Code purple
“Everypony in Ponyville! This is Princess Twilight Sparkle speaking, and this is a code purple! I repeat, this is a code purple! Please go inside your homes and stay there until further notice!”
The usual busy town of Ponyville was halted to a standstill.
In the sky flew a neurotic lavender alicorn, Princess Twilight Sparkle, who was struggling to hide the panic in her heart. It nevertheless showed through the fact that she was speaking in her "Royal Canterlot" voice, which is an amplified version of her voice, and it even emits minor shock waves in her immediate vicinity. Twilight only uses this version of her voice when she really wants your attention. Or, to shut your mouth and listen to the alicorn.
Meanwhile, seven of Twilight’s friends, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Starlight Glimmer, stood beside each other, watching Twilight zip through the air, repeating her warnings. They were all too familiar with the Princess of Friendship’s habit of panicking, which they dubbed “twilighting.” At first, Twilight didn't appreciate being made a verb, but she later warmed up to it and now uses the unofficial verb herself, because why not?
Spike shook his head and deeply sighed. “Not again.”
“I must say, I’m impressed. She's really improved her flying since the first time I gave her flying lessons,” Rainbow said.
Rarity commented, “If anything, she might be flying better because she is twilighting.”
Applejack asked, “And what could she be twilightin’ about this time, anyway?”
Pinkie said, “I don't know, but this must be a reaaaally bad case of it. Even before we made her a verb, she usually called ‘code violet’, ‘code gold’, or ‘code azure’ when she twilighted. Not ‘code purple’, which is the second-worst one.”
Fluttershy said, “Even if Twilight's a princess, I’m surprised that Mayor Mare is still allowing her to make emergency announcements. Even if Twilight was the one that came up with the system last year.”
Starlight said, “Yeah, but after Mayor Mare passed out trying to learn the seventy levels of Twilight’s emergency alert system, I doubt she’s going to try to learn it again. That’s the last time we let Twilight drink coffee, or she wouldn’t have come up with that crazy system.”
"I tried to tell you all that we shouldn't have let her drink it that time," Spike reminded. "But noooo, nopony listens to Spike."
“We won't make that mistake again, Spike." Applejack took her eyes off Twilight and looked at her friends. "Well, y’all, let’s go calm Twilight down. Spike, you fly to the castle and get one of the anti-twilightin’ books to give her.”
Spike whined, “Aw, this will be the fourth one, this week!”
Applejack responded, “Yeah, well, this week has been really hard on her. Starlight, use yer magic to stop Twilight’s flyin’. Then, Fluttershy, you fly up and rub her mane and say ‘it’s okay’ to relax her. Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow, and I will go tell everypony in Ponyville that there’s nothin’ wrong, but do what Twilight says for now. And Pinkie, when ya got back, give Twilight the anti-twilightin' chair and snack.”
The other ponies, unlike Spike, simply nodded their heads. After which, all seven friends flew, ran, or (in Pinkie's case) hopped off to perform their task.
Spike flew to the castle after Starlight had materialized a magical hammer to break one of the “in case of severe twilighting, break glass” cases. They each contained a book that Twilight particularly enjoys reading.
Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie ran/hopped/flew to house to house, telling everypony that Twilight was just twilighting again, but still to wait in their homes for the time being. Rainbow's immense flying speed allowed her to reach most of Ponyville's houses in seconds. Pinkie tapped into her infinite power of randomness to match Rainbow's speed.
Starlight's horn glowed turquoise. Twilight found herself frozen in place in the air, surrounded in the same turquoise light Starlight's horn was shining in.
“Starlight? What are you doing?! Let me go!” Twilight ordered.
Fluttershy flew to Twilight and gently stroked her mane while soothingly whispering, “It’s okay.”
Twilight enjoys her mane being stroke a lot more than she lets on, so she didn’t even ask why her friend was doing it. She instead smiled and grew silent. With Twilight calmed, Starlight released her grip on her, and Twilight and Fluttershy slowly flew back to the ground.
Oh, and I know what you shippers are like. Don’t you even try to ship Flutterlight/Twishy.
Fluttershy continued to stroke Twilight’s mane until Spike returned with a book. At the same time, Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Applejack came back to the group.
Pinkie reached into her mane, pulled out a purple chair, and tossed it right behind Twilight. With another quick search of her mane, she pulled out a plate with soft, warm cookies and a glass of warm milk.
Spike pointed the book toward Twilight’s face. “Here, Twi, read this.”
Twilight scowled at the book and didn't sit in the chair. Could there be something seriously wrong with the pony? Should her friends flee?
“Okay, first, that joke about how much I like reading books gets old after the third time, and this is the fourth time. Though, I am a little hungry and thirsty from that twilighting." With her magic, Twilight picked up two cookies from Pinkie's plate and ate them each in one bite. She grabbed the glass of milk and gulped down half of it. After a belch and satisfied sigh, with her magic, Twilight "handed" Pinkie back the glass, now only half-filled with milk. "That was good. And now, second, this isn’t like the last three times I twilighted. This is serious!”
Spike countered, “That’s what you said when you twilighted because you thought the skies of Ponyville needed 3.4% more clouds.”
Applejack added, “And when ya thought our classes lasted thirty seconds too long.”
Starlight started, “And when--”
Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “Okay, okay, I get it! Stop trying to make me feel like I'm an insane pony! Is it soooo wrong that I want to be a good friend, headmare, and princess?”
The ponies frowned from guilt and their ears drooped. Spike just frowned, because he technically doesn't have ears to droop. Twilight might overreact every two or three days about something, but it’s usually with good intentions.
Pinkie said, “Sorry, Twilight. I'll stop.”
Applejack asked, “So, what’s this big crisis yer goin’ on about?”
“Earlier, when I was walking through Ponyville to check that the thickness of the buildings was adequate, I overheard somepony say something.”
Spike asked, “Okay, what is it?”
Twilight shook her head. For Equestria’s sake, she couldn’t tell them the exact words. “I can’t say it. If I do, it would be the end of Equestria.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Uh, how could sayin’ what it is doom Equestria?”
Twilight answered, “That’s because they said the forbidden phrase.”
The friends’ eyes widened and they shouted in unison, “They said WHAT?!”
In an alarmed voice, Fluttershy asked, “You mean the phrase that you finally banned because it--?!”
Twilight nodded her head. “Yes.”
For once, Twilight Sparkle was ACTUALLY in the right to twilight! Somewhere, ponies have lost bits due to bets.
Rarity said, “Well, you all heard her. This is a code purple!”
"No, no, no, no! This can't be! Why were those words said?! What if we can't stop it this time?! What if--" In the grip of twilighting herself, Starlight started pacing and hyperventilating. It is occasionally called "starlighting", but generally, it is still called "twilighting" when Starlight does it.
Spike flew to Starlight and gently stroked her mane. Like Twilight, Starlight enjoys it too, and she immediately ceased hyperventilating and smiled. With his friend calmed, Spike stopped stroking the mane.
"Thanks, Spike. I needed that."
"It's what I do, but the rest of us should start getting paid each time we calm down your or Twilight's twilighting," Spike replied.
“But we'll get to that later, Spike. As for this code purple, what can I do to help, Twi?” Rainbow asked.
Twilight answered, “For now, just make sure you don’t make things worse by saying the phrase yourself."
"On it!" Rainbow proudly placed a hoof on her chest.
Pinkie asked, “Hey, I got an idea. How about we ask Discord for help?”
Twilight shook her head. She had already thought of begging Discord for help. “That won’t work.”
Spike asked, “Why?”
“I already asked him. But, when I told him what happened, he got scared and is now hiding in his chaotic realm. He’s so terrified, he forgot to do his code purple and take Fluttershy with him to keep her safe.”
Translation: Discord’s not going to use his OP magic and bail these cute little ponies and their dragon out of their mess.
“Hold on, what about the Princesses?” Applejack turned to Rainbow. “And, Rainbow, don’t make any jokes about how they ‘never help’.”
Twilight corrected, “This time, Applejack, they really can’t help us: they are already preparing for the worst in Canterlot.”
Spike asked, “How do they know? You didn’t have me send anything to them.”
“I already sent a letter to them directly with an emergency spell I’m supposed to only use in extreme crises. However, I did use another emergency spell to call for another to help.”
Starlight asked, “Who is it?”
A male voice from behind said, “Princess Twilight, I’m here.”
The gang spun around to the voice and gasped. It was a centaur. He had two huge, red, muscular arms, but with a lower-body like...wait, why am I trying to tell you how Lord Tirek looks? Who could forget that guy after how he and Princess Twilight wowed us when they went at it DBZ style in the season four finale? Let’s just move on.
Applejack stuttered, “W-What? Y-You asked TIREK to help?!”
Rarity asked, “WHY?!”
Pinkie echoed, “And HOW?!”
It was ironic that Pinkie Pie became baffled by the actions of another pony. Normally, that’s her job.
“First, yes, I called for Tirek. Second, he can absorb far more magic than me, so if the threat’s magic-based, he can absorb its magic and save us. Third, I’m an alicorn: I have spells for that."
Spike asked, "Okay, but how is he buff again?"
Tirek countered, "Some too-dumb-to-live pony said the forbidden phrase, and you're worried about why I have big muscles?"
“Fair enough,” Applejack responded for Spike. "But, Twi, even if he ‘saves’ us, won’t he use any magic he gets to try to take over Equestria?”
Twilight explained, “The last time Sunburst and I were geeking out when we were in the antique shop, we did some calculations. There’s a 94.78% chance Equestria will suffer heavy damage from what would happen if the forbidden phrase was spoken again. But with Tirek on our side, there’s a 93.22% chance of it happening, or 25.17% if the threat is indeed magic-based.”
In a smug voice, Tirek said, “So you either hope to get lucky against me again, or face a worse fate.”
The alicorn Princess and centaur made a compelling argument. Admittedly, Twilight didn't know that Tirek can only absorb magic from living beings, but Tirek wasn't going to tell them that.
Spike said, “Okay, you win.”
Fluttershy asked, “But I’m curious: who was it that said...the phrase, anyway?”
A female aquamarine unicorn, with a light grayish-cyan and white mane and tail, peeked her head from a window in a nearby house and said, “Princess Twilight? I know you ordered us to stay inside, but my fianc--uh, I mean, Bon Bon, said there’s...something important she needs to do soon and wants me to ask what’s wrong.”
Twilight answered, “She doesn't know? She’s the one I heard say the forbidden phrase!”
“She WHAT?! You mean I fell in love with an idi--er, wait one second. I have to kick something.” The mare pulled her head back inside. After a moment, yelling of foul words and sounds of something being knocked around inside the house was heard.
Tirek gave out a happy sigh and smiled. "Ah, I love the sound of flank kicking in the morning, or afternoon in this case. Consider what we're hearing a preview for what I'm going to do to you eight after I save you."
"You got it wrong, big boy: it's a preview of what we are going to do to you," Rainbow corrected.
"But seriously, Tirek, how did you get your muscles that big again?" Rarity asked.
"I did a lot of sit-ups and pull-ups, and drunk plenty of juice after you visited me in Tartarus."
"Huh, good to know. Maybe I'll try it if we survive," Spike said.
Pinkie looked at the plate of cookies and glass of milk she still held. "Do anypony want the rest of my milk and cookies?"
The gang all answered, "No."
"Okay." Pinkie finished off the milk and cookies, then hid the plate and glass back in her mane.
The commotion from inside the house finally ended, and the same unicorn popped her head through the same window as before. Her mane was ragged, and she was short of breath. “Uh, Bon Bon…*pant*...said that she…*pant*...didn’t say the forbidden phrase.”
Twilight gasped. “Huh? But I heard her say it twenty-one minutes ago!”
“She told me that she said, ‘What might possibly go wrong?’ and you didn’t ban that phrase.”
Twilight’s mouth dropped to the ground. It was at this moment that Princess Twilight Sparkle knew, she bucked up royally.
“So, can we go?” the mare asked.
Twilight sighed and sat in the chair still behind her. “Y-Yes. Code purple over.”
The mare again pulled her head back inside. She and a female beige earth pony trotted out the door of the house. The latter pony’s non-ragged dark-blue and rose-pink mane and tail was a stark contrast to her partner’s ragged mane and tail.
Twilight looked at her friends and former adversary, who all wore scowls. Tirek cracked his knuckles.
“Uh...guess I twilighted over nothing again. Oops?” Twilight admitted in a sheepish voice and smiled just as sheepishly. If she weren’t an extremely powerful alicorn, this narrator would say that she needs to start running or flying. Twilight's adorkableness, formidable magical power, princess status, and the fact that she's (usually) a very friendly pony usually protects her from getting slapped from non-villains. Even so, everything has limits.
Applejack pointed at Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle! You twilighted over that?!”
“I’m sorry! Nopony had ever said that phrase before, so I twilighted!”
“Obviously,” Spike deadpanned with his arms crossed.
Tirek complained, “You made me interrupt my plans to take over Equestria and worse, my SEMI-DAILY WORKOUT, for this?! Do you want me to kick your flank all over Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle?!”
“And if you would like my help to kick it, Tirek, I might be willing to offer it,” Rarity said.
Rainbow yelled, “I can’t believe you, Twilight! All this over somepony saying ‘What might possibly go wrong?’ and not ‘What could possibly go wrong?’ the actual forb--” Rainbow gasped and covered her mouth.
Everypony shouted, “RAINBOW!!”
The sky grew dark-blue and meteors rained all over Equestria. In Ponyville, they crashed down on most of the buildings, breaking parts of them off. The sounds of smashes from the meteors masked the frightened screams of ponies in the buildings. Twilight formed a protective magenta shield over her friends, herself, and even Tirek. Twilight gritted her teeth and grunted from effort as a few meteors slammed into her barrier, but it didn't even crack.
After the last two meteors fell, each one seemingly aimed at either Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle, clouds rolled into and covered the sky and torrential rain poured down.
Then, parasprites flew in through the rain, ate a third of each building (or what was left of them), and flew away as quickly as they came. The spell Twilight once cast to make them eat things that are not food must still be active.
Lastly, after the rain eased up and Twilight dispelled her barrier, a bird flew over her and let loose a bird dropping onto her head. A second bird flew over Rainbow and did the same to her. Both mares moaned from disgust.
When the sky cleared to its normal light-blue glory, with ponies emerging from buildings, the gang surveyed the damage. Ponyville survived, but even the houses that the meteors missed were partly eaten by the parasprites. Though, to the dismay of some from other worlds, Twilight’s castle was somehow spared of any damage. The lower half of the ponies’ legs were covered in water from the rain. A similar sight could be seen all across Equestria.
In the distance, a male voice cried out, “My leg!”
Another male voice yelled, "My horn!"
"My wing!" a female voice screamed.
"My everything!" another female voice yelled.
Normally, hearing a cry for help would have triggered the kindhearted Princess Twilight Sparkle to drop everything and do whatever it took to help. But this time, she, along with Spike, Starlight, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Tirek was too furious at a certain cyan pegasus to care. Said pegasus was grinning back nervously.
Rainbow admitted, “Uh...my bad?”
Spike said, “Twi? I think you should have called ‘code maroon’.”
Fluttershy asked, “What’s that?”
Starlight explained, “It’s the level above ‘code purple’. It is ‘watch out for somepony about to say something stupid’ like what somepony just did.”
“And I literally told you not to make things worse by saying the phrase, Rainbow!” Twilight scolded.
“You had one job, Rainbow Dash. One job,” Rarity said.
Rainbow pointed at Twilight. "W-Well, if it weren't for Twilight and her twilighting, I wouldn't have had the chance to accidentally destroy half of Equestria in the first place!"
Tirek remarked, “Maybe you guys should have thrown Princess Twilight and Rainbow Dash in Tartarus, not me, after you got lucky and curb-stomped me.”