> Your Eyes On Me > by DatZigga > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Entry #1.1 - A Quiet Kid > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My mom used to always say I was an easy child to raise.  Right out of the womb, I barely cried when the doctors pulled me out. It actually caused them a bit of worry, assuming that I had respiratory problems. Really though, I just wasn’t crying as baby often should.  When I grew older, I’d have the occasional temper tantrum, but nothing serious. More often than not when I was angry, I would be unusually quiet. I’d silently fume on my butt, scowling at everything. My mom even told me a story that I got angry during preschool. I just sat at my table arms crossed, scowling like I was practicing my Batman impression. When the teacher tried to pick me up to move me, I suddenly swiped at a bucket of markers and crayons spilling them. That seemed to scare everyone enough to the point of calling my parents. The teacher even described it as a “tranquil fury”. When I wasn’t being a terrible two year old, I was lackadaisical and obedient. I played in relative silence, babbling only loud enough for myself to hear. I would wander around and do the typical kid things, but my parents were always in control. In fact, my father used to tell me about how at a bus top, I would play dangerously close to the street. When a concerned adult asked my dad why he would let me wander like that, he simply called out my name. Like a computer told to cancel a task, I suddenly stopped what I was doing and casually came back to my father’s side. I had all the complexity of a house pet. Naturally, being this reclusive I was bound to live a rather lonely life. I could be in the company of others, but I could just as easily be by myself. In the beginning, there wasn’t a problem with this. However, as I entered elementary school, I had been the victim of bullying. While not physically abusive, my bullies were able to erode my self-confidence and, by proxy, my confidence. Couple this with a not-so-stellar home life with two divorcing parents and you have a recipe for a bad time. As a quiet kid, the TV became my vice. Even when I was a toddler, I could just sit in front of a television set and I wouldn’t move for hours. My babysitter loved me for that. As my home life worsened as did school, it only became more and more essential to my daily functioning.  I would come home from school, my shirt covered in snot stains and dried tears, walk past my parents who were having a low level argument that would eventually grow out of proportions, close myself in my room, and turn on the TV. As I sat on the floor, my eyes would be filled with wonder and colors. The yelling outside my door descended into silence as my laughter filled my little bubble. I felt a connection with the TV that I seldom had with many others. At least, I thought it was the TV, but let’s put a pin on that thought. Eventually, my mom grew wary. I had gotten into the routine during middle school of doing my homework and chores, then immediately hunkering down in front of the TV. There was only ever a foot of distance between us, the TV and me. My mom even heard me have full on conversations with the TV. Whenever she turned it off, she told me, I would get hysterical. I would cry “boo-hoo” tears about how she was taking my friends away. She initially worried that I was schizophrenic or suffering from bipolar disorder. After visiting a child therapist, it was recommended that I be refrained from watching television.  It was rough.  At first, it was a simple rule: No TV. However, I quickly learned to be more sneaky in when and how I watched it. There was a period of time where I was home by myself, when I got home from school but mom was at work. To remedy this, my mom had unplugged and sealed the outlet. Somehow, I managed to actually find a way to not only break the seal, but found a way to reattach it so that my mom wouldn’t know. This lasted for a while until she came home early one day.  Next, the TV was moved from the living room to her room and she made sure to lock the door. Simple, right? She later found lockpicking equipment in my room during a surprise cleaning. This started to unnerve her, as I was still in middle school during this time. After a stern punishment, the TV was removed altogether. Even when we visited family, she made a concerted effort to have them remove their TVs as well, in order to prevent me from getting a hold of it. She even went so far as to get rid of our computer and monitor before I grew to be tech savvy.  For a while, I complained, begged, and even raged over not having a TV, or any electronics, anymore. It was months before I finally learned to live without it. I had resorted to writing, reading, and studying in my free time, since I still failed at basic social skills. Life was not easy and there were many times I had been tempted to seek out a TV. But I held fast, not wanting to disappoint my mom any further.  Fast forward to high school, Junior Year. I’m up to my neck in AP classes, Honors classes, and college prep classes. Miraculously, I was managing to keep all of my grades up, but at the sacrifice of my sanity. After what had to be 4 years without a television in the house, she finally took the chance of putting in a new one. After a run down of the ground rules, including 1 hour limits, only watching when she was in the house, and to report to her if there was anything wrong, specifically in the mental department. Today is Friday. Monday was when I spent my first time back on the ‘ol tube. I flipped through all the channels, some old, some new. A lot of the modern day cartoons weren’t my cup of tea and anything else I just found boring. I was endlessly flicked through the many channels, a sudden, vivid memory popped into my head. “Channel 222…” I muttered, timing each press to the syllable. The screen briefly turned black, as it did when changing channels. When it came back, I was greeted by a familiar intro. It had been a long time, but I had seen it enough times that nostalgia washed over me in waves. I smiled and chuckled, reading the title of the show. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. > Entry #1.2 - A Special Celebration > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- MLP: FiM was one of my favorite shows back in the day.  I remember watching it as soon as I had developed sight and a memory. It was the show that played when my mom watched TV with me while she was recovering in the hospital. It was the show my babysitter would sit me down to watch when she had somewhere else to be. It was the show I came home to in order to drown away my sorrows from my elementary years. It was the show I committed minor criminal activities for when the TV was off limits.  There were plenty of other programs though. You had all the classic sports channels, cooking channels, home improvement, crime, late night infomercials, and of course, cartoons. There was even anime and more adult animations during the night I would catch. But if there was any show that dominated most of my life in hindsight, it was MLP.  I couldn’t tell you why I like the show. Oh wait, I could. The show had a colorful cast of characters, both figuratively and literally. The adventures and shenanigans they had were cute and humorous. Hell, they even taught me a lot as a kid. In fact, more than I knew. The show had been with me through the highs and lows, practically since birth. Remember that pin? They were the connection I made with the TV. I decided that if I was going to have an hour of TV, the first show I watch was going to be the one I grew up with. I sunk into my chair, watching as the opening credits faded to black. The scene opened on a gigantic crystal, which was already interesting. I never remembered a crystal castle being there the last time. I guess the show went places while I was away.  Pinkie Pie, one of the main characters and the Element of Laughter, dashed toward the castle as a pink blur. She blasted past the doors, tripping on the rug, and tumbling into a enormous library. In the middle of the library was Twilight Sparkle, the central character of the story and the Element of Magic, reading a book. I had to admit, I was a little too proud of what I remembered of the show. Yet, I didn’t remember neither the pegasus wings on her side nor the crown placed a top her head. Apparently, she had become an alicorn princess like the two sisters. That was quite the move of the writers, to drastically change the status quo like that. I’m sure the fandom celebrated her ascension with vigor. Twilight was startled upon the pink whirlwind suddenly appearing in front of her, tossing the book away like a used napkin. “HE’S BACK!” The pink pony screamed in Twilight’s face, causing her face to flap in the wind comically. Pinkie then began jumping around the screen, appearing every which way. “He’s back! He’s back! He’s back! He’s baaaaack~!”  Ah, classic Pinkie Pie. Twilight fixed her face, rubbing her cheek as she smoothed out her features. “Who’s back?” “Him, silly! Duh!” Pinkie said, leaning forward on only her front hooves and raising her eyebrows. Twilight looked puzzled, pressing a hoof to her jaw.  “Him? Him…” Twilight echoed to herself, scratching her chin. Suddenly, her pupils shrunk to the side of pinpricks, before dilating into two black discs with shining sparkles in her eyes. She rose from her seat, standing up on her own two front hooves to boop snoots with Pinkie. “HIM?!”  Pinkie frantically nodded, hard enough that I was afraid her head would pop off. Twilight then pranced around the room, squeeing adorably. Pinkie, after watching Twilight for a bit, imitated her prancing and squeeing. Finally, Twilight stopped, with Pinkie bumping into her behind. “If he’s back, we have to round up the others!” Twilight exclaimed in an epiphany. She quickly went from excited to panic as she started to pace around the room. “Oh Celestia, he’s going to be so confused! We need to find a way to bring him up to speed in as little time as possible! Not to mention actually come up with something to do!” “Well, I was going to throw a party.” Pinkie rested a foreleg on Twilight’s head, shining the other hoof on her coat with a smirk. “You know, like I do~!” She winked at the camera. It got a weird chuckle out of me. “That’s perfect! We can just-“ Twilight suddenly stopped as her ears drooped, her face frozen with an expression of absolute terror. She grabbed Pinkie by her cheeks and brought them both nose to nose. “Pinkie, you can’t do that! He’ll notice!” Twilight backs away, realizing what she had said. “Uh, I mean, our guest! We can’t just throw a party because...um, he’ll notice that we are, uh, unprepared! Yeah, we’re unprepared! So, Pinkie Pie, lets go prepare for the party!” “But I can just prepare a party like that!” Pinkie countered, snapping her hoof, even though the action itself was impossible. Twilight loomed over the party pony. While her face was as amiable as ever, her eyes were piercing and her smile was just a tad taut.  “I said…” Twilight strained. “Let’s. Prepare. For. The. Party!”  “Ooooooh.” Pinkie let out, before nudging Twilight. “Don’t worry, Twilight. I catch your cold!” Pinkie let out a cute little sneeze to emphasize her point. Twilight groaned as she planted a hoof on her muzzle. It was that gag I decided to change the channel. It was like I thought. Although some things changed, it was the same little song and dance: ponies being cute. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel a little off about the whole thing.  The characters were definitely still in character, but the way they acted was a little uncanny. For the start of an episode, they didn’t really have much of a setup. From what I could gather, there's someone that’s returned and they want to throw a party. Though they never stated who. I would’ve just chalked that up to the hook of the episode, but I couldn’t help but get the impression they were talking about...me? I quickly disregarded the thought. 5 minutes on the TV and I’m already becoming dependent again. I decided that I’ll catch the episode at a later date and settled for a channel that was running a bunch of action movies. I could at the very least catch a peak at one of those. For about 15 minutes, I had watched a fast-faced, violent gunfight ensue between the protagonist and a bunch of goons. The choreography was stellar and I was both impressed with the cinematography and a little disappointed I had to catch it while it was airing on such a small screen, rather than a big movie screen. Yet, it was what happened after that really stuck with me. The movie went into a car commercial and I prepared myself to take a piss. As I stood up, another commercial abruptly cut off the car commercial.  “Tonight on the Hub!” A cheery male voice played on the TV. I saw a weird little logo that I could describe as a teardrop with two ends with the words, the Hub, inside it. “A brand new episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!” The following scene was the one in which Pinkie bursted through the room shouting. That scene was then followed by a montage of the other ponies doing their part for the party.  I watched in astonishment. The network had to be tone deaf to air a kid’s commercial on what was to be assumed an adult program. And yet, here it was, airing the exact episode I switched from. I considered that for a moment. This could very well be a coincidence but that uncanny feeling was starting to creep on my like something was crawling on my back. The commercial ended on a voiceover of Twilight playing over footage of the Mane Six gathering for a photo with the rest of the town. “Catch our new episode right now! Please?” Then, the commercial faded into another commercial. I turned off the TV at that point. At the time, I thought I was too tired and delirious to be watching anything and just went to bed. That was Monday. Like I said, today’s Friday. I’ve been thinking about the night for several days now. Please. Please. I hadn’t watched television in a while, but I know that I had never heard a program ask someone politely to watch their show. Then again, this is Friendship is Magic we’re talking about, so maybe I’m overthinking it.  I grabbed one of my school journals and I am currently writing this now. I’m gonna give the show another shot. I don’t know what’s going on, but I want to refrain from bringing this up to mom. I don’t know for sure if I’m unwell or what. I do know that the show airs on Channel 222, apparently on a network called the Hub. I hope I’m not crazy. > Entry #2 - The Gang’s All Here (And Boy, Are They Weird!) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It’s pitiful how much time I have in the day and how little I have to do anything with it.  Today is Saturday. I decided that I would revisit that episode, the apparent celebration of a returning character. It started exactly as it had the first time I watched it, with Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie having their little argument, before descending upon the town. The majority of the plot revolves around the other ponies being told the news.  I’ve written the summary of what happened below. It went something like this... Twilight and Pinkie ran across Ponyville, heading to Canterlot Boutique. Pinkie Pies, as she does, bursts through the door without a care, pronking about with an excited smile. Behind her, hunched over with nervousness I’m her eyes, was Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes darted around the room, as if she was scared someone would see her.  “Rarity~!” Pinkie called out in a sing song voice. When she wasn’t meant with a response, her face quickly soured. “RARITY!”  “Not so loud, Pinkie!” Twilight scolded, rubbing her ears as she winced. “Rarity’s probably just busy.” “This is no time to be busy! We’ve had all this time to be busy! Now, it’s time for action!” Pinkie began to bounce up the stairs, a mare on a mission. Twilight sighed and, much more slowly, climbed the staircase. Rarity was entranced by the sewing machine, the roar of the motor having a certain cadence that enraptured her thought. The fabric she held was heavenly to the touch, rubbing against the frogs of her well-manicured hooves. Her eyes were unfocused as she found herself in a deep, almost meditative statement. Although her hair was frazzled, her eyes heavy, she was at peace with herself.  All that came crashing down as Pinkie blasted by her bedroom door. Rarity let out a scream as she suddenly pushed the fabric deeper into the sewing machine, jamming it. Pinkie tackled Rarity from behind, wrapping her hooves around her abdomen. Rarity felt all the wind squeezed out of her.  “Rarity!” Pinkie cheered. “He’s here! He’s finally here!” Rarity, while struggling to breathe, levitated the pink mare off of her. As she was suspended in the air, Rarity took a gasp of hair and took some deep breaths to level her heart rate. When she was finally calmed, she glared icy daggers at the Pinkie.  “Sweet Celestia, darling!” Rarity yelled. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. Again. This week.” Pinkie blushed and smiled sheepishly. “Exactly what could have happened this time to make you forget. You know, besides from the usual sugar rush and lapses in judgement.”  “He’s here, Rarity! Weren’t you listening?” Pinkie frowned. Rarity gently set Pinkie back on the ground, putting a hoof to her face. “Pinkie Pie.” Rarity started, massaging the bridge of her muzzle. “That are quite a lot of ‘He’s’ in Equestria. Can we skip the pronoun games already?” Pinkie’s eyes lit up. “The pronoun game?” She asked excitedly. She then began to bounce in place. “Oh, oh! We can totally play the pronoun game!” “Pinkie, I just said-“ Before Rarity could finish, Twilight let herself in the room.  “I wouldn’t bother, Rarity.” Twilight interjected. “Pinkie is in an especially good mood today and nothing’s going to calm her down.” “I assume it has to do with this stallion she’s worked up over?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I’ll admit, I never took Pinkie for the romantic type.” “I wouldn’t exactly say a stallion, Rarity.” Twilight corrected.  “Wait a second…” Rarity started, growing suspicious. “Is Pinkie…?” Rarity looks left and right, before approaching Twilight to whisper in her ears. “...one of those interspeciests?” Twilight groaned and stuck her face with her hoof.  “No, Rarity.” Twilight rolled her eyes. She then gestured her head in a direction. I would like to note that the gesture was subtle, as though she had tried not to draw much attention to it. I’ll wait to make a judgement. Rarity was as confused by the gesture as I was. Up until she wasn’t. Rarity gasped, a blush coming to her face. “Twilight! You don’t mean…?” Twilight answered with a nod, a little smile forming on her face. Slowly, one began to slowly for, on Rarity’s. Then, suddenly, her face changed to a look of sheer terror. She quickly ran behind a divider, from which I could only see her silhouette. Even in the silhouette, I could recognize that she was covering herself as though she was naked behind there. Which was odd since she was covering her chest, when she has no breasts and her crotch, when it shouldn’t even be visible in her stance. “I-I’m not ready!” Rarity cried out. “If he’s back, I want to look my absolute best! Oh, please tell me he’s not here yet!” “Well, not entirely.” Twilight answered. “It’s a bit complicated, but regardless, he will be here. Pinkie suggested we throw a party. We could use your help!” Rarity peeked her head past the divider. “You think I would miss this for the world, darling?” Rarity smiled, her horn glowing. Several dresses flew into the divider with her. “I would happily join in the festivities and even provide assistance. But, not until I’ve found a suitable outfit! I mean, honestly Twilight, couldn’t you give a lady a ‘head’s up’, as it were?”  Rarity ducked behind the divider, looking between two pairs of dresses. Twilight backed away, smiling.  “That’s one down, Pinkie! Where next?” Twilight turned to where Pinkie was. Emphasis on was, as Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. Twilight sighed, heading back downstairs.  Twilight managed to follow the sounds of squeeing and laughter to the town's market district. She found Pinkie bouncing circles around Applejack, who looked unamusedly at the unicorn as she approached. Twilight could tell that AJ was in the middle of selling apples when Pinkie came to harass her. “Finally!” Applejack took one of her apples and popped it into Pinkie’s mouth. Pinkie sat, staring at the apple. Then, she began to nibble the apple contentedly. “Ah was hopin’ you weren’t far behind. Mind tellin’ me what in tarnation has Pinkie bein’ extra Pinkie today?”  Twilight repeated the gesture before. Unlike Rarity, Applejack understood almost instantly.  “Woah, are ya’ serious, Twi?!” Applejack pulled her hat off her head, holding it to her barrel. “Don’t be pullin’ my leg here! He ain’t been around here in...ah don’t know how long!” “I wouldn’t lie to you, Applejack. He is back.” Twilight looked away, somberly. She mumbled to herself, “Hopefully.” She peeked back up when Applejack threw her hat into the air. “Yee-haw!” Applejack cheered, catching the hat again. “It’s about darn time he showed back up. I just knew he’d have the good sense to remember us. Just like we remembered him.” She placed the hat back on her head. Just overhead, a pair of pegasi approached the group.  “What’s going on over here?” Rainbow Dash asked, torpedoing towards the three ponies. She came to a grinding halt in front of them, before she could crash through them like technicolor bowling pins. Behind her, Fluttershy landed with much more elegance and grace. “First, we hear Pinkie running through Ponyville like a maniac and now AJ is yelling like she won a lottery! Is there something I should know about?”  “Rainbow, there doesn’t have to be something.” Fluttershy said warmly. “AJ can be excited and Pinkie can be Pinkie. Nothing special has to be occurring for that to happen.” By this time, Pinkie had finished her apple. As such, she sprang back into the group, bouncy as ever, “But something special is happening, Fluttershy!” Pinkie grabbed her cheeks and squished them. “The most, spectacular, incredible, amazing, show stopping, never the same, totally unique-“ Another apple was shoved into her mouth, courtesy of Applejack.  “The boy is back.” Applejack answered frankly. Behind her, Twilight stiffened, shocked by what she had heard. Applejack, sensing the alicorn’s tension, turns to look at her assuredly. “Don’t worry, sugarcube. I know what I said.” After a couple rewatches, this line stands out to me. Twilight has spent the entire episode talking around the narrative crux of the plot, seemingly nervous ever step of the way. And here, Applejack seems to shake her deeply. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but this moment seems significant. Just thought I’d make note of it. Back to the recap. “Wait, really?!” Rainbow asked incredulously. When Applejack confirmed with a head nod, Rainbow shot directly into the air, hooting and hollering. After a few fly-bys, she comes to another screeching stop. “It’s been like, forever and a half since we last hung out! Can we talk to him now?”  “No!” Twilight shouted suddenly, before reflexively covering her mouth. The other ponies stared at her. Twilight cleared her throat. “I mean, it’s been such a long time.” Twilight clarified. “We don’t know how he might react if we just, you know, go back to how we were before.” The other girls looked at each other, frowning. They all then collectively nodded.  “It would still be nice if we could.” Fluttershy spoke up, her head tilted toward the ground. She pawed at the dirt. “I miss him.” Twilight approached, wrapping a wing around her.  “Don’t worry, Fluttershy.” She reassured the pegasus. “We”ll figure something out. We always have.” Twilight moved to stand before the rest of the ponies. “As of now, let’s focus on giving him-“ Pinkie pushes Twilight to the side. “-the greatest party EVER!” She screamed, finishing Twilight’s sentence. The others cheered in agreement.  It was at this point the show began its musical number. I was always a fan of the show’s music. From the ear worm of “Winter Wrap Up”, to the bop that was “Til The End Of Time”, to my all time favorite, “The Smile Song”. So, picture my amazement when the musical number seemingly encompasses elements from all the previous songs from the show. It was a medley, combining melodies and referencing lyrics. It was a song celebrating all of the show and where it had gone. It even helped to fill me in on some of the things that happened, such as a few villains being reformed, a school being built, and the entire cast having fought a trio of recurring villains. However, as much of an absolute delight of a song it is, I noticed something worth writing down. I’ve listened to this song a lot. An embarrassing amount actually. The thing I notice is that the song is not only about celebrating the past episodes, but of the mystery character as well.  Pinkie led with her singing of all the stories she would tell and how she loved to make him smile.  Applejack followed with her verse on how the mystery character was a part of her family.  Rarity, from her room, sung of how she wished to dazzle and enrapture him as she once did before. She later joined the group in an ornate dress, even for her. Rainbow’s part focused on the stunts that she would perform for the character's amusement.  Fluttershy sung of how she would enjoy the quiet moments they share and how she would sing lullabies to soothe the character to sleep. Twilight closed out the solos with her fondness of the character, seeing them as a friend, partner, and closest companion despite being far away.  Finally, they all sung in harmony, the verse united by the praise they gave to this unknown individual. After some thinking, I came to understand why I loved the song so much: I felt like it was about me. Looking back on my memories, I remembered the laughter Pinkie gave me, the admiration I had for Applejack, the beauty that endeared Rarity to me, the awe that Rainbow gave me, the calm that Fluttershy provided, and the lessons and values Twilight taught me. It all felt so personal. The song resonated with me. And as I sat, listening to the TV set, I felt like I did when I was a kid. I felt like that kid again.  So, why do I find it unnerving? As the song concluded, a new pony entered the room. This one was one I was unfamiliar with. Her most memorable feature was her curly, purple mane with a blue streak. She looked at the group curiously, asking the question that’s been burning in my mind. “Who are you guys talking about?” Starlight asked. The mane six were all startled by her sudden appearance. Twilight was the first to answer. “Oh, um, well it’s…” Twilight’s voice died down, as she came to a realization. One that I noticed as well. It was practically seconds before the episode would hit the credits. Twilight stuttered as she tried to think of a name. “Y-you see, we’re throwing a party for…” She looked around at the decorations they had set. It was all too generic to be for anyone in particular. A sweat drop rolled down Twilight’s face. Just then, just when it looked to be over, Spike entered the room behind Starlight. “Hey, Twilight!” He greeted, lugging several saddlebags behind him. “I’m back from the market! You won’t believe how long the lines were-“ As Spike talked, the six ponies all surrounded him, smothering him in a sudden embrace. “Spike, of course!” Twilight laughed nervously. “It’s the anniversary of when I hatched him out of his shell! Right, girls?” The other five vigorously nodded their heads.  “But it’s not even-“ Pinkie stuffed a cupcake in his, silencing him in a bit of irony.  “We’re so glad to have you back, Spike!” Pinkie beamed, her eyes completely unconvincing. “You are TOTALLY the dragon I was excited for the entire time! Yup! Definitely!” Spike gave an aside glance to the camera. As he did so and a circle closed in on his face, I saw for a brief moment that his eyes widened in surprise.  Then just like that, roll credits. The episode ended and so had my fifth or so viewing. I’ve studied over the episode. I’ve studied over the song. I have wasted so mush of time understanding what this episode was about. By all accounts, this episode failed the most basic principles of writing. There was no goal, the characters talked around the plot, and the ending was unsatisfying. It was like the episode was made last minute. That’s when it hit me.  It was last minute. They weren’t expecting anyone to watch the show, least of all me. The ponies didn’t expect me. The episode was about me, wasn’t it?  I am the one who came back. What the fuck. > Entry #3 - The Abyss > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know how in horror movies, the protagonist never seems to get the hint that they should leave the plot alone? Like, whenever there’s a spooky ouija board, they’re just compelled to ask the ghost questions, rather than just put the board away? Or, they decide to go down into the dark, decrepit basement, even though they know they heard something down there? I always thought of myself as a rational person. I would know when to quit. When I stare into the abyss and it stares back, I had the sense to turn around and go the other way. So, what did I decide to do when a bunch of cartoon animals celebrated my watching them, like a creepypasta written in kindergarten? I kept watching, of course. Like an idiot. In my defense, I didn’t know if I was still a skitzo. Hell, I still very well could be. But, regardless, a couple weird events weren’t enough for me to make a judgement. So, over the past month, I’ve made a habit of watching the show. The first thing I’ve noticed was that the show made a concerted effort to explain the large gap in time from since the last time I watched it. I’ve learned that a centaur dude wiped the old treehouse, which apparently gave birth to a bigger, shinier treehouse. Then, a new unicorn came along and had a villain arc before becoming a secondary character. Then, a bunch of folk heroes resurfaced and are now living in the modern, pony world. Then, a single filly managed to one up the entire main cast, before being sent to prison. And then, 4 of the old villains, five including the twist that is Discord, basically overthrow the kingdom before the gang beats them with one last rainbow laser, for old times’ sake. The only thing more peculiar than the direction the show went in while I was away was the way in which the show decided to tell me this. Spike, to his dismay, served as the narrative device. He was sitting in front of a chalkboard, being lectured by Twilight. As she explained each event, clips from episodes I’ve never seen played out before me. It was surreal. Couldn’t the channel just host reruns of the old episodes? Did the channel have reruns? Does the channel have any other show?! 8/3 Back to writing in the journal. I’m gonna find more time to write here. Also, I’m going to start dating these entries, for bookkeeping purposes. Exactly who else is gonna be looking at the mad scrawlings? Hell if I know.  Last entry, I was questioning if this “The Hub” had any other shows. Well, after some time researching the channel, I’ve come across a revelation: it doesn’t. In fact, I don’t think it exists.  Now that the TV is unbanned, the same goes for internet access. I’ve had access in school, so I wasn’t an absolute Neanderthal on the keyboard. Throughout all the web browsing, forum trolling, and wiki diving, I didn’t see a single mention of The Hub. Neither did I find any evidence of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.  This begs the question, did I just make up an entire show in my head? That seemed unlikely, right? I did try searching for mental disorders that pertained. Among diagnoses were the likes of bipolar disorder, depression, and even post traumatic stress disorder. I mean, I am confirmed for depression and it would make sense. Quiet kid, poor home life, decides to fill the void of social interaction with an overactive imagination? Checks out.  So, it would seem that I figured it out? I’m just experiencing hallucinations and false memories? If that’s the case, why now?  After some thought, I think it’s just the stress of school. Given that I’m spending days on end in boring, difficult classes I barely prepare for, it would seem reasonable that once I get back on the TV, I would relapse. I guess then I am insane. I should probably just stop watching TV. 8/4 Alright, I know I said I wouldn’t but here me out. I mean, yeah, I concluded that I’m unwell and I should stop watching TV. But, it doesn’t seem right to brush it off yet. I mean, it was only one day. That’s not good science, Twilight taught me that. Well, in the past, she did. I remember that episode where she spent days trying to study Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense. Now, I couldn’t actually tell you if it was all day or multiple days, but it was a significant amount of time. And the fact that I have that memory means something, right? Right. So, I spent another hour watching the show. This is how it went... Spike dragged his blanket with him into the castle’s library. Twilight pranced from bookshelf to bookshelf, collecting books in her magical grasp. Spike rubbed his eyes. “Uh, Twilight?” Spike yawned. “What are you doing at 4 in the morning?” Twilight barely regarded the drake. “Come on, Spike. Isn’t it obvious?” Spike blinked. “No. It’s not.” Twilight looked up at the mess of books she was levitating. To her, it was clear that she was getting far ahead of herself. “Hmm. You’re right.” Twilight agreed. “Maybe it will be more familiar like this!” She arranged the books on top of one another. Each book was carefully placed in a particular order, until it resembled a classic bookfort. In fact, it looked familiar. I held my tongue. I imagined that the ponies were none the wiser that I suspected something was up, so I didn’t want to blow the lid on my investigation.  “I mean, I guess it’s a little familiar.” Spike relented, cocking his head to one side. Then, his face lit up like a flashlight. “Wait, isn’t there we used to read comic books with-“ Twilight grabbed a remaining book and smacked it on the drake’s head.  Yup, none the wiser. “Why yes, it is the bookfort we used to read your comic books in!” Twilight corrected. She crouched down and ducked under the low hanging roof of the bookfort, Spike crawling after her. The two found themselves squeezed together, their faces uncomfortably close to one another. Twilight chuckled nervously. “Hehe, Spike? Did you get a little...bigger since we last did this?” “Jeez, Twi. I don’t know.” Spike answered, unamused by the comment. “Maybe it has more to do with the wings at your sides?” Spike pinched the wing, causing Twilight to yelp in shock. With that, the bookfort came tumbling down their sides. Twilight grabbed her wing and rubbed it. “Okay, I get your point.” Twilight chuckled. Spike picked up one of the books that made up the wall. It was a collection of nursery rhymes. He picked up another, aptly named “Little Red Riding Mare”. Another book, “Three Little Ponies”. Spike and I were sensing a pattern here. “What’s with all the kiddie books?” Spike asked, echoing my own thoughts. “Why even build a bookfort now?” Twilight pulled the books from her assistants claws and held them in front of her. Then, in a surprising move, she grabbed each one and hugged them tightly. Although her eyes were close, I could tell that she was remembering them fondly.  “I don’t know.” She finally admitted. “I guess I was just feeling nostalgic. I remember when we used to read everyone of these when you were younger. Whenever we finished a book, we’d added them to the wall. It was like we were making a home for ourselves out of stories. Every adventure, every lesson, would build a world for us to live in and be together. Don’t you agree, Spike?” Twilight looked excitedly to Spike, who looked to be dozing off. He snapped awake.  “Oh, you were talking to me?” Spike asked, pointing a claw at himself. Twilight glared at him,before breaking into a small smile. She ruffled the spines on his head, as a big sister would. “You're a piece of work, you know that?” Twilight teased. The two shared a laugh, ending out the scene. I stopped the episode at that point. Pffft, like it was an even an episode. I get the strange feeling that this “show” is more than a show. It’s like I’m peering into a window into another world, one in which they’re aware that I’m peeking in on them. If they're real, why don’t they find that creepy or disturbing? If they aren’t, why would I put myself through the mental gymnastics? I’m gonna go through the DSM again, see if there isn’t anything else wrong with me. > Entry #4 - Reality Deferred > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/6 It’s Tuesday. I’m tired. I know, it was only Monday. I don’t know man. 8/9 Alright. Ground rules. No using this journal for writing about personal stuff. This is purely a record of my developing insanity. Just writing that stuff put me in a garbage mood for like a week. Oh yeah, speaking of which, I think the show can tell my mood. I think. I say this because this week’s airings were...interesting.  I should first note that due to Tuesday, I didn’t watch the show that day. Was in my feelings. However, Wednesday I resumed my hour-long binging.  That was the day Pinkie starred in an episode. It was unlike any other episode before. I won’t go through the trouble of transcribing it like the others, but here’s the gist: The episode was framed as a late night talk show. Took place in the basement of Sugarcube Corner, which is apparently Pinkie’s Party Cave? Anyway, she had lined up a bunch of stuffed animals and pastries for the party. Typical Pinkie behavior. However, it was a rather unsubtle excuse to have her talking and facing the camera directly.  It felt weird, having to pretend like I didn’t know that she was watching me. I tried to not think about it, but that only made me think about it harder. What did she see, staring back at her? What do any of them see? Is it just a camera that follows them wherever they go or a similar screen of me sitting on the floor, watching them? Or do they just get the sense that they are being watched from somewhere? I kept my best poker face, despite the endless questions. I don’t think she caught on. In any case, she performed a ton of skits, all of which she did by herself. I recall one being about a substitute teacher getting names wrong, one about her hiding a journal with embarrassing notes from Gummy, and even one of a Mexican standoff (with no actual guns, mind you). The reason I’m noting this episode is mainly for how it ended. Pinkie ended her show on an important message that she wanted to share with the “audience”. Needless to say, I paid attention as closely as I could so I could accurately write it down now. She enjoyed that. Here’s how that went… Pinkie tossed the rubber chicken and Groucho glasses off screen, having finished her latest skit. She had a laughing fit herself, causing her to do those cute little snorts. Let me just say right now: no matter if she is a creature from another world or a manifestation of my childlike innocence, that shit will always be precious. She wipes a tear from her eyes and clears her throat. “Sometimes, I just don’t know how I do it myself, fillies and gentlecolts!” The lights begin to dim on set, with only a spotlight shining on her from above. The camera briefly cut to Gummy, who looked to be as immobile and dead as ever. Pinkie looks back into the camera, sitting up straight but still keeping her perky smile.  “Now, I want to end this episode of Night Mare with Pinkie Pie! on a special message for our lovely viewers.” Pinkie beamed. My heart caught in my throat, as I felt like any moment she would just reach out of the TV. I wouldn’t put it past her.  “We’ve all had our days. You know, those icky bad days that leave an awful taste in your mouth, like a cupcake with hoof polish instead of frosting!” Pinkie continued, retching at her own metaphor. “Many things can cause these icky days. Maybe you have something stuck in your mane, or maybe you forgot to take your refrigerator for a run, or maybe your best friend is out of town for the week and you just can’t wait for them to come back!”  Pinkie was standing on her makeshift desk at this point, having hyped herself up on worry. She caught herself, slowly lowering back in her chair. As she did so, her hair also straightened a little and her ears grew limp.  “Whatever the case is, feeling all icky sometimes makes you not want to do anything. Even as amazing as hanging out with your friends.” Pinkie looked down toward the floor. I had a feeling that the impetus for this episode was me missing Tuesday’s episode. I think Pinkie saw me looking a little guilty because she gave a small gasp.  “Oh, but it’s totally reasonable! Even your friendly neighborhood party pony has her off days!” Pinkie attempted to reassure me. She practically dropped any pretense of their being anything else in the room. “That being said, I will always be here to make you smile! It’s my sworn duty to everypony, especially you!” She pointed her hoof towards me. “So, whenever you’re feeling down, just know that I’m here for you, okay? Don’t forget me, alright?”  Pinkie’s smile disappeared for a moment, her eyes peering at me with a sense of pain. It unsettled me. She looked like a wounded animal, like I had abandoned her or something. For all I know, I might have. Before I could ruminate it any longer, Pinkie shook her mane back to its usual puffiness. She then gave a big, beaming smile toward the camera. “Well, that’s the hour folks! Tune in tomorrow to see Rainbow’s newest Wonderbolt performance! I love you all and goooooodnight~!” She frantically waved both hooves, before rushing to a drum set and playing her own outro music. Then, the credits rolled. So, from what I’ve gathered, they know both when I, watching them and when I’m not. Time still moves when I’m not, so it’s not like they blink out of existence if I don’t watch the show. Instead, I’m just absent for however long a day here equates to them. The more I rationalize this, the less I think I’m actually crazy. I mean, there’s rules to this world that I’m discovering. Dreams and hallucinations are usually defined by how they break the laws of reality. So, what are they? Aliens? Eldritch abominations? Or just some form of AI that likes to fuck with me? Either way, the lines get muddier the more I watch. Oh, and the next day, there was an episode featuring Rainbow Dash’s performance. Just like Pinkie said. Take that as you will. > Entry #5 - Y.B.I. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/11 As I sit and count these clouds, I sure hope mom’s proud of me. I know I said this was a journal for the documentation of what I’m now dubbing “The Case of the Living Television Show”. It’s a...work in progress. However, today I went outside. It’s something I rarely do these days. This is coming from someone who was deprived of the luxury of having a TV set at home. It’s a risky venture, given the times, but I ventured the risk anyway. There’s a park nearby, where little kids play and, on the odd occasion, basketball players come over to practice. This was one of those even occasions. There was a patch of grass where I chose to sit, for the shade under a tree. I still had a good look at the clouds overhead. I risked laying down, since I hated bugs and the feeling of them crawling over me. It wasn’t necessarily comfortable, but it would do. I’m still here as I write this, just thought I’d set the stage. A minor reason I’m even journaling is because I have this stupid dream of being a writer. Hence why so far these entries are written weirdly. Whatever. I’m beginning to think I don’t want anyone to read this. I must sound like a weirdo or something. Well, it’s not like I’m NOT a weirdo, but believing that a nonexistent television show is communing with me from another world sounds like something out of the Twilight Zone. Oh yeah, I gotta tie this entry to the ponies somehow. Well, I guess even bothering to come outside today is partly their fault. I watched an episode where the girls were mostly outside. They were cloud gazing, looking for shapes in the clouds. I guess, I wanted to do something like that. Maybe not consciously, I never had any interest in nature. But seeing them doing it and enjoying, I guess I wanted to imitate that? Although, I’m starting to realize I’m missing something vital for this to work: friends. I sat up. Or, I sit up. I’m assuming that I should write in present tense since I’m now writing what I’m doing. Man, this is gonna be confusing for someone to read. Wait, I don’t want anyone to read this. Do I? Ugh, I don’t know what to fucking do! Am I crazy, am I in danger?! Should I trust the ponies or should I just blackout like before? Will they care? They seem to. It’s times like this where I wish I did have friends to talk to. Maybe they wouldn’t give me the best advice, but at least I wouldn't be alone in this. We could be like the kids in IT, fighting against some eldritch horror with nothing but our wit and determination. Instead, I’m being talked to by a bunch of horse girls. Whenever I was feeling alone, the only solace I had was my mother. I hardly talk to her and honestly, I should do that more. Perhaps now more than ever. But I can’t just bring this up. I’ll have to think of a subtle way to handle this. The back is starting to chafe and I think a mosquito bit me. I’ll save this for later. 8/14 I almost had a heart attack at school today. Well, not really, but I was scared shitless. I’ve been making a habit of carrying this notebook around wherever I go. I don’t want to risk leaving this in the house and my mom, or even my little brother to come across it and start reading. However, maybe I’ll have to. I was in my AP Biology class, learning about...something. I usually zone out in the back, no one ever really notices. I even cried back there one time silently and no one even looked back. That’s beside the point. I was back there, reviewing a few of the transcripts I wrote down. Suddenly, the fire alarm goes out. There wasn’t any indication that we were having a drill, so I assume that something went down. (Note: Eavesdropped on a couple of students, apparently some students were smoking weed in the bathrooms. Typical.) In any case, we were rushed out of the classroom. I followed behind the other students and we went outside, where we waited and waited until the firefighters showed up. They did their thing and we went back inside. Since we had lost so much time, the school must’ve decided to just switch periods. So, everyone just went to their next class, me included. I already had my backpack so I was fine with it. It took a whole 5 minutes in my class, before I realized that I had left my notebook in my previous class. So, I excused myself to “use the bathroom” and bolted through the hallways, attempting to get to the notebook before someone got curious. I mean, could you imagine what would happen if someone read this book. Best case scenario, I’ll be thought of as some as some “gay loser that watches a show about ponies” (which, wouldn’t be inaccurate, but still). Worst case scenario, I’m the gay loser AND a scizophrenic that everyone stays even farther away from and my teachers treat like a mentally deficient three year old. And that was only what I thought at the time! I’ve since come up with a bunch of horrifying what ifs if this book got into the wrong hands. I managed to make it to the door and get a look. Just my luck, the notebook was mere inches from a girl, who was tapping away at her cellphone. She looked like she would be in a few popular circulars, not to mention she was a looker in her own right. Bah, whatever, doesn't matter. What mattered was getting the book and leaving. A video was playing on the projector, hiding the sounds of the door opening as I snuck into the room. Well, it wasn’t really sneaking as I moved with the confidence that I belonged there. I managed to reach the table where the notebook laid. I grabbed it casually, eyeing the girl to make sure she didn’t have a sudden interest in going through people’s property. But no, she just continued on her phone. I quickly left the classroom, closing the door on my way out. And that was that. I got my notebook, no one read it, and my secret was safe. It all felt rather anticlimactic. I mean, if it were the Main Six, every part of this adventure would just be a cascading failure. They would try to leave their classroom, only for the teacher to deny them. Then, they would come up with a convincing excuse and run down the hallway, only to be stopped by a hall monitor. Then, they’d distract the hall monitor and make it to the other class, only to find that the book was being read. They’d confront the student, the student would apologize for being nosy, they’d sing a song, and friendship would prevail. My life didn’t work like that. I moved around like a ghost, with no one suspecting I even existed. Even when I spoke out, I was just another face in a sea of other, arguably more interesting people. Thus, I could leave a classroom, enter another, and no one would be the wiser. In a way, it was useful for this retrieval mission. Yet, I can’t help but feel a profound sense of disappointment that I was so invisible in my own life. Oh well, at least I can be a gay, schizophrenic loser in peace. > Entry #6 - Revelations > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/16 I decided that to better understand the phenomenon now, it was time to understand when it all started. In my first two entries, I wrote about My Little Pony’s prevalence in my life. After rereading and rereading again, it still baffles me, especially since I’m now 65% convinced the ponies are real. If they truly aren’t a figment of my imagination, how could have been so much a part of my life? So, I’ve decided that I’ll try and dig up some information from my childhood. I’m a little ashamed to admit that most of my life is a blur in my mind. I’m only able to recall vague details. Maybe it’s a result of me repressing a lot of it but again, this journal is for the sole documentation of the Picture Pony Phenomenon (still working on a title). The best lead I have is my mom. So, better start there. I got a tape from my mom. I brought up why I wasn’t allowed to watch TV as a kid and the answer was pretty much what I knew it was. As my mom recalled, I was glued to the TV in an unhealthy way, constantly spending hours on end watching TV. However, there were a few insights I gained. One, from my mom’s perspective, I wasn’t watching any one cartoon, but a whole bunch of crap. This included cooking channels, news channels, hell, even horror movies. I guess the show really didn't exist. Which brings me to my second new insight, that I insisted that this show existed. As a kid, I was told that I would spend days just talking about the show. Mom thought i just had an overactive imagination, but she grew worrisome when I was asking for merchandise and throwing fits when she said there wasn’t anything. However, what worried her even more was when after watching TV afterwards, I apparently came back and told her I understood. This leads to revelation number three, which just might be the most disturbing: I was talking to the TV. My mom told me stories of me sitting by the television and having full conversations. Again, she chalked this up to an overactive imagination for a while. However, there was one incident that had her convinced that I was developing schizophrenia. That brings us back to the tape. She gave it to me for me to look at. One day, she had filmed me in secret to show to a child psychologist my odd behavior. I haven’t looked yet. I’m getting a weird feeling, like a growing pit in my stomach. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Anyways, I’m going to check it out. Wish me luck. 8/17 What tHe fuck what the fuck what fuckwhaT THE FUCK 8/22 I’m not going to continue this experiment anymore. I won’t continue this experiment anymore. The rabbit hole is deeper than I thought. Something is wrong. Wrong with them, not me. I wasn’t ready. I was not ready. > Entry #6.1 - The Tape > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Inside the book is a hole made within the pages. An old school VHS cassette sits inside the journal. Taking it out, you insert it into the VHS player.] VIDEO LOG DATE RECORDED: 5/10/2006 DATE FOUND: 8/17/2020 DATE RECOVERED BY [REDACTED]: 10/20/20-- NOTE: The following footage depicts the subject, henceforth referred to as “THE JOURNALIST”, interacting with the anomalous entity within the television program. The anomalous entity, henceforth referred to as “PINKIE PIE”, engages the subject in conversation. To the average viewer, the subject appears to be talking to TV static. However, using [REDACTED], we have managed to interpret the data as the subject saw them both in the video and when he watched the tape years later. [BEGIN LOG] 00:00 - 05:45: The mother sets up the camcorder on a kitchen table, facing towards the living room. The television set can be viewed from a 45 degree angle. A news broadcast is airing. The Journalist is sitting by the television set, drawing on a sheet of paper. He is not paying attention to the television screen. 05:46 - 06:34: The mother announces her departure to the grocery store and footsteps can be heard, followed by the door closing. The Journalist discards the drawing hastily. The drawing appears to stick figure depictions of six different colored horses, likely the main cast of the program. The Journalist uses the televisions sets buttons to flip through the different channels. 06:35 -15:59: Without [REDACTED], this is where the television static would occur. Instead, a flat colored background of a meadow appears on the television set. A pink mare with a bouncy mane, previously established as “Pinkie Pie”, sits impatiently. When her image appears on the screen she visibly smiles and approaches the “camera”. The following exchange occurs. Pinkie Pie: Finally! I’ve been waiting all day for you, ya little munchkin! [Pinkie hugs the camera, pressing her face to the screen. The Journalist leans against the television, imitating the embrace with the TV set.] The Journalist: Hi. Pinkie Pie: How was school today? Are those meanies still bothering you? [The Journalist nods.] The Journalist: Yes... Pinkie Pie: Is your teacher STILL not helping?! [The Journalist nods again.] Pinkie Pie: Ugh! How can people be so inconsiderate in your world? I wish I can just pull you through the screen and give you cuddles and nuzzles and snuggles and hey, what’s that? [Pinkie points her hoof at the drawing that was laid discarded. The Journalist picks it up and shows it to Pinkie. Pinkie gasps.] Pinkie Pie: Oh my Celesita, you drew that? You’re so talented, you know that? [The Journalist giggles bashfully at the ponies' praise.] Pinkie Pie: Have you shown this to your mama yet? [The Journalist shakes his head. From Pinkie’s change in expression, it can be assumed that the Journalist has frowned.] The Journalist: She was too busy... Pinkie Pie: Uh oh, have they been fighting again? [Hesitantly, The Journalist nods. Pinkie places a hoof on the screen and The Journalist places his hand over her’s. Pinkie gives a sad smile.] Pinkie Pie: It’s not your fault, munchkin. I bet when you do show her, her smile will grow so bright, it’ll light up the night sky! [Pinkie nuzzles the camera with her snout, with the journalist leaning in to nuzzle back. Pinkie starts speaking again in a low whisper.] Pinkie Pie: Hey, remember when I said I wish I could cuddle and snuggle you? [The Journalist nods.] Pinkie Pie: Well, Twilight told me not to tell you this yet, but she’s made a breakthrough on that spell! She said a lot of mumbo jumbo, but somewhere in there I heard her say that our world’s aren’t that far apart! Well, maybe there's just a little far, but each day we talk, we’re getting closer and closer! The Journalist: What does that mean? Pinkie Pie: It means that the more time we spend together, the more likely I can come visit you! Or you could visit us! Wouldn't you like to visit Equestria for realsies? [The Journalist nods enthusiastically.] Pinkie Pie: That’s my little munchkin! [Pinkie Pie plants a kiss on the screen. Afterwards, she stares directly into the camcorder’s camera.] Pinkie Pie: Huh, I think we’re being watched? Munchkin, could you turn off that camera for me? I’m worried about what your parents will think if they see us talk like this. The Journalist: Okay, Pinkie. [The Journalist approaches the camera and, after a few minutes of fumbling under Pinkie’s suggestions and directions, manages to stop the recording.] [END LOG] CLOSING STATEMENT: After an interview with the mother, she explained that when she had located the camcorder to look over the events, the tape was missing. She had found it hidden under the Journalist's bed. It is unknown whether the choice to hide the tape was The Journalist or the entity’s decision. > Entry #7 - Pinkie’s Lament > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/28 I was hoping I’d never have to write in this journal ever again.  So, some time has passed since I saw the tape. It freaked me out, to think that I was talking to...something that wasn’t there. And for so long too. The way Pinkie talked to me reminded me of a predator. A child predator. They talk to you sweetly, attempting to be as friendly as possible. Because you're a child, you don’t know any better. She even had me convinced enough to interact with the TV like it was a person. The part that clinched the whole thing for me is what Pinkie said towards the end. Wherever they are, whatever they are, they are getting closer and closer to my world. They’re using me as  a bridge. No wonder they’re so desperate for my attention: they’re using me as a tool and I’m their only tool.  What are they gonna do when they get here? Are they going to conquer my world? Are they really monsters disguised as a children’s show? Are they only after me? I eventually decided that whatever the answer, it’s too dangerous to continue watching. There’s too much I don’t know and confronting them directly risks them further manipulating me. They seem to know a lot about me, even at a young age. The ponies have groomed me, as rough as it is to admit. I had to cut myself off. So, I did.  At least, I thought I did. Hence, this entry. Today was a quiet day. I wasn’t feeling my best, but that’s nothing new and nothing I feel like writing in here. I often listen to music during these depressive periods, as a way to ride out the current wave. I was close to sleeping, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I was becoming delirious. That’s when I heard it. An unlisted, unnamed song was queued up and started playing. It sounded something like this... [Inside the page is a usb drive. The origin of the usb drive is unknown. When plugged into a USB port on a computer with an operating software, a .mp3 file is presented on screen. The file name is “Pinkies_Lament.mp3”.] AUDIO LOG [BEGIN LOG] [Dead air fills the first couple seconds. Then, a piano plays in the background.] My little human, what to say to you  You’ve caught my eye and I barely know your name  When you gazed upon my world, you smiled  And it warmed my heart I’m dedicating every day to you A simple life was never quite Pinkie’s style When you smile, you knock me out I fall apart and I thought I was so smart I‘ll take away your frustrations I’ll laugh and cry with you, I’ll be beside of you You’re the center of my fixation If it’s alright with you, I’ll find my way to you And take you far away Someday, someday We won’t be so far away  Someday, someday Oh, human, when you smile I am undone You’re fun So much fun Your smile is all I’m looking for If only you could stick around Oh, human, your smile outshines Celestia’s sun Her sun When you smile I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart I wish that we could be friends (I wish that we could be friends) I wish I could be there with you I’ll do whatever it takes (I’ll smash the screen til it breaks) So that I can be there for you I’ll save you from your isolation I’ll laugh and cry with you, I’ll be beside of you I’ll run away from my own nation If I could be with you, I’d do it all for you I can take you far away Someday, someday We won’t be so far away Someday, someday [Another seconds of dead air. A sad sigh can be heard faintly in the background.] [END LOG] So, yeah. I have no idea what that’s about. Is it another case of the show trying to trick me? I can’t but feel a sense of earnestness. The most curious thing about it? The song was familiar. It was like a lullaby, long suppressed in my unconsciousness. I’m going to assume that this is the case because at this point, there’s no point in playing 20 questions with myself.  In short, it’s about time I had a talk with them. Face-to-face. > Entry #8 - Revelation > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/31  How fitting that I’m writing a supernatural encounter on Halloween night. No formalities. No prefaces. Here’s what happened.  It was the dead of night, going on early morning. Mom was asleep in her room no for good measure, I placed my mattress against her door. I didn’t want to freak her out since I’m relapsing back to old, worrisome habits. I walked out to the living room and sat in front of the TV set. My heart rapped across my chest but I did my best to ignore it.  Best case scenario, this will be as awkward for them as it will be for me. My fears of them being extra-dimensional monsters was slightly alleviated by the mysterious song that played a couple days ago. Granted, it could all be an elaborate ruse to lower my guard but there’s just so little I actually know. And I just want answers. I push the power button. As expected, I’m greeted with a view of Twilight’s Castle. Perfect. If I could rely on anyone to give me a straight answer, it’d be her. The scene transitions to inside the castle, where Twilight is busy reorganizing the many bookcases. “So, how should you organize you all today?” She pondered to herself. I watched as her tail twitched, a light swishing from side to side. I long since identified as a tick, particularly of Twilight, whenever she becomes aware of my presence. She continued addressing the audience of literature. “We could try the plain old Dewey Decimal, reverse Dewey Decimal, alphabetical titles, word count, page count, reverse alphabetical…” “Twilight.” I uttered. It was soft at first, as I had a last minute thought of flaking on this decision. Despite that, Twilight froze in place. Her wings hugged her sides. Even her tail stiffened, resembling cardboard. A short inhale, with no following exhale. No doubt about it, I totally caught her off guard. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air between us, penetrating through the screen. In a poetic way, it connected us. Rooted us in the moment with its eldritch atmosphere. “...R-reversal alphabetical titles, Topics ranging from least to most interesting, alphabetical authors, reverse…” She continued, having chosen to ignore me calling her name. Maybe she thought I had said it absentmindedly or haven’t said it at all. Whatever the case, she continued to act as though I wasn’t watching her. Ironic, given how much the ponies wanted me to acknowledge them before. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “Twilight.” I said with more authority. I could only hope my false confidence could be heard over the incessant beating of my heart. I readied the remote in my hand, in the event Twilight decides to pull a “The Ring” on me. “I...I know you can hear me.”  Twilight shuffled on her hooves, shifting on each hoof. I recognize the behavior, as it was something I did whenever I was unexpectedly called out. She was anxious, as she had the right to be. So was I, after all. Even then, I fidgeted with the remote, caressing each button as I thought of the next words to say. “I, uh, been knowing that you can hear me. Or, at least, know that I can hear and see you.” I stopped trying to think about what to say and just let my mouth move on it’s own. “You might like to know that I have been taking notes and treating this like a field study, kinda like you would’ve. Or, did. I don’t really know. It was a long time ago.” “A long time ago…” She echoed, nostalgia lingering inher tone.  “Yeah. I was...younger. I don’t really remember much back then. But, I remembered you guys. A little bit anyways. I just didn’t remember that we...you know.” “Talk?” Twilight offered, as she turned her head slightly. She was easing up. “Yeah, talk. I assume we had some kinda...thing going back then.” “Uhm, if you don’t mind me prodding...” Twilight turned to face the screen. Or rather, me. She didn’t look in my direction yet. She looked more like Fluttershy with how indirect and shy she was being. It was an odd change of pace from the confidant, quirky alicorn from a few moments ago. “What, er, jogged your memory? Was that around the time you…” “Vanished?” It was my turn to complete the thought. “I saw a tape, one my mom recorded for...it doesn’t matter. I saw myself talking with Pinkie Pie.”  Twilight smiled a little when I said that in particular. A small, knowing smile. There was more to uncover there but I didn’t press that yet.  “Then, what prompted you to speak up now?” Twilight looked up, slightly. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t melt my heart. What monster could be this cute?  “I heard a song. A lullaby, specifically. Sung by Pinkie.”  This time, Twilight chuckled. “Of course. Leave it to Pinkie to find a way to break reality further.” Again, implications abounded in that statement. One step at a time, though. “So, I wanted to ask...uh, Twilight? Are you alright?” I noticed a look in her eyes. They were more sparkling than usual. Like they were wet. “Are you...crying?”  Twilight’s smile quivered a little, as she raised a wind to rub her eyes. “Uh, yes. I mean, yes, I’m fine. Actually, I...I…” Twilight interrupted herself with her sobbing. I never felt so helpless than seeing a cartoon pony cry for me. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” I quickly responded without much thought.  “No, it really is fine!” Twilight attempted to collect herself for a second time. “I’m just so happy! I was worried I’d lost you forever, Anon!” “Anon?” I asked, perplexed at what she just called me.  “Oh, sorry.” Twilight took another second to wipe away tears. “It’s something we used to call you when you were little. You were hesitant to tell us your name at first, so we gave you a nickname. We settled on Anon, short for anonymous, for obvious reasons.” “Speaking of,” I tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of getting answers. “How did you first meet me?” Twilight’s horn glowed, pulling a cushioned chair behind her. She settled in for story time. “It all started the day before I went to Ponyville.” She started, nostalgic. “I found a mysterious book in Canterlot’s Library. A brown storybook with a gilded pony on the cover. I read it, which led me to the Tale of the Two Sisters. That’s when I noticed I wasn’t alone. I saw a portal open next to me. I saw...you, staring at me.” “A lot was going on in my head that day, so I originally did my best to ignore you. I had never seen a colt anything like you, so I just assumed you were stressed-induced hallucination. Over time though, I accepted that you were real, especially when the other girls could see you. To your credit, you weren’t a nuisance. You just sat quietly, laughing to yourself and cheering us on. It was much needed support, considering what we were all going through.” “We noticed that you would periodically disappear and reappear, so I worked to understand the connection between us. I discovered that you lived in an alternate dimension, one where ponies, or Equestria for that matter, didn’t exist. To reach you when you were away, we created little messages that broadcasted to your world. Eventually, you began to speak up after some coaxing. Then, well...the rest was history.” I sat in the center of the living room, bathed in the light of the television. I was dumbfounded. I was told so much, yet nothing at all. I tried to formulate my thoughts, but was failing. Twilight must’ve read my facial expressions because she sighed heavily.  “Sadly, even I still can’t really explain the connection. You just appeared one day.” “How old was I when you first found me?” “You couldn’t have been any older than a colt, maybe a couple years? You grew up fast, I’ll tell you that much. I wish I could’ve seen you grow into the young stallion you are now.” I felt flushed at the compliment. It was like I was talking to an aunt at a family reunion. I guess I kinda was.  “Do other ponies know I exist?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.  “Oh, of course! All of Equestria has at least heard of you.” Twilight beamed. “You were a phenomenon when you first appeared. Even Celestia was dumbfounded at your existence. But they eventually warmed up to you. You were just too precious back then to really fear or hate.” I let out an involuntary yawn, attempting to hide it behind a fist. Twilight sagged a little, but still kept a smile.  “Even after all these years, you’re still that sleepy colt I grew to love.” Twilight mused. It felt strange, hearing that I was “loved”. I could believe it too, with the reverence she spoke of me with. But, I still could not get it. I still can’t. “You should go rest, Anon.” Twilight continued, hopping out of the chair. She approached the screen until she was directly in front of it. She placed a hoof against the screen, the frog of her hoof squished against the glass. I slowly raised my own hand, hesitant. I then placed it against the glass, on top of her hoof.  The gesture must’ve have meant more than I could ever know because Twilight openly sobbed again. She wrapped her around the screen. I briefly wondered what the portal must’ve looked like for her to be able to do this.  Her tears streamed down the screen. “I’m so glad you’re back!” Twilight said through tears. “We’ve missed you so much! I’ve missed you so much! I was so worried something happened to you. We all were. Tomorrow, I’m going to gather the girls. You’ll be able to come back, right? Same time?”  Twilight looked back at me with pleading eyes. Her tear stained face left me breathless. The ways her eyes, for the lack of a better term, sparkled, I found it hard to come up with the words. The surreality of it all drew tears down my face. “I will.” I had promised, my voice cracking and breaking in my voice. “I will.” I pressed the power button. Darkness enveloped the screen and the room. I was alone. Again. This time, it hurt more than I could ever imagine. I allowed myself to break into pieces. > Dear Princess Celestia: Reunion > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [A letter is stapled inside the margins of the book.] TEXT LOG 4/XX/XXXX NOTE: The following letter was found within the journal upon its discovery. After months of translating the eldritch characters into legible text, we managed to decipher the letter’s contents. The following text is unedited, save for one redaction. Dear Princess Celestia,  Today, I caught up with an old friend. Do you remember Anon? The little colt that miraculously appeared before me with no explanation and disappeared the same way? He’s back! And so much older too. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much time has gotten away from us. Last night, we had a one-on-one rendezvous. No, not in that way! (I know you were thinking it.) He reached out to me and wanted to know why he can see us and we can see him. I told him what I could. But that’s old news! We just got done with our little picnic. The girls and I all gathered around and, admittedly, bombarded him with questions. You know, things like “How’s school?”, “Is your family okay?”, “Are you still taking your medicine?” and vice versa. He was overwhelmed, but he stuck it out. Honestly, I can’t imagine how he even puts up with us! The girls handled it about as well as you expected. Applejack was the most calm about it, often showing the most concern and restraint for Anon, keeping the rest of us in check. Still, Applejack isn’t hard to read. She still regarded Anon as her surrogate little brother. Rarity couldn’t stop ogling the poor stallion! She kept commenting on “Just how handsome he’s gotten!” and asking if he’d found a special somepony yet. While we were all curious, I still couldn’t believe she went and asked. I’ll have to keep an eye on that one… Fluttershy was uncharacteristically talkative today, but entirely characteristic in her worry. Out of all of us, she remembered his...troubled home life. A lot of her questions skirted the line of being a bit too personal, at least at this moment. That’s where AJ came in. Fluttershy always had a soft spot for him and it only grew more tender with time.  Rainbow talked more about herself then she did trying to inquire about Anon like the rest of us. Although, oddly enough, that was probably for the best. Rainbow was acutely aware of his apprehension to talking about himself. However, she did express a desire to play Superman and save Anon from all his problems. That’s Rainbow for you. That brings us to Pinkie...We all know how much Pinkie wanted this. When the rest of us had long since given up, Pinkie never stopped sending those messages. That’s why it worries me when I tell you how quiet she was. It was like she was caught in perpetual stage fright. She stuttered, her eyes darted around, and she kept her tail tucked in her arms. If you want my theory, I think she wanted a moment of privacy with Anon. After all, they were always the closest. Still, I thought it was better to bring everypony together at least for the first time before catching up with him individually. I only hope she isn’t too upset. There was one last thing I wanted to report. I...I want to [REDACTED]. I know what you’re going to say, but please Princess. You must understand. I’ve watched him grow all this time and have been absent from his life even longer. He’s back now, but what if he disappears again? My heart can’t take that loss again.  For now, it’s just a thought. I’m just happy he’s here again. I just hope it lasts. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle