Trapped
It was beautiful. The way the sun set over Ponyville from this side of town, reflected across a small pond near our house, the rays shone through the fall leaves on the trees, casting a merigold glow over the grass. It’s why Applejack and I had chosen the spot. Not too close to town, not too far away. We were always right there if our friends needed us, but far enough away from the center of town to avoid Ponyville’s hustle and bustle. Nothing compared to Canterlot, but Applejack, she was always a country girl. She needed her space, and she certainly couldn't live in Cloudsdale with me. So right here was our corner of heaven. A least, that’s what it used to be.
I watched a minute longer from my kitchen window as two young ponies pranced along the trail near our house. She was a unicorn, and he was a pegasus. I didn’t know them, but I didn’t need to. Their hooves were linked, their cheeks redder than the apples on Applejack’s cutie mark. We’d been like that once. We used to sit out in our yard, watch the sun go down, and watch the fireflies light up the night sky. But now, I was lucky to get Applejack down the stairs.
Grabbing two glasses from the cupboard, I placed them on the table. Twilight had been kind enough to pick us up some cider from Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack wouldn't drink anything different since we got it. Stubborn one she was.
Then, as they always did, memories from the day of the accident returned. And with the memories, headaches. No, not headaches. Migraines, like some-pony was pounding my head in with a hammer. The harder that hammer hit, the more vivid the memories became. I heard one of the glasses shatter as it hit the floor, but that sound was drowned out by a distant, terrified scream.
We rode on a carriage towards Appleloosa. I sat next to her. Our hooves wrapped tightly around each other. Not even a foal could’ve squeezed between us. “You did it Rainbow Dash. Ah can’t believe you actually got us tickets to go! I’ve been wanting to go to the Appleloosa Country Festival forever! How’d you even do it?”
I laughed. “Come on AJ! This is me you’re talking about; Rainbow Dash.” I hugged her tight against me, kissing those sweet lips of hers. “Rainbow Dash gets invited to all the coolest places in Equestria. Being a Wonderbolt does come with its perks.”
“Right. Not like I’ve helped save the world half a dozen times or nothing.” I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Okay, so I’d actually gotten the tickets from Spitfire, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.
“Nah, you were just our back-up. Every-pony knows not to mess with me!”
Applejack shook her head. “Says you. Pretty sure it was you, and not Fluttershy, under that rock last time we saw Chrysalis.”
Both of us laughed. It'd been ages since we’d had a trip like this, just the two of us. It’d be an extended date, and we couldn’t get there fast enough. “So, once everything starts, where we going first?”
Applejack went silent, pondering over the question. Before she could respond, the whole carriage jerked, throwing Applejack into my lap.
“Hey, what’s going on?!” I cried out to the drivers.
“Sorry Miss Dash,” one answered. “Lotta rocks in the path today.” And as he spoke, the carriage hit something bigger, almost throwing us both over the edge. Our flanks slammed back down to the wooden seats as the carriage briefly fishtailed. “Hold on!”
“That’s no rock!” I glanced to Applejack. She held her hat down, leaning into me, steadying herself. I’d had enough of this. “We’re gonna fly.” I said to Applejack, and leaped into the air.
Dropping in to swoop Applejack off the carriage, another load CRACK and the whole carriage veered out of control! “Applejack!” I screamed out, as the whole thing started to tip. I bolted towards AJ, watching her cling to the carriage for dear life. “Applejack! Hang on!”
An axle broke, and I steered sideways to avoid an airborne wheel. I screamed out for Applejack again. Then something hit me. I don’t know what, only that it smashed in over my head. I blinked and everything went fuzzy. I was on the ground, and I could see the overturned carriage.
“R-Rainbow Dash!” Applejack screamed. “I-I can’t move!“ Her body lay trapped under the frame.
“A-Applejack!”
We’d been airlifted to a nearby hospital shortly after. I remember seeing Applejack on a stretcher, wheeled into the ER. An oxygen mask over her face, her eyes followed my every movement until the doors swung closed behind her. I don’t even remember how many hours they had her in surgery.
The migraines finally subsiding, I re-entered reality on the staircase of our little house, carrying two glasses of cider. Hovering up to the second floor, I flew over to our bedroom door and pushed it open. Inside rested Applejack, right where I’d left her. Laying under the covers, she stared out the window next to our bed. She didn’t move. She couldn’t move, not from the shoulders down anyway.
“Hey Applejack. Brought our cider.” I said, setting the two glasses on a nearby nightstand.
Applejack didn’t respond. Something out the window had caught her eye. I stepped over beside the bed, where the rays of sunlight gave my mare-friend an amber glow. Her eyes followed two ponies outside, the same two ponies I’d seen earlier. And it hurt. It hurt because I knew exactly what was going through her head. They were the exact thoughts I’d had only a few minutes ago.
I stayed quiet a moment longer. “Applejack. Your cider is here.”
The earth pony sighed. “Ah know. Thanks Rainbow.” Moving in, I propped AJ up against the headboard, so that she could properly drink. “Reckon Sweet Apple Acres is prepping for another big harvest. Checking the jars. Sorting the barrels. Doesn’t seem right that I ain’t there.”
“Well, it does mean more apple cider for us.” I said, holding her chin, and tilting the glass against her lips. “Perfect timing too. We were just starting to run low. I think Twilight gave us just the right amount.”
“You know Rainbow,” she continued, “Ah’d give anything to be out there again. Don’t matter if I was bucking apples from dawn to dusk, or stacking hay out in the barn. What I wouldn’t give to be back out on the farm.” Then she gazed into my eyes, a sad, knowing smile across her face. “Sorry. What with me being like this, and your head not being right, my bellyaching ain’t helping nothing is it?”
I chuckled, moving behind AJ and started rubbing her shoulders. I knew she couldn't feel it, but it calmed me down. “Doesn’t seem fair does it? We shouldn't be like this.”
“Our one-year anniversary.” Applejack sighed. “Was supposed ta be a happy time for us. Couldn’t get to Appleloosa fast enough . . .“
“Don't worry AJ.” I said, kissing her cheek. “I’m gonna get better. I promise. And when I do, I’m gonna buy you one bad-ass wheelchair. Strap you in, and take you where-ever you wanna go. You, me . . . Our friends if you want, you just lead the way.”
Applejack tilted her head towards me and met my gaze. “Ah’d like that very much. Dreaming about it every day I am.”
“Me too.” I said, and I kissed her sweet, cidery lips. “Me too.”
With the sun having vanished under the horizon, I helped adjust her down into bed. Then seeing my glass of cider still on the nightstand, I grabbed the cup and chugged it down. I finished it in one gulp, and was about to climb into bed when Applejack whispered, “You take your medicine?”
I stopped halfway under the covers. “No.”
Retreating out of the room, I trotted into the bathroom and closed the door.
Grabbing a white bottle off the vanity with words big enough to scare even Twilight, I popped out three cherry red capsules, and swallowed them. The meds were meant to settle my nerves, stop the migraines and hallucinations, and lessen the psychogenic amnesia. That was a fancy way of saying: blacking out, or losing time as Twilight liked to call it.
Funny how so much had gone wrong with just a bump on the head. From what I’m told, my head slammed into a rock pretty hard. Screwed me up in all sorts of ways. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without an escort. Doctors feared I might do something I wouldn’t remember.
I stared into the mirror. I was shaking. My coat of fur had faded a bit, the colors in my mane and tail flattened. Must’ve been the stress, but just looking into those empty eyes hurt. It tightened my chest, and caught in my throat. This was me now. This was us. A tear rolled down my cheek. I sniffled, trying to stop what I always did. Then another rolled down, and another. A small hiccup escaped, and I started to cry. I buried my head in my hooves, just to get away from my reflection so that I could sob in peace.
How had I let this happen to me, to Applejack? Was the rest of my life going to be cooped up in this fucken house?! And Applejack, why did she have to get paralyzed? I could hardly care for myself, yet she chose me to stay with. She suffered more today by staring out that window, than I did with that damned migraine. At least I could walk around the stupid house!
I had to calm down. Taking a deep breath, I stared back into the mirror. My cheeks were puffed up, and my face was wet. What a mess. Applejack needed me. But in all honesty, I needed her far more. I couldn't do this alone. I couldn’t.
Grabbing a towel, I splashed some water on my face and wiped myself down. Returning to bed, I climbed under the covers, turned off the light, and snuggled up against Applejack.
“Rainbow Dash?” Her voice whispered into the cool, night air.
“Yes?”
“Can Ah have a kiss before bed?”
Rolling over, I faced Applejack. Climbing up over top of her, I stared down into those big, emerald eyes. “As many as you want.” Leaning in, I pressed my lips firmly against hers. I pulled away from our kiss, and then dropped back in, wrapping my hooves around the mare, and pulled her in close.
My hind hooves moved in, lifting her flank up to press against my hips. Our kiss broke, and my lips nipped down to her neck. Applejack opened her mouth, and whimpered. I knew not to go further, for she wanted to feel me. So, I stopped just at the base of her neck, and then slid my tongue up towards her mouth, and dipped it between her soft lips.
My heart pounded in my chest, and with Applejack’s weakened state, I easily dominated her, my mouth doing most of the work. Finally pulling away, I licked my lips and stared down at the mare, panting for breath.
“A-Ah love you Rainbow Dash.”
“I love you too.”
The sun. How annoying the sun was sometimes. That, and birds. The sun rose early, and the birds even earlier. Stupid chirping at the break of dawn. It’s one thing I’d never quite gotten used to. Napping on a fluffy cumulus, one never had this problem.
Sitting up in bed, I glanced out the window. Sun must’ve just come up as the sky still had that orange tint. Of course, Applejack was still sound asleep. On any other day, she’d have been up hours ago, but now, she rarely woke before me.
Leaning over, I pulled the covers down so that I could kiss her cheek. Gently pulling her towards me, I gazed into her eyes. Her . . . open eyes. “Applejack?” I whispered. Nothing. But her eyes were open. “Applejack.” I said again, shaking her. Nothing. The mare’s mouth hung open, slack jawed. Her eyes stared off into space, past me.
“Applejack!” I screamed. No breathing. No heartbeat. I cried out again and fell out of bed, taking the covers with me. Her body rolled over from the movement. Clumps of fur and mane flaked off from her coat, speckled with dirt. Her dead, dilated pupils cut through me.
My heart pounded in my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. “Applejack!” I whimpered, tears rushing my face. Then, the headache started. From a tap on the skull to a constant beating of the drum, I bent over, staring at the floor, clutching my temple. Tears dripped onto the wooden floorboards. She’d been fine last night. We had cider, we kissed . . . She was just fine last night! But now, she looked like she'd been there for days.
What would I do? Who would I call? I wasn’t supposed to leave. Did I just have to sit here until some pony came?
Closing my eyes, I gasped for breath, feeling the pounding in my head slowing. Then looking up, I stumbled backwards and hit the wall behind me. “Twilight!” I screamed.
My whole body convulsed and my stomach turned over itself. Because when I glanced up, it wasn't Applejack who stared back. It wasn't even the bed I’d fallen out of. It was Twilight Sparkle. Sweat dripped down my forehead, and I quickly looked around the room. I wasn’t in our bedroom anymore. But Twilight was here, and with a look of concern, she rushed over.
“Rainbow Dash! Are you okay?” She asked, at my side in an instant.
“W-What happened? What are you doing here!?” I asked. I looked around again. A table, chairs, and fridge were in my immediate line of sight. “Where am I?”
“Rainbow Dash, listen to me. It's noon. And we’re in your kitchen. You’ve just lost some time.”
“What!?” I said and tried to stand, but Twilight just pushed me back down. It’s a good thing too, because the second I moved, the whole room started to spin. My body slumped back against the wall and suddenly I was out of breath. “I-It can't be noon. I-I just woke up. I was in bed and . . .”
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay Dash.” Twilight said. Her hoof ruffled my mane, and pressed against my forehead. “Just stay put for a moment. You don’t have a fever this time, so you’ll be fine. Just get your bearings.”
I nodded, focusing on my breathing like I’d been taught. Then I noticed something. The hoof that Twilight had against my forehead was wrapped in gauze. “W-What happened to you?”
“Oh this?” Once satisfied with my condition, Twilight pulled her wrapped hoof from my forehead and set it down. “There was a broken glass on the floor and I stepped in it.” Twilight gave me a warm smile. “You did quite the job of wrapping it up for me.”
“I did?” And I brushed a hoof along my face, feeling my cheeks were still wet. “Umm . . . You’re welcome I guess . . . How long have you been here?”
“Little over an hour.” Twilight said, “Speaking of which, your appointment with Dr. Cloud starts at one. You feeling okay enough to go?”
I hobbled forward a couple steps before eventually balancing out. With the headache gone, I wiped my brow. “I think so. Can I just check on Applejack real quick?”
Twilight said nothing. The question made her uncomfortable. I suppose it was a bit of a complicated situation after all. Someone like me really shouldn't be taking care of AJ, yet here we were.
When Twilight did nod though, I turned and rushed up the stairs, and realized just how winded I’d become. I stopped at the top of the stairs just to catch my breath.
Stepping over to the bedroom door, I pushed it open. That hallucination had been so real. I was almost afraid of what I’d see. But if I left without checking, it’d be in my head all day.
Peeking in, I gazed over to the bed and saw Applejack’s figure buried under the covers. I was about to step in when I heard her voice. “You taking off?”
“Y-Yeah. You need anything?”
“Nope. I’ll be fine.”
I bit my lip. I didn't know what else to say to her. “I love you.”
“I love you too Rainbow.”
Doctor Morning Cloud, my psychiatrist that I’d been seeing every few days since the accident. An older, caramel coated unicorn with a long, straightly combed chiffon mane and tail. He tended to keep licorice at his desk for his patients. He said it helped calm them down while talking. I can’t say that it ever helped me, but then again, I never refused it either.
“So Ms. Dash, how are things going for you? Princess Twilight told me you had a bit of an episode this morning? Would you like to talk about it?” He said, magically twirling his pen over his clipboard.
I couldn’t help but fidget in his chair. I never did like talking about this stuff. Pulling the strawberry licorice out of my mouth, I smacked my lips. “This morning, I woke up and found Applejack laying dead next to me. I-I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared. I fell out of bed and screamed . . .”
“Did you lose time?”
I nodded.
“How much?”
“I-I don’t know for sure. Four hours, maybe five. It happened right when I woke up. It was so real. How she had stiffened up like that, . . . and her eyes, her eyes . . .”
“But it wasn't real. Was it?” Doctor Cloud interjected.
“No.” I said. “Of course not . . .”
“Applejack wasn’t really laying there in your bed, was she?” Doctor Cloud continued. “Your mind is at odds with you right now Ms. Dash. That’s why you're here. Your mind can’t accept what’s happened, and that’s why you have these hallucinations. That’s why you need to control your emotions. That’s why you lose time. Are you still taking the medication?”
I nodded my head. “Of course. Every morning and night just like you said. But doctor, I’ve been taking this medicine for two weeks. This was the worst it's ever been. It’d looked like she’d been laying there dead, for days,” I said, almost pleading with him. “Why’s this happening to me?”
Doctor Cloud noted some things down on his clipboard, his eyes peering over at me. “The medicine doesn't work right away. It has a compounding effect. Its effectiveness increases as you take it.”
“But then it should be more effective! This is too much. Most of my friends don’t visit. And when they do, they’re not the same. No-pony is.” I muttered. “Am I just going crazy?”
“Rainbow Dash.” Doctor Cloud said, setting his clipboard and pen down. “You have suffered immense physical and mental trauma. The hallucinations you have, the time loss you experience, all of that takes control away from you. The last thing you want is to step outside and get lost, hurt yourself or another pony, and have no memory as to when or how it happened.”
I shuddered, nodding my head. “How long is this going to take?”
“I don’t know. Some ponies never fully recover, and others can put it completely behind them. All of this depends on you.” Doctor Cloud said, and floated another piece of licorice into my hooves. “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss? My time is yours.”
“No,” I answered. “I wanna go home.”
Doctor Cloud nodded, and showed me out into the waiting area, where Twilight sat patiently like she always did. After a goodbye, we were both out the door and on our way home.
“Everything alright? Ya didn’t say much yesterday. Something happen with Doctor Cloud?” Applejack’s voice full of concern, and I noticed her head turn just a bit in bed, trying to face me.
“No.” I said. After Twilight had walked me home last night, I’d busied myself with anything that I could to keep from thinking about what had been said. The possibility that I’d never get better, that I’d always be like this, I couldn’t tell Applejack. It’d destroy her. And, it’d destroy me. “I’m fine.” I muttered.
“R-Rainbow Dash . . . If I’m ever holding ya back . . .”
“What?” I said, sitting up. Glancing over at the mare, I searched her pained eyes. “You have never . . .”
“But if Ah would . . . Rainbow, you need ta do everything you can to get better. And if I'm in the way, making things difficult,” and she gulped, averting her gaze from me. “Then some-pony else can deal with me.”
“No!” I dropped myself down onto her chest, nuzzling against Applejack through the blanket. I fought back tears, shaking my head. “Don't leave. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. I already feel like I’m going crazy in here. Please, I don't want to stay here by myself. I’m already broken. Don't make it worse.”
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I heard Applejack whisper. “Ah promise I won't go nowhere.”
“Thank you. Thank you, Applejack.” I closed my eyes, wishing I could fall back asleep. I didn't want to move from this spot, ever. This is where I belonged.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
I groaned. Who in Equestria could it be? The knocks rattled from downstairs, and begrudgingly, I pulled my head off Applejack’s chest. Leaning in, I quickly kissed her lips. “Sorry.” I whispered to her. She just smiled at me as I hopped out of bed.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
“Morning Rainbow Dash!” Twilight’s bright voice rattled off when I’d finally made it down and opened up the front door.
“Twilight? What are you doing here?”
Holding up a small picnic basket with her magic, she smiled. “I stopped by Sweet Apple Acres and helped slice some apples. Thought you’d might like to have some with me.”
“Sure. Come on in.” and I stepped aside for the princess to enter.
“I was kinda worried about you after yesterday. Doctor Cloud briefed me on your discussion, so I thought you’d like some company.” Twilight explained as we walked in to the kitchen. “Maybe we could even step outside and . . .”
“What about Applejack?” I said, pulling out a couple glasses to fill with cider. I appreciated her wanting to get me out of the house, but we couldn’t always leave out Applejack. It was bad enough we left her alone on my doctor visits. “We could share some with her. I don’t know if she can really have sliced apples but . . .”
Twilight froze up at mention of the farmer’s name. She just stood there, like I’d said something crazy. “Rainbow Dash . . . I . . .”
“Come on Twilight. You almost never go up to see her. She misses you guys. And she deserves better from her friends.” I explained, pouring out the cider. “We both do.”
“Rainbow Dash, Applejack isn’t . . .”
“Please.” I said, turning to her. “I just want you to visit with her. Then, we can do whatever you want.”
Twilight stood there, motionless. She looked ready to argue, almost ready to cry. Did she not want to see Applejack that much? “Alright Rainbow Dash.” She eventually said. “I’ll be upstairs.”
I watched her disappear up the stairs, and poured out the last glass of cider. Who knows? Maybe this was my fault. Maybe it was because of my stupid head that no-pony wanted to come over and see me or Applejack. I’d talk to Twilight about it, find out what was up.
I grabbed the glasses of cider, and was about to head up, when . . .
“AHHHHHHHH!” Twilight’s shrill scream echoed down from above.
Oh no. My heart dropped into my gut, and I flew up the stairs and into the bedroom. My only thought, my only concern, Applejack.
Rushing inside, I landed next to a horrified Twilight. “What is it?! What happened?!”
Twilight backed away from me, glaring knives at me. “What did you do?” She hissed.
“W-What? I-I don’t understand.”
“The hell you don't!” Twilight shot back, starting to break down, crying. “You dug her up! I can't believe you actually dug her up!”
“D-Dug her up? W-What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice suddenly shaking.
Twilight just pointed at the bed.
I hovered over to it, pressing the two glasses close to my chest. “A-Applejack?” I whispered, staring down at the mare. “Applejack. Wake up. Twilight’s here to see you,” and I gave her body a little nudge. No response.
I nudged Applejack again, and this time, the covers peeled back, revealing her face. A glass slipped from my hooves and shattered onto the floor. But my eyes were locked on AJ’s face. Clumps of dirt clung to her mane and dirtied her coat of fur. Her mouth hung open. Her eyes stared off into the ceiling, right past me. She looked just as she did when I . . .
“How could you Rainbow Dash?!” Twilight repeated. “Are you really so sick . . . That you would dig her up?!”
I shut my eyes. “It’s not real.” I said. “I-It’s not real. A-Applejack is fine . . . And she’s gonna wake up any second.”
“It is real.” Twilight pleaded, and I heard her step up to me, to the point I could feel her breath on my cheek. “She died in that accident Rainbow Dash. You have to accept it.”
I shook my head, and the migraines started. Not like the usual though. These started out loud, and pierced through my head like a nail. “I-I just talked to her. Sh-She can’t be dead!”
“Open up your eyes Rainbow Dash! Applejack is dead!” Twilight shouted.
“SHUT-UP!” I screamed. And I hit her. I couldn’t take it. I swung my hoof out, and struck her in the temple. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I really didn’t. I just . . . Then I opened my eyes, and saw the broken glass. Shards stuck out of my leg, dripping blood onto the floor. I looked to Twilight and froze. She had glass all over her face, blood everywhere. She wasn't moving.
“Twilight!” I screamed.
Two sets of hooves violently pulled me back. I screamed out again, struggling to free myself. I couldn't move my front legs. I shot my head from side to side, seeing two burly earth ponies holding me down. “Where am I?! Who are you?!”
“Calm down Ms. Dash.” I heard a familiar voice say.
I gulped and looked over to the pony. “D-Doctor Cloud?” I said when I recognized the unicorn. “W-Where am I? What’s going on?!”
Doctor Cloud nodded at the two ponies holding me and they released their grip. It was then I realized I was in a straitjacket, seated in a padded room. “You’re in the Canterlot Institute for the Criminally Insane. I’m sorry Ms. Dash. It was the best I could do.”
“W-Where’s Twilight? How'd I get here?!”
The doctor was silent. He rubbed his lips together, as if trying to find the words. “You arrived two days ago Ms. Dash. You’re here for the death of Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“No.” I said, falling back against the wall. “No, I was just upset. I-I remember . . .” And I winced. It hurt to think, hurt worse to remember. “A-A fight, I think . . .”
“You smashed a glass against her face.” He said bluntly. “Then struck her repeatedly.”
Breathing grew difficult, and tears welled up under my eyes. “I-I don’t remember that.” I pleaded with him. “You have to believe me! I would never . . .”
“You’re not well. You’re sicker than even I took you for.” He paused, flipping through some notes. “You had Applejack’s body in your house. Ms. Rainbow Dash, you do know she died on scene at the accident, don’t you?”
My head started to ache, and I averted my gaze. “No. S-She was just paralyzed. I talked to her, fed her, kissed her. S-She’s alive.” I said, tears now streaking down my cheeks. “I-I was taking care of her!”
“She’s dead Rainbow Dash.” Then Doctor Cloud pushed two photographs in front of me. One of Applejack, in my bed, and dead. I looked away. The other, was of Twilight, her face smashed in, bloodied. “You have to face reality. You killed Twilight Sparkle, and you placed Applejack’s body into your house.” He repeated. “You did this.”
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t remember. I really don’t remember! You have to believe me!” I wailed. I cried uncontrollably, tears blurring my vision. I turned my head away, sobbing into my side. “I-I’m not a monster! I’m not . . .”
Suddenly, it grew cold. I started shivering. I hugged myself, panting for breath. My tears dried up. Had I gotten worse? Was this a new stage of madness? I was freezing. I couldn’t stop shaking. “D-Doctor? What is . . .?” I looked up. He was gone.
I took in a deep breath and looked around. It was dark. My straitjacket was gone. I was alone. “Doctor?!” I called out. Nothing. “N-Not again.” I whimpered. I laid down, and curled up, hugging myself. “I’m sorry,” I said, as if it’d somehow make things better, or undo what I did. But it wouldn’t. Nothing would. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Closing my eyes, I wished myself to sleep, and prayed to never, ever wake up again.
The End.