Living on a Dream
A chime accompanied the door opening, a small bell triggered by the motion. Twilight took a moment to observe the mechanism, then shook her head and let the door close behind her, heading towards the counter. "Good afternoon," she politely greeted the bartender, slightly swaying back and forth and fidgeting with her hooves, unfamiliar with the environment.
The bartender looked up, and nodded in acknowledgement.
Twilight smiled in response, perhaps a little too wide.
After a few seconds, the bartender asked, "Going to order something, ma'am?"
Twilight gave a small, jerky jump in place, as if startled by the question. "Uh, em, no, actually..." she fumbled over her words.
"Everything alright, ma'am?" the bartender asked, tilting her head to the side.
Twilight took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "Yes, sorry." She cleared her throat. "I was meaning to ask, have you seen a stallion by the name of Sunburst here? Orange mane and yellow coat, unicorn, white hooves, probably wearing a blue cape? I was looking for him."
The bartender clicked her tongue. "You mean him?" she asked, pointing a hoof to the only other pony in the room, sitting at a table with a half empty glass and resting his face over his hoof, looking forward with empty eyes.
Twilight ducked behind the counter, poking her head out to make sure she hadn't been noticed. Sunburst made no movements to indicate he had. "This is bad," she muttered to herself, "he's worse off than I thought." Leaning upwards to whisper to the bartender, she asked, "How much has he drunk so far?"
The mare stared at her, then at Sunburst, then at her again. "You see that glass he's got there?" she said, pointing at the unicorn.
Twilight poked her head out, stared and nodded.
"That's the first one."
"Oh." Twilight tilted her head to the side. "Maybe alcohol just hits him really hard?"
"That's water."
"Oh."
The bartender sighed. "He came in this morning, ordered that, sat down at that table, downed the first half, and since then he's been stuck like that, staring at nothing. Hasn't even eaten anything. Hope you'll manage to talk some sense into him, 'cause he's been ignoring me so far. I'm worried for him, honestly."
Taking a couple of slow, deep breaths, Twilight got up from behind the counter and began to walk towards the unicorn, mentally preparing a list of what she would need to do to get his attention and of all the possible things that might be causing him to act like that and of-
"Hi Twilight."
The purple alicorn almost toppled over some chairs, and it took her a moment to calm back down. "Hi Sunburst," she replied. She sat down in front of him, and awkwardly shifted her hooves in place. "Soooo... What is the problem?"
Sunburst sighed, still staring dead ahead and ignoring her.
Twilight swallowed. Shining hadn't been lying, he really was acting weird. If only she could figure out what-
"Have you ever been in love, Twilight?"
Whatever train of thought the alicorn had was mercilessly derailed by the question, leading to the gruesome death of many innocent ideas, and in the resulting mayhem all Twilight could do was open and close her mouth soundlessly a couple of times.
Sunburst just stared ahead, at some unspecified point in space behind Twilight herself.
The Princess coughed once. "I, um... What does this have to do with anything?"
"I'm in love, Twilight. I'm completely, utterly smitten."
The mare seemed to cheer up momentarily. "Oh, that's... good?" she finished, questioningly, curving her neck to a side.
Sunburst sighed.
"Wanna talk about it?" Twilight asked, moving a little forward in her seat.
Sunburst's eyes seemed to find a little bit of focus, though on what exactly it was anypony's guess, and he began to speak. "I met her... sometime ago, actually. We've been getting closer since then. I should probably introduce her to you when we get a chance, if she comes to the Empire while you're here, or maybe somewhere else. She lives in Manehattan, you see," he explained. He then continued, "We met at a convention here in the Empire, we've been mostly talking to each other through letters. And I love her, Twilight. She's wonderful, smart, beautiful, funny, she's just perfect."
Twilight blinked, perplexed. "Have you told her about it?"
Sunburst shook his head. "No. It would never work between us, it would just make things awkward if I did."
The alicorn pursed her lips. "Well, this is more of Rarity's field- Or Cadence's for that matter, you should talk to her about it -but I don't see what the problem is. Okay, sure, she thinks of you as a friend, but there's no reason that can't change if you explain your feelings, no? Maybe you're underestimating yourself. You're smart, and funny at times, and I'm not the best judge on this stuff but I'm pretty sure I've heard mares calling you cute, and you're a reliable pony, and a very nice one. Why are you so sure she wouldn't like a stallion like you?"
"You just said it, Twilight. That's exactly the problem."
"You? Oh come on, Sunburst, you know you're not-"
"The other part, Twilight."
The purple Princess paused, blinking. "You mean stalli-oh... Oh..."
The unicorn gave a single, very subtle nod.
Twilight gulped. "Well. This is awkward."
Sunburst nodded again.
Twilight took in a deep breath. "You really should talk to Cadence about this."
"I'm pretty sure she knows already. You know, Princess of Love and all." The unicorn reclined back in his seat, and began to toy with his glass.
Twilight looked around. "So..." she began, then trailed off. "Why now?"
"No particular reason." Sunburst finished his glass. "I guess the pressure just caught up to me. I loved her from the first moment, I just thought it would pass with time. You can probably guess how that went."
The Princess adjusted in her seat. "But why don't you tell her? Don't you think it would be for the best if she knew, even when things are like this?"
Sunburst sighed. "I'm scared, Twilight. I don't want things between us to change, when I know they can't go the way I would want them to. And I know I shouldn't want them to go that way. And I'm scared of screwing everything up, because she's just... She's perfect, Twilight. And I want her to be part of my life. I don't care about her being mine, just knowing that she exists, just getting to spend time with her is enough. I'm scared of hurting, or of driving her away. I know how she feels about me, and I know she wouldn't want me to think of her like that. And I know this is wrong, Twilight, I know my love is unjustified in her eyes, and I know she would think less of me if she found out. I don't need her to worry about me, I wouldn't want to place that weight on her. She's done nothing to deserve that annoyance."
Twilight smiled, tentatively. "You really like her, huh?"
"Like her?" The unicorn stared at her. "She's the light of my days, Twilight. She fills a hole in my heart I didn't know was there until I met her. The way she walks, the way she talks, everything about her. And she says she's just a normal pony. Trade my house for a patch of dirt, Twilight, because if that's a normal pony I must be a worm, and I should start living like one. I'm not worthy of touching the ground she walks on, and that she wants to talk to me is a gift I'll never be thankful enough for."
The alicorn coughed, sitting a little straighter. "Wow, you really... Can you tell me more about her?"
"I could spend hours praising her, Twilight. Of course I can tell you more about her."
Twilight forced a smile. "What is it exactly you like about her?"
"Everything."
Twilight kept smiling. "Can you be more specific?"
Sunburst sighed. "You should see the way she writes, Twilight. You should see the way she gets excited over small things, the way she freaks out sometimes, the jokes she makes, the way she gets angry every once in a while. The way she talks about her life, even the most mundane things, the... The emotion, Twilight, the sheer amount of depth that's in everything she does. Everything she says, everything she does, every small flaw she has, she's just... She's so alive, Twilight. You don't know how many ponies I've met that felt flat, uninteresting, at least at a first impression. You don't know how many ponies I've found ugly inside the more I got to know them. She's not like that. She was beautiful the moment I met her, and every single word she's uttered has made her better in my eyes."
Twilight chewed on the inside of her right cheek.
The unicorn continued, not waiting for an answer, "She's so much better than the average pony I've met. I mean, you and Shining and Cadence and Starlight and everyone else, you're all great ponies, good friends, but she's just... She's something else. Have you ever gone hiking, Twilight?"
Taken by surprise, it took a moment for the Princess to reply, but she affirmatively nodded after a second or two. "It was always more of Shining's or mum's thing, but we did all go together once when I was little."
"You know how sometimes you'll get out of a particularly thick section of the woods, and get to see a valley or a waterfall? Or maybe when you reach the top of a mountain or a hill and look down below? You know those moments when you just feel a sense of awe and think to yourself that the world is beautiful, that feeling of being at peace with yourself for seeing something like that?"
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, I think I get it."
"That's how I feel towards her. I love her like I love the Sun, or the breeze on a spring day. I love her like I love the stars in the sky at night. I love her like I love the waves of the sea during a storm, when I sit up on a cliff and watch them. I don't want to own the Sun, it's too much for me. I don't have the right to claim the sky as mine, nor the strength to take on the waves of a storm, nor any pretence that I can catch the wind. I just want to be there, to see it, I just want to live and be grateful that I got to experience something like that. Because being free is what makes all those things what they are, and she wouldn't be herself if she could love me. I love her for what she is, everything of her, just how she is. That I got to meet her is more than I could have ever asked for in my life.
"And I'm terrified, Twilight. Terrified of saying the wrong thing and losing her. Terrified that one day she won't be there to reply to me. Terrified of what she might think of me if I told her the truth, if I admitted I've kept it from her for so long. And I'm scared of myself, Twilight. Because the thought that she might love me back, that there's even the slightest chance that we could be together... It's like poison, Twilight. It would drive me insane. It would drive me to do something horrible, if I entertained the thought too long. I could hurt myself, I could hurt her... I don't want any of it, Twilight. I just want to be there, and see her exist, and that's enough. It gives me hope, it reminds me of what ponies can be. It's beautiful, and I have no right to interfere. She may not realise it, but she's perfect, and I just want her to be happy. It's enough to make me happy as well."
Twilight looked back at the unicorn, unsure of what to say. "Well... As I've said, Love is not my field of expertise, that would be Cadence's. And you should talk to her, I'm sure she'll be of more help than I. But I am the Princess of Friendship. And I think you should tell her. If she's a real friend, and if she's as marvellous a pony as you say, I'm sure she'll understand. You'll only hurt yourself if you stay silent, and maybe hurt your relationship as a whole. You don't mean any harm, I'm sure it'll be alright."
Sunburst lifted his gaze to stare at her. "Are you sure of it?"
Twilight nodded.
"Maybe you're right." A subtle smile on his lips, he got down from his chair and began to walk away, then turned back to Twilight, biting his lip. "What will her wife think though?"