Forgive My Ugly Heart
Rain pelted the car window in a subtle crescendo. Accompanying it, the quiet purr of the engine and the air conditioner’s faint thrum. Was thrum the right word? Maybe more of a whir. Or a buzz. No, buzz wasn’t right. It was a sound. The sound air conditioning makes.
The unsteady metaphor Rainbow had been going for slipped away with the distraction. So much for being poetic.
“You’re awfully quiet over there.”
She glanced at Sure Bet Sorbet. Funny name. Funny guy. Usually. Not tonight. “Just thinking.”
Bet met her glance, but his green eyes returned to the road quickly enough. His dark grey skin was hidden beneath a blue polo shirt and jeans. He tossed his head slightly, a habit he had when that one tuft of hair slipped in front of his eyes. It was a light blue, brighter than one would expect of hair. The kind of blue that made her think of fancy male hairdressers who called one another ‘girlfriend’ and waved perfectly manicured nails. Making fun of him over it had grown old years ago, but the image still made her smile.
He was quiet until he noticed her watching him from the passenger’s seat. “Having second thoughts?”
“Nope.” She focused on the streaks on the window once more. Payed little mind to the buildings moving past. The city lights flashed by in the night, occasionally bathing the car’s interior with an eclectic mix of shadows. “I’m ready for this.”
“If you say so.” He leaned a little closer to her, as if to impart some secret. “Y’know, I’m gonna miss picking you up at the airport.”
Her smile lost some of its strength. She’d thought of that. Thought of it a lot. “I’m going to miss that, too. I don’t even remember why we started this little tradition.”
Bet scoffed, lips turning up in his trademark smirk. “Don’t lie, you remember perfectly. You were a dumbass and left your keys in Manehattan that one time and called me to pick you up.”
He had her dead to rights. She did remember that night, perhaps more than she cared to. “Keys were stolen.”
He eyed her, smirk still firmly in place. She always liked that expression. “You called the hotel. They found your keys in your room.”
She smiled for him, tried to make it look sheepish. They both knew the truth, that she’d not been all together that time. What he didn’t know was how she stood in the snow outside her locked car, sobbing and wishing she was a kid again. That had been a bad week. Month. Heck, year. Now she looked back and, yeah, it was still bad. But a faded bad. Bad like a dream she wished she could forget. Calling her agent to beg for a lift home shouldn’t have been a big deal, but that moment had been the low point of… jeez, her entire life. Amazing how something so inconsequential as missing keys could be the feather that shattered the last of her resolve.
Rainbow would have to go visit Sunset soon. She hadn’t thanked her in far too long.
The sudden mood swing didn’t go unnoticed. Bet said nothing. Rainbow wished he would. He made for a good distraction. She wasn’t even sure why she was having these thoughts right now. That particular topic hadn’t stirred the cobwebs in her head for some time. Months. Maybe. It wasn’t like she kept track. She glanced at the ring that, somehow, was still wrapped around her finger.
The car slowed to a stop by the familiar high-rise condominium. Rainbow reached for the handle, but the door didn’t unlock. She hesitated; she could unlock it herself, but Bet always did that. It was a small thing, something she wouldn’t have noticed two or three years ago. She noticed this time. She looked to him, expectant. Patient.
He stared at the steering wheel. Or perhaps something beyond it. His face was serious, but not in a worrying sort of way. It was a seriousness that told her he was going over his words. Without looking at her, he finally spoke. “This is it. Once you step out of this car, I won’t be your agent anymore.”
Another thing she’d been thinking about. She’d never figured out what to say to him, so she settled on a disappointing, “Yeah.”
Bet turned to her, studied her. His expression gradually relaxed into a smile. “We’re adults. I’m not going to dance around this like some high school kid with self-esteem issues. You wanna go do something together?”
There it was. It finally happened. Rainbow had seen it coming years ago, had thought up all the ways to reject him. All the ways and all the reasons. There were many; dating her agent would look bad, she didn’t have time for that kind of thing, she was…
He wasn’t her agent anymore. She was about to have plenty of time on her hands. The third thing, though? Technically still true, as the ring could attest. Even so, she couldn’t bring herself to voice it. It was a frustrating, pointless barrier, but one she just couldn’t bring herself to push down. What was wrong with her? It wasn’t that she didn’t like him. Bet wasn’t an athlete like her, but he was cool in plenty of other ways. She couldn't even dream of doing his job, for instance. If circumstances were just slightly different…
He waved his hand in a dismissive, relaxed manner. “Eh, forget it. I knew it was a long shot. Not as if a guy like me has a chance with a girl like you, right?” He said it so casually, smiled so easily.
But his eyes. They told an entirely different story.
Something swelled up in Rainbow. Almost enough but not quite. “Let me…” She hesitated at the way his head, moving to face away, snapped back to her. He was trying to play it cool, but there was nothing smooth about the way she had his undivided attention. “Let me think on it. Call you?”
His smile grew with the hope building in his eyes. The hand still on the wheel tensed, like he was fighting to keep it under control. “I’ll take what I can get. Later, RD?” The doors unlocked.
“Yeah. Later.” She shoved the door open. “Thanks for the ride.”
“I always tell you to stop thanking me,” he said as she opened the back door to get her small luggage bag.
Her smirk came unbidden through the open door. “And I always thank you, anyway.” The ritual complete, she slammed the door shut and walked to the side entrance of the condominium. Standing out in the rain for a few minutes would have been preferable given her mood, but he wouldn’t drive off until she was inside and out of sight. Better to not worry him or waste his time.
It was strange, coming home without her usual gear. She’d left it behind. It was no longer needed. Walking up the twelve floors felt so much easier with so little to carry. Elevators? Elevators were for wimps. The sting in her knee was nothing compared to the work she put it through in the game two days ago.
The hallway was dimly lit. Rainbow fumbled with her keys. Why did she always have trouble finding the right one? It wasn’t like she had fifty of them. She could spot a ball flying through the air in a pouring rain – well, used to be able to – but couldn’t find one key among a dozen. Why did she even have a dozen? Where did all these keys come from? At last grasping the right one, she looked up to get her bearings.
Her feet lurched to a stop. Someone was leaning against the wall by her door. A very familiar someone, with white skin, lovely purple hair cut short for once and diamond blue eyes that could burn and freeze in equal measure. She was dressed in fashionable, dark grey business attire; suit, not a dress. Of course it was fashionable. She could be nothing but.
Rarity looked up from her phone. When she saw Rainbow, a flash of panic flitted across her face. The speed of its disappearance spoke of incredible skill, her expression becoming almost stoic. Almost. There was still a touch of worry in her features. Most might have missed it. But this was Rainbow’s wife. She’d had five years to study that face. Even after all this time, she knew exactly what to look for.
Rainbow would be lying if she said she hadn’t planned for this moment. There had been so many visions, so many rehearsals in her head as she lay at night in their empty bed staring at the ceiling. Some were excited. Some furious. Others were blank, long hours of imagining Rarity’s face in this moment and having no idea what to do. Tonight, as she watched her wife straighten up and move to the middle of the hallway, she felt something entirely unexpected: fear. “What’s wrong?”
She’d caught Rarity just as she’d been prepared to speak. The woman stumbled her last step, eyebrows rising. “Wrong?”
Pain. Rainbow realized she was gripping her luggage too tight. She forced her hand to relax. “It’s been seven years. Why would you be here unless something happened?” Possibilities flitted through her mind, terrible specters divining doom. She tried to catch each of them and give them voice. “Is it Twilight? Is she hurt? Or—” A needle-like sting ran through her suddenly tight chest. “Is Fluttershy okay? Come on, what is it? Who?”
Raising both hands placatingly, Rarity said, “Please, relax. Everything’s fine. Twilight is fine. Fluttershy is fine. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Sunset are all fine. I promise.”
Promise? She had the audacity to promise? Rainbow grit her teeth and punched the vicious thoughts away. It took a few seconds to get the boiling words out of her throat and back into her lungs. With a sigh, she let her tension melt away. “Okay. Good. Th-that’s good.”
“It is, yes.” Spoken as if unsure of what else to say. Fidgeting, as if uncomfortable in her own skin. Dodging Rainbow’s gaze as if it might scorch. “I saw your announcement at the game.”
Rainbow blinked. “You watched the game?”
Her wife returned a sad smile. “I watch all your games. Never miss them.”
How was she supposed to respond to that? “Oh.” Not that way. “I had no idea.” Not that way, either.
Rarity nodded, hands behind her back. “Isn’t it a little early to be retiring? You’re still young.”
This, at least, was a subject Rainbow was comfortable with. She smirked and moved her luggage to her shoulder, then made for the door. “You know what I learned? ‘Young’ is relative. I’m in my thirties, Rares. With every game and practice, I can feel how much slower I’m getting. I decided to get out while I’ve still got some energy left. Awesomeness doesn’t last forever.” The door opened. She stood aside. “Come on in. You know I never changed the lock, right?”
“You didn’t?” Rarity made no move to enter. “W-well, it would have been rude.” When Rainbow waved her forward, she finally, timidly crossed the threshold. “I mean, this isn’t really my home any… more…” She paused, taking in the room. On one side was Rainbow’s wall of trophies and awards and newspaper clippings. On the other… “Everything’s still here. You haven’t thrown my things out?”
Tension grew in Rainbow’s chest as she closed and locked the door. “No.”
Rarity approached the wall with its classy art and clippings of her own now-distant success stories. “It all looks so… clean. Rainbow, it’s been seven—”
“Yeah, stopping you there. Want some tea? Maybe some ice cream? I’ve got chocolate fudge.” Rainbow set her bag down by the door and tossed her keys on a nearby end table before heading for the kitchen.
Her wife followed her with her eyes. “You remembered.”
Rainbow scoffed. “Remembered? What was the first thing that got us together?” It was a simple question. A silly one. The tightness in her chest intensified as she waited to see if Rarity knew the answer. It took a lot of willpower not to look over her shoulder.
Rarity’s tone was wistful. “A tub of chocolate fudge ice cream after you lost the last game of your high school career to Crystal Prep. I forgot you liked it just as much.”
“There you go.” Pausing at the kitchen door, Rainbow grabbed the remote lying on the armrest of her couch and pressed the play button. A string quartet came on as she replaced it and went to the fridge. “So, tea or ice cream?”
The response came hesitantly. Not much so, but definitely there. “T-tea, please. I don’t think ice cream is quite right for the moment.”
“Tea it is.” She went through the familiar motions, setting the water to boil and grabbing a pair of mugs. “Darjeeling still put you to sleep?”
“Yes…” Rarity’s voice was faint. Still in the living room.
Rainbow allowed herself a moment to let her hands shake. Rarity was here. Home. A hundred potential futures galloped through her skull as she tried to figure out why this was happening. She couldn’t be coming back to her. Was that a desired outcome? She thought she’d made peace with the fact that her wife was gone for good. Yet there she’d been, just waltzing back in as if… No. Rarity wasn’t acting like she intended to come back. Was she? How was Rainbow to know?
“Get a grip, RD,” she muttered through the trembling. “Figure out what she wants. Give it to her. Send her on her way. Forget this ever happened.” Closing her eyes allowed her to focus on the sound of the blood pounding in her ears. As if she could forget. She’d spent seven years trying to do that. “I’m over it. I’m over her. I am.” Opening her eyes revealed her hands pressed firmly on the counter. The ring. It was still there. Why was it still there?
Steam whistling out of the kettle had her jumping like a spooked rabbit. With a grimace, she turned off the stove and set the kettle on a small plate. Quick motions, oddly familiar and equally alien; a spoonful of sugar in one mug, two drops of honey in the other, a couple spoons deposited. The ingredients prepared, one hand carried the mugs by their handles and the other the kettle by its plate. She paused upon finding Rarity still standing in the middle of the living room, staring at the purse in her hands. “What are you doing?”
Another spooked rabbit, Rarity raised her head. “W-what do you mean?”
Settling on the couch, Rainbow put the kettle and mugs down on the coffee table. “You planning to drink tea standing up?” A blink. “Wait, you weren’t waiting on my permission to sit, were you?”
“No…” Eyes darting elsewhere gave the lie away.
“This condo is still in both our names.” Rainbow gestured to the spot beside her, even as her heart acted as a battering ram against her ribcage. “That means this is still your place. You don’t need my permission to do anything.”
Rarity bit her lip, staring at the spot Rainbow had indicated. Like a mouse preparing to flee at the faintest sound, she settled down an arm’s length away and on the very edge of the couch. Her manner was relieving and worrying in equal measure, and Rainbow couldn’t be sure of the why for either. She felt a lot of things right now, but dominant amongst them all was that Rarity should never feel scared of her. Repressing a sigh, she poured the tea in their respective mugs and slid Rarity’s towards her.
They were silent for a time. Rarity took the mug but didn’t drink. Rainbow took hers and did. Unable to decide what she was supposed to do, she kept alternating between watching her estranged wife and the tea in her hands. The gentle, slow music pervaded the air, a moderator to their awkwardness. Words danced on the tip of Rainbow’s tongue, but she couldn’t tell which ones. They always retreated into her throat just as she was starting to grasp them. It brought to mind all the times when they’d had so much to say to each other. Those were good days. She didn’t want to think too much on them.
Rarity cocked her head, brows furrowing. It seemed curiosity was enough to fight back timidity. “Rainbow?”
She nearly dropped her mug. “Y-yeah?”
That perplexed expression intact, Rarity pointed at the ceiling. “Since when did you listen to classical music?”
It felt like such an appropriate ice breaker that Rainbow chuckled. Just the right thing to say, without even knowing it. A true Rarity original, that talent of hers. “Right after you left me. I listened to it a lot.” The old, familiar burn of loss found its way into her chest. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to. “It reminded me of you.”
“Oh.” The answer seemed to cause Rarity physical pain. She turned forward and took a sip of her tea. A pause. Lips swayed as she swirled the liquid on her tongue, then swallowed. Once more, she appeared perplexed. “Two drops?”
Rainbow shrugged. “You used to like it that way.”
“Did I?” It seemed Rarity legitimately couldn’t remember. “I must have, since I knew it was two so readily.” Another sip. “I prefer my tea plain, now.”
Seven years of separation. Lots of time to change. What else was different about Rarity? What was different about Rainbow that Rarity might be noticing right now? Was it a bad thing? A good thing? Maybe it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. This wasn’t a problem. Just differences she couldn’t account for.
“Are you alright?”
Her hands were shaking. Rainbow put her mug down and pressed them between her legs, safely hidden. “I’m fine.”
She avoided her wife’s gaze, staring instead at one of the magazine articles framed on the wall. From the fashion show in Manehattan, the one that won Rarity her first major contract. They’d bought this condo with the money earned from that deal. Rainbow didn’t go pro until the next year.
Lured by movement, her traitorous eyes shifted over to the other mug as it settled on the table. Rarity turned to her, hands in her lap and eyes downcast. Rainbow tried to look away. Couldn’t.
“I’m sorry for appearing out of the blue like this,” Rarity whispered, head bowed. “None of this is going how I meant it to. If… If you want me to leave, I will.”
This was it, then. Rainbow wanted to feel relief. It didn’t come. Maybe if she asked? “Are you trying to come back to me?”
At last the two met eyes. The apology within those diamonds probably should have hurt. Instead, they only filled Rainbow with a strange calm. “No, Rainbow. That’s not why I’m here.”
Now the relief came. Strange. Rainbow was so sure that such an answer would have filled her with horror. Maybe agony. She waited for the scalding brand to sear her heart like the first time. It never came. Yet even as the tension left her body, there was still anxiety. “Then… why are you here?”
“Many reasons, some more urgent than others.” Again with the lip chewing and hunched posture. “W-would you believe me if I said I missed you?”
Something slimy made its way out of Rainbow’s throat before she could properly block it with her teeth. “Does Twilight know you feel that way?” Pain flashed like lightning across her wife’s face. She wished she had a barbell or something the drop on her own head. But the words were out and apologizing for it didn’t feel right. Turning away didn’t feel any better, but at least it got that painful expression out of her vision.
It might have been a full minute before Rarity was able to answer, though her voice was strained. Weak. “Twilight knows. Or at least, knows I was thinking about it. Sh-she’s part of the reason I’m here.”
Rainbow closed her eyes and leaned back. “So you two are still together?”
“We… are.”
The hesitancy in that answer waved red flags across Rainbow’s awareness. Before she knew it, she’d sat up and turned to face Rarity once more. “Did something happen between you two?”
Rarity’s fingers twisted together in quick, flowing motions, almost like she was trying to thread invisible fabric. Once more, she was looking at her lap instead of at Rainbow. Her words were as quiet as the breath that summoned them. “Twilight wants to get married.”
A slap in the face might not have jolted as painfully. Rainbow leapt to her feet, the poker that had avoided her heart instead pressing hard against her brain. “She what?” Her wife cringed as if afraid of being struck. It only made the fire burn hotter. “What the fuck, Rarity? First me and now Twilight? How long before you leave her a sobbing, hysterical mess? I can’t believe you! You even have the gall to tell me about it! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?”
“R-Rainbow, I—”
“No!” The table rattled to her stomp. “You didn’t bother to talk to me. You just left. Do you even care what that did to me? I was a wreck for months! A total fucking disaster. I’m not going to let you do it to Twilight, you hear me? I’m not. She deserves better than you, you backstabbing, teasing, adulterous witch!”
Rarity said nothing. She stared at the ground, little rivers flowing down her face. Her chest heaved with every hiccup, but somehow the sobs were kept at bay. Rainbow watched this, hands clenched, and realized her own cheeks were wet. Their moistness doused the fire, leaving it to sputter and die. Its absence left her cold. Worse than cold. Hollow. She swayed on her feet, dizziness threatening. “W-why did you come here? To torture me?”
Attempts to rub her cheeks clean only served to ruin Rarity’s mascara even more. Eventually, she dared to meet Rainbow’s gaze. “I always thought you might h-hate me. I suspected, but it’s another thing to find out it’s true.” Standing on quaking knees, she bowed her head to Rainbow. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave. Y-you’ll never have to see me again.” She started for the door, unsteady and staggering.
Rainbow caught her arm. She was squeezing too hard. That didn’t concern her. “Answer the question. Why are you here?”
Rarity stared at the door, making no attempt to escape. It was hard to say if the pain in her eyes were from the situation or Rainbow's tight grip. “Believe me, it’s better for everyone if I don’t answer.”
A snarl and a shove later, Rarity stumbled and fell to sit on the couch again. “You’ve got a shitty track record for knowing what’s better for everyone. Tell me the truth!”
As if seeing Rainbow for the first time, Rarity could only gape and rub at her arm. Gradually, her face broke once again, revealing such pain that Rainbow almost wanted to let her leave. Almost. Then came the long-loathed memories; vomiting in a trash can, staring at an empty room, fleeing through the night to a friend’s home as the world turned to ice.
Standing in the snow with no keys and the last shattered pieces of a heart drifting away in the wind.
“Answer. The damn. Question.”
Hands clasped, Rarity stared at her lap. Thin, raspy words tore their way out of her throat. “I wanted to see this. What had happened to you. To us. I w-wanted to know if you hated me or… or if our friendship could somehow be salvaged.”
“Salvaged?” Only a bubbling desire to hurt something prevented the laugh. “You actually thought you could salvage this?”
A sob battered its way out of her wife. “Y-you’ve made it clear we can’t. So I’m going to turn…” A choke, a cringe. She rubbed at her eyes. “I’m going to turn T-Twilight down.”
“You’re—!” The answer caught in her throat. “Wait, you’re turning her down?”
“I can’t do it again,” Rarity muttered between hiccups. “I can’t do to her what I did to you. I can’t. What I did to you is… i-is unforgivable. If I broke you so badly that you’ve come to hate me this much, what would I do to sweet Twilight? I don’t want to lose her like I did you.” She rubbed her eyes so much it was a wonder her face wasn’t raw. Maybe it was. Her pleading blue eyes at last faced their tormentor. “Let me go, Rainbow. I’ll r-reject her proposal and protect her from… from the witch. That’s the right thing to do. I-isn’t it?”
Back to that horrible, empty feeling. Rainbow gaped, for the first time wondering if this really was the same woman who had ruined her all those years ago. “You’d do that? For her?”
Rarity at last found her own fire. “Well, I can’t very well marry her! Are we not in agreement on this?”
Rainbow’s brain had, for all intents and purposes, been fried. Like in those old anti-drug commercials. Her mouth opened and closed soundlessly. The statement avoided her reasoning like wet soap in the hands. Rarity’s glare lasted all of two seconds before the flames sputtered and died. As mercurial as Rainbow felt. This was all so… so stupid. Rarity had left her, and now she wanted to… Her wife’s future was, in so many ways, in her hands.
She barely registered when Rarity stood and made for the door, head bowed and saying not a word. Too many thoughts cascaded through her mind for such trivial, real-world matters. The quiet burn in her chest, familiar but… manageable? Maybe. And Rarity trying to do the right thing. Maybe. And Twilight, the egghead who stole her. Maybe. Not really. Rainbow had never felt that Twilight… Twilight…
Alarm flared through her veins as the door began to open. In a blur, Rainbow slammed the door closed with one hand. The sudden sprint made her knees ache, but she ignored that in favor of Rarity’s startled face. “What about Twilight?”
Rarity jumped back as if dodging a bullet, a hand to her chest and eyes wide. “Wha…? Twilight? What do you mean?”
Rainbow didn’t move but to meet her gaze. “Does she love you?”
In that moment, her wife seemed so small. Rarity pressed a hand to her lips and looked away. “She asked me, Rainbow. She asked, even knowing what I did to you. Even when I reminded her, she insisted. Twilight wants this. And I…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Sighing, Rainbow crossed her arms and leaned backwards against the door. An effective way to block her wife’s escape. “You’ve been dating for what, seven years now? I mean, you left me for her.”
A wary looked joined Rarity’s answer. “What’s your point?”
That she didn’t deny the accusation was strangely reassuring. It told her things. Exactly what things was unclear. “You’ve had Twilight with you for longer than you were with me. I…” Hunched shoulders and a glare at the floor. “That’s a long time to wait.”
Quiet reigned between them, softly guided along by the classical music floating over their heads. The song stopped. A violin piece started up after a few seconds.
More fidgeting on Rarity’s part. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
In her defense, Rainbow hadn’t known what to expect either. It had always been like Rarity to speak up, to take point in tough conversations. Now Rainbow was stuck groping at an idea she could barely stomach. “What you did to me? It was the worst thing that’s ever happened in my life. So yeah, you can bet your ass I’m still sore about it.” Just acknowledging it brought back some of the heat in her voice. Deep breaths. Cool down. Once sure the fire wouldn’t meet her eyes, she met Rarity’s forlorn gaze. “But if you’ve been with Twilight that long and you still care about her… That means something.”
Rarity flinched. “I never stopped caring about you, Rainbow. I just—”
“Just stopped loving me.” Rainbow turned her glare away before it could burn more than it should. “Yeah, I know.”
“You stopped loving me, too. Didn’t you?”
Grumbling under her breath, Rainbow rubbed the bridge of her nose. There was no keeping the heat away from her tone this time. “I have no idea. You didn’t give me a chance to figure that out for myself, did you? We could have talked, but no, you decided it was over all on your own and ran off to be with the nerd.”
Rarity’s high heel made a loud clack as it connected to the floor. “You could have brought it up at any time instead of avoiding me like I was a burden!”
“Don’t act like you tried to bring it up or anything! You were avoiding me just as much as I was avoiding you. Or did you expect me to forget that you bought your own private little penthouse, safely away from your wife?”
“What was I supposed to say? That I felt we were falling apart, that I didn’t think you loved me anymore? If I said that you’d feel like I’d betrayed you!”
“You did betray me!”
“I was scared!”
“I was, too!”
It came out with such ferocity that even Rainbow was given pause.
Then the tears burst forth. They came so suddenly that Rainbow had no hope of stopping them. She could only blubber and watch as Rarity stared back, wide-eyed and uncomprehending. “I was scared, Rares. We were f-falling apart and I knew it and I didn’t know what to do! ‘Death do us part,’ right? I c-couldn’t stand up to how you might… m-might…” A shuddering breath. An attempt to wipe the tears away. Stupid things wouldn’t stop coming. “Just one more day. One more week. More time to figure it out. I j-just wanted to figure it out! I knew there had to be a w-way to fix us, to make it all better. Those vows meant something, damn it! And then you’re there with Twilight and telling me that my w-worst nightmares are coming true, and… and…” The words couldn’t be stomached anymore. She stood there in her impotence, sobbing and fighting in vain to regain control.
Arms brought her into an embrace. She let them, returned the favor. Rarity’s waist felt so familiar. But she smelled different. The hug wasn’t what she remembered. Was ‘what she remembered’ even real? She couldn’t be sure, and that made her sob all the harder.
It was only when she heard her rasping voice that she realized Rarity was crying as well. “I’m so sorry. I was so foolish. I was a terrible wife to you.”
Words somehow broke through the dam in Rainbow’s throat. “Why didn’t we talk, Rares? Why didn’t we both grow up and just t-talk about it?”
A whisper in the ear. “I wish I knew, Dash. I really, honestly do.”
They cried out their emotions. Bitter, powerful, heated things. Not a word was uttered for what seemed like an age. At some point they found themselves kneeling on the floor, still hugging long after they had cried themselves out. For all the pain, Rainbow couldn’t bring herself to let go, and Rarity didn’t pull away. They remained together for so long that the music stopped, the playlist depleted. Even then they sat in a comforting silence Rainbow had never imagined she’d get to feel again.
It couldn’t last. Thoughts started worming their way into Rainbow’s head. Eventually, reluctantly, she pulled back to meet weary diamond eyes. “What happens now?”
A long sigh. Rarity slipped out of her arms and settled against the wall next to her. “I have no idea. If I tell Twilight no… I’m not sure what she’d do. Maybe move out?”
A blink. “Wait, you’re living together?” Rarity’s questioning look indicated the need for elaboration. “I mean, I know when you left me you said she’d be staying with you for a while, but… it’s been a while. Know what I mean?”
Rarity shrugged, eyes roaming the room without any apparent target in mind. “We ended up sticking together.”
“For seven years?”
Another shrug. “We both had moments where we thought it was odd. We didn’t really start ‘dating’ in a serious sense until about six months after I left you. But for some reason, neither of us could bring ourselves to change the living arrangements. So… yes. For seven years.” Rarity tittered. “Corona started calling me her ‘Other Mother’.” The smile faded, her gaze turning vacant. “I never thought it would make me so happy.”
Rainbow couldn’t resist a grin. “You? A mom?” A peering glare was the only response. It proved ineffective against her smile. “When we were together, the very mention of kids would put this big, nasty scowl on your face.”
“A lady does not scowl.”
“Yeah, well you sure did.”
Rainbow met Rarity’s pouting frown with a smirk… and then they were both laughing. It was a good laugh, short but exhilarating, and suddenly the air between them didn’t feel so heavy anymore.
“How old is Corona, anyway?” Rainbow asked as the laughter died away.
“Thirteen, bless her.” The last, recovering exhale did nothing to diminish Rarity smile. “She’ll be coming home from visiting her father next week.”
“Timber?” Rainbow sat up straight and turned to face her properly. “He’s still around? Last I heard from him he was still in that hospital.”
“That was six years ago.”
“Yeah, well, nobody’s been keeping me up to date on him.”
Rarity nodded her understanding, finally brushing the tears from her face, along with the last of her ruined mascara. “He stayed in the hospital on suicide watch for… eight months, I think. Once he got out, he filed for divorce.”
Rainbow cocked her head. “Wait, he filed for divorce?”
“He initiated the process, yes.” Rubbing her chin in thought, Rarity eyed the floor. “I recall, he said something about how he didn’t believe he could handle being a father or husband. Honestly, I think it was the depression talking, the poor fellow. Whatever the case, he let Twilight have everything, and only asked that he still be able to see his daughter. Once the divorce was settled, he moved west. Works as a park ranger in Yellowstone. Corona goes to see him two months a year. He seems to be doing well.”
“Huh. That’s… good. Yeah, pretty good.” Rainbow smiled and settled back against the wall, glad to hear that at least one of her old friends was turning his life around.
An inquisitive look passed over Rarity. “What about you? Surely your retirement doesn’t mean you’re going to spend the rest of your life doing nothing.”
Rainbow raised a finger as if to make a point. “I could. I’ve got the money, trust me.” Rarity’s deadpan stare brought out a snicker. “Okay, okay. But first, let’s get off this floor. Want me to heat up some more tea?” She climbed to her feet, ignoring the ache in her knee, and helped Rarity up. “Pretty sure the first batch has gone cold.”
Considering this, Rarity gained that little smile indicative of an oncoming guilty pleasure. “Is that offer for ice cream still open?”
Five minutes later, an innocent tub of chocolate fudge ice cream atop a kitchen table was being tortured by a pair of spoons. A moan of pleasure accompanied Rarity’s first bite. “This stuff never gets old.”
“I know, right?” Chocolaty goodness melted in Rainbow’s mouth, making everything seem just a little bit brighter. “I was going to have this tonight in celebration, anyway.”
“To a lazy retirement?” Rarity asked with a smirk.
“To a new life.” Another bite, another precious few seconds of culinary bliss. “I’m going back to Canterlot High.”
Rarity paused, spoon hovering just inside her mouth as she stared at Rainbow. She seemed to be waging a mighty internal battle between speaking and taking that bite. The bite won. Once the ecstasy had left her expression, she said, “Most people who want to go back to school are referring to college.”
“Not as a student, silly.” Rainbow rolled her eyes at Rarity’s smug grin. “This isn’t public knowledge, but Principal Luna and I already have an agreement. I’ll be off work for a year, then I’ll be teaching. Physical Education and English. The year’s just to let one of the current teachers finish his last set of classes and retire.”
It seemed this required some time to seep into Rarity’s brain. For the second time that night, she stared at Rainbow as if having never seen her before. At last, she managed a bewildered, “No offense, darling, but I never thought you’d have the patience to be a teacher.”
“None taken.” Rainbow shrugged and waved her spoon in the air aimlessly. “You missed a lot. Being in a professional team is a social prospect, and I’ve always been the leader in these kinds of things. You’ve got to keep an eye on everybody, manage the groups, calm tempers, prevent fights, form bonds, encourage good behavior, the whole works. Honestly, it’s not unlike being back in high school, except the kids are grown adults who think they’re hotshots ‘cause they can kick a ball or make a few hundred thousand a game.” She took a bite of ice cream while Rarity pondered that. “I think I’ll enjoy working with real children rather than children pretending to be adults.”
“Wow.” The word came out quiet. Barely audible, really. Rarity’s spoon tapped the table rhythmically as she stared at nothing. Her face gradually shifted to disappointment. “I really have missed a lot. Does Sunset know?”
“Haven’t told her yet. I asked Luna to let me do it. It’s kinda meant to be a surprise.” A thought ran through Rainbow. At first, she shrugged it off as ridiculous. Then she looked at it again. Rarity was here, talking to her. She had tried to… Could she? Should she? Was it worth it? Her eyes landed on the ring. She’d not tried in so long, but maybe…
“Why English?”
She glanced at Rarity, relieved to see her sadness had been replaced with genuine curiosity. Dropping her spoon on the table, she set her hands in her lap. Her fingers twisted the ring into slow rotations. “I know it might surprise you, but…” A smirk, then a ‘fashionable, elite’ tone flowed from between her lips. “I have developed quite the extended vocabulary and significant knowledge of grammar thanks to copious reading as introduced to me by our mutual friend, Twilight Sparkle, who shall always and forever be the superior egghead.”
A beat.
Wild giggles were her reward. Those diamond eyes shone with a kind of light Rainbow hadn’t seen in more than seven years. “If you ever do that in front of Applejack, I think her head might explode.”
“That makes it all worth it.” A few more rotations for the ring. It moved with startling ease. “Speaking of our friends, how hard do you think it would be to have a personal reunion, just the seven of us?”
The little gasp that left Rarity’s lips almost crushed Rainbow’s hopes, but then she spoke. “Why, we haven’t done that in practically a decade! I’m sure Fluttershy and Sunset can find the time, and Big Mac could look after Applejack’s kids for a day or two.”
Rainbow had her own prediction. “Knowing Pinkie Pie, she’s probably already got her flight from Detrot booked and is gathering all the party supplies as we speak.” The two chuckled heartily at that.
“I think it’s a splendid idea!” Yet Rarity’s cheer didn’t last. The smile became a frown as she met Rainbow’s gaze. “But what about us? I mean, do you really want to go to a party with me of all people? And don’t forget that Twilight would be there too. Can we be in the same room without… drama?”
That ring was starting to feel strangely uncomfortable. “You’re the expert on ‘drama’, Rares. What do you think?”
“Well, forgive me for putting on a show every now and then.” She said it with a pout, but the smile in Rarity’s eyes gave her away. “I… I wouldn’t mind having you back in our lives. And Twilight has only ever felt guilt about what happened among the three of us. If I told her you were looking to rekindle old friendships, she’d leap at the chance.”
Rainbow sighed, her eyes set on the ring. “I never, ever had a problem with Twilight.”
“…only me, yes?”
This was it. Now or never. Just clench those eyes shut and do what’s necessary. The ring moved… and was off. That was it? She looked again and saw the thing, innocuous and harmless, in her palm. She’d expected some pain, particularly in her heart. Like magic, the very air had become lighter. The tub of ice cream was shoved aside to make room for the ring. Rarity stared at it as if it were a dying child she couldn’t save, face long and lips trembling.
“You know, that thing gets heavy after a while.” Rainbow slid it around the table beneath her finger, smiling as she did. “What did you have it made from, a compressed ton of steel?” Rarity didn’t answer. She was too busy watching the ring move about the table, shoulders slumped. “It’s good to finally take it off. It was really wearing me down. I think I’ll keep it on display or something instead.”
Rarity hunched a little more, eyes beginning to water. “To remind you of the witch?”
“Not exactly how I’d put it,” Rainbow replied with a weak smile. “At least, not this time. I don’t want to forget the bad parts. They’re every bit as important as the good. And, if you’re up for it, I’d like there to be more good parts in our future.” Picking up the ring, she flicked it in the air like a coin toss before catching it in her fist. “Wanna get a divorce?”
“Do I…” Rarity blinked at her. Blinked again. “What?”
Grinning, Rainbow nodded. “A divorce. We’re still married. You can’t marry Twilight if you’re already married to me.”
Rarity sputtered, eyes wide and hands opening and closing repeatedly. “B-but… But darling, your reputation! The tabloids would eat you alive.”
Now it was Rainbow who blinked. “Wait, is that why you never asked for a divorce? Paparazzi?”
“They would have been all over you, Rainbow! What would it have done to your career?”
The best response to that was a roll of the eyes. “You know I don’t give a crap what a bunch of journalist whackos write about me.”
Rarity’s face screwed up in frustration. “Well, you should! Public opinion is just as important as—” A blue palm thrust itself before her face.
“Rarity?” Rainbow lowered her hand to meet the flustered woman’s gaze. “I’m retired, so it doesn’t matter anymore.” She waited for her to descend from her mountain of frustration before saying, “Thanks for looking out for me, though. I appreciate it. So, what do you say?” She opened her hand to display the ring in her palm.
Rarity looked to the ring. Then to Rainbow. Back and forth a second time. Her shoulders hunched once more as a wary, guilty expression drew across her features. “You’re sure? This isn’t some loyalty-based sacrifice where you make yourself feel even worse just to make Twilight and me happy? I’ve caused you enough pain.”
“Honestly?” A warm smile graced Rainbow’s lips. “I think I need this. I think I’ve needed it for a long time.” Seeing only hesitation, she pressed, “You want to marry Twilight, don’t you?” She tilted her hand a little.
“I do.” Fingers fiddling around each other, Rarity nodded meekly. “Though it scares me half to death, I do.”
The hand tilted a little more. “And you promise to talk to her about your issues when things start to get bumpy?”
Rarity froze, eyes becoming like dinner plates but pupils shrunk to tiny dots. It lasted only a second, then she nodded vehemently. “Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! I won’t make the same mistake twice, I promise.”
A little more. Rainbow grinned. “Then Rarity Belle, former light of my life, lump of coal in my diamond mine, pauper’s dress in a room of evening gowns, will you do me the dishonor of being my most unawesome ex?”
A laugh burst from Rarity. She tried to snuff it out with both hands, only to be locked in a giggly state. “Y-you… I can’t believe you… Perfectly opposite of when you…” She sucked down a deep breath, giggled some more, then finally asked, “How long have you been waiting to say that?”
“Would you believe I just got the idea?” Rainbow grinned and gestured to her tilted, open palm and the ring barely holding on. “So?”
Eyes twinkling with amusement, Rarity nodded once more. “Yes. Absolutely. I accept.”
The hand tilted all the way. The ring fell to the table with a clatter. “Then it’s done. We’ll figure out what we gotta do and get unhitched so you can get rehitched. And the two of us?” She offered her hand. “We can start from scratch. How’s that sound?”
The handshake was readily accepted, Rarity all smiles. “That sounds fabulous. Thank you, Rainbow, from the bottom of my heart.” Her grip tightened and her expression grew serious. “I don’t know if I should ask this. No, I absolutely shouldn’t. But I’m going to anyway. Do you think there will ever be a time when you can forgive me what I did?”
Tension ran up Rainbow’s arm. By Rarity’s abruptly lowered eyes, she noticed. Could she forgive? That was a stupid question, of course she could. There were other things to consider. When Rarity tried to move away, Rainbow tightened her own grip, refusing to let her escape. “Look at me. In the eyes, Rarity.”
Seconds passed. Rarity’s lip trembled. Her eyes rose.
Rainbow made sure her seriousness was clear through her gaze. “You earn my forgiveness in one way, and one way only. That promise you just made? You keep it. Every argument you have, every debate you get into, every little frustration that makes you question why you’re still together. When the heat dies down and you wonder if it’ll come back, you two talk about it. I’m not asking you to resolve every problem, only that you try. Every time that happens, you’ll be one step closer to earning my forgiveness.”
Rarity considered her solemnly. Then… smiled. “I can see I have a long way to go. I thank you for the opportunity.”
“Awesome.” Releasing the handshake, Rainbow stepped back and gestured to the tub of ice cream. “Now, this stuff’s melting. You want to eat more, or you wanna go tell Twilight the good news?” Not like she didn’t know the answer already.
“Twilight it is.” Rarity clapped her hands with a laugh. “She thinks I’m at the office having a late-night meeting with a foreign branch. This will make for a wonderful surprise!”
Rainbow’s smile faltered. “Wait, foreign branch? You mean you’re going international?”
A scoff and an upturned nose. “Darling, get with the times. I’ve been international for three years now.” While Rainbow was sorting out this new revelation, Rarity rushed around the table and engulfed her in an air-stealing hug that would have made Pinkie proud. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best friend a girl could ask for. I’ll keep my promise, Rainbow, I swear.” Then she was out the door. “Look out, Twilight, your future bride is coming!”
Once the air was back in her lungs, Rainbow chuckled and grabbed the tub of ice cream, taking one last bite before sealing it. “Go get her, Rares.”
She put away the ice cream, cleaned up the kitchen. As an afterthought, she made herself some fresh tea. Back in the living room, she turned on the music. A piano piece ran through the condo, slow and peaceful. Rainbow frowned, glanced at the wall with all of Rarity’s things still attached. Then she grabbed the remote and switched to a different playlist. Soon a heavy drum beat was keeping the rhythm behind a guitar riff that Rainbow might have been able to play ten years ago had she kept up the practice.
“Now,” she said, staring at the ‘Rarity Wall’ with peering eyes. “What to do with you?” The more she considered it, the more she thought it was past time to let those things go. Rarity could take it back, assuming she even wanted it after all these years. Well… not all of it. Some of those achievements Rainbow was still proud of. And not just Rarity's… all her friends had done something or other. Maybe it was time that wall went from being the ‘Rarity’ wall to the ‘Rainbooms’ wall. It was a sobering thought; how long had it been since they’d called themselves that?
Her phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket and swiped. A text from Pinkie?
Hey, girl! Flight’s booked for Tuesday. Applejack’s farm. Wednesday at three. Bring your PJs, this one’s gonna be an all-nighter! And don’t forget to pick up Shy-Shy.
Rainbow grinned. “Called it.” Tapping out a quick reply, she tossed her phone on the couch and considered her next move. What did a newly retired star athlete with a year to kill and old relationship to rekindle do at near midnight while the music was pumping and she was feeling more alive than she had in years? Her old guitar probably missed her.
But first…
Snatching up the phone and turning down the music, she hit a familiar speed-dial. One ring, two. Sure Bet answered on the third, sounding more confused than anything. “Rainbow? Don’t tell me you forgot something in the back seat again.”
It was not possible to withhold her smile. “Friday. Five PM. Bring your wallet, pal, ‘cause you’re payin’.” She hung up before he could respond, her cheeks aching. That had felt so… so good. Turning the music back up, she went into the kitchen and plucked the ring sitting on the table. Staring at it, she felt something unfamiliar, a certain… elation. “Thanks, Rarity. I had no idea how much I needed that visit.”
Heavy music. New wall plans. New boyfriend. She eyed the mug of tea still steaming in her hand. Perhaps a new drink? She took an experimental sip, let the flavors roll around on her tongue. She smiled.
Nah. Tea worked just fine.