The Optional Interview
"Tis our honor to share our yarns of the many little things we have as one of the two ruling princesses of Equestria in this time of crisis and change. I am happy to be here.
"Yes we slip into our traditional royal dialect from time to time, tis a habit we are reluctant to break as it is one of our few anchors to times gone by...yes, the times where we were ignored by ponykind and none but our thestrals worshipped us... nostalgia is a strange beast, it can make you realize the things you loved but did not appreciate, because you were too fixated on the negative at the time. Our sister has been pushing us to adapt to modern dialect, which we slip into again from time to time. Please excuse our inconsistency.
"When Equus and Earth first crashed into each other, twas was a nightmare. No, we don't mean that literally. Eh? Sorry, in my line of work, and with my past, that sort of disclaimer tis needed. We can't say we blame the humans. Equestria was, and is, in a state of dimensional overlap. Existing both on Equus and Earth at the same time... as did part of Earth's pacific ocean. Which is why there was no tsunami when the collision happened.
"If the opposite had happened, and magic, excuse me, radiation had begun to spread out from say, New Zealand, that was deadly to Ponies, and all other sapients of Equus, but harmless to humans, and the only practical means found was to mutate ponies into humans? Paranoia running rampant is an unescapable conclusion. I'd have certainly told my sister that the humans were obviously out to get us. As it is, a nuclear missile being fired at us very shortly after our arrival in hindsight was inevitable... thankfully my sister is the Alicorn of the SUN! And was thus able to safely absorb the heat and radiation... And then having to awkwardly explain we were NOT annexing any territory covered by magic, nor were we demanding humans who were transformed into ponies, or griffons, or dragons, or zebra, or diamond dogs, or Abyssinians, or breezies, or changelings, or seaponies, or mereponies (yes they are separate tribes, they are very touchy on that subject)... you get the idea, the point tis we were NOT asking them to change their nationality.
"And THEN we had to deal with the HLF swearing that those changed had their personalities wiped, leaving a creature with their memories that just THOUGHT it was that person. ... We speak from grim experience, from when unicorns saw Earth ponies as mere beasts of burden, experiments performed on them regarding memories. Such hypothetical creatures would quickly fall into depression and mania as their remembered life choices flew in the face of their own personalities."
. . .
"Yes... yes of course the PER... We of course we need to talk about them. Who went out of their way to try and destroy every potion that wasn't related to ponies, and would attack and transform people at random, and try to destroy human historical records... Do we really need to talk about them, AGAIN!? I read the reports on the police raid of one of their houses... and the New Pups, New Kittens, New Griffs, and the like all experimented on... I have fought an abomination who preyed on victims by giving them prophetic nightmares of who of their loved ones they would slay in reverse order using their victim's body... And even those pictures made us shudder.
"One of our lesser known happenstance, involved a group of teenagers, who had been empowered to invade creature's souls by a tulpa crafted in the fashion of a heartless and ruthless god of order disguised as a servant of a cousin-in-law of mine. It's complicated, don't ask. They passed judgement on those they deemed guilty, and turned their aim on Equus. But they were not the first super-natural force from Earth I faced... that honor belongs to the spirit of a monster who sought to attack foals in their dreams... He met a second end screaming, and none mourned his passing. These teenagers, completely brainwashed by the HLF thanks to the tulpa's manipulations, sought to pass judgement on ponies they believed were the masterminds behind the 'pony invasion' and the 'human genocide'... Thankfully I was able to trace them back to their own minds, and best them in mental battle... I have had eons of experience fighting entities on the mental plane... something MANY of my opponents seem to forget... Such as another dark spirit from another world who'd once kept a titan forever asleep to rule over his dream world, and thought me a triviality to be swept aside when he invaded our world ... he thought out wrong. After finding out they'd been fooled from the beginning, the youths lamented their self-righteous actions, and turned on their 'benefactor', who without anyone to feed the tulpa's existence, shattered. The teens offered severe deep apologizes for their hubris.
"They've since accepted the potion, and they and their families were among the humans who we were able to bargain their immigration to Earth-1 with that reality's SMILE (who it seems are determined to squeeze us for every drop of magical knowledge they can for every Earth-2 human who sets foot in their world to continue their life as a human). They've seen become apprentices to Sunset Shimmer, who has proven a competent mentor to them. ... I do not mean any insult by calling your Earth, 'Earth-2' it was simply the second 'Earth' universe we'd encountered. Yes I am aware that many Earth-2 humans considered the humans of Earth-1 to be 'creepy' with their 'big eyes' and 'technicolor skin'. Imagine how creepy you must look to them. The legend of Megan has been lost to time to ponykind, we supposed retroactively her world would be Earth-0. If the tales of her world be true, we are thankful not to have gotten the attention of two armies of giant alien robots, an ancient genocidal race of snake men, and distant in-laws to Discord sealed deep within the planet.
"Discord? Certainly you heard. 'Every world of magic must have a spirit of chaos.' He says he intends in mankind's final days to provide the only Draconequus potion in existence to whomever can claim it from him to become the spirit of chaos of YOUR world... We do not argue with Discord in matters of chaos...
"No I have not been invading the dreams of humans. I've long since taken an oath to only visit the dreams of my little ponies and Equestria's citizens unless in immediate self-defense or if asked. ...
"Why do my sister and I hold back as we do? ... You know Superstallion, excuse me, Superguy, blasted parallel creative works... yes I know the media companies of both worlds broke down when they tried to sue each other into oblivion for 'their' 'copyright infringement', used to only crushing small time creators or taking formal pot-shots at each other, it was all over the news... Yes I get a newspaper. The point is, the super-powered alien visitor, according to retcons, held back for a decade fearing the people in turn would fear him for his might. ... I honestly think my sister fears that our little ponies would be terrified to be even in the same room as her if they ever saw her full might... I hope that was enough of an interview for you. Want some Hoofington flowers? Oh right, human, we apologize, chocolate?"
-
"I am impressed by one thing sister," Princess Luna said.
"And what is that little sister?"
"That you didn't go through with your mad scheme to draft Princess Twilight into both our roles and abandon all our responsibilities when she is less than a century old."
"It did seem rather a careless thing to continue now that we have two worlds about to face monumental changes."
"I also saw Discord shrug and throw away a scheme to help Princess Twilight's confidence he had actually written out and tossed into a fireplace when he thought we weren't looking. 'So much for that idea' he said, though he wouldn't share details on what the scheme would have been."
"Knowing Discord it would have been quite the bizarre one. Any luck on tracking down Chrysalis?"
"None so far, and we think that as her number of black hive changelings grows, she plans not to attack now, but to sue for peace with Thorax's swarm and wait a thousand years to build up her numbers."
"It seems that all our carefully laid plans have gone right out the window... and perhaps that is for the best."
~ Fin