Club Spongebob
The sun rose over the small sleepy village of Ponyville as ponies began to go about their days. One pony in question, the somewhat controversial show pony Trixie, yawned as she exited her trailer.
“Wheres my-there it is.” Trixie said as she placed her signature hat on her head. “All good and here we go.” The mare began trotting off to her job, passing by a large tree with vines hanging down. She could hear the giggling coming from the treehouse sitting on top.
“Wey wook, its wixie.” Pinkie joked.
“What?” Trixie paused and looked up as the two ponies started laughing.
“Wixie’s woing to work.” The two ponies in the treehouse laughed harder as Trixie growled, annoyed.
“Where does she work? Wat the Wugar Wube Worner?” Derpy asked as she and her friend laughed harder.
“What's that supposed to be, some kind of stupid secret code?” Trixie called up.
“We can't tell you 'cause you're not a member of the club.” Pinkie called down. The unicorn scoffed.
“Oh, yeah? What does it take to be a member, besides being a moron?” Trixie started laughing to herself. “Moron...as a requirement, haha.”
“Sorry Trixie, you couldn’t get in even if you tried!” The earth pony shouted. Trixie looked up even more annoyed and somewhat offended.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie will have you know that she is a member of countless exclusive clubs all over Equestria!”
“What did she say?” Derpy whispered.
“I don’t know. Something about her hat?” The Pegasus stuck her head out of the small window.
“Trixie, you and your hat will definitely not fit in!” That had been the final straw. Out of sheer stubbornness Trixie began climbing up.
“Oh, what do you two zeros know about fitting in?” The unicorn mare grunted. “Why, you should be begging me to join!”
“Trixie! Trixie, no, no, no! Stop! No no, no, stop, please, please! Stop, Trixie! You can't join! You can't join! Can't join! You can't get in!” Pinkie and Derpy pleaded as Trixie pushed with all her might, only to end up extremely cramped.
“Well, this is stupid. There's no room up here!” The mare shouted, shoving the two ponies aside.
“That's what we've been trying to tell you!”
“We've been stuck up here for three days.” Pinkie said.
"We told you that you wouldn't fit in.” Trixie glared, but knew they did warn her.
“Well, since you're here, Trixie, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready, Derpy?” Pinkie asked, looking at the mare sitting on her head.
“Ready!” Then the two started to sing.
“Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club! Welcome Trixie! Welcome Trixie! Welcome Trixie! Welcome Trixie! Welcome Trixie...!
“Shut your half-wit pieholes!” The mare shouted, shoving a hoof into their mouths before using her magic to grab one of the vines. “I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!” Trixie got the tree bent all the way to the ground before to her horror the vine snapped, flinging the tree back up and sending the clubhouse flying out into the distance. The unicorn screamed in terror as the little box flew up and out before crashing deeply into the Everfree Forest. As the dust settled the now free Pinkie and Derpy hopped onto their hooves.
“Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Again! Oh, yeah! Again!” The two celebrated before letting out their victory screech.
“Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!” Trixie said as she shoved the two aside.
“What happened?” Derpy asked as Pinkie shrugged. Trixie was running around the clubhouse in panic.
“Where are we? We're lost! There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with Pinkie Pie and Derpy!” The two mares waved happily as Trixie began crying. Oh, why must every 22 minutes of Trixie’s be filled with misery? Why-y-y-y?!”
“Oh, cheer up, Trixie. It could be worse.”
“Yeah, you could be a washed-up magician with no talent.” Derpy said happily. Trixie looked at her after that burn before deflating.
“Well... this is the end.”
“No its not Trixie!” Pinkie said happily.
“It's not?” Derpy asked as she stopped making coffins for the three.
“Come on girls, we're gonna be fine!” Pinkie said, patting Trixie on the head. “As long as we stick together. Remember, we're a club!” She and Derpy then let out their victory screech again. “And besides, we have this!” Pinkie pulled out a rather large muffin with a pull string.
“Whats that?” Trixie asked, baffled. Derpy’s eyes went wide.
“Ohhhh! The Magic Muffin! Ask it something! Ask it something!”
“Magic Muffin, will I ever get married?” Pinkie asked as she pulled the string.
"Maybe someday.”
“You've got to be kidding!” Trixie said in disbelief. “That is just a stupid toy! How can that possibly help us?”
“Trixie, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Muffin! The club always takes its advice before we do anything.”
“The baked good knows all!”
“Oh, Magic Muffin, what do we need to do to get out of the Everfree Forest?” Pinkie asked as she pulled the string. The three looked on as an answer was made.
"Nothing.”
“The muffin has spoken!” Derpy declared.
“Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do nothing!” Much to the magicians annoyance the two proceeded to sit and do absolutely nothing. “I can't believe you two are gonna take advice from a toy!” The mare growled as Pinkie and Derpy simply sat there. “All right, all right, all right! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity! And But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!” Trixie trotted off into the forest, laughing to herself. “Sad clowns... sad...clowns.”
Ten minutes passed before Trixie had descended into full blown panic. Galloping and panting she did her best to ignore the noises all around her. “What was that!? I was already here! Which way do I go? Oh, I'm lost!” She met the dirt as she tripped over a tree root. “Ohh... I'm hopelessly lost! I'll never get out of here!” On the verge of a mental break down she saw a glimmer of hope ahead. Up ahead was light peaking through the trees. Laughing hysterically the mare burst into the light triumptenly. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is free! Take that Pinkie and Derpy! Hahahahaha-huh?” Much to her dismay she saw the two mares in question, still doing nothing.
“Ohh...there's no way out of here…..”
Several days would pass as Pinkie and Derpy continue to sit in the same spot and do nothing. Trixie had managed to corner off a small patch dirt with a small fence made of sticks and twigs while she had a shelter also standing.
“How's it going over there at Club Muffins-for-Brains?” The magician taunted. “Mmm-mmm-mmm. Trixie is hungry. She wonder what's on the menu for Club Trixie tonight?” Trixie spotted a bug scuttering by before she squashed it with her hoof, and holding it over the fire. Not a 5 Star meal but Trixie would take it. Just to gloat Trixie galloped over and held the bug under Pinkie’s and Derpy’s noses.
“Doesn't that smell good, Pinkie? You haven't eaten in days. How about you, Derpy?” Trixie taunted to the cross eye mare. “A growing mares gotta eat. Well guess what?” You can't have any. And do you know why, Pinkie? Because your club president is a muffin!” Trixie began shaking her flank in the party ponies unresponsive face. “ If you had listened to Trixie you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead you listened to a talking bake good...that tells you nothing!” The magician laughed to herself as she returned to her camp. “As if the answers to solve all your problems will fall right out of the sky! Fall right out of the sky! Haha!”
Little did the three know a delivery wagon was going over head with the two Pegasus struggling with the wait.
“Dude, we're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load!” The Pegasus kicked the wagon open as picnic supplies came spilling out and tumbling into the forest below. Everything, including a picnic table, food and drinks, a tent, and a fire came landing perfectly around Pinkie and Derpy, who finally responded.
“Praise the Magic Muffin!!!” Trixie’s jaw sat on the ground as the bug she fried moments ago smacked her on the head with a stick. Not wasting a moment the two mares began scarfing the food down, only pausing to breath periodically.
“Hey uh….Pinkie…that sure is a lot of food you have there…” Trixie said, shaking in hunger as she swallowed her pride.
“It’s a gift from the Magic Muffin.” Pinkie said happily.
“Well everything sure looks delicious.” Trixie gasped at one food item. “Oh! Stuffed rolls Trixie’s favorite!” The mare began sniffing the smell before her nose accidently got pulled in by Derpy. Annoyed, Trixie pulled her nose free. “Pinkie… I...you know I was just kidding around earlier and-and-and I-I-I mean I'm... I'm still part of the club, right? And... and-and-and-and-and after all, the-the club's gotta stick together, and I-I mean... you know, I-I, um-“
“Trixie?”
“Umm...uh..yeah?” Pinkie smiled at the unicorn.
“Once a member, always a member!” The earth pony and Pegasus clinked two glasses together.
“To the club!” The two toasted before letting out their victory screech.
“Yeah, now, uh, if you'll excuse Trixie...” The mare turned to the table fork and knife in hooves. “All right... What shall I eat first? The spaghetti, the rolls, the soup, the pie?”
“Why don't you ask... the Magic Muffin, Trixie?” Pinkie asked, holding up the baked good in question.
“Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after Trixie consults the Magic Horse Shoe.” At that statement Pinkie and Derpy yanked the table away, blocking it from Trixie.
“Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Muffin? The muffin is the one who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted muffin is the cornerstone of our organization.”
“Maybe she's not a sister.” Derpy whispered as Trixie chucked weakly.
“Hey, y-you girls have it all wrong. I-I love this, uh, piece of plastic.” Feeling silly and starving Trixie took the muffin. “Uh, hello there. Magic Muffin, uh, I was wondering... uh, should Trixie have the spaghetti or the pie?” The mare pulled the string.
"Neither."
"Oh. Then how about the soup?”
“I don't think so.” Trixie was growing annoyed.
“Can I have anything to eat?”
“No.”
"No?! What do you mean no? Trixie’s starving here!”
“Here, let me try.” Derpy said as she took the muffin. “Magic Muffin, could Trixie have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?”
“No.”
"Hmm...could I have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?”
“Yes.”
"All right!” Derpy vacuumed the sandwich down before letting out a burn. “Oh, sorry Trixie.”
“Give me that!” Trixie snapped, snatching the muffin back. “Could I have something to eat?”
“No.”
“Could I have something to eat?”
“No.”
“Could I have something to eat?”
“No.”
“Can't you say anything else but no?!”
“Try asking again.”
“Can I have something to eat?” Trixie asked with a hopeful smile.
“No.” The muffin answered in a snarky sarcastic tone. Trixie began stuttering and growling uncontrollably before shaking wildly in pure enragement.
“Trixie, are you all right?” Pinkie asked concerned as Trixie began to smoke and turn red.
"Maybe we should ask the muffin if she's okay.” Derpy suggested. Before Trixie could exploded the three heard somepony call out.
"Hello? Anypony there? Hello? Hello?!” A unicorn chopped through the thick brush and gasped when he saw the three mares. “Do you folks need some help?” Trixie gasped happily.
“Trixie’s saved!!!!” The mare clung to the forest explorer. “You don't know how happy I am to see you. I have been stranded out here for weeks with-with-with these two pie heads and their Magic Muffin!!!!” The pony frowned.
“Magic... Muffin? You mean like this?!” To Trixies horror the pony pulled out a muffin similar to the one Pinkie had.
"The Magic Muffin! A club member!” Pinkie, Derpy and the pony let out the victory screech as Trixie looked on dumbstruck.
“My muffin told me to come save you girls.” The pony explained.
“Hooray for the magic muffins!” The pony held his muffin up.
"All right, Magic Muffin... what do we do now?” He pulled on the string as Trixie looked on helplessly.
“Nothing.”
"All hail the Magic Muffin!” The three sat down and once more did nothing. Finally cracking, Trixie crawled over, still dumbstruck, in between the three.
“……all hail the Magic Muffin!” The mare shouted helplessly before joining the three in doing nothing.