and hanging tapestries. She didn't notice the worried expression on every guard, maid, and servant she passed. She didn't hear their whispered comments about her mental state. None of that mattered.

Upon finally reaching her chambers, Celestia allowed all her muscles to relax as she slumped into a very plush armchair. She wasn't normally one to play hooky from her royal duties, but she knew she was in no state to be making policy decisions. She had only known Twilight for but a short few decades, and had thought that she would have many more left to spend with the newly ascended Alicorn, but fate as always had a habit of destroying both her plans and her heart. A few tears slipped from her face as she looked down at the coffee table, its surface covered completely with the hundreds of friendship reports Twilight had so dutifully sent her. She had already reread all of them, yet nowhere in Twilight's many leaned lessons could she find a way to bare the pain of losing one of the ponies dearest to her. 

"-lestia!"

Even now she could hear her student calling her voice, muffled from her memories.

"-pen the window Prin-"

How long would these phantom noises haunt her? Even now, she could picture her student. Her bright eyes, shaggy unkept mane, repeatedly smacking her bedroom window with her hoof and shouting at her to open the latc-

Celestia blinked in confusion for a few moments, staring at the lavender Alicorn repeatedly banging on her window. In a flurry of motion, the solar diarch rushed to throw up the latch and let the panicking pony into her room.

The moment the accursed glass barrier was removed, Twilight tumbled in through the window and smashed head-first into the ground, grumbling woozily. "T... Twilight? Is that really you?" Celestia whispered, her leg partially outstretched, not quite touching Twilight as if fearing that the pony would vanish at the slightest contact.

"In the flesh..." She grumbled, pulling herself back up onto all fours.

Celestia leapt forwards and wrapped her student in a hug upon hearing that confirmation. "But... you were dead! How... when..." For the first time in over a millennium, Celestia was absolutely speechless. The ruler who had focused so much time and effort into her charisma and wit could find no words to outline her shock. After a few more false starts, she managed to blather out "I buried you with my own hooves! How are you alive?"

"I've been getting that a lot." The disgruntled alicorn answered unhelpfully as she gently hugged her teacher back. "I'm surprised your first instinct isn't that I'm a changeling."

Celestia's eyes narrowed and she suddenly pushed Twilight away from her. "Well, are you a changeling?"

"Why? Would it matter if I was?"

Celestia stomped her hoof. "Well, yes! The entire race of them were present at the invasion, you'd be a war criminal!"

Twilight blinked in confusion. "But... I already am a war criminal? I'm fairly certain indefinite imprisonment in stone is not how we're supposed to treat prisoners, but we still calcified Discord."

The solar demi-goddess blinked. "That's... a valid point."

Twilight nodded. "Technically, you are too, with the imprisonment of Luna to the moon. It's quite clearly stated in section 4, passage 3 of the Equus Code of Sentient Rights, any captured combatant has specific inalienable rights and privil-"

Celestia placed her hoof on Twilight's mouth before she could continue onwards and bring about anymore realizations of ethical and legal jeopardy. "Okay, I get it. You're definitely Twilight. So was the pony we buried a changeling? Some sort of illusion?"

Twilight pushed the hoof away from her face and shook her head. "Nope, that was me. Waking up underground was not very enjoyable, by the way. Just wanted to point that out."

Celestia sat down in shock. "You mean... you were buried alive? But Canterlot's finest doctors ran you through every medical examination possible. You were dead!"

Twilight nodded. "Yes. I was dead. And I have no idea why I'm not now. Or at least... I'm sort of not dead? My heart still hasn't gotten the memo."

"Your heart?"

Twilight shrugged. "It hasn't been beating, which is mildly concerning."

Celestia blinked. "Wait... your heart isn't beating at all?" She asked, leaning in and lighting her horn. A small beam of light gently prodded at Twilight's chest, the sensation fairly unpleasant. "Oh. Well... that explains things. And raises more questions."

Twilight tilted her head to the side. "In what way?" She asked, rubbing the tingling spot where Celestia's magic had touched her.

Celestia stood up and began to make her way towards her personal liquor cabinet. "You're undead."
> Dinner Parting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The royal dining room, referred to in secret by the various guards and maids of the palace as 'Celestia's Cake Room #2', was unusually quiet. While it was never the most rambunctious environment, apart from one very intense dinner party involving a hostile griffon delegation, today was an exceptionally quiet affair. Only two ponies were present, and only one of them was currently alive, and was struggling to consume the salad suggested for her by the royal physician. As far as she was concerned, her weight and BMI were perfectly healthy, thank you very much. Still, she refused to lose the bet she had with Luna. She could make it through the rest of the month.

The other pony seated at the table, a certain necromantic purple pony, grumbled as she stared at the food in front of her. Normally, she would have absolutely torn the hayburger in front of her apart. It had been months since she last had one... but despite her best efforts, she was struggling to consume anything from the plate. Every time she tried to take a bite, her body violently spat it out purely on instinct, as if she was trying to consume something as heinous as acid, or bell peppers. It wasn't that she felt particularly hungry either, which was strange considering she had not eaten or drank anything since her untimely demise.

Celestia looked up from her salad and gave Twilight a patient smile, using the slight distraction to teleport some of the bitter tasting green leaves from her own plate into the sun. "Its okay, Twilight. Most undead don't consume food... or at least pony food."

Twilight sighed, poking her dinned with a hoof. "Then what am I supposed to eat? I have to consume something to stay alive... or... not-alive? Not-dead? Whatever. Continuing without eating anything would break the laws of arcanodynamics."

Celestia nodded and took a sip from her glass of wine. "Well, yes. Everypony needs to eat something. Even changelings require emotional energy to sustain themselves. What you need, though, is trickier. It depends on what kind of undead you are. For example, wraiths consume thermal energy, and revenants mostly live off of hatred. Though, I believe zombies ate a mostly grain diet."

Twilight blinked. "Grains? Not brains?"

Celestia shook her head. "No, that was a misspelling in a document long gone. Common misconception. They mostly consume barley, if memory serves."

The recently risen pony sighed. "This would be so much easier if there was a book I could read on it. Are you sure there aren't any left?"

Celestia shook her head. "No, not for nearly a millenium now. We were under constant attack from various undead creatures for centuries, so we did what every reasonable governing body does, and censored and destroyed every scrap of literature involving it."

Twilight's eye twitched at the mention of destroying countless books. "We'll come back to that topic another time. So there's no documents, no stories, no pony at all who can help me figure out what's going on?"

Celestia tilted her head thoughtfully. "None, no. I myself only know the basics, hunting down and eliminating the undead was more under my sister's jurisdiction."

Expression changing to a hopeful smile in an instance, Twilight gasped. "Of course, I'll ask Princess Luna then! I'll go ask her right away! Thank you so much, Princess!" With a surprising amount of speed for an unathletic bookworm, the little purple princess dashed out of the room.

Celestia's expression, on the other hoof, turned to one of panic. "No, wait! I have to warn her first! She doesn't kno... and she's gone." She let out another sigh, and poured another glass of wine before standing up to follow after her. "This isn't going to be pretty."





Princess Luna, Ruler of the Night and Bastion of Dreams, was unsurprisingly a heavy sleeper. She remained unconscious despite the loud, thundering banging on her chamber's door, and didn't stir as a dark silhouette slowly approached the side of her bed. Despite her near comatose level of unconsciousness, she was not, in fact, vulnerable. She was known as the warrior princess for a reason.

Her eyes snapped open in a split second as she felt an approaching sensation that she had not felt in over a thousand long, lonely years. Necromantic magic was easily detectable, once a pony knew what they were looking for, and the aura of a powerful undead being was unmistakably at her bedside, its limb moving towards her body at a frightening pace.

With a shout of righteous fury, she drew the massive steel battleaxe (that she of course kept under her pillow at all times) and lunged towards the nighttime invader, slashing its head off in a single chop. The sound of something wet hitting the floor was enough to let her know that her attack had struck true, and she let out a victorious laugh. "Hah, and Tia said We had gotten rusty! Now let Us see just what foul creature deigned to molest Our chambers in the middle of Our sacred night!"

A flick or her horn later, and her bedroom chambers were lit up brightly, and the entire grisly scene was thrown into the light. The red dripping from her battleaxe was clearly going to stain her carpets, but that was of no concern to her. That's what her handmaiden was for!

Hearing the door being thrown open, she looked up to see Celestia storm into the room. "Ah, Tia. Thou art just in time. Behold this mongrel of the darkness that I have disposed of!" She smiled up at her older sister, perfectly playing the part of a younger sister seeking praise.

Celestia just sighed and leant down, picking Twilight's head up off the floor. "You have just beheaded my student, Lulu."

Luna squinted, looking more closely at the lavender fur. "Aye. It appears We did. Sorry about that."

Her sister sighed once again and placed her face in her free hoof. "You know, this is why you can't keep a coltfriend. You need to stop mutilating things in the middle of the night."

Luna leaned in and looked at the head. "Mutilated? Nay, twas a clean cut. One chop."

Twilight's disembodied head glared back at her with a bitter expression. "I've seen better." It said in a sarcastic tone.
> Face to Face
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celestia's private office was a surprisingly modest room. That wasn't to say it was small, any location designed for her had to be of substantial size, but it was rather rustic in its décor. A simple walnut stained desk topped with the requisite inbox and outbox, a well-used and comfortable office chair, its brown faux-leather cracked with use, and a pair of matching chairs across the desk for the few visitors she accepted in this personal space.

Celestia was (for once) not in her usual chair, but rather seated next to her sister in the guest chairs facing the desk. Placed a top the desk was not the usual plateau of unfinished paperwork, but rather a disembodied pony's head, and the head did not look very amused.

While Celestia was able to keep a straight face, her sister was struggling to contain her fit of giggles. She had spent the last 15 minutes listing off every 'head' related pun that came to her mind, much to the chagrin of the other two occupants of the room.

"Lulu, can we please begin now? Its really not a laughing matter." Celestia pleaded, placing her hoof on her sister's still mirth-shaking shoulders.

"Aye, tis true. We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves." The normally-stalwart defender of the night spoke, before breaking into another set of laughs.

Twilight just let out a long, tired sigh in response. She wasn't entirely sure how she was capable of sighing as her lungs were currently still in an unconnected body a good ten feet away, but sigh she did nonetheless.

"Alright, 'twas the last one, we swear. Now, how did thee manage to resurrect thyself?" Luna asked, lightly poking Twilight's forehead.

"You've got as good of an idea as me. Actually, better I'd imagine, considering your personal experience." The somewhat annoyed head replied. "First thing I remember is waking up in a coffin and pulling myself up through the dirt, which is not something I'd recommend trying. I've still got grave soil in my mane." Luna nodded and poked Twilight's head again. "Stop that." The living-impaired mare grumbled in annoyance, only for Luna to shrug her shoulders.

"We are testing thy flesh. Tis not rotting, so thee are no zombie or ghoul. Thee are still solid, so not a banshee, poltergeist, or any other spectral creature. There is also no smell of mildew that we can detect, so any kind of hag is unlikely. What is the last thing thee remember before thy untimely demise?" Luna spoke, poking Twilight's forehead again.

Twilight's eye twitched as she struggled to remain calm. "I was doing my daily inventory of every book in the castle. A new book arrived on the doorstep, so I tried to give it a read. Only the cover and first page were in Equish, but the book was filled with thaumatic matrices. After making sure the castle's usual wards were in place, I gave the first spell listed a test cast... and that's the last thing I remember."

Luna's face broke into a grin. "Truly? Well, that makes things easy then. You're a lich, Twilight!"

"I'm a what?" Twilight asked in confusion. Any information at all on the undead was almost impossible to find, but she had never heard of such a thing.

Celestia shook her head. "She can't be. Every lich we've ever fought has been skeletal with only bits of flesh stuck to them, apart from that one that was just a floating skull." She shuddered. "He had terrifying power."

Luna picked up Twilight's head and held it aloft, grinning wildly. "Aye, a normal lich is unable to keep their body pristine from the effects of death, and a demi-lich's mortal shell is burned away by their immense power, but thy student has defied all expectations once more! Thought only to be a myth, she had become a True Lich. A High Lich."

Twilight blinked down from between Luna's hooves. "Could somepony please explain to me what a lich is?"

Luna sighed and placed the head back on the desk. "A lich, a traditional one at least, is the result of one of the greatest and most forbidden kinds of necromantic magic. Honestly, we are surprised thee were able to perform such a spell on thy first attempt. The process of becoming a lich can be mostly summed up as a two-step process. First, the lich-to-be moves their soul, the very culmination of their magical and spiritual being, into a container of some sort. Called the 'Phylactery', this object becomes the permanent vessel for their soul."

Twilight blinked in confusion. "But I'm still here! I'm not in a container!"

Celestia gently put her hoof against her student's mouth. "Let her finish, Twilight."

Luna nodded at her sister and turned back to her decapitated victim. "The body is then remotely possessed by the spirit residing in the vessel, like an extremely complicated puppet or golem made out of flesh. Even the body's senses are linked to the soul's, allowing it to pilot the corpse as if it was still inside it."

Twilight frowned. "How is that useful? You're still just controlling your own body!"

Celestia stepped in. "Twilight, the main limits to a pony's magic is their intellect, energy, and passion. A lich has no physical body to tire, which can allow them to more than double the capabilities of their magic."

"Aye, and a True Lich is supposed to be one step even further beyond that. 'Twas a thing thought to exist only in the theories of the most insane necromancers. The idea is simple, perfectly and evenly envelop every cell of their corpse with their own arcana, preserving the body and converting the flesh to a higher state of matter, capable of channeling magic with no resistance. Any fool insane enough to try it would find the process nigh-impossible in practice. A single mistake with the concentration of mana around a single cell in thy body would cause an explosion of burning mana, chain-reacting and destroying both the vessel and spirit in a blaze of soulfire. 'Twas a dream of only madmares... until now."

Twilight looked down at corpse slumped in the corner. "So, I accidentally performed what could have ended in a thermoarcano blast capable of destroying half of Ponyville? That's... terrifying."

Luna nodded with a big smile. "Aye! But thou succeeded, and became the first necromancer in history to do so!"

Twilight bit her lip. "Well, at least I accomplished something amazing. So... when am I going to be destroyed?"

"Pardon?" Celestia asked in confusion.

"I performed an extreme act of dark magic! That breaks so many laws!"

Celestia nodded. "Yes, that's correct."

"So, I must be at least banished, but with the severity of my crimes, I should be executed!" Twilight shouted.

"Yes, 'twould be the normal thing to do." Luna replied with a smile.

"So when am I being destroyed?" She asked.

"Don't be silly, Twilight. You can't press legal action against a corpse. You were already absolved of all crimes the moment you died." The Diarch of the Day replied while sipping her tea.

"But you killed all the other liches and undead! Leaving me alive is nepotism!" Twilight cried out.

"Yes, yes it is." Celestia replied, lowering her teacup to reveal a huge shit-eating grin.

"Ah! We forgot to make any 'getting head' jokes! 'Tis a whole category of head humor we missed!" Luna cried out. 

Twilight's head fell off the desk with a thud.
> Sympathy for the Dead
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight pushed open the doors to her castle with a tired sigh and slowly made her way into the dimly lit kitchen. She was half expecting her friends to be waiting impatiently at the train station for her return, but it was 1am and a few of them had actual lives and jobs and stuff like that. The trip home had been more uncomfortable than usual; her neck had been stiff the entire time, not surprising considering the semi-accidental decapitation she has just suffered. Luckily, the other two princesses had managed to snap her head back into place with a noise and effort uncannily similar to snapping toy building blocks together.

Carefully flying up, she began to untie all the 'Twilight Kicked The Bucket' banners from her walls and ceiling. There were... a surprising amount of decorations prepared for her death. They were all in shockingly high quality too, clearly not a rushed job. Just how long had Pinkie been preparing for her death for? Probably better for her own emotional state not to ask.

At least somepony, or more likely, somedragon had done her dishes. As much of a slob as she could be at times, the one thing she would not stand for was dirty dishes lying around. So many research papers on the bacterial hazards that can bring into the household.

With another gentle sigh, she sat herself down at the table. She had never gone this long without reading before. In her defense, she was dead for most of the duration, but still! This was unacceptable.

Her kitchen table had been covered in flowers from the mourning ponies the day before, but they were in the way of her reading, so she shoved the entire pile of them into a large vase and placed it rather roughly on the windowsill. It was finally time to get back to work. Surprisingly, the spooky looking book that has apparently killed her was still sitting open on the kitchen table, as if nopony saw it, or at least, nopony felt brave enough to move it. 

Twilight immediately plopped herself down and began studying the pages again, trying to make sense of the weird squiggles and un-equine writing that permeated most of the pages. An ignorant pony might have thought the fact that she was studying a book at 1am in the morning was due to her new afflicted form and the lack of sleep it required, but no, she was just like that. She considered it 'getting to bed at a good time' so long as she had fallen unconscious at the table before the sun came up, but now she didn't even have to worry about that!

Part of her brain was clearly starting to register her new state of being as a somewhat beneficial thing. Imagine all the time she could have saved throughout her life by never having to sleep or drink during her studying! All the books she could have read in that time! She still apparently needed to eat, though neither Luna or Celestia were aware of exactly what it was that she had to consume.

Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes quickly gave way to hours, yet Twilight did not stop her frenzied examination of the book. It had been a couple hours now, just past 3am, when 'something' finally startled her from her studying.

That 'something' having been a large scythe blade suddenly pierced through her chest.

She slowly turned around, (well, as far around as she could with her body pinned to the chair via stab wound,) and glanced backwards at what appeared to be a young foal. They were small, smaller than the crusaders, and covered head to hoof in a wispy black cloak. Despite their diminutive stature, they were gripping the scythe nearly triple their height with just their mouth.

Twilight blinked a few times. "Can... I help you?" She asked. How to be a Normal Functioning Member of Society didn't prepare her for this! Unless maybe the section on being mugged would be appropriate? No, that chapter specifically mentions knives and other short bladed weapons, not farming implements! Useless book!

The foal looked up with her in alarm, their hood falling off their head with the movement, revealing a young, white coated foal in a long black cloak. "Oh gosh." They said in a nervous voice. "It didn't work. Why didn't it work? It's never not worked!"

Twilight could only assume it was a young colt by the voice, though with children it was always so hard to tell. "Is something wrong?" The impaled mare asked patiently. She was used to dealing with foals, with the constant tutoring the CMC needed. Foals were easier to understand than most ponies, so they made surprisingly good company. Terrible conversationalists, though. Parents need to teach their children better if they don't even understand basic quantum-arcano theories.

The colt continued fretting. "Maybe if I try again?" He mumbled to himself, pulling the large scythe out and impaling it into a different part of Twilight's back. "Did it work this time?" He asked her.

Twilight blinked, looking down at the second puncture wound. Neither appeared to be bleeding, perhaps she was finally all coagulated. "Did what work?" She asked back at him.

"Darn!" He cursed, rubbing his eyes with his hooves. "Shoot! Crud!" He continued shouting out the worst swears most foals know. "I'm going to be in so much trouble." He whimpered, dropping the scythe to the floor with a heavy 'thunk' and sitting down, wrapping his forelegs around his knees and burying his face into his cloak.

Now, although the child had just stabbed her twice, clearly the existence of a crying colt was a much bigger deal that her large gaping wounds. Standing up from her seat, Twilight walked over to the little guy and say down beside him. "Are you okay?" She asked, silently thanking How to be a Normal Functioning Member of Society and apologizing to it. The book did, at least, have a chapter covering comforting crying ponies.

"You're dead." The colt whimpered.

"Yes, I am." Twilight replied helpfully.

"Then why didn't it work!" He shouted, staring up at her with watery eyes. Eyes, that she had just noticed, were lacking any form of iris or pupil. They were just bright white. Weird. Some sort of ocular disease, perhaps? "It's supposed to work when ponies are dead and aren't leaving their corpses! This is my job!" 

"Your job? What's your job?" She asked, gently patting the colt on the back.

"I'm Death." He replied, before going back to crying.
> Grin Reaper
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight awkwardly sat at the table in silence, with the still sniffling colt seated across from her. She had finally managed to get him up off the ground, and to stop crying. He was currently wiping his eyes on his now-damp cloak, while slowly taking small sips from the glass of juice she had given him. "So..." She attempted to start, scratching the back of her head. "You're Death."

"Yeah..." The colt responded awkwardly. He clearly was embarrassed from crying in front of a stranger like that, but she wasn't going to bully him for it. "I'm Death. Aspect of Death, if you want to use my full name. I'm in charge of making sure souls go to where they're supposed to go when ponies die."

"Shouldn't you have come like... days ago? I died like, on Tuesday." She asked, attempting to sip from the glass of water in front of her, only for the fluid to pour back out the open wounds on her back, leaving water stains on the chair behind her. Oh well, Spike could mop that up later when he woke up.

"I'm supposed to wait at least two days for the soul to pass on on its own. If it doesn't, I'm supposed to come down and take it There myself." He mumbled, taking another sip of his juice.

"There?" She inquired. "Where?"

"There." He replied.

"There." She parroted incredulously.

"You know... There. There. The place where souls go when people die. There!" He said, tilting his head to the side like an adorable puppy. "There."

"Oh! There!" Twilight nodded, while silently taking notes on a piece of paper under the table. At last, proof of an afterlife! She would write a paper on this and get so many research grants! Maybe she could go to There. And back again!

"That's my job... or at least, that's supposed to be my job. I'm still new, so I'm on probation for three centuries." The colt mumbled nervously. "I've only been doing this for a couple hundred years, I started back when the old Death finally retired. I can't believe I messed up during my probationary period. I'm so getting fired for this..." The colt was beginning to sound more and more like a nervous part-time new hire at Hayburger rather than the embodiment of a philosophical concept.

Twilight gently patted his head. "It's alright, it's not your fault. I did die, but I got better. I'm an undead now. A lich."

The colt scrunched his nose. "Undead? Lich?" He mumbled, flipping open a small binder that he pulled out from underneath his cloak. Squinting his eyes as he tried to read the words, he tilted his head back and forth. "Oh. That makes sense. Your soul isn't in your body right now. It's in your... uh... fill... feel.... filli..."

"Phylactery?" Twilight offered.

"Yeah." He said, nodding his head adorably. "Which means this is outside my job description. Which means I might not be fired!"

Twilight gave the young colt an encouraging smile. "Well there you go. That's good news, right?"

The colt grinned and took a big celebratory swig of his juice. "Yeah! If I messed up like that in my first three centuries, my big brother and sister would tease me forever! They said I was too young and immature for this job, but that's wrong!"

Twilight chose not to remind him of the fact that he had just cried a tantrum on the floor of his client. "Yeah! You did a good job!" She said, ruffling his mane. "So you have siblings?"

He nodded. "Yeah, big brother Pain, and big sister Disease. They're twins. They pick on me a lot." Twilight's eye twitched.

"I'm guessing they are also... aspects, I think you called yourself?" She inquired, leaning in slightly. "How many of you are there?"

"Oh, I don't know. A whole bunch. We only have a family get together once every decade or so. Last time it happened, uncle Discord spiked the punch, so I didn't get to drink anything but water."

Twilight's eye twitching intensified. "Excuse me? 'Uncle' Discord?"

Death perked up. "Yeah! You know him?"

"We're acquainted. He didn't mention he had family." She muttered with an uneasy smile, mentally categorizing all the things she would interrogate that draconequus about later.

"Huh. Weird." The foal said with a shrug, finishing off his cup. "This is really good juice. Where did you say you got it?"

"Sweet Apple Acres. My friend's family owns it." Twilight offered. How to be a Normal Functioning Member of Society always said you should support your friends occupation when you get a chance. "Do you want another cup?"

"Yes please!"





Twilight handed the colt a paper bag of sandwiches and a SAA branded juicebox and waved him off as he walked out of her castle. He turned back and smiled, calling out to her as he waved back. "Thanks, Ms. Sparkle!  You're the best!"

"No problem!" She called back. "Walk home safely!"

"I will!" He shouted, taking a sip from his juice box.

Moments later, a massive fiery hole opened up underneath him. Pained, agonized screams called out around him as he sank down into the ground, leaving a perfect circle of charred grass where he had just been standing. Luckily, it was on some other pony's lawn, so she didn't have to deal with the landscaping required to clean that up. Or rather, Spike didn't have to deal with it.

Speaking of which, Spike had just began walking down the stairs as the colt disappeared, rubbed his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. "Who was that you were talking to this early in the morning?" He mumbled, noticing the large water stain beside Twilight's chair and walking off to get a mop. "It didn't sound like anypony in town I know."

"Oh, that was Death." Twilight replied, walking back into the castle with a smile as she sat herself down and went back to attempting to decipher the book. 

The sound of a mop dropping to the floor and a drake's confused shout rang through Ponyville early that morning.
> Nothing is Guaranteed in Life...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike sipped his coffee slowly as he sat across from Twilight, glancing at her every now and then. He was used to her looking frazzled, but today she seemed even more out-of-sorts than usual. Possibly a 7.3/10 on the Twilight Freakout Scale. As happy as he would be to not get involved (read: not have more problems to clean up) he couldn't just leave his undead guardian sitting there. "What's got you so wound up, Twilight?" He asked, crossing his fingers that whatever she said would not be his problem.

"I missed the tax submission deadline!" She shouted back, scrambling to read through a table of crunched up receipts, unsorted reports, and crumpled tax forms. "With my death, and funeral, and everything... it completely slipped my mind! This is bad Spike. Really bad."

Spike blinked a few times. "So? Just don't pay them."

Twilight glared at him. "I can't do that! It doesn't matter if I'm a princess, I'll still go to Tartarus! Or the moon! Or kindergarten! The law clearly states that all creature of adult age living in Equestria have to pay their yearly taxes based on income and expenses!"

Spike took a long sip from his coffee. "Yeah, exactly. You don't have to pay them."

Twilight glanced at him in confusion... before a wide grin began to grow on her face.





Penny Pincher hammered on the castle doors, huffing to herself. She did not have time to deal with this, even if this was her job. She had better things to deal with than some annoying new princess that thought herself too good for taxes. Twilight owned property, and she made an income, and that meant she had to cough up what was due.

As she waited to be let into the castle, she glanced at her reflection in the reflective walls of the building. The uniform she wore was of the utmost quality, which was expected, considering the PRS (Pony Revenue Service) was the best funded department of the Equestrian diarchy. As they should be, considering how lackadaisical most ponies were when it came to paying their taxes on time. It was like they expected the entire country to be run on just the magic of friendship, without realizing the mountains of bits it took to maintain it. And if a sizable cut off those bits went to the hard working folks at the PRS, why that was just the icing on the cake.

Eventually, the crystalline gate began to slowly swing inwards. Adjusting her tie, Penny Pincher strode into the castle as if she already owned the place. Effectively, she did. The amount of power the PRS had was incredible. The head of the department, Mr. Bean Counter himself, was arguably more powerful than even Celestia.

Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, waiting for her, was the upstart princess herself. Penny Pincher felt a strange twinge of worry overtake her as she approached the alicorn. Most ponies trembled slightly whenever an PRS agent was in the same room as them, it was ingrained in their very DNA... but this pony was leaning nonchalantly against a wall, a small smile on her face. Perhaps the greenhorn princess was too clueless to realize just who she was dealing with. "Good morning!" The annoyance called out to her.

"Yes, yes. Good morning, indeed. My name is Penny Pincher, I'm a member of the PRS, and I am here to inquire as to the status of this year's tax payment. Considering the large amount of territory taken up by your castle, as well as your yearly stipend, a sizable sum should have been paid a week ago, and yet we have not received a single bit."

Somehow, Twilight was still standing there with the same unworried smile. "I can proudly state that there is not a single bit left that I am due to pay this season."

Penny Pincher narrowed her eyes and a sneer grew on her face. "Do you understand the severity of your actions here, Ms. Sparkle? If you do not intend to pay, you risk a lot more than just your bits."

Twilight just shook her head. "I already told you, I'm not required to pay anything. Can I help you with anything else?"

Penny Pincher just let out a somewhat animalistic growl and trotted away. She'd have to bring the higher ups for this. And muscle. A lot of muscle.





Twilight was sipping tea when she heard the hard thumping at the door for the second time this week. Sighing, she walked over and manually opened the gate, glancing out at the tax collecting mare now surrounded by an entire platoon of guards. Standing beside the mare this time, was a lanky middle aged stallion in what was quite possibly the ugliest suit Twilight had ever seen.

Penny Pincher was looking unreasonably smug, but Twilight only faced her with a look of deadpan nonchalance. The stallion beside Penny cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Ms. Sparkle, my name is Bean Counter. I'm sure you are aware of the reason for our visit today. Are you prepared to submit the requisite taxes?" His voice was dull and dreary, reminding her of the sound of fresh gravel being poured on a road.

Twilight just huffed. "Honestly, at this point it might have been less effort to just pay the late fees. But no, I will not be paying any taxes today. I would like to request the use of Quickhorn's Verification Field." She replied, a small smile appearing on her face. 

Everypony had the legal right to request to testify under the effects of Quickhorn's Verification Field when interrogated by a governmental body. The spell was originally invented by a stallion who was quite certain that his wife was having an affair. It would cause a projected field to glow green or red, depending on if the last statement spoken inside it was factual truth. Quickhorn unfortunately found out his wife was not, in fact, cheating on him, but still got the divorce he wanted when the field caused his own infidelity to come to light. Poor stallion was never able to walk again, once his wife was done with him.

Bean Counter blinked in surprise, before shrugging. He spoke to one of the unicorns in the platoon of guards, motioning for them to cast the spell. A moment later, a translucent bubble surrounded all of the ponies, pulsating with a gentle white light.

Twilight smiled, stepped forward, and spoke confidently and plainly. "I do not owe the PRS any bits." The field glowed a bright green in response. The are around her instantly grew silent enough that the sound of Spike scraping burn marks off a cast iron pan in the distant kitchen could be heard.

A moment later, Penny Pincher regrew her composure. "What?!" She shouted, stomping her hoof. "How? She hasn't paid a single bit in over a year! She must have cheated the spell!" The field glowed red in response to her accusation, further angering the irate tax collector.

Bean Counter only quirked an eyebrow, speaking in his monotone. "Ms. Sparkle. Why do you believe that you do not owe any bits?"

Twilight grinned in response, pulling out a legal tome larger than one of the guards. The full Equestrian tax code, in its entirety, written in double sided, single spaced, 8pt font. "According to section 3, paragraph 2 of the code, these laws apply to all creatures of adult age living in Equestria. I am not living in Equestria anymore, so you have no authority over me"

The stallion let out a sigh. This wouldn't be the first mare who thought claiming to live in another country could prevent her from paying taxes, and certainly wouldn't be the last. "Then where, pray tell, are you living Ms. Sparkle?"

"I'm not." She replied with a smirk.

"You're not what?"

"Living." She replied, before slamming the door on him. 

Penny Pincher let out a noise halfway between a startled dog and a dying foal, making a move to kick the door down and chase after her, only to be stopped by Bean Counter. "Well, I guess that's that." He spoke with a bored tone, pulling the mare away with him as she screamed at the castle.
> Family Matters
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey Twilight?” Spike asked, poking his head through the door to her study.

“The answer is still no, Spike.” Replied the pony inside who was rapidly jotting down something with a quill onto parchment.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask this time!” He called back with a huff, stomping into the room.

“I’m not turning you into a giant undead skeletal dragon.” She replied in monotone without even glancing up from her writing. The dragon raised a finger to interrupt, only for Twilight to continue. “I’m also not summoning you any undead minions to command.” Spike pouted and kicked a nearby stool, crossing his arms. After the moment of teenage angst, he let out a sigh and walked over to her desk, attempting to glance over her shoulder only to remember that he was about a meter shorter than her when she was sitting on a stool.

“What are you even writing?” He asked, pulling a nearby chair over and hoisting himself up onto it. She appeared to have four different copies of the exact same document. “Letters?”

“I realized I hadn’t let my parents or Shiny know I was quasi-alive again. I thought it would probably be a good idea to let them know sooner rather than later.” She mumbled as she tucked each letter into a carefully folded envelope. Handing the papers to Spike, he grumbled and sent them off to their recipients with a burst of emerald green dragon fire. 

“Didn’t you come back from the dead like, more than a week ago?” He noted once the letters had already travelled off in separate trails of smoke, quirking his head to the side. “I think you probably should have let them know a bit sooner.”

“Considering that the first few days of my unlife consisted of me crashing my own wake, consoling my friends over my own death, and having my head forcibly removed with an axe, I’ve had a lot to deal with.” Twilight grumbled in response.

“Wait, somepony cut your head off?” He inquired, poking at Twilight’s neck with his claws until she slapped his hand away with her hoof.

“Luna is not a morning person. I got better though.”

“That’s so cool! If you lose your head again, can you show me what the inside of your neck looks like?” He inquired, perking up as his young teenage mind took hold.

“Maybe for your birthday.” Twilight replied, before pulling out a stack of paperwork and returning to her duties.





Twilight withered slightly underneath the stare of the stallion looking down at her. Normally she wouldn’t be particularly worried about facing up against any pony, even if they were a former member of law enforcement. She had enough raw thaumic power, and fine enough control, to rearrange the very neurons in a pony’s brain and send them straight into a catatonic state. Unfortunately, the stallion she was facing off with wasn’t just any pony.

“Twily. Really.” Her brother sighed, rubbing his temples as if to relieve the ever-growing migraine pounding through his skull.

“Look, I already told you this whole thing was an accident! I didn’t mean to do this to myself.” She grumbled back at him, before shrinking at his deadpan glare.

“As worried as I am about the whole ‘not-actually-dead’ thing, that’s not why I’m upset. You rose from the dead over a week ago, and you never thought to let your family know that you had come back until today? I’m hurt.”

“Wait, didn’t you forget to tell me that you were marrying Cadence for over a year, and only let me know a few days before the wedding?” Twilight shot back, slamming her hooves on the table.

Cadence suppressed a laugh by daintily clearing her throat. “She’s got a point, Shiny.”

“N-no! No she doesn’t. This is different. I just forgot to tell her, I was under a lot of pressure with the wedding and the invasion and everything!” He argued back, avoiding eye contact with either mare.

“I was under pressure too. About six feet of it.” Twilight ‘Snarkle’ snarked back. “And it only took me a week to send you a message despite having just died. Much less than the year it took you.”

“Yeah? Well I… uh… Still! You’re not getting off the hook that easily!” He stammered, trying to regain control of the situation.

Cadence suppressed another laugh before giving Twilight a wide smile. “He’s lying. That’s not why he’s upset.”

Twilight only blinked in response before glancing over at Shining Armor. For some reason, his entire face had gone pale white, which was impressive considering his already ivory coat. “H-hey now Cady. Let’s not get off topic here. She’s the one in trouble, so let’s focus on her. My motives have nothing to do with-”

Cadence’s smile widened into a smirk. “He’s actually just jealous. He’s been reading this foal’s book series-“

“Young adult series! Not foals! It was written for young adults!” He shot back, his cheeks beginning to turn pink from embarrassment.

“As I said, foal’s book series. It has this villain he really likes who’s this necromancer, and he’s been working on his costume-“

“Cosplay!”

“-on his cosplay for weeks now. And you just went and became an actual undead. He was fuming the entire train ride here. Constantly complaining about how unfair it was.” She spoke with a wide grin, before breaking into guffaws.

“Oh really?” Twilight asked, narrowing her eyes at her brother. “So this whole lecture you’ve been giving me is because you’re jealous?”

“Uh… well…” He stammered in response, looking at his wife out of desperation. She refused to meet his eye and was whistling nonchalantly while staring out the window.

“Shiny!” Twilight growled, stomping the ground.

“Okay, but Edgeblood von Deathscythe is a really cool character with a deep and interesting backstory!” Shining Armor yelled back before stomping out of the room.

Cadence fell off her stool laughing as Twilight leapt down from her seat to chase after him.
> Bite to Eat
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight cringed whenever she heard the noise she had been fearing for nearly a week now: Her stomach grumbling. She knew eventually she would have to eat… whatever it was liches ate. She was just hoping she would have more time to figure out what that thing was. She was unable to consume anything she tried, and she tried nearly everything. Neither grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy, or eggs could settle her slowly aggravating stomach, or slow the weakening she could feel in her body. She even managed to try a bit of meat and fish that Fluttershy kept saved for some of her more predatory pets, only to the same inedible result. 

She could tell her time was running short, every day her appearance grew more and more corpse like as her body began to waste away. Splotches of fur were beginning to fall out, showing her skin that had begun to dry and decay. The smell of her own rotting flesh was barely held at bay by constant showers and practically bathing herself in perfume she had borrowed from Rarity. She needed to find out what a lich consumed, and quickly, or they would have to hold a second funeral pretty soon, and Pinkie’s finances likely wouldn’t survive two best-friend’s death related celebrations in a month.

Gritting her teeth, she looked out the window at the moonlight dusted village that had been her home for the past few years. The town was silent at night, yet had a serene beauty to it that called to her. Perhaps a walk in the shadows would set her mind at ease enough for her to puzzle out a solution.

Stepping quietly as to not disturb the sleeping lizard in her house, she tiptoed out the door and into the gravel-paved road that lead to the main street (ironically, named Mane Street). The sound of the gentle stream running through town and the odd noises of insects, nightfowl, nightfowls eating insects, and giant everfree insects that ate nightfowl, were the only sounds audible to her ears.

As she walked along the road she took a deep breath, allowing the crisp night air to fill her non-functional lungs, only to stop in her tracks. She tasted something on the wind. Something good.

She began to slowly walk towards the strange flavour, before breaking into a sprint as the scent and taste grew stronger and stronger. It was a rich and hearty flavour like that of a warm soup on a cold winter’s day, though she couldn’t pick apart any of the ingredients that seemed to make up the aroma. 

As she grew closer she realized she was approaching Fluttershy’s cottage, and by this point there was no turning back. Whatever this delicious smelling thing was, she had to eat it. She was starving, she wanted it, she needed it.

Noticing that the cottage lights were still on, she rapidly knocked on the cottage door, wiping some of the drool from her mouth as she impatiently waited for the shy pegasus to let her in.

“Twilight? What are you doing here?” Fluttershy murmured as she opened the door a crack. Her voice was shaky… well, shakier than usual. The fur on her face was stained and matted with tears, and her eyes were red and puffy like she had just been crying. Wiping her eyes, the pegasus glanced at Twilight’s rather… frenzied expression. “It’s… really not a good time for a social visit.”

“I know, Fluttershy, but I really need to come inside. I’m starving and something smells absolutely delicious!” The librarian lich said in response, pushing the befuddled mare aside as she made her way into the cottage. “Were you having a late night dinner or something?”

Fluttershy blinked in confusion. Delicious? The entire cottage smelled like medicine and chemicals. How on Equus was that suppose to be ‘Delicious’? “Um… no. I was just… taking care of a friend. He’s really sick and doesn’t have much longer.”

Twilight was not paying any attention, following her nose and mouth towards the tantalizing scent. Her olfactory senses quickly lead her to a miniature hospital bed, like something out of a doll house. Laying in the tiny mattress was an even tinier squirrel hooked up to what was likely the worlds smallest IV bag. The squirrel’s eyes were barely open, and one didn’t need to be a vet to see how sick the poor critter was.

Fluttershy walked over and sat back down next to the squirrel. “Um… this is Stu. He’s… not going to be alive much longer. I was just keeping him company… in his final moments.”

Twilight, still, was not paying any attention. She was only staring down at the little creature. The squirrel clearly wouldn’t be edible for her… but why did it smell so good? Her thoughts were only broken by the sound of the tiny AKG (arcanocardiogram) attached to the squirrel. It had been beeping consistently for the past minute or so, but the rate was beginning to slow down. Each beep and pulse on the screen was slower than the last as the squirrel’s breaths grew more and more shallow, until finally… it stopped, letting out a low, long beep like a deflating balloon. Fluttershy stifled a sob as the squirrel slumped in its tiny bed, and all went quiet.

Twilight stared in awe as moments later, a glowing blue silhouette began to envelope the squirrel. It continued to form and grow brighter as the translucent squirrel-shaped figure rose up out of the departed rodent and began to float in the air. She had never seen anything like it before, and as Fluttershy was busy crying into her hooves, she assumed she was the only one who could see it. It might have been the most beautiful thing Twilight had ever seen.

So naturally, she leaned forward and took a huge bite out of it.

Instantly, her senses went wild. Energy filled every part of her body; the bottoms of her hooves to the tip of her horn felt stronger and healthier than ever before, even compared to when she was alive. She had never felt this good before, this strong, this powerful, this right. The feeling was intoxicating.

That was until she heard a small voice from the doorway behind her, coming from a young colt in a black cloak.

“Um… Miss Sparkle?”
> Soul Bound
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took buying the young(?) colt the super extra-large sundae deluxe supreme (premium edition) at Sugarcube Corner before he stopped panicking. Luckily, Pinkie seemed to have noticed how grave the situation was, pun intended, and had cleared out the bakery of all its usual customers. Yes, they had 'usual customers' at 4am in the morning.

"So..." Death spoke, taking another bite from the scoop of Chocoholic Crunch that sat halfway up the 27-flavor sundae in his bowl. "You eat souls. And... you still have a little on your mouth, right there."

Twilight blushed, wiping off a tiny bit of ectoplasm stuck to her mouth. "That appears to be the case." She replied, examining her rejuvenated hooves. "Is that going to be a problem, the whole soul eating? I was mostly running on instincts at that point, hadn't had a bite to eat in weeks."

Death shrugged, now biting into a scoop of Honey'd Almond Haze. "I honestly don't know. This goes so far above my paygrade, that I have no clue if you're in trouble, if I'm in trouble, or what. I'm going to have to call it in to figure out exactly how bad this is."

Twilight nodded slowly. "Call in to who? Is there like... some bigger death? Or a council of deaths? I have no idea how the structure of your job looks like."

He shook his head in response. "No, I'm practically self-managed. Only person I answer to at my job is Reality themselves, and they don't really bother with the day-to-day stuff... though they can be grumpy if you catch them at a bad time, so I probably won't bring this up with them. Nah, I'll probably just bug Disease until she tells me what I should do. She's got a pretty good head on her shoulders, unlike Pain. He's a total slacker."

Twilight raised her eyebrows slightly. It seemed the natural aspects of the world also had a sibling hierarchy. "This goes way above your paygrade, but there is no one above your paygrade who can help? Why does your job feel more and more mundane and tedius the more I hear about it?" Twilight asked with a sigh.

"Even the Aspects of the world can't defeat bureaucracy." Replied the small colt, looking around for any more White Chocolate Whiteout in his bowl.

Twilight gently lifted a napkin down and wiped some of the ice cream off his face. "Okay, but... what were you doing there at Fluttershy's anyway? I thought you didn't show up right when creatures die, only if their souls remain floating around for too long. Stu died while I was there, so his soul couldn't have been out for more than a few minutes when you showed up."

The colt blinks in slight confusion, tilting his head to the side. "Stu...? Oh! You mean the squirrel. No, I wasn't there for him. I pop into places where lots of animals die quite frequently, it's one of the big things my job involves."

"That's... really kind of dark. And not how I want to think about one of my best friend's cottages." The lich remarked. "But why animals specifically? I'd think you'd have more problems with ponies refusing to pass on.

"For some reason, pets have a habit of not realizing they're dead, and hanging around their owners for far longer than they should. It's really kind of sad, actually." He replied with a distant expression.

Twilight just blinks at him a few times. "Yeah, that is depressing. Also, isn't there like, several movies about that exact plot?"

The colt shrugs again. "Sometimes life imitates art." He said around a massive mouthful of Pistachio Pizazz.





Once the colt had finished licking the bowl of the last trace of Cinnamon Sin, she walked him out of the store. "So, just to double check, you're not upset with me? Isn't taking souls to their resting place... sort of your job?"

Death blinked at her, before laughing. "Nah, as far as I'm concerned, you're good. My job is just to make sure souls don't hang around in the living realm. Whether they pass on or not isn't in my job description. That's why I have to ask someone else to figure out if there is some other problem. I'm not really well versed on whole soul-cycle thing."

Twilight just shrugged and nodded. "I guess that makes sense? So... are you going to head off now? I can walk you to... uh... wherever you need to go before you can do that whole fiery-portal thing."

"Uh, I'm not sure. I can go back There any time by going to a nearby bend in the barrier between realms... but I didn't really have any other assignments for today, so I have the rest of the day off. I don't really know what I should do." He idly kicked a pebble down the road as he walked beside her. "Do you mind if I just follow you around?"

She gave him a gentle smile. "That's fine by me. I'm sure we can find something to-"

"Twilight!" Her comforting words were interrupted by an excruciatingly familiar country twang.

"Applejack?" She questioned, seeing the pony running up to her in the dark.

"Twilight, Granny just broke her hip bad and I need to take her to Canterlot quick. I'd ask Mac, but he's out in Appleloosa. Can you please take care of the crusaders? They're having a sleepover in the barn." The farm pony practically begged her, her entire body leaning away as if to make a mad dash for the train station at any moment.

Twilight blinked a few times in response. "Um... sure?"

Applejack sprinted off with a shouted "Thanks!", not even turning around to look at Twilight as she made a rush for the train station.

The lich just sighed as she watched the farmer sprint away, shaking her head. "Well, if you're not planning to head back any time soon, want to come with? You can hang out with some ponies you're own age... er... well... you know what I mean."

Death scrunches his nose. "Are they girls?" Twilight nods in response. "Ew. Cooties."
> Eternal Slumber… Party
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is too!” Sweetie Belle shouted, poking Scootaloo in the snout.

“Is not!” The orange filly replied, like a very mature pony would. This argument had being going on for nearly half an hour now, and had the house beside them not been empty, they would have had an irate older sister and brother slamming on the door and yelling them to go the buck to sleep.

“Can you y’all both be quiet!” A third filly, Applebloom, complained towards the two of them, causing the arguing girls to grumpily cross their forelegs and sit down on the ground. “When I said we should talk about colts, I did not want to start an argument!”

“But her tastes are bad!” Scootaloo called back, causing Sweetie Belle’s fur to stand on end like a cat. She even hissed like one too!

“Well I’m sorry that your interests only extend as far as colts that shop at Warm Subject!” The small unicorn shouted back.

“At least the colts I like have roughness and mystery to them! You just want a crybaby!” The petite pegasus fired in response.

Applebloom just let out an exasperated groan. Everypony said that at slumber parties, they were supposed to talk about colts, but nopony warned her it would ignite such a stupid argument.

“They’re not crybabies!” Sweetie Belle whined, stomping her little hoof. “Just because a colt is kind and actually shows emotions, doesn’t make them a wimp!”

“Nice colts finish last!” Scootaloo shouted back, causing the room to descend into silence. The two fillies remained silently huffing at each other for a good few minutes, staring at one another with livid gazes before they both simultaneously turned to Applebloom.

“Uh… girls?” The small farmpony asked nervously, eying the door.

“You haven’t told us what kind of colts you like yet.” Sweetie Belle replied in a low voice.

“Yeah, c’mon! Don’t hold out on us!” Scootaloo growled.

“Uh… well…” She swallowed her nerves down and went for a diplomatic response. “I think we’re still a bit too young to think of colts like this… But… Sis always told me I should get a hardworking colt with a steady job.”

Sweetie Belle blinked. “That’s… it? That’s not a romantic interest! That’s a plan for financial stability in our failing economy!”

Scootaloo blinked and placed her hoof on her chin. “Actually… my aunts always said being able to afford a house is a fantasy for my generation… so why not a romantic one! You know what, that’s a good idea, Bloom.”

“Thanks! I think I’d want to go for a colt who’s studying to become an accountant or a mortician. Always jobs for those. Y’know, death and taxes. Either that or a colt who knows his way around farm equipment.”

Sweetie Belle only frowned in response. “You two are depressing.”





“So, who are we going to play with?” The young colt asked as he trotted beside Twilight, taking in the sights of the slowly waking country town.

“A group of fillies, little sisters to some of my best friends. They’re a pretty hyper trio, always shouting and running and trying to earn their cutie marks. They even made a club about it, calling themselves ‘Crusaders’.”

The embodiment of death gasped and clapped his hooves together. “You don’t mean the Cutie Mark Crusaders, do you?”

Twilight blinked in confusion and felt a trickle of cold sweat run down her forehead. This couldn’t be good. “You… know about them?”

The aspect gave a childlike laugh and nodded. “Of course! We’ve got a running bet on how long it’ll be until one of their accidents takes a life! The smart money is on five years, at least that’s what big sis says.”

The princess only frowned in response as she made a mental note to hire a security detail for the young girls. They were possibly more of a danger to themselves and society than even she realized.  After a few more minutes of walking, they turned onto the farm property proper, they early morning sun casting the grass and endless hills of trees a honey-gold hue. “Now, the girls will still be asleep, but I’m going to take a quick peek to make sure they’re okay. You can play with them once they wake up. I’ll make you all breakfast then.”

Death pouted adorably. “Fine.” He grumbled. “But they better wake up pretty soon!”

Twilight just smiled and rolled her eyes, pushing open the door to the barn.





“There’s not really any point in us arguing about this.” Applebloom said with a slight yawn. “This town is almost all mares. The chance of a single colt our age suddenly showing up is next to impossible.”

“Yeah…” Sweetie said with a grumble. “I should probably see if Button wants to get back together again.”

“How many times have you guys broken up now?” Scootaloo inquired, tilting her head to the side.

“This week, or in total?” Sweetie asked.

Suddenly, the door to the barn slowly creaked open, and the girls squinted in the sudden bright amber light that flooded the previously candle-lit barn. As they stared into the blinding glow, their eyes matched with Twilight’s own as she glanced down at the girls and gave them a reproachful glare. “I’m pretty sure you girls were supposed to be asleep by midnight.”

The fillies glanced around for an excuse while Sweetie Belle gave her biggest, most innocent smile. “Oh, we were! But, we woke up when Granny hurt her hip, and we couldn’t get back to sleep after! We were just so worried about her!” She lied perfectly.

“Yeah, it was super scary and stuff!” Scootaloo shouted out in false agreement. 

“We were up since then talking about how worried we were, and making plans to go visit her!” Sweetie completed the fib.

As their eyes finally adjusted to the glaring morning sun, their gazes all locked on a small figure standing next to Twilight’s tall form. It appeared to be a small earthpony colt with bright white fur, pitch black hair-ruffled adorably, and for some reason, swaddled in a ragged black cloak with a billowing hood coiled around his withers. The massive scythe leaning against his side only added to the confusing picture.

“Dibs!” Scootaloo shouted out before the other girls could react.

“Aw, horseapples.” Applebloom cursed.
> A Talk Overdue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight let out a long exhale as she sat herself down at her dining room table. Despite no longer requiring sleep, she was feeling exhausted beyond belief. As much as she liked foals, taking care of three (or maybe four?) of them for that many hours in a row took an extreme amount of energy; Even fighting Tirek seemed easier at times. 

It was immediately apparent that Applebloom and Scootaloo had a crush on the poor colt at first sight. The fillies were of course amazed when he was introduced as Death, but after he began to shyly greet them, something piqued Sweetie Belle's infatuation as well.

Twilight had to admit, watching Death being absolutely clueless towards the three fillies' crushes was adorable. At times like those, when he wasn't actively trying to guide souls to There, she could even convince herself he was another innocent colt. He did, of course, eventually catch on to the girls' intentions, and had to let them off with a gentle 'I don't date clients' speech. Unfortunately, that seemed to have only made the fillies fancy him more, leading to what appeared to be a contest between the three of them. They reasoned that once they were dead, he'd be fair game, so they seemed to intend to wait for him for their entire lives. Twilight was fairly certain they'd give up in a week.

Pushing thoughts of schoolfilly crushes aside, she opened the strange leather-bound book back up and went back to work... not that she had really accomplished anything in deciphering it since she had first cast the spell. There were no other runic matrices visible in the book, and the rest of the text was still nothing but 'gobbledygook', as Pinkie would put it. Twilight wasn't sure where the baker had gotten that term from, but it seemed appropriate.

It wasn't even just that the words were too archaic or grammar too esoteric, the letters themselves didn't make sense. While not fluent with every language, Twilight was pretty confident in recognizing the scripts of the different languages across Equus. The strange loops and rigid angles of the bizarre symbols looked like nothing she had seen before. She even tried comparing it to ancient Abyssinian, to no avail. Trying to translate such a language with no start point was nigh impossible.

Another scrunched up bit of parchment hit the wastepaper basket as she started once more, trying to rethink the problem and approach from another angle, despite the doubt and futility of the situation constantly nagging the back of her mind.

At some point, Spike came by with her usual cup of tea, placing it on the table. She didn't have it in her to remind him she could no longer drink, so she just thanked him and continued her Sisyphean task.

"Maybe it's some sort of cipher mechanism?" She mumbled to herself. "But it that's the case, it'll take years to figure out what language it's a cipher for. Maybe I could figure it out by averaging word length, and comparing it to the averages for other languages?"

"Brilliant." Came a sarcastic voice from beside her, startling her out of her concentration. Her vision was quickly filled by the sight of a long-necked creature with bright yellow eyes and even brighter red pupils. "Taking inspiration from puzzles on the back of cereal boxes now, are we?"

"Discord." Twilight hissed in response, not needing to say anything other than his name to make her annoyance abundantly clear.

"Oh good, you remembered my name! After all the time you spent with my nephew, I was afraid you'd forgotten about me. I was so terribly alone, you know." He purred in response, swirling his serpentine body around her chair legs. "Though, I guess I can't blame you for being upset. I forgot to come to your 'Welcome to Immortality' party after all. I didn't even get you a gift! How could I be so thoughtless towards my good friend?"

Twilight sighed and looked away from him, going back to her work to try and tune him out.

"Oh come now, Twilight. Don't you know it's rude to ignore company? I'm pretty sure that's quite 'unfriendly' of you, when I came all this way just to offer my help." He said, somehow phasing his head through her notes, blocking her vision.

"Go away, Discord. I'm busy."

"Ah yes, busy, busy. Busy trying to fill your trash can with paper balls, more like. I didn't know you were practicing for the Ponyville basketball league." With a snap of his fingers, her trashcan quickly levitated up near the ceiling. Grabbing her current notes, he rolled them into a ball and swooshed them through the basket, a very compressed and digital sounding fanfare accompanying the motion. A chorus of tiny Discords on her desk in even tinier little cheerleading outfits waved their pom-poms and did a routine. Twilight wasn't amused. "Oh come on, don't give me that look. You and I both know the latest straw you were blindly grasping for was just as anemic as all the others. But don't worry, your best friend Discord is here to help!"

Twilight continued to give him an annoyed glare for a few more moments before finally letting out a sigh and rubbing her temples with her hooves. "Okay, Discord. Fine." She pushed her chair away from the table and turned to look at the chimeric being. "What did you need to tell me?

Discord crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "How friendly of you. Do you know how rarely I actually try to be helpful to people? This is extremely out of character for me. I'll get so much flak for this."

The princess just made a 'get on with it' motion with her hoof while continuing to stare at him.

"Ugh, fine. Fine. I won't even be cryptic with it. I'll just tell it to you straight, though I'm amazed you yourself haven't noticed it. Its been what, a month since you turned? And you still haven't realized it? I assume it's your brain hiding the truth from you. Protecting itself from trauma, you'd probably say, if you had some fancy-smancy degree. It's even crazier considering you're the Element of Magic and everything."

Twilight blinked in slight confusion. "And what, pray tell, haven't I notice?"

Discord leaned in and spoke in a quiet, surprisingly concerned tone. "Twilight, when was the last time you actually used your magic? Because I'm fairly certain you haven't used even a single spell in over a month."





Only once Twilight had finished hyperventilating into a bag helpfully supplied by Spike was she able to talk. Of course, her voice was rather scratchy from the terrified screams she had let out, which had drawn the drake's attention in the first place.

Discord, surprisingly enough, had sat beside her and patted her gently on the shoulder throughout her entire panic attack. Whether it was from Fluttershy's constant 'Being a Good Person' lessons, or because he actually was worried about her, it was still... surprisingly nice of him to do.

"Thanks..." She croaked out, taking the glass of water from Spike. She wasn't sure which one of them she was thanking, but the fact the Spike responded with a smile, and Discord didn't respond at all, implied that they all assumed she was referring to the dragon. "How... did I not notice? I can't even feel my magic..."

Discord grimaced slightly. "Like I said, your brain likely couldn't handle the concept of not having access to your magic. So it distracted you from that."

Twilight nodded slowly, drinking from the glass of water held shakily between both hooves. She didn't trust herself not to drop it if she only used one. "So... why can't I use my magic? I thought my whole body was magic now, shouldn't it be easier to cast spells?"

Discord huffed and stared at the ceiling. The ceiling grew a small pair of eyes and stared back, so he looked away as to not be rude. "Yes, and no. Your body is filled with magic, and is capable of quite immense spellcraft now. But... you're dead. Your tissue is necrotic, your blood vessels are clogging, your signs are flat, your humours are unbalanced, whatever you want to say. The only reason your body isn't completely rotting away is the magic constantly rejuvenating your tissues. It can't, however, keep this working." He tapped her horn with one talon. "As I'm sure you know, the horn is the one body part we can't properly regrow or make prosthesis for, no matter how powerful the healing spell we cast. You probably have a better idea of why that is than me, not that anyone's fully sure of the reason yet. The point is, this little protrusion on your forehead is now about as useful as a doorknob when it comes to casting spells."

Twilight stared at the table for a while. "So... I can't use magic anymore? I'll never cast spells again?

Discord grumbles and crossed his arms. "Well, it's not impossible. Most species are capable of channeling magic of some kind without horns. Zebras can imbue plants with arcane energies for use in witchcraft, merponies can create enchantments using their voice, even changelings can do their little transformation trick without using their horns. You just have to use the magic your biology is designed to use."

Twilight grimaced. "But I'm an Alicorn, so I guess I still have Pegasus and Earth Pony magic. Great. That's not really casting spells though, Discord."

The deity just gave her a wink. "You're not just an Alicorn anymore though, are you?"
> Figuring it Out
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight grimaced around the taste of chalk in her mouth as she glanced once more over the large circle, squinting her gaze at each little squiggle and marking of the countless runes dotting the outside. She didn't have a lot of practice with Furthark Runes, having previously considered them little more than an ancient and obsolete writing system. She wasn't really sure how these sharp-edged squiggles were supposed to do anything, but her rather annoying 'assistant' insisted that they were an important part of the process. "How about now?" The lich-in-training grumbled, looking up to the lazing draconequus in the hammock nearby.

Discord yawns and stretching, pulling off his thick black sunglasses and putting down his magazine to glance at her work. "Eh... your Othala is still a bit lopsided... but I suppose it's good enough. Now you just have to wiggle your little hooves and say the funky words and shazam! Ritual complete."

"And tell me again..." Twilight drawled, spitting the piece of chalk out of her mouth and swigging some water to try and get the taste out. "...why we're trying to summon someone's spirit?"

Discord shrugged in response and cricked his neck. "Well, I can't be here to babysit you the entire time, and you don't have enough knowledge or control of your powers to read through that little book of yours on your own. We need to get you an actual necromancer as a teacher, but all of them are a tiny bit dead. Luckily, this ritual is pretty easy to perform, you don't even have to be a necromancer or lich to pull it off! It only requires that you yourself had been the person to kill the pony you're trying to speak to, and that you're not afraid to get your hooves dirty. Luckily, you meet both those requirements!"

Twilight grimaced. "I didn't kill him! I just... sort of intentionally caused his destruction. That's not the same thing!"

"It kinda is." Discord replied, polishing his fingernails with sandpaper. "But your crumbling sense of morality aside, you should be all good to start. I do have tea with Fluttershy in an hour, so if we could hurry this up that would be appreciated."

The lich only huffed in response and turned back to the circle, poking it gentle with her hoof. "So how do I... uh... make it go?"

Discord snapped his fingers and a very surprised and upset chicken appeared before Twilght, along with a knife.





Death groaned as he sat at his desk filling out more paperwork. Honestly, actually going up and dealing with the souls of dead creatures was the easy part of the job. Why he had to fill out forms in triplicate for every wayward soul he guided was anyone's guess. He didn't even know who was supposed to read them once they were filled!

Grumbling as he finished signing off on the death of some donkey who kept insisting that he was alive and had just taken a long nap, he smiled down at the almost completely processed inbox. He was almost done for today, and could finally rest. Maybe he'd even pay a visit to Miss Twilight! She always had the best snacks, and was always so nice to him. Maybe he should introduce her to his sibling some day. Pain and Sickness would probably like her a lot!

A sudden blinding flash of purple flame interrupted his daydreaming, the colt shielding his eyes with his hoof as a piece of paper exploded into existence in front of him before slowly drifting back and forth through the air, coming to rest on his desk atop all his other paperwork. Most of his documents had always been delivered by the soul of an unpaid intern that the previous death had conned into working for him for eternity, so the sight of the parchment appearing with such a spectacle of light and sound spooked the young colt.

Rubbing the spots from his eyes, he snatched the paper up and skimmed the parchment. "Imprisoned soul exchange application?" He asked with a grumble, pulling out his massive binder to cross-reference the document and see how to handle it. "Let's see... sponsor is... Twilight Sparkle..." He slumped and placed his hoof against his forehead. Why did that mare have to make his job so complicated. He didn't even bother to read the rest of the document, imprinting it with an ink-covered rubber 'approved' stamp and tossing it into his outbox.





Twilight grimaced at the blood covered chicken at her hooves in the center of the circle, tossing the knife away and wiping the foul fowl blood from her fetlocks. "That was disgusting." She grumbled, feeling queasy.

"Well, the sooner you can get a hold of your magic, the sooner you can do these rituals properly without all the blood and viscera. It's only a crutch to help those without the ability to cast, not really designed for long-term use. Unless you own a chicken farm, I assume." The chaotic being said in response, laying back down in his hammock.

"So... now we wait?" Twilight asked softly.

"Now we wait." Discord agreed. "It might take a few weeks, the amount of review and revision your request is going to have to go through is an absolute nightmare of bureaucracy. Gone are the times when you could just call up souls of ponies all willy-nilly using chicken blood. So we might as we-"

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by the dead fowl bursting into a rush of black flame, somehow surprising even the lord of chaos himself. "Nevermind! Nepotism really works wonders." He commented, shielding his eyes from the glow of the cursed fire. Twilight still wasn't sure how something could glow black, but she was getting used to it now.

"Is this supposed to happen?" She called to Discord over the roar of the flames, gritting her teeth as alternating waves of boiling heat and freezing wind barraged her form. The chaotic god-like creature only shrugged unhelpfully in response, pulling his sunglasses back down over his eyes as he hid his face behind the fabric of the hammock.

After what felt simultaneously like hours of waiting, yet no time at all, the flames slowly began to die away, leaving the skeletal remains of the poor chicken laying in the middle of the singed circle. Then, with a faint rattling noise, the fallen bones began to rise to their feet, glowing red embers replacing where the eyes in his sockets should have been. The skeletonized poultry glanced around a few times, an ugly sneer on its boney face, before it finally opened its mouth to declare: "Who dares summon me, the lord of shadows and darkness, King Sombra!"

The deceased chicken then began to idly peck at the ground.
> Interlude - Halloween Special
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fluttershy was feeling nervous about Nightmare Night. That wasn't anything particularly new, per say, as she had always spent most of the previous spooky seasons hiding under her bed until the terrifying foals went away. What was new was the bowl of candy by her door, and the 'less-than-spooky' costume she was wearing.

"Stop fiddling, my dear. You look wonderful." Came the purring voice of a particular draconequus who had stopped to admire himself in the mirror. Fluttershy gave him a nervous smile as she lowered her hooves from the little kitty-cat headband on her head. She still didn't have the courage to dress as any sort of witch or pirate or, Celestia-forbid, a zombie... but dressing up as a cute animal? She could do that.

"You'll stay by me the whole time, right?" She asked, her voice even softer than her usual nearly-inaudible volume.

"Of course! I'll make sure you have the best Nightmare Night possible... and we are still going to that party, right my dear?" The demi-deity asked, his signature Cheshire grin still on his face.

Fluttershy only gave a tiny nod in response.

"Perfect! That gives us a good couple of hours before hand to give out candy, and terrify the socks off the unlucky souls who knock on that door." Discord cackled, his eyes narrowing in malevolent glee.

"I guess it is pretty cold tonight, if they're wearing socks they should probably keep them on." Fluttershy responded with a small smile. "So maybe don't scare them quite that much?"

Discord sighed, wiping the grin off his face. "Fine." He grumbled morosely, only to instantly smile again as he heard the doorbell ring.

Slithering through the air to the door with his closest friend slowly trotting behind him. Wrenching the door open, he got ready to scream a terrifying shout at whatever poor fool opened the door... only to have a rolled up newspaper smack him on the snout.

Blinking, he opened his mouth only for the paper to swat it shut again. "You t'were right, Sister! Going door to door is fun!" Came the exuberant cry from the lunar princess levitating the roll.

Celestia sighed and adjusted the pitch black crown on her head. "I'm glad you're having fun, but next time can I choose my own costume? This black paint is going to take hours to get out of my fur. And I look ridiculous with these insect wings next to my real ones."

Luna just stuck her tongue out at her elder sister before turning back to Discord. "We have come to demand the delicious spoils from your domicile!"

Discord rubbed his forehead, trying to massage down the bump slowly growing from the repeated cellulose-based percussion upon his self. "I may have been locked in stone for nearly a millennia, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to sing a little ditty, not smack and threaten ponies door-to-door."

"Of course! We are aware of the traditions, but when it comes to your face, We cannot help but give it a royal smacking!" Luna replied cheerfully, adjusting the witch's hat on her own head. 

"Luna, Luna, Luna." He purred, "You cannot always demand what you want. Sometimes you have to-" Discord began, only to be interrupted by Celestia taking the newspaper and continuing the assault upon his poor face.

"Sweets or statue, Discord. Your choice." The royal and regal sun diarch said, pretending not to eyeball the overflowing bowl of candy just outside her reach.

Discord wisely deposited a clawful of candy into each of their buckets, not pressing his luck.

"Huzzah!" Luna cried out, before immediately turning and skipping down the dirt path away from Fluttershy's cottage. Celestia only sighed and trotted after her, giving a polite nod to Fluttershy before she left.

Discord slowly shut the door, grumbling to himself. "That was awful. You do the next one." He spoke with a grimace, crossing his mismatched limbs and floating over to the sofa.

Fluttershy just gave a small smile and nodded. "There's some iced tea in the fridge if you want."

"Thanks." He called back, disappearing from her view. The butter-colored pegasus laughed softly under her breath and shook her head, turning around to walk away from the door only to hear the distance sounds of young voices. Blinking, she turned back towards her door as the sounds got closer and more distinct, the sounds of foals arguing until they reached her door. 

A moment later the voices quieted, and she heard a single polite knock at the door. After a short breath to calm her nerves, she slowly turned the handle and drew the door in barely an inch, peeking through the crack.

"Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!" Came the loud chorus of young voices that nearly made her slam the door shut again. Once she had finally calmed her nerves to peak through the crack, she felt herself relax as she spotted the terrible trio of crusaders staring up at her with expectations in their eyes, and not enough candy in their buckets.

Swinging the door open, she gave a small smile at the three of them, before blinking in surprise at the sight of a fourth foal. Trapped inbetween the robot-costumed Sweetie Belle, Applebloom disguised as an orange juice carton and Scootaloo with an extra two pairs of legs strapped to her barrel and googly eyes plastered to her forehead was a fourth young pony. The young colt had a bone white coat, and a mane dark as pitch, and appeared to lack any kind of irises or pupils. Attached to his back was a pair of feathery white wings, and a plastic halo was suspended over his head by a wire.

"Oh my." She gasped softly, looking between them. "All your costumes are so scary!"

The three girls preened happily, thought the colt blinked in confusion. "Angels are scary?" He asked softly.

"Well, no. But the scythe is!" Fluttershy responded with a small smile.

The girls didn't give them much more of a chance to converse as the lifted up their buckets expectantly and Fluttershy gave a soft chuckle in response, missing the quite murmur of 'not part of the costume...' from the young colt.

Lifting a hoof full of sweets into each of their pails, she gave another smile. "I don't think I've met you before. Are you friends of the crusaders?"

The colt grinned and nodded. "Yes ma'am! Miss Twilight asked me to watch over them tonight."

Fluttershy gave a small giggle in response. The tiny colt looked to be even younger than the girls, so she was sure it was the other way around. Not wanting to spoil his mood, she nodded. "Well, I'm sure you're doing a great job. They're not even covered in tree sap."

"Not covered in tree sap yet." Sweetie Belle emphasized, glaring at Scootaloo who very maturely stuck her tongue out in response.

Applebloom rolled her eyes and gave a grin up at older pegasus. "Thank you, Miss Fluttershy!" She chirped out, followed by a chorus from the other children (Scootaloo was slightly delayed by her joyous cheer at finding a full sized Oh Pony bar in her bucket.)

"Say hello to Uncle Discord for me!" The colt called out before turning around to sprint after the quickly retreating forms of his friends, much to the butterscotch pegasus's confusion.

Giggling again, Fluttershy waved them off and shut the door, returning to Discord after a moment. Sitting herself down on the armchair across from her chaotic friend, she blinked at him again. Noticing the dark, heavy bags under his eyes and the look of absolute exhaustion on his face, she frowned slightly. He looked like he hadn't slept well in months, despite having definitely looked as wide awake as ever earlier this morning. "What was your costume again?" She asked softly.

"The author." Discord replied.