> Men And Monsters: The Silent Killer
>  by Perfectly Insane
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter One: Awakening.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The flowers are blooming.” 

“The birds are chirping.” 

“Kids like you…” 

Alice stood above Pinkamena’s unconscious body, right above her head. She was leaning over looking down at her, her copper hair having gotten a bit longer and was now covering a bit of her face. Her arms were out to her sides as she leaned down, almost like she was bowing.

“Probably shouldn’t be sleeping in the middle of the woods.”

Pinkamena tried to open her eyes at the sound of Alice’s voice, expecting the sunlight to burn her eyes, but it didn’t. She was greeted by Alice’s face, even though from Pinkamena’s perspective she was upside down, there was no mistaking that unnaturally wide grin. Though this time there was something different about it, strangely, there was no malicious undertone in her smile. Her eyes didn’t seem entirely empty now, there was a spark of life in them that seemed familiar to her. Alice’s smile also seemed boisterous, like she had just won a bet. 

She dare say, Alice looked genuinely happy, which wasn’t an adjective she’d ever thought to use when talking about Alice. 

“How...long have I been asleep?” Pinkamena groaned as she slowly rose, her movements were sluggish and she almost had to force them. 

She didn’t even remember falling asleep, considering the state she was in last night, odds were she just passed out. The last thing that came to mind was The Whispers mind raping her and having a very strong urge to see her reflection, then she looked into the ocean and saw...something that she knew deeply disturbed her, something that she should probably be glad she didn’t remember. Then she reacted in some mixture of crying and laughing, her face covered in her own bile as hot tears ran down her face, and some point during that she lost consciousness. 

She brought her hand up to her head and scowled, a strong headache building up as she tried to recall the events of the night prior. There were evident gaps in her memory, she could feel it. Her mind was like a block of cheese, it all held together, but there were little holes that weren’t significant enough to make a big difference. She could remember everything earlier that day up until after her fight with TSK, afterwards her memory was hazy.

She knew The Whispers were guiding her somewhere, and then she...talked to someone? Found something? Got a text? Something happened along the way, but she couldn’t remember what. Then she got here and the melding process began, an agonizing experience she’d never forget, burned into her mind along with a few other traumatic events she’s been through. While she could remember the process itself, she couldn’t exactly remember what was going through her mind during it.  She remembered trying to speak and multiple faces she didn’t recognize come to mind, names and events she’s never experienced felt familiar to her. 

She winced as she began rubbing her temple, the more she tried to remember the worst her headache got. She’d always had a really good memory, so when she felt she couldn’t remember something, it annoyed her to no end.

“Long enough to where you might as well not bother going to school today, that was the first time in the past two days you actually got any sleep after all.” Alice said as she put her hands on Pinkamena’s head, grabbing a handful of her hair in each hand and beginning to play with it. 

Pinkamena sighed and stopped trying to think about it, if The Whispers were the reason she couldn’t remember some things, there was no point. She pulled her hand away as the throbbing began to stop, noticing some dried blood on the tips of her fingers. She then became acutely aware of how sticky and gross her face felt, remembering that there was blood on her forehead from slamming it against the ground to try to deal with pain, a concoction of the contents of her stomach and blood on her mouth, and her eyes and cheeks sticky with dried tears. 

The blood on her fingers was too dried to tell, so she wasn’t sure if her blood was actually black, or if that was just a hallucination. There were a lot of things going through her head at the time, not all she remembers. Judging from the way she smelled, she could really use a bath too. 

Pinkamena leaned over to the ocean water, ignoring Alice, causing her to pout angrily as her hair was pulled away. Pinkamena closed her eyes and reached into the water, cupping it in her hands and using it to wash her face. Sure, ocean water near Manhattan was almost surely polluted. However, Igneous used it to clean himself for years, so it couldn’t have been that bad. 

She was quickly done washing her face, but she was still going to take a proper shower the next time she got the chance. Even so, she hesitated in opening her eyes. She couldn’t remember what it was she saw in her reflection last night that bothered her so much, or if it was even strictly something with The Whispers. It could’ve been something that changed about her physically, she did recall them saying that there might be physical abnormalities. 

She took a deep breath and exhaled as she lowered her hands, opening her eyes to look at whatever the ocean was about to show her. 

“What the fuck?” Pinkamena mumbled to herself as she brought both her hands to her face again, touching her face to see if it felt any different. 

The first thing she noticed was her hair, it’s shape wasn’t different at all; it was still straight, long, and silky, hanging off her head like a curtain. The color of it changed, or, at least half of it. Half of her hair stayed the same shade of pink, the other half was now dark black. The same shade of dark black that the strains on her head were before, but now they’ve seem to spread. Where one part of her hair stayed pink, the next part was black, like highlights. It looked incredibly natural, the color going all the way down to her scalp. It was also striped, kind of like a zebra, in a way. It didn’t look bad exactly, just...different. 

There was only one other difference she noticed, but it was about as noticeable as her hair. Her right eye was no longer blue, it had turned the same shade of crimson it usually did when she transformed. The pupil didn’t change into slits either, looking the same as her normal eye. Like the hair, the change looked completely natural. She’d heard of people being born with two different colored eyes, but it was different to actually see it. 

It was...kind of pretty, she had to admit. 

She activated enough of her Chimera abilities to where her eyes started to change, her left eye changing to the same shade of crimson and the pupils morphing into slits. She turned them off just as quickly, but while both their pupils turned back to normal, only the left one’s color actually faded back to blue. 

*Welp, looks like the eye and the hair are here to stay. I suppose there could have been worse things to happen to me during that, I think.*

Pinkamena lowered her hands, finding nothing else with her face that was different. She turned to look at Alice, who had been glancing over her shoulder curiously, like she wanted to see Pinkamena’s reflection too. 

She hadn’t noticed it before, but Alice was wearing a new outfit. It was a very large and very long blue dress, which covered almost all of her body except past her neck. It was also wide enough to be bigger than her, she wondered how Alice was moving around in it considering how small she was. The dress stopped at her arms around the elbows, there she wore gloves the same shade of blue that covered the rest of her arms. She was also wearing a black band around her throat, over all, she looked very fancy. She had expected her to be wearing her hair up in a bun or something, but she was still just letting it down, though she noticed it was a bit longer than before. 

“What’s with the get up? You look like you’re going to a ball.” 

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, having that same smug smirk she was used to seeing on Alice.

“Well duh! Of course I am, Cinderella was going to a ball, dummy.” 

*Oh yeah, kind of forgot about her whole obsession with fairy tales.*

“What, do you want me to call you Cinderella now?” 

Alice looked at her thoughtfully with a finger on her chin, before just shrugging nonchalantly with her hands behind her back. “Nah, it’d get annoying if you had to call me something different every time I decided to switch things up. So let’s just stick with Alice!” 

She beamed at Pinkamena, her eyes widened like a child whose father had just gotten them a puppy, this was the first time she’d actually seen her look and act like the little girl she appeared to be. Like a little girl, she suddenly jumped forward onto Pinkamena, latching her arms around her shoulders and nuzzling her head into Pinkamena’s neck.

“You’re so warm and soft Pinks, like a giant pillow fresh out of the dryer. Next time you see Starlight, you should give her a biiiiigggg hug, to thank her for putting up with you being grumpy.”

To anyone else, this would have seemed cute and just the actions of an innocent young girl. To Pinkamena, who Alice had only been sadistic and manipulative up to that point, this was straight up horrifying. From the moment she met Alice she didn’t trust her, both because she was a part of The Whispers, and because it was obvious just how Alice liked to do things. She said that she wanted to be her friend, and more than anything did Pinkamena want to believe that. But after what happened in that alleyway, when she tried to force her to kill to prove a point, even if it was a hallucination, showed her that genuine friendship between them could never be a possibility. 

Now she wanted to act all close to her, as if she hadn’t threatened to control her body last night like some kind of meat puppet? No way, she didn’t trust that, not for a second. 

“Yeah… I’ll deal with you in a bit. Can you just tell me why my hair and eye changed color?” Pinkamena said as she had to practically peel Alice off of her, trying to keep her voice as neutral as she could. 

Alice looked a bit disappointed until she looked up at Pinkamena’s hair, her eyes slightly widening in surprise, even though it was pretty obviously faked since Alice would have a lot of time to notice these changes. 

She reached up with one hand grabbing some of her hair, the other hand rubbing her face around where her right eye was, making a slight ‘hmmm’ noise like she was thinking. As Alice touched her, Pinkamena noticed something she hadn’t earlier, Alice felt real. Usually, Alice’s touch felt chillingly cold, more like a dead body than a person. Her hands now felt...warmer, more alive than before. Not as much as an actual person, like a machine trying to imitate one, but it felt real enough. 

*What’s with this sudden change? Does it have to do with the brain melding? Does that mean he’s going to be acting differently too?*

Alice abruptly pulled her hands away from Pinkamena, her arms extended to her sides with her palms open facing upwards, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head. 

“I dunno. Could be a lot of reasons, changes in pigments, melanin, lotta stuff. Told you there’d be some physical abnormalities, you should just be glad you didn’t grow any extra appendages or anything. If it makes you feel any better, I think it looks really cool!” 

Pinkamena rubbed the bridge of her nose, she had hoped after finally gaining access to their memories The Whispers would be more useful, but it was obvious that was too much to expect. Things have only gotten more and more difficult the second she was thrown into those woods. 

“Whatever, I’ll just have to get used to it. I need to head back to The Syndicate, a lot of people I need to talk to. Plus I need a shower, I feel...dirty.”

She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone and turning it on. It was sometime around noon, about lunchtime if she had been in school that day. She had received some new messages, all of them from about three people. The first two messages were from Applejack, one telling her she had handled things with Sunset, and the next asking where she was. 

She wasn’t going to bother responding to her, it’d be easier just to explain things the next time they’d meet. 

The next was from Starlight, basically asking her how she was and that she was worried since she hadn’t heard from her for a while. It was a message she sort of expected to come from Maud, but either Maud had a lot of faith in her, or she just knew there wouldn’t be a point in texting her if she was that worried. The next message caused a little concern, especially considering who it was from; Sunset Shimmer.

‘We need to talk.’

*Well, that’s not ominous at all. I’m sure that’s going to be annoying to deal with later.*

She ignored all those messages and typed in Discord’s emergency number, like last time, he picked up almost immediately. 

“Pinkie, this isn’t my normal number. This is for emergencies only, and I doubt you’ve had a life or death emergency two times in the past twenty four hours, not even you. So h-” 

“The Whispers gave their memories to me, they did the whole ‘brain melding’ thing last night. I figured you’d want to be the first person to know, and that you’d want to do some test or something, to make sure everything was fine.” 

He stopped talking for a few seconds, she could hear him sharply inhale, and then what sounded like him slamming a door. 

“How do I know this isn’t just them controlling you after you couldn’t survive through it?” 

Her eyes widened a bit in surprise, she didn’t think Discord would guess what The Whispers were planning to do if things didn’t work out, she heard Alice scoff behind her. 

“You knew they’d do that, huh? Must not have a lot of confidence in me if you were worried about it.” 

“I had an inkling, it sounded like something they’d do, and I’m sure they’d be capable of it. Plus, a little doubt never heart anyone. I’m a paranoid man, it’s how I’ve lived so long.” 

She glanced back at Alice, who was playing with a few strands of hair she had apparently pulled from her a few moments ago. She wasn’t sure whether the hair was actually there or not, but the idea of her hair just floating if anyone else could see this was a little funny to her. 

“Well, if that was what happened, it’d mean I’d basically already be dead. You or anyone else wouldn’t really be able to do anything about it, or even really tell. I could tell you that I’m me, but that wouldn’t really make you believe me.” 

Discord stayed silent for a few moments, the only sound she could hear was the sound of him impatiently tapping his finger against something. Alice was also remaining almost completely quiet, which was uncharacteristic of her, she would expect her to say something about Discord guessing their plans. 

Then she heard him reluctantly sigh, the sound of him tapping his finger against something abruptly stopping. “You’re right, there’s no point. Any big changes I should know about? I heard a little of your hair was turning black?” 

“More than a little, but yeah. As for big changes…” Pinkamena put the phone against her ear and between her shoulder, sharpening the nail on her pointer finger and slicing across the palm of her left hand. She shouldn’t have been surprised when the blood coming out of her was dark black, it had a strange smell to it she couldn’t quite describe, and seemed a bit thicker than normal blood. Otherwise, it was the same. “You could say that, yeah. It’d be easier to show you, I’ve obtained some...peculiarities I’m sure you’ll be interested in.” 

The wound began to heal as steam came off her hand, she wiped the blood off on her pants as she grabbed the phone in her other hand, her claw retracting back into a normal fingernail. “I can be at HQ in about an hour, do you mind if I take a shower first? It’s been a while since I’ve taken one, and I should probably also get a new set of clothes.” 

“No, wait till after I’m done. I can be there in thirty minutes or so, luckily I have some stuff I need to get done, so I can burn some time.  Next time you call this number, if it isn’t a life or death emergency, I will leave you out to dry.” He warned her, ending the call. 

She put the phone back in her pocket, slowly standing to her feet. She felt and heard multiple parts of her body pop and crack as she stretched, sleeping for somewhere around thirteen hours or so had made her body rather stiff. She turned around to look at Alice, who was looking up at Pinkamena with a wide grin, like she was expecting candy or something. 

“What’s up with the ‘cutesy’ act? It’s kind of freaking me out.” 

Alice responded by slightly tilting her head to the left, her grin lowering into an almost unnoticeable frown. “Don’t like it? I thought to be better friends with you, I’d act like the friendliest person I know; You! Or, I guess the old you. Say what you want about how you used to be, immature, annoying, whatever. You were good at being friends with everyone, some of them you got really close to. Now you’re just a big meanie pants who beats themselves up almost as much as they beat up other people, who doesn’t even eat candy anymore!” 

She said with emphasis, snapping her fingers as a small, brown bean appeared in the center of her left hand. She walked up to Pinkamena and jumped off the ground, slamming the candy into her mouth. 

“Don’t be mean, have a Boston Baked Bean!” Alice shouted as she landed back on the ground, somehow her dress not having moved at all. 

Surprisingly, there was no actual force behind what Alice did. Insead of physically putting it in her mouth, it was more like when she made the motion of putting her hand against her mouth, the bean teleported from her hand directly onto her tongue. It tasted exactly like a Boston Baked Bean, she was basically a candy expert, and would recognize that combination of peanut butter with candy coating anywhere. At the same time, she also knew that this piece of candy wasn’t real, and the taste and texture of it felt so real because they were using her memories to recreate it. 

“I figured that since we’re basically one person now, then we can really start being besties now! Since we don’t have to worry about keeping you in line, and we don’t have to keep any secrets from you!” 

“Yeah, you know, except for all the memories of the previous host, including my father.” Pinkamena said with a roll of her eyes.

“Let me rephrase; No important secrets.”

*The identity of The Silent Killer is pretty important, and whatever else I know you don’t want me to know yet.*

“I suppose it’s better than the cold bitch you were before, then again I doubt he’s going to suddenly change his act like you did, so it is what it is.”

“You can also think of it like I’m a constant reminder of who you used to be, trust me, you do not want to forget that.”

*Oh yeah, because my friends looking at me in pity like I’m a broken toy wondering what happened to me wasn’t enough of a reminder.* 

She began to walk into the woods, right past Alice on her way to head back. Alice stopped her by grabbing onto the back of her hoodie. Pinkamena turned back and saw that she was pointing at something, one of the trees around them, though this one was a bit bigger than the others. 

“Do me a favor, hit that tree as hard as you can.” 

Pinkamena’s eyebrows raised slightly, looking at the tree in confusion. 

“Why?” 

“Testing something.” 

*Yeah, that’s probably the best answer I’m getting, I shouldn't have expected that to change either.*

She walked up to the tree Alice was pointing at, deciding she was better off just listening to Alice. Just because she was acting more friendly now, doesn’t mean they’ll take any more kindly to her defying them. 

She put her hand on the tree, trying to get a feel for how tough it was. It was clearly very old and sturdy, a normal iron axe wouldn’t cut it, it would probably take a chainsaw. She’d never punched a tree before, but it couldn’t have been that different from punching a person. 

She pulled her arm back to her side, clenching her fist as she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. She remembered that during her fight with Michael, she was able to focus her scales on a specific part of her body, taking it away from the rest and hardening whatever she wanted to in that moment. She could do it quickly and it made that part of her body very durable, but the rest was much more vulnerable.. 

When she did it then, she was practically running on instinct, and she just kind of did it. However, now she felt that she could do it on command if she thought about it. She’d need to work on it, as of right now, it was much slower than back then. There was still a lot of her body and capabilities she wasn’t aware of and needed to practice with, but that was when she’d get a day off. 

So never. 

She took in a deep breathe as she pictured her right hand hardening, specifically just the knuckles. Cracks began to form in her skin as pieces of it began to fall off, the remaining skin beginning to change shape. Her skin on her arm turned to dark red, lizard-like scales covering her knuckles and everything below it. It was very thick and healed together nicely as steam came from the small cracks, even as she moved her fingers around they didn’t change. 

*If I only focus it on one area, it makes it stronger. The less spread out, the better.*

She felt her scales finish forming, noticing that like last time, her hand didn’t feel any heavier or harder to move. Pinkamena pulled her arm back, gritting her teeth and clenching her fist as hard as she could, feeling her entire arm get extremely tense. She grunted loudly as she slammed her fist into the tree, putting all her energy into it and hitting the tree as hard as she could. 

She felt the shockwave vibrate throught her entire body, like hitting a ball with a metal bat. Her entire right arm went numb, the scales cracked slightly from the sheer force she pushed out, unable to stop her arm from violently shaking. She couldn’t focus on anything but her body for a moment, before she came back to her senses. 

The first thing she heard was the sickening crunch of the wood being crushed, the sound of birds flying away and other animals running away from the tree, dozens of leaves falling to the ground around her. The parts of the tree around where she punched began to crack and shatter,  the tree beginning to fall in on its own weight unable to support itself anymore, as the majority of the base had been destroyed. There was a loud creaking noise as the tree began to fall forward, no other trees in the way to stop it. 

Pinkamena quickly jumped back, while she would probably survive that tree falling on her, it wasn’t exactly on her list of things to experience. She landed a few feet away from where it landed, though she still felt the wind against her when it did. The sound of a tree that big hitting the ground was deafening, surely it could be heard from almost a mile away. She almost felt bad for punching it now, it was probably a home to at least a handful of animals. 

“Did you know when humans exert themselves in any kind of way, the brain sets a limit on how much you can push yourself? It comes from a deep seated instinct for self-preservation, kind of like flinching. Now that we’ve melded, I have a bit more access to your central nervous system, along with other stuff. I can basically remove that limit, and with your healing, you should be Okie Dokie.”

Alice appeared right beside her, staring at the spot where the tree hit the ground with a slight smirk. She seemed to be satisfied with the results, but like she’d still be expecting more. 

“So that’s what you did? That sounds dangerous, and there’s no drawbacks or anything?” Pinkamena asked as she looked down at her right arm, relaxing as the scales slowly faded back to her normal skin, pulling out some of the splinters that had gotten into her arm. 

“Well, pushing out that much force at once would risk fracturing or breaking bones at worst, and just being agonizingly sore for a while at the least. Shouldn’t be a problem for you, even if you did break something. While I have you here,” 

Alice suddenly grabbed Pinkamena by the collar of her hoodie, pulling her down to her knees and at face level with Alice. Alice turned her head to face Pinkamena, the light in her eyes completely gone leaving them empty. Her smile was gone too, her face nothing but blank. Her leer seemed to pierce into her, Pinkamena’s heart dropping as all the heat left her body. 

“You will not take Imperium again, or anything like it. If we tell you not to take something, do something, tell someone something, or anything we tell you not to do and you deliberately ignore us again, a brain aneurysm would be like a bug bite compared to what we’d do to you. You were already pushing your luck by asking us to allow you to tell Starlight about us, and there isn’t anything we can do about Discord. I assure you, you don’t want to make an enemy of us. Do we make ourselves clear?” 

Fear coursed through Pinkamena’s veins as she felt like she was staring death itself in the face, unable to move or even speak. She nodded her head to say yes, hoping she noticed. 

“Good! Then let’s get on with our day!” Alice said as she let go of Pinkamena, her wide smile returning and her malicious stare being replaced with a more joyful one. 

*There she is, I knew she wouldn’t have done a full one eighty like that.*

Pinkamena slowly stood up as she felt the heat return to her body, noticing that Alice seemed to have disappeared, which usually meant she was done talking. Pinkamena brought her hands up to her face and tried to fix her hair, the only problem of hers she could fix. She then jumped up onto the nearest tree branch, jumping from branch to branch was likely the fastest way out, certainly faster than running. 

Like Alice said, it was time to get her day started. After all, what could possibly be worse than what she went through last night? 
> Chapter Two, Part One: Discussions.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her trip back to The Syndicate was...enlightening, in a way. She felt somewhat like when she woke up from that coma, but without the sudden new voices in her head, just the ones already in there that she had to live with. Her changes now were a bit more physical, other than the hair and eye anyway. Her body felt lighter and stronger, she felt like she had more energy than before, jumping from branch to branch was much easier than she thought it’d be. 

She wasn’t sure why it was, if it was because of The Whispers ‘turning off her limits’ or whatever they were doing, or it was just because she had finally gotten some actual sleep and was well rested. At the moment, she honestly and truly did not care. Her body was constantly changing, at this rate she wouldn’t be able to recognize herself in the mirror, the voices in her head could take over at any moment if they wanted to, and she wasn’t even sure how much of her was still human. She was just going to have to start embracing what she is and what she was becoming, she couldn’t stop it anymore than she could stop her lungs needing air, change seemed to be an inevitability in her life. 

Since she was a bit faster than she expected to be, she got to The Syndicate’s base in forty five minutes rather than an hour. Which meant she had some extra time, if even just a little. When she entered, she put her hood up and tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Pinkamena wasn’t sure if anyone would recognize her with her ‘abnormalities’, but she didn’t want to risk it. She wanted to hear how things were going, and couldn’t get that if they knew she was around. 

Pinkamena mostly just wandered around, not staying in any particular place for very long. The hallways seemed to be where people chatted the most as they went place to place, when she noticed people in there, she’d stay against the wall and pretend to be on her phone or something while she was listening to them. Some people looked at her strangely, but didn’t seem to suspect anything other than that. 

The rumor mill was about what she expected it to be from people apart of a criminal organization: Body counts, both in sex and how many people they killed. Who was having sex with who, battle stories and the best scores they ever got, stuff that only gave her a bit more insight into some of the people that she was the leader of. If she actually thought she could, and if she didn’t know there were good people too, she’d burn this place to the ground. 

In terms of more important stuff, most were relieved and a bit impressed that tension between them and The Apples was gone. She wasn’t sure how exactly that news had gotten tossed around about that, likely with Juno and Discord, but she was glad some of her efforts were known. She was less surprised when they started talking about The Silent Killer, it seemed most knew that she had fought them at least twice before, and thanks to that less criminals had been getting shot. Many seemed thankful for that, but she had a feeling a lot of them were just glad they didn’t have to worry about getting shot the next time they robbed a gas station or something. 

Though considering the way Starlight put it, it didn’t matter too much what she did. She said that until Pinkamena graduated, The Council would run things, and that she would essentially be a figurehead. Which was fine with her, it meant she had less to worry about. She was sure that as soon as everything with TSK was settled, they would be teaching her everything she’d need to know, which sounded like it was going to be so much fun.

It was about time for her to start heading to Discord’s office, she wasn’t sure what exactly kind of things he was going to be doing to her, but there was no point in dreading it. As she walked there, she began to form a mental list of things to do in her head, keeping things organized helped make things simple for her. 

*First, let Discord do a checkup on me. While I’m with him, I need to try to get as much out of him as I can. I need to know what Starlight meant when she said I needed to ask him about my mom, and whatever else he clearly knows about. Then, I need to talk to Fancy Pants, Zecora, and Michael. I should tell Fancy Pants about what Igneous spent his money on, while being as vague as possible. Give Zecora an update on TSK, and tell her how their weapon seems to be able to morph and change around. And I definitely need to talk to Michael, I have a feeling he knew the effects that Imperium would have on The Whispers. As for Starlight…*

Starlight had left this strange...warm feeling in Pinkamena the last time they spoke, she wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. She liked who Starlight was as a person, she really did. Starlight treated her like a friend, not just a mental case she wanted to fix. She felt that like Sunset and the others, she could forge a genuine friendship with her. Even so, she still felt...hesitant about her. The way she was able to read her and other people was sort of terrifying, she could probably get anyone to do what she wanted by using the right words in the right way if she desired. 

She also couldn’t help but feel angry about the relationship she seemed to have with Igneous, she couldn’t accept that Igneous used to be a good person, she just couldn’t. Because if that was true, if he used to be a good person and turned into what he did, and Starlight, Discord, nobody else could save him…

Then what hope was there for her?

*...I’ll talk to Starlight if I come across her, but I won’t go out of my way to find her like the others, not right now at least.*

Discord’s office looked exactly like last time, which was the weird part. She had expected that he’d have painted the room a different color again, but it was the same vertical stripes of scarlet red and plum purple, she could smell the paint was now mostly dry. She saw the various machines and things in his room, the small table with the supercomputer sitting on it, which was the only light in the room. 

And the metal table she had been strapped to when she was forced to be a chimera. 

It was odd, but the last time she came here, she felt...afraid. There was undeniably some truth to what Starlight told her about having PTSD, there was almost nothing she said in there that wasn’t true in some way. Right now, however, she didn’t feel afraid or on the verge of a panic attack like before. Looking at that table just made her feel...uneasy, not to the point of shaking or heavy breathing, just she would prefer not to touch it if it could be helped. 

She wasn’t sure why she didn’t feel as apprehensive as before, maybe it was The Whispers again, but she didn’t feel that cold chill around her heart like usual. It could even be what Starlight said, that she was distracting herself so she wouldn’t have to deal with her emotions. 

*Doesn’t matter, not here, not now.*

Pinkamena shook her head and looked around the room, she didn’t see him in the room anywhere. Which threw her off, she had expected Discord would be sitting in here, doing something weird to keep himself busy. 

“Woah, what a coinkydink. I left to go take a dump, and here I find you standing in my office, looking for me the one time I’m not here.” 

She jumped a little at the sudden voice, turning around to see Discord right behind her, his right hand in his lab coat pocket and the other cleaning out his left ear with a Q-tip. He only gave her a glance before walking past her, pulling the Q-tip out of his ear and looking down at it with a grimace, flicking it into a trash can beside the table. 

“Come inside and sit down, I’m old, I need a close look to be able to see you properly.” Discord said as he turned on the light switch, the lightbulb in the center of the room turning on. 

Pinkamena looked at Discord in slight astonishment, she hadn’t even felt his presence at all. It was like he wasn’t there one moment, and was the next. She should have heard his heartbeat or something, and while she could now, she didn’t notice it until he was right behind her.

She didn’t realize it until now, but Discord was...kind of terrifying. 

He pulled the chair out from the table and turned it to face Pinkamena, he patted it, gesturing for her to sit there. She hesitantly did, noticing how surprisingly comfortable it was. With his right hand already in his lab coat pocket, he pulled out a small flashlight, bending over and shining it directly into both of her eyes. He had a blank look on his face, making no noise as he examined her. 

Once he was done with her eyes, he turned his attention to her hair, grabbing one of the pink strains of her hair and examining it with his flashlight. He then let go of it, grabbing another strand that was black and doing the same thing, comparing them. It was hard for her to tell, but something about this felt...off. She knew Discord had more experience with The Whispers than anyone else, and he knew exactly how to deal with them if he could, but it didn’t seem like he was just doing a checkup. Instead, it was more like he was looking for something specific. 

She didn’t know what, and got the feeling he wouldn’t tell her if she asked. 

“Ok, so,” He mumbled as he straightened himself. “Your hair and eye changed color. What, are you going to start cracking your fingers?” 

She felt herself sigh before she heard it, but she couldn’t stop herself from smirking a bit. “You know Discord, one of these days you’re going to find someone who gets all your vague references, and it’s going to be less fun for you.” 

“Oh, on the contrary, I hope I do!” Discord said with a hearty chuckle. “If I ever met anyone who got all my references and makes as many as I do, I’d probably fall in love with them instantly.” 

As he spoke, his eyes began to travel down to her body. He had this strange look in his eyes, like he was trying really hard to look for something, but he didn’t want to actually find it. As soon as he reached the bottom, his eyes quickly looked back up to meet hers, wearing that same complacent smirk and half-lidded eyes like he normally did. 

“Is that all that changed? If so, then I don’t see why we needed to meet for this. You could have just described it to me or sent me a picture, there are a lot of things I’ll tolerate, but wasting my time isn’t one of them.” 

“No, there’s something else, I think you’ll want to test it immediately.” Pinkamena said as she sharpened the nail on her pointer finger into a claw, turning her left hand upward and slicing across her palm, letting the black blood begin to seep out. That strange scent began to fill her nostrils as she found herself watching the blood come out of her, finding something about it mesmerizing. 

“I think it changed sometime during the melding process, I first noticed when I threw up blood and it looked like this. It has a strange smell that I...really can’t describe, and it seems to be a bit thicker than normal blood, but otherwise I can’t tell any difference. I figured you’d want t-” 

Pinkamena stopped talking when she heard erratic panting, accompanied by what might have been the most rapid heartbeats she’d ever heard. She looked up at Discord, the only possible source that it could be coming from.

 His eyes were wider than what she thought was possible, his constricted pupils weren’t looking at her, but at her palm, like nothing else existed in the entire world. His right hand was clutching his chest where his heart was, his entire body was shaking like a leaf. Every breath from him sounded strained, his other hand was on the table supporting him so he wouldn’t fall to his knees. She could smell the sweat on him, his heartbeat was louder than anything else in the room. She knew what this was, she’d seen it in the men she killed, she’d seen it when she almost killed Sunset, she’d felt it from herself. 

This was raw, complete fear. 


“T-thats…why is your blood…?” She heard him say barely more than a murmur, it was the quietest she’d ever heard him speak, and the first time she’d ever heard him stutter. 

“Discord? Are you okay?” Pinkamena asked, retracting the claw on her left hand and reaching forward to Discord’s hand. 

The second her hand made contact with Discord’s, he recoiled and sharply gasped, pulling his hand away as soon as he made eye contact with her. He stared at her for a few seconds, his mouth agape, she could tell he wanted to say something, but something was stopping him from saying it. 

He abruptly closed his eyes and turned around, only his back was visible now. He brought both his hands up to his face, she could still hear his fearful breathing and see him shaking, but he wasn’t saying anything. 

Pinkamena wanted to say something, to do something. She knew she shouldn’t have liked Discord, he was the person who turned her into a chimera, and even seemed to enjoy it. But she had to admit Discord had a way of growing on people, as strange as he could be sometimes, she had grown to care for him, if only just a bit. She didn’t know what it was that made him so afraid all of the sudden, but whatever it was had him absolutely terrified, nothing she’d ever expect from Discord. 

It obviously had something to do with her blood being black, but she really didn’t know why that’d scare him so much. Suddenly, he took in one deep breath and exhaled, his shaking stopped and she could hear his heartbeat begin to stabilize. 

“Sorry about that, I thought you were...never mind.” She heard him say calmly as he turned around, his face completely blank and impossible to read. He reached into his lab coat and pulled out a vacutainer and a vial, grabbed the arm that she cut the palm of and rolled up the sleeve to the elbow. “Let’s pretend that didn’t happen, yeah? Yeah. So, you said it had a strange smell to it? Interesting, I wonder if that means any of the properties have changed, or maybe even something with the neurotransmitters.” 

She stared at Discord as he stuck the needle in her arm, furrowing her eyebrows in silence. She knew that wouldn’t be something she’d just forget anytime soon, that was genuine fear. But she also understood that if there was something someone was so afraid of that it shook them to the core like that, it wasn’t something they’d want to talk about. She wouldn’t push it then, but it was definitely something she’d be bringing up later. 

“It does, I’d describe it to you if I could, but I really don’t know how to put it into words. It’s not particularly strong since I can ignore it, but there’s something about that that’s just...wrong.” 

Discord responded only with a grunt, watching her black blood flow through the tube and fill up the vial, his eyes looked distant as he was deeply thinking about something. “I’ve got some more info on The Silent Killer for you, Blake’s doing his job.” 

Discord noticed her flinch when he said Blake’s name, glancing up at her and staying silent for a few moments before continuing. “This was something Igneous assumed, but now we have it confirmed. There is nothing that suggests TSK is active anywhere else, they seem to be sticking to Manhattan. I told him to come back to Manhattan and to gather as much information as he can, but that he’s not allowed to come back to HQ until you give the go ahead.” 

Blake had been a subject of thought she’d been avoiding, even after her talk with Starlight. She was trying her hardest to not think of him, if there was as much truth to what Starlight told her, that was for the best. She needed to keep him as far away from her as possible for as long as possible, she needed to hold on to her hatred for him, before it turned into something much, much worse. 

“I can’t deal with him Discord, not right now. But, I have some new information about them, I’m not sure if it’s good or bad news. They said they were looking for me, but they didn’t tell me why or if that’s the reason they started killing criminals.” 

Discord eyebrow raised slightly as he looked back down at the vial, pulling it out as it got to the full point. He put a cork on the top and put it in his lab coat pocket, pulling out the vacutainer and throwing it away. 

“I had an inkling that was the case, they did show up about two or three weeks after we dropped you off. Having it confirmed narrows down who it could be at least. I’ll run some tests on your blood and see if I can tell why it’s changed, but since you’re sitting here and you seem healthy enough, I’m going to guess it isn’t dangerous.” 

Discord placed his hand on a random part of the wall, pushing it in and causing it to collapse on itself and slide down into the wall. He reached into the square hole it made and pulled out a bag of watermelon Twizzlers, as soon as he pulled the bag out the part of the wall that slid down came back up, hiding the hole and making it seem like it was never even there. He ripped open the bag and put one in his mouth, it hung out like a cigar as he chewed on it. 

“If that’s all, than I’m going to go ahead an-” 

“I want to talk about Cloudy.” 

He stopped chewing as he stared at her awkwardly, pulling the half eaten Twizzler out of his mouth and holding it in his fingers like a cigarette. “Well, I was going to leave that up to Maud to tell you, but oh well. After she heard that Igneous was dead, she tried to kill Maud, but ended up killing hersel-”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about, I already know about that. Starlight told me there was something I should know about Cloudy, and that you’d be able to explain it better than anyone.”

Discord didn’t say anything for a few seconds, staring at her with an angry glare, though he seemed more upset at what she said rather than her. He tossed the rest of the Twizzler in his mouth and ate it, setting the bag on the table behind him. He crossed his arms and lowered his head, leaving his facial expression impossible for Pinkamena to see. 

“Pinkie, w-” 

“Pinkamena, call me...Pinkamena. I’m not Pinkie anymore, I haven’t been for a while.” 

Pinkamena had been thinking about what she wanted to be called for a while, remembering when she yelled at Maud not to call her Pinkie anymore. Pinkie was the upbeat, friendly girl she had become after her first party, even if that happiness was fake like Starlight said, there were moments of undeniably genuine joy. Pinkamena, while also being her full name, was who she was before that party. Miserable and alone, unable to make even herself happy, so much as anyone else. A few people had called her Pinkie, she knew why, it was shorter and easier to say. But she couldn’t ignore the fact that it hurt her to be called that, even by the people who used to be her closest friends. 

“Pinkamena, then. When is the last time you can remember having your period?” 

Pinkamena was a bit surprised at Discord’s bluntness, but then she remembered he didn’t really have a filter when it comes to social situations. He was evidently good at reading the room, he just didn’t seem to care. 

“I...would guess sometime during my coma after my fight with Igneous? I haven’t had another one since I woke up, so I should be due soon.” 

“No, your last period was on the second day Blake gave you to me. It’s also the last period you’ll be having ever, being a Chimera means you can’t produce offspring. Something about mixing the DNA of animals and humans messes with the reproductive system, I won’t go into the details. For men, it basically makes it to where they’re shooting blanks. For women, you stop producing eggs.” 

“But...then how did Igneous have us? Hadn’t he been the leader for twenty years or so?” Pinkamena asked as she rolled the sleeve back over her arm, noticing that something about Discord seemed really...tense. 

“That’s where your mother came in. If the leader is a man, it’s essential for them to have children. If it’s a woman, we have a selection process. The problem comes from their ability to reproduce, since all leaders are required to be Chimera’s, they can’t do that. Usually, they have at least one kid before. In the case where they don’t like Igneous, well.” 

Discord stopped talking for a second, reaching into the bag of Twizzlers and handing her one. She took it out of his hands and peeled a piece of it off, sticking it in her mouth and beginning to chew on it. It had a taste like watermelon bubblegum, but the texture of licorice, it was the type of candy to just mindlessly chew on. 

“It hasn’t happened for a while, but in the case someone is made a leader and they don’t have any children, we use what we call a Surrogate. Basically their genes are...modified to be extremely fertile, to where even a male chimera can impregnate them. Since there are no more eggs being produced, this can’t be done with a female leader. So I hope you never wanted to have children, it’s basically impossible now.” 

Pinkamena felt a bit sad about the revelation, but not overly bothered by it. It wasn’t just an excuse when she told Starlight she’d be a bad mother, it was the truth. She didn’t know how to care for and love a child since she’d been neglected like she had, she was never a responsible person, and right now she’d likely even be a worse mother than she thought.

It didn’t really matter how she felt about it anyway, it was done and was just another thing she’d have to live with. 

“No big deal, at least I don’t have to deal with periods anymore. So is that what Cloudy was? A Surrogate?” Pinkamena mumbled as she peeled another part of the Twizzler, noticing that sometime while he was talking Discord pulled another one out of the bag and was chewing on it. 

“She was, and I’m the one who did the modifications. Something went wrong and she was only able to make girls, I tried to fix it, but I just couldn’t. It had something to do with the eggs she was producing only being able to accept sperm that would turn into girls, it was really weird. It bothered him a lot because he always wanted a son, but it is how it is. That isn’t all though, there’s a bit more to it than that.”

Discord ate the rest of the Twizzler, uncrossing his arms and putting his hand against a part of the wall. It slid into the wall and revealed the cooler she had seen before, he pulled out two of the same brown can full of mixed candies and hot chocolate, cracking open one and giving the other to her. The cooler wall closed again as soon as he pulled the cans out, making it seem like it wasn’t even there. 

“As I’m sure you’ve become aware of, The Syndicate likes to make sure everything is kept perfectly managed and under their control, it’s where The Whispers get it from. The sole purpose of a Surrogate is to bear and raise children, nothing more and nothing less. So, they pick the youngest girl they can from an orphanage, take them, and raise them with that mindset. All other emotions, desires, and anything else gets removed. It’s drilled into them that they’re only meant to be mothers and nothing else, they’re hardly even human any more. 

It’s why she was so cold and emotionless, she was only taught to make sure you were alive and went to school, that was it. Everything else was negligible, as long as you were physically healthy, that’s all that mattered. When Igneous died, and she heard you were in a coma, she felt that she had lost her entire purpose, since she knew that Maud was not fit to be the leader. She tried to kill Maud, failed, and killed herself. I know you probably didn’t feel anything for her, but...I’m sorry for your loss.” 

Pinkamena listened to his explanation in silence, having finished the remainder of the Twizzler. Her face remained mostly blank, only flinching once or twice as she listened. When she was done, she cracked open the can and brought it up to her mouth. 

“That,” She said as she chugged the entire can, the sweet liquid dissolving in her mouth as she drank it. “Sounds like a really shitty existence. I never loved her, but knowing this, I can’t bring myself to hate her either. Whatever, I think I’ve wasted enough of both of our time.” 

Pinkamena tossed the can into the trash can, standing out of the chair and pushing it under the table. “I’m going to go ahead and guess that Michael is still in the infirmary, I doubt he’s in any state to start physical therapy yet. Can you tell me where Fancy Pants and Zecora are? I got some things I should talk to them about.” 

“You’re in luck, Zecora and Fancy Pants are in the same place right now. They’re in the workshop right now, apparently Zecora has been getting into building custom guns and gun parts. Fancy Pants heard about it and is trying to convince her to start selling them, I doubt that he can convince her though, she’s stubborn and doesn’t care about profit.” 

Discord sipped his can after speaking, reaching into his pocket and grabbing his flip phone. He flipped it open and began texting someone, a lot faster than she’d think someone that old would be able to. 

“I’m sure you’d also like to know that I gave Juno the day off because he needs to sleep, so you can do whatever you want today without being watched. I’m also sure you still want to take a shower, go to the private one down the hall and to the left. Leave your dirty clothes outside and lock the door, I’ll have someone bring a new set.” 

Pinkamena nodded as she walked past him, opening up the door and preparing to walk out.

“Starlight’s been worried about you, you know. She’d never say it, but she always wanted to meet you and the rest of your friends. She talks about you a bit when you’re not around and I think she really likes you, but she also pity’s you, and I know you really don’t like it when people pity you. You two should talk about that, avoiding Blake I can understand, but don’t avoid Starlight. She’s been hurt by too many people she cares about, please don’t be added to that list.” 

Pinkamena was surprised at how serious and yet gentle Discord’s voice was, that was probably the most genuine advice he’d given her. He didn’t look at her when he said it, but she was sure he had some intense look on his face. She didn’t even realize Discord cared about the feelings of others, he seemed like a science focused person, who always has something to do according to his agenda. Maybe she’s growing on him as much as he’s growing on him. 

Or maybe he’s just bored, it was impossible to tell with him. 

“I’m not avoiding her Discord, I’m just...I need to think about a lot of things, to decide what I want to do. I don’t want to say the wrong thing to her, it’s just not the right time. I appreciate the advice, thank you.” 

Pinkamena didn’t say anything else, leaving the room and leaving Discord by himself. He stared at the spot she was at, before giving a disapproving grunt and looking back at his phone, sipping from his can. 

“‘It’s not the right time?’ That’s what they always say.” 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


She was actually a bit surprised there were private showers at all, she had expected a place this big with this many people would have one entire section dedicated to hygiene related stuff, or maybe even two sections. Now that she thought about it, private showers did make some sense. If the leader and members of The Council got their own offices, their own bathrooms wouldn’t be weird. That just meant that she would have had her own private bathroom somewhere near her office, that was something she’d have to find later. 

The private shower she was at right now was certainly Discord’s, and the reason it wasn’t in his office itself was probably because he needed the space. The door blended almost perfectly into the brown walls, only noticeable by the white doorknob. She was a bit hesitant in entering, since it belonged to Discord, she was sure the inside was going to have some bizarre design. 

That wasn’t the case, however. While the room was small, just barely big to have everything a bathroom would need, it had a normal design. The roof and wall were made out of white tiles, the entire floor was covered in a similarly white rug, and it all was kept incredibly clean, almost sparkling. To her left was a porcelain toilet with a toilet roll holder built in the wall, across from that was a porcelain sink with a small mirror above it. The back of the room was where the actual shower was, about as big as a bathtub with a bright blue shower curtain.

“This is...surprisingly nice, much nicer than any bathroom I’ve ever been in.” Pinkamena said as she looked around, noticing there was a towel rack in between the shower and the toilet. 

She began taking off her clothes, neatly folding them and putting them into a pile on the ground. After a minute or so she was completely naked, with the exception of the silver necklace around her neck, the gold heart shaped pendant with the red jewel in the center still being the cleanest part. She held the pendant in her hand, feeling hesitant about taking it off. Ever since she woke up from that coma, she hasn’t been without the necklace. Not having it with her felt wrong, it was all she had of her sisters, losing it would be...painful.

*This...doesn’t need to go with the clothes, I can clean it myself.*

Pinkamena picked up the pile of clothes, opening the door slightly and placing them outside, shutting and locking the door behind her. She walked over to the sink, taking off the necklace and turning the handle to start washing it. Since she always wore it under so many layers of clothing, it barely had anything on it that needed to be cleaned, but taking care of it helped soothe her. She also noticed the distinct rust on some parts of the silver chain from when it was in the woods, but she couldn’t get rid of that without significantly more effort and some baking soda. 

When she was done cleaning the necklace, she set it on the edge of the sink, looking up and seeing her naked reflection in the mirror, something she hadn’t seen in a while. Her body was completely hairless, a preference Blake forced on her daily when he’d shave every inch of her body except for her head, a part of his callous routine. However, that didn’t explain why no hair has grown since, it had to have something to do with being a Chimera. 

Her body was still somewhat well toned and muscular, she had to be to survive those woods. She had an outline of her abs and not a lot of fat on her body, though she was still more voluptuous than a lot of girls her age. Before she changed, her skin was good, but not flawless. She had some acne and stretch marks, but now those were all gone, there was nothing on her skin anywhere thanks to her healing factor. She remembered how upset she got when she learned that her scars were gone, she wanted to keep them as a constant reminder of her hatred for them. 

Now she understood how pointless that would have been, the memories were more than enough. 

It would also seem Starlight’s theory was right, being naked like this made her feel...very vulnerable. She felt incredibly overwrought, her body shaking slightly and a feeling of disgust building up inside of her. She shook her head as she tried to ignore it, turning to the shower curtain and pulling it aside. 

She stepped into the shower, turning the water on as hot as she could, the burning would help her ignore it. 

The boiling hot water burned her skin, steam started to cloud up her vision, but the scorching pain helped her ignore the anguish building up inside her. She reached for a soap bar, pressing it against her chest. 

Every part of you is perfect, and every part of you belongs to me, don’t you ever forget that. 

She flinched as she made contact, reminding her of when Blake would touch her. He was never gentle with her, never even once. His hands were absurdly rough, it felt more like sandpaper than anything else. He always took his time running his hands all over her before he started with his torture, if she were lucky, just touching was all he felt like doing to her. 

Pinkamena bit the inside of her cheek, the taste of blood and the pain helped her stop thinking about it. She kept lightly biting as she felt the thick taste of her own blood, she noticed it tasted exactly the same as it smelled, and she wasn’t able to describe it any better. She thoroughly covered every inch of her body with soap, but no matter how much she tried to clean herself, she didn’t feel less dirty. 

She spit the blood out of her body as she washed herself, the heat was becoming less of a distraction as she got used to it. She grabbed a bottle of conditioner on a stand inside the shower, which had varying soap bars, shampoo, conditioner, and other stuff. She squirted some of the pink liquid onto her hand, rubbing her hands together and bringing them to her hair. She put it in her hair and felt it run down her face, closing her eyes to prevent any from getting in them. 

As soon as she closed her eyes and darkness encompassed her vision, even if just for a second, she felt like she was on that table again. That cold feeling on her back as her naked body was against the table, the straps tying down her hands and ankles so tightly the blood flow was almost completely cut off, her thrashing against them never got her any closer to freeing herself. She could almost taste the wooden mouthpiece, her teeth biting down on it so hard it felt like her teeth would shatter, and that was negligible compared to whatever was being done to her. 

She hadn’t even felt when she fell to her knees, she only noticed when she felt the hot water just hitting her back. Her entire body began to shake, despair spreading to the rest of her body like a disease, holding her head with her hands to try to stop thinking. 

But she couldn’t, she couldn’t stop thinking about it and she couldn’t forget it. The way his nails would dig into her body deep enough to draw blood, how her tears and her muffled screams just made him happier. His manic laughter as he hurt her, all the promises he made of what he’d do to her, and he carried through on every single one. 

The feeling of him...inside her, having his way with her in whatever way he felt like, nothing more than an object to him. Some part of her was glad that Discord made it to where she couldn’t get pregnant, the idea of Blake impregnating her was more terrifying than almost anything else he did to her. Even so, she knew she’d never be able to have sex with a man again, anytime she woulld she’d be reminded of him. 

She whimpered like an injured animal as she felt tears run down her face, unable to tell what was her tears and what was water. She sat on her knees in the shower, her hands against her head unable to stop herself from shaking. Her black blood dripped from her mouth as she bit the insides of her cheeks to stop the flashbacks, but that only seemed to make them worse. 

She couldn’t take it anymore, she had to admit it, she needed help. 

She needed Starlight. 
> Chapter Two, Part Two: Discussions.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Showers aren’t for crying silly, what are you doing?” 

Pinkamena was sure that if it weren’t for the fact that The Whispers spoke directly into her head and weren’t actually there, she wouldn’t have heard them. She felt Alice’s hand rest on her shoulder, the way someone would do to try to comfort someone, but she quickly felt that wasn’t the only purpose. She felt a deep cold that started at her shoulder and spread to the rest of her body, encompassing her heart like a shell made of ice, her emotions dulled and numbed out until it was like they weren’t even there. 

Her intense feeling of panic and fear burned into her by Blake were gone, her heartbeat no longer beating like a drum and her body’s shaking was negligible. She slowly began to stand up, letting her arms drape to her side as bits of steam came from her mouth, the wounds on the inside of her mouth healing. 

Pinkamena turned to look back at Alice, she could already feel her back starting to prune up from the constant exposure to the water. Alice was standing directly behind her, completely unaffected by the water, even her dress looked completely dry. She pulled her hand back and then twirled in a circle, her arms stretched to the side as she beamed an innocent smile. 

“Thank you, I...thanks, but you have to stop doing that. It’s helped me out a lot before, but it isn’t a long term solution and Starlight’s right, it’s an incredibly unhealthy one. I’ve spent enough of my life repressing and ignoring, I need to stop.” 

She looked up at the shower head and washed off whatever was left, she’d wasted enough time in there. She turned the shower off and pulled the curtain aside, stepping out as water dripped off her body. She grabbed one of the towels and began to dry herself off, the warm feeling of the fabric let her know it recently came out of a dryer. 

“We’ve already done this song and dance before though; You told us to stop and to let you deal with them, because you thought it would help you and that you could handle it. Then once you got the full brunt of it, you cried like a big ole baby and begged us to help you. No offense to you, but that didn’t exactly inspire confidence.” 

She hated to admit it, but what Alice was saying was true. She had been trying to avoid thinking about it, but those few moments of being completely overwrought with all of the emotions of The Whispers was...powerful, for lack of a better word. She thought she could handle it, but the truth was, there were a lot of things she couldn’t handle. 

“That’s because you just completely cut me off,  I thought that was the best way to do it, I was wrong. Instead, it needs to be a process, something I can get used to. Don’t do it unless I need it, but when you do, don’t just completely torpefy it, let a little seep through. Each time it happens to numb it a little less, if I get exposed to it bit by bit I can get used to it, call it tough love.” 

She saw Alice appear beside her out of the corner of her eyes, she had just appeared there and didn’t actually move. She was still giving her a wide grin, her hands floofing out parts of her dress to try to dry it, even though the dress wasn’t actually wet. 

She wasn’t sure why The Whispers even bothered to show up like the way they did when they could easily stay in her head and talk to her, but even if she asked, she wasn’t sure she’d get a direct answer. 

“Tough love, huh? Yeah, we can do that. Ok, we’ll try it! We should probably tell you though, eventually, we’re going to lose the ability to do that since we melded with you.” 

Pinkamena walked over to the door while still wearing the towel, opening it and seeing that there was a clean, identical set of clothes to what she was wearing before, sitting outside in a neatly folded pile waiting for her. She grabbed it with her right hand while keeping the towel up with her left, shutting the door and turning to face Alice, not bothering to lock it back.

“Lose the ability? What do you mean?” Pinkamena asked curiously as her towel dropped, putting the clothes on starting with the underwear: A pink set of panties and a bra similar to the ones she was wearing before, she decided not to question how they knew her sizes. 

“Usually, we wouldn’t. We’d be able to do stuff like that as long as we stayed with you, however, you are a special case since we decided to only give you just their knowledge, not their memories. The knowledge will stay with you as long as we do, but we can feel it even now, they’re fading. Soon, they will be gone, along with the emotions they harbor, not even we can stop it. Since this hasn’t happened before, we can not say when they will totally vanish. It could be a month, it could be a year. We’d still be able to numb your emotions, of course. But you don’t want that, and we don’t either. Other than losing the ability to numb your emotions, nothing else should change, as far as we can tell.” 

Alice placed her pointer finger on Pinkamena’s stomach, tracing a circle around her belly button. She tried to ignore her as she connected the clasp of her bra, but it sort of tickled and she’d always been a bit ticklish. 

“How convenient, that as soon as I tell you I don’t want you to keep doing something, you say you’ll soon lose the ability to do it.” 

Pinkamena flinched as Alice pinched her, which hurt a lot more than it should have. “Don’t get sassy with me now, missy. You should be glad things went the way it did, if we hadn’t done what we did, you probably would have died or gotten even worse physical abnormalities. You should be thanking us!” 

She let go of Pinkamena, crossing her arms and puffing up her cheeks as she pouted. Her copper hair flowed like it was being hit by a strong wind, though there wasn’t the slightest breeze in the room. 

*I’m not sure what’s scarier, how well she’s playing the role of the spoiled little girl, or the fact that it’s all an act. If she introduced herself like that, I never would have known. Which reminds me…*

“So, there’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. From what I understand, you have two goals; Protect The Syndicate, and protect your host. But that doesn’t make sense, if that was true, why did you let them kill themselves? While I’m at it, why did you let me post that bounty when it would have put my life in danger? I don’t get it, what’s your goal?” 

Pinkamena made sure to keep a level tone as she asked, she’d learned that they really didn’t like it when she demanded answers from them. She began to slip on the white-tshirt, appreciating the warmth that came from it that showed it was recently dried. 

Alice glared at her in silence before closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and blowing out the air in her cheeks. Opening her eyes slightly with a more serious look than before, her lips curving downward into an almost unnoticeable frown. 

“You seem to have a misunderstanding about our purpose, we can clarify with an example: If someone were to burst into the room right now and stab you in the heart, killing you near instantly, would that be our fault for not taking control of your body in that split second, reacting faster than you can and saving your life?” 

There was a distinct snarkiness in her voice, like a professor who’d studied a subject for decades and knew the answer to that question in vivid detail. Pinkamena stopped in the middle of slipping on her jeans, glowering her eyes as she heard the question. Alice knew how much she hated the idea of losing control of her body, even for a moment. She had already lost almost everything else in her life, she’d rather die than lose the last bit of freedom she had left, even if it was to save her own life. 

She knew Alice knew that, so why was she even asking that? There had to be some specific answer she was looking for, but there was no way she’d be able to guess it. 


“No, but I do-” 

“It’d be your fault.” Alice said with strong empathize, poking her finger directly against her chest where her heart would be. “Your fault for not always being on guard, and your fault for not having better reflexes. You have the potential to be amazing, but you’ll never grow if you can’t be independent.” 

Her finger suddenly shot upward, flicking the tip of Pinkamena’s nose. She was temporarily dazed by the sudden act, shaking her head and deciding to focus on putting her clothes on, she could feel a lecture coming on. 

“We recognized that the previous hosts were trying to kill themselves through self-destructive behavior, we tried to stabilize their mental state and help them, but almost all of them had an incredible distrust of us. There was one who didn’t, but they were....inconsolable. You seem to have a similar paranoia of us, but you have someone who’s very good with those sorts of things and they care about you, so you have a better chance than almost any before you.” 

Alice suddenly disappeared, reappearing in front of the sink. She put her hands on the edge of the sink and stood on the tip of her toes, allowing her to see her reflection.She got closer to the mirror and grabbed a strain of her hair, lifting it up like she was examining it. She seemed genuinely surprised and curious about it, like the very concept of her hair growing amazed her. 

*I’m...not sure whether she’s putting on a show, or if she was actually startled by her hair getting longer.*

“Anyway, what I’m saying is, we can’t intervene every time you’re in danger. You have to be able to keep improving and getting better, if not, than it’d be better for The Syndicate if someone more capable took over. You can’t become dependent on us, we’re here to assist you, not as a crutch. It’s like a kid on a bike, you’ll never learn if the training wheels are kept on.”

Alice jumped down from the sink, more or less satisfied with her examination. She turned to face Pinkamena, but her eyes were still looking upward, her tongue poking out the corner of her mouth like she was concentrating on something. Her hands were messing around with hair, somehow changing it to different hairstyles even though she had no hair bands or anything of the like. First she changed it to pigtails, making a slight humming noise as she internally debated whether she liked it or not. 

“While we feel there were much better options to gaining the trust of The Syndicate by posting that bounty, we do recognize it as what it was: An idea you came up with to get them to trust you. It wasn’t the best, but there have been worse.” 

She made a dissatisfied scowl as she decided she didn’t like the pigtails, moving her hair around and changing its shape with little effort. Soon her hair was in a ponytail, her bangs pulling back slightly showing more of her face. 

“We also figured Discord wouldn’t let a stunt like that go by, with the state The Syndicate was in and so many things going on, the death of another leader wouldn’t have been something he could risk. It’s part of the reason we consider taking over an absolute last resort, the melding process was seen as a hurdle. If you could survive that, then we can trust you are good enough.” 

Alice walked up to Pinkamena, her hair still in a ponytail and her hands on the sides of her head like she was worried it would fall apart. She had a very conflicted look on her face, unable to tell whether she liked it or not.

“What do you think?” 

Pinkamena finished buttoning up her pants and glanced at Alice, noticing that her hair had changed. She stared at it for a few seconds, before bringing her hand to Alice’s head, giving her hair a light tussle, causing the ponytail to fall apart and her hair to go back to how it was normally. 

“Keep it like you usually do. No one’s going to be able to see you but me, and it’s already annoying enough that you keep switching dresses and fairy tales, so just keep it like this.” 

Pinkamena turned back to the rest of her clothes, seeing the satisfied smirk on Alice’s face as she turned away. She reached down and picked up the leather jacket, swiftly slipping it on with ease. It was strange, she had never worn a leather jacket before all this, but now it fit her like a glove. She felt a strange urge to wear one ever since she woke up and has ever since, though she wasn’t exactly sure whether she looked good in it or not. 

She leaned down to grab the black hoodie, the only piece of clothing left, but hesitated. She remembered the conversation she had with Starlight, specifically the part where she theorized that she wore so many clothes because the more naked she felt, the more vulnerable she was. 

She wasn’t sure if there was truth to that, sadly, there was only one person, or thing in this case, she could ask to confirm it. 

“I’m...not sure if I should be asking you this, but is there any truth to Starlight’s theory? The one about me wearing so many clothes because I feel vulnerable with less clothing?” 

Alice made a questioning grunting noise, having either not heard the question, or didn’t entirely understand it. She stared at Pinkamena for a few seconds, following her line of sight to the folded black hoodie on the ground. Her mouthing forming into a form circle, making a slight ‘oh’ noise as she understood. 

“There is. Starlight is very experienced and smart when it comes to psychological stuff, it’s the main reason we allowed you to tell her about us. You should trust her theories, most of the time, there is a lot she’s right about.” 

“So...I should start wearing less clothing, so I can start moving past Blake?” 

There was a tone of desperation in her question, something that Alice discerned immediately. Alice scowled for a moment, then she relaxed her face and closed her eyes, only a slight frown on her face giving away what she was thinking. 

“It would be a start, yes. But something you should note is that this is a first for us as well, we’ve been a part of people who have been tortured like you have, none of have had quite the...effect like Blake. If allowed to fester, it would...be very bad. After you talk to Michael and the others, you will go talk to Starlight, even if we have to make you.” 

Pinkamena noticed the threatening tone in her voice, but she knew they were right. She couldn’t have a panic attack every time she took a shower, and she couldn’t almost kill someone every time she got touched the wrong way like that old man in the apartment complex. She needed to start getting better, if not for herself, than for the others. 

She reached into the hoodie’s pockets and pulled out the stuff that was left in there, glad they had checked her clothes and put her stuff in there like she figured they would. She pulled her phone out, turning it on and seeing they had charged it for her, and then slipping it into her jean pocket. She pulled out the lighter that was left in there that she bought from the gas station, putting that in her pocket too and realizing she was already collecting more lighters than she needed. 

Her fingers scraped across the plastic material of Blake’s mask, causing her to suddenly sharply inhale as shivers were sent down her spine. She pulled back her hand almost like a reflex, bringing it to her chest to feel her heartbeat, which had suddenly skyrocketed. Alice was cautiously watching her from the side, prepared to intervene if necessary. 

*That mask bothers me just to look at, so why am I wearing it? Is it because it reminds me of Blake? Or is it something else?*

She had been wearing that mask for a while now, and yet she wasn’t any closer to understanding why she wanted to. Even if it was just because she wanted to wear a mask, Starlight was right, there were plenty of other options. It didn’t make sense why she chose the mask of the person who tortured her, at least, not to her. 

Just another thing she’d have to talk to Starlight about, she did mention that she had a few guesses as to why. 

She pulled the mask from the hoodie, ignoring the feeling of disgust and fear as she pushed it as far down her back pocket as she could. It bulged out a bit, but it was mostly unnoticable. She picked up the hoodie and walked out of the bathroom, setting it down on the ground beside the door. Alice was outside waiting for her, standing against the wall with her eyes closed. 

Pinkamena felt a bit...exposed, filled with an urge to put her hoodie on like when she had her first session with Starlight. She ignored it, she could deal with this, she’s dealt with worse. 

“I still need to talk to Michael, Zecora, and Fancy Pants. Hopefully, Zecora and Fancy are still in the same place. Who do you think I should talk to first?” 

Alice opened one eye, only looking at her for a moment before closing it again. “Fancy and Zecora, if you wait too long they might separate, and Michael isn’t going anywhere.” 

She had a slight feeling they were suggesting that partly because they have some sort of disdain against Michael, she still remembered what happened when she tried to ask them for advice with him. But she decided to not ask that again, starting to walk down the left hallway where the shooting range was, appreciating that The Whispers had given her a mental layout of the place. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


“And I’m telling you that if you were to start implementing some of these ideas, you could make hundreds, no, millions! You are an absolute genius when it comes to guns, if you started making and selling custom guns, I’d know half a dozen people willing to pay for them in mass. Hell, I’d fund you if you needed it!” 

“Greed is one of the cardinal sins, and it is making you rash, 
 Even if it were to make me rich, I will not exploit my gift for cash.” 

Pinkamena walked into the workshop area in the back of the shooting range, the same place she met Zecora for the first time previously. She heard them arguing as soon as she walked in, though Fancy was pseudo-shouting, he still had that calm, slightly snooty voice. While Zecora was still rhyming, there was still a distinct upset tone in her voice. 

They were sitting at the middle workbench, apparently the only people in the entire place. They were both sitting on dark brown leather stools, Zecora’s was facing the workbench, a disassembled H&K G11 laid on the table in front of her as she swiftly cleaned each part. Fancy Pants was sitting on an identical stool facing Zecora, moving around a bit uncomfortably, it seemed he wasn’t used to sitting on things like stools. 

“You’re more stubborn than I thought you’d be Fancy, is The Syndicate low on money or something?” 

Fancy glanced at Pinkamena when he heard her voice, giving her a welcoming smile as he turned to face her. His eyes went up to her hair for a moment  and then her red eye when he noticed it was a different color, but it only lasted a moment and he didn’t seem like he was going to ask about it. “Oh, Pinkamena, what a pleasant surprise! I wasn’t expecting you here. Come on over here, and I’ll explain.” 

Fancy pulled another stool from another workbench, placing it between him and Zecora. While the striped gun expert didn’t even acknowledge her existence, she was incredibly concentrated on cleaning the individual gun parts she was working on. Considering how easily she did that with the previous gun, this one must have been fairly complex. 

Pinkamena walked forward until she was standing a few inches away from them, waving her hand dismissively as she decided not to sit down. “I’m not going to be here very long, so I think I’ll just stand. I got some things to talk to you guys about and then I gotta go, but I have time to listen to...whatever this is about.” 

“Hmmm, how do I put it?” He had a disgruntled look on his face as he closed his eyes, crossing his arms and thinking like he was trying to remember how a certain phrase went. “I have a...let’s call it a ‘hunch’ that within the coming months, there’s going to be a lot of hectic events. Right now, we have a steady income from multiple sources, and we currently have an abundance of money. But…” 

He opened his eyes and scowled, it looked almost wrong to see that look on Fancy’s face when he usually seemed so calm. “Something is telling me we’re going to need a lot. Besides, it doesn’t really hurt to have extra for an organization this big, right?” 

His face relaxed and his calm demeanor returned as he looked up at Pinkamena, giving her a smirk that she was pretty sure was meant to be reassuring. She glanced over at Zecora, who even though she looked like she was only focusing on what she was doing, Pinkamena could tell she was listening intently.

“Well, I can’t say extra funds would be a bad thing if you’re right. But basing it all on a hunch? That’s a little iffy, I have to admit.” 

“Hey now, you really shouldn’t underestimate my hunches!” He said with a hearty chuckle, smiling at her like he was boasting about some unique skill he had. “It’s a little more than just hunches, you could call it intuition. I get them from my father, which is how he was so good with managing all the money. Part of being able to do that is being able to tell what investments are worth it, and when things are going to get bumpy. Right now, my intuition is telling me things are going to get downright chaotic soon, and I’d like to have the reserves to deal with whatever it is.” 

*That’s as good of a reason as any, I suppose. Having extra money would be a good thing, but it also makes me worried about whatever he’s preparing for.*

“And you really think if Zecora starts making custom guns and gun parts, that’ll give us the money you think we’ll need?” 

Pinkamena looked over Zecora’s shoulder, her movements were incredibly precise and gentle, it reminded her of a surgeon. More than half the gun had already been cleaned and reassembled, pretty soon she’d be done with it. She had a feeling that one of the main reasons Zecora did this so often wasn’t just because she was good at it, but also it helped her think. The question was, what was she thinking about that often?

“Indeed. I could get the funds other ways, it would just take significantly more time. But if Zecora’s custom guns are as magnificent as the blueprints suggest, then this would be comparable to military grade weapons. Not only that, but if we were to provide these weapons to our men, I could guarantee casualties would go down, and there would be virtually no threats we couldn’t handle. Not like there are any now other than The Apple family, but it doesn’t hurt to be overly cautious.” 

She couldn’t help but wonder how Fancy had heard about it in the first place, or how he had even convinced her to show him the blueprints. It didn’t really matter though, it was done and it was just something she was going to have to deal with now. 

“Did Zecora tell you the reason she was making this custom gun in the first place was because of a promise she made to Igneous?” 

Fancy’s eyes widened in surprise, his smile faltering for a second. “No...she hadn’t.” He turned to look at Zecora, seeming curious as to why she didn’t tell him that. 

“Zecora, you don’t want to start making a lot of these because you don’t like abusing your skill, and because you don’t like to do things that are profit focused, right?” 

She stopped cleaning the parts, turning her head a bit to the left towards her. She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but closed it and instead just gave a nod. The sound of her cleaning parts and assembling the gun came back, though now they seemed a bit faster than before. 

*I guess not even Zecora can rhyme everything, especially to yes and no questions.*

Pinkamena heavily sighed, she didn’t like playing the mediator. “I understand that, but I don’t agree with it. I can’t ignore the benefits either, so how about this: I get wanting to keep a promise, but Igneous is very dead, whatever he wanted with it doesn’t matter anymore. You have to make at least two, counting the one you’re making for me. So, how about you make the first one useful and give it to the guy outside? He’s really good with guns, and if he had enough time, he seems like he could recreate it. This way, everyone gets what they want, and you don’t have to make any more than you already do.” 

Fancy’s eyebrows furrowed as he brought his hand to his chin, appearing genuinely confused for a moment and trying to think about something. Then his face relaxed and his eyes widened as he realized something. “Are you talking about Randolph? My, I had almost forgotten about him. I suppose you’re right, while his skills haven’t exactly aged well, he is certainly capable of such a feat. I feel embarrassed for forgetting about him, him and my father used to be such good drinking buddies too.” 

There was a loud clicking noise as the last piece was cleaned and assembled, the finished gun laid on the temple, so clean it looked like it was brand new. As soon as Zecora put in the last piece, she turned around in the stool to face Pinkamena, the teeth on the brown necklace clacking slightly as she did. She laid both her arms horizontally on her legs, her eyes staring at nowhere in particular as she was thinking about something, a stern look on her face that failed to show whatever emotion she was feeling. 

“What you are saying is the truth, the first gun I will be creating shall have no use, 
 These conditions I can agree to, as long as my skills do not come under abuse.”

*That one sounded a bit forced, but ok.*

Fancy was rather pleased, smiling wider than he usually did. “Well done, perhaps you’re better with people than we originally thought. Anyway, what did you come here to talk to us about? Did you find out what it was Igneous withdrawing that money for?” 

Zecora stood up and off from the stool, gently grabbing the gun and walking over to the right side of the room with it. This didn’t make sense to her at first, the right side of the room was where weapon parts were. Then she saw that Zecora was walking towards a large box in the wall, something Pinkamena had somehow missed the last time she was here. It looked to be built into the wall, it was brown and had a large slot in it, big enough to fit almost any gun she could think of. 

Zecora put the gun she just cleaned and assembled into the slot, and it sucked it in like a ticket machine, it was strange to see. That was probably how guns that were just made, fixed, or cleaned were put back with the rest, it was certainly a better option than manually taking them back. 

“I did, but it might just give you more questions than answers.” She said as she turned back to Fancy Pants, hearing Zecora walking back towards them. “He needed help with something and asked Discord for a favor, that money was a f-” 

“Oh, if it’s Discord related, then I don’t need to hear it.” He said as he waved his hand dismissively, a slight tone of what Pinkamena thought she recognized as fear. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that he contributes to The Syndicate more than any other individual. But frankly, he weirds me out at times, and terrifies me at others. He’s fun to drink with, but I think I’d much rather sleep in the middle of the woods covered in meat than get involved in any of his personal business.” 

Fancy jumped off the stool, dusting off the legs of his pants and then grabbed both the stool he was sitting on and the stool she was supposed to sit on. He moved them to two other workbenches, placing them in front and leaving them there. Before turning back to face her again, he adjusted his monocle and bowtie, like he was about to go on a date. 

“I believe I’ve spent enough time here. I'm going to apologize to Randolph for forgetting about him for so long, I feel absolutely dreadful for not speaking to such a close friend of my father. I’ll bid you ladies adieu, I have new plans to make thanks to today’s endeavors.” 

He didn’t say anything else, opening the door and walking out, the last thing Pinkamena saw was him waving at the old man in the booth, who she now knew as Randolph. She turned around to see Zecora standing directly in front of her, a blank expression on her face and her body was deathly still. Her eyes were on Pinkamena’s hair, like Fancy she seemed curious about it, but not enough to ask, she didn’t even pay attention to her red eye. If it wasn’t for the fact that Pinkamena had spent years living with Maud, and that she could still hear her heartbeat even if she weren’t looking at her, that would have startled her. 

“I fought The Silent Killer again, and learned something I’d figure you’d wanna know. When I got close to them, the gun sort of...morphed, I guess is the word? Parts of it moved around despite being metallic, some of it even shrank and compressed until it was basically a different gun. I’m not sure if you knew this, but I…” 

She stopped talking when she noticed Zecora’s eyes widening, her usual calm demeanor falling for a moment. 

“Of course, I should have thought of that.” Zecora muttered under her breath, turning her head to the left as she said it.

*Did she...just talk normally?*

When she talked in rhymes, it was with a normal tone of voice. However, when she briefly spoke normally, she had a bit of an accent. It was a bit African but there was also something else about it she didn’t quite recognize, it wasn’t an accent she’d ever heard before. 

“Wait, you do your rhyming...on purpose? Why?” 

Zecora’s entire body flinched and tensed up as soon as the question left her mouth, letting Pinkamena know she wasn’t meant to hear that. She likely only heard it thanks to her enhanced hearing, she still needed to figure out exactly what she was capable of with that. Zecora stuttered a bit as she attempted to formulate a response, deciding it was better to not acknowledge the question and turn around. She pulled out a folded piece of paper from her  jeans, unfolding it and placing it on the workbench as she sat on the stool, the same stern look coming back onto her face as she began intently concentrating on it. 

*Alright, we’re pretending that didn’t happen, ok.* 

Pinkamena was about to leave, before stopping herself, remembering there was something else she had wanted to ask. She’d feel a bit awkward asking that now after that little exchange they just had, but it was still something she wanted to know. 

“I’m about to leave to talk to Michael, but there’s something I want to ask you. I want to know whose idea it was to have Juno start watching me, but I really don’t feel like trying to make sense of a rhyme. So how about I just say names, and you...nod?” 

A few seconds passed which made Pinkamena feel like she hadn’t heard her, but then she saw her give the slightest of nods, not even stopping whatever she was doing on that piece of paper for a moment. 

*Good, so, who would make the most sense? Couldn’t have been Discord, he didn’t even seem to know about it until I told him. Fancy Pants told me he was against it from the start, wouldn’t make any sense for him to have suggested it. Starlight supported the idea, but I feel like she would have told me if she were the one who brought it up. Which only leaves two options.*

“Was it you?” 

She rather quickly shook her head, as if prepared to make that response. Even as she did, her hands didn’t slow down, she was making motions similar to an artist's painting. She was sure she was either adjusting the blueprint she had before, or making a new one from scratch thanks to the new information she had. 

*Then, that means…*

“If not you, then it had to be Michael?” 

For a brief moment, her writing stopped, losing her train of thought. Then, she nodded. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


She wasn’t really aware of it until recently, but Pinkamena really hated the smell of hospitals. 

She had only been to one once or twice due to childhood injuries, she got all her checkups and such from doctor’s that came to her home, what she now knew was because of the paranoia of The Syndicate. Even so, she would never forget the few times she had been to one. 

The smell was the worst, the stench of medicine in the air and just how clean it was always bothered her for some reason, she didn’t really know why. It made her irritated and was a bit hard to concentrate, only made worse by her enhanced sense of smell. 

It didn’t help that she associated hospitals with death, and she couldn’t help but associate death with the sisters she couldn’t save. 

She was usually preoccupied the previous times, but the infirmary had almost the exact same potent smell. Now that there was nothing she needed to do immediately, she couldn’t ignore it. She really felt like hitting something, and wasn’t exactly in the best mood to have a calm conversation, but she had better self control then to let that get to her. 

Instead of Michael being in the infirmary inside of The Syndicate’s own medical bay like he had been when she visited him before, they had apparently decided to move him to a private one. She learned this when she went to the infirmary and couldn’t find him there, Melvin, who was in there frantically reading some book like a college student cramming the night before a test, told her where it was. 

It was a bit smaller than a hospital room, and had all the same stuff one did. Pastel white walls and floor, without a single carpet or anything in sight. A bed in the center of the room with one light blue pillow, sheets, and a white blanket. A large IV stand to the left with a heart monitor, and a small tray attached to the bed for food. There was also a small TV built into the wall across from it, which was currently turned off and she couldn’t see where the remote was. There were a few chairs beside the bed, but other than that there was no furniture. 

The room didn’t have anything else in it that she could see, other than a door in the back of the room that she presumed was the bathroom. She sort of expected a window, but then she remembered they were underground, and felt a bit stupid for assuming that. 

Michael himself was laying completely passed out on the bed, his crutches propped against the bed and his heartbeat was so slow it was almost impossible to detect. He was wearing actual clothes now, but she was sure his body was still wrapped in bandages underneath. He was wearing a large black shirt that was a bit tight against him, the words ‘Tough Guy’ in bright white letters were on the front, whoever gave him his clothes clearly had a sense of humor. He was wearing a soft looking pair of jeans, a large cast on his right leg where she stabbed through his knee, she still distinctly remembered the feeling of shoving her claws through him. 

He was, like she expected, still wearing his mask, little puffs of white smoke coming out each time he exhaled. His face actually looked relaxed, peaceful even, not something she associated with Michael. Everything was telling her he was asleep, but she had a distinct gut feeling he was still awake.

She silently walked up to his bed, standing on the left side of the bed where the tray was. She saw he had already eaten, a silver platter on the tray which was empty, an empty cup beside it. The exception was a small bowl, which still had steam coming out of it, so it was made recently. She was a bit curious why he didn’t eat it, so she leaned over to look into the bowl. 

“What the fuck?” 

It was a bowl of ravioli, it looked professionally made and she could feel her stomach growl at the sight of it. What was startling was that there was a rat in it, a toy rat to be specific. She reached in and pulled it out by the tail, it was covered in pasta sauce and squeaked when she touched it, otherwise the food seemed untouched. 

She heard a muffled wheezing sound coming from Michael as he slowly turned his head to face her, his eye opening and then narrowing like he was struggling to make out who he was looking at. 

“Did one of the nurses do this as a prank or something?” She asked as she dropped the toy, it made a slight squeaking noise as it sank into the ravioli. 

“Yes and no...I got that after I was done eating.... it was supposedly dessert.” His voice sounded a bit less strained than the last time he spoke, he still had to take deep breaths in between speaking. It also sounded like he was in less pain, but it was hard to tell if that was him acting tough or not. “All the nurses left except one...they seemed a bit off...but I didn’t question it too much. They said that someone made something for me...and they gave me that bowl...I was a bit upset when I saw that in there.”

He tried to shift around on the bed to get more comfortable, grunting painfully as just moving too much was agonizing for him. She couldn’t help but grimace a bit out of guilt, even if she was fighting for her life, she went too far. She was lucky she didn’t end up doing any permanent damage, other than adding to his already scar riddled body. 

“When I asked who sent me that...they leaned in close to my face...taking off the mask and revealing it was Discord in a nurse costume....looked me straight in the eyes with a shit-eating grin...and asked me ‘Are you sure you didn’t ask for ratviolli?’”

Pinkamena let out a loud snort, putting a hand against her mouth to stop herself from laughing. That was the exact type of pranks she used to do on her friends, a lot of them were food related just like that. Hearing somebody do something like that reminded her of those days, sending a tingle through her heart she hadn’t felt in what felt like forever. 

“What...happened after that?” She asked as she slowly lowered her hand, managing to stifle a giggle.

“He ran out giggling like a child that just told a dirty joke...leaving that here after I’d lost my appetite. I’m not sure what horrifies me more...the fact that he went so far to make a pun...or how well he pulled it off.” 

Despite his words, she could see his cheeks rise a little, which was likely the closest thing to a smile she’d see from him. She walked around his bed, over to where the chairs were. 

“Is Discord usually like that? I know he has a penchant for puns, but even I think it’s a little weird for him to go out of his way to make one.” 

“Sort of...there isn’t exactly...a ‘normal’ when it comes to him...but in all the years I’ve known him....he usually only does stuff like that....when he’s bored or going through something...most of the time both.” 

Pinkamena immediately thought of when Discord saw her blood, she had always had this mental image of him that he was always calm and knew what he was doing, seeing him suddenly stricken with fear and compose himself like it was nothing made her aware of something. He was terrifyingly good at hiding how he felt, he could be on the edge of a breakdown and no one would know it. 

No wonder so many people were scared of him, he was a genius among geniuses and he was impossible to read. 

She picked up the chair and placed it beside his bed facing him, sitting down in it and relaxing a bit while she was here. Now that she was closer to him, Michael’s eyes went to her hair, more curiously than surprised. He also saw one of her eyes were a different color too, recognizing it as the same color her eyes changed to when he fought her. 

“What’s with your hair and eye? Did you...dye it and put in a contact?” 

*I’m a little surprised that other than Discord he’s the first one to actually ask, then again, only him and Starlight would know this is the color it changes to as a chimera.*

“If only. Don’t worry about it, it’s not what I’m here for. I fought The Silent Killer yesterday, and I used the Imperium you gave me.” 

“You don’t look very happy about that...I take it something went wrong?” 

“The Whispers didn’t like it and stopped me, I only managed to inject half of it and then it dropped and...broke.” *I’m not going to tell him TSK took the rest, I don’t think he could handle getting angry like that right now.* “But you knew something like that would happen, didn’t you?” 

She had expected The Whispers to give her a brain aneurysm for talking about them to someone they didn’t give her permission to, but they remained quite outside of their usual constant whispering. 

That was either a good sign, or a really really bad one. 

Michael took a deep breath, his entire body tensing up, which looked like it was painful for him. She was starting to wonder if he was tough, or if his body was so beat up and broken from the years of fighting that he was just used to pain. He turned his head away from her and looked up to the roof, like he was reminiscing on something. 

“I thought they’d have a bad reaction...yeah. You sound like you’ve...got it all figured out already...why don’t you tell me what you think?” 

He sounded just as cautious as he was curious, she could see his hand shaking, but she wasn’t sure why. This was one of the things she’d been thinking about for a while, learning the effect Imperium had on The Whispers just felt like the last piece of the puzzle she didn’t know she was missing. If she was wrong, she was wrong and it wasn’t a big deal. 

But if she was wrong, there were some serious implications from it. 

“This is all based on the fact that you knew Igneous had The Whispers for a bit, if you didn’t...then my whole theory falls apart. I think you knew about it, and you knew how hard it was on him, so you wanted to help. You asked Discord to make a drug under the pretense it was a battle drug, but you made sure it had an effect on the brain too, though it was a gamble whether or not it worked. Luckily it did, for a while he didn’t have to deal with them. Eventually though...it stopped working. More specifically, The Whispers, hating losing control for even the shortest period of time,  so they stopped letting him take it.” 

Michael let out what she was fairly sure was meant to be a growl, but sounded more like someone trying to scream through a whistle, and just resulted in him having a short coughing fit. She stayed silent as she waited for it to be over, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out to see it was a text message from Applejack, saying that she knew she was alive because she left her on read, and was asking if she was ok since she didn’t show up to school. 

‘I’m fine, just really busy. I fought TSK again, learned some new stuff, I’ll give you an update later.’ 

She sent AJ that message and turned off her phone, putting it back in her pocket and hearing Michael was mostly done. 

“Everything after this is just guessing and assumptions, but I think you still wanted to help him however you could. You injected the Imperium into yourself to see if you could see The Whispers, it worked, as much as they disliked it. So you kept injecting yourself with it and tried to help him however you could, since I’m guessing you could actually see them and the effect they had, so you did the best you could. You told the others you only used it as a battle drug, worried what might happen if they found out you were doing that to yourself, so you let them think it was because you were addicted. You did actually use it in a battle to help you, but it was always intended to help Igneous. 

I’m guessing you stopped sometime after The Whispers left him, or at least slowed down. But the damage was already done, your relationship with Starlight was already ruined because she thought you were addicted and wouldn’t tell her why, and your body was already irreparably damaged. Which is why you didn’t throw much of a fuss when Starlight made Discord stop making it, you kept an emergency dose and knew Discord kept one too, but other than that you stopped entirely.

And that’s...all I’ve got.”

She had expected Michael to laugh at how wrong she was, or as close as he could get before stopping due to the pain. Almost everything she said was just conjecture, it could have been an absolute coincidence that the Imperium cut off The Whispers. 

Instead, the only sound in the room was his heavy breathing. His hand had stopped shaking and he was still staring at the ceiling, like he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. 

“Pinkamena, I would like to apologize. My previous impression of you was that you weren’t very smart, due to your age and brashness. The fact that you pieced all that together while knowing little more than hearsay is nothing short of impressive, you are more intelligent than I thought, maybe you really are cut out to be a leader.” 

Her heart sank at his words, the realization that her postulations were correct was just as surprising as it was shocking. She previously believed that Michael was just an instinctive brute that didn’t think of anything else but fighting, if he did all that, he had much more forethought than she thought he was capable of. It would also explain why The Whispers had been so cautious of him before. 

Not only that, but doing everything he did would have meant a lot of dedication. According to everything she’d learned so far, that would have been about the time Igneous' downfall began. Which meant even as he was falling apart and becoming the monster he did, Michael kept helping him with it and stuck with him in unquestioning loyalty. 

It reminded her of Rainbow Dash, she couldn’t help but wonder if Rainbow was still alive and saw who she’d become, if she would still call her a friend. 

“I’m not smart, I’m just…” Pinkamena shifted in her chair uncomfortably, she had rarely ever been called smart, she didn’t really know how to take it. “Perceptive, I guess? Anyway, so it was all true? You really...sacrificed that much to see The Whispers to try to help him?” 

“Yeah, but there’s a bit more to it than that. All that exposure left a sort of after effect, sadly not one that really benefits me.” He slowly turned his head to face her, but even though his eyes were looking in her direction, it’s like they were staring straight through her, at something beyond her. “I can’t see them anymore, but I can sort of just...tell when someone has them, it’s just something I can see.” 

The whispering in the back of her head got a bit more frantic, almost fearful, but they didn’t do anything other than that. “What do you see when you look at me? If you can describe it.” 

His eyes moved up a bit, peering at the spot just above her head like there was something above her. “I never believed in any of that aura bullshit, but I can’t think of any other word to describe it. It’s like this black energy that comes off every inch of your body, which is a lot more focused around your head. Though it’s...a bit different now, thicker and darker than before. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that your eye changed color.” 

The Whispers calmed down a bit, at least their chattering quieted. She was a bit nervous and surprised, but not all too bothered by it. There were already a few people who knew about them, at this point it didn’t bother her that much, though she was sure The Whispers didn’t feel that way. This also gave her an opportunity to get an answer to a question she’d had for a while, even if it wasn’t a very substantial one. 

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you then that they like to appear as people, did you see who they appeared as for him?” 

“Yeah, the few times I got to before they made sure I wouldn’t anymore. It was usually a little girl, every time I saw her she was wearing something else related to fairy tales. One time though, I…” 

He closed his eyes for a moment, in what she guessed was a scowl, but it was hard to tell with most of his face being covered by the mask. “Not too long before he took them in, a really close friend of his died, it...messed him up something awful. I saw them disguise themselves as that once or twice, their way of making sure he couldn’t get over it, I’m sure.” 

He relaxed his face a bit and turned away from her again, with a pained grunt, Michael rose from the bed. His body lagged a bit as he forced himself up through the pain, sitting hunched over, his bones moving with a sickening pop like they hadn’t been used in days. 

*That’s what I should have expected, I should have known that’s who it was as soon as they showed him to me, probably their way of telling me.”

“I’ve heard, that’s good to know. There’s still something that doesn’t make sense to me: I get not telling her during it, but why didn’t you explain everything to Starlight after The Whispers faded away? You know better than anyone how understanding she is, you might have been able to save your relationship with her, I don’t get it!” 

There was more anger in her voice than she intended, she wasn’t even sure why she got so angry all the sudden. Her feelings for Starlight were complicated, but the idea of her getting hurt was...unsettling. 

Michael responded with a hollow chuckle, this time not resulting in wheezing or a coughing fit. He raised his right metallic hand, staring at it as he clutched and unclutched it.

“‘It was never addiction, it was commitment’. That’s what I wanted to tell her...to try to sound cool. I can’t tell you how many times.... I thought about what to say and how to say it, the thing stopping me for so long was the guilt. I wanted to help Igneous…. we weren’t exactly friends, little more than rivals. But he’d done me a lot of favors, and I…. hated watching him go through that, so I tried to help however I could. 

After I couldn’t help him, I had to watch as he….changed into what he did, which just made the guilt worse. I couldn’t....help him or stop him….and I couldn’t help but feel like I….could have done something to help. If I told her, even if….. she’d never say it, some part of her would blame me, I just know it.  By the time I finally built up…. the courage to try to tell her, it was too late. Igneous….was too far gone, Starlight had given up on me….and saying what happened would have only made things worse….I truly hadn’t intended you to find out….I simply wanted to see what you would do. But now that you know, I beg you….don’t tell her….I’ve caused her enough pain.” 

She saw something wet in the corner of his left eye, but he blinked and it was gone in an instant. She couldn’t say she sympathized with him, but she understood. There were friends she had that made her feel the same way. So many times she felt she could have helped Sunset, but she never tried, and she just ended up turning into a demon. She also felt she could have done something to prevent what happened to Twilight, maybe even stopped her from being consumed by magic like that. 

If she had actually done everything she could to help both of them, and things had turned out for the worse, the guilt would crush her. 

“I...understand, I won’t. You should tell her, she deserves the truth, you aren’t getting any younger after all.” 

She saw his cheeks rise slightly as he smiled again, that sad expression on his face disappearing. “How old do you think I am? I’m only….thirty five you know? I just look like this….because of the Imperium….I’ve still got life in me.” 

“If that’s true, then I think it’s safe to say I won’t be taking anymore. I don’t want to look like I’m about to keel over when I’m in my thirties like you.” 

*Awfully bold of me to expect to survive to my twenties.*

Ignoring her own morbid thoughts, she stood up out of the chair, placing her arms in front of her and preparing to put her hands in her hoodie pockets. Then she felt incredibly awkward when she remembered she wasn’t wearing one, but also a little proud that she hadn’t felt as vulnerable as before. She quickly put her hands in her jean pockets, hoping Michael hadn’t noticed. 

“I should be going soon, I have things I need to do. Before I go though, I want to ask, why did you suggest putting Juno on me in the first place?” 

“Because,” Michael lowered his hand into the right pocket of his pants, moving it around as he tried to find something in it. “I had a feeling….The Silent Killer was going to be a bit more than you could….handle, at least right now. Also to keep tabs on you….you’re more than a little reckless….so you had us paranoid. But I feel….in the past few days you’ve matured….and I’m more confident you can handle things now.” 

“That’s...a bit more rational than I was expecting, but I still don’t like it. After everything with TSK, I expect him to be off my ass. The only one who I haven’t done a favor for yet is Zecora, and I can do that at the same time.” 

Pinkamena pulled out her right hand and grabbed the chair with it, carrying it with her as she walked to the door. She placed it beside the other chair, her ears perking up a bit when she heard Michael’s heart rate pick up. 

“Wait.” 

She turned around to face him, catching sight of his hand steadily pulling something out of his pocket, she wasn’t able to make out what it was. 

“You smoke….right?”

Her right eyebrows raised slowly as she processed that question, her eyes narrowing as she looked back at him cautiously. “....Yeah? If this is supposed to be some kind of l-” 

With speed she wasn’t expecting, he threw the object at her, she caught it with her right hand in front of her face. It was a small ziplock bag, the kind she used to carry her snacks around in school. Though instead of rice cakes and twinkies, there were small, green, flaky plant-like things, they looked like seeds of some sort. There were a dozen of them or so stacked on top of each other in the bag. 

She recognized almost immediately what they were, she’d experimented with it a couple of times at some of her parties. 

“Is this...weed?” 

Michael nodded as she lowered himself back down on the best, a bit less painfully this time. 

“Sure is, another gift….Discord gave me when he was dressed as a nurse. Guess he figured….I’d like to have something to do in here.” 

“Wait, you can smoke? How does that work with your mask?” She asked as she lowered her hand, putting the bag of marijuana in her empty back pocket. 

“I have….a slot on the front of my mask….It’s how I eat. I haven’t smoked in….five months or so. I don’t want it….right now, instead….I want you to smoke it with Zecora. She’s been….really upset since Igneous died, but she doesn’t like….talking about her problems. She prefers to….bury herself in her work, she’s been going nonstop….on that custom gun she’s been working on for two days. The only way….I know of to get her to relax and talk….is when she’s high out of….her mind. It’s not exactly….a good choice, but it’s all I can think of. Do that before you leave….if you have time.” 

She could tell his breathing was starting to get heavier, almost agonizingly so. She didn’t know the state his body was in, but talking as much as was evidently was stressful on him. He probably would love nothing more than to be asleep, only staying awake for her. 

“Not what I was expecting to do today, but I won’t say no. I’ll find something to roll it with, there’s someone I need to talk to first. You go ahead and go back to sleep now, I’m the one that put you in that bed, I don’t want to be the one who keeps you in there too.” 

She wasn’t expecting him to respond, she could see his eyes close like his eyelids were dumbbells. His heart rate slowed down and all the tension in his body went away as he relaxed, that peaceful expression he had on his face when she came in returning, she was almost jealous. 

“When you talk to her…” She barely managed to hear him murmur as she opened the door. “Make sure to be honest, while you still can.” 

She nodded as she walked out, there wasn’t much left to say.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


She had been standing in front of Starlight’s for at least five minutes. 

She knew she was in there, she could hear her heartbeat. Every heartbeat had its own rhythm that was unique to them, Starlight’s was unlike any other, it was light and gentle like the sounds of a piano. If she concentrated enough, she could even hear her fingers hitting the keyboard, sitting comfortably behind her desk. 

There were a lot of things she wanted to talk to Starlight about, good and bad. She needed her help dealing with the aftermath of Blake, but she also needed her to stop pitying her, she hated being treated like a charity case. She’d been trying to think of what to say, but she never came up with anything she liked. Ever since she’d left the shower, there was a knot in her chest she couldn’t quite shake. It got worse as she talked to the others to an almost unbearable extent, she was familiar with the feeling, it was the feeling that she got when she knew there were things she needed to talk about. It would only get worse the longer she pushed it off.

She decided the best way was to just go with it and improvise, the same way she’d been doing most things thus far. 

She raised her hand to knock on the door, not noticing when her hand had started shaking. Her entire right arm felt tense as she lightly tapped against it, hearing Starlight’s fingers stop typing and stood up from the desk. Pinkamena put her hands back in her pockets, unable to stop her trembling. How long had it been since she was this nervous about something?

Starlight opened the door, wearing the same clothes she usually did. Pinkamena couldn’t help but smell the shampoo she recently used, it was a bit strong and let her know she had recently taken a shower. She even looked clean, not a single blemish of any kind on her skin or a hair out of place, Rarity would be impressed. 

She couldn’t help but feel like she was being creepy by taking note of all these, but she always paid attention to stuff like that, the fact that her senses had been sharpened just made it harder not to. 

“Pinkie? What happened? You look...different, did you do something with your hair?” Starlight asked jokingly, her eyes examining her hair for a moment, then slowly moving down the rest of her body, seeing if there were any other distinct changes. 

Pinkamena couldn’t help but flinch at being called that, not doing a very good job of hiding it from her. She lowered her head a bit so her hair covered most of her face, the knot in her chest getting tighter with each breath she took. 

“Oh no, Pinkie?” Starlight asked frantically, walking forward and trying to place a hand on her as her eyes shot up. Pinkamena responded by jumping back a bit right before, shaking her head back and forth to tell her she didn’t want to be touched. 

Her throat felt dry and her heart was about out of her chest, she drew a breath as she tried to speak, but she couldn’t bring the words past her throat. She could feel the start of The Whispers trying to numb her, the cold spreading from the back of her mind. She pushed it back, she didn’t need it. 

“Can we...talk?” 
> Therapy Session #3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“O-of course, come on in!” Starlight said as she opened the door the rest of the way, gesturing Pinkamena to enter. “I...wasn’t expecting you to come by today, but I should have time.”

Pinkamena pushed past Starlight, trying her best to keep her face behind her hair and not make eye contact. She heard Starlight draw her breath like she wanted to say something, moving her arm towards her to touch her, before stopping herself and retracting her arm. As soon as Pinkamena was inside Starlight shut the door behind them, making sure it was locked. 

The room was exactly the same as when she was in there before, with the colored walls and black bean bags on the floor. She noticed the one she had sat in before looked cleaner than the others, remembering that she had bled on it last time. She walked over to it, sitting down and feeling her body slowly sink into it like a bowl pushed underwater. She let out a relieved sigh as she felt the tension ebb out of her body, she had forgotten how relaxing bean bags were. 

Starlight walked behind her desk and began typing something on her laptop, glancing at Pinkamena every now and again out of concern. It was obvious she was worried about her and wanted to ask what was wrong, but she could also tell she was fragile at the moment and pushing too hard would be bad. 

“And...done! I don’t know why Discord wanted me to write this fake acceptance letter, but even I know better than to question his motives.” Starlight said to herself as she turned it off, reaching into her vest pocket and pulled out her dark blue journal. 

She walked back around her desk, plopping down into the beanbag across from her and flipping open the journal and pulling out a pencil that was still in it. She kept turning pages until she got to a blank one, writing something at the top of it and then twirling the pencil between her fingers. She raised her head to look at Pinkamena, putting on a forced smile to try to reassure her. 

“How are you doing? I haven’t talked to you since yesterday, I wanted to text you, but I wasn’t sure if you’d respond or not.” 

“I’m...fine.” Pinkamena whispered in a shaky tone, bringing her hands to the lapels of her leather jacket. Her hands were still shaking and there was still a knot in her chest. “Actually, that’s a lie. I’m not fine...at all, that’s why I’m here.” 

She really didn’t want to take the leather jacket off, not having her hoodie on was hard enough. Right now she was likely at her most vulnerable she had been since she was on Blake’s table, the fact that she was on the edge of a panic attack and was overwrought with a plethora of emotions didn’t help. 
 
But she needed to be vulnerable to get better, and out of everyone in her life right now, Starlight had the best chance at being able to do that, and was one of the few people she trusted. 

She slowly slid off the jacket, and though she was taking something off of her, she felt the action somehow added weight to her mentality. She laid it on the ground beside her, leaving only the white t-shirt on her upper body, not counting the bra underneath. 

She was a bit sweaty, more from anxiety than actual heat, but other than that she was fine, the t-shirt was thick enough to where it wasn’t see through. She couldn’t help but look at her arms, since the shirt was sleeveless, it went up to her shoulder. Her arms weren’t too thin or too big, her muscles were well toned and leaned, a benefit from both her time in the woods and from being a chimera. 

She couldn’t stop herself from rubbing her hands against them like she was trying to warm herself up, her eyes running up and down them as if she were looking for something. Her skin was smooth and flawless, not a bump out of place, but they had once been riddled with scars. Cuts, gashes, bruises, all kinds of various contusions and injuries, both Blakes way of marking her as his property, and signs of all the ‘fun’ he had with her. 

If she looked closed enough, she could almost still see them even though they weren’t there. Some part of her missed them, she didn’t need Starlight to tell her that was bad. 

She tore her gaze away from her arms and shook her head, stopping herself from thinking about Blake before she got too deep. She lowered her hands and put them between her thighs to try to warm them up, she felt cold all the sudden. 

Starlight had a strange look in her eyes, her smile gone and her eyes looking at Pinkamena’s arms, her mouth slightly agape and she had stopped twirling the pencil between her fingers. It was hard to tell why, her eyes moving up and down like she was analyzing her. She was...impressed? Jealous? It was hard to tell what emotion she was feeling, something about her expression reminded her of some of the boys she used to mess around with. 

“Starlight?” 

That question snapped her out of her trance, her eyes going from her arm to her eyes, a slight red hue on her face like she’d been caught looking at something she shouldn’t have. 

“Oh, sorry! I got...distracted by something. I noticed that you weren’t wearing a hoodie like you usually do, did you go through your whole day so far without it?” Starlight asked nervously as she fidgeted in the beanbag, putting her right leg on top of her left one, but not looking very comfortable. 

“Yeah, I...did. I want to get better, I have to move past Blake. I won’t lie to you, it was hard! I was beyond vulnerable, every time someone looked at me I felt like I was on that table again. But I…” Pinkamena subconsciously grabbed the pendant of her necklace, which the chain of the necklace was now visible since she wasn’t wearing the leather jacket. She visibly calmed down as soon as she grabbed it through her shirt, her shaking less noticeable as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I endured, I had to, I couldn’t let Blake get to me. After all that bastard did, he doesn’t get to hurt me like this, I won’t let him!” Pinkamena growled as she opened her eyes, scowling as she pictured his smug face

“And... how do you feel without your jacket?” Starlight asked cautiously, a little worried about the sudden aggression, though it was a better reaction than total fear.

Her face relaxed a bit, her grip on the necklace still tight. “I feel...not as bad as I thought I’d be, I’m sure it’d be worse if I were with anyone else but you. When I came here it was hard for me to breath and concentrate, I honestly felt I was moments away from a breakdown. However, since I’m just here alone with you, it isn’t that bad, I can get used to it.” 

Pinkamena smiled a bit as she let go of the necklace, letting her hand rest on her leg while the other was still between her thighs. She was still shaken up, but the pain in her chest and fear in her heart were fading, she was steadily getting better. 

“That’s great, Pinkie!” Starlight’s smile faltered for a moment when she saw her flinch, though she wasn’t sure why. “But don’t push yourself too far, you’re already making progress faster than most have, there’s no rush!” 

“Maybe not, but I…” Her words hitched in her throat, she found it hard to put into words of what happened a few hours ago. “Before I went to talk with everyone, I wanted to take a shower, since it had been awhile. While I was in there, I…” Pinkamena clammed up, suddenly finding it hard to talk. 

Starlight listened intently, nervously tapping the pencil against the journal in worry. “I know it’s hard, but I need you to tell me everything you can. I need to know every detail, otherwise I can’t tell where you are and I can’t help you.” 

Pinkamena knew that, but that didn’t make it any easier. She absolutely abhorred that fact that she couldn’t even take a shower without being riddled with terror, the fact that it was because of Blake just made it worse. 

“I was fine when I took off my clothes, being naked alone isn’t a problem. It wasn’t until I started cleaning myself that I…” She felt a cold chill down her spine, hanging her head so her long pink and black hair covered most of her face. 

“It’s ok, take your time.” Starlight whispered gently, writing something in her journal. 

Pinkamena could hear her voice, but it sounded like a distant echo. Her mind was focused on when she was in the shower, unable to stop herself from thinking of her time strapped to the table. The cold metal against her naked body, the only thing she could feel was the agonizing pain, her ears filled with his laughter and her own screams. 

‘Do you even realize you’re screaming? I’m so glad you’re enjoying all the fun.’ His words echoed in her mind like a song she couldn’t get out of her head, she’d never be able to forget his smile.

No more distractions, no more suppressing it, she couldn’t push it down anymore, she needed to deal with it. She needed to move past it, to move past him!

“I got inside and started washing myself, but as soon as I touched myself I...it was like he was there touching me!” Pinkamena whimpered as she brought her hands up to the sides of her head, her nails digging into her skin, hoping the pain will stop the flashbacks. “As soon as I closed my eyes it felt like I was on that table again, no matter how hot the water on my back was, it was still so cold! Every time I closed my eyes and saw that darkness it was like I was in that room again, I could almost feel him touching me again, his disgusting hands all over me like I was a fucking toy!” 

She dug her nails deeper into her head, feeling the heat from steam coming from the wounds as they healed, small bits of blood running down her fingers. Her eyes were squinted and burning with tears, doing her best to prevent them from trailing down her face, the urge to sob was nearly impossible to resist. When she spoke she was on the edge of just giving in, but she couldn’t, not here, not now. 

“Whenever anyone touches me, I can hear him in my head, telling me that I’m his! That only he can touch me like that, that I’m nothing more than his property! To use however he feels like, to hurt me however he feels like! He...I…”

She couldn’t suppress a groan as she grinded her teeth, hot tears rolling down her face, unable to keep her eyes open any longer. As soon as her eyes were closed and darkness enclosed her vision, the world around her began to fade, making it hard to concentrate on anything but it. The sound of writing from Starlight was distant, she could hear her voice, but couldn’t tell what she was saying. The pain in her head was almost unnoticeable, she began to feel less like she was in Starlight’s office and more like she was back on that table. Almost like she’d never left, she was finding it hard to open her eyes. 

She had to speak, the silence was destroying her, she felt overwhelming dread and irrational fear that she was going to hear Blake’s voice whispering in her ears. 

“I-I...can never have sex again without thinking of him! My scars are gone, but every time I’m naked and I see my body, it’s almost like I can still feel them there! And I don’t think...I can ever forget the feeling of him forcing himself inside me, no amount of cleaning will wash away how dirty I feel! I..I can’t...he…” 

She found herself unable to speak anymore, her chest had become unbearably tight as she started hyperventilating. Her breathing was irregular, more similar to erratic wheezing. Her heart was briskly beating, but she couldn’t hear it, she couldn’t hear anything! Her eyes were heavy and she didn’t feel like she could open them, she couldn’t even feel the pain in her head anymore, her entire body was growing colder by the second. 

She was overwhelmed by despair, her mouth was open but she didn’t know if she was making any noise, it was like she completely lost control of her body and was being consumed by her own anguish and emotions. 

Just as the blackness threatened to consume her and push her into unconsciousness, she felt something warm and soft press against both sides of her face. As soon as the contact was made, all of her senses came rushing back to her, she could feel the warmth of her own body and her heart beat. Other than that and her own breathing, which had calmed down a bit, there was no other sound in the room. 

She pulled her hands out of her head and grabbed whatever was touching her face like they were her salvation, wrapping her hands around them gently. They were warm, soft, and smooth, and they were hand shaped.

No, they weren’t hand shaped, they were hands.

She opened her eyes, finding they were no longer so difficult to open, and slowly raised her head. Her face was still a bit wet from the tears, but she had stopped crying. Her head still had almost unnoticeable bits of steam from the stab wounds she made, but she was focused entirely on what was in front of her.

Starlight was leaned forward in her bean bag chair, her journal and pencil in her lap and her arms reached forward, her hands holding onto Pinkamena’s face and gently running her thumbs across them. Her face was inches away and her eyes narrowed and a small smirk on her face, like she was trying to analyze her and reassure her at the same time.

“What do you feel right now?” 

Her words were so soft and kind it reminded her of Fluttershy for a moment, Pinkamena’s ears flickered when she heard them. It wasn’t distant like a few moments ago, they were clear and were incredibly pleasant compared to the deafening silence she could only hear just moments ago.

“...Warm, and calm, all my anxiety and fear is just...fading away.”

Pinkamena’s words were barely more than a whisper, unable to tear her eyes away from Starlight’s. She couldn’t even think, all thoughts of Blake and the table vanquished, the dread and despair being replaced by a strong tingling sensation that reverberated throughout her entire body. She could only concentrate on Starlight and her hands, and how much she didn’t want to let go of them.

“Who’s hands do you feel touching you right now? Mine? Or Blake’s?”

She remained silent as she thought on Starlight’s words, running her fingers across Starlight’s knuckles. Her hands were nothing like his, they were so small and feminine, her grip gentle like she was holding a baby. To compare her hands and her touch to Blake would be an insult to Starlight, and a compliment to Blake he didn’t deserve. 

“....Yours, just yours.” Pinkamena murmured, more confident than before and unable to stop herself from grinning, she didn’t know why.

“He will never touch you again, he will never hurt you again, I swear that on my life. That month you went through was worse than almost anyone could even survive, but you’re still here and you still want to get better. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to every victim he’s ever had to push through this, you’re strong enough. And even if you weren’t, you have me, I will be here every step of the way if you need it.

 I won’t leave you, I promise.” 

Her words were like a wake up call, a light that shined and pushed away the remnants of darkness. She let out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, sobbing one last time, but this one out of relief. 

“Thank you Starlight, that...means a lot.” 

Starlight nodded and stopped rubbing her thumbs sensually against her face, her eyes widening a bit as she realized how intimate they were in that moment. She hadn’t been that close with anyone since Michael! Starlight pulled her hands out of Pinkamena’s grip to her chest, fumbling a bit as she found it hard to speak, her cheeks tainted with the slightest blush. 

“I’m...sorry that I touched you like that all the sudden, I just thought that maybe showing you something gentle would snap you out of it and help you see not everyone’s touch is his. If it bothers you, I won’t do it again!” 

Pinkamena chuckled, Starlight’s reaction was a little out of character, but cute in its own way. She’d seen for herself that Starlight knew how to use sex appeal when she needed to, but when it came to actual contact like what just happened, she was less confident. It didn’t bother Pinkamena at all, things like that weren’t an issue for her before everything, certainly not now. 

However she couldn’t ignore the slight fluttering feeling she got in her chest seeing her like that, something she was only a little familiar with. 

“It’s ok Starlight, I’m...kind of glad you did, I’m not sure what would have happened. Besides, I…” She hesitated as she wiped the tears off her face, staring at the blood spots on the tip of her fingers. “Trust you, probably more than anyone else other than Maud in my life right now, and that’s saying a lot coming from me. Even if I question your motives, you haven’t done anything to intentionally hurt me yet.” 

Starlight furrowed her eyebrows, her mouth agape as she was about to ask about what she said, but decided against it and shut her mouth. She composed herself a bit, grabbing her journal and writing something in it, her eyes trained on Pinkamena. 

“You should trust more people, like Applejack...or Discord. Well, maybe not Discord. He’s been…” Her gaze drifted to the side for a moment. “Weird lately, weirder than usual. You can’t survive not trusting people Pinkie, it will kill you, that’s how Igneous was in the end. Don’t get me wrong, I’m elated you trust me, but it needs to be more than me. If not your friends from before, then at least the members of The Council. Fancy Pants can get along with anyone and is probably the most pleasant high class person I’ve ever met, Zecora is...in a bad place right now, but she really does only have good intentions. Discord is...Discord, he’s an oddball, but I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt you or The Syndicate. And Michael…” 

Pinkamena saw a rare flash of anger as she said his name, like the very name brought up memories she didn’t like. Her grip on the pencil tightened as she momentarily stopped writing, biting the corner of her lips with a choleric frown, furrowing her eyebrows resentfully. 

“Stubborn, and stupid at times. I feel guilty for not seeing what Michael was going to do to you, I should have and been able to prevent it, I’m sorry. However, I can assure you he won’t do it again, I’m going to be talking to him while he’s doing his physical therapy. I can’t ask you to trust him after that, at least try to get along with him.” 

Pinkamena was about to mention that she had already forgiven Michael after he had told her the reason he did that, but if she did, she’d have to elaborate on more of the things they had talked about. To Pinkamena, it didn’t seem like Starlight hated him, instead she felt hurt and betrayed by how their relationship ended. A tinge of guilt struck her heart as she resisted the urge to tell her what Michael did, she couldn’t do that. She promised him she wouldn’t, and her word is one of the few things she has left. 

“Do you...still have feelings for Michael?” She asked hesitantly, putting her hands behind her back and lacing them together apprehensively. 

Starlight flinched at the sudden question, her eyes half closing as she glanced away, the corners of her lips pulling down to a frown. 

“I...it’s complicated, I’ve been asking myself that same question. Do I really miss him, or do I just miss being in a relationship and being loved? It’s funny, I’m good at analyzing the problems of other people, but I’m helpless when it comes to helping myself.” 

Starlight gave out a hollow chuckle as her gaze dropped to the pencil in her hand, twirling it in her fingers absentmindedly. 

“We were never in love with each other, we barely dated for more than a few months. I still have feelings for the man he was when we dated, not the man he is now. I want to be in a relationship again, but like I’ve said, it’s hard to have a social life. Besides, I’m hard to be in a relationship with. Always being able to read someone can get on their nerves, it certainly got on Michael’s.” 

Her pain was etched on her face, she had a forced smile and her words sounded almost shameful. It hurt Pinkamena a bit to hear, especially considering she knew the truth. Michael was lying to her and doing what he did to help Igneous, and he couldn’t tell her because of his fear that she’d blame him for it. 

Pinkamena didn’t know the extent of Starlight and Igneous' relationship, she had a feeling it was better that she didn’t, but she couldn’t say whether Starlight would blame him or not. It was times like this she sort of wished she was the old Pinkie, then she would know how to console her. 

“I...Starlight I’m the last person to be giving relationship advice, I’ve never even been in a real relationship, I don’t know the first thing about romance. But you’re…” She stuttered a bit, trying to find the right words to say. “You’re a great person Starlight, a lot better than me. You’re nice, and smarter than most people I’ve ever known. Not to mention you’re beautiful, you try to look good and it really shows. You have the patience to put up with someone like me, and…” 

She brought her hand up to her chest, everything she was saying was true, so why did it make her heart feel so tight to say it?

“I don’t think you should beat yourself up because of him, it was just the wrong time. You deserve someone who can make you happy, it just wasn’t Michael.” She glowered her eyes so she wasn’t looking at her, she was never that good at giving compliments, trying with Starlight made her ears feel hot.

Starlight’s heart skipped a beat at the sincerity in Pinkamena’s voice, her eyebrows arching and eyes wide open as she slowly raised her head, her jaw dropping slightly as she struggled to respond. 

“I’m...thank you, no one’s complimented me on my looks in...awhile. I don’t really try to look good, I just...am a bit of a germaphobe.” Starlight brought her left hand to her hair and twirled it nervously. “Compared to someone like Rarity or Fluttershy, I don’t really think of myself as particularly pretty. I don’t think very highly of myself, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel better. If only I could do the same for you as easily…” 

There was a solemn tone in her voice as she took a deep breath, momentarily closing her eyes to compose herself. She opened her eyes and turned to look at Pinkamena again, writing something in her journal without batting an eye. 

“We’ve gotten enough off topic, we’re here to talk about you, not me. About how you’ve been feeling about Blake, that’s normal, good, even. It shows that you still hate him and haven’t become obsessed, most by this point start being thankful for some of the things he did. The panic attacks are...terrible, but it could be a lot worse. It’d be bad if you risked one every time you wanted to bathe yourself, but what exactly can you do to prevent it?” 

Starlight tapped the eraser against her chin thoughtfully, humming almost too quietly to herself to hear. “Have you ever heard of a calming ritual?” 

“Calming ritual? You mean that thing athletes do? Does that actually work?” Pinkamena asked skeptically, lowering her hand back to lay on her thigh. 

“Oh yes! It’s simple classic conditioning, just the kind you do on yourself. I don’t usually recommend it because it’s too easy to become dependent on it, but I guess until I can think of something else, it’ll have to do for now. It also isn’t a permanent solution nor a very effective one, but it’s better than what The Whispers have been doing.” 

There was a tone of spite in her voice as she let out a little huff, trying to hide it with a cough as she quickly smiled. 

“Anyway, It’s really not complicated at all. Do you have anything you do that makes you feel relaxed? Or calms you down at least? Like...a gesture you make? A certain spot you touch? Anything like that works.” 

Pinkamena remained silent as she tried to think of anything like that in recent memory, closing her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows thoughtfully. ‘Relaxed’ wasn’t exactly a commodity for her recently, she rarely was able to sleep unless she was forced into unconsciousness, there were at least half a dozen things on her mind at any given time and it was borderline impossible to go a few hours without her life being in danger or having to unravel some mystery. 

There was one thing she had that kept her grounded however, other than The Whispers that is. She slowly brought her left hand up to the necklace, gently grasping it and holding the pendant in the palm of her hand. “This,” She mumbled as she half opened her eyes, not moving her head at all to look at Starlight. “Is a reminder. Whenever I’m about to lose myself, this reminds me of who I am and what I’ve lost. It keeps me from going over the edge, most of the time. I don’t know if relaxed is the right word, but it does calm me down.” 

Starlight grimaced at Pinkamena’s somber words, the way she desperately clung to the necklace like a young child holding on to their parent’s hand hurt her to see. She wanted to talk about that necklace, she knew it belonged to her deceased sisters, and when she grabbed her hand when Starlight tried to touch it, just confirmed how valuable it was to her. But she couldn’t, not during this session. This session was about helping her get past Blake before it was too late, everything else could wait. 

“That’s perfect! You won’t need the actual necklace to do it either, just making the gesture of grabbing it and pretending it’s there should get the desired effect, it’ll take a bit of practice. It might take a few days or so, but it’ll work. Basically, anytime you feel relieved, relaxed, calm, or any sense of peace, you grab the necklace just like you are, or make the gesture you would if you don’t have it, like so.”

Starlight mimicked Pinkamena perfectly, bringing her left hand to just below her neck and clenching her fist like she was grabbing something. 

“Easy, right? You’ll have it down in no time, you’re a pretty quick learner. Though, like I said before, I try to avoid teaching anyone how to do it because it’s incredibly easy to become dependent on it. Don’t do it too often if you can help it, only if you’re on the absolute edge of a panic attack. And....I don’t know if The Whispers will listen to you, but try to convince them to hold off on numbing your emotions as a last resort. It’s bad, and while I understand the benefits, I still strongly believe it should be an absolute last resort.” 

“Way ahead of you, we’ve come to an...agreement, you could say. I’ll make sure to give it a try, but I don’t actually think I’ll be getting a lot of chances to relax. There’s actually something I wanted to ask you about.” 

Pinkamena let go of the necklace, her hand going behind her back and down to her pockets. A shiver went down her spine when her fingers scrapped against the mask, suppressing a gasp as she pulled it out. Starlight’s look of curiosity quickly shifted to disgust when she saw it.

She held it out in front of her, her left hand gripping it by the bottom. She couldn’t take her eyes off it, and she had a disturbing urge to put it on. “You told me you had a few ideas of why I chose to wear Blake’s mask, I want to hear them.” 

Starlight also couldn’t take her eyes off the mask, though it was surely for an entirely different reason than Pinkamena. She suddenly tore her gaze away from it like it was repulsive for her to look at, her face tightening as she clenched her jaw. 

“You aren’t going to like it.” She mumbled darkly 

“There’s a lot of things I don’t like, add it to the list.” 

Starlight exasperatedly sighed as she put the pencil in the center of the journal. “‘Give someone a mask, and they become their true selves’. That’s how the saying goes, at least. I hate to admit it, but there’s a lot of truth to it. I get why you need to wear a mask, until you graduate it’s better if your identity stays hidden. 

However, I think you like it. When you wear that mask, you don’t have to be Pinkamena Diane Pie anymore, or anyone at all. You can do what you want, however you want to. No expectations, no judgment, no one watching. You can let loose, let your bloodlust take over with nothing holding you back, just like when you fought Michael.”

Pinkamena didn’t respond, her leer transfixed on the mask, more because she didn’t want to look at Starlight than she wanted to look at the mask. She didn’t bother trying to defend herself either, anything she would say would just come out as desperate, because she knew Starlight was right. 

“But that’s a topic for another time, and it isn’t what you asked me. I’ve been thinking about it since I found it on you, it’s been nagging at me. I’ve...narrowed it down to one explanation that’s the most likely, but it’s entirely just conjecture and is as likely to be wrong as it is to be right. But…” She shrugged her shoulders. “You still want to hear it, right?” 

Pinkamena curtly nodded, placing the mask back into her back pocket. Starlight hung her head low, similar to a child when they did something bad and were confronted about it. She was tapping the tip of the pencil against the paper and her usually pleasant to listen to heartbeat was beating nervously. 

“You’re self-destructive: We’ve established this. You feel immense guilt about what happened to your sisters, even though there wasn’t really anything you could do to save them. After I made you aware of it, you regret killing all those men. You want to die because the guilt is too much, but you can’t kill yourself directly. However...it goes deeper than just guilt.” 

She slowly raised her head, almost like she was afraid to make eye contact. Her entire body was tense and it was hard to tell why, her hands had become disturbingly steady and a pregnant silence filled the room, no other sound in the room. 

There was a distinct sadness in her eyes when they became visible, her face was as tense as the rest of her body, slight wrinkles on her forehead that almost didn’t look natural. There was no anger, no disappointment, just...sadness, it’s the same look she’d seen so many people give to stray dogs on the streets. 

She recognized it instantly, it was pity, she was pitying her.

Pinkamena immediately broke eye contact, the burning inferno of anger being sparked inside her. She avoided looking at her, her hands trembling as she clenched them. She hated being pitied, for anything. It didn’t happen often, but when someone was treating her like there was something wrong with her, or looked at her like a stray dog, it just irked her in ways words couldn’t properly describe. 

Maybe it was because that’s how her ‘mother’ would always look at her and her sisters, or maybe it was some other deep rooted problem, she didn’t really care. She hated being pitied, anyone who behaved differently around her out of pity she found hard to take seriously. 

“I can see it in your eyes, even when you smile, you severely hate yourself. I still can’t tell whether you hated yourself before all this, or if it stems from your guilt and your actions, but I know you do. I’m not saying you want to get better, the fact that you’re here shows you’re trying. However, at the same time some part of you doesn’t think you deserve to get better, preferring pain and suffering almost to a masochistic extent. 

You don’t think you’re worth the effort of saving, that’s at least part of why you’re so reluctant to open up to people. You know you’re self-loathing is a big part of your desire for death, you don’t want people to care about you because you know there’s a very real possibility you’ll die soon. Not just that, but you don’t think you deserve for anyone to care about you, that you need to be alone and aren’t worth anyone caring about. But I...don’t agree with that, I care about you, and I know there are others that do too.” 

Starlight reached forward and touched Pinkamena’s hand, but as soon as she made contact Pinkamena pulled it back and held it close to her chest like a wounded animal. The only part of her face that was visible was her mouth, only her front teeth could be seen in a mock snarl. 

Starlight wasn’t overly surprised by the reaction, very few people liked being told the things they’d been purposely avoiding confronting. She rested her hands on top of each other, taking a breath as she prepared to say more. She didn’t like making people angry or upset, but it was the best way to get them to start being honest. 

“That’s how a lot of them started, you know. Your circumstances are incredibly unique, but that doesn’t change much. They began hating themselves, thinking they were worth less than nothing. Many were suicidal, but I kept them on watch. The time varies, but usually a few months after getting tortured they began...changing how they thought about those times, looking back on them almost nostalgically. Soon, they were missing the time with him, like it was the best times of their lives. 

The less they valued themselves, the more fondly they thought of their time with him. They yearned to be with him once again, to be taken care of and loved again, seeing the way he treated them as his form of ‘love’. Their self deprecating mind set had burrowed itself so deeply inside them that they adopted the same mindset about themselves Blake had, that they were nothing more than objects that belonged to him, to be used however he wanted, the worst kind of self-fulfilling prophecy I’ve ever seen. And they were happy like that, because they’d come to hate themselves so much, they thought it’s what they deserved.” 

She was watching Pinkamena cautiously, paying attention to her body language since she couldn’t see her face. Pinkamena’s entire body coiled, one hand on her leg and the other on her chest, both of them trembling and tightly clenched. Starlight could tell she was angry, but also filled with despair, she knew what Starlight was saying was the truth. Even though Pinkamena refused to look at her and kept most of her face hidden beneath her hair, by the way she flinched at some words, it was clear she was intently listening. 

“That’s why you chose to wear his mask, similar to a Freudian Slip. When you made that decision you thought that you were done with him, but subconsciously things were left unsettled. When you wear that mask, you are constantly reminding yourself of what he did to you, and how it changed you. Some part of you misses being on his table, being at his mercy, like it’s some kind of punishment you deserve! Yes, you hate him. Yes, what he did to you traumatized you in ways you’ll never be able to fully get over. 

However, at the same time, the overwhelming guilt and the burden of your self-hatred have been eating away at you. You have to stop hating yourself and stop letting your guilt weigh you down, you know better now, you won’t make the same mistakes again. You learned, I..don’t like seeing you do this to yourself.” 

There was an almost desperate tone in her voice, she couldn’t tell whether Pinkamena noticed it or not. It was more than just her hands that were shaking now, it was most of her body. She couldn’t tell why, but Starlight felt a strong need to comfort her. Right now she was angry, frustrated, and probably beyond distressed. All these things were surely something she’d thought about once or twice, but to be confronted about it when she’d been trying to distract herself like with many other things, all the emotions associated with those thoughts became impossible to push down. 

“Pinkie, pl-” 

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!” 

Without even a diminutive warning, Pinkamena suddenly stood up, her legs just barely grazing Starlight’s. Her breathing was heavy and erratic, her long hair hung off the sides of her head like curtains, the expression on her face now visible. Her pupils were constricted in a strained scowl, mouth slightly open as she sharply drew breath with each rise and fall of her chest. Her left hand was tightly clenched at her side, her black blood dripping down her fingers. While her right was gripping her shirt where her heart would be, similar to when someone was having a heart attack. 

“My...My name is…” She closed her eyes for a moment, opening them again just as quickly like she was waking up from a dream. “My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, Pinkie died in those woods. I don’t want that name, being called that...hurts in a way I can’t describe. Every time someone calls me that it’s like I’m being stabbed in the heart! I...can’t be her anymore, no matter how much I want to!” 

Her voice cracked and her breathing became shaky, the corners of her eyes tearing up on the verge of crying, but she was making a visible effort to not cry again. Starlight remained as still and stoic as a statue, her entire body had a disturbing steadiness to it that almost didn’t seem human. She was holding the pencil in her right hand, returning Pinkamena’s scowl with a stern, stoic expression. 

“I’m...every day is a struggle Starlight, sometimes I don’t even know who I am anymore! First I’m abandoned by my father, tortured to the point of breaking, and turned into a killing machine! Then I get some control freak entities shoved into my mind to make sure I don’t fuck up as the leader of the biggest criminal organization in the world, the most stressful position I’ve ever been in, and I can’t even be left alone with my own thoughts! I can’t talk to my friends both because I don’t know what would happen to them, and I’m terrified of what they’d think of me if they knew the truth!

My eyes are changing color, I’m losing more and more of myself and it’s getting harder to stay sane, my blood isn’t even red anymore! Hate myself? Don’t make me fucking laugh!” She painfully smiled as her nails dug into her chest, deep and sharp enough to draw blood, but she barely even noticed. Her entire body shook like a leaf in the wind, the pain in her heart and mind made anything physical seem negligible. “I don’t hate myself, I abhor whatever the fuck I’m becoming! I want to die because I know one day I’m going to snap and give in, and when I do, I’ll turn into something even worse than whatever I am now.” 

A hot tear rolled down the right side of her face as she spoke, unable to stop herself from crying. So many emotions were breaking through the fragile dam she had in her mind, it made it impossible to keep composed. 

All the thoughts she’d been trying to ignore. 

All the fears she’d been trying to suppress. 

All the anger, the terror, the guilt, the pressure, the stress, everything was coming out now.

Starlight still had that calm demeanor,  but it was starting to slip. The corners of her lips were flickering like she was struggling to keep the blank look on her face, her grip on the pencil got tighter and her hand was shaking slightly, but she was still trying to remain stoic. 

Her eyes betrayed her, showing the concern and pity she was feeling, the same kind that just made Pinkamena more angry. 

“Starlight, what am I to you?” She asked in an irritated tone, sounding more like she was accusing her of something than an actual question. “You say you want to help me get better, but you really mean ‘fix’, right? Because I’m your patient, or because you feel bad for me? Like I’m a charity case, like you pity me?! Well I don’t want your goddamn pity!” 

Pinkamena shouted angrily, raising her voice louder than she ever had before at Starlight. Starlight flinched, her eyes widening out of surprise, but otherwise didn’t move. She opened her mouth slightly to say something, but closed it again and decided against it. 

“What do you want? Do you want me to be Pinkie again? Because I can’t, the moment I found...Inkie and Blinkies’ bodies in that cave, Pinkie died. Even if there was some miniscule chance, as soon as I killed all of those men, it was gone. It’s not just you either; Applejack, Sunset and the others, even Maud, I can see it in their eyes. T-they all look at me like I’m some broken toy, they expect me to just get better, but I can’t! I’ve tried! 

I’d...hoped you wouldn’t pity me like them, that you’d understand me better than that. I hate being pitied, and you looking at me the same way they do...makes me wonder whether you even care about me at all.” 

Starlight lowered her head again, though since her hair wasn’t as long as Pinkamena’s, little more than her eyes were covered. She hung her head in a way to where she was looking straight down at her journal, her grip still tight on the pencil and her hands still shaking as she moved the tip over the paper and then off of it a few times, like she wanted to write something but couldn’t stabilize her hand enough to do so. Her lips spoke wordlessly, whether she was talking to herself or trying to talk to Pinkamena was impossible to tell. 

“I...like you Starlight, unlike me, you are a good person. But I won’t stand for being pitied, not if you want anything between us to be real. So, I need to know now, what am I to you? Someone you feel obligated to help out of pity? Another patient you want to fix? Or, am I…” She paused for a moment. “A replacement for Igneous?” 

Starlight gasped and recoiled like she’d been hit, the sound of the pencil snapping in half reverberated throughout the room. Suddenly, Starlight was deathly still, her shaking had ceased and her chest was barely even rising as she breathed. Her heartbeat was still rapid and erratic, but her breathing was almost impossible to hear. On the outside she seemed serene, but judging by her heartbeat and her reaction to Pinkamena’s words, she was incredibly discomposed. 

It kind of reminded her of Maud, and that was scary. 

“If I’m being completely honest with you, yes, I do pity you. I’ve tried to not let it affect how I treat you, but it’s clear I haven’t been doing a good job of hiding that. I...didn’t know you hated being pitied so much, it’ll be hard but...I’ll try to stop, I’m sorry. But…” 

Starlight’s voice usually had this constant upbeat tone to it, even when she was a bit upset. However, now it lacked that chipperness, completely devoid of any emotion, sounding almost cold. She didn’t move as she talked, most of her face was still hidden beneath her hair, holding the bottom half of the pencil in her hand. 

“I hated a lot of things about your ‘Pinkie’ persona. I understand why you were like that, we’ve been over your previous unhealthy need to make people happy. To me, it just seemed so...fake, more like you were playing the role of ‘Pinkie’ rather than actually being yourself. All your relationships almost felt superficial, I’m not saying that none of your friendships were real, because they were. It’s more like...they were built on a lie, who you are now feels genuine, even if to be genuine is to be ugly. 

I didn’t pity you because of who you are now, I pitied you because of all the things you had to go through to get to who you are now, who you really are. I like you now, you’re honest and aware, and don’t try to pretend to be something you clearly aren’t. I...didn’t know either that being called Pinkie was bothering you so much, I should have noticed that too, I’ve been off my game for a while now. I’ll start calling you Pinkamena, I kind of prefer that too, it’s more...eloquent. As for Igneous…” 

She raised her head as she let go of the bottom half of the pencil in her hand, falling beside the top half on the floor as she reached into her vest jacket and pulled another one out. She put it in the center of the journal and brought her hands to her face, remaining silent for a few moments before lowering her hands again. 

Her eyes looked....sad for lack of a different adjective, she had a distant stare, her mind somewhere else entirely. “Igneous and I were really close friends, at least, before he changed. I know people have been comparing you a lot, but as both of your personal therapists, I can tell you there are very distinct differences. I won’t go into details, but I don’t see any similarities between you two besides your positions. I miss him sometimes, of course, but not the person he became. 

You are not his replacement, or anyone’s replacement, the fact that you even thought of that bothers me and just further shows me your insecurities. This relationship between you and I is unprofessional, I’m not friends with a lot of my patients, but I like it. You aren’t anyone’s replacements, and I don’t see you as a charity case, just someone who needs help. I care about you, to me…” 

Starlight laid the journal with the pencil in the middle on the ground, standing up and moving towards Pinkamena. She stretched her arms out to the side and embraced her, placing her hands on her back and bringing her as close to her as possible. Her head rested on Pinkamena’s shoulder, her right cheek barely touching hers. Their bodies were as close as they could be, she ignored Pinkamena’s long hair in her face and hugged her both as gently and tightly as she could. 

“You’re my friend.” 

As soon as Starlight wrapped her arms around Pinkamena and whispered those words in her gentle voice, there was an almost euphoric sense of relief that washed away all her agony. Her tears stopped and she felt almost unable to move, it was at that moment she asked herself a question. 

How long had it been since she’d hugged someone? 

Even before all of this, when was the last time she genuinely hugged someone? Too long, the last time was with her friends a month or so before her birthday. She hadn’t even hugged her sister when she got back, who even though she was sure must have been worried about her, she had barely even talked to. 

She had forgotten how nice it was. 

She allowed herself to fall into the comfort Starlight was offering, returning the hug the best she could as the miniscule cuts she had made into her chest began to heal. She closed her eyes and let the warmth she was feeling overtake her, spreading to the rest of her body like a drug. It was similar to when The Whispers would numb out her emotions, but the exact opposite as a hot sensation filled her. 

It was the closest she’d felt to happiness in a long time. 

Pinkamena didn’t know how long they stood there in each other's embrace, her mind was empty, unable to think about anything. Her body wasn’t shaking, her heart wasn’t racing, she didn’t have thoughts of Blake or TSK, there was nothing. 

In that moment she wasn’t the leader of The Syndicate, she wasn’t a broken Element of Harmony, she wasn’t a chimera. She was just...a person being hugged by their friend because she was upset, that’s all it was. 

And it was great, it was also the first time since everything happened that she was treated like a normal person. Applejack was afraid of her but wouldn’t admit it, Maud was trying to treat her like she had before, but it was obvious she didn’t know what to do. Almost everyone else was afraid of her, and they had a right to be, she was barely even human. 

Starlight had been one of the only people who didn’t seem afraid of her, and that meant more than she’d ever know. However, as much as she appreciated it, the moment had to end. There was something she needed to ask, and if she didn’t do it now, she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to.

“Starlight, can you promise me something?” 

There was silence that lasted for half a minute, making her wonder if Starlight had even heard her. Her voice was hushed and more meek than it had almost ever been, more similar to Fluttershy’s than her own. 

“Anything.” 

“I…” Pinkamena paused for a moment. “Won’t be able to ask you then. But when I need it, please, save me.” 

She sounded more desperate than she had intended, resembling a dying wish rather than a promise between friends. Her grip on Starlight tightened a bit more than she had intended, she had to consciously hold herself back, her strength was something she was more or less getting accustomed to. If Pinkamena had truly wanted to, she could snap Starlight in half like a twig. 

The fact that she even had that thought made her heart sink. 

Starlight’s body coiled a bit as she pulled away, placing both her hands firmly on Pinkamena’s shoulder. She had a stern, concerned expression as their eyes met, with something that was a kin to resolve. 

“Pinki-Pinkamena, I promise I’ll help you however you need. Just the same, as your friend and your therapist, I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t get to that point.” 

*I wish I could believe that.*

She kept her thoughts to herself as she closed her eyes, letting out a sigh as she moved away from Starlight, the warmth ebbing away as soon as contact was broken. She physically shuddered as the cold feeling of emptiness reared its hideous face, opening her eyes and glancing back at Starlight, feeling something reminiscent to when she would be getting ready for school and her eyes would go back to the bed, wanting to jump into its embrace and become encompassed by its solace. 

Just like all those mornings, she shook her head and avoided looking at the source, willing herself to ignore the desire as much as she could. She couldn’t give in again, not here, not now. If she let everything go, let out every ounce of emotion and pain she’d been doing everything in her power to repress until she was ready to deal with it, she didn’t know if or when she’d leave. She still had so much to do until she could relax and deal with everything, she couldn’t stop now. 

She brought her hands up to her hair and put as much behind her ears as she could, somewhat thankful that at least the texture of her hair didn’t change, a few of her long bangs dangling down her forehead, she tried to blow it out of her face just for it to go right back to where it was. 

The crack in the dam holding back her emotions was plugged, her metaphorical mask was back on, the literal one waiting in her back pocket to be used. She was going to use it until she settled things with TSK and then get a new one, breaking that one and never thinking about Blake again, even if she had to force herself to. 

“I think...that’s all I can handle today Starlight, I still have stuff I need to do.”

Pinkamena spoke with an almost dull tone, her back facing Starlight as she reached down to pick up her leather jacket, slipping it back on with ease. 

“That’s...fine.” Starlight clicked her teeth making a ‘tsk’ noise, a blend of disappointment and frustration in her voice. “We didn’t make as much progress today as I would have liked, not on you, at least. It feels like we’ve been spending less and less time together, but I understand. When all this business with TSK is settled, we should go out and do something together, like a girls night out!” 

There was an almost sheepish articulation in her voice, which was uncharacteristic for her, there was practically always an air of confidence with Starlight and with what she said. Pinkamena barely even noticed it, her hands rummaging around the pockets of her leather jacket, making sure the stuff she left in there was still there. Ever since she’d woken up from her coma, paranoia had become second nature. 

Luckily, everything still was, not like she had any real reason to believe it wasn’t. She felt the outline of the ziplock bag with Marijuana Michael gave her earlier, she had nearly forgotten about it. Pinkamena questioned for a moment if she should ask Starlight if she had anything to roll it with, but then realized that telling her therapist she was going to be smoking weed wasn’t the best option. As cool as Starlight was, and as much as Pinkamena valued their friendship, there were some things she should not bring up. 

Though in a weird, roundabout way, it did remind her of something else she needed to ask Starlight. 

“Discord told me about the isolation tank in Ig-In my office, can you show it to me? And anything else I should know about it? I haven’t actually had the time to check it out yet.” 

As Pinkamena said this, she turned around to face Starlight, adjusting the collar of her jacket. The exuberant therapist was a bit perturbed, her hands on her hips and scowling like she was expecting something. She drew breath to say something, but stopped herself, shaking her head as if to tell herself there was no point. 

Starlight turned around and bent over, picking up the journal and closing it, easily slipping it back into her vest. “Yeah, I don’t mind, I don’t have a lot to do today. But, before we go…” Her movement ceased, other than her glancing at a small watch on her left hand. “Did you ask Discord about Cloudy?” 

“Yeah, I did. We can talk about that later.” Pinkamena grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, hearing Starlight hesitantly turn around and walk up behind her, her heartbeat still a little erratic. “I figured on the way there I can catch you up on everything that happened, I’m sure you want to know why some of my hair changed color.” 

“Wait, you mean you didn’t just dye it? But it looks so pretty! I didn’t think pink and black could go together, but the way your hair is, with one strain being pink and the one beside it being black, it almost makes me want to try it. If...pink or black were my colors, purple and blue fit me much better.” 

Starlight said playfully with a small grin, the giddiness returning to her voice in an instant. She brought her hand up to Pinkamena’s hair and grabbed one of the black strains, tracing her fingers along it until she got to the tip. “It’s so soft too, I’m jealous! What do you do to get your hair so nice and straight? I never understood how you used to have it be so large and curly, and now it’s like this.”

She let go of her hair, her finger grazing against her cheek. Pinkamena tried to ignore the warm feeling she got in her face at Starlight’s touch, wondering whether she had just been deprived of good human contact with others, or if it was just Starlight that made her feel like that. 

“I did take a shower earlier today, but I think it’s just naturally straight like that. It’s hard to explain, my hair has always been a bit weird, I’ll get to that later too. Right now, I’ll catch you up on everything, then we can set up that girls night out you were talking about. I don’t know when I’ll even get a day off, but I’d love to spend it with you.” 

Starlight’s eyes lit up, her smile widening more than she’d ever seen it before and showing off her absurdly clean and white teeth, her hands grabbing Pinkamena’s excitedly with a surprisingly strong grip. “Perfect! I’m so excited! I haven’t had a girl’s night out since my college days, I miss being able to talk about clothes, and hair, and makeup, and gossip! You won’t believe some of the things Fancy Pants says when he’s drunk! Oh I’ve got to introduce you to some shows I just know you’ll love, I’m guessing Matt Stone will be your favorite, but I much prefer David Tennant.” 

Pinkamena was a bit surprised by how animated Starlight was being, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen anyone so excited for a get together. Other than herself whenever she’d arrange a sleepover or party of some sort, anyway. 

She couldn’t help but smirk at Starlight’s antics, it was nice to see someone getting so lively over something so lighthearted. With all the melodrama and darkness she had to deal with day in day out, the little moments of light like this are what keeps her pushing forward. 

“Don’t get too excited, I can almost guarantee you it won’t be until sometime after I kill TSK and get Sunset off my ass. Besides, I don’t think I’ll be as fun to be around as I used to be.” 

Starlight’s smile faltered a bit as she calmed down, noticing she had grabbed Pinkamena’s hands and abruptly letting go. “Don’t be a sourpuss! You’re plenty of fun to be around! When you’re not beating yourself up or dragging yourself down, really! Michael is much more a bummer nowadays, and Discord’s been so busy recently we’ve barely been able to talk. It’ll be great, you’ll see!” 

As they talked they walked outside of Starlight’s office, she shut the door behind them and made sure it was locked. She held up her hand for a moment as she gestured for her to stop, reaching into one of the pockets of her ripped gray jeans. She pulled out her phone and began typing something on it, faster than even some high school girls Pinkamena had seen. Just as quickly she turned it off and put it back in her pocket, redirecting her attention to Pinkamena. 

“Sorry about that, I was trying to set up a session with some friends. Anway, let’s go ahead and start walking towards your office, you can explain everything on the way there. It sounds like a lot happened after you called me.” 

Seeing Starlight use her phone reminded Pinkamena of her own, she still needed to text AJ and set up a date for them to meet up so she could catch her up on everything, and also to make sure that she had Sunset and the others handled. The last thing she needed now was for them to get caught in the crossfire, she didn’t think The Silent Killer would shoot innocent civilians, but anyone who went out of their way to take out criminals dressed up in a suit like that, no matter what kind of justice they were using to justify it, couldn’t be mentally stable. 

“Yeah, you could say that. Anway, right after I hung up, I walked into a convenience store and got shot. It was…” Pinkamena began to explain everything that had happened, deciding to leave out the fact that she was smoking again, that was a topic for another day. 
> Interlude 4: Cursed.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world had changed. 

That was the realization Vincent came to after spending however long he had in that warehouse, watching a dozen or so different programs on TV’s in front of him. Moving pictures on black screens that absolutely baffled him at first, they were more detailed than even the greatest paintings he had ever seen, and they spoke like they were alive! 

It took him a bit to get used to, Discord’s attempt at explaining how it worked didn’t help when he barely had a grasp on the english language, and Discord’s latin was insultingly bad and barely comprehensible. Still, how far technology had gotten really set in how long he had been gone, he was still unsure of how much time had passed. 

After his talk with Discord, and only deciding to comply with him out of both necessity and familiarity, he informed him that before he could explain more, he needed to catch him up with the rest of the world. He would remain in that warehouse, his sustenance would be provided by Discord in the form of blood held by plastic bags, and he would be sending two well educated professors who he trusted to teach him. 

Surprising even himself, it took him a matter of two weeks to get a fair understanding of English, though there were still some aspects of it that were confusing to him. The language was incredibly similar to latin, which is partly why it didn’t take him very long to understand it, though it also had aspects of other languages like older German, which is what made it confusing. 

It helped that the guy teaching him was incredibly patient, mainly because he was absolutely terrified of him. 

Vincent couldn’t exactly blame him either, while he had been provided clothing and thoroughly bathed by people similar to who came in to clean up the women he killed, his time at the bottom of the ocean in a stone coffin didn’t do him well. With a steady supply of blood his body was slowly recovering, but for a while he didn’t even look alive, more similar to a corpse that was halfway done decomposing, he could only imagine what it smelt like. 

Now he had retained most of his human appearance, his blond hair was growing back and his skin had its color back. If he had to choose something to complain about, it was how frail his body was at the moment. He was so skinny and barely had any fat or muscle, it was something he was going to have to fix at a later point. 

When the second professor came, he got a tad more...frustrated. Math was never his strong suit, many things about it didn’t make sense to him. However, Discord explained that math had become a lot more important in the modern age, so he would have to at least learn the basics. But, ‘unlike the modern public education system, I’m not going to teach you needlessly complicated math on the off chance it might come in useful someday.’ he explained. 

Vincent wouldn’t come to understand what that meant until later.

After learning the math he needed to, Discord informed him it was time he learned more about the world he woke up in, and set up those devices that had been sitting in boxes in a corner of the warehouse since he’d been there. He also pulled out a leather chair, where it came from he couldn’t figure out, and gestured for him to sit there. Discord told him that he would be playing things called ‘video’s’ that he needed to pay close attention to that will help him learn about how things have changed.’

For the past month or so, or what Vincent was just guessing was a month since the warehouse was completely cut off from the outside world to protect him from sunlight, that’s what he’d been doing. Vampires didn’t actually need to sleep, they only did so to help pass the time while they waited for the sun to go down. Since their bodies were dead, they could technically go for as long as they wanted, as long as they got the blood they needed. 

That’s how he had been spending his time, watching documentaries, biographies, long videos on the advancements of technology and science, and everything else of that calibre. Mixed in there was a cartoon about a talking sponge, while it clearly didn’t fit in, it was oddly entertaining and occasionally made him chuckle, something he had almost forgotten how to do. 

The world had changed, yes, but humans had remained the same. 

War, poverty, greed, and so many other aspects he distinctly remembered of them not only remained, but were amplified in some ways. His memories had been coming back slowly as he adjusted, and while he didn’t quite know why, he found those features of humanity disgusting and hoped they would have gotten weeded out. However, he couldn’t deny their redeeming qualities either. The creativity and innate ingenuity they were capable of only seemed to increase over time, some of the things they invented and created absolutely astonished him and would have been unfathomable to him before. 

He heard the familiar sound of the warehouse door opening, not seeing the warehouse get much brighter, so he assumed it was night out. He didn’t bother looking behind the chair, there was only one person it could have been. Discord told him that he would be coming by at the end of each week to check up on him, it had partly been how Vincent kept track of time. 

Thanks to his enhanced vampiric senses, he could make out Discord’s footsteps after shutting the door over the chatter of the TV’s, stopping to stand right beside his chair. His heartbeat was incredibly steady as usual, though his blood was pumping throughout his body a bit faster than normal, giving off the slightest hint of nervousness. 

Vincent glanced up at him, slightly curious at if his facial expressions were giving away anything. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t. He still had that complacent smirk on his face, not showing even a hint at what he was feeling or thinking. While his glasses covered it well, the dark bags under his eyes were more prominent than usual, suggesting he hadn’t been sleeping particularly well recently. His hands were in his lab coat pockets and he was looking at the TV’s, slouching slightly and some stubble had started growing on the rest of his face, which wasn’t very compatible with his goatee.

“How’ve things been going, Vince? You’re nearing the end of stuff for me to teach you, pretty soon you’ll be independent, they grow up so fast!” Discord said with a sniff, rubbing his finger under his right eye like he was wiping away a tear, despite there not actually being any. 

Vincent turned his gaze back to the TV’s, propping his chin on his right hand and bringing his left one up to his head, tracing his finger against the little hair he had. It was a bit more than a buzzcut of blond hair, but the texture of it was relatively soft, and he admitted he missed having hair. 

“I...understand most of what I’ve been taught, though speaking English is...how do you say....challenging. I’m sure it will be less difficult with practice.” He said in a thick greek accent, some of his words hard to discern as he paused in between saying them. 

“That’s good, I figured it wouldn’t be too much of a hurdle since vampires are used to having to adjust to the times. Anyway, there’s something I need you to smell.” 

Vincent turned his head to the right to look at Discord, furrowing his eyebrows as he curiously watched him pull something out of his lab coat. It was a small vial filled with a black liquid, he recognized it from a few of the medical documentaries he watched. Discord handed it to him and he made sure to grab it with care, he knew glass was extremely fragile. 

He hesitantly pulled off the cork at the top, bringing it up to his nose to smell it. As soon as he sniffed his hand reflexively clenched, crushing the glass vial and causing the black liquid to cover his hand and drop onto his legs. The veins around his eyes pulsated, his midnight blue pupils constricting and the sclera of his eyes flashing red for a brief moment. 

He hadn’t even realized it, but his entire body was violently shaking, pure terror filled him like he was the vessel for it. 

“It smells like it, right?” 

Discord’s voice snapped him out of his trance, it took him a few moments to calm down his breathing, closing his eyes until the pulsating of his veins stopped. “Has it returned?” 

“No, thankfully. That blood belongs to someone else, but it looked like its’, so I thought the same. Don’t worry, it's still gone, and hopefully will remain so for a very long time.” He tried to hide it, but there was an air of uncertainty and fear in his voice that he didn’t usually show. 

Vincent let out a heavy breath, the tension in his body ebbing out as the fear was replaced with a sense of relief. He glanced down at the shattered vial in his hands and the black blood soaking his clothes and the chair, he relaxed his hand and let the shards crumble to the floor, rubbing his palm against the chair. 

He would have licked it off, but his instincts were telling him that was a bad idea. 

“I...apologize for breaking the vial. May I ask who...this blood belonged to?” 

Discord chuckled as he reached down to pick up the remote sitting on the ground beside the chair, pressing a button on it and pausing all the TV’s at once. “It’s no biggie, I already ran all the tests on it I wanted to. As for who it belongs to...you don’t need to know yet, you’ll meet her in due time. Just know she’s on our side, but not involved with things quiet yet, she’s going to be essential in taking down Prodigium.” Discord’s voice was quieter than usual, having lost its usual mirth.

Vincent flinched at the name, his body now shaking again for a very different reason. “Is she...like me?”

“In a way, it’s complicated, I’ll tell you when we get to it. That reminds me,” He turned to face Vincent, placing the remote back on the ground. “I’m sure your memory has been returning, what do you remember so far?” 

“Not...much, it’s like...trying to make out a dream. I recall,” He stayed silent, trying to properly articulate his thoughts and emotions into words, which wasn’t easy since he wasn’t used to speaking the language. “Pain, deep stabbing pain all over and in my body. Faces...I do not have names to, but feelings of hate...betrayal, and guilt. Then the darkness I awoke in, and that is all...only flashes of memories I have yet to understand. Though...” 

He opened his eyes and met Discord’s, they narrowed into a scowl as he leered at him suspiciously. “Take off your shirt.” 

Discord recoiled at the sudden statement, his smirk faltering for a moment. Then he let out an awkward giggle, putting his hands in front of him defensively. “Woah now, at least take a guy for dinner first! I-” 

“Take. Off. Your. Shirt.” 

As Vincent said each word with heavy emphasis, he slowly stood out of the chair, his height towering Discord’s by half a foot at least. While Vincent had a relatively small frame, it was still intimidating. 

Discord’s face turned more serious, his jaw tightening as he lowered his hands. He had a blank look on his face as he took off the labcoat, unbuttoning the white shirt underneath and letting it drop to the floor. There was nothing strange about his body, no scars or blemishes, nor did he have a particularly bulky or small build, just average. 

It was the symbol on his chest that was the most bizarre. 

At first glance it would be mistaken for a tattoo, but if someone were to be as close as Vincent was, they would notice it went much deeper than skin. It was like it was engraved directly into his muscles and bones, but could still be seen as if it were on the surface of the skin. 

It was dark black, and somewhat large, starting at just below his neck and ending at his stomach. The top of a symbol was a long arrow pointing upwards towards his head, with two sets of arrows attached to it. On the upper part were two arrows, one that pointed to the right, and the other to the left. The lower part of the arrow was identical, but they stretched further, it immensely resembled a crossroads. The bottom of the arrow was connected to a large infinity sign, wide enough to where the ends almost reached Discord’s armpits. 

“As I thought..that is The Levithan's Cross, correct?” Vincent asked in a shaky tone, speaking the very name invoked fear like nothing else did. 

Discord only nodded, reaching down and beginning to slip on his clothes again, a solemn, almost pained smile on his face. “I apologize for lying and saying I was a descendant of people you knew, if I had told you everything from the start, I don’t know how you would have taken it.” 

“...I understand, I just…” Vincent fell back down into the chair, all the energy leaving his body as he brought his hands to his face, pressing them to the sides of his head with his eyes closed. “You must be old, older than Prodigium, even. So that means...you have been alive this entire time? And...you were there when it was?” 

“I…” Discord fixed his collar, lowering his gaze and holding his hand out in front of him. His hand was trembling, he clenched it to try to make it stop, but it didn’t work. “was, yes. I would much rather not think about those times, if it’s all the same to you. There is actually something else I wanted to ask you, assuming your memory allows.”

Vincent half opened his eyes, looking at Discord through the small openings between his fingers. “I will...try.” 

“Remind me, how did you feel about werewolves again? I know most vampire’s despise them, but I vividly remember you having an opinion on them that was quite different than most. 

Vincent’s mouth curved into a grin, the very tips of his sharp fangs becoming visible, ever so slightly tinted red with blood. “Are they still alive? I...assumed it would be quite difficult for them to thrive in this world, they were...on the border of extinction from what I remember, is that not the case anymore?” 

He paused as he waited for Discord to respond, he gave a curt nod, almost eager for Vincent to continue. “I did not hate them like most did. Like vampires and humans, there are good ones, and there are very bad ones. I remember...one of my closest friends was one, even if their blind faith in their clans disgusted me, I suppose vampires aren’t much better since many are just the same to their sires. Since...you are asking me this, I am guessing you will be having one join us on our quest?” 

As Vincent spoke, he took less and less pauses as he thought of the proper words, even if his accent was just as strong. 

“Indeed, you will understand why soon enough. I also intend to get the leader of the skinwalkers on our side, good old Chrissy still owes me a few favors.”

“That wench is still alive?” Vincent asked with a crinkle of his nose, making a disgusted sneer as he spat on the ground. “I will not say that I won’t...cooperate with her if she shares the same goal as us, but do not expect us to get along, her...deceptive ways and silver tongue are things I find abhorrent.” 

“And I wholeheartedly agree, if it was up to me, I’d leave her and her parasitic ‘children’ to rot in The Everfree Forest. Sadly, she not only has the influence and power we’d need, but also just as much reason to see him fall as we do. I don’t trust her in the slightest, but I trust her hatred for Prodigium will keep her on our side, at least until he’s handled. Afterwards, you have my permission to do whatever you want with her, I guarantee you by that point she’d already have plans to double cross us by that point anyway.” 

“Hm, I’ll keep that in mind. What of this...lycanthrope you speak of? To my knowledge, werewolves only live...slightly longer than humans do. It would not surprise me if you did, but unless you have some kind of...artificial way of making them live longer, I don’t see how you could convince one to join us.” 

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, I’ve got that handled.” Discord reached into his other lab coat and pulled out two things, the first was a handkerchief, and the other was a small bag filled with scarlet red blood. He tossed them both at Vincent, who caught them with his right hand without even looking. 

“I got you some O-positive blood, if memory serves correctly, that’s the best tasting blood for vampires.” Vincent responded with an almost unnoticeable nod, using the handkerchief to clean up some of the black blood and biting into the bag hungrily and drinking from it, gulping it down like a dehydrated man in the desert. 

“Yeah, you could say his life was artificially extended, in a way. His name is Wyett, and he’s from the Canis clan. The strongest bloodline of werewolves that ever lived, and almost extinct now. You could say he’s like my money jar, I’ve had him sitting on the shelf waiting for a rainy day. He’s being extracted and escorted here now, I already have a separate warehouse ready for him whenever he gets here. While I’m telling you our plans, he’ll be a bit behind on learning the language and how the world has changed, so give it a bit before you meet him.” 

In less than a minute Vincent chugged down the contents of the bag, tossing it to the side whenever it was empty and letting out a satisfied sigh, wiping off the bits of blood on his face with his arm. 

“I would like to...know the name of the woman you spoke of earlier, she...intrigues me. I’m interested in what kind of...creature would have blood like its’, and yet you are relying so much on it to align with us...when it sounds like she is not even aware of us yet.” 

“Sure, just don’t give her any nicknames, really bothers her nowadays.” Discord reached down to pick up the remote, the sound of the chatter from the TV’s filling the warehouse again. 

“Her name...is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and she’s a Chimera.” 

**********************************************************************************************


Three months, eighteen days, twenty two hours, and thirteen minutes. 

That’s how long it had been since Pinkie disappeared. 

Twilight didn’t have a counter or anything anywhere that was keeping track of this, she was doing all of this in her head, a constant reminder and motivator. Even when Sunset and the others texted her and sent her pictures of her coming back to school, the timer didn’t stop, this had become about a lot more than just her being missing. 

The second that Pinkie went missing, Twilight dedicated her time to finding her. She was one of her closest friends! She owed her everything for saving her back during The Friendship Games, if it wasn’t for them, who knows what she would have done when she was high on magic and completely out of control. What kind of friend would she be if she couldn’t save one of them when they needed her?

That had felt like a lifetime ago, even though only four months or so had passed since then, it was more like years to her. 

She didn’t let her grades slip or stop learning for a moment, setting up a system where she could study as efficiently and quickly as possible. While she missed Sunset and the others deeply, any time she thought of giving up, she thought of how desperate and in pain Pinkie must have felt, wherever she was. So Twilight spent every second of free time she had looking for her, pulling more all nighters back to back than she ever had before, and likely permanently damaged her health in the process. 

The more she searched and dug for the truth, the more confusing things got, she quickly realized this was much more than just a missing person. 

Her brother was the police chief, and was more than willing to tell her things the general public shouldn’t know if she convinced him it was in pursuit of saving her friend. She was also pretty decent at hacking, though not as good as she wanted to be. After a month she stopped looking for any signs of her around the city, and instead started looking at her family. 

Which is when things started getting weird. 

Her sisters also mysteriously disappeared, but while they were reported missing, the rest of The Pie Family insisted that a search party wasn’t necessary. It was strange because Pinkie had never talked about her siblings other than Maud before, and Maud, on paper at least, seemed normal. She couldn’t find any sign of distant family, no uncles, aunts, grandparents, or even cousins! The only other people she could investigate were her parents, and that somehow turned up even less than her sisters. 

Other than being labeled as her mother, there was little to nothing on Cloudy Quartz, no birth certificate or relatives, nothing. She couldn’t find anything at all on her father Igneous, other than a few pictures of him, it was like the guy didn’t exist. This bothered her in ways no other mystery had before, something in the back of her head nagged at her to try to find more, but she decided on moving on to other things. She had been paying close attention, but there was no sign or news of any of them in the past three months, which made her family beyond suspicious.

She searched up reports and such on any significant events that happened after her disappearance, and while she couldn’t find causations for most of them, many of them seemed correlated in some way. A month or so after her disappearance, a vigilante being called The Silent Killer had started killing criminals, and was avoiding capture with ease and little left over evidence. In the past week there have been a handful of reports of a hooded figure fighting them on rooftops during the night, at least two instances of it. 

Crime rates had also been incredibly erratic in the past three months, going from incredibly active, to dead silent, to active again around the same time Pinkie came back. Her heart was telling her it was just a coincidence, but her brain was telling her no such thing existed. 

She managed to trick her brother into mentioning something about some big crime organization that controlled most of the city, and that he had heard from some sources that they had a new leader recently, and that was likely who was fighting The Silent Killer. The second she asked about it he clammed up, and then made her swear on her life she wouldn’t go around asking about them or bring them up to anyone else. 

She, of course, kept her word, partly. She’d never seen her BBBFF so afraid before, so the fact that one criminal organization made him feel that afraid, they must have been a big deal. While she didn’t speak about it to anyone else, she had to look into it. She had been thinking that this was more than just a kidnapping or Pinkie getting lost, there had been no ransom in the time she was gone and Pinkie wasn’t that bad with directions. 

Her main theory was that she had been taken somewhere and tortured, done by a group of people who knew what they were doing and how to hide their tracks. However, that didn’t answer why Pinkie was back now, and why she was so...different. There were very few other explanations, so she had to work with what little she had. 

Through a very complicated tracking program she made a program that downloaded and followed the data codes of people who were thought to be a part of the criminal organization Shining mentioned, she was able to locate and hack a computer that was connected to its database. 

At least, she attempted to hack it. 

If she practiced at it more, she would have been successful, but in a matter of minutes getting past their firewall she was shut down. Luckily, she did a good job of covering her tracks, and was using a shielding VPN that redirected her I.P. address to somewhere else. While they had good security, she doubted anyone in some criminal organization was good enough to get through it and actually find her address. 

Twilight was currently in her room, completely dark except for the light coming from her computer. There were books, energy drinks, coffee cups, empty bowls and plates, and various other things spread out in her room that she hadn’t had time to clean yet. She had asked Fluttershy to watch over Spike when she really started to get serious, she missed him almost overwhelmingly, but she had to stay focused. 

As her fingers tapped rapidly on the keyboard, she got a notification from her school email, she only ever got a notification if it was something important. She paused what she was doing, which was trying to find any pictures of the fight between The Silent Killer and the hooded figure, and went to her email.

“Is that...an acceptance letter from Harvard!” Twilight shrieked as she stood up from the chair, her eyes rapidly going back and forth on the screen. 

She was wearing her long, white lab coat, a purple shirt underneath with a large star on the front and pajamas as pants. Her hair was tied up in a pony tail and she had dark bags under her eyes, which didn’t hinder the excitement in her eyes. 

Since she was graduating soon, she had gone ahead and put in letters to every college in the country, so she knew what her options were. Almost all of them accepted her, and she got enough scholarships to get a free ride anywhere she wanted to, but Harvard was her dream college! She had planned on double majoring, she just wasn’t quite sure in what yet. 

She wanted to jump up and down, screaming and dance like a little girl, to run outside and tell her entire family the news and run to Fluttershy’s to embrace Spike. However, something was telling her something was wrong with this. She read the letter three times over, paying close attention for anything that seemed off in the slightest. 

“It...appears legitimate, looks like every other acceptance letter I got, but why did I get it now? True, sometimes they run deep background checks before accepting, and with Harvard’s low acceptance rate they’re probably even more thorough. Still, my guts telling me something  is fishy here.” 

The only thing she found particularly strange about it was the acceptance condition, something no other acceptance letter she got before had. Before she could attend Harvard, she was supposed to meet a representative, alone. It would be at a time and location she could choose, all she had to do was respond with those details and meet them there. 

Suffice to say, this was absurdly dubious. Why did she need to meet someone first? It helps that she gets to choose when and where, she intended to pick a very public place in the middle of the day, but it still seemed strange. What were they even going to discuss? All arrangements could be done online, and she was fairly sure she didn’t actually need to meet her educational advisor or anything, so what was the point of this meeting? This also happened to occur after she started digging into the crime organization she had heard about, no way that was a coincidence.

While she was skeptical of the legitimacy of this, she also couldn’t ignore it. If this was real and she said no, she would be turning down maybe her only chance to attend her dream college and pursue the education she desired! Sure she could go to another college, but she wouldn’t learn nearly as much as she would at Harvard! 

She stared at the acceptance letter for a solid five minutes in tense silence, her eyebrows furrowed as she ran through every possibility. If she hadn’t been so sleep deprived, stressed and tired, she would have thought about it for an hour or so. But, the drain of mental fatigue over the past three months made thinking about anything else difficult. 

“Curse you theory of lay epistemology.” she mumbled to herself begrudgingly, her fingers clacking against the keyboard rapidly as she typed in a response email.

She would choose the nearest Starbucks, she could use the coffee anyway. She would bring her taser and make sure her brother would have some officers watch her, tell her family where she was going at what time, and when she’d be back. She would make no other stops, and make sure the gps on her phone was turned on. 

She was going to take every precaution she could, so why did she still have a bad feeling about this?  
> Chapter Three: The Highs And Lows.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkamena and Starlight spent roughly an hour just talking. After she caught her up on everything that happened last night after their call, she started telling Pinkamena about her social life. While she didn’t have a lot of free time or days off, she spent a lot of it hanging out with a group of online friends. She hadn’t actually met any of them in real life, or even knew what they looked like, but she felt very close to them and thought of both of them as her best friends. They had met through shared forums and groups they were in, and mostly played video games together online. 

There were only two of them, they were both girls and she didn’t know much about them except one was still in highschool, and the other had an absurd amount of free time and seemed to never sleep. The girl that was still in high school had a habit of speaking in third person, calling herself by her username. While the other one always spoke in a monotone and dull voice, rarely showing whatever emotion she was feeling, but Starlight had a distinct feeling that she was actually the type that cared a lot. 

As soon as they got to the office, Starlight showed her everything she knew about it. She specified what in there either belonged to Igneous, or that he had added in. There were a few things in there that bothered her. First was the row of televisions that was constantly recording every room in The Syndicate, even the bathrooms, which was strange because she didn’t recall seeing any anywhere beside the outside of the vault where all the money was kept. 

The second thing, which pissed her off significantly more, was a picture frame sitting on the desk. It was a family picture they had taken forever ago, she was actually shocked he bothered to keep it. She had to resist the urge to break it upon seeing that Limestone and Marble were marked with red x’s over their heads, showing how little their deaths meant to him. 

Starlight remained silent as Pinkamena trudged over to the desk, flipping it face down so she wouldn’t have to see it. 

She then showed her the laptop that was on there, informing her that it was basically an all-access resources to the online connections The Syndicate has, even to the extent of the black market and insider information that the public wouldn’t usually have access to. She didn’t know what Igneous kept in the drawers, but she guessed it was documents of various types. 

The bookshelf had all kinds of books on it, apparently her late father really enjoyed reading books to pass time. She saw that some of them weren’t normal books, having labels on them that were names, all of them vaguely familiar to her like she heard them in a dream. She was almost positive they were the journals of the previous leaders, she made a mental note to skim through them later. There might be some questions answered in there that The Whispers didn’t want to tell her. 

The last thing she showed her was where the isolation tank, or more specifically, how to access it. Like a scene straight out of some high tech spy movie, she placed her hand on a seemingly random spot on the wall. A small light came out of the spot and scanned her hand, a large, door shaped area beside the spot began to collapse in on itself and slide in to the side. Revealing a cylindrical, chamber like spot inside that was just large enough to fit one person. The inside was dark black, made out of some kind of metallic material she didn’t recognize. 

Starlight explained to her that it was the isolation tank, but it had been significantly upgraded since she last saw it. How it used to work is whenever Igneous needed a short break and to be alone with his thoughts for a while, he’d have to tell somebody to let him out after a certain amount of time passes, or else he’d be stuck in there without anyone knowing where he’d gone. 

Now that wasn’t necessary, Discord had upgraded it and made it to where it had a timer and would open itself after however long it gets put in for. The only people that would have access to it would be members of The Council and whoever the leader currently was, but as far as she knew, no one but Igneous had ever used it. 

Previously, Pinkamena wanted to use it to force The Whispers to give her answers when they were being dodgy. While that was still partly the intention since she didn’t think they were going to start being honest anytime soon, she admitted the idea of being able to just completely cut off the world and focus on her thoughts was a bit tempting. She was curious what it was like and wanted to try it out, but she had other things she needed to do. 

*I wonder which list is longer: my list of things that I need to do, or the list of things I want to do when I actually get the time?*

After that, Starlight and Pinkamena parted ways. Starlight mentioned that Michael was supposed to start his first physical therapy session soon, and she promised herself she was going to be there so she could talk to him without him finding some excuse to leave. Pinkamena didn’t want her to. Both because of her own conversation with Michael, and because she enjoyed being with Starlight. It was the few moments of normalcy she had in her now entropotic life, reminding her that things hadn’t completely gone to hell quite yet

She looked through the drawers, seeing documents, folders, and various other things she’d have to sort through later. She was searching for something to roll the weed with, she’d only done it once or twice herself, but she was fairly sure she could manage it decently. She actually ended up finding some wrapping paper, she wondered for a moment what Igneous was doing with wrapping paper in his desk. Then she realized that if Michael, Zecora, and more than likely Discord smoked, Igneous probably did too. 


*The more I learn about him, the less I feel like I have a grasp on who he was. It’s like he was two different people at once, who the hell were you, Igneous?*

After taking the amount of wrapping paper she thought she’d need, she shut the drawer and left the room. The next time she got the chance, she was going to sit down and thoroughly investigate everything in there. She knew there were things in there that could help her and answer the questions she had. Also, while it was slight, the possibility of finding Igneous’ journal among the others. Her hatred for him was unlike any other intense emotion she’d ever felt before, but with it came a desire to understand him. To learn what made him the monster he became, to get whatever he went through that changed him like that when everyone said he used to be a good person. 

She needed to know. If she didn’t, how could she stop herself from following in her father’s footsteps? 

She made her way back to the workshop where Zecora was, passing the old man in the booth who she now knew as Randolph, he was smiling and appeared rather happy about something. She made it to the back where the striped gunsmith usually was, disassembling yet another weapon and cleaning it. 

*Michael mentioned she’s been upset about Igneous dying and has been working non stop since then, I wonder how long it’s been since she’s slept?*

At the sound of the door shutting and being locked by Pinkamena, Zecora briefly stopped, glancing over her shoulder and staring at her. She looked her over for a moment, noticing that Pinkamena was wearing the exact same clothing she was just over an hour ago, her eyes hovering on her chest where there was dried blood. She decided not to comment on it and turned back around, going back to whatever gun she was working on. 

Pinkamena sighed as she began to walk toward Zecora, she found herself slightly nervous. She didn’t quite know what to say, did she just walk up to her and ask her if she wanted to smoke? She had never initiated before, the handful of times she did at her parties someone else asked her too. She agreed out of curiosity, and because she thought if she said no it would ruin the mood of the party. 

*Been a while since I felt nervous about something, it’s...comforting in a strange way.*

She pushed down the tingle of anxiety and grabbed a stool from one of the other workbenches, placing it behind Zecora. She reached into her pockets and pulled out her lighter, the bag of weed Michael gave her, and Igneous’ wrapping paper. She put her legs together and placed the paper on her lap, pulling some of the weed from the bag onto it and rolling it. 

She surprised herself with how steady her hands were and well she actually did it, she had always watched others, never having done it before. She chalked it up to The Whispers, guessing that either one of the previous host smoked a lot as an escape, or they all did. 

As soon as the blunt was rolled, she set the bag down on the ground and brought it up to her lips. It stuck out the corner of her mouth as she turned the lighter on and lit the end of the joint, putting the lighter in her hoodie and deeply inhaling through her mouth. At the sound of the lighter Zecora flinched, stopping what she was doing, but not turning around. 

The familiar taste of what she could only describe as ‘painless burning’ flickered onto her tongue, incredibly similar, and yet distinctly different from a cigarette. The stench filled her nostrils, it didn’t smell good, but it had a certain allure to it that took a significant amount of getting used to. 

She held it between her fingers and held the smoke in her lungs for a few seconds, closing her eyes and trying to recall the parties she used to do this at. The friends she used to smoke with: sometimes ones she was closed to, sometimes basically strangers, but it was fun all the same. 

Her life was much easier than, she had no problems trusting people and had no worries on her mind except whether she was going to be able to pass Cranky’s history test or not. 

Most people would think she was the giggly type when she got high, but that would be wrong. She actually totally mellowed out, her typical bubbly personality ebbed away along with her impulsivity. It was some of the few times her hair went straight other than when she had her depressive episodes, she started to think rationally and didn’t feel that desire to be overzealous and random like usual. 

Some people it scared, some people said they preferred her that way. She didn’t have much of an opinion on it, other than she didn’t want to be like that around Sunset and the others. She didn’t want them to think she was weird, and compared to how she normally acted, that would be. 

*Doesn’t really matter now, does it?*

She opened her eyes and let out the smoke in her lungs, feeling the dopamine cloud her mind and dull her senses. A furor of peace came over her as everything else faded away. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, her body relaxing as she allowed herself to slump down in the stool. 

She remembered Starlight’s words about the calming ritual, and this was likely the closest to peaceful she could get. She brought her left hand up to her chest, grabbing her necklace through her shirt. She turned her gaze to Zecora, her eyes half-lidded and her mind dazed, almost like she was in a trance. 

“Zecora.” 

Zecora had remained eerily silent and still, her back facing Pinkamena. When she heard her name, she raised her head and turned around, her hands on her knees and her jaw tightened with a tense expression on her face. First she made eye contact, her eyes narrowing like she suspected her of something. Then her leer dropped to the blunt in her hands, Pinkamena’s hand was extended offering it to her. 

She abruptly closed her eyes, a blank look on her face as she internally contemplated something. She inhaled deeply through her nose and then through her mouth, her eyes snapping open and snatching it out of her hand. She brought it to her mouth and smoked it as if she were dying in a desert from dehydration and it was water, her body shuddering with relief as a puff of smoke came out of her mouth. For the first time, she saw Zecora actually relax. The corners of her lips rising into an almost beatific smirk, a stark contrast to the grave demeanor she always gave off. 

They remained in that silence for a minute, Zecora stared at the joint in her hand with a dreamy look in her eyes, her mind clearly somewhere else much more pleasant. 

“You have...no idea how much I needed that.” Zecora spoke in her accent that Pinkamena couldn’t quite recognize, once again halting on speaking in rhymes. 

“Probably about as badly as I did, I haven’t smoked since...May? Long before all of this.” Pinkamena slurred as she took the blunt, taking another hit from it. 

The more she smoked, the more she could feel her mind becoming both clouded and clear. Her emotions became nonexistent, filled instead with a sense of tranquility and ease. This allowed her to think of things more rationally and to concentrate her thoughts, all her worries and even the constant whispering in the back of her mind were dulled. 

“I take it Discord is the one who suggested you do this? As much as I’d like to believe you just came to smoke with me, we’re both far too busy for that.”

Her voice was low and relaxed, but there was still a strict undertone. 

“Michael, actually. He’s worried about you, he told me that ever since Igneous died, you turned full workaholic. He also told me that smoking was basically the only way to get you to relax and actually talk. I may not know you that well, but since you guys have been handling everything, I feel like this is the least I can do.” 

Zecora gave an affirmative grunt in response, taking the blunt from Pinkamena and taking a much longer hit from it. Her smirk faltered, her eyes dropping downcast as she began brooding. 

“Zecora,” Pinkamena paused, the image of her deceased dad flashing in her mind for an instant. “Why are you so torn up over Igneous? I understand why Michael and Starlight are upset, but not you. Was everyone in The Council close to him?” 

Zecora turned her head to the side, staring off almost absentmindedly as she took another hit from the blunt, the room starting to strongly be filled with the smell and the smoke. “Do you...know how I came to be a part of The Syndicate?” 

Pinkamena thought back to her talk with The Whispers, recalling when they took the appearance of her grandfather and told her the story of how he came across Zecora. “Yeah...Gerald went to go handle a sex slave ring, and found you, right? I heard you managed to break his arm, and that impressed him enough to where he decided to take you in.” 

She scoffed, smiling like she was reminiscing on a fond memory. “It was a fluke, he had tired himself out after killing the majority of them. You have to understand, I didn’t know he was a chimera, or that he had come there to save us. I’d rather have died than be a slave for a day more, if I died fighting for my freedom, so be it. 

He hadn’t expected one of us to fight back, I took advantage of that and broke his arm. Instead of screaming in pain or even being angry, he laughed like I had told him the funniest joke he’d ever heard, and brought me and the other slaves back to The Syndicate. He sent the others away and offered me a job here, and the rest…” Her voice shifted to a gravelly tone, taking another long hit from the blunt and noticing that it was already mostly burnt out. 

“History.” She mumbled as she stood out of the chair, walking over to a part of the room where there was a trash can, tossing it in casually and walking back. 

“What…” Pinkamena hesitated in asking, not entirely sure if she wanted the answer to the question she was about to ask. “Was he like?” 

Before Zecora sat back down, she grabbed some of the wrapping paper still on Pinkamena’s lap, the lighter, and the bag of weed on the ground. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot as she tried to focus on wrapping another blunt, her hands were still incredibly steady and precise. 

“Genuinely one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and absolutely nothing like his son. He hated violence more than anyone I ever knew, but didn’t hesitate when he knew it was necessary. I can not say if he would be proud of you, but I assure you it would be better than if he witnessed how Igneous fell. I…” 

She paused when she finished rolling the fresh blunt, once again inhaling deeply through her nostrils and exhaling through her nose, before lighting it and offering it to Pinkamena. She took it and hit it once more, wondering how bloodshot her own eyes were. 

“I did not care for your father in the slightest, I joined The Syndicate because of Gerald, and many believe I stay here because I enjoy it. In reality, I only stay because I have nowhere else to go, and I feel obligated to stay to pay back the debt I owe to him.” 

“Debt?” Pinkamena asked, her mouth rapidly getting dry, she tried to ignore it. 

“On his deathbed, I made him a promise that I would help his son to the best of my abilities, it was his last wish. He knew Igneous was troubled, and that taking on the weight of being the leader might have been too much for him, and he asked that I join the Council to try to share some of that burden. I agreed, but I…” Her head dropped shamefully as she closed her eyes. “Failed, miserably. Not only was I unable to stop that responsibility from breaking him, I could not prevent his death either. 

I do not blame you for killing him, instead, I blame myself for not being able to save him. I could not keep my promise to your grandfather to protect Igneous, so I must protect you alternatively, and hope that he forgives me.” 

She opened her eyes and looked at Pinkamena almost pleadingly, apologizing with her face instead of words. She hung her head in guilt, vaguely reminding Pinkamena of samurais in those old japanese films she used to watch. 

“I have failed not only your grandfather, but you, as well. I should have done something to help your assists, convinced him it was too soon and that they needed more time, or done anything! I offer you my body, my soul, and everything I am to assist you. If you were to tell me to kill myself on the spot, I would not hesitate to do so. However, I must beg of you to allow me to dedicate myself to completing this weapon. I gave my word that I would, and where I’m from, my word means more to me than my life.” 

It was hard to tell with the pungent smell and thick smoke in the room, the burning of her eyes, the dryness of her mouth, and the taste she knew she was going to have a hard time getting out later didn’t help. However, she could tell there was genuine desperation and guilt in Zecora’s taut voice. 

The mention of her sisters and that Zecora thought she could have done something to save them should have made her angry. The fact that Zecora was like this because she killed Igneous should have made her at least a bit guilty, or even that her grandfather was just as good of a person as she remembered should have made her feel relieved.

She should have felt something, but her mind was so clouded and hazed that emotions just didn’t quite register. Instead of being angry like she would have sober, she brought the blunt to her mouth, ignoring how dry her throat was as she held the smoke in her lungs and closed her eyes. Exhaling as she smiled. 

“If I wasn’t so baked right now, I probably would be pissed at you. Currently, from where I’m sitting, I don’t think there’s anything you could have done. I only have a rough idea of what happened to him, but I’m confident that not you or anyone else could have stopped it. If you tried to stop him from putting my sisters in there, he would have just seen you as in the way. 

I might get angry at you later when I come down, but I would never order you to kill yourself for something you couldn’t control. I know what it's like to blame yourself for something that isn’t your fault. I can’t speak for my grandfather, but I forgive you for your failure, especially since you’re trying so hard to make up for it.” 

“You’re…” Zecora raised her head, her face relaxing a bit. “Too kind. I can not forgive myself so easily, but your words have helped alleviate my guilt.”

*No, I’m not. I’m...really not.* 

Pinkamena offered her the blunt. She took another hit from it and offered it back, but she dismissively waved her hands, deciding she’d had enough for one day. 

“There’s...still something I don’t get.” Pinkamena mumbled as she leaned forward in the stool. “Zecora, please, I need to understand. What kind of deal did you make with Igneous that makes you so committed to it even after he’s dead? Can you at least tell me that much?” 

“That…” Zecora’s eyes dropped to the blunt, twirling it between her fingers absentmindedly. “Would require me to tell you about my life, before I became a slave. I don’t like talking about it, but if that is what you ask of me, I will oblige.” 

Zecora straightened her back, watching Pinkamena as she waited for a response. She nodded, bringing her hands up to her hair and trying to keep it out of her face. Zecora closed her eyes and sighed, bringing her hand up to her right temple and rubbing it, her body language evidently more tense. 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed from my accent, but I’m not from this country. I was born in a tribe in Central Africa, a place I have not been to in far too long. My tribe placed much value on honor, teaching us that above all, our word should be the most valuable thing we can give. If we say we are going to do something, we do it, or our life is forfeit. 

I was...seventeen, I believe when my home was attacked. I don’t know the entire story, but apparently some disgusting animal in human clothing had a ‘collection’ he was trying to mass, and wanted a woman of every variety, he was willing to pay a lot for anyone that could bring him something he didn’t have. 

The men who took me, if you could call them that, thought that he wouldn’t have a young girl raised in an African tribe. However, they didn’t know what kind of women he liked, so they took multiple of us. They brought us here and...kept us in cages, barely feds us and we weren’t allowed to wear clothes. We were only there for two days as they waited for the man to come by and buy the one he wanted, and they intended to kill the rest of us. That never happened, as you know. 

It may have only been two days, but those two days of us being used like nothing else but living toys were genuinely the closest to hell I’ve ever been. It took me years to get past it, and yet I still wake up some nights expecting to wake up in those cages again.” 

Pinkamena felt a hot flash of anger deep inside her for a brief moment, the situation sounding all too familiar to her situation with Blake. Even high out of her mind, her hatred for him bled through like blood through clothing. She pushed it down and tried to ignore it, focusing her mind on something else. 

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but is that why you selectively rhyme? Because it’s something your tribe did?” 

It was a long-shot guess, but something was telling Pinkamena that was the case. Zecora confirmed it with a nod, taking another hit without even opening her eyes. “It is how I remind myself of my home, I do not ever want to forget where I came from. As more time passes, it is getting harder to remember it, rhyming is almost the only thing I have. Once I have retired from this place, I intend to return there, and it is where I shall die.” 

Home

That wasn’t something Pinkamena had thought about recently. Did she truly have a home? A place where she genuinely felt she belonged? She didn’t truly know. There was her house with Maud, but that didn’t feel like a home. Neither was The Syndicate’s base, or anywhere else, for that matter. 

A home was a place someone felt like they belonged, and Pinkamena didn’t think she belonged anywhere. 

“So, I’m guessing…” Pinkamena paused as she thought to herself. “Your deal had something to do with killing the guy you were originally meant to be sold to?” 

Zecora shook her head back and forth, smoking the last bit of the blunt to herself. “No, I’ve never been the type to think about revenge, it does not reverse what was done. To this day I do not know the name of the man, and I don’t care to learn it. He told me that he wanted me to build a gun like The Silent Killer’s and gave me everything he had on it. In return, all I asked was that he checked on my tribe. I had no way of knowing what happened to them, at the very least, I wanted to know their fate.”

“From the way you’re speaking, I’m guessing he told you they were alive and well. Meaning, you building this gun is you keeping your side of the deal.” 

Once again, Zecora confirmed by nodding. She got out of the stool and tossed the used joint in the trashcan, leaving the lighter, bag, and wrapping paper sitting on the floor. When she sat back down, she glanced at them for a moment, internally debating rolling another one. She subtly shook her head, sitting down and keeping a stoic stare on the ground in front of her. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was clearly very high. However, that didn’t seem to stop her from brooding, Pinkamena was beginning to wonder if getting high even really affected her at all. 

“I think I get it now. You made a promise to my grandfather to protect Igneous, but you failed that. You also made a promise with Igneous to make that gun, problem is: He’s dead. So you’ve been burying yourself in cleaning guns to keep yourself preoccupied, and to try to deal with the guilt.” 

“..yes.” Zecora murmured. 

*Alright, I think I’ve figured out what all the members of The Council have in common; They’re all mentally unstable one way or another. Except for Fancy Pants, I think.*

Pinkamena crossed her arms, Zecora was watching her out of the corners of her eyes, like she was waiting for her approval. She had to handle this delicately, this was a sensitive situation. Zecora’s guilt and shame were so severe that she thought the only way to repent would be to completely dedicate herself to Pinkamena in an attempt to make up for it, effectively only thinking of herself as a tool. 

Which was bad. She didn’t want anyone’s life to be her responsibility, certainly not because of something like regret. She needed to say the right words to get Zecora out of her stupor, which wasn’t easy since she’d never handled anything like this before. 

*Why does it always have to be me?*

“Zecora, I’m not going to act like I understand your situation. I’ve been tortured and used as nothing more than a living fleshlight, and I know guilt, it’s almost crushed me many times. I agree with putting value on your word and the promises you make, I strongly believe in the phrase ‘A promise isn’t a promise unless it’s kept, it’s just a lie’. Still…” 

Pinkamena reached forward with her right hand, hesitating before making physical contact, pushing through the fear and placing her hand on Zecora’s shoulder. As soon as contact was made Zecora’s head raised, her eyes widening as her composure fell, showing just how genuinely afraid and ashamed she was. 

“To give yourself to me because you made a mistake or two is not only absurd to me, it’s unthinkable. Your word should mean a lot, but that doesn’t mean you have to blame yourself because you messed up. You couldn’t stop what happened to Igneous, no matter what you might have tried, things would have turned out the same. He was too far gone.

You can continue building that gun for him if you like, but I don’t want you burying yourself in work to keep yourself distracted from your thoughts, not like I have any right to say that. You said that you’re giving your life to me? That you would do anything I tell you to? Well, my first and last order is for you to start living for yourself. Stop feeling held down by your obligations you couldn’t keep, if you don’t let your past die, it won’t let you live. 

Instead of being alive for other people, live for yourself Zecora. Be a person, not a tool. If you keep being held down by your emotions, then you still haven’t moved past what those men did to you, and you’re just a slave to your emotions instead of them.” 

She took a risk bringing up her time as a slave. She wasn’t even entirely sure if the words she was speaking were her own or from The Whispers, but it seemed to work. Zecora recoiled slightly out of shock, her mouth agape as she registered Pinkamena’s words. The corners of her bloodshot eyes teared up, her eyes narrowing in an expression between relief and fear. 

“You’re saying...I’m free?” Her words came out as desperate, like she was hearing the answer to a question she’d wanted for a long time, and wanted to hear it once more. 

“Well, I’d like it if you stayed a part of The Syndicate to help me when I need it. But, no, you’re not obligated to do anything. If you want to leave and go back to your home, I won’t stop you.” 

Pinkamena could feel the tension in Zecora’s body leave, she shuddered as she relaxed, like she hadn’t calmed down like that in a while. Her eyes squeezed shut as tears rolled down her cheeks, letting out a breath that sounded like she’d been holding it for a long time. 

“Thank you, that’s…” She paused as she opened her eyes, wiping the tears off her face and taking a deep breath as she composed herself. “The words I never knew I needed to hear. However, I believe I will stay. I have grown close to some of the people here, and I feel like this is where I belong, for now.” 

“If that’s genuinely what you want, then I couldn’t approve more.” Pinkamena said as she stood up from the stool, her back and neck popping as she stretched. 

It must have been something to do with her healing factor, because she could already feel herself coming down. Her eyes were beginning to burn less and that dazed feeling was beginning to fade, her emotions were starting to come back through. If her healing made it to where she could only stay high if she was continuously smoking, that probably meant getting drunk wouldn’t be easy either. 

*Great, just fan-fucking-tastic. No fun allowed for me, I guess.*

She scowled at this realization as she turned to look back at Zecora, relaxing as she remembered something she had meant to ask her earlier.

“Zecora...how many guns have you fixed or cleaned since Igneous died?” 

She peered up at Pinkamena for a moment, then glanced to herself as her mouth moved wordlessly, as if she were counting something to herself. 

“103.” 

“Yeah, come on. You’re taking the rest of the day off, at least.” Pinkamena said as she grabbed the wrapping paper, lighter, and bag of weed, making a mental note to drop it off at her office later. 

“But I sti-” 

“How many days has it been since you’ve last slept?” Pinkamena asked as she glared at her, her hands wrapped under the stool she was sitting on and carrying it over to the workbench she took it from. 

“...Two days, I think.” Zecora mumbled bashfully. 

“That’s too long. Alright, here’s what we’re going to do:” She stated as she sat the stool down, turning to face Zecora. “I’m coming down right now, and since I haven’t had anything to eat today, the munchies are hitting really hard right now. So, we’re going to go to the cafeteria and eat something. After that, I need to leave, I have things I need to get done today. You,” She said with emphasis as she pointed at Zecora. “Are going to sleep! I don’t care how, take melatonin or something, just get some rest. After that, do whatever you want, except work! Watch Spongebob, get high again, whatever. Just. Relax.” 

“What about-” 

“Zecora, don’t make me pull the ‘leader’ card. I don’t want to, but I will.” 

They held a short staring contest, both stubbornigly staring at the other. Zecora, likely because her eyes were still burning, gave in and closed her eyes with a sigh. 

“Can you at least let me complete this one? I hate leaving things unfinished.” 

Pinkamena glanced at the weapon on the workbench behind her, The Whispers telling her it was a half-dissasembled Remington 870. 

“Fine, you have thirty minutes. If you aren’t in the cafeteria by then, I can and will come back here and drag you if I have to.” 

Pinkamena exclaimed, turning around and walking towards the door. She opened it and took in a deep breath of the clear air, letting some of the smoke out and then walking out herself, shutting the door behind her. 

As soon as the door shut, Zecora turned back around and continued working on the gun, an almost unnoticeable smirk on her face. 

“I don’t know what any of them are talking about, she’s nothing like him.”


********************************************************************************************

Her lunch with Zecora was...filling, in one word. She got as much as she thought she could eat, and then a little more. The only strang thing was while she was getting food, the person who manages all that told her that Discord said if she ever came by to get anything, she was to always get a drink with it. It was the same milk like liquid that last time he brought her food, she made a mental note to ask Discord about it the next time she saw him. 

When Zecora showed up, she had clearly came down, but still distinctly smelt like weed. She brought significantly less food than her and looked exhausted, it seemed finally relaxing made her realize just how tired she really was. 

They ate in silence for a short while. It wasn’t an awkward one, more like they both just simply had nothing to say. Afterwards, they each went their own ways. Zecora looked like she was moments from passing out, and for all Pinkamena knew that’s exactly what happened when she left. Pinkamena stopped by her office and dropped off some of her stuff there, picked up her hoodie she left in that bathroom, and then left for her house. She at least needed to check in with Maud, and then she needed to set up a meet up time with Applejack. 

Right now, she was freerunning there, jumping across the rooftop building to building. She felt an immense sense of satisfaction, both from because she ate until she was full, and because she genuinely felt she handled things relatively well. Her talk with Discord and Michael was, at the very least, informative. Her therapy session with Starlight, while it could have gone better, still improved both herself and her relationship with Starlight. She got to help Zecora and get high at the same time. 

With how everything has been lately, it was a good day so far. 

“Someone’s in a good mood.” 

Her smile dropped at the sound of Igneous’s voice, turning her head left to the source of the voice. The Whispers were floating in the air beside her, on their back with their eyes closed and arms crossed like he was taking a nap, following along with her with each jump. 

“Haven’t seen you for a while, any particular reason for that?” 

“Didn’t think you needed me. Alice was handling the melding, and she wanted to deal with any of your emotional issues herself in case it had anything to do with the aftermath. I was going to step in and give you some advice with how to handle things with The Council, but you actually ended up doing a decent enough job yourself. I guess giving you their knowledge made you a better leader.” 

“Hm.” Pinkamena grunted, turning her face back forward. She found it hard to take anything they said at face value, especially since Alice switched up her act so easily and convincingly. 

“If that’s true, why are you here now? My plans for the rest of the day are to visit Maud, catch AJ up on what’s happened so far, and hunt down TSK to settle things. None of that sounds like you need to be involved.” 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t like me.”

“I don’t.” 

His eyes snapped open and he brought his hand to his chest like he’d been shot, hunching over in mock offense. “Ouch, that really hurts my feelings, y’know?” He said unconvincingly.

“If it makes you feel any better, I like you better than Alice. You’re upfront and consistent, I at least have a rough idea of what to expect from you.” 

He straightened out and turned to face her, his act dropping and turning on his side to face her. He propped his head on his hand, like he was laying on something and not floating in the middle of the air. 

“Well, negative nancy, I actually came here to give you some advice with your romantic escapades. But now I don’t wanna.” He said as he pouted. 

She glared at him out of the corner of her eyes, raising her eyebrows as she found herself struggling to understand what he was referring to. She paused as she tried to think back to the last time she did anything romantic. The only thing that came to mind was her talk with Starlight about her relationship with Rainbow Dash, and the confirmation after checking her voicemail that Rainbow had feelings for her, it was just the question of if Pinkamena reciprocated those feelings or not she was uncertain about. 

“Are you talking about the whole thing with RD? There’s not much to talk about since she’s...dead, what I might have felt for her is irrelevant.” 

He rolled his eyes at her like she stated something that was the most obvious thing in the world. “Not that, I couldn’t care less about your conflicting feelings about your dead friend. No, I’m talking about your blooming fondness of Starlight Glimmer!” 

His sudden words completely threw Pinkamena off balance, as soon as her feet touched the next rooftop, there was a loud screeching sound as her shoes scraped against it. She threw her arms out in front of her as she tried to regain her equilibrium, avoiding looking down at the alleyway behind her. 

She let out a relieved sigh as she firmly placed her feet on the rooftop, glaring at The Whispers a few inches in front of her. He was wearing a smug smile, his arms in his pockets and his hat slightly tipped forward. 

“I’m not developing feelings for-” 

In an instant, he appeared in front of her, pushing the tip of his finger against her lips. Unlike Alice’s touch, which had fake warmth that felt like it was imitating human contact, his was still cold and dead like a ghost. 

“No. We aren’t playing this game. You aren’t sixteen anymore, and I’m not one of your girlfriends. As of right now, you are in the starting stages of romance, or, a ‘crush’. How you take that is up to you, but I don’t have the patience to deal with you denying it right now.” 

He pulled his hand away from her mouth, she opened it to retort, but shut it at his disapproving leer. She glanced away from him, steering her thoughts toward Starlight. 

She thought of her as a close friend, yes, but was it anymore than that? She couldn’t really say, her romantic experience was next to zero. Thinking about Starlight made her feel...warm, if she really focused her thoughts on her, her heartbeat picked up slightly. The way she always tried to look good showed how much she cared about other people and what they thought of her, how nice she could be and yet stern when she needed to. 

Her hands were firm yet soft, she always knew the exact words to say and how to say them. How easy she was to tease, and how surprisingly insecure she was about things. Her smile was so sincere and happy, it reminded her a lot of how she used to smile. She’s seen Pinkamena on the edge of a meltdown and overwrought with bloodlust, and yet she didn’t think less of her because of it. 

Pinkamena noticed her cheeks were warmer than usual, a tightness in her chest she could only describe as ‘flustered’. 

“Maybe…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to compose herself. “You’re right, I might. Why are you bringing it up? Do you disapprove or something?” 

“Oh no, not at all!” He said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “In fact, out of everyone in your life right now, she’s probably the best person you could get with. It makes sense why you’d fall for her too.” He put his finger in the palm of his right hand like he was counting something. “She’s been there for you when you needed it, she’s incredibly trustworthy almost to the point of gullible, she has low self-esteem and insecurities and probably doesn’t even realize what a catch she is. It helps that she’s easy on the eyes.” 

She ignored his brashness and turned around, recognizing her surroundings as about five minutes or so away from her house. “What about...the fact that she’s my therapist?” 

“Pfft! You think that matters? Hell no, not in a lifestyle like yours. Even Igneous thought about it once or twice, and he was married! Though, his wife was little more than a robot with a human body, so I can’t really say I blame him.” 

She found it hard to choke down the disgust that rose up inside her at that statement, clenching her fist and jumping off the edge of the roof to another building as she began to freerun again. Unsurprisingly, she saw The Whispers appear beside her, floating in the air with a perturbed frown. 

“That was rude, not very nice to run off when someone’s talking to you.” 

“Are you going to keep saying things you know piss me off, or actually give me the advice you said you were going to?” 

He scowled and brought his hand up, pressing his thumb against his finger as he prepared to snap them. She mentally prepared for a brain aneurysm, having learned to just always expect one after everything she says. She was a little relieved when he lowered it, hearing him mumble something along the lines of ‘Not worth it, she won’t learn anything.’

“You honestly don’t deserve it, buuuut since we’re melded now, we’re invested. Besides, maybe getting you a girlfriend will help you loosen up a bit, everyone needs a little reprise every now and again. I’ll take a page out of Maud’s short book and use a geology metaphor: Everyone needs a rock that keeps them grounded.” 

“So...what, are you telling me to confess to her? When, for one thing, I don’t even know if she swings that way? Or if she’s even interested me at all? Not to mention she is clearly still getting over Michael! There’s so many reasons for her to say no, and so many ways it could go wrong!”

She tried not to raise her voice due to the fact it was still midday and there were likely people in some of the buildings she was jumping on, but she couldn’t keep the panic and aggravation out. He responded with a light chortle, a self-entitled smirk on his face that couldn’t have been a more perfect imitation of the man they were dressing as. 

“You’re right, but you’re wrong. Yeah, lot’s of things could go wrong, but just as many could go right. Can’t tell ya whether or not she feels the same way, only mind we can read is yours. What I can tell you, is that every person we’ve been a host to has had regrets of some kind. The single ones regretted not having someone and dying alone, and had at least one person they might have been able to be with if they confessed. Don’t be like that, grow some balls and tell her you’re interested.” 

“It’s...not that easy, I can’t just…” Pinkamena landed on the sidewalk across from her house, quickly looking around and seeing no one was there. “I mean, I’ve never confessed before, what if I mess up? I-” 

He placed his hand on her shoulder, which she was fairly sure was meant to be reassuring, but didn’t have any sort of affect since it didn’t actually feel like he was touching her. “Kid, you’ve stared death in the face and smiled, and now you’re telling me you’re afraid of being rejected? You could die any day, it's not like you’re immortal. Just do it, take the risk, might work out.” 

She shrugged off his hand, the way he was trying to comfort her...deeply disturbed her, she actually preferred when he was being arrogant. As much as she hated to admit it, there was truth to what he was saying. Considering everything she’s been through up until this point, being worried about rejection was just absurd. 

“I mig-” 

There were two heartbeats. 

As she stepped towards her house and it came in range of her hearing, she detected Maud’s heartbeat like she expected to, but there was also a second one she didn’t recognize. Maud’s was, as usual, incredibly steady and slow. The other’s was slightly erratic and beating faster than average, almost like they were nervous and anticipating something. 

What really threw her off was how close the heartbeat’s were to one another. From what she could tell, they were both standing up, the heartbeat she didn’t recognize right behind Maud. She didn’t think Maud would just invite someone over without telling her, nor could she think of anyone she would let get that physically close to her. 

Suffice to say, this put Pinkamena on edge. 

“We’ll finish this conversion never. I-” She glanced over her shoulder at where The Whispers were standing, just noticing that they had disappeared without a trace or even a word, like they usually do. 

She shrugged it off and speed walked towards her house, her mind running through the possibilities of who could have been in there. First she thought of the positive ones, the chance that Maud had a secret boyfriend or girlfriend. 

*Yeah, fat chance of that. No offense to Maud, but I don’t think she’s even interested in anything like that.* 

As she opened the door and entered, the bad scenarios came to the forefront of her mind as she couldn’t think of any other good ones. The grim reality that someone could have come here with the intent of using her against Pinkamena was the most prominent, she was sure there were plenty of people who had a grudge against The Syndicate who would try something like that. 

Her fears were realized when she stepped into the living room, Maud standing in the center with a curved dagger to her throat and a hand firmly grasping her shoulder, wearing the same pajamas she had seen her in before. If it were anyone else, the fact that she had a completely despondent and almost blank expression on her face would have been disconcerting. However, since it was Maud, it actually had more of a calming effect. If she had been worried or scared and Maud was showing it, then the situation really was serious. 

Even when she laid eyes on the culprit, it didn’t clear up the confusion in mind at who it was. She was a few inches taller than Maud, standing directly behind her with her head tilted so Pinkamena could see it. Her skin was a dark orchid, paired with a lighter rose hair that was in a thick, sharp mohawk. 

It was hard for Pinkamena to see her body, but what she could see was heavily covered. She was wearing some kind of dense gray body armour, small azure symbols on her chest, shoulders, and knees she didn’t recognize. The areas that weren’t covered by the body armour were instead protected by a dark black bodysuit. Her feet were covered in steel toed boots, and her hands were covered in dark black gloves. It reminded her a lot of Juno, but more battle-heavy and less stealth focused. 

The only part of her that was visible was her face, tilted back with her eyes half-lidded and a distinct scowl on her face, giving Pinkamena the feeling she was being looked down on. It pissed her off more than she already was, she clenched her fist and tightened her jaw as she struggled to hold herself back. The only thing about her that stuck out was a curved scar that went from her forehead to just under her right eye, like someone had tried to cut her and left a deep gash. Strangely enough, the scar wasn’t on her actual eye as it was undamaged, suggesting she at least closed her eyes whenever whatever caused that scar happened. 

“I like your hair.” Maud stated, either oblivious or uncaring to the tension in the room. 

“Who are you?” Pinkamena growled, taking a step closer to them. 

As soon as Pinkamena inched forward, she pierced the skin of Maud’s neck with the tip of the blade, drawing blood that ran down the edge. Maud barely responded with more than a dreary blink, like the pain hadn’t even registered. 

“Slow down and stay calm, as long as you do what I say, no one get’s hurt.” Her voice was cool and monotone, and more gravelly than any other woman she’d known. 

“What do you want?” 

“A lot of things, money, information, a cold bottle of scotch waiting for me at home.” Her tone was sardonic to the point of sounding like she was mocking Pinkamena, pulling the blade away from Maud and twirling it in a circle between her fingers, placing it against her neck just as quickly. 

“However, right now the only thing I’m interested in is you.” 

*Great, a crazy type, exactly what I needed.*

“So, what, you threatening my sister is your way of getting my attention?” Pinkamena asked with a coy smile, coiling her knees as slightly as she could to try to be unnoticed. She also hardened just the toes of her feet, if she could move fast enough and catch her off guard by just a second she could make it. 

“You might say that, yes. Though it is much more like I think it was high time we met. If my sources are as consistently reliable as I expect them to be, you’ll need me as much as I’ll need you.” 

Pinkamena didn’t like the way she said that. She glanced at Maud to see how she was doing, she had expected she’d be signalling her or something. Instead, she hadn’t moved at all since Pinkamena came in, that empty expression on her face and her arms hung limply to her side, the blood from the minuscule slice wound on her neck still running down the dagger. 

Her instincts were telling her that there was something wrong here, she didn’t like anything about this entire situation. Maud had been trained by The Syndicate, there is almost no way she would have let herself be taken hostage without a fight, which there was no sign of in the room. Not to mention she wasn’t fighting back in the slightest, when it would have been very easy for her to. There weren't any signs of a break in either, bringing up the question on how this intruder got in without Maud noticing. 

There were so many questions and so many things about this that irked her, but she needed to focus on saving her sister, she couldn’t live with herself if she lost another family member when she could have done something to stop it. 

“You’ve certainly got my attention, but I’m a lot more inclined to rip your throat out than listen to anything you have to say. Putting a knife against the throat of one of the few people I care about is a bad way to get my trust, but a pretty damn good way to get yourself killed.” 

She smirked almost sadistically at that, pulling the knife away from Maud’s throat by just a few inches. “That’s a good point. I ma-” 

Pinkamena didn’t give her the chance to finish whatever she was saying, launching herself by the tips of her feet and closing the gap between them. Her eyes widened slightly as she tried to put the knife back against Maud’s throat, but before she could even finish making the motion, Pinkamena tightly grabbed her by the forearm, her claws digging into her body suit, and pulled it away from Maud. 

She let go of Maud’s shoulder and grabbed Pinkamena by the throat, trying to choke her the best she could. She couldn’t get a good grip and was just barely squeezing her windpipe. Pinkamena slammed her other hand into her face, smashing her into the ground. 

Maud causally stepped away from them like she was getting out of someone’s way on the street, blinking absurdly slowly and observing the fight happening before her. 

Pinkamena pinned her left arm against the ground, pressing her knee against her chest to keep her on the ground. Pinkamena let go of her face, she was clearly dazed and likely had a concussion, but was still conscious and was grimacing up at her. 

Pinkmena raised her right hand over her head, flexing her fingers as she prepared to slash her throat in one swipe, not wanting to give her the chance to hurt her family again. Right as she went to kill her, she felt a sudden force stop her swing. 

She glanced back and saw Maud standing beside her, her hand around Pinkamena’s wrist. 

“Stop, she’s a part of the Shadow Broker’s.” 

“Shadow Broker’s?” 

Pinkamena asked, turning back to the woman she was sitting on top of at the sound of a low chuckle. Her eyes were half-lidded again and she had a smug smile on her face like she knew something no one else did, still managing to give off an air of superiority despite being at a clear disadvantage. 

“He didn’t tell you? Figures. I can already see you’re much more rash than the previous leader, Igneous would hav-” 

At the mention of Igneous, and the flare of white hot rage that came with being compared to him, she applied more pressure to her forearm. The woman let out a sharp gasp and abruptly shut her eyes, accompanied with the distinct sound of cracking bone, she at least had a fracture. 

“You come in here threatening my family, and then you mention that name in here? You must have some kind of death wish. I suggest you start talking, or I might just grant it for you.” 

She opened her eyes and scowled, her right hand unclenching and letting the knife fall to the floor, her left arm laying on the ground beside her. “Shadow Brokers are an independent group of information gathers, meaning we aren’t aligned with anyone in particular, official or underground organizations. However, we have a...deal of sorts with The Syndicate. I believed it was time we had a discussion, but since you’ve been keeping yourself busy recently, I figured I would have to force a meeting between us.” 

As she spoke, Pinkmena listened intently to her heartbeat, ignoring the adrenaline pumping through her veins and her bloodlust yelling at her to kill her. Her heartbeat remained stable, meaning she was either telling the truth, or she was a very good liar. 

If she was telling the truth, and she was a part of some secret group of spies, it was even more likely that she was that good of a liar. 

“Actually, I more or less have the day off. If you had just told Maud, I probably could have met with you. However, I’m questioning the legitimacy of your word since you decided to do that by holding my fucking sister hostage! If what you’re saying is true, you aren’t making a very good first impression.” 

She tried to make the gesture of shrugging her shoulders, but winced at the pain in her arm like she’d forgotten it’d been injured. “She was never in any real danger, it was just a test. I wanted to see what kind of person you were. I talked to Maud and she agreed, I assure you, there was never a single time during which I would have done anything but scathe her.” 

Pinkamena turned to Maud for confirmation, her dully colored sister curtly nodded, letting go of her wrist. Pinkamena’s body was telling her to take advantage of that and kill the intruder, but her mind knew doing that would likely permanently break Maud’s trust, if not down right traumatize her. 

“I wanted to see what you’d do also. I always knew you had problems with self-control, I see that hasn’t changed.” 

While Maud’s voice was as flat and emotionless as usual, Pinkamena had known her long enough to make out the disappointment masked beneath it. Hearing that from Maud hurt her in a way no physical wound could, but she couldn’t show that. Not here, not now. 

She took a deep breath and rose off of her, letting go of her arm and extending a hand. She stared at it for a moment, before grabbing it with her right hand, ignoring the pain in her arm as she rose to her feet.

“Are you crazy? If Maud hadn’t been here, you would have lost your life!” 

She looked down at her right arm, moving it around to test exactly what hurt and what didn’t. “If my life was enough, it’d go pretty damn well with the end result. Besides, I knew Maud wouldn’t let you kill me, the fractured arm is a bitch though.” 

“I’ll get you something to wrap it with while I’m getting bandages for my cut, we’ll call it even for stabbing me.” Maud said blatantly as she walked out of the room, her eyes slightly narrowed and eyebrows furrowed in an almost scowl, which was the closest Pinkamena had ever seen her to actual anger. 

She watched her walk out with a deep, sinking feeling of guilt. Ashamed of herself both because she had let Maud down, and she really had lost control of herself. Even if it was for just a moment, she should have been better than that, especially if that were a real situation where her life were in danger and the wrong move would have ended it. 

*I....really need to talk to her later, and maybe re evaluate my entire life while I’m at it.*

Pinkamena took a deep breath and calmed herself down, her claws receding and her eyes going back to normal. She turned back to the woman with her hands on her hips, who’s eyes were examining her curiously with her head tilted to the left. 

“Your hair changed color, and so did one of your eyes? Interesting.” She tried to walk forward, but suddenly stopped and hunched over with her hand against her face as she painfully grimaced, her other hand on the armrest of the couch to keep herself balanced. “Yep, that’s a concussion, great.” She said as she plopped down onto the couch, closing her eyes and taking slow breaths. 

“Sorry about that, there’s not much I can do but tell you to avoid falling asleep for a while. Can you at least tell me your name?” 

There was a slight smirk on her face as she peered up at Pinkamena, lowering both her arms to resting on her legs. “My name is Tempest Shadow, and I’m The Syndicate’s direct contact to The Shadow Brokers.”
> Chapter Four: Connections.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maud came back rather quickly with a first aid kit, a piece of cotton pushed against the spot on her neck and wrapped around with gauze. She suggested that they take their discussion to the kitchen, they could sit down at the table there and Maud could check Tempest over. Pinkamena wanted to talk to her, but knew it wasn’t the time or the place. 

While a little off balance, Tempest followed them into the kitchen and sat down in a chair on the far end. Pinkamena followed suit and sat at the opposite, Maud grabbed a chair and sat down beside Tempest, setting the kit on the table and pulling out a small flashlight from her pocket. She grabbed Tempest’s chin and turned it towards her, forcing it to stay steady in her grip as she turned on the flashlight and began to shine it in Tempest’s eyes. 

Surprisingly, Tempest didn’t flinch or resist it at all, almost like she’d expected it. She kept a composed expression even as Maud pointed the light directly into her pupils. After a few moments of tense silence, Maud turned it off and put it back in her pocket, letting go of Tempest as her eyes rapidly blinked to refocus her vision. Then Maud grabbed Tempest’s right arm, gently pressing her thumbs against where Pinkamena squeezed, Tempest wincing in response. 

“You have a minor concussion and a hairline fracture. Don’t sleep for the next twenty four hours, avoiding putting too much strain on your body and any more injuries to your head. If you suddenly get very tired, keep your eyes open no matter what. As for the fracture, keep it elevated and avoid putting pressure whenever possible, or it may make it worse.” 

“No problem, doc.” 

Maud grunted at that remark, abruptly letting go of Tempest’s arm. She got up and started walking over to the counter to the coffee machine. She began silently making coffee, getting out only two mugs even though there were three of them. 

“Alright, you got my attention. Can you give me a little more than information gathers? What exactly do the ‘Shadow Brokers’ do?” 

There was something bothering her about that name, it sounded like something she’d heard somewhere or someone mentioned to her. At first she thought it was from The Whispers, but anytime she was getting knowledge or information from them about something, she could tell that’s where it’s coming from. With this, it felt a lot more like it was a reference to something she only vaguely knew about. 

“I will tell you what I can, but you must understand that while we have a deal with The Syndicate, that doesn’t mean I can reveal everything. I am just an agent, and while I am very highly ranked, I still have a boss I receive orders from.” 

Tempest turned to face Pinkamena, placing her hands flat on the table. “I can not tell you who our boss is, who works for us, and who we have similar deals with. All I can tell you is that instead of having organizations also having to deal with gathering information and managing that, it would be much easier for a third party, who is completely unbiased and not aligned with anyone, to get that information for them. For a price, of course.” 

“So, you’re basically spies?” 

“Well, less ‘dodging lasers while breaking into places’, and more doing extremely thorough background checks on people, places, things, etc. You have the right idea, though.” 

“Hm.” 

Pinkamena felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, guessing it was either Sunset or Applejack. She ignored it as Maud sat down a mug of hot coffee in front of her, having her own cup in her other hand. After setting it down she took a few steps away from the table, standing with her back against the wall. Maud nonchalantly took a sip from the steaming cup of coffee, her eyes staring into Pinkamena’s back. 

Pinkamena tried to ignore Maud’s hard gaze, finding herself a bit more nervous than before. “I still don’t get why I wasn’t told about you previously, but I’m glad I know about you now. I still don’t get this ‘deal’ you’re talking about. If you’re supposed to remain unbiased and independent, shouldn’t stuff like that not be allowed?” 

“You’d think that, yes. Officially, that’s what we tell others, that we have no deal with any other organizations. However,” She tried to bring up her right arm to pin her chin up on, but then winced at both the pain and Maud briefly glaring at her. She lowered it and brought up her left instead. “Let’s just say that...a nameless benefactor is one of the main reasons The Shadow Brokers are where they are today, and in response to their generosity, they are allowed certain privileges. They are a part of The Syndicate and specifically said that they didn’t need it and thought the leader would appreciate it a lot more, something we both agreed on.” 

She didn’t have to think very long on who it could have been, there was only really one person she could think of that would do something like that in The Syndicate. “Let me guess: Discord?” 

The corners of Tempest lips ever so slightly curved upward into a Mona Lisa like smile. “You catch on quickly.” 

“I just kind of assume that if there’s some mysterious unnamed figure behind something, it’s probably Discord.” 

“That’s…” Her eyes widened like she'd realized something terrible. “Terrifyingly accurate, you don’t even know the half of it.”

“What are these ‘privileges’ I’m supposed to be getting then?” Pinkamena asked as she took a sip from the coffee, noticing that while she could feel that it was still scorching hot, it barely even burned her tongue at all. 

“Well, I say ‘privileges’, but it’s really not anything that extravagant.” She said with a roll of her eyes. “It’s more like special treatment. How it works is, if someone has paid for our services and requested information on either someone in The Syndicate or related to The Syndicate in any way, we tell you so. We can not disclose who it was that paid for it, who or what is being investigated, and we cannot be told or paid off, as it would harm our reputation. 


The only exception would be if someone of high priority was being looked into, such as a member of The Council, or the leader. We would tell you that, but still could not say who requested it. The only way to stop it would be to figure out who made the request and make them revoke it themselves, or risk whatever information I promise you don’t want leaked getting out.” 

Tempest’s voice was consistently monotone, almost to the point of bland. The expression on her voice betrayed her however, showing an interest in her eye as she watched Pinkamena eagerly, a sly grin on her face. It was almost like she was taunting her, or was just gauging her and wanted to see how she’d react to certain things. 

Being watched by two people at the same time for very different reasons was...uncomfortable and nerve racking, but it wasn’t something she couldn’t deal with. 

She ignored both of their stares, focusing instead on what Tempest was telling her. While knowing when someone was trying to get information about them was helpful, it was useless without knowing who or what it was against. 

There was something she hadn’t mentioned Pinkamena was curious about, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she did that intentionally to see if Pinkamena would figure it out on her own.

“Hypothetically, let’s say I wanted to ask for information about someone in The Syndicate, Discord for example. How would that work?” 

Tempest’s grin faltered for a moment, her eyes dropping into a downcast gaze like she realized something, before snapping back up to Pinkamena, her fox-like smirk bouncing back. Her eyes were still half-lidded and her expression made it seem like she was looking down on Pinkamena and felt herself superior, which left a bad taste in her mouth that she was doing her best to ignore. 

“Then they would be none the wiser. We only notify you if someone in The Syndicate is being investigated, so if you are the one requesting it, there would be no need. However, in the case of Discord, that can’t be done. He is on our list of people we aren’t allowed to investigate, for reasons that are entirely separate to him being one of our biggest donors.” 

“A list? As in, there’s more than one?” Pinkamena asked curiously with a raise of her eyebrows.

“It wouldn’t be a list if there was just one on it. Of course, I can’t tell you who else is on it, nor the conditions that caused them to be put on there. The only exception is if you try to contract us to look into them, I would have to tell you that we are unable to. So, unless you want to sit here and start naming off people until I say stop, I suggest not bothering your pretty little head about it.” 

Pinkamena lowered her head and closed her eyes, some part of her expected it wouldn’t be that easy, since when was anything in her life recently that simple? She instead tried to think of someone else to ask about, almost immediately someone came to mind she had been vaguely interested in ever since she met him. Even after she would get him off of her, she was more than likely still going to have to work with him, so learning about him couldn’t hurt. 

“What about Juno? Is he on this ‘list’ of yours?” 

Tempest head tilted slightly to the left as she raised her right eyebrow. “Interested in him, huh? Can’t blame you, many are. You can say he has a ‘way’ with people, the ones he doesn’t kill, anyway.” 

Pinkamena opened her eyes and let out a muffled grunt. “How much do I owe you for it?” 

“None, the first one is free. Everything after that is dependent on the individual, the circumstances, and how thorough you want us to be. We’ll discuss that if we get to it, for now, let’s just say Juno will take…” She paused as she glanced to the side. “Give me two days, I should be able to get you everything you’d want to know about him. It helps that you're not the first to contract us against him. All I have to do is make sure the information we currently have is up to date, shouldn’t be too difficult.” Tempest said as she turned back to Pinkamena, talking more to herself than her. 

“Someone else looked into Juno?” She asked. “I doubt you can tell me who, but I’m pretty sure it was a member of The Council before they decided to hire him or whatever.” 

“I can’t confirm or deny anything. After all, information is how we make a living. If I started giving it out for free, I might as well be burning money.” 

“Hm.” 

Pinkamena brought the coffee to her lips and took another sip, the liquid helping her feel a bit less sluggish. She glanced over her shoulder at Maud behind her, who had somehow already finished her mug and placed it on the counter, her arms crossed and still watching her with that blank expression on her face. 

Seeing the bandage on her neck reminded her of some of things Tempest said then, most of them she was barely paying attention to due to the situation. “Earlier, you mentioned that I would need you as much as you needed me. What,” Pinkamena said as she turned back to face Tempest. “Did you mean by that?” 

“Let’s just say…” She made a tsking noise like she was annoyed by something, her face etching into a scowl. “Our sources suggest that in the next month or so, things are going to get not so good around here. Some big players are making some moves, and the end result doesn’t look too good. I…” She suddenly looked up past Pinkamena, a much more serious expression on her face. 

Pinkamena quickly followed her gaze, just barely seeing Maud subtly swing her head back and forth. Maud brought her stare back to Pinkamena like nothing had happened. When she turned back to Tempest, she was looking back at her just like she was before. 

*Great. Is there anyone in my life that isn’t hiding something from me?*

“That’s all I can say.” 

She recalled the conversation she had with Fancy earlier, when he mentioned that he had a feeling that something bad was going to happen soon. Either he was psychic, or his intuition really was as good as he said it was. 

“So I’ve heard. There are other big players besides us? I feel like this is something I should be discussing with whoever your superior is, boss to boss.” 

Tempest snorted as she rolled her eyes. “Trust me, you don’t want to meet him. He hates doing anything himself. If he allows a meeting with anyone, someone really messed up.” Tempest closed her eyes and lowered her head like she was falling asleep, her head suddenly shooting upward and blinking her eyes.  

She sat back in the chair, her jaw clenched. “There are other big players, yeah. The Apples are one, but they rarely do anything nowadays. I can’t tell you who the others are, it’s up to them when they feel like they want to introduce themselves to you. Hopefully, not at all like I did.” 

Tempest slowly rose out of the chair, a strained expression on her face as took a deep breath, her hands pressed against the table to keep herself balanced. “Are you done asking questions? Because I’m done giving answers. I need way more coffee and maybe some Adderall if I’m going to stay awake for twenty four hours.” 

Without giving Pinkamena a chance to say anything, Tempest walked back into the living room with a confident strut, not even giving a glance to her or Maud.

“Wait,” Pinkamena said as she quickly got out of the chair, chasing into the room after her. “The door is…” As soon as she got into the room, Tempest was nowhere to be seen, the living room empty. “Back here....” 

“She does that a lot.” 

Pinkamena tensed up and swung around, seeing that Maud, without making a single noise, was now standing directly behind her. 

“You’ll get used to it.” She said drearily, turning around and walking back towards the kitchen counter. 

“Maud…” Pinkamena said hesitantly. “What did you not want Tempest to tell me?” 

“If I told you, that would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?” 

Pinkamena grated her teeth in frustration. “I don’t get it, why does everyone have to be so secretive!” She shouted as she slammed her fist against the table, holding herself back so she didn’t break that one too. “Discord, Igneous, and now you? I can never figure out what the fuck Discord is thinking most of the time, and I’m convinced Igneous had way more going on than any one knew about. Aren’t you supposed to be my advisor? I was hoping at least you could be honest with me.” 

She clenched her first, feeling a mixture of irritation and sadness at Maud’s behavior, her mind drifting back to the last time they talked. “I don’t understand, Maud. I thought...after we talked about what happened with Cloudy, that you opened up to me! You’re all I have left Maud! I…” Her voice cracked slightly as she hung her head. “Need you. Please, don’t shut me out again.”

“I’m not shutting you out!” Maud said in an aggressive tone and loud voice, likely the closest she could get to shouting. 

Pinkamena brought her head up to look at her, shocked at the sudden outburst, that was the first time she’d ever heard her genuinely angry.. Maud was facing the kitchen counter with her back towards Pinkamena, her arms pressed against the counter on both sides of her, trembling like she was struggling to hold herself up. 

“I...just…” Her voice had a brittle undertone. She drew a sharp breath, her body rising and falling as she tried to relax. The shaking in her arms receding to the point of barely being noticeable. “I love you Pinkamena. I do, really. The talk we had helped me. I’m slowly moving past what happened with Cloudy, and I do feel closer to you, I’m glad I don’t have to hide as much from you anymore. However,” 

She hesitantly turned to face Pinkamena, wavering like she was afraid or ashamed to do so. Her usually empty expression was starting to crack: The corners of her lips were twitching and her eyes were more open than usual, revealing a light behind her eyes most didn’t get to see. “Our talk made me realize that it isn’t a matter of whether or not we can be strong, we have to. I’m sorry about the comment I made earlier about your self control, but you need to understand, that can’t happen again. You need to learn self-control, if you don’t…” She glanced away shamefully, breaking eye contact. “You’re going to end up like him. I know you hate being compared to him, but it’s the truth. After a point he...stopped caring and just gave in. Jumping in like that, without any concern for me or yourself? That’s exactly what he would, and has done.” 

Maud raised her voice, but it came off more of a warning than aggressive. There was a flash of red hot anger that came with being compared to Igneous, intensified and paired with heavy guilt at the fact that it was her own sister that was doing it. She straightened her back and clenched both her fists, her nails digging into the palms of her hands. 

Her face relaxed a bit as she realized something she said. “Wait, Maud...did you have to be an advisor to him? Even after...he killed our sisters?” 

Maud tentatively bit the corner of her lip, hanging her head down and hiding most of her face behind her hair, or at least as much as she could with her short bangs. “I did...I’d rather not talk about it. It wasn’t for very long, but the way he talked about some things just...disturbed me in ways no amount of mental training could prepare you for.” 

Pinkamena opened her mouth to retort, but closed it just as quickly. The memory of their talk about what happened with Cloudy brought to mind, and how fragile Maud really was on the inside. She might know things about Igneous, but pushing her for it wouldn’t be worth it. 

“I’m sorry...I...no, I don’t have an excuse.” Pinkmena said solemnly with a grimace, sitting down in the chair with her hands in her lap, drops of her black blood dripping onto them. “I’m working on it, really, I am! It’s just…” She couldn’t stop herself from closing her eyes, the memories flashing in her mind like pictures. The arena, practically bathing in blood and tearing apart those men with a smile on her face. The feeling of Igneous’ heart in her chest, how close she came to doing the same with Sunset. 

The worst part was how much she liked it, she almost instinctively grazed her tongue against her teeth, finding that they were a bit sharper than they should be normally. 

“Hard. It isn’t like anything I’ve ever had to control before.  I’m trying, believe me I am fucking trying, but I’ll mess up every now and again. That’s why…” She glanced up at Maud, her head was still downcast, but she was intently listening. “I...need you to help me, and be there to catch me when I fall. Because I will, a lot. You and Starlight...you’re all I’ve got, especially since I can’t really talk to any of my old friends about this stuff except AJ. I’ve been trying to do it myself up to this point, but I know that’s stupid. I can’t do this by myself. Please, help me.” 

Maud stayed silent for a few tense minutes. Pinkamena’s eyes were just barely open, she was staring at a spot on the table, unable to look at her. She didn’t want to keep her eyes closed either. If she did, she knew more memories would flood in, and she couldn’t deal with that right now. 

“Pinkamena, do you know what the message is of someone who keeps falling around the people they care about?” 

She asked rhetorically, her voice somewhere between monotone and relaxed. Pinkamena glanced up at her, seeing that she was walking towards the table with that usual blank expression of hers. She pulled one of the chairs towards her and sat down opposite of Pinkamena. 

She reached over the table and grabbed one of Pinkamena’s hands, interlocking her fingers with her own. She completely ignored the bits of blood on her hand coming from it, her eyes not even blinking at the small trails of steam coming from her palm as it healed. 

“It’s ‘Pick me up’. People who don’t want help will refuse to show weakness around anyone. The fact that you are showing me this side of you to me and anyone else is proof that you can get better, and that’s enough for me.” Maud said in a gentle voice, the corners of her lips curved upward in a reassuring smile. 

Something about the mixture of that smile, the words she said and how she said them, and how intimate their hands felt together just melted cold pain and guilt in her heart.She exhaled sharply and let out a shaky breath as her entire body relaxed, it was like the heavy weight of her regret was lifted off of her with just those simple words. Her hand began to tremble and her grip got tighter than she intended, but Maud didn’t seem to notice at all. 

“Maud, I…” Pinkamena stuttered, a hot tear rolling down her left eye. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything.” Maud said blatantly, slowly letting go of Pinkamena’s hand and laying it face down on the table. “As your sister who dearly loves you, and your advisor who’s been thoroughly trained and am obligated to, I will help you to the best of my abilities. I’ve only met Starlight once or twice myself, so I don’t really know her that well outside of that she’s a part of The Council. However, since you’re speaking so highly of her, I will trust her as you do.” 

Pinkamena felt a bit of the relief ebb away as soon as Maud pulled away and her warm smile dropped, but the meaning of the moment and her words were still fresh. She briefly closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose, wiping the tear off with her pointer finger and tried to calm herself.

“Though, mentioning your friends,” Maud’s serious tone quickly returned, prompting Pinkamena to open her eyes and see an expression on her dully colored sister’s face that could only be described as ‘annoyed’. Her eyebrows narrowed so slightly Pinkamena wouldn’t have noticed it if she weren’t so close, her lips were also pursed. “Sunset came by a few hours ago, having done so a handful of times since you came back. I wasn’t going to bring it up since I know you already have a lot on your plate, but she’s getting more persistent each time. I’ve managed to handle her so far, but eventually she’s going to refuse to leave until I give her actual answers.” 

The mention of Sunset brought with it a jumble of feelings, the most prominent being guilt, and a shared frustration with her sister. “I’m sorry, I tried to get her to stop. But…” She glanced away from Maud as the image of a terrified Sunset came to mind, pushing it down and trying to prevent it from showing on her face how bothered she was by how close she came to killing one of her ‘friends’. “In retrospect, we should have seen this coming. There’s no way any of them would just give up on me, especially not Sunset. I want to tell them the truth, but...I’m afraid of what might happen if I get them involved in my life like this. And…” Pinkamena shamefully hung her head, her voice becoming a tad more meek. “I don’t want them to see what I’ve become. Applejack already did. She won’t say it, but I can tell she’s terrified of me.” 

Maud closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, her eyes closed thoughtfully. “I see. What do you want to do about them?” 

Pinkamena remained silent as she tried to think of what her options were, there were only two that came to mind. Either tell them and hope for the best, or try to convince Sunset and the others to just stop and give up. Neither seemed like they’d end very well. She hadn’t heard anything about any of them other than Sunset, but she had a sneaking suspicion that they weren’t just idly standing by.

“I don’t know. What do you think I should do?” 

Maud opened her eyes, her gaze transfixed on a spot on the table, an absent look in her eyes as she was contemplating something. “I don’t know you’re friends all that well. Besides Sunset, and Applejack every now and again on business related things, I only ever met them once during that whole thing with the Dazzlings. However, considering at least two of them turned into megalomaniac demon’s corrupted by otherworldly magic, I don’t think they’d judge you as harshly as you are afraid they will. Even so…” 

Maud’s eyes raised to meet Pinkamena’s, glancing upward at her hair for a brief moment as if intrigued by it. “This might be the worst possible time to do so. When the first member of The Syndicate got killed by The Silent Killer, I was inclined to believe it was a mere coincidence. Now they seem to be targeting members of The Syndicate exclusively, and since you are the only person other than Juno who’s fought them and survived,  it wouldn’t be a stretch to say they might be targeting you or anyone they think you’re close with. Juno isn’t in any danger, he knows how to stay hidden better than anyone I’ve ever known. I haven’t left the house, so I should be fine. But if y-” 

Maud was interrupted by the sound of Pinkamena’s phone ringing, a song she made with her friends titled ‘The Smile Song’ playing in her voice was still the ringtone. She had turned on the silence phone calls, but had forgotten there was a setting that made it to where that only applied to unknown numbers. 

She quickly pulled it out and checked who was calling her, not overly surprised that it was Applejack. She hung up and turned off her phone, sticking it back in her hoodie pocket. 

“Sorry about that, that was Applejack.” Pinkamena mumbled. 

“You said you were meeting her later today, right?” 

She nodded, recalling that she had mentioned so earlier to Tempest. “I sort of...didn’t go to school today. I passed out last night and slept well over twelve hours, I worried her and promised I’d fill her in later. That was...quite a bit ago, she’s probably just more worried now.” 

“You better be meeting her soon then, my internal body clock is telling me it’s going to get dark very quickly today. I assume you want to try to track down TSK and handle them as soon as possible, you don’t want to let it get too late.” 

Just like how Pinkamena had her Pinkie sense, which had been silent ever since she had become a chimera, Maud had her Maud Sense. Her predictions about the day were uncanny, including weather. When it came to stuff like how soon it would get dark, whether it was cloudy or not, or even the exact degrees and how it would change throughout the day, she was always accurate. She used to ask Maud if it was going to snow to see if there would be school tomorrow, and she had always been right about it. 

“You’re probably right, I should be leaving soon. I’m also guessing that since TSK has only been active during the night, they spend their daytime sleeping, or cleaning their gun. Whatever they do in their free time.” Pinkamena stood up, pushing the chair under the table and reaching for her coffee mug that had been left on it. She gulped down the rest of it in a moment, the feeling of hot liquid going down her throat and into her stomach was refreshing in a weird way. “I’d like to finish talking about this first. What do I do about them, Maud? If we don’t do something soon, they might actually learn something. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been trying to get something out of Applejack too.” 

“Hm...I think,” Maud also stood up from the table, taking the now empty coffee mug and walking over to the sink and started to wash it. “No decision should be made until after TSK is taken care of, I can handle Sunset until then. I know you can take them, but until things calm down, you should avoid their involvement as much as possible. I recommend when you talk to Applejack, you bring this up with her. I guarantee you she thought about telling you guys a couple of times before, the only things stopping her was the fact that you weren’t allowed to know about The Syndicate yet, and she was afraid of how you would view her afterwards.” 

Maud swifty finished washing the mug, a slight ding coming from her pocket. She dried her hand and turned around, pulling her phone out and texting someone a lot faster than she thought Maud was capable of. 

Pinkamena was taken aback by this. She loved her sister to death, but she had always thought of Maud as a social recluse, and now she knew that was because she was so involved with The Syndicate. She genuinely hadn’t expected her to actually have a social life at all, or be as adept at texting as she was. 

Pinkamena opened her mouth to ask who she was texting, but she closed it and decided not to, she didn’t want to invade Maud’s private life. 

“You should get going.” Maud suddenly said, turning off her phone and slipping it back in the pockets of her pajamas. “Applejack gets impatient very quickly. I...also have stuff I need to get done today.” Maud said in a voice lower than usual. 

Pinkamena didn’t want to leave her sister so soon, but she also knew that catching TSK took priority. She walked towards the door, opening it and hearing Maud begin to walk out of the room also. Before she left, something she asked The Whispers came to mind. Something they refused to answer and got noticeably irritated when she asked about it, which just made her more curious about it. 

“Maud...do you know what happened to Rainbow’s parents?” 

She was watching her over her shoulder, and could see her freeze up as soon as she asked the question. She focused on her heart beat, discerning that her heart skipped a beat and had now picked up its pace, faster than she’d ever heard Maud’s heart beat before. Maud’s back was facing her, the room was suddenly filled with thick tension. 

She saw Maud’s left hand clench up for just a brief moment, she couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or not. Like someone had pressed the slow button on a video, Maud turned to face her. She had that unreadable expression on her face like normal, but this time it seemed more forced somehow. 

“No, of course not.” 

She was lying. 

**********************************************************************************************

“So, lemme get this straight.” 

Pinkamena and Applejack were on both sides of the tree they had me at before, she had spent the last fifteen minutes or so telling her everything that had happened, with the exception of anything to do with The Whispers and that Maud lied to her.

Pinkamena was laying on the ground laying against the trunk of the tree, a cigarette sticking out of the corner of her mouth that she was smoking. She had picked it up on the way there, the way Maud had lied straight to her face about something that important really made her want to escape from self-awareness for a while. 

She wasn’t wearing her mask like usual, deciding to just have her hood up and her hair tucked in it instead. Applejack was sitting on the ground on the opposite side of the tree, her hat was off and resting on her lap as she listened to Pinkamena. 

“Yuh fought TSK while hopped up on sum super drug, and got yer ass kicked.” 

“Yep.” 

“Passed out afterwards cuz you hadn’t been sleepin’ properly, and didn’t wake up till noon.” 

“If it helps, that was the best sleep I’ve had in months.” 

“Yer now responsible fer the life of someone thanks to yer grandpops, which yuh only learned about thanks to gettin’ high with em.” 

“It was also the most relaxed I’d been in months.” 

“On top of all this, yuh realized yuh may or may not have a crush on yer therapist.” 

“That about sums up the last day and a half for me, yeah.” 

She heard AJ let out something between a groan and an awkward chuckle. “Geez Pinkamena, yuh got more going on in two days than ah have in the past month. Sure, things got a lil’ hectic fer a while, but now that ah told them yuh risked yer life to save mine, they trust that the Syndicate isn’t behind this. Now all ah gotta deal with is Sunset being as stubborn as a mule, and next week’s math test.” 

She heard her reach into her pocket and pull out something, hearing the sound of a flask opening as she took a drink from it. Her sharp sense of smell was telling her it was whisky. She didn’t used to drink often at all, but she had been around it often enough to distinguish between the different kinds from just the smell. 

“Didn’t know you drank.”

“Ahm an occasional drinker. This is an occasion.”

Pinkamena snorted in response to that, exhaling as a puff of smoke came out of her mouth. Applejack reached around and offered her the flask, Pinkamena hesitantly grabbed it and took a swig. Coughing a bit as the mixture of the burning warm liquid going down her throat and the burning in her mouth from the cigarette was as unpleasant as she expected it to be. 

“Applejack, tell me something.” Pinkamena asked as she handed the flask back, clearing her throat. “Why are you still involved in all this? I get that it’s the family business, but after what happened to your parents, I honestly would’ve thought you’d tell them to fuck off and you, Big Mac, and Applebloom don’t want anything to do with it. I know Granny Smith’s old, but I’m sure she has a few more years in her and can hold out until they can figure out who to put in charge instead.” 

Applejack let out a laugh as she took another swig from the flask, this one sounded more empty than the one before. “Believe me, ah’ve thought about it, a lot! Ah do my darndest to keep Applebloom and Mac out of danger the best ah can. But dangit, Applebloom loves doing what she does, and is damn good at it too! She’s as innocent as it gets and her smile lights up the whole room, but she doesn’t hesitate to fight when she needs tuh. As fer Macintosh, he goes where we go. If ah decided to take Applebloom and leave, he’d follow. Not just them either, ah can think of a couple uh people Ah could convince to leave with me if ah tried hard enough.” 

“So, why don’t you?” 

“Because, it’s…” She paused. Pinkamena held the cigarette in between her fingers, she reached around and offered it to her. She hesitantly took it, briefly smoking it and handing it back. “Not that easy. Fer me, that’s the same as given’ up, and we both know ahm not the type to do that. Even if ah did, ahm not enough of ah coward to be okay with running away from mah problems like that. Mah parents taught me to always face mah problems head on, as long as ahm alive and ah Apple, that’s exactly what ah intend to do. Besides, me leaving would make things so hectic, ahm sure it’d put Granny into an early grave.” 

As much as Pinkamena hated to admit it, she sympathized with Applejack. The Whispers, and being something between human and animal, were the main reasons she hadn’t tried to just leave everything and start a new life, but they weren’t the only ones. At first it was Maud, her sister that she loved, and the only member left of her family. Then it was her abnormal relationship with Starlight, her therapist/friend who she was developing romantic feelings for, a situation that she still felt very conflicted on. She was now completely responsible for Zecora’s life, something she was still trying to wrap her head around. Not to mention all the smaller people she was warming up to, like Fancy Pants. 

She didn’t have an issue with running from her problems, she never really thought of herself as a brave person. Regardless, she couldn’t leave all of them like that. Some of them she cared about too much, and she also knew that if she left, Maud would be forced to take her place. Everyone in The Council would have to deal with the mess she’d left behind, and probably a dozen other things would go wrong. 

Applejack’s response did remind her of something else she had meant to ask her about, however. 

“What do you think about....telling Sunset and the others about all this?”

There was a tense silence between the two that lasted so long, Pinkamena had to check to make sure AJ was still there. She suddenly burst out into laughter, the kind that sounded extremely forced and she was just doing to try to fill the awkward silence. It eventually lowered into silence once again when Pinkamena didn’t join in, like Applejack had expected that question to have been a joke. 

“Wait, yer serious? Yer really thinking about getting them involved in this?” Applejack asked tremendously, shifted around to look at Pinkamena. 

“We wouldn’t have to get them involved, per se. Just tell them what’s going on and what we’ve been hiding from them so they stop trying to figure it out themselves. I’m sure you don’t like lying to them anymore than I do, so why do-” 

“Con sarnit Pinkamena! Yuh know just as well as ah do that telling them is the same thing as getting them involved!” Applejack exclaimed, a stern and disapproving undertone in her voice. “Assuming that they even believe us, and that we’re involved in the criminal underworld, what makes you think they’ll just be okay with us handling it all on our own without trying to help us? Especially now, when there’s sum gunned maniac killing people involved with us? That’s just plain stupid.” 

She couldn’t ignore what Applejack was saying, or that her accent had briefly disappeared showing how series she’d gottne,  especially not since they were some of the same points that Maud brought up. She knew that if they decided to come out to them, other than the distinct possibility that they would be terrified of the truth, they would try to help them in any way they could. Pinkamena would prefer to keep them as uninvolved as possible, telling them would make that impossible. 

*All of that is true, but I’m starting to think there isn’t much of a choice.*

“That’s why we wait until after everything with TSK is settled, which I might be able to handle tonight. We might as well, despite your and Maud’s best efforts, Sunset is still just as persistent  about it. Honestly, she’s in as much danger now if she knew. I don’t know what the others have been doing, but I doubt they’ve just been standing by. We should wait until things calm down, and tell them what we can. After that...we handle things from there.” 

Applejack remained silent, contemplating how to respond. “So...what? Applejack mumbled. “We just...get’em tagether, sit’em down, and tell them that mah entire family commits crimes on the side? That yuh were turned into some bloodthristy monster tha-”

She suddenly stopped talking like someone put their hand over her mouth and forcefully closed it. As soon as the words ‘monster’ left the southerners mouth, Pinkamena’s heart sank that she was being called that by someone she considered her friend. She tried to ignore the shame and hurt rising up in her by pressing the cigarette against the center of the top part of her hand, the burning sensation helped distract her from her emotions. The burn wound was healing almost as fast as it was being made, the smoke and steam swirling together as bits of ash sprinkled on her hands. 

“Ah Pinkamena, I’m sorry. Ah didn’t me-” 

“It’s fine, really.” Pinkamena stated in response, more gruff than she intended it to be. “We can’t dance around the topic and pretend it isn’t there. I’m not entirely human anymore, that’s just how it is and it isn’t reversible, it’s just something I have to live with. If we decide to tell them, I’d...prefer to leave that part out if we can. If not…” She pulled the cigarette off her hand and stuck the end back in her mouth, the familiar smell of burning flesh flickering into her nostrils. “I’ll deal with it. I...really want this Applejack, I miss them a lot. They don’t need to help us or anything, I’d actually prefer if they didn’t. Just being able to confide in them and be friends with them again...that’d be enough.” 

“Yer really serious about this?” Applejack asked tentatively. 

Pinkamena closed her eyes, bringing forth all the best memories she could of her times as before. The parties, the sleepovers, even all the times they fought over something arbitrary or had to fight some Equestrian threat, it was worth it in the end. Even if Starlight was right, and her personality was just superficial and born from her need to make others happy, her bonds with them were genuine. The warm feeling that started in her chest and spread throughout her body was more than enough proof of that. The corners of her lips curved upward into a slight smirk as she opened her eyes, putting the cigarette out on one of the exposed tree trunks and bringing her free hand to her chest and grasping her pendant through her clothes. 

“Yeah, I really am. At least think about it until everything calms down, that’s all I ask. I talked to Maud about it, and she made all the same points I did, and said that it’s up to us. I know that this is a big decision and what might come of it. Regardless, if they’re going to be in danger anyway just for being connected to us, shouldn’t they at least be aware of it?” 

Pinkamena slowly began to stand up, hearing AJ do the same thing. Pinkamena listened closely to her heartbeat, discerning that it was just a tad faster than normal, something she’d learn was usually a telltale sign of nervousness or anxiety. 

“How long do yuh think it’ll take ya to handle everything?” 

“If everything goes well? Tonight. I got their scent down, I had intended to go find them after we were done here. After that, everything should calm down and go back to the way they were before, more or less.” Pinkamena offered, glancing off to the side with a gloomy undertone in her voice. 

“Hm.” Applejack responded, which was followed by a brief pause and then an almost exasperated sigh. “Ah’ll admit it; things ain’t been so good with us ever since yuh left. Ah hated having to lie and not be able to tell’em the truth about everything. Mor’en anything ah wanted to, but ah couldn’t. Being able to talk about stuff like this with them...would make everything’ a lot easier.” 

Applejack walked around the tree to Pinkamena, slipping her signature cowboy hat back on her head. “Ah’ll deal with Sunset until then, and ah’ll talk to Granny and the others about this, that’s all ah can promise. Until this crazy sniper maniac is taken care of, ah’ll be keeping this in mind.” 

“That’s more than enough for me. Now…” Pinkamena turned to her, her eyebrows furrowed into a more grim expression. “I hate asking you to do anything else, but I can’t in good conscience just leave her alone to die.” 

Applejack’s eyebrows raised in concern and interest at ‘her’. “Ah’m listening.” 

Pinkamena took a deep breath, she didn’t exactly feel right about telling someone about someone else’s living conditions, but she would have felt worse if she did nothing about it. 

“What...do you know about where Scootaloo lives?” 

The confusion on her face became more evident for a moment, then shifting to surprise and realization as her eyes widened. “Ah...don’t, actually. Ah never bothered to ask or even think about it. Why?” 

“She’s not doing well at all. She’s living in a rundown apartment right now, but pretty soon she’ll be kicked out and forced to live on the streets. I came across her while I wa-” Her words caught in her throat as she stopped herself, realizing saying what she was doing would lead to a conversation she wasn’t ready to have. “Was looking into something.” She said as she broke eye contact, unable to look her in the eyes as she blatantly avoided the truth.

Applejack noticed this and slightly grimaced, but decided not to push it and crossed her arms. Her suspicion being shrouded by apprehension as her expression dropped into a grave one.

“That’s...terrible, she’s the same age as Applebloom! Ah can’t even imagine her having to fend fer herself on the streets!” She exclaimed. 

“I know, it is. I was just as surprised as you were. I was thinking..I know your farm is big, and you’ve probably got space. If you don’t mind, do you th-” 

Applejack extended her hand in front of her, stopping Pinkamena. “Partner, yuh don’t have to say another word. Ah’d love to take Scootaloo in, at least until she gets old enough to move out on her own. There’s plenty of room in the house and Bloom would love the company! Just...give me a day or two to talk to the others.” 

Hearing that someone was going to be taking care of Scootaloo was a huge relief, but it did nothing to alleviate the guilt. If Rainbow Dash hadn’t died trying to save her, then Scootaloo would at least be able to live in that dingy apartment instead of being forced onto the streets to fend for herself. She couldn’t take her in herself and raise her like Starlight suggested, she already knew she’d somehow be a worse parent than her own, but she could at least insure that someone else could give her a home. 

“That’s...more than enough, really, I appreciate it. I-” Pinkamena peered past Applejack at the sun, noticing how low it had gotten. Judging from the brightness, she guessed it was about half an hour or so until twilight. Maud was right, it was going to get dark soon. “Really have to go now. I don’t know how much time I have, but if I want any chance at catching them, I need to start soon.” 

Pinkamena turned around and lighty sniffed the air, her eyes closing as she tried to focus on recalling the smell of blood from her last encounter with TSK. Her sense of smell and hearing were what was enhanced the most, but even then it wasn’t much better than a humans. She could just barely tell a direction, and very vaguely where in the city they were. 

As soon as she locked on to it, she opened her eyes and reached into her hood pocket, pulling out Blake’s plastic skeleton mask and slipping it on. She saw Applejack flinch out of the corner of her eyes, her face shifting into a disapproving scowl, but she didn’t say anything about it. 

“Ah...Ah’ll try to keep Sunset distracted until yuh handle things. But if yuh keep not showing up to school, she’s just gonna get more suspicious. Be careful, ya’hear?” 

With little more than a nod, Pinkamena went off on her hunt, ignorant of just what would come of it.

*************************************************************************************************

It had taken her roughly an hour to get where the source was. Strangely enough, it stayed in one place, almost like it was waiting for her. It was about on the other side of the city from where she was with Applejack, so it took her roughly an hour of free running to get there. She kept the mask on and her hood up to conceal herself the entire way. 

She ended up at the construction site, a very large and tall one that was likely for some hotel or company building. It didn’t look like it had been in construction for very long, the framework of it it just recently gotten completed. There were various materials spread about, such as wood, metal beams and rods, etc. There was no one around, luckily. However, instead of that being reassuring, it actually just made her more paranoid. It seemed too...perfect. 

An abandoned location, without anyone around for at least a block or away in the dead of night? And they haven’t moved an inch? This was obviously a trap of some sort. She sniffed the air, detecting the distinct scent of petrichor, it was going to rain soon. She heard of people who could smell the rain before it came, but she wasn’t one of them. 

She didn’t used to be, anyway. She may have hated a lot of things about being a Chimera, but she couldn’t ignore the benefits either, though she’d never admit it out loud. 

Pinkamena decided she did not have the patience to climb it like a normal person, plus she was fairly sure that’s what TSK was expecting. Instead, she jumped up onto the scaffolding, her legs able to jump from one to the other more or less silently. 

Within a minute or so she made it to the top, which was mostly barren with the exception of a couple of various construction materials. As soon as tried to focus her eyes to see better, she heard the loud sound of a large switch being flipped and the construction site spotlights being turned on. She reflexively brought her hand in front of her face, glad she decided to put on the mask beforehand. 

Pinkamena rapidly blinked her eyes as her vision quickly adjusted, directing her eyes at a black figure standing in front of the spotlight. She recognized them as TSK almost immediately, but something about them seemed...different, she couldn’t quite pin it. 

They walked forward, stopping a dozen or so feet in front of her. Pinkamena looked for their signature gun, but it wasn’t there. She thought that maybe they had disassembled it or it was on their back, but she didn’t see anything that suggested that. She also realized that if they did have their gun, they could have just shot her while she was temporarily blinded, so why didn’t they?

“Hello there, Night. I’m going to kill you here.” 
> Chapter Five: Collapse.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Night? Hm, I’ve been called much worse things.” 

Now that there was more light and her eyes had adjusted, Pinkamena could make things out better. There wasn’t a lot of distance between them, maybe eight feet or so. However, in between them was a large and wide, blue rectangular tarp. She slowly brought her right foot forward and pressed down on it, reflexively retracting it when she felt there was nothing under it. She was guessing that under that tarp was a giant hole that led to the bottom of the building, likely where an elevator was supposed to go. 

“I know you aren’t Blake.” They said bluntly, their right hand reaching towards their left shoulder, pulling out a bowie knife from a sheath that almost perfectly blended in with their armor. “I thought you were yesterday, your mask was his for sure, then I started piecing things together after our scrap. That brief look I got at your face the first time we fought, your long hair, and how your british accent just sounds so forced. I don’t know who, or what, the hell you are, but you’re not Blake.” 

The bowie knife they pulled out was large and sharp, much more so than the knives they were stabbing her with before. As she recalled that they had several knives hidden on their body, she also remembered that they had put poison on their knives, and was working on making one that could kill her. 

“That the knife you’re going to kill me with?” Pinkamena asked, already extending her nails into claws and feeling that unique sensation as her body slowly transformed. 

“Not this one.” They offered as they peered down at it, poking the tip with their finger to test the sharpness. “I’m not going to bother trying to figure out who you are, there’s no point. Before I kill you, I’m going to get all my answers anyway. When we first met, you called yourself my ‘worst nightmare’. So, that’s what I’ll call you until I learn your real name. Night for short.” 

Pinkamena lowered her eyes to their body, noticing why they appeared different than before. They were wearing much less armor than before, and the armor they were wearing less small and less thick. It only covered their upper and lower arms, upper and lower legs, and the majority of their torso. Their sides, elbows, knees, and everything else had nothing on them except their black bodysuit. They still had their mask on that covered their face and masked their voice, along with the black boots and gloves. She could tell they were muscular and lean, clearly very athletic and having put themselves through vigorous exercise to get such a physique. 

From their response, she knew for sure that they had more knives on them. If before was anything to go by, also flashbangs. While she couldn’t see their sniper rifle that changes into other guns, she did distinctly remember the pistol they had hidden somewhere on their leg. She was also assuming the reason they were wearing less was for mobility, so they could move around faster and more easily, which would also explain why the body armor they were wearing under their bodysuit now was evidently smaller. 

“Let me ask you something: You said that the main reason you were doing all of this was for Pinkie. Were you telling the truth?” 

They leered up at her, staring her down in silence for a brief moment. Then they dropped both their arms to their sides, twirling the large bowie knife between their fingers with little effort, and then began to walk around the tarp in a clockwise direction. 

“You didn’t answer any of my questions until you’d thought you’d won, why should I tell you anything? We both know we came here to kill each other, the only person who’s going to get answers is going to be whoever's left.” 

Pinkamena began to walk counterclockwise around the tarp, not taking her gaze off them for a moment as they circled each other like two predators in the wild. She slowly clenched both her hands into a fist one finger at a time, her teeth were on edge as she had to suppress the urge to attack them. She knew neither of them had the advantage, and if that drop under the tarp was as far as she thought it was, it’d kill even her. She needed to wait until either they moved away from it, or they attacked first. 

“I’d like to offer you a deal before we get at each other's throats, if you’re interested.” 

Pinkamena’s eyes narrowed behind her mask as she looked at them suspiciously, getting a tense feeling in her stomach she didn’t quite like. Their behavior was...off. Usually they were much more aggressive and much less willing to talk, at least that’s how they were the previous two times. They also didn’t bother to bring any guns at all from what she’d seen, she didn’t like any of this one bit. 

“I’m listening.” 

“Take off your mask.” 

As soon as they said that, Pinkamena’s ears flickered at the distant sound of thunder, glancing in the direction and seeing lightning. She could see the storm approaching, the large black clouds suggesting it wasn’t going to be a short one either. Judging from the thick stench of petrichor, it was also going to be a big and heavy one. 

She turned back to TSK, noticing they had both stopped and were standing directly opposite of each other, having switched where they were standing before. They were staring at her and waiting for her response, still twirling the large knife between their fingers like she saw Starlight do with pencils. 

“Why should I do that?” 

“Because, if you do,” They stopped twirling the knife, holding it by the handle and pointing it downward. They brought their other hand up to behind their head, grabbing something on the back of the mask they were wearing. “I’ll take off mine.” 

There was a strong gust of wind that blew in from the same direction of the storm, blowing some of the strains of her pink and black hair that were sticking out of the mask to the right. Pinkamena was glad she had tucked most of her hair under her mask and put her hood up, now that the wind was blowing as sharply as it was, it would have been a pain to keep her hair out of her face. 

“What’d be the point of that? Whoever wins is going to get to take off the others mask anyway.” The mask may have done a good job of making it impossible to tell gender, but it didn’t excel as much at hiding her snarky tone. 

“Call it an honor thing. Other than that ninja guy who saved your ass the first time, you’re the only person, if I can even call you that, that posed any kind of challenge. I’d rather look back at this and remember it as fighting whoever you really are, and not as some masked figure with claws and fangs.” 

Pinkamena brought her left hand up to the mask, her claws scraping against the plastic it was made out of. For a moment, she considered it. In the end, it didn’t make much of a difference. She fully intended to kill them tonight, she’d had enough of this game of cat and mouse they’d been playing, so taking off her mask now didn’t really make much of a difference in the end. 

However, if Starlight was right, then that meant that wearing a mask is what allowed her to ignore her more humane side. Both times she’d fought them she was wearing a mask, and not once did she feel any guilt for giving in to her impulses and letting go. Doing that now might cause just that. Besides, while she was curious what TSK looked like, there was a downside to it. It would exemplify that she was going to kill a person, not some armed vigilante shrouded in mystery, and that would cause her to lose her resolve. 

She dropped her hand, clenching it into a fist against, the tips of her claws digging into the palm of her hands. 

“Nah.” 

Their head shifted slightly, she could just vaguely make out some noise from their mouth that sounded like a scoff. “Yeah, figured.” 

In a single swift movement, they moved their left foot under the tarp and lifted it upwards, kicking it over to their left as the wind blew it a couple of feet away. Pinkamena craned her neck downwards into the whole, seeing that it was the shaft for an elevator like she’d speculated. She also saw that it indeed went to the very bottom, though even with her near natural night vision, she couldn’t actually see it since there was so little light. Despite that, she could see there were some platforms she guessed the construction workers would be on, along with some beams in between them that worked as makeshift walkways. She could see that there was at least one platform on each floor, some of them still had a few tools and didn’t appear that they’d be able to handle more than three or so people at a time. 

“Let’s get started then, I’ve never liked postponing the inevitable.” 

They crouched down and jumped onto one of the platforms, their combat boots slamming against it with a loud thud. TSK steadily stood straight up, tilting their head up at her. Pinkamena couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she was a gladiator from the roman times, and she’d just been challenged by another warrior that was trying to take her title of champion, the platform was the arena. 

She smirked as she jumped down after them, her sneakers not as loud as their combat boots. Pinkamena quickly straightened her body, half expecting them to have tried to attack her while she got down there. Instead, they just watched her, standing deathly still like a mannequin. 

Pinkamena planted her feet firmly against the platform, lowering her torso a bit and unclenching her fist, her almost talon like claws ready to strike at a moment’s notice. There were two ways she could do this: Either wait for them to make the first move, which she didn’t like doing since they clearly have some sort of plan, it was impossible to tell how long they’d been here and were waiting for her.

Which left her with the second option. 

“Not sure if you noticed, but I-” 

She jumped forward, taking a slash at their head. They moved in the blink of an eye, jumping to the side. Pinkamena didn’t want to give them a chance to breathe. She spun her body around, extending her right leg outward horizontally halfway through, bringing it towards them like a sword trying to cut them in half. From their previous two fights, she had a rough idea of how they fought and how fast they could react, they shouldn’t have been able to dodge this. 

Shouldn’t being the key would, they defied Pinkamena’s expectations and ducked under her kick, her foot just barely scraping above their head. They didn’t hesitate as they leaped forward still crouching, bringing their left hand forward and roughly jabbing her in the center of her stomach. It didn’t hurt, but it did knock the air out of her, causing her to flinch for just a second. 

TSK took advantage of that and pulled back their right arm, punching her in the face while still holding the knife in their hand. The mask bore the brunt of most of the blow, so she wasn’t anything more than slightly dazed from it, more out of surprise of how fast they were moving compared to before. She tried to grab their wrist before they pulled back, but as soon as she raised her hand to attempt it, they jumped to the side almost like they were expecting it. 

They were little more than a blur as they lunged to the side, swiftly bringing up their hands, hovering in front of them in a defensive stance as they quickly and lightly hopped side to side. She was immediately reminded of a boxer, taken aback a bit by how effectively they had taken that stance. Whoever TSK was, they were proficient in more than just guns and knife combat, they knew how to fight. 

“Am wearing less armour than before so I can move better, I’m not going to be as easy to hit now.” They casually finished their sentence, a laid back tone in their voice like they were just having an everyday conversation with her. 

Pinkamena quickly regained her equilibrium, her eyes scanning over their body and searching for any weak points in their posture. She thought that this fight was going to be easy, that she’d handle them this time without hesitating to ask any questions or anything. She didn’t think they were that smart either, since they could have brought guns and made it a lot easier for them. 

However, it was evident that they didn’t just want to kill her, they wanted a fight! They had learned from their previous two encounters, having more or less memorized how she fights, and had come here as prepared as they could to battle her to the death. If she had to guess, they were going to avoid using that knife until they had to, wanting to beat her into submission until they felt like they had won without a single doubt. Then, they were going to pull out another knife they had hidden on their body somewhere, coated in a poison they had been working on to kill her, and put her down like a sick dog.

This should have made her worried, that she was at such a serious disadvantage and this wasn’t going to be as much of a cakewalk as she expected. She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking, not from fear, but from anticipation. She was excited. After all, an animal is most dangerous when it’s backed into a corner. 

“All right twinkle toes,” Pinkamena said sardonically as she cracked her neck, holding her arms out to the side and rotating her shoulders, stretching as much as she could before lowering her body into a similar position as a quarterback. “Let’s dance.” 

She slammed both her hands on the platform, lifting her lower body up and forward as she did a front flip feet first. They dodged it by jumping to the side, twirling around in a circle and stabbing the bowie knife into the center of her left leg. Pinkamena grit her teeth as she ignored the pain, her feet slamming loudly onto the platform. As soon as she landed, she took another swipe at them, which they ducked under. They placed one hand on her forearm and the other under her elbow, performing a near perfect judo flip as they swung her over their shoulder and she slammed into the platform. 

She let out a grunt as a dull pain vibrated throughout her vertebrae, resulting in her closing her eyes for just a brief moment. When she opened them again, TSK was bringing their boot down  toward her head. She managed to move her head to the side, the loud sound of their deafening stomp caused a sharp ringing in her right ear. She raised her hands to behind her head and pressed her palms against the platform, spinning her body around and forcing her legs to collide with theirs. This forced them off balance as they began falling, their arms out in front of them as they tried to catch themselves. 

Pinkamena didn’t give them the chance. She did a kip up to get to her feet, thrusting her hands forward and penetrating the body armor on their chest as deeply as she could. She tossed them off the ledge before she saw where she was tossing them, watching as TSK just barely caught themselves a moment before landing on another platform. Their combat boots hit it first, then they pushed their right hand against the platform and their left hand above them, trying to prevent themselves from going over the edge of this platform too as their body skidded. 

They managed to stop themselves a few inches from falling off, standing up straight as their right hand went behind their back, unsheathing another knife. She couldn’t see their face, but she had the impression they were giving her a cocky smirk. 

She reached down and unstuck the knife in her leg, ignoring the strange smell of her black blood coming off it and feeling the heat coming off the wound as it began to heal. She crouched down and jumped down towards them, reeling back her right arm and lunged it forward, launching the knife as straight as an arrow towards them. She was expecting them to jump to the side again, instead they just sidestepped. Pinkamena cursed under her breath, raising her other arm above her head as she came down on them. 

This time, they did jump to the side, right as her claws came down where they were. She tried to retract her arm and attack them again, but she swung too hard and her claws were stuck. The moment she glanced at them, she was greeted by the combat boot she had avoided a kick from just a minute earlier. Following the bludgeoning pain, there was a sharp agony as they stabbed the knife through her hand, making it even harder for her to move. 

She turned to look at them once more, discerning they were reeling back their arm and preparing to punch her. Pinkamena uncomfortably twisted her body around, managing to grab their arm by the wrist and stopping it. With a muffled yelp, she gave her left arm a tug, the knife still stuck in the lumber platform and a large slit in her hand where it used to be. 

She twisted her body again, smashing her elbow into their mask, the first direct hit she had made on them. They tried to move away from her, but her grip was too tight and they were dazed from the hit she made on them. Pinkamena shambled to her feet, ignoring the pain in her hand and leg. She’d never say she was ‘grateful’ for what Blake did to her, but she had to admit that her abnormal pain tolerance thanks to the hell he put her through made some things easier. 

She pulled them forward towards her, thrashing her knee into their stomach. She heard them let out a muffled grunt in their mask, their head dropping before they quickly brought it back up. Their other arm shot up, hitting her on the underside of her elbow and breaking it with a sickening crunch, her humerus broken and sticking out of her skin like that had done before. 

This time, Pinkamena ignored the agonizing pain, refusing to loosen her grip on them at all. They reached down to their ankle and pulled out another knife, flipping it in their hand and tried to swing it down on her left arm. She grabbed it by the blade, halting it as it began to dig into her hand the tighter her grip was. The wound was healing almost as quickly as it was being made, coating it in a thick layer of her abnormally colored ichor. 

They noticed this peculiarity, letting up briefly as they shifted their head to inspect it. “What the fuck? Your blood wasn’t bla-” 

Pinkamena couldn’t help but grin, taking advantage of the opening and attacking, headbutting them where she guessed was the bridge of their nose. It knocked them back just enough to where she could yank the knife out of their hands, flipping it to the handle and stabbing them in their side and trying to get between their ribs. She mispredicted how slick the knife would be, unable to get a good enough grip to stab them as much as she wanted to. She got the knife about halfway in, feeling that they were wearing some kind of lining under their bodysuit. 

Before the knife got more than halfway in, they yelped and jumped back, pulling it out of them and tossing it to the side, now covered in black and red blood. They put their hand over the wound, using their other to reach down and pull a knife out of their other ankle, their movements more sluggish and they were breathing heavily. 

“You...gotta be,” Pinkamena bit the inside of her cheek as she forced the bone back into place, she really should have expected they’d do that again. “Quicker than that.” 

Once again, they took up their boxer like stance. However, this time was less energy filled. Instead of jumping up and down they spread their legs apart, holding the knife forward in a tight grip, their hand open and in front of their other like they were aiming. 

“Don’t worry, I will be.” 

Despite being injured, they attacked her with nonplus speed, moving towards without wavering in the slightest. She barely had time to react, seeing them appear in front of her and stab her in the side with nothing short of absolute precision. She tried to grab them when the knife entered her, expecting that they would leave it in like she did with the previous ones. Instead, they pulled it out just as soon as they put it in, jumping back and resuming their position.

“Getting serious now, a-” 

They didn’t give her the chance to finish her remark, leaping forward once more with their body off the ground for just a split second, jabbing her again with the knife in her shoulder. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in their movements, they appeared more like a machine than a person. They were moving mechanically, going through the motions of attacking her at nearly inhuman speed, then retreating and preparing to do so again. 

It reminded her of Juno, in a way that actually bothered her a bit. 

There was purpose behind each of their stabs. The brachial arteries in her shoulders, the lateral thoracic artery in her chest, even the femoral arteries in her legs. If it wasn’t for the fact that The Whispers had given her knowledge about the body to know the best places to attack people, she would have just thought that these attacks were random. They never hit the same place twice, and while the wounds healed rapidly, a significant amount of blood was lost. Which could have meant only one thing. 

They were trying to make her pass out from blood loss, that’s how they intended to beat her. 

*They saw that my healing doesn’t account for blood loss when I passed out, so they’re trying to recreate that. Clever bitch.*

The real problem wasn’t that she couldn’t keep up with them, their speed was fast, but still human. Pinkamena could react fast enough to stop them, if she knew where they were attacking. She knew almost all the vital points on the human body, but it seemed like they did too. With the sheer amount of options they had to attack, that left her to do little more than guesswork. If she could just get an idea of where 

*They’re going to duck and go in from your left, they’ll be going for your carotid artery.*

She heard The Whispers say, their usual background chattering became louder. While it was still omniscient, authoritative, and sounded like dozens of different people speaking it once, it was more muffled and monotone than normal. 

Pinkamena questioned what they said for a moment, before seeing TSK jump forward and lower their body, moving towards the left side of their body. She reacted before thinking, bringing both of her hands to her neck and managing to grab both of their wrist, the knife hovering a few inches away. 

She lifted them off the ground and did a one eighty, throwing them across the platform. They forced their body downwards and wrapped their hands firmly around the handle of the knife, bringing it down into the wooden platform and using it to slow themselves down. 

*How did you know they were going to do that?* 

The Whispers kept their muffled whispering, Pinkamena wondered if they had even heard her, or were just ignoring her. She was about to repeat the question by mumbling under her breath, before hearing The Whispers pick up in volume. 

*They’re using a hybrid of kali eskrima and tantojutsu, we are both impressed at how fluently they managed to combine them, and interested in where they learned such techniques. We’ve given you the knowledge on how to use them yourself and read others who are using them, but you haven’t quite...grasped how to implement them yet. You’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Until then, we’ll assist you, we don’t want you to die after all.*

Pinkamena found it amusing that despite the fact that they sounded similar to the collective chatter she usually heard in the lunchroom cafeteria, she didn’t have to struggle to make out the condescending tone in their cacophony of voices. She also noted that that was the first time they responded to her thoughts rather than something she said out loud, contradicting the fact that they said they wouldn’t be able to read her thoughts, she was going to make sure to bring that up later. 

She peered down at her clothing, her body didn’t feel any weaker and the dull pain in her body from the stab wounds didn’t hurt as much as they should. She could see that the spots she was stabbed were stained with her black blood, since her hoodie was gray, they resembled ink blots. She didn’t sense that her body was any weaker, but that could have been because of the endorphins, it was hard to tell how much blood she’s even lost so far. 

Pinkamena brought her head back up to TSK, watching as they got back to their feet. They tilted their head to the right and flexed their wrist, spreading their legs out again as they took up the same stabbing position they had before. They must have assumed that Pinkamena catching them was a fluke, and it wouldn’t happen again. 

They changed their stance a bit, leaning their body down with the back of their feet upwards and pressing down on their toes. They jumped forward once more, moving faster and a tighter grip on their knife. 

*They’re going to be jumping up and going from your right, likely going for your jugular. You catching them before rattled them and now they’re trying to finish this sooner.*

Pinkamena listened to them, falling with her back on the platform. As soon as they were above her, she pulled her knees to her chest and sprang her legs upward, slamming them into their torso. A sensation similar to hitting a ball with a metal baseball bat reverberated through her as her legs slammed against their body armor, only barely managing to stop them and doing little damage. She used the strength left in her legs to toss them behind her, getting to her feet and running towards them as soon as they hit the ground. 

They were just getting to their feet when she reeled back her right leg and belt them in the stomach with it, sending them soaring off of the platform with a gasp muffled by their mask. Pinkamena didn’t bother checking to see if there was another platform below her, jumping after them. 

They landed on another platform, Pinkamena landing a few inches across from where they did. She raised her right hand over her head, spreading her claws and bringing it down like an executioner’s axe. Moments before her killing instruments sank into their mask, they pulled out another knife from somewhere, slicing vertically and perfectly slashing off four of her fingers, her blood splattering onto the wood along with her removed digits. 

Pinkamena let out a strained scream as she felt the excruciating agony of losing appendages, blood spurting out from where her fingers were, the remaining bone still visible. She tried to cover her hand with her other one to stop as much of the bleeding as she could, her left hand quickly becoming slick with her own blood as she experienced a wave of nausea come over her. She was suddenly somewhat lightheaded, trying to focus on her breathing to ignore it. 

She glanced at the spot where her fingers landed, trying to ignore the stream of steam coming off her hand as it tried to heal it, furrowing her eyebrows as she noticed what was happening to them. There was steam coming off of them, but it was evaporating into the air above it. The skin of the fingers also began to melt, revealing the stark white bone beneath. Like a cigarette, the bones began to degrade into ash like powder, which was carried away into the air by the sharp wind. In a matter of moments, the fingers were gone, the only evidence they were even there in the first place was the pool of blood. 

“Huh. So that’s what happen if-” 

She didn’t get a chance to finish her remark, her words catching in her throat as she was thrown off her feet with TSK, falling off of the platform. There was another one a few feet below her, but her head hit it hard enough to where her vision was blurry and she was seeing two TSK’s. She slowly got to her feet with a groan, glancing down at her hands. The fingers on her right were starting to grow back, nothing more than small nubs, resembling baby fingers more than anything else. 

Pinkamena reluctantly got to her feet with a groan, her head was throbbing and the rest of her body wasn’t doing the best either. She tried to ignore the groggy sensation through her body, shaking her head as she tried to refocus her vision. It was still blurry, she was just barely able to make out TSK standing on the edge of the platform above her, holding a knife in their left hand. 

It wasn’t until she could see properly again did she realize it wasn’t a knife.

It was a syringe, the same syringe Michael gave her. She could see from where she was that it was still half full with imperium, the thick red liquid in there, the glass not cracked enough for any of it to seep through. She watched as they brought it to her neck, from the way they were peering down at her and how agonizingly slow they were moving their arm, they wanted her to watch. 

*Stop them. Now.*

That familiar pressure on her mind that came from The Whispers dropped down onto her, however, it was different this time. It wasn’t limited to just the inside of her head, now it was all over her body, similar to when she was under that waterfall in front of the cave and tried to push against it. Except now she couldn’t give in to it and let her body give out, some other force was preventing her from collapsing to her knees. Pain wasn’t quite the word for it, intense suited it a lot more. 

Along with the overbearing and intangible poundage, came a sort of...directive. The Whispers words reverberated through her mind as if someone blasted two speakers directly into her ears, and she knew the only way to get the pressure to stop would be to do what they say. 

Pinkamena felt the pressure ease up, retreating back to the recess of her mind and waiting for when it needs to be called upon again. She grit her teeth and crouched down, but even if she put everything she had into jumping up there, she wasn’t sure if she was capable of it. She was strong, but that was a big distance to jump, vastly different from the free running she usually did. 

Right as her hands almost reached the platform, the muscles in her legs tensing as she prepared to shoot her body upwards, they suddenly sped up and jammed the needle into their neck, piercing through their bodysuit. They then placed their thumb on the plunger and pressed down, injecting the Imperium into them without a moment's hesitation. 

The moment the last of the dark red liquid invaded their bloodstream, their entire body relaxed and then tensed up, the syringe falling out of their hands and rolling off the platform into the dark abyss beneath them. Then they began to feverishly shake, bringing both of their hands to the side of their head, clutching it where she guessed their ears would be. Their figure was trembling, quickly collapsing to their knees as it only got more violent. 

As soon as they injected it into them, she could sense another onslaught of agonizing pressure coming from The Whispers, gritting her teeth as she prepared herself with it and likely a brain aneurysm. Instead, when she saw the reaction TSK was having to the custom made battle drug, they halted. The distinct notion of curiosity and intriguing rise up, a mixture of her own and theirs. While she could see their body began to unnaturally bulk up in some places, their legs, arms, and torso specifically, it still seemed off. The way they were shaking would suggest some kind of intense pain in their body, or concentrated in their head, which shouldn’t be happening. The drug should numb out their sensory and nervous system, dulling not just pain but nearly everything, to the point where it was negligible and easily ignored. 

TSK was having a different kind of reaction, almost like their body was trying to reject or couldn’t handle it properly. Maybe it had something to do with only taking half of it? That wouldn’t explain it either, she also only took half. Then again, her body was anything but normal, so it could be the reaction they were having was the one that is supposed to happen. 

Her pondering abruptly stopped an interval after their vicious quivering did, their arms falling lifelessly and slumping against the platform. It was more than just their shaking that had stopped, it was any of their movements. They sat there as still as a statue, the only sign they were alive was very shallow breathing, she wasn’t even able to make out their heart beat for a reason she didn’t understand. 

Pinkamena then heard a vivid creaking noise coming from their body, what was unquestionably their bones as they moved. They lowered their body and leaned forward, placing their hands on the very edges of the platform with an iron grip. They then brought forward their right leg, placing it on the edge of the platform in between their hands, their other leg pushing behind them and scraping against the platform. They lowered their body further, their head almost against the ground and their spine almost perfectly straight, it reminded Pinkamena of the positions runners would take at the start of a race. 

*MOVE!*

The Whispers shouted like a drill sergeant giving out orders into her brain, their condescending tone replaced by an almost panicked tone. She bit the inside of her cheek and flinched at the blaring sound, only being able to compare it to a horn blasting directly into her ears but without the noise. Instead of questioning why they were warning her, she heeded their remonstrance and jumped to the side, far enough to her feet were off the ground for a moment and it felt like when she free ran. 

In sync with when her feet left the ground, she heard something akin to a plane taking off, but more...compressed and on a smaller scale. She glanced at the only thing that could have done that, finding that TSK wasn’t on the platform anymore. They had launched themselves off it, their body was barely more than a blur that Pinkamena wouldn’t have even been able to see if she weren’t superhuman. She managed to follow them for about half a second, before they smashed into the spot she had just been in moments ago, as if she were a missile locked on to their target. 

There was a crunching noise as their fist punched through the hardwood platform, the wood breaking and bending around their arm. Pinkamena landed on the ground a few feet away from them, her shoes skidding against the ground in a loud screeching noise. Her eyes widened behind the mask as she saw how much raw strength they had gained from that injection, maybe even matching what she was capable of. 

They slowly turned their head to face her, pulling their right arm out of the platform with ease, bits of the wood still on them. They got to their feet, their movements were carried with pure strength, like they already knew they’d won. 

“Wh-” 

If Pinkamena had had a rough idea of how fast they suddenly became, she would have at least been able to to protect herself. She was caught completely off guard when they dashed forward, standing in front of her, ducking down low and reeling back their left arm. She felt the impact against her stomach before she actually saw it, one moment their arm was at their side primed to punch, and the next it was pushing so hard against her stomach she was sure she actually felt some of her organs shift around. 

It was also a very new and...unique sensation to hear bones breaking before feeling it, Pinkamena didn’t even think it was possible to experience new sensations anymore. Any other time she had been hit in the stomach, she had some sort of protection like her scales, so only a few ribs were broken. The force behind this was so strong and she was so unprepared that all of her ribs were broken through brute force the sickening crunch of her ribs caving in was the only thing she heard. 

The only thing preventing her from making any kind of vocal noise was when blood entered her lungs and forced her to cough it up, luckily it wasn’t more than a few splatters on the inside of the mask. The force behind the punch was also enough to lift her body off the ground by a few inches, before she even had the chance to react in any kind of way, they grabbed her by the collar and dragged her down. They threw her over their shoulder with more vigor than before, her body bouncing a foot off the ground before gravity pushed her back down. 

She felt several vertebrae break and a wave of whiplash going throughout her body, causing her to let out a shrill yelp. Before she had a chance to collect herself, there was a deafening thud in her left ear that was synchronized with the sickening crunch of her hand being smashed by their combat boot. 

During all this, she was also getting the worst sense of deja vu. 

“So, I’ve got a quick question, doubt you’ll actually answer it though.” 

Despite being in an incredibly heightened and sharpened state of mind because of Disord’s own custom made battledrug, they still had that casual tone in their voice, talking to her as if they were having an everyday conversations. They placed their left arm across the knee of the foot that was crushing her hand, their head dropping down to look at her. Regardless, they weren’t looking at her exactly, but at a spot just above their head. They were tilting it to the left, like they were examining it. 

“What’s with the...black smoke stuff coming out of your head? It wasn’t there before and it’s...kind of freaking me out a bit, not gonna lie.” 

Pinkamena had almost forgotten about that little caveat of Imperium, her conversation with Michael felt a much longer time ago than earlier that day. It also reminded her of the tumultuous silence from The Whispers, other than the background chattering anyway. She expected they would be saying something or at least give off some kind of pressure, but instead they were remaining quiet. 

She responded by trying to punch them with her non crushed arm. She was hoping she was wrong, but their reaction speed was as fast as the rest of their other movements, their buff in strength allowed them to stop her by grabbing her wrist. 

“Figured.” TSK said blatantly. 

They casually broke her wrist, eliciting another hoarse yelp from Pinkamena. TSK then let go of their wrist, raising their foot and reeling it back like a soccer player, kicking her in the side hard enough to send her off the platform. Her ribs, which had just started the healing process, were stopped when her body collided with a platform on the way down. She crashed onto the edge of another platform, and then finally landed on one. 

Steam was coming off almost every part of her body, from both of her hands as they lurched, the bones being reset with muffled popping noises like wood in a fire. Her lower body had a fist-shaped hole in it that revealed her pushed in ribs, they were shifting around and pulling out of any organs that were punctured, accompanied with sounds similar to when dents are put into plastic frames and bounce back. Steam was coming out of the hole as the ribs fixed themselves back into place, combining with steam from under her as her vertebrae healed. Steam was also coming out of her mouth from her internal organs that were healing, coming out of the sides of the mask. 

*Stop getting your ass kicked and stand up, Blake taught you better than that.*

The Whispers said, their tone condescending again but now also bitter. It didn’t help the already present anger and frustration inside her, not like she needed further motivation. Pinkamena got to her feet, observing that her clothes were so stained with her own blood at this point, it would have been easy to just think that her clothes were naturally that color. She felt another strong wave of nausea and found it difficult to keep her balance, but she pushed through it, she’s been through much worse than this. 

*Thought you guys went radio silent, why are you so moody today?* 

She didn’t get a response, not like she actually expected to. When she managed to keep her balance enough to stand properly, she heard a loud thud, already knowing what it was without having to turn around. 

TSK had jumped down, for whatever reason, having done so in the ‘superhero landing’ with their left knee and right hand against the ground. As soon as they rose up, they brought their hands hovering in front of them. The exact same boxer fighting style as the start, but now they were bouncing with somehow more vigor than before. 

“Come on, make this fun for me.” 


She knew that TSK was provoking her, but it didn’t make too much of a difference. On the offensive or defensive she was at a disadvantage, she wasn’t going to be able to heal fast enough, and TSK was now on superhuman levels of strength and speed. 


“Fine, you asked for it.” 

Pinkamena vaulted towards them, forcing her body to move as fast as she could make it and pushing through the pain. She didn’t have time to think and analyze them, she knew they wouldn’t give her that chance, she would just have to rely on instinct . 

On the first swing, they blocked it with their upper arm by her wrist, Michael having been the only other one who had the raw strength to do so. As soon as the blow was stopped, they used their opposite arm to punch her in her stomach the same spot they had earlier. Halting the healing process and making it worse, causing more blood to spill out. Each hit made her next one slower and her body movements more sluggish, which likely made it even easier for them to keep blocking. It didn’t make much of a difference whether or not she tried to slash them with her claws or punch them, her movements were so predictable either way. 

Being unable to land even one hit exacerbated her frustration, forcing her to become reacquainted with the feeling of being weak and helpless, unable to do anything. She let out a frustrated, almost desperate grunt with each attempt. Eventually, TSK slowed down and stopped bouncing, just standing in place and waiting for each attack. She couldn’t see their face, but she could tell that they were bored with her. 

On the last one, they ducked under it, twirling around in a circle and extending their right leg outward. It was identical to what Pinkamena did earlier, something she was sure they were doing intentionally. Their sharp kick dug into her side, they put a lot of power and velocity into the hit, knocking her once again off of the platform. 

The difference being that this time, instead of another platform to land on, there was a bundle of beams hovering in the air, being held by a large crane just on the outside of the site. Her body slammed into it, causing them to come loose and fall both under her and on top of her. Her vision and senses were filled with the giant metal beams, crashing onto a platform with some of them spread about, most going deeper into the building until landing on others. As soon as her back slammed into some of them, a handful of them smashing with an echoing clash of metal onto her body, breaking most of the bones in her lower body. 

Pinkamena tried to scream under the weight, what came out sounded like something from a dying bird instead, coughing up more blood that splattered the inside of the mask. Only two of the beams landed on her body, one on her torso and the other on her legs, completely pinning her down. She could feel basically every bone in her torso break under the pressure, her legs were in slightly better condition as some of the bones hadn’t completely given out. Most of the broken bones were at least poking her organs, her heart was the only one relatively unscathed, she honestly didn’t even know how she wasn’t dead. 

Luckily, she could still move her arms, which weren't injured at all. She tried to lift the beam on her body off of her, her arms shook as she used her remaining strength to lift it.. She got about halfway before a third wave of nausea, this one stronger than the previous two and caused her to abruptly lose her grip on the beam. The dizziness was so strong she had to force her eyes close and drop her head back down, an agonizing pulsating sensation in her head that bordered on migraine. 

Darkness overcame her vision as she felt herself losing consciousness, similar to when she passed out from hypovolemic shock. The problem was, she hadn’t lost nearly as much as back then. A significant amount yes, but not enough to pass out. It would appear that TSK put a poison on their knives that would slowly make her weak, but that didn’t explain why they didn’t just kill her. 

The last thing she heard as she slipped into unconsciousness was the familiar thud of TSK landing on the platform, a sharp noise as they unsheathed another knife and began walking towards her. 

**********************************************************************************************

Falling. 

Pinkamena was falling, in a current constant state of vertigo.

She only knew she was falling because of how her body felt, air pushing against her back and her hair blowing in her face, yet she wasn’t tense in the slightest. No adrenaline pumping through her veins, no stomach dropping or chest tightening as panic set in, her body was completely relaxed. Which was made even stranger by the fact that her emotional state was similar. There was a distinct dullness that overwrought everything else, it was comparable to the groggy sensation whenever she first woke up in the morning before becoming fully conscious, when emotions didn’t quite register. 

She couldn’t move anything either, not even so much of a flinch of the finger or a wiggle of one of her toes. She was laying completely straight as if she were on the ground, her head stuck staring upward at the void she found herself in. Pinkamena also recognized the place as where she usually went when she fell asleep, the black smoke was so thick she almost didn’t see any of it move around. 

She was in The Dark Room, a simple yet fitting name for this abyss she kept ending up in. 

“Not doing so hot out there, huh?”

She couldn’t actually move her head at all, but she could shift her eyes around. She looked to her left, noticing that while she couldn’t feel it, her mask had come with her, for whatever reason. The source of the voice was to her left, she recognized it as Alice near instantly. Alice was casually standing beside her as if she were standing on solid ground, while she was stuck in a stasis of free fall. 

Her expression was hard to read, which wasn’t anything new. Her jaw was tight giving away that she was angry about something, yet her lips were curved in something between her usual sardonic smile and a disapproving sneer. There was an almost unnoticeable light in her tsavorite eyes that was a step up from the usual hollowness she carried behind them, her hair draped down the sides of her face like curtains, similar to her own to the extent that it almost seemed mocking. Her eyes were also narrowed and her eyebrows lowered as she was staring more through her than actually at her, vaguely reminding her of a detective in those black and white movies she used to watch when they would stare down a suspect and have an internal monologue explaining how they were sure he did it. 

“Am I dead?” 

Alice made a scoffing noise that came from the back of her throat, but barely left her lips as anything more than a sharp exhale. She turned her head to Pinkamena’s body like she’d completely lost interest in staring into her eyes, raising her right arm and placing her pointer finger against Pinkamena’s chest, tracing it down to her belly button and then back up as if drawing an invisible line. Pinkamena could not move her head down to observe it nor feel it, which was...unnerving to say the least. 

“No, but you will be if you don’t stop.” 

She waited for Alice to say something else, but from the way she was absentmindedly running her finger against Pinkamena’s torso and humming some tune she didn’t recognize like a mother preparing dinner for her children, that she wasn’t going to until prompted. 

“Stop what?” 

Her expression dropped into a scowl, abruptly stopping tracing and glaring at where she stopped as if she were a painter that had just noticed a blatant mistake in their art near completion. 

“Stop lying to yourself and holding yourself back.” 

Pinkamena tried to make a disgruntled expression, but under whatever trance she was unable to summon any actual emotions, it felt like an imitation, and was also pointless with her mask on. “I’m no-” 

“You are. You have been for the past couple of days. We weren’t going to say anything, but now it’s put your life in danger, so we can’t tolerate your little dilemma anymore.” 

Alice retracted her hand, placing both of her hands behind her back and walking around her akin to a dictator looking upon his army, the distasteful scorn on her face a stark contrast to the perfect princess photocopy of Cinderella’s outfit she was wearing. 

“Do you remember your fight with Michael? Your first real fight since you killed dear old daddy? When you just completely let go of all your reserves and just tore into him like the feral animal you are? When the only thing stopping you from ripping him apart like a build-a-bear was Starlight?” 

While she phrased them as questions, it was obvious it was just to make the memories salient and that she already knew the answer, which it did. It took Pinkamena all of a few seconds to bring forth that fight, when she unleashed herself onto him without even the slightest inclination of self-preservation. If it weren’t for her near regenerative healing factor, she would have done much more damage to herself than him. 

“Vividly.” 

Alice suddenly leaned over, standing behind her and with her face inches away from Pinkamena’s. Although her face was flipped from her perspective, she could distinctly make out the manic grin that showed every individual tooth she had. Her eyes as wide as saucers, so deep she could lose herself in them.

“How about how good it made you feel?” 

If she wasn't in a state of near full body numbness, she was sure she would have felt her throat get dry at Alice’s words, and her stomach dropping as guilt rose inside of her at the fact that she was right. Her face relaxed into a blank expression, once again walking in a circle around Pinkamena with her hands behind her back, albeit now a bit more lax. 

“It was exhilarating, wasn’t it? Don’t bother lying. You might be good at it, but that’s not going to work on us. You love that high you get when you just let go, giving in to your instincts and your bloodlust, becoming the beast you are, embracing your darkness, so to speak.” She suddenly stopped at her feet, biting the inside of her cheek hard enough to where it was visible and making a tsking noise. “However, ever since your little scrap with the jacked cyborg, you’ve lost your nerve. You’ve been holding yourself back, subconsciously or not, in every encounter you’ve had. You got close when you injected yourself with Imperium, but not quite. You just don’t let go like you did then. You still have reserves about killing, you still try to fight while pushing down your bloodlust, you ignore your emotions instead of letting them flow through you like before. It’s...sickening, pathetic, and just downright wasteful. Tell me something,”

Alice halted, standing to the left of Pinkamena the same way she had at the start. There was no expression on her face, her eyes devoid of that small flicker of life they had before, blankly staring down at her in utter disinterest. “Why do you think that is? What could have happened between then and now that made you hesitant to flick that switch in your mind?” 

Pinkamena had no doubt that she already knew the answer to that, her snarky tone was just another giveaway. There were various things that happened after that that could have caused what she was talking about, but the one that came to mind first was her recent conversation with Maud, bringing to light something she had already been trying to deal with. 

“I’m...afraid of losing control.” 

“Oh, but on the contrary, it is quite the opposite actually. When you were fighting him, you were more in control in that moment than you had been for quite a while, I dare say maybe even your entire life. That raw power you experienced when his life was in your hands, the blood pumping through your veins, your teeth on edge and moving like a free animal, that is being in control. No, let me explain to you what losing control is.” 

Alice lowered her body and gently placed her hands on Pinkamena’s body, one on her chest right where her heart was and the other directly on her stomach. She glared at Pinkamena as if she were completely inferior to her, pressing down with slight pressure on her body. She suddenly began to fall much faster, a sensation like a much heavier weight had been slammed on her body, making it very difficult for her to breathe. 

“Maud brought up a valid point that will remain relevant for quite a while. You have to be able to suppress your impulses in scenarios like that hostage situation, your feral urges will always be there, you just have to learn when to use them. However, the impression you’ve gotten from all that isn’t control, it’s suppression. You are trying to suppress it, ignore it, pretend it isn’t there. We’ve seen it happen to others before you and we watched because they wanted to keep their freedom to make poor choices, we’re tired of it. Not this time, not with you. So, little miss independence, we’ll tell you what’s going to happen if you don’t stop.” 

Alice pushed down harder, and while Pinkamena couldn’t feel their hands directly, she could distinctly make out the drastic increase in force. It no longer resembled falling, she was being pushed downward, or maybe thrown would be a better adjective. The tightness in her chest got worse, to the point where she was unable to breathe, gasping desperately for air. Her attempt to inhale any air was halted when Alice blocked her vision with their face, making her unable to see anything but her eyes. 

“Yes, you can keep pushing it down for a few days, maybe two weeks. Eventually, it will build up, you’ll find yourself more easily agitated and aggressive. You think it’s bad now? Imagine after a few days of trying to pretend it’s not there, like an itch you can’t quite scratch. It will get to you, and when it does, you won’t be able to pretend it isn’t there anymore. You will be so overcome with bloodlust and rage you won’t be able to think of anything else until you let it out, and then you won’t have any control. I can promise you that if you don’t start indulging, you will hurt someone you care about, and no one but yourself will be to blame.” 

Alice hovered in that position with tense silence, her eyes half closed as she glared down at her like a teacher scolding her student for misbehaving. She didn’t even seem to notice, or care, that Pinkamena was struggling to breathe. Despite the fact that she couldn’t get any air into her lungs, it was near impossible to focus on anything other than Alice and what she was saying, it sounded like her words were echoing in her mind in sync with when they were leaving Alice’s lips. 

Without warning, Alice pulled back, letting go of Pinkamena’s body as her arms dropped limply to her sides. Simultaneously the pressure on her body completely vanished, not even the amount before Alice touched that was causing her to be stuck in a state of falling. Now her body remained still, hovering and no longer falling endlessly. She gasped as she finally caught her breathing, taking long, desperate inhales and exhales. 

“I know the reason why, it’s the same as the thing you're scared of more than anything else.” 

Alice’s cold words were dangerously close to making her lose her breath again, the stern and abrasive tone in her voice sent shivers down her spine and filled her with a heavy sense of dread. She opened her mouth to try to say something, but closed it and realized saying anything would have likely just pissed her off more. 

“It’s not of turning into a monster, which is the obvious one. No, despite what a select few have been trying to convince you, you already feel that you are a monster. A reality you have yet to consciously accept, but once you do, everything will be less of a struggle. What you’re truly terrified of, right down to the very core of who you are,” She slowly closed her eyes and relaxed her face into a more empty expression, her arms rising as she crossed them across her chest. “Is being alone. You want to be close to the people you care about to try to make up for the lack of intimacy when your parents neglected you, I’m sure Starlight see’s that and that’s why she’s reaffirmed so many times that you can trust her and that she’s there for you. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s just as afraid of being alone as you are, albeit likely for very different reasons.” 

Alice was right, of course. Ever since the revelation she had thanks to Starlight about why she used to be so obsessed with making everyone happy, it uncovered her deep rooted fear of loneliness. She was too rage focused and busy just trying to survive for it to bother her, but now that she had much less distractions, it was always in the back of her mind like a growing cancer. She was ashamed to admit it, but part of the reason she wanted to tell her friends everything was because of how lonely she was becoming, as selfish as that was.

“I-”

Pinkamena was about to ask about how Alice was so sure about Starlight, but Alice opened her eyes and gave her a death stare as soon as Pinkamena tried to say something. 

“Don’t interrupt me. Anyway, this is relevant because you are obscenely worried about what the people close to you think. Maud, Starlight, Discord, these are just a handful of the people who are the closest to you in your life right now. They prevent your fear from becoming a reality, so no matter how you might justify your behavior, you care what they think about you. You want them to see you as a person, now whatever you are. So, your reluctance to cut loose is because you don’t want them to be afraid of you. You believe that if you start acting like the monster you think yourself to be, they’ll become afraid of you. While you’re right, allow me to clarify something for you.” 

Alice uncrossed her arms, bringing her right hand above Pinkamena’s head and extending her pointer finger, slowly lowering it to the spot between her eyes like a pencil to paper. “They. Aren’t. Here!” She said with heavy emphasis, poking her sharply with each word, which startingingly did not elicit any pain. 

“If they were around, I could get it, but they aren’t. It’s just you and TSK, nothing holding you back but yourself. Not to mention that if you keep refusing, it won’t be just your life in danger, it’ll be theirs too. Did you think that if they killed you, that’d be it? Whatever vendetta they have  against The Syndicate has clearly set them on a warpath that we don’t know when it will stop, but I can assure you it won’t be with you. They’ll keep killing members of The Syndicate, which includes The Council, and Maud isn’t out of the realm of possibilities either. So you need to make a decision, you cannot afford to die here.” 

Alice’s voice was much more authoritative and callous than usual, her icy stare and lips curved into a sour scowl furthered this. The thing that really bothered Pinkamena was how unreserved she was while speaking, even before when they’d lecture her about something, they always had this air of composure and calmness. Now? They seemed genuinely worried, which deeply scared her. 

“What…” Pinkamena gulped as the reality of what Alice was saying began to set in, no matter what she thought of, there didn’t seem to be any other option than to accept whatever help Alice was offering. “Are you suggesting I do?”

“Simple,” Alice’s sudden shift to a sickeningly sweet voice made Pinkamena’s stomach churn, her expression drastically changing to one she could only describe as ‘sultry’ as her finger traced down her mask to her neck. “We held up our end of the bargain and allowed you to talk about us with Starlight, now we’re asking you to pay the piper. You embrace your darkness, let out everything you’ve been pushing down. Even with them pumped full of that disgusting liquid, you have more than enough ability to kill them. Your body is willing, but your mind isn’t, yet.”

The suggested tone in Alice’s voice only made her further unsettled, and wouldn’t have fit if she truly were a young girl. Pinkamena hated having to let Alice have her way, but while she couldn’t feel it with the state she was in, she knew that even the thought of anyone else she cared about dying because of her would have come with immeasurable guilt. 

“What’s the catch?” 

Alice’s grin faltered for a fraction of a second, more out of surprise than disapproval. “You’re catching on, that’s good. Life lesson number one: True altruism doesn’t exist.” She brought the finger that was resting on her Adam's apple towards her shoulder, instead of tracing an imaginary line like before, it was more like they were moving towards something. “We’ll make things easier on you and release all your pent up rage for you, plus it’s just faster that way. However, the caveat is that you’ll be ‘blind’, in a sense. You won’t be able to ‘see’ again until you find some kind of catharsis, in this case, killing someone.” 

Alice’s finger stopped on the center of her hand, pressing it into her skin as it collapsed in on itself around it. A sharp tingling sensation started from that point and began to spread up her arm, abruptly stopping at her shoulder. The fog-like feeling that had spread throughout her body faded away from her left arm, she testingly tried moving her finger, which stung to move but did obey her commands. 

“I think we’ve come to a conclusion then. When you awake, take off your mask. It is much easier for us to correlate it with an action of some sort.” 

Alice’s words began to sound very distant as it faded away, only vaguely able to feel her grab her arm and lift to her face, not bothering to resist as she placed her hand on her mask. All of her senses were dulling, she couldn’t even tell if her own body was still there, a massive weight dropping on her eyelids and forcing her to close them. For an amount of time she was unable to tell, it was like she did not even exist, unable to see, hear, or feel anything! 

The last thing she heard was Alice’s raspy voice whispering something into her ear, the tone of her voice was suddenly thick with a heavy german accent. 

“Es muss sein.”

**********************************************************************************************

A sharp sound like a siren filled her ears in intervals, rising and falling as if it were coming from an instrument and the player was switching between high and low notes. It was impossible to portray it as its own sound, Pinkamena was only able to describe it as something between wind blowing and a helicopter taking off. 

Just as abruptly as it started it stopped, causing her to snap her eyes open as she saw she was back at the construction site, still trapped under the steel beams. She remembered her conversation with Alice well enough to write out every detail if she needed too, which shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did. She raised her head and looked forward, seeing that TSK was standing at their feet, staring at them cautiously as they pulled out a knife from a sheathe on their chest. 

*No more than a few seconds have passed I think. Strange, have they always been able to do that?*

Her perception was attacked by a...compulsion to take off her mask, it was an unmistakable difference between when she had the desire to do something, it was like an external source from inside of her was commanding her to do so.  She knew better than to try to resist The Whispers, so much as go back on a deal, so she obliged. She brought her left hand up to her mask, her claws having retraced into claws so she could grab it by the eyeholes and take it off. 

As soon as the mask was off, the cool air blowing against her face, a fire sparked deep inside of the core of her body, it’s burning heat coursing through her veins. Unfiltered rage spread throughout her like when she injected the Imperium, however it was much more raw and pungent. The balmy heat filled every part of her, even right down to her bones, so intense that they felt like they would melt. 

Yet, she couldn’t help but smile. The energy pulsating through her in sync with her heart beat could truly only be described in one word: Power. 

“I’d...like to apologize to you.”  She said with a gritty tone, her voice getting deeper and reverberating, sounding less and less human. 

She could hear and feel her body bulking up, her torso, arms, and legs in particular got noticeably larger as the mass and density of both her muscles and bones increased. The sudden surge of strength caused her to clench her left hand, crushing the plastic mask like it was glass, the small pieces of it began to fall through her fingers. 

“For letting you think you had a chance to win!” Pinkamena growled, using her other hand to lift the metal beam across her body with relative ease, flipping it over as it smashed into the platform with a deafening, metallic thud. 

There was a distinct ripping noise as the fabric of her hoodie ripped in some places as her body grew. She wasn’t quite sure why it wasn’t holding now like when she fought Michael, it must have had something to do with the amount of holes in it and how drenched it was in her own blood, but she didn’t really care. 

Her ears picked up the familiar crackling noise of her skin cracking, turning a dark red as the texture changed to something much more reptilian, Pinkamena tried to ignore how similar it sounded to Rice Krispies. Even the skin on her hand changed, her nails extending into claws like blades, sharper and more animalistic than usual. She could tell that every part of her body changed like this, with the exception of her face, stopping up to her neck just under her chin. 

“You wanted me to take my mask off to see my face, right?” Pinkamena asked, putting both her hands under the second metal beam on her legs. She lifted it up and tossed it behind her as if it weighed nothing, it fell into the darkness of the construction site, the echo of it hitting the ground following moments later. 

Despite her legs having been crushed from the weight of the beams not even minutes previously, Pinkamena stood to her feet without so much as a shamble. An unnatural amount of steam was coming off of every part of her body, making her appear like a living engine. She fully opened her mouth as a cloud of steam erupted out of it, her jaw growing as her teeth extended into something inhuman. 

She shook her hand as the rest of the pieces of the now crushed mask crumbled to the floor, bringing it up to her hood and taking it off, releasing her black and pink hair as it flowed like silk in the wind. Then she placed the same hand on her forehead and pushed her head back, raising it and leaving it completely uncovered. 

The color and shape of her pupils no longer resemble anything human. The color had changed to a crimson so dark it was almost black, the shape shifting to a slit similar to a cat’s or a snake’s. The veins around both her eyes were pulsating violently, completely in sync with her heartbeat. She had an almost cheshire smile that stretched from ear to ear, a manic undertone to it that gave her a demented expression. 

“This...is the face of the woman who’s going to kill you.” 

TSK had stood there in horror and watched what was happening, trying to comprehend the sudden shift in personality and appearance. However, when Pinkamena revealed the entirety of her face, they let out a very audible and sharp intake of breath, losing their grip on their knife as it clattered to the ground. 

“Pi-” 

They didn’t get a chance to finish whatever they were saying, as in that brief moment of their guard lowering, Pinkamena leaped forward at a much faster speed than TSK was expecting or prepared for. She had wrapped her hand around their face, purposely placing it to where their eyes were uncovered and they could still see. Their vision was filled with Pinkamena’s face, an unhinged smile and constricted pupils showing how deranged she had become. 

“Let’s take this to another level!”

TSK grabbed her wrist with both of their arms and tried kicking her chest, but Pinkamena’s iron grip only got tighter. She lifted her off the ground with just one arm, and then smashing her into the platform headfirst like a ragdoll. There was more than enough force behind it to break the platform, the wood cracking under as she broke a hole large enough to send them through. If it weren’t for the helmet on their head, their skull would have shattered. 

TSK fell a few seconds before slamming into another platform below them, they took the brunt of the pain since they had little armor on their back, causing them to yelp out and briefly shut their eyes. When they opened them again, Pinkamena was soaring down towards them through the hole they made in the platform above, her arms above her head and her right foot first. 

TSK managed to roll out of the way, hearing a loud crunching noise as the wood broke around where she landed. They stood back up and looked at Pinkamena, seeing a small hole was made and her foot was stuck in it. Pinkamena reached down and wrapped both her hands around her leg, pulling it out with relative ease. Then she glanced at TSK with her left eye through her hair, causing TSK to freeze up like a deer caught in the headlights. 

She turned towards them, a malicious smile on her face that showed each of her carnivorous teeth as she prepared to pounce, but stopped. She cautiously examined, noticing something...off. Before, their stance was solid and didn’t waver in the slightest, they had resolve. Now they were almost shaky, she watched as they fumbled to stand up and to to pull out another knife from a sheathe on their knee, though they didn’t take up their fighting stance nor was their grip on it nearly as firm. 

Something about them had changed, it was like they were scared or shocked by something. Which would have made sense if it were a normal opponent, but TSK wasn’t, they were someone hell bent on vengeance for something. Someone with that kind of mindset wouldn’t be so shaken up so quickly, so what happened?

It didn’t make much of a difference, nor did she get any more time to think about it as TSK took a stab at her. There was no precision or real thought in it, it was like they weren’t even trying to hurt her, something had thrown them off. Pinkamena smirked as she had an idea, raising her left hand and blocking the knife as it pierced through the center of her hand, poking out of the other side. Instead of flinching or reacting to the pain at all, she clenched her fist around the knife and onto their knuckles, her claws digging into them enough to where it was difficult to escape their grip.

“I think it’s time I got a little payback!” She said sadistically, pulling back her right hand and clenching it hard enough for it to crack. 

Her punch was as fast as a bullet, landing at the elbow right where the forearm and upper arm connected, a sickening crunch and a shriek of pain from TSK followed. The padding around their arm was thick enough to where the break wasn’t too bad, from the way it was bending and how shrill their voice was, it was painful.

Pinkamena let go of their knuckles and retracted her left hand, the knife now coated in a thick layer of black blood. She raised her right leg and kicked them square in the chest, knocking them back into a metal pillar. Instead of attacking immediately, Pinkamena decided to give them a few seconds, she wanted to test something. 

She struggled to watch as they stood there, holding their broken arm to the side like an injured animal, standing there and staring at her. It wasn’t like before where they were daring her to make the first move, it was much more like they wanted her to make the first move because they didn’t know what to do, like they were scared. 

Pinkamena, much slower than she was capable of, sent another punch flying at their head. Despite the fact that she had made it intentionally easy to dodge, TSK still struggled to avoid it, just barely being grazed by the blow that was powerful enough to put a sizable dent in the pillar behind them. They jumped to the side sluggishly, almost slipping and falling down, their gaze locked onto her face like they couldn’t look away. Pinkamena stayed in that position for a few moments, leaving herself open to attack. 

Yet they did not advance. 

Pinkamena grit her teeth in frustration as she pulled her arm back and turned towards them, clenching both of her fist, her claws digging into her palms and causing blood to drip onto the ground. She still had so much power and bloodlust coursing through her, her teeth were on edge and it was taking every ounce of her willpower not to give in to her instincts and tear them apart, she wanted to give in. 

The problem was, however, that she wanted them to fight back! It wasn’t enjoyable if they laid down and took it, then she wouldn’t have been able to prove how strong she was! Them refusing and remaining pacificistic not only made her more enraged, it added an element of agitation she didn’t like. 

“I don’t wan-” 

She already knew what they were going to say, but she didn’t want to hear it. She jumped forward and lifted them off the ground by their throat, an unsurprising amount of little resistance. She reeled back her arm, letting go of them and then launching forward in an arc, smashing against the side of their head as they fell, slamming them into the platform they were standing on. She heard a muffled crackling noise when they hit the ground, though she couldn’t tell if it was their skull or the mask. 

Pinkamena didn’t give them the chance to do anything, grabbing them by their body armor and reeling back their arm again, putting all of her strength into each punch. 

“Why.” 

The second punch landed as their body jerked in response, a louder crackling noise followed as she could see her punches were starting to break their mask. 

“Aren’t.” 

The mask was cracking and falling apart like a mirror, the parts that were broken fell and revealed parts of the face beneath. Pinkamena could only vaguely make out some of it thanks to her enhanced vision, but little more than that their skin was blue. 

“You.” 

Most of the right side of their face was revealed to her, and she could tell by their features that they were a woman, which surprised her a bit. 

“Fighting.” 

Some of their hair became visible, she noticed it was relatively short, and somewhat unkempt and raggedy. It was hard to tell, but some of their hair even appeared to be multicolored. Pinkamena played that off as a trick of the light, ignoring the oncoming sense of dread inside of her. 

“Back…” The last hit packed much less of a punch, her voice died down as enough of the mask broke apart to reveal who was beneath it. 

She didn’t believe it at first, even when it was staring her in the face. It wasn’t until there was a flash of light from nearby lightning that she was forced to face reality, the storm she noticed earlier had finally reached them, rain heavily poured down on them. She knew as soon as she saw the magenta eye who it was, as much as she wanted to deny it. 

It was Rainbow Dash. 

“No...no you...can’t…” She dropped them and took a few steps back until she hit a pillar out of shock, her expression of manic glee shifting to pure disbelief. “You’re...dead, you died looking for me….didn’t you?” 

She waited for what felt like an eternity, she questioned whether she had beaten her into unconsciousness. Her unasked question was answered when they picked themselves up, their movements slow. 

“In a way...I guess I did.” Rainbow said with an almost sardonic tone, reaching up to her face and pulling off the rest of her mask with her other arm. The broken arm hung limply to her side, she didn’t show any signs of the pain bothering her from it. “After I heard what happened to you, things...changed. When it didn’t look like any progress was going to be made with Sunset and the rest, I set off on my own to save you. I did some...terrible things, but seeing you here alive makes it all worth it.” 

Her voice was sorrowful but had some joy in it at the same time, carrying a heavy solemn tone. Rainbow’s head was dropped to where her eyes were covered by her short bangs, which had grown noticeably longer since Pinkamena had last seen her. She could tell that the right side of their face was heavily bruised from the beating they gave her earlier, and the rest of her face didn’t look much better. 

There were various battle scars on her body, showing how many rough encounters she’s actually had, though there was one in particular that stuck out. There was a perfect gash on her left eye, it started right above her eyebrow and ended a few inches below, though her actual pupil and sclera seemed unaffected. The scar was so straight it seemed almost intentional, it was strikingly similar to Tempest’s. 

It was also clear that Rainbow hadn’t been taking very good care of herself. There were dark bags under her eyes that spoke of many sleepless nights, her cheeks were a bit sunken in showing that she hadn’t been eating very well. Seeing her so physically and emotionally distraught was like a stab straight to her heart, only made worse by the fact she knew she was the cause of it. 

“I’ve…” The corners of her lips shook as she struggled to smile, evidently having been so long since she’d done so she’d almost forgotten. It was painful to watch. “Been so lonely without you.” Her voice broke as she held back a sob, her eyes tearing up as a tear rolled down her right face from her swollen eye. 

There was sadness in her voice, but more obvious was the immense relief and happiness she was feeling. Pinkamena didn’t know when exactly Rainbow went off on her own and began doing this, but it must have been around two months at least. Two months of working by herself, the only person she was with was Scootaloo, who she couldn’t confide in. Two months of killing criminals, of trying to find her friend, when she wasn’t even sure if they were alive. 

No wonder Pinkamena didn’t recognize her until it was literally looking her in the face, those two months had changed Rainbow the same way the three months with The Syndicate changed her. 

“I...Rainbow I don’t…” She tried to stutter out something to say, so completely overwhelmed by a plethora of emotions. Yes, she was relieved that Rainbow was alive. At the same time, it changed everything! She had been blaming herself for Rainbow’s death, and while it was weight off her shoulders, she was TSK! That meant she either had to kill her, or do something to convince everyone at The Syndicate that they were dead, neither sounded particularly easy. 

Her conflicting thoughts and emotions only plagued her mind for a few brief moments, the rage and bloodlust repressed by her were overwritten by them, only to return with a vengeance. She lurched over as she felt The Whispers release them again in their entirety, much more potent than before. She wasn’t quite sure whether to chalk that up to them holding some of it back earlier, or they were amplifying it. 

“Pinkie?” 

Pinkamena raised her head at Rainbow’s worried voice, keeping her arms wrapped around her body to hold herself back. Her entire body trembled with what felt like an unquenchable rage, with no outlet. As soon as her eyes met Rainbow’s, all of her murderousness zeroed in on her, unable to focus on anything else. Blood colored red began to bleed into the corners of her vision as her eyes moved to Rainbow’s now unguarded neck, unable to turn her gaze away from their jugular that she could hear pulsate with every beat of her heart. 

“Y-You…” Pinkamena bit down hard on her lower lip, causing her sap like black blood to dribble down her chin and steam to come from the wound. “G-get away from me...if you don’t...I’ll…” She began to dig her claws into her sides, using pain to prevent herself from tearing Rainbow apart. “Kill you.” 

Rainbows eyebrows furrowed into a confused and concerned expression, discarding the broken mask and throwing it to the ground as she walked towards Pinkamena. With each step, Pinkamena’s heart beat got louder, or what she thought was her heartbeat. She soon realized that it was Rainbow’s heart, she shut her eyes and slammed her forehead against the platform to try to drown it out, but it only got louder. It was now the only thing she could hear, Rainbow’s heartbeat like war drums in her mind that only got louder. 

She wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination or not, but she swore she could hear the word ‘kill’ being said with each one like a war chant. 

Once Rainbow got within a few feet of her, the sound and urge to kill became too strong. She lifted both her arms over her head, clenching them as tightly as possible and slamming them against the platform as hard as she could. The pain hardly even registered, even after the sound of the wood breaking and splinters stabbing her in the face, it did little to distract her from her libido for death. 

“STOP!” Pinkamena bellowed in an almost inhuman voice, yet unable to hide the desperation behind it. She slowly raised her head to see Rainbow, the veins around her eyes pulsating rapidly and violently. Blood and steam came from her lip as she bit down on it, wrinkles all over her face as she strained to prevent herself from making another addition to her list of regrets. 

“I’m...losing control, if you don’t leave right now, I will rip your throat out with my teeth!” She said the last part as she slammed her head against the platform,her voice somewhere between normal and demonic. 

The longer that Rainbow was there, the harder it was to keep herself in check. The drum of her heartbeat got louder even when Pinkamena didn’t think it was possible. The red in her vision was beginning to spread as her bloodlust ate away at her willpower, if this was truly all of her repressed rage now, what would have happened if she kept trying to ignore it? 

“No! I’m not leaving you! Especially not wh-” 

Pinkamena pulled her arms out of the platform, bringing her hands to the sides of her head and began to stab into them with her claws like she was trying to dig the urges out of her mind. Her body rose once more as she took a deep breath. 

“GO NOW!” 

Nothing about her voice sounded human at all, which only amplified how truly terrifying she was in that moment. Rainbow recoiled, both now afraid and hurt, her expression torn between confused and horrified. Hesitantly she complied, going to the edge of the platform and standing there, looking for another to jump down on. She glanced over her shoulder at Pinkamena one more time before leaving, from the way her heart beat got farther away, she jumped down platforms until getting to the bottom and left. Rainbow struggled a bit to do so now that one of her limbs were non functional, but she still seemed to manage. Though it wasn’t until she was significantly far away until Pinkamena couldn’t hear her heartbeat anymore. 


When the drums finally died down, she could finally hear the heavy rain that was hitting around her. She had been right, it was a big storm. Blood ran down the sides of her blood and her chin, and yet she couldn’t get her mind off Rainbow's. Thinking about biting into her throat set Pinkamena's teeth on edge in a way almost nothing else did, the more she tried not to think about it, the more graphic the imagery became until it was more like a memory than a fantasy. Her breathing was so heavy it was almost like she was hyperventilating, she began to whimper like a wounded animal as she could feel she was losing, her monstrous urges ebbed away at her last scraps of sanity. 

There was an almost audible sound of string snapping as she finally broke, her whimpers turning into chuckling, then shifting to raucous laughter. The red completely encompassed her vision, the bloodlust took over as she entered a near feral mindstate. She got to her feet, her arms down at her sides and hands drenched in her own blood. She abruptly stopped laughing as her head snapped towards a random direction, her snake-like eyes shaking violently and continuously shifting between constricted and dilated, unable to focus. 

Her face expressed how completely mad she had gone, a toothy grin and a slight tilt of her head like she was watching something, her head spotted with her own blood, both dry and wet. Any bit of rationale or sanity had vanished, forced to lose herself entirely. She walked towards the edge of the platform, crouching down and grabbing the edges, not once moving her gaze from whatever she was staring at. 

She closed her eyes and sniffed the air like a bloodhound, though her head barely moved, her expression blank in concentration. Pinkamena stopped when she locked onto the scent, the corners of her lips curved into a sadistic smirk, her eyes snapping open with her eyes much more rapt. 

She coiled her legs and pounced off the platform, landing on one of the horizontal metal beams with surprising nimbility and stealth, repeating the same movements with absolute accuracy until she reached the bottom. Once she did, she ran out on all fours, latching on to the nearest building and climbing to the top with her claws. Soon she was jumping from rooftop to rooftop, getting closer to her prey. 

**********************************************************************************************

Pinkamena should have expected that Rainbow would go back to her apartment, where else did she have? It didn’t take her more than ten minutes to get there, straggling just a few minutes  behind the multi colored vigilante herself. The closer she got, the less she was able to concentrate, their ever approaching scent and the anticipation she got from knowing she was about to sate her need for blood was intoxicating!

 Once she got there, she was no longer to tell exactly where she was, her senses dazed by the mist of her bloodlust. She was standing just outside the building on the sidewalk, it was late enough to where no one else was around, the streetlamps nearby dull and would flicker every few minutes. Rainbow’s scent was coming from the entire building, though she could only really be in her apartment room Pinkamena had visited before. It was raining fairly heavily, she was drenched in it and some of the blood had washed off, various puddles were spread out on the ground. 

She was about to enter before her ears flickered, detecting movement coming from the alleyway to the left of the building, likely a trashcan or something being knocked over. She tried to focus her hearing, able to discern a heartbeat, a human heartbeat. She could tell they were standing in the middle, waiting to see if anyone had noticed them. Pinkamena didn’t need to check if it was Rainbow or not, who else would be out this late?

She should have suspected Rainbow wasn’t fast enough to get back in her building before Pinkamena could catch up, she is just a human after all. 

Pinkamena leaped into the alleyway, her bloodied vision and urge to kill could no longer be suppressed when her victim was in front of her like this. When she reached the entrance, she got to all fours, digging her claws into the ground as her limbs coiled like a spring. The street lamps turned off for a few seconds, they turned around to face her, which is when she pounced. 

She closed the distance between them in an instant, a sickening squelching noise that filled her with a disturbing satisfaction as her hands broke through her ribcage like a knife through butter. It came out the other side, the still beating heart in her hand, she was very familiar with the warm wet feeling of it. Most of her forearm was now covered in fresh blood, she heard them weakly gasp and then make raspy breaths. 

Her bloodlust was quenched, a euphoric sense of relief washed over her as she felt her rage release, the red in her vision receded until she could see normally again. She began to notice some things that she hadn’t before, like their stature and figure. They were much smaller up close, maybe half her size. Their heart wasn’t the same size as an adult’s, almost like it wasn’t fully developed. 

It wasn’t until there was a flash of lighting, briefly illuminating the alleyway, did she realize in absolute horror that it wasn’t Rainbow who she had just killed, it was Scootaloo. 

As the street lamps buzzed back to life, she could now see the look on the preteen’s face. It wasn’t one of pain, but instead shock or disbelief, like she didn’t quite understand what was happening. Her gaze dropped to Pinkamena’s arm, raising her own and placing them on her elbow, attempting weakly and futility to remove it. Then she raised her head to look at Pinkamena, coughing up blood that splattered across her face. 

The look of total betrayal and hurt in Scootaloo’s eyes as the color drained from her face would haunt Pinkamena for the rest of her life, along with her last words as her body slumped and her eyes closed. 

“W..h..y?” Scootaloo whispered as her body gave out. The last bit of life in her was gone, the only thing holding up her corpse was the arm that had taken her life. 

For a minute, Pinkamena did not say anything, not knowing how to respond. She simply pulled out her arm and got on her knees, laying Scootaloo’s body on her lap and trying to place the heart in the hole in her chest, as if doing so would somehow bring her back to life. She felt empty doing this, her everything was completely numb and her mind tv static. Her motions had no meaning to it, trying to place the unmoving organ in her broken ribcage again and again like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit. 

“No….no, no, no, no, no.” She began to mutter to herself incessantly, hot tears running down her face that blended with the cold rain. Her eyes faded back to normal and her claws retracted until she was human once more, desperately trying to fix her irreversible mistake. 

Killing had felt good, for a very brief moment. Now that it was gone, however, that left her with the unbearable guilt of her actions and a tidal wave of emotions. There were no words that could express what she was feeling, so much agony, regret, and anguish blended together so well it was like a new blob of pain she had never experienced before.

She couldn’t stop the tears. 

She couldn’t hold back the pain. 

She couldn’t bear the burden of this sin. 

She couldn’t control herself, and now she had murdered an innocent child. 

She would never forgive herself for this, nor would she ever allow herself to forget it. 

Pinkamena stopped fumbling with the heart, leaving it placed on Scootaloo’s chest and placing her on the ground. She then turned around and hunched over, placing her hands against the ground and began to rock her body back and forth as she sobbed from the back of her throat. Her sobbing got louder and louder as she banged her hands and head against the ground, trying to use physical pain to distract her from her intense bitterness towards herself. 

The sobs were drowned out by the heavy rain, her hands and head bleeding profusely but the wounds healed just as quickly. The harder she tried to ignore it the more it bounced back. 

Then she started screaming, screaming until her throat was sore, and then screamed more until her throat bled. 

Once more, Pinkamena was broken, now done of her own volition. This night would change her in ways nothing else would. Also, if possible, push her to loathe herself more than anything or anyone else. 























 
> Interlude Five: Building Bridges.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Starbucks. 

Twilight was meeting a representative of Harvard in a Starbucks. 

In her mind, it was the best possible place to meet someone in public, especially one on a local college campus. Which meant people were constantly going in and out, always some sort of line on the opposite of the counter needing their caffeine fix. 

Not that Twilight was any better, she just recognized that she needed her addiction, it helped keep her focused. 

It was also one of the ones with glass panels as a wall, so people walking on the sidewalks outside could see everything going on inside. She chose to sit on a table that was near said glass wall, right in the eyesight of basically everyone in the area. Maybe she was being overly paranoid, but caution had become second nature to her ever since the incident with The Friendship Games. Hopefully, she does a good job of covering that and stops herself from shaking. 

She was wearing her school outfit, something she’d been neglecting for quite a while. She cleaned it and was wearing it now, though her hair was a bit unkempt even though it was in a ponytail, and her the dark bags under her eyes were just barely hidden by her glasses. However, the cup of Grande cold brew coffee she was drinking like water was helping her at least appear composed. 

She sent the address and time back to the email she got the letter from, while she didn’t get a confirmation back, she was assuming they received it and were going to be meeting her at the time she suggested. Just in case, Twilight showed up thirty minutes early, and also so her immense nervousness will subside. 

“Well, you’re certainly no worse for wear.” 

Even though Twilight had been waiting for them, she still jumped at the sudden voice. It probably had something to do with the fact that she’d gotten so used to being constantly tense and on guard, that this brief moment of reprise made her feel so relaxed she had entered her own little world. 

“I’ve certainly been better, I suppose.” 

She put on a fake smile and turned to look up at who she thought was the Harvard representative she’d been waiting for, only for her expression to drop at their peculiar appearance. He had pale brown skin and unnatural eyes, red pupils that would belong to an albino and yellow scleras that were signs of severe jaundice. Bushy white eyebrows and a goatee that made him resemble a medieval wizard, and a brown lab coat that seemed to have such an intentionally similar design to normal ones that it was almost mocking them. 

On top of all that, he wore a complacent and knowing smirk with half-lidded eyes, an expression that fit him so well it was practically etched. 

“I’m...waiting for someone.” 

“You mean the representative from Harvard? Sorry to break it to you,” He casually plopped down into a seat opposite of her, propping his right arm on the table and resting his chin on his hand. “They aren’t coming. I’m sure you suspected this might be a big ole’ scam to get you to stop being a shut in and talk to me. Impressed by your choice of public place by the way, no better traffic than a local coffee place during rush hour.” 

Twilight frowned at that. He said it without an ounce of caution or intimidation, as if it were the most simple thing in the world. She was tempted to not give him the satisfaction of a response, get up, leave, and pretend none of this had happened and she’d never gotten tricked. 

The main thing keeping her there was the same thing that motivated most things for her: Curiosity. Whoever this weirdo was, he clearly had some kind of immense connections or something to so convincingly forge a harvard acceptance letter. She wanted to know why someone with that much influence went through so much effort to get her here, and especially why now of all times. 

“You have a minute to explain to me why you made such an elaborate scheme. If not, I’m going to leave.” 

“That makes this quite simple then.” He reached into one of the pockets of his tawny lab coat, pulling out a large cucumber and taking a sizable chunk out of it, chewing noisily on it with audible crunches. “Become my protege, or die.” 

What disturbed her most about what he said wasn’t just the meaning behind it, but also how completely laid back he was as he said it. This man was talking to her with such leisure like they were close friends, and yet he had just threatened her life without wavering. 

Whoever this man was, he was confident he could get away with saying or doing whatever he liked, and that was terrifying. 

“I…” Twilight found herself stumbling over her words, his dominating demeanor sparking a tinge of fear in her heart. “I could have you arrested for threatening me like that. My brother is-” 

“A police officer?” He cut her off, her eyes widening and mouth hung open as she struggled to respond. “I did a little brushing up on you and your family before we met today. Your brother, Shining Armor, is currently a lieutenant well on his way to captain. He’s in an ‘unofficial’ relationship with your old babysitter Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadence for short, who works as the current principal for Crystal Prep. Your father is Night Light, who is quite an intelligent astrologist. Your mother is Twilight Velvet, and is a librarian, who also happens to be quite intelligent, not surprising that you turned out to be such a prodigy with parents like that. I...think that’s it?” He asked himself more than her, taking another bite out of the cucumber. “Though I wouldn’t be too surprised if Cadence had a baby in the oven, they both want kids pretty badly.” 

Twilight was petrified. This man had learned about her entire family, researching and surely knowing more about them than the surface knowledge he’d just stated. This went well beyond stalking, the only kind of person that would go to such an extent and then tell her they knew them was someone who wanted something. 

“W-why do yo-” 

“It would be absurdly easy to mess all that up. A rumor here, a string pulled there, and your BBBFF is stuck doing desk work for the rest of his career and Cadence is reduced to a bus driver and substitute teacher. Wouldn’t help if all this happened right after the dearly beloved Twilight Sparkle perished in a tragic accident, what an unfortunate series of events that would be.” 

He said some of the words with emphasis, getting across his intentions and how serious he was. She glanced past his rectangular glasses, his cold gaze piercing into her very soul. His eyes were a stark contrast to his coy smile, giving away the kind of person this man truly was. Twilight was further disturbed because she recognized some of the emotion in his eyes, it was curiosity, he was curious to see how she’d react. 

“...w-who are you?” Twilight muttered, her voice more meek than it perhaps had ever been. 

His narrowed eyes opened more as he abruptly stopped chewing, wiping his empty hand on the collar of his coat. “Of course, silly me! I haven’t even introduced myself.” He extended his hand towards her, offering to shake her hand. “My name is Giles Hue Mallok, but you can call me Discord. No need to introduce yourself, as I’ve demonstrated, I’m well aware of who you are.” 

Her head dropped as she lowered her eyes to his hand, her face noticeably paler and her pupils were constricted. Twilight’s body was quaking with fear, the last thing she wanted to do was upset him. She raised her hand to meet his, unable to keep it steady no matter how hard she tried. Her grip was weak, but his was startingly firm, not what she was expecting from a man of his nature. 

“Nice to meet you.” Discord said with a smile, one that was meant to be warm and reassuring, but was empty coming from him. 

She nearly said ‘likewise’ out of habit more than anything, she had met a lot of new people when she transferred to Canterlot High, so responding like that nearly became reflex. She pursed her lips as she rested her hands on her lap, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. 

“What...do you want with me?” 

“To explain that, I need to give you a brief summary of who I am and the people I work for.” He took another chomp out of the cucumber, leaving half of it left. “A few days ago, you, unintentionally or not, tried to hack into the database of a certain organization. You didn’t get far or learn much thanks to yours truly, however, protocol is usually to eliminate anyone who tries, certainly someone like you who evidently has the potential to improve, that would be further recommended. The reason I haven’t done that, is because you are a very special case. You see,” 

He tossed the last of the cucumber into his mouth, his cheeks puffed out a bit to make room for it as he noisily chewed on it. He then used that same hand and reached into his lab coat, pulling out a small photograph. He flipped it over and placed it on the table, overshadowing Twilight’s fear and anxiety with a different variety of emotions when she saw it. 

It was a picture of her with her friends, they had taken it the day she transferred to Canterlot. Twilight had been trying to do her best to ignore how much she truly missed them, each of them she felt were people she was close to and valued each of them as her friend. She had to suppress her longing to focus on trying to find Pinkie, she knew that she was the best chance for doing so. 

She was about to pick up the photo, being stopped when Discord placed his finger on her in the picture. “This is you, before dedicating yourself to finding your friend, when you had much more vigor. This,” He moved his finger across the photo. “Is Sunset Shimmer, the ex-bad girl who’s a little too loyal to her friends. This,” He moved it again. “Is Rainbow Dash, the colorful athlete who also disappeared. Related? Mayhaps.” This time he moved his finger faster, like he was rushing through. “This is the thought-to-mouth honest farmer girl, she’s been...busy, shall we say?” 

Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as her eyes followed his finger, both because she didn’t understand why he was doing this, and the order he was saying their names in. He wasn’t going left to right or vice versa, and while she would normally assume it was random, her intuition was telling her that wasn’t the case here. 

She also noticed that each time he moved his finger to someone, it went over one person in particular, which she knew had to be intentional. 

“Fluttershy, the anti-social girl who loves animals just a little too much if you ask me. Rarity, the fashionista with an attitude. Lastly, but unequivocally not the least, Pinkamena Diane Pie.” Twilight’s fingers curled and her jaw tightened at the mention of her missing friend, reminding her of the sinking pit called ‘guilt’ in her stomach. She couldn’t stop herself from scowling at the smirk on his lips when he said her name, it was the smile of someone who knew something that she desperately wanted to know. 

“Well, the less I say about her, the better. She’d probably get pretty pissed at me if I tell other people her business.” 

For a brief moment, Twilight’s mind brain turned to raw static, the meaning behind his words taking a bit to register. Once the meaning set in, that not only was he aware of what happened to Pinkie, but also knew her personally, anything but the desire to learn the truth of her friend she’d been seeking vanished. 

“You know where Pinkie is?!” Twilight shouted as she sprang out of her chair and slammed her hands against the table, her usual reserved nature vanishing. 

Discord did little more than raise his eyes to meet hers, not even so much as flinching. 

Twilight realized quickly that she had drawn a lot of attention to herself, a few passerbys staring at her after her outburst. Her response was to sheepishly smile as a wave of sheer embarrassment washed over her, lowering herself back into her chair and dropping her head with a deep blush on her face. She shifted uncomfortably on her chair as she tried to make herself as inconspicuous as possible, not daring to see if they were still staring at her, she wouldn’t be able to take seeing their gaze’s again. 

“I can’t tell you that until I hear your final decision. May I continue?” 

Twilight said nothing and nodded, watching out of the corner of her eyes as he pulled the photo off the table and back into his pocket. 

“To put it simply: I’m old. Numbers aren’t important, but I’m only getting older, and the workload is only getting bigger. I don’t have children for…” He glanced off to the side, his confident facade falling momentarily. Then he turned back to her just as quickly as it returned. “Personal reasons. I need someone else to take up my mantle, be there to help me and learn what to do when I’m done, stuff like that. Basically an assistant, but better in every way, and quite illegal.” 

The illegal part didn’t bother her, Twilight had admittedly committed some minor infractions in her pursuit for Pinkie, not getting caught only thanks to her brother. What did bother her and make her more skeptical was the way he was explaining things. There was no doubt in her mind that the man in front of her had a silver tongue, and was well experienced in conning people. She had an inkling of suspicion that he would only bring up the benefits, and not mention the risk until she’d already agreed, so she’d have to make him say those first. 

“I want to hear all the bad parts before I make any kind of decision. Not like I have much of a choice anyway, since you’ve said you’d kill me and ruin my family’s life if I said no.” She said bitterly, spitting out the last part vehemently. 

He remained frustratingly unfazed.

“Good, you are as smart as I was hoping you’d be, bit too spiteful for my liking though. Of course, you run the risk that comes with being a part of being associated with The Syndicate, one of the biggest crime organizations in the world.” Twilight bit the corner of her lip when he said that name, recalling how terrified Shining was at just the mention of them. “You’ll have to deal with it’s unpleasantness as well. You know, blood, violence, maybe a corpse or two on really bad days, but that’s about it. The last thing is that you’re going to have to stop pursuing education after you graduate. It’s a waste of time spending years of your life for a piece of paper that’s the equivalent of a participation trophy.” 

She did her best to remain outwardly calm, but the mention of a dead body frightened her nearly as much as her life getting threatened did. She had always had an absurd amount of curiosity, both a blessing and a curse. When she was younger, she would not stop pestering her brother to let her see a dead body at the morgue. Twilight had read so many books on it, but she felt if she would understand it even better if she actually saw one. At about the age of twelve, he finally took her, probably with the mindset that doing so would scare her away from them. 

He was right, it did. While he apologized profusely for it, she did genuinely believe it helped her gain perspective on things. Regardless, she would never forget the eyes, and how absolutely lifeless they were. It made her terrified of dead bodies, and of death in general, always trying to keep it off her mind. 

“What…” She gulped as that disturbing memory resurfaced. “Do I get out of it, other than my life anyway? If you know me, then you should be aware how much I enjoy learning, not pursuing education is the same thing as asking me to throw away my way of life.” 

“You misunderstand. I’m not asking you to stop learning, just to not go to college. I’ve been around for quite a while, and I’m something of a scientist myself, along with a sense of curiosity that may even dwarf yours. Whatever you want to learn, I can teach it to you better than having to sit behind a desk, listening to lectures and reading books. The benefits don’t just stop there though.” 

He leaned forward, resting his arms on top of each other and tilting his head. “Your pay will be well above average, along with added hazard pay since things are a tad chaotic, and working for me comes with it’s own set of risks. You get complete insurance coverage, access to resources you wouldn’t normally be able to, and we have some connections with the police, so you’d have to do something pretty bad for us not to help you out. 

It’s not all cupcakes and rainbows, however. You’re not allowed to talk about anything you do with anyone outside of The Syndicate, and you have very little free time. Even if I take you under my wing, my range of protection is only so wide. Too many little mishaps, or maybe one big one, and you might die.”

He stopped and patiently watched her, his explanation done as he laced his fingers together. He didn’t have anymore to say, or wasn’t willing to until she gave a decision. 

Admittedly, his offer was beyond tempting. She couldn’t ignore the doubt she had that this single man would be able to teach her the same things attending multiple universities would, but if the few things she’d heard about The Syndicate were even close to accurate, then all the benefits he was saying were accurate. 

Nor could she ignore what he mentioned about Pinkie. If he wasn’t bluffing, and he truly knew what had happened to her, this wasn’t something she could say no to. 

“...On one condition. You leave my family alone no matter what, and you tell me everything you can about Pinkie.” 

He flashed her an approving grin that sent a disgusting shudder down her spine. “You’ve got a lot of spunk, demanding conditions when you’re at a disadvantage, can’t say I particularly dislike it though.” He leaned back in the chair, the little tension in his body vanishing. “I had intended to do both of those anyway, so it works out quite well. It’s good to have you aboard, I have someone in mind that I think will be downright delighted to meet you.” 

Twilight allowed herself to relax a bit, at the very least, her family was no longer in danger and she was finally going to find out what happened to Pinkie. Although she’s now going to be deeply involved in the criminal world, and likely be forced to do terrible things to keep the people she cared about ok. 

“What...do you want me to do now?” 

“I’m going to give you my number in a bit and send you on your way home, I have some more business to attend to today. First, there’s one more thing I want to discuss with you.” 

He reached into his lab coat again, this time on the opposite side, and pulled out a phone. Twilight tensed up as she watched him turn it on and scroll through something, turning it to her and showing him another picture. This one filled her with a very different emotion, a sense of horror she hadn’t felt since she was younger when she got caught reading books she was too young for. 

It was a picture of her, more accurately, of Midnight Sparkle. It was right after she absorbed the magic she had stolen, poking holes in other dimensions with little more than a flick of her wrist. She had felt more powerful in those moments than any other time in her entire life, but looking back on it now, the damage she almost did made her never want to have anything to do with magic again. 

She raised her eyes to meet his, the domineering look in his eyes shattered any defiance she had left in her. That moment drilled into her exactly the kind of person he was. Discord was beyond a normal con man, he was the kind of person who always had contingencies, who always knew exactly what to say and always kept a trick up his sleeve. 

He was the first person you’d want to ask for a favor because he could get anything he wants, but the last person you’d want to owe something. 

He was the kind of person who could make anyone afraid of him, and she had just agreed to become his protege. 

“Let’s have a little talk about magic.” 

**********************************************************************************************

Starlight was working ahead of schedule, and without any sleep, not a first for her, and not the last either. She had always had a sort of love-hate relationship with sleep. She hated it because she saw it as a waste of time, anytime she laid down and tried to sleep, she couldn’t stop thinking about all the things she could be doing instead of it. On the other hand, she was well aware of osmosis and how the brain processes information. If she didn’t sleep, she wouldn’t be able to learn as much as she wanted and her memory would be impaired. 

She doubted her feelings on it would change at all, so she would likely never have a consistent sleep schedule. Her physical appearance and health may take a hit thanks to that, but she’s accepted it as a part of her, and it’s simply how it is. 

At the moment, she was in her office, filling out some paperwork a week before she was supposed to. Despite being a criminal organization, there was a startling amount of paperwork. Not that she should be surprised about it, mind numbingly boring paperwork was a given in therapy, it was one of the downsides of her life. 

She let out a sigh of relief as she signed her name for the umpteenth time, putting the form in a pile she was going to have to give to someone later. Most of it was just reports on some of the people she was counseling, others were some stuff that members of The Council had to fill out to approve of certain things. Sadly, thanks to Michael’s current condition, she needed to do some of his work for him. Not for free, he was going to owe her big for it, but she was doing it for him nonetheless. 

Her day after talking with Pinkamena was uneventful. She scolded Michael during his physical therapy session, but she wasn’t sure how much she had actually gotten through to him or not. She had a handful of sessions with some people, making progress with some and remaining stagnant with others. After that, she decided that she wanted to free up her schedule so she could relax, and started on some of the paperwork. 

That was a couple of hours ago. Now thanks to the one window in her room, she could tell it was quite late at night. Night time was her preference, she felt much more alert and over all better at night. She pulled out her phone and checked the time, the numbers eleven forty flashing in bold white letters. 

She furrowed her eyebrows thoughtfully, something about those numbers bothered her. It was like an itch in the back of her mind she simply couldn’t scratch. It was akin to the feeling she got everytime she left her apartment, that cloud over her thoughts as she asked herself if she had forgotten anything important. That could be resolved by checking her person, but this was a more permanent thing, only able to find relief by searching her mind for an answer that may not be there. 

The moment she saw the zero turn into a one, time seemed to stop as her heart palpitated, the quickened and painful beating of her heart beat reverberated throughout her body and became the only thing she could focus on. She winced and shut her left eye, reflexively grabbing her chest where her heart was as the abrupt stabbing pain started. 

Most people would panic and call an ambulance, under the general belief that such a thing was a sign of an oncoming heart attack. While that was the case usually, it was something quite different for Starlight. 

She reached into one of the drawers of her desk, pulling out her dream journal and placing it on her desk, flipping through the pages frantically as she began to look for something. On the day of everything that happened with Sunset and the equestrian magic, Starlight had been the one there to scout it out and see if The Syndicate needed to get involved or not. They didn’t, but due to her presence there, she got exposed to some of it. 

Ever since then, she’s been experiencing something...abnormal. It only ever happened during sleep and with an irregular pattern, but it was something similar to premonition. She thought it was just a dream, until it became real. Then the next one did, and the next, and then she soon believed that she was somehow able to see instances of the future. 

It was...not as vivid as she would have wanted. The best way to describe it would be if a child had seen the scenes, and were drawing them to the best of their abilities. If there were people, they were only slightly better than stick people, making it difficult to discern emotions or identities. Objects and environments were drawn just as crudely, but were a bit better to make out than people. 

The only features that gave her any indication of who the people might be were colors, typically bland and there only being one, sometimes more. Through trial and error, she had learned the signs of an oncoming one. A headache that started just behind her eyes, then began to spread and strengthen like a liquid being absorbed by a towel. Once it reached its peak, she knew that she would see one next time she slept. 

The caveat is, like most dreams, she would forget she had even had it after an hour so. To compensate, she began writing in a journal, one page an explanation and her thoughts on it, and the second the best recreation she could do of it. She made it a habit to read the journal every time she was feeling like she was forgetting something, and that would let her remember  the most recent premonition. 

So far, she had not managed to prevent any events. Significantly changing them was the most she’d ever managed, or adjusting smaller details, such as who was there to witness it or the aftermath. Sometimes she had even begun to question if it were possible to prevent something completely from happening, the only way to truly know would be to keep trying. 

Once or twice she had internally debated telling Discord, if anyone would be able to help her, he was the best chance. The main thing stopping her was the deep rooted fear she had for that man. He had a disturbing infatuation with magic, telling him she may have had some latent inside of her was the same thing as begging him to make her a test subject. 

“When...was the last one? A few nights ago with the alleyway? I think...oh no.” Her face dropped as she stopped flipping the pages, coming to the one she was searching for. 

She had been quite busy recently, with Pinkamena, Michael, and various other smaller things. As such, she had forgotten to check the book, which meant she wasn’t able to prevent it from happening. 

Guilt wrapped itself around her heart at this comprehension, this was something she needed to prevent more than any of the others, and her forgetfulness was the reason she hadn’t. 

“Dammit!” Starlight said as she jumped out of her chair, slamming her fist against the desk out of frustration. 

A searing heat sparked in the center of her brain, she grunted in pain and brought her hands to her face, forcing both her eyes closed at the sensation. It was something new, not a feeling she had ever experienced before. It halted just as abruptly, leaving as if nothing had happened. 

When she opened her eyes, she was groggy, something in the back of her mind had been forcefully inserted there. The thought pushed itself to the forefront of her attention, unscrambling like a word in a language she only just learned. 

“A name...and numbers? What’s…” Her half-lidded eyelids slowly opened all the way as realization hit her. “An address? Why would...no, it doesn’t matter!” Starlight said as she shook her head, closing the dream journal and tossing it back in the drawer. “I think that’s the address of the alleyway. If I can get there soon enough, maybe it won’t be too late.” 

She ran around her desk and towards the door, reaching into her vest pocket and pulling out her keychain. 

“If I can’t stop this...I don’t know if I can save her.” 
> Chapter Six: Broken Once More.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

She didn’t know how long she had screamed for, her shrieks of agony were drowned out by the storm. 

After a while, she didn’t have any energy left to scream, and yet the anguish was still just as prominent. Pinkamena was on her knees in the alleyway, her arms dangling lifelessly at her sides, face blank as she stared absentmindedly in a catatonic expression. Scootaloo’s cold corpse remained on the ground before her, her removed heart lay on her chest, which had long stopped beating. Any blood on her body had become diluted and spread out by the rain, dark puddles on the alley floor from the heavy storm. 

Pinkamena herself was completely drenched, her clothes stained with blood and wet with rainwater. Her right hand had little blood on it as the rain washed most of it away, but couldn’t wash away her guilt. Her pink and black hair draping over her face like a curtain protecting her face from the world, the only part that was visible were her lifeless eyes. 

“Pinkamena?” 

She barely reacted to the sudden voice, other than an almost unnoticable flicker of her ears. She could make out the sound of rapid footsteps from the rain and thunder, running towards her and stopping abruptly behind her. Then the sound of gasping as they presumably saw Scootaloo’s remains, the sight of a child’s carcass having been murdered in such a gruesome way would leave anyone horrified. 

“No...I’m too late.” 

Pinkamena’s mouth twitched, but otherwise she remained stationary. She saw out of the corner of her eyes this person bend over, seeing that it was Starlight, one of the last people she would want to see her like this. 

“Can you hear me?” Starlight waited for a response, a minute passed and Pinkamena didn’t show any signs of even knowing she was there. “Listen to me: I’m here to help, I promise. I can…” She glanced at Scootaloo’s body, grimacing as tore her eyes away from it. “Fix this. Please, just...let me handle it.” 

Starlight’s words came out as desperate, saying them more to convince herself than Pinkamena. She straightened her body and brought her hands to her face, quickly becoming soaked. “God, this is so fucked.” She mumbled under her breath. 

Somehow, hearing Starlight say that in such a dejected tone made the sinking pit of guilt in her stomach deeper.

She saw her walk out of her sight as she reached into her vest pocket, pulling out her phone and hovering over it as she typed something in to protect it from the rain. There was the distinct sound of ringing which only lasted a moment or two. 

“This is The Syndicate’s mistake management team, if you-” 

“Cindy, skip the spiel. It’s Starlight.” 

“Starlight? Wow, didn’t think I’d ever be hearing a call from you. What happened? Got frustrated with all your paperwork and threw it everywhere, and now you need help cleaning it all?”

There was a deafening silence after the terrible joke, the only response was a loud boom from thunder. “Do you remember that time I helped you out with your...boyfriend problem? Well...I need to call in that favor.” 

Cindy took a moment to respond, the uncharastic seriousness was a rare thing from what she thought of as the most upbeat therapist she knew. “I...was kind of expecting you’d use that to get me to help you find a boyfriend after you finally got over that beefcake Michael, but yeah, I can do that for you. What do you need?” 

“I need you...to get rid of a corpse.” She said the last part as a whisper, almost ashamed to say it. 

“Oh...I, okay. Can you tell me a bit more? I need to know the...extremity of it, there are different protocols depending on the number and how.” 

“They...there’s one victim, a-a kid. Around…” Starlight paused as she peeked behind her. “Thirteen or fourteen. She...had her heart removed, most of the blood has already been washed away by the rain. I...fuck, Cindy.” Starlight covered her mouth with her other hand as she tried to choke down a sob. “Please, I need you to make this go away.” 

“Jesus H Christ Starlight, what did y-No, I’m not allowed to ask that. Just…” There was the sound of Cindy sighing as she picked up something, a rattling sound as she opened a container and put something in her mouth. “Be gone in the next thirty minutes, the less people that know you’re connected to this the better, that’s the best I can do for you. I’ll send the smallest team I can to your location, which is...1312 Parkrow. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but whatever you do, do not talk about this with anyone. I know you’re smart enough not to, but this is your first time using our...services, and it’s protocol.” 

“Thank you.” 

With that Starlight hung up, hastily shoving her phone back in her vest pocket. She stood there and breathed heavily, focusing on trying to keep herself calm. She turned around, avoiding looking at Scootaloo and cautiously placing her hand on Pinkamena’s left shoulder. 

“Pinkamena, can you get up? I...called some people and they’re going to handle this, we can’t be here. My apartment isn’t far, I can take you there and...help get you out of those dirty clothes and take a nice shower, okay? Please, you told me to save you when you need it. Let me.” 

Starlight’s voice was extremely gentle and low. It was hard to tell, but it felt like some tension had left Pinkamena’s body. She slowly got up, her arms remaining at her sides until she was on her feet. Starlight hesitantly grabbed her hand, guiding her out of the alleyway. She didn’t resist at all, moving by dragging her feet against the ground, a slow pace that Starlight didn’t want to push out of immense concern. 

As they turned the corner of the alleyway, Pinkamena watched her right hand, turning it upwards. While the rain had washed most of it away, there was still red blood under her fingernails, and some it splattered on the palm of her hands where the rain couldn’t reach. 

“I…” 

Starlight halted, the sound of Pinkamena’s hoarse and empty voice was like a stab straight to her heart. She bit the corner of her lip as she peered over her shoulder at her. 

“I...want to die.” 

She was unable to suppress a sob as her voice cracked, the complete blank expression as she bluntly stated her desire for death was heartbreaking to an extent she’d only experienced when trying to heal the mental scars of any of Blake’s victims. 

Starlight did a one eighty and embraced Pinkamena in the tightest hug she could, ignoring the drenched clothes and dried blood on her face. 

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” 

**************************************************************************************

The rest of the trip to Starlight’s apartment was done in absolute silence. She did not want to say anything out of fear of breaking down, she needed to keep moving. Pinkamena remained in a near catatonic state, even though her breathing was silent, it felt more like she was dragging a heavy mannequin than a person. 

Starlight didn’t know what to do, and that terrified her. She never had to deal with anything like this before! The only post-trauma victims she had to deal with were Blake’s victims, and, at most, that was a month after he was done with them. She had been taught and trained on how to deal with trauma victims, but dealing with those made her realize no book or instructor could truly prepare you for it. 

This was different, and significantly worse. She was connected to the person she needed to help, not to mention that the event that caused it had to have happened in the last hour at least.
She hated to compare one horrible thing to another, but this wasn’t similar at all. 

She murdered a child. 

The thought of that was almost inconceivably horrible, and yet it had happened. Starlight held no animosity towards Pinkamena for it, there was no doubt in her heart that it was some terrible accident, she refused to believe there was any chance her friend had intentionally done something so unforgivable. 

They made it to the apartment with little trouble. There were a handful of people on the streets, as per usual during the nighttime of Manhattan, but none of them did anything. Starlight’s apartment was a building in a row of other buildings, which meant there were no stairs they needed to climb. 

She opened the door and entered, shutting it behind them and flickering on the lights. Her apartment was very small with very little in it. The room they were in was the living room and the bedroom, a bed in the center of the room that was barely big for one person. A TV across from it with a VHS player underneath, and a wardrobe in the back left of the room that held all of her clothes. 

The only thing else that was visible was a doorway to the left of the entrance that led into a kitchen area, and a door in the back left that didn’t have anything to give away what it was. There was a window beside the entrance door that showed the outside, but the shades were closed leaving no way for light to peer through. 

“I know it’s not much. It’s just...I’m not home often and I never have guests, so I didn’t see a point in getting some fancy apartment and a lot of furniture.” Starlight let go of Pinkamena’s hand, walking towards the back of the room and opening the door. “Wait here, I need to get something.” 

Pinkamena listened to her and remained in the center of the room, in such a severe state of shock she couldn’t even form a coherent thought, mindlessly remaining on autopilot. 

Starlight came back in, a towel draped over her shoulder. “Pinkamena, you...should really take a shower. There are clean towels in there and I can give you some of my clothes, I’ll slip them in under the door. I’ll be out here changing into something else. We can talk after, ok?” 

The thought of a warm shower was admittedly enticing. She nodded and walked into the bathroom as Starlight went over to her wardrobe to pull out some clothes. The inside of the bathroom was about what she expected from an apartment like this, with the exception of the mirror. There was a towel draped over it, preventing her from seeing her reflection. She had a guess that it was related to something psychological, but she didn’t care enough to think about it. 

She undressed without a second thought, placing her ruined clothes into a pile, with the exception of her necklace. Her movements were tense and robotic like a machine’s, not even a singular twitch or change in the expression on her face. 

She stepped into the bathtub, pulling the curtain to cover her and turning on the shower head. The cold water blasted her in the face, and yet she didn’t react at all, the water began to wash off the dried blood on her body. When the water began she repositioned herself, her hair was annoyingly sticky and she needed to fix that.

Pinkamena made the mistake of looking down, seeing that her black blood was mixing with the water like a pollutant. Her body was unscathed, not a scratch or scar despite her numerous battles. She reached for a clean bar of soap, noticing that Scootaloo’s blood on her hand had to be more thoroughly rinsed. 

She tried to use the soap bar to get it out, and while that worked, the red blood flowing with the water caused the memories she’d been trying to push down to break through. She scrubbed harder as she closed her eyes, which only made it worse. With the darkness of doing so, she could see Scootaloo’s face, almost feeling her small arms feebly trying to do anything she could to save herself. 

The sensation of her weakly beating heart in the palm of her hand, blood soaking it and dripping through her fingers. 

Her shallow breathing as the life force drained out of her. 

The look in her eyes as the light faded away.

The final words she spoke, a single word asking why her life had been cut so short. 

None of which Pinkamena would ever be able to forget. 

She began to hyperventilate and apply more force, scrubbing with so much pressure her skin was going raw. Biting down so hard on the inside of her cheek that black blood began to drip out of the corners of her lips, her attempts at drowning out the anguish with physical pain didn’t work. 

It wasn’t until her entire hand was raw and the soap bar was in two did she stop, slamming her hand against the wall and yelling out of frustration as she did. She bent over with her other hand clutching the necklace at a desperate attempt to calm herself, her in a bug eyed expression as she clenched her hand tight enough to draw blood. 

“Pinkamena? Are you okay? I heard you yell.” Starlight asked from the other side of the door. 

She snapped out of her agony induced trance, glancing at the wall she had just hit, which now had various cracks in it with her fist at the source. It was a good thing she was already weakened from her fight earlier, or there would have been a hole there instead. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She lied through clenched teeth, pushing down every emotion that was trying to bubble to the surface. 

The rest of the shower went without incident, thouroughly washing herself with every hygenic product in there. She scrubbed every part of her body until all of her skin was raw. Used so much shampoo and conditioner that her hair felt rigid. 

No matter how much she tried to purge herself, she didn’t feel any less dirty than when she entered.

She grabbed one of the towels on a rack to dry herself as she walked towards the door, seeing that Starlight did slide some clothes under the door. It was a pair of light purple panties and matching bra, along with an ebony black t-shirt and jeans. The idea of wearing underwear that Starlight had worn before should have made her feel some form of embarrassment, but with the state of mind she is in, it was taking everything she had not to feel anything at all. 

They fit relatively well, she wouldn’t have guessed that her and Starlight were so close in sizes. The only complaint she had was the bra was a size too small, making it tight and uncomfortable. She could tolerate it, she’s had to deal with worse.  

She was a bit surprised by Starlight’s appearance. She didn’t think that Starlight was the type to wear pajamas, but she was. A cadet blue onesie with white star patterns all over it, covering every part of her body below her neck, taken on and off by a zipper in the middle. Her hair was also not in the same style as usual, now being held up in pigtails.

She was in the middle of fixing the bed when Pinkamena came out, standing up and adjusting the collar with a slight blush. “This is...what I wear when I can go to sleep here. I want you to be as comfortable as possible, so...just try to think of this like the sleepovers you used to have a lot.” 

“You...want me to stay the night?” She murmured, her voice croaking a bit as it was still sore. 

The blush on her cheeks vanished as she narrowed her eyes. “Pinkamena, after what happened, I don’t want to leave you alone tonight. Whatever your plans were, they’re cancelled. You take priority. You can take my bed, I have an air mattress tha-” 

“No.” 

Starlight closed her mouth, her face relaxing at the sudden interruption. 

“Starlight, I couldn’t ask you to do that for me. You can sleep in your own bed, I’ll take the air mattress.” Not that she actually expected to get any sleep. 

“I...can’t do that to you, not tonight. It seems we’re at an impasse. I…” She turned to the bed again. “I know you might need to be...comforted, physical contact is one of the best ways to do that. If you don’t mind, we can...share my bed tonight.” 

Starlight was hiding her face and uncomfortably fidgeting, but Pinkamena could tell despite how uneasy it made her, she was only suggesting doing so because of how worried she was and was trying to do everything she could to help her. 

It was touching, but also only made her feel worse, what happened pushed her past the point of helping. 

“I understand if you don’t want to. After Blake, I would imagine it’s difficult for you to be able to physically touch anyone. I do-” 

“Starlight.” Pinkamena said to interrupt her rambling before it got too far. “It’s fine if it’s you, I trust you.” 

Starlight was stunned by how easily she stated that, watching her as she laid down on the bed. Pinkamena rested her head on one of the pillows, having been so long since she was able to lay down in an actual bed she’d almost forgotten how comfortable it was. Her gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, not wavering even as she felt the weight beside the bed sink in as Starlight laid beside her. 

“I…” She took a deep breath as she turned to her side to face Starlight, seeing that she had done the same. “Put some cracks in the wall of your shower. I’m sorry.” 

They were only a few inches apart, so close that Pinkamena could see her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. Her face was blank as she intently listened to her, not giving away any thoughts or emotions. 

“It’s just a wall, it’s fine.” 

“I’m...sorry for snapping at you sometimes. I know you’re just trying to help.” 

Her lips dropped into a frown, Pinkamena’s voice was low and almost childlike. She wasn’t apologizing just because she was genuinely sorry, she was apologizing because she needed to be forgiven. 

“Pinkamena…” Starlight hesitantly rested her hand on Pinkamena’s, worried the contact may upset her. When she didn’t pull back, she gave her hand a soft squeeze to reassure her. “You’re under a lot of stress, especially recently. I can’t blame you for snapping at someone who brings up the things you least want to talk about. Honestly, you’re handling everything a lot better than a normal person would.” 

“I’m...sorry that…” The forgiving tone in Starlight’s voice was overwhelming, some part of her wanted to be yelled at, or punished, or something that would let her know that she deserved to feel as bad as she did about her actions. “That I...killed all those people. That I...almost killed Michael.” 

Pinkamena had curled up some, hiding her face behind her hair as if she were ashamed to even exist. Her lips were trembling as she spoke, nearly as much as her hand. 

“We both know that wasn’t entirely your fault. You were pushed into that corner and forced to fight back. I know that you might never forgive yourself, but...I forgive you.” 
 
“I’m…s-sorry that I…” The fragile dam broke as she was unable to stop her voice from cracking, the thing she’d been building up to was now at the forefront of her mind. Starlight waited patiently for her to talk, her grip on her hand only getting firmer. “I...k-killed scootaloo. I-I didn’t mean t-to. S-she was in t-the alley when I…” She couldn’t continue as she openly sobbed, tears rolling down her face and dripping off her trembling chin. 

Starlight moved forward and pulled Pinkamena into a hug, placing her left hand on the back of her head and letting her sob into her shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t have to put up a front with me. I know you’re not the apathetic badass you’ve been trying to convince so many people you are now. You’re just an eighteen year old girl who’s been thrusted into a world that’s too cruel, you can let go with me.” 

She began to mindlessly play with Pinkamena’s hair, flattening some parts of it that were in knots. Pinkamena’s entire body was shaking from both the physical contact and mental anguish, the warmth from Starlight’s body was like a haven, a light in the darkness that had overwhelmed her for the past hour. 

At that moment, she wasn’t thinking about Blake or even the crush she had on Starlight. She was thinking about how she was seeing her at her absolute worst, after knowing she had committed one of the worst possible sins someone could, and yet she was willing to forgive her for it. More than that, she was offering her comfort, even though she didn’t know everything. She was trusting her blindly, a quality rare in any kind of person. 

“I’m...I’m a-a monster. S-she was just a kid, and I...I...” She completely gave in, wrapping her arms around Starlight and sobbing uncontrollably as the agony took over. Starlight groaned from Pinkamena’s bear hug, wincing from the pain but trying to ignore it. 

“No, you’re...not a monster Pinkamena. I’ve met monsters, and real ones don’t care that they’re monsters. You made a terrible mistake, but you regret it, and you will for the rest of your life. That’s why I’m so willing to forgive you and trust it was an accident, because you’re a good person, that part of you never did, and never will change.” 

Pinkamena loosened her grip, the warmth she was getting from Starlight did little for the coldness that had made its home in her soul.

“How...How can y-you say that? How can you have so much...faith in me? I’ve killed...so many people, now a c-child. I...I don’t want to, but I will have to kill more, it’s unavoidable. How can you consider me a good person? I..I don’t understand.” 

Pinkamena’s muttering was hushed, her desperation couldn’t be more evident in her voice. Her grip was tight, but she was making a conscious effort to to hold back a lot of her strength, or Starlight’s spine would have been crushed. 

“That’s easy. Because,” Starlight continued to stroke her head like a baby’s, a complacent smirk on her face. “I believe in you. If you were really too far gone, if you were really so broken that the pieces of you couldn’t be picked up and put back together, then you wouldn’t be here begging for forgiveness and breaking down from the guilt you're carrying.”

“I...I don’t think I can move past this, Star. Every...E-every time I close my eyes, I can-” 

“Shh...You can move past it.” Starlight placed her right hand on Pinkamena’s back, her words were barely more than a whisper, and yet it was soothing. “You have me, you have your sister, you can do this. It was an accident, a terrible, tragic accident. It wasn’t your fault, we both know you would never willingly kill a child. First, you have to let it all out.” She closed her eyes and reached down, grabbing a blanket at the end of the bed and pulled it over them, covering their bodies in the warm cloth. “I can’t imagine how long it’s been since you cried, I mean really cried. I’ve seen worse, go ahead and let it all out, I can handle it.” 

With that, everything burst out, tears soaking the shoulder of her onesie as she wept. Her entire body curled up in a near fetal position with her knees to her stomach, her upper body leaning into Starlight with her fingers clutching parts of the onesie. Each agonizing memory bubbled to the surface, the agony linked to them following suit. 

She let out a muffled scream at the sight of Scootaloo’s body, gritting her teeth as Rainbow’s battered face flashed in her mind, chest tightening at the fear etched on Sunset’s face. How much it hurt her to know the people she used to care about were terrified of her, the mental torture she endured in that cabin was fresh in her mind. 

Starlight was right; She couldn’t remember the last time she really cried, now that everything she’d been pushing down was coming out, she couldn’t stop it. 

It was hard to say how much time had passed before she died down, her snot and spittle covering her face and Starlight’s shoulder. Her screaming was reduced to gargled sobs that felt as disgusting as they sounded, and then raspy, guttural breathing. There were still many emotions hovering beneath, far too many that could be dealt with in a single breakdown, but she was too physically tired. While she had no injuries, she was exhaused from having pushed herself so long and having lost so much blood, especially without eating anything. 

Pinkamena relaxed a bit and shifted around, pulling her head back and trying to clean off 
whatever she could with the front of her shirt. Her eyes were getting heavier and her entire face was sticky, but it was mostly dry with the exception of her eyes, which were red around the edges. 

“Starlight?” 

“Hm?” Starlight hummed, having remained silent and motionless, stroking her head patiently. 

“Why...did you become a therapist?” 

Starlight’s body tensed up, clearing her throat as she began to twirl a random strain of black hair between her fingers. “That’s...kind of sudden. It’s a really boring story, are you sure you want to hear it?” 

“Yeah, I…” She paused as she uncurled her body, trying her best to keep her eyes open as long as she could. Every time she blinked she saw the face of someone she’d hurt. “Need to think about something else right now.” 

“I don’t mind, just remember that I was a very different person. Sometime in middle school, I fell into the popular crowd. The kind of people that like to bully the less fortunate to make themselves feel better, sadly, I was very impressionable at the time and thought that was normal. The problem was...I liked it, the feeling of control and power. I didn’t want people to respect me, but to fear me. Getting high grades was easy, that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be in control of all the people around me, I became manipulative. I’d blackmail, lie, do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted to get whatever I wanted. Sometimes just because I was bored, other times just because I just wanted to see if I could.” 

“That’s...why you got interested in psychology? To manipulate people?” 

Pinkamena wanted to say she was surprised by this, but after finding out her father was a crime boss and her best friend is a vigilante, finding out her therapist was a control freak in school wasn’t that startling. Especially considering one of her best friends went through something similar. 

What made her more curious about it was that Sunset had to be blasted with otherworldly magic to become who she is today, so what changed Starlight? 

“...Yeah. I’ve always been incredibly book smart, learning everything from self-awareness theory to cognitive dissonance made pushing the right buttons too easy. Soon, I got everything I wanted. People feared me, I could date who ever I wanted, bully whoever I wanted, and no one would bat an eye.” Starlight’s voice was solemn and distressing, her throat tightening as she gulped. “Except for one.” 

“His name...was Sunburst, and he was my only real friend. Since childhood he stuck with me, even when I turned into a total bitch. He also kind of kept me balanced out and prevented me from going too far at times, if it wasn’t for him, I would have gone off the deep end.” 

“What happened to him?” 

Pinkamena could feel Starlight’s entire body freeze up at the question, her heart beat noticeably picking up. “He...left during the middle of high school. He got an offer to continue his education abroad, apparently his family had connections in Europe. He was always smart and wanted to explore the world, he was struck with severe wanderlust and wanted to learn as much as he could. Or...maybe that’s just me justifying why he left. Even to this day, I can’t stop thinking that he left because he couldn’t stand the person I became. While I can’t blame him, that doesn’t get rid of the fact that it felt like he...abandoned me, and it really hurt.” 

She could tell Starlight was holding back a sob, she clearly valued her relationship with this person a lot. Bringing up the deep rooted problem made Pinkamena regret asking, she was all too familar of how much abandonment hurt. 

“I’m sorry. Did you…” Pinkamena paused as she drew a breath, unconsciously grabbing her necklace through her shirt. “Love him?” 

“I might have, or maybe it was just a high school crush, who knows? I haven’t talked to him in a long time, couldn’t even tell you if he was alive or not, I’ve been too afraid to try to find him. While the sting of him leaving will never really go away, in a way I’m grateful that he did. The loneliness that set in afterwards as I realized I didn’t have anyone is what pushed me to change, being alone is...one of the worst things that could happen to someone. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how horrible it can be.” 

Pinkamena remained silent, her grip on the necklace becoming tighter. 

“When I went to college, I saw it as an opportunity to become someone else, someone I wasn’t ashamed to be. New places and new people, I dedicated myself to my studies and trying to be the person anyone could get along with. However, there were some habits I couldn’t drop, such as analyzing people and writing down what I thought was wrong with them in a book. Stuff like that became...ingrained into me and I couldn’t shake it, but hey, at least it makes my job easier, right?” 

Starlight nervously chuckled, but it did little to hide her unease. Pinkamena tried gently rubbing her back with her other hand, hoping she could make her feel better. 

“If you were trying to change so badly, why did you continue going into psychology? Wouldn’t that make things harder to stop being so controlling?” 

“It did, but I genuinely do have a strong love for psychology, even the nastier parts of it. Plus, Pinkamena, I…” She paused as she lowered her head. “hurt people, terribly. Some of the things were so bad that I was afraid to check up on some of my old classmates after graduation, knowing there was a very real possibility they’d done something...permanent.

I know that I can never make up for it, but the best I can do is put my skills to help people, even if a lot of those people are criminals. I especially want to help people like you Pinkamena; good people who are put in bad situations. The type of people that need help more than anyone, but most have stopped asking because they don’t think they deserve it.” 

Starlight composed herself as she shifted, wrapping her arms around her and bringing her closer into a hug. “You do deserve help, if you can’t believe that, then believe me. No matter what it is that you did, I’ll help you, all you have to do is ask. As long as I’m alive, you’ll never be lonely again.” 

The comfort Starlight was offering was so overwhelming it was almost smothering, her heart was still beating like a drum, and still she couldn’t focus on her. Pinkamena’s entire body began to warm up from their body heat, making it harder for her to stay awake. 

“Star?” 

“Yeah?” 

“If you weren’t my therapist…” Her words slurred as her eyes shut, darkness encompassing her vision. “I think I’d fall for you.” 

**************************************************************************************

That was the last thing Pinkamena remembered before she finally fell asleep, something she didn’t think she’d be able to relax enough to do. 

She awoke in The Dark Room, on her knees with nothing but the abyss surrounding her. She had hoped that for just tonight they would allow her to slumber in peace, but she shouldn’t have expected that. 

“Will I ever get to dream again?” Pinkamena asked out loud. 

“When neither of us have anything to say to another. So never, essentially.” 

She didn’t need to look to know who it was. Alice manifested behind her, voice so monotone it was impossible to tell if she was being sarcastic or not. 

She got to her feet and turned to face the omnipotent child, her expression completely blank, but not empty. Pnkamena’s eyes were hollow of anything but unbridled rage, her clenched hands shaking at her sides. 

“I understand you’re quite upset, considering what happened, I can not blame you. Yet I-” 

Before she could finish her sentence, a pink fist had decided to make its home in the center of her face, the blow forcing her downward and sprawling on the non-existent ground they stood upon. Alice’s body had no weight, like punching a pillow case, and was frustratingly unsatisfying. 

“Why...why didn’t you…” Her breathing was heavy and erratic, grinding her teeth so hard it was audible. “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME?! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER!”

Alice resembled a doll more than usual, limbs facing different directions and completely unresponsive on the floor, like a toddler had tossed her across the room during a tantrum. Without warning she began to stand up, her movements stiff and a mockery of a real person. 

Despite having been hit directly moments ago, her face was free of any signs of it, along with any expressions at all. “Just this once, we will let you get away with that. Don’t expect it to happen again, not even Igneous got a freebee like that.” 

The nonchalantness of her statement only further fueled the flames of fury Pinkamena was struggling to hold back. “Alice, enough of these games! I don’t have the fucking patience for this! WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME?!” Pinkamena ignored the warning she was given earlier, picking her up by her dress a few inches above the ground. “After seeing that it was Rainbow behind the mask, you should have…” 

Realization dawned on her as her grip loosened on Alice, her teeth pressing tight enough together to crack. “You knew...didn’t you? Even before I took it off, you knew it was Rainbow. That’s why you kept telling me that I’d need to kill them, you were trying to convince me to do it before I could learn who it was.” 

No matter how right it sounded, she wanted to be wrong. She hated the idea of playing into their hands, especially with this. 

“Igneous...figured it out through ways you can’t know yet. We decided not to tell you as TSK needed to be taken out. While we accepted the possibility you would just take their mask off after killing them, we assumed if you were pushed over the edge with rage, you might just mangle them beyond the point of recognition.” 

“You...You would have…” The empty tone in her voice only further angered her, each sentence pushing her to strike her again despite the consequences. “Made me kill my best friend?” 

“...Not knowingly. After you learned the truth, we tried to calm you down. We didn’t expect it to work, but increasing your bloodlust was not our intent.” 

“Then why...why didn’t you knock me out or something? Anything would have been better than what happened.” 

Pinkamena’s voice began to waiver as she spoke, her mind struggling to come up with any possibility she could to blame at least some of it on The Whispers. 

“Putting you unconscious wasn’t a possibility. There was so much adrenaline and endorphins running through you that it would have taken a bottle of tranquilizer to do it. Despite that…'' Alice dropped her head, her hair covering her eyes and leaving only her frown visible. “We attempted so, and nothing happened.” 

“Then you could have given me aneurysm after aneurysm to put me into submission!” 

“We tried that too, pain barely even registered and-” 

“Do something worse! Break my bones, collapse my organs, whatever you needed to do to stop me!

While her screaming was becoming louder, it was less angry and more desperate, exemplified by how much her entire body was trembling. 

“It’s not that simple, we would have to-” 

“TAKE OVER MY BODY IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES! IF IT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED HER DEATH, I’D-” 

“WE TRIED EVERYTHING!” 

Their inhuman scream, a cacophony of disembodied voices that could not be ignored, blasted directly into Pinkamena’s mind. Alice’s physical form shifted until most of her had turned into the same black mist that filled the rest of the void they were in, retaining a semi-humanoid form. 

A cold wave of fear washed over Pinkamena, forcing her festering anger to subside as she dropped Alice. A visible aura came off her and blew towards her like the strong winds of a foreboding storm, so overwhelmingly powerful she couldn’t help but fall on her knees in submission. 

There was very little of Alice’s masquerade left, various parts of her body with her dress covering it, and a chunk of the right side of her face. Only her green eye was visible, devoid of any light and leering into her very soul. 

Then the winds abruptly halted, Alice’s singular eye closed as the rest of her formed once more, the black mist fading into white and then skin, hair, and even her dress appearing out of thin air. 

“Sorry for that. We were already in a bad mood before, that was pushing us too far.” Alice’s voice was as hollow as her eyes, having regained her composure. “Like we said, there was nothing we did not try. It’s impossible to say if it was because our influence has been weakened ever since we melded, or if you were simply so embroiled we could not reach you, which is a first for us. We intend to look into this further and see exactly what happened, but there was nothing we could have done to stop you.” 

“You’re...you’re saying that, no…” Her arms fell limplessly at her sides. “If you hadn’t forced your pent up anger onto me, I wouldn’t ha-” 

“If we hadn’t released the shackles you had placed on yourself out of fear, you would have died in that place. Don’t try to pass the blame on us, it wasn’t our bloodlust, it was yours.” 

Pinkamena’s head began to drop. She let out a sharp gasp as Alice grabbed a chunk of her hair, yanking her head and leaning down until her face was inches from her own. Her eyes were cold and unforgiving. 

“Did you just selectively forget what we told you? All we did was give you what you’d been neglecting yourself, and a simple command to kill. True, we did say that it would not go away until you killed. Yet if you truly cared about your friend, and did not want to kill like you’ve been saying before, wouldn’t you have found another way? You chose to indulge and chase your prey knowing who it was. You could have searched for a random criminal insead. While regretful, it was your decision that resulted in the death of that young child, even if it wasn’t your intention.” 

As much as she hated the derisive undertone, there was truth to Alice’s words. She should have been able to stop herself, she’d been telling everyone that she was trying to control herself, and she failed when it mattered most. She should have tried to find someone else to let her rage out on, a criminal, even a stranger would have been better. 

She hated The Whispers, but she couldn’t blame them for this. She accepted their help, and all the risks that came with it. Which meant…

“I...it’s my fault. Scootaloo’s dead, I...killed her. Oh god, I killed her.” 

Alice let go of her hair, letting Pinkamena drop to all fours and begin to sob. It was possible she would have thrown up too, but it would seem she was unable to do so here. Alice said and did nothing, watching with her hands behind her back. 

“I...I should have said no. I should have just died there. Better me than Rainbow or Scootaloo, why didn’t you just let me die?!” 

“You’re right: If you had died there, they both would have survived. Maud would have been forced to become the leader in your place, and everything would have gone downhill. Thing-” 

“Stop trying to justify what I did!” She slammed her hands against the non-existent ground, the sensation only able to be described as the air suddenly hardening where her fists landed. “I’m...Starlight’s wrong, about everything. I’m not a good person, I’m a monster, and she can’t help me.” 

“Hm. Well, Starlight was right about one thing.” Alice grabbed Pinkamena by the chin, lifting her head up to face her. “You will get past this.” 

A familiar cold feeling began to spread from her chin to the rest of her body, numbing out every other emotion. 

“You may never forgive yourself for this, nor will you ever be able to forget it. That’s fine, you must remember your mistakes so you don’t repeat them. We will help you move on, but first.” 

Alice retracted her hand, gesturing for Pinkamena to stand up. She obeyed, getting to her feet and wiping her face. Alice snapped her fingers as an image appeared before them, an almost picture like projection of Rainbow Dash. She was in pajamas and smiling, engaged in a pillow fight at the last sleepover they had together before hell encroached on her life.

“We’re going to save your friend.” 





















 
> Chapter Seven: Construct.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Pinkamena woke up, her face nuzzled into Starlight’s collar, having fallen asleep in her embrace. She tried as gently and quietly as possible to slip out of it without waking her. Other than a groan and rolling over, she was still deep asleep judging from her heart beat. 

She dangled her legs off the edge of the bed, her right hand clutching her necklace to reassure herself it was still there. Her face is still somewhat sticky from the crying, and she could tell that sleeping in the tight bra she was wearing left some red indentions in her skin that would be annoying to deal with, but she felt significantly better than last night. 

Not like that was a high bar to meet.

Whether that was genuine or not didn’t matter, not as long as she could keep herself distracted like she’d been doing. She had far too much to do to let herself completely break down, her friends needed her and she refused to abandon them again. 

Her body cracked and popped as she stood to her feet, reaching for her phone in her hoodie pocket only to remember that it was in the bathroom. She had such a one track mind last night that it hadn’t even crossed her mind, nor the fact that with the mixture of the rain and the fight she was in, it might not even work.

Either way, she needed to go to the bathroom if at least to wash her face. She tried to open the door as quietly as possible, but there was a distinct creaking noise she couldn’t avoid. Starlight moved around on the bed again, but Pinkamena didn’t bother checking if she was awake and entered the bathroom. 

By some sheer stroke of luck, her phone was mostly unscathed. She knew her phone case was waterproof, but it wasn’t even in consideration when she was fighting TSK, so it wouldn’t have exactly been surprising if the screen was broken beyond repair. 

It was about eight in the morning,  ong past time to go to school, not that she intended to anyway. She hadn’t received any text, so she just immediately dialed in Maud’s number. 

“Pinkamena? I assume since you’ve called me that you didn’t go to school today?” 

“No, I’ve got more important stuff to do. Listen, I need a new set of clothes so I’m going to swing by in a bit, so can you have them ready for me when I get there? I wear-” 

“Light gray hoodie with leather jacket, white t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. I assume you’ll want a clean set of underwear too. Yeah, no problem.” 

“Thanks. And Maud?” 

“Yes?” 

“Thanks for putting up with me, seriously. I love you.” 

Maud actually took a few seconds to respond, either not having expected her to say that, or was taken aback by the sincerity behind it. She let out something that could have been a chuckle, or could have just as easily been a sigh, it was impossible to tell. 

“I’m your older sister, it’s my job. I’ll leave the window open for you, I love you too.” 

Knowing Maud, she probably would. Pinkamena still wasn’t entirely sure why she chose to enter through the window that night, maybe just to see if she could. It didn’t make much of a difference though since she wasn’t sure if she’d do it again, it was kind of fun like mountain climbing. At the same time, it takes more effort to do than its worth.

She put her phone in her jean pocket, taking the towel off the mirror and leaving it hanging off the side of the sink. She washed her face and dried it with the same towel, looking up and seeing her face for the first time since last night. Some part of her was holding the smallest shred of hope that her appearance would go back to normal, but her right eye was still red and her hair striped pink and black like some kind of carnival zebra.

In fact, it seemed to have actually gotten worse. 

On the left side of her head the pattern changed, one of her strains had converted to black like the rest, having done so overnight. Pinkamena knew it had to have happened sometime last night as she got plenty of chances to see her reflection in rain puddles when she was hunting down Rainbow, and something like this would have been noticeable. 

Even so, without knowing why her hair and eye had mutated, there was nothing she could do but watch for it and pay attention to any patterns. 

As she reached for the door handle, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. It was easy to miss it before, but now in the light it was more obvious. The coloring in her right hand was gone, faded to gray like someone had taken a picture of it in a black and white filter. All the pink, even right down to her fingernails, had vanished. The strange dulling cutting off abruptly at her wrist, the rest of her body remained the same. 

Great, now another part of her body had changed without any apparent explanation, which meant she had no way of preventing it from spreading, just like her hair. Soon, she wouldn’t even be able to recognise herself, not as if that was an easy task now. 

Pinkamena dismissively shook her head, deciding to deal with it when her best friend’s life wasn’t on the line. She opened the door, unsurprised that Starlight was awake and on her feet, undoing her hair ties and letting her hair down. 

Her back was facing Pinkamena, glancing over her shoulder at her when she heard the door opening. She pulled her hair out of her onesie she was still wearing, turning to face her. 

“Oh, hey. Are you...doing okay?” 

Starlight’s arms rest awkwardly at her sides, apprehension etched on her face. Pinkamena could tell she was terrified of saying the wrong thing, stepping on the metaphorical landmines. She couldn’t exactly blame her, she had completely broken down, tears, snot, and all. Not to mention what she said at the end in a moment of weakness, all she could do was hope Starlight hadn’t heard her, as slim as those chances were. 

“I’m...better, I guess.” She said as she shut the door behind her. “Not nearly as bad if you hadn’t been there for me. If you hadn’t shown up, I…” Pinkamena glanced to the side, grimacing at the events of last night. It was taking everything she had not to break down again at the memories.“I don’t know what would have happened to me. Even in the state I was in, you brought me to your home, gave me clothes, and let me sleep in your bed. Star, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.” 

She brought her eyes to Starlight’s, trying to give her the best smile she could muster, which felt forced and wrong considering how long it’d been since she’d given a genuine one. “You’re the first real friend I’ve had since I got dragged into this world, thank you.” 

Starlight blinked rapidly and sharply inhaled, blushing and shocked at the sincerness in Pinkamena’s tone. “You don’t have to thank me, really! I just…” She dismissily waved her hands, breaking eye contact with Pinkamena as she stammered. “I wanted to help you however I could, there’s no way I could abandon you when you needed someone like that. Especially not when I promised to. I really shouldn’t be saying this, but I’m a bit biased when it comes to you.” 

It was a little strange to see this more girlish side of Starlight, but not all that surprising either. Starlight had times where she tried to remain professional, but moments like this or when they were just casually talking were where her personality really bled through. Honestly, it’s probably the part of her that she had developed a crush on. If The Whispers were right about that, anyway. 

“Then…” Pinkamena embraced her in a hug, the warmth of her body heat was comforting in ways few other things were. “Do you mind if I rely on you more when I need it? The only other person I trust as much as you is Maud, and I...can’t let her see me like that.” 

Starlight hesitated to respond, her body noticeably tensing up and heart beat quickening when she made contact, making her think she messed up in doing so. Then she hugged back, albeit somewhat awkwardly. “As your friend and therapist, relying on me is partly what I’m for. Just remember that no matter how alone you think you are, I’m always here for you.” 

She then pulled away from the hug, her reassuring smirk dropping into a disapproving frown. “Even so, something like last night...it can’t happen again. I won’t ask you the details, you can talk about it when you’re ready. Regardless, I know you’re going to be regretting it for the rest of your life, and that you feel like you’ll never forgive yourself. If you do something like that again, even if by accident, all the sleepovers in the world couldn’t help you, no matter how much I tried or wanted to.” 

Starlight’s words were stern and serious, her grip tightening on Pinkamena’s shoulders as she spoke. What she was saying was undoubtedly true, every bit of it. Yes, killing Scootaloo was an accident, but it was her own desperation and ignorance that caused it to happen. Murdering her was by the far the worst thing she’d done so far, carving a scar into her soul that would never heal. 

Yet she could only keep moving forward. She hated herself right down to the core of who she is, but there were people that cared about her and only she could save, she’d be damned if she left them alone again. 

“I know, believe me Star, I know.” Pinkamena murmured solemnly, stepping away from her and hiding most of her face behind her hair. “I want to say that I won’t become Igneous, but if he went through things like that...I find it harder and harder to blame him. He was a monster, and he became that because horrible things kept happening and he couldn’t take it anymore. All I can hope for if he could turn into that...is that someone kills me before I do something worse.” 

Starlight remained silent, listening with something between a grimace and a frown. She laced her fingers together, sitting back down on the bed when she finished. “Pinkamena, I swear on my life I won’t let that happen to you. I was there for Igneous, I saw all the signs, but I didn’t want to see them. I was stupid and inexperienced, I could have saved him! I…” She paused as she lowered her head, her hands shaking slightly as she lay them on her lap. “It’s one of my biggest regrets, and I refuse to let it happen to you.” 

It was both touching and painful to hear Starlight say that:Touching because she was willing to go so far for her, but also painful because she’d been carrying guilt for the actions of someone else. The worst part was that even if she completely dedicated herself to preventing Pinkamena from going over the edge, with how things were going, that may prove undoable even for her.

Pinkamena gave her a curt nod and began walking for the door. She knew that the longer she remained here in one place, the harder it’d be to distract herself and prevent another breakdown. 

“Hey, Pinkamena?” Starlight said as soon as Pinkamena touched the doorknob. “Do you...remember what you said before you fell asleep?” 

She froze up, an earnestness in her voice that made it impossible to ignore. Pinkamena should have expected she’d heard it, there wasn’t a single thing she could have said that Starlight wouldn’t have intently listened to. Of course, she could have lied, that she had said something else and was misheard. She wouldn’t do that. Starlight was the one person she never wanted to lie to no matter what. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Her heart beat noticeably picked up, Pinkamena could tell she was nervous. “I know we have an...unprofessional relationship, even compared to the rest of my patients. If I was a legitimate, official therapist, and not a part of a criminal underground, last night would have broken so many rules. But, I’m not. By all technicalities, I’m only a therapist because I call myself one, I’m not actually. So, if that’s the kind of relationship you want with me, then we need to have a long talk about that when everythings settles. First…” 

She peered over her shoulder at Starlight, who was still sitting at the edge of the bed, her legs slightly fidgeting and twiddling her thumbs as she glanced at Pinkamena, somewhat bashfully dropping her gaze when they made eye contact. “You need to think about this: Do you like me for me, or do you like the idea of me?” 

Despite how cutely meek Starlight was being, there was an unwavering seriousness to her last statement. Pinkamena wasn’t sure if that meant Starlight too had some kind of feelings for her, or if she was just trying to find a polite way to turn her down. She had next to no experience in romance, still struggling to tell if what she felt for Rainbow was anything more than platonic. 

The ex-party planner elected not to say anything, more out of fear of saying the wrong thing than anything else. She left Starlight’s apartment, knowing she wasn’t going to be able to stop thinking about what she said. 

___

“Do I like her, or the idea of her? What does that even mean?” 

She’d been pondering on that question her entire time free running towards her house, recognising her surroundings as soon as she exited and knowing which way she needed to go. 

“God, you really are hopeless.” The Whispers said as they appeared in the form of Igneous, floating in the air beside her like they have before. Pinkamena barely even responded, having gotten so used to them showing up randomly that she almost expected it. “Do you even know why romantic relationships between a therapist and their client are banned?” 

She furrowed her eyebrows in thought, trying to recall what she could about the intro to psychology class she took a year ago. “Because it creates bias?” 

“Well, yeah, it does. However, it’s not the main reason.” They laid on their back with their arms behind their head, turned to face Pinkamena and a condescending smirk drawn on their face. “Your therapist is supposed to be the one person you confide in and tell everything, knowing you better than you know yourself. They see you at your absolute worst, and if they actually have half the knowledge they should for their degree, then taking advantage of you would be too easy.” 

“You’re saying…” Her eyes widened as she looked at them out of the corner of her eyes. “Starlight’s afraid she’d be taking advantage of me?” 

“In a nutshell, yeah. To her, dating a client would be the same as having sex with a really drunk girl: It feels wrong. You’d have to convince her that she’s not taking advantage of you at all. Not to mention she’s not as experienced in dating as you think she is. She’s only ever been with one person, and it’s a miracle they even got together at all. When it comes to romance, she’s relatively inexperienced and is probably trying to figure out if she feels anything for you and how to approach it.” 

Pinkamena’s feet landed on the rooftop of the building beside her house, zoning in on it and listening for heartbeats. There weren’t any from what she could tell, which was surprising since Maud rarely left the house. She didn’t mention anything, so it must not have been important, like a grocery run or something. 

“Really? I thought she said that she could date whoever she wanted in highschool?” Pinkamena asked as she hopped off the building and entered her home, seeing it was the same as usual. 

“Could does not mean she did. Starlight’s actually really insecure, both in physical appearance and her personality in general. Sure, she knows how to use sexual appeal when she needs to, but in reality she’s just as self conscious about her body as most girls.” 

That briefly reminds Pinkamena of the first encounter with Starlight where she was basically seducing guys to try to prevent a riot, giving her a very different impression of the woman than what she had now. 

“So, do I only like the idea of Starlight?” She hesitantly asked as she began walking up the stairs, hearing them follow her from behind. “You’re the one who made me aware of my feelings and told me I should confess if at least not let it fester, even if that’s not exactly how things played out. The least you could do is give me some advice.” 

He heavily scoffed. “I told you that because of the exact reason I said you should: Life’s too short to get hung up on ‘what if’s.’ I’m not going to help you out either. Of course I could tell you the answer, but then I wouldn’t get to watch you try to figure it out, and that’s way less fun.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know why I expected anything else.” 

She really shouldn’t have. The Whispers have been annoyingly inconsistent in when and what they wanted to help her with, her life would be so much easier if they weren’t so stubborn.

“You know, you’re being significantly less of a bitch than I thought you’d be after what happened.” 

They reached her room that she shared with Maud. Pinkamena turned to face him, narrowing her eyes in a near scowl. “Look, I get that you and Alice are ‘two sides of the same coin’, or whatever. But with how different you two are, I can’t help but see you as separate. Alice is an apathetic, manipulative bitch who enjoys pretending to be a child. You are a sadistic bastard that gets your kicks from disguising yourself as my father, who I fucking hate, and you’re just as much of an arrogant prick as he was.” Pinkamena said the last part with occasional stern pokes to the chest, which had a sensation similar to punching a brick wall. “You’re both irredeemable pieces of shit that make my life a worse fireless hell than it already is. However, out of the two, you’re the more tolerable piece of shit.” 

She was half expecting to get a brain aneurysm from that. Instead, what she got was the widest, smuggest grin she’d seen from maybe anyone. “That’s the closest to a compliment you’ve given me since we started talking.” 

Pinkamena gave out an exasperated grunt and flipped him off, turning around and opening the door to enter her room. Her clothes were folded neatly on the end of her bed, so clean it looked like Maud had just bought them from the store, which she might have.

Her mind drifted to her talk with Alice the night prior, stopping on a question it brought up that had been bugging her since. 

“I would ask how exactly Igneous figured out who TSK was, “ She paused as she lifted her bra and shirt off and placed it beside the other clothes, swiftly slipping on the new ones. “But at this point I’m just assuming you don’t want to for shits and giggles.” 

He crossed his eyes and closed his eyes, as if pondering some deep question, though she’d learned he only did that as some sort of act. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind all that much to tell you, considering dear old daddy is dead. Only problem is that it would kind of force me to snitch on Discord. As fun as that sounds, there are some things you aren’t ready to learn yet.”

Hearing his name caught Pinkamena’s interest, she paused after unbuttoning her jeans and turned to him. “Discord? What does he have to do wi-” 

“I’ve heard of people talking to themselves, but you’re having a full on conversation, that’s new.” 

Pinkamena almost quite literally jumped out of her pants, quickly spinning around to the source of the voice. She relaxed a bit when she saw it was Tempest, coming out of the shadows like an assassin, which she might have been. 

She looked about the same as she’d seen her last time, with her condescending gaze and constant frown, Pinkamena could not think of a better example of a resting bitch face. 

“How long have you been there?” 

“About ten minutes. I came by here to give you the report on Juno, Maud was leaving to go somewhere and told me you were going to be coming by to get some clothes. I decided to wait here, though I admit watching you argue with yourself like you were practicing for a scene in a soap opera was not on my list of things to do today.” 

Pinkamena paid close attention to her body language and heart beat, not the slightest shift in either as she spoke with that same stoic tone. It was more out of habit than anything. She knew that if she understood what Tempest did for a living, lying would have become second nature to her, or she likely wouldn’t have come as far as she had. 

She also needed to keep in mind that knowledge of The Whispers existing wasn’t common, maybe three people counting herself who knew about them. If she wasn’t more careful then people were going to start thinking she was crazy, which wasn’t....entirely inaccurate, to be fair. 

“I don’t understand, how did I not notice you?” 

“I’m a spy, it’s my job to remain unnoticed.” Tempest said bluntly as she crossed her arms. “Besides, I got plenty of practice with your father. I don’t think I could take a chimera in a fight, but I think I’ve figured you out enough to where you can’t find me unless I want you to.” 

That was somewhat hard to believe, then again, she knew Juno. It was hard to tell her age, but Tempest was clearly hardened by her experiences, there was likely very little that could genuinely scare her. If Juno could find a way to stay hidden from her, Tempest being in the same room without Pinkamena knowing wasn’t that far fetched. 

“Whatever, I don’t have time for this. Just…” Pinkamena turned back around. “Read it to me while I’m changing.” 

Tempest raised an eyebrow. “You don’t mind that I’m here seeing you change?” 

Pinkamena scoffed at that as she slipped off her pants, her underwear soon following and being replaced. “Temp, I’m so desensitized to that that I could probably hold a conversation with you while maintaining eye contact and totally naked. Seeing me naked doesn’t bother me, just don’t touch me, and we’re fine.” 

“Temp?” She asked curiously, her eyes widening in the most facial expression she’s made since Pinkamena almost killed her. 

“Yeah, Temp, short for Tempest. I’ve always had a habit of giving people nicknames, don’t like it?” 

“No, it’s just...never had a nickname. Most people are too scared of me to talk to me casually. My boss is basically it, though it’s more talking down to me than anything.”

There was a very obvious hostile tone in her voice and a distinct scowl on her face as she mentioned her boss, which was more annoyed than angry. This made it clear to Pinkamena that they didn’t have the best working situation. It wasn’t any of her business, but it did further reinforce that she didn’t want to meet said boss. She was getting the impression that he was just as arrogant and stuck up as Igneous was, and she didn’t need to deal with anyone else like that more than she does already. 

“Whatever, just give me the report.” 

“Very well.” Tempest said as she reached behind her, pulling out a CSI style folder Pinkamena had seen in various police shows with the name Juno on it. She opened the folder, only a couple of pages were in it, which was less than Pinkamena was expecting. 

“Juno Rabold. Male, twenty two years old, and has no record of diseases or disorders of any kind. The only exception to this is he has something called synesthesia, which means he perceives colors in a different way than most do, though it does not hinder him in any way. Caucasion, brown hair and eyes, A+ blood type, and no kinds of serious injuries besides very minor development issues caused by malnutrition from his childhood.

His parents, Gerald and Rose Rabold, were criminals. Gerald was a loan shark, Rose was a con artist. They would have Rose seduce someone, and then Gerald would come in as the boyfriend who intimidated them into paying or else he would kill them. He also gave people loans that had almost double interest, and would go up every day the money wasn’t paid when it was meant to be. They both died when Juno was six, having been arrested for child abuse and neglect, then sentenced to death when the rest of their crimes came to light.” 

The last part struck a chord with Pinkamena, her body freezing up as she slipped on a sneaker. Tempest saw this out of the corner of her eye and glanced up at her, slightly furrowing her eyebrows. 

“..Continue.” Pinkamena said as she took a deep breath and put on the other sneaker. 

Tempest nodded and lowered her gaze back to the folder, turning the page to a different one. “He didn’t learn more details until later, and hates his family because of it, preferring not to use his lAR name unless he has to. Juno was put into the foster care system, but never got adopted as he escaped the orphanage. He lived on the streets until the age of eight, having successfully pickpocketed Discord without him noticing, a feat very few can say they got away with. 

Discord took an interest, and decided to hone the potential he saw in him. Juno was put through something vaguely similar to what most operative’s are, except that Discord saw over it personally and pushed it to extremes. He was not allowed to move on from any simulations or scenarios until he’d mastered them. He is proficient in many close combat weapons, but has an affinity with knives. He makes his own kinds of poisons, rarely are they lethal unless his mission is to kill someone. He also knows more than most about firearms, but is very reluctant to use them. 

While there is very little he hasn’t done and he has a one hundred percent success rate, Juno has quite strong morals. Killing children and lying are at the top of things he will refuse to do. When it comes to free time, he spends much of it sharpening his arsenal of skills, and much of the money he earns on charities that relate to children or funding orphanages. 

His place of residence is two zero seven Bullfinch Street, though he is rarely ever there. He has a kill count of forty three, which is by far the largest for any individual in his field. Yet he sticks out in the sense that he has a very open personality and has shown to be able to get along with nearly everyone he’s ever come across. He has no known enemies and overall very friendly relationships with his co-workers.” 

“And...what’s your relationship with Juno?” Pinkamena asked curtly, slipping her arm through the sleeve of her hoodie.

“...What makes you think I have any kind of relationship with him?” Tempest asked as she raised and narrowed her eyes in a glare. 

“Nothing. I just assumed since you two do very similar work and are also in the same city, you might have come across each other once or twice.” 

Tempest stared at her for a few tense moments before abruptly shutting the folder, her face relaxing back into the blank expression she always wore. “You would be right. We’ve met, I can see why he has the reputation he does. I don’t have a particularly strong opinion of him either way, however he’s taken a liking to me for whatever reason. He very obviously flirts with me, despite the fact that I’ve told him I couldn’t be less interested in something as trivial as romance.” 

The thought of Juno and Tempest together wasn’t disturbing so much as surprising. In terms of personality, they were near polar opposites, but maybe that’s why they would work? It was hard to say, Pinkamena isn’t exactly an expert considering she barely understood her feelings for Starlight. She shouldn’t be wasting time wondering if relationships would work between others when she didn’t know if her own would. 

“Hm.” Pinkamena grumbled as she adjusted her clothes. “Thanks. I think after all of this is over, I might have to rely on him for certain stuff, I just needed to confirm he’s as reliable as some people think he is.” 

“I would not recommend trying to use him to research things like we do. He’s better for acting on information, not gathering it. Plus, I’d be losing a consistent and deep pocketed customer.” Tempest blatantly remarked as she turned to the door. “If that’s all, I’ll be departing now.” 

“Wait.” 

The orchid spy halted in the doorway, not even giving so much as an over the shoulder glance. 

“If it isn’t too personal...how’d you get that scar?” 

It was nothing more than conjecture and could have been nothing more than a coincidence. But the more connections that have been revealed to her, the harder it’s been for her to believe in coincidences. That scar on Rainbow’s eyes was almost identical, other than how straight they were and that they were on opposite sides, the only other difference was that Rainbow’s had been a lot fresher. 

Maybe there was a reason, or maybe not. At least she’d know. 

The room almost got colder, tension thick enough to grasp. It was the first time she’d ever seen Tempest truly be angry, and it sent a raw wave of fear across her body. Tempest’s entire upper face scrunched up, eyes narrowing into a slow, belligerent scowl. Her fist clenched tightly, and for the first time since Pinkamena had met her, her heartbeat picked up. 

“Disobedience.” 

Her voice was gravelly and deep like subdued thunder, her fixed gaze relaxing as she looked away towards the door. She walked out and turned to the left, the opposite direction of the stairs. After a few moments, her heart beat had just vanished and she was gone. Pinkamena was starting to think that she was doing something to make her heart beat completely silent and that’s how she was able to disappear like that, which was a terrifying thought. 

She had decided that, in that moment, Tempest had just skyrocketed to the near top of the list of people she didn’t want to piss off.

___

After that...eye opening encounter, Pinkamena was making her way towards Rainbow’s apartment. She wasn’t wearing a mask, she didn’t need one. Hunger was beginning to set in as her body tried to replenish the blood she lost from last night, with a strong preference for meat. She stopped by a convenience store and bought a few bags of beef jerky, snacking on them while she was free running. She was being careful with it enough to where she wasn’t overly worried about choking. 

She was in the middle of tucking an empty bag in her hoodie pocket and pulling out the last one when she landed on the rooftop of a building, her shoes skidding as she forced herself to a halt. Juno had entered her hearing range, and was approaching her quickly. 

Pinkamena watched as he climbed up the side of a building with the expertise of a mountain climber, getting to his feet with a nimble front flip, which was totally unnecessary. He removed his face mask, face recently shaven without a single hair as he eyed the bag of beef jerky in her hands, then flashed her a toothy grin. 

“You mind sharing that? I kind of ate all of my snacks like, thirty minutes ago.” 

She grunted as she tossed him the bag, pulling out her last one. 

“Thanks.” He said as he opened it, reaching in and grabbing a handful. 

“Why didn’t you help me last night?” She asked as she walked past him, sitting on the edge of the rooftop with her legs dangling over the edge. 

“Lsh night?” Juno asked, his mouth stuffed with dried meat. “I wsh busy.” He mumbled as he swallowed it with an audible gulp, plopping down beside her and moving his legs back and forth, resembling an excited child. “You’re still here though, so whatever happened worked out, right? Besides, I thought you wanted me off your ass anyway, huh?” 

She didn’t have a response to that, she knew some part of her was just trying to blame whatever he could on last night’s events to someone else, even when she knew no one else deserved to carry the guilt but her. 

“Why’d you show up now then?” 

“I saw you met Tempest earlier, figured she’d crawl out of the dark to meet you sooner or later. I also saw you cash in your freebie and got a report, I was just curious what it was about.” 

It was tempting to say ‘you’ just to see how he’d react, but she held her tongue. “I asked for a report on myself, actually. I wanted to see what they had on me, also so I could tell for myself if they are as accurate and efficient as they claimed to be. As it turns out, they are. Terrifyingly so.” 

Juno’s joyful demeanor dropped into a more grave expression as he glared at her suspiciously out of the corner of his eyes. “You didn’t talk about me at all?” 

“I didn’t say that. I did end up asking her if you two had come across each other at all since you worked in a similar field, she had a few things to say.” 

His eyebrows raised as he leaned a bit closer to her. “Really? What’d she say?” 

“Probably the same thing she’s been telling you: That she doesn’t think of you fondly either way, and isn’t interested in anything romantic.” 

He blew a raspberry and dismissively waved his hand, grabbing the last few pieces of beef jerky and placing the bag down. “She’s just being a tsundere. If she really didn’t want me flirting with her, she’d be a lot more aggressive about it. I’ve seen her break a guy's finger for saying her scar was hot. I might not be the first one to try to get with her, but if I’m persistent enough, I’ll be the last.” 

His confidence almost made her want to support him, if the pairing off those two wasn’t nearly ridiculous to think of. She was also surprised Juno knew that term, he didn’t strike her as the type to watch anime that often. Just further reinforced she really couldn’t form consistent opinions on anyone in her life. 

“Well, if that’s all you came to talk about, then I’ll be going. I...have to talk to an old friend.” Pinkamena mumbled solemnly as she stood to her feet. 

“Wait.” 

Juno stopped her by her sleeve, standing up to meet her. “Wanna know a cool fact about me?” 

She was fairly certain that it was going to be something she already knew, but she couldn’t let him know that. She turned to him and raised her eyebrows in mock interest. “Sure, I guess.” 

“I’m synthestetic, which means I experience colors differently than most. I don’t know how it is for other people, but I can...see them as emotions. Like, I can still tell they’re colors, but also feelings? It’s…” He closed his eyes briefly as he furrowed his eyebrows, struggling to think of the right words. “Hard to explain. For example: When I see yellow, I see both the color and the emotion of happiness. It’s only when combination’s come out that things get..weird.” 

Juno stepped forward and grabbed Pinkamena’s left hand, examining it like a gypsy reading her fortune. The sudden physical contact caused her entire body to seize up, memories of Blake pushing themselves to the forefront of her mind. She sharply inhaled and forced her eyes shut, trying to resist the urge to push him away and swallowing her fear, she needed to get over him. 

“Pink is the mixture of red and white. Red being anger and white being innocence, the definition of duality. Pink can mean love, passion, understanding, a variety of things. That’s why I can’t get a read on you, yours is a shade I’ve never seen before and I can’t tell, it's infuriating at times.” Juno rambled as he let go of her hand, not even noticing the distress he had caused by touching her so suddenly. 

The tension left immediately after he let go. She let out a shaky breath, one of her black bangs came loose into her vision. She tucked it behind her ear, though it did spark a question. 

“What emotion is black?” 

Juno’s smirk dropped into a frown as he grimaced. “Are you sure you want the answer to that? It’s not a good one.” 

The tone in his voice was a serious one she’d only heard once or twice, making her apprehensive to hear it. Pinkamena peered down at her right hand, shaking her head after wondering what gray was. Some part of her didn’t want to know. 

“Yea, I’m sure.” 

“Black...Black is,” He paused as his mouth opened and closed wordlessly, an uncharacteristically uncertain look etched onto his face as he turned away from her. “Black is deep rooted, unforgettable pain.”

___
Disobedience 

Black is deep rooted, unforgettable pain. 

Do you like me for me, or do you like the idea of me?

Their words echoed in her mind like they’d just been said, each one a piece to a different puzzle, none of which was showing a full picture that she enjoyed. However, she didn’t have time for those, there was another problem she needed to solve before any of the others. 

How to keep Rainbow Dash alive.

She was overjoyed that her friend is alive, yes. But that emotion was buried under a deep layer of fear and worry for her, since she was currently The Syndicate’s number one target. 

Now Pinkamena was standing outside her apartment, barely any time having passed since her and Juno parted ways. It was strange, even among the dozens of heart beats in the building, she could make out Rainbow’s as easy as pointing out a red balloon among white ones. Quite frankly, it scared her. She had been a chimera for just over a month, and she was still discovering new things she was capable of. 

Instead of going through the door like last time, she opted to enter through the open window again, rather than dealing with that sleazy old man again. Odds are he might try to cop a feel once more, and there’s a real possibility she would kill him if he did, she didn’t need more lives on her conscience. 

She jumped into the building, a loud thud as she landed on the ground. She had expected Rainbow to pull a gun on her or something, but no. Instead, she was sitting on her bed, gritting her teeth as she fit her broken arm into a makeshift cast of gauze and cut sheets. She did little more than glance up at her when she arrived, giving her a brief death stare and then turning her attention back to her arm. She resembled a hardened warrior with her demeanor and scars more than her vibrant, athletic friend, which just dug the knife in her heart deeper. 

“You look fine, what with your mutant healing powers or whatever. Did you come here to kill me?” 

“No. No, I didn’t Dashie.” 

She visibly flinched at that name, and not just from the pain of her arm. “Then what did you come here for?” 

“I came here…” Pinkamena extended her hand. “To save you.” 
> Chapter Eight: Regret.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The only thing I need saving from is you, you broke my arm.” Rainbow responded with a dismissive scoff, gritting her teeth as she tightened her gaze. 

Pinkamena tensed up at the slight hostility in her voice, her harsh words digging the pit of guilt in Pinkamena’s stomach deeper. “I’m....really sorry, I lost control for a bit. If I had kno-” 

“‘For a bit?’ Even after I took my mask off, you begged me to leave before you’d kill me. I’m glad you’re alive, but...what the hell happened to you? You dyed and styled your hair, and can grow fangs and claws? Also, what’s up with your hand?”

Pinkamena glanced at the hand she’d extended, having forgotten that her right hand was entirely gray now. She pulled it back, trying to calm her erratic breathing as she was filled with an immense sense of nervousness, along with a blot of dread that stuck out. 

“I…” She hesitated as she tried to find the words, where did she even start? “I don’t even know where to begin. When I went missing, The Syndicate took me and…” What she was about to say caught in her throat, those hellish three months flashing in her mind. “Changed me, in a lot of ways. I’m not entirely human anymore, and I’m not entirely ‘Pinkie’ anymore either. You’re different too, what pushed you to start killing criminals like that?” 

There were so many things she wanted to ask Rainbow, among that was a strong urge to hug her and break down crying out of relief that one of her closest friends is still alive, even when she had convinced herself she was dead. She wanted to ask how and where she got that gun, how she learned to fight like that, and...if she was ok. There was a real possibility RD has killed more people than Pinkamena herself has. Even if she justified it by saying they were unforgivable criminals, taking a life is something you can never undo, and it puts a weight on your soul you can never take off. 

But, she couldn’t. She didn’t have the time, she never did now. Time truly was the thing she had too much of, but never enough. 

“I...I thought you were dead. I convinced myself that the reason you were taken away was because of criminals, that they’d kidnapped you, hurt you...killed you. ” The ex-athlete's voice was aggressive and hateful, a distinct resentment for criminals there as she scowled. “I couldn't go back to school. As much as I missed them, being around them would have reminded me that you were gone and that just makes me miserable. I decided that, if I couldn’t save you, then I would dedicate myself to taking out as many criminals as possible so nothing like what happened to you would ever happen again.” 

She was partly right, she had been kidnapped and hurt by criminals. However, it was far more complicated than that, and worse. If she could help it, she’d avoid going into any kind of details, there was no way her plan would work otherwise. 

“Dashie, you didn’t need to go that far for me. I’m...alive now, we both are, that’s what matters now.” Pinkamena pulled the stool from the workbench, placing it in front of Rainbow and sitting on it. It was extremely stiff and uncomfortable, somehow worse than standing. “Listen, there’s...so much I want to talk to you about. We don’t have time, you don’t have time. You started killing the wrong people, dangerous people, and they won’t stop until you either join them, or you’re dead.” 

“Is that why you were trying to kill me? You work for these ‘dangerous people’?” Rainbow responded with a sardonic undertone. She stood up from her makeshift bed, the sheets and gauze of her arm cast holding together surprisingly well. Her face was pretty severely bruised, but otherwise she seemed fine. 

She reached under the mattress, pulling out half of a bottle of a thick, brown liquid. She pulled the lid off of it, causing Pinkamena’s nose to scrunch up at the strong stench of hard liquor. Hennessy, to be specific. 

“It’s...complicated. I promise, I can explain everything later, just let me-” 

“Have you killed someone?” 

The question was so sudden and empty, there was no warning or emotion in it at all, she might as well have been asking her for directions. Yet her inquiry shook Pinkamena to her core. Both because of what happened the night prior, and because Starlight made her realize how much killing took out of her. 

She grit her teeth as she hesitated to answer, unable to keep eye contact as she glanced away and clenched her hands into fists.

“No need to respond, that reaction is answer enough.” 

Rainbow took a swing from the bottle, drinking it fast enough to where she didn’t even taste it. Then she walked over to the workbench, laying the bottle down and reaching under, pulling out a small box of Q-tips. She dipped one into the bottle and looked into the mirror attached to the wall, rubbing the alcohol against wounds on her face. The most disturbing part was that she barely even flinched, she must have had to do this so often she didn’t even react to the pain anymore. 

“When I first started, I was angry, and cocky. I knew next to nothing about the criminal underworld, I thought it was just like the cop shows and movies. At night, I’d keep walking past shady alleyways, hoping to catch someone in the act of getting robbed. I eventually did, jumped in like some sidekick on their first night by themselves. I was so confident in my strength and my speed, I was just going to intimidate them into telling me anything they knew about you and let them go. I didn’t think he’d try to fight back, or try to kill me.” 

Her voice trailed off as her hand drifted over her left eye, her index finger tracing the scar. “He cut me across the eye, giving me this. Then he...got me to the ground, started groping me, and told me he was going to kill me, but have some fun first. The dickbag that I saved from getting robbed in the first place already bailed, couldn’t care less what happened to me. I was in way more pain than I’d ever been in before, I was afraid of what he was going to do to me, and if I was going to be blind in my left eye. I’m not, but at least it makes me look awesome. Then…” 

She placed the Q-tip down and closed her eyes, resting her hand on the edge of the bench, her body visibly rigid and shaking. “I saw red, and not just because of the blood in my eye. I was terrified in that moment, I hate to admit it, but I almost pissed myself. His shit eating grin, his filthy hand reaching under my shirt as he held the knife to my neck. I couldn’t help but imagine you in the same position. I always thought of you as the pacifist type, you always wanted to see people happy and never wanted to hurt anyone like Flutters, and that guy would have taken advantage of that. 

I started remembering why I came there in the first place, and that, more than likely, you went through something like that, or worse. I wasn’t afraid anymore, I was angry again..” 

Her eyes opened halfway as she peered into her reflection, a firm, unwavering look in them. “When I calmed down, he was dead. His knife was in my hand and his throat was slit, I stood over him and watched the life leave his eyes. It felt good, for about three seconds. Then I dipped, bleached the shit out of that knife and couldn’t get to sleep. I felt guilty about it at first, he was somebody’s son or friend, someone would miss him. I started thinking about it, and realized that people like him took you away without caring about any of that, so I didn’t care either.

I tried interrogating them when I could, but they never said a thing about you, other than that you were as good as dead. I held on to the hope that you were still alive for a while, but after a month...I thought I was too late. Instead, I started killing criminals in the act indiscriminately, using guns because it made it a lot easier when it came to killing them and not getting caught. And, well...you know the rest.” 

Rainbow mumbled ominously, turning around to face Pinkamena, her hand still resting on the workbench. The expression on her face was blank and unreadable, her gaze looking through Pinkamena, her mind focused on something else. “But now, you’re here, you’re alive. I was glad at first, even if you were trying to kill me, I was the happiest I’d been in awhile just at seeing you alive. When I got here...it hit me. All those people I killed? All those criminals I murdered out of revenge? It hit me harder than Bulk Biceps ever did, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think about anything else but them for a while. Even now, some of their faces come to mind, along with that tinge of satisfaction I’d get with each kill, proud of myself for being good at it.” 

Her grip strongly tightened, wood digging into her palms so deeply that blood began to run down her fingers. Her jaw visibility tightened as she grit her teeth, her head dropping shamefully. “Was it all in vain? Did I kill those people for nothing? I saved some people, sure, but some of those criminals used to be somebody, someone’s Pinkie. Now that you’re alive, I...I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

She brought her hand to her right eye, pressing it against her face with her pupil barely visible from the gaps between her fingers. “I didn’t use to believe in guilt or regret, what’s done is done. Just get over it, right?” Rainbow said with a hollow chuckle, one that died down into something like a whimper. “I used to tell people the same thing, like it was that easy, now I realize that was just as stupid as telling Flutters to stop being shy. I thought it was like being sick or some shit, but no. It’s…” She paused as her  hand drifted to her chest, tightly clutching where her heart was with a pained expression. “There’s this hole in me that got bigger with each person I killed, I pushed through it and kept filling it with rage like coal into a train engine. Now...I’m all burnt out, there’s no anger left, just the faces of the people I murdered in your name. And it makes me feel…” A single tear went down her face as her voice broke, her nails digging into the cloth of the blue-t shirt she was wearing. “Empty. This emptiness...is much heavier than I ever thought it’d be.” 

Broken. 

That is the first word that came to Pinkamena’s mind, seeing her friend speak in such a self deprecating way and riddled with guilt was familiar in the worst way. She knew that look, those emotions, that pain, too well. A normal person would have already given in and broke down completely, and maybe in time, that’s what would happen to Rainbow if she didn’t help her. 

Pinkamena gripped the sides of the stool she was sitting on, biting the inside of her cheek, a bad habit she’d picked up since pain was one of the few things that could calm her down. She already felt terrible for so much, knowing now that she was the reason that Rainbow had been pushed like this, and that she was the reason her life was in danger now…

The remorse was almost unbearable. 

However, she couldn’t give in. Not here, not now. She gave in last night, she got a break, she couldn’t afford to take another one. She swallowed the guilt, preparing to say the only words she could think of that might help. 

“Dash, I’-” 

“Don’t. Just...don’t.” 

Her voice was surprisingly firm and authoritative considering how shallow it was moments before, stopping the apology before it even started. 

“If you say I’m sorry, I’m going to deck you.” Usually, Pinkamena could tell when Rainbow was joking or not. She wasn’t. “I don’t care who or what the hell you are now, the Pinkie I remember...she wouldn’t have left like that. Whatever happened, I don’t doubt you didn’t have anymore say in it than the rest of us. No one’s to blame but me for assuming you were dead, and deciding to take it out on criminals...well, I could blame that on my old man, but I don’t like to talk ill of the dead. If I shit talk someone, I’d like them to at least be able to do the same to me.” 

That comment about Rainbow’s parents was the first time she’d ever mentioned her family in recent memory, perhaps ever. With how casually she said it, it almost seemed like she hadn’t even intended to bring it up. 

Before she could ask her about it, RD let out a frustrated groan, her hand darting up to her head and rubbing her temple. “Listen to me sitting here and rambling about my problems, when you look worse than Sunset after she crawled out of that hole. I’m sorry, I know I can be a real bitch sometimes.” 

She grabbed the bottle in her hand, offering it to Pinkamena. “Here. You probably need it more than I do, if last night’s anything to go by. No offense, but I did kind of kick your ass for a while, you’d probably be way worse than me if you couldn’t heal.” 

That was admittedly true, the blood loss alone almost put her out of commission. Pinkamena hesitated in taking the bottle, she didn’t want this to lead into them having a long talk like they used to, not that she could get drunk that easily anymore.

She reluctantly grabbed it and took a swig, the hard liquor burning her throat as it went down despite being a cold drink, a sensation she never really got tired of. 

“So, what have you gotten dragged into? I’m just guessing you’re connected to some group since some guy came to save you when I almost offed you. Sorry ‘bout that, by the way.” 

“Not your fault. And, yeah, I’m...a part of The Syndicate now. Mind you, not by choice, I’d leave if I could.” 

“You there lapdog then? They send you to get rid of anything that might be a problem to them?” 

Pinkamena failed to suppress a chuckle as she handed the bottle back to her. “Certainly feels like it sometimes. At first, they wanted to convert you, your skills are impressive. Then they just got pissed, and want you dead.” She decided not to mention that the main reason there was a push for that was because of The Apples. Considering she almost took off AJ’s head, she was assuming Rainbow didn’t know that she was the current head of The Apples. If she did, then she was much further off the deep end than she thought. 

“Now….that’s not an option. I have a plan, I just need you to cooperate, and I think I can get you out of this.” 

“You come up with plans now? Aside from overly elaborate pranks I mean. Still think putting laxatives in Gilda’s protein shake was my favorite one, it was the most simple.” 

The name Gilda put a sour taste in Pinkamena’s mouth that was similar to the taste she got before throwing up, yet she couldn’t help but smile. She used to think that Gilda was one of the worst bullies she’d ever met, how truly ignorant she was. 

“I do a lot of things now I’d never thought I’d do.” 

“Hm.” 

Rainbow’s response was a curt and blunt grunt, her eyes narrowing as she leered at her. Then she nonchalantly tossed her head back, chugging whatever was left in the bottle without even a flinch, which would have been impressive if she hadn’t seen her do it before. When it was empty, she tossed it to the side without a second glance, landing perfectly in a trash can with a thud. 

“Alright, “ Rainbow made a come forth motion with her hand. “Run your plan by me.” 

“That’s...probably not a good idea.” She had to bite her tongue to not mention that most of the plan came from The Whispers. Physically, she finally got to actually sleep. Mentally, however, she got to spend most of the night with Alice. She agreed to help her save Rainbow as compensation for what happened last night. It didn’t even come close to making things right, but it’s what she had to work with. “There are parts of the plan you aren’t going to like anymore than I am. Telling you them could cause it all to fall apart, you just...have to trust me.” 

“Trust you?” She asked skeptically with a raised eyebrow. “I do trust you. If I didn’t. I would have shot you the second you came through the window. The fact that you came here to talk to me shows you still care, that some part of you is still Pinkie, that’s good enough for me. What do you need me to do?” 

“First...I need your gun. The sniper you’ve been using that can change to other guns.” 

She remained silent for a tense moment, walking over to her workbench with her back facing Pinkamena. “Will I get it back?” 

“Yes.” 

She didn’t say anything more as she placed her hand in a random spot on the bench, the wall part of it where all the parts collapsed in on itself, revealing a rather large compartment within. Large enough to hold the sniper, though it had been reduced to a much smaller form much more similar to a shotgun, one she had seen before. There was also her stealth suit she always wore, mostly fine with the occasional claw mark. 

It was startling to see and left Pinkamena completely speechless, only having seen something like this from Discord. How did Rainbow get something like this? Was it a part of the apartment, or the workbench itself? 

“Here, catch.” 

She didn’t get much time to think about it as the gun was tossed to her, she scrambled to catch it in time. It landed in her hands, she let out a slight gasp as it was both heavier and lighter than she expected. 

“Actually...it’d be easier if you carried it on your back like usual, along with wearing your suit.” 

“Why?” Rainbow asked as she scowled. 

“If they see you in normal clothes, it’s going to make it a lot harder to convince people I brought you in by force. Plus, I’d prefer as many people as possible not knowing who you really are.” 

She pursed her lips as she listened to the explanation, making a tsking noise and letting out an exasperated sigh. “Fine.” 

It took her less than a minute to slip it on, going through the motions like a football player putting on their equipment. It was routine for her, not even she probably knows how many times she’s had to wear it. The interesting thing about it is that she didn’t have to take off her current clothes to put it on, it fit perfectly on her anyway like a tracksuit. 

Once it was on and she looked exactly the way she did the three times they fought, she brought a finger to her neck where her  Adam’s Apple would be, pushing in like she was pressing a button hidden underneath. 

“What now?” 

It must have been whatever voice modifier made it impossible to tell gender or identity, as now it sounded like her voice was a recording being played through a gramophone. 

“Put your gun on your back.” Pinkamena responded as she tossed the gun back to her. “Then...I have to knock you out. I’ll be carrying you into The Syndicate’s HQ.” 

“I thought you said that they wanted me dead? Wouldn’t bringing me in alive make that all the more suspicious?” Rainbow inquired as she twisted the gun around in her hands, causing it to expand into its much more familiar sniper form. She put it over her shoulder effortlessly and moved it around a bit until there was a muffled clicking noise, there must have been something on the back of the suit that the sniper was made to fit into perfectly.

“A bit. However, there’s someone there who’s very interested in your gun, and I’m sure your suit would be something a few would want to know about. At most, I can probably keep you alive for three days while I get things ready. Right now, that’s the best I can do.” 

Pinkamena was being completely honest with her. Truly, that was the best she could do, and she hated it. She was intentionally leaving out the parts where Rainbow would be in a cell for those three days, and that she couldn’t be let out of due to the risk that someone would see her. 

“...alright. If this is what you think will work, I believe you. However, I want an explanation of everything. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. First, let me leave a note for Scootaloo. She’s at school right now, and she gets worried if I’m gone too long without explanation. There should be enough left here for her to last a few days, I just wish I could tell her personally, she hates being alone too long.” 

The mention of Scootaloo was a deep stab to her heart, her nails digging into the center of her hands. The memories of last night were fresh with agony. She hid as much of her face as she could behind her hair, hoping Rainbow wouldn’t see it. 

“I’m done.” Rainbow said after writing a piece of paper, leaving it on the mattress. She put the gun piece back in place and the bench shifted around, reverting back to normal. She kept her back facing Pinkamena, the sniper attached to her back and unmoving as she pointed to the back of her head. “Hit me here, it's the weakest point. And please, make it quick, I know I’m going to have a terrible headache when I wake up.” 

She gulped as she got off the stool, standing behind her and raising her fist. “I’m sorry this is how we have to do things, Dashie.” 

“Not as sorry as you’re going to be if anything happens to Scoots while I’m gone, you better watch her.” 

Her words were menacing and had a lot more impact than she probably intended. After Pinkamena struck her and caught her unconscious body, she let out a loud, heart wrenching sob, tears running down her face as she tried to suppress another one coming out. 

“I am sorry. I’m so...sorry.” 

___

Luckily, her trip back to The Syndicate was uneventful. There was a bit of concern in the back of her mind that Juno would come and ask her why she didn’t just kill TSK, but he didn’t do that. Carrying RD along with her gun wasn’t as bad as Pinkamena thought it’d be, whether she could chalk that up to her being stronger than she thought or not was just a guess. 

It was still early in the day, and this place was much more active during the night. She maneuvered through the hallways, taking the longer ones because they usually had less people. Right now, she was going to get to one of the cells, the same one that Blake put her in. She would give her the best treatment she could, any avoid anyone knowing she was there if possible. 

No one saw her, which meant having her put on the suit was kind of pointless. She laid her down on the cold floor, cursing Blake for not even allowing so much as a blanket for them to sleep on. The sniper on her back came off with relative ease, the suit much more so of a struggle. It just...came off a certain way, no zippers or anything. 

Pinkamena lifted the back of her best friend’s head and felt around the back, noticing a bump on the back where she’d struck her. She wordlessly apologized, realizing that she was going to have a terrible headache when she woke up just like she predicted. 

She walked out of the cell, the suit draped over her shoulder and holding the gun by the barrel. She placed it leaning against the wall and then rested against it herself, falling down to her knees as she visibly shook with relief. 

First step is done. If it helps, that was the second hardest. It’s a good thing she likely still has some remnant of feelings towards you and blindly trusts you because of it, makes everything easier. As long as everything goes as we foresee it, and you don’t confess the truth of Scootaloo, this should work.

Alice’s words reverberated through her head like Principal Celestia’s whenever she’d make an announcement on the intercom, it was her best effort at making her feel better, which failed miserably. 

She brought her hands to her face and closed her eyes, taking solace in the briefest of peace. The Whispers were right, that was the second hardest part of this plan. While it was clear to her that Rainbow was a total mental trainwreck at the moment, she put up a tough front after a moment of weakness like always, pushing forward for her and Scootaloo. They were also right in that she could never tell her about what happened with Scootaloo, if she did, any chance of saving her would go down the drain. 

Her respite was over, that fleeting feeling of tranquility vanished. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, drawing a sharp breath and dialing Discord’s emergency number, it barely even rang once. 

“Pinkamena, I’m very busy right now. If this isn’t a life or death situation, I will be very perturbed. W-” 

“It is a life or death situation, just not my life that’s at stake.” 

She could make out Discord pulling the phone away from his face and mumbling something to someone.  

“I’m listening.” 

“I need you...to help me fake someone’s death.” 
> Interlude 6: Oncoming Hell.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Blake, life had become dreadfully boring. 

How long had it been since he got suspended like a misbehaving child in high school? Too long, far too long. His arm was in a cast, he could at least be grateful that it was a clean break. Whether Pinkamena did that intentionally or not was one of the many things he’d been left to ponder. 

He’d been unable to stop thinking about her ever since, so many things about her were different than any of the rest, better than any of the rest. She lasted longer, could adapt better, her body and mind like silly putty to mold however he liked. Blake had an image of her in mind, and yet she turned out better than he could have ever imagined, truly a one in a million. 

In the span of a few hours, he lost her. Just. Like. That. 

He followed orders, he ‘gathered’ information about The Silent Killer, which was basically confirming what they already knew. Afterwards he was told to ‘stand by’, which was a fancy way of saying fuck off. He’d spent his time sulking in bars, unable to do much else. If he tried to go back, he was sure he’d get much worse than a broken arm. Sure, he could sleep with random broads and he had more than enough money to keep drinking for months on end, but despite this freedom, he felt empty. 

He missed torturing people. He missed being able to do whatever he wanted. Most of all, he missed Pinkamena. 

At first, he had pretended to be infatuated with her, all a part of the act. It became more than that, his feelings for her turned into a reality, and now it was hard for him to think of anyone else. She was just so...perfect! There was no other adjective that fit her but that. It had become a near obsession, the fact that she was being far more resilient than any of his other toys only made it worse. He wanted to be with her, to be inside her again, to feel her shrieks of pain please his ears.

Sadly, he’d have to be patient. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t come to her. However, she would come to him, they always do. It doesn’t matter how much she hated him right now, it would turn into want, and then she’ll desire him as much as he wanted her. That’s how it always is. Pinkamena Diane Pie may be one of the most unique people he’d ever met, but she remained human where it mattered, and that’s what he hoped for. 

Until that day came, Blake would surf from bar to bar. Drinking until he either got into a fight with some poor fool, or had sex with some stranger pretending it was her. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he was content with it. 

“You’re Blake, right?” 

Some asshole decided to bother him, despite the fact that he had placed himself in the farthest corner of this shitty bar specifically not to be bothered. To make things worse, he sat down opposite of him, making it obvious he wanted to talk to him about something. 

“Fuck you want?” Blake slurred out as he took a swig out of the half-empty bottle, trying to make it clear how much he didn’t want to talk. 

He could tell it was a guy from the voice, but that was the only thing about him that stuck out. This guy was like the stereotype stanger that parents told their kids not to talk to without an adult. Dark clothing covering every inch of his body, gloves that covered his hands, a black hoodie with his hood covering his head. Even a face mask that covered most of his face, with the exception of his eyes. 

Something about his eyes bugged Blake, they didn’t seem natural. They are blue but were...too bright and didn’t move quite like they should, he knew he’d seen something like this before, he just couldn’t remember where. 

“I’m looking for someone. I’ve heard you’re the person to ask to find them.” 

“‘Eard from who?” 

He expectedly clammed up, smart or afraid enough to not reveal his sources, not that Blake thought he would. This wasn’t the first time someone had approached him asking for information, he doesn’t go advertising that he’s a part of The Syndicate but he doesn’t go out of his way to not tell people either. He didn’t bother asking how they learned, there’s always someone who knows. 

Blake watched him patiently for a few moments, he could tell that despite trying not to show it, this guy is nervous. His fingers are laced together to try to hide the fact they were shaking, his body rigid and his foot rapidly tapping against the ground. The question is why? 

“...Whaddya want?” Blake asked as he took another swig, the cold liquid burning his throat. 

He reached his hand into a pocket on his hoodie, pulling out a folded piece of paper. The stranger placed it on the table and slid it across to Blake. “I need to know where she is.” 

The ‘she’ got him a bit interested. He let go of the bottle, unfolding it and realizing it was a photo halfway through. Once he could tell who it was, his hand clenched it tightly, causing most of it to audibly crinkle. 

It was Pinkamena, though her appearance had changed from when he’d last seen her. She’d dyed her hair and it was now black and pink, she was also wearing a contact on one of her eyes making it red. He was disappointed to see she was hiding her beautiful body under a hoodie, a cigarette sticking out of the corner of her life telling him she had picked up smoking again. 

He placed his hand on the photo like he could actually touch her. She looked even prettier than he remembered, only making him miss her more. “Why do you want to find her?”

He stared at Blake tensely, his gaze then dropping to the photo. “Doesn’t matter. I’m willing to pay you if you just tell me the general area. I ju-” 

“It does matter!” Blake shouted as he slammed his fist against the table, it came out as much more of a drunken ramble than actual words. It wasn’t loud enough to draw attention from anyone around them, but the stranger in the hoodie jumped at the sudden action and noise. “If...you want me to tell you, I need ta know why.” 

Blake got a bit more coherent as he tried to concentrate, but considering he never ate before drinking, he was well and thoroughly hammered. He was trying to ignore how numbingly warm his entire body felt and how hard it was to just think. 

“She….” He paused as he grabbed the edges of the table, gripping it tightly and crushing the wood. He scowled as his jaw clenched. “Killed my brother.” 

Blake had misread this guy. He hadn’t been shaking because was nervous, but because he was angry. He didn’t know if Pinkamena truly killed this guy's brother or not, but he was clearly convinced that it was her. 

This was good, this was an opportunity! He could use this to get close to her again, as an excuse to disobey orders! If he gives this person her location, he can say that he had heard rumors that someone was trying to kill her, and that he had gone to warn her. But first, there must be a reason this guy thinks he’s capable of doing it. He needs to learn that first. 

“If yer trying to kill her…” Blake murmured as he rubbed his face, trying to sober himself up. “You should know she isn’t entirely human.” 

He paused, relaxing a bit as his face lifted in something like a smirk. “That’s ok,” He let go of the table, raising his right hand and taking off his glove. His hand looked normal at first, before skin dulled into a cold gray resembling steel. It perfectly resembled a hand, but one made out of some kind of metal. He picked up a shot glass with his hand, crushing it with ease to nothing but small shards, not even the slightest of it getting into his hand. 

“I’m not either.” 

____

“I’m waiting for you to make your move.” 

“And I’m waiting for you to actually tell me who you are. Other than ‘Gypsy’, that is.” 

Discord’s day was relatively good so far. Vincent was almost completely adjusted and would be able to get sent on his first task, and he received news that Wyett would be brought back with little issue. Everything was going better than expected, ahead of schedule, even! No unplanned variables, nothing he didn’t at least somewhat expect. 

That is, until someone who apparently didn’t exist showed up calling themselves Gypsy. It was impossible for him to tell their age or any distinguishing features, their height somewhere around five feet and entire body covered in a thick layer of bandages and gauze, a dark, red rose gown-like piece of clothing that was much larger than them. Bottomless holes where their eyes were supposed to be and their mouth visible whenever they talked or smiled, there were no other holes so Discord questioned how they were even breathing. 

He had been in his office at The Syndicate, enjoying his free time that he rarely gets. Right in the middle of him scrolling through his to watch list when they opened his door and wandered right in without making a single noise, until they were hovering right over him. Asking him one question. 

“Wanna play some Janggi?” 

Discord completely jumped out of his chair, causing them to let out a girlish chuckle. He was almost positive they were a girl judging from the voice and some of their mannerisms, such as the carefree way they spoke and the elegant way they moved like a ballerina. They refused to answer any questions, only staring at him until he got the Janggi board. She wouldn’t tell him how she got to him without being stopped, how she knew where this place was, or anything. She just hummed some unknown tune to herself as she watched him patiently. 

Now, they sat on either side of the board on the ground from each other, having just started the game. They never stopped humming, nor did they even hesitate in making a move. She stated her name and her circumstances, that people only know she’s there if she wants them too, and they don’t remember ever talking to her afterwards. She referred to it as her being ‘cursed to not exist’, whether it was something she was born with or someone put it onto her wasn’t something she was willing to elaborate on. 

“So…” Discord mumbled, his eyes not leaving her as he moved a piece. “You basically work like The Silence?” 

“Essentially. Minus the part where you forget I’m here once you lose line of sight, it works more like within a radius.” 

“Hm.” 

He found her very interesting so far. She acted similarly to a child, yet there was an air of maturity about her, like she’d seen and knew more than most people. “Can I assume this isn’t our first time speaking then?” 

He could see Gypsy smirk beneath her full-body mask, moving a piece without even having to look. “Of course not, Adam. We’ve talked many times before. It was in fact your suggestion that I come by once a month and play a board game with you while discussing recent events. I’m not sure why, but I truly have all the time in the world and enjoy talking with you more than most.” 

Discord’s entire body froze at her words, his fingers tightly clenching around one of the tile pieces as he went to move it. His heart began to palpate and it suddenly got harder to breathe. “How….do you know my name?” 

She responded with a brief chuckle. “You always react the same way. Because I was there when it was given to you.” He took in a sharp breath, but was interrupted by her. “Don’t bother asking questions about it, can’t tell ya. Part of the curse, we’ve been through this part of the script.” 

He grit his teeth as he swallowed his frustration, this ‘curse’ seemed as much of a hindrance to everyone around her as it was to herself. Discord counted intervals of seven in his mind to calm himself down. “Alright, what did we talk about last?” 

“The all time person of interest Pinkamena Diane Pie.” She responded in a sing-song voice, leaning over and tracing her fingers on the edges of one of the tiles. “I’ve met her twice. Once before, once after. She has the potential, and if your plans come to fruition, she could be The Prophetic Child.” 

“You know about my plans and the prophecy? I must really trust you.” 

“You could say that, yes.” 

The room remained incredibly silent, her words heavy with implication. “Would I be correct in guessing that Gypsy isn’t your real name? In fact, If I was a betting man, which I am, it's a serious problem, I’d say you’ve gone by many names.” 

She let out a fruity giggle, not even glancing as he moved one of his pieces. “Many, many names indeed. So many that I could never remember them all, ‘Gypsy’ is simply the one I find most fitting. And no, I cannot tell you my real name. You wouldn’t recognize it, and you wouldn’t remember it anyway.” 

Discord’s normally complacent face etched into a scowl, everything about this person frustrated him to no end. They knew more than he’d tell almost anyone, their ‘curse’ made it to where he couldn’t learn the things he wanted to, and he apparently wouldn’t remember them after. Which made him wonder what the point was? Why did he tell her to come here once a month, play a board game, and talk about stuff if he wouldn’t even remember? Did he just hate himself that much, or was there a point?

“What exactly do you get out of this? Do you enjoy seeing me ask all the same questions and do the same things?” Discord asked with a blot of hostility. 

“Not at all. You’re actually one of the few people who I can’t entirely predict. Your questions and irritation always constants, but little things I don’t expect change. Such as your board game strategies: You always play them in counter to the strategy I used the last time we played that game, despite the fact that you shouldn’t remember it. You have no idea how astonishing that is.”

He didn’t quite understand what he meant until he examined the board, realizing she was right. He hadn’t played Janggi in quite a while, he barely even remembered the rules. Now he wasn’t paying attention to the game at all, dozens of questions running through his mind as he almost mindlessly placed the pieces, or at least what he thought was mindless. Looking down at it, he is clearly placing them in a way that countered hers. 

Which drew another question: How many times had they done this?

“As for what I’m getting out of this…” The enthusiasm from her voiced, leaving it empty and something Discord could describe as melancholic. “I’ve walked this earth since before the dawn of man. I’ve seen miracles, met pseudo gods, been there for some of the worst sins humanity has committed. I’ve witnessed things even you would be baffled by, but her?” Her haunting, blank expression was replaced as her lips curved upward. “She’s hope. The only one I’ve seen in a long time, the only chance of this curse being lifted. A shining light in this darkness is more than enough for me.”


He wasn’t sure if inspiring was quite the word to describe the tone in her voice, but it was one he felt familiar with. Many would consider his situation a blessing, having sought it out their entire lives. They were mistaken, it is a burden even the strongest man could not bear. The only reason he kept going is because he had no other choice, truly nothing more than a shell of a man going through the motions with no other truth. 

It reminded him of the last words one of his many long dead friends said before he died, having taken his own life after experiencing war. ‘Once you’ve lost your hope and faith, when there’s nothing left but despair, you’re already living in hell.” 

However, for him too, Pinkamena is hope. She checks off enough boxes and has pulled through enough to where there’s a chance. It’s a long shot, and will require likely everything he has, but there’s a chance. 

“And…” He found himself a bit nervous, he couldn’t explain why. “What do you think will happen with her next?” 

“Soon. Very, very soon, she will reach a turning point. There will be many in her life, but this will be the biggest. One simple decision will change everything, and if she makes the wrong one…” As she picked up a piece, her arm began to shake violently, like the room sharply dropped in temperature just around that part of her body. She drew a breath and grabbed that arm by the wrist with her other hand, whispering something to herself before the shaking stopped and she placed the tile. “It's a worse case scenario.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” Discord asked curiously, moving his piece as he debated asking for more details. Not like it’d make much of a difference since he wouldn’t remember. 

“No….telling you would risk it not happening at all. Continue what you are doing with Vincent and Wyett, an allegiance with the skinwalkers for what’s to come is necessary. Chrysalis is-” 

She abruptly stopped, a tremble rocking her entire body like a seizure. Before he had a chance to do anything, it stopped along with all of her movements, not even her chest rising and falling to signal breathing. Now that that came to mind, he wasn’t sure if she’d been breathing at all since she came in. 

Just as spontaneously, she smiled. Not a content grin or smirk, a genuine smile that stretched from where he guessed her ears were. Her teeth would have been visible if the bandages weren’t there. Frustratingly, she didn’t say anything, humming a song he didn’t recognize to herself, which already spoke volumes. Discord waited for her to say something or at least make a move, two minutes passed without her doing anything as he stared into the gaping eyeholes on her face. 

“It’s your turn.” He mumbled somewhat curtly. 

“I know. But it’d be rude to play while you’re in the middle of a call.” 

He didn’t understand what she meant, straightening his back as he raised his eyebrows in confusion. “What are yo-” 

Then the Seinfeld theme played. 

He swiftly pulled out his phone, recognizing the number as Pinkamena’s. He slowly and hesitantly raised his head, his mouth agape in raw bafflement. Did she just predict that? He’d seen much in his long time on this floating rock, but clairvoyance wasn’t one of them. 

“Can yo-” 

“You better answer that call. It is your emergency number after all.” 

With a bit of sass in her voice, she began to walk out of the room, not giving him or the board a second glance. “Sorry to cut things short. Eve is expecting me.” 

That name made his heart freeze and blood run cold. He hadn’t thought of her in a long time, perhaps for the better. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d have to get in contact with her sooner or later. He needed her help, as disgusting as what that entails. 

He held the phone up to his ear, about to ask her where Eve was, when he noticed she wasn’t there. A moment later, he wondered why that vile woman came to mind. Glancing over his shoulder and seeing that he had left his game of Janggi in the middle of it, playing against himself to practice so he didn’t get out of shape. 

He answered the call. 

“Pinkamena, I’m very busy right now. If this isn’t a life or death situation, I will be very perturbed. w-”
> Chapter Nine: Pusillanimity.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The silence after she made her request was deafening. Pinkamena waited in anticipation for Discord to say something, Rainbow’s suit still draped over her shoulder and gun against the wall. Her entire body is as rigid as one of Maud’s rocks. Despite the fact that she slept last night, if it could even be called that, she somehow felt more exhausted than before. 

However, she didn’t have the time to relax, she’d save her best friend’s life if it was the last thing she ever did. 

“What makes you think I can or even would be willing to do that?” 

He said over the phone, a grim, threatening tone in his voice she rarely hears. Before responding Pinkamena took a deep breath, getting to her feet as she picked up the gun. “I know about Windrider.” 

She heard him let out a loud, nigh exasperated sigh. “Of course you do. Listen, this isn’t a service I just give out like candy. It’s hard to pull off and I’d have my ass given to me like a sacrificial offering if I get caught, but...I’m willing to hear you out.” 

Pinkamena opened her mouth, nothing coming out for a few moments as she tried to think of what exactly to say and how to say it. “The good news is I handled TSK, I don’t think they’re going to be a problem anymore.” 

There was a somberness to her voice she couldn’t mask, Discord didn’t seem to hear it. “You know, I actually prefer bad news first. So, what is it?” 

“They’re…” She hesitated in telling him as she pulled the phone away, deeply inhaling and listening for any nearby heart beats to make sure no one is listening. “It’s Rainbow, Discord. TSK is Rainbow.” 

“...Guess that means you didn’t kill them then?” 

There was an almost ambivalentness in his voice, what was more evident is what she didn’t hear: shock. A conversation with The Whispers came to mind that took place earlier that day, one where she asked them how Igneous knew that TSK was Rainbow. Like usual they didn’t give a direct answer, but they did mention that telling her would be snitching on Discord, suggesting that he knew too. 

“You don’t sound that surprised.” 

“I think you’ll find the longer you know me, the more you’re going to realize very little surprises me anymore.” 

The emptiness in his words  was startling, an immense and unexpected shift from the usual jovialness it carried. It wasn’t like with the blood where he became genuinely afraid for a reason she still didn’t know. It sounded a lot more like he’s just....tired, of everything. 

“So, I’m guessing you want me to fake her death, and in turn, TSK’s?” 

In a snap it had returned, somewhat animated but simultaneously airy and fake. It reminded her of herself in a way. She wouldn’t push it, not now, but this wouldn’t be something she forgets either.

“You make it sound so simple. Then again, I’m not sure I remember the last time anything was simple for me.” 

There was too much truth in that statement, made even stranger by the fact that she missed the days where threats from a magical pony land would attack her  high school and they had to use the power of friendship to save it, like the plot of some anime. 

At least then nobody was at risk of dying, a reality Pinkamena thought she wouldn’t have to face until much farther in the future. 

“Well...it is simple in the sense that I know what to do, the problem comes in actually doing it. Where is the skittles jock?” 

She failed in suppressing a giggle at the nickname, more out of the nostalgia that came with it than being funny. “She’s in one of the cells where…” She hesitated in saying his name, doing so without triggering all the memories that came with it is a hurdle she’d yet to cross. “Blake put his victims. I don’t like putting her there, but I don’t exactly have a lot of options. I told her it’d take three days to have everything worked out, but I’m hoping sooner.” 

Her right ear twitched as she heard something from the phone, vaguely something like an object thudding against a table. “For someone who just found out their best friend is secretly a vigilante who’s been killing criminals, you’re awfully calm.” 

“I’d like to attribute that to The Whispers, but it’s mostly thanks to Starlight. I had a total meltdown last night, and if she hadn’t let me stay the night I don’t think I’d be here right now.” 

Her cheeks got warm as she laid against the wall, the memory of cuddling up to her and bawling like a child still embarrassingly fresh in her mind. 

“You stayed the night at Starlight’s?” He asked with a bit of disbelief, not even giving her a chance to respond. “Tell me the deets on that later. Listen...I think I can do this, but I need you to listen to everything I say. And I mean everything, I’m a huge stickler for details, especially when our lives are on the line. Get it?” 

He put strong emphasis in his words that showed how serious he is about this, it only really made her relieved. She hadn’t expected him to be easily willing to help her with this. “Of course. I came to you for help, I’m aware of exactly what that entails.” 

“Good, you should be. You’re lucky that things are going ahead of schedule for me, or I wouldn’t have agreed. Now first: Do you have the gun and suit they’ve been using? If so, bring them to Zecora, it’s a closure she needs now more than ever.” 

Bringing up Zecora caused a painful sting in Pinkamena’s heart, she had nearly forgotten the conversation they had before. She had intended to do that anyway, but she owed it to her to give her the gun before anything else, that woman nearly worked herself to death because of a man who didn’t deserve such dedication. “Done. Just remember that I’d prefer the less people knowing it’s Rainbow the better, especially Starlight.” 

He made a distinct hissing sound like he was inhaling through his teeth, which meant he’s probably going to tell her something she won’t like. “See, kind of an issue. For this to work I need Juno to know, assuming he doesn’t already.” 

Pinkamena furrowed her eyebrows out of concern, her grip on the gun tightening. She’d considered the possibility that he already knew, but if he did he didn’t act like it or seem to care. 

“Why?” 

“Don’t worry about it. Not yet, anyway. I have to set some things up, like come up with a fake information source that doesn’t sound fake, get a fake ID and passport for her, all that. Good news is it should only take me a day to get everything ready if I don’t sleep, not like I was going to anyway. Right now, the only thing I need you to do is lay low and don’t draw any attention to yourself. Come to my office around...threeish, I’ll probably be ready. Until then, just stay out of trouble, if you’re capable of that.” 

“Are you...saying I have a day off?” Pinkamena asked hesitantly, half expecting to be disappointed. 

“If you want to look at it that way, sure. Take a break while I get things organized, sleep in, binge something on netflix. Actually, you’ve been skipping school, haven’t you?” It didn’t come out as an accusation so much as him stating a fact. Once again, not giving her time to even think of a response. “Go to school like a normal person your age. Relax a bit, it might be your last chance for a while.” 

He abruptly hung up, leaving Pinkamena alone. She was about to slip her phone back into her jean pocket, wavering as a thought crossed her mind: Should she tell Applejack? AJ deserves to know, they were close and she probably feels terrible since she hasn’t been able to look for her. It would be a huge relief. 

She contemplated this for a minute or so before dismissively shaking her head and putting the phone in her pocket. As much as she hated to admit it, letting AJ know is a bad idea. Not only did she need as little people knowing as possible, Applejack is infamous for being terrible at lying, even by omission. Maybe after, but right now she’s one of the worst people who could know. 

Then...what can she do? Giving the gun and suit to Zecora would be first on the list, after that there isn’t much else. Michael is still recovering, she didn’t want to bother Fancy, and things with Starlight are awkward because of last night. Until she could give her a straight answer, Pinkamena knew the question she asked her would be at the forefront of her mind if they talked. 

The problem is that she barely even understood what she meant, even with the next to useless advice from The Whispers.  

“...sleeping in sounds kind of good, actually.” 

__

As it turned out, the striped gunsmith had taken her orders quite seriously. According to the old man in the booth, who she now knew as Randolph thanks to a previous conversation with Fancy, Zecora hadn’t shown up. She’d never taken a day off before so it isn’t like she couldn’t afford to, it was actually a bit relieving to hear her relax for once.

Pinkamena decided to give the gun and suit to him, telling Randolph to give it to her whenever she came in. Zecora is one of the few people in Pinkamena’s life she can truly rely on, she had little doubt Zecora would start working on it as soon as she came in. 

When she left The Syndicate’s HQ, she went to the closest convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes, a different one from the one her and Rainbow used to visit. She was trying her best not to think about her or anything related to her. Every reminder could easily trigger a flashback of the night prior, and that wasn’t something she could let herself succumb to, not when everythings at risk.

After smoking half of it on the edge of the building across from her own house sometime around five, she entered, already able to hear Maud’s heart beat and tell she was home, and that it was...faster than normal. Pinkamena walked into the living room where she was, finding her sitting on the couch, her laptop open as her fingers were placed on the arrow keys and pressing them rapidly. 

When she entered Maud barely gave her a glance, turning back to the screen in an instant as the sound of her rapidly tapping the keys quickened. She was clearly putting a lot of effort into whatever she was doing, a rare sight to see from Maud. 

Out of sheer curiosity, Pinkamena went behind her to see what she was doing. She was playing a game, which was somewhat expected, just wasn’t one she recognized. A small boy with blue hair in a backward ball cap, white shirt, and oversized shoes like a stereotypical rapper. A girl with poofy and long brown hair,  a red dress and heels sitting on top of a speaker. The boy was facing a purple looking woman with a leather jacket and satin skirt, arrows of various directions and colors on the screen disappearing in time with Maud’s clicks, an upbeat and rapid song playing along with unintelligible noises from their mouths that are supposed to be lyrics. 

“...What are you doing?”

As soon as she asked that the song picked up, the flashing arrows started coming in much more rapidly. Maud hunched forward and devoted her entire attention to the screen, her eyebrows furrowing deeper as the clacking of her fingers grew more intense. A thick tension as even a single spoken word felt like it would break her focus. 

The song ended and Maud hadn’t missed a single arrow, letting out a relieved sigh as her body relaxed. Her face went back to her normal apathetic expression, a barely noticeable uplift of the corners of her lips in a smirk. “Winning.” 

A rarely heard smugness was in her voice, one of the few times her more competitive side showed itself. She turned the laptop off and closed it, laying it on the coffee table near the couch, looking up at her sister with a tint of curiosity in her eyes. “How are you doing? I do-” She paused as she sniffed the air like a dog. “You’re smoking again, at least carry some mints if you’re going to be talking to people after you do it.” 

Maud’s words hit her in the chest like a bullet, made even worse by the fact that she was the one who had fervently gotten her to stop in the first place. Pinkamena broke eye contact, afraid of the potential disappointment she’d see. “I’m...sorry, I’ve been really stressed lately and it’s the only kind of peace I can really get.” 

“Well, it’s not going to give you lung cancer anymore, but it will yellow your teeth. I’d tell you to take better care of yourself, but I’m sure you’d find some excuse not to.” 

Her tone was harsh, but to anyone who didn’t know Maud it was as bland as usual. She stood up from the couch, not even giving Pinkamena a chance to retort, not that she had one. Maud stopped at the doorway, glancing over her shoulder. “Do you want some coffee?” 

“...yeah, coffee sounds good right now.”

She followed her expressionless sister into the kitchen, her movements sluggish as fatigue hit her hard now that she wasn’t keeping her body active. Pinkamena slumped down into a chair opposite of Maud, who was already brewing a pot. 

“Maud...are you mad at me?” 

Maud noticeably tensed up, like she had forgotten she wasn’t alone. She remained that way for a few moments before relaxing, opening the cabinet above her and pulling out two cups. “No, I’m mad at myself. I’m supposed to be helping you, but I’m not. You’re out there trying to take out some self-righteous vigilante, and the most I can do…” She paused as she set the cups on the table, putting one in front of Pinkamena and then herself as she sat down. “Is buy you clothes.” 

The bitter frustration in her voice was unnerving. Pinkamena couldn’t help but wince at the mention of TSK, trying to cover it by taking a drink and still being surprised by how little it burned despite the heat. 

“Well, you’re my advisor. You’re supposed to advise me on stuff, not be out there risking your life for me.” 

Even Pinkamena knew that was an empty attempt to make her sister feel better, but she didn’t know what else to say. She used to be so good at cheering people up. 

“That’s true, but you’re my sister, and my only family left. I should be able to do more than that. Unless you need advice for anything, all I can do is mindless grinding on MMO’s. I’m useless and I hate it.” 

Her grip around the mug tightened as her gaze drifted to the side, her lips pressing together in guilt. Pinkamena lifted the cup to her face, the steam from the hot liquid going straight into her eyes and burning them, somehow still failing to wake her up at all. 

She tried to think of anything she could say to make Maud feel better, but nothing came to mind. Even if she were combat capable, nothing in the entire world could ever convince her to put Maud in any more danger than she’s already in just for being associated with The Syndicate. Pinkamena didn’t know what all being an advisor entailed, but she was sure Maud did a variety of things when she wasn’t here. 

As much as she hated to admit it, Maud was right. Other than giving her advice for things, which Pinkamena appreciated a lot, there wasn’t a lot she could do. She didn’t hate it like Maud did because it meant she was relatively safe, but she understood how terrible it could be to feel useless. 

“Actually,” The black and pink haired girl started, a situation coming to mind which she desperately needed help with. “There is something I need advice for.” 

Maud looked back at her. “What’s that?” 

“I...., uhm.” It was strange to say, but thinking about Starlight after last night made her feel almost embarrassed. “See, there’s this girl. And...I don’t know what I feel for her. I’ve never been in a relationship or anything, so I’m...completely lost.” 

Maud stared at her blankly, giving a very long, drawn out blink. “Wow, this is surreal. I actually thought I’d be the one to come to you for romantic advice. I’m completely blown away by this.” 

Of course, her voice was completely void of any emotion and her face didn’t so much as flicker, so it was hard to tell if she was being serious or not. 

Something about that was refreshing, Maud hadn’t changed one bit. 

“What, you think just because I threw a lot of parties and was friends with basically everyone in the school, that I dated a lot?” 

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Maud responded with a dismissive nod of her head. “It’s just...you were always the abnormal one of the family, so open and social and friendly. I have no idea where you got it. You had sleepovers every other weekend, save the school from some magical threat every other month, I don’t think I’d ever seen you be mean to a single person. Once in a while I’d see you with your friends, making them smile, and I’d think ‘You’re going to make someone really happy one day.’” 

There was a nearly nostalgic tone in her voice, obviously missing those times and how different they were. Absentmindedly tapping her fingers against the rim of the coffee mug. 

A ghost of a smirk creeped its way onto Pinkamena’s face, a solemn reminder that even her own sister preferred how things were before, when she was someone she couldn’t be anymore. 

“Yeah, she said the same thing too. She was pretty shocked when I told her that a social butterfly like me never dated anyone, is it really that surprising?” Pinkamena asked as she raised the cup to her mouth.

“I’ve only had one boyfriend, so I ca-” 

Pinkamena choked on her coffee, breaking into a coughing fit as some of it spilled on the table. “You had a boyfriend? When?” 

“Before I became an advisor. His name was Mudbriar, we met at a geology convention, he was…” She paused, not like she couldn’t find the right adjective to describe him, but more like there were so many words she could use that picking one was hard. “Nice.” 

The genuine smile and warmth behind it showed how much she really meant to him, Maud smiling was a rarity very few got to see, which is why she hesitated in asking the question her sister was likely dreading to hear. 

“What happened?” 

The smile disappeared, though it took a few seconds as the memory faded, not immediately replaced by a sad one. “I broke up with him. Nothing was wrong with the relationship, a lot of things were required of me and I just didn’t have time for him anymore. I didn’t want to put him in danger by being associated with me either, he might have been ok with that but I wouldn’t.” 

“...do you miss him?” 

“Every day.” 

“I’m sorry you had to break up with him.” 

That apology was more of an obligation than something she genuinely meant. She felt bad for her sister that she had to do that, but she didn’t really understand what it meant. 

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.” Maud closed her eyes as she took a sip. 

“What was he like?” 

A muffled chortle escaped her lips. “Funny. He liked making rock puns, rock music, he was as obsessed with rocks as I am. Sweet too, in his own way. He was terrible in social situations and was really awkward, but with me he never had that problem. Briar made me feel special, and that’s all I could ask for.” 

“How…” Pinkamena was trying not to ask the wrong question. She didn’t want to make Maud upset, nor did she want to give away that she was talking about Starlight. Maud would likely not approve with their therapist-patient relationship going on, and she was trying her best to separate that from anything romantic. “Did you know when you wanted to be with him like that?” 

“I don’t really know, that’s not really an easy question to answer. It’s…” Maud was looking at her, but her mind was drifting somewhere else. “There wasn’t a specific moment where I knew. One day we were at a rock museum and he asked me if it was a date. I realized I had feelings for him and I said yes, then we were dating.” 

“So you don’t know you like someone until you already do?” 

“Sort of. It’s more like something happens that makes you question if what you feel for them is more than just friendship.” Maud peered up at her, the curious tilt of her head betraying the stoic look she always had like a mask she couldn’t take off. “Did something like that happen for you?” 

Last night flashed in her mind like a hot wound: how soft and comforting her embrace was, the gentle way she spoke and put careful thought in each word so she wouldn’t say the wrong thing. It was the only time in recent memory where she felt safe, ironic that it was during a complete mental breakdown. 

“You could say that, yeah.” She said in an almost soft spoken voice, her face getting warmer than usual. 

“What did you think of her before it happened?” 

“That’s…” She took another sip of the coffee as she gave her response some thought. “I’m not sure. She’s kind, sometimes in a way that’s self-neglectful. She cares a lot about her appearance, wearing makeup and putting so much effort into what she wears because she’s worried what people think of her. She wants to see the best in people, and thinks that there’s good in everyone. Even…” The energy in Pinkamena’s voice dropped off as she lowered her head, her eyes half closing as her hands wrapped around the coffee mug, the pain of the burning when her fingers dipped into the burning liquid barely registering. “Someone like me.” 

Maud’s eyebrows furrowed out of concern, her eyes parting as she drew a breath, then stopped. She clearly wanted to tell her that she was a good person, but didn’t think now was the time, not that it wasn’t something she’d remember to talk about later. 

“You think pretty highly about her, do you spend a lot of time together?” 

“Every other day recently. We’ve…” Pinkamena bit her lip as she stopped herself, almost letting it slip that Starlight was her therapist. “Been talking a lot. We haven’t known each other very long, but she’s been a good friend to me.” 

“Have you given each other nicknames? I know you used to do that for basically everyone you considered a friend.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And do you know if she has any romantic feelings for you?” Maud asked blatantly, resting her head on her right hand. 

“No, but we talked about it last night. She asked me if ‘I like her, or the idea of her’, and I’m not sure how to answer that.” 

“Hm.” 

Maud stayed quiet as she took a sip, pondering for a moment. “Sounds like she’s had some bad relationship experience. That, or she knows a lot about psychology.” 

Pinkamena cringed at how on the dot that last statement was, but tried her best not to show it. “She hasn’t said much about her relationships, so I can’t say. She has more experience than me, I’m sure.” 

“I’m not exactly a good point of reference, but my first relationship went very well. Even if it hadn’t, we would still be good friends like we are now. I can’t tell you if you have feelings for her or not, that’s something you have to figure out yourself, but you should sit down and talk about it with her. You’re in high school, you’re still figuring a lot of things out, and part of getting into relationships is to learn things about yourself.” 

Maud got out of her chair, taking the coffee with her and opening the fridge. Which was, of course, filled with whip cream. She casually pulled a can out of it and sprayed it into the coffee, getting a spoon from a drawer and mixing it in. Her face didn’t change after drinking it, but a strange grunt-like noise came from the back of her throat. 

“Huh.” Maud muttered, her eyes peering into the distance and then focused back on Pinkamena, remembering that she was in the middle of talking. “At the very least, it’ll be a learning experience. This person also doesn’t sound like the type that would let that affect things. Awkward for a while maybe, but I don’t think it would ruin your friendship with her.. I’m also assuming this person is someone in The Syndicate, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to involve anyone outside of it by dating them. Actually…” 

She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. “Are you going to school tomorrow?” 

“I more or less have the day off, so yeah.” 

“Then you should probably get to sleep soon, it’s getting pretty late.” Maud flashed her phone, showing it was half past ten. “If you want to get an acceptable amount of sleep anyway. I can tell you're tired and this isn’t something you want to think about while you’re sleep deprived, you’ve never liked putting half-assed effort into anything.” 

The phone was back in her pocket as she began to walk around the table, hesitantly taking another sip from her coffee and whip cream concoction, smacking her lips like she couldn’t quite decide if she liked the taste. 

Pinkamena followed her with her eyes as she drank the rest of hers, more because she didn’t like being wasteful than actually enjoying it. She’d always preferred her coffee with heavy cream. “If you say so. What are you going to be doing?” 

“Not sure. Might just do some mindless grinding while watching some Breaking Bad clips, I was doing some chores yesterday to clear up my schedule for it. I’ve been having a few weird dreams recently, and they have me feeling paranoid. Hopefully it’s the whip cream.” 

There was an ominous undertone that bled through her monotone voice, filling Pinkamena with a foreboding sense of dread that threatened to make its home in the back of her mind. She tried to ignore it as she stood up, swiftly washing the cup and placing it back and then heading to her room. 

She didn’t even bother to take off any of her clothes, landing head first into her old bed, not having actually slept in it since she got back. The smell of clean pillows and blankets filled her nostrils as her fatigue hit her full force, an invisible pressure pushing down on her eyelids that she couldn’t ignore anymore. 

Pinkamena let out a shaky breath of relief, knowing that tonight The Whispers might actually leave her be and let her sleep in peace. As darkness consumed her vision, she realized she wasn’t so lucky. 

The second her eyes closed a sharp chill went down her body, the burned image of Scootaloo’s face, the color draining from it every passing second, almost visible in her mind like a photo. She could nearly feel her small heart in her hands, the desperate and weak grasping from her as she struggled for her already taken life. Her last words begging to know why it had been stolen from her, the last bit of life fading from her eyes as her movements stopped, resembling a marionette with the strings cut. 

The windows to her tormented soul opened as she rolled over, desperately clutching her necklace, but it did little to alleviate the tight, coiling pain in her chest. Her eyes began to violently pulsate, spreading to the rest of her head until it turned into a searing migraine. Pinkamena pressed her hands against her eyes, unable to forget the feeling of warm blood soaking her hand and the feeling of a child’s cold corpse. 

She sobbed silently as she laid in her bed, unable to get even a second of sleep, she wasn’t sure if she ever would again. 
> Chapter Ten: A Final Respite
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it came to crying, Pinkamena always used to be such an ugly crier. Thankfully not often, only a handful of times coming to mind where she really just let it out, the cave being the most recent. Every time she does now, it’s much more silent and muffled, along with a lot shorter. The night with Starlight was an exception due to the situation, and hopefully not something that would happen again. 

The main reason being she didn’t want anyone hearing her. They would want to help her, but they couldn’t. She couldn’t even say if Starlight could help her at this point.

Which is why Maud didn’t hear her, not that she wanted her too. Pinkamena didn’t get a moment’s rest the entire time she was in her bed, face sticky with dried tears but unable to bring herself to get up. It wasn’t until light began to shine through the window, which Maud had left open, that she lazily pulled out her phone and saw that it was nearly six. 

She opened her mouth to make a comment about how she’d gone another night without actual sleep, but decided not to. Her movements were sluggish and reluctant as she forced herself out of her catatotonic like state, wiping her face as she trudged towards the window. Her first day off and she couldn’t even sleep the night prior, even now the emptiness behind Scootaloo’s eyes bounced around the inside of her head like echoes in a cave. 

She sat on the window for a minute, her feet dangling off the edge as she stared at her hand. No matter how much she washed it or tried not to think about it, it still felt wet and...sticky, it sent a shiver down her spine as she wiped her face to get rid of a similar feeling left from her earlier sobbing. 

After some heavy breathing and desperate clutching of her necklace to calm herself down, she leaped out the window towards her school. 

______

Usually, Pinkamena always has something on her mind when she free runs, it’s really the only time she has to think anymore. However, this time on her way to school her mind was empty. Whether it was because she was too sleep deprived, or in some state of emotional shock, was hard to say.

She went by where her and AJ met before on the off chance she was waiting, more out of curiosity than anything else. She wasn’t, which was relieving. Pinkamena wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone today, preferring to remain mindless if she could help it. 

The rest of the school day was as uneventful as she partly hoped it would be. No one bothered her or gave more than an awkward glance, some of them evidently afraid of her. Pinkamena didn’t have the brain power to worry about it, opting to instead focus on whatever school work she might have had to do in a given class. If there was downtime she would cross her arms and bury her head in them, but would resist closing her eyes. That would lead to...problems, so she tried her best to learn how to sleep with her eyes open.

 Which was all for naught, sleep never gave her the rest she internally begged for. 

It wasn’t until lunch that something happened. Pinkamena did her best to make herself scarce, deciding to eat later and hiding on the second floor of the school’s library. People didn’t go there very often, if at all, during lunch. Hiding in the very back between two shelves where it was very dark, sitting on the ground with her back against the shelves. 

Her eyes burned and every moment somehow more exhausting than the last, a near constant mind-fog that made it difficult to coherently think at all. It was hard to recall the last time she felt so mentally dazed. Every inch of her body was tense and eyelids half closed, but she couldn’t fall asleep no matter how much she wanted to. 

“...Pinkie?” 

A meek voice snapped her out of her barely conscious trance, coming from the end of the aisle. Pinkamena turned her head towards the direction it came from as she brushed aside her hair, though she didn’t need to know who it was. 

Fluttershy was standing sheepishly, hiding the majority of her face behind her hair and wearing the same school outfit she usually did. Her backpack that she typically kept her pets in wasn’t present, her heartbeat surprisingly normal. 

Pinkamena wasn’t going to bother asking how she found her. Knowing Fluttershy, she likely searched every spot she knew of to find her. While she’s extremely shy, if she wants to help someone she cares about there’s very little that can stop her. 

“I thought I told you not to talk to me.” 

Pinkamena tried to make her tone as harsh as she could, but it just didn’t carry the same weight behind it with the fatigued undertone. Fluttershy held her hands to her chest, a surprising lack of fear in the girl known for being fearful. 

“I...I know. I just,” She paused as she sharply inhaled, closing her eyes briefly and then taking a step forward. “I wanted to..talk, at least one more time.” 

It wasn’t often that Fluttershy spoke with an assertive tone, the only memories Pinkamena had of her doing so was during their arguments under the influence of The Dazzlings, an incredibly odd situation in of itself. To see her do so now without being under the influence of foreign magic was concerning. 

Fluttershy walked beside her and sat down in a similar way, pushing her hair behind her ears and deciding not to hide behind it anymore. 

“Talk about what?” Pinkamena asked hesitantly, a sense of foreboding dread creeping in as the words left her mouth. 

Fluttershy didn’t respond at first, her lips pursing as she rested her arms across her knees.

“I don’t know if you heard, but soon after you disappeared...so did Rainbow.” The somberness behind her voice couldn’t be more obvious as it cracked, but despite how much she clearly wanted to, she didn’t cry. 

Maybe it was because she already cried so much and didn’t want to anymore, a sentiment Pinkamena understood too well. 

“We felt terrible after you went missing, but Rainbow helped us keep going. She kept reminding us that we’d faced much worse things than that, that we’d find you eventually. We all believed her at first, or at least wanted to. Her smiles were fake, I could tell better than anyone. She was trying too hard to be you. I don’t think anyone but me noticed how much it was affecting her, I wish I could have helped her if I knew how things would g-go.”

Her voice began to stutter as her knees pulled closer to her chest, Pinkamena’s stomach dropping as a guilt threatened to consume her. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she held her tongue. She’d apologized so often at this point that it had nearly lost it’s value. 

“Dashie began to get distant. She showed up at school less and less, I could tell she had barely been taking care of herself from how pale she’d gotten and how little she talked. I tried to help her but she always shrugged me off, and with trying to keep up my grades, looking for you, and taking care of my animals I just..didn’t have the time.” 

An image of Rainbow from when Pinkamena saw her in her apartment came to mind: Covered in various scars, barely taking care of herself, and living in conditions that would make even the healthiest person sick. Somehow, putting her in one of Blake’s cells was better than her apartment, which said a lot about how she was living. 

“One day she just...disappeared. Stopped going to school and talking to us, she was never there when I went to her apartment. We fell apart without you two. So, when I heard you’d come back, some part of me hoped that you would bring us back together. And with you, Rainbow would come back, and everything would go back to normal!” 

“But...it didn’t.” The false hope in her voice was quickly replaced by dejection as her entire body slumped, trying to recede as far into herself as she could like a turtle without a shell. Her voice had become so meek that normal people wouldn’t be able to hear her, Pinkamena’s superhuman hearing was the only reason why she could. 

“I don’t know what happened to you, but I know you wouldn’t leave us without saying anything like that. When you came back like you did, I couldn’t stop myself. And then you...said all the things you did, and it hit me. You’re here, but you’re still gone. And Rainbow...might be the same way. I have no idea where she is or what she’s been doing, yet I can’t help you anymore than I can help her.” 

Fluttershy’s voice became more brittle, it almost hurt to listen to it. Pinkamena could only sit in silence, afraid that if she opened her mouth the first thing that’d come out would be a worthless apology. 

“I...I’m sorry we couldn’t find you fast enough, but we’re here for you now Pinkie! Don’t...don’t push us away like she did, please.” 

She clutched the sleeve of Pinkamena’s hoodie as she practically begged. The physical contact and the use of her old name caused her to wince, a reaction she failed to hide. This is another reminder of what her disappearance did to her friends. First Sunset and her anger, then Rainbow and her loneliness, now Fluttershy and her despair. 

“I have to Fluttershy, being friends with me is dangerous. The people I’m involved with…” Her eyes drifted to her necklace, the image of her sister's corpses easy to pull forward with how deeply it was burned into her. “Are monsters.” 

“We’ve dealt with monsters before, how is this different? We can help you if-” 

“No you can’t!” 

A surge of anger rose at the offer of help, lifting the veil of numbness that plagued her mind. She couldn’t help but stand up and grit her teeth, a boiling hot sensation in her chest as frustration clouded her thoughts. 

“You can’t help me, no one can! Not you, not Maud, not...not even Starlight!” All these words strung forth without even her even thinking about it, thoughts lying just beneath the surface that she couldn’t push down anymore. “I’m beyond help. Even if I wasn’t...I don’t deserve it.”

Pinkamena’s hands clutched tightly as she spoke, tears of raw frustration at the corners of her eyes. Fluttershy slowly got to her feet, a mixture of disbelief and shock etched on her face. 

“No one’s beyond help, no matter what. Sunset and Twilight tried to take over the school and put all our lives in danger, and we forgave them and gave them the kindness they needed. I won’t pretend I understand whatever it is you went through or were forced to do, but I promise we’re here for you like we were there for them. I’m here for you now.” 

The gentle girl placed her hand on Pinkamena’s cheek, caressing it gently like a mother would to calm their child. Her touch was soft, warm, and for a brief moment, comforting. Before the nauseating fear hit her at the physical contact, causing her to reflexively shake her head and take a step back. 

She desperately grasped at her necklace, opening her mouth and sharply inhaling, then closing it just as quickly. This conversation was strikingly similar to the one she had with Starlight, trying so hard to comfort her when she couldn’t. The difference being that Starlight knew almost everything about her, and still wanted to help her. 

Fluttershy was someone from before, who knew a different person and wanted them back. Hearing her being so kind even though she was ignorant of things Pinkamena has done was heart wrenching, her innocence a refreshing reminder of how good some people could be, something too easy to forget for her now. 

“The things I’ve done…” Pinkamena’s head dropped shamefully, gritting her teeth and tightening her jaw as her long hair covered most of her face. “Are unforgivable.” 

The silence after she said that was so tense it was nearly tangible. She didn’t want to look up or anything else, glaring at her feet and trying to focus on Fluttershy’s heartbeat. While noticeably more erratic than before, it was still far more stable than she would have expected. 

Pinkamena wasn’t sure how many agonizing seconds passed before her thin arms embraced her, somehow more considerate than before despite her body shaking so violently it was shocking she could even stand. 

“I forgive you.” 

Her voice was meek like she was afraid to say it, her grip tightening on Pinkamena as she held onto her like a pillar preventing her from collapsing. Fluttershy’s words were an echo of Starlight’s: An unhesitant forgiveness, undeniably genuine, and with no intention other than to help someone. 

Pinkamena was so taken aback she barely had time to respond, anguish threatening to take over her brief moment of vulnerability. Her face scrunched up as a tear rolled down the side of her face. So badly she wanted to give in, to believe she was truly forgiven, to be with her friends again. 

But she couldn’t. 

Her friends barely knew anything, even Fluttershy’s attempts to help her were nothing more than desperate grasps to bring back their friend who, in all ways but literal, was still gone. Despite everything, even if she didn’t know all of that was true, she can never forgive herself. 

She put her hands on Fluttershy’s shoulders with as much restraint as she could muster and pushed her off, trying to keep her face as hidden as she could. 

“Flutters, I-” 

Pinkamena wasn’t sure what she was about to say, her mind blank and words fueled by raw emotion, stopped by a bell ringing, signalling that lunch was over. 

In sync, like they were a predator waiting for the opportunity, The Whispers began to get louder until she couldn’t hear anything else. To Pinkamena, who had learned how they worked by now, this couldn’t have been any more of an obvious sign that they wanted her away before she said something they wouldn’t like. 

She let go of Fluttershy’s shoulders, wiping her face and taking a deep breath. “Please, just...stay away from me. I can’t watch you die too.”

She didn’t need superhuman senses to hear her friend’s heart drop, the way she gasped and pressed her hands against her mouth was all too telling of her dismay. Seeing such a hurt expression was another stab, but she couldn’t stay to let it sit. Pinkamena sped past Fluttershy, trying to ignore her attempts to get her to stop and rush to her next class. 

And just like that, she was missing the emotional numbness she was experiencing moments prior. Now she had to deal with the guilt of hurting another friend. 

_________


She left school as soon as it was over, heading to the nearest grocery store to get herself and Rainbow some food. The cool air mixed with the ambient music always gave a relaxing atmosphere, making buying food more enjoyable and not as mundane as it sounded. 

Pinkamena wasn’t particularly peckish, so she just got a bag of beef jerky like before and some stuff for Rainbow. Not nearly as much as she’d like to get, but she didn’t have a backpack so it was only what she could fit in her pockets. 

The trip to The Syndicate was done mostly on autopilot, it wasn’t until she was standing in front of the cell that her conversation with Fluttershy came to mind. Every word and every expression, she couldn’t stop thinking about how much better she could have handled that and what she could have said. Instead, she let her emotions get the better of her and probably just made the people she cares about most more worried about her.

“Dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me?” Pinkamena muttered to herself as she gripped the doorknob, unable to get her hand to stop shaking. She let go of it and slammed her hand against the wall, the pain helping her focus. 

She took a deep breath, doing her best to clear her mind and placing her hand back on the doorknob. She needed to do better, focus on fixing the problems she still could. 

She was surprised to see Rainbow doing some kind of push up exercise. Not that Pinkamena thought she’d be sitting around doing nothing, but doing a completely straight handstand and then lowering her body until her nose touched the ground and then pushing her body back up wasn’t it. 

“I...brought you some food.” 

After finishing one more handstand push up, Rainbow got to her feet, closing her eyes and raising her arms above her head while stretching her body. “I guess one benefit of being locked up like this is not having to worry about getting my own food, what did you pick up?” 

Pinkamena tossed a bag at her, pulling out the beef jerky and lowering herself to the ground. Rainbow’s reflexes clearly hadn’t waned as she caught it without even opening  both her eyes, sitting down with her legs crossed and the bag in the center. 

She opened the bag, lips stretching into a smirk as she pulled out a wrapped PB&J sandwich along with a bottle of gatorade. “You remembered my favorite food.” 

“I never forget anything about my friends, even now.” 

There was an undeniably solemn tone to her voice as she spoke, lowering her head as her eyes leered off absentmindedly. Rainbow’s smirk dropped into a concerned frown. “You look like shit. You alright? I thought you’d be relieved after you caught the big bad evil guy.”

“You aren’t...nevermind. I just haven’t slept in a bit, I’m fine.” 

“...Guess you’re as bad at lying as ever, huh?”

Pinkamena knew the statement wasn’t meant to hurt her despite how sardonic it sounded, but she couldn’t help visibly wincing as her grip tightened on the bag. She opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it as she shook her head. There’s a handful of people who can always tell when she’s lying, Rainbow being one of them. 

“Well, funnily enough, you knocking me out was the best sleep I’ve gotten in weeks. Though there’s not much to do here with all this energy but work out, now that I’ve got all this free time maybe I can finally get back in shape. No wonder a lot of people in prison are jacked.” 

It was hard to believe how casual Rainbow was talking to her as if they weren’t in a fight to the death a day or two ago, made even worse by how sincere it was. She was acting like nothing had changed at all, it was hard to tell whether she’s choosing to not think about it or was truly that desensitized to it all. 

Or maybe it’s just an act? That emptiness she spoke about in her apartment might have been the mask slipping, it’s almost impossible to believe after the past few months that she could just switch back to normal. 

Not that she’s much better. 

“Dash, I’ve been curious. Where did you learn to do...everything?” 

Pinkamena asked in an attempt to change the subject, thinking about others' mental state always seemed to drift back to hers and right now that’s the last thing she needed.

“What do yuh mean?”

Her mouth was full so she looked and sounded like a child when she talked, barely making an effort to wipe her face as she tried to open the bottle of gatorade with one hand and holding half of the sandwich in the other. 

“How to fight like that. The knife combat, how to shoot, where you even got all that stuff. As much as I’d love not talking about it, we can’t dance around the topic like it’s not there.” 

The Whispers remained eerily quiet, their chattering so muffled she’d have to concentrate to hear them. It reminded her of when there was a big argument in class and all the other students would stay quiet just to listen. 

“I...fuck, Pinkie. You’re asking all the questions I don’t want to think about enough to answer.” 

The way the energy left her voice as it dropped was painful to hear, keeping her face down as she tried to avoid looking at Rainbow. 

“Just...promise me nothing leaves this room, ok? I haven’t talked about this with anyone, not even Scoots.” 

The inside of Pinkamena’s mouth went rancid at the mention of Scootaloo, but she managed to stifle herself. She hesitantly nodded her head, worried what might happen if she opened her mouth.

“Well, I should probably start with my dad.” 

Pinkamena perked up, this would be the first time her cerulean friend mentioned her parents. Not that there was anything wrong with not talking about family, but she had to admit she was always somewhat curious about it. 

“He...he was...awesome doesn’t come near describing him. He didn’t talk about his past that much, so I only know a few things about him.” As she spoke she put the sandwich in the bag, picking it up and placing it to the side. 

“I don’t know the details, but he was in black ops for a bit. He’s told me a story or two but...it’s not something he ever liked talking about. I know he killed people, but if he ever regretted it he didn’t let it show. Not sure why they let him go, but after he was done with them he ended up becoming a ‘bail bondsmen’, which is just a fancy way of saying bounty hunter.” 

Rainbow’s body noticeably tensed up as she shifted around, raising her left leg and laying her right one down on its side while resting her arm across it. “I never knew my mom. A couple of months after I was born she got mugged on the way back from the pharmacy, she was getting medicine for an ear infection I had. It would have been dad who got it, but he got called away because some dickweed didn’t want to pay his bail. She died in the hospital, and he…” There was a long, tense pause. “Didn’t take it very well.” 

Pinkamena remained quiet, nothing she could say would sound right. It wasn’t particularly surprising with how small her apartment was, but it was still tragic. 

“He started hating criminals because of that, probably only made worse by his job. I think he...started killing them after that. He came home a lot later, if at all. I’d go days at a time without seeing him, which is why I spent a lot of time with Fluttershy or you back then. It got...really lonely for a while, but in about middle school he started training me. At first, he said it was because the city is dangerous and he didn’t want anything like what happened with my mom to me. I...stopped believing that when he made me learn both tantojutsu and kali eskrima, and I realized it was more like he was preparing me for something.”

Something about Rainbow’s relationship with her father sounded disturbingly similar to Pinkamena’s relationship with her own. Though hers actually cared, while Igneous couldn’t care less. 

Some pessimistic part of her expected The Whispers to show up as said father, but they oh so generously didn’t. 

“Starting my first year of high school he got me used to guns. Made me get used to wearing a heavy bulletproof vest and getting shot, disassembling and reassembling them before learning how to shoot them, all of that. It was kind of like the father daughter relationship of Hit-girl and Big Daddy from Kick-ass, but less ‘training montage’ and more ‘waking up everyday sore and bruised’. Made it easy for me to get into sports at least.” 

Her nervous laughter and the way her heart beat has been steadily increasing showed how uncomfortable talking about those times is for her, it made Pinkamena regret asking. The silence in between got longer and more tense each time, making her more reluctant to raise her head and see what expression Rainbow was wearing. 

“My dad…” There was a muffled noise that almost sounded like sniffling before she shifted around again. “Disappeared. He didn’t abandon me, he wouldn’t. One day he left to collect someone who didn’t wanna pay their bond, and he just never came back. This happened when we had our fight so only Flutters knows, but he left the suit and gun. He told me he got the suit from his days in black ops, but the gun he made himself. We’re the only ones that know exactly how it works, so unless you have a gun genius here, you won’t be getting much out of it.” 

Zecora is exactly that, which is why Pinkamena left the weapon to her. She needed to check on her after all of this. “...Poison too?” 

“Yeah, it was actually more of a hobby thing for him that he just ended up teaching me. I kind of sucked at it but the thing with poison is messing it up just makes it more poisonous. I think.” 

“I’m…” Pinkamena was about to apologize, but she couldn’t shake the thought that it would be out of obligation and not genuine. “It’s going to be hard, but can you last just another day or so? That’s all I need.”

“Not like I can say ‘no’. As long as you can get Scootaloo I don’t mind, just keep giving me these and I can’t complain.” Rainbow reached into the bag and pulled out the half sandwich from before. 

Pinkamena got to her feet, putting the empty bag of beef jerky in her hoodie. “I need to get going then. Try to make those last as long as you can, I don’t know if I can get you food again.” 

She nodded as she eased back into sitting with her legs crossed, trying to compose herself but her heart beat gave away her minor distress. As soon as Pinkamena touched the doorknob, she could hear Rainbow clear her throat behind her. 

“Can you tell me how Shy is doing? I didn’t want to leave her, but I think being around her hurt her more than anyone else.” 

“She’s…” Some of the dread that had been making its home in the back of her mind left, having partly expected that question but hoped it wouldn’t come. “Good. I’ve been trying to avoid them because I don’t want to put them in danger, but last I checked she’s doing much better.” 

“Hm.” 

The way Rainbow grunted in response made it hard to tell whether she believed her or not, but Pinkamena didn’t want to give her the chance to ask any more questions. She opened the door and walked out, firmly shutting the door behind her and walked down the hallway. 

After a minute she abruptly stopped, leaning her body against the wall and slowly slid down to her knees, her fingers scraping down and following. Her chest tightened into a knot as she bit the inside of her cheek to suppress a sob.
> Chapter Ten: Harrowing Goodbye.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Discord looked worse than normal. His skin was so pale, it would be easy to mistake him for a ghost from a low budget horror film. Drinking directly from a coffee pot that he held in his hand, standing with his back against the table and eyes barely open as he stared off into the distance. He hadn’t said a thing since Pinkamena came in, not even glancing at her. 

Maybe it was because of how many times she had to come here, but seeing the metal table she’d been strapped too many times didn’t bother her nearly as much as it did before. Like the feeling she was forgetting something, but she knew exactly what it was.

“You look awful.” 

It was hard to tell whether or not he was being sarcastic, often it’s the same with Discord. He proceeded to chug half of the pot, which would be disturbing if it was anyone else, since Pinkamena could tell by the steam that he recently brewed it. 

“Probably better than you. When’s the last time you slept?” 

“I woke up like an hour ago. Been trying to get back into segmented sleep, my body hates me for it, but it’ll be worth it eventually.” 

His voice had completely lost its joyfulness, so bland it almost sounded forced. Pinkamena nearly asked what he’d been up to that put him in such a state, but with Discord, it would likely be better for her not to know.

“Any whom, about the whole Rainbow Crash situation.” he mumbled as he reached into his lab coat, pulling out a folder and tossing it towards her. 

Deciding not to question how he knew Rainbow’s middle school nickname, she opened the folder. Inside lay a detailed police report with pictures of someone who looked identical to Rainbow; but a lot paler and clearly deceased. Along with a death certificate revealing that her name actually is Rainbow ‘Danger’ Dash. 

“With things how they are, I actually had to fake two deaths. Skittlegirl being ‘officially’ missing actually works in our favor a bit. Most of The Syndicate genuinely believes they’re a guy because apparently girl vigilantes aren’t a thing, so the body will be a male. Then we’ll have a police station that’s on our payroll make an announcement a week after you ‘killed’ TSK and brought their body back, so they can’t possibly be the same person, hold a closed casket funeral for the double so no one notices it isn’t her, yada yada yada you get the drift.” 

Pinkamena was listening to him as she looked through the file, the detail and professionalism of it so real she wouldn’t know it was fake if he hadn’t told her. “Wow, I don’t know what to say other than thanks. How much do I owe you?” 

“Nothing, I don’t want money. I want a favor. I’m going to ask you to do something at a later point that you really aren’t going to like, you’re going to do it anyway.” 

“So not much different from usual?” Pinkamena asked sardonically as she laid the folder on the metal table behind her. 

“Yes, but you’re really not going to like this. Don’t think about it too much though, won’t be for a while. Maybe.” 

The ominous way he said that felt very intentional. He reached into his other lab coat and pulled out a notepad and a pen, writing something on it without looking. Then Discord ripped it off and placed it on the edge of the table, pulling out the chair beside him and turning on the computer. 

“Those are the coordinates for where you need to take Rainbow, type them into Google Maps or something. I had Juno leave a bag with everything she needs and enough money to get her by just about anywhere for a month, though she’ll still have to get a job at some point. It’s on the edge of some woods and where Juno will plant the body, which is recently beaten up enough to be believable that they died not too long ago. It’s a mile from a bus stop so you can send Rainbow to where she wants to go, bring the body back here and then I’ll have someone put the suit on them except for the helmet, then we’re done.” 

“...really, that’s it?” 

“That’s it.” 

Pinkamena walked up to the table, read the coordinates, and put them into her phone before ripping the note and putting her phone in her pocket. Discord didn’t take his eyes off the screen a single time, clacking away on the keyboard like a mindless robot going through the motions.

“Discord, are you ok? You haven’t made a single quip or obscure reference.” 

He stopped typing and straightened up, leaning his body back to where his head was facing the ceiling and arms were dangling to his sides lifelessly. It was more than a little concerning to see him like this. 

“No. All my plans are going extremely well: I’m ahead of schedule, and I picked up a protégé who has a lot of potential and a desire to learn second only to my own. I literally couldn’t ask for things to go any better.” 

Pinkamena shuddered at the idea of Discord having a student that he’s teaching to be like him, but held her tongue and waited for him to continue. Only for a pregnant and awkward silence to follow. 

“...And?” 

“There’s no ‘and’, which is the problem.” Discord sighed and opened his eyes, moving forward so sluggish it was like some invisible force was weighing down on him. “I keep expecting something to go wrong, a minor setback or obstacle or anything. The unexpected isn’t around every corner even though I think it is, and I’m just...not used to my meticulous plans not getting rammed by some sleep-deprived truck driver who’s had too many burgers, y’know?” 

His voice somehow lowered even more along with his head, chin resting on the space key and a dreary expression as his eyes were more lifeless than normal. Pinkamena was at a loss for words, more surprised that Discord was being honest than the fact that he has secret plans he’s been doing in the background. 

“So, random example aside, you’re worried about something going wrong even though it hasn’t? That’s irrational, but I guess I don’t have any room to judge.” 

“Yeah, you really don’t.” Discord said as he raised his head, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “The longer things go flawlessly the more I think whatever will go wrong is going to be really, really bad and I’ll have no way to deal with it. Making a bunch of contingencies that don’t end up getting used makes even geniuses like me feel stupid.” 

He grabbed the coffeepot and chugged the rest of it with no effort, reaching with his free hand and typing something on the keyboard. 

Pinkamena frowned at how almost ambivalent his voice was becoming the more he spoke, like he either was hating talking the more he was doing it or just didn’t want to talk to her. It’s not that she didn’t understand the feeling, but she couldn’t shake the thought that there was more to it than that. 

“I’ll leave you alone then. I’m sure Rainbow doesn’t enjoy being in that cell any more than I enjoyed putting her there.” 

She made it to the door when she heard him put the now empty coffeepot back on the table and clearing his throat. “Before that, you remember that time I called you and told you I’d be too busy and that Melvin would patch you up for a while? I mean it this time.” 

He pressed the coffee pot against the wall until a small compartment opened up that fit it perfectly. Discord pressed his finger against the wall at random points, his scowl deepening more with each one until his finger hit a button on the wall and coffee began pouring into the pot. Grunting and pulling out a marker to circle it. 

“He’s awkward, but he knows what he’s doing. Melvin more than likely sacrificed a social life in college to study out of crippling fear he’ll fail, but he’s by far one of the smartest people I know when it comes to human biology and anatomy. The reason I never considered him as my protégé is his lack of interest or knowledge of anything else. Oh, and please don’t call my emergency number unless it's something really important this time. I mean that this time too.” 

He stood there motionless as he watched the pot fill up, hands in his pockets and eyes glazed over like he’d just turned off his brain. Pinkamena waited with a raised eyebrow, somewhat expecting him to say something else. After half a minute, she gave up with a reluctant sigh, opening the door and about to leave. 

“Discord?” 

He responded with an affirmative grunt, not even taking his eyes off the coffeepot. Or blinking. 

“Please don’t die.”

_____

Getting to the location Discord gave her felt like it took longer than it actually did. Rainbow was reluctant about being knocked out again, but eventually agreed to it when Pinkamena pulled out a syringe full of propofol she’d picked up on the way there. Usually a drug only meant to be used for surgeries by trained professionals, but thanks to The Whispers, she could do it with confidence. 

Pinkamena would never let herself be grateful to them, however they did come with ever useful benefits.

 After injecting it and waiting for it to take effect, Pinkamena put a bag over her head and carried her over her shoulder. It wasn’t surprising that she didn’t get so much as a sideways glimpse considering it’s The Syndicate, so getting her to one of the access holds was easy. 

Despite how easy getting there was, an ugly feeling of apprehension filled her entire body. There were a handful of things it could be, none of which she wanted to think about. Pinkamena did her best to shut off her mind and just go on autopilot, the way her stomach clenched and hair on the back of her neck stood up reminders that made it difficult. 

The gas station he mentioned wasn’t very far from a nearby access point. It also was one of the days that got dark quickly; Half-past five and already dark enough for the streetlights to be on. The temperature had dropped too, cold enough to see her breath but not to snow if it rained. Which, judging from the distinct aroma of petrichor in the air, would be soon. 

Once she got to the outskirts, Pinkamena let Rainbow rest against a tree, pulling out a cigarette and smoking it before the rain picked up. She was barely able to put it in her mouth with how violently her hands trembled, the burning smoke as she inhaled slightly loosening the tightness in her chest. 

We can numb you if you’d like. This is the last step, and we’d prefer to prevent any dangerous variables. You can sulk afterwards. 

She’d gotten so used to The Whispers talking without warning that she didn’t even flinch when Alice spoke, some part of her had grown to expect them at any given moment. She exhaled and pressed the end of the cigarette against the top of her hand, the sharp and searing sensation helping her focus. 

“No thanks, I can handle it. You’re going to keep up the end of things, right? Go into sleep mode or whatever?” 

It is more like we’re omitting the moments you want us to. You asked us to ‘turn ourselves off’ when you say goodbye to Rainbow, but we’ve thought about it and are extremely hesitant to agree. We haven’t been reading your thoughts because we need you to trust us, but we can’t help but be suspicious that you’re going to say something...dangerous.

“Not dangerous, just something you won’t like. Besides, do you really think Rainbow has it in her to kill me, even if she wanted to? Strangers, sure, but she did all that for me. I don’t think there’s anything that could push her to that.” Pinkamena said that as crassly as possible, trying to convince herself just as much as them. 

...We’ll be benevolent and heed your request, however we-

“You’re not being ‘benevolent’, you’re being manipulative.” Pinkamena paused as she deeply inhaled. “You want me to think that you care about what I want and how I feel, but you don’t. At first, I thought maybe we could be friends. I was desperate, and you prayed on it just like you pray on everyone else you’ve ever infected like the parasite you are. You give a little leeway, try to make me think you aren’t so bad and gaslight me into trusting you. It’s. Not. Happening.” 

She put the cigarette back in her mouth as she stood up; the smoke filling her lungs preferable than living in fear of them. “I’ve realized you’re stuck with me as much as I'm stuck with you. You’re just a puppeteer that cuts the strings of your marionette when you tire of it, and I’m the next dummy. It’s something that I’ve accepted. What I can’t fucking stand is you pretending to be something you aren’t when we both know how two faced you are. You want to force me into doing whatever you think is best for The Syndicate? Fine. Just don’t paint it as being anything else.” 

As she huffed as much of the cigarette as she could and put it out, Pinkamena braced herself for an intense brain aneurysm, but it never came. The Whispers remained eerily silent, the only sign of them even still being there was the background chatter that she’d learned to tune out. 

You have until your vigilante friend is out of sight after you’ve given them the bag. 

All at once, the amalgamation of dozens of voices in her head went silent. Similar to when she injected Imperium into herself, but minus the surge of energy that came with it. She let herself relax now that the only sounds were from the creatures of the night. 

“Who...are you talking to?” Rainbow asked as she got to her feet. 

“Ghosts. How are you feeling?” 

She gave her a confused look and then shrugged, mumbling ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’ under her breath. “Weird. No headache, so that’s good. But like...super alert, y’know? I can feel my heartbeat and I’m not groggy at all, is that normal?” 

“Yeah, propofol is unique among anesthetics for its aftereffects on the peripheral nervous system. Efficient but risky, comes with the same problem as using too much of any sleep medicine.” 

“You sound like Twilight. When did you learn so much about that stuff?” 

“I know a lot of things about a lot of stuff now. Are you ready to go? We’re about…” Pinkamena checked her phone. “A minute away from the cords. Juno probably buried them a foot or two in the ground or something.” 

“I’m good to go. Is Juno that guy that pulled my foot out of your ass the first time we fought?”

“I recall that I was firmly placing my foot somewhere between your colon and liver before I threw up. But, yeah, that’s him.” 

They casually talked about the fights they’d gotten in on the short walk, joking about them as if they hadn’t come dangerously close to murdering each other. It almost felt good to have a conversation about something morbid that had become a commonality in her life, if it hadn’t been something she hated. 

Like she predicted, the bag was buried in front of a tree at the coordinates where the ground was recently dug up. The bag itself was a red duffle with a sticky note on top; A winky face drawn on it and the words ‘her death made more cents than her life.’ 

She winced at reading it and crumpled it up. “Here. It’s got all you need and you can go anywhere, but you’ll need to get a job at some point. I’m pretty sure you basically graduated from high school too, so congrats.” 

“Huh, alright. What about TSK? And Fluttershy? I don’t like keeping them in the dark like that.” she asked as she opened the bag, revealing more money than either of them had seen in their life. Her eyes widened as she pulled out a stack, running a finger over the bills. 

“You don’t have to worry about that. They...already think you’re dead, it’s not changing much for them. I promise I’ve got everything handled.” 

Rainbow pursed her lips as she placed the money back in the bag, pulling out various things and putting them back as she looked for something. “Hey, where’s Scootaloo’s stuff? I assume you’re having some goon either bring her here or drop her off back at that gas station. Is she going to have her own backpack or something?” 

Pinkamena’s body shook as she tensed up, tightly clutching her fist and clenching her jaws. Her breathing so erratic she was on the edge of hyperventilating; Heart beating so rapidly and hard it was painful and near impossible to ignore. 

“She...Scootaloo can’t make it.” 

Rainbow paused as she closed and lowered the bag, her glare fixed on Pinkamena. “Why not?” 

Her stern, unwavering tone terrified Pinkamena to her core. She could feel her lips get dry and breathe hitch as words failed her, even her throat felt tighter. Her instincts screamed at her to play it off. Not knowing how Rainbow would respond scared her in ways worse than her various encounters with death. 

However, the heavy guilt constantly sat inside her like a tumor, cured only by confessing the worst thing she’s ever done. It would be so easy to make up some excuse, to let Rainbow leave without knowing the truth.

“Because she’s…” As tempting as it is, she couldn’t do it. The pit of regret would get deeper every passing day, it would drive her insane, and she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. Pinkamena sharply inhaled and clutched her necklace, dropping her head as her hair covered most of her face. “Scootaloo’s dead. I-I killed her.” 

The silence in the forest was so deafening it was like the creatures of the night were an audience watching them, going dramatically silent at the revelation. Pinkamena herself couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t even tell if her own heart was beating. Focusing solely on Rainbow. 

“That’s…” her mouth stretched into a forced smile as she nervously chuckled. “A really bad joke, Pinkie. Not the time either.” 

Rainbow tried to play it off, maybe because she didn’t want to believe it. Pinkamena was afraid of this, deeply hoping she wouldn’t have to convince her. Saying it at all left a sour taste in her mouth that she couldn’t stand. 

The storm picked up; a flash of light followed a boom of thunder that briefly illuminated their surroundings.

“It’s not a joke, I really…” she let go of the necklace, staring into her palm. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, the events of that night playing like a movie in her mind. “I lost control and the only thing on mind was...killing you, so I came to your apartment and Scootaloo was-” 

The energy left her as she collapsed to her knees, the strength slowly ebbing from her body. Her hair was starting to get wet and stick to her face, the icy rain almost not registering. 

“She was in the alleyway, and I thought she was you. It was dark and I-I pounced on h-her and...before I knew it her-” Pinkamena’s voice cracked as she forced her eyes open, gripping the wrist of her right hand with her colorless left one. “Her heart was in my hand! I-I watched the life leave her as she held onto my arm and ask me why I-” 

In one swift movement, Rainbow rushed forward and slammed her fist into Pinkamena’s jaw. She found herself gazing up at the sky, sprawled on the ground with a dull and throbbing pain from her dislocated jaw. 

Rainbow got on top of her chest, her knees keeping Pinkamena’s arms pinned down and face covered by her chromatic hair. For a moment, she was almost as still as a statue, aside from the rise and fall of her chest with each heavy breath. 

She began to violently beat her, each punch followed by an effortful grunt. The blunt pain was tolerable to Pinkamena, likely more painful to Rainbow than her after the first few. The hits were too frequent for anything to heal, but she couldn’t do much damage at all. It almost hurt Pinkamena that she was doing this at all, if it wasn’t for the fact that she felt it's what she deserved. 

By the time she stopped, the rain had come down harder, pouring down on both of them and washing the blood off of Pinkamena’s face. Rainbow leaned her head back towards the sky, breathing even heavier than before with mouth open and her arms hanging lifelessly at her sides. 

“Scootaloo...didn’t have a family, and didn’t know what she wanted to do in life. She didn’t have anyone to take care of her, didn’t have a lot of friends, and got bullied a lot. But…” Her voice became more bleak as she spoke, her mouth tightly biting her lower lip as the rest of her face remained hidden. “She was a good kid. Scoots looked up to me a lot as a role model because I didn’t have much either, I took her in because she reminded me of myself before my dad fucked me up. I...I loved her like a sister.” 

She let out an open sob as she lowered her head, revealing her cerise eyes, usually filled with brimming passion, were now hollow with absolute anguish and tears almost indistinguishable from the rain. 

“I wanted to be better than my dad, I wanted to be there for her. Fucking shit I turned into my dad! I was there less and less, and I left her alone! And I…” she raises her blood covered hands, her mouth opening and closing as she struggles to form words. “I wanted to save her, I wanted to save you! You made school fun, you made life fun! I spent so much time trying to find you that I neglected her, and I’m supposed to be Loyalty?” 

Her void chuckling rapidly devolved into crying as she covered her face, Pinkamena unable to bring herself to do anything more than lay beneath her. Her bruises were almost healed, and watching what her actions had done to her friend hurt more than any of the punches did. 

“And for what? For whatever you turned into? You’re barely even human anymore!” Rainbow’s hands dropped as her eyebrows furrowed, borderline screaming. “You tried to kill me, you killed Scootaloo! I don’t even want to know how many people you’ve killed. I loved Pinkie, but you aren’t her! She died whenever you disappeared three months ago, and you’re just her ghost. You wear her face, her body, her voice, her memories, but you’re not her.” 

Pinkamena’s heart dropped to her stomach, unable to think as Rainbow’s words echoed in her mind. The rain became warm compared to the chill that encompassed her body, but a very different kind than The Whispers gave her. 

“You told me this because you want me to kill you, right? It would have been easy to lie, but you couldn’t live with it, huh? Not even whoever the fuck you’ve become can live with something like that.” 

She didn’t respond, her body went completely rigid as she stared back into Rainbow’s eyes. 

“Well, fucking say something!” Rainbow shouted as she picked Pinkamena up by the collar, their faces inches apart. “Tell me I’m wrong, apologize, say something you fucking monster!” 

“...There’s nothing...I can say.” 

Rainbow stared into her eyes for a moment, like she was searching for something. Then she scoffed as she released her grip, letting Pinkamena fall to the ground. “I get it now. You’re just a shadow in an empty shell.” 

She got to her feet and picked up the bag. “You don’t deserve to get off that easily. No, I’m going to leave for a bit. What you deserve is to suffer, you have to live with what you did. I’ll be back to finish off whatever walking piece of shit is left of you, if you haven’t offed yourself by then. I owe Pinkie that much, at least.” 

The thud of her footsteps getting farther was the only thing Pinkamena could focus on, some part of her desperately hoping she would turn around and finish her off. When she left, all the other sounds became louder like she’d increased the volume on a TV. She didn’t know what to do or say, coherent thoughts failing her. 

Blood covered her face, clothes getting wetter by the minute and sticking to her body, but she couldn’t move, couldn’t even blink. Some part of her wanted to cry, but there were no more tears to shed. Nor did she have the resolve to kill herself, as much as she wanted to at that moment. 

“Happy now?” 

Alice appeared without a sound, standing over Pinkamena with her body leaning down identically as she did before. This time sans the unnaturally wide grin, or any expression at all. She almost looked bored. 

“...I’d give everything to feel nothing again.” 

Her lips pressed together and then frowned, straightening her body and clasping her hands together. 

“We’ll see about that.”  
> Epilogue: Structure.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything for Rainbow had become a mindless blur. When Pinki-Pinkamena told her about what she did, that spark of boiling rage and anguish she felt when she believed criminals had killed her came back. The hole in her filled with magma hot anger, and she hated to admit that some part of her was relieved to be angry again. 

Once she became The Silent Killer, she didn’t entirely feel like Rainbow Dash anymore. More like a machine fueled only by revenge, working toward a self-assigned goal that she purposely made unobtainable. The idea of losing Pinkie, someone Rainbow loved and fell in love with, was too much to deal with. Losing herself in trying to get rid of the criminals that killed Pinkie is what caused her to lose Scootaloo instead. 

Then, when everything happened and it set in that she killed all those people for almost nothing, the emptiness was heavier than anything else she’d felt. The anger burned out and there was nothing left but a gaping pit. Now, another cornucopia of emotions fit itself right into that hole. Her best friend that she’d done all that for had degraded into someone almost unrecognizable, and had murdered a child that Rainbow had considered family. 

She wanted to kill her more than anything at that moment, but her feelings for Pinkie stubbornly persisted. The second she got out of sight, Rainbow broke down for the first time in too long. Everything over the summer had piled up, and it got to the point where she nearly choked on everything she’d been bottling up. 

All Rainbow was left with were questions, and unyielding fury that threatened to bubble to the surface at any moment. However, at the moment, she didn’t have it in her to be angry anymore. Nor did she have the energy to do anything. Scootaloo’s death, Pinkamena’s descent, everything had become too much and she could barely think straight. The bottle inside her that held her emotions now had nothing left. The only thought left was for Rainbow to take the bag she had gotten and get away from everything. She didn’t have it in her to do anything here. At least, not now. 

It didn’t take her long to end up at a bus stop, sometime around three in the morning and no one around. Standing and waiting for a bus while holding the bag in her hand, doing her best to keep her mind turned off. Not even caring where she wanted to go, just planning on getting on the first bus and waiting until the last stop, then going to the nearest airport and getting the cheapest ticket. The last thing she wanted was to think. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw some old man walk around the corner. Wearing a white muscle shirt that barely clang to his body, worn out brown khakis with sandals, and gray hair barely bigger than a buzz cut. Holding a beer can in his hand with a cigarette in between his fingers, his eyes half closed as he glared at her. 

She immediately noted the deep scar on his face and the various calluses on his knuckles, giving her the impression this guy is probably trouble.

“Your Rainbow Dash?” 

His words came out slurred and void of any actual interest, taking a sip from the can and then placing the lit cigarette in his mouth. 

She peered at him without moving her head, tightening her grip on the bag as her entire body tensed. “Maybe. Who’s asking?” 

“The guy that killed your mom.” 

Those words, said with such callousness, sent a chilling shiver down her spine and hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. Rainbow slowly turned to face him, dropping the bag onto the ground with a deafening thud. 

“Old man, you’re making a mistake. Either you're lying and I’m going to give you a chance to walk away, or you chose the worst possible night to do this.” 

“Heh, ‘old man’.” he said with a scoff and a dismissive shake of his head. “Never thought I’d live long enough to be called that.”

He lowered his gaze to her hand, then back up to her with little more than a blink. She barely even noticed how tightly her hands were clenched. Even with how little energy she had at that moment, there was zero doubt she could kill this husk of a man in a moment if there’s any truth to what he’s saying. 

“I can see that. Problem is, that's a get-away bag you’re holding there. In the middle of a near abandoned bus station when one's not coming for a while, because you’ve got nothing better to do. It’s tonight, or not at all.” 

The acerbic tone in his voice was extremely grating to her ears, grinding her teeth together as her body trembled, trying her best not to give in to her rage for a second time tonight. “Then why bother? Why now? You got some kind of death wish or something?” 

The chuckling and way he sneered in response nearly made her see red, but the part of her that had been asking for years why someone would do something as horrible as killing a pregnant woman held out. 

“I’ve been drinking a pack of beer and smoking every day for years, I’ve had a death wish for a while. Not what I’m here for, though. Well, not exactly.” 

“Then why are you here?” 

“To make you a badass.” 

Her expression dropped as she raised her head, questioning what she heard and trying to read if he was being serious or not. “What...did someone send you? What are you talking about?” 

“Yeah, someone did, but it's not why I’m here. I’m old, but not as near death as I’d like to be. I sit in my shitty place watching shitty shows and wishing I was back in my prime, or at least had a kid or something. But no, I got nothing and can do nothing. He gave me an opportunity to do something for the brat whose mom I killed, so why the fuck not?” 

The lack of any sign that regret killing her irked Rainbow in ways few things could. She lowered her body and dug in her heels, running out of reasons not to take this guy down before he said anything else that would push her over the edge. 

“What’s stopping me from giving you what you want, then?” 

“You certainly could. I wouldn’t resist, either. Doesn’t make a lick of difference to me. But if you do, you’ll never learn what happened to your dad.” 

“You…” the anger slowly ebbed out of her body as she straightened herself, finding it difficult to remain calm in the face of an opportunity she never thought she’d have. “Know what happened to my dad?”. 

With a visible smugness, he brought the cigarette back to his mouth, keeping eye contact and staying silent for a stiff thirty seconds. “Oh yeah. Me and one other person, but if you’re unlucky enough to get a hand with that joker, you might as well fold. That unhinged fuck is as likely to turn you into a walking plushie then answer a question.” 

His tone quickly shifted from uncaring to disgust at the mention of this unnamed person, but wondering who that person was couldn’t be further from her mind. Rainbow stood as still as she could manage, closing her eyes and deeply inhaling. Of all the things she could have piled onto her, why did this have to happen now? She came to this bus station wanting to get away from being TSK, Pinkie, Scootaloo, everything!

Now…this. Meeting the murderer of her mother, and apparently one of two people that knows what happened to her father. ‘Conflicted’ couldn’t come close to describing how this made her feel. 

“So, lemme get this straight. Either I kill you and never learn what happened to my dad, or, what, I become your student or some shit?” 

“Pretty much.” he mumbled as he tossed the beer can into a trash bin. 

“What can a geezer like you even teach me?” 

He opened his mouth to say something, but stuck the cigarette in it and closed it instead. He remained silent as he walked in a circle around Rainbow. She physically cringed at the feeling of him checking her out, prepared to break anything if he tried to touch her with. 

“Well, for starters, you’re too reliant on weapons.” he exclaimed as he stood in front of her again, eyes raising to meet hers. “I only know bits and pieces about your hobby as a vigilante, but I’m guessing you relied on guns and knives a little too much. Without them, you're defenseless and get your ass kicked, right?” 

Rainbow didn’t say anything, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being right. After a few seconds, he gave an affirmative grunt, taking the cigarette and putting it out on the ground in front of him. 

“That’s not your biggest problem though, is it? No, that would be…” he leaned forward close enough for her to smell the smoke and alcohol on his breath, taking every amount of self-control she had not to hit him. “Your resolve. You’ve got no drive, running off anger or some crap.” 

Again, she didn’t say anything. He backed away from her and crossed his arms. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” 

“Fuck you.” Rainbow spat the words with a venomous tone. “I’m just supposed to let you train me, then what? I walk away, and you get to live your ‘shitty life’?” 

“Ha, hell no. and I wouldn’t expect you to.” he laughed with almost boastful carelessness, not even bothered by the spit as he wiped it off. “You can kill me when we’re done. I don’t give a crap. I’m doing this mostly out of boredom, how it turns out doesn’t concern me.” 

Everything about this guy was pissing Rainbow off, his absolute lack of care beyond infuriating. It would be so easy to turn him down and be done with it, but she knew she’d hate herself for never finding out the truth. 

He remained silent as she glared at him like looks could kill. She gave the offer thought, the repercussions of what she decides not something she can afford to ignore. Leaving would solve little since Rainbow intends to come back here later anyway, but from the looks of the guy, he might not be alive then. If she goes with him, she’ll learn everything she ever wanted to. Along with improving herself if he wasn’t bullshitting. 

It might be because of how physically exhausted she was, or her mental state, but to Rainbow there really only was one option. 

“Fine.” Rainbow leaned down and picked up the bag. “The second you try anything, I will fucking kill you.”

“Sounds like a win-win then.”  

She was tempted to knock him on his ass right then, but held herself back and settled on growling at him instead. 

“What’s your name anyway?” 

He turned around and began walking the opposite way, gesturing for her to follow. She did so reluctantly, but kept her distance the whole way. 

“Wind Rider.”

______________


It took Vincent a matter of days to get back to full health, his fat and muscle finally growing back. Discord gave him his first task, which he intended to follow through with despite how much he knew he was going to hate it. 

Contacting Chrysalis. 

He found it almost astounding how that snake masquerading as a person still lived. However, like the insect she is, Chrysalis always managed to get away somehow. Being in a room with her for longer than a few minutes already irked him, but Discord said he would be busy and that this would also be a good way for Vincent to get used to the world. 

Even though he had seen just this city alone in documentaries and videos close to a hundred times, it didn’t prepare for seeing it in person. Especially not in the daytime when vampires had never been able to walk around in the daylight before, but apparently thanks to sunscreen he can. 

The carriages made of metal speeding by like the currents of a river, the hundreds of people walking and chatting on the sidewalk, all of it was nearly overwhelming. On multiple occasions, he had to stop, but luckily the location he needed to get to wasn’t very far. Discord provided him with enough sunscreen to get there and back three times over, twice the amount of blood packs he would need, and an extremely detailed map of the location. All held in a small bag he sometimes forgot was there.

Discord was very vague about the details on her, whether that’s because he didn’t know much or just didn’t think Vincent would understand it was a coin toss. All he knew was that Chrysalis and the rest of the skinwalkers owned some sort of cellphone company, and were stationed in a large building. Walking into a building crawling with those cretins was an unsettling thought, but if he understood how things were today, he likely wasn’t in any danger. 

The building itself had to be a dozen or so floors easily, with an amount of windows that would take him too long to count. Seeing something so large in person was astonishing considering how small the buildings were in his time. He entered through automatic doors and found himself surprised at how well...furnished the place is. Various chairs made out of leather, large plants in vases, even a vending machine. The words ‘Obligate Mobile’ in black and green letters on the wall across from him, which he assumed was the name of the company.

Vincent noticed a desk with a computer and a woman sitting behind it, which he guessed was the receptionist. 

“Excuse me.” Vincent asked as he approached her, his strong Latin accent present. “I’m here to see someone.” 

She kept her eyes on the screen of the computer, not even glancing at him as she typed on the keyboard with impressive speeds. “Hello, do you have an appointment?” 

“No. I’m just here to talk to Chrysalis.” 

The mention of Chrysalis made her freeze up instantly, eyes widening as they met his. He almost questioned if her heart stopped, but he’s a vampire and could hear each irregular heartbeat. Even the blood coursing through her veins if he concentrated. 

“G-give me a moment.” she stuttered out, slack jawed and evidently worried about something. She placed her finger on a telephone machine that sat beside her, leaning down and saying something into it. “Ma’m, someone is here to see you. He knows your name.” 

A few moments of tense silence passed, even the handful of other people in there seemed almost afraid to make a noise. 

“... Send him up.” 

The receptionist let out a heavy sigh as she lifted her finger off the button, the other people in the room continuing their conversations wherever they left off. 

“Go to floor 12 and head to the back. She’s waiting for you.” 

The woman reluctantly went back to typing on the keyboard, though with a noticeably slower pace and heartbeat that wouldn’t stabilize. As Vincent walked to the nearest elevator, he couldn’t let himself relax over the sound of their heavy breathing and drumming heartbeats. Despite how composed they attempted to be, none of them have been able to calm down since he said her name. 

On top of that, he could tell they were watching him, a feeling he was all too familiar with. 

Luckily, he got to the twelfth floor with little trouble. No one there even glanced at him as he walked by. The door in the back had the words ‘CEO Office’ on the front, which really shouldn’t have surprised him that she crawled her way to the top. Her lust for power and control was stronger than anything he’d ever encountered in another being. 

The room was about what he’d expect it to be. Glass wall that showed the outside, A fancier desk than the one he saw before with even more stuff on it, along with a chair on each side. A small alcohol bar to the right of the room, a mini-fridge, and a T.V. on the opposite side. She really made herself a home here, fitting for a queen’s lair. 

“Sit down. If you know my name, then I presume we have much to talk about.” 

Her voice was as cold and assertive as he remembered it to be, to the point where it set him on edge just to hear her talk. However, he needed her help, and has seen firsthand her capabilities to get whatever she wants on multiple occasions. He sat down in the white chair opposite of her,, admittedly finding it more comfortable than the chair he’d been forced in the past month or so. 

Like a villain in some of the hundreds of movies Discord made him watch, she turned her chair around to face him with a Persian cat in her lap, revealing the newest face she’s put on in a line of many. 

Her skin was mink gray, contrasted by her silk like cerulean hair, which was also riddled with various sized holes near the end like swiss cheese. Green and black eyes that were more human than he remembered, covered by a pair of black glasses. A single bang strayed from the rest of her hair, which was held back by a hair clip resembling a tree branch, hoop-like earrings dangling from her ears. 

She wore a black buttoned up business suit that showed off most of her cleavage, connected to a long skirt, anything else Vincent couldn’t see. Honestly, he was surprised she was wearing so much clothing. Chrysalis always used sex appeal to manipulate the countless men in power. Seeing her wearing clothes in an almost dignified way was the last thing he expected. 

“Vincentius? Shouldn’t you be at the bottom of the ocean? When I heard a guy showed up who knew my true name, I can't say you’re who came to mind. I’m surprised.” 

The absolute lack of change in her voice as she kept petting her cat told him otherwise. Her eyes told him she’s bored, but the ghost of a smirk on her face was her way of telling him she was in control and was enjoying it. It would seem that over the time he’s been gone, Chrysalis has decided that she’d had enough of controlling the men in power and just do so herself. 

“I go by Vincent now, Discord told me it's better to have a more modern name.”

“... Discord?” Her petting stopped, the smile on her face dropping for a fraction of a second before coming back just as quickly. “That walking relic is finally making his move? I wonder if that’s a coincidence or not. Interesting.” 

She put her cat on the ground and leaned forward, placing her finger on a sign laying at the edge of her desk. The words ‘Ms. Moon Beam’ engraved onto it. 

“I go by Moon Beam now. Unless I’m sleeping with you or I think you’re cute, nicknames aren’t allowed.” 

“I’m not interested in becoming friendly enough with you for that, nor do I intend to court you. Your help is needed to get rid of Prodigium, that is all.” 

“Ohhhh, Prodigium, huh?” she cooed as she propped her head on her hands. “Not a coincidence, then. I was wondering who was going to approach me first, secretly hoping it was Discord. He always has the best surprises. Knowing him, he probably has a werewolf or-” 

“Will you help us or not? I wasted enough time in a coffin, I refuse to waste anymore. Especially not with a neque tinea cute!” Vincent shouted as he bared his fangs at her, barely able to hold back his disdain for her. 

“Oh, stop! You’re making me blush.” Chrysalis said playfully as she stood up, turning around and walking up to the window behind her. She clasped her hands behind her back. The cat sat itself beside Vincent and stared up at him. 

“Of course I’ll help you. Wouldn’t have bothered to let you up here just to turn you away. However, let’s talk a bit about Dissy. Why do you think he’s doing all this, hm? Pulling up an artifact like you, getting in contact with me, all just to go after Prodigium? You were a lot of things, Vincent, but dumb wasn’t one of them”

The cat stood up and placed its paws on the edge of the chair, meowing at him. He ignored it. There was enough cat worship in Egypt, seeing them now just made him nostalgic in a bad way. 

“I didn’t. But, since you love hearing yourself talk, I’m sure you’re going to explain it to me.” 

“I see the ocean didn’t wash the snark out of you, good.” Chrysalis scoffed as she brought her right hand to her stomach, tracing it like she was drawing something. “He’s just another piece, a rook at most. I’m sure Discord’s got more things lying around somewhere he’s digging up. The grapevine says some mysterious man has been going around and throwing money to groups with nothing more than maps and coordinates. Whatever he’s having them do scares them too much for any of them to say what they found, but for certain none of them came back empty-handed.” 

She sighed as she snapped her fingers, the cat's head snapping towards her. It lowered its body and made its way to her. 

“This is all an enormous set up. He doesn’t want Prodigium, or something as petty as revenge. No, he just wants as many bargaining chips as he can get for when the big cheese comes. And oh, is he coming soon.” 

“You...are you talking about?” Vincents' grip on the chair tightened as he was struck with fear, the plastic at the end beginning to bend as he struggled to control himself. 

“Certainly. Equitem gravatus bellerophontem approaches. My mark has been getting just a bit warmer, barely noticeable at all. I’m sure it's been the same for him, that’s why he started all this recently. Sadly, it's not like a timer. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few years, but he’s coming. Not even my information gathering skills could tell you why.” 

“But...why!? What would Discord have to gain? He’s already immortal, and smart enough to know non est optio negotion!” 

Vincent’s voice began to shake as he slipped into his mother’s tongue, veins around his eyes pulsating violently. Without turning around, she pointed at the bar on the right side of the room. The cat obeyed it like a command and pranced over to it. 

“Isn’t it obvious? For the one thing he can get out of him that nothing else can: Death. This is all just the world's longest suicide attempt, and you’re being strung along. Sure, he might have saved you and whoever else he’s convincing to join his suicide squad. He’ll likely give you whatever he’s promised, but what does that matter when it comes? All he’ll care about is his own fate, and he’ll leave the rest of you to pay that price.” 

There was an undeniable longing in her voice, like an old woman telling stories of her prime. Vincent’s rage boiled over as he jumped out of the chair.

“And what do you offer instead? Your house of glass? Your skin stealing drones? Your pets!” He exclaimed as he gestured to the cat. 

Chrysalis raised her eyes as she turned to him, following his hand to her cat. “Who, Talamy? She’s not my pet, she’s my assistant. She just likes the attention from being a cat.” 

She whistled in the cat's direction. In response, a balefire of bright green flame erupted from the spot the cat was. It rapidly got bigger and then abruptly evaporated, vanishing without any ash or sign it had been there at all. 

A woman now stood in place of the cat, completely naked. Skin as white as the cat’s fur had been, ebony black hair that went down to her shoulders and piercing yellow eyes. She took a deep breath and walked behind the bar, pulling a bottle of something out of the fridge and two large glasses. 

“You’re such a haughty man, Vinny, even for a vampire. Won’t even pet a cute cat a single time when she’s begging for it.” she spoke with a Swedish accent, giving him a wink and then turning her attention to the drinks. 

Vincent stood there momentarily stunned, disgusted by both the nickname and how close he let one of the skinwalkers get to him without even noticing. 

“Anyway, you seem to misunderstand something. I’m not asking you to betray him and come to my side, I don’t benefit from carving out such a divide. Please, go along with his plans, do what he says. All I’m asking you to do is to help me ensure his desire for self-destruction doesn’t destroy the rest of us, be a little selfish.” 

She sat back down in her chair as Talamy brought her a glass filled with a thick white liquid, sitting on the desk beside her. Vincent’s rage faded as he considered her words, reaching into his bag and pulling out one of the blood packs. He closed his eyes as the bloodlust receded. 

“Give me one thing.” 

Vincent cleaned his mouth and put the empty bag back in the bag, picking up the chair and sitting down in it. 

“What do you gain out of this? I’ve known you since you were wearing your ‘Cleopatra’ mask, and I’m certain you never do anything without benefiting. Self-preservation hasn’t been enough before, you want something. What?” 

“Oooh, I like this one. Where have you been all my life? Oh yeah, at the bottom of the ocean, sorry.” Talamy said with an ardent giggle, taking a sip from her glass. 

Chrysalis said nothing as she tapped her finger against her desk, eyes closed and an unreadable expression on her face. She reached up and took her glasses off, then brought her hands to her eyes and pulled small, circular contacts out. She placed them on the lens of the glasses, leaning forward to where he could see his reflection in them, which was flipped upside down. They were also now more snake like, just how he remembered them.

“Isn’t that obvious? I want to kill god.”