Spike hates himself to the point of wanting to try to kill himself. However, as he comes to grips with his hatred, he learns something about himself. Something that will change him forever.
Spike hates himself. One morning, he says it out loud for his best friend to hear. That morning would soon turn into one of the most challenging self-reflections he would ever face, one that would send him on a day filled with anxiety, heart-to-heart conversations about the mind, and the possibility of changing for the better.
A total revamp of the original, Spike Hates Himself. The concept is very similar (obviously), but the story-line is not the same.
WARNING: Absurd humor, laced with a real serious perspective of suicide. If you can't handle these two intermixing, you might not want to read this story. You have been warned.
Celestia Should Throw A Flaming Ball Of Fire At My Skull
The past month had been horrible for Spike. He had finally asked the crush of his dreams out on a date, and well… it’s not that she rejected him.
She… thought it was just two friends going out. It bothered him so much that he couped himself up in his room in that little basket of his, and cried.
It was a good cry, but one that made him realize something.
“I hate myself.”
Without Twilight’s intervention, Spike’s hatred only festered within him. It grew to the point of no return. He now could only stagger down the halls of the castle to get some more food in him. After all, if he was so willing to prolong his own internal strife, he might as well become gluttonous, to the point that his arteries would suddenly explode, leading him to blee—
Spike shook his head. That wasn’t the way to go. But he did love a bit of ice cream on his pancake. He had already made the small flapjack, which radiated heat that made his own core grow. All he needed was a dollop of vanilla ice cream, and he would be set for the rest of the day. With a quick flick of his wrist, he opened a drawer, which he knew would have a scooper waiting for him to use.
Smiling for the first time in a month, he took said scooper, and scoooped a big scoop of ice cream out of its container. He plopped it on the pancake and waited for a few seconds, watching as the big dollop began to melt. It was what he wanted Celestia to do to his skull, as she would throw the fastest of flaming balls of fire at him, to the point that before it even made contact, it would burn his internal organs to the point of being—-
Spike frowned.
“I hate myself,” he said.
“You hate yourself?”
Spike’s eyes widened, and turned to the voice. It was Starlight Glimmer, his newest best friend… well, if he could call her new. She was once some evil pony who had enslaved an entire village for the sake of her own twisted sense of justice. What Starlight did with those poor ponies? Spike hadn’t honed in on that too much, probably because what she told Twilight was just a cover up for her just to parade herself around town or something. Either that or Starlight did tell the truth, and Spike was just thinking too hard.
He sighed. “I… don’t—”
“Spike, ponies don’t just say they hate themselves like that,” Starlight said as she approached the poor dragon. He flinched as he felt her hoof make contact with his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be feeling this way. Do you want to talk about it?”
The dragon stood there, frozen. The ice cream on his plate had nearly been melted, and the pancake had absorbed part of the ice cream. How it melted that fast was beyond his comprehension, yet that wasn’t what bothered him most. His best friend next to Twilight, who was his BEST friend, was asking to chat about something that he felt wasn’t too necessary to talk about. It was his fault, after all. Rarity would never see him the same way, and quite frankly, he could finally get over his little heartbreak that plagued him to the point of—
“Sure.”
—asking his best friend for advice.
Spike grabbed his plate of a singular flapjack covered in the remnants of a dollop of vanilla ice cream, and turned to watch his friend take a seat across the crystal island in the center of the kitchen. The room was built in a way that they could sit immediately down after making their own food. Twilight was a busy mare, after all, and she didn’t have time to dilly dally in moving a few steps away from the kitchen and into the living room, where an even larger table was ready for her to sit. No, she had a couple of high chairs ready for her and whoever else wanted to keep her company to sit down and chow down.
And these two just so happened to be free for Spike and Starlight to indulge in.
Starlight had sat down first. She sighed and watched as the dragon slowly trudged along, setting his plate carefully on the island first, before hopping into the seat with a spring in his legs. He got cozy in it, squirming just to make sure he was on the chair, and then scooted himself in. Checking to make sure his pancake survived the ordeal, Spike turned to see Starlight… frowning?
“Starlight, I—”
“I don’t understand why you’d feel this way, Spike.”
The words hit Spike to his core. His core began to bubble in response. “I don’t… know what you mean.”
Starlight glared at him. “Don’t give me that. You know what you said just a couple minutes ago!”
He did. He knew. He just didn’t want to come out and say it again. Not with her here.
“I know why you’re upset, Starlight. I should’ve never opened my mouth and said anything.” Spike picked up his fork and stabbed the pancake with a vengeance. “Look, let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything and we can move on from it, y’know? I wouldn’t want you worrying about me. Besides, it’s not your problem, I’m just dealing with some stuff that isn’t related to you or Twilight. I just—” He had cut a piece of the flapjack, and had scooped a bit of ice cream to boot. “—can’t let you both deal with my problems all the time. I wouldn’t learn from them!” He finished by shoving the fork down his gullet and—
Suddenly, Spike felt pain. He felt it all over his arm, especially near his claws. The fork clanked against the marble surface of the island, holding the piece of flapjack he so desired on the plate. Spike winced, and realized that he couldn’t move it.
Starlight had him red-handed, her magic holding his claw still.
“S-Starlight—”
“Stop talking, and listen to me.”
That tone of voice. It growled with venom, something he hadn’t heard for a long time. He nearly whimpered at the thought of her being this angry at him, but he kept his cool. He wouldn’t want to make her feel worse than him. She didn’t deserve it.
So he sat there, waiting patiently with his mask on.
“Spike, you can’t beat yourself up like this. It’s not healthy.” The magic that fluttered in his hand loosened slowly. He was able to feel his fingers again. “You know that Twilight and I wouldn’t judge you at all. We… care about you, Spike. So seeing you look like a zombie and saying you hate yourself is something that hurts me, because…” Spike tilted his head, as Starlight began to do something he hadn’t seen her do in a while: cry. “I thought you and I were best friends and—”
Growling, Spike broke through her magic and pulled her close. “You are my best friend, Starlight. Why would you think that you weren’t?”
She sniffled loudly in his ear. “Because best friends don’t keep secrets like this!” She nearly just blew out his ear with that shout. “You’re hurting and you need me and Twilight to help you. So instead of hiding, just… tell me what’s wrong.” She hugged him close. “I want to help you get better.”
He felt that roar in his core with a flame that tempted him to open his mouth and spit fire. However, he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to her. His issues were his alone, but he didn’t mind divulging it for her, because Starlight was his best friend. And as she sobbed beside him, nuzzling into his shoulder, begging him to tell him what was wrong, Spike knew what he had to do.
He opened his mouth and—
“I want you to kill me.”
—that wasn’t what he was supposed to say!—
“What?”
It was as if a pin dropped. The ice cream had turned into a drippy white liquid on top of his now cool pancake. It was depressing to see. And those eyes that Starlight wore were even worse. It made his heart race, knowing that he had done this. That it was his fault. That he was the one who did this to her. He didn’t mean to say it! It always came out wrong! He just wanted to ask Rarity on a proper, romantic date, not on a friend’s date! He…
He let his stress out, and balled into her fur.
“Spike…”
Starlight smiled as she kept him close, her tear stricken cheeks contrasting her comforting grip on her dragon friend. He needed her most, and she was willing to be his shoulder.
“Starlight? Let me say what I was supposed to say.” He wiped his face clean of liquid pride. “Look, I… kinda messed up.”
“Kinda?”
“Shut up. I’m opening up to you and that’s what you criticize?” Spike said. He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I messed up, big time. Remember last month when I was talking to you about asking Rarity out?”
“Yeah,” Starlight breathed. “You wanted to ask her out for a dinner date.”
“Yeah… that didn’t come out of my mouth at all. I said a friend’s date.”
Starlight’s eyes bugged out of her skull. “A friend’s date? What does that mean?!”
“I know, I keep saying everything wrong and—”
Starlight put a hoof to the dragon’s mouth. “Nuh-uh uh. You are not going down that route around me, mister.” She smirked. “Now when I take this hoof off your snout, you’re going to not say anything bad about yourself while we talk about this, okay?”
Spike looked at her hoof. He… didn’t know what to do. So he stayed still, only glancing up at her eyes to see what she looked like.
That was a mistake. Her eyes were practically on fire.
“Okay?” she re-emphasized through her gritted teeth.
Spike rapidly nodded his head.
“Good.” She removed her hoof. “Now, don’t blame yourself too harshly on this. I know how nervous you get, especially when you play Ogres and Oubliettes with me. You nearly curl up into a ball when you have to roll for a romance interaction.”
“To be fair, if I rolled a twenty, I would’ve scored and won the game,” Spike said as if it was a matter of fact.
Starlight facehooved. “Hearing that come out of your mouth isn’t what I needed to hear.” She let out a brief puff of air and what looked like smoke drifted out of her nostrils. Was she part dragon?— “Look, regardless of the roll, you get extremely nervous, especially when it’s about someone you care about. I mean look at what you did a little bit ago!” She put a hoof to his chest and lightly shoved it. “You would rather let yourself be in constant pain and agony, than letting us help you, because you probably would think that you’d look weak in our eyes, right?”
Spike shook his head. “Not exactly,” he began, twiddling with his claws. “It’s like twenty percent that, and eighty percent of embarrassment. I feel like I’m letting you all down since I should be more responsible and should handle my own problems. Yet… I guess… part of me just thinks—”
“—that it’s a bit too overbearing and you didn’t know who to turn to?”
Spike shook his head again. “Part of me just sees it as a phase.”
Starlight’s mouth was wide open, her jaw gently swaying in front of Spike. “A phase? What are you, this is really deep and I need to post about it?” She slammed her hoof on the table, jostling the poor pancake and the utensils. “Spike! This isn’t a phase or a funk or an advertising slot for antidepressants!”
“Anti-whatsits?”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you take this seriously and really figure out why you’re feeling this way. Is it only just Rarity rejecting you that bothers you this much?”
Spike took a deep breath, and exhaled. He was lucky he didn’t see any smoke coming out with it, that probably would’ve set off the fire alarm. “She didn’t reject me, Starlight. It’s much worse than… that.” The word made him shiver. The idea… it made his heart burn a thousand times. “I wasn’t even noticed by her. It’s like she ignored the advances that I made and saw it as more of a friendly little get-together.” He sucked in an ample amount of air, and ground his teeth together. “She just doesn’t get it! Even if I went over there right now and poured my heart out to her, she’d just see it as my childhood crush coming out again, something that she would have to deal with.” His voice lowered to a low hum, that crashed when he continued, “I’m not cut out for her, I guess.”
Spike looked up at Starlight. She looked at him, concerned. Her eyes were wet again. She sniffled too. And then, she said those words that made him remember Rarity, something that made him feel more alive when he was around her. Starlight said, “Oh, Spike…”
The moment was great.
“Mares are more complicated than they are worth sometimes.”
And then it got greater. The image of Rarity was shattered, and in came Starlight, reaching out to him with a hoof.
He smiled, genuinely, taking off his mask that he had built for himself. He wanted her to see what he was feeling.
“They are,” Spike said, chuckling. He set a claw on Starlight’s arm. “Thank you, Starlight.”
Starlight choked up a bit, trying to cover up her sobs as a cough. Luckily for Spike, he read her like a book, except one that wasn’t rated eighteen plus, because that was Twilight’s porn stash, and he accidentally read that once.
Bleach was his best friend for the next day.
Spike blinked rapidly. That was something he didn’t need to be reminded of.
“Y-You’re welcome, S-Spike!” She stuttered like a goof when she was slightly upset. Spike liked that alot about his friend. It showed that she really cared about him, and he cared about her too, to the point of wanting to hurt himself, to kill himself.
To kill himself.
“So… about the killing myself bit,” Spike began.
Starlight perked up at this, tilting her head. “Yeah? Why did you say that?”
“I really do want to die. I really do hate myself. I hate that I’m like this, y’know? Pinning for a mare like Rarity so much that she still, after years of trying to get her to notice me, sees me as just a friend?” Spike felt his heart racing again. “It’s like… I need to move on, but I don’t know how. Instead of dying, what do you think I should do?”
Starlight tapped a hoof to her snout once again. “That’s… an odd question to ask, even though it’s the right one.” She let out a brief blow. “Maybe you should talk to your other friends and see what they say?”
“Starlight, that’s a terrible idea.”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “You’re the one who asked.” She twirled in her chair. It was one of those chairs. “Besides, you know it could really get these feelings off your chest. This whole killing yourself thing? Although horrible and you better not bucking do it you… you…” She took a deep breath to collect herself, before she sighed. “But this could really get your friends to rally up to your cause, the one that will better yourself and get past what you’re feeling, right?”
Spike’s eyes widened. He hadn’t thought of this like that. It was… nice, to feel that he had a goal in mind and that, maybe, just maybe, with a little bit of a friendship cocktail, he could feel whole again.
That… excited him. Nervous-excited, but excited nonetheless.
“Yeah!” Spike said, smiling all the while. “Starlight, have you ever thought of being a counselor?”
Starlight smiled, and ruffled his spikes with her hoof. “Yeah, and I also thought about being an evil dictator of a village in the middle of nowhere. I only acted on one of those, though, the wrong one.” She nuzzled his cheek. “I’m glad you’re feeling a little better already, Spike. If you need to tell or ask me anything else, I’ll be here for you. Always.”
“I’m glad, because Twilight is not around enough for me to speak to her nowadays,” Spike said, his eyes downcast. He felt his heart fall over that. It sucked to not see her around, but she’s a Princess, a professor, an Element of Harmony, an alicorn… Spike couldn’t believe that she was all this now. He remembered her as just a little unicorn. Wow, time flew.
He picked up the fork again and took the piece of pancake into his mouth.
It was cold as ice.
“Darn it, my pancake is cold!”
Starlight smirked. “Here, let me help you with that.” She levitated his plate of frosty goodness into the air, and closed her eyes. Suddenly the magic blossomed into a white light. It nearly blinded Spike, but he was totally down with whatever magic mojo she was doing. Then, the light faded, and his plate came back down to—
“Starlight, did you just heat up my pancake again?”
“Yep!” She rubbed her horn with her hoof and smirked. “Got this baby working on overdrive now since I have Twilight’s spellbook on The Mundane and Trivial! Got an instant heat-er-up spell! Pretty cool, huh?!”
Spike chuckled at his friend’s antics. “Yeah, it’s cool.” He paused, taking the plate in his claws. “You know, this made me realize, I don’t need Celestia to throw a flaming ball of fire at my skull now.”
Spike was finally out of the castle. After having his long, unintentional conversation with Starlight while trying to eat his morning meal, he definitely needed to go outside. After all, it was on Starlight’s recommendation. He needed to feel better about himself, right? Not everything he said would be wrong, and he could learn to move on from Rarity. It wasn’t the end of the world! It was only the end of one, and the beginning of another.
Yet, Spike felt his heart twinge at the thought of the one ending, and it made him feel like he hated himself for ending it. He needed to find some of his friends so he could get this all behind him. The question was, who? Who can he talk to about this other than Twilight, who was out doing her own Princess-y stuff without him?
He couldn’t cross that bridge with her yet anyway. He didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. She was an even bigger worrywort than Starlight was. He wouldn’t be able to bear it yet. And Rarity, he didn’t want to see her for a while. He had a heart that needed repairing, and it needed to be filled with copious amounts of sugar.
Spike’s eyes widened.
“Pinkie…”
Pinkie Pie would be perfect to see right now! Granted, he had already eaten, but she would know what to do! She would be able to lead him in the right direction, and with a little bit of convincing, she wouldn’t tell a soul about it, not even Twilight.
Clenching his claw into a fist, Spike, with a slight curl in his lips, walked on, the path to the Sugarcube Corner laying in front of him.
It took him a few minutes to get there, but he finally made it. The big building that looked like a target for a dragon ten times his size (if they would want to have fake cream with a side of splinters for food that is). Yet Spike was excited. Nervous-excited, of course, but still excited.
He walked up the steps to the establishment, and pressed on the door.
The door gently opened up, revealing the inside of the building. There was no one else inside, which made Spike actually happy to see, since getting Pinkie Pie’s attention would be so much easier. There would be no one to distract her from helping Spike with his problems and—
Spike sighed. His problems. He knew Starlight said it was okay to talk to other ponies about it, but it still was him coming to someone else and offloading his problems onto them. It irked him, slightly, his brow twitching at the thought of even doing this, yet he had to. It was Starlight’s idea, and Spike valued her words more than himself right now.
He hated that about himself.
“Oh, hello, Spike!”
The voice brought Spike out of his headspace. It was Mrs. Cake. What was she doing behind the counter? “Hello, Mrs. Cake.”
His voice carried a smidgen of sadness. He knew Mrs. Cake would catch that easily. She was sharp, just like Pinkie Pie. His eyes carried over to her, and she, indeed, caught it. Her eyes looked a bit bigger, as if she recognized that tone. And her hoof was slowly raised up, beckoning him to come closer.
And he did. He walked up to the counter.
“How are you doing today?”
The question filled his mind. He shouldn’t divulge this to her. He was looking for Pinkie Pie anyway.
“I’m doing… fine, Mrs. Cake.”
“That doesn’t sound all too fine, Spike,” she said, a brow raised now. “Are you looking to get some food, or are you here to talk to Pinkie about something?”
He twiddled his claws. Caught, yet again. “I'm here to talk to Pinkie Pie. Is she in?”
Mrs. Cake reached out, almost as to tap him on his claw, but she stopped herself. Why did she do that? Spike couldn’t figure it out, but the tapping of her hoof against the wooden countertop made it feel like she was trying to restrain herself. It made sense for her to do, since he had asked for Pinkie Pie only.
Yet, Mrs. Cake had said something. She asked and inquired further, even showing a bit more care than he expected.
That made Spike respect her a bit more than he already had.
“Yes, she is. I’ll go get her, hun. You stay riiight there!” Mrs. Cake commanded.
“I won’t be going anywhere, Mrs. Cake.”
The two shared a brief smile, although one looked more forced than the other. Then, the mare left the dragon alone, to the sound of a noiseless confectionery preparing itself for the inevitable late morning rush.
Spike took a moment to lean on the counter a bit. He needed to clear his head before Pinkie came. He didn’t want to embarrass himself like he did with Starlight. After all, if Pinkie heard him say that, out of nowhere without a prelude of some sort, she’d probably hate herself for not helping him out sooner.
The possibility of that happening frightened Spike. His legs suddenly felt weaker. And those little claws of his that ratta-tap-tapped the top of the counter increased in speed. What would she think of him if that happened? Would she think less of him? No, Pinkie wasn’t like that. Not one bit! She cared about everyone.
Spike gulped, and watched as Pinkie strolled up to the counter.
“Spike!”
“Pinkie Pie!” Spike smiled. Even with this mask back on, he could make one of these smiles convincing enough for her. “How are you?”
The pink bubbly mare began her tirade. “I'm doing great! I just finished talking to Mr. Cake about tomorrow’s orders, which was why Mrs. Cake was keeping watch out here! Oohh, Spike, there’s this cake we have to make, and it’s so tall, it’s like if somepony took me, duplicated me, and then stacked me on top of me! It’s going to be soooo much fun! I can’t wait to make it!” She practically beamed at him, as she continued, “So, what about you, Spike? How are you doing?”
Spike felt sweat trickle down his body. Well, he would have if he actually could sweat. He felt his mask begin to crack in front of her, but he wasn’t going to give up. Even if his smile told her otherwise. “I’m doing p-pretty good and—”
Suddenly, Pinkie’s tail twitched a bit. Her muzzle scrunched up, and her eyes went ‘bonkers’. It was a sight to behold, and it worried Spike. Not because of all the twitching and scrunching.
No, it was because he saw that mane of hers slowly deflate.
“Spike…”
Spike cursed underneath his breath. He couldn’t dodge this one either, could he? He sighed. “Yes, Pinkie?”
“You’re not okay, are you?”
“It’s been one of those days,” he mumbled. He let his hand rest on the counter. “You ever had that happen to you, Pinkie?”
She tilted her head, before coming out from behind the counter and sitting down in front of Spike. “I… I kinda have. One time, I felt super-de-dooper sad, like so sad that I felt like the whole Sugarcube Corner was going to fall on top of me!” She rubbed her forelegs together, and looked away from Spike. “It was a really bad night. I couldn’t think of anything else. If we had stayed the way we did when Discord…” She gulped. “I slept horribly that night, even though it had all been taken care of.”
“Really?”
She bobbed her head rather dejectedly. She nearly flinched at seeing Spike’s gobsmacked look. “Guess Twilight hid that from you.”
“She never told me you girls were hurting over that.” He put a claw behind his neck. “What did you do to get out of that funk?”
Slowly, he watched her look up at him. Her mane began to look puffy again, but not as puffy as it usually did. She just stared blankly at him. “It took me a bit to think of things differently. Instead of being all moopey, I had to think of what we did. That we weren’t those ponies anymore. I wasn’t going to be down about it, I had to spread cheer and party! It’s what I do, and that’s all that there’s to it!” Her mouth slowly formed into a smile. “You know when you’re down, I’ll be there to turn your frown—”
“Upside down,” Spike finished, smiling at her. He put a claw on her shoulder. “You know just what to say, don’t you?”
“Yep! Otherwise I wouldn’t be Pinkie. I would be…” Pinkie paused, her muzzle contorting slightly. “Somepony else.” She frowned. “Sorry, the name generator I used got hugged to death by a runaway bandit in the back.”
“A runaway what?”
Pinkie shook her head rapidly. “Never mind! I’m better now! How about you?”
Spike blinked. “I guess I’m better. I mean, I think I should still talk to you about this whole thing, since well… it’s important.”
“Importante?” Pinkie Pie leaned close to Spike, her snout pressing against his nose. “How important?”
Those pink eyes of hers darted, looking at any single gaze that could help her figure out why Spike was feeling the way he was. Spike knew she’d find it, but she would want him to tell her anyway.
So, he did.
“Enough that it makes me want to kill myself right here, right now, with you possibly wrapping your hooves around my neck just to make sure I did it right.”
His eyes widened. “What did I just say?”
Pinkie Pie nearly fell on her back, but she kept herself still. She stayed there for a bit, staring. She stared, and stared, and stared, and stared, until staring wasn’t working out for her. Then she shook in place, like a pony trying to shake a bottle of chocolate syrup because the last bit of it was stuck at the bottom. Spike took a couple steps back, worried that she’ll explode into confetti.
Then, the shaking stopped. Her mane deflated again. She walked up to Spike, and pulled him close, her hooves wrapping around his form. “Spike…”
He heard her whimper near his ear. It nearly made him cave in too, but he kept his ground. He cried enough already, it wasn’t something he needed to repeat. Shakily, he took a deep breath. “Yeah, Pinkie?”
She squeezed the dragon tightly. “Stop hurting yourself.”
“But Pinkie I—”
“Just stop!” she shouted. It echoed in his ear. It shocked him that Pinkie would even shout at him, especially now. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Because I hate myself,” he said, dryly. “I hate that I can’t keep myself together as of late. I hate that I’m stuck in a rut that I can’t get out of. I hate that… I hate that I’m making ponies take my problems and put them on their plates. It’s not fair to them.”
Pinkie rubbed a hoof against the poor dragon’s back. “Spike… what caused all this?”
“Rarity.” The word just fluttered out, and died in Pinkie’s ears.
“What did she do?”
“She just… was herself. I asked her out on a date, but I messed up, and ended up doing something stupid.”
Pinkie Pie nuzzled his cheek. He shivered in response. "I told her that I couldn’t be friends with her.”
“You… what?”
Silence pervaded the building. The only thing that echoed in their ears was a door slamming in the back. It was probably the Cakes, they didn’t want to hear this type of issue. It was private, after all.
Yet they were talking about it in a bakery that was still open.
“Yeah…” Spike croaked out. He sighed. “I didn’t tell Starlight this part. Didn’t want her to yell at me.”
“She knows about this?”
“Well, other than that little bit, yeah. It just spilled out over breakfast and I…” Spike’s voice trailed off. His eyes widened.
Best friends don’t keep secrets!
“I just messed up again.”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “No, you didn’t. Look, let’s sit down by the table and talk about this, okay?”
“Are you sure?”
“Spike, I’m as sure as a sugar overload on a Sunday morning.”
Spike couldn’t argue with that. Pinkie was hyped on sugar most days, but Sunday, she was in hyperspeed.
So, he trudged on over to the table, and hopped onto a barrel. He waited for Pinkie to join him, but it looked like she was getting something out from behind the counter. What was she doing?
Then, Spike’s eyes widened. Two milkshakes were plopped on top of the counter. She slid them down it before beckoning Spike over. He hopped off his spot and grabbed the two drinks. “You…?”
“Thought I’d make us something to sip on while we talk about our feelings,” Pinkie replied. “Is that okay?”
Spike nodded. “This is more than okay, Pinkie. Thank you.”
She smiled and watched as the dragon took the two drinks over to the table. She quickly followed behind him, and hopped onto her seat. She threw a hoof at the dragon, who promptly tilted his head. “What did you just...?”
“Dig in, Spike!”
Spike let out a chuckle. “That’s what that meant?”
“Yeah!” Pinkie replied. “I want you to be happy, so happy that you’ll just combust in happiness! And milkshakes make everypony who isn’t hooked on veganism high on life!” She took a rather long sip of her drink and let out a satisfied sigh. “Just like me! Sugar is the pathway to happiness, Spike. It also makes me belch, though, so I don’t think it’s—” As if on queue, she burped, loudly. She giggled. “It’s the best, Spike. It truly is!”
He watched as Pinkie giggled to herself. She knew how to be happy even when happiness was not plentiful. How did she do it? Was sugar really the price we pay for happiness? He didn’t know anymore. Everything mostly felt numb to him.
Spike nodded and tried sharing her enthusiasm. “Sounds like it!” He took a sip of his drink. It tasted… like a milkshake. “So… do you want me to just talk?”
Pinkie Pie hummed to herself before she spoke, “Yes.”
“About what?”
…
“Yourself. What you’re feeling, and why you came to me about this whole thing.”
Spike couldn’t bring his gaze to Pinkie. He felt that pressure build up inside him again, like he should be embarrassed and disappointed. He felt that, even now, with Pinkie being nice to him, that behind that shroud of happiness the pink mare was disappointed, upset, even despising him. Any second now, she would kick him out, and not want to be friends with him anymore.
And yet, he was here. She hadn’t kicked him out. He wasn’t getting squished to death, He wasn’t getting screamed at.
Spike still prepared himself, and his core responded in kind. It burned gently in the wake of a forest fire.
“I… want to let you know that I didn’t mean for all this to happen,” he began softly. “I was just wanting to finally confess to Rarity but she just… she ignored me every single time. And I just had enough of her not recognizing it.” He felt extremely cold as he continued. “I wanted her to be mine, y’know? She’s the pony for me and… well, I thought she would at least recognize my advances. Even if she wanted to tell me ‘no’, I wouldn’t be upset with her. I would do as she asked, because I would still want her in my life…”
Spike frowned. “Now, I’m here without her while she—”
Pinkie Pie shoved a hoof near his mouth, stopping him from saying a word. “Spike, do you know what she’s been doing?”
Spike blinked. Then he blinked again. “No… I thought she was just fine and—mmph!”
Pinkie’s hoof was on his lips, shushing him. It tasted like cotton candy. “She’s been worried sick about you.”
That got Spike perked up. He shoved Pinkie’s hoof aside. “Really?”
“Yeah,” she muttered. She twiddled with her forehooves. “She came into the bakery a week ago, saying not to tell anypony about it.” She gasped. “And I just told you… Did I just break a Pinkie Promise?”
Spike tisk-tisk-tisked her. “That’s bad for PR, Pinkie.”
Pinkie let out a laugh. “My PR is perfect, Spike! Everyone enjoys a good Pinkie Pie Party™!”
That they did. He couldn’t disagree with her. “You’re right. Your parties are great.” He chuckled. “You know, I appreciate that you told me that. Kinda makes me feel like she’s in this with me now. Did she tell you anything that you could tell me?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No… now that would be violating the terms of service.” She perked up rather suddenly, her hair bouncing happily. “You know I can tell you something though!”
“Please, tell me. Anything that’ll help me with this is appreciated,” Spike begged.
Then, she let it rip. “Rarity wants to talk to you about it.”
“S-She does?”
That made him nervous as can be. Why would she want to talk to him after all of this? He left her out to dry and—
“Yeah. She really cares about you, and this whole situation seems like a huge miscommunication…” Pinkie Pie frowned. “I hate when my friends are in trouble. I want you all to be happy.” She then put that frown of hers upside down. “And if this can help you, then I’m happy.”
Spike took a rather long sip of his drink. It tasted better than just a milkshake, now. “I am happier now, so it’s working.”
“Great!” she said, hopping off her seat and hugging the dragon. “So, what do you want to do?”
“Well, I know one thing I don’t want to do,” Spike said.
“What’s that?”
Spike smirked. “I don’t want you to hug me to the point of death anymore.”
Pinkie Pie tilted her head. “Silly, Spike. My hugs are terrible unconventional killers! All they do is kill sadness, not actual ponies!” She giggled and nudged Spike with her hoof. “You know who you need to go talk to?”
“Who?”
“Well, Rarity would love to—”
Spike shook his head. “I’ll talk to her eventually, but I still need to talk to a few other ponies first.”
After his Road to a Sugar Coma got nearly cured by the problems that plagued his draconic visage, Spike was now ready to make his way to his next destination: Fluttershy’s cottage. Pinkie had him thinking of who he could turn to so he could stop thinking about these issues of his, and luckily, he had two great friends of his own that could help him. Not that Twilight’s friends weren’t his friends, they were and still are! He just needed to have his own group of friends, ones that didn’t hang out with Twilight all the time. Thankfully, over the years, he has gained many more friends, ones that, well, hang out with him, and Big Mac and Discord were just two of those many that he knew he could trust.
Thankfully, Big Mac and Discord had scheduled a Guys’ Night earlier than usual. In fact, Spike couldn’t even call it a ‘night’ thing. More like a midday rendezvous? Twilight would know the words, but Spike didn’t need to know them. All that he knew was that they had planned this shindig long before he had accidentally spilled his heart out to Starlight. Actually, it was before he even started hating himself. Discord primarily planned this in advance, since he wanted to try something different without ruining the session they already started, and Big Mac was totally down for it, since he was pretty much open to anything. Spike, however, had his reservations. Even if what Discord did for them spiced up their sessions tenfold, it didn’t mean Spike wasn’t worried about what Discord had planned. Yet, despite that lingering worry, Spike felt a sense of excitement bubble within him. He couldn’t help it. The two of them had been looking forward to this night for a long time. And Spike wasn’t too keen on splitting it apart just because he had a nagging feeling that he wasn’t going to be too up for it, even if his mind was racing of all the possibilities, while his heart was about to jump out of his chest.
Taking a deep breath, Spike walked up to Fluttershy’s cottage and knocked on the door. The door rattled in response, only for a soft yet stern voice to ‘shout’ behind it. “One second!”
He stood there, smiling. Even if he hated himself immeasurably over thinking about wanting to kill himself, it was good that he could ignore those thoughts and feel happy for one last time—
“Oh, hi Spike!”
The door had flown open, revealing one of his favorite pegasi in all of Equestria. “Hello, Fluttershy!” He felt his lips sag just a little. Even though this was her cottage,Spike didn’t think Fluttershy would have answered the door. He thought that Discord told him that Fluttershy was going out for the night. Why was she here? “How are you?”
“I’m doing well, thank you for asking.” She gave Spike a bright smile. “Discord’s been really looking forward to having you two over tonight!”
“Trust me, I know. He was raving about it at the last session of Ogres and Oubliettes. Big Mac and I caught on that he's been tired of our sessions being the same old adventure. There’s no harm in trying something new, as long as Discord doesn’t try to dissolve us in highly corrosive chocolate rain or something like that. Thankfully, he told me that it’s a bit more tame, so I’m willing to give this a shot.”
“O-Oh?” Fluttershy slightly tilted her head. “And what’s this game called?”
“Apparently it’s called DarkScape. Discord told us he’s been working on it in secret for a while now. Not sure if that makes me any less worried.” Spike paused, and craned his head, looking behind the mare. “Speaking of, where is Discord at?”
“He’s trying to get the snacks ready with Big Mac,” Fluttershy replied. “I can’t believe how much progress he’s made.”
It’s true. Discord had made a lot of progress. In fact, it’s one of the many reasons why Spike even became friends with the guy, and how this friendship of his has blossomed forth into being best friends with chaos, even if the forecast for today said that there might be a possibility of deadly chocolate rain. Discord was now more caring, nicer, and quite frankly, not out of the realm of possibility to talk to about his own issues. Big Mac was very similar in that right, except he didn’t have to get ‘reformed’ for that to happen. And unlike Discord, Big Mac was a very good listener, to the point that he could rant to him about anything without having too many interruptions. It was perfect for what Spike wanted to do, to tell them all about these thoughts and issues he was having. He knew that if he could get a moment to talk to Discord and Big Mac, then he could settle down and prepare himself for the harsh reality he’d have to face. Fluttershy, however, was not in his plans. He didn't have a backup plan for this either. Spike knew he'd be a bit of a mood-killer if Fluttershy heard about his problems. He didn’t want to disappoint her or burden her with his troubles. She had plenty of problems on her plate already.
Besides, Spike was wanting to see his friends’ perspectives. At a Guys’ Night, he could talk to them about anything, and they wouldn’t gossip about it whatsoever. They’d just play Ogres and Oubliettes while talking about their problems, and they’d make sure to keep it out of earshot from the girls. That’s how other ponies saw them anyway: three stooges that locked themselves away in a room playing games. That outside view of his mini friend group didn’t bother Spike though. He was just glad to have a group of his own. Glad enough that he felt no nerves in asking Fluttershy rather bluntly if he could go into the cottage. Her response was to ‘eep!’ right out of his way and let him mosey on inside and over to the couch, where his two friends were making their way out of the kitchen, carrying a bowl full of chips and a couple extra smaller bowls.
The reaction was instantaneous. “Why, hello, Spike! How are you doing?”
Discord’s jingle as he said that question to Spike really made the dragon’s mind spin. He didn’t want to answer that question, yet. He had to say something, though.
Spike smiled back. “Hey, Discord! I’m doing alright. Been out and about a lot today.”
“Oh? Have you?” The draconequus looked down at the dragon. He set the bowl of chips off Big Mac’s back and put them on the table beside them. “You must have a lot of stories to tell. Any chaotic ones?”
“I don’t think they’d be labeled chaotic,” Spike said with that eager emphasis Discord used. The dragon shook his head. “Besides, they’re not that important. What is important is me getting an upgrade to my charisma modifier, and hanging out with you guys today will surely get me that boost!”
Discord hard rolled his eyes. Spike was right, Discord was getting tired of it. “Save the upgrades for our next session of O&O, Spike. Tonight, we will be traveling to a new realm, one that is bigger than any of you could ever imagine!”
“Eeyup!” Big Macintosh said. He sat down next to Discord and smiled. “Discord got us a great game to play tonight!”
“Really?” Spike asked, an eyebrow raised. He walked over to the table and leaned on it, taking a glance at the chips in the bowl. “If it’s anything like you told us a few days ago, I’m a tad worried.”
“Worried? Pshhh!” Discord waved a paw dismissively at the dragon. “Spike you may just be like Twilight! She worried a lot about me… except for all the wrong reasons.” He chuckled, much to the chagrin of Fluttershy, who sat near the couch with an awkward smile on her face. He glanced over at her, and gasped softly. “Sorry, my dear Fluttershy! I didn't mean any ill will towards your friends! I—”
“And who just said that Spike worried too much?” Fluttershy said, smirking, her ears high.
Discord groaned, while the rest laughed their flanks off.
Spike was the first to calm down. He had nearly dug his claws into his chest, but Spike knew he didn’t need to worry too much. Scales were way more durable than fur was in that aspect. He probably should get his claws buffed out next week, they were looking a bit worse for wear.
Spike blinked as he stared at his claws, wiggling them in the light. Why was that something he thought of? Did he look ok? He hoped they didn’t notice that—just act natural. That’s all they needed to see.
Spike acted unnatural and snatched a few chips to stuff into his mouth. He chomped on them and pointed at Discord. “So, what are we doing first in this game of yours?”
Discord lips curled into a smile. “Well, before we start, I would like to ask if Fluttershy could join us tonight.”
Spike’s gaze landed on Fluttershy, who smiled sheepishly at the group. “I-If you don’t mind me playing, that is! I heard from Rainbow Dash and Pinkie that it’s fun when Discord conjures up a world for you all to play in! And since… well…” Fluttershy’s voice trailed off, as she looked at Spike. She tilted her head. “Are you okay, Spike?”
Are you okay, Spike?
Spike shook his head. He realized the chips were no longer in his claw. The dragon burped loudly, before he awkwardly reached behind his neck, making it seem like he was sating a pesky itch of his. “Sorry about that. Didn’t know I was that hungry, hehe.” He gave Fluttershy a smile. “So, you wanna play with us, Fluttershy?”
“Please, if you don’t mind,” she said. The other two occupants nodded enthusiastically, while Spike gave her a thumb’s up.
Fluttershy promptly squealed, trotting in place. “Great!”
Spike nearly winced at how high-pitched Fluttershy’s squeal was. It was like someone just hit the highest note they’ve ever hit while singing, only to realize that the note they hit was weaponized, shattering any glass in their vicinity. Fluttershy realized this and hid behind her hair, something that Spike knew was a tough habit to crack, but those beady eyes that peered through the pink jungle she called a mane made Spike feel all the better about himself. He didn’t have to hide behind himself.
He just hid behind a mask.
Spike’s heart skipped at that. He hid behind a mask. He didn’t need to show it. A mask that only he could wear. No one else could. Just him. His eyes hovered over the bowl again, tempting him to grab another one. Maybe it’ll ease his mind a bit. Or maybe these thoughts would always linger, and he had no choice but to let them in and resonate within him.
Or Fluttershy could just tap him on the shoulder.
Fluttershy tapped Spike once more on his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay, Spike?”
Spike waved a claw at her, and smiled. “I’m okay, Fluttershy. Just a bit tired from earlier.”
Big Mac hopped off the couch and sat down in front of the two. “If ya need anything, Spike, we’re here for ya.”
Discord snapped his fingers and blinked out of existence. Then he popped up right beside Fluttershy, looping an arm around her shoulder. “Exactly, Spike! We’re all here for you if you need it! You mustn’t suffer alone.”
“Suffer alone?” Spike asked, blinking. “What do you mean?”
“Hmm… I’ll explain to you what that means if you’re willing to divulge any details about that day of yours,” Discord said, smirking. He flipped a coin chip in his claw, the coin sailing into the air before landing on his paw. “Heads, drat!”
Spike shook his head. “I think I’m fine for now, guys, really.”
“Suit yourself,” Discord said, the coin blinking out of existence. He smiled at the group. “Let’s get to ruining some lives—I mean, creating some chaos in DarkScape, shall we?”
The three yipped and cheered. It was a game that everyone was excited about. Why? No clue—Spike couldn’t even figure that out. He just watched as Discord began to explain, “Now, the game is simple. We will all spawn in as characters. We will all have the same stats, and all the same gear.” He smirked as he muttered a few words underneath his breath.
Discord snapped his fingers once again, and everything changed ᶦⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦʳᵉ ⁿᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ. The room morphed into a giant living space, one that had many more chairs, tables, and bookshelves than Fluttershy’s cottage had. They slowly warped into the room, one by one, while others simply extended or widened. Even the couch they were sitting on just moments ago grew larger, turning into a t-sectioned couch. Dark brown floors graced their paws and hooves. A giant mat lay behind them, leading to a large door to a world unlike their own, which was waiting for one of them to bravely open it.
“Forgot to change the scenery.” Discord grinned. Fluttershy and Big Mac mirrored him too, all ready to embark on this adventure together. “Anyway, we are currently on an island far away from civilization. There are very few ponies inhabiting this place, and it’s up to us to help them with whatever they need before we go on our own adventure.”
Spike’s brows furrowed. Sounds like a tutorial of some sort. “Is this going to be like a tutorial level, Discord?”
Discord ‘hopped’ off the couch. “Yes. Every game has a tutorial level, Spike, even the most orderless ones.”
“Figured. So how big is this place anyway?”
“The game world?” Discord asked. Spike nodded. “It’s about ten times as large as Equestria.”
“Ten times?” Fluttershy asked. She gasped. “I couldn’t imagine a place that big!”
“Eeyup!” Big Mac said. He glanced over at a nearby table, something that drew Spike to it too. The snacks were no longer there. Instead, there were a few swords, and shields on it.
“Well, welcome to DarkScape. It’s a world just waiting to be explored!” Discord smirked. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly the swords and shields were floating towards the group. “Each one of you gets a pair of each.” He willed a pair towards Big Mac, the stallion grinning happily as he reached out for them. “And don’t worry, Fluttershy, you don’t have to use them if you don’t want to—”
“Gimme, gimme, gimme!” she yipped enthusiastically. Her wings were fully extended, and her eyes were honed in on the two pieces of equipment. Discord’s eyes widened, and Spike didn’t blame him. Since when did Fluttershy like sword-fighting?
The pegasus got her wish, wielding the sword and shield with an excited grin. Then, she got up and walked around the room, looking at the various bookshelves and other items stockpiled in it. As Spike received his starter gear, Discord turned to see Fluttershy head first in a bag full of something, something that Discord seemed quite worried about, his arms waving around in a flurry. “Fluttershy, don’t look in there!”
Suddenly, the pegasus froze. She poked her head out of the bag with a helmet in her maw. Her eyes looked glazed over, as she stared up at Discord. “Canth I havth thisth?”
Discord pouted. “No, Fluttershy. Puppy eyes aren’t going to work on me this time.”
“Prettyth pleease?”
“No!”
“Pleease?”
Spike watched as they went back and forth. They bickered like old friends, but also kinda like they were dating or something. It made Spike feel, odd, like he wasn’t allowed to watch this interaction. It was just them two, after all. Spike could turn around and talk to Big Mac about this whole DarkScape thing, but he didn’t. Spike kept his eyes glued to the scene, even if it hurt him to watch.
Fluttershy was now piledriving Discord to the ground. The draconequus looked to Spike and Big Mac for help, yet to no avail. Why did he think Spike was going to help him? Fluttershy could suplex a bear and then some. Spike wasn’t going to make a difference in their tussle. So he stood there, nudging Big Mac with his shoulder. “Looks like he needs our help, Big Mac.”
Spike chuckled when he heard Big Mac’s response. “Eenope. Not my time to die today.”
“Not my time to die either,” Spike echoed. He let out a laugh. “Besides my schedule is overcrowded by my severe self-loathing!”
Spike thought it would be funny to think that his self-loathing of his own existence would make Big Mac laugh, yet the big gentle giant only turned his attention to the dragon, an eyebrow raised as if it was judgment day.
Spike gulped. Big Mac knew. He knew. He knew.
“Spike, what do you mean by self-loathing?”
Spike couldn’t look at the stallion, not when there was a mare and otherworldly being wrestling beside them. Yet, he also couldn’t look at the fight. He could just feel that penetrating gaze drifting over his form, judging each and every fiber of his being like Big Brother. At any moment, Big Mac would prod more, ask if he was okay, and coerce more of his suffering out like Starlight and Pinkie did. As he looked at the floor, he wondered if he’d be standing for much longer. He also wondered if the sword in this universe would not only kill him in this game world Discord made, but also make him bleed out in real life, to the point that he’d no longer wish to breathe—
Spike felt Big Mac smack him upside the head. He grimaced as he turned to the stallion, who promptly tilted his head. “Sorry, Spike. You were in your own little world there.”
“Thanks,” Spike muttered. “I needed that.”
“No problem! Sometimes I need a good whapping in the noggin to get myself on straight.” Big Mac said. He chuckled. “Y’know, we could talk about this while they’re fightin’ and what not—”
Spike shook his head. “I’d prefer not to, right now. If that’s okay.”
“Of course,” Big Mac began. He had looked more blank at Spike previously, his brows not furrowed or raised in any shape or form. Yet, now, Spike saw the stallion’s brows furrow and his muzzle scrunch up slightly. He meant business, and Spike was a customer. “But you’re talkin’ to all of us later.”
Spike felt his lips start to fall. He was not wanting to talk to all of them at once, but if this was the way out of this little situation his mouth got him into, then Spike was willing to bargain. He nodded and brought his claw out. “Deal.”
The stallion looked at the outstretched claw and smirked. He bumped his hoof against it.
Spike watched the red hoof plop on the ground. It clopped against the floorboard softly, unlike the roughhousing going on in front of them. Apparently, Discord was winning now, having her put in a cage and—
“Now with that settled, Spike and Big Mac, come retrieve your armor!”
What.
Spike looked at Fluttershy in a cage. She was pouting, glaring daggers at the draconequus. Meanwhile, there, set out in front of them, was a huge stash of armor and other valuables. Even—was that a gem?! “Discord? What’s that gem?”
“The gem?” Discord asked. He looked around in a frenzy, searching for the gem that Spike spoke of, only to nearly keel over when he floated too low and almost tripped over a platebody. Luckily, Discord regained his balance, and also found the gem. It was a light blue-ish color and had a bit of a glint in the light. “Ahhh, this gem. It’s something that, well, we probably won’t be able to hit on in this session, but once we gain more levels, I’ll introduce you… to the skill.”
“Skill?” Big Mac asked.
“Yes, there are a lot of skills in this game, but we don’t need to worry about those yet.” Discord tossed a helmet toward Spike, who grabbed it in his claws. “Now let’s get going! We got some rats to slay!”
“Rats?” Spike raised a brow. “Where?”
“They’re outside down the hatch! We have to kill forty of them before we can leave the level! Besides, this will be a great warm up for the dragon later!”
Spike groaned. “Really Discord? A warm up?”
Discord smirked. “Chaos is a talent of mine, and even dried up puns are part of the package.” Well, now that we all have our weapons and armor, let’s get out of here!”
Big Mac tilted his head. “Discord, aren’t ya forgettin’ somethin’?”
“What do you mean, Big Mac? We have everything don’t we? I—ack!” Discord was impaled by an iron helmet from left field. “Where did that come from?”
Fluttershy, who had been stuck in the cage, stuck her tongue out at Discord. “What do you mean you have everything, Discord?”
Discord awkwardly shuffled his way over to the cage. He snapped his fingers. The pegasus was free, nearly swinging the sword into Discord’s skull. Thankfully, he dodged it, only to get shield-butted in the chest. Discord grunted, and glared at the pegasus. “Fluttershy, why?”
Fluttershy glared at him, her wings slightly up, and her brows furrowed. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. You should know better, mister.”
“Got. It…” Discord breathed, nearly cowering underneath the mare, even though he was much taller than her.
“Great!” she said cheerfully. She picked her helmet off the ground and put it on, being extra careful with her mane. With her helmet on, she trotted towards the door and threw it open. Turning her head, she looked at the three stooges and smiled. “Are you boys ready?”
The three stooges followed the mare cautiously as she skipped her way to the hatch, ready to slay the supposed rat infestation.
Spike would never look at Fluttershy the same ever again. He thought she was a very caring pony who would look after any animal with kindness and cheer. Yet she had slaughtered hundreds of giant bloodthirsty rats with nothing but a sharp blade and a shield. When she killed her last one, she took a deep breath and flicked the front part of her helmet open, revealing a confident looking Fluttershy to her companions, a smile gracing her face.
“I think that’s all of them, boys, I—” Fluttershy said, before she recoiled, her stutter apparent. “W-What?”
Spike and his friends were all staring at her gobsmacked, their jaws nearly on the ground. However, when Spike saw that Fluttershy was looking away from them, he was able to recover his jaw and snap it back in place. She tried to paw at her mane, but she forgot her helmet was still on. With nowhere to hide, she was out there for the three of them to see, and it was something that had Spike holding in a laugh, while also wondering how Fluttershy could even keep herself composed during all that action. It was admirable; heck, she should just consider herself part of the guys now in his mind, even if she didn’t think she was worthy of it. She was very worthy of it. She fought her way for that role.
Just like he did.
Spike smiled. He genuinely smiled. His lips were tugged upward, and his eyes felt wet even though he didn’t feel the urge to cry. He had only felt this way a few times in his life. He almost forgot that he could feel this way: the feeling of accomplishment. They all had taken part in the rat massacre, otherwise Fluttershy would’ve been way higher level than the rest of them.
The dungeon they had discovered was not only rat infested. There had been a few goblins too, and also a couple of demons. But they had fought through it all, and met a pony along the way. He was a stallion who was very keen on telling them about their armor stats and attack styles. He had some cool tattoos, though, and Spike was keen on getting one on himself someday, if Twilight allowed him to, that is.
Besides the cool stallion and the murder of hundreds of pesky rats, the squad found a lot of new armor and weapons to use. Spike knew it was normal to obtain a lot of loot while killing monsters in any game, but they had so much loot that they had to replace their old weapons and armor with completely new sets. Why the rats dropped full sets of armor and better weapons was beyond Spike’s comprehension. Besides, it wasn’t that important. What was important was that they made it out of the dungeon without any injuries to speak of.
The group were now sitting in a nice little field filled with flowers and trees that danced in the gentle breeze. Spike had propped himself against one of the trees. Even though it was just the tutorial level, it actually challenged him to the point of feeling tired. He needed to rest a bit, let the breeze hit his scales, and think about everything that has happened. This was just what he needed to get himself out of his rut, something that didn’t plague his mind any longer. All it did was resurface… like it did just now.
Spike shook his head. He wasn’t going to allow himself to think himself back into self-hatred. He didn’t have the time for that anyway. They had a long way to go. This was just a pit stop, after all. Why let himself fall into a pit of despair when he was having so much fun with friends?
He sighed. His mind wasn’t letting him keep his fun uninterrupted. It was just going to stomp in with a bout of depression that was enough to make his lips fall flat. Yet it was going to recognize everything else with varying degrees of splendor. He chuckled at the oddity of it all, how back and forth his mind was.
“Spike?”
Spike’s ears perked up to the sound of Big Mac. He opened his eyes to see the stallion, who was still decked in his armor (minus his helmet), looking down at him, concerned. “Yes?”
“Discord wanted me to ask ya if you’re wantin’ a bit of bread.”
Spike shook his head. “Nah. I’m not hungry. I’m just sitting down to get a load off from all this fighting.”
The dragon nearly closed his eyes when Big Mac piped up, “Ya mind if I join ya?”
“Nope. Knock yourself out.”
The ironclad stallion laid himself down next to the dragon. The two looked up at the sky, which, in this world, had very few clouds. Yet those few clouds drifted onwards, doing nothing to each other.
“So, have you changed your mind?”
Spike tilted his head. “Changed my mind?”
Big Mac nodded. “Ya still havin’ those thoughts, aren’t cha?” Spike felt himself go after that comment, letting out a shaky breath. “Spike, I’m not tryin’ to force it out of ya but… it ain’t healthy doin’ this on your own.”
“I-I know, Big Mac. It’s just… complicated.”
“Mare problems?” Big Mac fired back.
“Yeah…” Spike’s voice drifted like the clouds. “How did ya know?”
“Every stallion got issues with mares. Surprised I haven't heard anyone say anythin’ yet about yours.” He let his back fall against the tree trunk. “So, who’s the mare?”
“Rarity.”
“Ah, that one.”
Spike raised a brow at his friend. “What does that mean?”
“She’s a bit high maintenance, don’t you think?”
“I mean… I guess. She does want a lot of stuff done when I’m over to help her,” Spike reasoned. He looked at his claws, twiddling with them. “Is there something bad about high maintenance?”
“Well, not exactly. It’s just makes ya a lot more stressed over pleasin’ her without her seein’ past the trees. Not the best way of livin’ if I had to say much.” He sucked in a big amount of air through his nostrils. “Don’t matter, though, what did she do to have you thinkin’ like this?”
Spike hummed to himself before he responded. “Lots, really. Mostly just ignoring my advances, and misinterpreting what I said to her.” He mimicked Big Mac’s deep breath. “Not that it’s all her fault. I said a lot of things that I should and shouldn’t have. I’m on a two way street named Blame Road with her, Big Mac.”
“Hmmm, sounds like you really got yourself tangled up,” Big Mac said, earning himself a chuckle from Spike.
“You could say that again.”
“Okay, sounds like you really got yourself tang—”
Spike frantically put a claw over Big Mac’s maw. “S-Stop!”
“You asked for it, Spike, not me,” Big Mac said, stifling a laugh. He smiled. “Still, if it’s eatin’ ya up so much, why not just go and apologize to her and set things straight?”
“That sounds so simple, Big Mac, but it’s hard to do that.”
“Why?”
“I said that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore.”
Big Mac’s lips formed into an ‘o’ for a brief moment, before he let out a whistle. "Phew, ya got yourself in a mighty pickle with this one.”
Spike nodded. The two stayed quiet for a while, watching the clouds drift, the trees and flowers dance, and Fluttershy and Discord laughing and chatting together. It was peaceful compared to the inner turmoil Spike was enduring. Big Mac had said it best. He was stuck, and he had no clue of getting out. If only Spike could figure out a way to get himself back on track, then maybe he'd hate himself a little less than he already did.
Luckily for him, Big Mac was a thinker. The stallion broke the silence. “So why can’t you apologize?”
Spike tilted his head. “What? Didn’t I just say—”
“I know what you said, Spike,” Big Mac said sternly. “I just think it’s just a bit off-puttin’ knowin’ that ya can’t apologize because ya said somethin’ in the heat of the moment.”
In the heat of the moment.
Spike couldn’t help but hone in on those words. Was it just said in the heat of the moment? Or had he been thinking of that for a while? He couldn’t decide on which made more sense, probably because his hindsight is more or less 50-70, but no one had to know that.
Spike felt his claws go numb. And his back? Cold as ice. He couldn’t help but shiver as he sat next to his friend. It made him feel wrong. All sorts of wrong.
“I… guess you’re right. I should say something to her.”
“Exactly,” Big Mac said with a smile. He nudged the dragon’s shoulder. “But don’t get too caught up in your own apology to not hold her accountable too. From what it sounds like, both of ya have some apologizin’ to do.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “You really think so?”
“Ya don’t have to tell me much to know how to help ya, Spike,” Big Mac said with a smirk. “Besides, ya helped me with Sugar Belle a while back, it’s only fair if I repaid ya for your kindness, and since ya don’t take bits or apples, this is the least I could do.”
Spike grinned. “Thanks, Big Mac.” He held a claw out.
And Big Mac reciprocated, bumping the curled up claw with a hoof. “No problem. Looks like ya don’t have to chat with the group now.”
Spike felt even smaller with that remark. “I… might still chat with you all about it before I leave.”
“Are you sure?” Big Mac asked with a brow raised. “Ya don’t have to force yourself if you don’t want to.”
“I’m sure of it. Besides, I didn’t tell you all of it, just the part that worried me the most.” Spike watched as Big Mac’s right ear twitched. He chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing too serious.”
“If ya say so…”
“Trust me, I know so,” Spike replied. He watched as Fluttershy and Discord approached, smiling ear-to-ear. “Huh, what are they so happy about?”
“I don’t know, want to find out?”
Spike chuckled. “Sure.” He pushed himself off the ground. He held out a claw towards his friend. “Want some help?”
Big Mac nodded, grabbing Spike’s outstretched claw and pushed up. The two cleaned themselves off and grabbed their weapons and armor. Fluttershy and Discord finally reached them, the former announcing with glee, “Are you both ready to head out?”
“Yep! Why, what are we doing?”
Discord clapped his claws together. “We have a dragon to find!”
Spike gulped. It wasn’t because Discord said it was a dragon. That would be silly, he’s a dragon too! However, he knew that look from anywhere. Discord was planning something. Something arduous and painstakingly difficult.
Big Mac tilted his head. “A dragon?”
“Yep!” Fluttershy exclaimed, squeeing. Her wings flapped as he spoke, “There’s a dragon that’s bothering the village up north, and we’ve been asked by a messenger to come and aid them in finding the dragon.”
“And then what do we do?”
“Fight it. Probably kill it,” Discord said flatly, much to the chagrin of Fluttershy. Discord threw his claws in the air. “What? It’s part of the questline!”
Fluttershy harrumphed, her wings returning to her sides. “We could also tell it to leave them alone.”
“My dear Fluttershy, although I see where you’re going with this, the questline is scripted strictly that we have to fight the dragon and—” He tilted his head at the mare. “Wait, why are you saying we should tell the dragon to leave them alone when you went on a rampage in that dungeon?”
“Well…” Fluttershy muttered. Her eyes darted among the three of her friends. Spike was curious if she was going to duck behind her mane again, but she didn’t, standing tall even if her hooves were shaking. “The rats weren’t wanting to leave us alone, Discord. Besides, from what it sounded like, we were meant to… kill them, weren’t we?”
Discord nodded. “Yes, but—”
“I had to put on a brave face to be able to get us out of there. That’s what I have to do to get past it all.” She gave them all a small smile. “That’s why I’m asking what I’m asking. Isn’t there a way we can ask the dragon to leave the villagers alone?”
“No, if I moved away from the script, it could break the whole entire quest and—”
“Then write a new section!” Fluttershy softly ‘shouted’, glaring at Discord.
Spike tuned them out as they continued their conversation. He almost facepalmed when Discord said it was scripted, but what did Spike know about how Discord made his realms? All he could do was walk a bit away from the action and take a look at the sky. The sun was still high in this reality that Discord made, but that couldn’t be true back at the cottage.
He sighed. This was going to be a long quest, which meant that Spike wasn't getting out of the cottage until late.
And that bothered Spike, so much that he hated himself for coming.
