Disguised Unhappiness
Princess Celestia stared into the mirror before her upon the wall. Her reflection gazed back at her. She checked for any imperfections on the dress that now adorned her. There were none, as always. For each gala, her attire was designed by only the most skillful tailors in all of Equestria. Her dress couldn’t possibly be flawed; it was scrutinized at least a hundred times before she even got her first glimpse of it. Still, now, she checked for errors. Satisfied, she clucked her tongue. The clock chimed when it reached the 7:00 mark, but soon resumed its monotonous ticking. This year’s gala was at 8:00 p.m. tonight.
Celestia frowned, and the mirror imitated her action. Something felt off. Although, nothing should have. This was the routine she had practiced annually. She had barely begun contemplating the thought when she heard a knock at the door.
“May I enter?” a flat male voice asked.
“You may, Ice Shield,” Celestia responded in her practiced, regal, professional voice.
A tall stallion stepped through the doorway. He was brawny and muscular, and his facial expression was set to one of no particular emotion.
Ice Shield bowed, his muzzle almost grazing the floor. “I hope I am not interrupting anything important.”
“No, you are fine,” Celestia assured, her gaze flicking to the mirror briefly. She cleared her throat. “I assume everything is prepared in the ballroom?”
The Royal Guard rose from the floor. “Yes, your majesty. Your presence is awaited.”
“Thank you for informing me. I will be there shortly.”
He vanished as quickly as he appeared.
Celestia sighed and walked to the room’s open window. She had set the sun a mere few minutes ago, so the night was still fresh. The princess tried to enjoy the fragrant scent of the lavender flowers below her, as was her goal of the window-staring. Nevertheless, the plants failed to ease her anxiety. Something still pricked at her. Eventually, she chose to ignore it, dismissing it as nerves before the festivity. A glance at the moon as she left her place at the window sent a cold shiver down her spine.
She strolled quietly down the hallway. It was relatively empty at the hour. Evening was typically the time when most ponies around the castle ceased their work, leaving the Royal Guards with little to do. Tonight, many of the guards and businessponies were invited to attend the gala. Only a few were littered throughout the serpentine halls of the castle. Princess Celestia’s punctilious hoofsteps upon the cold, stone floor echoed throughout these empty hallways. She swallowed something hard in her throat and continued plodding toward the ballroom. She had to be better than this. Letting one’s emotions show was a sign of weakness for a princess.
Celestia distracted herself by viewing the elaborate paintings that embellished the walls around her. Almost all were centered on herself. A few, occasional works of art depicted other dignitaries. None were of Luna. What purpose would they serve? The princess was to be forgotten by ponykind. These thoughts intruded upon Celestia’s mind as she wandered. She pushed them away. The night was being ruined. Galas were her favorite event, and she intended to keep them that way.
Eventually, Princess Celestia reached the grand doors of the ballroom. Taking a deep breath, she steadily swung them open, revealing an incredible display of the gala. She waltzed into the wide-open space. The princess was bombarded with an array of smells, sounds, and sights. Only the ponies managing the music, food, and stands had gathered so far. Yet, the buzz of activity was almost as lively as if the room and adjacent outdoor space were filled to maximum capacity. Celestia immediately proceeded to her designated dais, greeting a few ponies nearby along the way. Atop the platform, she towered above everyone even more so than she did usually. She stole a quick glance at the grandfather clock in the nearest corner. Half past seven. It would be hours before the gala ended at midnight. Celestia immediately turned away from the derisive timepiece. What was she thinking? She loved the gala; she always would.
Her thoughts were again broken when a caterer offered her a rare wine. She accepted the drink gratefully and brought the glass to her lips. It was one of the finest brandies she had ever tasted in her over one hundred years of life. That in itself was a remarkable discovery for her. The alcohol’s warmth filled her with a sense of pleasure. The effect was almost successful in dispelling her unease. She chatted with the caterer for a few minutes. Small talk was something she had mastered over the years.
Within time, the gala officially began. Ponies conversed with each other, sampled food at stands of only the highest quality, and danced elegantly in the moonlight. It was truly a magical time for everyone involved in the experience. Celestia smiled down upon her subjects, relishing in their happiness. Soon enough, she began to shake hooves with dignitaries. They droned on about governmental issues, upcoming events, and matters transpiring within different territories. The princess quickly found herself being overcome by boredom. Something just wasn’t right. She couldn’t place her hoof on exactly what though. A vision of the moon she lowered this evening slipped into her mind.
“Princess Celestia,” a Royal Guard called gruffly for the third time.
Celestia’s thoughts shattered in an instant. She resumed her regal pose. “Yes, Strongwings? My apologies, I’m afraid I drifted off for a moment.”
“You are needed in the courtyard. It is time for your speech.”
Celestia nodded. It was the 40th anniversary of the Grand Galloping Gala. Of course, ponies expected her to give her remarks about this occasion. “Yes, right. I appreciate the reminder. Let us go there at once.”
The ponies left in the ballroom proceeded briskly to the courtyard. Here, a crowd had gathered, all anticipating the princess. Celestia smiled and nodded to a few in the group as she passed by. She hadn’t felt the need to bring the papers for her speech. Her precise memory had enabled her to easily retain what she intended to say. And, if necessary, she could always make adjustments. It was a practiced skill. She remembered when Starswirl the Bearded, her beloved mentor, taught these lessons to her . . . and Luna.
“Luna . . .,” she thought sadly. Celestia felt something tear at her heart.
She reached the podium in front of the audience, putting on a well-versed smile.
“Greetings, my little ponies,” she announced in her Royal Canterlot Voice. Celestia paused briefly as the crowd clapped their hooves and whistled in response. “I want to thank you all for attending this year’s Grand Galloping Gala. Without all of you, events like this would not be possible. As you all know, today marks the 40th anniversary of the first Grand Galloping Gala. The gala is a tradition started those 40 long years ago by the great Starswirl the Bearded . . . before he disappeared.” The audience quieted and bowed their heads solemnly. “Let us honor him with a moment of silence.” Celestia paused again as everyone complied with her decree.
Fond memories of her mentor filled her head. She wiped a solitary tear from her face. Breathing deeply, she regained her composure. “The gala originated as a celebration for when Starswirl and other unicorns completed the construction of our magnificent city of Canterlot. Here, today, our capital stands strong and guards Equestria well. Consider how far we have come as a kingdom. Our kind is united stronger than ever - earth, unicorn, and pegasus in collaboration and teamwork. However, as with almost all things, there is much more work to be done. Here’s to a wonderful future for our nation and many merry galas to come!”
The crowd cheered in celebration and tipped their wine glasses to one another. Soon enough, the gala’s standard activities resumed. Princess Celestia stepped down from her podium and headed toward the food stands. A glance behind her confirmed that she was being accompanied by a pair of guards. Celestia sighed. The speech went quite well, she believed. Yet, still, she felt as if something were amiss. She was uncharacteristically failing to enjoy the gala, and this worried her. Something was troubling her peace of mind. Nevertheless, when she tried to contemplate it for longer than a few seconds, visions of a dark morning long ago filled her thoughts: The Elements blasting their vivid colors and lights. The sounds of pained screaming. She remembered herself falling. Farther and deeper, faster, the wind rushing past her body. . .
She stopped abruptly at a food cart without fully discerning it at first.
“Your Majesty,” greeted the pony at the stand. He bowed his head politely. The stallion had a dark grey coat and a chestnut brown mane. The mark upon his flank depicted a whisk. “It is my pleasure to entice you to my wonderful confection collection.” He grinned at his own rhyme.
Celestia blinked. “Um, yes. Of course. It is quite lovely.” The princess observed the numerous rows of cookies, pies, and cakes that aligned his shelves. Cakes. She smiled genuinely, true happiness overwhelming her for the first time that night. The smell of the baked goods was pleasant, almost overpowering. Celestia inclined her head toward a small rose-colored cake on the bottom row. “They are all very appealing, but this one catches my eye the most. May I ask what flavor it is?”
“Pink Champagne Cake.”
Celestia’s eyes widened in surprise, which quickly turned into excitement. “Oh?”
“Yes. I made it myself, your highness.” The stallion beamed at Princess Celestia, his white teeth reflecting the moonlight.
Celestia herself smiled. “Very well then. I will buy that one, please.” The stallion nodded and selected the cake from the shelf. He set it on an ornately designed ceramic plate. It seemed as if he were about to make a statement about the price when Celestia interrupted. “There is no need for that. I will pay the full amount.”
The stallion was momentarily confused. “You knew I was going to give you a discount?”
Celestia smirked. “Almost everypony tries to. But if I accepted, it would be unfair to commoners. Am I not right?”
“You are, Your Highness. It’s just . . . you are royalty! You of all ponies deserve to have everything at least at a reduced cost. Free would be more fitting actually.”
“My royal status is no more than a title. I shall be treated fairly when it comes to these matters.”
“If you wish, Princess.” He hoofed the plate to Celestia. “Now, you must try this.” A hopeful smile was painted across his face.
Celestia levitated a slice of the cake in her aura. Holding it at eye level, she inspected it carefully. She eyed the waiting pony once more, clearly making the moment more dramatic. Finally, she took a large bite of the delicacy. She chewed slowly, thoughtfully, letting the warm fluffiness melt within her mouth. Content, she swallowed and gave the stallion a warm smile.
“This is marvelous. One of the best Pink Champagne Cakes I have ever tasted.”
“Oh, thank you, Princess.” The stallion beamed. “It’s actually an old recipe passed down through my family’s generations.”
“Ah, I see. Then I won’t ask how you made it. May I at least have your name?”
“Cinnamon Roll.”
“Well, Cinnamon Roll, the cake is much appreciated. May your business prosper and fare you well.”
Cinnamon Roll bowed once more. “Thank you, Princess. Have a splendid night.”
Celestia, with cake in hoof, continued her stroll among the food stands. It wasn’t long before she finished her dessert and selected a plate of cookies from the cart of a pale-yellow young mare. Overall, she only purchased a few things because she wasn’t extremely hungry, and it wouldn’t be princess-like to buy and consume everything. At last, she finished wandering through the stands of the castle’s yard. Celestia returned to the ballroom and patiently awaited the next major event. At least, she tried to muster as much patience as she could.
The clock chimed as the hour hand struck 11. Still one hour left. Celestia sighed. She wasn’t sure how much more of the gala she could take. The party was going spectacularly well, this was true. Yet, she couldn’t find the joy to appreciate it all: the conversation, cool weather, speech-making, pastries (they were delicious, but not as satisfying as they should have been), and dancing.
The dancing. Celestia hearkened as an announcer declared it was time for the grand dance. During this event, ponies who chose to participate were to select a partner. Then, these pairs of two were to sway to a practiced dance routine of their choice. Ponies who did not want to participate would be part of the audience. They would judge which pairs performed best in their dancing. The number of dancers would be halved repeatedly until only two pairs were left. After a final dance, one pair would be declared the winner by Princess Celestia herself. Celestia thought it was a fair and intricate process. The competition was extremely significant to the ponies of the gala, for a cash prize was awarded to the top finishers.
Celestia smiled faintly as ponies began to murmur excitedly about the impending event. She was reminded of when Luna formerly attended the gala with her. The Princess of the Night was not especially fond of this occasion, but she went with Celestia for the first few galas just to make her happy. Every gala that they did spend together, the sisters spent the night openly debating about which stallion they would choose for the dance. Then, when the hour finally came, they would compete between themselves to see which of them could advance farthest in the contest. Neither of them ever made it past the quarterfinals though. That had always annoyed Luna.
Celestia hadn’t danced since Luna was banished. It was too much of a painful reminder of her absence. She couldn’t find any excitement within her when the familiar tune of the Quadrille dance rang throughout the ballroom. She sat quietly upon her golden throne, which was just slightly above the dancers. Her chin was propped up on a hoof as her eyes observed the scene below. A multitude of ponies lined the ballroom floor. All danced in time to the rhythm of the music. It seemed that this year’s competition would be a challenge for the voters.
After a few minutes, the music ended. The crowd had a few moments to decide which groups would stay and which would depart. The votes were measured by having ponies stand if they liked a particular pair of dancers. If the majority of the crowd stood, the pair would advance to the next round. If the majority remained seated, the pair would be eliminated. In an unlikely scenario, if the votes were to be seemingly tied, the pair would be judged by the most supreme noble at the gala after Princess Celestia. Celestia had already forgotten who that pony was. Rankings were changing more frequently than ever these days.
The votes for this round were cast. Thirty-two unfortunate groups joined the crowd. After what seemed like an eternity to Celestia, the thirty-two groups became sixteen, eight, four, and finally two. The Argentine Tango began to play. All eyes focused on the four dancers upon the floor. Celestia sat up a bit straighter, concentrating on the two pairs. It was up to her to declare a winner. The ponies whirled and twisted; they spun and pranced. They danced. They danced for honor. They danced for fame. They danced for their lives (well, seemingly).
At last, the melody stopped. The eyes that were once fixed on the dancers focused on Celestia, awaiting her response. She pursed her lips, thinking. The anticipation she normally felt wasn’t there. It had fled along with her love of the gala. The whole competition was pointless. Why should she bother selecting one of the two?
Eventually, she lifted her gaze to meet the eyes of the competitors. The pair on the left was a young grey-coated stallion alongside a slightly older beige-coated mare. The pair to the right of them was a mint-colored stallion of about 40 coupled with a dark blue mare of the same age. Their names were announced as (from left to right) Comet Tail, Crisp Cake, Tree Leaf, and Mythical Wonder. “Well done, all of you.” Celestia looked not only to the ponies before her but to the participants among the crowd. “I know you have all worked exceptionally hard to practice dancing for this event. Equestria hasn’t seen a better Grand Galloping Gala dance competition in years.” Most of the spectators agreed, yet it felt like a lie to the princess. “Alas, only one pair can be chosen.” She let silence briefly build a moment of suspense. “This year’s winners of the Grand Galloping Gala’s ballroom dance are . . . Tree Leaf and Mythical Wonder!”
The crowd erupted into cheers and the victors began to celebrate enthusiastically. The ballroom came to life once again as it had when music filled the room. Celestia could barely manage a smile to uphold her kind-hearted reputation. Everything around her felt as if it were collapsing. Her spirits fell into a hole so deep they never reached the bottom. “Congratulations, both of you.” Her smile wavered for a millisecond. Something inside of her had broken.
The 400-bit cash prize was awarded to the lucky stallion and mare. Their names were inscribed on a plaque of honor for them to keep. After the award ceremony, everypony finally began to depart. They said their goodbyes to one another, and some made plans to meet again in the next few moons. Nonetheless, the room was almost empty within a few minutes. Celestia waited for the relief she had expected all night long. It never came. She bid a few guests farewell as she retreated back to the hall in which she entered from hours ago.
Celestia’s hoofsteps grew slower as the door closed noiselessly behind her. The hall’s echoes became softer. Her heartbeat slowed as well. The night became ever more silent. She was barely walking after a few minutes. Her hooves just dragged along the carpeted hall, her muzzle nearly touching the floor in front of them. With each passing second her movement became slower. Eventually, her body came to a complete stop. She stood, hunched over, quietly, soundlessly. Time passed. A gentle breeze from an open window beside Celestia caressed her face. She jerked her head up suddenly and stared out this window for a timeless moment. She was transported back to when she stood before her bedroom window this evening. Before the pain. Before the sadness. Before the gala.
A faint memory entered Celestia’s mind. Suddenly, her wings lifted, allowing her body to take flight. She glided through the rest of the hallway with increasing speed. She momentarily closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. When she reopened them, her expression was one of determination. Celestia didn’t pause to consider what would happen if someone else were wandering through the hallway. She just flew, accelerating with remarkable speed. She took a sharp turn. The princess had chosen a different route than the one leading to her chambers.
All of a sudden, she burst through an open doorway and into the brilliant night sky. She was surrounded by a sea of stars, too many, and far too beautiful, to count. Celestia felt free for the first time in years. She soared upward, farther than she had ever desired to fly since the days of her youth. A few clouds entered her vision. She maneuvered past them with incredible agility. They were not her skies, nor did the stars belong to her. She knew who their true owner was. Whereas before she was flying for freedom, the true intention of her prolonged flight now became clear to her. She tilted her head slightly upward to view the illustrious celestial body of the night. The moon. She had to stop hiding within the shadows. It was time to do what she should have done long before.
Celestia continued to fly, albeit her pace was a little slower now. She soon spotted the headwaters of the vast Foalorado River. Focusing on the waterway, she spread her wings a bit farther and began to dive toward it. The feeling of gliding through the air was indescribable. It was the type of freedom Celestia had always longed for; something she would almost never be able to obtain confined within the walls of her castle. Alas, she knew these precious moments wouldn’t last forever. The alicorn changed her trajectory so that she would fly directly over the river instead of plunging into it.
The moon’s reflection shone brilliantly on the water’s surface. She gazed down upon it as she swooped a mere few inches above. Then, she abruptly flew upward once more, heading toward an arch that stretched over a portion of the water. She landed softly upon it, finally returning her wings to her sides to allow them to rest from her journey. Celestia sat there in silence, her ragged breaths becoming more even as she recuperated. The wind grew stronger around her as the night became cooler. She shivered, wishing her gala dress were heavier. A tension in the air made its presence known. A lump formed in Celestia’s throat, and she began to tremble even more violently. Whether it was from the cold or her emotions, she did not know. The princess finally forced her eyes to look upward at the moon above her. It’s brightness nearly blinded her, for her eyes had been closed shut for the past few minutes. However, that was not what caused a few tears to slide down her face. Stronger than ever now, she could see the outline of a black figure upon the moon’s unblemished surface. It seemed to be staring back at her, an illusive expression of disappointment and sadness upon its visage.
Celestia broke, her mask of perfection shattered. She knew it would be difficult, but she hadn’t expected it to be so heartbreaking. She wept aloud, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Her cries turned to sobs in a matter of seconds. The wails and gasps of her desperation reached as far as the mountains in the distance. Yet, no one could hear them. No one came to comfort her. She was alone. The wildlife around her grew still. Even the river seemed to cease running. There was silence, and there was discord. Both unimaginably existed in the same moment.
Celestia ran out of tears, leaving her face warm and damp. In spite of this, there was still an unmistakable empty feeling inside her chest. She looked back to the moon once more, forcing herself to stare into its blinding light.
“L – Luna. . .” Her voice cracked. “I – I . . . I don’t even know if you can hear me. But if you can, please listen.” She was answered by silence, which was expected. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Listening. Something I failed miserably at. I am so, so sorry, my dear sister. I . . . don’t know if you can ever forgive me. I made a mistake, a grave one, indeed. How could I have been so blind? It was all there, laid right before my eyes. Yet, I – I ignored the signs. I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been.”
Tears somehow found a way to flow down Celestia’s cheeks once more. “The truth is, Luna,” she choked, “I can’t live without you. I realized that the hard way. These past twenty years have been so difficult. It just gets worse as time goes on. I spend more and more time each day thinking of you, my sister.” Celestia wiped a foreleg across her muzzle. “I always hoped that things would get better for you . . . fix themselves as time went on. But it didn’t happen, and I didn’t step in. I am truly, and solely, the one to blame for your corruption, Luna. Now, you are gone. I have no idea when, . . . or if, we will ever be reunited.”
Celestia fought with all her strength to suppress another wave of tears. “But . . . I have faith . . . that one day a new group of bearers will arise and wield the same Elements of Harmony that I used to banish you. This time, however, they will be in your favor. You will be freed, sister, one day. I don’t know when, but I know, Luna, you will be free once more. You will no longer be possessed by that horrible creature, and we will be together again. We will rule Equestria, side by side, like we were meant to. Just like how we did in our years before . . . before now. I hope and pray this will happen, dear sister. All that is needed is the right ponies to fill the positions of the Elements we once bore.”
The wind picked up again around the white alicorn. “I am afraid my time to depart is near. Oh, Luna, I hope you heard all that I said. My heart is heavy without you.” Celestia quavered as she paused, thinking of a way to end her soliloquy. “I miss you, dear sister,” she whispered softly. “Maybe one day you will forgive me.”
Celestia quieted, gazing at the moon for any sort of response, even the slightest of changes, indicating that her sister had been listening, as she requested. There were none. Her words had been seemingly carried away by the wind. Even so, a small part of her strongly believed that her sister was there, hearkening and observing . . . and waiting, waiting ever so patiently for her time to come.
Celestia heard a faint cry from the distance. The sound grew louder, mixed with others as it neared where the princess was perched.
“Find the princess, quickly!” A Royal Guard demanded.
The clops of cloven hooves racing against pavement filled Celestia’s ears. She looked sadly down at the water below her, staring at her reflection, just as she had done early this evening. They were going to find her. It was over. Things would return to the way they were always. She would have to resume her monotonous daily routines, business affairs, galas (she knew she would never truly enjoy them again), and her confinement. Celestia was imprisoned within her own castle, without a true friend to accompany her throughout her endless days.
It was going to be a long one thousand years.