Dom and Rainbow Dash's spree of pranks continue to run rampant amongst their friends. Next up is their hardest target yet: Pinkie Pie! This will prove a challenge!
Three of their friends have been successfully pranked. So far, there have been Apple farmers on a fishing line, a bookworm on a willing-to-kill rampage over a rare classic novel, and a woodland critter tea party to catch a butter-coloured, nature-loving mare off-guard. But no pink party pony. All other friends down, her turn has come up to be next in line!
Some creative thinking will have to be involved, as Pinkie Pie is Ponyville's - and possibly all of Equestria's - most notoriously famous prankster. Not a single pony alive can get by her with a joke she hasn't heard of herself, so each prank must be thought of with well-thought tactics. The Pink El Diablo will either win and sing with glee, or weep in the willows.
With the stakes raised to a whole new and higher bar, Rainbow Dash and Dom must put some thought into their little betting pool for what they may want. With Pinkie in their sights, who will win or lose this challenging bet?
''Are you still mad at me?'' You asked to the cyan pegasus that was hovering along side you, her snout pulled into a sour pout and her eyes downcast and inattentive, not acknowledging your presence. She had distanced herself two meters or so from you, too.
She was still wearing the artificially worn tuxedo she had worn when the two of you were out pranking Fluttershy, and you were holding her top hat, which you had collected when she chased Angel Bunny for kicking her. There was still something very amusing to you about having a flying, rainbow-maned magical pegasus pouting at you while wearing a tuxedo. It was adorable in its own way, and as much as you would have liked to tease and needle her about it, you were sure that she'd use you as a trampoline if you dared to do so right now.
''Dashie? Hey, you awake in there, featherbrain?'' You asked her again, but she didn't respond. She momentarily glanced towards you with an evident scowl, but soon looked away again. Yep, she was beyond peeved. It was always cute when she was annoyed. Her cheeks looked like warm blueberries when she got flustered!
''I'm not talking to you right now,'' She grumbled lowly at you.
''Why not?'' You questioned with a smirk. ''It was a good prank and you know it.''
''You tricked me,'' Rainbow said, stopping hovering in mid-air and turning to face you. The betrayed and humiliated scowl upon her face bore into you, and she pressed her muzzled against your nose. You saw yourself still smiling in her large pupils, but you were a bit surprised at the close contact. ''We were supposed to be a team! You tricked me, Dom! How can I trust you after that?''
You raised a hand and pushed her back with a single finger. She was incredibly light while hovering and she glided back gracefully with a single prod, putting her at a distance where you could view her fully. You still held a smile at her, but you had to admit you felt a bit guilty on the inside. You simply couldn't resist the urge of temptation.
''Well, Skittles---''
''And stop calling me that!'' She snapped, glaring at you softly and her cheeks becoming warm. There it is, warm blueberries!
''Well, Skittles,'' You began again, and she rolled her eyes at you. ''I have a feeling you'll forgive me when you hear what I've got planned next. I know you'll love it, so quit being such an angry horse,'' You told her, booping her on the nose. She snapped her teeth at you again and scrunched her muzzle. ''And while you're at it, stop being so cute.''
''I'm not cute!'' She became even more flustered. ''And I'm not a horse!''
''You're too easy,'' You said, fighting not to laugh. This aggravated Rainbow Dash even more. It pleased you. ''But seriously, I'm sorry I tricked you, alright? Fluttershy was getting upset, and you know how she gets when she starts crying, don't you? We're trying to catch our friends off-guard, not have a crying contest,'' You told her. Rainbow was still understandably annoyed at you, but she was at least acknowledging you and listening to you trying to sound sincere.
''Excuse me if I'm skeptical, but wasn't there a better way you could have ended that whole prank?'' She asked you, raising an eyebrow.
''Um, no? Not one that would satisfy me, anyhow,'' You said with a slight grin.
''You're sick, you know that?'' She lolled her tongue out at you.
You only shrugged innocently as a response. Although she was obviously bemused by it, her lips did curl into a small smile.
''Anyway, care to elaborate on what you plan is, Prank Master, or do you want to stand there and gloat at me all day?'' Rainbow Dash asked, and your eyes lit up.
''Ah, see, that's my girl,'' You said.
''Oh, I'm your girl now, am I? Then where's my rose bouquet and my wedding ring?'' She quipped sassily.
''Oh, hush. All in due time, dear. And ponies have wedding rings? If they're like what humans have, then how does that even work?'' You thought. What, did they buy rings and stick them in a fancy box to commemorate their special day and not actually wear them? Or were their wedding rings more like swimming bands for their hooves than actual rings for a finger? ''Anyway...as I was saying: I've had my eye on a certain pony for a while now, and I'm sure you'll like it.''
''No, no, it's not Berry Punch; it's way better than a drunken, wine-drinking horse...''
''Okay, then. Who?''
''Pause for dramatic effect,'' You said to yourself. After three seconds, you blurted, ''Pinkie Pie!''
Rainbow Dash stared blankly at you for a few moments, and she had hovered down onto the ground and stood stock-still in front of you. She didn't move an inch, nor did she blink once as she stared at you in silent contemplation of your words.
''Okay, not the reaction I was expecting,'' You said slowly, wondering what the problem was. ''I honestly thought you'd be more excited than this.'' She still wasn't moving. ''Dash, hello? Are you joking with me right now?'' You put down the top hat and kneeled in front of her, waving your hoof in front of her eyes to check if the lights were still on upstairs. You then checked her neck for a pulse. ''Dash, you're scaring me,'' You said, actually starting to get worried.
It took a moment of you trying to find her pulse before she threw her hooves up, grabbed your cheeks and pressed her muzzle into yours. Her eyes, while you expected them to be wide with excitement over your target, were small and scared.
''Dom, are you insane?! There's no way you're going to be able to take on Pinkie Pie! Even I can't prank her without her catching onto me, and I'm pretty awesome at it!'' She declared, and the fact that she'd admit to not being awesome enough to do anything meant that she must be serious. Usually, her ego wouldn't allow such a statement to be breathed.
''Dashie, are you scared or something?'' You asked half-teasingly, lightly pushing her back while her hooves still gripped your face. ''What's the problem?''
''The problem, Dom,'' She began. ''Is that not a pony alive can out-prank Pinkie! She's called The Pink El Diablo for a reason by ponies around town! If I can't prank her, what makes you think that you can?''
''I'm the master, remember? I pranked you, didn't I?'' You stated proudly, but Dash wasn't amused.
''Pranking me isn't the same as pranking her, Dom,'' She said flatly. ''She's capable of more than you'd think, believe me. She's got an entire army of pranks up her sleeve, and she's at one point or another pranked ever single pony in town!''
''But not every human!'' You said.
''Oh, for...'' She slapped a hoof to her face. ''Dom, your arrogance never ceases to amaze me.''
''Hey, I'm not arrogant! I'm from another planet in another universe! I'm sure our practical jokes are different than the ones a bunch of talking ponies can come up with. I'm literally outside of the box in your world, Skittles!'' You told her confidently, but your talk of high hopes in winning were lost on Rainbow Dash. Instead, her face remained frustrated by your apparent arrogance, lack of understanding of Pinkie's capabilities and the inevitable fail that was bound to ensue.
''You're stupid. You're officially stupid,'' Is all Rainbow said in the flattest neutral tone you've ever heard.
''Says the one who thought she had a tarantula on her,'' You snidely remarked. You chuckled for a moment before she slapped you in the face. It nearly knocked you off-balance, causing you to stumble in place and nearly drop to the side in a heap. You thankfully didn't lose your balance and you rubbed your cheek. ''Damn, girl, that hurt!'' You moaned. ''What is it with you and hitting me? Is this some kind of weird fetish of yours?''
''No!'' She said defensively, instantly blushing. ''That's just sick!'' She made a gagging face.
''Then why do you keep hitting me?'' You asked while rubbing your already-redding cheek tenderly. ''It's not even funny.''
''Stop making fun of me!'' She glowered at you, her voice almost a growl.
''Only if you stop hitting me. When you make fun out of me, I don't hit you, do I?'' You said, giving her a sour expression. ''Dash, you can poke fun at me all you want and I still wouldn't hit you, but you keep hitting me over a single sentence. I'm not enjoying it a single bit.''
''Okay, okay, fine, I'm sorry,'' She apologised. While her face was still flustered and tinged a light hue of pink, she did sound like she meant it. Then again, it is hard to tell with her from time to time. ''And...I'm sorry about slapping you so hard. I didn't hurt you, did I?''
''No, but I'd bet money on you in a bar brawl,'' You replied. ''Do you lift weights?"
''No,'' Dash said. ''I'm fluffy.''
''Whatever you say, Stitch.''
Rainbow Dash gave you a confused expression at that name, tilting her head at you with a raised brow, a bit like a bewildered cat. Now if she began drinking coffee, you would legally rename her as Stitch and stick her on an island in whatever the Equestrian equivalent of Hawaii is. What a sight that'd be...
''Anyway, we're getting off-track again. So, if you're such a Prank Master, then what do you propose we do?'' Rainbow Dash asked. You rubbed your hands together in anticipation, a whole bunch of ideas springing to mind.
''Well, Rainbow Dash, my Skittle-tasting rainbow horse, I think I know just the prank to get us started...''
*** *** ***
''I know this is the second time I've said this, but this is a stupid idea,'' Rainbow Dash said doubtfully as she stared at what to your mind's eye was an 'ingenious trap'. ''You really think this will work, don't you?''
''Sit there and pout if you want, but this is a start, isn't it? Besides, I've realised I haven't seen how Pinkie operates with her tactics, so this is only to see what we're up against,'' You said from your hiding spot. You were once again in the bushes with Rainbow Dash, tucked away from sight in front of Sugarcube Corner. This was the perfect vantage point.
''Alright, Rainbow Dash, I don't know exactly how we're going to play this, but this prank is always a good one. You've already been to Sweet Apple Acres to get...''the stuff'', right?'' You said that last part in a close-to-ear whisper to Rainbow Dash, but wasn't sure why. Rainbow grimaced and rolled her eyes.
''Yeees,'' She droned in a bored tone. ''And why are you whispering?''
''I dunno, I wanted to look cool,'' You shrugged.
''Well, you look like a dope,'' She said. ''This isn't going to work, you know.''
''Oh? Give me the bag!'' You snatched up the bag from beside Rainbow Dash, but was careful not to tear it open. The weight inside of the bag was pulling it down and you saw it seeping through the grease-proof coating, a black outline. Although the material was thick, the smell was like burned oakwood and hot varnish. You never knew exactly what to call that smell, but you knew anything bad would suffice.
From your pocket, you withdrew a brass Zippo lighter that had some age to it and you gave it a spark, igniting the wick instantly. You motioned towards the bag with it and then to Rainbow Dash, who was gagging.
''Okay, for scientific purposes, I'm gonna run to the doorstep, light it, run back into the bushes and observe. Simple enough, right?'' Rainbow was holding her nose shut and making a sour face. She looked like she was ready to vomit a marathon.
''Just get it over with already, the smell's making me want to vomit, and I'll make sure it all goes on you if you don't get rid of it!'' She ushered you along, practically shoving you out of the bushes.
''Alright, chill! I'm going!'' You said, rushing out of the bushes with the lighter in your hand and quickly heading towards the doorstep of the bakery. It was a bit later in the afternoon, so not many ponies were around. You knew Pinkie was working the counter today, so this should be an easy test.
''Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick in a minute,'' You grumbled to yourself as you placed the bag on the porch of the bakery and prepared the lighter. ''Damn, what do you feed your dog, AJ?''
At last, fire! You had lit the top of the bag and you had ran back to the bushes to hide with Rainbow Dash while you awaited the trial run to take place. Rainbow wafted her hoof beside you and her nose crinkled.
''Ew!'' She sputtered. ''Put a cork in it, will you?!'' She clasped her hoof over her nose. ''I can't believe you made me get that. You're getting a shower after this, mister.''
''Okay, whatever, mum,'' You said sarcastically. ''Just quit complaining and watch the show! Look, look, she's coming!'' You threw your arms around Rainbow in anticipation, put she shoved you away once she got a better whiff of your and your now-fecal-matter-smelling clothes.
Pinkie Pie saw the smoke and was coming to investigate.
''Lo, she emerges!'' You said in a classic nature documentary-maker's voice. ''The Pinkus Pius, upon detection of a potential threat, retires from her stand at the sweetie cave to come investigate,'' You said. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Rainbow Dash talking silently and mimicking your voice like a child.
Pinkie stared at the burning bag of canine excrement for a moment and then her eyes went wide when she understood what was happening. Rather than scream or maybe give a dramatic cry for help like you expected, Pinkie tapped her chin thoughtfully and an idea sprung to her mind, as evidenced when you saw her stick a hoof in the air and a lightbulb literally came into being above her head. It then dimmed, fell, hit her on the head and then the shards dropped to the floor, but she oddly and apparently didn't feel it. Pinkie Pie vanished back inside the sweet shop to some unknown location.
''Sparked with an idea, the Pinkus Pius resides back to her cave and plans her next move,'' You continue to narrate, much to Dash's annoyance.
''Oh, for...will you quit doing that?!'' Rainbow Dash yelled in a hushed tone. ''It's getting on my nerves!''
''Sor-ree,'' You said sarcastically. ''I'm just trying to have a little bit of fun, you sourpuss,'' You nudged her shoulder. She didn't like it. ''I think we both need to have a serious talk after all of this is done with. Look at you; you're so tense you look like you've seen a nudey for the first time!''
''I'm a pony. We're already nude,'' She clarified with a stink eye. ''And if I saw you nude, I doubt I'd have a reason to be tense.''
''Wow, burn,'' You said deflatedly. ''You are a sad, sad mare, Miss Dash.''
Suddenly, you heard a noise come from in front of you. Peeking back out to the bakery, you saw the top window open up, where you knew Pinkie's bedroom was located, and you saw her wearing what looked like a batting helmet with a red bubblegum light on top of it, spinning around and glowing bright red. A rope appeared out of nowhere beside her and she gave it a yank.
''Look out below!'' Pinkie Pie yelled to anybody in the vicinity after she pulled down on it hard enough to pull herself up with it once she gave it a hefty tug. Out of nowhere, a nearby tree that was surprisingly on a mechanism, tilted towards the porch of the bakery and you noticed it was hollow, with a funnel running through it to direct water, like an aqueduct. Within seconds, cold water streamed down it and extinguished the bag of burning excrement instantly.
''Whoa, what the...?'' You said, watching with Rainbow in disbelief. What was happening right now? ''But how's she going to get rid of it if it's all soggy and---wait a minute!''
Another rope appeared beside Pinkie and she pulled it, the porch collapsing inwards like a trapdoor and allowing the bag to drop straight through it, to some unknown land of no return, floating endlessly in a space of limbo. And like that, she nodded in satisfaction and removed her helmet. You were caught off guard further when she seemed to gaze right in your direction.
''You'll have to try better than that, Dommy!'' And she gave that sweet smile, the same she always flashed to her friends and then she shut the window again.
You were kneeling there beside Rainbow Dash, baffled by what had just taken place. How did she know you were in the bushes? Did she see you coming?
''So, are you going to admit you were wrong, or do what you always do and get cocky and say 'I know!' before saying yet another stupid idea?'' Rainbow asked, face bemused and all-knowing how this was going to end.
''But...h-how did she know? Is she psychic?'' You asked, throwing your arms up and motioning between the bakery and Dash. The cyan mare shrugged.
''Nope, she's just Pinkie Pie. I told you so, too.''
''But, she knew we were in the bushes and---''
''Pinkie Sense,'' Dash said plainly.
''Pinkie Sense? Does it also work as Dom Sense or Dashie Sense?''
''Yep!'' Pinkie's voice called from the distance, following the sound of an opening window that shut again after she spoke.
''Darn. Well...Oh!'' An idea came to your mind yet again.
''Oh, no, here we go...'' Rainbow groaned.
''I know!''
''Yep, here it comes...''
''Dash, I have a plan!''
''What now? You going to dress up again, or have me dress up and trick me again?''
''Oh, lighten up, will you? I said I was sorry!'' You said, knocking her shoulder. She crossed her hooves and glanced away from you, not wanting to hear what you were going to say next. ''Look, Rainbow, I know I shouldn't have tricked you, but I can't help it sometimes; it's like a disease. I enjoy poking fun at you when I get the opportunity.''
''Seriously?'' She turned to face you. ''Seriously? This is your apology?" She gave you a soft glare. ''If this is what you have to say, then you better stop right there and think about your next words very carefully,'' She warned.
''Okay, okay, I'm sorry,'' You said, placing a hand to her back. She tensed, but you didn't budge. ''Tell you what, how about I make it up to you?'' She faced you again and showed she was listening, but remained silent. ''How about this: I bet if I can't catch Pinkie Pie with a prank, I'll...'' You whispered into her ear your brilliant plan and her ears perked and her face tinged light pink. When you pulled away, she stared at you for a moment.
''Are you serious?''
''If it's to cheer you up and make us even again, then yes,'' You said. ''So, do we have a deal?'' You held out your hand. Rainbow Dash glanced between your face and your hand a few times, presumably to find a fault in your sincerity. After finding none, she spat in her hoof and then shook your hand.
''Deal!'' She said.
''How about you? Any bet you'd like to wager?''
''Hmm...'' Rainbow rubbed her chin in thought. ''No. But there's still that date you have yet to take me up on. Hint, hint,'' She batted her eyelids girlishly at you. It was an odd sight coming from her, but it still made you blush a bit. In all the excitement of bickering with her, you'd mostly forgotten about it.
''Once we're done catching all of our friends, how about we work on that?'' You offered.
''Sounds good to me,'' Dash bumped her hoof against your hand. ''So, what next?''
''Captain's Log: we're approaching the specimen in an attempt to catch her, in the name of science and for the sake of proving Prank Master titles and whom should wear The Badge of Bragging Rights in a fight for the funniest. Should we fail, I must embark on a path of humiliation to satisfy my right-wing mare, Lieutenant Skittles. If we don't return, tell my wife I said ''Hello'','' You spoke in yet another narrator-style voice, holding a hand up to your face to mimic holding a voice recorder.
You were never a fan of Star Trek, nor have you actually watched the show, but you heard yourself saying it in the voice of Patrick Stewart. You don't know why you were doing this, but it was fun to lose and pretend. After all, you had this sneaking sensation in your gut telling you that making that bet with Rainbow Dash was a big mistake. All you could do was hope nobody had a camera at the ready to catch you in the moment, forever immortalising your shame and embarrassment somewhere on the wall in a golden frame where all could see it.
''What're you doing?'' Dash asked from beside you. ''Are you thinking of giving up already?''
''No!'' You said quickly. ''I mean...no. No, I'm not giving up until I have the rare Pinkus Pius on a silver platter!'' You said confidently, but Rainbow gave you a sly smirk and it instantly melted through your facade. ''Okay, fine, I'm maybe a bit scared. That mare, that thing...it scares me.''
''Ha, I thought so!'' She punched you on the shoulder from where she was hovering. ''You know, you could still throw in the towel right now and get the bet over with...''
''Never!'' You said a bit dramatically. ''I will have my pink pony if it's the last thing this human does!'' You proclaimed.
It was then that you felt something drip down the back of your neck. Something cold and icy. You wiped the back of your neck with your palm and looked at it. You were perplexed for a moment, but then looked up in time to see a sight that both terrified you and put you in a state of awe simultaneously.
Pinkie Pie was hovering above you, riding a dual-propellor candy cane-coloured hovercraft. With a large bucket in her hooves. Grinning right down into your terrified soul.
''Dear god...'' You muttered.
''Hi, Dom!'' She waved heavily and unnaturally fast down at you. ''This is a bucket!'' She then poured it down over you in a swift motion. ''And I nominated you for the ice bucket challenge!''
''Wha---AHH!'' You shrieked when you felt a thousand knives stab and pierce all over your body with a frostiness that was so bitter it burned. Your clothes were instantly drenched and you clasped your arms over each other instinctively to retain some warmth.
To add insult to injury, Pinkie Pie then dropped the bucket directly onto your head, instantly darkening your vision and cutting off the rest of the world around you. You were now cold, numb and blind. You still heard Pinkie's strange hovercraft's propellors whisking about in the wind, which was somehow more terrifying now that you couldn't see her but only hear her. Pinkie gave a girly giggle.
''I'm keeping the bucket,'' You said, voice quivering from the chills coursing through your body. ''You're so evil!''
''Hehe,'' She giggled innocently. ''That's alright, I've got plenty more stashed around town in case of bucket emergencies,'' She told you. ''Anyway, I've got to get going! It's still my shift at the bakery and there's a bunch of hungry ponies waiting for their order! Bye-eeee!''
''Oh, that girl is so done...'' You grumbled. ''How did she do that without us hearing her coming?'' You turned your head to where you assumed Rainbow was. ''Rainbow?''
''Yeah, yeah, I'm here,'' Dash's voice said. ''I told you it was a stupid idea. Come here,'' You felt pressure on the sides of the bucket around your face and you felt Dash give it a strong heave. It came off with some doing and created a metallic popping sound. Dash's face was the first thing to fill your vision. You noticed she was bone dry.
''Oh, sure, only soak me and not my accomplice!'' You shouted to the skies, knowing that your opponent was going to hear you. ''That's just selective pranking, Pinkie! You can't pick your friends in a prank war!'' For emphasis, you shook your fist in the air like some old grandpa.
''Hey, there's something in here,'' Rainbow Dash said upon inspecting the bucket. She peered inside of it and gave whatever she was staring at a curious expression. You took the bucket from her and you inspected it. When you looked into the bucket, you noticed a piece of card stuck to the bottom of it.
It was a party invitation. However, instead of an RSVP card, it was used to write a different message in pink crayon. It read,
First to three pranks wins! Love, Pinkie Pie!
PS: You should really plan more quietly. And kiss Rainbow Dash already! 😉
She actually put a smiley face sticker on the end. Is there ANYWHERE that's safe from her hearing range?! How else could she know these things? What, if she can appear on a hovercraft without you hearing, then how were you able to tell if she was listening to a conversation at any time?
''Well, what does it say?'' Rainbow Dash asked you, and you glanced up from the bucket into her magenta eyes. You glanced between her warm eyes to the card a couple of times and you knew she wanted an answer, very curious and eagerly awaiting a response.
''N-Nothing!'' You said quickly, pulling it out of the bucket, some of the glue holding it in place still sticking to the back. You quickly stuffed it into your pocket. ''Just Pinkie wishing us good luck in the prank war and saying the first one to five pranks wins. That's all,'' You said in the most unbelievable, obviously forced smile ever.
Rainbow Dash wasn't that stupid. Of course she saw right through it and didn't believe you. Her magenta eyes narrowed at you and she spoke softly, ''Dom, show me the card.''
''Uh...'' You began lamely. ''N-No. I, um---ACHOO!'' You sneezed violently. It was so forceful your entire body shuddered and mucus shot out of your nose, causing Dash to quickly dart to one side to avoid the sticky, slimy loogie ball.
''Ew, dude!'' She reeled back in disgust.
''I-I...ACHOO!'' You fired yet another ball of hot snot out of your nose. ''D-Dashie, I...think I may have a cold,'' You said before suddenly getting frosty chills down your spine, tingling you down the the root of your nerves. ''D-D-Did it g-get c-c-cold aro-around here?"
''Oh, for...see, this is what you get for not listening to me!'' Rainbow Dash said in an annoyed tone. ''Come here, doofus, you're coming home with me. You need to hit the showers and get warm,'' She instructed, hovering beside you and wrapping a hoof under your arm, about to escort you back to your house where it was warm.
''S-Steady on, Da-Dashie. At l-least buy me a dr-drink first,'' You stuttered out, hoping to charm her. However, your actions were not rewarded with a blushing cyan mare, but rather one who rolled her eyes, gave a hefty sigh and one who roughly dragged you along.
''Not the time,'' Dash said. ''Keep your mouth shut and try not to sneeze all over me, alright?''
''Aw, why n-not? Then w-we could sho-shower together!''
She dragged you along even harder, pulling along your shoes on the dirt path. She mumbled something unintelligible beneath her breath and you swore you saw a gentle blush rise to her cheeks for but a moment.
''Just shut up, Dom,'' Is all she said and nothing else. Once you were home, she was going to shove you into the shower, get you warm and then you were going to get back on track with hunting the very mysterious Pinkus Pius.
*** *** ***
The following day, you had been scheming in your head how you were going to go about catching the elusive Pinkus Pius. She was good, too good, at both knowing your schemes unbeknownst to you and finding a way to hijack her way into slipping through them. Some creative thinking was required to accomplish success.
Pinkie Pie, regardless of her mysterious nature, was going to be yours! Or you will face the very embarrassing, very unwilling consequences, which were sure to result in endless ribbing from Rainbow Dash.
To actively prank this mare with an all-seeing eye and all-knowing ''Pinkie Sense'', as Dash called it, trying to catch her would be a tough challenge. And so, that left you with Rainbow Dash during the early hours of the afternoon. You had a light case of the sniffles with thanks to being doused in icy water, but you were still going strong. You had to remember to ask how she knew about the ice bucket challenge when she can't have known about it being a thing in an entirely different universe. It made no sense!
You were looking over your shoulder more often, after Rainbow mentioned she could be anywhere at any given time. She blended in in ways you wouldn't be able to imagine. She may as well be part-chameleon. Right now, you were hiding in the bushes (once again) and scouting, studying this fascinating product of nature. A very intriguing creature, indeed.
''Captain's Log, day after war agreement: I'm hiding in the bushes with Lieutenant Skittles, observing from a safe distance this phenomenal creature full of mysterious nature, the Pinkus Pius. A working theory: judging from the vibrant pink colour of this being, perhaps she is made of and tastes like bubblegum? An earlier and unrelated experiment clarified that Lieutenant Skittles does indeed taste a bit like a red Skittle,'' You lowered your hand for a moment, putting down your mock voice recorder, to smirk beside you at Rainbow Dash, who gave you a stick of her tongue. You suppressed a chuckle at her reaction and went back to your log.
''Pinkus Pius approaches! Standing by for further, valuable research notes!'' You watched as your target entered your sights. There she is, in her natural habitat about maybe thirty-odd meters in front of you.
Pinkie Pie was in the market, wearing her saddle bags and doing her weekly shopping routine for general groceries and party supplies. At least, that's what you guessed from the stalls she was visiting - Party Favour's Party Supply Emporium and General Goods Green Grocer. You were finding a way in which you could catch her out. It was going to have to be well-thought out and perfectly executed.
''Are there any metre-long golden silk streamers ready yet?'' You heard her ask in the distance. You didn't hear the shop owner's reply, having being too focused upon her.
''So, the party pony likes streamers, does she?" You thought out loud. A scoff sounded next to you.
''No duh, Captain Oblivious,'' Rainbow said with a roll of her eyes. ''You know she's a party planner, right? As in, buying streamers is a part of what she does?''
''Hey, don't be a smartass, Skittle Bomb, it's for research purposes! Got to look legit, you know!'' You then blinked a few times and another fiendish thought popped into your head. ''Hmm, now I'm wondering if you taste more like Skittles or more like Smarties. Maybe I'll have to---''
''If you so much as lick me or put your mouth anywhere on my body, I'll use you as a trampoline! Got it?'' She warned with a raised hoof.
''Alright, alright, simmer down, hothead,'' You knocked her shoulder lightly. ''Not looking for any more bruises to add to my collection.''
''Good. Now, I hope you've got a better plan to catch her than burning a bag of Winona's leavings this time,'' Rainbow stated, eager to know the plan.
''Oh, ye of little faith, my fair mare!'' You said in a mock hurt tone. If she gets me two more times, I'm done. If I can get her once in those two remaining times, then we're set for glory!'' You announced, but Dash looked non-plussed by your motivational speech.
''Isn't your head getting a bit too big?'' She said dully.
''Speak for yourself,'' You grinned.
Rainbow Dash glared at you softly, raised a hoof slowly, opened her mouth a couple of times but then closed it. She faltered her appearance and hung her head for a moment, averting her gaze off to the side in defeat for a good comeback.
''Hey, where'd she go?'' You asked, gazing around the marketplace and having missed sight of Pinkie. ''Oh, for...! She got away!'' You said. ''Where is my Pinkus Pius?!''
You got out of the bushes and you stood up straight, glancing around in every direction to scout her whereabouts. You found that she was nowhere in sight. Not near the party supply stand, not by the green grocer, not by the quills and sofas shop, not even near the bakery. She had vanished entirely!
''Oh, fantastic! She got away, Rainbow! All because you were being too cute!'' You said, and Dash came crawling out of the bushes with an angry, heated expression on her face.
''I'm not cute!'' She glowered at you. ''What is it with you and calling me cute no matter what I do?! What if I called you cute as often?'' You blinked at her with a smile.
''Then I'd be okay with it,'' You stated simply. She growled quietly and you smiled wider. She glared harder at you. You were pleased.
''Not. The. Time,'' She said slowly with a blush.
''Enough of this, where did she go?" You wandered around the market this time, hoping to pick her out of the crowd. She was a neon pink pony in a sea of equally bright-coloured ponies, but she was the brightest hue out of any of them, so how hard could she possibly be to locate? It was then that you decided to go up to the party supply stand and ask the mare running it.
She was a seafoam green-coloured young mare with pastel pink eyes and a white-light pink striped mane. She was actually pretty cute, but you wouldn't tell Dashie that. She might get jealous. Upon arriving in front of her stand, she gazed up at you with a sweet smile.
''Can I help you?'' She asked in a soft and playful voice, kinda like if Pinkie and Fluttershy's vocal cords crossbred. It made the cuteness factor greater.
''Have you seen Pinkie Pie? She was here a second ago and now she's not. Do you know where she went?''
''Pinkie Pie?'' Her eyes widened and brightened. ''Oh, so you're the one she kept mentioning to me! It sounds like you've got your work cut out for you, mister!'' She said sweetly, apparently all-knowing on why you were searching for Pinkie. You raised your brow at her.
''Oh, so she's told you about that, has she?'' You asked. ''Well, I'd appreciate it if you kept it on the down-low. She can't know I was here or what I'm up to, but I can't afford to lose this bet,'' You explained before you glanced behind your shoulder at Rainbow Dash, motioning to her. ''See that mare over there?'' The party mare glanced over.
''Uh-huh, you mean the rainbow-maned mare?''
''Yeah, her - listen, I can't lose this bet I have with her. She's my best friend and I can't risk what'll happen if I lose this prank war with Pinkie Pie. I only agreed to it to make her feel better. She kinda hates me at the moment, so I want her to at least be happy when this is over,'' You explained to her, unsure of why you were telling this stranger about your deeply-secured feelings for Rainbow Dash. ''So, can you help? Like, give me an idea of how I can catch Pinkie Pie while the clock's still ticking?''
This party mare gazed sweetly at you and her cherry blossom-coloured eyes were shimmering brightly. She appeared touched by your sentiment, and you could swear that you saw a watery gleam in the corner of her eyes. She wiped it away with a hoof and continued to gaze up at you with a warm expression and compassionate eyes.
''Aw, that's really sweet, mister. You really care about her, don't you?'' She inquired, and you felt yourself blush lightly.
''Yes, I do, but don't let her know that. I can't say anything to her because she thinks I'm the village idiot,'' You said with a roll of your eyes, a little saddened inside upon admitting that. ''Well, that hurt my pride,'' You muttered beneath your breath. Your delicate, delicate ego is now wounded. All because of a magical, flying horse.
''I'm sure she doesn't think so in all reality. She's probably just as shy as you are, mister. Is she...your marefriend?'' She asked cautiously but not without an ounce of sensitivity upon inquiring such a personal question. Your eyes widened slightly.
''What?!'' You blinked. ''No...y-yes, I mean no, I...sort of? In a sense, I guess?'' You said. You hadn't really thought upon it too much. You were good, close friends. There weren't any indications of any other goings on in your relationship outside of that realm.
''I think you know the answer, mister. You both do. You're probably both afraid of opening up to each other, that's all. If she cares about you, as I'm sure she does from how you talk about her, then there's nothing to worry about,'' The stall owner told you confidently.
You stared at this mare for a moment, examining her as to why she seemed so interested in your relationship with your Skittle-haired friend. It wasn't a regular thing to be inquired upon it, but you thought only close friends might pick up on any details any other pony would miss. You were both close and very good friends in spite of the bickering all day long, but what was her angle?
''Why are you asking me this? Better yet, why am I telling you all of this?'' You asked her, and it was then that this sweet mare's very sweet and sincere smile turned into a grin.
''Because, silly, I know you!'' That voice...
In a swift and unnaturally quick motion, a zip pulled out, somehow appearing from the rump of the pony towards the back of their neck, before the skin of the mare in front of you dropped and sagged onto the floor. You couldn't have been more terrified but also shocked when Pinkie Pie popped out from inside the suit. She stood there, still grinning at you.
''Y-You!'' You hopped on the spot, startled and almost hyperventilating out of surprise and shock. You had just told all of that to Pinkie Pie?! So, she knew?! ''H-How? How is this possible?!''
''It's a pony suit, silly,'' She giggled and tapped her mane, five bits falling from it and landing in her hoof before she turned to her side. ''Thanks, Sugar Streamer,'' She said to a mare, a carbon copy of the mare whom Pinkie had disguised herself as. She gladly took the bits from Pinkie and smiled at you, apparently also in on this joke.
''Oh, you're sick,'' You told her.
''No, I'm not, I feel healthy, like a nice, hot bowl of oats with milk!'' Pinkie licked her lips at the thought. She then saw how heated your expression was, how much the shock had flooded onto your face and lightly reddened your cheeks. She giggled at you and patted your head like a good dog. ''Don't feel bad, Dommie. I have friends all over town, so it's easy to have a good time!'' She said reassuringly. She then took out the cherry blossom-coloured eye contacts. Her baby blue eyes were more sparklier with glee now you could see them properly.
''Don't tell Rainbow, Pinkie, please, I'm begging you...'' You began to plead. Pinkie gave you a surprisingly understanding look, but also with a hint of disappointment or worry. You couldn't tell which one it was.
''Don't worry, your secret is safe with me,'' She said. ''But why don't you tell her already? If I know, then I'm sure others know by now, Dommie,'' She said with a sly smile. That gave you nervous goosebumps. ''Just tell her!''
''I-I can't Pinkie! You know that!'' You said defensively, forcing your voice down to a hushed whisper over fear of Rainbow catching wind of the conversation.
''You seem to like her, mister, and she likes you too, so why not talk to her about it?'' Sugar Streamers chimed in with her own input, if this even was the real Sugar Streamers.
''Considering if you're a real mare and not one in a costume, then I'm not interested,'' You said. The seafoam green mare giggled at you.
''I'm as real as sweet cinnamon in a bowl of porridge,'' She said. Okay, now you were getting hungry for oats. Ponies talk about it like they put it on a golden pedestal every morning to appease Celestia in the same manner kids leave cookies out with a glass of milk for Santa. ...Okay, now you wanted cookies with cold milk. This conversation was driving you insane.
''Arg, stop talking about food!'' Your stomach audibly grumbled. ''Great,'' You muttered.
''Aw, sorry if your tummy liked the sound of a bowl of oats, Dom. Tell ya what, why don't we take a break from this prank war and I'll get you and Dashie a bowl of oats at Sugarcube Corner. What do you say?'' She offered with that irresistible smile of hers, giving you that motherly and caring expression that managed to melt a part of your heart.
''Dom! Hey, what're you doing over there?'' Rainbow Dash's voice was heard along with her hoofsteps as she drew closer, and you flinched momentarily at the sound of her impatient tone. You had actually forgotten she was there in the heat of the moment.
''You've been standing there for ages! What's going on, exactly?'' She asked, semi-annoyed. She saw Pinkie Pie in front of you, raised a brow and then turned to gaze up into your eyes. ''I thought you came out here to win a bet, not win the gold medal for longest conversation ever!'' She snorted.
For once, you didn't feel like making a solid comeback at her. The shock (and hunger) reeling in your mind and gut were far too distracted busying your thoughts with relieving famishment. All this talk of food had made you realise that you hadn't eaten much of anything for a bit over a day. It was taking its toll on you, your stomach shrivelling up like a sun-dried raisin and begging for sustenance.
''Pinkie offered us both some late breakfast at Sugarcube Corner,'' You explained. ''I don't know about you, Dashie, but I really need a break from all this pranking and planning. And I really need to eat something before I pass out.''
''Ugh,'' Rainbow Dash groaned and headed off towards the bakery. She nudged you on the way passed you, swishing her tail gently around your leg as she did so. She didn't sound or look too happy for some reason. She never once looked back at you. In your heart, you felt it give a pang of hurt. With her, it was hard to tell if she was sad, happy or angry. Sap-hangry? Maybe that's a word for it?
Pinkie Pie and Sugar Streamers panned their heads slowly from Rainbow's gloomy and stormy exit to you, and you looked right back at them with a dull expression.
''Somepony's in the dumps!'' Pinkie Pie said.
''Don't, Pinkie,'' You hushed her. ''Just...don't.''
''Wow, mister, she seemed really fed up. Was it something we said?'' Sugar asked.
''No, probably not,'' You said.
''Oh, and Dommie? This counts as a prank! The next one's for the win!'' Pinkie said in a sing-song voice.
''Not the time, Pinkie. Not the time at all,'' You said dully. ''Can we maybe do this another time? I think I need a word with Rainbow Dash over those oats you promised. Please? No more pranks until we've sorted this whole mess out?'' You asked tiredly, desire for oaty goodness automatically possessing your feet to direct you towards the front door of the bakery.
''Pinkie Promise, I won't prank again until you and Dashie sort your issues out,'' She performed her signature moves, the sacred Pinkie Promise cupcake-in-eye gestures. You didn't say anything else as she guided you towards the bakery.
You had a good idea of why Rainbow was so fed up with you, whether it was anger or sadness, but you were hoping this bet would cheer her up. As much as you liked teasing her, seeing her sad caused you emotional pain that eventually gets too hard to mask. Whatever was bothering her, you were hoping she was in a willing enough mood to open up to you. Otherwise, you might lose more than just a bet today: you might lose your best friend.
Chapter Three - A Quiet Time: Dom and Pinkie's Discussion
You had just this moment finished a hearty bowl of cinnamon and banana oats prepared by Pinkie Pie. Easily, it was the best bowl you had ever eaten in your life, and it satisfied every desire and craving your stomach was having with you, for it had finally ceased in its incessant grumbling and was now glowing with glee.
In front of you, Rainbow Dash was still gradually eating her way through hers, holding her spoon with her wing, only now getting about halfway through it. She still held an annoyed expression upon her face and she hadn't paid any mind to you the entire time. She was still sour with you. Not even a glance was made in your direction. Her eyes remained downcast since you arrived to the bakery and sat down.
''Hey, Rainbow?'' You said softly, hoping she would at least acknowledge you. She didn't. She continued spooning another mouthful. You turned your head towards the counter and noticed Pinkie Pie standing behind it, and she shrugged at you, her face holding tones of concern. Facing back to Rainbow, you noticed that her eyebrows slowly narrowed in annoyance the more you spoke to her.
''Dash?'' You asked again. ''Come on, Dashie, what's---''
''Don't 'Dashie' me,'' She said bitterly. It wasn't a nasty tone, but rather a cold one. She finally looked up to you with a soft anger in her eyes. Her eyes were one of the easiest ways you were able to decipher her mood, as simple as reading a book from how often you spend time together, but you didn't detect any pure, hot anger. While she was somewhat peeved, there was a hint of sadness to her tone, albeit, a very subtle undertone.
''Rainbow, what's going on with you?" You asked her, now concerned about her. She was never like this with you in all the time you've been together, so her snapping at you was a bit hurtful. ''You've been sulking for a while now. Why don't you just tell me if something's bothering you?''
Rainbow Dash forcibly put down her spoon and her wings furrowed at you, her glare hardening a little as she suddenly took on a low, full-fledged angry tone with you. When she was properly infuriated, she was actually scary to be around. Understandably, your heart felt like it was trying to lurch its way out of your throat at the forceful clang of the spoon when she slammed it onto the table followed by her slightly raising out of her seat to glare into your eyes harshly.
''Because you'll find some way to ignore me or tease me, like you've been doing for at least a couple days!'' She said sourly. ''Thanks for the oats, Pinkie,'' She said as she turned her head to Pinkie Pie, before she gave you one final glare and then stormed out of the bakery without another word.
You sat there, utterly stunned at what had just happened. You weren't even sure what had happened, to be honest. She hasn't ever snapped at you like that before. You didn't really have time to contemplate it before Pinkie came over to you and sat where Dash had been sitting in front of you. The pink mare gave you a sympathetic look.
''Don't hold it against her, Dommie. Rainbow Dash is a tough cookie on the outside, but she's like strawberry jelly on the inside, all mushy and sweet. She doesn't mean it,'' Pinkie said reassuringly.
''Pinkie Pie, I know. She's always been sweet, but she hides it. I picked up on it after being friends with her for a few weeks,'' You told her. ''She's a bit sensitive, but I think I might have hurt her feelings a bit,'' You said regretfully. Pinkie just smiled at you and lightly placed her hoof on top of your hand.
''Dom, did you mean all that stuff you said at the party stand? Does she really mean that much to you?" Pinkie gazed at you patiently, and your heart felt like it was twisted in a knot. You were supposed to be here to catch this mare and to prank her for the sake of a laugh, and here she was comforting you and being all sweet and open-eared for your troubles. Pinkie Pie was something else entirely.
''Yes, I did,'' You said quietly but truthfully. ''I know that we always bicker with each other, but I'd always rather have her by my side than not at all. She's too much fun to not want to hang out with. After all, she's the first pony that ever wanted to be my friend, and she's easily my best friend,'' You said. You weren't much for mushy sentiments, but you didn't mind when it came to Rainbow Dash.
''Aw, Dommie, sounds like you have a cru-ush,'' She sing-songed with puppy eyes and a teasing smile. You blushed at her remark. It was then that a thought came to you.
''Hang on, that letter in the bucket...how'd you know?'' You inquired curiously. She knew instantly what you meant, and she sat there with her hooves clasped with a knowing smile on her face, baby blue eyes half-lidded and a little smug.
''Oh, Dommie, I've known for a while,'' She said simply. ''It's not hard to tell that you like her, you know,'' She winked at you. You tugged your collar. She giggled. You blushed even harder. She giggled again.
''So, you think I should talk to her? Properly, I mean?''
''If you love each other, then she's butter,'' Pinkie said, and you gave her a confused expression at what that meant.
''Uh...thanks, I guess, for the talk?'' You slowly began, before realising that you had yet to finish the prank war. ''Anyway, thanks for the porridge, Pinkie, but we're still in the middle of a war, so let the best prankster win! Remember, there's still The Badge of Bragging Rights to be won at the end of this for the winner of the next prank!'' You said, grinning at Pinkie. She grinned back.
''Oh, don't worry, Dommie, your Auntie Pinkie Pie has got a plan already in motion for you...'' She gave you a cartoonish evil villain hoof rub and you began to feel unnerved by it. That only made her rub them harder while she giggled to herself.
Somehow, you were regretting ever agreeing to this prank war.
''Rainbow Dash, you know that I'm sorry, right?" You asked the mare next to you, whom was still acting all gloomy and sulky. She was at the very least looking at you and talking to you, but the disinterest in her tone never once left her. She still wasn't happy with you.
''You already apologised,'' She said in a grumble. She trotting along beside you, head hanging low. ''Do we need to go over this again?''
''Dashie, I've not apologised properly though,'' You said, stopping for a moment to get on your knees and look her in the eye. She became tense at your touch when you put your hands lightly on her cheeks and raised her head up so she was level with you, but she didn't resist you and shove you away. ''I'm sorry that I pranked you like that and humiliated you. I know you're upset with me, but I know how I can make it up to you,'' You said, hoping that she'd hear you out.
''I don't know, can you? Aside from humiliating me, I still want that date you promised me, so unless you're going to pull a rose bouquet out of your pocket or you're going to surprise me, I don't want to hear it,'' She said tentatively, about ready to walk off and leave you to whatever you were doing here.
''Hey, no, no, I promise, you'll like this,'' You said, quickly moving your hands to her shoulders and stopping her from walking off. She glared softly at you, but she stopped and waited for you to continue, so it must have meant something to her that you were willing to go this far. ''Please, Rainbow, I'm trying to make it up to you. I promise that we'll sort out what's going on after I show you this, you have my word. Please, just come and see this?''
Rainbow Dash eyed you for a moment and was still curious as to what you were up to. She gave a huffy breath before she shook her head and clearly wanted to get whatever you had planned over with.
''Fine,'' Is all she said.
You said nothing further as you smiled, got up and directed her towards an area in the middle of Ponyville's town square. It was beside the town hall and in one of the streets, opposite the bakery. You stood outside of the town hall and Rainbow Dash gazed up at you with a raised brow.
''So...what did you want to show me?'' She asked. ''Are you stalling for something?''
''No, Dash. Wait a second and look towards Sugarcube Corner,'' You said, pointing towards it. She looked in time for you both to view Pinkie Pie heading into the shop with a bunch of cake boxes on her back. ''See that? Pinkie Pie's delivering some new cake boxes to the bakery and she'll come back outside in a second. And when she does...'' You pointed to the floor. Dash's eyes widened at what she saw but her eyes followed the trail.
Your fiendish master plan had utilised the irresistible chocolate candy that was the equivalent of Reese's Pieces in your world - Celestia's Pieces. Oddly enough, there were two variants called Celestia's Pieces and Luna's Pieces, the Celestia version being white chocolate and milk chocolate with white, light pink and light green-coloured pieces and Luna's being dark chocolate and white chocolate in navy blue, aqua and silver-coloured candies.
It was strange how Equestrians made something so similar to a product in another world, but they tasted exactly the same and also used a creamy peanut butter as its base. You had tried them at one point and noticed that they shockingly tasted no different than any Reese's product you've put in your mouth before. The only difference was that the chocolate was of higher quality and much richer than the equivalent.
''Celestia's and Luna's Pieces?'' Rainbow questioned. ''Dom, in what world do you think this will work?''
''Hang on, I'm not done here,'' You said, beckoning her to follow you with a wave of your hand around the corner of the town hall. ''She follows the trail and ends up under that,'' You pointed to a large wooden crate lid with a large wooden pole propping it up with some string tied around it. ''Then I'll snag that pole out and trap her! Then she'll be mine!"
''Dom, I...that has got to be the dumbest plan I've ever heard in my entire life. Even dumber than the burning bag of dog poo,'' Rainbow said in a deadpan tone. She gave you a quizzical look, but you still smiled at her.
''Rainbow Dash, trust me, this will work. I saw it once in a cartoon. It always works. Well, almost always...'' You said that last part quietly. ''Come on, won't you at least stick around and watch the show for me in my moment of triumph? There's still a bet wagered over this, you know!"
''As stupid as this is...sure, fine. I'll sit and watch,'' Rainbow agreed, but she didn't do it without a sigh.
''Good! Oh, here she comes! Quick, hide!'' You said, picking up Rainbow Dash like a cat and bringing her around the side of the town hall out of sight, putting her down behind you.
''Warn me before you do that next time!'' She said in a hushed voice.
''Sorry, but I'm taking no chances in losing this bet!'' You said back in your own hushed voice, before poking your head around the corner and watching Pinkie Pie. Wait for it...
''Hey, look, a piece of candy!'' You heard her say in a giddy voice.
Yes, she was falling for it! Soon, so very soon, she would lead herself right into your ingenious trap!
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
Her voice got louder while you watched Pinkie individually pick up the candy you had left out for her and scoffing them before moving up the trail just like clockwork. You couldn't help but snicker to yourself, trying to keep yourself out of view from her whilst she progressed up the colourful line. Just like a leprechaun following the rainbow back home...if said leprechaun was made out of bubblegum.
Rainbow Dash was watching with you, her face showing genuine surprise that Pinkie was apparently none the wiser of what was happening. Throw candy in front of a mare literally made out of candy and all things sweet and nice, she won't care if she's blindly trotting over a cliff. In this case, into captivity via wooden crate.
''Captain's Log: update on Pinkus Pius - what a magnificent product of nature! As I live and breathe, I'm documenting the very creature I've been hunting for the past day being lured into my ingenious trap, and she's allowing herself to drop into my lap quite literally! This creature...she seems to enjoy Celestia's and Luna's Pieces, peanut butter-based chocolate candies with a light sugar coating. Perhaps it's the bright hues to colour the candy shell, or maybe the elusive Pinkus Pius has a natural craving for peanut butter as part of her diet? So many questions, so little answers,'' You began speaking into your imaginary voice recorder. Rainbow Dash shook her head behind you but released a giggle.
''Okay, what is this thing you're doing?'' She motioned up to your hand. ''Do you think you're some kind of nature documentarist now or something?''
''Let a guy dream, Lieutenant Skittles. As the Captain of this mission, it's my duty to document every moment of the capture of the Pinkus Pius,'' You said in your captain's voice still. She smiled up at you for the first time since yesterday. It was nice to see.
''Dork,'' Rainbow Dash giggled to herself.
''Ooh, a piece of candy!'' Pinkie said once more as she scoffed yet another Celestia's Piece, now heading around the corner to where the wooden box propped up with the wooden pole was. This was your chance!
You had already pulled the string along with you, lightly held in your grasp and awaiting the correct time to let it rip, patiently observing Pinkie Pie. You lightly caressed the thin piece of string with your thumb in hungry anticipation for the moment to arrive. Just a few more paces and it would be time!
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
''Ooh, a piece of candy!''
She was underneath the box right now! She was literally directly underneath the box, where you had placed a full tube of Luna's Pieces for her to nom down on. This was it!
You yanked the piece of string and the wooden pole being torn from the box and releasing its support. The box above Pinkie Pie dropped directly on top of her and encased her inside.
''YES!'' You shouted in triumph. ''See, Dashie, I told you that I'd get her!'' You said as you quickly sprinted over the the wooden box and put your hands on it to press it down, your prize underneath now aware what was happening and her hooves audibly hitting against the wood to escape. ''I got you, Pinkus Pius! You're MINE!''
''Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh!'' Rainbow exclaimed rapidly, clearly just as excited as you were. Her face held a stunned expression and her eyes went wide and sparkled. ''You actually caught her! Dom, you just caught Pinkie Pie! That's impossible!''
''Is it, Dash? Is it really?'' You asked, taking a smug pose with your hand on your hip, elbow on the edge of the box and giving the cyan mare a cocky grin, much like a sexy pinup calendar photo. Damn, would you look good on one of those calendars! If only ponies knew about such things. (Note to self: look into that. Might be a funny birthday present for Dashie.)
''Dash, come here, help me keep her down!'' You said as your companion rushed over to secure down the other side of the box with her hooves. She was in what you suspected was a renewed respect and brilliant awe. This was such a monumental milestone in pranking - catching the very rare, very elusive Pink El Diablo. She was all yours! And it was marvellous to witness her trapped!
''You have the right to remain successfully and smugly pranked, Pinkus Pius!'' You called inside of the box with a laughing tone to your voice. ''You're mine now! I told you I'd get you eventually!''
''Let me out!'' Pinkie Pie pleaded from inside of the box. This satisfied you even more and you grinned so wide your jaw hurt.
''Nu-uh, Pinkie! I got you fair and square, there will be no squealing your way out of this one! That means I get to wear The Badge of Bragging Rights and you get to be mine to hang on the wall as a trophy! Today is one small step for pink ponies, one giant leap for human pranksters! We win, you lose!'' You said triumphantly. So much joy flooded your veins right now, and you were afraid they were going to burst from the rush of excitement gushing through you.
''Alright, Dashie, lets take a look at our prize!'' You said before beginning to lift the box in tandem with Rainbow Dash. It wasn't heavy duty or anything, but it was heavy enough to trap down unsuspecting ponies for an extended period of time. You had raised the box off the ground and raised it high enough to peek under it.
''Hiya, Pinkie Pie, I---'' You stopped and froze in place once you saw something beneath the box. You quickly tossed the box fully off your prize and your heart sank when you saw who was in front of you. ''NO!"
''Uh...hi, Dom,'' Twilight Sparkle said nervously, pawing a hoof at the ground.
Oh, sweet dear Celestia, your Twi-phobia had kicked in almost instantly and you were having severe PTSD flashbacks of your earlier encounter. You looked more like a child terrified of a creepy Halloween story you were told while sitting in pitch black, curling in on yourself, whimpering and feeling tears of fear build up in your eyes.
''No! N-No, NO!'' You shouted. ''That's not true! That's impossible! What happened to Pinkie Pie?! She was right there, I heard her shout!''
Twilight began to gaze at you with compassionate eyes, soft and caring and very apologetic.
''Dom, it's alright, I'm not going to hurt you,'' She raised a hoof towards you and began to lower it onto you arm. ''I-I'm sorry I went crazy before, but---''
''Nyah! NO!NO, NO, NO!'' You continued to shout loudly, practically barking at the purple unicorn in pure fear, swatting and batting away at her hoof in rejection to her touch. You clambered back and crawled away from her on the dirt with your palms and legs rapidly kicking. ''Get away from me, you crazy purple book horse!'' You said before swiftly and clumsily picking yourself from the ground and beginning to run away.
''Stay away from me, Twilight! I'm not in the mood to die by crazy unicorn vaporiser spells!'' You called over your shoulder as you bolted away.
*** *** ***
Meanwhile, away from the middle of the town where your PTSD-inducing encounter had plucked sharply at your nerves something fierce, you had escaped and ventured out into a field. This field was the same field you had been dropped down in by Rainbow Dash once she had rescued you from the rampaging unicorn that was Twilight Sparkle.
The afternoon was still young and the sky was beautiful while the wind was slightly warm and a gentle breeze occasionally swept through the grass. You were resting against the tree you had sat by only around a week earlier, your hands clutching your calfs and your chin resting atop your knees while you gently quivered. You were both shocked at what had just happened, however that was even a possibility given you literally saw Pinkie walk beneath that box with your own eyes! What was this witchcraft?!
''Can't win, can't win,'' You mumbled to yourself over and over again, repeating it in tandem with your brain running troubleshoots and coming up empty each time for a fault in your master plan, the whole logic of the situation. None of this was possible, but it somehow was.
''So, that's where you've been,'' Rainbow Dash's voice called as she hovered in the air in front of you. She gently set herself down and gave you a left-sided smile. She looked relieved to have found you. ''I somehow guessed you'd come here.''
Rainbow then came up beside you, sat herself down with her back against the tree trunk and she lightly placed a hoof on your leg, but you didn't turn to face her. She gave it a soft couple of pats and she said in a sympathetic but ''I told you so'' voice, ''I tried to warn you. Nopony alive can prank Pinkie and get away with it. You can't win, Dom.''
She didn't sound antagonising like always, nor did she sound teasing. She for once in her life sounded genuinely sympathetic and bad for you. While there was her comfort in this dark moment of your own humiliation, you still had this itch inside of you from your nerves screaming out at seeing Twilight's face.
''She...She went under there, Dash, I saw it!'' You said, eventually turning to face her. Rainbow only smiled softly at you in the hope that it would somehow comfort you more. ''And then...Twilight was there and...I don't know what went wrong,'' You said, dumbfounded. ''What just happened?''
''Oh, Dom,'' Rainbow said softly as she gingerly leaned into your side. ''That's why Pinkie Pie has no competition. She knows every trick in the book and has...well, I don't know what exactly she has or how she can do all she can do, but it's better to be safe than sorry with her. She even scares me at times,'' Rainbow admitted with a slight shudder.
''I think I'm terrified of pink ponies now. Crazy pink ponies and psycho purple unicorn bookworms,'' You said slowly, trying to find some humour in the situation. ''And I'm unsure of which I'm upset by more: the fact that I lost the bet or that Pinkie Pie beat me.'' Rainbow didn't judge.
''Like I've said, nopony has bested her yet and probably never will,'' She said. ''But you gave it your best shot.'' She was fully leaning into you now, her body weight gently pushing into your left arm and your leg as she allowed herself to sink into your side. She was warm, very fuzzy and cuddly. You never said anything before about her softness, but the first time you hugged her close, it had felt like being brushed with luxurious velvet.
This was a bit strange of her. She never got close to you like this before, never physically snuggling into you, and it made a few thoughts pop into your mind. As humiliated as you were, the joker side of you never once subsided or backed down from a potential opportunity.
''Rainbow Dash...are we pregnant?'' You asked slowly, and that one small sentence caused Rainbow Dash's body to snap up and stare at you with small, shocked eyes.
''WHAT?!'' She squeaked out at such a high pitch your ears hurt from the volume. Her cheeks were blushing so furiously that they glowed like hot pink neon signs.
''You're, uh...getting a bit too close to me. I thought maybe there was something you wanted to tell me...?'' You coaxed her, but her expression soon shifted into a deadpan one once she saw you snicker.
''Yeah, I did want to tell you something: you are one evil and twisted human,'' She said.
''Oh, and you're innocent, hmm? That's not what I've heard, fruit shakes!''
''Wha...? That doesn't even make any sense!'' She threw her hooves up in angry confusion.
''I know you are, but what am I?''
''Ugh, I can NOT with you sometimes...'' Rainbow grumbled, wisely choosing not to pull into your little game. ''You're sick.''
''Yes. Yes, I am,'' You said proudly. ''Hey,'' You held a hand to her hoof and gave it a gentle squeeze. ''Gotcha.''
''You're such a jerk at times, you know that?" She told you in a huffy voice before she sat down beside you again. ''Well, at least you're laughing while you still can. Don't suppose seeing Twilight scared your mind so badly you forgot what you promised me?'' She asked with a cheeky smile that slowly snaked up into a grin. Her eyebrows raised and fell mock seductively at you. It made your heart sink.
''Oh. I was kinda hoping you'd forget about that,'' You admitted. You blushed softly. ''Alright, Dash. If this will cheer you up, I'll do it, but I want it on the record that I'm only doing it for you. Got it?'' You held out a hand to her in request for a best friend agreement.
''You've got it!'' She bumped your fist with her hoof. ''Now, go on: get ready! I can't wait to see this!'' She said before beginning to flutter off to where you were meant to go to get this set up.
You were standing in the middle of the town again, right beside Town Hall. Apart from you were behind a modesty screen and completely concealed. You had been to pick up the goods with Rainbow about ten minutes ago and were changing into your attire while she waited on the other side of the modesty screen, all the while giggling to herself. She was already eating into you and the fun hadn't even started yet.
''Come on, sweetheart, what's taking so long?'' She asked mockingly, particularly girly-sounding on the 'sweetheart' bit.
''Pipe down!" You said from the other side, slipping into what you had been given. ''I can't believe I agreed to this...'' You mumbled before you had finished getting ready. Thankfully, there wasn't much else to do but slip into it, which was so easy that it took almost no time at all. It fit surprisingly well, too. ''Okay...I'm ready.''
''Come out, then!'' Rainbow urged eagerly. ''You've got five seconds before I come in there and drag you out! And you better not be nude, either! I'll still pull you out anyway if you are!''
''Okay, okay, simmer down!'' You said before inhaling a very, very deep and long-exhaling breath. This was it. ''Okay...here I come.''
You opened up the modesty screen door and stepped out for Dash to feast her eyes upon you in all your glory. As expected, Rainbow took one glance at you, eyeing you up and down before she snickered. Her snicker broke into a grin and her grin cracked into a gut-busting round of up-roaring, hysterical laughs.
''Ahhhhh-ha-HAAAA!'' She squirmed on the floor, clutching her gut tightly. She was going to milk this all she can, you could tell. ''O-O-Oh, my gosh! I-I-I can't b-breathe!''
''Well, at least you're smiling, so that's something,'' You said with a hefty sigh. ''You like it? Rarity made it for me.''
Around your body was a floral-print summer dress with a flared skirt. It was coloured a deep but bright pink, so you would easily stand out. Rainbow Dash picked out this colour probably to highlight your defeat to the elusive Pinkus Pius and to destroy what was left of your ego.
''Ahh-ha-ha-haaa! Oh, m-my gosh, I'm gonna pee myself!'' Rainbow's howling didn't cease nor desist. She was crying and failing miserably to contain herself. ''This is too good! Ah-Ha!''
''Laugh it up, fuzzball,'' You jabbed her with your foot. That was another thing: although you wouldn't have thought it, your shoes were inserted into white high heels. They fit scarily perfectly, too. If you were going to be in a dress, you may as well go with the full package.
''Heels?!'' Rainbow stopped giggling for a moment and gazed up to you, lip quivering once again. ''Excuse me a second: AHHHHH-HA-HAAAAA!'' She entered a second round of hysterical laughs.
''Save it for the show, Skittle Bomb,'' You said to her. ''Do you want to see me rock this thing, or are you gonna pee yourself right now and here?'' You asked, hands on your hips in a stereotypical angry woman stance. Thankfully, you weren't wearing any makeup. You were up for living up to your end of the bet, but makeup was not on the agenda for you. You did have rules and some dignity. (Well, probably not much after this was over.)
''That reminds me,'' Rainbow said, stopping her laughing to whistle to somepony. Shortly after she did, Pinkie Pie, of all ponies, appeared from literally nowhere, almost reintegrating herself out of the air itself. You had to rub your eyes to make sure you weren't seeing things.
''You called?'' She asked innocently with a bat of her eyes. Rainbow covered her mouth with a hoof, snickered and pointed to you with the other one. Pinkie looked at you and her reaction was no different than Rainbow Dash's.
''Bwa-haha-HAAAAAAA!'' She wailed. ''Oh, m-my, Dommie, you l-look so silly!'' She said between snorts and giggles and gasps for breath.
''Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system,'' You rolled your eyes. ''So, you girls up for a show? I'm only doing this once!''
''Pinkie, you got the tunes?'' Dash asked, and Pinkie grinned widely before pulling a full-scale gramophone out of her mysteriously large-interior mane. It was baffling to think that Pinkie's coif of unnatural, untamed curls was like David Tennant's Tardis. How long would it be before she pulled a Cyberman out of there? Or who knows what else? No matter, she pulled out a record and stuck it on the turntable.
''I want to see some proper dancing from you, Dom! The whole town will come out to see this! Show us what you've got!'' Rainbow Dash encouraged you, but you groaned.
''I'm so thankful that ponies haven't developed camcorders yet,'' You mumbled. ''Oh, and for the record, here's a heads up: I'm going commando under here. If there's a breeze anywhere, you all asked for what you see,'' You grinned, and both mares blushed.
''If you're hoping the sight of you letting it all hang free is gonna get us in the mood, you must have really low standards,'' Rainbow Dash snickered with Pinkie Pie.
''Hmm, I wouldn't mind,'' Pinkie said with a wink and a cheeky smile. You blushed at that.
''Um, a bit off-putting, Pinkie. A bit too much,'' You said, a little weirded out but somehow flattered. You probably shouldn't be. ''Can we get this show on the road, or are you girls just going to poke fun at my junk all day?''
''Not much to poke fun at,'' Dash mumbled.
''I heard that!'' You snapped back at her.
''No you didn't! Get out there!'' She shoved you away from them and into the open street where ponies were running through their routine of making runs to the market or enjoying the sun. Unfortunately for them, their day might not go at all how they pictured it.
''Come on, Dommie, shake what your mama gave ya!'' Pinkie called from beside Rainbow, letting the gramophone play on full volume and catching the attention of the entire neighbourhood. You glanced over your shoulder in time to see Pinkie spontaneously spawn a couple of deck chairs and two tubs of popcorn, ready for the show to begin.
You began to shake your hips to the music. You figured you may as well get this over with as quickly as you possibly can while milking it as best you could. If you were already humiliated at wearing a dress with the entire town witnessing you in it, what's the harm of pushing the boundary a little further?
You began doing your own version of the floss dance, which looked more like a penguin trying to defibrillate itself. You were never a good dancer, and especially so in high heels. Your knees were wobbling all over the place from little to no balance. Pony shoes were so different from human shoes in the sense their scale was so ridiculously small they looked like they were made for a Barbie doll.
You swung your hips, attempted to do what you considered a floss dance, gyrated your booty now and again and did a few long-arm stretches. The entire town stood still with mouths agape at what they were witnessing. A fully grown man in a girl's dress supposedly attempting an erotic dance but ending up mustering up a show with the limpness of an old cheese string flapping around a dancer's pole.
It didn't take long for the entire town to start laughing. Their cries, howls and even a few bold cat calls drove a heavy blush to your cheeks. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash could be heard in the background adding in their own fit of giggles.
''Yeah, you want to see a show? I'll give you mares a good show! Wait until the wind picks up!'' You grumbled to yourself while in the middle of a grand leap. You were careful not to stretch your legs too far in the dress over fear of tearing it and revealing more than you were willing.
''Anybody wanna dance?!'' You called to the surrounding townsfolk.
''Nah, y'all are lookin' mighty fine by yourself, darlin'!'' An accented stallion's voice crooned from somewhere in the market.
''Woo! Shake those hips, snakeman!'' A mare's voice called.
''Aw, you're all boring! Won't even give a dance to a pretty lady in a nice dress! I thought there were real stallions in this town looking for a mistress!'' You called, giving a playfully teasing twirl, based upon the cute and seducing moves you've seen female dancers use in films and on the tv.
You continued to dance like that for what your mind registered as an eternity, but was truthfully only fifteen minutes at the most. Thankfully, once the record on the gramophone had stopped playing, you had also stopped. In some strange way, you were a little disappointed after getting into it, but at least you didn't end up doing a striptease. You were trying to pull a family-friendly show here, after all!
Once you had finished, all the mares and stallions who had been watching your show from the street in the market or even from their doorsteps or bedroom windows began thunderously applauding you. At one point, they began whistling at you as if this was a regular night in a drag queen contest.
The best part of their applause was when, out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a pony you knew named Roseluck, whom whistled before she tossed you a generously-sized and brightly-wrapped bouquet of red roses. You caught them and gave them a good whiff, enjoying their crisp and floral scent, very aromatic. You bowed with them in your arms to the mare, who then blushed and became sheepish. You blew her a kiss and she swooned before falling backwards.
You headed towards Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who were still munching on their popcorn and who were still trying to stifle their girly giggles of amusement. Rainbow Dash in particular looked a whole lot happier than she was earlier, which was a bonus to you. You've missed that bright and toothy smile of hers.
''That was so worth it!'' She giggled, hugging you around your waist. ''I can't believe you actually went through with it!'' She said, smiling, as was Pinkie.
''You're one crazy party animal, Dommie!'' She said. ''That was some professional booty twerking work you did out there!'' She mimicked your own movements, and you laughed at her. Watching a pony do a strange version of the floss mixed with a gyrating booty was comical in its own right, simply for Pinkie looked like a candy floss still whirling around in the machine.
''Hey, Dashie?'' You said, turning to face her. You gazed into her magenta eyes and she gazed back curiously. Now that she was much happier and more content with you, you felt this was an appropriate move. ''Here, I want you to take them,'' You said as you offered her the bouquet of roses. Her cheeks flushes in an instant.
''R-Roses? Really?" She asked, taken back and not expecting this from you at all. ''Are you serious?"
''Go on, take them, Dashie. Consider this me trying to make it up to you as best I can,'' You then handed her the rose bouquet and smiled at her. She was so unexpecting of this gift that you saw her eyes glimmer with a light sheen, and she gladly accepted them.
She wasn't much of a romantic type, but you knew that she was the same as any other girl deep down, always appreciative of thoughtful gifts and romantic gestures. That sweet, little blush on her cyan cheeks that ignited like warm blueberries was always worth it. It wasn't often that she was given anything in a romantic form. In fact, you recalled her telling you that she hadn't ever been gifted flowers before, so this was actually the very first time it's happened.
''I...I love them. Roses are my favourite flowers. Thank you,'' She said kindly, still holding her blush. Pinkie Pie was watching the two of you as you unknowingly began gazing deeply into each other's eyes without even realising what you were doing. She was stood between the two of you, holding in her giggles at the heartwarming sight in front of her.
You could have been there for hours and still not known what you were doing. Dash had the prettiest magenta eyes, ones that glimmered with such a rich hue of pinkishness that they resembled cherry blossoms in the middle of summer on a warm day. They were always so radiant and sparkly, and her eyes had become half-lidded and dreamy, as if she had awoken from a deep slumber and was still working the sleep out of her system before she rejoined the world and reconnected with reality. Although, if this dreamy state was her version of that reality, then she would gladly stay for it. You would also stay, if it meant spending time with her.
''Aw, you two lovebirds are so adorable together!'' She squeed in joy, snapping you out of your trance, heavy blushes adorning both your cheeks.
''Pinkie!'' You both shouted in unison.
''Oops...sorry,'' She said bashfully. ''So, are we up for round two, or are you putting away the goods for tonight?"
''I think we're done here. I promised a certain mare I'd take her out for that date I promised her,'' You said as you hugged Rainbow briefly. She showed no resistance and she gladly returned it.
''Sounds good to me,'' She said, her face once again retaking that dreamy look.
''Well, how about we go back to my place and get me out of this dress? Then we can get ready for a proper evening together.''
