Prologue: What Do We Want?
Sometimes, Princess Celestia thought to herself, her most faithful student was just too smart for her own good.
And now, with the heaviest eye-bags, a thick layer of aloe vera face cream and the most unsightly technicolored bed-hair, like a deflated hot-air balloon atop the Grand Equestrian High Throne, she was absolutely certain this was one of those times.
“And what do you have to say against the proven accusation that you have broken the constitution not one, not two… but SEVEN! Seven times!” The stallion cried, slamming his hoof into the marble floor furiously.
Celestia blinked once, then twice. Nope, still blurry. Between being rudely shaken awake from her slumber in the early hours and being dragged across the castle hallways in nothing but a banana onesie, kicking and screaming, she didn’t have much time to put on her contacts. Through bloodshot eyes and a throbbing headache from watching too many try-not-to-laugh compilations in the pitch dark, the scene of disgruntled ponies before her was nothing but a mere haze of shifting, muttering colours. Who were these ponies again? Why was there a stallion in a suit and tie berating her at three in the morning? Wait, what was the question?
Before she could croak out a reply, she was interrupted by a sharp ahem, then the dry rustle of old parchment.
"That is absolutely correct, Legal Eye," Twilight grinned cheerfully. "My benevolent teacher has been under the watch of the public eye for over a thousand moons, but I am proud to say I am the first to discover her secret undertakings! Note Exhibit A..."
Princess Celestia let out a groan she had been keeping in for far too long. With her current situation, it escaped her throat like the guttural squawk of a dying chicken.
"Excuse me, but could we discuss this at a later date? I have royal duties to attend to in the morning, and I do hope —"
"ROYAL DUTIES?!" Legal Eye exploded, globules of spittle flying into the unfortunate journalists dotted in front of him as he marched up the steps to the throne. His sour breath reeked of day-old garlic bread and chives, creeping up Celestia's nostrils as his eyes bulged out of his head like a panicked codfish gasping for air. The princess wondered if she should notify him of the shreds of lettuce sticking out from in-between his yellowed teeth, but finally decided against it.
"Princess — or should I say Miss Celestia, we are here to discuss your abdication! After your extremely unconstitutional — and might I add, inconsiderate acts throughout your time as ruler of Equestria, we have no choice but to request that you renounce your title!"
"Excuse me?"
Twilight smirked. "Exhibit A," she continued, "Evidence that the accused had no royal bloodline whatsoever at the time of ascension!" She glared at the alicorn. "How did you really even get in power anyway, Celestia?"
The princess of the sun glanced at the wall in confusion, where Twilight had projected a collage of old birth certificates, identity cards and Celestia's extremely non-photogenic driver's license.
"That's crazy. Look at me. I have a horn, and wings! Is that not enough proof for you?"
"Absolutely not! Upon further scientific inspection —" Twilight lifted a wing. "— I have discovered that these 'wings' are actually made of latex and PVC! Celestia isn't a true alicorn... there isn't even such thing as an alicorn!"
Gasps erupted from the crowd. Curses! They weren't supposed to find out for another millennium! Celestia watched helplessly as the journalists scribbled excitedly away at their notepads, a few of the pegasi nervously inspecting their own wings, which, luckily for them, were indeed made of flesh and bone. Meanwhile, Shining Armor and Cadence shifted uneasily from behind the throne, nervously readjusting the prosthetic wings they had attached onto little Flurry Heart.
"Ugh, do you know how difficult it was to summon actual wings on such a time constraint?" Celestia complained. "How was I supposed to know she'd create new magic?"
"Ah, so you admit. Which brings us to your second crime," Legal Eye continued smugly, licking his lips. "Plastic surgery on this poor mare without prior consent!"
"Psshh. That of all things is unconstitutional?"
"Very much so! Our forefathers were very clear when it came to this sort of thing! Now, take a look at Exhibit B, C and D..."
Twilight motioned for Spike to switch to the next slides, bringing up candid photos of Celestia's gambling addiction at the casinos of Los Pegasus, low-resolution videos of Celestia vomiting all over DJ-PON3's turntables in a dim nightclub... oops, one of the selfies Spike had taken on vacation last month (that was quickly skimmed over)...
"Look at this! Now, look at that!" Legal Eye muttered in distaste. "Is this how we want the leader of all of Equestria? I certainly think not!"
The crowd of ponies snorted and grunted, nodding in agreement as they stomped their hooves onto the floor.
"Didn't you say I broke the constitution seven times?" Celestia frowned haggardly. "That doesn't look like seven."
"Shall we go into the other three?" Twilight asked innocently, batting her eyelashes as she raised her hoof, ready to gesture at her assistant.
The princess paled. "Er, no, that's alright."
Twilight lowered her signal, much to Spike's disappointment, who was quite eager to expose Celestia for breaking Twilight's favourite vase on her last visit to the Castle of Friendship (which the poor dragon had taken full blame for).
"Well, that should be enough evidence for you, Miss Celestia!" Legal Eye hissed, his muzzle fizzing with saliva at the 's' sound. "You, your not-majesty, are simply not fit to be our ruler! In fact, neither are none of the so-called 'alicorns' you oversized ponies claim to be!"
He turned to the crowd. "Everypony, what do we want?"
"DEMOCRACY!" They roared.
"And when do we want it?"
"NOW!"
Celestia groaned again, as Twilight clapped her hooves eagerly. "Oooh, a general election! I'm so excited for this!"