> Before She Was Rainbow
>  by Elizabelle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> She was...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“OOOH! You’re like a transformer!” Pinkie shouted, having just heard Rainbow Dash’s revelation. Every other pony at the table turned to stare at her. They were at Sugarcube Corner, waiting for their order. Luckily, there were no other customers, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake were in the kitchen, so the only other ponies present were Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and of course, Rainbow Dash.
“A… what?” replied Rainbow Dash, confused at Pinkie’s exclamation.
“Oooh! Do you have any pictures? What was your name? How did all your friends react? If they reacted badly, so help me I’ll-”
“Pinkie!” yelled a shocked Twilight, cutting her off. “Can’t you see you’re making her nervous?”
    “Oh, don’t be silly, Twilight! We’re her friends, we can’t make her nervous! And besides, she was already nervous when she told us, so I wouldn’t be making her nervous, I’d be making her MORE ner-” She was cut off with a muffled cry as Applejack reached over the table and shoved a hoof over her mouth.
    Rainbow Dash, who was indeed very nervous, gulped and hesitantly turned to the rest. “So… um… what do you guys think?”
    An awkward silence hung over the table, before Twilight hesitantly cleared her throat. “Well, though I can’t really understand… why you did it or your feelings about it, I’m glad you’re happy as you are now, and, well, that’s all that really matters, isn’t it? That you’re happy?” 
    “Yes!” Rarity chimed in. “You’re happy, and we couldn’t be happier that you are. I’m sure if any of us knew you before you changed, we would have been completely supportive and encouraging of your transition. We wouldn’t want you to be stuck as somepony you’re not happy being.”
    Fluttershy nodded at that, adding “As my oldest, and closest friend, I would hate for you to be unhappy, so whoever you’re happy being, that’s who you’ll always be to us.”
    Now Applejack was the only one left. All attention was focused on her.
    Applejack, however, simply smiled weakly, trying, and failing, to fake not being a bit shaken by what she had just learned about Rainbow Dash.
    Rainbow Dash noticed this, and lost the smile that had been growing with each successive response from her friends. “Applejack… y-you don’t approve?”
    Applejack flinched, knowing she was caught. She dropped her smile, sighing, and turned to face Rainbow Dash. “You c-can see why this might be… a little harder for me to accept, can’t you?” As an afterthought, she added “Sugarcube?”
    Rainbow Dash, noticing the obvious pause, stood up and took a nervous step towards her. “Applejack… t-try to understand…”
    Applejack slowly shook her head. “I… I think I need some time alone. To process this.” With that, she stood and trotted out of sugarcube corner, clearly fighting the urge to run. 
    Rainbow Dash watched her go. After a couple seconds, she collapsed to the table, her sobs audible even to Applejack, who had already exited the bakery.



    A few days later, Rainbow Dash had still not left her cloud house. Fluttershy decided it was time to pay her oldest friend a visit. As she landed on her front porch, she heard the faint sound of sobbing from inside. Alarmed, she called out “Rainbow Dash!”
    She heard a surprised yelp from inside, followed by Rainbow Dash’s reply. “F-Fluttershy? What are you doing here?”
    “You haven’t come out for days, we’re worried about you.”
    “The last time I came out, one of my best friends ran away from me.” came Rainbow Dash’s angry reply. “Why don’t you do the same?”
    Fluttershy, hurt by her words, struggled not to let it show. “Rainbow Dash, that’s not v-very nice.”
    She heard a sniffle from inside. “I’m sorry… I just… I want to be alone right now.”
    Fluttershy, summoning all the assertiveness she could muster, replied “I don’t think that’s what’s best for you. Let me in so I can talk to you.” After a pause, she added hesitantly “If you wouldn’t mind…”
    Sighing, Rainbow Dash replied “The door’s unlocked. You can come in.”
    Pushing the door open slowly, Fluttershy could see Rainbow Dash sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room. She didn’t look like she had gotten much sleep. Fluttershy trotted over and sat down next to her, hesitantly pulling her into a hug. Rainbow Dash returned it, latching on to her as if to keep her from ever leaving, and began sobbing again. 
    Fluttershy tightened her grip. “Rainbow Dash… I think you need to go talk to her”
    “I know…” choked Rainbow Dash between sobs. “But not… not right now. Can you just… hold me?”
    “Of course, Rainbow. Of course.”
    They stayed like that for nearly half an hour before Rainbow Dash let go. She turned to look at Fluttershy. “Would… Would you like some hot chocolate? Or something? I know you like tea, but I don’t have any…”
    Fluttershy smiled warmly at her. “I would love some hot chocolate.”
    Fluttershy followed Rainbow Dash into the kitchen, where she began heating up some water. She sat down at the table, motioning for Fluttershy to join her. They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Rainbow Dash spoke.
    “She… she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore, does she…”
    “Applejack?”
    Rainbow Dash nodded.
    Fluttershy gave her a sympathetic look. “I don’t think she’d want to stop being friends with you no matter what she learns about you.”
    “Even this?”
    “Yes, even this.” Fluttershy put a comforting hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “She cares about you, don’t you forget that.”
    “But… this is different.” She dropped her eyes. “I’ve never seen her look that shaken before…”
    Fluttershy put her hoof to Rainbow Dash’s face and gently turned her gaze back towards her. “Rainbow Dash,” she said softly, “She wouldn’t stop being your friend over something like this. You just surprised her, and she didn’t know what to do.”
    Rainbow Dash was quiet for a few seconds. “Yeah. I guess.”
    “So are you going to talk to her?”
    “Yeah,” Rainbow Dash replied. She straightened up. “I’ll… go talk to her.”
    Just then, the water started boiling. “I’m gonna go finish the hot chocolate,” Rainbow Dash said, getting up from the table. She went over to the cupboard and pulled out the chocolate mix. She added it to the water, stirring it in. When she was done, she poured it into two cups, setting them on the table. Then she went over to the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of water. She set it on the table and sat down, sliding one of the cups over to Fluttershy. “It’s hot, so you might wanna cool it down a bit.” she said, sliding the pitcher over as well. After Fluttershy cooled off her drink, she slid the pitcher over to Rainbow Dash, who did the same.
After finishing her drink, Fluttershy took her leave to return to take care of her animals, content that she had done what she came for: making sure Rainbow Dash was alright. Just as she had opened the door, though, Rainbow Dash stopped her to say one last thing.
“Thank you… for coming here. I’m glad you’re here for me.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Of course. I’ll always be here”
With that, she turned and left, closing the door softly behind her.



    A few hours later, Rainbow Dash was on Applejack’s front porch. She had been procrastinating ever since Fluttershy left. Of course, there were a few things she actually did have to do, like eating and cleaning up, neither of which she had bothered with for a few days, but if she was gonna be completely honest, she could have waited till another day to clean her house. Or till never.
    Now she was pacing back and forth on her friend’s porch, trying to find the courage to knock. Just as she was about to give up and go home, though, the door opened. Big Mac stood in the doorway looking at her.
    “Are you gonna come in or not?”
    “Huh?” replied Rainbow Dash, caught off guard by his strange greeting.
    “We can see you out here, you know. There’s a window.” He gestured to his left, and sure enough, when Rainbow Dash looked, there was a window. In her anxious pacing and muttering, she had somehow missed it. She blushed.
    “Uh, yeah, I’ll come in.” She followed him inside.
    Applejack immediately greeted her with “Ah was wondering how long you were gonna pace around out there.” She was sitting on the couch, along with Apple Bloom, reading a book. She put her book down though as Rainbow Dash entered the living room.
    “Um, hello.” muttered Rainbow Dash, smiling nervously.
    “Hello.” replied Applejack. She didn’t return her smile. Instead, she turned to Big Mac. “Big Mac, take Apple Bloom upstairs. There’s some things we need to talk about.”
    Big Mac nodded, and he leaned down and grabbed Apple Bloom, hoisting her onto his back and trotting up the stairs.
    Applejack turned back to Rainbow Dash and regarded her coldly. “Well.”
    Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “Do you not approve of me?”
    Applejack was silent for a few seconds before replying. “Ah don’t know.”
    Rainbow Dash winced at this. “What… What do you think is wrong with it?”
    “You’re not who Ah thought you were.”
    “Yes I am! I’m Rainbow Dash!” she replied, annoyed at Applejack’s response.
    “But you weren’t born as Rainbow Dash.”
    “...No. I wasn’t.”
    “Who were you born as?”
    “I was… Spectrum Flash. I was born as a colt named Spectrum Flash.”
    “Well then, Spectrum, I don’t see what makes you different from any other pony who was born a colt.”
    “Don’t call me Spectrum.” growled Rainbow Dash. “I am Rainbow Dash.”
    “And why should you be able to go from a colt to a mare? Why is Spectrum now Rainbow?”
    “Because I was never happy being a colt. Only being a mare.”
    “A colt can’t be a mare, Spectrum.”
    Anger flashed in Rainbow Dash’s eyes. “A colt can be a mare if thats what she believes she is!” She stepped forward, so her face was inches away from Applejack’s, and glared into her eyes. “And if you can’t accept that, then I guess we’re through here.” She turned, and stormed towards the door. She was close to tears, but there was no way she was letting Applejack see that.
    But just as she was about to go out, however, Applejack called out from behind her.
    “Rainbow Dash…”
    Rainbow Dash turned around, no longer able to hold back her tears as she spat “What.”
    “Explain to me why you are Rainbow Dash. How do you know you are not Spectrum Flash.” said Applejack from where she still stood by the couch.
    Not moving from her spot, Rainbow Dash growled “Why should I?”
“Because Ah want you to.”
Rainbow Dash sighed, tears still falling down her face. “Because I am me. I know who I am better than anyone else, and if I say I am a mare named Rainbow Dash, then that’s who I am.”
    Applejack sighed and closed her eyes. “You’re gonna have to be a little more detailed than that if you want me to understand.”
    “Who says I want you to understand?”
    Applejack turned to look at her. “If Ah can’t understand, Ah don’t know if Ah can accept it. Explain.”
    Rainbow Dash was silent for a few seconds, before trotting back over to the couch and sitting down. With a sigh, she explained as well as she could.
Hesitantly, she began, “I was born as… as a colt named Spectrum Flash. It’s not a bad name, and I’d say it fits my personality well enough. But the name wasn’t the problem. My gender was. I... was born with the body of a colt, but… I never felt like a colt. Despite how tomboyish I am, I always thought... I was meant to be a filly. Luckily, I managed to find a way to change before my body started to look like a stallion’s.” As she spoke, her voice became more confident, losing it’s hesitance.
“ It wasn’t until after flight school though. I was feminine enough in appearance back then that I called myself a filly, and started calling myself Rainbow Dash. Everyone believed me, even Fluttershy. I didn’t have many friends there though, so when I wasn’t showing off, I spent most of my time alone before I met Fluttershy. You know how I got my cutie mark and all that, but you probably didn’t know that that was how we first met.
Anyway, after we became friends, I told her who I was at the time. As surprised as she was, she fully accepted me. She even said I looked pretty as a filly. She was the first pony to ever say that to me... and you wouldn’t believe how happy that made me feel. I wanted to feel like that all the time, and Fluttershy encouraged me to change completely, before my body started changing. Without her, I would have been a lot less confident about myself, and may not be the pony I am today.” Her voice cracked, and she smiled, remembering when she first told her. 
“After flight camp, I returned to the orphanage. I told the Matron, and she agreed to help me look for a doctor who could help. A few months later we found one by the name of Redheart. She actually works here in Ponyville, which is good because I have to go to her every few months to get the pills I need to keep my body from changing back into that of a stallion. So after we found her, we got my name legally changed to Rainbow Dash. Like I said, it’s not like I don’t like the name Spectrum Flash, but Spectrum Flash is a colt, and I was becoming a filly. I needed a new name. Ever since then, I’ve felt faster, stronger, more confident, and just better in general than I ever did as a colt.” By now she had a slight nostalgic smile on her face. She turned back to Applejack, the smile fading. “I never once doubted my decision, and I sure as hay never regretted it. Is that enough to convince you that the mare you see before you is me, and not some colt pretending to be someone else?”
She glanced at Applejack, who was looking at her. “You really are that much happier being a mare?”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “I am.”
“Then…” Applejack hesitated, before continuing. ”Ah guess Ah can accept it. Ah still don’t understand it, but if you’re that much happier being Rainbow Dash, then Ah guess that’s who you were meant to be.”
Rainbow Dash smiled at her, relieved. “Thank you.” She hugged her, and tears streamed down her face again, but this time, they were tears of joy.



“Well, I’m glad you two got this worked out.” They were all back at sugarcube corner, cupcakes on the table. It was a few days after Rainbow Dash had visited Applejack, and Twilight was currently smiling at them. “I would hate for this to tear your friendship apart.”
Pinkie jerked her head up from a cupcake to glare at Applejack. “Have you apologized yet? You’d better apologize! Do you have any idea how upset she-”
“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash cut her off. “Yes, Pinkie, she apologized. No need to make her feel worse than she already does.”
Applejack lowered her hat a little, a bit ashamed of how she had acted. “Yeah, Ah’m sorry , Rainbow. Ah shouldn’t have acted like that, but Ah’ve learned my lesson. Ah’m just glad you forgave me.”
“You’d better be…” came Pinkie’s skeptical reply.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Well I think this deserves a toast. It’s not every day one of our friends does something so brave.” She lifted her cupcake into the air. “To Rainbow Dash!”
The others lifted their cupcakes as well, save for Pinkie, who lifted an empty wrapper.
“To Rainbow Dash!”
“May her life be ever better.” Rarity lowered her cupcake. “Celestia knows she deserves it.” She took a bite of her cupcake, and everypony else did too.
Fluttershy, sitting next to Rainbow Dash leaned over and whispered “So when do you think we should tell them we’re a couple?”