Pure Pwnage and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? What could be better?
Something has happened that caused the Pure Pwnage crew to be brought to the world of Equestria. Why? For what reason? And how will Jeremy perform a successful zerg rush without hands? What is the organization up to? Where is the Master-er? Answers to some of these questions, maybe told in this story, eventually. Only time will tell!
It was very windy and dark outside. Twilight huddled together in her house with Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Apple Jack. The three had been out shopping when a violent storm had hit. Rainbow Dash had been the most surprised, as there was no storm scheduled for some time for Pony Ville. The storm had come out of nowhere, and was surprisingly violent. The lights flickered in Twilight’s tree.
Pinkie Pie seemed not affected by the storm, and was reading a book. Rainbow Dash appeared surprisingly agitated. “I just don’t know what went wrong! There was no storm scheduled nearly this powerful at all.” She paused, thinking. “I just don’t know what went wrong.” There was a loud crash from outside the tree. Rainbow Dash jumped at the sound. “I’m sure I’m going to hear about that one tomorrow.” She signed a tired sigh.
Twilight tried to comfort her friend. “Don’t worry Rainbow. I’m sure it will all work out in the end. I bet we can blame this on Trixie. I bet she tried to conjure some weather spirit that is causing this. She was in town yesterday.”
This did little to calm Rainbow Dash. “Unless she skips town, and can’t back up that story. Then it all falls on me.”
Apple Jack walked over to comfort her friend. “Come on, sunny cube! It’ll turn out all right. I’m sure Princess Celestia is researching what is going on, and I’m sure as cotton candy, it does not point to you.” Apple Jack smiled. Rainbow Dash appeared a little bit comforted by this.
Twilight had a ‘oh come on’ look on her face. “Sure as cotton candy?”
Apple Jack smiled at her friend. “You always know what you’re getting with cotton candy. It never surprises you.”
Pinkie Pie appeared next to Apple Jack. “Did somebody mention cotton candy?”
Twilight responded, “Yes. Apple Jack just did.”
Pinkie replied. “Ok.” Pinkie Pie went back to reading her book.
Another large bolt of lightning shook the tree. Followed quickly by several more. The lighting was bold, and bright. It did not seem natural. It almost appeared to be magic lightning. Then, without warning, it stopped. The sky quickly cleared up, and appeared to ignore the fact that it seemed to be the end of days. Twilight, Apple Jack, Rainbow, and Pinkie walked out of the tree to see what was going on. They saw several other ponies also leave their houses to survey the damage.
There was surprisingly little damage to the town. Some down branches, a few flower pots were turn on their side; noting major. Several other ponies also left their dwellings to see what had happened. Everybody seemed relieved to see that nobody was injured, and that there was no structural damage to the various houses.
Rainbow Dash appeared to be relieved by this. “I’ve got to go! Have to check in with the weather team to see what happened there.” Rainbow Dash flew off in quite a hurry.
Twilight looked around. There were three ponies strewn near the fountain. Twilight, Apple Jack, and Pinkie approached the three ponies. Twilight had never seen these ponies before. Why were they outside during such a nasty storm? They did not appear to be injured, but like they had been knocked out, and placed there by the storm.
One of the new ponies had some kind of fabric over his head. It looked like it was placed there intentionally, a black handkerchief. It had his ears sticking out of the side of it, and his horn somehow avoided poking through it. He looked somewhat pail, but to the point of being sickly, but like a pony that did not spend a lot of time outside. Twilight figured he must get sick easily and spend a lot of time inside of the house because of it. His coat looked short, and was a gray, almost black color. It did not give off the feeling of menace or anything like that. His cutie mark was a mouse and keyboard from a computer. Twilight had a few computers in her library, but they were rarely used. They were off most of the time, and in the basement.
The next pony had no mane. He looked a lot stronger and more active than the previous one. His coat was a sly blue color. Twilight figured this pony must be a friend of the first pony. Maybe one who helps the first one get around, being all muscular and all. He too was a unicorn, but with a cutie mark that Twilight did not recognize. It looked like some kind of twig, but bent in the shape of an L, but like it was on its side, with the shorter part beneath it, and bright orange. A very odd mark indeed. (Note: Twilight does not know what a zapper looks like, and yes I went with the orange one)
The third one was a Pegasus. This one looked about as average as the word average could have been. He did not look super strong, or weak. His coat was a normal intensity red, resembling Big Mac somewhat. His cutie mark was a hoof held camera. Twilight had seen them when the news channel would interview ponies.
A very odd group indeed. Just as Twilight had taken in a survey of the three, that the one with the mouse and keyboard cutie mark suddenly reached out to nobody, and yelled, “The uber-micro is fading!” He then promptly passed out again. For Twilight, this raised more questions than it answered. What is this ‘uber-micro’ and how could it fade.
Rarity came along. “Hello Twilight, Apple Jack, and Pinkie Pie. How did you weather the storm?”
Twilight responded, “We’re just fine Rarity, but these three here seem to have taken a beating during the storm. Could you help us carry them to the clinic?”
Rarity examined the three new ponies lying on the ground. “Certainly Twilight. We had better hurry, that one isn’t looking too good.” She indicated the one that had just yelled.
Time Passed:
The three new ponies had arrived without incident. Two nurses were tending to the three new ponies. They were lying comfortable in their beds, with some monitors hooked up to them to monitor their heart beets, and vital signs. The nurses had told Twilight that they were stable, but they were recovering from some kind of shock.
Rarity spoke up, “I imagine the shock was that storm that just happened.” She turned to Twilight. “Have you ever seen such a thing?”
Twilight responded, “No, I haven’t. And I don’t know what caused it. The current working theory is that it has something to do with Trixie. I theorize that she tried to do some kind of magic that she was not used to, and that caused the storm.”
One of the forms stirred. It was the one with the mouse and keyboard cutie mark. Twilight, Rarity, and one of the nurses approached the bed. The pony opened their eyes, and looked around at the ponies standing around him. “Oh no. It’s War Craft.” The other ponies looked at each other with confusion, and some fear.
Twilight was the first to reply. “War Craft? What’s that?”
The new pony replied. “It’s from the people who brought us StarCraft. It’s like…..” The new pony paused, and saw the form he was in. “What has happened to me?” He looked to the ponies in front of him. “What happened to my fingers? How will I possible own noobs now!”
The other ponies looked to Twilight, as their source for knowledge of the words the new pony used. “I don’t know what he is talking about.”
The strong pony stirred, and quickly jumped out of bed, causing some of the equipment to jump from being detached from his body. “DUDE! Jeremy, check it out man! I’m some kind of dog!” The new figure attempted to bark like a dog.
Twilight looked to the new pony, and saw him jerking around, taking in his surroundings. He seemed almost as hyper as Pinkie Pie. “You are not a dog, you are a pony.”
Two more nurses tried to guide the hyperactive pony back to the bed. “Dude! Jeremy, that means we are like super strong, and stuff. That means we can own noobs ever more and longer. DUDE!” The nurses were having a hard time keeping the hyper pony on the bed.
This ‘Jeremy’ responded. “How can we do that Doug? We don’t have fingers anymore!”
This ‘Doug’ stopped struggling, and looked down at his hoofs. He seemed rather shocked by what he saw. “What are we doing to do Jeremy?”
Jeremy sat up in his bed. “The same thing we do every day Doug. Own the noobs.”
The nurses, Twilight and Rarity looked at the two as if they were crazy. The look of confusion and concern for these ponies was clear on their faces. But because Jeremy never developed the ability to read human emotions, let alone pony emotions, he did not pick up on it.
Jeremy spoke again. “Let us go Doug. We shall collect Kyle, and be off to stop the organization from doing whatever nefarious thing they are doing.”
Doug jumped off of the bed again, knocking the nurses back. “Yeah! Like in Zelda!”
The two new ponies jumped close to each other. “Correct Doug. Just like Link!” He paused for what he felt was dramatic effect, but it just made him look stupid. “Our first quest is to find Kyle.”
The two looked around the room. Doug saw the third one first. “I bet that’s him. That mark on his leg looks like a camera.”
Jeremy responded in what he thought was a good British accent, but it wasn’t. “Right-oh old chap.” Doug galloped quickly over to the unconscious form of Kyle, and picked him up and stood on his hind legs. Jeremy generated the Zelda ‘you found an important thing’ sound from his mouth. Dough then placed Kyle on his back. “Forward my friend. To find the Master-er, and get back to earth before Half Life 3 comes out.” The two ponies walked out of the hospital room.
Twilight said to Rarity, “Things just got more interesting.” Twilight paused for a brief moment, and then chased after the three. “Hey! Where are you three going?” The three didn’t stop. “HEY!” They continued. Twilight did not like being ignored, so she used her magic to levitate the three off of the ground, and to bring them to her. She could do this now, as she knew they did not have any internal injuries. Rarity had to help before to keep them stable.
Jeremy said to Doug, “She must be error.” Doug nodded in agreement.
Twilight responded in anger. “I AM NOT AN ERROR!”
Doug replied, “Dude, I don’t think she is an error.” Jeremy agreed. “What do we do now?”
Jeremy paused for a moment to think. “I guess we could zerg rush her?”
Doug asked, “How? Without our fingers?”
Jeremy thought again. “Final Fantasy turn based battle?”
Dough sighed. “I guess we don’t have any other choice.”
The two struggled until Twilight’s magic gave way. They then plopped to the ground, and started bobbing up and down with the imaginary music going on in their heads.
Doug and Jeremy bounced up and down to the imaginary music. Twilight had a confused look on her face. After a few seconds, Doug ran up to Twilight and lightly nudged her, and then ran back to Jeremy, and continued his bouncing.
The bouncing continued for about 30 seconds before Jeremy yelled out, “ITS YOUR TURN!”
Twilight nodded, figuring this was some kind of game they played from their city. Twilight thought, and came up with a spell. From her horn she started to generate a larger and larger orb of energy until it was about the size of a pony, and launched it toward the two bouncing ponies.
The minor explosion caused the two and the unconscious one to go flying back a few feet. The three slowly got up to their feet.
Jeremy groaned. “ugh. I think we just lost all of our hit points.”
Doug also groaned as he got up. “She must be a mage.”
Kyle also got up, but had a slightly different reaction. “ARGH! I’M A GOAT!”
Twilight walked over, and comforted the new awake one. “You’re a pony, not a goat. It appears you three are not from around here.”
Dough responded. “Yeah, we come from the land of the internet!”
Twilight did not recognize that term in that manner. “The internet? How does that work?”
Jeremy fielded that question. “We’re not super sure. We plug this cable into our computers, and awesome things come through.”
Kyle, who now had a few seconds to come to grips with not being a goat interjected. “Actually, we are from a place called Canada. These two were defending the internet from some evil people, and we got sucked in to something, and we apparently appeared here.”
Jeremy piped in. “Yeah, those noobs at the organization were trying to make us their slaves, and the rest of the internet their slaves. But me and Doug here stopped them, for now.”
Twilight had a confused look on her face. She then turned to Kyle, who she found to be the most non-crazy person available to her. “Do you know what they are talking about?”
Kyle sighed. “Sadly, I do.’
“Come with me to the library. It would appear we have much to discuss.”
Far away in Canterlot, Princess Luna woke up from sleeping during the day. She felt a sudden disturbance in the net. Being gamer Luna, she created a bond with the internet and technology in general. Luna ran over to her computer, and pulled it out of sleep mode to see what the sudden chill could have been from. Luna checked out Destructoid, and Giant Bomb. They reported nothing, but signing into her favorite IRC channel, she saw reports from some of her buddies saying that there was a corruption on the internet, doing something horrible to it.
Jeremy, Doug, and Kyle walked to the library. On the way, Jeremy suddenly stopped, and placed a hoof against his head as if he was in pain.
Doug asked, “What is it man?”
“I’m not sure Doug. I sense a great disturbance in the Net. I’m not sure, but I think it is spreading. “
Doug seemed concerned by this. “Oh man, we need to hurry!” With that Doug ran ahead at full speed. Jeremy tried to stop him, but he was already too far ahead. Jeremy sighed.
After walking for a little bit more, they arrived at the library. Twilight welcomed them in, and Jeremy looked around. “Hey, where do you keep the computers?”
Twilight thought about this. “The computers? In the basement. Why?” Before Twilight could ask why, Jeremy was already heading down stairs.
She turned to Kyle. “What’s up with him?”
Kyle laughed a little. “It’s a rather long story.” Kyle and Twilight sat down, and Kyle started to tell the story about how their little adventure started, and what had been going on, and how Jeremy had grown up to be like he was, and how crazy Doug was.
“…And a few months back, Jeremy started reporting that he was sensing a disturbance from the internet. I just blew it off as him being crazy. But, then there started to be news reports about parts of the internet going down, routers exploding, and some sites suddenly changing drastically. But then the news suddenly stopped reporting on it. Jeremy said the war was starting in full swing, and that we must protect the internet.” Twilight seemed heavily interested in his story. “For days, Jeremy was doing something on the internet. I tried to ask him what he was doing, but all he said was that he was ‘pwning.’ About a day later, Doug came over, and they started ‘pwning’ together, and then some kind of vortex sucked us up, and we appeared here.”
Kyle finished his story. Twilight was shocked by Kyle’s story of video games, and such. “But, what does this have to do with our world? We are not as computer driven as your society is.”
Kyle sat back in the chair he was sitting. “I’m not sure. I’m just hoping that Jeremy and Doug can figure it out before it spreads to this world as well.”
The two heard a loud yell of agony from the basement. Twilight ran there, while Kyle slowly walked over. In the basement, Jeremy was trying to use the computer, but apparently it was not working correctly.
“This machine is crap! It can’t do anything!”
Twilight walked over. “Sure it can. See…” She moved the mouse with her hoof, and clicked on the internet. “I can search for information, and educational things. See?”
Jeremy was not impressed. “Yeah, but it can’t GAAAAME!!”
Twilight laughed. “You got me there my pony.”
Jeremy let out a loud aggravated yell. “How can I save the world with a machine running integrated graphics?”
There was a loud knock at the front door. This caught the attention of all three ponies in the basement. Twilight rushed up stairs to see who it was. It was Princess Luna. Twilight bowed, and allowed her in. Just then Jeremy and Kyle walked up the stairs to see her enter.
Jeremy immediately spoke up. “Whoa! A super pony! She has a horn AND wings!”
Twilight smiled a shy smile, and slowly slinked her way over to Jeremy. “That’s Princess Luna! Show some respect!”
Jeremy replied. “How am I supposed to know that?”
Luna was on a mission, so she did not especially care. “I am here to meet with the one that shares a digital connection!”
Twilight and Kyle looked to Jeremy. “I guess that’s me.” He slowly approached her. “What can I do for you?”
Luna smiled. “We must defeat those who wish to do harm to the internet!”
The team all stared at Luna. “What? Does your princess shock you?”
Jeremy spoke up. “Your princess in in another castle.” He and Doug snickered. Twilight poked Jeremy with her hoof, but the snickering continued.
Luna spoke up. “I am most certainly not in another castle, little noob.” The snickering stopped. “Oh? Did I strike a nerve?”
Jeremy replied, “I am not a noob. I am a pro gamer. Master of many of the games of our human world.”
Luna laughed. “I doubt that very much. A little one like you?” She walked over, and started giving Jeremy a noogie. “I laugh at you so!”
Jeremy pushed the princess away. “I challenge you to a match!”
Luna laughed again. “And what game do you choose?”
Jeremy smiled a confident smile. “Ladies choice.”
Kyle snuck over, and whispered in Jeremy’s ear, “A female horse is a Mare.”
Jeremy had a slight look of discuss on his face. “How do you know that?”
Doug appeared next to Jeremy, “Maybe he likes ponies.” Doug and Jeremy snickered again. Twilight and Luna did not appear to understand what was going on.
Luna cleared her throat. “Then if it is I to choose, I choose the game of princesses.”
Jeremy chimed in, “What chess? I like mastered that when I was like, five.” Doug and Jeremy snickered some more.
Luna spoke again. “No. Star Craft 2!”
Jeremy stopped snickering. “Then let it be on like donkey Kong!” Doug snickered, but then stopped when he did not see Jeremy doing so.
“Do you have a computer, little noob?” the princess asked.
Jeremy looked down, “I do not. What brought us here did not bring with it my PC.”
Luna smiled a small smile. A little victory over this little pony. “You may borrow one of mine. GUARDS!”
In a few short minutes, the Night Guards had assembled two desks in the middle of the library, and set up the Royal PC, and the Royal backup PC. Twilight had never seen computers like this before. There were lights, and multiple fans, and the cases of the computers were not just tan-ish boxes, there were designs, and windows to see the insides of the computers with lights in there. Twilight had never seen the inside of a computer before. She marveled a little bit at the insides. But they sure were louder than the ones in the basement.
Jeremy and Luna sat down in their respected chairs. Jeremy taking a while to figure out how to do that, as he never had a tail before. But, he did get situated, and the two loaded up their game. Jeremy chose Protoss, and Luna Terran. The match started, and Jeremy shortly discovered a major issue; he no longer had fingers. Jeremy fussed with his mouse, and his keyboard, but could not just hit one key, or move the mouse exactly.
Meanwhile, the princess was using her magic, and a little bit of her hooves, and had built up a little marine army, and just walked all over Jeremy.
Jeremy let out a yell. “HOW AM I TO CONTROL THIS KEYBOARD WITHOUT FINGERS!” Jeremy slammed his head on the table.
Luna leaned back in her chair. “See. One must prove that they have the power. Words are easy. Defeating is hard.” Jeremy seemed utterly rejected. “You are not the one the webs spoke of, it seems.”
There was a quiet knocking at the door. Twilight stood up. “I’ll get it.” She opened it, and it was Fluttershy, looking a little bit more meek than usual. She had some kind of cart behind her. “Oh, hi Fluttershy. What brings you around?”
There was sound from the cart, and a dark figure jumped out of it, and ran to a dark corner of the library where it tried to hide.
Twilight was caught off guard. “What was that!?”
Fluttershy replied, “I’m not sure. He arrived at my house during the storm, and requested help. I just couldn’t say no. So I brought him over here to see if you could help me help him.”
Twilight asked, “Why didn’t he just walk? Is he injured?”
“No, he just doesn’t like the sun.”
Jeremy and Doug walked over and investigated the strange figure.
Jeremy said in awe. “The Masterer?”
The figure replied, “That sun is so bright, and this room is so bright.”
Jeremy rushed over to Twilight and asked, “Can we lower the lights? The Masterer is not used to such brightness.”
Twilight did not seem too sure. All of this was a bit much for her. But, with a helping smile from Fluttershy, she walked over, and turned off most of the lights, and closed all of the shades. When that was done, the shadowy figure walked out from the shadow, and presented himself. He was dressed all in black; part of his face was obscured by a part of his hooded cloak, but you could still see his horn.
“It is good to see you again Jeremy and Doug. I feared I would have to deal with this threat on my own. That would prove to be the most difficult.”
Jeremy knelt down, and Doug did shortly after. Twilight did not like this. “You knelt down to this pony, but not the princess?”
Jeremy stood back up, and responded. “The Masterer is great and powerful. He is second to no gamer.”
Luna laughed. “Much like you were? Please. I bet he is such a noob as you.”
The look from The Masterer was so cold, and so sharp, it made Luna step back a little. “Is that a challenge?” Luna replied in the affirmative. “Name your game young one.”
Luna scoffed at being called, young one. “Star Craft 2” she said suddenly defiantly.
The Masterer sat down in Jeremy’s chair, and adjusted his cloak to reveal he was an alicorn. This threw Twilight off a great deal. She approached Luna, and whispered in her ear informing her of this. Luna leaned over, and saw the black wings, and smiled to herself.
The game was off to a quick start. The Mastere used his horn to move the mouse around, and quickly hitting buttons on his keyboard. It was a Terran vs Protoss. The game was over way too fast for Luna to figure out what was going on. All of a sudden, all of her units were gone. When the Masterer sat back in his chair, the keyboard was steaming with magical power. Twilight had only heard of some special ponies being able to expel so much magical power that could result in that.
Luna was shocked by the defeat she just had. It was so fast, and so amazing. She just sat there trying to absorb it. Jeremy cleared his throat. “That all good and like, stuff. But, does anybody have any ideas why we are here?”
The Masterer got off of the chair, and started addressing the group. “Some months back, I started sensing a disturbance in the Internet. These disturbances happen from time to time, but this one felt different in the keys. I investigated further, and found that the Agency was working on something big. Something that could pit the entire Internet against itself, and thus destroy it. It discovered, the Bronies.” There was no response from the crowd. “They have come here to influence the community, and turn them against the rest of the Internet, and increase the trolling levels to such a degree, that everybody will have to enter their walled garden, and live in there. Much like AOL of yesteryear, and Facebook of today, but only much stronger, and more walled.” He looked to Jeremy. “We cannot let this be. Games will be affected, and Griefers will destroy the gaming community and take away the fun.”
Jeremy had a determined look on his face. “Where do we begin?”
