I'll See You In The Next (My Blue Eyes)
Blue Eyes
You can still remember the first time you ever saw those blue eyes.
It was a mishap in the town market. You had been on your way home from a busy day at your work stall, when you stumbled into her. A funny misunderstanding—she had been crossing a family of geese down the street, and she hadn't seen where she was going.
When her eyes crossed yours, it was even less of an issue to you... if it ever had been.
Even after she apologized countless times to you, you never once lost your smile. In fact, you could only smile more. You remembered how long it took for the two of you to recollect the geese, who had fled into the market. It had to have been over half an hour of time lost, but you didn't mind.
It was some of the best time you ever lost.
You helped her and the geese make their way back to her home, a small hut settled just outside Ponyville. She thanked you, only to realize she never caught your name the first time. Your name was nothing too special, you believed.
But her name... it rolled off your tongue so smoothly.
Fluttershy. There was something about it—something that left you wanting. Maybe it was the way her name escaped her throat. In the end, it was all merely a set of guesses and wondering.
And that was okay.
The next day, you came back to visit her cottage once more, and with the sun high up, it was littered with all kinds of animals, big and small, from bears and goats to mice and ferrets. As soon as she saw you walk up to her, her face lit up, and her wings fluttered greater than before.
You remembered how you spent that entire day with her, just tending to the animals and feeding them, and introducing each other the whole time, and by dinnertime, it was as if she introduced herself all over again. Even after you had to go home for the night, there was still so much you wanted to know.
So you kept going back. Every new day, you learned something new about her, and in return, you would tell her about yourself. But everything about you was a droplet in a lake compared to the life she lived. And that was okay.
Every day you came back, helping her tend to the animals, healthy or sick, or sharing a sip of tea alongside her while gazing out to Ponyville and watching time just pass you by. You realized that before you met her, you hadn't given sights like these a second thought. But being by her side, they were worth even just a second's glance.
Sometimes, there was this weight on your shoulders that just wasn't there whenever you were with her. Your chest felt weightless when she was gone, and when she was with you, you could barely hold it. You didn't mind it. Really.
A month later, you were there for her when Mr. Ponches passed away. Every animal, no matter how big or small, mattered to her. Every creature mattered to her.
You never knew anybody like her.
A few months later that winter, you gave her another one of many visits, to which by then she had already anticipated and loved. Every time her eyes met yours, whatever vigor she seemed to lack came back in full force, and every hug grew tighter with every visit. You remembered how soft her fur had been—almost silky smooth.
"I missed you," she whispered, her tone so soft, and her giggles so warming.
That day, the two of you sat down by the fireplace and talked about whatever sprung to your minds. She always loved to mention her friends. If not her friends, then her animals. If not that, then whatever she loved to heat up in the teapot.
You couldn't remember having anything all too interesting to add to the discussion. You just wanted to hear her talk.
Later in the day, a fierce snowstorm had blown its way through, snowing the two of you in and leaving you to huddle together against the fire. She cursed herself as she realized she had forgotten to gather extra firewood in case something like this were to happen.
But you just held her close and told her it was okay. And after the first dozen apologies, she eventually sank into your form and embraced your warmth. By the time you had both woken up from the floor, the snow had melted, and it was time to leave again.
Even when her eyes told you to stay.
Those days, that weighted feeling bubbling within had grown heavier against you. You wanted to protest it sometimes, shove it away, but it would come back. It always did.
And it brought you right back to Fluttershy.
In the spring, your stall had been shut down. Somepony was dumb enough to eat the candle wax and end up in the hospital. They wasted no time in suing and putting you out of business within days.
It was the first time you stopped seeing her. You wanted to see her so much, to not be so alone in that time of need. But you couldn't bear to face her like that—someone with nothing left to offer.
So she came to you instead. And it was the first time she'd given your own home a visit.
"Are you alright?" you could remember her asking you. No matter how much you told her you were, and no matter how hard you nodded, or how hard you wanted to believe it, you knew it was a lie.
She knew it.
She apologized to you, and all you did was stop her then and there. It was never her fault, so why should she be sorry?
"I'm here for you... okay?"
And there she went again, doing what she always did so well. Holding your hoof, stroking your hair, telling you everything would be okay. Looking at you.
You wanted to push her away. Tell her to quit looking at you with those goddamn blue eyes of hers and to leave you alone... leave you to your own sorrow.
But you couldn't do that to her. You'd never do that to her. You were in love with her.
Every day after that, she was there for you—just like she said she'd be. If it wasn't helping pay your bills, it was getting your business back in place, and getting you back on the right path. She never left your side for one moment, and you knew that nothing in the world would ever let you pay her back for what she did.
How could you ever pay back the girl that saved your life?
A year passed. A year of some of the happiest moments of your life. A year of torrenting sorrows and hurt. A year of the craziest and zaniest things you had ever seen. But none of that could ever beat a year with her.
That summer, she fell ill with the flu. The poor girl had been bedridden for nearly two weeks, leaving her helpless and unable to follow her passion.
And every time she got out of bed, you would put her right back in. You would feed her the kind of tomato soup she always loved. You would mix her the kind of hay leaf tea you always saw her sip. You would let her rest against the pillows and do her chores. You remembered the hell Angel had put you through whenever he didn't get his way. As soon as you put yourself into her shoes, it got easier.
But that didn't mean it wasn't tiring. She was one of a kind if she was able to do it all on her own.
Every night, you would sit on your knees by the bedside, doing everything you could just to keep her smiling. With every joke came a giggle, and with every story came a wholehearted grin. Her smile was intoxicating sometimes. But her gaze always left you wanting.
Even when she got better and the life in her eyes came back, you didn't just drop everything and let it be. You couldn't bear to do that to her after so long. You loved her animals. You loved her company.
You loved her. And the weight on your shoulders stayed there, lingering. And that was okay.
After that year, things changed.
You and Fluttershy saw each other less and less. By then, you knew exactly the kind of person that she was. You couldn't be mad at her for running off to save the world. That was not the problem. Not at all.
It was her.
At times, she would glance at you out of the corner of your eye when she thought you couldn't see her. Sometimes, that warm smile of hers just wasn't there, replaced by a facade that managed to convince everyone else. Everyone but you.
You tried to be there for her often, yet not address it out of fear of pushing her away. But in turn, all that did was greaten the drift between the two of you. You grew afraid, afraid that you did something wrong, something that would ruin the best thing in your life.
It soon got to the point where you marched up to her house and refused to leave until she explained.
"You're my best friend," you told her with your hoof against her cheek. "I don't want to lose you."
That was all it took for that gentle pegasus to sink to the ground in a heaping mess of tears. There, she confessed that she had been trying to stay away from you, to distance herself, in hopes that you would be able to live your own life again.
Not out of hate, never that, she admitted.
That night, she confessed everything she ever had to confess. She confessed to you how greatly her title had spread, how the world saw her as a hero. How you saw her as a hero.
"I-I'm scared," she confessed.
"Of what?"
"... Of loving you."
Part of you wanted to feel hurt, but at the same time, you couldn't help but share her hurt. All you could do in that moment was hold her close and tell her it was okay.
But what was okay, really?
"That night, in the winter by the fire..." she explained, "... I wanted to tell you. But I was scared... I didn't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me?"
You remembered how she turned to look at you in your arms. How her blue eyes turned red with tears.
"I didn't want you to feel obligated. I didn't want you to feel like you had to love me because I... cared. I..."
She sank into your grip, and her head rested into your chest, gasping whatever sobs she could choke out. When she pulled herself up again, those blue eyes stared you back.
"I'm sorry."
Those damned eyes. What did they have to be sorry for?
"I love you too," you told her. She didn't even have to say it first.
The way she kissed you. You can still remember the taste of strawberries of her lips. The way her tongue played with yours, as if begging for more. How her arms wrapped around you and pulled you in, as if begging you to stay.
You confessed too—how you loved her long before the faintest signs of winter ever came to pass. You both shared the hurt, and yet you both couldn't help but laugh at the inconvenience. How did it take the two of you so long to say something, only to laugh it off?
After that day, things changed again, only for the better.
Fluttershy was smiling again. Every step in her hooves had a pep you never saw before. She sang, humming a tune to lull you both to sleep at night every night, however she wanted. Every dinner was an experience you wouldn't trade for the world.
Every kiss, you cherished. The taste of her lips always stayed the same. Her tongue always wanted yours. Her arms always begged you to stay just a bit longer. Just one more minute, one more hour... one more forever.
But how long was forever for her? Unfortunately, for you, not long enough.
Every day you spent was a day with her. Even if it was a day of helping her animals, you didn't care as long as you were by her side. Every day she felt like giving up on the world, you were there to make her smile. And every day you felt the same, she would return that kindness. Whenever she had to leave you, you would be there to welcome her with the warmest of hugs, and the quickest peppering of kisses she had ever seen, and her giggles would be more than enough compensation.
You loved her more than anything in the world. But the world seemed its damndest to keep you away.
In time, you started to see her less and less. While the days you saw her were the most joyful, there eventually came the day when both your smiles were forced through life's strains. Her work would get the best of her, and you couldn't be prouder for her.
Your work took all of you. Every time you saw her, you wanted to smile, to hold her, to kiss her, like you always used to.
But the world wouldn't let you. "I love you" was never enough.
You can still remember the day Fluttershy left you.
You knew what she wanted, what she thought was best. And maybe deep down, you believed it was the best decision too. But that didn't stop the pain from seeping. Inside, you felt that weight force you down and threaten to crush your very essence.
But you couldn't do that. Not to her. Never to Fluttershy. And that was okay.
You told yourself.
You never stopped helping her. Like you remembered, you had grown attached to the animals. To her company. Even if her company hurt now.
But she was smiling again. She was laughing and giggling and living without an obstacle to stop her.
To you, it was enough. You told yourself.
Three months later, you moved away from Ponyville. Your business had expanded beyond the simple town's reaches, and you had the opportunity to see it through, the way you always wanted.
You can still remember the party Pinkie Pie had thrown for you at home. Your name was plastered in big colorful letters on a sign overlooking the front door, and everyone hugged and told you just how much they would miss you and your company.
Everyone but Fluttershy—who never showed up.
As rude as it was to leave your own going-away party, you wanted to see her. She deserved it.
You found her in the park, lonelily laying on a bench looking over a small pond. Fresh and dried tears were visible on her face, and her gaze was stoic.
But they were the same blue eyes you remembered.
"Please... leave me alone," she said emptily as soon as she recognized your voice.
But you didn't leave her alone. Not like that. Instead, you sat down with her and you told her you were there for her.
"But you're leaving. How can you be there for me?"
"... Here?" you questioned, placing a hoof against her chest where her heart was.
As much as she wanted to stare blankly at you, she couldn't help but let out a cracked, yet soft giggle.
But that made it hurt even worse when that brief smile faltered away.
"... I don't want you to go."
She cried against your shoulder, occasionally mumbling jibberish, but every few words, you could understand her.
"Please don't go... please don't leave me... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
You stayed still, holding her close, but felt afraid as if you'd shatter her with anymore of a touch.
So you sang to her. It was the same soft tune she whispered in your ear every night you were with her. The one that put you to sleep in the best way, the one that soothed your aching nerves should your stress ever get the best of you.
That night, you were her muse.
"I will never leave you alone. Not after you saved my life, basically."
She sniffled against your shoulder. "You're just saying that."
But you only shook your head. "Well... you are the one that helped me get my business running again. If it weren't for you... I'd probably be somewhere on the streets."
"... Or staying with me?"
No. She already had her hooves full.
"Maybe," you laughed. "I would've liked that, if that ended up being the case."
"Me too."
You remembered the way she blushed at that, but she tried wiping it away. It was one of the cutest things you had seen her do.
"But I... I don't want to forget you. I mean... I don't want us to grow apart."
You reached into the satchel you had on you at the time and pulled out a small notebook.
"Then write to me," you said warmly. "Whenever you get sad, or whenever you feel lonely, just pick up a pencil and tell me whatever you want."
She held the notebook firmly in her hooves, overlooking it. Her eyes opened more as she realized it'd been the very same notebook she had given you for your birthday the year before. When she opened it, she saw all the drawings you had put into it. From the hillsides of Canterlot, and the animals at her cottage...
... to her, looking at you with a sickly sweet smile, and Celestia's sunlight shining down on her compelling form.
She closed the book and held it tightly to her body, quietly sobbing to herself. But all you did was hold her close and comfort her with that gentle melody.
"I will never forget you, Fluttershy."
The crickets of the night chirped around you. In the distance, you could hear a wolf howling endlessly, sending shivers down your spine. Its cries burned into your mind.
Fluttershy looked up at you again, and for a moment, her eyes—for the first time—seemed hesitant.
"... Can I kiss you? ... Just one more time?"
One more minute. One more hour. One more forever. One more kiss.
Your lips locked with hers for the last time that night. The taste of strawberry was all too familiar, and her tongue was all the same playful. But her arms wanted again, more than ever before, but they kept themselves at your side against their will.
You held her head in your hoof, and you still remembered how warm she was, how soft to the touch she still had been.
When you pulled away, you both still wanted. But you kept your promises. You couldn't break that. Not to her.
Not to Fluttershy.
And that was okay.
The next day, you were gone, off to a brand new chapter of your life. Every moment staring out the window and watching as that beautiful girl became ever so distant, until she was nothing but part of the morning's glow, was something you would never wish on anybody.
The first year without her was empty. You made new friends, and you even loved again after some time, but it always fell short. Nothing ever stayed still. Not the way it did with her.
But you always had her letters to look forward to. Even the simplest of letters always made the days worth their struggles and plights.
You always wanted to visit again. To see the mare who brought you so much joy in your life. But life had gotten in the way. Every day brought more turmoil, more emotions and pain, more of the need to lay down and give up. To just stop.
But you couldn't do that. Not to her.
So the letters kept coming and going. At first, they were slow, sometimes taking a week to get to you, and a week to her. Sometimes you would get them out of order because she would send more than one at a time.
You didn't mind it. You did the same sometimes.
By the end of the second year, she was married. She had mentioned it in one of her letters that summer month. The details were everywhere! She recalled ending up inside the cake at one moment, and you found yourself wondering how that could've happened, but you were too engorged in laughter to reckon it.
But soon that laughter faded away, and what was left in its place was nothing but melancholic want. Want to see her face again. Want to hear her voice, and her giggle, and her beautiful singing.
Want to see her blue eyes again.
And yet, you were on the other side of the world, where those wants were nothing more than wishes against a faded sun.
But that was okay.
She was happy. And one day, you'd see her again and she'd tell you all about it over a cup of tea. And the two of you would laugh over it, and you would remember her as she always had been. Kind.
Maybe in the next.