> Break Up Blues
>  by little big pony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> He Just Wanted A Relaxing Day...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The front door was first. The bolt was locked, then the larger three inch thick bolt was yanked in place. A four-by-four was dropped into a secured steel latch. Three door stoppers were also placed in two-inch intervals at the bottom of the door. The windows were next. All were locked, checked, and relocked. The back door was given the same treatment as the front. The basement door leading to the outside had a hundred-pound stone placed in front of it, and both the stove and the refrigerator were used to block the door leading up from the basement into the kitchen. 

With the entrances and exits secured, the entire house was checked. This was done room by room; everything being picked up and examined, everything looked under, around, and over for any horse-shaped creatures. It didn’t matter how small the space, or how out of the way it was, or how improbable it would be for anything larger than a mouse to squeeze into, it was all checked. 

There was nothing out of the ordinary. No crazy unicorns looking at his stuff, no pegasi trying to eat all of the food in his kitchen, no clan of earth ponies breaking out into song having an impromptu dance routine in his living room. The house was empty, silent, peaceful.

Anon found himself smiling at the realization, Equestria’s one and only human made his way into his living room. There was a lazyboy with his name written on it, and by that lazyboy was a coffee table with a book sitting on it that needed to be read. 

He poked his head into the room, still on guard and suspicious. There could still be a pony running around here somewhere, waiting for the moment that he tried to relax to spring out. It happened all the time.

Taking a few steps into the room, Anon stopped, looked around again, then took a few more steps. This continued until he was just a foot from his lazyboy. He kicked off his shoes before tensing and twisting around. Still no sign of any dog-sized equines.

Slowly, using the arms of his chair as support, he sunk into the chair, a small groan escaping him. He suddenly sat up, head on a swivel. When he saw that he was still alone he sat back.

He tugged on the plastic latch on the side of it, causing the footrest to spring up. Joints popped as he leaned back into the chair, closing his eyes. He wiggled his toes, letting out a deep, contented sigh. For one wonderful, sublime moment, everything was right in the world.

“Anon I need your help it’s an emergency!”

“Motherfuckingshit!”

With a yelp, Anon found himself rolling out of his lazy boy and onto his cold, hardwood floor. He hit the side of his coffee table, not hard enough to break the thing, but just hard enough to make it wobble. This wobbling made the book he had resting on the table’s edge to fall right onto his head. 

“God… DAMMIT.”

He poked his head over the arm of his lazy boy to see Pinkie Pie now sitting in it. Head throbbing, he hopped to his feet, grabbing the mare by her tail and lifting her up to eye level.

“Pinkie!”

“Yes?” the party pony said.

“What are you doing?”

“Hanging upside down, silly.”

“No, I mean, what are you doing in my house?”

“...Hanging upside down?”

“No, I’m asking…”

He let go of the mare. Pinkie was somehow able to twist herself in the air so that she landed back onto his lazyboy with not a hair out of place.

“How did you get in here?”

“Through the door,” Pinkie said, pointing in the direction of his front door. “You weren’t home though, so I thought I’d take a nap in that vase over there until you got back!”

Anon looked over at the vase that once had some nice tulips growing out of it. The flowers were, of course, gone, and soil was everywhere. Eyebrow twitching, he turned his attention back toward her.

“Can’t I just get one hour to myself? Not a day, not an afternoon or morning, just sixty minutes without one of you ponies barging in and trying to drag me along with one of your little adventures?”

“Nope!” Pinkie replied with a cheerful wiggle.

Anon deflated. Picking the mare back up, he set her down away from the lazyboy before taking a seat himself. He rubbed his face, leaning back into his chair.

“Okay, what is it this time then? Another dragon trying to burn the town down? Did one of the villains you have just running around go nutso again? Are there a hundred of you running around in the market?”

“That was just the one time!” Pinkie said with a stomp of her hoof. “And you liked that anyways, right?”

“I was trying to sleep when ten of you jumped on my bed. Then Twilight crashed through the window and… no, no. I’m not gonna get myself worked up,” Anon said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want?”

Pinkie took a deep breath, opening her mouth.

“I swear to the Almighty himself if this is a party thing or Twilight wants to try to read my brain waves again I’m throwing out a window. Out. The. Window.”

“It’s not, Pinkie promise! I need help with my sister--.”

“Wait,” Anon said, eyes narrowed. “Is this help, or is this help? Because I’m not dealing with that shit today.”

“It’s just help!”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me, Pinkie.”

“I’m not! Maud really does need help!”

Anon blinked. “Maud? The one that lives in a cave like a bat and is friends with that commie terrorist?”

“Starlight isn’t a terrorist, Nonners.”

“She absolutely is, but we’re talking about your weird sister. So, what’s wrong with her?”

Pinkie looked away. She seemed to sink to the floor, mane and tail becoming less poofy. “Maud and her coltfriend broke up.”

“The one with the stick fetish?”

“That’s him. Mudbriar. I don’t know what happened, but Maud kicked him out. She doesn’t want to come out of her cave now, and she hasn’t gone to comedy night at the Sugarcube Corner for the past two weeks. She says that everything’s fine, but a lil’ sis knows when her big sister is down in the dumps, and Maud is down in those dumps with a capital D!”

“Okay,” Anon said. “So, why don’t you throw her a party or something?”

“This is one of the very, very rare instances where a party won’t solve everything, Nonners,” Pinkie said, shaking her head.

“Don’t call me Nonners you pink sugar addict.”

“Maud needs companionship, somepony to talk to.”

“She has friends.”

“She does, but she needs somepony to tell her that she’s pretty.”

“Tell her she’s pretty then.”

“Not me. She won’t believe me if I tell her. I need a colt to tell her, and what better colt than my favoritest human?”

Anon scratched his chin, leaning forward. “Let me tell you a couple of three things. One: as far as I know, your sister can’t feel emotions. That mare is a living statue for all of the emoting she does. Two: I’m the worst person in the world to ask to make anyone feel better, especially after break ups. Three: I don’t think having someone like me telling her she’s pretty will do any good. I’m not a pony. Go ask Thunderlane or someone like that.”

“That’s why you’re perfect for this, Nonners,” Pinkie said, with a little hop. “Somepony could tell her she’s pretty and it might not mean that much, but you’re an alien! Hearing it from you will be a million times better!”

The earth pony trotted toward him, placing her front legs on his knees. 

“So, do you wanna be the bestest human ever and help me make my sister feel better about herself?”

“...Can I take a rain check?”

“Please?” Pinkie said, resting her head in his lap. “I don’t wanna see Maud sad, and I don’t want her to think she’s ugly just because she dumped her coltfriend, and she’s a really great, sweet sister that shouldn’t have to feel bad about anything because she is no nice and sweet and helps everypony that…”

Tears began to well up in Pinkie’s eyes as she spoke. The more she talked, the sadder she got until Anon had to look away. “Fine, fine. Shut up and stop looking at me like that. I’ll help you,” he said, placing a hand on top of her muzzle.

A grin broke out onto her face. “Really? You’ll help?”

“Fucking yes, I’ll tell her she’s pretty or whatever. Just don’t go goddamn crying.”

“Yeah!”

“I swear to god if this is like when you asked me to help with that Saddle Arabian queen I’m gonna--”

Pinkie let out a yell, leaping into the air and into his lap. “You’re the best, Nonners!” she said, rubbing her cheek against his as she hugged him. “With your help I’m sure Maud will be back to her old self in no time at all!”

“Please get off me. You smell like burnt balloons.”


~_~_~_~_~_~

 

The walk to Maud’s “house” was a long one. Thankfully, it was done mostly in silence. Well, it was silence compared to Pinkie’s usual state, which meant that she was only talking at a mile a minute. She must have been especially grateful for his help, so she restrained herself from pulling any of her usual nonsense. 

As they made their way toward the outskirts of town, into one of the canyons near the Everfree where Maud lived, Anon had time to think. How was he going to go about making Maud feel better? Just telling her she was pretty probably wouldn’t help anything. Did she even feel bad? Would she even want him to come around? Why was it always him that had to deal with this shit?

Why couldn’t Twilight just go and talk to her? The mare was the Princess of Friendship; this type of stuff had to be under her jurisdiction. What, just because she was the ruler of an entire nation and she had to make decisions that would affect the lives of millions every single day she thought she was too good for a weirdo rock lover?

Pinkie wasn’t much help either. Other than the “telling her she’s pretty” thing, the mare seemed to have some very wild ideas on what would help her sister. There was something about him wearing a chicken suit, having Gummy fall out of his shirt, and a plan to have everyone in Ponyville coming together to have the biggest comedy fest this side of Las Pegasus. 

He eventually tuned her out, as he usually did, trying to think of the quickest and easiest way to solve all of this so he could go home and actually relax. Unfortunately, as he and Pinkie found themselves standing at the mouth of the tunnel that led to Maud’s home, he still didn’t have any good ideas. 

“You wanna wear the chicken suit, Nonners?” Pinkie asked, reaching into her mane. “You’re pretty big, but I think I might have something in your size. If I don’t have anything in chicken maybe Maud will laugh at a big, human beaver? Or maybe a platypus? Ohhhhh! I might have a aardvark so--”

“Pinkie.”

“Yes?”

“Shut your adorable furry little mouth and stay here.”

“Okie dokie,” Pinkie said, saluting. 

The human gave the mare a pat on the head before, squaring his shoulders, he made his way into the tunnel. There were big, glowing gems all over the walls and the ceiling, illuminating everything. The ground was uneven, and more than once he had to walk around stalagmites, or duck under stalactites. It was rough doing for a bit, but eventually he came to the end of the tunnel.

He stepped into a massive, well-lit cavern. Lush, exotic plants were everywhere. Birds were singing somewhere off in the distance. Through the brush, sitting up on a hill, was a house that would have made a modern architect cream their pants.

He let out a whistle. “Huh, I guess having a rocktorate really helps pay the bills…”

Taking a path through all of the flowers and trees, he made his way toward the house. Stopping just short of it, he quickly checked for any doors to knock on, and, seeing none, he just called out.

“Maud? Maud! Are you here somewhere? It’s Anon. You know, the big alien guy that your little sister bothers all the time. I need to talk to you for a minute.”

“Hello,” a voice immediately replied behind him.

Anon jumped. “Fucking…” He turned around to see Maud Pie standing there, looking at him with the same emotionless, blank stare she always seemed to have. “The appearing thing must run in the family, huh?”

“Nopony in my family runs with any consistency, at least that I know of, Anonymous,” Maud replied. “It is nice to see you. What is up? I mean up in the context with your well-being, not in a physical sense.”

“I…”

Maud blinked. “I’m sorry. Whenever I greet a guest I try to break the ice with a joke. That one was not my best work. In the future I will make an effort to write jokes based on human sensibilities. I may need to ask you some questions on the matter, however. Your species seems the type to enjoy a good banana pun.”

“...”

“Because you are a subset of primates. I might need to make the punchlines less complex as well, since that one seemed to go right over your head.”

She turned away.

“And now I’m gabbing as well as being rude to a guest. Please follow me. I’ll get you something to drink.”

She disappeared around a column. Anon just stood there watching her go, eyes slowly narrowing. “Over my head? Is that little turd calling me dumb?”

He shook his head. Getting upset was pointless. There was a job that needed to be done as quickly as possible, preferably while there was daylight. 

Anon followed the mare into what looked like a living room. He sat down on a stone-carved sofa--obsidian with small veins of jade; a rock which Maud had grown from a pebble herself--and waited. Maud quickly returned with two actual glasses filled with water, handing him one before taking a seat next to him.

“You’ve never come to my cave before,” she said. “Not that I have expected you to, as we are not very close, but this is strange.”

“It is,” Anon said with a nod. “Pinkie actually asked me to come here to speak with you about something.”

“If it’s about the jar of granite cookies that she got in trouble for eating when we were foals she will never be able to prove that it was me who ate all of them.”

“...”

“Again, I’m sorry. When I get anxious I tell jokes.”

“Right.” Anon coughed into his hand. “Pinkie was telling me that you broke up with that stick fetish guy--”

“Mudbriar.”

“Yeah, him. She told me you both broke up and you were feeling really down. I have no idea why, but she thought that I might be able to make you feel better. Somehow.”

Maud took a sip of her water. “I thought Pinkie might do something like this. She was always able to tell when something was bothering me.”

“Is there something bothering you?”

The earth pony was silent for several seconds, staring at her floor. Putting her drink down, she turned toward him.

“Anonymous, I’m aware that I’ve already said that the two of us are not close, but if it isn’t too much trouble I would like to speak to you about what happened between Mudbrair and myself. While you are nearly a stranger, I feel more comfortable discussing this with you than somepony that I am familiar with, like my sister or Starlight.”

Anon sat his drink down. “I don’t have a degree or anything, but you can vent if you’d like. It might make you feel better.”

Maud let out a sigh. This was the most emotion that he had ever seen from the gray mare.

“Mudbrair was a very good stallion. He was thoughtful, diligent, an absolute expert in his field, devilishly handsome, and his sense of humor was also excellent. The main issue was that he had no sexual drive whatsoever.”

She picked up her water, taking a sip as Anon stared at her like she had grown a second head.

“Even in the beginning of our relationship, the very idea of sex held no interest for him whatsoever. I will admit that he did try, but I’m a mare of passion, Anon. I cannot make satisfying love with a partner that isn’t willing to give it his all. I need an aggressor; somepony to hold me down and use all of my holes like the pleasure horse that I am, then do it again and again until I’m senseless and covered in cum and sweat.”

As Maud spoke, there was no change in her tone or expression. It was almost like she was talking about the weather, or what she had eaten for breakfast. 

Anon opened his mouth, then closed it. Frowning, he scratched his chin, staring at her. “Alright, I’ll admit it. You threw one hell of a curveball at me right there. I wasn’t expecting this to be honest. So... you dumped him because he was bad in bed?”

“He was perfectly adequate, the issue was that he couldn’t match my libido. I may seem like an upstanding and normal mare to you, but I make rabbits seem chastened in actuality.”

“Really? To be honest with you, your other sister seems much more the type,” Anon said. “What’s her name? Limestone?”

“Limestone has never left the farm. That and her attitude and demeanor mean that she hasn’t had much luck romantically,” Maud told him. “I was much like her until I went to university. While there I discovered many things about myself, as most do while striving toward a higher education.”

She was silent for a few moments, looking away from him.

“I did attempt to save our relationship. I purchased different types of lingerie, I posed provocatively both privately and publicly when he was looking. I’ve said things to him that should make any hot-blooded stallion pop out of his sheath, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. We both came together as adults, had an in-depth conversation, and we agreed that it would be best if we went our separate ways.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Maud.”

“I am as well.  Anon, may I ask you something?”

“Sure, shoot.”

“Do you think I’m attractive?” Maud hopped off the couch. “Mud and myself spoke in length on whether physical attraction had anything to do with his lack of interest. While he said that I was a well-structured mare, he could have lied.”

Anon resisted the urge to groan. “Do you really think you’re not pretty, Maud?”

Maud was silent, just staring at him.

The human grimaced, motioning her to come closer. When she did, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Maud, I’m a bipedal alien from another dimension. As far as I know, what I consider attractive and what you consider attractive might be completely different, and I came here to make you feel better, not even more upset if I say something wrong.”

“Oh? And what do you think is attractive?”

“Maud…”

“Please, Anon. I would like to know.”

Anon’s hand left her shoulder, making its way to her neck. He started scratching his way up to her ear. Maud’s facial expressions showed no sign that she enjoyed the contact, but she did lean into his hand, which he took as a good sign.

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes.”

“Really-really?”

“I would, if you would humor me.”

Maud’s ears flicked against his hand. Anon ran his thumb along it’s edge.

“Physically? I’m an ass man. Big, round butts with thick legs are my preference.”

“I see,” Maud said. “That would explain why you seem to gravitate toward earth ponies.”

“Gravitate? What are you talking about?” Anon asked.

“Everytime I see you in town you’re around an earth pony, be that my sister of somepony else. You also seem to tolerate them far more compared to pegasi and unicorns.”

“Ponyville is filled with earth ponies, and I tolerate them more because they’re not trying to throw me into clouds or testing magic out on me. They’re a lower level irritant.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure. Also, when did this become about me? I didn’t--”

“Anonymous?”

“What?”

Maud cocked her head to the side, studying his face. “Did you know that earth ponies are the most fertile mares?”

“Wh--”

“It’s true. Millions of years of evolution have turned us into breeding factories, from our round, firm, thick bottoms and out superior vaginal tightness and elasticity. It’s also been documented that an earth pony’s heat is also much more intense and lasting.”

“The fuck are you--”

“Our stamina is also by and far better than the other two races. A mare can plow a field and you can plow her all night long and she’d come back for more.” “

“Will you just stop a second and--”

“She would also be able to take whatever you threw at her and ask for more.”

“Maud, I swear to fucking Christ--”

“Use her mouth as a fleshlight, have her stroke you with her hooves until you came all over her face, pressing her face into the dirt while you mounted her and rutted her until your thick, potent seed was spilling out of her.”

Maud was beginning to pace, not taking her eyes off him. Her expression was still the same, but there was a change in her tone. It was very slight, but Anon could have sworn that she sounded… excited.

“I believe that my sister knew your preference for earth ponies. She possibly also knew of my sexual frustration, and believed that we would benefit in each other’s company. Anonymous?”

“What?!” Anon yelled, nearly leaping off of the couch. “What on earth do you want, you weird, crazy…”

He trailed off as Maud lowered her front half to the floor. Grabbing her frock, she pulled it up her body, revealing her backside. It was big, round, with a pleasing jiggle as the earth pony lifted her butt a little higher.

“You seem upset,” she said. “Why don’t you use all that pent up aggression on this slutty little filly?”

She lifted her tail out of the way and spread her back legs. Her marehood was swollen and winking. Her rump and legs were coated in arousal. Maud flicked her tail, wafting a earthy, tangy scent in his direction. Her marehood winked, causing a spurt of cum to hit the ground below her.

“Do you see how wet I am?” she said, giving her rump a wiggle. “It should be ample lubrication, though, if you’d like, you could use my mouth until you feel comfortable with ruining my breeding hole.”

“...”

“That was my attempt at seduction. Would you like it if I called you daddy? I know that some stallions enjoy it.”

Anon, his hands settling into his lap, just stared at the crazy horse. His mouth opened and closed, trying to force words to come. Maud just stared back at him patiently, marehood winking.

Finally, he let out a sigh. “Fuck it. Get that dress off and show me where your bedroom is.”

Maud rose to all four hooves, pulling off her frock and tossing it away. She was around the same size as Pinkie, but far more powerfully built. She was no Applejack, but she seemed like a very solid mare, with the only traces of fat concentrating in her ass.

“Thank you for the opportunity, Anon,” she said.

“Quit talking like that, you weird little nympho. This isn’t a job interview,” Anon replied, walking over to her and scooping the mare into his arms.

Maud pressed her muzzle into the nape of his neck, inhaling deeply. “Go through the door on the right, then go straight for two rooms. That’s where my bedroom is,” she said, giving his throat a nip.

Anon nodded, making his way out of the living room.

“Anon?”

“Yes?”

“You are an omnivore, correct?”

“I am,” he replied, tilting his head and pulling his lips back to reveal his canines. “Eat both meat and plants.”

Maud blinked. “That is very arousing.”

The earth pony’s bedroom on the smaller side, and sparsely decorated. There was a bed, a work table covered with different types of rocks and knick-knacks, and a big bean bag chair. Anon kicked the bean bag chair to the other side of the room, striding over to the bed and dropping Maud onto it with a “pomf”.

He placed his arms on either side of her, pressing some of his weight down on her. Maud wiggled to get comfortable as he gave her neck a kiss.

“Please bite me,” she said. “The harder the better.”

She wrapped her forelegs around his neck as he pressed his lips against her coat. He could feel the warmth coming off her body. Opening his mouth, he bite down, adding more and more force. A pony’s coat was tougher than it looked; he knew that he could bite as hard as he wanted without breaking the skin. 

Maud tensed, before relaxing, mumbling something under her breath. Anon looked up to see her emotionless expression. Letting go of her, he kissed her a little higher, then bit again. That didn’t get him so much of a twitch. He went lower, sliding down and nuzzling his face into the tuft of fur on her chest. Maud just continued to stare down at him.

His eyes narrowed as he placed his hands on her hips. No matter what happened here in this bedroom, he was pretty certain of one thing. He was going to make her show some kind of emotion, or he was going to pull something in the attempt.

“You ready there, Maud?”

“Yes, I am ready and eager to engage in copulation,” Maud replied.

“You sure?”

“I’m brimming with excitement, as I’m sure you can tell.”

Resisting the urge to snort, he began to make his way down the earth pony’s body, licking, kissing, and biting as he went. All the while he kept his eyes glued to Maud’s face, looking for anything, a flash of emotion, a gasp, widening eyes, hell, even a moan would have been nice, but there was nothing. Even when he started sucking on her cute little teats she didn’t make so much as a sound.

Finally, he pulled away. “Maud?”

“Yes?” Maud said.

“Am I doing alright? Is there anything you want me to change up? he asked.

“No, you are doing extremely well,” the mare said. “Most stallions are too impatient for foreplay--”

Without warning, he ran his tongue up the length of her marehood. Her back legs jerked, lightly tapping the sides of her head, and Anon swore that he could see her face twitch, though it could have been a trick of the light.

“--I’ve also never had cunnilingus performed on me before.” she continued. “Please continue.”

She winked. Anon’s tongue darted out, giving her clit a lick before it popped back into its hood. He pulled away, licking his lips. Like most ponies, Maud had a sweet, earthy taste. Leaning down, he started to lick the mare’s mound clean. 

She wrapped her back legs around his head, taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly through her nose. It wasn’t much, but he took that as a sign that he was doing well. Kneading her ass with both hands, she parted her folds with the tip of his tongue.

Maud was warm, wet. Her inner muscles clenched around his tongue as he pressed it as deeply as he could. She winked against his nose, her grip on his head tightening. 

“Anon,” she said.

Anon continued to lick, her arousal coating his face. He was in no rush, lazily pulling his tongue out of her and playing with her clit. One of Maud’s legs twitched, and her eyes widened just a hair. 

“Anon.”

He started writing the alphabet with his tongue, every fourth or fifth letter wrapping his lips around her clit, lathering it with spit before letting it go. When he was finished with Z he once again tried to lick her clean, but this time it was impossible. The mare was dripping like a faucet, so instead he began running his tongue out the length of her marehood again and again, randomly speeding up and slowing down.

Letting out another sigh, Maud raised up a hoof, placing it on top of his head. “Anon,” she said, though this time it sounded a little different. Almost urgent.

Anon looked up just as her grip on his head became crushing. Her clit began to wink rapidly, and a spurt of mare cum hit him in the face. He was forced to close an eye, but not for a minute did he look away from Maud’s face.

There was absolutely nothing. No eyes crossing in pleasure, no face scrunching up, not even a yell or a smile. Just that same blank expression. Frustrated, he nevertheless continued licking her as she rode out her orgasm, only stopping once the legs around his head loosened their death grip.

“My orgasm was very intense,” Maud told him. “The sight of seeing your face covered in my cum is also extremely satisfactory.”

Untangling himself, from her legs, Anon stood up. He pulled his shirt off, using it to mop up his face. Tossing it away, he unbuckled his pants, fishing his cock out of his boxers. 

“That is your penis?”

“Yes.”

“It is of an adequate size and shape.”

“Thanks… I guess.”

“No. Thank you.”

Anon grabbed Maud’s legs, pulling her to the edge of the bed. Positioning himself over the mare, he let his dick fall onto her marehood. He grinding himself against her, coating his length with her arousal. His cockhead booped her clit, and he felt her body jerk.

“We’ll take this nice and slow at first. If I hurt you or anything just let me know.”

“I will, and thank you for the consideration to my well-being.”

“Don’t... fucking… you’re welcome, Maud.”

He pulled back until his tip was pressed against her folds. Slowly, he pressed forward. Her lips parted, there was some resistance, then his tip was greeted with warmth and wetness. Anon let out a sigh, as he pressed the first few inches inside of the mare before stopping. 

Maud squeezed him hard enough that it would have been nearly impossible to sink another inch. She did eventually relax, allowing him to press deeper inside of her. He did this a few more times, until, with a groan of satisfaction, he bottomed out. Looking down, he admired the sight, then up at Maud’s face.

“You… okay?” he asked, a bit out of breath.

“Your penis is very pleasurable,” Maud said.  “Not too thick to be uncomfortable, and long enough to completely fill me.”

“Maud?”

“Yes?”

“Could you please be quiet?”

“I can.”

“Thanks.”

Holding onto her hips tightly, he started to pull out, stopping halfway before pressing himself back in. Minutes passed, and he reached a good, steady rhythm, wet meaty smacks filling the air. Maud squeezed and flexed around him, clit winking. If he went deep enough, her legs would twitch and she might exhale through her nose, but the earth pony still wasn’t giving him anything. So, he played dirty.

Anon went from a steady speed to a break-neck pounding, to a snail's pace. He went base to tip, then grinding. When that still didn’t work he bent his knees, then got on his tiptoes, forcing his tip to slide against her walls. He even used his hands, playing with her teats, spanking her, giving her clit a rub. 

He beat her bottom until both cheeks were red and his arms ached and his fingers were coated in cum. His hips felt like they were on fire, and he was coated in a thin sheen of sweat. He still thrusted away with all of his might, getting more and more frustrated with each passing minute.

Slowly, Maud’s muzzle scrunched up. Her eyes closed, and she opened her mouth. A great big smile came to Anon’s face. He had finally done it, finally getting a proper reaction out of this crazy horse. That thought, that hope, was dashed as she simply tilted her head to the side and let out a dainty little sneeze.

“Excuse me,” she said, wiping her nose with the back of her hoof.

Anon stopped his thrusting. Deep inside of him, he felt something snap.

“Maud!”

“Yes?”

“Are you fucking enjoying this, or am I just standing here playing with myself?”

“I am enjoying myself immensely.”

“Really? Fucking really?”

“You are doing very well.”

Eye twitching, Anon pulled out of the mare.

“Are you tired, Anon?” Maud asked. “Would you like me to--”

Reaching down, he flipped the mare onto her belly. Pressing her face into the bed, he lifted her rump up and climbed into the bed.

“You’re gonna make a noise or something,” he growled, grabbing a fist full of her mane as he mounted her. “I don’t care what I gotta do, I’m not stopping until I get something.”

With one smooth thrust, he once again entered the mare. There was no build up this time. Pressing her full body weight onto her back, he started fucking her as hard and fast as he could. The bed creaked with each thrust, Maud’s body rocking forward as he held onto her. The earth pony tried to push back into his thrust, but he just held her more firmly, teeth gritted. 

“Come on,” he growled into the back of her neck, twitching inside of her as he bottomed out. “Come on you weirdlittlehorsefuckingmoanorsomethingyouslut!”


Maud clamped down around his cock, but he just thrust harder. He gave her tail a yank and, still thrusting, forced a thumb into her ass. The mare let out a squeak. It was high pitched, girlish sound, not Maud-like at all. Though he didn’t see it, the mare’s eyes crossed. She bit down on her bedsheets as, wide-eyed, she came.

Anon was in the middle of pulling out as her marehood became a vice. Cum started to leak around his member as she twitched and jerked. It felt amazing, but not nearly as amazing as what he had just accomplished.

“HA!” he yelled, throwing both hands up into the air. “Fucking... DID... IT!”

Still twitching, Maud fell sideways onto her side. Anon’s cock slipped out of the still cumming mare, smacking wetly against his belly, causing him to look down at her. Breathing hard, he touched her side.

“Maud, you alright... there?” he asked. “Maud?”

She continued to twitch for a few seconds more before going limp. A little concerned, he leaned over her, placing a hand close to her muzzle. Warm air hit his hand; she was still breathing. That breathing quickly turned into the sound of snoring. 

Anon shook his head as he got off the bed. He scooped Maud up in his arms, careful not to wake her. Pulling down the covers, he placed her back down onto the bed and covered her body.

“Sweet dreams. I hope the next guy you date evens you out a little…”

It took some looking, but he eventually found Maud’s bathroom. A quick shower and a drink straight from the sink later, he made his way back into the tunnels, head held high with a job well done. He could already feel that familiar soreness starting to rear its ugly head, but he was used to this sort of thing by now. Unfortunately.

Pinkie was waiting near the outside of the tunnel. The mare was playing with one of those cup and ball toss toys, her tongue stuck out in concentration as she tried her best to get the ball into the cup. Her ears perked up as he walked toward her. Looking over at him, she smiled.

“Nonners!” she said, stuffing the toy back into her mane. “You’re back!”

“Quit calling me Nonners,” Anon replied, walking past her. Pinkie was soon bouncing alongside him, looking as pleased as punch.

“Sooooooooo, did you make Maud feel better?”

“She’s asleep right now,” he said. “I would check up on her in the morning if I were you.”

“I already know just the breakfast I’m gonna make her,” Pinkie said. “Scrambled rubies, her favorite!”

“Good for you.”

Pinkie leapt at him, hooves outstretched. Anon kept walking as the mare crawled all around his body before settling on his shoulders, head resting on top of his.

“Another friendship problem solved by the bestest human in Equestria,” she said.

Anon snorted. “That wasn’t a friendship problem. I’m pretty sure that was just you wanting me to fuck your sister, you pink little turd.”

“It was not, you silly goose.”

“It was, just like it always is. I don’t even know why I expected it to be any different. Every time you girls want me to go do something my dick inevitably comes out. I’m like some dick-based friendship cannon.”

Pinkie giggled. “That was awful, Nonners.”

“I know.”

 “I’ll have to tell Rainbow that one. She loves awful jokes.”

“It wasn’t a joke, though I kinda wish it was. The worst bit is that you all come to me and say I’m not gonna fuck someone and I know you’re lying, but you trick me into doing it anyway.””

Still giggling, Pinkie nuzzled the top of his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll make this up to you.”

“You better. I could have been doing a whole lot of nothing today.”

They were quiet for a few minutes. The sounds of birds chirping could be heard in the distance.

“...Hey Pinkie?”

“Yeah, Nonners?”

“I think your sister has a race superiority thing.”

“Why do you think that?”

“The way she was talking about earth ponies, and… You know what? Maybe that’s a thing you two can talk about tomorrow.”

“I don’t think I need to talk about my sister being a feisty filly, Anon.”

“...Fair enough.”