> The Other Side of Someday
>  by FoolAmongTheStars
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> How It Came To This?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

She wasn’t the type to drink (if anything, the liquor just made her drowsy instead of drunk and enhanced her already clumsy nature), but just for tonight, she allowed herself to "loosen up," like what most of her colleagues told her on occasion. So, there she was, at the far end of the bar table, browsing her email with her smartphone as she waited for her drink to be served.

Starlight thought about asking some of her friends from work to come along, but just thinking about the mindless chatter she would have to sit through and the countless drinks everyone would consume, taking advantage of the happy hour special, already made her feel exhausted. Besides, it's always nice to have some time alone, given the nature of her work. Human interaction in the classroom and inside the department office can be pretty tiring, too. Not that she hated people—she loved them; she just needed to recharge after a long day of lectures, reading papers, and writing reports she's sure her supervisor doesn't even bother reading. She rolled her eyes at the amount of work she did only to receive little recognition.

An ice-cold margarita is pushed in her direction. Starlight rewarded the bartender with a small smile and goes back to reading her emails, her phone's backlight illuminating her pale face. Her phone rang and a photo of a young lady flashed on the screen. It’s Sunset Shimmer, her daughter's babysitter for the late afternoon.

"Hello, Sunset," she greeted with little enthusiasm in her voice. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," the young lady replied, "it’s just that little Luster Dawn wants to talk to you. Here she is."

She heard some shuffling from the other line, a tired smile painted on her lips as she anticipated hearing the cheery tone of her daughter.

"Hello, mommy," a soft, high-pitched voice chimed in her ear, "when are you coming home? You already missed dinner."

Starlight broke into a grin at the sound of Luster's voice. "Hey, sugarplum. Mommy will be home a little later than usual, okay? Don't worry about dinner; mommy already ate hers from the restaurant across the school," she answered her kid with an upbeat tone. "Did you give Miss Shimmer a hard time?"

"Nuh-huh! I've been a good girl like I promised!" Starlight pictured her daughter’s pouting face, scrunching cheeks, and nose crinkling. She held her chuckle.

"Yeah, you should keep your promise, after all, promises are supposed to be kept, right? Anyway, mommy is busy right now so I have to say goodbye or I'll be home even later."

"Okay," Luster agreed, defeat laced in her tone, and this made her heartache a little.

"Starlight," the voice belonged to Sunset Shimmer now, and in the background, she could hear her munching on something. Starlight secretly prayed she didn't touch her secret stash of chocolate with almonds in it. "Why are you still out? That's very unusual."

The young woman sighed and reached out for her cold drink. "Well, I'm...out for some drinks."

"Drinks? But I thought you didn't drink?"

"Yeah, I don't, but tonight is an exception, I guess?"

She heard Sunset Shimmer hum. "Bad day in the office, I'm guessing?"

Starlight shook her head. "Not really, but it's been a long day for me, I just want to take my mind off things, relax, unwind, you know?"

"Hm, well, alright then, but are you sure you're alright? I can go there and leave Luster to my girlfriend if you need a friend."

"There’s no need, I'm really fine, Sunset, thanks for the concern. I just need this time for myself, I'm sorry you have to extend your stay at my house."

Sunset Shimmer chuckled. "No sweat, Starlight! You know I love hanging out with Luster!"

Starlight’s smile this time is more genuine. She’s reminded of how lucky she is to have found Sunset Shimmer and her heart of gold; she made a mental note to pay her extra for her troubles. "Thank you, and maybe next time I'll take you on your offer, though don't count on it happening anytime soon. I'm pretty bad at drinking."

"Don’t worry Starlight, go ahead and have fun, I'll hang up now. I'll put Luster to bed in a little while and maybe watch a movie. Bye!" She didn’t even wait for her to say goodbye and the line was cut. Typical Sunset Shimmer. Starlight slipped her phone inside her bag and proceeded to drink her margarita.

A lot can happen in a year, Starlight knew from experience, which meant that a lot more could happen in six years: like getting her degree, working as a head researcher, shifting careers to teaching in the university, and then marriage. 

Marriage was something she never thought would happen to her until she met him—the love of her life—while she was doing fieldwork. He is anything but congenial and eloquent, but he gets things done and he has this air around him that makes you feel he can be trusted with your life. He wasn't bad on the eyes either, which she thought is just a bonus among the other admirable characteristics that she found in him (even if things were pretty uphill between them the first few days they worked together). 

His name is Sunburst. He was a research assistant when they met and still was a research assistant under Mi Amore Cadenza, or simply known as Cadance. Thinking about it now, she found it strange how she fell in love with this awkward man, and even stranger how this awkward man reciprocated her feelings. But she wasn’t in a position to be choosy, and it'd be a lie if she convinced herself that she wasn’t harboring any strong feelings for this guy, even to this day. They dated casually for three months, were an official couple for eight months, and before the year ended, he proposed to her quietly with a simple silver ring with a little emerald stone—no elaborate setups or even hidden cameras to document their engagement; just the ocean, the stars, and them.

It was hard to believe, but they were in love. Madly. A year after they sealed the deal, she gave birth to Luster Dawn, now 6. They were a happy family. Were.

Now 32, Starlight Glimmer is divorced, has full custody of their daughter, and is harried and stressed from all the work she needs to accomplish as an associate professor. 

Where have the years gone? She often asked herself every time she was left on her own, especially in those cold, quiet nights in her bedroom (when it used to be their bedroom). Sometimes she can't sleep so she goes to the kitchen and drinks a cup of warm milk to get her sleepy, and sometimes she is overcome and overwhelmed by too many thoughts and feelings that she bursts into tears and cries herself to sleep. Where have the years gone?

She hasn't seen a trace of her estranged husband since they divorced. She doesn’t even know where he was or what he was doing, and this used to make her stomach churn and her chest hurt for quite some time until she got used to his absence. Luster seemed to be faring better than she did, though she noticed that she was a lot more detached than most of the kids her age. It's as if her daughter was forced to cope at her age, and detachment happened to be the most convenient defense mechanism for her. This made her stay up late at night, only to cry some more because Starlight felt guilty for everything. Maybe if she weren’t so caught up with her ambitions or maybe if she allowed Sunburst in every aspect of her life, perhaps Sunburst would still be with them, Luster would still be cheerful and innocent, and she wouldn't be spending most of her nights mulling about the past over and over again, weeping, and blaming herself in secret.

The young woman snickered and shook her head at the thought. There was no point in thinking of such things. Sunburst is gone. The family she dreamed of having is gone. The life that she's worked hard for might be gone if she doesn't get it together.

But tonight, Starlight allowed herself to just be and drink. Margarita tastes nice, after all. So much better than the red wine her ex-husband favored, to be honest. It doesn't smell nauseating, too.

Alright, he didn’t drink much at all, but when he did, he held his liquor much better than she ever could, something he liked to tease her about much to her annoyance; but look at her now, red cheeks, sleepy eyes, and a hazy mind.

"How ironic," she mumbled to herself as she wiped her lips with a napkin. She left her payment and a tip beside her empty glass and prepared to head home. She called the attention of the bartender and pointed to her bill before standing up from the stool to leave.

Feeling a little woozy ('It was just one freaking glass,' she berated herself), she accidentally tripped on one of the legs of a stool that wasn’t properly returned under the bar table, but she managed to reach out for something to stop her fall.

It's someone's hand, her mind registered, but there was something oddly familiar about it.

Starlight looked up, smile and apology at the ready, only to have her voice caught in her throat. Her eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Of all the people she ended up tripping in front of, it had to be her ex-husband.

The universe must be punishing her.
> Hearts Don't Break Even
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

They find themselves sitting on a bench in the middle of a dimly lit park across the bay. Starlight looked at the man at her side with an intrigued look. He didn’t notice because his eyes are fixed on the ground, and his hands are stuffed into the pockets of his blue sweater. Typical Sunburst, she smirked. 'Seems like there are things that haven't changed, huh?' She pondered as she stared ahead, squinting as she made sense of their surroundings.

She doesn't know why he was here with her when he could've stayed at the bar and drink himself to oblivion or slumber or something, but he's here. She wanted to make sure that she wasn’t seeing things, that this wasn’t the alcohol (which is crazy, because she only had one glass), and that, yes, this was Sunburst, in the flesh and very much alive and well. She reached out with her hand tentatively, but backs away at the last minute, unsure of how he would react, or if he was even going to react at all.

"I didn't know you were in the area." She began. She was always the first one to speak when it came to this man.

Sunburst finally looked at her from the corner of his silver glasses, but his hands never leave his pockets. "I just arrived here, about three hours ago."

She sighed and smiled. "Work?"

He nodded, and then his eyes were glued to the ground again. "Cadance is here, too."

"Of course," she agreed softly, "she's your boss."

Hidden underneath his beard, it was small and almost unrecognizable, but Starlight could tell that Sunburst was smiling as he nodded.

If the air around them weren’t so thick, and if the tension between weren’t so palpable, the woman would have laughed at the absurdness of the situation. It was hilarious to think how silence always came easy for them, with Sunburst being reserved by nature, but this wasn’t the kind of quiet that she found comforting. It was heavy, gloomy, and almost suffocating. It didn’t help that it was just the two of them, nothing to distract them or to break the tension. The sound of the ocean crashing on the rocky shore wasn’t enough to drown the growing air of awkwardness embracing them. Someone had to do something, she told herself, and she braced herself for another round of contrived pleasantries but he beat her to it.

"How's…everything with you?"

'Everything with me?' she echoed in her head, ' you really mean to ask me that right now, huh?' Starlight rolled her eyes and snorted. "Great. What about you?"

Sunburst didn’t answer immediately (but he usually didn’t answer immediately, she reminded herself). She saw him frowning slightly and he seemed to be deep in thought (which he usually was, she reminded herself again). She couldn’t tell what it was, but she was certain his mind was churning.

"How's Luster?" he answered with a question, and this irritated her slightly because he always told her what's wrong, and what he was thinking. Perhaps something changed in the two years since they've separated?

But she told herself to calm down. Starlight breathed in, and breathed out, and stopped when she felt the thumping in her chest lessen. She looked at him and forced a grin on her lips before replying. "She's in first grade now, and she seems to be enjoying school for someone her age."

He chuckled lightly (and oh, how she missed that sound). "I guess she got that from me, huh?"

Starlight snorted. "Well, she got her beauty and her stubbornness from me. She had to get something from you."

She willed herself not to lose it when she saw the fond smile on his face—something that she also missed, she daresay—when she talked some more about their daughter. It was almost endearing; almost, because they aren't together anymore, and he's not supposed to be endearing in any way, because he's no longer her husband. Right now, it feels like her chest has been hacked several times and left on the road to bleed.



Somehow, he escorted her to her home (previously their home), but this time, Sunburst walked in step with her. The silence that sat between them wasn’t as heavy and as crusty, but they are still an arm's length away from each other, and Starlight didn’t reach out to make sure that she wasn’t imagining this whole thing. She didn’t feel woozy anymore, maybe she sweated the alcohol out of her system about an hour ago, with all the brisk walking and the nervousness she put herself through.

In all honesty, she wanted to know how he was doing. Had he been eating healthily like he's supposed to? Had his hermit-like lifestyle changed at all since they broke up? Was he sleeping well and getting enough rest (unlike her, who's gotten used to tossing and turning and weeping in the dead hours of the night)? How was he dealing with their divorce? Was he seeing someone new (and this made her chest ache, much to her shock)? Had he started over with a new family (the chest constrictions are back again)? She shook her head as discreetly as she could to rid her mind of such thoughts and decided to talk some more before he left again.

"What brings you here?" Not exactly on the top of the list of her questions, but she was curious about this too.

He took his time answering again, he frowned and cleared his throat. "Cadance and the rest of our team will be here for a while because we'll be implementing her research in several universities around the area."

"Oh? Research on what?"

"Student attitude towards their elective classes at the tertiary level. Each of us is assigned a university to gather data from."

Starlight nodded. "Which university are you assigned to?"

She saw his face fall for a moment before it returned to his usual unperturbed expression. Starlight cocked an eyebrow, telling him to go on (like she always did when they got into petty arguments). Sunburst's gaze shifted from his leather shoes to her eyes, and his fingers are once again fumbling with his sweater. She nodded her head once, a sign that impatience was starting to take over (which usually happened when Sunburst didn’t want to talk about their issues every time they fought).

He sighed loudly and closed his eyes. "I'm assigned to your university."

"Oh." Starlight briefly wondered if the Gods above had forsaken her. "Uh, looking forward to working with you, I guess?"

Sunburst lets out an awkward chuckle as he reached out his hand to her. "I guess?"

But she didn’t take the offered hand. She just stared at it for a moment before walking ahead.



They are in front of Starlight's house, standing close to the gate, and waiting for Sunset to let her in. She heard the sound of the wooden door creak open; she saw a blur of red and yellow approaching them from the small grills of the steel gate. The lock clicked and the gateway swung open, and they're greeted by a smiling Sunset.

"Welcome back!" she greeted sweetly, then paled when her eyes finally saw the person standing next to her. "S-Sunburst?!"

Said man only offered a little smile and a nod. "It's been a while, Sunset."

She opened the gate wider to step out and handed Starlight the keys to the house. "Y-Yeah, long time no see." And she laughed awkwardly as she alternately looked at the ‘couple’ in front of her and started to leave. "Anyway, Luster's asleep now, and I need to show up to work early tomorrow so, bye you two, I gotta go! Good night!"

Even before Starlight could say good night and hand her the money, Sunset Shimmer was off, without even sparing a look. She sighed.

Her eyes met his once more as she fumbled with the keys in her hands, the metal ringing merrily in the night. "You didn't have to walk me home, but thanks for the company."

"Yeah, no problem, I left my car at the place where we're all staying anyway." He mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck, something Starlight knew meant he was embarrassed. She almost giggled.

"It's okay. I like walking anyway—" she wondered if she should even be keeping him this long when they aren't married anymore, so she paused and exhaled as she grabbed the handle of the gate. "Good night, Sunburst."

She doesn't even wait for him to reply, she just closed the gate in front of his face and didn’t look back to check if he left immediately or if he stayed for a while. Half of her is disappointed that he didn't stop her from closing the gate on him, but the other half is relieved that he wasn’t there, any more time with him and she would’ve asked him to spend the night, and who knew where that could lead (that was a lie, she knew where it will lead to. The Lord knew she longed for what it would lead to). But she couldn’t do that. They couldn’t do that. Not anymore. And she had a daughter to go back home to. She can't just leave Luster for her own, selfish desires.



She dropped by Luster Dawn’s room before heading to hers. She sat on the edge of the bed and planted a kiss on the little girl’s forehead, gently petting the messy curls of soft blonde hair. By then, her eyes were watery, and she did her best to hold her tears until she was inside her bathroom for a nice, cold shower to cap the day off.

"I'm sorry mommy couldn't give you a nice and loving family." She whispered, and a lone tear trickled down her cheek. Before the waterworks could escalate, she stood up from the bed and gently closed the door to her daughter's room. Someone would be spending an hour in the shower, crying, it seemed.

And she did cry. She cried because she felt guilty for her family falling apart. She cried because Sunburst is back, but not in her arms, or in the house, or in her life, and she didn’t realize until then that she wasn’t over the man, even if she hadn’t seen or heard from him for two solid years. She cried because she felt pathetic for not being able to move on as she should have done. She cried because in reality, what she really wanted was someone—not just Luster—to share her achievements and her life with her. She cried because she wanted that someone to be Sunburst. Badly. Why did she have to see him again, if it was only going to make things more difficult for her?

She turned the faucet off and took a deep breath. The heavens must hate her with a burning passion, she thought and stepped out of the shower area to dry herself up. Because if it had her best interest in mind then why did they make her cross the same road again?

Screw destiny; this was the universe giving her a middle finger for being the horrible person that she was.
> Heaven's Gate Is So Near
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

So maybe God hadn’t forsaken her after all, Starlight thought as she climbed a flight of stairs inside an all-too-familiar office building. Just a week ago, her therapist texted her that she's back from her leave, and asked if she still wanted to continue their sessions after her sabbatical. Starlight replied a few seconds later with a desperate yes. She needed all the help she could get.

Miss Luna is a wonderful person. When her marriage was nearing its end, Sunset Shimmer referred her to Luna, who happened to be a good friend of the former. There's something about Luna that Starlight found comforting, like her calm persona, her kind smiles, and her gentle prodding each time she spaced out or got too chatty during counseling. Part of the reason why she hadn’t gone completely insane in life was because of their counseling sessions, and the fact that she felt safe around Luna.

Starlight knocked before turning the knob and opening the door slowly. Her eyes roamed to check if her counselor was doing anything and found her unoccupied. She saw her smiling, sitting on her usual seat behind her big desk, and beckoning her to sit on the couch like always. She opened the door completely and greeted Luna curtly before settling on her usual spot. Luna rolled her office chair in front of her and sat down.

"It's been a while, Miss Glimmer. How are you faring?"

Starlight leaned comfortably on the couch and sighed contentedly. She flashed a lopsided grin before replying. "Well, a lot better than the first few months of my divorce. Oh, and my ex is back."

Luna usually wore a neutral expression for the whole hour, but this time, her brows furrow and her lips pursed a little at the word, 'ex.' "Go on."

Starlight's hands found her face as she cupped her cheeks and shook her head. "I thought I was doing alright since it's been two solid years since we've seen or talked to each other. Luster doesn't cry as much anymore, and I've been sleeping pretty easily for the past few months, but when I saw him a few days ago," she paused, willing her eyes not to water, and her voice not to falter. She sighed and looked at her counselor in the eye. "Miss Luna, it seems like the wound opened again."

The woman doesn't say anything. She only nods once, and from the subtleties of their sessions, Starlight knew it was her cue to keep talking.

"I thought that everything would be fine if I just gave myself time, but it seems like I'm still very much affected by our divorce. And this sounds so terrible and crazy and silly and so not me, but he was my first love. My first love. I never thought about marriage or love or anything of that sort until Sunburst, but we're not together anymore, and the worst part is, I'm hurting again because I'm the one who was so strong about breaking up, thinking it was for the best, some shit like that," she groaned as she rested her forehead on her palm. "I hate myself even more this time!"

She felt a hand on her left knee. "You're being irrational again, Miss Glimmer."

And just like that, she calmed down, her breathing evens, and her chest feels light. Starlight breathed in deeply and slowly released her breath, allowing all of her body to relax, just like how she was told to do when engulfed by intense feelings. She was honestly amazed that she didn’t have hypertension, given the number of times she easily gets worked up over every little thing, especially since the divorce.

Starlight closed and opened her palms slowly and repeatedly to make sure that she was finally calm and relaxed before proceeding. "Sometimes I wonder if I just gave up too easily when I told him that I was filing for a divorce. But then sometimes I'm convinced that what we decided was for the best. Even so, I still find myself revisiting the moment we both raised the white flag and I ponder the many ways I could've saved our marriage."

"But didn't he agree to go through with the divorce?"

Starlight nodded. "I do feel that he should have insisted to not go through with it, though. I still remember how he almost looked lost when I insisted it was for the best since we were arguing and disagreeing more than usual when I told him we should stop before it could get worse." She snickered humorlessly. "The main reason I was so stubborn about going through with it was that I couldn't stand that kind of life regularly. God knows what could've happened if we’d stayed together."

Starlight covered her face with her hands again, something she did when she's on the verge of anger or tears (as pointed out by her counselor). "But here I am, a mess after seeing Sunburst unexpectedly. And I was convinced I was okay."

Luna nodded slowly in understanding. “Recovery is a long and arduous process, don’t beat yourself up just because you still have lingering feelings for him. Though I do have to ask, is there more to it than your previous relationship with him that’s making you act this way? Usually, time and distance can help a lot when it comes to moving on.”  

'It’s because I still care about him,' is what she wanted to say, but her words are lodged in her throat. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to admit it, because it would mean that she was acknowledging how wrong her judgment had been, and despite everything she’d been through, Starlight was still very much a prideful woman, and she would rather eat nails than be proven wrong. Besides, she felt pathetic for being so shaken by a person who seemed to be doing just fine without his family. Without her. She was pathetic.

So, she settled for a lame: "I don't know. I guess I didn't realize how much I was still hurting because I've been so busy with work and stuff," instead.

Her counselor's face is expressionless once more, but there's a ghost of a knowing smile on her lips. "We'll talk more about this when you're ready."



It's already dark when her session is over, and she walked out with her chest feeling a little lighter and her head a little clearer. She learned that there are things that she still found awkward to talk about (like her feelings, for one), but Miss Luna was patient with her despite her stubbornness. Anyone else would’ve given up on her by now, but not her counselor. And Starlight's sure that it's not because she was paid to listen and to be patient, but because Luna cared for her well-being.

She mentally counted the number of people with whom she could share intimate details about her life and found only a handful. There's Sunset Shimmer (who ironically was a friend of Sunburst's before becoming her friend), the cafeteria lady at the university who reserved a meal for her each day (Mrs. Cake also had children, so Starlight would often ask her for advice when it came to raising Luster), Shining Armor (who happened to be Sunburst's best man during their wedding), and Sunburst…if she could still count him as a friend. Though Celestia Prince and Star Swirl do check on her now and then, the fact that they're her bosses (department chair and secretary, respectively) makes her uncomfortable sharing all her woes and every tiny morbid detail of her sad life. That's just too friendly for a boss-subordinate type of association.

She sighed and then laughed at how terrible her social situation was. She realized that she didn’t make as many friends as Sunburst did—and to think that she was the most approachable and outgoing one between them—because she's too professional, too ambitious, too career-oriented. In summary, she was just too much, and it didn’t make her feel better.

Oh, this never-ending cycle of self-loving and self-loathing was wearing her out.

Starlight entered an empty chapel that her feet led her into while pondering and sat on the pew that's nearest to the exit. For some reason, it became a habit of hers to go to this particular chapel during ugly days just like this one, which was strange since she wasn’t very religious, to begin with. It wasn’t even a question of whether she believed in God or gods or none at all, but it was more like she hadn’t been practicing faith at all. This ritual began ever since Sunset Shimmer invited her to join this bible study thing that she went to every Wednesday night (she knew because she made it a point not to ask Sunset Shimmer to babysit Luster on Wednesday nights). Somehow, she got roped in without much resistance on her end, and now she's here.

"I hope you don't think I'm too much for you, too," she said to no person in particular. She's gotten used to saying her prayers aloud somehow, but she mostly only did this when she was by herself. "I’d be really sad if that were the case, but if it is, I guess I can't blame you. I mean, I'm alone…and lonely because I can't just settle for something good. I…refuse to meet anybody in the middle, I care so much about my goals that I'm hurting those closest to me in the process, and now it's come to this." She paused to control the rising misery in her heart before continuing. "Please tell me you don't hate me, God." She whispered; desperation laced in her tone. "I'm already so, so lonely."



She made sure she looked presentable before stepping out of the chapel. After all, teachers and professors are expected to look their best, no matter how dire the circumstances were. With one last look into her pocket mirror—and making sure that her face was dry—Starlight marched out of the chapel's washroom wearing her best-rehearsed look of professionalism (eyes to the front, back straight, long, confident strides, and chin up).

Only to bump into someone's chest the moment she exited the chapel. Classic Starlight.

"I'm so sorry!" she quickly apologized as she steps back. "My head was som—"

She stopped because right in front of her stood Sunburst, wearing just a pair of black shorts and a white shirt, which was somewhat see-through with the sweat he collected. When they first meet, he had been thin but had little to no muscles to speak of, something that made him very insecure, she remembered encouraging him to take on jogging when they started dating, and she would jog with him to keep him motivated. 

Now, standing under the twilight and the streetlight, she saw that he’d kept up with his exercise, and probably added something more to his routine, judging by the slight muscles on his arms. 

'I thought I begged you not to hate me, God.' She whined mentally. 'What's this about?'

"Oh, I, uh, it's okay? You've always been like that anyway." Sunburst dismissed with a shrug. "So, you go to church now?"

Starlight's eyes followed where his finger was pointing and nodded. "Sunset Shimmer invited me."

He smirked. "You were not religious when I met you."

She frowned. "You weren’t a champion in religion when I met you," she retorted, but her voice lacked venom. "Besides, I wasn't practicing then, but I did grow up in a religious family."

Silence followed them as always, the kind that made one wish for the ground to swallow them or for something majestic and out-of-the-ordinary to take place, anything to break the awkward pause. She knew that Sunburst was staring at her, and she kept herself from meeting his eyes, out of fear of anything she might find (or might not find). His gaze was heavy, as it's always been, whether he was looking out for her, wanted her, or was mad at her. Right then, it's a different kind of weight that his stare carried, and Starlight realized that there are still some things that she didn’t know about Sunburst, like what exactly was he thinking and why was he looking at her like that.

"I…I have to go now." She told him and motioned for him to step aside so she could pass.

But he doesn't move, instead, he reached for her arm and held it (gently, like she liked it). "Do you have to go now?"

"Yes. Luster's waiting for me. And I have to cook our dinner." She replied with firmness and finality.

She watched as his face fell (just like the last time they saw each other and were alone), a frown marring his handsome face. "Okay then. But…can I walk you home?"

Walk her home? They're supposed to be divorced, not friendly! Starlight gingerly removed his hand from her arm and sighed. "No need for that. I'm going. Bye, Sunburst."

"Wait—"

But she's already a few steps away, thanks to her long strides. Starlight doesn't even spare him a look as she continued to cross the road.
> There's no Fun in Funny
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Starlight turned off her computer and leaned on her office chair. Her back hurt from sitting too long, and her hands weren’t faring much better either. She spent her whole afternoon encoding her students' grades for the end of the semester and was writing her reports since the end of her break, almost nonstop. If her colleague hadn't reminded her of lunchtime, she might've missed it. But at least she was done with all the paperwork she needed to do, that way, she could go home earlier than usual, and maybe even pick up Luster from school like she used to. Her daughter would probably like that.

She looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to find that she was an hour shy of passing the 12-hour mark since she left the house. She stepped out of the house at 7 in the morning, to drop off Luster at school before heading to work, and it was now 6 in the evening. Looking around she saw that almost everyone—if not everyone—had left the building, her cubicle the only one with the lights on. She had never been this inattentive of the time, not even during her periods of enthusiasm when working on a project or conducting interesting research. Ever since Luster was born, she learned to be aware of the time so as not to keep her child to fend for herself. 

The teacher immediately looked for her phone, found it inside her purse where she tossed it in sometime after lunch and saw a barrage of calls and messages from Sunset Shimmer, the last message sent thirty minutes ago. She unlocked her screen and began to read.

Today. 3:30 PM

What time will you be home? I'm already fixing Luster some snacks so if you're on your way and thinking of buying something, you don't have to. 

Today. 4:28 PM

I'm guessing it's OT again? Luster's asking for you, but you're not replying. Anyway, my girlfriend and I are meeting some old friends from our hometown at 6:30, and I still have to buy food for everyone (because we all know Twilight can't cook to save her life) she'll be home at exactly 6:30. She'll pick up our friends from the train station. I can't leave Luster here.

Today. 5:13 PM

You're probably going to kill me, but I brought Luster to the store and promised her a bowl of ice cream for dessert later. I told you; I can't just leave her alone. Answer your phone when you can.

Today. 5:30 PM

I'm guessing you're busy if you’re ignoring my texts and calls. Anyway, just letting you know that Luster's with us, so no need to worry if you're coming home late and you don't see us. This is NOT kidnaping okay. This is me, being a responsible adult. And of course, you have to pay me extra!

"Oh, good lord," she muttered as she checked her missed calls and sees 6 from Sunset. She hurriedly typed her reply after that. At least Sunset had the mind to keep her daughter in her watch and to remind her to pay her extra for the extended services, but she really couldn’t complain, since Sunset’s been a treasure, especially when things were starting to get cloudy on her corner of the world.

After another fifteen minutes of putting her papers in a neat file, arranging the other trinkets on her desk, and double-checking if all the electronic gadgets and appliances were turned off, Starlight turned off the lights and proceeded to the college lobby. That was when she heard the thunder rumble and the wind blow.

"But it's the middle of summer!" she hissed as she looked and felt inside her bag for her umbrella.

When she finds none, she marched back to the faculty room and searched for a spare umbrella among her things, but all she found were a pair of heels, an extra canvas bag for bringing some of her papers home, and her stash of jasmine tea. What a time to be alive!

She sighed in defeat as she rearranged her bag. She thought about waiting for the weather out in the building, and if the summer rain persisted, she would have to walk home in the rain and hope the water didn’t ruin her work clothes. She texted Sunset to let Luster stay with them for the night since she'll be paying her extra anyway and tomorrow would be Saturday, which meant Luster had no school. 

She was too busy typing her response when she left the faculty room to notice anything else, and on the way to the lobby she looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of red hair coming out of the men's room. Starlight's eyes widened and she froze on the spot, but she recovered almost immediately. She hoped he hadn’t noticed her—even though it would be impossible not to since she was standing in the middle of the empty hallway—but Murphy's Law decided to kick at the moment she tried to hide. She tripped on the loose rubbered edge of one of the steps leading to the lobby as she hurried, sending her to the floor with a loud thump and a yelp. She heard footfalls approaching, and hoped that is was the guard standing in front of her.

But with her streak of misfortune, this could only mean one thing.

"Didn't they tell you not to run up and down the stairs?"

Starlight doesn't even need to brush her bangs to the side to know who the owner of the voice and the one whose hand is on her shoulder belonged to. The voice is all too familiar.

"Ma'am, what happened here?"

Starlight straightened herself and looked up at the guard. "I just tripped on the stairs, that's all. Nothing to worry about, I’m alright!" she tells him, but what she wanted to do was to strangle and yell at him for coming to her aid only after her ex-husband came running to her side. 

With the guard watching, she allowed Sunburst to touch her—again—and he helped her get to her feet, the motions so familiar that it was almost nostalgic, strong arms supported her equally strong frame (from working out on weekends) as she finds her footing. She felt a little strain on her left ankle, but she dismissed it and hoped the pain would subside by tomorrow. The guard leaves shortly, but with worry etched on his face.

Sunburst hasn't let her go yet, and this was something he usually did after assisting her. Old habits die hard, it seemed. 

"I'm okay now," she reassured him, once again shaking off his hands from her arms. "I'm going home."

Sunburst released her carefully. Starlight silently thanked him for not keeping her for long as the last time. Then she turned around and her ankle immediately gave away. She didn’t hit the floor this time, though, for he was able to catch her.

She waited for him to chide her or even tease her for lacking grace and finesse, but that also didn’t come. Instead, she found herself being lifted off the ground, bridal style and being enveloped by the comfortable warmth that she used to come home to at the end of a long day. A whirlwind of emotions hits her as memories of being carried by Sunburst (she missed this, but won't say out loud) almost made her eyes teared up (because it only happened twice: the first being after they were married and he carried her through the threshold of their new home, the second being when her water broke and he carried her through the hospital’s emergency room).

"Put me down." She weakly protested. "I-I need to get my bag!"

He puts her down slowly, but her feet don’t even touch the ground before she's in his arms again (technically, she hadn’t left).

"There, I got it for you." He quipped and then he started heading towards the exit like everything was normal.

Starlight gave him a mortified look. "Sunburst! I told you to put me down!" She hissed because if she yelled, they would be too noisy, and she didn’t want to bother the poor guard with one of their silly dramas. She felt like God or destiny or whatever had dropped her in the middle of a bad soap opera for the sake of their amusement.

Despite her struggling, Sunburst doesn't budge. He doesn't even flinch when she swung her legs violently in the hopes of reaching the ground, but when pain shot up her injured ankle, she quickly stopped moving. He adjusted his hold on her and doesn't say a word.

"Hey, grab my umbrella and hold it over us once we get outside, I might have to put you down to open the door though.”

She grabbed his beard instead of the parasol and forced him to face her. "Where the hell are you taking me, Sunburst?"

He grinned. "Home."
> Just For Tonight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neither of them spoke since they left the university grounds, and it honestly unnerved her. Five minutes into the ride, all Starlight wanted to do was to get out of the car, but her ankle was throbbing, and she didn’t want to go home all drenched and sloppy. She knew that if anything, she should’ve been grateful that Sunburst happened to come across her on his way home. But the problem was, he's the very person she didn’t want to see or even be stuck in the same room with for a fraction of a second; he's her ex-husband after all (emphasis on ex). This only made things more confusing and awkward between them, on her side mostly.

The heavy and tense atmosphere inside the vehicle was a stark contrast to the lively streets outside. Despite the unwelcome shower, people were still coming in and out of bars and dance clubs, and food stalls were swamped with customers. The lights from the small establishments were blaring, and Starlight squinted as she entertained herself with watching the merriment from the passenger seat. She silently prayed for this ride to be over and done as soon as possible.

"How's your ankle?"

Sunburst's baritone snapped her from her daydreaming. She looked down at her left foot and spotted a slight swelling. It was probably an ugly shade of purple by now.

"Bad," she murmured as she tried to lift it only to wince immediately.

Sunburst didn’t miss her hiss and his head abruptly turned to her; concern written on his face. "We should take a look at that when we reach the house." He stated with finality, which startled her a bit.

Starlight rolled her eyes. "I'll take care of it once I reach the house. You don't need to do anything else."

His eyes were on the road again. He huffed. "You can't even stand for two seconds, besides I'm planning on staying up late anyway, so helping you for a while won't matter much."

'Don't you get it? I don't want you around me!' is what she wanted to scream, but she kept quiet instead and shrugged her shoulders. Well, knowing Sunburst, once he tells you something with surety, he'll follow through with it. It's both poison and cure.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." She said after a few beats of silence and crossed her arms over her chest with a frown. Okay, she'll let him have his way, just for tonight.



Twenty-five minutes later, Sunburst's car suddenly stopped in the middle of a quiet and empty street. The rain hadn't stopped, and it didn’t seem like it would anytime soon. Starlight tried to hide her frustrated groan as he repeatedly turned the ignition in the hopes of starting the car again.

"It seems like your battery's dead," she said and pointed at the icon blinking on the dashboard.

He looked at where she's pointing and sighed in defeat. "I knew I should've had it changed last weekend."

She tried not to chuckle. It seemed like Sunburst still put some errands to the last minute. It used to be a topic of their fights, too.

"The house is only five minutes away anyway. I guess I could hobble my way home." Starlight started to claim her things when she felt his hand stopping her. She shoot him a puzzled look.

"You stay here, I have an idea," came his ambitious reply. Classic Sunburst.

"What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer. He simply opened the door and stepped out into the rain. A few moments later she felt the car moving slowly across the street. Starlight was shocked to her bones and then remembered the light muscles on his arms when they ran into each other in front of the church, he certainly didn’t have them when they were married. But he surely didn’t intend on pushing the car all the way to the house? He wasn’t strong enough for that; besides, they were nearing the beginning of an incline.

She rolled the window down (which she immediately regretted once she got her face full of water) and stuck her head out the opening to look at him. “Hey!” she yelled a couple of times to be heard over the storm and get his attention. “Stop, we’re reaching a slope!”

Her ex kept pushing and grinned at her. “That’s the plan!”

The car began to descend and Starlight yelped, looking in front of her with wide eyes as the car gained speed. The driver’s door opened and closed abruptly, Sunburst depressed the clutch and put the car into second gear, but doesn’t start the engine, he simply stared at the speedometer until it reached five miles per hour and then he let go of the clutch. The engine sputtered for a bit before starting properly, just as the slope evened out again.

He grinned at her baffled expression before turning his eyes to the road. “You’ll catch a cold if you don’t close the window.”

She should’ve been mad, she should’ve yelled at him for pulling a stunt like that or at least punch him in the arm, but Starlight was just tired. Even after two years apart, she’s still used to his antics, however weird or funny they were. Besides, he had a point; the last thing she needed was to get a cold on top of her busted ankle. She rolled the window up and sat back into the nearly soaked seat, hoping this would be over soon, so she could take a warm shower and change into comfy clothes before her righteous anger made her strangle him.    



The five-minute distance took double to reach the gate. Sunburst's probably tired from all the pushing and putting up with the deluge, she thought. Starlight decided to honor his chivalry (even though he nearly gave her a heart attack) and let him inside the house. The car was parked in the garage—like it used to—and remained there until the spare battery was delivered to her doorstep. Sunburst's inside the bathroom (it used to be their bathroom) at the moment, so Starlight used this time to cook dinner for them. Fortunately for him, she still had some of his clothes in her closet (the ones she secretly stole from him, because she liked the way it hugged her form).

"Just like the old times," she whispered to herself as she rummaged for ingredients inside the fridge. It's not even a question of misogyny: Starlight is a decent cook, and Sunburst's only good at making tea and coffee. The first time he tried to feed her with his cooking (because she was too tired to function), she vowed never to overwork herself in the name of edible and tasty food.

She briefly wondered if she should cook his favorite dish tonight, but for some strange reason, she felt it was wrong. 'He's not your husband anymore,' she berated herself. Starlight convinced herself that cooking him dinner is already a reward in itself. She didn’t need to pamper him more than necessary. 

Starlight decided to cook the curry. It fitted the rainy weather after all.



She came back to the kitchen after a nice, warm shower, and saw Sunburst washing the dishes, which happened to be his favorite household chore—weird man—she recalled. She placed her damp towel on one of the chairs' backrests and ambled to the sink, drying the dishes without his prompting. He paused to look at her but continued to wash the pan a few seconds later. Starlight allowed herself a small smile, just because it had been two years since they fell into this kind of routine after dinner. Sometimes Luster even joined them and was in charge of placing the dirty dishes on the sink so that Sunburst could wash them.

The heartbreak in her chest was at it again, and if she weren’t so self-aware, she'd probably thought she was having acid reflux or something.

"The delivery boy called; he said the battery will have to wait 'til tomorrow because of the rain."

Starlight took this as her cue to stop losing herself in nostalgia.

"It's okay. You can stay the night." 

Sunburst nodded solemnly. "I'll sleep on the couch."

She silently agreed, and once again silence visited them like an old friend.

"Let's take a look at your ankle after this, 'kay?" He mumbled as he scratched the dried curry off the pan.

Well, she's humored him thus far, why stop now? "Sure."



She gave her bandaged ankle a once-over and smiled at how expertly done it was. His first aid lessons paid off; it seemed. The bandage wasn’t tight enough to aggravate the swelling, and it was loose enough that she could rotate her foot perfectly. Sunburst lightly patted her injured foot before he carefully set it down on the coffee table.

The quiet atmosphere between them was no longer tense or gloomy. It even appeared like they'd gotten used to each other's presence, despite their circumstances. It was almost as if they're still living together, still going to work together, still going home together, still sleeping together, and the only one missing in this almost homey picture was their daughter. It was all very dreamy, and it was making her feel lightheaded just thinking about it.

But then she remembered that she was the one who insisted on this kind of setup. She shouldn't be acting in that matter.

"Is it too constricting?" he asked her, eyes fixed on her bandaged foot.

Starlight shook her head. "It's fine. Thanks."

Sunburst looked like he wanted to say something, but he yawned as soon as he opened his mouth. She snickered.

"Someone’s way past their bedtime, it seems." She teased as she slowly lifted herself from the couch, and winced a little when she removed her foot from the table. "I'll go fetch some pillows and a blanket so you can rest."

But he blocked her way and kneeled on one knee, his back facing her. "I'll just bring you upstairs and get them myself."

Starlight was honestly surprised with his sudden kindness, (as if he's forgotten that she was the one who gave up on them), but decided to stop being stubborn for once and let herself be taken care of by Sunburst. 'Just for tonight,' she told herself for the hundred-time. She gingerly climbed on his back and his hands grasp her thighs as he lifted her with ease.

Starlight willed everything in herself to not lean too much into his warmth that she missed greatly.



He placed her on the large bed in her room before he opened the linen closet to retrieve a blanket and some throw pillows for tonight. Starlight adjusted herself on the bed carefully to keep her strained ankle from being aggravated.

"You know…" Starlight began, then paused and shook her head. "Never mind."

Sunburst only looked at her blankly, blanket and throw pillows in his arms. A small smile crossed his lips. "Good night, Starlight."

She returned the gesture. "Good night, Sunburst."

He left the room, but not without turning the lights off and closing the door. When she's sure that he wasn’t standing by the door, Starlight rolled over to her side and patted the empty side of the bed. She sighed heavily and tried not to cry (because if she started, it would be hard to stop).

"Idiot." She mumbled to herself as she closed her eyes and tried her best to sleep.
> Lets Take it Back
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunset Shimmer sighed after ringing the doorbell for the third time. She looked at the young girl standing beside her and grinned. Luster Dawn grinned back. She didn’t seem miffed or sad, thankfully, and it looked like she enjoyed herself last night with the other kids at the get-together, so all appeared to be well. Sunset rang the doorbell for the fourth time. Starlight better have a good excuse for letting her wait for fifteen minutes outside her house. And she had to make sure she didn’t forget to pay her extra for the overnight service.

"She might've slept really late last night," Luster mumbled, her eyes fixed on the small gate. "I'm like that too, when I sleep past my bedtime."

Sunset smiled. “Well, she did say she would be coming home late.” But she should’ve woken up by now, she knew from experience that the ringing of the doorbell was obnoxious and loud from inside the house. She narrowed her eyes at the gate.

The sound of the wooden door opening caught her ears, and Sunset reminded herself of what she rehearsed regarding what happened last night, and the extra pay. But Starlight wasn't the one who opened the gate and greeted them, much to her shock.

"Daddy!" Luster yelled excitedly as she jumped in place, throwing her arms up in the air to let her father pick her up.

Sunset was too stunned to speak, even as Sunburst bends down to pick Luster up and hugged her tightly. But she quickly recovered from her surprise and cleared her throat.

"What are you doing here?" she said, eyes narrowed at her old friend.

Sunburst shifted his attention to the woman standing at the gate. "I brought Starlight home last night, she sprained her ankle and couldn't get home on her own. The battery of my car's dead too, so I'm waiting for it to be delivered here." He adjusted his daughter in his arms and opened the gate a little wider. "She's still asleep if you want to talk to her, so come inside for a bit. I already brewed some coffee."

Sunset frowned and nodded her head slowly as she lets herself in. Well, this was…interesting?



Starlight opened her eyes slowly and looked at the wall clock across the bed. All sleep and weariness in her body left almost immediately when she realized that Sunset must've been waiting for her outside for a good thirty minutes now because she overslept. Her hand immediately flew to the side table and snatched her phone, finding a text from Sunset saying they'd be arriving at her place shortly, thirty minutes ago. She carefully lifted herself off the bed, sprained ankle in check, and wobbled as fast as she could downstairs.

And after the longest five minutes of just going down a flight of stairs, Starlight was greeted with the sight of Luster trying to wrap herself around her father's shoulders, and Sunset sitting across the father and daughter pair, sipping her coffee and seemingly absorbed with whatever Sunburst's talking about. Luster's head turned in her direction, and with a gleeful squeal, the kid disentangled herself from her dad and ran to her.

"Mommy!" Luster stopped abruptly when she spotted her bandaged foot and cast her a curious look. "Are you okay?"

She stepped down the last footstep and kneeled in front of her daughter. "Mommy’s alright sweetheart, I just tripped on my way home, I'll be fine in a few days." She reassured her daughter and patted her head.

Sunburst joined them and gave her a stern look. "You should've called me to bring you down."

She flashed him a blank look. "Good morning to you too, Sunburst."

And Sunset? Well, she was trying not to feel out of place in this picture, she cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Good morning, Starlight! I trust you had a good night's sleep?" The blonde flashed her a knowing grin.

Starlight scowled and then turned to Sunburst and their daughter. "Why don't you two make breakfast for everyone? Sandwiches are okay, no need to cook them." She looked at Sunburst, and the man frowned at the implication. "Luster, help daddy get the ingredients from the pantry, 'kay? Sunset and I have things to talk about." She quickly glanced in the direction of the smirking lady on the couch, her eyes narrowed. She doesn't miss Sunset's silent giggle.

"Run along now," she told Sunburst and Luster, waving her hand in the direction of the kitchen. Sunburst easily lifted their daughter and brought her along with him, Luster squealed with delight and began talking up a storm as they headed to the kitchen.

Starlight limped to the couch, still frowning, but Sunset doesn't seem intimidated or shaken, a knowing grin on her pretty face. Sunset was annoyingly intuitive when it came to reading people's emotions, especially hers since, according to Sunset, her heart was practically on her sleeve. As annoying as it was, it had come in handy when Starlight’s divorce was finalized and she turned into an emotional wreck, Sunset was there to put her on track to recovery. 

Starlight slumped on the couch and lifted her leg to elevate her sprained ankle on the coffee table.

"So…I'm guessing there's going to be a rerun of your wedding soon? I'll be pissed if I'm not invited."

She groaned. "There's not gonna be a rerun, and Sunburst's leaving as soon as his car's battery arrives." Starlight hurriedly explained. "Anyway, thank you so much for taking care of Luster. You're a gem."

Sunset patted the woman on her shoulder and smiled softly. "We're friends, so that’s not a problem. Plus, you're one of those people who pays me well so, so it's always a pleasure!"

Starlight snorted in response.



Sunset left the house shortly after that, and Sunburst was just about to take his leave too, just like they've agreed upon last night. The battery arrived after breakfast, which meant Sunburst had no business in the house anymore. The car’s engine was running, and both mother and daughter stood by the garage to see him off.

"Do you really have to go now, daddy?"

Hearing the longing in her daughter's voice, Starlight's heart shattered.

Sunburst only looked at Luster and smiled wistfully. "Daddy has somewhere else to go, you know that."

The young girl pouted. "But I only saw you now."

No; her heart isn't shattered—it's smashed into smithereens.

Luster's face lighted up as an idea came to her. "Mommy," she turned to face Starlight, smiling, "can we please go play with daddy? I have no school today."

Starlight crossed her arms over her chest. "You know that mommy can't play because of her ankle. I need to rest."

"Then I'll take her out somewhere," Sunburst suggested casually. "We can go to the park or eat snacks somewhere."

At this, the woman scowled. "And leave her alone with you? I don't think so."

Upon hearing Starlight's disapproval, Sunburst's face was painted with an expression that screamed 'are-you-serious?'

"Mommy! Daddy! Please don't start fighting!" Luster protested as she stomped her feet. "I just want us to play together like we used to!” She yelled and started to cry big fat tears of frustration.



She had to give credit to Sunburst for treating them to lunch, and for buying Luster the science kit she wanted for her birthday. Luster was so happy she was oblivious to the awkwardness between her parents, and that was perfectly alright with Starlight, she didn’t want to drag her child into their melodrama and was willing to put aside her misgivings for the day, just for her little one’s sake. And again, to her ex’s credit, he didn’t try to force her into a conversation, or touch her, or do anything that forced her to break the act of cordial civility she was putting on; he gave her as much space as he could.  

Maybe that was why she didn’t oppose them sitting beside each other, at the same bench and at the same park where they met again after two years apart, an arm’s length away of space between them. From there they watched Luster play in the sandbox with the other kids, laughing, running, and acting much more cheerful than Starlight had seen in a while.

"I’m glad you learned how to control her hair." Sunburst quipped out of the blue, a fond smile on his face.

Starlight didn’t hide her snicker. "She’s got your hair alright, so somebody had to tame it."

"You know, I should be offended by that remark, but you have a point."

They both laughed and Starlight was surprised how easy it came to her, she felt more relaxed than she had been in a while, not since they were married.

"Don't you have work today?" Starlight asked after a brief silence.

Sunburst shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I told my boss I'd take the day off today because I'm with my family."

Starlight would be lying if she denied that her stomach tumbled and her heart fluttered when Sunburst said ‘my family’. But then again, technically speaking, they were his ex-family. She nodded and gave a noncommittal hum; her hands going to the ends of her hair and brushing the strands with her fingers.  

"Hey, Sunburst." She said softly, almost without meaning to utter his name, but she did and caught his attention. 

"Hm?"

"Are you..."

The man glanced her way. "Have I what?"

She paused and stuttered slightly, but braced herself as she soldiered on. "Well, we've been divorced for two years now, so it’s only natural if…that…you know…"

Sunburst shifted in his seat and turned his body towards her. She had his full attention now. It was now or never. Starlight gulped.

"Areyoudatinganyonerightnow?"

The matter-of-fact way he spoke about family reminded her of that question, it had been one she’d been dying to ask him, but was also terrified of the answer. They weren’t together anymore, he didn’t live with her and Luster, he was, essentially, a free man that was in his prime. Anyone with a pair of working eyes would’ve seen that and shown interest, and it was none of her business how he responded to that interest, but…the selfish part of her—the one that still called Sunburst hers—minded very much if he found a partner. 

"I'm sorry?" Sunburst said, blinking owlishly at her from behind his glasses.

"Have you been playing the field? Testing the waters? Finding other fish in the sea?" She said, trying to recall other slangs for dating that Sunset had taught her. Who knew that the dating scene would change so much in the six years she had been away from it? 

She felt her ears burn with shame when he started laughing, and she sank lower on the bench. "Dang it, Sunburst, I’m being serious!"

He put a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter and answered once he calmed down. "I’m not…playing the field,” he snickered, “or seeing anyone right now if that’s what you mean."

A small smile appeared on her lips and she felt some of the tension leave her shoulders, and as soon as she realized what she’d done, she shoved that relief in a corner, never to be seen again.

"And you?"

Starlight shook her head.

"Why?"

The answer remained hanging when Luster came running to them, beaming.



"Are you sure you're not coming home tonight, daddy?"

Sunburst sat Luster down on the sofa. "You know daddy doesn't go home here anymore."

The little girl frowned. "But you were here last night, why can't you sleep here again?"

This time, Starlight stepped beside Sunburst and patted their daughter's head. "Daddy can't stay with us. You know that."

"Well, if daddy can't sleep with mommy, then I guess daddy can sleep in my bedroom. My bed has lots of space."

The woman sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes. "Daddy has to go now. Say goodbye."

Luster's expression fell but she reached out to her father and hugged him. Sunburst reciprocated the gesture and squeezed his daughter's tiny frame.

"I miss you," she whispered into her father's shirt.

Starlight doesn't miss the small smile on Sunburst's face. "I miss you, too."



"I had fun today," Sunburst mumbled as they walk through the front yard. "Thank you."

She smiled. "Yeah. It's been a while since I’ve seen Luster smile like that. So, thanks for that."

Starlight saw him off by the gate. He didn't park his car inside the garage, since he'll be leaving anyway, and she preferred it that way. She won't be obliged to open the gates for him, and she could just close the small gate and not watch him leave. But that's not what she did, she watched him drive away instead. Sunburst started the car, then rolled down the window of the passenger seat.

"Take care." He told her.

She smiled a little at the sweet gesture. "You too."



Do you really have to go now, daddy?

Starlight rolled over in the huge bed. Sleep hadn’t found her yet, so she's plagued with thoughts about her family, the divorce, and Sunburst. 

Seeing her daughter happier than usual stirred her emotions so much that she's surprised she didn't break the whole time they were together. She could've walked out on him with Luster in tow, or could've refused and firmly told Luster that they can't play together anymore like the old times, but more than not being able to refuse her daughter's request, Starlight knows that—in her heart of hearts—she's hoping that they'll eventually end up together again. That this whole divorce will end and they'll be a happy family once more. Instead, she lied and told herself not to be overcome by her emotions, because she's the one who insisted on this. She was certainly not a woman who ate her words. When she says she'll do it, she will regardless.

Nevertheless, it’s a painful process. And it’s hurting the people she cared about the most. But she was too stubborn for her own good. That's why Sunburst's not beside her anymore.

She fell asleep crying again that night, over something that's been over and done with two years ago. She called herself pathetic and drowned herself in guilt. Tomorrow morning, she would go about her day, sweeping everything under the rug and act like nothing was amiss, but that night she allowed herself to mourn the loss of the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
> The Way it Used to Be
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luster Dawn has long since surrendered to the call of slumber, so Starlight and Sunset have the rest of the night free. Starlight decided to take up Sunset's offer, and brought home cans of beer (for Sunset) and ginger ale (for her) for tonight's "session", as Sunset called it. She already consumed three cans of beer and is still very much sober and attentive as Starlight spoke her mind, and despite her efforts, the conversation eventually leads to Sunburst.

"Even a blind person could see that you still have a strong attachment to Sunburst. Don't deny it." Sunset confidently stated, wagging her pointing finger.

She swallowed her drink first before answering. "Well, I wouldn't say attachment…I guess I feel guilty about our circumstances?"

Her friend’s eyes widened. "Guilty? Come on, girl. I know guilt and I can guarantee that that’s not the only thing that’s going on, I dare to say that you’re very much in love with him still.”

Starlight rolled her eyes and huffed.

"Look," Sunset placed her empty can down but doesn’t reach for another, when she got like this she used her hands to make her point, "if you were only guilty, then you wouldn't have let him be around you for the past few days, you would just say you’re sorry and move on, but no! You even let him take care of you and spend the night, and from what you've told me, it wasn't even his fault that you twisted your ankle."

"But he gave me no choice!" Starlight retorted, placing her can of ginger ale on the coffee table with unnecessary force. She winced when the aluminum can hit the surface and produced a clanging sound.

Her friend just smiled and sat back. "Starlight, you always have a choice, and you chose to let him baby you because you miss it, very much." The teasing in her tone dripped like honey, and this only made Starlight flush with irritation and embarrassment.

"Okay, fine! I do miss being taken care of by Sunburst, but I still feel guilty, don't invalidate that." She insisted, cheeks still painted with a pretty shade of pink.

"Sure, but guilt can only make you do so much, it’s very obvious that you still care." Sunset flashed her an annoying, knowing grin before her face became serious. "So, what's stopping you?"

She cocked her head to the side. "Stopping me from what?"

"From being honest with how you feel?"

The carefree atmosphere become somber in a matter of seconds, Sunset’s heavy empathetic gaze was on her and she resisted the urge to squirm in her seat but braced herself for this much-awaited girl talk.

"You do know that I'm the one who insisted on the divorce, right?" She said, looking down at the can of ginger ale in her hands and tracing the rim with her fingers. "I can’t go up to him and say ‘you know what I changed my mind, let’s get married again!’ What do you think would happen, after all I put him through?” She sighed and took a sip of her drink before continuing. “Look, it’s better this way, he’s free to do what he wants, and I’ve got time to focus on Luster and my career, once he’s done with his work and leaves these feelings will disappear.”

Across from her, Sunset narrowed her eyes and maintained an unimpressed look. "That's it? That's a load of bullshit and you know it."

"What?! No, it’s not! I’m being realistic here, you're just really hard to convince!"

"Wrong! I'm only hard to convince if my intuition tells me otherwise."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What it's supposed to mean."

Starlight never wanted so much to wipe the stupid smug smirk off her friend's face until that night.



Starlight’s world consisted of black and white spreadsheets, her field of vision narrowed to the size of her computer screen, sending everything else into the background. It had become second nature to get lost in her work like this, and she rather liked it since it was calming in its way, once she got into the rhythm and all her problems were put aside for the moment…  

She heard a dull thud on her desk. Starlight's eyes immediately fly to the source of the unwelcome noise—concentration and rhythm lost in a flash—and saw a colored plastic bag filled with sweets of various kinds.

"It's for Luster. She likes these, right?" Sunburst stated plainly as he sat on the vacant chair in front of Starlight's desk.

She frowned. "I thought I told Silver Breeze not to let anyone disturb me with anything unimportant. What did you say to our student assistant?"

Sunburst frowned as well. "I'm halfway done with data gathering, thanks for asking."

Starlight rolled her eyes and muttered a curse before turning away to face the computer once more. "Look, I don’t know about you but I don’t have time to kill, go bother someone else, I'm busy."

"I know."

She picked up a bit of mirth in his tone, and she ignored the bubbling feelings inside her.

'Don't turn around, Starlight. Don't lose this time.' She told herself, closing the spreadsheet program to focus instead on her presentation for her next lecture.

And she does win, after a few moments of silence. She heard Sunburst moving in the background, the spring of his chair creaking as he stood. Starlight briefly thought that if this happened when they were younger, she would be grinning from ear to ear, but she kept her expression neutral while she typed since such petty victories meant very little in the grand, awkward mess that was their relationship.  

"Make sure to rest your eyes and back," Sunburst advised before he left.

Starlight waited a few seconds after the door closed before turning around. Curiosity getting the better of her as she opened the plastic bag, frowning at the amount of candy inside. Then her eyes widened as she spotted an item that she was sure wasn’t intended for their daughter to consume.

'That…bastard.'

After all these years, and he still remembered her favorite brand of iced coffee.

She grabbed the bottle from the bag ('It's still cold!'), and told herself to stop acting like a lovestruck teenager, shoving the feeling of giddiness back to a corner of her mind. Or so she thought.



"Mommy! Mommy!"

Starlight stopped vacuuming the carpet when she faintly heard the voice of her daughter and felt something tugging on the back pocket of her jeans. She turned and kneeled to be on Luster Dawn's eye level. "What is it, sugarplum?"

The little girl showed her a piece of paper with drawings of what she guessed would be their house and a little self-portrait in the middle, drawn using wax crayons. Above the drawn house she read the words ‘happy’ and ‘birthday’, written in neat capital letters for a girl her age. The mother smiled and carefully took the paper from her small hands.

"I wanted to make cards for my friends, so that they'd know it'll be my birthday this weekend, and that I want them to come here and play." Luster informed her, grinning from ear to ear. "I already made lots; you know."

"All by yourself?” Starlight said and smiled as her daughter enthusiastically nods. “How many?"

"Lots and lots! Like 5.” Luster crossed her arms and nods, proud of her hard work. “I also made one for Sunset, too, since she's always with me when I'm alone. I'm sure my friends would also like to meet her."

Starlight smiled wider. "That's very sweet! I'm sure Sunset would love to celebrate your birthday with us. I'll make sure to invite her."

Luster shook her head. "I'll just give her the invitation when she comes here on Monday, and that card isn't for her anyway."

Starlight looked at Luster, puzzled. "Then is this for me? But I already live here."

The little girl sighed ('So cute,' Starlight thought with a grin). "It's not for you: it's for dad, he's here, right? Can you give it to him? I want him to celebrate with us, too. Even if he's not gonna come home anymore."

She doesn't miss the sadness in her daughter's tone. She felt her chest tighten.



"Am I…a horrible person?"

Miss Luna straightened and flashed her a curious look. "What makes you say that?"

Starlight exhaled heavily as she played with the white cuffs of her blouse. "Well, I've been…conflicted…about this whole…thing. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

Her counselor nodded and smiled. "Go on."

"Having Sunburst around after not being here for a long time isn't making things easier for me, or Luster. I'd like to think that my daughter might be handling this matter more maturely than I do, or maybe she's just, I don't know, understanding of me, I guess?" She stopped, then groaned and slumped into the couch. “Ah! What am I saying? I'm just going around in circles, I'm sorry!"

Miss Luna raised her hand. "You're just being anxious. Calm yourself, then maybe you can talk more clearly."

Starlight closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and counted to ten (like she was told in the past), but she doesn't speak immediately.

"Okay. I think I'm ready now."

The older woman gave her a warm smile. "Where do you want to start?"



Starlight was about to leave the empty church, after spending a bit of time clearing her head—and complaining to God again—when she spotted Sunburst jogging like before.

'Just like the other day, huh?' she snorted. When she stepped out, she made sure she didn’t hit his chest, or fall, or do something stupid in front of him when he spotted her.

"You were troubled again?" Sunburst pointed his thumb in the direction of the small church they met not so long ago.

She flashed him a wistful smile. "I'm always troubled, Sunburst, and you of all people should know that." Starlight opened her purse and looked for something inside it. "I wasn't able to hand something to you earlier, so I'm considering this my lucky day."

Her nose crinkled when she noticed her daughter's handmade invitation crumpled on the edges from being inside her bag for too long, she extended the invitation to Sunburst. "Here. Luster told me to give you this."

For a brief moment, she saw a faint smile on his face and a trace of hopefulness in his eyes, then it was gone. She watched as he read the back of the paper.

"I see. I'm glad." He mumbled, smiling ever so slightly. "Please tell Luster that I'll be there this weekend," he stopped, and looked at her with trepidation, "that is…if you’re fine with that."

Starlight allowed herself to chuckle. "You're asking me? It's Luster's birthday, and she would be really happy if you’re there, and if she’s happy then that’s all that matters."

Somehow the happiness in Sunburst's face seemed to have decreased at her response. Or was she overthinking again?

The young man folded the piece of paper. "Are you on your way home now?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm…already done with everything for today." She told him without meeting his eyes.

"Alright, I'll walk you home, then." He declared as if he knew that she wouldn’t refuse him this time.

And he's right. She doesn't refuse. But she still made sure that they weren’t walking too close to make people think that things were getting better on their side of the world.
> Why I Run Away
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are those the last of the dishes?" Starlight asked Sunset as they cleaned up after the kids who left the house an hour ago.

"Yup," she affirmed and placed the freshly wiped plates on the cupboard. "Finally, we’re done!"

"Yeah, it’s nice to have the house quiet again.” Starlight chuckled. “Good thing they didn't break anything."

"Well, Luster was pretty strict with her friends about running around the house. I wonder where she got that?"

She lets the teasing slide this time, Sunset helped her put the house in order, after all. The party had been uneventful for the adults, but the children surely had a blast, especially Luster, who didn’t stop grinning or laughing whenever Starlight saw her. It didn’t take Starlight long to understand why: she was surrounded by her best friends (a group of five odd but nice kids) and her father had arrived with a unicorn plushy and a gallon of her favorite ice cream. As soon as Luster saw the toy, she didn’t let it go for the rest of the day or Sunburst for that matter.

"Anyway, it's nice to see that Sunburst hasn't lost his touch when it comes to kids."

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "When it comes to kids, huh? I never thought he'd be able to handle a handful of them."

Sunset laughed. "I get where you're coming from, but I’ve known him for a long time, and I've seen how kids are just naturally drawn to him despite how he looks. Guess they can see he’s a goofball underneath all the seriousness."

"That's very interesting." Starlight quipped as she wiped the excess soap in the sink.

"You tell me! Growing up, my dad wasn't very happy when I hung out with other boys, but it was a bit different with Sunburst. He wasn’t happy, but he felt a little relieved if Sunburst was there whenever I went out." Sunset narrated and sat on one of the chairs inside the kitchen. "I'm sure you feel the same way whenever you're around him."

She could almost hear the smile in her friend's voice. She nodded slightly.

For a moment, she thought that would be the end of the conversation, but then Sunset let out a deep sigh, and when she spoke all traces of playfulness were gone. "Will you just give him another chance?"

Starlight nearly dropped the sponge she was using as she turned around to face her. "W-What are you talking about?"

Her friend’s brows furrowed, marring her pretty face. "Starlight, I don't have to spell it out for you, do I? You know what I'm saying. You're smart."

She turned her back to her friend and proceeded to clean the counter with a rag. "Well, I've…I haven't thought about it, I guess?"

She heard something hitting the table and she stiffened. Despite her better judgment Starlight turned to see what it was with wide eyes. It's not all the time that she got to see Sunset angry. Annoyed? Sure. Upset? Plenty of times, but never angry, especially at her.

"Do I need to remind you that Sunburst is my friend too, and a dear one at that?” Sunset crossed her arms and glared. “That’s why I think it's unfair that you're stringing him along!"

Stringing him along? Is that what she's been doing? Certainly, that's not what she's been doing to him. Was she?

She’s so caught off guard by Sunset’s words that it took her a moment to compose an answer. "Look, I'm just doing this because Luster wanted to see him for her birthday—"

"That's not what I mean!"

Starlight would be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit terrified at the sight of her angry friend.

"I know you to be reasonable, but this—this has gone too far, and it’s too cruel, even coming from you." She slumped in her seat and shook her head. "If you're not going to let him in your life again, then don't do this to Sunburst anymore, stop giving him hope."

To be honest, Starlight expected Sunset to grip her shoulders and shake her violently to make her point, and was somewhat relieved when Sunset somehow calmed down. She let out the breath she’d been holding.

"I never said anything about letting him in my life again, as far as I can remember.” She said calmly, grabbed a towel, and took her time wiping her hands dry. “I’m only doing this for Luster, I’ve realized that I’ve hurt her by not letting her see him, she has the right to see her father and have a relationship with him, regardless of how I feel about him.”

Sunset kept her unsettled expression as she stared at Starlight for a few more seconds before she stood and made her way out of the kitchen. Starlight only realized that her muscles had been tensed during the entire exchange when her shoulders dropped and her breathing settled. Before she could fully relax, Sunset stopped and turned to her, standing on the entryway that leads to the dining room. 

"I'm sorry if I upset you—it’s none of my business in the end—and I know that you're older than me by a few years, but let me tell you this, as both your and Sunburst's friend: you have to stop running away at some point, because you're not as young as you think are."

She sighed but nodded. "Don’t you think I know that?"



She found her daughter in her bedroom, curled in the fetal position beside the sleeping form of Sunburst on her not-so-tiny bed, clutching her new toy tightly even in her sleep. 

The last time she saw this same scenario was about two years ago, when their marriage was already rocky, but they were still pretty much on good terms. Every afternoon of almost every weekend, when Sunburst wasn’t tied up with research, Luster would ask her dad to play with her until both of them were tired from being outside and would retreat to Luster's room (or the living room, when they were too tired to even go upstairs) for an afternoon nap. She would surprise them with afternoon snacks (sandwiches and some leftovers from breakfast if there was) by the time they both woke up. And then they would all go to the living room to spend some time watching Luster's favorite noontime shows or just hang out together until it was time for dinner.

That was before. Now is different.

She didn’t realize that Sunburst was awake. When she does notice, he's already sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't notice that I've stayed later than I intended, Luster wanted to play a little more." He said sleepily, and she watched as he carefully left the bed to make sure that Luster didn’t wake up. "She's still as energetic as I remember." He said with a fond smile. "Have you ever considered enrolling her in some sport or something?"

Starlight didn’t answer right away, only watched her daughter sleeping soundly. She met his eyes, face blank of expression. "Are you leaving now?"

He put his glasses on and looked at his daughter one more time before answering. "It'll be easier to leave if she's not awake." He turned to look at her and smiled a little. "Besides, you must be tired as well, you should rest."

She wasn’t sure what possessed her at that moment, but it registered a beat later that her fingers latched on the end of his shirt when he passed her by. Starlight immediately removed her hand in shock and covered her mouth. 'Ah, shit!'

Sunburst was just as startled as she was. "S-Starlight?"

The sound of her name was her cue to get herself together to save her face while she could. "N-Nothing. There was a stain on your shirt,” she lied and pretended to wipe the invisible stain away. “Take care on your way home."

'Should I see him off?'

Sunburst curtly nodded. Was that disappointment written on his face? She wondered. "You take care, too."

This time she reached out and grab the back of his shirt, she smiled when he looked at her from over his shoulder.

"And thank you, for making Luster happy on her birthday…and me as well."

The last thing her mind registered before sleeping that night was the tender smile on her ex-husband's face.



It had almost been a month since Sunset argued with her, and a month since she'd seen Sunburst, too. Sunset wasn’t the type to hold on to grudges, so things were back to normal between them by the time Monday arrived. Sunburst, on the other hand, despite them not getting into an argument, seemed to be tied up with work, because she hadn’t seen him around campus. Maybe she's seen him once or twice, but only because his hair can be spotted easily even in a sea of people. Other than that, he hasn't dropped by her cubicle like he used to or even sent her a message asking how Luster was doing.

She told herself that it wasn’t because she missed his presence. It was only because she had almost—almost—gotten used to his presence. That was all.

"You could text him to meet up or something," Sunset told her one time, but Starlight assumed that's not how it's supposed to be. They are divorced and they really shouldn't have anything to do with each other and should stay out of each other's lives, in theory at least. It was much more complicated to do so now that he was so close. 

Starlight grumbled as thunder reached her ears. Of all the times to work overtime, it had to be on the day when the chances of rainfall were around 80%-90%, according to the weather report. She usually took this with stride, but judging by the heavy rainfall, her umbrella would be put to shame if she even tried to commute on her way home.

'I guess I should text Sunset to stay with Luster a little longer.' It also meant she had to pay her for overtime as well.

She sent her message and received a quick reply, leaving her with time to mindlessly browse her social media. She’s so absorbed in her phone that she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a presence behind her and yelped when it touched her shoulder, she whirled around to see that it was Sunburst. "Don't just stand behind someone like that!"

She doesn't know if she was happy to see him after almost a month of silence, or if she wanted to punch him in the face after not seeing him in for a month.

Sunburst opened his umbrella. "Do you need a ride home?"

She looked at her umbrella and then at the deluge, then back to Sunburst. "That’s alright, the bus should be here any minute, I just rather wait for it here since it’s relatively dry." 

"But Luster will be left alone," Sunburst stated the obvious. "What if something happens and you're still here?"

She shook her head. "Sunset's with her, she babysits Luster whenever I can’t be home early."

Somehow, Sunburst still looked uneasy at that thought. Starlight sighed

"Don't worry; Sunset's taken care of her very well. Nothing's gonna happen to Luster if that's what you're worried about."

He was still frowning. "But what about you? The cafeteria's closed already, and there's no one here anymore."

She allowed herself to laugh a little. "Do you think this is the first time this ever happened to me? Look, Sunburst, you can go ahead. I can manage."

For the first time that evening, he gave her a stern look. "That's what you always say even when you're really in a pinch."

'What is this punk doing?' "Sunburst, I'm not that immature, you know. I know my limits and what I can manage. Go home now, before I push you into your car and watch you leave to make sure you did head home."

Sunburst sighed heavily. "You see, Starlight, that’s your problem: you don't let anyone help you because you're so caught up with proving that you're fine that you don’t realize you can only do so much! It's…you're wrong, you know!"

They hadn’t seen each other for almost a month, and when they finally do, they start fighting. Typical. 

"But look how I've been doing while you were gone! Luster's okay, and I can look after myself. I can manage. I have managed. Now, if you can't accept the fact that I can do things on my own, then you aren't any different from all those chauvinistic bastards out there!"

She braced herself for any physical contact that could occur because that's how it usually ended after exchanging a few heated words. Sunburst would grab her by the shoulders or by her arms, and his grip would tighten as he tried to prove his point. Sometimes she'd throw a fist or two on his chest as she put her feelings into words. It scared her at first until it became a routine during their fights, and she felt like it was a natural thing for them to do, just as waking up in the morning, going to work after dropping off their daughter at school, and mechanically kissing each other goodbye as they headed for their respective workplaces.

But there weren’t any hands on her shoulders or her arms. Instead, she saw him trying to contain his anger (hand on his chest, and breathing deeply with his eyes closed).

An unwelcome series of flashbacks—from the first time they've met after they separated, up to the recent events that they spent time together unwillingly (for Starlight) and unplanned (for the both of them)—occupied her already busy mind.

Sunburst had changed. A lot.

Whatever happened during those two years that they were apart might've been for a reason. He's still quiet and his presence isn’t noticed by most people, but he's grown to be expressive, and during the times that she allowed him to be around Luster (under her watch, of course), he's become sensitive to her thoughts ("I’ll sleep on the couch", "that is…if you’re fine with that"). And now this.

This wasn't the Sunburst that she's used to, she admitted, but she acknowledged that in a good way.

And what about her? What happened to her in the two years that they weren't husband and wife?



Do you have time today? Let's talk. Before regret took over, Starlight pressed the send button.

It's been a while since she's felt this anxious about sending a message. It's also been a while since she's felt this anxious over receiving a reply. Was she being too forward?

Three seconds later, her phone vibrated in her hand, and she read his message.

I'll be home after 4. Will you be available around that time?

She checked her organizer to make sure she didn’t have anything scheduled for the late afternoon before responding. I'm okay with that. Let's meet at the park where we brought Luster to play.

She arrived thirty minutes earlier for two reasons: one, she already had her schedule free around three that afternoon, and two, she deemed it necessary to prepare herself mentally and emotionally before they finally sit down and talk over things—about her feelings, about his feelings, about Luster, about their setup and, well, about their future, because Sunset was right when she scolded her and reminded her that she had to stop running away, and they both have to settle the score—it was high time they put a lid to this jar of questions and uncertainties.

Starlight paused as she lightly patted her cheeks with both hands.

This was important. This talk had to happen soon or she might not be able to sleep soundly for as long as she lived.
> Every Story Has to End
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

She heard heavy footsteps coming from behind and as they got louder, she turned to look over her shoulder. It seemed like he just got off from work, judging by his neat dress shirt and work pants, she almost felt guilty for asking him to come to the park, no doubt the bench would soil his black pants if he wasn’t careful. Starlight waited for him to sit beside her before she began.

But he beat her to it. "What do you want to talk about?"

Sunburst eased himself on the bench and she noted the arm length worth of space he left between them as if testing if she was fine with him sitting this close. He'd become this considerate. She allowed herself to smile at his gesture.

But this trepidation had dragged on for too long.

"Sunburst, what do you really think about our situation?"

He flashed her a startled look. "The divorce, you mean?"

She nodded. "What do you think about it?"

She watched as Sunburst's face turned from expressionless to confused, then it settled with the pensive look she knew very well each time they talked about plans, back when they were married. She also knew not to bother him when he was like this because it meant that he was thinking deeply and considerately. Rushing him for an answer would only result in a fight.

'It’s probably not the first time it crossed his mind,' she assumed as she waited for his answer.

When he finally spoke, Sunburst kept his eyes on the bay before them.

"I was…angry the first few months after we separated," he began, "and I…started drinking heavily to cope with it, so much so that I almost died due to alcohol poisoning. Guess it was that bad. Had Shining Armor not been there at the time…but that's beside the point." He laughed but it was devoid of humor.

He cleared his throat before he continued. "I know you made it clear why calling it quits was for the best and I thought I would understand them eventually, but the truth is: I don't, and I still don't agree with the reasons you gave me. But at the time I decided that if you were so adamant about letting go, then I shouldn’t stop you." Sunburst finally spared her a look, and Starlight saw the unhappiness in his eyes along with the defeated slump of his shoulders. "That's what I thought."

He looked away and Starlight took a deep breath, blinking back tears as she collected herself. "I hated you when you told me not to take the university's job offer, I thought that you didn’t believe that I was capable of doing it, that you were envious of me, or that you just wanted me to stay at home like a good little wife," she sighed heavily, looking down at the dirty tips of her heels. "I took the job just to spite you. Pretty immature, huh?"

He looked at her again, disbelief coloring his tone. "You did? I thought you took it because you really wanted it."

"I did! That was a major part of why I took the job and why I haven’t quit because I really love what I do despite all the work and the stress…but a small part of me also wanted to prove you wrong."

"And then things turned sour." Sunburst quipped and clicked his tongue.

She hummed in agreement. "I assumed that each time you'd call me out on something you were just waiting for me to screw up so that you could goad to my face that you were right all along, that I should've listened to you as a good wife should." She laughed listlessly, it almost sounded contrived. "I’m not proud of how I acted, I treated you like an enemy instead of a spouse, it wasn't the adult thing to do, obviously."

Sunburst huffed. "Your pride rides very high most of the time, you know."

"I guess it does." Starlight agreed solemnly. "That's why things turned south between us."

Silence descended upon them for a short while.

"I really thought it was for the best," Starlight said and tried to keep her tone level, even if she felt like she was about to cry. "I mean, we were fighting almost every day over the littlest things, and yes disagreement is a sign of a healthy relationship, but too much fighting is a red flag. So divorcing felt like the most logical thing to do. For our sake. For my sake."

"But didn’t you consider how our divorce would affect me? How it would affect Luster?" Sunburst's voice dropped, sounding somber.

She frowned as she tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear. "Luster took it hard the first few weeks, and if it makes you feel better I couldn't sleep easily at first, even during the days that work was especially demanding."

Sunburst shook his head. She sighed loudly.

"I know I didn't consult you when I filed for our divorce papers and truth be told, I didn't care about anyone but myself when I decided to take the leap. I'm sorry I was such an asshole back then."

“We were both assholes back then, as much as it hurts to admit it,” Sunburst managed to chuckle lightly. "I should have explained what I meant when I told you not to take the job, I knew it would be demanding and I was worried how it would affect you, I just wanted you to trust me that one time; but then you got angry because I wasn’t supporting you and I got angry because you weren’t listening to me and well…” he shrugged. “I ended up being an awful husband to you."

"That's…true," she agreed almost immediately. "But you were a wonderful father to Luster—and you still are—except when you didn't even call to ask how she was doing."

"I'm…sorry about that, and if it will also make you feel better, I couldn't sleep most nights feeling guilty about it, I thought Luster hated me for leaving and not calling her, and every day that passed and I couldn’t work up the courage to do so, it only made me feel worse.”

Starlight didn’t hide the wistful smile on her lips as she meets Sunburst's eyes. "That honestly makes me feel a little better about myself."

Sunburst only returned the gesture. "I'm really sorry it came to this."

"No. We’re here because I let it come to this, you only did what you thought would make things easier between us."

"But I had the choice to stop you, to fight for you, and I didn't. It's not entirely your fault."

Starlight looked at him sternly and crossed her arms over her chest. "I told you, I didn't consult you about this when I filed for our divorce. It was all me."

She felt a weight on her knee and looked down to see Sunburst's hand. His touch was heavy, but it didn’t carry any hate.

"Please tell me we're not going to argue about this, too."

Starlight looked alternately between his eyes and his hand. "But Sunburst—"

"Listen, Starlight," he said strictly as his grip tightened a bit over her knee. "You might have been the one who started this, but I also had a choice to stop it. If I only thought things through, and not assumed that this was indeed for the best, then maybe we'd still be together." His hand finally left her knee. "We were both to blame for what happened."

Starlight nodded slowly. Not for being right, but because she was tired of playing this game. It didn’t matter who was at fault, the damage was already done.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop you." He said it close to a whisper.

Starlight shook her head. "I didn't expect you to, but not because I thought you gave up as I did, or that I didn't trust you or something like that, I guess…I just knew that you'd ride this out because I was so insistent about it." She glided as close to him as she dared, her hand resting next to his knee on the concrete bench, and looked at him with a sad smile. "I'm sorry I gave up on our relationship, but I'm glad we are finally able to talk things through."

She gasped when two hands grabbed hers, enveloping it with the familiar warmth she’d missed so dearly.

"Me too," Sunburst mumbled, and she almost missed it because she's so focused on the warmth covering her hands. She couldn’t take it.

"And I missed you."

Before she realized she was doing it, Starlight released the tears that had been waiting to cascade down her gloomy face since they started talking.



She didn’t know what to feel or what to say after talking with Sunburst. She was actually surprised that it didn't go as she expected—arguing, screaming, one of them storming out of the park without resolving anything­—but she took what happened over the dramatic scene her imagination had concocted any day.

She sat at the passenger seat of Sunburst's car, but they weren’t heading home. What should have been a heartfelt moment by the park ended abruptly when Starlight's stomach grumbled with hunger. She’d been so nervous about this that she didn’t eat anything before coming to meet him, so they decided to eat at Starlight’s favorite sandwich shop for a late lunch.

Starlight’s cheeks were warm with embarrassment, and she looked out the window sullenly for ruining what should have been a beautiful moment. 

"Come on, it's not the first time I heard your stomach grumble." Sunburst teased.

"You're not helping, you know," she muttered, "I’m just mad that it happened at the worst time."

Sunburst let out a snicker, his eyes on the road. "But wouldn't it have been more embarrassing if it happened when we were being all dramatic? That would have really killed the mood."

Starlight giggled and rolled her eyes.

He parked the car just a block away from the restaurant and they walked the short distance talking about nothing in particular, though this time they walked closely, so close that she could’ve grabbed his hand if she wanted, but she didn’t. The restaurant was full, the only available seats were those by the bar and they accepted without complaint. Sunburst was seated to her right, with only a few inches of space between them—he was close enough for her head to rest comfortably on his shoulder, and for his head lay on top of hers­—but she doesn’t dare to breach that distance, and she scolded herself for thinking about it as they waited for their orders to arrive.

Perhaps when she was ready, and he was too, then she'd be able to do that and more for as long as she wanted to.



"What do you think about people who can't make up their minds?"

Miss Luna cocked her head to the side. "Pardon me?"

"Don't you think they're irresponsible for being indecisive?" Starlight looked up from the floor, which she had been staring at for the last ten minutes of their session. "I mean, there's always a logical choice staring at their face, but they still can't make a decision."

"Rather than irresponsible, maybe they are deliberative." Her counselor remarked, then straightened her back. "What are you thinking about?"

Starlight breathed out and braced herself for some storytelling. "I've been thinking that…perhaps the divorce wasn’t the most logical solution to my dying marriage."

The older woman settled herself comfortably on her office chair and nodded for her to continue.

Starlight clasped her hand before speaking. "You probably noticed that when things get rough for me, I tend to react almost immediately instead of thinking things through. I'm brash, as one would call it, and what happened back then as a result of my recklessness, I didn't even give him a chance to air out his thoughts about separating."

She looked at her counselor as if waiting for her approval to continue. Miss Luna only smiled reassuringly.

"I honestly thought things would be much better if we weren’t together. I did consider how the separation would affect Luster, but for the most part, I was just impatient for things to be over. So I called it quits. And now, here we are.

"When Sunburst came back it opened up so many wounds that hadn’t scared yet, and it confused me so much that I began to doubt if I made the right choice. I guess I wasn’t over the whole break up," she pauses to let out a humorless chuckle. "I mean, if I were, I probably wouldn't have stayed single for two years, that’s the point of divorcing right? To meet other people, start over with someone new, be free, and explore your options without a marriage tying you down, but I didn’t."

"Didn't you say that marriage hadn’t really crossed your mind until Sunburst?" The older woman interrupted gently.

Starlight rubbed her chin with her index finger. "That's true. I didn't see myself as marriage material, even now I still have my misgivings. Which I guess is the reason why I even thought about getting a divorce." She let out an exasperated breath. "This is becoming more convoluted."

"You did say so yourself; one's understanding of life tends to be complicated." Miss Luna said almost quietly. "Would you like to proceed?"

Starlight nodded curtly and psyched herself to go on with her train of thought.

"All that aside, the divorce also made me see things I wouldn't have realized if I hadn’t pushed through, like how important family is to me, and how difficult it is to raise a child as a single parent. I admit that I took it lightly, and didn't even see how it would affect my work and my daughter, and it made me sad each time I'd chanced upon Luster watching her friends with their dads during school events. It also made me realize that, despite all the things that I misunderstood about Sunburst, he is probably the only man I'd marry." 

She feels her cheeks flush an angry red when she hears her honest thoughts. 'I can't believe I said that.'

Miss Luna inclined a little forward from her seat. "What are you thinking right now, Starlight?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Am I…a horrible person if I decide to change my mind?"

"That question," her counselor begins, "is something only you can answer."
> But it Has to Begin First
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

She's thought about this carefully. 

Her dad didn’t understand at first, but she figured he would eventually come around. Her friends thought she was only setting herself up for more trouble, but Sunset was a different story. She just grinned and coolly told her to not forget about sending her a wedding invite, and that she's expecting to be a bride’s maid this time, and that she was right all along.

Luster was excited about the prospect of having her father back. Her eyes were full of hope and the squeal she let out when she talked about the possibility of Sunburst coming back to live with them was enough to trump over the doubts of her decision.

She also considered things like, what if it doesn't work after all?', 'what if this is also another mistake?', 'what if I'm only acting out based on my current feelings again?' However, Starlight decided to be a little more optimistic this time, because this time she knows she’s more prepared.

She very much learned her lesson.

But before all that happened, she first had this conversation with her ex-husband, which had been the hardest part of it all. After their calm but heartfelt talk by the bay two weeks ago, they started talking casually again and there were a few times that Sunburst dropped her off at her house after work. Most often than not he would stay over for dinner and Luster would help him with the dishes, but she kept herself from cooking his favorite dinner. She had to be sure or she would end up hurting herself and those two even more.

He might have changed in those two years, but what if his feelings had changed as well? What if this was all just obligation? What if he was only being nice because of the guilt that came with being absent for two years? What if she was rushing into things again? 

'But what if he wants to make things right this time if I only gave him the chance?' was the loudest thought in her head.

Starlight picked the quiet spot where they usually stopped to rest after a round of jogging to talk. It's a nice, semi-secluded area that's only a few meters away from the park, she liked it because it provided a nice view of the bay, especially during the summer.

Surely, she hoped, he still remembered this place.

"Sorry, I'm late." Sunburst apologized as soon as he saw Starlight. She had brought out a book along with her so waiting become a little less painful to her butt.

She looked up and met his eyes with a knowing smile. "Did Cadance put you in charge of Flurry Heart again?"

He grinned and shook his head, extending a brown paper bag towards her. “I stopped by the Sugar Cube Corner for a snack, it was more crowded than I expected.” Starlight’s smile didn’t disappear, she only motioned for him to sit beside her.

He returned the gesture and doesn’t hesitate to do so, placing the paper bag on her lap as he did so. This time, Starlight noticed, there was a little less space between them, he was close enough for her to smell his freshly washed shirt and the menthol from his shampoo.

"I'm glad you could come." She mumbled as she tucked her book inside her bag. "I thought you guys were almost on the last stretch of data gathering. I know how hectic it can be."

He shook his head. "I asked Cadance if I could take the day off. I did overtime yesterday when you told me you wanted to see me today."

If her eyes weren’t deceiving her, Starlight thought she saw a faint pink staining his cheeks. She's…touched, if anything, to think Sunburst would do that just to see her.

Had this ever happened before?

"Luster's not here, is she?" Sunburst asked as he craned his neck left and right to look for signs of their daughter’s blond hair.

"No, she’s having a sleepover with one of her friends and will be back tomorrow morning."

"Ok," Sunburst mumbled as he stared ahead. "Well, hmm, any particular reason you wanted to see me for?"

Starlight tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear and exhaled. "Well, there's something I need to talk to you about. It's been bothering me for quite some time now."

He looked at her once more, concern painted on his usually serious face.

'There's no turning back anymore,' she told herself and took a deep breath.

"Sunburst," she began and hoped he didn’t notice the slight trembling in her voice, "what do you think about starting over?"



Luster's finally retired to her room for the night. It surprised her that she was still so energetic after playing with her friend for a full day, but Starlight guessed any child would expend as much energy as they could for a few more hours with a parent that they don't regularly see. Sunburst volunteered to put their daughter to bed as she busied herself cleaning up in the living room. It's amazing how two people could mess up a room in a span of a few hours. It's even more amazing that at his age, Sunburst could still keep up with their daughter's energy. Not that 34 was very old.

The stairs creaked slightly as he came down them. Starlight placed the last of the throw pillows on the couch and flopped unceremoniously. Sunburst joined her, still keeping the friendly distance between them. She allowed herself to smile fondly at him for the first time since they'd seen each other.

"I've…thought about it. Starting over?" Sunburst began, speaking without really looking at her, a pensive look crossing his face. He glanced at her and smiled a little before continuing. "I'd like that, too."

It was Starlight who closed the space between them but not to rest her head on his shoulder, or to smell his scent that she secretly missed, but to hold him close—like she wanted for so long—and to hide her watery eyes. He felt his arms circling her back—tight, but not tight enough to hurt her. She relaxed in his embrace without a second thought.

"I'm sorry for thinking only about myself." She whispered on his shoulder, she tried to keep her tears from falling, because she knew that they wouldn’t stop once she started.

Sunburst only tightened his embrace and she felt him nuzzling the top of her head. "I'm sorry for just leaving."



Starlight realized that between the two of them, it's Sunburst who's the most sensible. Or at least the most patient.

For one, she acknowledged that she tended to react to things according to how they affected her at the moment, rarely stopping to think about the consequences. She learned that Sunburst was the polar opposite. When she told him that she wanted them to get back together, she meant that she wanted things to go back to the good old days, to act as if the two years of separation never happened. His response made her see just how much she needed to work on her patience, considering she had to deal with different types of people—mostly young adults—regularly for work.

What Sunburst meant—or at least what he understood—about 'starting over' was working his way up from zero. "I'm going to woo you, and please you as I should've done way back," is what he meant. He was dead set on courting her properly this time.

From then on, when Starlight came to the faculty office, she would be greeted by the scent of freshly brewed coffee and Sunburst sitting on the other chair inside her cubicle. He would also bring her bread, and when she wasn’t busy with morning classes, they would have breakfast together in the faculty lounge. This, of course, didn’t go unnoticed by her colleagues and they tried to mask their curiosity, shock, and even giddiness with indifference and nonchalance. Her boss Star Swirl, who also knew about her divorce, didn’t ask her about it, even when he's seen Sunburst around her more frequently. She figured as long as she got her job done and Star Swirl was pleased with her performance, then he didn’t care much about what she did.

"I see that spring has come early for you, Starlight," her other superior stated as she passed by her cubicle one busy afternoon. Starlight briefly looked up from the book she was reading and spotted Celestia with a small and knowing smile on her pretty face. "It’s such a beautiful season, don’t you think so?"

There were times when Sunburst brought her home too and this time, she wasn’t reluctant. She also invited him for dinner and let him spend the rest of the afternoon with Luster. He helped their daughter with her homework, explaining patiently and thoroughly the subjects that Luster didn’t understand, something that Starlight was grateful for. Luster was even more pleased because she could spend extra time with her father. It had been a while since she saw her beam and glow like she expected kids to look like at her age, and she admitted that she's a little jealous of Sunburst, since she hadn't seen her little one that cheery when it's just the two of them.

They put Luster to sleep together on most nights, when she wasn’t cleaning the living room, or when he didn’t have to leave early for work. They don't read stories because Luster takes after her father's sleeping habits, they simply tucked her into bed and watched as she fell asleep, her eyes fluttering and her lips upturned with a weak smile until her features relaxed. Sunburst told her once that he's happy she didn't get his resting face at all. Starlight agreed with a giggle.

After making sure their daughter was asleep, they walked down the stairs. On nights like this, she would usually see him off, tell him to take care, and wait until his car disappeared down the road before going back inside.

But this time she tugged the back of his dress shirt. Sunburst turned to face her, looking puzzled.

"You know," she whispered, looking at him from underneath her dark lashes, “this used to be your home too”. 

The beating in her chest turned erratic, the widening of his eyes told her that he knew what she's saying and what she meant. She didn’t wait for him to speak. She didn’t want to. Starlight all but threw herself at her ex-husband's form to close the gap between them. It's awkward, but only because of the height difference, and because she is standing on her tiptoes instead of wrapping her arms around his neck for balance. They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds until his hands came to rest on her shoulders and he gently pushed her away, and his actions hit her like an ice-cold shower.

"I know that," he said it so quietly she almost didn’t hear it. His hands stayed on her shoulders as if he were making sure she didn’t try anything else. "Which means this isn't my home yet."

Starlight frowned at his sudden modesty. He's certainly seen it all, heard it all, tasted it all—why was he shy all of the sudden?

She allowed herself some room, to be honest. To hell with being mature.

"It's not like we haven't done this before. We've done so much more."

It annoyed her that Sunburst only laughed at her comment. What? So now he's the better one in this relationship? What happened to him in the two years he was away? So mean.

It's only when his laugher was under control that he started talking.

"Look, Starlight; this is just as hard for me as it is for you. I know very well what else we've done aside from kissing," he paused and blushed uncharacteristically (which was endearing enough for Starlight to smile), then cleared his throat. "Anyway, we're not husband and wife yet. Right now, we're exes, and I'm here trying to get on your good side—properly this time—and knowing you, you'd probably stop in the middle of the action to ask if it's okay to have sex when we aren’t together anymore."

She's floored. She opened her mouth to say something, then stopped, thought better of it, and sighed. Starlight touched her cheeks and they’re warm with embarrassment. 

"I wouldn’t do that," she muttered, and as much as she tried to avoid it, she looked at Sunburst's eyes, “would I?"

Sunburst only laughed.



He told her on his last week of work that he'll be going back to his original apartment, located an hour away from where she lived, and since he would be returning to his normal work schedule it would be harder to see each other. Despite his calm tone, he watched her with slight anxiety in his eyes, waiting for her reaction. Starlight just smiled and took his hand in hers, her thumb caressing his knuckles as she assured him that she understood, that she would be fine in his absence. He smiled and promised that he'll make time for her no matter what, and for their daughter, too. She nods, and that simple gesture quelled the anxiety that was building up inside him.

A few days later, Starlight and Luster Dawn paid a visit to Sunburst's temporary lodging—a quaint studio not far from the university—which Cadance shouldered as part of their agreement. Mother and daughter along with Sunset drop by to help him pack his things, but the girls found themselves mostly packing numerous books and folders in boxes instead of furniture, and Starlight couldn’t say that she was surprised when she saw that all his clothes fitted perfectly in two small suitcases. 

When lunchtime arrived Sunset offered to go to the store and buy lunch for all of them, asking Luster if she would like to come along so she could pick the dessert, the little one agreed to such a tantalizing offer without hesitation and eagerly took Sunset’s hand as they walked through the door. Sunset turned and winked at Starlight before they set off. She rolled her eyes in response.

It’s just the two of them seated on the floor of his bedroom, Starlight to the left, and Sunburst to the right, as they sorted out the books he brought along for his work and placed them neatly into their proper boxes.

"Come to think of it, we never talked about what happened to you two years ago," Starlight said as she taped the box shut. "Where did you stay?"

Sunburst took the box from her and set it atop of the others. "Shining Armor allowed me to stay over his place for a week until I found a small unit that's only a walking distance from his house."

"You went to his house after the divorce?"

"He happened to spot me sitting alone at the bus stop and saw the luggage. It didn’t take him long to piece together what happened."

"I’m not surprised, Shining Armor's a lot more perceptive than people think. That's very nice of him."

Sunburst hummed in agreement. "He even gave me food to last the whole week, when he found out how bad I was in the kitchen."

She laughed and his arm came to rest on her shoulders, pulling her close as she rested her head on his collarbone. "I have to thank him someday."

They sat in silence and Starlight’s lost in the moment, granted it’s a mundane one, but she treasured it almost as much as other more important memories. It was the first time in a long time that Starlight had felt so at peace, with herself, with Sunburst, with the world. And that peace had found her there, sitting on the beige carpet, the midday sun shining behind them and casting their shadows on the floor, illuminating the dust spores dancing in the air, the warmth of his hand permeating through her shirt, and his beard tickling her forehead as he sat close.

She loathed to break the silence, but Sunburst did it for her. "During that time, living on my own again and having more time to think clearly, I did realize some things about us and myself."

Starlight made sure to listen as he spoke, it was rare for Sunburst to willingly speak his mind without her prodding because Sunburst was generally reserved. This was a new side to him and she couldn’t help but smile slightly as he opened up to her in a way that had been lacking while they were married.

"For one, I was surprised that I wasn’t overcome with helplessness after living with you guys and then suddenly being on my own, then again, I've managed before our marriage…and while I’m sure that I can be alone for as long as I want, I…" he paused, and Starlight looked up to see him scratching his cheek as a charming shade of red taints his cheek, "…don't want to. Or at least, I choose not to."

She's tempted to retort about how modest he's suddenly become, but she felt that it'll ruin the moment. So Starlight bit her tongue instead.

Their eyes meet, and Starlight can't help but flash a lopsided smile. His brows furrow and he frowned. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

The small snicker that escaped her mouth betrayed her even before she could think of what to say. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not used to you speaking your mind so openly. Remember how it used to be one of the topics we argue about?"

His frown deepened. "Well, I still have trouble trying to be more expressive, you know."

"Then I guess we'll work on that." This time, she thought, they'll work on that, along with many other things.

And thus the story about love discovered, love ignited, love forgotten, love abandoned, and love rekindled has been restarted.