Broken, Healing, Healed
Y/N: Your Name
What if you gave all of you that you could possibly give; yet it still not be enough?
Broken, Healing, Healed
You were rapidly finishing your breakneck gallop over to the Castle of Friendship in anticipation to see your best friend come flying home. Well ok, Twilight hadn’t officially flown in from visiting her family yet, but you were excited nonetheless. She was a very special friend of yours, and why wouldn’t she be. After all she has graciously done for you. Although you weren’t a bad friend yourself (on your old world or this new one); the things she had done for you almost seemed priceless in comparison.
She didn’t “have” to bring you in as part of her fold, especially with you being a bit of an alien (both figuratively and literally). But she did. She didn’t “have” to offer up space in her cottage, and then her castle when she still felt like she needed a roommate, but she did. She didn’t “have” to value you, especially when new friends such as Starlight Glimmer, Discord or even The Great and Powerful Tr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-ixie started to become such important friends to her as well. But she did. She didn’t “have” to drop what she was doing in order to make sure that you were feeling alright. Hay, if you were going through crazy things anyway, you didn’t bother your friends with it too much of the time anyway because last you checked, you were pretty sure that “inconvenience” wasn’t one of the Elements of Harmony. But she still cared enough to check in.
Oh yes, you found every opportunity you could possible to be a blessing to your best friend. Not because you were expecting this kind of beautiful, amazing, undeserved treatment like this every time like a dog expecting a treat after performing a desired trick. Not because you were wanting to worm your way to the top of everything. But rather because you genuinely cared about her as your friend.
It’s not that everypony else wasn’t a good friend for you. On the contrary, you have formed very lasting and firm friendships with a lot of creatures on this planet. Including the Mane 6. But Twilight honestly was your top choice for your best friend in this new world. Why? Because she’s Twilight Sparkle. Did you really need any other reason?
“Let’s see, I agreed to watch over the castle for the first 4 days; and the rest of Twilight’s friends agreed to watch it for the final 3. This is going to be exciting!!!” You said with a smile, not being able to help a high-pitched squeak coming out as you were now about 50 clops away from the castle until you skidded to a stop, just barely in front of the large, majestic door.
You didn’t want to disturb anything, or sound like you were just barging in (although Twilight welcomed and treated you as a guest countless times); so you just quickly and quietly clopped inside the castle. No sign of Twilight, but some signs of war affecting the castle shown out. Chocolate, candy, magic sparkles grafittied the walls, you almost thought you saw feathers flying across the scene as if it was colorful snow for the holidays. The doors were almost all open, and you didn’t want to be a peeping tom and see what was in all of them so you walked right past. “What in the world, er, Equestria happened here?” you thought to yourself as you walked on what you thought were small bits of paper. You knew that Twilight would be freaked out if just one piece were on the floor, but there were thousands of tiny shreds everywhere. Being a simple Earth pony, you knew you couldn’t teleport the shreds someplace else; so instead you decided to go over to the custodial room, get some cleaning supplies and work as long as needed to clean all the mess up in the castle.
“What could have possibly happened?” you asked yourself. You knew that when you left this place to the Mane 6, it was absolutely spotless. As if it was a new castle up for sale and that it was absolutely flawless in every way, with all in Equestria inquiring of offers for the royal house. Now it looked like the time you walked into Starlight Glimmer experimenting with some weird make-your-friends-do-exactly-as-you-say spell with the whole castle turning into one big mess.
That was then. Now, “mess” was the understatement of this Sun and Moon’s Rising. This looked as if the castle had a war within itself and was vanquished within seconds. As you slowly trotted your way towards the janitorial closet, you heard voices as you got closer. Not wanting to eavesdrop, you kept focused at your task on hand; but couldn’t help but tell what some of the conversation was about anyway. You were able to figure out that apparently, the rest of the Mane 6 goofed up and had a huge party inside the castle with some extended friends and forgot to clean up right until Twilight just got home. You were able to piece all of that together, but you couldn’t quite fathom as much what would happen next. As you were getting closer to the door, you heard the unmistakeable voice of Twilight shouting,
“Why can’t I have friends that act good enough for me?!?”
Obviously it was stress and rage that fueled that statement, but you couldn’t help but feel disappointed in yourself as well. As if on cue, Twilight plowed out of the room she was in and plowed into you like a ravaging stampede of free-range cattle; not seeming to notice that you were in the building at all.
As you tried to process everything that was going on, only one combination seemed to make the most logical sense. Even Twilight had certain standards that she wanted out of respect. And every one of her friends attempted to live up to that standard for her out of friendship. As did you, probably more than anyone. Even more than Twilight’s assistant/little brother, Spike the Dragon (who you saw as a friend and little brother, yourself.)
Still, even though Twilight tended to be overdramatically upset about even the tiniest of details on occasion (you and your friends dubbed it “Twilighting”), you just couldn’t help but wonder if this was the tipping point. The point that you wanted to avoid being apart of. Unfortunately, no matter how logically you tried putting things, the fact that it could be over made way too much obvious sense. After all, she asked why she couldn’t have better friends that were good enough for her, right? Well, it mainly applied in the context of how chaotic and messy the castle had become (and Discord, everyone’s favorite lord of chaos, wasn’t even there to be part of this mess), and since that you were also watching over the castle; maybe she was also mad at you as well. As if you were a part of this awful scheme.
You turned around for a split-second, looking at nothing in particular; although you think you see the rest of the Mane 6 looking surprisedly in the distance at you. You turn to see, sure enough, them glaring at you as if they had just first noticed you walk in.
What could you do? Scold them? No, that would risk losing their friendship too. Repremand them? No, Twilight probably already did that. It was obvious. You were in no emotional condition to say anything, so you gave them all an angry glare then galloped like lightning out of the castle, trying to fight back tears but failing to with every step away from the castle.
After deciding to take a train ride to Manehattan to hopefully get your head sorted out, as well as figure out what to do about the rest of Twilight’s friends, you finally decided that a good old fashioned stroll along the Boardwalk might just be what you need. But unfortunately, everywhere you went; the memories still remained. With the warm, afternoon sun gently tapping you and no clouds from any Pegasi to block it, it was more obvious than ever. You can’t escape your own shadow. Not even a little.
You recollected all of the memories that you had with Twilight, but mainly all of the times that she had asked you to come through for her. You didn’t quite know what Twilight’s standards were in general, much less for her friends. So how were you supposed to know what the line was in the first place. Judging such standards in friendships was such a hard thing for you to do back in your old world and that was stressful enough, much less here in your new home.
Just then, another set of thoughts appeared in your head. What if you were below her standard the whole time, but just didn’t know it? What if she was only just being polite to you, but your hopes kept getting raised until they were smashed? You knew you were no slouch when it came to friendships, and you always gave it your all.
Then, a new thought hit you. And this was the most saddening, confusing, yet most nonsense of a thought that came to you.
What if you gave all of you that you could possibly give; yet it still not be enough?
Meanwhile... Back at the Castle of Friendship...
A short time after abruptly leaving the castle in a huff, Twilight flew back to a different castle. The Castle of Princesses Celestia and Luna, her friends and mentors, to relieve herself from all of the stress and to seek guidance as to how to rekindle the friendships that she had discarded after bolting off.
After taking said advice and genuinely apologizing to all her friends, as well as offering to help them clean up the castle as an extension of herself, she was now giggling and laughing with her friends as they were enjoying a smaller, quieter, yet way less stressful tea party. She took a sigh of relief, as she reflectively gazed at all of her wonderful friends. She took in a deep breath, as to soak in the wonderful atmosphere she was in; then exhaled as a grateful self-reminder, that all was indeed great in the land once again. Everything was restored.
Well, almost everything.
She looked around the room as if to do a head-count and counted.
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...” she counted, including herself. She looked around and counted again, before she realized exactly who was missing. She wasn’t too worried that you were gone, but did find it odd that you weren’t there to great her when she got back from her trip. She knew that you loved her, and she greatly appreciated your friendship; but she also knew that you had your own life as well, and a million and one things you could be doing with it as well.
“Oh maybe they’re out shopping, or doing errands or maybe they just wanted to kick back at their own place for the day.” she reasoned calmly in her mind. “Yeah, that’s it. I would’ve loved to have seen them when I got back, but that’s alright. I’ve got a ton of great stories to share with them and I even got them the greatest little souvenir I could find.” she thought in excitement, mentally doing a jolly jig at the thought of it. “Everything will be fine.” Twilight thought.
By mid-evening, the rest of the Mane 6 cleaned up the castle again, packed up their things, and got ready to head on their way home. For real this time.
“Too bad that Y/N didn’t show up for this.” Applejack commented, bushy-eyed, curious, yet not super-concerned.
“Yeah,” Pinkie-Pie agreed, “I mean, I knew that they were pretty stressed out earlier; but I didn’t expect them to miss out on this.” Pinkie-Pie concurred.
Twilight looked at her friends one more time, this time more in reconnaissance and observation.
“Now that you mention it,” she stated, matter of factly and with the slightest hint of worry in her voice, “I’ve been wondering where they’ve been all day too.”
The rest of the Mane 6 looked at each other, puzzled. Until then, as if a lightning bolt created from the Elements of Harmony themselves hit them on the head, they came to the realization that...
“You don’t think that Y/N is mad at us about...” the usually confident Rainbow-Dash stated in concern,
“You don’t think they were there, do you?” Fluttershy asked, nervously.
“You don’t suppose that that was why...” Rarity pondered in great worry.
Twilight didn’t need to hear another word, for she knew exactly what they were talking about and what happened. You were there. Maybe not meaning to overhear, because she knew that you never meant to eavesdrop on her, but you were there nonetheless. At the wrong place at the wrong time. You were the one that she barreled out in front of in frustration, but never noticed. It was then she realized.
You weren’t gone because of some other plan on your agenda. You left because she crucified you, when you were expecting triumphant joy during her return. You didn’t have to do anything for her; neither did you have to show up for her out of loyalty. But out of blind anger, she reduced you and your essence into ash blown in the gnashing, howling wind that blew around the scalding hot fire.
Reading Twilight’s thoughts of anguish, overhearing enough of the conversation, and just flying in from a personal errand, Spike rapidly entered the castle.
“I saw Y/N stop at the trains heading for Manehattan!!!” Spike bellowed, almost out of breath, “Maybe they’re staying over there.” he wheezed before fainting.
Not hesitating for a moment, Twilight left Spike under the care of her friends as she teleported over to Manehattan, where Luna’s night sky now took its residence on Equestria’s cosmic stage. She galloped quickly both in self-anger, and in unquenchable worry, compassion and concern. She didn’t care about risking a few more hours of something minuscule as sleep; for she knew that she had one more friendship to make right tonight.
Leaving the 7, to find the one.
Meanwhile... at Center Park...
“So let me get this straight...” a familiar, fancy voice asked you in clarification; “You want me to become the Princess of the Night,” he asked, then shapeshifting into Princess Luna, “Teleport into their homes,” he continued, in Luna’s voice, “AND THEN CHIDLE THEM FOR THE ARROGANCE OF THEIR WAYS?!?” Discord asked, in Luna’s Royal Canterlot voice; which made you can’t help but wince. Regardless of how much you cringed at the unexpected use of the ancient tone, you nodded as Discord shifted back into his original form.
“Well, as much as I'd love to help you with your friendship problem; I’m afraid I can’t for the following reasons:” Discord ratted on as if he were reading off a grocery list of excuses, which annoyed you greatly. You didn’t want to exact yourself on Twilight’s friends later. You wanted to do it now!!!
“One, ‘Friendship Problems’ are far below my area of expertise.” he said, making a professor costume appear on him as he said that, and showing you a report card which showed a blaring ‘F’ on the ‘Friendship Solving’ section after he said that.
Immediately after that, the clothes and paper vanished, and then explained the next reason, “Two, what if Luna’s already in their dreams? They would already tell that there could be an impostor was at their door.”
No chaos tricks were needed to make you see and concur with this point, so you merely nodded.
“And finally...” Discord started, then paused; as if he were expecting something to drop in. You knew to expect the unexpected with your friend, the darconniquis, so you quickly looked up, low, all around, under, above, left, right, every possible direction. You could see him mirroring your directions, probably for a friendly game of his invention. Then he spoke softly. Loud enough so you could hear; but not so loud that any random passers-by wouldn’t notice. “Because I think there’s someone here to see you.”
He vanished for you to see who you wanted to see the most yet the least, at the same time, barely standing right in front of you.
“Oh no, it couldn’t be!!!” you squeaked out with a voice so small and timid that, if invisible, you would’ve easily been mistaken for Fluttershy. For there in front of you, with her own eyes stained with tears, stood your best friend, Twilight Sparkle.
She stumbled quickly but carefully towards you, bawling out in the process; as she latched onto you tightly.
“I’m sorry.” you heard her sobbing in whisper. “I’m so very sorry.” she whisper/sobbed again. You were taken aback at the sudden affection, not quite knowing how to feel or what to do. You finally ended up deciding to hug her gently, as an affirming reminder that you still saw her in the highest regards; even though you yourself were obviously never going to be good enough for her standards.
After a few seconds, both the tears and the embracing ceased as you wiped your eyes to look at Twilight. Her face looked like it went through every nightmare possible in Equestria. She tried smiling for you; but couldn’t keep it for very long due to the pain she felt inside.
You felt the pain too, but for different reasons. The pony of your greatest friendship, the role-model you forever aspired to, the greatest pony in all of Equestria was the one you strove day and night to respect and treat well, for the sake of gratitude and friendship.
However, in spite of you laying all of yourself out there like an open book; you filled out all your pages with all the words that your very essence could display on all the pages you could provide. And yet, you had no more room for pages. No more room for ink. You had given your all.
And where did you go? Back on the bookshelf. Collecting dust. Never to be a worthy read again.
After around a somber 10 minutes, it was Twilight who first broke the silence.
“I was so worried when you didn’t show up at the castle.” she spoke with emotional sadness in her voice, almost crying... and yet, not. “My friends think that you stormed off because you hate them!!! I thought that you were wanting to leave Equestria for good!!!” She anguished, before taking a few meditative breaths to regain control and to calm down again. You joined in on the breathing; both for her sake, and for yours, as you yourself needed to regain focus and control yourself.
“Are you going to be ok?” she asked anxiously yet compassionately. She was concerned, you could tell that; but you still feared what else would come, as you would answer. Finally mustering up the courage to be honest with her; in spite of the harsh, judgmental deathblow that was sure to follow, you slowly breathed in, breathed out and then spilled out the truth. Slowly, surely, boldly, humbly and in control.
You told her of how you felt towards her since you were first transported to Equestria after your world ended. You told her of how her friendship both assuaged and sharpened you at the same time, and that her example inspired you to enjoy your time with her, yet giving her the reverence you felt she deserved, which was that of kings and queens. Finally, you confessed that, though you didn’t perform for a crown, medal, ribbon, title, benefit, or any other selfish reasoning; you still lied awake some nights wondering, if she was truly proud of you and what you could do to improve or scale back on.
You then scolded yourself for thinking such selfish things, and wished that Celestia could raise the sun, and Starlight Glimmer would be there raising it with her to concentrate all of its energy on you; so that all evidence of this selfish, surely failed “friend” would disintegrate both out of this moment, and out of time itself.
Then, the moment of truth. The deathblow? Redemption?
Nothing made sense, and nothing was sure. But unlike the friend you talked with earlier; there wasn’t only fun, but relief in things that made sense.
You steeled yourself for whatever came next.
It was just then, that Twilight started crying out again, slightly softer and more composed; but she was still sympathetic. Maybe it was out of pity. Maybe out of spite. Maybe out of empathy. You didn’t care. You reached out and wrapped your hooves around her as a comfort for her.
If this was how Twilight was feeling, regardless, you were determined to remind her that, regardless of status or relation; you would always be there to cheer her up or comfort her. Even if the “magic” was gone; the commitment, care and honor wouldn’t be.
30 minutes later...
Although Twilight felt better after the cry, she still felt obligated to take you to the Flanksy Hotel, one of the most luxurious hotels in all of Equestria. Once you both made it, she paid the rent for a couple of nights, took you to the elevator towards your room for the night (which was far more luxurious and pleasant than what you surely deserved), then asked you to take a shower and freshen up while she readied herself for what she wanted to say.
After about 10 minutes, you both emerged calmer, more in peace, focused, in control and no longer in fear of what would be to come. In your heart and mind was observation, and the readiness to understand, learn and apply; in hers, calm, cool, collective logic and emotion that would guide her words.
Now, the two hearts were ready to restore their friendship.
Twilight then started, “Now, please understand me when I say this, because I’m going to best explain what I think you’re going through. It might seem weird, but I think talking through this problem together will be the best way to make things right, and that our friendship can be not broken, but healed. And made stronger for the better. Understood?” Twilight asked, with clarity.
As you couldn’t help but feel happy for the hope that she provided for you, you nodded and let your mind eagerly yet meditatively hone in on what Twilight was about to impart in this conversation.
“As you’ve already told me, what you feel like you’re going through is that you’ve been trying so hard to push on to treat me right that you expend a lot of your energy just on making sure I’m well cared for. It’s not exhausting for you because seeing your friends, or in general, me happy is what makes you happy. And while it’s true that you don’t do anything for selfishness or being a glory-hog, and I’m proud of you for that by the way, you still seek something out there. Something that tells you that you are truly doing everything perfectly. Something that lets you know that everything is alright in the world, and in our relationship. Is that right?” Twilight stated, searching for answers that she already knew she would find.
You were beyond pleased that Twilight was seemingly willing to take a second chance with you. That optimism was tempered with caution however, as you were about 75% percent certain that that was what she was seeking after. However, something was better than nothing, and the fact that she was blowing off the dust and reading your pages again and reanalyzing them, gave you hope enough. You nodded in confirmation, then listened on.
“That thing you seek is called, ‘Reassurance’ and it’s not a bad thing to seek at all. Ponies seek it all the time. My friends, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Discord, everyone’s looking for reassurance. Even I need it on a daily basis. Though we tend to hide our need for it because it sounds selfish and that we don’t deserve it because we should focus on others.” Twilight then matter of factly, yet sympathetically stated. You nodded.
“But I want you to know that it’s not selfish at all. That it’s ok to want to know the outcome of everything that you’ve ever done. Like if you didn’t know whether your shot fell into the bucket or bounced straight off, or bounce slightly off the bucket. You need to know what happened so you can know what to accept. And it’s just like that with me.” she affirmed, letting the hurt inside take over for a brief moment to prove her point. “You are the most selfless, caring, trustworthy friend I have ever known.”
You looked at her with scars in your eyes. You knew what to say, and you knew what to do. “I already have forgiven you,” you genuinely responded, and that lead to a grateful smile in her face and a hug coming your way, which you gratefully accepted. After releasing your embrace, you knew that you had to say what else was on your mind before she let the emotion get into her head and start praising restoration that, to you, was only now about 85% complete.
“But now my heart is broken. Not because you’re taking from me; but because I haven’t done good enough for our friendship.”
Ok, this was a new shock for you.
“What do you mean?” you asked, more than slightly confused at what your friend just stated.
“You’ve been more than perfect. You mean so much to me that I can’t even describe all of who you are to me.” Twilight sighed depression and guilt before continuing, “What I’m trying to get at here is that I’ve been so focused on making sure that everything was alright between us, that I didn’t make sure you knew that you were doing not just enough, but more than enough.”
95% healed. You and Twilight knew each other well enough to the point where you both knew each other’s comfort levels; but more importantly, how sincere your feelings were. Any time that you wanted to know how Twilight was feeling or if she needed help; it was easy for you. You just opened the book up and read. And she would do the same for you.
But as Twilight knew, 95% wouldn’t cut it for her. Not because she wanted perfection. But because she wasn’t that kind of friend. She didn’t mind scars, cuts or bruises; but she still longed for her friends to be fully healed.
“When I first came to Ponyville, it seemed like everything was so quaint, hurried and everybody was just... everywhere!!! My friends that I had now once seemed like the most strangest ponies I have ever met; and they were the last ones I wanted to be around.” “I honestly wanted to scream and run away, I even was ready to shun them all away. Until I decided to give them a chance; I could never have seen that those 5 friends of mine would be the most important in my life.” “That’s where we turn to meet you. I thought that you were simply another pony sent off by some weird magic spell until you revealed that you were an alien from a destroyed planet. And honestly, I wasn’t expecting that. I was, heh-heh, ‘Twilighting’ that day.” She paused, to see you dryly laughing along with her poorly attempted quip, then continued.
“The point is: is that you’ve done so much for me in my life, and keep on doing it. And I know what you’re thinking, ‘All your other friends do it too.’ And you’re right. And I’ve had fans before. But I guess I’ve just lost sight of how’ve you been so selfless towards me, and I should never have taken you for granted. Can you forgive me?” Twilight apologized calmly.
As she felt a warm embrace cover her, she couldn’t help but finally sense that everything... was fully healed.
“I already have.” You reply.
The two of you stayed in the hotel for the night; rewarded with a pleasant night’s sleep, and so much more. Right before returning to Ponyville, the two of you relaxed in the hotel for a while before eating a yummy breakfast, took a relaxing afternoon swim in their olympic sized pool and then after drying up, finally took the train back to Ponyville where a group of concerned friends anxiously waited at the station, until they finally celebrated your safe and happy return.
The events that took place that day were solid, cornerstone memories for the both of you as your friendship grew stronger with each passing day. In fact, it was especially important as another important surprise occurred two years later as you both went back to the entrance of the Everfree Forest where you first met.
It was by surprise as she made you look away from her for a brief moment and then turn to see the greatest and happiest surprise of your life.
You’ve faced plenty of surprises before. Some great, others terrible. But one thing was certain. With Twilight Sparkle by your side, and her by yours, you two were ready for any surprise that came your way.
Forever. 
) Old McWedding had a farm; E-I-E-I-Oh yeah, we’ve all heard these stories already.