Truth Hurts
“We don't want your help!”
The adamant declaration of both Sunburst and Starlight Glimmer echoed in the streets of Sires Hollow.
Stellar Flare was stunned, not quite processing what had been said just yet. “I’m sorry… You don't want our help?”
Firelight chuckled, but whether out of nervousness or disbelief nopony could say. “That’s... That's ridiculous! What reason could you possibly have for that?”
Starlight was unable to hold back any longer. “Because you're driving us crazy!” She barked.
Stellar Flare was affronted by the claim as she looked to her son. “Oh, really? And just how am I driving you crazy?”
Sunburst couldn’t help his outburst. Nearly eighteen years of repression of his feelings about his mother’s plans came bursting to the surface. “By always coming up with plans! I don't need a plan! I mean, maybe I do, but it'll be mine, not yours!”
Stellar Flare felt her throat close up. “Well… I'm sorry for trying to help!” Unable to maintain her composure any longer, she galloped away in tears.
Firelight looked at his one-time enemy and felt his compassion blooming. “Stellar Flare, wait!” He called, but before he could go after her, his daughter laid into him as Stellar’s son had her.
Starlight spoke with surprising venom. “And you're not any better! I'm not a filly! I'm a grown pony with a job to do, and I'll do it on my own!”
“Well. I'll let you get to it then.” He said despondently before running after Stellar.
Despite the fact that the two of them took opposite views on many subjects, the unconditional love of parents to their children could form a certain kind of camaraderie between opposing sides. Their children’s outbursts had thrown them both in similar boats, and in an ocean of emotional hurt, they had to stick together.
Firelight had found Stellar weeping not far away, and went over to her. “Stellar, would you like to discuss this over some tea?” He said quietly as to not startle her.
Stellar Flare looked up at him in surprise. “I think that would be nice.” Her voice was oddly hollow.
Firelight helped her to her hooves, and they went to his home, where he prepared tea as Stellar Flare sat at his table, not saying a word as her eyes seemed glazed over in thought. Firelight too was deep in thought about his daughter’s words. He could only assume Stellar Flare was going through the same thing with her son.
When the tea was done, he set a teacup in front of her, before sitting in front of her, waiting for her to speak.
Finally, she did.
“Did we really push them that far?” Her voice was so low he almost had to strain to hear it.
“Apparently so.” He said, voice tinged with bitterness. Stellar Flare put a hoof to her forehead, weeping quietly.
“I’m a terrible mother.” Her voice was tremulous and choked with her tears.
“You’re not.” He said gently. “I’m just as guilty of pushing Starlight to be a filly as you are of making too many plans for Sunburst. It’s not a one-sided affair. If you were a terrible mother, I’d be a terrible father right alongside you.”
“I don’t know how I could have been so blind to how my actions were hurting my son.” She said quietly.
“I think we both are guilty in that regard. Though in my case it was more that on some level I was aware of it, I just didn’t want to see it. I’m not sure if that’s worse or better.” He said, and took a sip of tea. It tasted like sweetened pencil shavings.
Stellar Flare sighed over her own teacup. “Sunspot walked out on me not long after Sunburst was accepted to magic school. He never gave me a reason why he left. He just… Was gone. I was alone with a son to raise, and I just… Couldn’t plan for that. I just wanted Sunburst to not have to feel the way I did. I didn’t want him to feel like he failed, and then he flunked out of magic school and I… I couldn’t help it. It was like my maternal instincts went into overdrive. I wanted him to have a plan for everything, because I thought it was the only way to protect him and keep him safe…”
Firelight reached a hoof out to her. “You’re not the only one who tried to make up for their past mistakes here. When Starlight’s mother left us for Las Pegasus I was the sole provider for our family. I worked such long hours that I was always leaving her at home by herself. As much as I wanted to spend time with her, it was the only way I was going to provide for her and keep a roof over her head. I’ve carried that guilt every day since then. I guess I wanted to try and keep her young and safe to make up for lost time, especially when I learned how much she struggled after leaving home.”
Stellar Flare gave a weak attempt at a smile. “We’ve really outdone ourselves making mistakes, haven’t we?”
Firelight managed a laugh. “We certainly have. But at least we did it for the right reasons.”
“Do you think they’ll ever understand them?” It was a good question, and she both wanted and was afraid of the answer.
Firelight turned that question over in his mind for a moment. “Maybe when they have foals of their own. Until then, I don’t think so. Not to the level that they will then.”
Stellar Flare nodded weakly. “I feel so awful that I made Sunburst so upset. No wonder he’s been avoiding coming home…”
Firelight sighed. “I know what you mean. I think we made a cycle we didn’t mean to. We tried to smother them with our love and attention and in turn drove them away."
Stellar nodded. “It was easier, wasn’t it? When they were little and needed that more. At least then that love and attention had someplace to go. Now that they’re grown the need to give them that has grown right alongside them, but they don’t need that attention anymore.”
Firelight nodded sadly. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t look through a photo album or go through a box of Starlight’s old things. I don’t know how to let go.”
Stellar spoke. “I don’t think I do either. When Sunburst was born, I got him a baby blanket covered with stars and moons. He never slept a night without it until he left home. When he wanted me to read to him before bed, I used to read him a story in a rocking chair and wrap him in that blanket, and it always put him to sleep. I think some part of him still remembers it because his cloak isn’t designed too much differently. Maybe that was a piece of it. That reminder of his foalhood bringing all those emotions back…”
Firelight smiled. “I can understand that. When Starlight was little we used to fly kites together, and I kept them all. Every day I’ll go out and fly one of them in the spot we last went to doing it together, and if I close my eyes, I can still pretend she’s there with me."
“I do that all the time. When Sunburst was a newborn, he used to sometimes not sleep unless I took him outside and let him watch the stars. Before he left for magic school, I took him to the backyard and sat him in my lap. I told him that if he was missing me he could look up at the moon and know I was looking at the same one, and if he wanted to talk to me at night, he could talk to the moon. And when he was away, I used to sit outside under the moon and read the story he loved best as a colt, so I could pretend he was still there and I could read to him.”
“Don’t you wish you’d appreciated those moments so much more when you had them because you never realized how quickly they’d be gone?”
Stellar nodded, sniffing. “Every day. Every single day. I know children can’t help growing up, but I think we all pray that we could keep them like that forever. That we’d still be the ones they’d come to with everything, and be the invincible figures they used to look at us as.”
“I know I do. But some prayers never get answered.”
“We both learned that the hard way, didn’t we?”
Firelight sighed. “Unfortunately we did. I prayed every day for my wife to come back, and you prayed for Sunspot too I imagine.”
Stellar nodded. All was quiet for a moment, then: “He died.”
Firelight looked up. “What?”
“Sunspot passed away. I didn’t find out until a few weeks ago. He’d been in treatment for some rare disease for years. I think that was why he left. He didn’t want his son to watch him die. Or me.”
“Stellar…”
Silence prevailed over them for what seemed like eternity before Stellar spoke again. “I wrote Sunburst about it in a letter. I didn’t even hear it from Sunspot himself. I just saw his obituary in the paper. I wanted to tell Sunburst in person, but with everything he’s doing as a crystaller I didn’t want to interrupt his work or ask him to come home when I didn’t think he would anyways.”
Firelight patted her hoof and gave it a soft squeeze. “You did what you thought was best."
“But was it best for my son, or best for me so that I didn’t have to open a wound that never completely healed?” She asked, searching his eyes for some kind of answer.
“I don’t even know what my ex wife is doing. I know she’s somewhere out there, but I’ve never told Starlight that, because if she chose to walk away from her daughter, then why should she deserve a chance to get to know her? I always told Starlight her mother left when she was a baby and I didn’t know where she was. But that was partly a lie. I know she went to Las Pegasus, but that’s all I know. I probably should have told Starlight that at some point before, but I didn’t. Maybe because I didn’t want her to hurt anymore. Or worse, if she ended up having a great relationship with her mother, I would be left the jaded parent. I didn’t want to be that. It was selfish.”
Stellar turned to give his hoof a squeeze. “You had your reasons, I’m sure she’ll understand if you decide to tell her.”
“I don’t know how I can tell her. It’s been so long…”
“…And we’ve already made quite a mess of things here.”
“Exactly.”
Stellar sighed and finally sipped at her tea, not really tasting it. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it?”
“It certainly does. But now that it’s out, maybe we can all grow from it.”
“Maybe…” Stellar thought for a while. “Do you think they’ll forgive us for this?”
“We raised two great kids by ourselves. Even if we didn’t do everything right, I think they know how much we love them anyways. I think that’s what children need the most. To know their parents love them unconditionally. We made a lot of mistakes, but our hearts were in the right place. I think they’ll see that. They’re very smart.”
Stellar smiled, a real one this time. “They certainly are.”
“I’m sorry.” Firelight said suddenly.
“For…?”
“There is a friendship between us, Stellar Flare. The kind that only parents who have raised their children alone have. I’m sorry I didn’t remember that earlier.”
Stellar Flare smiled. “And I’m sorry I called you crazy. If you’re crazy, I guess I am too.”
Firelight smiled back. “At least we’re not alone in that."
“I suppose not.”
Firelight looked at her. “Do you think we should look for them to apologize?”
Stellar Flare considered this. “I think it may be best to give them some time on their own to work through things as they need to.”
Firelight nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”
The two of them sipped at their tea a few minutes until Stellar sat down her cup. “I think I’d best get back over to the Essences table. I do believe my son and yourself made a decent case for me going a bit overboard with the plans for the town’s future, and I think having somepony spray essence in their faces isn’t quite the way to show the town’s spirit.”
“And I should probably clean up the blackboard. No need for a town history lesson when there’s no students to listen to them.”
Stellar smiled. “Thank you for the tea, Firelight. And the enlightening conversation.”
“You’re welcome. I’m hopeful we could do this from time to time, maybe. Share our struggles with parenting and help each other.”
Stellar smiled. “I’d like that. I’ll make a plan for that if you like. Say once a month?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Stellar Flare got up from her chair and gave Firelight an embrace. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
With that, Stellar Flare left the house, and Firelight cleaned up the tea, before wiping down the blackboard with Starlight’s old blanket, where his daughter would find him not long after.