Dollar Menu Crusaders
Earth was a frightfully unfamiliar place. At least, it was for the first few hours that Sweetie Belle spent on the planet. Now, the place had become a welcome, if rather alien, setting. New York City, the capital of the United Nations, was a veritable showcase of the technical and cultural prowess of the most powerful interstellar civilisation that Sweetie Belle was aware of. Immense edifices of glass, metal, concrete, and stone stood tall and proud on Manhattan Island, powerful symbols of the United Nations’ economic and technological might. Having the opportunity to see these buildings in the flesh almost made up for the reason why she had been called to Earth for what felt like the second time, even if she never set hoof off her ship the first time.
Princess Twilight, after her successful reformation of the time-travelling magical prodigy, had managed to catch the attention of the United Nations’ secretary-general. When the time came for a representative of the government of Equestria to brief a joint session of the United Nations Congress, the secretary-general personally invited Twilight to deliver that speech. Ever wanting to impress, the princess graciously accepted and, in so doing, drew Applejack and Rarity along with her. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle then ingratiated themselves to their sisters in hopes of exploring the capital world of the United Nations under less-dire circumstances. To their great surprise, both of their sisters acquiesced. It seemed too good to be true.
It was. Upon their arrival, Twilight and her friends found themselves in a never-ending maelstrom of activity. As a result, they all found themselves cooped up in the admittedly-expansive capital complex, an expansion of the old United Nations headquarters on the eastern side of the island, only leaving it for a luxurious flat halfway across the city for mornings and nights. Between the two young mares, the complex's unrestricted areas managed to keep them engaged for little more than four days.
By the ninth day, Sweetie Belle had enough. Presently, her face was pressed up against the main window of the living room of her and Rarity’s flat, which afforded an expansive view of the metropolis below. The first few mornings brought a sublime joy to Sweetie as she took in everything she could lay her eyes on. Now, though, the scenery brought nothing but apathy from her. "Rarity! Can we do something outside of the capital district? I'm so bored!"
Rarity barely glanced up from her computer screen. "Sweetie Belle, I don't have the time. Twilight needs me and Applejack to work on her speech to the Congress."
"But I thought Twilight already wrote her speech on the way over here."
"She did." Rarity sighed and allowed her shoulders to droop. "Then she found out the speech was going to be broadcast live on radio, television, and Internet streaming services. Ever since then we have been working nonstop to write the perfect speech. Not only that, we have to go to all the diplomatic functions the secretary-general wants to take us to. It's a miracle we have enough time to get from our flat here in Staten Island to the capital district and back every day."
Sweetie Belle pouted. "Fine. I guess I'll just stare out the window all day when we get to the office. Again." She turned away from Rarity and dropped her head down close to her hooves whilst flattening her ears against her head. Three, two, one...
"You know, you and Apple Bloom are old enough to stay here in Staten Island by yourselves.” Rarity stood up from her computer desk and fixed her eyes on Sweetie Belle. “It is safe here, after all. Why don't you two explore the neighbourhood?"
Just like a fiddle. "Thanks Rarity! I'll tell Apple Bloom!" She then bounded off towards the entrance to the main hallway.
"Don't get into too much trouble! You don't want to leave Twilight with a diplomatic headache, now would you?"
"We won't!"
To Sweetie's delight, Apple Bloom was holed up where she had been the past few mornings: in the study lounging on an armchair with a book. Sweetie reared up and placed her forehooves on the armrests before sticking her head above the book.
Apple Bloom glanced up at her friend. She shut the book and placed it to the side. "Yes, Sweetie Belle?"
"We don't have to go to the capital complex anymore." Sweetie Belle sported a big smile and was subtly rocking up and down.
The unicorn’s grin was infectious, for Apple Bloom soon sported an identical one. She jumped back from the armchair to allow Apple Bloom to come to her hooves.
"Alright, Sweetie Belle! What do we do now?" Apple Bloom walked a few paces towards the door.
"I always wanted to go to a McDonald's. The National Liaison seems to hold it in high esteem." Sweetie placed a hoof on her chin, deep in thought. "Well, that's the impression I got from him at least."
"Somethin' tells me he doesn't think too highly of the food,” said Apple Bloom. “Every time the National Liaison talks about McDonald's, it's always about their logistics or their business practices."
"But I still want to go to one. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise." Sweetie glanced down and pouted.
Apple Bloom briefly turned to face her friend. "Tell ya what: we'll go to the McDonald's closest to the Staten Island Greenbelt. After we go through the trails, we go there." She immediately turned back towards the door and rested a forehoof on the doorknob.
"So, how do we get to the Greenbelt?” Sweetie Belle asked. “The subway?"
"Not on Staten Island. We're gonna have to walk." Apple Bloom opened the door, and stepped out of the room.
"Darn."
Sweetie Belle hopped alongside Apple Bloom, who was content with normal walking. "I can't believe there's an entire nature preserve within New York City! If you teleported me in the park using a transporter pad, I wouldn't have guessed I'd be smack-dab in Earth’s largest city!"
"Sweetie Belle, I don't think New York is the biggest city - "
Apple Bloom nearly fell face-first after walking straight into her friend's outstretched foreleg. She glared at Sweetie Belle. "What the hay was that for?"
"We're here!" Sweetie galloped off to their destination: a lightly populated McDonald's.
Apple Bloom puzzled over how a mostly deserted business was possible in the densely populated city of New York. She shelved those thoughts as she noticed Sweetie Belle waving at her from the entrance.
"Come on, Apple Bloom!" She galloped towards the automatic door just as it parted in front of Sweetie, allowing them inside.
The door shut behind the two young mares with nary a sound.
A bored human male, standing behind the main counter, fixed his gaze on the upper half of the door. After a moment of confusion, he looked down at the two smiling ponies. When neither filly made any move towards the counter, the cashier turned his attention back to the register.
Apple Bloom suddenly nudged Sweetie Belle on the side. "Go on, Sweetie Belle, get somethin'."
"Oh! Okay then."
She moved towards the counter but still stood a metre or two away from it. The cashier straightened up and looked directly at Sweetie. He gave a small smile, one that clashed with the faint boredom in his eyes. When it became clear that Sweetie was not going to speak with the cashier, Apple Bloom stormed over to Sweetie's side with a huff.
"What's takin' you so long?"
Sweetie grinned nervously at her friend. "Er, I'm not really hungry."
"Are ya serious?" Apple Bloom's eyes were wide and her mouth twisted in a snarl. She pointed an accusatory hoof at Sweetie. "We walked all halfway across the borough only to find out ya don't want anythin'?"
"I'm sorry Apple Bloom, but I really don't want anything."
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Well get somethin' small, then. We can split it if ya want."
Sweetie sighed. "Fine." She turned back to the menu.
Sweetie spent a few moments studying the menu screen behind the cashier’s head, inwardly grumbling at how the menu’s offerings kept on cycling in and out. Her eyes then lit up as she focused on one particular item. "I got something in mind, and it's something fun." A cocky grin grew on her face.
Apple Bloom tilted her head to the side. "Come again?"
Sweetie Belle, still with a mischievous grin on her face, rubbed her forehooves together. "You'll find out, Apple Bloom."
Before Apple Bloom could offer a reply, Sweetie bounded towards the counter. In that instant, images of a fretful Twilight flashed across Apple Bloom's mind. Please don’t let this be a Smarty Pants incident.
Moments after Sweetie Belle went forth to get her desired item, she stood in front of Apple Bloom, a cup of something in hoof.
Apple Bloom motioned towards the cup. "What's that there" - she squinted at the writing on the cup - "McFlurry?"
Sweetie tilted the cup so that both she and Apple Bloom could look at its contents. "It's vanilla soft-serve ice cream mixed with chocolate candies inside a coloured sugar shell. Very appealing, surprisingly." She nodded her head towards a table. "Let's take a seat."
Once settled, Apple Bloom found Sweetie’s smartphone levitating a few centimetres from her face. She half-heartedly grabbed the phone with her hoof, before looking down at its screen. "What's this for?"
"I want you to take a picture of me with the McFlurry.” Sweetie moved the cup closer to herself before smiling photogenically at it with wide eyes and her forehooves resting against each other underneath her chin. “Make sure that you can see the logos on the cup in the final picture."
Apple Bloom stared at this scene for a second, unable to wrap her head around what was happening. "Er, Sweetie Belle, do ya want me to - "
An angry glare flashed onto Sweetie Belle’s face. "Yes, take it!" Her previous smile quickly reappeared.
Apple Bloom blinked, then tapped the camera application’s shutter button. The smartphone let out a single flash of white light. "Got it." She held the smartphone out to Sweetie Belle, who took it in her magic.
Sweetie brought the smartphone to her face for a few moments before putting it down. Sweetie's cheeky smile only added to Apple Bloom's confusion.
The earth pony tilted her head a bit to the right. "Sweetie Belle, what are ya plannin' on doin' with that picture?"
Sweetie’s eyes darted down to the cup before fixating back on Apple Bloom. "Did you see the name on the cup?" Again, her eyes bounced between the cup and Apple Bloom.
With her curiosity piqued, Apple Bloom looked at the cup. "'McFlurry'? The hay does that have to do with - " Apple Bloom's eyes widened. Her ears drooped down. "Please don't tell me you're thinkin' what I'm thinkin'."
"That I plan on sending the picture to Flurry Heart?"
"Yeah, that."
Sweetie Belle's smile remained as wide as ever. The smartphone let out soft tapping sounds as Sweetie performed some unknown task, presumably involving the picture that her friend took.
Apple Bloom could only frown in response. "You aren't jokin', are ya?"
"Nope!" Sweetie Belle's smile all but radiated light at that point; at least it looked that way to Apple Bloom. All the while, she continued to tap away on her phone.
“And just what are ya doin’?”
Sweetie’s grin widened. Her eyes gave off that characteristic glint whenever she thought of something rather naughty. “I’m going to send a little something to Flurry. She wanted an update from here, and I’m going to give her one.” She giggled evilly.
“Sounds like you’re doin’ something bad.” Apple Bloom flattened her ears against her head.
“It’s not that bad! I’m just sending the picture you took with a small message.”
Apple Bloom sighed in relief. “That sounds - ”
“And I’ll send this special picture of Flurry Heart.”
“Wait, what?” Apple Bloom jumped out of her seat and galloped behind Sweetie Belle. On the screen of Sweetie’s smartphone was a picture of Flurry Heart with her mane sloppily coloured to look like the McFlurry that Sweetie ordered.
"Before ya do anythin'-"
"Too late! I already sent it."
Apple Bloom's jaw dropped. She reached under her chin and slowly shut her mouth. Her gaze dropped to the floor for what felt like a minute. The earth pony then sighed before tilting her head back up to Sweetie Belle.
A dismayed Apple Bloom could only bring herself to mutter, "For our sake, I hope she can take a joke."
Out of all the United Nations’ technological marvels that enchanted the creatures of Equus III e, it was the Interstellar Internet that captivated them the most. Prior to first contact, an incomplete telegram network - the pride of Equestria's fledgling electrical engineers - meant that sending a text-only message between the city of Manehattan - the most technologically advanced city in all of Equus III e - to a relative backwater town like Ponyville took four hours, all due to a break in the network in the capital city of Canterlot that necessitated a pegasus courier to travel between the Canterlot telegraph station and the final destination somewhere in Ponyville.
Via the Interstellar Internet, the same amount of time allowed a message to travel from the same town of Ponyville to any city on Earth, halfway across the Milky Way. This time, a break in the network served to speed up transmission. A wormhole between the star cluster in which Equus III resided and the former farthest reaches of United Nations space - before Equus III came under the protection of the United Nations - cut what would have been a seventy year signal propagation time between those two points down to ninety seconds, after which the intricate faster-than-light communications backbone of the United Nations proper would shuttle the signal towards its destination.
Along this network traversed Sweetie Belle's picture, one of many. On and on its carrier message travelled, shunted in a deceptively random journey between pairs of routers that nevertheless brought it towards its destination. Whether through subspace radio or visible lasers, the message found itself taking the shortest possible path, one calculated by the same venerable algorithm that lay at the heart of the first iteration of the Interstellar Internet; it directed messages back in the days when humanity was a one-planet species, just without the extensions that took the idiosyncrasies of faster-than-light communication into account. Technologies like this underlay the Interstellar Internet, incremental improvements stitched together with the odd breakthrough that formed a marvellous means of communications.
And it was a testament to the Interstellar Internet’s design that even if the message were lost, Sweetie would not have to fret, for the network would strive to send duplicate copies of her message for just such an occasion. For each pair of routers, a minimum of three message copies take the three shortest paths available to them that connect the router pairs. Thus did the routing algorithms attempt to counteract the dangers of loss, for only one of those copies need to reach its destination for the message to successfully transmit.
The message arrived in Flurry Heart's inbox without a hiccup, whilst she was preparing her morning tea. Her ears perked up at the notification beep of her smartphone. Flurry’s long, slender horn flashed a warm yellow as she picked up the phone with a smile on her face. She briefly glanced at its screen before glancing out the window of her kitchen.
Even though she could call on the personal staff assigned to the office to provide her with a perfect cup of tea, Flurry Heart found solace in the ritual of brewing her own. Moving out of the Crystal Empire and settling in Ponyville, in the U.N. administrative district no less, was a significant change for Flurry. Although she had lived in Ponyville for close to a year, Flurry sought structured procedure whenever she could, for it provided order to the hectic chaos that came with her new position as the National Liaison’s chief of staff.
And so Flurry found herself staring wistfully out the window, her eyes travelling across the maze of buildings that led towards the prominently positioned spaceport. Her work, albeit fulfilling, mandated a considerable amount of mental effort. So much so were her duties that her boss granted her substantial break time. It was to ensure she had work-life balance, as he put it when Flurry got the job.
Even with this leniency, Flurry Heart could not travel alongside her aunt to Earth. She assumed that any one of the ponies that travelled alongside Twilight, if not Twilight herself, would send back some form of message to keep her in the loop. The message Flurry received was her link to the goings-on in the capital.
"Finally, the envoy's giving me a look into their day!"
Flurry settled down at a table, teacup in tow. After setting the cup onto the table, Flurry stirred a single sugarcube in it before turning to her smartphone and opening its message application. She briefly ruffled her wings, a tic she picked up back when her wings were rather large for her body.
Her smile faded as she lay eyes on what she received. Two lines of English text:
I heard you like flurries, so I got this McFlurry for you. Wish you were here!
The message application beeped again as a picture popped up underneath Sweetie Belle’s message. That picture had Sweetie Belle front and centre, smiling widely. Her large, clear eyes beamed down at a McFlurry cup. Moments later, another picture appeared on the screen, this time of Flurry Heart with what appeared to be ice cream mixed with chocolate candies crudely edited on top of her normal mane colours.
Flurry smacked her head into her table, sending the contents of the teacup everywhere. "That is so corny, and a bloody let-down!” A few minutes passed as she lay there in embarrassment. Flurry let out a sharp sigh as she lifted her head up and levitated her smartphone up to eye level.
“Every time somepony who knows me goes to a McDonald’s, they always think it’s funny to send back a cute message about a McFlurry.” She rested her head on a foreleg, propped on the table by an elbow. “Didn’t I tell them it gets old after the fifth time?”
She idly stared at the screen, with the message application still open, as her mind coalesced around a plan. With Sweetie Belle half a galaxy away, her usual approach of confronting the clever joker and giving them a piece of her mind was out of the question. No, she needed something that had as much an impact, but could be done from afar.
Perhaps a taste of her own medicine would work. Yes, that. That will teach her. Flurry grinned evilly as she tapped away on her phone’s touchscreen.
“Time to give Sweetie Belle a little lesson on pranking.”
The rest of Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom’s day went by without much fanfare. Once they finished the McFlurry, the duo meandered through Freshkills Park, where they spent the remaining daylight hours walking its trails. Dusk brought with it a transition from sunlight to the countless artificial lights that all but festooned every pole and building. It was then that the two young mares decided to head back to their flat.
The flat they called home for the duration of their visit was on the top floor of a modestly sized tower block, at least by New York standards. To Sweetie Belle, the thirty-storey building was immense, even if the trip up took no time at all. At least its architectural style was somewhat familiar, for it drew from the same motifs that inspired the design of the spaceport back in Ponyville. Walls of glass, held up by an intricate framework of metal and concrete, were what the humans liked.
“Where is everypony?” Apple Bloom asked as she rested her hoof on the main door into the flat. The open door allowed the hallway light to spill into the dark interior of the flat.
“Probably still at the office.” Sweetie Belle motioned towards the darkened foyer. “Can we go in now? I want to sit down and rest my hooves.”
Apple Bloom stepped in, flipping the lights on as she did so. Sweetie then shut the door behind her with a flick of her horn.
“The sofa’s calling my name. Apple Bloom, I’ll be there if you need me.” Sweetie Belle bounded over to the sofa and threw herself on it face-first. She then rolled over with a loud groan. “Yeah, that hits the spot.”
Apple Bloom stifled a chuckle. “I thought you liked walkin’ around.” She eased herself into an armchair directly facing the section of the sofa Sweetie Belle lay on.
Sweetie’s horn glowed as her mobile phone floated over to rest on the coffee table that stood between the sofa and armchair. With that done, Sweetie rolled over to face Apple Bloom. “What now?”
“I guess we can look for somethin’ to eat. How ‘bout - ”
Sweetie’s phone vibrated twice. She and Apple Bloom craned their heads towards it before glancing up at each other. The phone, surrounded in a lime green aura, levitated up to Sweetie’s eye level; only then did their eye contact break.
“Er, Sweetie Belle? What happened?” Apple Bloom straightened up in her armchair as she pulled herself closer to Sweetie.
Sweetie Belle frowned deeply. She turned the smartphone’s screen towards Apple Bloom. “Read it.”
“I can’t read it from over here. Can ya bring it over to me?”
In response, Sweetie transferred her phone to her friend’s outstretched hoof. Once Apple Bloom’s hoof got firm purchase on the phone, she brought it up to her face.
“Let’s see what ya got.” A small smirk appeared on Apple Bloom’s face as her eyes scanned over the recently received message:
I didn’t know you wore a McFlurry in your mane.
The phone beeped as it displayed a picture loading screen. Moments later, it gave way to a picture of Sweetie Belle. Her mane strongly resembled the McFlurry they had hours earlier, albeit half-melted. Right next to Sweetie was the caption My mane’s melting!
“Looks like she also sent a picture of you with a McFlurry mane. Surprisingly good, actually. I didn’t know Flurry did picture editin’.”
“I can’t believe she sent that to me! The nerve of that pony!” Sweetie crossed her forelegs with a pout.
Apple Bloom placed the smartphone down in front of her. “I knew Flurry Heart can be a bit uncharitable when ya needle her, but this seems a bit much.”
“I know, right?” Sweetie sat up before slamming her forehooves on the coffee table as she stood up on the sofa. “Apple Bloom, you have to help me get even with her.”
“That ain’t a good idea, Sweetie Belle. She’s a senior government official.”
“Chief of staff of the National Liaison to Equestria isn’t that high in the pecking order, if you think about it.” Sweetie dropped back onto the sofa. “I mean, above the National Liaison there’s the Governor-General, then the Assistant Secretary that handles all the U.N. protectorates, then the Secretary of the - ”
Apple Bloom raised a hoof. “I get it. Ya ain’t the only pony who paid attention in your civics class. But that doesn’t matter. Ya can’t talk smack with her, ‘less ya want to deal with a whole bunch of annoyed bureaucrats. That device of hers is monitored, after all.”
“But how about earlier? I sent something to her.”
“That was light-hearted.” Apple Bloom fixed her gaze on Sweetie Belle. She raised an eyebrow. “I know ya; you’re gonna send somethin’ mean spirited to her.”
Sweetie threw her forelegs above her head. “Well, what am I supposed to do?”
“Ya can wait till we get back to Ponyville. Once you’re there, ya can bother her all ya want.”
Sweetie tucked her forelegs around herself with a scowl. “Fine.” She fell back onto the sofa with a groan. For several minutes, Sweetie remained still and silent. The soft ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner dominated the soundscape of the room.
Apple Bloom allowed her body to sink further into her armchair, graciously welcoming its comforting embrace. Her eyelids began to droop. Just before Apple Bloom could fully sink into the dream realm, Sweetie Belle let out a loud gasp.
“I got it! I know what to do!” In a violent burst of motion, Sweetie shot back up to her hooves.
Apple Bloom frowned. “Couldn’t ya have made less of a racket? I was about to fall asleep.” She locked eyes with Sweetie Belle.
“Sorry. But I have the perfect comeback for Flurry Heart!” Sweetie bounced up and down with a big smile on her face. “I’ll get a McFlurry cup and stick pictures of her face on it.”
“Ugh, seriously?” Apple Bloom stuck her tongue out. “That’s gross.”
“I’m not going to give her a used cup. I’ll get a fresh one somehow.” Sweetie Belle stopped bouncing and put a forehoof to her chin. “I guess I could ask Twilight to get one, since she likes going to fast food places.”
“Ain’t ya gettin’ too worked up over this? It’s just a silly message.”
“No!” The unicorn’s voice squeaked as her eyes narrowed. “This is perfectly reasonable!”
Apple Bloom visibly slumped in her armchair and rolled her eyes. “Whatever ya say. Just leave me out of it when we get back.”