A Mother's Comfort
Twilight Velvet had never felt so unnerved.
Twilight Sparkle had learned of it yesterday after a visit, and now it was time for her to tell her son, Shining Armor. Twilight had been shocked, but had taken it fairly well. After a lot of time spent in the library, she seemed to be dealing with it fine. But she had no idea how her son and eldest child would react.
She’d sent the letter a few days ago to Shining Armor. It would take a while to reach him, and it had been pure luck that Twilight had come to visit her first. She had chosen to tell each one of them on her own, to give them some time to react and be with her alone. Shining Armor’s letter from the crystal palace came saying he would be happy to come over.
If only he understood how wrong he would be.
She sat there in her kitchen, waiting for her son to appear at the door. She played with her mane absently, the need to fidget with something being overwhelming.
Finally, at last, a knock came.
She bolted from her chair so fast it fell over, and she used her magic to put it upright, while hurrying to the door. When she approached it, she took in a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face, and opened it.
“Hey, Mom!” Shining Armor smiled at her.
“Shiny, how are you dear?” She smiled as she hugged him, surprised at how normal she sounded.
“I’m good. The train got in a few minutes ago.”
“That’s good. Come on in.” She said, and her son entered the room. “Can I get you something to drink?” She asked.
“Just water is fine, Mom.”
She smiled and nodded, getting him some water and herself a cup of tea.
“How are Cadence and Flurry doing?” She asked, sitting down by him at the kitchen table.
“They’re good. Flurry is really starting to babble. I keep wondering when she’ll say real words.” His eyes shined with excitement, and for a moment her mind was drawn from it’s darker place into happier days, when Shining himself was babbling and cooing for her attention.
“Don’t wish it away, sweetheart. You’ll miss it someday.”
“Are you sure about that? I’d like to actually know what my daughter is thinking.”
She smiled an aged smile. “One day, Shiny, you’ll see how smart I am and why I miss those days. And if I’m right, it’ll be right around the time Flurry becomes a teenager. When that happens, you’ll understand the sheer amount of patience parents really have, and you will come to this house, give me a hug, and apologize because you understand what I’ve been telling you all along. You’ll miss it.”
He smiled. “No wisdom for right now though?”
The smile dropped from her face. “Not much, I’m afraid.”
He immediately picked up on the change in her behavior. “Mom? What’s wrong?” His voice was concerned.
This was it. The moment of truth. She took in a deep breath to steady herself. “Honey… The reason I asked you to come here today was because I have something that I need to tell you.”
His face grew concerned. “What is it?”
The words were terrible tasting in her mouth, and she had to get them out, but she knew the bitter aftertaste of them would last long after they’d gone. Still, that wouldn’t go away until she actually said them.
She had to swallow the lump in her throat to speak. “Sweetheart, you need to know… About two weeks ago your father left. And I don’t know if he’s coming back.” The words tasted as sour and bitter as vomit, but they had to come out or else she’d never be able to get better from them.
Shining’s jaw dropped as his face contorted to process her words. “Dad… Left?”
It caused her more pain to nod this one time than in all her years of neck pain from hunching over a typewriter. “Yes, honey. He did.”
“Wha- Why?” His tone was bewildered.
She sighed, and leaned over to him, tucking his mane behind his ear. “When you kids left home we had the chance to get to know each other again, and it was good back then. But slowly, over the years, we just grew apart. He wanted to live a life he was too old for, but instead of accepting it, he thought he could avoid it if he left me. And so that’s what he did. He doesn’t understand yet that he won’t find what he’s looking for out there. And it breaks my heart to know how much his choice hurt you and your sister. He wants something that I cannot give him, but he doesn’t know yet that he can’t give it to himself either. But it doesn’t take away any of the love he has for you or your sister. I need you to know that. This isn’t about anything that anypony did wrong. This is about him and his choices.”
Shining was still, deathly quiet. He seemed to be taking in her words. But the hurricane hadn’t hit him yet. Velvet could tell that much. When it did, she thought it would be ugly.
Shining Armor looked around the room, and noticed several little things he hadn’t earlier. Pictures of himself, Twilight, and their father were gone- taken from hooks on the walls. His parents’ wedding photo had been taken from the fireplace mantle. And worst of all, his father’s most prized possession- his winning bingo card from the day Shining himself had been born- was gone. His father had often told him the story of how the day he was born, he’d won a bag of bits in bingo that he’d been able to use to pay his mother’s medical bills. It was the first thing he’d done to take care of them all as a family.
And now, it was gone.
It hit him suddenly, like a Buck to the face, that his father wasn’t coming back.
Velvet saw the realization and dual panic cross his face and she went over to him. “Oh, Shiny…” She pulled him into a hug, but he still didn’t seem to react to her specifically.
When she pulled away, and saw his expression, it was like being catapulted back two decades to her son’s foalhood.
“Daddy’s not coming back?” It was somehow a cross between a whimper, a squeak, and a whine.
She gently stroked his mane. “I don’t know, baby. I really don’t know.”
The fear in his eyes made him look two years old again, and the next sound that came from him solidified it. “Mama…” His voice was tremulous and soft, as tears streamed down his face. Her reaction was so automatic and instantaneous that she didn’t even realize what she’d done until it had already happened. She picked him up with the kind of strength only a fiercely protective mother could give, and sat on her chair to settle him in her lap in a way she hadn’t done since he was eight and decided he was too big to sit on her lap. She had his head in the crook of her neck, his body leaning against hers, and both hooves around him- one to rub his back, and the other to soothingly stroke his mane.
That one broken little word served to destroy her. Her guilt was so intense and grief so great she was but a hair’s breadth from crying herself. It was only the weight in her lap that grounded her enough to keep from doing it. As she rubbed his back, held him close, and gave him a kiss, she spoke to him in a tone she hadn’t used since her children had come to her in the night with nightmares.
“Oh baby, I know you’re upset. I know how hard this is. But Mama’s here now. You cry as much as you need to, sweetheart. Mama’s staying right here.” The words came out of her mouth in a stream of comfort that helped wash away the bad taste in her mouth from before.
Of course this would hit Shining harder than it had Twilight. She’d known that from the moment Night Light had walked out that door. Shining had idolized his father growing up, and Night Light had been his same-sex parent- the one he modeled himself after from the start. He was grieving the loss of that role model. It had been hard for Twilight, but a lot of research into the matter had helped calm her down. Shiny didn’t have so easy a time. Having been a captain of the royal guard, and now a prince, he hadn’t been able to show emotions for years as a product of his own repression of them. Certainly he could show anger or love, but tears were rare- a mark of true mourning for him. This wasn’t just one incident he was grieving. This was years of tears stored up until the point of fission had been reached. And all Velvet could do at that point, was let them come like rain down his face.
She held him and cuddled him in a way he hadn’t allowed her to in years. It was healing for her- food for her soul. For two weeks she’d wandered these emptied hallways, everything seeming to cast a shadow on even the brightest days. The shadows of her own sorrow had threatened to consume her, and every good memory in their home. She’d been afraid. Afraid for her children, and afraid for herself. She’d feared that when her husband had left, who she was had left with him. But this moment had proved to her that the best parts of her, the very best ones, were with her children. To be able to hold and comfort her son like this had healed a place inside of her she hadn’t known was broken, and it made her want to weep with relief.
Shining cried into his mother’s neck and shoulder for a long time. The natural release of serotonin from his tears calmed him, as was the feeling of his mother’s closeness. It took a while, but eventually he calmed down. The quiet when his rain of tears ended was a comfortable one. He was quiet for a long while, trying to clear the storm of emotions that had taken over his mind. When he did, he found an odd combination of numbness and comfort. Numbness at his father’s decision, but also the comfort his mother brought him. He felt a need to stay close to her. Whether that was for her comfort or his own, he couldn’t tell. He felt like a needy five-year-old colt at the moment. But maybe that was acceptable. With a possibly permanent change in his family, it wasn’t necessarily out of line to want some comfort. And speaking of comfort…
“Mama?” He asked, finally breaking the silence.
“Yes, dearie?” She asked, attentive and concerned.
“Can I have Brutus?” He asked. The old doll had always brought him immense comfort as a colt. He felt awkward asking for it, directly at least, but he needed that comfort.
“Of course you can.” She said gently. His doll popped up as soon as her horn was alight. He snatched it into his forehooves, the familiar fabric of the old toy providing comfort into what was now his suddenly changing world. His mother, alongside his doll, was calming to him, and he rested against his mother.
Velvet was quiet for a little longer, trying to give him whatever time he needed to process things. Then, finally, she spoke. “Do you feel a little better now?” She asked tenderly.
He nodded. “Yes Mama.”
“Good.” She said.
“Mama?”
“Yes, honey?”
“Are you okay?”
She smiled. “I feel pretty good right now. It’s been years since you’ve let me hold you like this. I’ve missed it.”
He smiled. “Yeah… Me too.”
“You know you can have this anytime you want, right?”
His grin widened a tiny bit. “Yeah. I know.”
“I hope you know how much I love you, and how proud I am. No mother could be prouder of her son than I am of you.” She said sincerely.
“Thanks, Mama.” He smiled. “Can I stay here tonight?”
“You’re welcome to stay anytime. You know that.”
He smiled. “And… I can sleep in your bed tonight?” He said that one with a bit of trepidation.
“Of course, honey. Whatever you need.”
He smiled and snuggled her. They remained like that for a while, until he spoke again. “Mama? Will we be okay? You, me, Twily?”
She looked at him seriously. “Of course, honey. We have each other. And you will always have me.”
He smiled and wrapped his hooves around her in a tight hug. For a moment, it was like nothing was different. And when he opened his eyes, his new reality would come creeping back. But for now, he would enjoy every moment he could get of his mother’s comfort. Because with it, he knew he would be okay.