1-3 Chapters long Fat Clown and Shaggy visit Ponyville after a freak accident at the Dark Carnival (Aka, the fat clown's backyard). Once they arrive, Twilight threatens to have them terminated but Shaggy pleads that they need help in their world. Feeling sympathy, Twilight agrees to help Fat Clown and Shaggy for them to not only go back to their world, but for them to be successful as well. With the help of Zecora, lyrcial genius, Twilight and her friends hope the clowns can finally have a future.
Note: The following story is not intended to be offensive. It is intended to be as stereotypical as possible... and to have a simple and predictable yet stupid story line of ponies helping two good friends get back to their home... through the power of friendship.
Insane Clown Posse visits Ponyville
"What is a juggalo? Let me think for a second Well, Oh, he gets butt-naked And then he walks through the streets Winking at freaks With a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks
What is a Juggalo? He just don't care He might try to put a weave In his-"
"Hey! Shut up you clowns, people are trying to get some sleep here!" shouted an elder neighbor to the infamous Insane Clown Posse. To ensure his rage, he threw a beer bottle which smashed against their trailer wall splashing the remaining liquid all over Shaggy 2 Dope. "Aye fool, we own this place, we can do whatever we want back here!" Shaggy shouted to the elder who was now going back inside his house. "Keep it down, or I'll have the cops here in seconds" with that, the old man shut the door behind him violently. The area of Harlem was pretty bad at such a late hour of the night.
Shaggy wiped the beer that landed on his face and looked at his hands to see an old Duct Taped covered microphone. Cursing the threat of his neighbor, he sat down on the crate he was standing on to see his Fat Clown friend Violent J sitting on an old ruined couch that was just outside the trailer they lived in. "Man J! How we e'er gonna get outta this place! Weez renting a frickin lot beside some old man who won't let us play our masterpieces!" said Shaggy angrily.
Fat Clown/Violent J was sound asleep with flies hovering around his open mouth. "Wake the f*** up Jay! We gotta get real dog!" Shaggy slapped Jay across the face to force him to wake up violently. "Blurgh, blah, Jugga, Juggalo whoop whoop!" started yelling Jay flailing his arms around having been woken up by a slap to the face. "What is it Jay? You got more lyrical genius that can get us outta this place?" he asked with a sleepy tone.
Shaggy began to pace back and forth from the couch where Jay sat to the old rusty BBQ grill that was a few meters away. "Nah man, that old man John just keep bustin my freestyle and momentum of a masterpiece hit! He threw a beer bottle at us and crap, dog!"
Jay's eyes widened up when he heard that the neighbor had attacked them with a beer bottle. "Oh hell no Shaggy, this old man is about to go into retirement right now dog, gimme my gat, bro" he held out his hand, waiting to receive the pistol he entrusted his faithful friend to keep safe for him. "Nah bro, you gonna make us get arrested dog! What is a juggalo my homie! We is Juggalo's, we don give a **** what people think!"
"Gimme the gun Shags, this old man is gonna get his now!"
"Dog, that old man is a Vietnam Veteran, Green Beret! He'll kill with his barehands dog!"
"I don't give a cow's ass shaggy, gimme my gat or i'mma break open your Sega Dreamcast!"
Frightened by losing one of his most valuable possesions, shaggy withdrawed a .22 pistol from his back that was missing the trigger guard and was rusty all over. The gun was loaded with only 4 hollow tipped rounds since those were bullets the two of them found when they went dumpster diving. The fat clown cocked the gun and shot one bullet in the air before he took aim and shot at Old Man John's window. Jay had the aim of a Stormtrooper, he shot two more bullets and missed the window that was only 20 meters away from him. "Damn shaggy, I am trippin on some serious stuff man! What were the names of the pill you gave me dog?"
"Shaggy, who's eyes were wide with terror, facepalmed and snatched the gun away from Jay before he wasted the last bullet. "Dog, those were tictacs because your breath smelled like ass! Oh shoot! Dog!" Shaggy and Jay paused to listen to the sirens of the state police get louder and louder with every second.
"It's the fuzz J! Look what you did, now we gonna gots to go to jail bro!"
Jay pulled Shaggy inside their trailer quickly and locked the thin metal door with a masterlock combination lock. "What we gonna do Jay! Look what your dumbass did!" he scolded at his friend. "MY Dumbass? You the one disturbing the old man John! You should have known better! Now we gonna get the Dark Carnival shut down!"
"Nigz! The Dark Carnival is just our front yard dog, all we got is the tire swing and a rusty spring pony for the kids man, the Dark Carnival can never be real unless all juggalo's put the welfare money together! Now they gotta use that money to bust our asses out of prison dog!"
They could here the police pull over in front of their raunchy trailer opening their car doors. Shaggy quickly extinguished the candles that lit the trailer before retreating to a where Jay was cowarding under the table.
"This is the Police! Come out with your hands down! We do not want to smell clown must and call in a Hazmat unit!"
"Awww sheeeit Shaggy! It's all over! For us!" Jay began to weep with his head between his legs. Shaggy wiped the sweat off his forehead before he took in a deep breath and held out his hand to his good friend. "We go out, we go out together, as friends, dawg" said Shaggy shadily. Jay grabbed his hand and both of them gripped each others hands tightly before Jay said. "Friendship dog, it's all about the friendship, whoop whoop!"
"Friendship is Magic, dog"
As soon as those words left Shaggy 2 Dope's mouth, a blinding white circle began to appear from where they sat at under the table. Both of them screamed like pansy's and held onto each other. "Yolo!" yelled out Jay like the fatass clown that he is and then the white light was too much, they were not only blinded but knocked out by some strange force, everything went black for the two clowns.
Both of the high school drop-outs awoke on the ground that was of soft and smooth green grass. Shaggy began to wake up, his vision still blurry and his mouth as dry as ever. He sat up and cleared the eyecrust away before he turned to awake Violent J. "Yo Jay man, wake up, wake up Jay! It looks like we in-" he paused and looked around. Surrounding them were a various amount of multicolored ponies consisting of all three types, Earth, Pegasus, and Unicorn, all staring at them.
"Dog! DOG WAKE UP!" Shaggy start to shake Jay very violently until he finally snapped out of what seemed to be like a minor coma. "Yeah, mom i'm up. I'll be sure to take the dog out to walk" said Jay, still having his eyes closed. Shaggy was aggravated, he took a grip on Jay's neck and layed a good few slaps on him across his face. "Wake up fatass, we is surrounded by... by horses, dog!"
"We're ponies, not horses" said a voice from the crowd. "Aye, whoever gonna correct Shaggy 2 Dope, step up now so I don't have to hunt you". Jay and Shaggy stood side by side attempting to look frightning but instead it caused a stir of giggles amongst everyone. From the crowd stepped the lilac coated unicorn from Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle, confused as everyone else to see such strange human beings in their world. "You two aren't the first humans to be here but all of us can honestly say that you two are certainly the STRANGEST humans to be here" said the wise mare.
Shaggy was bewildered to even so much as hear an animal talk. "Jay, look at this man, this here's a talking pony, dog!" he slolwy began to inch his way towards Twilight with his face all scrunched up in confusion. "Yo, did you... did jew just talk?" he asked. Twilight nodded and with a fast mind explained to both Shaggy and Fat Clown how some saying opened up a portal to the pony dimension aka Equestria. She carefully explained that they were not the first humans, there were others... "As for the other few... they got a bit too... 'touchy' with some of us and the princess would not allow such a cross, so the other ones are probably in the dungeon, dead or surviving... or the moon"
Fat Clown/Violent Jay forced his eyes open, breaking off the moldy eyecrust with his eyelids and stared at Twilight. "Did you just say there other peeps here? Where dey at, hoe!?" he demanded. All the ponies that formed a perimeter around them gasped that Jay just insulted Twilight with such language, Twilight didn't care for the insult much, she merely smiled at Fat Clown and said "You aren't really civilized are you? You two look like you just came out of a circus, I doubt the Princess will like you two, let alone stay here in Equestria, Spiiiiiike! Take a letter please" she asked.
From the crowd of ponies came running the little purple dragon with a quill and parchment ready to take note. "What the hell dog! Is dat there a dinosaur?!" Shaggy said, pointing directly at Spike with his long scrawny finger. Spike snapped at him stating her was a dragon, there was a difference. Shaggy and Jay sat queitly waiting to see what the dragon was about to do.
"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that other than the... 'touchy' humans that were here but now gone, there are other humans who have no desire for their needs but instead their rude impolite behavior has left me no choice but to request for your visit along with the Royal Guard and your moon cannnon.
Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle. Did you get all that Spike?"
Spike nodded to ensure her that every single letter was written. Twilight ordered Spike to send the letter but just before he did, Shaggy pleaded to not fetch "The big boss princess po-po". Shaggy explained how back in their world they were poor clowns that lived in a trailer, making music for a living and there were other clowns like them that supported their music. All they were trying to do was make music to make money so they can live a better life. Everyone began to feel sympathy for them when finally Twilight ceased his talking to let him know she understood their struggle.
"I see... well we can attempt to help you two out, but we need someone with artistical talent to help you two in your world, if you do manage to get sent back, the most we can offer is some great advice in order for you two to be successful! And... some bits would help, just a small bag" she finished saying.
"Did you say bits? What kinda pill is that, I like the sound of it, i'll take two grams" Violent Jay said, licking his lips, excited to see what bits were. Twilight facehoofed and without any tone explained how bits were the currency in Equestria, Jay felt really stupid, he always had.
Twilight called for Rainbow Dash who came from a cloud that rested above them, giving the crowd some shade from the sun. "What is it Twilight?" Rainbow asked. "Go fetch Zecora or Vinyl, they'll surely be able to help in this situation, especially Zecora!" she returned.
"You got it!" she saluted the lilac unicorn and took off in an instant in search of the ponies Twilight requested. The clowns just watched as the pegasus with the multi-color mane disappeared into the sky. "Ponies can fly?!" the crowd began to giggle at their ignorance. "They suuuuuuure can! And Unicorns can use magic!" replied Pinkie Pie who made a path through the crowd with a little cart she was tugging. "You two are new to ponyville and i'm here to welcome you all to our home!"
Shaggy and Fat Clown were still in awe at the talking ponies. "I din't know horses could use magic!", Pinkie Pie giggled. "No silly! Unicorns use magic, Pegasus use wings to fly! That's what we are all about, now time for your welcome song!" everyone in the permiter stepped away a few 15 meters, still having their circle formed around the two humans. Violent Jay shook his head before speaking.
"So... ya'll is talking ponies in some sort of magic land?"
All the ponies that gathered around them nodded. "Equestria is what it's called, we've been here since like forever! Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "Damn, this place looks like a real bitchin' place for juggalo's to to live at, right Shaggy?" shaggy replied to his fat clown ally with a nod and "whoop whoop".
All the ponies were rather confused at the two human intruders, it wasn't they're first encounter with them, but this was certainly the strangest one. After a few seconds, Rarity stepped up to the middle where the clowns were and asked what exactly a Juggalo was. Shaggy and Jay turn to one another and both grew a wide fearsome smile across their face's. "Should we tell'em Jay?" Shaggy asked. "Les' do it" Jay returned.
The skinny pasty clown began to look over the heads of the ponies looking for a clear open area until he spotted Mayor Mare's stage that she uses to announce big events. "Aye SparkleSqueezy, dat stage got electrocity?" (YES elecTROcity) Shaggy adressed Twilight. "Of course, why wouldn't it?".
Jay clapped his hands together and began to rub until the friction kicked in.
"Ok ya'll who here wants to listen to some wicked clown s***? This s*** will **** you're motherf***in mind!"
One by one, each pony nodded slowly, disgusted by the clown's un-needed language and one by one, they all proceeded towards the stage.
Zecora was in her cottage in the forest, slowly stirring a brew she was making. The brew consisted of various herbs she searched for and emitted a bright yellow blow, resembling what looked like gold in liquid form. She stopped stirring to fetch more ingredients from the racks that covered one of her walls completely, searching for the right bottle. "Oh where oh where is the green glowing vial, who's smell is sweet, with looks of bile".
Finding the vial of green, she happily used her mouth to hold it and walk over to her cauldron. "Now a single drop is all i need, be tranquil as the forest, no need for speed" she took the cork off the vial and slowly began to tilt her head, trying to let only a drop of the emerald liquid lay a home in the brew. Just as the drop was coming out, Rainbow Dash thundered into the room by smashing open the door. "Zecora! Are you home!" she shouted. the sudden break in and shouting threw Zecora off balance, the drop landed inside the cauldron but the rest of the vile went up in the air, about to land inside. Quick to react, to got hold of it before it could splash inside. "Please knock next time young Rainbow Dash, I need only a knock, not a vicious bash".
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes before she began to explain the situation to Zecora as she was continuing with her brew. "Yeah... so Zecora, we need your help, see, some fat abnoxious clown and a scrawny pale clown teleported to Ponyville somehow and they need help" said Rainbow. Zecora furrowed her eyebrow and nodded to indicate she needed more detail. "They're human by the way" this fact caught the Zebra's full attention and now followed every word that came from Rainbow Dash's mouth. "Music producers too, they say they need help with their... lyrical masterpieces so that they can be rapping legends like Snoop Lion, 2pac and Elvis Presley, whoever they are".
Zecora rubbed her chin, withdrawing the wooden spoon from her cauldron and laying it on the table. "What role do I exactly play? Will I be the cause of such dismay?" rhymed the zebra. Rainbow Dash slowly nodded with a scrunched face showing that she wasn't sure. "We basically just need for you to help them make they're lyrics "godly" as they say it. I haven't heard any of their songs yet but i'm sure it's great stuff by the way they're describing it! For all i know, all of Ponyville is listening to them! Originally I was going to ask Vinyl to help but she's gone out... so will you help?"
Zecora took a few moments to straighten out the plan in her head before she responded.
"So let me get this straight, these humans are here to not to destroy but create, when I say create, I mean music of course, but to ask advice, from a little horse? How desperate are these clowns you say? Do they expect to improve all at once today? If this is the case, I guess I have no choice, they need guidance? I'm sure they need my voice. After all wh-"
Rainbow Dash slapped Zecora across the face with the wooden spoon used to brew her cauldron and set it back down. "Save it for the 'helping' Zecora, right now we need to go back to Ponyville and check on how everyone's doing and see if you can help the Juggalo's."
"What exactly is a Juggalo? Define the word, that I do not know"
Rainbow Dash shrugged and answered that she had no idea either, the clown just titled themselves that just as she was leaving. Satisfied with a good enough answer, Rainbow Dash opened the door for Zecora as the zebra wore her cloak and began to walk out of her cottage towards the town alongside with the cyan pegasus.
Meanwhile in Ponyville on Mayor Mare's stage...
"What is a juggalo? A dead body Well, he ain't really dead But he ain't like Anybody that you've ever met before He'll eat Monopoly and s*** out Connect Four"
"Rarity... did you REALLY have to ask what a Juggalo was? I'm pretty sure I get the picture that they are... well I rather not say it... but gravy Rarity! This is terrible!" Applejack exclaimed.
"Well dear Applejack, I'm sure you were just as curious as me when they mentioned the title they possess... although i do regret my decision... these primates are really terrible at what they do..."
"Well, I'm leaving this here place, need to buck down the last of the apples before this music rots them to the core!" said Applejack as she left content and angered at the same time.
"What is a juggalo? He ain't a b****boy He'll walk through the hills And beat down a rich boy Walks right in the house When you're having supper And dip his nuts in your soup"
Just then, Shaggy 2 Faggy pulls out a cup of Ramen Noodles from his coat pocket and opens it up at an amazing speed. As he opened it, Fat Clown began to moonwalk across the wooden floorboards with his worn out DC shoes that had a hole in the bottom. Once the noodles were ready, Shaggy dipped his raisin testicles into the soup just as both him and Violent Jay said "Gloop!" in unison to complete their rhyme.
Pinkie Pie brought cupcakes for everyone that was watching the clowns on stage perform they're horrible concert but had a sudden change of heart. Pinkie herself was consumed by rage of how bad the partners were and instead of giving away her cupcakes for the ponies to eat, she quickly made a sign on her cart saying "3 bits per cupcake to hit the gorrila's, get a free cupcake for every direct hit". In seconds Pinkie was being swarmed by various ponies of all kind, in only seconds, not only were her cupcakes gone, but her cart was dismantled and parts were taken such as the wheels, metal bar for the umbrella attached to her cart and even the screws. Her anger and saddness ceased when she saw the large bag of bits next to her.
Quick to count, she counted exactly 518 bits. Content with her sales, she left the terrible concert to go purchase more ingredients for her cupcakes and toys for Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake.
"Detroit?" Shaggy waited for the crowd to respond 'We juggalo's!' "Cleveland?" Again no response "St. Louis?" Nothing "Everybody? F***ing everybody? Everybody? "
Both of the high school drop outs stared out into the crowd seeing what is it that kept them troubled. They could see ponies of of the types of ponies have cupcakes at hand and miscellaneous objects held in their mouth or levitating with the magic their horn produced. One little pony with a red mane and a bright pinkish bow in her mouth held a metal bar with jagged end. "Yo Jay... I think the crowd loves us, just look at them all stare at us with them cupcakes, I bet they just want to giv'em all to us for showing them our wizard music" said Shaggy 2 Dope. Jay nodded in agreement and began to wink at various mare's while pelvic thrusting in their direction.
A large stir or murmurs and whispered bursts amongst the crowd before they all grew silent once again when they looked back on stage at the two clowns. "So what ya'll think of us juggalo's?! We representing! From the Dark Carnival where all juggalo's can be free! Whoop Whoop!" shouted out Jay. The crowd was still silent growing angrier with every passing second. "Was that some sort of mating call you do to find your little skinny boyfriend of yours?!" shouted a random pony.
The entire crowd began to laugh hard while the two partners were yelling out "All ya'll ponies is fake ponies! Ya'll ain't know nothing about our stuff!" they retorted. The laughter died out until everyone had a menacing smile smeared across their face, now all inching closer towards the stage.
"Shaggy, we gotta go, I don't think these ponies need us anymore man, I think we blew they're motherf***ing minds with our lycrical genius, we the next Mozart's and Presley's dog! We're getting too popular here!" said Jay as he inched away from the front of the stage, frightened to get near the edge and frightened the pony with the bow in her head would shank him with the metal bar.
Just when the crowd began to rile up, Rainbow Dash accompanied by Twilight came onto the stage to prevent the riot. "Now listen here everypony! They're still practicing forrr... they're REAL show which will occur tomorrow! Yes that's right! The PRINCESS is funding for they're amazing concert tomorrow, I informed her of the two already. Isn't that right guys?" Twilight asked at Shaggy and Jay, winking at them. Both of them nodded rapidly just going along with the story. "They were just making you mad because they.... they wanted to...." Rainbow Dash pushed Twilight aside to take over the speech from there. "They wanted to make you all think that was the real them but it's not! They're just messing with you all ok?!" the crowd was still quiet until after what seemed like forever, they all laughed and began to disperse, hoping the show the next day would satisfy they're curiosity as to what kind of music do the clowns create.
"Remember to be here at 8pm everypony! They'll be here to show you what skills they really got!" said Twilight, waving at the withdrawing crowd.
When the coast seemed clear, she let out a deep sigh and nodded at RD. Both of them walked over to the clowns who were confused as to why the crowd didn't like they're music. Twilight explained how their music was a bit vulgar and needed work. "-and we have just the pony for the job to help you". All four of them now on stage looked at the curtains open up to stare at a tribal striped figure that wore a brown hood. "Meet Zecora, you're new music instructor, she'll tell you all there is to making a good song without using... a horrible combinations of words.
"Now we will see what will be, blinded eyes to see"
Jay and Shaggy both turn to see the Zebra that would help them accomplish their life's ambitions to not be losers and purchase the Dark Carnival. This Zebra was they're only hope of success left.
"Good evening fat clown and shaggy let's focus on you, it's time to show you, my musical brew"
Shaggy scratched his bald head and acne arms examining the Zebra with interest. "I see you got some wicked tats, dawg, you down with the clown wigga? Why you even helping us anyways?" he asked. Zecora didn't really have a response and felt very awkward around them, luckily Twilight took her part of speech. "She's the helper I had Rainbow Dash go find, sadly Vinyl Scratch couldn't be here with us, but Zecora is more than enough help" she paused to sit down and rest. "Besides, we're only doing this because this is what friendship is!" she said happily with a squee of delight.
Both of the clowns stare at each other with a confused expression across their face. After a moment of silence Shaggy spoke.
"F***ing friendship, how does that work?"
Next time on the journey of the clown's: Shaggy and Jay both get the help from Zecora to have better rhymes for their upcoming "big" concert that will occur the next day. With only a few hours to learn and the Princess going to watch, this puts a lot of stress on the shoulders of Fat Clown and Shaggy. If they impress the Princess, the Princess will allow them to live in Equestria for a full year and sign them up for a record contract that would give them prestigious perks such as an infinite amount of Funnyions, signed Nickleback album, a futon couch, a bluetooth with a Droid cell phone, and a complimentary cassette mixtape of MC Hammer along with Hay scented body wash. If she doesn't like it, they'll have their punishment suited out... fairly. This is what will make or break ICP.
DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against ICP. Don't hate them but don't like them. This story is written because I felt like it. Also this is the BEST chapter, seriously.
Several months later... Outside of Zecora's Cottage
Much time has passed since their arrival and their impressions. Violent J and Shaggy were both ready to take on Equestria and all it had to offer. Serving as Zecora's apprentices for the past few months, they were determined that they had what it takes to be, #RealBoys.
It was the day of the concert and both Shaggy and Fat Clown were shaken up from what they experienced the day they arrived... how all of the muffins were about to assault them... how if Twilight wouldn't have come, the little pony with the bow in her head would have shanked them and pocketed the $20 bill Shaggy kept in his pocket along with chap stick for his broken lips. All three of the lyric kings were right outside Zecora's hut in the middle of the Everfree forest, discussing the evening's plan.
Both Jay and Shaggy stood there with their backs straight, looking directly in front of them and avoiding eye contact with Zecora who paced back and forth examining them carefully. It's been some time since they shaved so Shaggy formed a chinstrap which actually looks decent while fat clown grew out a survival beard like the homeless man that he is along with some weaves.
"With such few hours, till the the night, it's up to me to show you the light" said the Zebra still pacing back and forth. "Yo Jay, dis is stupid yo, wit (YES "WIT" not "WITH") all dem mares in the audience dawg, we should be millionaires in our world" whispered Shaggy over to Fat Clown. Jay licked and smacked his lips together while rubbing his hands thinking about both the money and his perverse thoughts on certain mares.
Without any warning, Zecora slapped Shaggy over the head with a near by stick, having him pay attention to her instead of focusing on his future after the concert. "Now listen here scrawny little man, here's my idea, here is my plan. I hope you all see this is a needy task, but nopony will want to see you, while you wear a hideous mask" She finished saying, pointing at Shaggy's rugged worn out face.
"BITCH this ain't no mask! Dis here is my juggalo face paint, I paint my face to be cool and liked by everyone, ain't nobody want to mess with a clown man flinging around a hatchet!" Shaggy retorted instantly while he flashed his bling. A necklace with the huge emblem representing Insane Clown Posse. The size of the necklace challenged Flava Flav's necklace.
The zebra smacked her hoof against her face and wiped down. "That right there is a cleaver, not a hatchet. That necklace isn't 'cool', it's just plain ratchet." she hissed back. Shaggy had never been told down like that before. Fat Clown had his eyes wide open and covered his mouth to prevent laughter from escaping his mouth. "Damn shags! You got yo ass SERVED! Dat there is some justice boi!"
After much talk, all three were finally on the same topic of the concert, discussing their intro, performance, and exit. Hopefully if the Princess was merciful, she would let them leave in peace, the worst thing to do is to send them to the moon... or sun. "So Shaggy and Fat Clown, let me hear what you've learned, you have only one shot, you have been warned." Zecora muttered, sitting down on a log right with her eyes closed.
Shaggy stepped up to the plate to rap first and show her just exactly how much they've learned since they've arrived. The Fat F***er whipped out some sugar cookies a hyper pink pony dropped off just the other week to "boost their stamina" is what she said. Chugging them down like the lard ass that he is, J cheered on Shaggy nonetheless. "Wait, Z-Train, who exactly is is that we is gonna be performing for? I mean like, it's been 6 months since we got here and all we've seen in 6 months is the swamps living like swamp n***as, picking for roaches and sheeeit."
Zecora smiled and replied with a smart comment. "So you say you live in swamps looking for bugs, why rap so hard about doing big drugs?" the scrawny little guy couldn't reply, he just kept on rubbing his juggalo necklace like he rubs his pecker shaft. "Straighten up and listen you two, this concert at eight is meant to be a lyrical brew, if you please the princess then you may leave, and you fatclown, snip off that weave, the audience out there are ponies and more, like griffons and some dragons and camels and boars, entertain the crowd and back home you go, entertain all and remain here no more."
Both of the clowns nodded at each other and gave each other a pewdiepie bro fist. Much like the infamous internet phenomenon that over-reacts on a webcam playing trending games, Jay and Shaggy and PDP had no talent whatsoever. "Much mother f***in wicked clown luv ma nigga!" said Jay as he whooped out two cans of Faygo under his man titties.
Zecora smiled at the two and headed inside. While brewing a new potion she began talking with herself. "My rhyming talents won't send them back, I have a more devious and forgiving attack, see, teaching them wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, I'll be sure what I taught them sends them into the sun."
Backstage of Mayor Mares stage 8:30 PM
There they were, the ponies of Equestria and all they're curiosity waiting in front of the stage for their nightly entertainment. It was said by Twilight Sparkle that the nights performance was to be spectacular and would show everyone the true meaning Juggalo (Or as she called it "Hatchet Fag Clown Love"). A custom and makeshift short tower about 3 stories high was planted near the back with Princess Celestia at the top.waiting to be amused as well.
The princess got the memo from her faithful student that these two clowns are to be executed if they do not provide the nourishment of laughter for everyone and if they fulfill this simple task, then they would be sent back home in a dimension breaking pod, designed for any species but mostly built for humans.
The reason why the invasion of humans is uncalled for and illegal is because Equestria was attacked not too long ago from a human disguised as a horse. Nobody had seen it coming until of course she foolishly revealed her name, Sarah Jessica Parker. The legends of the girl were infinite and the name is unforgettable. She was executed in the Canterlot gardens by a human guest from the city of Anor Londo, Smough. That fat jelly bastard provides everyone trouble.
The time has come nonetheless, everyone was chatting up a storm while the princess kept her hoof beside a red button that would activate the Dimension Pod right under Shaggy and Jay's feet as soon as the concert was performed. She had no intentions of really executing them, anything was entertainment for her.
How the pod worked however was a magic all on its own. Upon the click of the button, a HUGE pod that would take up the entire stage would start sprouting through the floorboards and just continue to go up. Shaggy and Jay would obviously be on the pod and as the pod continues to go up, a large tower would start to appear as well, this tower is big enough to rocket through the stratosphere and once at a high enough altitude, the pod at the top would launch off and journey to its destination . A fine creation built by Bill O'reilly.
Shaggy and Jay both wore like the whitest clothing ever, given to them by ponyville famous, Rarity. Shaggy had a baggy hoodie and track pants, attempting to look like an original thug. Jay's get up consisted of a white Hawaiian like shirt and some thrifty out-of-Goodwill shorts. If you thought Rarity was white, you've seen nothing, the clowns were walking snowmen with stupid facepaint to represent how hardcore they are.
"You're on in 5 minutes!" said the stage director nervously as he looked out at the now impatient crowed. Shaggy and Jay both stood next to the curtains nervously. Jay was sweating like a pig in a Chinese restaurant while Shaggy was sucking his thumb because he's a bitch. Zecora walked up to the two of them in a fancy tribal attire that was obviously meant to be as formal wear, didn't look half bad either.
"Well you two the time has come to stand alone, sing your hearts out and just go home!" she said cheerfully. The two of them smiled at her and began to praise her for being a great mentor. "Yo Jay... crack me open 'nother Faygo, let's drink up man!" Shaggy requested now more confident than before. Jay slid a can of some raunchy ratchet drink under his titty and cracked it open. "Here you are Shagz, let's do this man, we gots to go back for da Dark Carnival man!" he finished saying. The two of them body slammed and at last the director came backstage "You two are on! Just wait for my introduction, i'll have to set'em up first!"
Shaggy chugged the rest of the Faygo and wiped the excess of it off his mouth witch his sleeve, leaving a black smear mark across his sweater. Not because of his facepaint but because he's that dirty and doesn't bathe. Both of them whipped out their 50 cent jewelry they got from a little vending machine and put them around the necks like any other necklace would go. "Wal-Mart bling Jay, Wal-Mart bling." With that, the two both took in a deep breath and ventured out into the limelight and show everyone that they weren't just clowns from the street, they were Juggalo's and Juggalo's were demigods, as they thought. To the residents of ponyville, a Juggalo was a welfare collecting walking turd that did nothing but rap about anything that makes them sound hardcore.
After leaving their first impressions, everyone in Ponyville was convinced that B-Rad from Malibu's Most Wanted had more rapping talent that the entire Juggalo community combined and that's saying a lot "From the bu's #1, hardcore ni##a!"
Just before the two got on stage though, the audience began to talk of strange and yet interesting topics to themselves. A dear cowboy mare with the orange coat began explaining to her younger sibling of the events that would partake after the show ended. "Alrighty then Applebloom, So after the show ends we're gonna pull a Chariot move" said the green eyed mare. "A chariot? You mean we're gonna be pullin' a wagon around?" responded Applebloom.
"No you grimy little thing, like chariots, we're gonna have these here Muramasa blades I got from Shiva"
"Shiva? The one creepy guy we met in the Everfr-"
Applejack quickly slapped her jaw into Appleblooms mouth to keep her from saying anymore. "Yes, that Shiva, Shiva of the East and we're leaving it at that. A wakizashi for you since your still a filly" she finished saying, handing her sister a small little like katana. "When they begin to the back, we run right by them with the swords in our mouths and we slice them open!"
Amongst other conversations... A well known cross eyed pegasus asked her stallion friend of the future of 3D movies. "I just don't get it Doctor, why are all the movies becoming 3D all of the sudden?" The brown stallion didn't answer her question, he simply pointed at the stage and said "These two bastards are worse than Bruce Willis, the new Die Hard movie was atrocious, well anyways, let's hope they improved"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! IF YOU LOVED THEM BEFORE, YOU'LL LOVE THEM NOW! INSANE CLOWN POSSE LIIIIIIVE!"
The announcer finished shouting and quickly retreated backstage again. Now that the two finally walked into their own demise and un-knowingly walking on their vessel home, they began spinning around and jumping like the circus monkey's that they are. "PONYVILLE! MAKE SOME NOIIIIIISE!" The crowd was surprisingly excited to see the mortal humans walk on stage.
Their hooves began to stomp the ground as all watched in both awe and disgust at their stage actions. Shaggy was moonwalking like he did on day one while doing that lame 80's move called "The Egyptian". Fat Ass the clown was pelvic thrusting into ponies faces as if though he was based as f***, thinking he could pull off the Party Boy but was zapped by a purple bolt of magic by Twilight. The bolt slapped against his fat, apparently Body fat was immune to magic, so that's a plus for the obese.
"Get on with the show!" yelled the over-energetic Pink Pony. Half her hair was flat, the other was puffy, something was obviously pissing her off. Jay and Shagz got their act together and already started to sweat, the two stood silently together and slowly the lights faded out. This show as going to be off the chain.
In the darkness, Shaggy called out to the crowd. "Now who here doesn't know what a Juggalo is?" his voice boomed through the speakers. Nobody replied except for a cocky pegasus sitting on a cloud throwing apples, hoping she gets lucky to hit on in the dark. "Griffon Shit!" the crowd began to laugh at Rainbow's uncalled for comment, even the Princesses had a small smile on their face.
"AYE YO WHO SAID DAT?! BEST YOU KNOW WE BE BUSTIN THE CAPS IN PONY ASS!" hissed back Jay.
The crowd began to laugh at them uncontrollably, they weren't being taken seriously and that was a major problem. Juggalo's had a low self-esteem but their thick skulls and low IQ shielded them from the truth. If the immense amount of put-downs continued, it was going to be a hatchet to the neck for them. Fat Clown let a tear of grease drop from his pig eyes and it landed on his cheap medallion of the Juggalo. The tear was sucked into the plastic and soon enough it began to glow a mystic sense.
Jay didn't realize it but Shaggy was standing in front of him with his back turned, telling off everyone to stop beasting and feasting on poor little round Jay. It was the power of Friendship itself that made them stand strong against everyone. The little respect they've gotten, the constant hate, they've been through it all but what makes the Juggalo's stand so strong against everyone was.... friendship and friendship is all they needed to give the crowd a god tier performance. It was all they needed to go through the hardships and cruelty of reality, they're die hard fans and much more is what told ICP to NOT stop what they're doing.
Jay wiped the tear away, but what was this he realized? It wasn't grease like thousands have told him it was, he cried just like anyone else but this tear was special, this tear was made of pride, made of nobility, Jay then realized his Juggalo facepaint began to be incandescent as the sun, the true Juggalo in him roared alive and soon, Fat Clown became Smough, the Juggalo of Dark Souls. Everyone int he crowd saw in awe at this amazing power he possesed, everyone hushed down.
Shaggy walked towards his friend with a nervous facial expression. "Yo Jay, dat you man?" he asked cautiously. His friend smiled at him and nodded, Jay did the same. "Yo dawg! It's that medallion! What's making it glow brighter than my nannies yellow busted teeth?" he asked, poking the necklace. Jay chortled and held out his hand to give his friend a brofist. Shaggy went for it but then instead of brofisting, he clenched his friends hand and whispered. "Friendship, Jay, it was Friendship..." finished saying Shaggy. Jay was bewildered and let go of his hand, "No stupid! It's magic! This is some mystic juggalo island stone right here!" as soon as he finished saying that, both of them locked eyes and smiled, followed by the two saying...
"Friendship is MAGIC!"
The entire crowd saw that the two of the greatest of friends locked in a brotherly hug and began to cheer in the pure beauty of their friendship. Since the day they arrived, they've received nothing but hate, it was time for the ponies to give them a 2nd chance at life, a 2nd chance at making them all happy! Celestia herself clapped while Luna was being entralled by The Walking Dead comics on her lap because the TV show is complete ass.
"This is it Shaggy! This is our moment of fame! It's time to not being lyrical geniuses and spout magic from our mouths, but to chant miracles towards everyone! Come on Shags! This here is what we call MIRACLES"
The crowd was silent and the stage darkened, there stood Insane Clown Posse with their backs turned and the music began to start up accompanied by a chuckle from Jay.
"We got a theory, ya see, we got a theory about magic and miracles..."
The music began to kick up and the light show started. The show as a great start, nobody had seen anything like it, it was as if the power of the soul they held powered the show itself... then the lyrics began to come on in. Celestia was waiting to be entertained, they left a great 1st impression, that's for sure. (Incoming REAL lyrics)
If magic is all we've ever known Then it's easy to miss what really goes on But I've seen miracles in every way And I see miracles everyday Oceans spanning beyond my sight And a million stars way above em at night We don't have to be high to look in the sky And know that's a miracle opened wide Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas And everything chilling underwater, please
It was as if after each rhyme, the two would switch off and let the other have a turn, a very nice way to have the two do something. The lyrics were raunchy but then... then it started to get out of hand. Celestia could see microscopic material coming out of the speakers as their concert continued. The concert continued and the noticed the crowd began to act... different, sick actually. After waiting long enough, the speckles coming from the speakers landed on her hoof. She couldn't tell what it was until she breathed it in. "By Fausts beard... horse s***!"
The lyrics were absolute garbage and so bad that it was actually able to change the crappy sound into harmful and lethal dusts made of 1000 Generation of Juggalo garbage, a very lethal weapon that Blood on the Dance floor is trying to develop to murder all who oppose their music.
"Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling And it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling I see miracles all around me Stop and look around, it's all astounding Water, fire, air and DERP Bucking magnets, how do they work? And I don't wanna talk to a scientist Y'all motherf*****s lying, and getting me pissed"
It was getting progressively worse, Celestia was beginning to feel the effects of death stowed upon her. Out in the crowd she could see many trying to retreat but it was too late. It was like a famine for fresh air going on! Celestia was ready to kill them on the spot but she was too starting to be too weak. The out rims of her vision fogged up with brown specks, it was s***. She then began to cough up some of the brown particles onto her White Tiger rug that she sat on.
"The Dark Carnival is your invitation To witness them without explanation Take a look at this fine creation And enjoy it better with appreciation Crows, ghosts, the midnight coast The wonders of the world, mysteries the most Just open your mind, and it ain't no way To ignore the miracles of every day"
She had no choice, to save Ponyville and Equestria itself, she did it. She gazed out to Luna, she was breathing rapidly while sweating, an infection of Juggalo-Itus, a lethal fungus disease that would grow on the lungs and soon enough explode into Faygo, a very painful death no one should endure. "FOR EQUESTRIA" she yelled and slammed her hoof on the red button.
Upon clicking on the button, she slammed her head on the ground and brown liquid foam was spewing out. Hundreds in the crowd were on the verge of death but thanks to Celestia good grace, it all ceased. The button reacted almost instantly when it was clicked. On the stage a huge beam cracked through the floorboards and started to rise up with the Dimension Pod at the very top, this was it, their ticket home! ICP was going back to planet Earth... right?
Lost in a world of their own, the two began to dance on the huge pod doing all these ratchet dance moves nobody does anymore while attempting to beat box. Higher and higher they rose until they were higher that Cloudsdale itself, these two were going out of the atmosphere, they were, BREAKING THE DIMENSION.... RIGHT?
Twilight limped over to Celestia and smiled. Celestia smiled back, seeing as how her vision was no longer a foggy brown, it was starting to become clear. "My dear student... we're saved..." she quietly said to Twilight who only smiled. Twilight then began to wonder while she coughed up the excess crap from her lungs.
"Princess Celesita..."
"What is it my faithful student?"
"You didn't send them to Earth did you?"
The princess smiled and replied with a very strong hint. "Let's just say, I hope that facepaint was their actual skin, they need a little.. tan." Master and apprentice had a jolly good laugh and continued to watch the tower rise higher and higher until the pod at the top was launched and traveled into space.
Want to see what happens to Shaggy and Violent Jay? Watch the video and skip DIRECTLY to 2:51 to see the epic conclusion of the two great friends.
