> Sunspots > by Isseus > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Who to forgive? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunspots It was finally the dreaded day. Several weeks had passed since Wallflower Blush had tried to take the memories of Sunset Shimmer's friends. Things had gotten desperate enough for her to finally travel back to Equestria and face her old teacher and mentor, Princess Celestia. Sunset Shimmer looked at her cellphone's clock again, hoping against hope that for some reason, Twilight Sparkle wouldn't be on time. But as always, right as her clock struck twelve, the familiar rippling of the portal beneath the Canterlot High Wondercolt statue came to life. She took a few breaths to steady herself and stepped through. Had there been anyone on a Saturday stroll, they would have seen a fiery-haired teenager walk straight into a block of stone. To Sunset Shimmer, going through the portal was always a gut-wrenching feeling, but today her gut was already wrenched enough without the hurly-gurly of spinning between dimensions and turning into a quadruped at the same time. She landed on all fours on the polished stone floor and shook some of the dizziness away. "You're right on time!" Twilight Sparkle said. She went to hug her inter-dimensional friend, who happily hugged her back. "The carriage is waiting outside." "Woah, what?" Sunset Shimmer asked. Twilight Sparkle grinned, only slightly showing the signs of an unslept night and way too much caffeine. "The pegasus carriage. You are a royal guest today. Sunset Shimmer looked around and went to fidget with a lock of her mane, only then remembering that it required opposeable digits. "I was... I was kinda expecting a nice, long train ride to Canterlot." "Butterflies in your stomach?" Twilight Sparkle asked. She walked next to Sunset Shimmer and wrapped a wing around her. "It'll be fine. It's just an afternoon tea." "Yeah. With Princess Celestia." Sunset Shimmer looked away. "I still can't believe you talked me into this." "Pfft." Twilight made a dismissive gesture with her hoof. "It's not a big deal. I mean it's just, you know, Princess Celestia. The ruler of Equestria, your former mentor and mother figure who you betrayed and left without saying a word and escaped into another dimension leaving her to wonder for countless moons where you went, only to return to steal one of the most powerful magical artifacts in the realm and I'm not really helping, am I?" Sunset Shimmer shook her head, but smiled weakly. "It's nothing I haven't told myself a gazillion times." "She already forgave you when you were here the last time. I think you need this. You both need this. I bet Princess Celestia is at least as nervous as you are!" Twilight Sparkle said, with her eye twitching only a little. "No, she's not," Sunset Shimmer said in a deadpan voice. "No, she's not," Twilight Sparkle said, but at least had the presence of mind to look slightly sheepish. She walked Sunset Shimmer outside and to the awaiting carriage, not unlike the one she had used the first time she arrived in Ponyville. As she waved safe travels to her friend, she could not help but share some of those butterflies as well. She knew how strong a pony Sunset Shimmer was, but also knew how fragile she was on the inside. All she could now do was hope for the best. Sunset Shimmer stared at her cup of tea. She slowly stirred it, looking at the tea leaves dance around in the dark drink. As long as she kept staring at them, she didn't have to look at the other occupant of the room. It was a room where she'd been countless times before, and could have sworn hadn't changed one bit since she was here last. The table where their teacups and snacks were laid out on was the same one she'd used for all her schoolwork. The cushions and pillows on the floor they were now seated on were the same ones she'd spent countless hours lying on, reading books from the massive bookshelf on the far wall. The bed where she'd spent all her nights, dreaming of whatever fantasies a little filly had of her future. The wardrobe, the mirror, the window where she'd very rarely looked out of into the orchard. In a word, her old bedroom in one of the numerous annexes of Canterlot Castle. Princess Celestia broke the silence. "I hoped being here instead of a royal meeting room would make you feel easier." Her words jolted Sunset Shimmer up, her magic slipping on the spoon and dropping it on the table with a clatter. "Was I mistaken?" the Princess continued. "No! I mean... no, it's not that," Sunset Shimmer said. She let her gaze travel around the room. "I just didn't expect you to keep the room like it was." "The castle has a lot of rooms. There was no immediate need for it." "Did you..." Sunset Shimmer had to swallow before she could continue. "Did you keep it in case I came back?" There was a heavy pause before Princess Celestia answered. "I wanted you to have a place where to return to." Sunset Shimmer could feel her eyes start to burn. She returned to staring at her teacup. "Would you at least look at me?" Princess Celestia said softly. For a moment, Sunset Shimmer didn't move, before slowly lifting her gaze up. There she was alright: Princess Celestia, in her royal regalia, her aurora mane flowing like it had always done. Her eyes were slightly downcast and her lips pursed tight—a look of worry and maybe even a little sadness mixed in. It was almost enough to make Sunset Shimmer's tears come out, but she tried to blink them away. "I'm sorry," was the only thing she knew how to say, before dropping her gaze back down. "I already forgave you, my little pony. I am just happy to be with my young student once again after a long time. Wouldn't you rather join me in celebrating a reunion than mulling over the past?" "I really wish I could, but..." Sunset Shimmer didn't know how to continue. ´But what´, she thought. ´Everything should be alright now, so why did she still feel like this.´ "I'm sorry," she said again. "I think you're saying that to the wrong pony," Princess Celestia said. This time Sunset Shimmer did look up at her old mentor, her face full of confusion. "What do you mean?" "I believe that the one you seek forgiveness from is yourself." Sunset Shimmer looked away again. "I guess that's part of it." "But?" Princess Celestia asked. "How do you do it?" Sunset Shimmer asked in turn. "I'm not sure what you mean." Sunset Shimmer could finally look Princess Celestia in the eyes. "How can you forgive me so easily? I did some majorly bad things." This gave Princess Celestia a pause. "Maybe the joy of having my wayward student return to me helped?" Princess Celestia smiled warmly. "Everypony makes mistakes while growing up. Your path may have been darker than usual, and I only wish I could have been there to guide you through it." "Stop it," Sunset Shimmer said, almost in a whisper. "Excuse me?" "Stop it! Stop doing that! Stop being so, I dunno, so nice. I don't deserve nice. Not from you." "Would you rather I shouted at you in anger? That has never solved anything." Sunset Shimmer shook her head. "Well it might make me feel better." "I think you are being too hard on yourself." "I should be! I should be even harder! After everything I did to everypony here and everyone in the other world..." Princess Celestia's voice was steady, but gentle. "You are not that pony any more. You have grown, you have seen the error in your ways and worked hard to make things right again. If anything, I feel proud of the pony you have become." "Well I don't!" Sunset Shimmer almost shouted. "Every day I wish I could go back and stop myself from being that... that selfish, pampered little brat that I was." "But you cannot," Princess Celestia said. "You can only move forward, and you are on the right path for that. I am not telling you to forget what you did, but you need to forgive yourself and move on. Blaming yourself will only eat you inside and won't help anypony. Especially not you." Sunset Shimmer looked at the worn surface of the table, her tea cold and forgotten. "It's really hard." "Growing up is never easy," Princess Celestia said. "Tell me about it. I sometimes wish I was still just a foal." "Why is that?" Sunset Shimmer shrugged. "Everything was clearer then. You said a bad word, you got your mouth washed out with soap, you messed up real bad, you got a spanking. Then life went on. But now everything is so complicated. After all I did I haven't received any real punishment. I mean sure, the folks at the CHS gave me the stink-eye for a while, but even they forgave me pretty soon. And I got to meet great new friends, start anew, and everyone's been standing by me ever since. It just doesn't make sense to me." "Life is rarely simple," Princess Celestia said. Sunset Shimmer had found a little bit of composure and dragged a hoof over her eyes. "Yeah, well, like I said. I sometimes wish it was. I mean the stuff I did was definitely worth a spanking or two," Sunset Shimmer said and managed even a little smile. "Do you think that would help?" Sunset Shimmer barked a short laugh. "I think I'm a bit too old for that." Princess Celestia's voice was still calm as she answered. "If we were to compare, the difference between an unruly filly and a young mare such as you is quite negligible to me." Sunset Shimmer laughed again, but her mirth soon died down as she looked into the unflinching and definitely not smiling expression of her mentor. "Wait... you're not serious, are you? Like, really really serious?" "If it would help you forgive yourself and help you sort out your thoughts better. But only if you want me to." "Wait, I gotta process this. Are you telling me, that if I asked you, here and now, you'd give me a... a spanking? Princess Celestia nodded. A thousand thoughts rushed through Sunset Shimmers mind, from confusion, to fear, to disbelief... but above all, hope. "O-okay," someone said in the distance. It was only when Princess Celestia got up from her cushion, her face in a stone-like countenca, that Sunset Shimmer realized the pony speaking had been herself. Princess Celestia walked next to Sunset Shimmer, and gently, but firmly, helped her up. "Come along then," she said. As Sunset Shimmer stumbled to all fours, she found herself guided towards her old bed. It was only then that she was reminded of how much bigger the alicorn Princess was compared to a regular pony, not unlike the size difference of an adult pony and a foal. Princess Celestia sat on the edge of the bed and removed the golden horseshoes that she wore on her forehooves. Sunset Shimmer stood next to the bed, still watching the world through a somewhat surreal curtain. "Wait, right now? We're really doing this?" she asked. Princess Celestia, her voice and face now all business, answered. "Believe me, I do not look forward to it, but I am willing to do this only so that you can let go of your guilt. The moment you get on my lap, I will give you a spanking befitting your past behaviour. Like I said, this is your choice, but when we start, I will not stop before I think we are done." "Will it hurt?" Sunset Shimmer asked, only realizing the absurdity of her question as it left her mouth. "I'm afraid it will," Princess Celestia answered. Sunset Shimmer's hooves shook like she was once again a little foal, as she took the last step towards Princess Celestia and lifted her forehooves up. She let out a tiny yelp as Princess Celestia easily picked her up from underneath them and lay her across her lap. She could feel a strong hoof lift her tail up and pin it against her back. The pressure she felt made it clear in no uncertain terms that Princess Celestia meant business, and that she was not going to get up before her mentor would allow it. The last of the cobwebs of confusion were cleared from her mind as the first hit landed. The sound echoed through the room, reaching Sunset Shimmer's ears the moment the pain registered in her brain. The first strike had not been gentle in the least, but delivered at a serious, affirmative force, covering both her buttocks. The second strike landed before Sunset Shimmer even had the time to react to the first one. She was rocked forward and back from the force of the blow, and felt the pressure on her back grow as Princess Celestia's hoof pushed her down even tighter. The hot searing pain shot through Sunset Shimmer, and she immediately felt panic rising in her chest. Another hit landed, and Sunset Shimmer let out a tiny yelp. It was not out of so much pain as the mounting fear and the sheer surrealism of the situation. Sunset Shimmer couldn't help herself as she bucked both of her hindlegs into the air. "This was a bad idea! Let's not do this!" she shouted as she felt the all too real burning on her rump. The next hit didn't land. "I'm afraid I cannot do that," Princess Celestia answered, once again without raising her voice. "I told you that when you got on my lap, there would be no turning back. The two smacks landed in quick succession as if to validate Princess Celestias words. "This is a punishment you chose for yourself, and as such, you are no longer in control of the proceedings." "But... but...!" Sunset Shimmer tried to interject, but to no avail. Her rump was burning from pain, hurting far worse than any spanking from her foalhood she could remember. "Ahh!" Sunset Shimmer finally shouted. She felt the awful rush of panic course through her. She tried to wriggle free only to realise just how much stronger an alicorn was compared to herself. "Lemme go!" she shouted, mostly out of instinct. "Aaaah! Owww!" Sunset Shimmer shouted. She kicked with all four of her hooves, trying to desperately flee her punishment raining down on her burning rear-end. She felt the hot burning behind her eyes building. And then there was a sudden pause. Sunset Shimmer kept squirming for a while longer before she noticed the lull in the assault. Her bottom was on fire and she desperately tried to reach back to rub it, but the strong hoof pinning her down wouldn't let her. "Now, Sunset Shimmer," Princess Celestia started, putting strong emphasis on using her student's whole name. "Why are you being punished?" "W-what?" "Owww!" "I asked you, why are you being punished?" "I'm not doing that, okay? This was a bad idea." The last hit landed with far more strength than the previous ones, clearly demonstrating that Princess Celestia had not used all of her force before. Sunset Shimmer did an imitation of a galloping pony with her hind legs, but found only air from her high perch on Princess Celestia's lap. "Why are you being punished?" Princess Celestia asked once again in a sterner voice Sunset Shimmer remembered her using while trying to quiet a rowdy classroom. "B-because I asked? Kinda?" "But why did you feel like you needed this punishment?" "It was a dumb idea. Can we stop now?" The hits landed at a rapid pace, far faster and stronger than before. "Owwww! Ow! Ow! Ow!!! Okay! Okayy!" The smacks stopped, but the pressure on Sunset Shimmer's back didn't relent at all. "I... I thought that... I needed to... to pay for what I did. To pay for what I did to you and to everyone at CHS and Twilight and... and my friends. I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and I still see the awful brat and the nasty bully there. Whenever I talk with my friends, I feel I don't belong with them because I don't deserve them!" The tears Sunset Shimmer had been holding back from the pain had finally burst out, running in hot streams down her face. She had to sniff loudly and tried to wipe her muzzle with a hoof to clear it a bit. To her surprise, she could feel Princess Celestia's hoof that had been hitting her rump up to now instead softly stroke her burning rear. "I hate thinking about everything I did to the people at the school because all I wanted was to make someone else feel bad so I wouldn't have to feel so bad and empty and lonely all the time." She had to sniffle loudly again at that. "I thought I'd get a new beginning, but everything was so strange there. I lost my magic, I lost my own body!" Sunset Shimmer had to take several deep breaths before she could continue, yet all that time Princess Celestia waited for her to compose herself enough to keep talking. "So that's why I deserve... deserve to be punished. I did so many awful things to so many people. I need to pay for what I did before I can forgive myself and move on. I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything I've done." The hot tears kept burning on her face, but even worse was the huge shame she felt for confessing all these things to her mentor. The only pony who had always supported her and forgiven her without hesitation. "I am very proud of you, my faitful student," Princess Celestia said. "And I will always be here for you, whatever you may have done." Sunset Shimmer let out a huge sob. "Thank you," she said in a tiny voice. "Unfortunately we are not done yet. Now that you understand why you deserve this punishment, I will finish what we started." "I understand," Sunset Shimmer said. The panic she had felt before had subsided, and above all else, she felt safe in Princess Celestia's lap. She knew that it would hurt, but also that it was coming from someone who truly cared for her enough to do something like this to her. A grown mare who had forgotten to grow out of her bratty foal self and needed help letting go of that side of herself. "Are you ready?" Princess Celestia asked. Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath and exhaled. "Yeah." The next hit landed, re-igniting the burning on her rump twofold. Princess Celestia was no longer holding back, putting far more force into every smack than before. Sunset Shimmer was already teary when it started, and soon she was crying out loud, then bawling like a little foal. She kicked, flailed, shouted "Sorry," and then just shouted with no words until her voice was raspy and hoarse, and only when she had no more strength to even kick or squirm did the smacks subside. Sunset Shimmer could feel herself get lifted up by two strong hooves and found herself in a tight hug, her head on Princess Celestia's shoulder. Through her blurry eyes she could see the tear-stained face of her mentor, crying softly as she cradled her prodigal student. They stayed like this for a long time, with Princess Celestia stroking Sunset Shimmer's back and mane. She didn't even realise she was drifting off to sleep before she felt those two strong hooves gently put her on the bed on her belly. The last thing she could remember was Princess Celestia pulling a blanket on her back and giving her a small kiss on her cheek. It was early evening when Sunset Shimmer woke up. The evening light was still visible in the window as she opened her eyes. She rolled to her side and blinked a few times, suddenly realising she was not alone. "Do you feel better now?" Princess Celestia asked. "Princess... have you been sitting here all this time?" Princess Celestia smiled and levitated a book in her magic. "I cleared my day for us beforehand and your room did always have a good collection of books you scrounged from everywhere." Sunset Shimmer moved to get up, but winced as her rump slid across the cotton. The linen were very smooth, yet it felt quite coarse on her bottom. She immediately saw the worry on Princess Celestia's face. "No worries, I'll live." She said. "I'm just glad that's over with." "That makes two of us," Sunset Shimmer said with a grin. "I feel a lot better though, so uhh, thanks." As she hopped down from the bed, Princess Celestia saw her rump, and gasped out loud. "Err... that bad, huh?" Sunset Shimmer asked. She walked to the tall mirror standing in the corner and steeling herself, turned around. The sight was... exactly as if a grown pony had gotten a hard spanking from an even more grown pony. There were clearly a lot of dark bruises, but nothing that wouldn't heal with time. Sitting down would be a chore for a day or two. "Heh, sunspots." "Excuse me?" Princess Celestia asked. "Whenever I got into trouble as a kid and got my butt whupped, everypony would call these sunspots." She looked at Princess Celestia and stuck out her tongue. "If they'd know who would give these to me one day they would never have believed." "Sunspots or no, At least you seem to be in a far better mood." "Yeah." Sunset Shimmer walked up to Princess Celestia and threw her forehooves around her mentor's neck without hesitation. "Thank you. For everything today." "Promise me we'll never have to do that again." Princess Celestia said seriously. "Even when I come introduce my new boyfriend from another dimension?" Princess Celestia pulled her out of her hug and right in front of her. "Your what?" "Gotcha," Sunset Shimmer said. This time it was Princess Celestia's turn to stick out her tongue. "I think we missed a bit of the brat before." Sunset Shimmer giggled. "I think I'll keep her." "Maybe you should think on that on a several hour train ride back to Ponyville?" Princess Celestia said. "You wouldn't!" [END]