Three stooges, running around in Equestria during an unknown outbreak. Various hijinks, deaths, and chaotic mishaps ensue.
What does a psychopath, a tag along, and a tough buck have in common? Nothing, obviously!
What caused this outbreak? When will it end? How will this affect the future generations? Will these three idiots manage to save the world? Or plunge it into the depths of hell?
The only thing that's certain, is that the world will never be the same again.
(Based off a DnD campaign with a couple buds of mine. So, expect a lot of things to be either chaotic, or just not make sense at some points due to DnD logic.)
Most of the crossover stuff is the weapons only, other than that, it was their idea to make this a story. So, expect bad humor and hopefully good writing.
We aren't exactly sure how it happened, some saying that it happened when somepony ventured out into the Everfree Forest, others say that it was from space aliens that wanted to see our world burn into a chaotic ball of fire. My personal opinion, it stemmed from everypony panicking and rushing to the market for butt paper. That's where most of the infection happened anyways.
Me? My name is Peep. I'm a light blue stallion with white mane and tail, Pegasi and I'm currently locked up in a stranger's home with my pal Tox. He's a rough around the edge kind of stallion. Grey, with a white mane and tail with blue stripes running through it. He's also a Pegasi and was currently peeking through the blinds of the window.
"Psst, Tox, you see anything out there?" I asked, standing nearby while fiddling with my tie.
"Yeah. Three of them." He said, his voice sounding tired and annoyed.
"Crap. Well, I don't think we should go out anyways. It's already getting close to nighttime. Maybe we should look for some things in here before we call it. What do you think?" I asked him. The house was abandoned, and we had made it our temporary refuge for the night.
"Sounds good." He said, leaving the window and closing the blinds fully.
Looking around, I found a sock with some kind of slippery ooze leaking from inside. Upon closer inspection, it was thankfully melted butter.
"Any luck?" I asked, dropping the sock out of disgust and letting it splat on the floor.
"Found a glass bottle." He said, breaking it with his wings on a counter, earning a wince from me.
"Maybe we should keep looking." I said, slowly moving around the glass shards he had dropped all over. I found another sock. This time with nails in it.
'What kind of owner lived here?' I thought, genuinely confused by the contents of their lewd collection of socks.
"Any mpre luck?"
"Yep." He said, showing me a short sword. It was a good find, and probably sharper than it looked from where I was.
"Aww, lucky." I whined, looking around a bit more. Huh? Finally! A weapon!
"How's this?" He said again, lifting a crossbow.
I looked at my little blade in defeat, obviously not being able to find anything worthwhile here.
"Least you got good stuff. All I have is this knife thing." I said, lowering my head. I wondered if luck had anything to do with it.
"I don't have any arrows thou- wait, never mind." He said, opening a cabinet revealing 5 arrows conveniently placed in a quiver. I gave one last look around the room and found some bandages.
"I'd say we call it a night. We can look for an exit tomorrow morning or something." I said, giving a yawn. Curse my partial earth pony genetics! I should be able to stay up longer!
He simply loaded an arrow into the crossbow and gave a nod.
"Night Peep." He said, getting comfortable on the rugged floor.
"Night Tox." I added, closing my eyes and feeling myself drift off.
When I woke, I looked over to Tox, who still had the crossbow in his hooves. His eyes were closed, I think, and I poked him.
"Hey, wake up Tox." I said, poking his face with my wing. He grumbled and got up, saying something about how early it was to be getting up.
"Is it morning already?" He asked, rubbing his eyes through his shades, despite it looking very uncomfortable when he did that.
"Close enough to it." I said, going up to the curtains and looking outside, the sun just starting to peek over the horizon.
'They're still there.' I thought, seeing the same three Tox mentioned out on the street, blood caking their mouths and chests.
"Let's go Tox, it's time to get going." I said, hearing him get up from his sitting position.
"Okay." He said, walking right into a wall.
Bonk
"You good?" I asked, suppressing a laugh.
"Always." He grumbled lowly, pushing his shades back to their proper spot.
"Hah, sure." I said, spotting a back door.
"We should go through the back. Maybe there won't be any of them there." I offered, slinging my saddlebags over my back and strapping them in.
"Good thinking." He mumbled, now more awake.
Going up to the backdoor, I opened it and saw a mess. It looked like a stampede ran through Ponyville, and several ponies got caught under the herd if their broken bodies were any indication.
Looking around cautiously, I spotted another small knife. This one better quality than the one I had. I decided to drop the one I had for this one.
"Hey Peep, catch." Tox said, tossing yet another sock full of butter at me. Flinching away, I tried to contain my disgust as he chuckled at me. What is with this town and buttered socks? This wasn't a trend, was it?
There were a few bodies here, some of them being the undead, and others the remains of unfortunate ponies who got caught. One in particular had a toy train stuck in their skull. Whoever did that had some serious strength and aim. Then I saw the bloodied notepad nearby. It had a name on it, but I wasn't too sure what it said with the blood covering most of it.
"Heck yeah." Tox said suddenly.
Turning back to him, I saw that he had more arrows.
"Cool, how many does that ma-" My sentence was cut short when I saw somepony that was mutilated. I nearly gagged from the seemingly recent attack, falling to my hindquarters and reeling from shock.
"Cheerliee..." I said, seeing the trademark sunny smile on her flank.
I also noticed a bloodied knife nearby, and a pair of undead laying by her side.
"Least she went out with a fight." Tox said, also disgusted, but mournful of the loss of life.
"Yeah." I said, feeling bad for how she ended up. I wasn't all too close with her, maybe once or twice I would see her per week, but still.
"Over there. Somepony is still alive." Tox whispered, hurrying towards them.
As I got closer, I realized that she wasn't gonna make it. There was a bite on her neck, and she looks like she'd been here a while if the blackening veins pulsing under neck were any indication. I didn't want to do it, but I knew what had to be done.
"Leave her Peep. We should find a cart to carry all of out stuff." Tox said, nudging me with his shoulder. I tried to protest, but he shook his head no, and took the lead.
We walked a bit further down the road and I spotted an apple cart. It looked mostly intact, and I pointed it out.
"There, an apple cart!" I said excitedly. Maybe it was our lucky day after all. Maybe.
Tox just had a toy in his wings grasp. Staring at it.
"Looks like there were quite a few foals here" He said, dropping said toy.
"Least they left all of their stuff." I said, picking up a magic Spell book. It was a brown book, with a black, oddly triangular shape in the label accompanied by a red backdrop. This might come in handy if we had a Unicorn with us, but I wasn't even sure what kind of spell book this was too.
"Yep." I heard Tox say, tossing something into the cart.
"Oh yeah, they were prepared alright." I said in disbelief, hefting a Spear in my forearms.
"Mmhmm." Tox hummed in response, tossing a machete onto the cart.
After we looked around for supplies, I found some more clean bandages, medical wraps, and an old banana. Tox on the other hoof, found a sleeping bag, a wooden bat, and a canister of what seemed like oil.
"Alright, who should pull the cart?" I asked.
"I think we should see who's stronger, which is obvious." He said.
"No need to be modest, Tox, we all know you're the strong one."
"That's what I'm saying you hambone."
"..."
Strapping Tox into the harness, I gave a quick look over of the cart. It made some squeaking noise when he pulled it, and I wasn't sure why.
"Hey Tox, any idea on why this thing makes noise?" I asked him, eyeing the wheel closely.
"Not a clue. Maybe if we piss on it we can make it pipe down." He said, lifting his leg up and ready to relieve himself. WAIT!
"No, no, maybe we should try what my parents did and hit it until it worked again. Did wonders with me." I said, rearing my legs and giving a powerful kick. Letting my leg fully wind up, I released my strike and let my kick fly.
And missed, falling flat on my stomach.
"HAH! Bet you won't try that again." Tox said, grinning at my misfortune.
"Well, I don't see you doing anything other than being ready to piss yourself." I shot back, getting myself back on my hooves. I was definitely going to feel that in the morning.
"Why don't we look for something slippery for the bearings. Pretty sure some oil can do the trick." He said, sounding bored.
"Only problem is where are we going to find it." I deadpanned.
"There's literately some right there." Tox pointed out, towards another broken cart with a small canister of oil.
"Oh, right." I said, meekly going over to retrieve the canister. Grabbing it in my mouth, I squeezed some into the joints of the cart, and tested out the wheel. It didn't make any noise, so I suppose that's good.
"Let's go before any more of those undead show up." I said, getting into the pulley spot of the wagon.
And as soon as I said that, four of those terrifying undead showed up, their shambling, decaying forms rounding a corner and coming at us with more speed than I suspected with the dead. I looked over to Tox, who was fumbling to get out of the harness and help with the undead, but to no avail, he only managed to tighten them.
'Looks like I'm gonna be the one to do the dirty work then.' I thought, and hopped out and readied my spear.
Suddenly, they were all blasted by somepony, and I used my spear as a sort of shield from the flying undead guts.
"Oh, hello there!" I heard a feminine voice say, in a strange accent.
Lowering my weapon, I saw a white mare with a black mane and tail that had a crazed look in her red eyes, one that, for some reason, seemed like they weren't even hers.
"Oh, thank you!" I said, looking back at Tox.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Two gay boys being gay? Oh, that's totally not gay!"
I paused. What?
"Uh, what?" I asked.
"Shut up you crazy hambone! You want to help us get to Canterlot or not!" Tox yelled back at the strange unicorn in front of us.
"Will there be undead on the way?" She asked, her evil stare never leaving her face.
"I'm pretty sure there will be."
She made a squealing noise like she was excited.
"Eeeeee! More ripping and tearing! Sound's like a good time!" She said aloud.
"Well?! You getting in or not!?" Tox said, pulling the cart up to us and waiting.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going."
"Wooo! More slaying!" The mare yelled, trotting in place and hopping into the cart with me.
"Hey, what's your name anyways?" I asked her.
"Oh, me? My name is Slagathor! Nice to meet you, missile material!" She said, extending a hoof to me.
"Uhm, sure. Nice to meet you too." I said, shaking her hoof. Her smile only brightened, and a glint of insanity shone in her eyes.
After we make our introductions, we found a map that leads right to Canterlot, only problem is that we had to read it, which we didn't know how to do.
And so, after some tripping, and a bloodied nose later which Slagathor over-enthusiastically healed me with, we were almost halfway to Canterlot when we ran into another mare. She was white, like Slagathor, but had a brown mane and tail, with her mane being a little on the poofy side.
We saw her after she spotted us, and we came to a complete stop.
"Hey! P-please! Can you help me? I was separated from my group, and I lost them to some undead. If it's alright, can I stay with you?" She asked, clearly frightened and desperate.
"Yeah, of course you can. Though, we are a bit crowded on the cart." Tox said.
"You weren't bitten, right?" Slagathor asked, raising my spear with her magic.
"Hey! That's mine!" I shouted, yanking it from her magical grip.
Slagathor blew a raspberry at me and went back to her spacing out.
"Thank you! I promise to be useful! My name is Winter!" She said, glad she was safe for the time being.
"Sure, hop on in." Tox said, earning a grin from me.
"Shut up, stupid hambone."
Another ten or so minutes later, I thought I heard a faint growling.
I shook my head and looked forward. I noticed something immediately, and pulled the reins that were around Tox's neck. Tox recoiled in surprise, and was about to yell at me, when I told him to be quiet. No sooner as I did, I motioned to over the small hill that was just next to us.
Slagathor was still day dreaming, not completely sure about what, but from the look of her dark smile, I was assuming it wasn't foal-friendly.
I poked her side, and she snapped back to reality.
"BE-!" I shoved a hoof in her mouth, shutting her up and motioning to the hill. She got slightly annoyed, and started biting my hoof.
"Hey! No biting!" I whispered at her harsly.
She rolled her eyes and looked at me expectingly.
"Think you can use your magic and look over the hill?" I asked her.
"Sure, why not." She said, and her magic glowed, as well as her eyes. A few seconds later, her magic died down and she came back.
"Yeah, there's a shit ton of undead on the other side, so I'd shut up if I were us." She said.
"Any guess to how many?" Winter asked.
Slagathor gave her a tilted head stare.
"Oh, about enough for each of us to be bite sized chicken nuggets to them." Slagathor said.
"Oh, wow." Tox said.
"Yeah, so let's get the fuck out of here and somewhere safe. It's getting dark, don't ya know!" Slagathor said, seemingly annoyed while taking on an odd southern drawl towards the end of her sentence.
We moved slowly, as to not disturb the massive herd of undead on the other side of the hill. After about 30 minutes of sneaking, we made it past them and found another cart, this time, there were blood stains everywhere, and some undead still feasting on the once living. It was horrible to hear, their teeth gnawing off flesh from bone, the sickening squelch of as they chewed, the cracks and crunching of bone being broken. It was too much for some of us, and I felt the urge to vomit at the smell and sight of it.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Winter whispered, idly watching as we readied our weapons.
"Least we can do is pay our respects once we're done." Tox said, raising his crossbow and firing an arrow.
It hit the first undead and pierced the skull, killing it and putting it down for good.
Slagathor was eyeing one of them with a unsettling look in her gaze, and then glanced at me.
"May I?" She asked, motioning to me and the undead with her hoof.
"No thank you." Was my simple response. I didn't like the "magical missile" she mentioned earlier, so I didn't wish to risk it.
She simply shrugged and hopped off the cart and started breaking all of the undead leg's and twisting off their heads like a pop off toys. Me and Tox could only watch in horrified fascination as Slagathor worked her (literal) magic, the undead being torn apart and flung off to the side. If watching the undead eat was bad, what she did to them was worse.
"There, all done! Now let's take their shit and go!" Slagathor said, grinning enthusiastically. Maybe she was in a mental institute, or just a psychotic mare with unnatural magical strength. Everyone in the group was disturbed to have to loot the souls of the unfortunate, but we had survived this long doing it and we found some more stuff we could use. Some medicine, more weapons, and more arrows for Tox to use.
I, unfortunately, found a bloodied toy under the wagon, and recoiled as an Undead lunged from underneath.
"Aaagh!" I yelped, narrowly missing its bite.
"Take this bitch!" Slagathor yelled, dropping a hefty rock with more force than necessary, flinging blood, and a more in a small radius. I was splattered by it, and thankfully closed my eyes before she killed it. We weren't exactly sure how this infection spread, but we knew it was by at least a bite wound.
"Thanks." I said, trying to calm my racing heart, and wiping the blood specs off my chest and face. Aw man, it got in my tuft!
"Hey, how about next time, you don't be such an idiot and actually kill it. I thought you were an independent stallion!" Tox said teasingly.
"Kiss my ass!"
"Healing?!" Slagathor yelled for some reason.
"No, I-I don't think I need it right now. Thanks though." I said, spotting a book in the wagon.
"Hey, what's this?" I asked, picking up the book. It looked like a spell book, only it had the mark that made it forbidden. A simple imprint that spirals into itself. Wait, what were they doing with this? I shuddered as a strange, almost wave of nausea hit me upon picking it up with a chill shooting up my spine. Something was definitely wrong with the book, and I didn't want to hold onto it much longer.
"It's a forbidden spell book! I wouldn't hold it for very long it if I were you!" Winter warned.
"But I can't use it in the first place anyways. I'm a Pegasi." I retorted, flaring my wings and wiggling them. She was right, however. I didn't like how it made me feel.
"I can!" Slagathor said excitedly. Before I could protest, she swiped it from my hold and skimmed through the book rapidly. Winter tried to pry it from her grasp, but Slagathor was, unsurprisingly, stronger than her magic wise.
Least we I got a lance from the cart.
Slagathor got a Broadsword, and Tox had a Crossbow with a few more arrows.
We made it a little further past the wagon, and decided it was far enough away to camp for the night.
Winter said she would keep watch over us for tonight, but I didn't entirely trust her yet. I did my best to stay up and keep an eye on her, but about halfway through the night my eyes were getting heavy from their own weight. I thought I heard the faint sound of crying from Winter.
I then fell asleep, another wave of what felt like nausea wash over me, but I ignored it as best as I could.
The next day came a bit faster than we, or at least I wanted to, but I wasn't complaining yet.
Winter managed to stay up, and with a bit of tiredness, she nodded and rested in the wagon while me, Tox, and Slagathor pulled the wagon with our stuff in it.
We saw the base of Canterlot, and the ramp that would let up traverse the side of the mountain with relative ease.
Only problem, there were undead around that area that needed to be taken care of to get across.
"Hey Tox, think you and I can see if there's anywhere else we can find to get inside?" I asked, grabbing his attention.
"Yeah, maybe if we fly overhead, we can find a spot where we can get through the fence. And if not, we make a way in."
"Okay. Hey Slagathor, mind keeping an eye out for Winter until we get back? I'll make sure it's somewhere safe." I said, getting a nod from her as she kept reading that forbidden spell book. Wait, is that a leatherbound book? Why didn't I see it before when I grabbed it?!
"Sure, sure. Just let me read my book." She said, waving a hoof to dismiss us.
"Let's park the wagon near the fence along the side there." Tox said, his shades giving a glint.
"Gotcha." I said, stretching my wings for a quick take off.
Once we parked the Wagon, I grabbed a machete and my lance. There were a couple undead on the other side of the fence, which Slagathor killed via crushing their skulls with magic. Terrifying to see her do that with little effort.
I jumped, and landed back on my legs, warming up myself for the quick flight.
Tox did the same and started hovering above us.
"Come one you hambone! Let's go already!" Tox said, sounding annoyed.
"Hey, just don't get a Hamboner while you're up there Tox."
Tox immediately went quiet after that comment.
"And what should we do with the guy who's been following us the whole way here?" Slagathor added casually.
"Wait, what?" I asked.
"Yeah, some Pegasi dude has been following us since this morning. You guys didn't notice?" Slagathor said, lifting a frying pan with her magic and flinging it at a high speed over a small hill. A loud Bong sound coming soon after and a cry of pain.
"Let's take his shit yo!" Slagathor said excitedly, running over with a full sprint.
"Wait! Hold on!" I called, jumping off the cart and opening my wings.
And fell on my stomach, landing with an audible thump and a pain flaring in my body.
Slagathor came back with an unconscious Pegasi. his coat being a darker blue than mine, and his mane and tail being oak-ish brown. On his sides was a saddlebag, a machete, and a lot of survival stuff that made quite a bit of noise if moved around.
"He's got some good stuff on him too!" Slagathor added, dropping him on his side and opening his saddlebags.
"Hey, I don't think we're supposed to be doing that Slagathor." Tox said.
"Okay, and?" Slagathor asked.
"What if he wakes up?" I countered.
"We can kill him."
Me and Tox stared at her in disbelief. What the actual hell is wrong with this mare?!
"Help!" Winter cried from the Wagon.
Quickly looking back the three of us saw another Pegasi holding Winter by the throat, a knife in his wings grasp as he held her.
"Hey man, we don't want any trouble! What do you want from us?" I said, stepping in front of Slagathor before she can rip his ass apart. Literately since she is a Unicorn.
"I just want your medicine! Nothing else!"
Surprisingly, in a burst of speed, Winter bit him, making his grip on her loosen, and flung him over her shoulder, and tossing him onto the ground in front of her.
Slagathor teleported from behind me and appeared over and landed on him. Before we could react, Slagathor immediately began wailing the random pony, stomping him and throwing haymakers.
Winter, Tox, and I tried to pull her off, but she put up a magical barrier to keep us out. Winter started screaming at Slagathor to stop and to not kill him, and even though we could be heard by Slagathor, she ignored us and kept beating him with nothing but her bare hooves.
At one point, Winter tried to bypass the magical barrier and to save the poor bastard.
After about 10 minutes of Slagathor beating the absolute horse apples out of the dude, she finished with grand finale and backhanded him, sending him into the edge of her own magical barrier and breaking it with her own unholy strength. Okay, how is that fair!?
"Slagathor! What the buck is wrong with you!" Winter screamed.
"Was I not supposed to do that?" Slagathor asked.
"That poor bastard! Don't you have any sympothy!" Tox said.
"No, not really." Slagathor smiled innocently with a little angel halo over her head.
"The heck?" I said, feeling what felt like whiplash from her sudden change in demeanor. Shaking my head, I went to check on the poor bastard and somehow, he was still alive, though it seemed like barely.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked.
"No...." He said weakly.
"Slagathor! Can you heal him?" I asked.
"Perhaps?" She said.
"Can you try to!?" Tox said, strangely upset about this.
"I'll see if I can try to."
Slagathor stepped up to the poor bastard, and looked him over.
"Welp, I've tried my best." She said, turning around and sitting back on the wagon and reading her forbidden spell book again.
"But you didn't even do anything!" Winter said.
"Sorry, me no speak engrish." She said, purposely ignoring us.
"That's not even a language Celestia damn it!" I whispered under my breath.
"Can you stand?" Tox asked.
The poor bastard slowly got up, although, he was really wobbling and needed support from one of us.
"I don't think he can walk after what Slagathor did to him."
Slagathor looked over the side of the wagon and, in a very sarcastic tone.
"You don't say!"
Everyone hated that
"The house!" He said in a raspy tone.
"I need to get to my daughter."
From that sentence, everyone, including Slagathor, recoiled from surprise.
"Is she alive?" Slagathor asked, an odd tone of care in her voice.
"She needs medicine to get through her fever. I can show you guys where, but please don't take anything that I have." He said, or rather, pleaded.
Me, Tox, and Winter all gave Slagathor a death starer, who only gained an evil grin.
"We promise we won't, at least." Tox said, an attempt to console the beaten horse.
We hooked Tox back into the Wagon and made our way from the fenced walls of Canterlot, to the area where the poor bastard's daughter was.
Once we made it, we readied our weapons, and went in.
It was a mostly empty building, but on the second floor, there were a pair of undead slamming onto a door, which we believed was where the Foal was.
Tox shot an arrow at the first one, killing it instantly.
My vision suddenly blurred, and I felt a compressed sensation around my entire being. Vibrant lights flashed in my vision, and I felt myself be crushed and violently removed.
Pop!
My field of vision was suddenly met with a bright light, and splattered gore from an Undead that someone teleported me into. Creating a mess of blood and guts everywhere, but leaving me unharmed, but covered in gore.
I panicked, and screamed before Slagathor scooped me up with her magic and threw me at another undead that was entering from the doorway.
My back felt a light crack, and I'm pretty sure I killed whatever I was thrown at as I felt it stop moving immediately after hitting the ground.
"REEEEEEEEEEE!!!" I heard, before I managed to pick myself up and see an Undead stuck between the wall across from me.
'What the fu-"
Another compression, and I was blinded by another white light, no doubt the sound of a teleportation spell being used with me as the target.
Electricity pulsed throughout the room, and I heard the panicked cries of Winter, Tox, and the poor bastard, along with the psychopathic laughs of the one and only Slagathor.
"What the fuck is going on!" Tox yelled, trying to bring order back in by adding more chaos.
"Magical missile baby!" Slagathor yelled.
I the spotted the foal passed out on the floor across from a giant pool of undead bits. She had a rusty brown coat, darker brown mane and tail, and a red bowtie in her mane.
"Isn't that who we're supposed to save?" Tox asked.
"Oh shit!" Slagathor said, scooping up the foal in careful arms.
'I thought Slagathor was crazy! But Tox is crazier letting her pick up a foal!' I thought.
"NO! Let me see my little girl! You will not kill her!" The poor bastard yelled, brandishing a short sword and glaring at Slagathor.
"I wasn't gonna." Was her response.
"Lies!" He yelled, charging at her.
In yet another blinding flash of light, Me, Tox, Winter, and the unknown foal were in a separate room together, the door locked, and barricaded on the outside.
"Slagathor! You crazy idiot!" Tox yelled, scooping up the child and giving her to Winter who looked lost and confused about where she was, and what was happening.
Tox tried with all his might, and I helped too, but the door opened after Slagathor released it another 40 minutes later.
Winter, who had been silent the whole time, suddenly spoke up.
"Where is the stallion we found following us this morning?"
The door opened, and in came Slagathor, holding a strange, glowing green metallic weapon of some sort. It also hummed unnaturally, almost vibrating.
"Imma call you the BFG!" She whispered loudly, caressing its odd glowing side and nuzzling it.
"Slagathor! What did you do to the poor bastard!"
"Oh, I beat him up some more and got this from his bloodied remains."
"You WHAT!?" Winter yelled.
"Oh yeah, it just showed up once I reduced him to a puddle of blood and squishy pieces! Pretty cool, right?"
"Hello? Is anyone he-" The dude from earlier decided to pop up and was knocked out again with yet another frying pan, this time from Winter.
30 Minutes Later
After a lot of yelling. mostly at Slagathor, we decided it would be a shame if anything from the house was wasted and took everything. All of his medicine, food, and weapons were now in our possession. The foal we had found was in pretty bad shape, and surprisingly, Slagathor managed to heal her quite a bit.
We were about to go outside, when Slagathor yelled at the top of her lungs.
"HOLY SHIT IS THAT A HOR-" Winter cut her off by tackling her and covering her mouth.
"SHHH! Be quiet! Do you want us to be overrun!?" Winter whispered harshly at Slagathor.
"Not really, it just seemed like a good idea to scream at the moment."
We waited for about five minutes before Slagathor decided to get uncomfortably close to me.
"Mind telling me what you're doing standing that close Slagathor?" I asked her.
"I just wanted to annoy ya, you doofus." She said, roughly patting/slapping my head.
'God damn it.'
Once the horde had left, we noticed something big among them, but didn't get a clear view as to what it was.
"So, should we head back to Canterlot? Or should we loot some more around here?" Slagathor asked.
"Well, since we basically killed the owner and took his stuff, I think we're good." Tox said, giving a cold look through his shades.
Once we made it out of there, we were on our merrily way back to Canterlot, with Slagathor eerily admiring her new metallic weapon.
"Hey, do you even know what that thing does?" Winter asked.
"Hell no! But it looks bad ass! Right Tox?!" She said, pointing it's barrel right at him.
"It reminds me of a crossbow, so please don't point that right at me." Tox asked, more recommended to her. She slipped it out of sight, and is seemingly disappeared for now.
We were reaching the area where we had left off and saw another group over there fighting off a small wave of Undead.
"Hey! They look like they can use some help! Let's go!" Winter said.
We were a bit further away that we originally thought, and I don't think Tox realized that.
Tox shot an arrow, and accidentally hit one of the survivors in the leg, stunning him and letting the Undead he was struggling with get the upper hoof.
"Tox you fucking idiot! Let me show you how it's done!" Slagathor said, charging up her horn with what looked like a powerful magical blast.
"Slagathor don't!"
I said that a bit too late and, surprisingly, Slagathor managed to land a direct hit on one of the Undead a different survivor was fighting with.
"Reeeeeee!" Slagathor yelled, running across the field with a machete in her magical grasp, its blade spinning like a saw while she ran.
We also aided them, and once the dust settled, there was only one casualty. It was the one Tox shot by accident.
"Thanks for the help. We were on our way to Canterlot when we had to fend off this horde." Said one of the stallions there.
"No problem! Do you guys have any beans, by chance?" Slagathor asked.
"Um, I don't think we do, but we can check in Canterlot! I hear they have the highest quality of food there!" Said another background character that will serve no other purpose. I think, she was pretty cute.
"Well let's fucking go then!" Slagathor said, a bit too excitedly.
As we traveled together, we came across the fence we had to fly over to open the gate that was keeping us out.
"Tox, maybe you and I should fly over and unlock it. Then we can open it and let everyone else in.
"Sure." He said, flaring his wings and giving a few test flaps.
I didn't bother with stretching and went for it.
"AAGH!" I cried, feeling a cramp shoot through my wings.
"HEALING?!" Slagathor asked.
"No, no, no. I'm okay. Just a cramp is all."
I was lifted up into the air without my consent, and the base of my wings suddenly felt hot, and cold at the same time.
Then the pain hit me.
"AAAAAAAAAAH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!" I screamed, as Slagathor held both of my detachted wings in her magical grasp.
"I can't heal you if I don't know how your wings work, you dumbass."
"YOU RIPPED MY CELESTIA DAMN WINGS OFF BECAUSE YOU'RE A SADISTIC BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YO-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
I screamed again as she forcefully jammed them back into my shouders and magically fused them back together.
My vision blurred and I felt like throwing up. No one is supposed to go through that, and I fought the urge to not cry as I felt somewhat violated.
"There, there. Don't be such a little foul."
"YOU RIPPED MY DAMN WINGS OFF YOU FUCKING WHORSE! HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT?!" I yelled at her.
"Hey, look on the bright side. I fixed you cramp."
The other group we had teamed up with all gagged in disgust.
I wanted to beat the shit out of her, and surprisingly, Tox didn't even notice because he's apparently too cool to care.
"TOX! TELL ME SHE ISN'T FUCKING CRAZY!" I yelled, the undead on the other side of the fence having enough of our shit and began to groan and growl louder.
"What's going on?" Tox asked.
Thinking he was playing dumb for his life, and ability to fly properly, he remained silent.
Standing up on wobbly legs, I gave my wings a test flap.
It burned like hell, but I pretended that they were fine to avoid having them ripped off again.
"How's your wings?" Slagathor asked, staring into my eyes with a soul-peircing gaze.
"Like a charm." I said, fighting back the urge to curl up in a ball and cry from the pain alone. I'm starting to wonder what would have happened if we told her no when she wanted to join us.
"Perfect! Yeet!" She yelled, picking me up and throwing me up with Tox.
For my sake, I forcefully made myself fly a distance away with Tox so I can land and actually ease my wings. Landing in a spot with little undead, I grabbed a nearby pillow and screamed into it with rage and anguish.
"That look like it hurt." Tox said.
"Fuck me." I said, several tears falling from my eyes.
"Hell no! We may have gone to school together, but I am not gay!"
"Kiss my ass Tox!"
"You sick fuck, I knew you liked guys!"
"FECK OFF!"
After arguing with him about my heterosexuality, which he thought meant I was indeed gay, I decided to give up and kick his ass later.
"So, how are we going to take care of the undead here?" Tox asked, his crossbow loaded and ready.
"I'd say no more getting hurt near Slagathor is best, so let's use that as motivation to clear this area, kay?" I offered.
"Whatever gay boy."
"I'M NOT GAY!"
My outburst attracted the attention of several undead, and they growled loudly as they began moving to my voice.
"Cover me Tox, I'll take one out and you the other ones who get close!" I said.
"This Crossbow doesn't have that new multi-shot enchantment on it, idiot!"
"Then try it!" I said, body slamming the first one and stabbing it with my lance, driving it to the ground.
One downed, I pulled back and readied my weapon for another swung to impale its head, before a bolt flew past me and impaled it.
"I got you." Tox said.
One after another, we dropped the undead with deft efficiency. There was a couple undead that still had royal armor on, so we had to figure out how to kill it. Long story short, I crippled it in their legs and Tox made the killing blow.
Soon after, we had cleared this small section of undead.
"Whew, that was pretty fun, huh?" I asked Tox.
"Great, now there's two of them." He grumbled, opening the gate and letting everyone inside.
"It's a shame neither of you got hurt. I really wanted to test out some more of my healing magic!" Slagathor said, an eye twitch taking the left.
"I'm just glad you're both alright." Winter said.
The dude in the wagon finally woke up again, and this time, no one knocked him out with a frying pan.
"Where am I?" He asked.
Slagathor's neck seemed to not care for its physical limitations as we heard a small crack from the speed, she turned to look at him.
"Oh hiiiiiiiiiya there!"
The dude passed out from fright.
"Well, that was something." I said, watching Slagathor pick up the dude, horrified as she did so by what looked like his crotch. All of the guys cringed, even Winter seemed disturbed.
10 minutes later
How the actual fuck does somepony teleport a dude into the sky and catch him before he could die from hitting the ground to hard like Slagathor does. She accidentally teleported him roughly 60 meters in the air, didn't catch him until he almost hit the ground.
She didn't make it comfortable to watch, let alone listen as he almost has his baby factory ripped off from her catching. And I have a feeling this wouldn't be the end of his torment.
"You know, we should keep count on how much that dude gets hurt." Tox said, an odd limp in his step. Knowing what he was doing, I was tempted to imitate him. Nopony... Fuck it, no one should be handled like that at all.
"Yeah, where do you think his count would be since he was being dragged around by his balls for this long?" I asked back, watching Slagathor belittle the Dude more by calling him extremely derogatory words. All I could pick up what she was saying was "Pussy ass bitch." and something about a limp noodle.
"I'd say around 35."
"Yeah, seems about there." I added, seeing the guard up there and patrolling ponies.
"Yo, that's pretty rad." Slagathor said, before going back to making mock-crying noises to Dude, who is currently holding his privates in agony while trying not to cry.
Surprisingly, Princess Luna showed up and greeted us. Some of the ponies we were with cringed back as she spoke to us, probably since her weird Nightmare Moon shebang was stopped a while ago.
"Welcome to the Canterlot Castle. We understand thou's journey was most tiring, and no doubt a treacherous journey. We hope thou finds rest here during these trying times." She said, her voice calm and collected. Her eyes skimmed over us, and she stared at Slagathor for just a second longer.
We all bowed, including Slagathor, much to our surprise. Oh, and The Dude was just kind of dying in the back of the wagon.
"It's an honor to be here, your highness." Said one of the other survivors that came here with us. Their lead pony, it seemed.
"If I may, the honor tis mine. For thou have survived this long to reach one of the last bastions of safety known to this day! The Canterlot Castle." She said, sternly, with a bit too much authority. Her voice seemed to start to echo, which was a strain on the ears.
"If you may, we would like to conduct a thorough search with thou's items. We promise to return anything thou deem valuable, and we welcome thee to stay in Canterlot for as long as thou- what art thou reading, you estranged mare!" Luna suddenly broke her friendly façade and ripped a book from Slagathor's grasp.
"What? It's just a book." She responded, almost way too calmly.
"Just a book?! This is a forbidden, leatherbound spell book! Just how in Equis did thee manage to get ahold of this?!" Princess Luna shouted, the book disappearing from the area. Probably teleporting it. My EARS!
"Oh, I just kind of found it."
Princess Luna's eyes gave off a small stare pointed at Slagathor, who at the moment, either did not know, or knew, but was playing dumb.
"We will have thy's story verified, but until then, please do enjoy the Castle. We will be watching thee closely." Princess Luna said, almost growling.
"Does that mean we get a bed?" A small voice said from behind us.
"Oh fuck!"
"Oh shit!"
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!"
Me, Tox, and Slagathor recoiled in surprise from the small Filly hiding under the cloths of the wagon.
"Thou did not realize there was a foal in thine cart this entire time?" Princess Luna asked, her olden Equestrian more prominent from what seemed like concern.
"Well, yes, but actually no." Slagathor said.
"Hey Slags, want to do us a favor? Shut up, won't ya?" Tox said, elbowing her in the side earning no immediate response from her.
"Art thou telling us that this child, is foalnapped?" Princess Luna asked, anger beginning to bleed into her voice.
"Well, technically, Rust is my daughter now since I beat her dad into a puddle of blo-MMFH!"
I shoved my hoof into her mouth to shut her up.
"What she was trying to say, is that the child is under our care now." I said.
I felt a small pain, but it was most likely Slagathor trying to bite me again.
"Anyways, would thy enjoy a tour of the Castle?" Princess Luna asked, not entirely convinced, but deciding to not engage with us anymore.
"Sure, yeah"
"Yes, your majesty."
"Are there any beans in the kitchen?" Slagathor said.
Luna gave her an awkward glance.
"Beans? Of all the food that we have here, thy asks for beans?" Luna asked, genuinely confused by the odd mare.
"Yes, I need beans to rip ass and tear others! Not in that order though."
"Do you usually act like this Slagathor?" Winter asked, giving her a disproving glare.
"Oh yeah!" Slagathor shouted, giving her whole body a shake, her mane flicking upwards.
"It seems like she is the most active in the department of foal-making." Said the same useless background character who'll get killed off later on.
"Shut yo bitch ass up! I'll fuck you till you love me!" Slagathor yelled, giving the no plot armored background character an evil smile.
The mare only averted her eyes from the amount of raw sexual violence emanating from Slagathor.
"Oh my, how lewd." Winter said.
"If thou art finished with the vulgarities, we would like to introduce thee all to the Captain of the Royal Guard. I believe that the most effective soldiers are the ones whose have experience battle up close and personal. A lot of thy art clear indications of those requirements!" Luna said, gaining a smile on her face.
"That's somewhat flattering to hear." I said, wondering if their guards might be lacking.
"Pretty sure I did most of the work, but whatever shit-cock." Slagathor said, bumping me into another background character and spilling their lunch.
"Sorry!" I said, giving them the banana I found in a cart earlier that week.
They gave me an annoyed look as the banana was very bruised and basically falling apart.
I left to catch up with the group and found Slagathor talking about how the inner machinations of her mind were an enigma, or something of the likes.
"I'm sorry, did you say that there is a god out there wanting you to do these horrible things to everypony?" Winter asked.
"Nah, not really. Mostly when I feel like it." She responded, the only think that kept me from listening in on their conversation.
I gave her a concerned look, and she went back to spacing out and possibly thinking about hurting others as mentioned. Maybe I should reconsider having her near me, just for my own safety.
Slagathor's P.O.V (Very Wacky Stuff happens)
HOLY SHIT DO I HAVE TO PEE!
I'VE BEEN HOLDING IT IN FOR TWO DAYS NOW!
I'M GONNA FUCKING PISS MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CASTLE STAFF AND THEY'RE ALL GONNA SEE IT!
Using a spell I learned from that book, I charged my magic and in a flash, I teleported.
"Wait, is that bathroom?" I said suddenly, teleporting inside and landing on top of some random mare. She screamed and I walked out like nothing happened, and I see some guard passing by and I whisper to him.
"Psst, hey! Wanna buy some canned sex?"
The guard gave me a raised eyebrow, and I smiled and went back into the general area, the need to use the restroom no longer there.
"I always wondered, why do we have toilets if we're meant to shit on the floor? Like, why can't we have competitions on who manages to piss the farthest? Now that's some awesome shittery I'd pay to watch!"
"Ma'am, are you okay?" Some female guard asked me, giving me a concerned look.
"Did I say that aloud?" I asked, a tint of warmth hitting my face.
She nodded yes, her face getting a slight frown.
"So, you agree?"
She didn't respond and left with a very tired look in her eyes.
"Oh yeah, she totally wants to." I said, leaving the area. My mind drifted to the group I as in.
" Peep..."
I kind of liked him, he was very good missile material. Not to mention he is a very good Pegasi reference for medicine.
Mental note, keep Peep around for backup ammo in case if BFG doesn't want to work.
CHECK!
Now, what about Tox?
Neuron activation.
I still don't know what I'll use him for. Maybe a meat shield or something.
Winter is pretty aight. Kinda useless, but can kind of fight.
And the dude!
Oh my god!
He is going to be my personal slave, and I'll feed him nothing but booze and lube! Maybe a sandwich every now and then, but mostly lube!
And my daughter!
Since she is an Earth pony, she is kind of like a little me. So, with a little bit of trauma, and a dash of chaotic idiocy, she can be just like mamma Slags!
Oh yeah, it's all coming together."
Looking up, I saw that the rest of the group staring at me in horror.
"What do you cocks want? A tiddy pic?"
Dude seemed horrified, and I smiled.
"Come here boeh! Imma eat dat ass better than a pro haydog competition champion!"
He squealed like a pig that got its tail stepped on and tried running away. I responded by picking Peep up and throwing him into Dude, pouncing on him while he flailed around.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
"How the hay did you say the letter "Y" so robotically and repeated like that?" Tox asked.
"How the fuck are you still not worshipping me!" I yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the plaza.
"Because..." He said, putting an additional pair of shades over his current ones.
"I'm too cool for that."
Somewhere, a loud "Yeeeeeeeeoooow." was heard, kind of sounding like an introduction to a mystery cop show.
"Can you please get off my leg? I think you have broken me enough times today." Peepee said, complaining to me about his leg coincidentally being under where I was standing.
"Wanna change that?" I asked, giving him bedroom eyes. He seemed to mistake my look for something else entirely.
"Uh, no. I'd rather live, thanks." He said, looking terrified as he tried to wriggle away.
Peep's P.O.V.
After Slagathor gave me that death glare that seemed to rip into my soul, I got up and looked anywhere but at Slagathor. I think she was trying to give me some sort of suggestive look, but it more than likely came out as sexual violence.
I miss the pony I was a month ago, I'd rather deal with working as a hotel receptionist than this.
Once we managed to settle in, Princess Luna guided us to the armory. It was a strange that the other group deciding to leave and no longer follow us, but I guess they just wanted refuge.
Tox, Slagathor, Winter, and Rust were here still, but thankfully, Slagathor mentioned about her being sick and in need of a checkup. I really hope that little filly isn't sick with whatever has been going around.
"Hey Princess Luna! I would like to make my daughter go have a checkup! I think she's sick." Slagathor said, lifting Rust in the air with her magic. I had the dreadful feeling that she might unintentionally hurt the child with her magic, but she was very careful. So, she did have control! And the poor filly looked too spooked to respond.
"Very well. Guards!" Luna called, stopping us. A pair of Night Guards showed up and stood ready to take on any task Luna gave them. I saw Slagathor eyeing their bat-like wings with interest. Shouldn't they be asleep right now?
"Please escort this foal to the hospital wing. Have her inspected for any, and all possible ailments at once.
Tox was still trying his hardest to be cool and not acknowledging anything. Or he was napping again.
"I am not going to let those gay guards of your take my daughter, so we are all gonna go together. Just in case they try something." Slagathor said, a hopeful grin on her face.
The two Night Guards seemed tired and annoyed, and barely able to stay awake. So, I wasn't sure how Slagathor saw them as a threat.
"Of course. Tis acceptable for a parent to not want to be separated from their foal." Princess Luna said.
"But I warn thee, do not use such distasteful language around a foal. Understood?" Luna threatened, annoyed as well. Slagathor gave a shrug as confirmation.
Princess Luna went ahead to the Throne Room, while me, Tox, Sagathor, and Rust went to the Medical Wing. As we made our way to the Hospital Wing, I noticed something off about Slagathor. Her demeanor seemed different. More so than her usual chaotic violent self.
She came up close to me and whispered.
"On three." She said, my heart stopping just a moment.
'Oh fuck.' I thought, knowing what she was planning to do.
We made it to the medical wing, and Rust was admitted into the hospital as they checked her over.
About an hour later, we got news from one of the nurses that gave us a spread sheet detailing Rust's current condition.
"It seems she has light malnourishment, light fractures around her hooves, which should be healed by the end of the month, and a fever. Was there anything she did, or happened that led to this?" The nurse asked, a serious look in her eyes.
"Well, she was trapped in a closet from a couple undead, but other than that, her dad might have been abusing her. Poor bastard got what he deserved." Slagathor said, making a strange gesture with her hooves as if she was loading something into a barrel. She made an odd clicking sound with her mouth as well, which was... unnerving.
"Well, if anything, she should rest here until she recovers which can take anywhere from two weeks to a month." The nurse said.
"Can I heal her?" Slagathor asked. OH TARTARUS NO!
"Healing magic can only go so far. If we're not careful, there could be serious side effects that may show up. Which may be fatal if not properly administered. You haven't been casting healing magic without a medical license, have you?" The nurse said, eyeing Slagathor carefully.
"Oh no, I would never!" Slagathor said, lying through her teeth.
I shivered and stroked my wings, the last encounter with her healing spell still very fresh in my mind. Remember Peep, slow, steady breaths.
"Then that checks out. I will be Rust's personal nurse. She will need as much rest as she can get, and I'll see you when you check up on her." The nurse said. Shouldn't we get her name?
"Cool." Tox said, finally breaking his oath of silence.
"About time you said something. I figured Slagathor forced you to stay quiet." I shot at him.
"Nah, just felt like taking a nap." He said.
"Wait, you can sleep and keep moving without trying?" The nurse asked.
"Yeah, pretty much." Tox replied, adjusting his shades.
"So what you're saying, is that if you're hitting it from behind, you can take a nap and go on auto-pilot?" Slagathor asked.
"Well, I gue-HEY WAIT!." Tox cried out, the questions taking him off guard.
"ANYWAYS! I think we have to meet up with Luna. She did say that Princess Celestia and Shining Armor were waiting for us." I said, moving to the hallway. After some farewells to the foal and her Nurse, we went out of the rooms and made our way to the Throne Room. That same look from earlier came back to Slagathor's face, and it was starting to get unnerving.
We made it back to the plaza, and she tapped on one of the stationed guards there.
"Three!" She yelled, her horn lighting up with a spell that blasted the guard, a burning hole in his neck as he took it point blank before he dropped to the floor.
I gasped in shock, and Slagathor grabbed the attention of every guard there.
"What the fuck!?" I yelled, genuinely blindsided by this act of aggression.
"Come on! Fight them! I have a theory!" She said, grabbing me and stuffing my sword in my mouth.
"Stop them They've gone insane!" Said a guard, shooting a crossbow bolt at us.
I dodged the first one, but I didn't know that it had the multi-shot mod. Getting hit, I looked at my stomach. There was an arrow that had landed, before it flashed and detonated. I was flung back, crashing into Tox, who had awoken from his autopilot like trance to the realm of chaos Slagathor had unleased onto us.
Looking down, I saw that most of my entrails were now splattered everywhere, blood thick in the air and searing pain in my stomach as I was flash cooked partially from within.
"The hell?" Tox said, looking up and ducking.
Shortly after, an arrow hit where his head was, and he barely escaped getting one tapped.
"Slagathor, you crazy bitch, what are you thinking!?" He yelled at her. The edges of my vison were getting darker, and I felt a coldness grip my heart. I'm fairly certain it was the wind.
"Testing a theory!" She said, hacking off the legs of another guard, who screamed in agony from getting surprised amputated. A bright light flashed from the middle of the hallway, and there stood Princess Celestia, her look being that of rage, and heartache.
"We offer you a shelter. We offered you a safe space, and this is how you repay us!?" She yelled; her voice amplified by magic. My vision was blurring too. Was I crying?
"Come at thee, SUN CHEEKS!" Slagathor yelled, shooting a fireball at her.
"So be it." Celestia said lowly, but loud enough to be heard. Was... What's that whispering I hear?
She caught the fireball with her magic and shrunk it down to a fraction of its size, a shrill hum as she condensed it.
I couldn't feel my limbs, I'm pretty sure my spine was severed, and I can hear voices. Why can I hear voices? Why can't I see? wasn't sure where Tox was; but judging from the bloodied shades laying across from me, he didn't last much longer than I thought. Was that his headless corpse over there?
The last thing I saw was Slagathor being vaporized by her own fireball that was countered by Celestia, before she walked up to me. I could barely see her, the blur of my tears and darkness in the edges of my vision growing bigger. What was that droning sound in the background? Singing? Laughter?
"You did this, didn't you! You orchestrated this entire ploy to undermine Canterlot, didn't you!" Celestia boomed at my dying body. At least she wasn't as loud as before. Are they telling me to... Return?
"Begone, like the rest of your little party." She said, teleporting me out of Canterlot and, from what it looked like, several miles above the ground.
I felt the wind throwing me around, the coldness of my body feeling like burning fire as I felt my body giving up. I couldn't feel my face, the voices louder, a crash of a bell. I knew I was going to hit the ground; it would happen any moment now.
Another bell, this one louder, the whispers more cohesive, the charge of magic, something loud, loud... Death?
With a final bell echoing through my skull, I opened my eyes, and I was standing in the hallway with Slagathor, Tox, and the rest of the plaza.
"W-w-what?" I asked, feeling my stomach violently thrash against what I just went through. I'm... ALIVE!?
"Hmm, so it did work! Awesome!" Slagathor said, looking at us. There was pain in her eyes, but clear ecstatic glee.
Tox stumbled, growling in pain as he covered his head and fell too the ground as his body seemingly shuddered from whatever happened to us.
I felt like screaming, the cold chipping me away, the darkness taking hold of me, the agony of being blow up, and dropped from the sky, but there was no pain. Nothing...
What happened to us.
"Huh, so that's what Return By Death is. Pretty neat. Hurts like a bitch though." Slagathor said, all too casually, apparently already over her pain.
I passed out and fell to the ground. Everything going dark once again as I tumbled to the floor.
Slagathor's P.O.V.
Earlier that day.
While I was waiting for those two bitch boys to come back, I was getting hangry and felt like eating all of their food. It seemed like a good plan, but I might let them have some scraps.
"Ohoho, what's this?!" I said aloud, picking up another book that also had a restricted mark on its cover.
'There are a lot of forbidden spell-books just lying around, huh?' I thought.
"Return by death? Seems... legit." I said, not caring about Winter as she was too busy being a pure, innocent scumbag. That's right, I see those looks you've been giving Tox. Not that I care, but she's going to become his super-whorse later, I can tell.
Opening the spell-book, I read it's contents.
Upon activation, the spell will affect three hosts closest to the caster.
Should all of the ponies of said spell be killed within the span of the amount of those affected, typically three days for the three hosts, the hosts will be revived with all knowledge of the past and will continue past a specific point in time with events being more easily predicable.
The period of being revived is random with no discernable pattern. It will only activate if all three original hosts are killed. Should one, or two hosts be killed, and the three day time span is breached, the host(s) that was/were killed will not come back and will be permanently lost.
Should this happen, a new host to fill the missing spot(s), and they will continue with this special ability.
All forms of death, either intentional, or not, will activate upon death.
This spell is not to be used, as there is a very high chance a single host can be corrupted, and an amalgamation of pure magical power will take control of the most unstable of the three.
Traits often include, inverted colors, high magical strength, magically enhanced prowess, faster reaction time, heightened durability, and unstoppable bloodlust.
However, this entity can only be triggered is said host experiences extreme trauma, or willingly, should they desire power.
"That's a lot of words... Too bad I ain't reading them." I said, skipping the rest of the warnings and reading how to activate it. No wonder Peep was hiding this, it was awesome!
Peep's P.O.V.
When I woke up, Slagathor was staring at me, her face barely an inch away from mine.
"Uh, Slagathor? You oka-" I was cut off.
"OOGA BOOGA! IT IS MONKE TIME!" She yelled, picking me up and throwing me at Tox, who had also just woken up.
"Peep! Get off me you gay bastard!"
"Kiss my ass Tox! Slagathor threw me!"
"I DON'T BELIEVE THAT! YOU THREW YOURSELF AT ME YOU SIMPING BITCH!"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE SENSE!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"HEALNG?!?!"
"NO!" Both me and Tox yelled, dashing to the wall like a pair of frightened diamond dogs.
"Darn it, and I just got my medical license too." She said, holding a card that said, "Fuck off, I do what I want."
"Are you sure about that?" Tox said, hovering above her and staring down with an off look. How does he make those looks without even showing his eyes! How!
"Yes, now let me sniff your hair!" Slagathor said, grabbing Tox and pulling him down.
"TOX! Remember what I said! Don't stick your dick in crazy!" I said, ducking as a frying pan was thrown at me. Where does she get these damn frying pans!? Next thing you know she'll throw chairs!
"Ahem." I heard one other than Princess Celestia.
Turning around, I made direct eye contact with her.
The same one who teleported me to my death.
I tried to speak, but I was stuttered. A jolt of panic shot up my body, and I was locked in this form of fear induced paralysis.
"Sorry if my friend here is trying to sound like a motorcycle, he's a little stupid right now." Slagathor said.
That broke me out of my stupor.
"Kiss my ass!" I growled at her.
"I bet you'd like that! Probably the only action you'll get!" Slagathor said, wiggling her hips at my misery.
"Stop it you hambones! You're embarrassing yourselves in front of the princesses!" Tox said.
"At least I can look them in the eyes you shi-" I stopped myself. I thought I saw the faint red glow behind those shades.
"N-never mind." I said.
"As humorous as this has been, I believe we need to discuss our options for you four." Princess Celestia said, Princess Luna appearing out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of me. (Almost in this case)
"Yes, tis best if we discuss thous options." Princess Luna added, yet didn't to the conversation.
"We can recruit you into the Royal Guard and have you do missions for us, or, you four can find your peace within the Castle. The choice is yours.
"Wait, four of us?" I asked.
"Did you really forget me?!" Winter said.
"Sorry!" I yelped.
"And this is why you've single Peep." Tox said.
"That's not true! I've had mare-friends before!" I said, trying to salvage what I could.
"Thou's hoof and grapefruits don't count." Princess Luna said, smirking.
"What the fuck?!" I cried.
This earned a laugh from everyone in the room.
"Thou art humorous to pick on, Young Peep." Luna said.
"Sure, sure. Let's get back to the subject." I said, feeling my pride shriveling up and dying. Might as well shoot it with a crossbow at this point.
"Yes. We were hoping to give you four a job opening for the scouts. We have heard that there are a few survivors in the lost Canterlot area. We have tried to negotiate with them, however, they seemed to be violent, and demand all the supplies we currently have. I am hoping you can do both search and rescue, along as negotiations with them." Princess Celestia said.
"Too many words make me sick. Who do we have to kill?" Slagathor asked.
"We are not choosing aggression, naïve mare. No matter how much we would like nothing more than to go in and crush our enemies, we need as many ponies banded together to fight this unknow plauge." Princess Luna said.
"Then what's the point in this then?" Slagathor asked.
"We are hoping that you accept this mission and become a royal guard with no necessary training. You have proven yourselves by both reaching here on hoof, but surviving without injury.
"I'm sorry, but can I skip this one out? Raiders aren't my strong suit." Winter said.
"Coward." I heard Princess Luna mutter.
"Of course. I am not one to resort to violence."
'So what was that in the last lifetime then?!' I thought, glaring at the sun princess.
"Thank you." Winter said, before she left.
"And what about you three? Will you accept?" Celestia asked us.
"Sure, as long as I get to bully some more zambers, I'm all for it." Slagathor said.
"Okay. I'll do it." Tox said.
"And what of you, Peep? Will you join as well?" Princess Celestia asked.
Looking back at the three of us, I made a mental note.
A sociopathic maniac with a happy/maybe fetish for hurting things, my old time friend, who is apparently the strongest with the biggest balls of steel known to Pony kind, and me. A regular stallion with barely any family left.
"Yes, what's the worst that could happen?" I asked, unaware of my fumble.
"You fucking dumbass! You jinxed it!" Tox said.
"Boo! I'm not letting you have simping privilege's now!" Slagathor said to me.
"What!?" I said, more out of surprise than anything else.
"Boo! You stink!" I heard from the back.
"Hey! Fuck you too!" I yelled at the random person, only to realize who was here.
"My apologies, Your Highness! I lost a bit of control there." I said, giving a light bow.
Celestia only smiled and closed her eyes.
"It is okay, Peep. You have not done anything wrong. So I understand."
'But what about when you threw me into the sky!' I thought.
"Okay, thank you." Was my meek response.
"Very well, may I sister?" Luna asked, grabbing the rooms attention.
"The plan for thou three is to both search for survivors and gather any resources thou deem fit for Canterlot. Key items are as followed. Food, Weapons, Armor, and items of magical importance that may be of use. Do I make myself clear?" Luna said, giving us a cold stare.
"Yes." I said.
"Ok." Was all Tox had to offer.
"Can I get the best armor you guys have?" Slagathor asked, grinning like crazy.
'Oh great, now she's going to be both powerful, and unstoppable.' I thought.
"Ah, we had forgotten about that part of the agreement. Thank thee for reminding us, Mrs.Slagathor."
"What the fuck? My parents are still alive?" Slagathor asked.
Luna and Celestia gave each other a look of confusion.
"I haven't seen them around Canterlot as of yet. If they are alive, then maybe you can fin-" Celestia was interrupted.
"Then that means I can abuse them again! Oh it's been so long since I saw them! Can't wait to pull off their eyelashes in their sleep and glue it into their hairbrushes again!" Slagthor said.
"Maybe it would be better if they were dead." I told Tox, who nodded in agreement.
"Meh, it would be fun to watch." Was his simple reply.
After that awkwardness, we went into the armory, where we met up with Shining Armor and Cadence. They weren't too interesting all together, but they seemed like a nice pair together.
That is, if Slagathor didn't try to pester them about their sex life. God damn can that mare get lewd without actually getting lewd.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T DONE THE SIX NINE YET!" Slagathor screamed at the pair, who looked like they'd rather be doing anything but be here.
"I told you once, and I'll tell you again, I don't know what that is!" Cadence said, hiding behind Shining, who was hiding behind an unfortunate Guard. It appears even the guard wanted to hide from her too.
"YOU'RE THE PRINCEESS OF LOVE! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS!" Slagathor yelled, grabbing the guard and flipping him over. I winced as he landed rather unceremoniously in a heap on the floor.
"MOUTH ON THE BEANIS! MOUTH UP MY ASS! HE SUCC, I BITE! HELL YEAH!!!" Slagathor said, crushing the poor guards head under her flank, to which the guard accepted his fate. It was almost comical how he seemed to give up before being sat on.
"Hey! Leave my guards alone!" Shining scolded, teleporting him away before Slagathor could bite the guard's balls off.
"Ma'am? Are you in heat?"
Slagathor looked at Cadence like she just spat on her mother's grave, which would be a feat in itself since I'm pretty sure Slagathor would bury them deep. Seriously, is this mare okay?
"What the fuck is heat? I've been locked up in an Asylum for a majority of my life and I STILL KNOW WHAT THE SIX NINE IS!" Slagathor said.
"Hey, can you three shut up? I want to try on my armor without having my ears feel like they're being blasted off." Tox yelled, his chest piece needing just one more strap.
"HEaLInG?!" Slagathor asked, mania in her eyes as she stared down Tox
"NO!" Everyone yelled, making Slagathor give a frown.
"Hrrm. No one here wants my gentle touch." She whined, sounding like a hurt puppy.
A brief flashback from her ripping off my wings came back, and I sat on my haunches and began to feel my eyes twitch on their own before being slapped in the shoulder by Slagathor.
"Hoi! No sleeping on the job!" She said, kicking me promptly afterwards. I slid across the ground, and was very thankful she kicked me in the chest and not the face.
"Suck my dick!" I growled back, a dull pang of a bruise forming in what felt like my left chest side.
Tox, for some reason, came next to me and whispered.
"I don't think letting a mare with the same level of sanity as psycho murder hobo close to your junk is a good idea. She's as crazy as they come." Tox said.
Once we got that out of the way, and a bit more awkwardness from Slagathor later, we set off to the different districts of Canterlot. We started off with the market area, and from there we were met with some undead resistance.
I hacked off the head of one, while both Tox and Slagathor covered me and killed some that I would have had to avoid.
My armor was the standard Iron Armor, bolstering my protection, and I'm almost certain was bite resistant. Tox also had the standard armor, but Slagathor, however, had Golden Armor.
Her armor was a lot stronger than ours, but I'm fairly sure that it's not as comfortable.
Once we had cleared the area, we began loading the cart full of food-stuffs. Mostly things that can be packaged and stored for long periods of time, and we would eat whatever we could that would end up being tossed after we send it off.
Once we filled our first cart teleported out and back into the Canterlot Castle, we received another cart that was reserved weapons, and armors. The cart itself was more or less a large box that had wheels to move around, but there was a couple of racks for weapon storage.
I saw a fireworks store just a couple blocks back, so I went there by myself to check it out. Opening the door, I peered into the room and didn't see anyone at the moment.
"Hey Peep! What are you doing?" Slagathor asked.
"I'm checking out the-wait. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled, watching as Slagathor casually started throwing Undead that we missed off the side of the city's wall, and eventually, off of the cliff.
"Oh, I'm painting."
"Yeah, painting the floor red with undead." Tox said.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Slagathor said.
"Oh, I don't know, help us look for weapons!" I said.
"I swear, it's like I'm the most mature out of us here." I said, giving them both an upset look.
"At least you don't have to teleport stuff. That takes a lot out of me you know." Slagathor said, picking up six or so dead bodies and flinging them off the mountainside. They half screamed as they went, almost comically.
"I can see that." I deadpanned.
"Yep. Now can we go now? I want to go beat up Dude some more." She huffed, her whining bringing up a good question.
"We never actually learned that guy's name, did we?" Tox said.
"Yeah, now that you mention it, we carried his ass to Canterlot without even asking him about it." I added, realizing the oddity of it.
"Yep, which is why I named him, Dude." Slagathor said proudly.
"Just Dude?"
"I can see how it fits." Tox said.
"Okay then. Dude it is." I finalized, mentally over trying to understand how she worked.
After some more searching, I had found some more weapons. Mostly swords and throwing knives, but hey, who am I kidding? Canterlot had a bunch of sharp stuff everywhere, oddly enough.
"Hoi! You see that?" Slagathor said, pointing to the building I was just in.
"Yeah, what about it?" I asked.
"I swear I saw someone in there."
"So, I just don't exist anymore?!" I said, being completely ignored by them.
"Yeah, kind of looked like someone with armor on too." Tox added.
"Fuck you both, I'm going to see if we can find that Cache one of those Royal Guards mentioned."
"I swear, it's like I can hear him." Tox quickly added.
"Kiss my ass bro."
"He sounds pretty gay too, not gonna lie." He chuckled.
I decided it would be best if I just left. I'll prove to him that I like girls, even if I have to date one. Oh god, now my way of thinking sounds gay too! NOOOO!
Opening the door to the fireworks shop again, I noticed something was indeed off.
It wasn't in ruin at all, in fact it looked slightly tidied up. It was a store after all, but one would assume this place would be raided at this point.
Staying on my guard, I went into the back to see if anyone was there. And, to my surprise, there was a door that I didn't see before. There was a large box that kept it out of view, the dusty thing practically hiding it as it was a half door.
"Hmm." I hummed, getting closer and quickly looking inside to see what was there.
To my surprise, there was a giant. 10 by 10 ball with a wick.
"Stop right there! O-or I'll light it up and blow us to smithereens!" A mare said, holding a match and a strike box in her wings.
"Yeah, stay back! We don't care if we die, so long as we take you bastard raiders down with us!" Said the second mare.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! I'm not a raider! I'm a Royal Guard!" I said, showing them my small badge of the Royal Crown.
"How do we know that's true?" Said the one with the Match.
"It's going to be a leap of faith. I promise you, I'm a royal guard here to help!" I said, trying to coax them into not killing us all from the size of the now clear bomb risk one of them posed.
"Drop the lance then!" Said the second mare.
They came further into the light, the slight darkness that obscured them revealing light blue mare, lighter coat than mine at least, with a darker mane and tail, with a rocket-ship on her flanks.
The other mare was a deep violet, her mane being a lighter shade, and her cutie mark a streak of blues and greens.
"Okay, okay. Here, see?" I said, dropping my main weapon and sliding it to them. They still didn't know about my collapsible rapier, but I was hoping they didn't frisk me like a normal guard.
"Okay, now go!" Yelled the blue one.
"Go?" I asked.
"Yes! Get out of here!" Yelled the purple one.
"Peep! What's taking you so long? Get out here and help us move this shit into the cart for Slagathor to teleport back to the castle." Tox said, coming in the room where I was.
"Wait, you're really Royal Guards?" Asked the Blue one.
"Yes! Now please, of we could get you two back to the Castle, that would be splendid." I said, doing a bit of an accent try and charm them over.
"Yes sir!" They both said, relief visibly washing over them as they relaxed, my lance soon back in my possession.
Once I explained the situation, which was easy, they decided to stay with us, and we gave them some enchanted clothing to act as light armor. It really helps with preventing bites, and it keeps them warm too.
The sun was soon setting, and we still had to find that cache of materials the guard told us might exist. I was beginning to really doubt its existence at this point.
Spotting something in the distance, I grabbed my monocular and got a clear view on the new thing. It looked pony like, although the claws it hands really reminded me of a Griffon, rather than a pony. Maybe it's someone else who's lost and needs help? It seemed to be the case, until I noticed it's stumbling, almost weeping walk.
"Hey guys, do you see that?" I asked, pointing to the strange creature in the distance.
"Yeah, what is that?" The now named, Delta, the lighter blue one asked.
"It looks like that one monster that we saw a couple of times! Its really freaky looking." The other one, known as Aroura said.
It seemed to take notice of us, and the second it did, it confirmed my suspicion.
Its face had that of a twisted grin, it's mane long and draped over its eyes, with claws that looked like it could rip through us if it tried, those claws definitely not belonging to a griffon.
It reared its head back and let loose a terrifying scream that pierced through the fading daylight.
As soon as it did, Tox, Slagathor, and I charged it, along with Aroura and Delta, and started beating the shit out of it, its arms being broken by the stronger legs of the living, and quickly being overpowered and killed within the minute. Almost impressive.
"That was way too easy to be considered a threat." Slagathor said.
thump, thump, thump
"What even was that undead? It was way weaker than we thought!" Aroura said, staring at the dead thing under her.
Thump, Thump, Thump
"Hey guys, what should we name this thing? It didn't even attack us, just screamed at us and died." I asked.
"I'd say we call it a pussy, since it died so fast." Slagathor said.
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
"How about a Screecher? It did do that before, you know, dying." I offered.
"Yeah, it screeched louder than a child after I dropkick it." Slagathor said.
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP,
"Hey guys, what's that noi-"
Delta was interrupted by one of the supports of a building being toppled over, an unknown threat making itself present as the shop collapsed behind it, the dust smoke covering it from sight, however not it's form.
Its head had a dome-like shape, and it was taller than us, dwarfing both me and Tox as it stood a solid 7 feet in height. We're normally 4 feet, maybe 5 in some rare occasions, but damn!
The flesh was peeling, likely due from other encounters with unfortunate survivors, and it seemed to lack eyes.
"What is that thing?" Aroura asked.
Its head snapped towards us, and it reared its legs up and let loose a raged croaking scream, before charging us.
We were all snapped out of our stupor, when we realized who it was targeting.
