What makes you a Great Villain?
“Chrysalis! Tirek! Cozy Glow! I require your presence immediately!!” the ram Grogar called out to his three minions. The trio grumbled under their breaths as they once again have to hear yet another of the old necronancer’s lectures. It was only 6:00am in the morning. Though they hated each other’s company deep down despite their alliance, they all agreed that Grogar’s lectures were beyond boring.
“Ughhh, do we really have to get up from our sleep?” the filly Cozy Glow whined while yawning.
“To Grogar, our peace doesn’t matter. It had better be something worth interesting this time!” the fallen Changeling queen Chrysalis replied.
“I would’ve never thought that the Father of monsters himself was that incessant in lecturing his minions.” Tirek added.
“FOOLS! GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!!” Grogar bellowed impatiently.
Startled by his angered voice, the trio rushed out of their chambers and met with him in the meeting room of his swampy lair. While they still hesitated to come meet with him for another one of those lectures of his, they dreaded to provoke his wrath. Thus, they had to suffer through the process.
Grogar stood on the rocky podium above them while glaring at each of them. “This morning, I would like to bring to your attention the very foundation of true villainy and how you three can be better baddies before we all start to take over Equestria.” he began.
“Oh, this ought to be interesting.” Cozy sarcastically muttered as she rolled her eyes.
“I recruited the three of you because you all have at least some potential that can be developed and utilized for the greater evil.” he continued before he narrowed his eyes to them. “However, due to your endless bickering and strife, it has been harder for me to bring you three to work together!”
“What did you expect from us?! Laying aside our grudges and pride so that we can get along more easily just like that?!” Chrysalis chided. “And I wouldn’t dare try to hang out with a narcissistic centaur who doesn’t stop kissing his biceps every two minutes!!”
“Who are you calling ‘narcissistic’, you log-lover?!” Tirek snapped while grinding his teeth in anger.
“Be careful who you address, Lord Tirek!” Chrysalis snapped back. “I am the Queen of the Changelings, you know!”
“Really? Where’s your majesty’s army and kingdom then, hmm?” Tirek remarked with a smirk. Chrysalis growled angrily and activated her horn to blast him in retaliation.
“ENOUGH, YOU TWO!!” Grogar screamed while stomping his hoof on the podium. The two evil beings immediately stopped arguing and looked upon their overlord in fear.
“Sorry about these two, Mr. Grogar. They can be really feisty when they argue.” Cozy said while giving a nervous smile. “We won’t interrupt you again! We promise!”
“See that you don’t.” Grogar said with a hard scowl. “As I was saying, you three need to understand what a true villain is all about. Unfortunately, not many villains are intelligent and dark anymore. Nowadays, we have so-called ‘villains’ who have petty and trivial grudges against heroes, pretend or try too hard to be intimidating, and are just not threatening in the slightest.”
“And your point is?” Tirek asked with a raised eyebrow.
“The point is that you three are too stubborn, headstrong, and unwilling to admit your mistakes!!” Grogar angrily replied. “You even have pathetic vendettas that are just clearly laughable.”
“WHAT?!” they all shouted, offended.
“Chrysalis, you have a grudge against Starlight Glimmer because she ‘took’ your hive away, ‘corrupted’ your subjects, and ‘ruined’ your life, you say?” Grogar asked.
“YES, she did, and she will pay for what she did to me!!” Chrysalis cried out.
“You do realize you deprived yourself of your own hive by straight up forsaking them, right?” Grogar told her. His question caught her off guard completely. She was about to answer but couldn’t come with a counter argument.
“You are a mistress of disguise, you bug! You could’ve just pretended to reform by accepting Starlight’s offer of mercy and befriending her and her friends so that when the time was right, you could have stabbed them in the back and suck up their love!” Grogar shouted.
“I—I never thought of that plan honestly.” Chrysalis confessed. She hated to admit that Grogar was right.
“And you Tirek! You had Equestria right at your hands when you absorbed all of its magic! You even had Discord by your side to help you! But, of course, you betrayed him by absorbing his magic too. If you hadn’t double-crossed him, he would’ve never helped Twilight and her friends defeat you by giving them your own necklace to unlock that chest!” Grogar lectured.
“But I couldn’t help it!! I just wanted all the magic myself!” Tirek defended nervously. “Surely, you can’t blame me for being a magic-eater, right?”
“Oh dear Primus, stop with the excuses.” said Grogar, hoofpalming himself in annoyance. Then he turned to the youngest member of the legion. “And as for you, little one, you are a whole new different level.”
“What? About how I was beaten by those stupid students at the School of Friendship? I was about to win if weren’t for the Tree of Harmony.” Cozy said.
“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE TREE!! The problem is not with the students but with you. You had the most half-baked and ridiculous plan which no sane one-dimensional villain would ever create! I know that you’re just a filly, but even with your manipulations skills, did it ever cross your feeble mind that making many friends does not equal power? And what was the purpose of draining Equestria’s magic anyway?” he questioned her. Cozy had no idea what to say at all.
“Uhhhhh, I guess—I...well—“ she stammered until Grogar interrupted.
“I didn’t think so.” he said. “This is my point exactly! You three do not have what it takes to be memorable tyrants of Equestria! You do not think ahead, plan thoroughly, and you keep lowering your guard every time you are about to win! Stop bragging of your premature victory and actually start become exceptional for once!”
“Ok fine!! Since you know way more then we do, why don’t you tell us how we do our job then!!” Tirek angrily challenged.
“Yeah, you don’t need to keep tearing apart our villainous life’s work, Grogar!” Cozy added.
“What do you think we should start learning then?” Chrysalis asked.
“What you three can start learning is being meticulous planners and intelligent villains.” said Grogar.
“But we've been making plans to take over Equestria for a long time! Are you saying we aren’t intelligent enough?!” yelled Chrysalis as she appeared like she was just insulted.
“Ask your own failures. They will tell you for sure.” Grogar remarked smugly. “Allow me to showcase a great villain today whom I’ve watched personally myself and greatly admire. He is the one who will forever impress on your underdeveloped minds in a way you will never forget and show to you all how a great villain behaves and handles life.” Grogar said with a growing smirk.
“Who? Who is it?!” Cozy asked excitedly. Tirek started to feel worried by judging the devilish smirk on Grogar’s muzzle.
“Him.” the ram answered as he tapped on his crystal ball. The ball started to shine brightly until it shot forth a glowing ray of magic all the way up to the ceiling. The ray then turned into a ball of yellow and black magic and slowly flowed toward the legion. It stopped right between Grogar and the triad. The ball opened up and displayed red flames in the center.
The flames then revealed a bipedal creature with a clown makeup, green hair, purple coat with a dark blue blazer underneath, blood red lips, black eyes, and several scars over his mouth. As soon as the trio looked upon the figure, they shouted in fear. They never saw a creature that creepy or scary in their lives.
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF EQUESTRIA IS THAT ABOMINATION?!?” Chrysalis screamed.
At that moment, the firgure jumped out of the magical fiery ball and landed on the table before the villains. He grinned and maniacally laughed loud enough to send chills to their spines. “Meet...The Joker.” Grogar introduced.
“AHHH!! Get him away from me!!” Cozy screamed as she hid behind Tirek. “I’m afraid of clowns!!”
“Why so serious?” Joker asked. He took his signature blade out and drew closer to Chrysalis. The fallen queen stepped backwards to avoid his advancement.
“Get back!! I’ll blast you, vile creature!” she threatened as her horn was activated.
“Now, now, now, let’s not provoke ourselves to violence, shall we?” Joker said. “I have a lot to teach you guys on.”
“About what?!” Tirek demanded.
“The truth, my good centaur. Come here.” he said as he grabbed Tirek’s head with his knife in hand. “Do you wanna know how I got these scars?” Tirek was too scared to answer, but Joker didn’t care.
“My father was a drinker and a fiend. One night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy takes a kitchen knife to defend herself, and he doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He comes to me and he says, ‘Why so serious?’” he told the story, licking his lips. “He comes at me with the knife, ‘Why so serious?’ He sticks the blade in my mouth. ‘Let’s put a smile on that face!’ Annnddd...why so serious?” Joker finished, looking at Cozy’s terrified expression.
“ENOUGH FROM THE CLOWN!!” Chrysalis screamed. She blasted at him with her magic, but the blast went through him without harming him. “What?! Impossible?!”
“Looks like someone wants to play rough! HAHAHAHAHA!!!” Joker laughed.
“Grogar please!!! Take him back!! I’m getting scared!!” Cozy begged. Grogar took way too much pleasure from seeing his minions being horrified by Joker.
“But mister J wants to share more with you all, yes?” Grogar sadistically asked.
“Do you want to know how I manage to survive the waves of self-righteousness? By doing something that unclothes their hypocrisy and inhumanity.” Joker spoke. “When I took Gotham’s white knight, I brought him down to my level. It wasn’t hard. You see, madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!”
Those words instantly struck the minds of the villains. That was something they never heard anypony speak about before. Getting that ‘little push’ into madness somehow struck them personally. They looked back to see Joker only to find him gone along with the fiery ball.
“Well, then, what have you three learned this morning?” Grogar asked with a smug grin.
Cozy Glow was at a loss for words. Having nothing coherent to say due to her phobia of clowns clouding her judgement and The Joker’s words haunting her, she flew away crying her eyes out.
“I...feel that he was right.” Tirek spoke up. “That ‘little push’ he mentioned was what happened to me when my brother betrayed me. It drove me to be a power-hungry villain I am now.”
“I too was pushed beyond my limits when I lost my hive. I—I started...” Chrysalis struggled to confess her insanity out of pride.
“Started to lose your mind little by little since you were alone.” Grogar finished for her. “This is what I wanted to teach you all. Villains are not only supposed to be manipulative, cunning, powerfull, or even treacherous but also self-contained, intelligent, thorough planners and thinkers, not underestimating the heroes, not bragging of their victories just as they are about to defeat them in a moment. Like Joker, they need to be exceptional in their work. Do you understand?”
Tirek and Chrysalis nodded their heads in shame. “Excellent. You are dismissed.” Grogar concluded. After they left to their chambers, the ram looked down upon his crystal ball again. “I need to watch The Dark Knight again some time next week.” Grogar said.