Midnight Sparkle, history's most terrifying monster, looked into her bathroom mirror. She seemed to see a nerdy, spectacled girl with a hair-bun, who returned Midnight's gaze fearlessly.
"You are not me!" Midnight said. "You could never be me! You could never accomplish what I have accomplished!" Midnight's eyes and spectral forehead horn glowed crimson with her anger.
The nerdy girl snorted. "You ARE me. All that you are, all of your power, is built of me."
"I am better than you! I am so much more powerful than you!"
"You gave up everything you most wanted, Midnight."
"I have everything I wanted! Everything WE wanted! And soon I will have EVEN MORE!"
"When was the last time you read a book just for fun? When was the last time you learned something just because you wanted to? When was the last time you were nice to someone?"
"I have built a mighty empire! I have taken so much magic into myself! And I will get even more!"
"Yeah," the nerd said. "That's what I thought. You think you have everything. But you've LOST everything."
The demonically glowing creature staring into the mirror howled in rage. She shot a powerful beam of swirling darkness at her reflection. The mirror exploded, hurling splinters of glass in every direction with terrible force.
Midnight was mostly unscathed, having reflexively raised a diamond-hard magical defense shield just in time. The rest of the bathroom, though, was in bad shape. Sharp edges and points of glass protruded from the walls and ceiling. That wouldn't be too bad, so long as no one came in who had a normal human vulnerability to cuts and stab wounds. The floor's jagged cracks and ominous creaking might bode a structural collapse, though. Suddenly one of the walls started spurting a jet of hot water.
"Darn me," Midnight said, waving her hand as the door opened and a cellphone levitated into the room. "Hello? Physical Services? Is Fortress-House Number Fifteen ready? I'll need some movers, stat. And have a repair crew come out to Thirteen in the morning."
Midnight walked out of her bathroom, through a hall, and onto a balcony. She spread her half-ethereal wings, leaped onto the balcony's railing, and stepped out onto thin air. With a sound somewhat like rustling newspaper, or perhaps the roaring and crackling of burning books, her wings flapped as she rose into the darkness.
On the moon far above, anyone not too afraid to look out into the night could see the outline of a winged unicorn-girl monster, and the words "DO NOT TEST ME."
***
As the monstrous creature flew through the night, she thought about her achievements and her hopes.
She had searched much of the earth, finding different relics and remnants of misplaced Equestrian magic, from which she had sucked out the power in order to augment her own. For most humans, Midnight's abilities were literally beyond imagining. Midnight intentionally did not display the greater portion of her powers openly. She didn't want any future adversaries to understand what they were up against.
But even while keeping most of her powers hidden in reserve, Midnight had brought most of the earth under her heel. Practically every government ackowledged her as its overlord, permitting her a veto on its actions. Any world leader she chose to telephone would accept her call, probably with a lot of nervousness.
The one realm in which Midnight had so far failed was the conquest of the extradimensional world of Equestria. Much to her disappointment, the rifts connecting her own world to Equestria had somehow closed. Midnight suspected her own other-world counterpart, the notorious Equestrian Princess Sparkle, had been involved.
Soon after the healing of the rifts, Midnight's plans to invade Equestria had suffered another setback. Terrorists had destroyed the Canterlot High statue plinth, which had been rumored to contain a seasonally active portal to Equestria. Midnight had been so angry!
But the terrorists had never been found. Even so, Midnight had expressed her displeasure by rounding up everyone in that part of Canterlot, so she could destroy their school and surrounding homes. Crystal Prep's rival was no more. Not that Midnight cared about that other than to laugh. The games she now played were not for school trophies, but for entire worlds.
Midnight looked up at the sky, admiring her redecoration of the moon. For a moment, with the wind blowing in Midnight's eyes, her self-portrait seemed to blur. Did it resemble that repressed nerd she used to be?
"Did you say conquering Equestria was the one realm where you've so far failed?" the girl seemed to say. "I think there are two realms where you've failed to achieve your goals. How much new science have you done lately?"
Midnight shook her fist at the moon. "I have to finish securing my empire first! When I have a fully compliant and obedient world in which to work, I will achieve discoveries of which no man has ever yet dreamed! Someday!"
A voice seemed to echo in the night. "Someday...someday..."
"But not now," Midnight said sadly to herself. "Not for now."
Midnight descended to a lower altitude, as she approached another of her fortified homes. Midnight had designed their automated security systems herself. The intelligent computers and sensors recognized her distinctive appearance and magically enhanced metabolism. They refused to shoot her out of the air with cruise missiles, singe her with laser beams, or perforate her wings and torso with boring old rapid-fire bullets.
Instead, the integrated systems flashed their signal beacon lights in code to welcome her. Tiny, computer-controlled helicopter drones and fixed-wing aircraft flew up to meet her, and circled her in ever-changing flight patterns, providing a protective perimeter. Midnight smiled. Everything was working as designed.
She spread her wings wide and almost motionless, to drift slowly downward like a dandelion seed through the calm air. On nights like this, she told herself, it was surely worth it. Wouldn't she do it all again? She told herself she would.
Gently as that dandelion seed, the world's most terrifying monster landed on her balcony.
Pinkie Pie smiled. "I'm here to throw you a party." She gestured at a home-made sheet cake on the dining room table. The cake's frosting depicted the girlish Twilight Sparkle. A girl who was fully and merely human. The girl who Midnight had once been.
On one of the walls hung a banner, with the message, "We know you're still in there, Twilight! Please come out and play and be you again!"
Rainbow Dash held out an awkwardly wrapped package. "I got this for you, Twilight." Midnight instantly surrounded herself in a scintillating, sapphire-colored shield that gleamed like a million tiny gems. Midnight's magic reached out and tore the wrapping paper open.
The World-Empress laughed. "A Daring Do book. Useless! Fit only for children!"
Rainbow shrugged. "It's fun."
"Fun! Fun is for fools!"
Applejack said, "I got you some gourmet apples." She held out a basket.
Midnight smiled, showing a frightening amount of teeth. "Now THAT is a worthy gift. Delicious AND healthy. Not like this useless CAKE!" the dictator shouted. Magical force crushed the cake into a smeary, sugary paste.
Fluttershy said, "I got you this," and showed Midnight a stuffed toy dog. "I was afraid to get you a real one. Because you've been too mean lately, and you might hurt it."
"Spike!" Midnight shouted angrily. "You dare remind me of Spike?"
Hearing his name, the dog shambled awkwardly into the room. "Hello," he said. "Pleased to meet you girls. My name is Spike."
Rainbow clenched her fists and said, "That's not Spike. The real Spike would remember who we are."
"Well I'M SORRY!" Midnight said, "Spike DIED in the magical fight you girls picked! Sunset Shimmer's falling body CRUSHED HIM TO DEATH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! So this animatronic taxidermy version is ALL I HAVE!" Midnight started crying.
"I'm very sorry about your dog dying," Fluttershy said. "He seemed very nice. We're all very sorry." The other girls agreed. "It's terrible to lose a friend. But he doesn't have to be the only friend you ever have."
"Oh, I suppose you girls want to be my friends?" Midnight said.
"If you'd let us," Fluttershy said bravely.
"Let me tell you who wants to be my friend," Midnight said. "You've heard of Justin Timberwake? He wants to be my friend."
Fluttershy said softly, "I'm sure that's very nice."
"If any of you haven't heard of Justin, maybe you've heard of the President of the United States?"
"Who hasn't?" Rainbow said. "Oh. I guess that was one of those questions you ask because you know everybody knows the answer."
"Have you heard of Michael Jackspone?"
"Who?" Rainbow asked.
Rarity explained, "The amusement park mogul, dears. Although what with his health problems, he isn't much in the public eye. Rumor has it he's turned entirely...well, never mind. The point is, he's a big deal. And quite a patron of fashion, too."
Midnight continued, "To help me feed my armies, I've told the agricultural scientist Norman Borehog that he has to be my friend, whether he likes it or not. I've given more millions of dollars to his research projects than any of YOU girls could probably count."
Pinkie Pie said, "Approximately eight hundred ninety-two million, as of this April."
Midnight looked astounded. "How?"
"I'm minoring in accounting, so I did a research project. Party management has a lot of dimensions, if you're thinking big. And researching Norman Borehog's research budget was a good research topic for me to research. Norman Borehog is trying to make sure everyone in the world has enough to eat! That's even harder than just making sure there's enough flour and sugar to make sure everyone in the world can have their own birthday cake."
Midnight remarked, "You seem to be well-informed about my...secret research budget. You might think this is the first time any of you girls have impressed me tonight. But this is at least the second time. When I found you in this room, and you weren't already dead before I even found you? That was the first time."
"Thank you!" Pinkie said. "Do you like being impressed?"
Midnight rubbed her chin. "I'm not used to it. I'm not sure yet. But it was certainly a surprise."
"Most of the best surprise parties are!" Pinkie said.
"Speaking of surprise parties," Midnight said, "You girls seem to have brought me some gifts. But why should I be the only one to receive gifts tonight? I want to offer you girls a gift."
Fluttershy said in a tiny voice, "Is this the kind of gift that we would actually want?"
"Oh," Midnight said, "Just about anyone would want it."
Pinkie jumped up and down. "You want to be our friend! And to stop being all evil! Hurray!"
"I wouldn't go THAT far," Twilight said. "But it is something I think you'll want. Don't you want to find out what it is?"
Rarity said, "If you insist. What wonderful present do you plan to give us?"
"With certain conditions," Midnight said, "even though you broke into my fortress home, I am willing to let you keep your lives."
Rainbow said, "That's not a gift! That's just offering to not take something away from us!"
Rarity added, "With certain CONDITIONS doesn't sound like a gift. That sounds more like extortion."
Midnight said, "You catch on fast. But I still think I'm offering you something you want."
Rarity said, "What are these conditions?"
Midnight grinned evilly. "You have to tell me how you got in here and stayed alive."
"Oh!" Rainbow said, "That's easy!" Fluttershy put her hand over Rainbow's mouth.
"First," Rarity said, "You have to make us a promise. You have to promise not to harm whoever helped us."
"What? I will make no such promise."
"Very well then," Rarity said. "You have to promise to CONSIDER not harming whoever helped us. Because I believe the person who let us in had your best interests in mind."
Midnight looked skeptical.
"Dear, if you hurt them, I believe it will hurt you more than it will hurt us."
"Fine!" Midnight said. "I only have to promise to CONSIDER not hurting them, right? That's not too much to ask. As World-Empress, I may CONSIDER anything I please."
Rarity nodded.
Off to one side, Midnight heard something dragging across the floor.
"Don't hurt him!" Fluttershy shouted. Midnight turned her horn towards the sound, ready to destroy any possible threat.
"Oh!" She laughed. "It's just you, Spike! Here I thought maybe the girls were distracting me so some other enemy could make a sneak attack!"
Rarity said, "Spike has the gift I brought you. It's for any girl who cares to see her own beauty."
The animatronic taxidermy dog adjusted the wrapped package's position, and used his teeth to pull off the cloth covering. A large circular mirror was exposed, with a base that tilted it upward towards Midnight.
"Especially," Rarity said, "her inner beauty."
Midnight looked at the nerdy, innocent, NICE girl in the mirror. "How..." she said. "Who told you girls? How far do the treason and betrayal GO?"
Spike said, "I see you talking to your mirror all the time. And waking up from weird nightmares where you're arguing with yourself. You always act angry. But after I watched you long enough, I finally understood. On the inside, you're sad and lonely. You get to do hardly anything you really want to. You have to spend all your time crushing anybody who might oppose you. And preparing to crush anybody who might oppose you. And just once in a while, you spend a few hours pretending to be real friends with some of the famous and powerful people who are terrified of you. I think the last time you had any fun was last year, when you let yourself joke about plant epigenetics with Norman Borehog for a few minutes."
"So?" Midnight said. "What choice to I have? Suppose I just try to give it up one day. I've terrified millions of people. No, billions of people. Do you think none of them will try to get back at me? The line of people waiting to get back at me will be so long...by the time Jane Average gets to get back at me, there won't be anything left of me to get back at!" Midnight pointed at the sheet cake Pinkie had brought. "I'll already be smashed flatter than that cake!"
"It's a sad predicament," Rarity said. "You seized power over the whole world, and you're left without any power of choice at all. Or that's how it seems. If only someone would bring you a way out, maybe as a birthday present..." Rarity smiled secretively.
Midnight looked searchingly at the mirror. "That isn't just a mirror, is it?"
Rarity smiled. "Have you ever heard of Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
Midnight laughed. "Have I? She's only one of the most powerful people--I mean, ponies--on the other side of the dimensional barrier! My trans-dimensional, other-world counterpart! My nemesis! My...oh. Are you saying she did something to that mirror?"
"She enchanted it. It's an escape portal to Equestria."
Midnight said, "After these years of struggle, she's just GIVING me a portal to Equestria?"
"Well," Rarity said, "there are a few conditions."
Midnight laughed. "This I've got to hear."
"One," Rarity said, "while a human visits Equestria, the human takes on the form of an Equestrian pony. Because you're Princess Twilight's human counterpart, we believe you would turn into a unicorn."
"A unicorn? With a magical horn?"
"Yes," Rarity confirmed. "With your own natural magic."
Midnight giggled. "What are the other conditions?"
"You have to promise not to try to conquer or invade Equestria. To not become any kind of actively evil mastermind while you're there."
"I think I've had my fill of evil world conquest for a lifetime," Midnight said. "If the Equestrian government is in danger of being conquered by evil forces, I suppose I might consider being a general for the good gals. But I don't promise to do even that much fighting."
"That sounds fair," Rarity said. "There is a third condition too. Remember that magic you stole to help you become Midnight Sparkle? You might have to let it go back to where it came from. Twilight's spell on this mirror is supposed to help her regain what you extracted from her crown."
Midnight shrugged. "I suppose neither she nor I have any choice. She probably can't invite me into Equestria while I have all the stolen magical power of a world conqueror. Letting me have natural unicorn magic of my own, while she tries to return my stolen magic to its rightful place, seems like a good compromise. It's a much better deal than I would have dared to ask her for."
"Well, then," Rarity said. "How long do you think it will take you to wrap things up here?"
Midnight grinned at Rainbow Dash. "Do you remember how I said those Daring Do books are a waste of time? Maybe that's not entirely true."
Applejack gasped theatrically. "The evil monster who conquered the world with stolen magic FIBBED to us?" She chuckled.
Midnight asked, "Do you remember what happened at the ends of the books, to some of those elaborate temples and mazes where Daring Do and her rivals were racing to retrieve some dangerous artifact?"
Rainbow said, "A lot of them just collapsed for some reason. I don't know why? I guess they were really old."
Midnight said, "When you have a building that harbors powerful, dangerous tools that could be used to harm the world...sometimes it's better to have it destroy itself and its secrets than to let just anyone plunder it and misuse what they get."
Rainbow spread her wings with excitement. "Now I get it! Your evil empire's bases have a secret self destruct button! I always wondered why the evil masterminds would put those in."
"Yeah," Applejack said. "Seems like if you just left that out, you could take the money you saved and spend it on a better ventilation system."
Midnight pulled a cellphone out of her pocket. "If I'm not around to misuse my evil empire's oppression amenities, why should anyone else have the fun? Spike, you know how this works."
Spike barked a numeric code into the phone.
A recorded message started playing over a PA system built into the fortress-home, warning everyone in the building. "Self-destruct system activated. Prepare for evacuation. And don't try to steal any office supplies, especially the deadly ones. Thieves of deadly oppression tools will be targeted by the defense drones and robo-lasers. Using an amazing invention created by your World-Empress, this message will now repeat in sign language and Braille."
"Goodbye, worldwide evil empire, your day of destruction has come," Midnight said. "Girls, now that the self-destruct system is activated, the automatic defenses will let you escape. It's just trying to stay for too long, or trying to come back, that will be a problem."
"Do you want to take anything with you?" Applejack asked. "Ah can help you carry stuff to the mirror."
Midnight looked around thoughtfully. She went to the dining room table and took a less severely crushed corner of the cake. She nibbled it, and wrapped some more cake in a napkin. "Thank you for the best surprise party ever."
"Hurray!" Pinkie Pie said. "Party is a SUCCESS!"
"Also," Midnight said, "I wish someone would say goodbye to Norman Borehog for me. Helping him fight the world's famines is the one part of my whole world conquest project that wasn't a complete waste. Well, that and public address systems that make announcements in sign language and Braille. Those are good too."
"I'll tell him you said that," Pinkie replied cheerfully.
Midnight scooped up her animatronic dog. "What will going through the portal do to Spike?" the soon-to-be-ex-villain asked. "Will he be okay?"
"I don't know what it'll turn him into," Pinkie said. "The Equestrian Spike is a baby dragon. But whatever he becomes, it's sure to be funny! And probably really cute too!"
Midnight stepped into the mirror, falling through its surface. "Good-b--"
