How to Catch a Twilight
From behind a tree in the town square of Ponyville, you hid with Rainbow Dash, eyeing your next target. You were scouting out the hollowed-out tree she called her home, The Golden Oaks library, checking to see if she was in. She probably was, given that she was a nerd, anti-social for the most part and had a tendency to muck about with her studies the majority of the time.
''Ugh!'' Rainbow Dash groaned from beside you, her back resting against the trunk of the large tree as her magenta eyes rolled up to face you, an impatient frown on her face. ''Well, what're you waiting for? Do you plan to spy on her all day or something?''
''Patience, Dashie,'' You shushed her, confident in your approach to the situation. She hated it when you called her that. It always sounded weird coming from your lips, she had once told you, so you said it anyway to tease her. The blush and soft glare she gave you was worth it. ''I'm checking to see if she's inside. Once I know, I'll figure out a way to get her,'' You said thoughtfully, momentarily glancing away from Rainbow to peer around the tree again, your eyes skimming between the windows of the library.
''So....?'' Dash coaxed slowly. ''Is she in, or what?''
''Yep, she's in; top floor!'' You said, and Rainbow's eyes perked before she peered around the other side of the tree, gazing up to try and spot where you were looking. It didn't take but a moment to pick out the purple unicorn on the balcony with a book in front of her face, resting on her stomach while she read. You only managed to see the top of her head and horn.
''Okay, Captain Prankster, any bright ideas on how to get her down here?'' Rainbow sneered sarcastically, clearly not hopeful this was going to work. You turned to give her a mock-shocked look, fake hurt in your eyes.
''Oh, ye of little faith, Rainbow Dash!'' You said like a hurt damsel, your words reminiscent somewhat of Dutch van der Linde. ''What happened to you, anyway? You used to be fun to hang out with. Since when did you turn so sour on me?'' Your clasped your hand over your mouth to hide a loud gasp. ''Are you jealous of my amazing prankster prowess?!''
''As if!'' She scoffed, punching your arm. ''The only pony who can out-prank me is Pinkie Pie! That girl can pull a prank on anybody without them knowing it,'' She shivered at the ghastly thought of spontaneous, random pranks from Pinkie. It could literally be anything, and she was a god in the art, so much so she had a reputation around town called The Pink El Diablo!
''Wait, are you sour because I made you kiss Applejack?'' You said with a teasing grin. Dash's cheeks immediately set ablaze, a dark crimson. You gave her a playful, ''aww!'' and tugged her little cyan cheeks. In retaliation, she snapped her teeth at you in warning, and her blush deepened. You only chuckled at her reaction. ''...You liked it, didn't you?''
''So what if I did, it was a stupid prank anyway...'' She muttered under her breath, clearly embarrassed. ''Anyway, never mind that! You still haven't told me how you plan on luring Twilight down here! Care to enlighten me, Professor Prank?''
''Indeed I do!'' You rubbed your hands together and grinned. She was going to like this, you knew it. Probably even get jealous about it, too. ''Open your saddlebag, I put it in there,'' You instructed her, and she rolled her eyes at you as she pulled her saddlebags into her lap and opened up the clearly occupied satchel, a heavy item carefully stocked inside. She reached in, pulled it out with her hooves and gasped at the sight of it.
''Well? Don't keep me in suspense. What do you think?''
In Rainbow Dash's hooves she held a dark brown leather-bound book, the front cover blackened and depicting an imprint of a golden hoof with an actual fire ruby cut into the shape of a heart held in its grasp. Rainbow knew exactly what this book was, and she glanced to the top of the cover where the author's name was stamped in gold: Merry Rosingberry. The name of the book was stamped at the bottom of the cover,
''A Heart in Your Hoof?!'' Rainbow Dash exclaimed in disbelief. ''Is this thing real?!'' She squeaked, turning to face you. You nodded.
''Yep, a first edition. Bound in dragon leather. Smell it, if you don't believe me. Stinks like smoke and molasses, or maybe old ass,'' He said, and Rainbow gave it a tentative whiff, gagging immediately and sputtering a round of raspy coughs. ''Told ya so,'' You patted her on the back and tried to help her hacking fit come to an end. When it finally stopped after a couple minutes, she eyed you once again.
''Where did you get it? This book's so old not even Twilight can find it!''
''Exactly!'' You booped her on the nose. She blushed, you laughed, she glared unamused, you laughed harder. ''I happen to know that it's on her wishlist of books she dreams of owning. I've even heard her fangirling over it to Rarity. Did you know she has all of Merry Rosingberry's books except this one? A first edition and her collection will be complete!''
''...But how did you get it? Can't you tell me?" Dash asked, before her eyes widened. ''Did you steal it?!''
''What? No! Don't be daft, featherbrain!'' You flicked her on the nose like she was a bad dog.
''Hey! Quit doing that!'' She scowled at you.
''It's Octavia's, okay? She let me borrow it, but she told me to be extremely careful with it! Something about an old, good friend she cared about giving it to her,'' You said. ''Anyway,'' You stopped chatting to briefly check to see if Twilight was still upstairs on the balcony, soon seeing that she was. You grinned devilishly at the idea forming in your head, the perfect scheme. ''Right, she's still there. So, here's what I was thinking...''
*** *** ***
''This is a stupid idea...'' Rainbow Dash groaned as you were exclaiming over how adorable she looked right now. She was wearing a mail mare's blue uniform, with the hat, courtesy of the local costume shop. You never would have thought it, but seeing Dash wear it and be embarrassed to death by it was so much more adorable than imaginable!
''You look so adorable!'' You said, patting her head, crushing the mail mare's hat before it regained its plushiness again. ''I just wanna kiss you that you're so cute!''
''Kiss this,'' Dash waved a hoof at you in warning, threatening to hit you in the nuts if you tried such a thing. ''Keep those lips to yourself, lover boy!''
''Okay, well maybe I can go find Applejack to give you a good luck ki---AH-OW!'' You squealed in pain as Dash hit you in the crotch, shutting you up in an instant. Even through the pain, you were still laughing a little. ''O-Ow, nut-slam...total nut-slam...I regret nothing,'' You wheezed.
''Serves you right, Dom,'' She snickered, still blushing. ''Just make sure you're ready. You remember the stakes?''
''Y-Yeah, yeah...if I can't successfully prank her, I have to kiss her,'' You rolled your eyes at the idea, Rainbow pulling you back onto your feet after causing you to collapse in a hand-gripping-painfully-pulsing-knackers crotch shot. ''But if I do win, you better remember what you've got to do!'' You grinned again through your pain at her, but she glared at you with steely eyes.
''Don't push it,'' She said with a deadpan expression. ''Alright, let's do this. Be ready!'' She said, right before trotting up to the door of the library and knocking. You watched from behind the tree as Twilight's head looked up from the book and she slowly got up, disappearing from view as she entered her house and towards the door.
''Alright, here we go,'' You said to yourself eagerly as all you had to do was wait for Twilight to answer the door and for Rainbow to deliver her line. When Twilight opened the door, you listened in on the conversation.
*** *** ***
''Hello?'' Twilight asked as she opened the door, facing Rainbow Dash in her mail mare uniform. She paused for a moment and her eyes widened once she realised who it was, confusion striking her features as her brain clicked. ''Rainbow Dash? What're you doing here, and why are you dressed like that?''
''Rainbow Dash?'' She asked confusedly, doing a terrible job at it as she gave Twilight her best neutral expression. ''I think you have me confused with some pony else, miss,'' Rainbow Dash said casually as she began to reach into her pocket.
''No, I know who you are. Why are you dressed like a mail mare? Did you get the sack from the weather factory?'' Twilight asked concernedly.
''Oh, for...'' Rainbow Dash groaned, slapping her hoof into her face. ''No, I didn't get fired, this is just a hobby!'' She said quickly in an irritated tone, then extended her hoof out to the purple mare, practically shoving a yellow piece of paper into her snout. ''Telegram!''
Twilight reeled back a little at the force pushed into her snout, but pushed down the slip of yellow paper for a moment and raised a brow at Dash.
''Since when is being a mail mare a hobby?'' She said flatly.
''Look, do you want the telegram or not? I'm a busy mail mare, you know! I've got places to be!'' Rainbow Dash then roughly turned around, her back hooves gently kicking up a cloud of dust and then she flew off. Twilight coughed a little at the dust and she glared at Rainbow's form as she flew away into the sky. Turning her attention to the slip of paper, she read it.
Dear Twilight,
Look in front of you.
Perplexed, Twilight turned over the piece of paper with the single line written crudely on it and flipped it over, thinking that couldn't be it. Who in Equestria sends telegrams with only one line? Was this some kind of joke? Nonetheless, Twilight didn't take the time to think over it and she lowered the slip to gaze in front of her, right at the tree where, unbeknownst to her, Dom was hiding.
''What am I supposed to be looking at, the tree?'' Twilight thought openly. ''Wait, what's that?''
Twilight looked on in perplexity as a book began to slowly appear from the side of the tree, coming fully into view. At least, Twilight guessed it was a book with a judgement from the size and shape of the object. It wasn't until her eyes fully focused on it and got a better look at it that she realised exactly what it was. It was a book, but a very special book she'd recognise anywhere.
A first edition copy of A Heart in Your Hoof, a Merry Rosingberry classic! A highly-collectible, highly-sought after, very rare piece of literature!
Desire welled up in Twilight's heart and her mind began to be conquered by it. Out of all of the books in her library, this book alone was more costly than any of them! Heck, if that book was in her possession and she chose to sell it, she'd have enough bits to buy a second library with enough excess to stock it up! That's how valuable this book was, and it was right there in front of her, tantalising her!
It was practically calling to her! Twilight must have it! She must seize it for her collection! As a bookworm, it'd be a slap in the hoof to not possess it! With shimmering eyes of great desire, Twilight's lips curled into a dorky grin and her brain kicked her into gear as she began to gallop towards the book while shouting, ''Twilight want!''
*** *** ***
You began to feel the ground tremble to the thunder of galloping hooves, and you began to chuckle to yourself as you waited for your cue to be called upon her getting within reach. Any time now, it was all a matter of waiting. If Twilight wanted this book, you were going to make her work for it!
Twilight wanted this book so, so very badly that it made you feel bad on the inside a little for teasing her like this, but it was worth the laugh. Any second now and you'll have your little, pretty purple unicorn as butter in your hand---
''Whoa!'' You shouted in surprise as you felt yourself get shoved into the ground. When you shook off the shock, you found that Twilight was on top of you, yourself have gotten too caught up in contemplating what the sweet taste of another victory would be like to focus on Twilight. ''Hey, get off!''
''Twilight WANT!'' She breathed hotly, her breath so warm on your face it felt like you were blushing.
The book had gotten knocked out of your hands and had slid over the ground a few paces away from you. The crazed, possessed expression behind Twilight's purple eyes drifted over towards it along with your own. Hurriedly, you pushed the unicorn off you, knocking her down, and you ran to grab the book. Snatching it swiftly, you began running.
''Twilight!'' You called. ''It's just a book, chill out!'' You said as you began running upon realising that any attempts to reason with this love-struck nerd were too futile to break through her desire. She'd probably kill you to earn her prize if it came down to it.
''Twilight want book!'' She began to chase after you, galloping as quickly as she could to catch up to you.
''Oh, crap!'' You didn't waste time getting away from this maniac. Suddenly, today's choice of prankee was life's biggest regret. In future, you had to remember to write your final will and testament before enrolling yourself in these shenanigans...if you ever live to see another day, that is.
*** *** ***
''Stupid Dom, making me dress up, making fun of me,'' Rainbow Dash grumbled as she sat outside of Sugarcube Corner, still in her mail mare uniform, hat resting on the table in front of her. She was sipping a banana and chocolate milkshake as she watched the neighbourhood. While the straw was in her mouth as she sucked up the sugary goodness, both hooves were planted on her cheeks, her face bored and deadpanned.
''Calling me cute and wanting to kiss me, stupid human,'' Rainbow continued to grumble. She was then caught off-guard as she heard screaming approaching under the sound of heavy hooves and fast feet.
''Twilight want!''
''Twilight want!"'
''Twilight want!''
It got louder and louder until she heard,
''Twilight, stop chasing me!"
As she suspected, Dom ran by the front of the bakery with the book outstretched in front of him, clasped tightly in his hands with Twilight giving chase.
Rainbow's eyes panned and tracked the two of them as she went back to boredly sipping on her milkshake. She shrugged and returned her hooves to her face.
''Eh, I'll go save him later. I'm gonna finish this milkshake first,'' She said as she tossed out the straw and began drinking the milkshake in large mouthfuls. She gave a relaxed sigh as the taste washed over her. ''Man, that's so good! Too bad Dom isn't here to enjoy it. Serves the sucker right for poking fun at me,'' She chuckled to herself in amusement.
She spent the next couple minutes swirling the milkshake around in the glass it was served in while taking big mouthfuls, silently enjoying Dom getting what was coming to him. Eventually, once she had finished, she gently placed the glass down with a refreshed sigh and sat up.
''Alright, where is that little dork?'' A scream sounded from somewhere nearby, her instantly recognising it as Dom's. ''One damsel in distress rescue coming up,'' She sighed before taking off to the skies.
She circled around town for a moment before finding Dom getting cornered by the frantic purple unicorn, sandwiched between her and a shop's front. Clear fear and panic were present on Dom's face, even from Dash's altitude, and she noticed Twilight's horn was sparking with magic, ready to unleash upon him. Acting fast, while Dom held the book in front of his face as makeshift protection, Rainbow Dash swooped in to save him.
''Once again, saved by Rainbow Dash,'' The cyan mare muttered to herself. She swiftly dove down from the sky and snatched Dom in her hooves, plucking him with ease from the ground. She was just in time, too, given that Twilight had unleashed a blast of energy at the same time and the shop where Dom had been cornered against now had a smoking crater in place of the wall.
''Sorry, Twilight!" Rainbow called down to the unicorn, receiving a blast of purple energy soon after, barely missing her tail, followed by a shout of rage.
*** *** ***
''Rainbow Dash, thank you!'' You said once Rainbow had brought you safely back to the ground outside of Ponyville, in a field located just outside the perimeter of Sweet Apple Acres. ''I thought she was going to kill me over this thing!'' You held up the book he had used as Twi-bait.
''If I didn't step in, she probably would have,'' Dash said with an amused chuckle. ''You deserved it, by the way. For making fun of me,'' She said with a cocky smile. You didn't argue with her this time. You collapsed onto your rear and dropped the book in the space between your legs as you leaned back against a tree and sighed loudly. The grass was dry and comfortable beneath you, cooling.
''Dom?'' Dash asked slowly, noticing his face. ''Wait...were you crying?!"
''Huh? No?'' You said awkwardly, trying to hide your face. ''No, I wasn't,'' You defended himself against the accusation.
''Oh, my gosh, you were!'' Rainbow Dash said, biting her lip as the ensuing fit of laughter built up in her. She then sniffed the air. ''And did you pee your pants?''
''Dashie!'' You scolded her, raising your voice at her in embarrassment, blushing. However, this only made the pegasus's building laughter burst and she lost herself in a hacking fit of raspy hysterics. ''...Jerk,'' You grumbled.
You sighed as you watched the prismatic-maned mare roll on her back laughing. You knew you had something coming, but being tormented like this after nearly being killed by a fangirling, willing-to-kill bookworm over a rare edition of a classic book? That was unforeseeable. It was nightmare fuel.
Besides, you wouldn't admit it, but there was a slight chance that maybe you did pee your pants. Only a little. Who wouldn't after that?!
''Alright, alright, enough already!" You said. ''And...thank you, by the way. For saving my life,'' You said slowly, before adding, ''I'm sorry I made fun of you, too.'' Rainbow Dash's laughter had died down and she had gotten back up to sit beside you, staring out into the field.
''So does this mean I won the bet?'' Rainbow Dash asked. You lazily flopped your head to the side to view her, not mustering the strength for a reaction. You simply stated,
''Technically, no. But would you feel better if I said yes?"
''Quite,'' Rainbow said with a grin. ''So...?''
''So...? What?'' You asked. ''You haven't told me what you wanted if you won yet, remember?''
''I'm getting to it,'' Dash said. She actually became a little sheepish as she turned away momentarily. ''Um, Dom, I want to ask you a question, a very serious question,'' She said slowly. ''You know, a personal one.''
''Oh?'' This wasn't very like her. Where was this heading?
''Y-Yeah, and I want you to be really honest with me. No jokes or anything like that, tell me straight. Okay?'' Rainbow Dash turned back to face you and you found that she was blushing. Her eyes were shimmering a little bit in the early evening sun as it was going down, her magenta orbs glowing vibrantly. You thought they were beautiful, like crimson fireballs.
''Alright, what's the question?''
''First, do you promise not to laugh?"
''Why would I laugh?''
''Just promise me!'' She said quickly.
''Alright, alright, jeez...'' You sucked in breath through your nostrils, wondering what this was all about. ''I promise.''
''Good. Alright, here it is: Dom? Would you go on a date with me?''
...
''What?'' You asked in disbelief. Was this a serious question? Was Rainbow Dash honestly and seriously asking you if you'd go on a date with her? For a moment, you thought maybe she was poking fun at you for earlier, but then you noticed her eyes, how glossy and how desperate they were. It was a look you hadn't seen before from her; tender, tentative and fearful for a response, a bit like a lost and lonely puppy searching for an owner to adopt them. It was pretty cute, but it was still skeptical to your brain.
A part of you wanted to laugh, but you promised her you wouldn't. You always teased her and prodded jokes and witty sarcasm at her, but you'd never hurt her feelings. It was all in good fun. So, sitting beside her and seeing this face of desperation from her was putting you in the hot seat.
How were you going to answer this? She was waiting and you didn't want to leave her hanging. She might get worried and fly off, hurt and betrayed if you don't say something soon. But what were you meant to say? You liked her, sure, you'd be insane not to, but it wasn't like she was asking for much. You weren't sure if you thought of her that way though.
''Um, Dashie?'' You began, doing your best to give her an answer. ''Do you mean like we always do, hang out and have a laugh together? That what you mean by 'date'?'' She rolled her eyes playfully at you.
''No, dopey, I mean like a real date. Go out to the movies, go to a restaurant, chill together in the park...that kind of stuff, like other couples do,'' She said, blushing.
'Like other couples do'? She thinks of us as a couple, or something? Huh, I've always figured different., you thought. Still, it wasn't like you didn't have some of those thoughts. She was cool and awesome and even cute as far as mares go, but you weren't sure. Eh, you weren't in the mood to argue. After nearly getting vaporised by a crazy unicorn in a blast of powerful, magical death, this couldn't be the worst thing to happen to you today. What's left to lose?
After a lengthy pause of pondering the idea, you faced Rainbow Dash and you smiled warmly at her, saying, ''Sure. We'll see where it takes us,'' You said. Rainbow Dash didn't waste time in snatching you up in a big hug.
''Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!'' Rainbow said in girly glee as she held you, snuggling her head into you. You hugged her back limply, but didn't shy away. You grimaced a bit at the pain still swelling in your crotch, and you groaned.
''Ow, careful, careful,'' You moaned. ''My balls are still ringing after that hit you gave me,'' You said while cupping them lightly with one hand. Rainbow's face became sheepish once again.
''Oh, um, hehe, sorry. Really. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything,'' She said apologetically. You moaned again but slung your arm around her shoulder. You managed a soft chuckle and you said,
''You cute, adorable mare.''