Rock Note Commits Tax Evasion
A loud knock attacked the door of Rock Note's caravan, almost rocking the mobile dwelling as it repeated. Note nearly fell off his hammock as it woke him, he didn't even bother to throw on his bandana or shades as he answered the door.
"Yo, dude-" Note addressed the greeter his groggy eyes had yet to identify, "This thing was expensive, don't put a dent in it!"
"You're Rock Note, correct?" asked the deep and monotone voice of a policestallion.
"If you want me to sign something, the answer is no, especially after that!" Note began to close the door, only for it to be stopped by the strong earth pony hoof of the officer in front of him.
"You're being placed under arrest" the policestallion began, "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" the policestallion took a pair of handcuffs strapped to his side and swiftly cuffed Note.
"What the buck for?!" Note's annoyance had now turned to rage, "You have no reason to arrest-"
"You owe ten thousand bits to the Royal Revenue Agency" The officer said flatly, leading a cuffed Note towards the officers carriage.
It suddenly dawned on Note what exactly was going on, even more so when he and the officer arrived at the nearest police station, himself thrown into a holding cell.
"Hey, don't I get a lawyer or something?" Note asked, still angry.
"Do you have a lawyer?" The officer asked.
"Well, no, but I have a friend who's sort of like one" Pen explained.
The police stallion gave Note a piece of paper and a pen. The pegasus jotted down a frantic letter to Paper Pen then gave the letter to the policestallion who proceeded to burn it away with a magic green flamed lighter, sending the written plea to Pen.
Pen soon trotted into the police station, immediately finding Note's cell.
"Note, what in Celestia's name is this about?" Pen asked, concerned.
"I'll get to that in a second, you didn't tell Canvas about this, right?" Note asked.
"Of course not!" Pen assured.
"Okay, so, turns out you can actually be arrested for not paying taxes, I thought that was just a tale mothers told their foals, like tinnitus or something" Note went on.
"Note, tinnitus is real" Pen corrected.
"Huh, guess that explains the constant ringing in my ears- anyways, they're saying I'm ten thousand bits in the hole, you gotta help me fight this dude!" Note pleaded.
Pen took a brown hardcover book titled 'Equestrian Law: Financial Legality' and used his horns magic to flip to a section on debt.
"I believe I read something about this-" Pen quickly scanned a page, finding the particular paragraph that he had been searching for, "Yes! As a result of Cheerilee vs Ponyville, taxation debt not in excess of twenty five thousand bits can be paid in community service provided the individual is not in any way involved in other illegal activity!"
"Question"
"Yes?"
"Hypothetically, of course, is it 'illegal activity' to currently be under investigation for using another ponies identity and bank account to attempt to pay off your own debt?" Note asked Pen.
"Yes, that would be egregiously considered 'illegal activity'..." Pen answered simply, a sigh punctuating.
"Also hypothetically, what if the pony who's identity you were using is dead?"
"I feel like you should not speak to anypony except for your lawyer" Pen advised.
"My lawyer has stopped speaking to me about this a few months back" Note informed.
"Wait, that's his job, why is he refusing to give legal advice?" Pen asked absolutely puzzled.
"I owe him a couple hundred bits" Note explained.
Pen took a long sigh before retrieving a silver flask from his saddle bag and taking a long swig. He then let Note have a swig of the cider inside before returning it to his saddle bag.
"I know you're gonna hate this, Note, but-" Pen began.
"I am not asking Canvas for money!" Note insisted.
"Why? You owe more bits than I pay for rent in a year, and she's to only one of us with any money!" Pen pleaded.
"Pen, I can't just ask my marefriend for ten thousand bits!" Note exclaimed, "That's just not an option"
"If she likes you enough to date you, she likes you enough to lend you bits, she's a commission artist, ten thousand is nothing to her!"
"You haven't even had a crush in the entire time we've known each other, you just don't understand relationships"
"And you don't understand Equestrian law!"
The policestallion, who had been keeping a half-watchful eye on the pair, eyed them feigning suspicion. He was more concerned that they were annoying him. Pen and Note took notice of this, but neither really cared.
"Well obviously I can't just go to jail" Note spoke, "Do I have literally any other options?"
"There's a surprisingly long list of ways to get out of debt according to Equestrian law" Pen stated, looking back to his law book, "But uh… they aren't really all that viable"
"I will literally do anything to not have to ask Canvas for money"
Pen held the book to his face, his eyes darting to the first item in the tax evasion survival guide.
"As a result of 'Starswirl vs The First Royal Bank of Canterlot', anypony engaged to either royal sister is instantly and wholly cleared of any and all monetary debt, criminal charges, and or crimes against ponykind" Pen read aloud.
"Pen..." Note rolled his eyes at Pen, "Be realistic!"
"You said 'literally anything', did you not?" Pen defended.
"Fine then, let me rephrase that" Note began, "How about 'Literally anything within reason, you pedantic bithead', sound better?". Pen gave a quiet grunt of anger and went back to the book.
"Can you mathematically explain what the fourth wall is?" Pen asked, "Says here that gets you 'Protected Pony' status"
"Pen, I only just figured out exponents like last month!"
"Okay then… oh, wait just a minute!" Pen exclaimed.
"I'm in a cell, I have no other choice..."
"As a result of Twilight Sparkle vs The First Royal Bank of Ponyville, anypony who has defeated an enemy of Equestria is granted full innocence on any criminal offence and complete relief of all debt!" Pen spoke ecstatically.
Note and Pens eyes lit up at the realization. Both ponies snapped their heads to the policestallion.
"Hey, Jerk in Blue, you can't lock me up, I'm the reason Chrysalis is in a dungeon!" Note proudly exclaimed.
"Hm?" The policestallion replied, confused.
Pen retrieved a copy of 'The Manehattan Times' from the day after that fateful viewing of 'Poneo and Juliet', a keepsake he kept for motivation, from his saddlebag and showed it to the policestallion.
"Huh, guess it's your lucky day then…" The officer said in a bored tone, walking over to and unlocking Note's cell. Note stepped back into freedom, rudely gesturing his wings at the officer as he and his friend left the station.
"So, now that you're cleared of debt, what do ya say we get a round of celebration cider?" Pen suggested.
"Of course!" Note agreed, "But, uh, I wanted to ask you something, relating to our legal chatter back there"
"Whats up?"
"Does ever Equestrian hero come up in a case involving a bunch of debt?" Note asked.
"For the most part" Pen answered simply, "That and reckless endangerment, usually"
"So I really do have every quality of a great Equestrian hero?" Note asked gleefully.
"Yup" Pen sighed, "I mean, if it's a contest, you did owe more than starswirl"