> Friends have benefits
>  by Killbles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> A second first encounter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
Chapter One: A second first encounter

 
 
Soarin stood at attention, his four hooves perfectly spaced on the floor, a defiant yet worried look on his face. Arrayed in front of him was Spitfire, several high ranking officers he did not know and one of the team’s medical officers. The officers were quietly conversing with the doctor in hushed tones and Spitfire was staring at Soarin silently. He had already endured several days of gruelling tests and interviews, but the time it was taking for the tribunal to make its final decision seemed indefinite.  Soarin’s mind started drifting. Staring off blankly at the wall above Spitfire’s head, Soarin found his thoughts going back to the incident.
 
Flashback! Flashback! Flashback!
 
Soarin flexed his wings experimentally, he winced as a dull pain at the root of the wing flared up. Grimacing in pain, Soarin pushed the pain to the back of his mind.  He’d had worse. Satisfied that his wing would hold for the training session, he wriggled into his tight, form fitting flight suit. He let out a small yelp of pain as his wing cramped and got caught in a fold of the suit. Cringing, he freed his wing from the awkward position and continued to pull his flight suit on. ‘I’ll get it checked after training’ he told himself, just like he had the last three times. Soarin would rather fly with a broken wing than miss a training session. The one time he had been ill for a session, Spitfire and Rapid-fire had had to bind his wings to keep him at home. A quiet whistle to get his attention came from the entrance to the dressing rooms.
“Hey you good? The rest of the team is waiting for you.” Spitfire asked impatiently leaning into the dressing room with a bored look on her face. The ever fiery mane on her head seemed to burn as she moved.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Soarin said, hoping she hadn’t heard him cry in pain.
“Your wing still giving you trouble?”
“I said I’m fine.” Soarin snapped a little harshly.
“Let me see it.” Spitfire ordered.
Grumbling, Soarin stretched his wing out so she could feel it.
“You’re not flying on this.” She said as she ran her hood down his wing, eliciting another yelp of pain from Soarin.
“I’ve had worse.”
“I won’t let you fly until you get this checked out.”
“Last time I checked, Lieutentant Commander, I outrank you.”
“And I’m the team Capitan.” She snapped back.
“Don’t make me pull rank on you.” Soarin said lowly.
Swearing in a high unlady like fashion Spitfire spun around and marched out of the room. “Your funeral.” She warned as she disappeared down the short corridor to where the rest of the team was waiting.
 
“Soarin! Tighten your lines; you’re going all over the place!” Spitfire warned him, pulling out of formation to criticise his performance. Soarin grunted back, he didn’t need to be told, he knew he was flying poorly. Re-joining the formation, Spitfire dived towards the ground almost vertically until snapping her wings out, dramatically loosing speed and throwing herself into a new course. The other three bolts pulled the manoeuvre moments later, reforming behind their leader. As Soarin flared his wings though, a sudden flare of pain shot up his body, cramping his right wing. Crying out at the sudden pain, Soarin tumbled out of the sky only to slam into the unyielding ground a few moments later. He bounced a few times painfully, each hit making his body move in ways it wasn’t supposed to. By the time he came to a stop a few shortseconds later, he was a battered and bleeding mess. He clenched his teeth, numbly noticing that some wheredesperately not trying to howl in pain. A few moments later the medical team was by his side.
“Stay with me Commander! Tell me about your day. How’s it been? Just stay with me.” One of the orderlies said calmly as he expertly stabilised his patient.
“I crashed you idiot, do you think I’ve had a good day?” Soarin rasped his vision fading.
“Stay with me dammit!”
“So tired…” Soarin muttered, finally allowing himself to black out.
 
A slow constant beeping awoke Soarin. Opening his eyes, he found himself in a pristine white hospital bed. Whitewashed walls, white curtains, white everything. He coughed roughly; something down his throat was making it hard to breathe. Looking down, he saw a tube snaking across his bed down into his mouth. He panicked for a moment before a nurse appeared from the hallway and gave him a friendly smile. “One moment Commander, I just need to remove your feeding tube.” She trotted over to his bed and fiddled with the device for a few moments. She then gently pulled the tube from down his throat, a thread of viscous liquid dripping from the end.
“Feeding tube? Commander?” Soarin asked. He tried to utter something else but coughed instead.
“You’ve been out for nearly a month Commander.” The nurse helpfully told him, offering a glass of water.
“A month?!” Soarin spluttered.
“It was a hard crash Commander, you’re lucky to be alive.”
“Yeah… Lucky.” Soarin muttered.
“I’ll just go grab Doctor Hall. I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you now you’re awake.”
Soarin nodded as the nurse quietly left the room. Soarin lay his head back and tried to think about what happened. Nothing. He couldn’t remember anything. He swore quietly as he tried to recall some memory of the incident. His thoughts were interrupted by a unicorn with a white coat walking in.
“Good to see you awake. How do you feel?”
“Rubbish.”
The unicorn chuckled. “I expected you to say that.” He levitated a clipboard over to him and started scribing something.
“How long have I got to be here Doc?” Soarin asked.
“A while yet. You broke almost all the bones in your front right leg, five ribs, your left wing was completely shattered and we had to realign your spinal column. Not to mention all the other small fractures around your body. You also had a punctured lung and severe internal bleeding. You’re lucky you can move at all. Now Pegasus physiology is remarkably tough and due to your fast healing, the vast majority of your injuries healed while you were comatose but you’ll still take a while to recovery fully. If ever.” He flipped a page on the clipboard. “We also had some acute nerve damage in both of your wings so they’ll be slower to respond and more sluggish than you’d be used to.” He flipped to the last page. “Luckily for you though, you seem to have a thick head so you don’t appear to have any major brain damage, a bit of retrograde amnesia is to be expected though but I’m sure that’ll come back eventually.” 
“Will I be able to fly again with the Wonderbolts?” Soarin asked concerned.
“That’s not up for me to decide. But I doubt you’ll be up to strenuous stunt flying like that for several months at least. Maybe never. You’re certainly not fit for military service, the injuries you’ve suffered would make you far too much of a liability if you were ever deployed.”
“I see.” Soarin said hollowly.
“But we’ll see. You have a long rehabilitation program ahead of you, so make the most of it and who knows? Maybe they’ll take you back.” He said trying to cheer Soarin up.
“Yeah maybe.” Soarin muttered, rubbing a hoof over his leg, he could feel several large scars under his fur. “What are these from?”
“We had to insert a steel rod into your leg and replace your knee entirely. Those scars will be around for a while.” The doctor muttered flipping through the clipboard one last time.
“Doc, I can’t remember anything about the crash.” Soarin said slightly worried
“As I said, retrograde amnesia is completely normal for crash victims.” The doctor said unworriedly, shoving the clipboard roughly back into a sling at the end of the bed.
“I’m sure Spitfire will be delighted to hear you are awake.” He said cheerfully walking out of the room.
Soarin screwed up his face in confusion.
“Who?”
 
Spitfire looked at Soarin with an unamused expression. “I’m disappointed Soarin, the only time someone has forgotten me was when we had that night out drinking and you, Fleetfoot and Surprise left me on the taxi home. The poor driver didn’t notice me back there for several hours.”
Soarin perked up a moment. “I remember Surprise. But not you.”
Spitfie cast an eye over to Doctor Hall. “Are you sure this normal?”
“I believe the Commander is suffering from more severe amnesia than I thought. Soarin has been on the team longer than you, has he not? And Surprise joined before you correct?”
Spitfire nodded.
“Maybe he’s lost all memory up to a certain point in his career.” He thought for a moment, thinking of how he could prove his theory. “Soarin, what anniversary of the Summer Sun Festival did we just celebrate?”
“1002.” He said.
Doctor Hall’s eyes widened with surprise. “That’s interesting. He seems to have that right. Selective memory loss perhaps?”
“Soarin, what’s your favourite food and what is the best time you’ve ever had it?”
Soarin screwed up his face. “Apple pie sure is good… Best one I’ve ever had was from that bakery over in Trottingham three years ago.” He trailed off.
Spitfire looked at the doctor. “He’s half right, he loves his pies, but the best one he ever had was at the Grand Galloping Gala a couple of years back. One of our fans saved it from becoming a lovely stain in the Royal Ballroom.”
“It seems he’s forgotten most of his career or anything connected to his career.” The doctor muttered.
“Will it come back?” Spitfire asked, a concerned look on her face.
“It should, in time...”

Wobbly Wobbly Wobbly
 
“Commander Soarin!” a rough voice barked at him. “Focus please.”
Snapping out of his reminiscing, Soarin refocused his attention on the panel of officers in front of him.
“Sorry Sir.”
“Now that you’re back with us, we’ve reached our verdict.” The grizzled Pegasus said. Soarin instinctively tensed up. “We’ve thoroughly examined the results from your rehabilitation course and well to be frank, they are nothing short of a miracle. Most pegasi wouldn’t be able to walk after a crash like that and few others have served with as much distinction in the Wonderbolts. But unfortunately we have no choice but to grant you an honourable discharge from military service. Your rehabilitation may have gone well, but due to lack of recovery from your amnesia and several compromising medical conditions, you’ll never be fit for military service and sadly that means you’re out of the Wonderbolts. We’d have put you in a pen-pusher role but we know you were never made out to fill in paperwork. I’m sorry Commander, but there’s nothing else we can do.” He stood along with the rest of the board. “It’s been an honour serving with you Commander. We’re losing one of our best”
Soarin’s face fell. He shakily saluted the standing officers. “Thank you sir.”
They returned the salute before filing out of the room, leaving Soarin alone with Spitfire.
 “Still don’t remember me?” Spitfire asked, walking over to him.
“Not since I woke up, ma’am.” Soarin added, aware that she now outranked him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I should have stopped you from training. If I had… this wouldn’t have happened.”
“It sounds like I was being stubborn.”
“You were. I should have stopped you though.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
Spitfire cocked an eyebrow at him. “I will, we had a lot of good times Soarin. We’ll miss you. All of us.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
“It’s been a pleasure Ma’am, apparently.” Soarin said with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Spitfire nodded at him before leaving the room, leaving Soarin alone.
Soarin sighed and slumped his shoulders, he had been expecting this but he retained some hope that the board would have managed to keep him on in some position, even a desk job. Now what was he going to do with his life? The Wonderbolts had been his world. Flying was his passion. And now he had nothing. He racked his head, trying to remember something, anything from the last few years of service. He cursed under his breath. As usual his mind was empty, his memories locked away in a seemingly impenetrable box. Trotting outside the cold, unwelcoming hall he shaded his eyes from the warm afternoon sun, his spirits lowering even further as a biting cold wind blew across the empty courtyard.  
‘Right now I need a freaking drink.’ He thought grumpily as he pulled his tie off.




 
The tavern was bustling with activity by the time Soarin arrived. Many ponies wanting to get out of the chilling wind or simply eager to give their bits to the cheery bartender that was serving drinks. Much to Soarin’s surprise, he went unnoticed. Without the signature flight suit or uniform, Soarin looked just like a regular Pegasus pony. One would have thought his cutie mark would have been a dead giveaway, but surprisingly few ponies knew what Soarin’s cutie mark was, given that most of the time it was covered by his flight suit. Nether the less, Soarin enjoyed the fact he wasn’t without being hounded by fans or being chased by paparazzi. He trotted up to the bar, eager to get a drink.
“What’ll it be buddy?” The bartender asked, wiping an empty tankard with a cloth. He regarded Soarin with a look that someone had when they saw someone who was oddly familiar but didn’t know why.
“Your finest apple cider thanks.” Soarin said, he tried to sound casual but still had a militaristic sound in his voice. He mentally reminded himself that he would have to get accustomed to living a life of a civvie. He fished out a few bits and placed them on the counter. The bartender nodded and filled a mug, his eyes still on Soarin though. Expertly topping the cup, he passed it to Soarin with another curious glance.
“Thanks.” Soarin mumbled, picking up his drink and making his way through the crowded tavern to an empty booth in the corner. He sat down, the chair under him creaking as it took his muscular frame.
‘Could it really over?’ He thought numbly. He sipped his drink slowly, the fragrant smell of spiced apples tingling his sinuses. ‘A career that I’ve had for most of my life gone, and I can’t even remember it. However many years down the drain…’ he thought bitterly. A few memories flashed through his mind, the joy he had felt when his transfer to the Wonderbolts had been approved, the first flight demonstration he had flown…
‘Gone.’ He thought sourly. He was snapped out of his reminiscing when another tankard slammed down in front of him, spilling a few drops of alcohol on the table. Running his eyes up the lithe leg connected to the cup, Soarin was greeted by the sight of a slightly drunk mare. Her magenta eyes were slightly unfocused and her windswept rainbow mane was in dire need of a comb.
“Hey.” She said, leaning on the table.
“Hi.” Soarin responded slightly irritated. He looked around, trying to find something else to look at besides the cyan mare in front of him. Finding nothing, he dropped his gaze into the frothy top of his drink.
“Hey.” She said again.
“Hi.” Soarin said, starting to get a little annoyed.
“You look familiar.” She slurred. “Do I know you?”
“I don’t know you, so probably not.”
“Oh…” she said slightly disappointed.
Soarin shook his head slowly and sighed. He took a heft chug of cider, his annoyance evaporating as the sweet drink rolled down his throat. He drained the mug and placed it down on the table, noting with some satisfaction that the rainbow maned mare had vanished. He shut his eyes and sighed with relief. ‘Annoying. Cute. But very annoying. And drunk.’ He thought. ‘She does somehow look familiar though…’
“Hey, I got you another drink.”
Soarin snapped his eyes open and groaned softly. The rainbow Pegasus had returned, a few mugs balanced on a tray which was dangerously wobbling on her back.
Soarin would have sworn but his nostrils were graced with the sweet smell of more apple cider. Putting aside his annoyed feelings for now, Soarin reached over and grabbed a mug of cider.
“Thanks.” He mumbled. He took a draught before continuing. “How did you know which cider I liked?”
“I smelt it.” she mumbled back, putting the tray on the table and sitting across from him. “And my friend makes it, so I know it’s the best.”
“You’re friends with the pony that makes this?” Soarin asked, pointing at the mug of frothy liquid.
The mare nodded simply before raising a mug herself.
“Drink up matey!” she said in a mock pirate voice. She laughed before downing a fair portion of the drink.
‘I’m not your matey.’ Soarin thought.
“I didn’t catch your name.” she said, leaning across the table.
“I didn’t give it to you.”
She backed away and put her hooves up. “Look out, badass right here.” She mumbled sarcastically. She immediately brightened. “Lighten up buddy. Drinks are on me.” She leaned on a hoof and stared at Soarin, a playful look in her eyes.
“What?” Soarin asked after a few minutes. The fact that she hadn’t blinked was starting to unnerve Soarin slightly.
“You’re cute.” She finally said.
“Oh, great. Now she thinks I’m cute.” Soarin muttered sarcastically. Biting back a snarky reply, he decided to play along; after all, this mare had just offered free drinks all night.
“Thanks.” He mumbled “I suppose you are too.”
“I know right, just because I’m so awesome.” She said egotistically while brushing a hoof through her rainbow mane.
Soarin planted his head onto the table; he could tell this wouldn’t end well.
“Drink up.” He muttered to himself.
“Wouldn’t mind waking up next to you in the morning.” The mare hinted, winking suggestively
“You’re drunk.” Soarin stated simply.
“I know. Why aren’t you?” She giggled back.
“I wonder…” Soarin said dryly.
“Drink up!” The mare cried again, moving around the table and planting her rump on the lounge next to Soarin and leaning up against him. Soarin grumbled but decided to tolerate the invasion of his personal space. At least she smelt nice.
“I swear if she does…” Soarin didn’t get to finish his statement before the mare planted a sloppy wet kiss on his cheek.
“Eww, gross! Get off me!” Soarin yelled. He pushed her off him and moved to leave the booth, his temper starting to fray.
“Wait, wait come back.” She pleaded. “I’m sorry.” She said innocently. Soarin turned to give her a piece of his mind but found himself confronted with the most, and he hated to admit it, adorable set of puppy dog eyes he had ever seen. “Don’t go?” she asked.
Soarin mumbled a few choice words under his breath. “Fine.” He muttered.
“YEAH!” She yelled, leading him back into the booth.
“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” Soarin asked aloud.




 
Soarin cracked an eye open experimentally. He quickly shut it as the harsh sunlight invaded his retina.
“Ow.” He muttered, rolling over to escape the light’s vicious beams. He reached over to find is bedside table missing, in fact, half his bed missing.
“What the hell?” he muttered. “What happened? He cautiously opened his eyes again.
“Oh…”
He wasn’t in his room.
“Oh…” Soarin mumbled again, looking down at the bed beneath him.
He wasn’t in his bed.
“Oh my…” He said, his eyes snapping open as his foggy brain put two and two together.
He turned his head, almost dreading what he would see.
The rainbow maned Pegasus was there.
“Aww shit.” He muttered digging his head back into the pillow. “What the hell did I do last night?”
He let out a deep sigh and stealthily crept out of the bed, careful to not wake the still sleeping mare. He crept through the house with as much subtly as a flying horse; a comparison he realised was particularly good. Being hung-over and trying to be stealthy, Soarin discovered, was not a good idea. Blessed by the fortune that the unknown mare was a heavy sleeper, Soarin somehow made it to the door without waking her.
“Uh… Good bye I guess. Thanks?” he whispered, feeling extremely awkward.
The mare snored back.
Cringing, Soarin opened the door and stepped outside, the cool morning air a pleasant relief. Spreading his wings, Soarin stifled a yawn, whatever he had done last night; it seems that sleeping was not one of them. Snorting in amusement, he vectored towards a small lake, the clear blue water sparkling in an inviting manner.
“Maybe later I can go for a swim, when my head doesn’t feel like an Ursa stood on it” He said to the water as if it could hear him. Pulling is wings in tight he dipped into the lake, submerging himself for a second before using his momentum to shoot out again. The cool water was refreshing and somewhat relived the pain in Soarin’s head.
Pulling up into the sky, Soarin started talking to himself.
“Right, first of order of business. New Job. I’ve lost my old which I can hardly remember so how about I get a new one. Sounds good!” He weaved casually between a small clump of clouds, a sharp pain coming from the base of his wing as he pulled the sudden manoeuvres “Woah, woah, woah, ease up Soarin. Don’t want to hurt yourself again.” he admonished. He tilted his wings slightly, angling for a small fluffy cloud he could rest on.
“There we go.” He muttered as he flopped ungracefully onto the cloud. He ran a hoof through his ruffled mane and turned his eyes towards where he had come from. A few minutes passed before a thin rainbow streak emerged from the distant house and disappeared in the direction of a large village. Soarin let out a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding.
“Number two, watch out for a rainbow maned Pegasus. Hopefully I’ll never have to see what-ever-her-name was again. That would be… weird.” He summarised. As if it agreed with him, his stomach rumbled loudly.
“Heh... Looks like ‘Get some breakfast’ should be number one.” He thought amusedly, spreading his wings out again and wheeled around in the general direction of Cloudsdale, his new future awaiting him.
 




“You’re kidding me.” Soarin muttered. 
“I rarely joke sir and I’m certainly not now.” A bored looking pony said across the desk from him.
After arriving in Cloudsdale, scoffing down a large breakfast and tidying himself up, Soarin had immediately headed towards a local job agency. After waiting in a short line he had inquired about any open positions for Cloudsdale Freight and Shipping or the Equestrian Weather Service. Much to his chagrin, the pony had informed him that the only open positions at present were several vacancies in the Weather Service, mostly around some town called Ponyville which Soarin discovered was where he had just flown from.
“Look do you want the job or not? The pony asked irritably. “I’ve got better things to do you know.”
“Fine, I’ll take it.”
“Good, now take these forms, sign here and here then go to Weather Service Headquarters down near the cloud factory; I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you. NEXT!” he called, dismissing Soarin like a candy wrapper.
“Asshole.” Soarin muttered as he marched out of the building. Looking down through the tiers of cloud, Soarin immediately spotted the cloud factory, the large water funnels sticking out like a sore spot from the surrounding cloud architecture. Mumbling a few choice words about the bureaucratic system, he floated lazily down towards the compound, careful to avoid several speeding pegasi. He swore as one ripped past him a mere foot away from his muzzle. “If was still on duty you punk.” Soarin muttered, glaring after the wildly corkscrewing Pegasus. Much to his satisfaction, a pair of provosts appeared behind the speedster and forcefully grounded him. Soarin chuckled, a glorious feeling of schadenfreude spreading through him. Within a few moments he had descended a few more layers and found himself a large, yet graceful building. The words ‘Equestrian Weather Service’ were proudly displayed on the front. Dozens of pegasi flittered through doors and windows, making the whole place look like a gigantic bee hive. Trotting through the front doors, Soarin approached a friendly looking receptionist. He showed her his papers,
“Hi, I was told to come here for-.”
“To the right sweetie, first corridor on the left, room three.” She said, cutting him off mid-sentence.
“Uh... Thanks.” Soarin said, caught off guard by her brisk manner.
Soarin followed the directions the receptionist had given him and entered the third door.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” A smartly dressed Pegasus snapped at him. His slick mane bounced as his head snapped to face the intruder.
“Uh, I was told outs-.”
“DON’T GIVE ME THAT YOU SNOTTY FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS.”
Taken aback by his abusive behaviour, Soarin drew back slightly. “What?”
“SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB YOU TIT, YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE, YOU VACUOUS, TOFFEE NOSED, MALODEROUS PERVERT.” He roared.
Soarin had had enough. “WHAT? I come here for a job!”
The Pegasus suddenly drew back in surprise. “Oh, really? Sorry, this is abuse. You want 3-A next door.” He said politely
Soarin cocked an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh… Well that explains it… Thanks.” He said closing the door.
“Stupid git.” The pony muttered as the door slammed shut.
 
Back out in the corridor Soarin opened the next door down, clearly marked ‘3A- Supervisors Office’. He poked his head cautiously inside, not wanting to have more abuse hurled at him.
“Welcome.” A smooth voice belonging to a slender unicorn said. “I see you took the abuse department quite well.” He continued with a light chuckle.
“Yeah you could say that.” Soarin muttered walking into the room proper. He did a double take at the unicorn. “Wait, how are you here?”
“Cloud walking spell.” The unicorn lazily said.
“I see.”
“Please, take a seat.” The unicorn gestured.
Soarin wordlessly complied.
“So you want a job with the Equestrian Weather Service, in our Ponyville department I see.” He laughed softly. “Those positions are almost always open.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say that our team leader is very… dedicated to her job. Rubs a lot of ponies up the wrong way.”
“I see.”
“Anyway, what makes you qualified for this job Soarin? I don’t just give these jobs to anypony.” The unicorn asked, looking down at his papers. His grin widened when he noted that ‘Wonderbolt’ was listed under prior occupations.
Soarin stammered for a moment. He had little experience with weather control and besides his remarkable flying skills which he could hardly use; he had no real qualifications for the job.
The unicorn laughed again. “I’m kidding. It’s just fun to watch the newbies squirm.” He pulled a few pieces of paper out from under his desk. “I would never say no to a former Wonderbolt. Say, I couldn’t trouble you for an autograph could I?”
Soarin shrugged and signed the picture the Unicorn thrust under his nose.
“Excellent. Now just sign here, here and… here. Make sure you read it first though.” He cautioned as Soarin moved to initial the lines.
Soarin read through the conditions of employment carefully, nothing seemed out of place except…
“It says here I’m bound to two years of service. Can’t I quit early?”
The unicorn shook his head. “We’re looking for dedicated ponies here, no drop outs. Of course we’ll fire you for gross negligence if it comes to that, but no leaving early barring extenuating circumstances.”
“I see.” Soarin muttered. Seeing no other issues with the form, he signed the contract.
“Good, good. Now since I assume you want to get started right away, you can find the Ponyville office down… Five doors.” He said after a moment of thought.
“Thanks.”
“Good luck,” The unicorn muttered as Soarin walked out. “You’re gonna need it.”
 
Moving down the corridor again, Soarin reached the aforementioned door. ‘Weather Control: Ponyville’ was etched on a plate hanging to the door. He knocked once and entered.
Much to his surprise the room, save for a tacky desk and chair, was empty. Frowning in confusion, Soarin backed out of the office and walked back to the supervisors room.
“Sorry, but there isn’t anypony there.” Soarin said, sticking his head back through the open door.
“Oh right, of course how could I forget.” The unicorn said sarcastically. “Rainbow Dash is never in her office; in fact I don’t think she’s ever used it. I don’t think I could even force her to actually use it. You might want to try looking somewhere over Ponyville. Or in an apple tree somewhere.” He tutted quietly. “The number of times she’s been caught napping on the job…”
“Wait, did you say Rainbow Dash?” Soarin asked, the name seemed oddly familiar but he couldn’t place where he had heard it before.
“Yes, is that a problem?”
Soarin groaned internally. “She wouldn’t happen to have a rainbow mane, magenta eyes and a cyan coat would she?”
“You know her then?” The supervisor piped up with interest.
“Umm... Yeah, let’s go with that.” Soarin said, his face flushing red. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” The unicorn said back cheerfully.
Closing the door behind him, Soarin slammed his head into the wall.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”


> Two for two
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits 
Chapter Two: Two for Two

With much less enthusiasm than he had that morning, Soarin flew back towards Ponyville. He flew slowly, trying to forestall the inevitable awkward meeting he knew he would have.
“What are the chances? I have a one night stand that I can hardly remember with the pony that ends up being my boss? Imagine that!” He snorted in false amusement. If this was somepony else, he would be laughing uproariously. But no, life had decided to pull an almost literal dick move on him and made him, in the space of a day, into a bad joke. He pushed his musings aside as he broke through a cloud and Ponyville came into sight. It was much larger than he had originally thought; then again he had only had a brief glimpse of the town that morning when fleeing from Rainbow Dash’s house. A few buildings caught his eye, namely what appeared to be an elegant town hall, a building that was either imitating a tree or in fact was a large tree and a novelty bakery which had the appearance of a massive, yet orderly stack of baked goods. Soarin’s seemingly bottomless stomach growled as the tantalising smell of cakes, confectionery and other baked goods invaded his nostrils.
“No more food, I already fed you!” he barked at his stomach.
His stomach gurgled back. Apparently it didn’t like its master’s suggestion.
“Okay, maybe later.” He compromised.
His stomach purred happily back.
“Smells good doesn’t it!” A feminine voice piped up from behind him.
His wings almost locking up in surprise, Soarin turned his head towards the voice. A pink earth pony on some insane flying contraption flew through the air nonchalantly next to him. Soarin wasn’t sure if the fact that the pony had somehow managed to sneak up on him or if the impossibly wide smile on her face scared him more.
She grinned that impossible grin at him for a moment longer. “I’m Pinkie Pie!” She yelled above the wind.
“Uh… Hi?” Soarin said, unsure of how to deal with the flying pink pony.
“Hey I know you! You were at the Best Young Fliers Competition; you were one of the Wonderbolt judges. Hey you’re a Wonderbolt! Ooo! Are you here on some super-secret mission from Celestia? Are there going to be ninjas? Or super villains with big death rays? I love those! Is he a cake themed villain? I mean everypony knows that all good super-villains are really bakers at heart.”
Soarin looked from side to side in panic. This… this… pink menace… was starting to make his head hurt and she’d been talking for less than a minute.
“Shush!” Soarin said, hovering and place a hoof over her mouth.
“Can the giant death ray make cake? Or cakes in pie shells? Or pie in pie shells? What flavour would a pie-pie be? Ooh! Maybe, the evil villain wouldn’t have a pie-pie but a cake-pie? Or would it be Pie-cake? Cake-pie, pie-cake, cake-pie, pie-cake… What do you think?” She continued, oblivious to Soarin’s hoof across her mouth.
“Shut up, will you shut up!” Soarin yelled, shoving his hoof in her mouth, abruptly cutting of the torrent of words.
“Okay, that’s better.” Soarin muttered. “Now I’m sorry I had to do that Ms Pie, but you’re making my head hurt. Now, I need to find a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash, you wouldn’t know where she is would you?”
The mare blabbed something incomprehensible, causing Soarin to shake his head. “I’m going to take my hoof out of your mouth and you’re not going to start talking again okay?”
Cautiously, Soarin removed his hoof from the pink pony’s mouth.
“Do you know a Rainbow Dash?”
She nodded.
“Can you tell me where she is?”
Pinkie stared moving her hooves around and gesturing as if she was playing charades.
Soarin rolled his eyes at her literal interpretation of his orders. “You can talk okay. Just as long as you promise not to make my head hurt again okay?”
“Okie doki loki!” She said bouncily.
“Can you tell me where Rainbow Dash is?”
“Sure I can.”
Soarin floated there for a moment, waiting for her to go on.
“So… are you going to tell me?”
“Sure, you can probably find her at Sweet Apple Acres or clearing clouds somewhere. But based on the fact that there are no clouds, I’d say she’s already done that and is napping.
“Thank you, why didn’t you just tell me all of that in the first place?”
“You asked if I could tell you when Dashie is, not if I would.” She said simply.
“Thank you, now could you just leave me alone?”
“But if I leave you alone how can we be the bestest of friends?” Pinkie asked, giving him an ‘Oh you!’ look.
“What… No. I’m not your friend. I don’t want to be your friend.”
“Sure you’re my bestest friend. I’m already planning a ‘Welcome Wonderbolt to Ponyville’ party just for you!”
“No. No I’m not. And you’re not throwing a party just for me.”
“Yes I am.”
“No you’re not!”
“Yes I am.”
“Hey look! Something shiny!”  Soarin cried out, pointing at the ground.
“Ohhh where!” Pinkie asked, looking over the edge of her gyrocopter at the ground. Not seeing another out of the ordinary, she snapped her head back up, a stern look on her face. “Hey, there isn’t anything shiny there, you just said that… to… make… a distraction…” She said slowly, noticing that her friend had vanished.
“Maybe he’s a magician.” Pinkie pondered aloud, wondering where her newest friend could have gotten to.
 
“Celestia, what cruel joke are you playing on me?” Soarin asked as he sped through the town, flying low to avoid being spotted by Pinkie Pie. ‘Pinkie Pie? More like ‘The Pink Menace’. She could be a super villain in her own right.’ Soarin thought, shivering at the possibility. If Pinkie ever found a reason to become evil, he wanted to be several continents away when it happened. He was brought out of his thoughts as he suddenly arrived at the edge of a large market square. Dozens of merchants clamoured and yelled, each trying to convince shoppers to part with their hard earned bits.
One voice cut through the jumble of noises though, a voice that reignited some spark of memory in him.
“Apples, buy ya apples here! Finest apples in all of Equestria right here!”
That voice, he knew that voice. Pie. Apples… Apple Pie. That pony, whoever it was had sold him apple pie. Not just any apple pie, but the best apple pie he had ever had. A flood of memories came back.
...
‘I’ll have that big apple pie!’…
’My pie!’ …
‘Nom nom nom, nom nom…’
...

Soarin wasn’t sure how important that last one was, but he was overjoyed that he had remembered something, Anything. He scrambled around the market, looking for the source of the voice. He finally narrowed it down to an orange earth pony wearing a ridiculous Stetson.
“You!” he cried. “You sold me that pie! I remember!” He yelled almost leaping on the poor mare.
“Urrr… ah did?” She said, backing away from Soarin slightly.
“Yeah, you did. It was delicious! Thanks!”
“Umm… Thanks?” she said, putting on an obviously fake smile.
“You made me remember!” Haha!”  He grinned widely, scarring the cowpony even more.
“Umm.. Can ah help you?”
“Not really, but thanks!” Soarin said, leaving the orange apple farmer even more confused. He suddenly wheeled around to face her; a not so subtle connection brig formed.
 “Actually, you wouldn’t happen to know where Sweet Apple Acres is would you?”
 
‘Well that was convenient.’ Soarin thought as he flew through the air. ‘What were the chances of finding the owner of Sweet Apple Acres heh?’
After explaining to the slightly sceptical apple farmer that he was looking for Rainbow Dash, she was all too happy to help him. She had even given him directions to the tree she usually slept in.
It was at this point, as Soarin was gliding over the orchard, that he realised that all the trees looked the same, even with the farmers directions, he was having trouble finding his way. He hovered in confusion for a moment.
“How on Equestria can she tell them apart?” Soarin muttered, amazed that the mare could see a difference between all the nearly identical trees.
 Deciding he would search a few trees more thoroughly to find his quarry, Soarin swooped down and landed on a branch. Peering around quizzically, Soarin spotted his target. By extraordinary luck or Celestia’s guidance, she was a few branches beneath him snoozing peacefully.. Awkwardly shifting his weight on the branch, Soarin prepared to jump down next to her. Now to make something clear, as Soarin was more accustomed to the city of Cloudsdale (Which didn't have trees) than the ground, let’s just say that he hadn’t exactly nailed the whole ‘Landing in a tree’ thing down pat. It came to Soarin’s great surprise then, when the branch he was on decided that the bulky Pegasus that had rudely landed on it was far too heavy and needed to be taught a lesson in tree climbing. Therefore, it concluded the best thing to do would be to promptly snap in half.
Luckily for Soarin he learnt his lesson rather quickly.
Unluckily for Soarin, he now found himself suspended in mid-air and at the mercy of gravity. 
And gravity is a heartless bitch.
Soarin fell unceremoniously through the tree, twigs whipping at his face and wings. With a loud crash he fell on top of the sleeping Rainbow Dash, startling her awake and causing the two to end up in a rather awkward position.
“Get off me you great oaf!” Dash yelled, angry her precious nap time had been disturbed.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Soarin apologised.
“Sure you di-. HEY, It’s you! What are you doing her- oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!” Rainbow Dash spewed, her emotions changing faster than a changeling's disguise.
“Hi?”
“You’re a Wonderbolt!” Dash spewed.
“Was…”
“You’re Soarin!” More word vomit.
“Yes I a-.” Soarin said, rolling his eyes. 'Not another fan…' he thought.
“I’m your biggest fan, I mean seriously. I go to all your shows and have all the mer-.”
For the second time that day Soarin stuck his hoof in a mare’s mouth.
“Shush.” He said simply.
Dash spat his hoof out. “I don’t want that thing in my mouth.”
“You probably had worse in there last night, if I’m one to guess.” Soarin remarked dryly.
Rainbow blushed furiously. “Oh yeah… that… I wasn’t sure if it really happened. I woke up and you weren’t there... I wasn’t sure…” She looked away from Soarin sheepishly. “I was very drunk last nigh-.”
“Trust me. I know.” Soarin said bluntly. “You also got me very drunk. I had one hell of a hang-over.”
The two lapsed into an awkward silence for several minutes, neither sure how to break the metaphorical ice.
“Umm.. Could you get off me maybe?” Dash eventually asked.
“What? Oh right.” Soarin said embarrassedly. Somehow both of them had failed to realise that Soarin was still on top of her.
“So… um… Soarin, what brings you out here? Don’t suppose you’re bringing me my invitation to the Wonderbolts.”
“The Wonderbolts don’t work like that. Besides, I’m not a Wonderbolt anymore.”
“I mean I should have got a… what?” Her mouth fell open in surprise.
“You’d probably know I had a big crash a couple of months ago. I was pronounced unfit for duty and discharged from service yesterday.” Soarin explained glumly.
Rainbow Dash winced.
“Well if you’re not in the Bolts, why are you here? You’re not coming on to me are you?”
“Look lady, I’m more attracted to that tree over than I am to you. At least the tree can’t get drunk and go crazy.”
Rainbow bristled angrily at the comment. 
“Good, because… I don’t like you either. You’re… Too… Too… I don’t know. And I do have a name you know. You should know it, we're not exactly strangers” She said gruffly. 
“Sorry, MISS Rainbow Dash, I’ve only heard of you since this morning.”
Dash’s mouth fell open again.
“But what about at the royal wedding, you asked me to dance with you. Or the Gala? I saved your pie. And what about the Best Young Fliers Competition? We hung out for the day! I’m like the coolest Pegasus in all of Equestria, how can you not remember me?”
“I don’t remember any of that. Just the pie. Some sort of amnesia from the accident the doc said.”
Dash harrumphed and crossed her forelegs in frustration. “Well maybe we can jog your memory then. Is that why you’re here?”
“No, I’m here because of a job.”
“Which job?”
“Weather control. You’re my new boss.”
 
“What?” Rainbow said flatly. ”No. No. That can’t be right”
Soarin nodded.
A quiet squee escaped her mouth before she managed to regain her composure. “Alright! You think you’ve got what it takes to join my team? Of course he does, he’s a Wonderbolt!” She squealed, her fangirl side breaking through again.
“Luna’s skies, I was a Wonderbolt get over it; you didn’t have any trouble dealing with it last night.” Soarin groaned.
“Yeah… Well… I was drunk.” Rainbow Dash countered. “I didn’t even recognise you.”
Soarin covered his face with a hoof. “I know… You were insufferable”
“Hey, I won’t take that sort of rudeness from nopony! Up you get, by the time I’m done with you; you’ll be the finest weather control Pegasus in all of Equestria!” She jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing Soarin to yelp in surprise.
“I think there are rules about workplace abuse!” he countered, glaring at her fiercely.
“I make the rules here chump, now up!” She barked.
Soarin groaned and lifted himself up into the clear sky, the pushy mare right behind him. She pointed out a small clump of clouds in the distance and glided off towards them at a leisurely pace. As she passed him, Soarin could hear her singing a boastful little song that went  something along the lines of ‘I get to boss around a Wonderbolt, I get to boss around a Wonderbolt…’
“Not sure how much bossing around you did last night. I’m the Alpha male when it comes down to it.” Soarin jeered, hoping to get a rise out of the hot-headed Pegasus. While he would have rather forgotten the previous night ever happened, he decided he may as well make the best of it while he could.
Rainbow narrowed her eyes at him and stopped singing. “Are you going to keep making jokes about that?” She asked.
“Only if I keep getting a reaction out of you.” Soarin said with a cruel smile.
“You know, for one of my role models, you’re a real jerk. You were much nicer before you got amnesi-whatsit.”
“Oh, maybe that’s where you get the alpha-bitch personality from. In fact, you were nicer when you were drunk, if maybe a bit more… grabby.”
“Well… You… You have a small dick.” Rainbow stuttered, unable to come up with a good comeback.
“Oh look out, falling back on the old dick jokes, at least it wasn’t a ‘Your mum’ joke.” Soarin shot back dryly.
Rainbow Dash snorted and flew a little faster.  The clouds were closer now, the white puffs almost beckoning to Soarin to sleep on them
“Right! As a weather Pegasus, you have to know how to do a good buck.” Rainbow said, taking control of the conversation  again.
“Yeah I do.” Soarin snickered.
Dash glared at him again. “One more word and I’ll conveniently forget you’re a Wonderbolt and break your wings. And then I’ll leave you on a cloud. Are we clear?” Much to Soarin’s surprise she looked deadly serious.
“Yes Ma’am.” He said, trying to not sound sarcastic.
“Good, now give this cloud you best shot.” Rainbow barked, eyeing him cautiously.
Soarin span around and bucked the cloud as hard as he could. The cloud made a sad *pomf* sound, almost as if it was complaining about being snuffed out of existence.
“Not bad, not bad.” Rainbow said, “You don’t need to hit it so hard though. You do that to a thundercloud and you’ll end up blacker than a bad OC.”
“A what?” Soarin asked.
“I don’t know, it’s something Pinkie told me. She’s crazy.”
Soarin shuddered at the mention of the pink menace.
“Alright buck man, next one!” She ordered, pointing at the next cloud.
 
Soarin growled with frustration. He had spent a solid eight hours straight clearing away clouds for practice. Rainbow hadn’t helped at all, only adding a pointer here or there as she lazily lounged on another cloud she moved around with her. Most annoyingly at all, he had been trying to clear a mass of thin wispy Cirrus clouds for a good two hours without any luck when Rainbow then decided it was a good time to tell him that bucking didn’t work on the wispy little strands.
“And why didn’t you tell me this earlier?!” He yelled exasperated.
“I wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure out.” She said simply. “Besides, it was a hoot and a half watching you fumble around like an idiot.”
Soarin was sorely tempted to yell at her again but before he could, she waved him down onto the cloud, at long last giving him a break. He flopped down wearily as far away from her as the small cloud allowed.
“Take a load off Soarin; you’ve done enough for today.” She said, trying to not sound impressed, “You’re learning quickly, but you have a long way to go.” For the first time that day, she gave him a genuine smile.
He didn’t return the gesture.
Rainbow sighed. “Just pay attention to what I do okay?”
Soarin grunted.
Flying up to the dispersed cirrus clouds, Rainbow flapped her wings a few times powerfully, fanning the thin strands together into a tight ball. After collecting all the loose strands, she moved the cloud down towards the ground. Watching with concealed interest, Soarin noticed the cloud slowly dissipate as she moved lower, the fragile ice crystals melting away in the higher temperature. After the cloud had fully dispersed, Rainbow flew back up to him.
“Now you can do that, or go around trying to buck the bastards for however many hours like you did.” She said, slightly cockily.
“Yeah I’ll keep that in mind.” Soarin grumbled.
She spun around and looked towards the slowly sinking sun. “Wow, time flies when you’re having fun. Come on Soarin, the rest of the weather team should have finished up by now, I’ll take you to our office tomeet them.”
‘Are they all as pushy as you?” Soarin asked tiredly.
Rainbow scowled at him.
“Oh right, sorry… Not another word or my wings get it.” Soarin muttered.
“Come on chump, let’s go.” Rainbow said, bucking the cloud he was on out of existence.
 
 
“This is your office?” Soarin said incredulously. Standing outside the small but lively building.
“What, you’re surprised the bar is the gathering point for the lowly commoner? What are we in Manehatten with fancy schmancy high-rises and bland office cubicles?”
Soarin had to admit she had a point.
“You waiting for an invitation Soarin? In you go.” She said, giving him a small push.
“That’s what you probably said last night Dash.” A voice snickered from behind them. A brown stallion with a stripy cloud coloured mane appeared at Soarin’s side, conveniently placing the former Wonderbolt between him and Rainbow Dash.
“Thunderlane!” Dash bellowed.
“What?” The stallion named Thunderlane asked innocently. ”It’s probably true knowing you, fastest Pegasus in Equestria and all.”
“Hey, you know what Thunderlane, fuck you.” Dash snapped.
“Thunderlane snorted with laughter. “That was years ago Dashie, get with the times.” The cheeky stallion darted inside the pub before Dash could jump on him.
“Who’s that?” Soarin asked, trying not to laugh.
“That’s Thunderlane, he’s one of the best weather controllers I have, but he’s a bit of a jerk sometimes though. I’d give him a good thrashing but I kinda need him to be clearing clouds, not lying on a hospital bed.” Rainbow admitted grudgingly. “You’d probably like him, you know, one jerk to another.”
Soarin chuckled “Who else is there?” he asked, walking towards the door.
“You’ll see.”
 
“Flitter, Cloudchaser, Doc; meet Soarin.” Rainbow Dash said, gesturing at the blue stallion.
“Hi.” Soarin said slightly nervously. The gathered ponies were all giving him awed looks.
“Hey what about me?” Thunderlane complained.
“Piss off.” Dash said, taking a seat opposite him. “You already played meet and greet.”
Thunderlane muttered something under his breath and buried his muzzle back into his chest.
“Nice to meet you Soarin, I mean, we’re all fans but it’s an honour to meet you in the flesh.” Doc said extending a tan hoof for Soarin to shake. 
“Thanks, nice meeting you.” Soarin said, shying away from the looks Flitter and Cloudchaser were giving him. They were talking in hushed tones and giggled quietly as he sat down next to Thunderlane.
“So… Soarin. What do you think of Ponyville?” Thunderlane asked.
“It’s nice. I think. Rainbow Dash had me clearing clouds all day so I didn’t get a chance to really get a feel for the place.
“Oh she always does that, first few days is hell but tends to lay off after about a week or two. She’s got a bit of reputation for being a hard arse. Isn’t that right Dash?” Doc explained.
Dash nodded silently.
“She never laid off on me…” Thunderlane grumbled quietly.
“That’s because you’re a lazy son of a bitch, Thunderlane.” Dash said matter of factly.
“Hey! I work!” He protested.
“Yeah, when I make you.” She shot back, glaring daggers.
“Now, now… we can all be civil here.” Doc said calmly, trying to defuse the fight before it started. “How about I go get us a few drinks?”
“Your shout Doc?” Cloudchaser asked, looking from the table. “I bought last time.”
The tan stallion nodded, his spikey brown mane bobbing around as he walked towards the bar. The group was silent for a moment, Thunderlane and Dash glaring intently at each other. The silence was broken by Flitter leaning across the table and gently prodding Soarin.
“Hey Soarin, what’s it like flying with the Wonderbolts? How many shows have you been in? Have you ever crashed?” Flitter asked, her words running together as she tried to say everything at once.
“It’s pretty cool I guess. I have crashed… Several times. I crashed pretty badly a couple of months ago.”
Flitter gasped. “No way! How bad was it? Did you die?”
Soarin narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re joking right?”
“No really!” She said, eyes wide.
“Yes I died and now I’ve came back from the dead.” Soarin said sarcastically.
Rainbow snorted. “You’ll have to forgive Flitter; she’s a bit slow sometimes. I do want to see some scars though. You should have some good ones from all your years as a Bolt.”
Soarin grinned and brought his foreleg up on the table. “He ran a hoof over the scar along the side. “From there to there, I have a metal rod to support my leg.” He banged his knee cap. “My entire kneecap is metal as the original got shattered completely.” He took his leg off the table, pleased by the looks that the others were giving him.
“And that’s just from the last crash.”
The others looked on in mute shock.
“So…Do I win?”
“Hooves down.” Thunderlane mumbled.
“Drinks anypony?” Doc asked reappearing at the table, a large tray with various beverages on it.
“I’m right thanks, last time I touched booze was a disaster.” Soarin mumbled as everypony else grabbed drinks, any previous animosity forgotten. He flashed a look at Dash who was blushed furiously.
“Aww come on Soarin, have a drink! What’s the worst that could happen?” Thunderlane asked. “I mean waking up next to Dash isn’t necessarily the worst thing you kno- OW!” He cried out as Dash bashed him on the head.
“Yeah Soarin, have a drink. Consider it your initiation.” Cloudchaser chipped in.
Soarin bit his lip as the rest of the ponies egged him on.
“Alright fine!” he said, giving in and taking a drink off the tray. “Just the one though…”
 
Soarin cracked his eye open, a strange feeling déjà vu coming across him. “So much for one drink just one drink…” he muttered, rubbing his temples. His head felt like it had been run over by several freight trains.
He opened his eye further. At least this time he was in his own bed, in his own room and in his own house. Something seemed distinctly wrong though, perhaps it was the odd angle everything seemed to be at, the gaping large hole is his bedroom wall or the way the sunlight streamed into his room through an undamaged window.
He lay there for a moment, pondering the meaning of the strange light. 
“Wait… The sun doesn’t normally come through that window…” He said slowly, the gears in his brain starting to turn.
It was at point he noticed that he had grown an extra set of legs. Cyan legs.
He rolled his head around, fearing the worst.
“Aww shit, not again!” 
 
 
“What the hell did you do to my house!” Soarin cried out. Much to his dismay, his home, which was originally in Cloudsdale, was now floating above Ponyville. Not only that but several large holes had been made in the walls and the house was leaning at could be called a jaunty angle.
Dash shrugged. “We moved it I guess.” She turned to Thunderlane. “We moved it right?”
“Dunno, can’t remember last night very well.” He groaned.
“But… But… How!” Soarin cried out again.
Dash pondered for a moment, “I guess we pushed it.” She said dumbly. She shook her head, sending her frazzled sextuple coloured mane into a writhing frenzy.
Soarin glared at her. “You’re not helping.”
“Whys he so upset?” Thunderlane whispered in Dash’s ear. “It’s not that big a deal right?”
“I think it may also have something to do with what he found in his bed when he woke up. If you know what I mean.”
He chuckled. “What’s that two for two? I’ll bet he had an easi- OW!”
“Don’t even think about saying what you were going to say.” She threatened, returning her attention to the stressing Soarin. 
“What’s the big deal chump? You work here so you may as well live here right?” She said, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.
“I didn’t want to move! Especially not here! The pink one lives here, that’s a good enough reason to not want to live here!” Soarin yelled back. “And you,” He pointed a hoof at Thunderlane accusingly. “I don’t want to ever find you in my house again. What the heck were you doing in my bedroom wardrobe anyway?”
“Umm… Nothing?” Thunderlane said meekly.
“Damn right it was nothing.” Soarin growled. He wheeled around to face Dash. “You. You’re trouble, you know that? I can’t even have a drink without winding doing something stupid.”
“Yeah, well I can’t do anything without doing something stupid either!” Dash yelled back incoherently. 
“Oh I know that.” Soarin snarled. Dash looked at him blankly for a moment as her mind processed what she had said. 
“Celestia, you two fight like a married couple.” Thunderlane observed casually, gaining two looks that would have melted iron in the process. He flashed an innocent smile when he noticed the glares. “I mean nothing… You know what? I think I have to umm… go… iron my dog… Yeah, iron my dog. I’ll see you guys later.” He vanished in a flurry of feathers.
Soarin growled softly and returned to fixing his house, ignoring his colourful boss.
“Soarin?” She asked. “Are you all right?”
He grunted in response.
“Soarin.” She said sternly. “Talk to me.”
“No.” He said, his voice drifting out of a hole in his wall.
“Please?”
“Fine, what do you want Dash?” he asked exasperated.
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? You’re asking what’s wrong? Maybe you’re blind or something because I’m sure it’s fairly clear what’s wrong.” Soarin said irritably, his voice muffled by the wall. “In the last two days alone, I’ve lost my dream job, gotten another I didn’t really want, slept with some mare I don’t even know twice and now, had my damn house moved!”
“Okay, so you’ve had a bit of a shit week.”
Soarin poked his head out a hole in the wall. “You don’t say.” He said sarcastically, pulling a face Nicolas Cage would be proud of.
“Let me make it up to you.” Dash offered.
“How, do you have a time machine? I’d go for one of those.” Soarin muttered. “No, the best thing for you to do would be to leave me alone. Frankly, I find you annoying, loud, egotistical and a show off. I’ll get enough of you through work.”
“And I think you’re an insensitive dickhead who wants to live the life of a recluse for the rest of his life.”
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“Look, Soarin. We probably got off on the wrong hoof ok? Maybe we can start fresh. A new slate or whatever it is ponies call it these days.”
“And why should I say yes?” Soarin inquired, folding his forelegs across his body.
“Because I asked nicely?”
“No.”
“What about I buy you dinner somewhere? There’ll be piiiieeess.” She added enticingly.
Despite Soarin’s frustration, his ears perked up a little.
“You can’t say you’re not a little interested.” Rainbow continued, knowing she had him hooked.
Soarin glared at her. “I hate you so much right now.” He ran a hoof through his ruffled mane. “Alright it’s a deal, but I’m in it for the pies, not you. And those pies better be damn good or I’m out.”
“Deal” Rainbow said, spitting on her hoof and offering it to Soarin.
“I ain’t touching that.” He said stubbornly.
“Trust me, your hoof has been in worse places.” Dash said.
 
 
 


> Soarin gets some (more) pie
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have Benefits
Chapter Three: Soarin gets some (more) pie

After hastily enacting repairs to his damaged home and correcting the list it had somehow developed, Soarin was shepherded back down to the pub by Rainbow Dash for the weather team’s morning meeting. There, Soarin had a large plate of food shoved under his nose and was ordered to eat. He didn’t complain and munched as cheerfully he as could while Rainbow explained the day's proceedings to the team. Or she would have, had she not been lazy and just pinned the brief to the table and told everypony to read it for themselves.
“So what’s our teams for today boss?” Doc asked with a mouthful of hay.
Dash pondered for a moment. “Doc you head off with Thunderlane when he gets his lazy flank here, Flitter and Chaser, you get to deal with the rookie.”
Soarin would have protested but he was too busy enjoying a mouthful of pancakes.
“And as always I’m by myself and I'll take the south and east sectors today, Doc you have the west and you three,” she said pointing at Soarin, Cloud Chaser and Flitter. “Have the north and central districts.” She brushed a few stray crumbs off her coat. “Any questions?”
The sound of quiet munching filled the room.
“Good, I’ll see you all this afternoon for the planned shower at Sweet Apple Acres.”
She flew off, leaving the four other pegasi to finish their meals.
“So.” Soarin asked attacking other large stack of pancakes. “Does this happen every morning?”
“What, the breakfast or Rainbow Dash leaving early?” Doc asked with a bemused look.
“Both.” Soarin said, ravenously devouring a pancake, making it plainly obvious as to which one was more important.
“Every morning.” Doc said. “Dash might not seem like one to care about her underlings, but this whole meal is put on every morning at her expense. It’s offset by the company apparently but it’s still a very nice gesture.”
“Interesting.” Soarin replied, massacring another pancake.
“And she runs off early every morning as well. And always takes the south and east sectors. They’re the most difficult to manage and she likes to challenge herself.” He shrugged. “Don’t know why she pushes herself so much though.”
“And what if somepony goes and tries to help her?” Soarin asked.
“The normally get thanked with a kick to the face. Or worse in Thunderlane’s case.”
Soarin tapped his fork against the table. “What’s with those two, they seem… edgy… to say the least.”
The three other pegasi chuckled.
“Edgy is an understatement.” Flitter said, eyeing a shiny apple.
“Those two dated a couple of years back, or something like that.” Doc said. “They broke up after Dash found him snogging yours truly over here” He finished, pointing a hoof at Cloud Chaser. “Anyway, they finally put aside their differences and usually work together reasonably well. Rainbow can be a bit hard on poor Thunderlane though.”
“I see.” Soarin mumbled, dissecting his last Pancake with practiced ease.
As if summoned, Thunderlane chose that moment to appear in the doorway.
“Who are you, Beetlejuice?” Doc asked.
“Who’s Beetlejuice?” Soarin asked.
“He’s some lovely chap my brother met while on his travels.”
“Morning everypony.” Thunderlane muttered, ignoring the tan stallion.
“How was ironing your dog?” Soarin asked him with a mischievous smile.
“Shut up, you two looked set to spill blood and I was tired.” Thunderlane rumbled.
“You have a dog?” Flitter asked dumbly. “How does it live in the clouds?”
“I don’t have a dog!” Thunderlane groaned.
Cloudchaser ruffled his mane affectionately.  “Don’t worry Thunderlane, we know you don’t have a dog.” She handed him the daily brief. “You’re with Doc today in the west sector though, how fun!”
“Aww cripes, don’t let me go with Doc! I’ll be bored to death with his constant talk about his brother’s adventures in that box of his.”
Doc bristled. “I think his stories are much more interesting than anything you have to talk about. I’m sure we all want to know about what you did last night like how many shots you downed, or how far you kicked a football.” He rambled sarcastically.
“Oh please, your brother should have been locked away in an asylum years ago.” Thunderlane said, rolling his eyes.
“Well you’re stuck with him for today, so deal with it.” Cloud Chaser admonished. 
Thunderlane turned to Soarin. “Come on Soarin, help me out here.”
Soarin cocked an eyebrow in mock thought. “Let me think, would I rather go with these two lovely and may I add, beautiful, mares over here or with the lovely chap that is Doc. I think it’s fairly obvious what I’m going to go with here. No offence Doc.” Soarin added. Both Cloud Chaser and Flitter blushed fiercely at his compliments
“None taken.”  Doc responded with a curt nod. “I know where’d I’d be going.”
“Exactly” Soarin said.
Thunderlane harrumphed and set about eating.
“If you’re done with the sweet talking and the attempted extinction of pancakes, we should probably get going Soarin.” Cloud Chaser said, playfully.
“Aww but... pancakes!” Soarin whined.
 “No more pancakes for you mister.” She said slapping his hoof away from the severely depleted stack in the centre of the table.
“Fine…” He grumbled, clambering to his hoofs and stretching his wings.
“That’s the spirit; the weather won’t look after itself after all!” Cloud Chaser said, leaping to her hooves.
 
>>

Soarin wiped a hoof across his sweaty brow. His wings were starting to burn from the amount of work they were doing. While Soarin knew weather control was not an easy job, he would have never guessed how tiring it was. He marvelled at how relaxed Cloud Chaser and Flitter were. It hardly seemed like they were working at all, yet every time he looked, clouds had been shifted or bucked into the next life. His mind drifting to the two mares, Soarin let his eyes wander around the sky for the two athletic pegasi. He saw Cloud Chaser first and scrutinized her body with his gaze. The sleek and graceful curves, her toned flank and her legs, Celestia her legs. Even the way she kicked the clouds out of existence struck Soarin as being sexy. ‘I’d never go there’ he thought numbly, ‘but she’s hot.’
“Hey Soarin.” Flitter said, suddenly appearing next to Soarin.
Soarin let out a strangled cry of surprise. “Umm… hey Flitter! What’s up?”
“I see that look you’re giving my sister.” she purred.
“What are you talking about?” Soarin lied, embarrassed he had been caught in the act.
“Oh come on, you’ve been eyeing her all day. She’s a cutie ain’t she?”
“She is pretty good looking I guess.” Soarin admitted..
“Well, she’s a hell of a mare. Word for the wise though, she doesn’t put out. Which is good, cause if she did, I’ll have to kill you. Or worse. And that would be such a pity” Flitter growled, her threat hanging in the air. There was no trace of humour on her face.
Soarin gulped.
Her face immediately brightened. “Anyway I’m going on a quick break, be back soon.” She dived off and vanished in the maze of streets below him.
Soarin hung there for a moment, Flitter’s threat looming over him. “All the mares in this town are crazy.” He eventually muttered.
“Hey Soarin.” came a sultry voice from behind him.
For the second time in the space of a few minutes, Soarin let out a strangled noise in surprise. He turned his head to face the voice.
“Oh... Hi Cloud Chaser.” He said, noting with alarm the bedroom eyes she was giving him.
“I heard you talking to my sister, such a pity isn’t it? I mean who wouldn’t want this?” She winked.
“Yeah, such a pity.” Soarin feigned.
“Why don’t you come over here and have play? She wouldn’t ever know.”
‘Not sure if want…’ Soarin thought dumbly. This mare was practically throwing herself at him and Soarin was fairly sure that phrase would become literal if he didn’t do something soon though. ‘Well, she is pretty hot…’ he thought. The memories of Flitter’s threat sudden popped back into his mind, making his thoughts do an abrupt heel-face-turn. The possibility of her inflicting pain worse than death brought particularly disturbing images to mind.
‘Do not want!’ He thought as she moved a little closer to him.
“What are you waiting for?” Cloud Chaser asked, giving Soarin a seductive look.
‘Think think think Soarin think! Use that grey matter of yours.’ He thought desperately. He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
“I’m gay.” He lied. ‘WHAT?!’ “I mean… Yeah totally gay. I this… ur… Cute cowpony… Um… Yeah cute cowpony out west with this handsome vest… Yeah… that’s it. We’re totally gay for one another.”
Cloud Chaser looked at him suspiciously. “What about you and Rainbow Dash?”
Soarin looked around nervously. “I thought she was a guy?” He said.
“You thought she was a guy on two different nights?” Cloud Chaser deadpanned.
“How does everypony know about that?!” He yelled exasperated.
“Ponyville is a small place and you two I must say were pretty loud last night…”
Soarin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yikes.”
“Come to think of it, “Cloud Chaser said, her fantasy with Soarin temporarily forgotten, “I don’t think I’ve heard the phrase ‘Giddy-up!’ used in that way before.”
Soarin flushed red in embarrassment. “Hey would you look at the time, clouds to buck, things to do. You know!” He blurted, shooting off in a blur towards nothing in particular.
“Hey, wait come back! You still have to ravage me! I spent ages getting ready for this. Years dreaming! Come back Soarin!” Cloud Chaser yelled after him.
“Ready for what?” An unamused voice said from behind her.
“Oh Flitter… Hi…Um… Nothing?”
 
>> 

By the time the afternoon rolled around, Soarin was hot and sweaty. It was to his great relief then, when Cloud Chaser announced that they were due in at Sweet Apple Acres. Thankfully, she seemed to have forgotten that their little encounter had ever happened. Soarin wondered if the rotten looks Flitter occasionally gave her had anything to do with it. As they lazily drifted towards the apple orchard, both Flitter and Cloud Chaser decided to comment on Soarin’s fantastic body odour.
“You smell bad Soarin. Like really, really bad.” Flitter said, covering her nose.
“Not my fault I’m a guy. We work, we get hot, and we get sweaty. Just how it works.”
“How did your teammates cope with it?” Cloud Chaser gagged.
Soarin grinned. ”We all smelt bad. The smell you’d get when the squad finished a day of training was probably potent enough to weaponise.”
“Alright, we get the picture.” Flitter said.
“Well you can forget about any more offers for fu-. OW!” Cloud Chaser cried out as Flitter hit her on the back of the head.
“Yeah, when we get this rain started, you’re going right under a cloud Soarin. And you’re staying there. And Cloud Chaser will not be joining you.” Flitter said, glaring at her sister.
“Speaking of rain, how do you make it rain?” Soarin asked, trying to steer the conversation in a new direction.
“Simple. We get a shipment of rainclouds from the weather factories in Cloudsdale, move them into position and then start them up.”
“And how do we do that?”
“We jump on them silly!”
“But don’t jump too hard, the process to make the clouds isn’t exactly perfect and occasionally we might get a lightning cloud. Jump on them too hard and you’ll set it off. Causes one hell of a bang.” Cloud Chaser explained.
Soarin grimaced.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!” 

“Hahaha!” Rainbow Dash snorted. “Look at you! I mean, seriously look at you!” She lapsed into another round of chuckles.
Soarin sighed and rolled his eyes. He’d been doing a good job with the rain clouds at first, jumping up and down on them and making them release their payload with ease. His ninth cloud though, had been particularly stubborn and he had little success beyond a few measly drops of water. Throwing caution to the wind, he had slammed his hind legs down on the cloud as hard as he could, finally causing the cloud to rain.
Unfortunately it also launched a bolt of lightning at its attacker. 
The loud boom of following thunder had attracted the attention of Rainbow Dash, who took the opportunity to poke a little fun at the blackened Soarin.
Soarin growled and landed under a raining cloud, allowing the water to wash the blackened tips of his wings and legs off.
“How was it Soarin, shocking? Get-it? Shocking?” She asked, snorting with laughter.
“My wings are ruined.” He muttered, ignoring her incredibly lame joke and sitting down and rubbing the tips of his wings.
“Oh don’t be such a baby, feathers grow back.” Dash said helpfully from above him.
“I know.” Soarin snapped.
Bringing her mirth under control, Dash swooped down next to him, letting the cold water run over her lithe body. “Sorry, you do look ridiculous though.”
Soarin grunted.
Rainbow cocked her head to the side. “You do that a lot don’t you?”
“What?”
She grunted loudly, trying to imitate him. She laughed at how deep she had managed to make her voice.
Soarin ignored her and continued to wash his wings clean.
Dash sighed explosively. “You’re doing it wrong. You should be rubbing downwards, not across. If you wash it across you’ll gunk your wings up. Don’t they teach you anything in the Wonderbolts?” She said playfully.
“We’re a flight demonstration team, not the weather team.” Soarin snapped back, his anger simmering. He reluctantly changed his method of cleaning though.
“Sheesh, no need to get snappy.” She said moving closer to him. “Just trying to help.”
He eyed her cautiously. “What are you doing?” he asked as she moved even closer.
“Helping.” She muttered, placing her hooves gently over his other wing and slowly rubbing it clean.
“Thanks.” Soarin muttered under his breath. He finished cleaning his wing and started washing his legs clean. He was reluctant to admit it, but the feeling of Dash running her hooves over his wing was amazing. He suddenly felt bad for getting angry with her before. After all, she was just trying to help.
“Dash,” Soarin said. “I want to apologise for being such a jerk yesterday. It was unfounded and I should have treated you with more respect.” He stammered for a moment. “I understand that we didn’t have the best of introductions an-.”
“Second Introductions” Dash interrupted. Soarin glared at her.
“Whatever.” He said. “I know we didn’t start out in the best way and I’ll be honest, my judgment of you was affected by that. For the record though, you are loud, boastful, have a terrible ego and are generally obnoxious.”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be an apology?” Dash noted wryly.
“Yeah yeah, I’m getting there.” Soarin snapped. “Look, I’m sorry okay?”
“Thank you.” Dash said, gently massaging his wing.
Soarin’s eyes widened. ‘Ohhh that’s good.’ He thought as she dug into his wing.
“Hey! You two should kiss!” Thunderlane yelled down from above them.
“Piss off Thunderlane!” Dash yelled, still massaging Soarin’s wing.
“He’s right you know.” Soarin muttered.
“What?” Dash froze in surprise
“I was being sarcastic.” He said flatly. ”I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole. Oh wait already did.” He added after a moment even more dryly.
Dash punched him hard in the chest. “Don’t scare me like that.” She stopped massaging his wing and flapped her own wings a few times, gaining a little altitude. “When you finish up with the rain, come and meet me by the farm house over there.”
“Why?” Soarin asked.
“To get some pie. Duh.”
“That could be taken in two ways.” Soarin said with a snicker.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” Rainbow said, glaring at him intensely.
“Whatever.” Soarin chuckled, running a hoof through his wet mane.
 
With the prospect of pie on the cards, Soarin rushed to finish the job, bouncing gaily from cloud to cloud. Besides nearly crushing Doc several times, the deployment of the cloud cover went off without another hitch. Careening through the sky at a breakneck pace, Soarin raced towards the barn for his promised meal. Arriving at the front of the barn, he bucked the door open in a appropriately theatrical manner.
“Surrender the booty!” he cried, striking a flamboyant pose
“Wow, what’s gotten into you?” Rainbow Dash said dryly from a tall stack of hay.
“I’m a fan of food.” Soarin said simply. “We got good chow regularly with the Bolt’s. Thanks for breakfast by the way.”
“Don’t mention it fatty.” Dash said cheekily. “At the rate you were devouring those pancakes I’m going to need to make cuts elsewhere in the budget.”
“Lay off, I didn’t eat that many.”
“I heard that even Doc lost count how many went down your throat, is your stomach bigger on the inside of something?”
“High metabolism.” Soarin said dismissively. “Now where’s the pie, I was promised pie.”
“You’ll get your pie, be patient.” Rainbow said, stretching out on the massive haystack.
Soarin groaned and paced around the barn for a moment. Bored, he decided it would be an excellent time to play a trick on Dash. Stealthily he crept into the haystack, unnoticed by the napping cyan Pegasus on top. Climbing up the inside of the stack as quietly as he could, Soarin prepared to pounce on Dash from underneath her.
“RAAWR!” he yelled, leaping out the haystack like a quarry eel. Dash, however had rolled over and was no longer where he had anticipated she would be. Crashing down in an ungainly heap on the top of the haystack, Soarin felt the entire stack starting to tip as it became unbalanced. Dash yelped in surprise as the entire stack promptly tipped over, a tidal wave of hay covering the floor of the barn.
Naturally it was at this time that the food arrived.
Applejack swung the barn door open, her eyes widening as she took in the sight of the toppled haystack. Two blue heads poked out from the pile, one wearing an innocent grin and the other with a fierce glare.
“You’re fixin’ that.” She muttered angrily.
 
After Applejack had retreated, Soarin had wasted no time in tucking into the first pie. 
“Soarin, slow down. You’re making me sick.” Dash protested as he devoured the pie in a messy yet efficient manner.
“Nom nom nom, nom nom” Soarin mouthed back happily.
Dash sighed and continued eating her pie, albeit much slower.
“You know Soarin.” She said after a few minutes, “I think you’ve put me off pie for good. Thanks a lot you… you…” Her words died in her mouth as she slowly pushed the pie away.
“Genius?” Soarin finished for her.
“That’s not what I was going to say.” She huffed angrily. A mischievous smile replaced her scowl a moment later. “Hey Soarin, you want the rest of my pie?”
Soarin nodded happily, his mouth full of the delicious apple pie.
“Ok then.” Dash said, throwing the pie squarely at the side of his head., hitting home with a satisfying squelch.
“How could you do that?!?” Soarin yelled through his mouthful of pie. He glared at Dash. “Oh it’s on now.”
“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” Dash said with a smirk.
“This.” Soarin said. In a flash he had leaped on top of Dash, pinning her beneath him.
“EAT PIE, FIEND!” he yelled, shaking his head furiously from side to side. Chunks of pie started flying around the barn and most importantly, covered Dash with a gooey layer of apple filling.
Dash wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to scream as she was assaulted by pie.
“How’s that huh?” Soarin said, looking down at the helpless mare beneath him.
“You’re a dickhead you know that?” Dash said.
“I try my best.” Soarin said, panting slightly. His muzzle was mere inches away from Dash’s and now that she was covered in pie, she looked a lot more appealing than normal.
Dash’s eyes flickered from his to his mouth.
“You know what Thunderlane said before?” She said quietly, a lustful look on her face “He was definitely right.”
Soarin blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Celestia you’re thick.” Dash muttered, dropping the facade. Unnoticed by Soarin, she had manoeuvred her hoof around the last pie and now he was distracted, brought it down on the top of his head.
“Aww, not the mane!” Soarin cried out as the pie slid over his face, gloopy pieces sticking to his styled mane. He shook his head again, covering Rainbow Dash with another layer of pie chunks.
Again, Applejack, having a terrible sense of timing and no knowledge of the plot, had the misfortune to walk in at that moment. 
“Ah just forget to g-…: Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of the pie splattered interior of barn, the two pie covered pegasi and their somewhat intimate looking position.
“Ah’m not interrupting anythin’ am ah?” She said slowly.
“Trust me, this isn’t what it looks like.” Dash said from under Soarin.
“Ah don’t think ah want ta know what it looks like. I’ve seen some messed up things, but this is probably my new number one.” Applejack drawled, slowly backing out of the barn.
Rainbow stifled a giggle before she erupted with laughter. Waves of mirth breaking from her as she rolled around on the hay covered floor. The laughter was contagious as within moments Soarin had joined her.
“The look on her face!” Dash howled, her body convulsing with laughter. “Priceless! I would pay to see that again.”
“”Who’s a silly pony?” Soarin giggled.
“Applejack!” Rainbow chortled.
“Shame about the pie.” Soarin mumbled, bring his laughter under control. “I was still hungry.”
“Stop whinging you big softie.” Dash muttered, giving him a rough hug.
“None of that.” Soarin mumbled, pushing Dash off him.
“Aww, why not? Don’t you like being touched by mares?” she grinned knowingly
“No, I don’t like being hugged by smelly, pie covered mares who I don’t particularly like.” Soarin rebutted.
“Whatever happened to being nice?” Dash said, pouting. “I liked the nice Soarin.”
“I never said I’d be nice.” Soarin remarked irritably.
“Well you should be.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked nicely?”
“No.” Soarin said, already knowing he had lost.
“Because I asked really nicely?” Dash said, her infamous puppy dog eyes returning.
Soarin’s eyes narrowed. ‘Damn that’s cute.’ He thought. He shut his eyes so he wouldn’t see her.
“No.”
“I’ll give you another wing massage…” Dash said enticingly.
“No.”
“Why?”
Soarin opened an eye cautiously. She had stopped pouting and had a genuinely sad look on her face.
“Why are you so desperate?” he finally asked.
“Because I’ve learnt that having friends is one of the most amazing things you can have.” She said. “I have five amazing friends and they’ve changed my life for the better. Why won’t you give it a chance?
“Why do you want to be friends with me though?” Soarin asked. “I’ve disliked you since we met.”
“You liked me before.” Dash mumbled. “You even tried to ask me to a date once.”
“Is that what you want?” Soarin asked.
“What?! No! I’m over the whole dating thing. I don’t see the appeal in it anymore.”
“Then why have I woken up with you in my bed for the last two days?”
“Just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re a sexy hunk.” She said.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Soarin said after a moment.
“It was you dope.”
“That wasn’t.”
“Once again, your observational skills serve you well.” Dash said dryly.
“What’s the point Dash?” Soarin asked in frustration, a small gloop of pie falling off his ear.
“Just give it a shot okay? How about you drop past my place some time, we can have some food, I’ll get a projector from my friend and we can watch a movie. How does it sound?”
“Suspiciously like a date.” Soarin muttered.
“It’s not a date! Just friends okay.” She said, picking some hay off her face. “Pleeeeease?”
Soarin rolled his eyes and tried as hard as he could to glare at her. She gave him a cute smile.
“Alright fine. When are you suggesting this?”
“How does tomorrow night sound? You don’t have any plans do you?”
“Not that I can make up…” Soarin muttered.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Soarin mumbled
“So?”
“Fine… Tomorrow night is… good.” Soarin struggled out the last word. He almost felt like he was being pressured into this.
‘Oh wait, I am!’



> Dash's Dashing Dinner Décor
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
Chapter 4: Dash’s Dashing Dinner Décor
 
Soarin woke up with a start as something hit him on the snout.
“Merghpyphpg” he moaned, swatting the air with his hooves. “Go away.”
He was about to settle back into his slumber when another object bopped him on the snout.
“Whaaaat?” He said to the room in general. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking for the intruder.
Nothing. His room was empty.
Looking down, he saw a pair of small pebbles in front of his face.
“Huh...?” He muttered.
Another pebble sailed through the window and hit him on the leg causing him to yelp in surprise,
“WHAT?!” He yelled at the empty room.
“Come outside you lazy git.” A voice called through his window.
“Why?”
“Because you’re late.” The voice shot back.
“Alright, I’m coming, I’m coming.”
“Hurry it up!”
Soarin poked his head out the window and saw Doc sitting on the cloud beneath him.
“Mmmmm, What’s up Doc?” Soarin asked.
“You’re late.” Doc snapped
“For?” Soarin said dumbly.
“Work you stupid wanker.”
Soarin blinked dumbly a few times. “Oh yeah. Wait why are you here?”
“Because you didn’t show up to breakfast and you’re with me today.”
“Oh.” Soarin said disappointedly. “No breakfast then?”
“No, but we don’t have much to do this morning so you can go grab something to eat if you are hungry when we’re done.”
Soarin’s stomach growled loudly. It didn’t like missing meals.
“Later.” He whispered to it. “Promise.”
His stomach let out a strangled gurgle before settling down again.
“You can live without food for a little bit.” Soarin assured it.
It groaned back loudly in protest. 
“Are you talking to your stomach?!” Doc yelled from below his window.
“Maybe?” Soarin said, unsure if he was actually in possession of a sentient organ.
“Look, stop dicking around and get down here. I want to get this stuff done quickly.”
“Alright, alright!” Soarin muttered, gliding out the window. Doc flapped his wings and joined Soarin in the sky. He glared at Soarin before setting off towards the north.
“So…” Soarin said, trying to break the ice. “Bit of a funny name Doc.”
“Don’t start.” Doc said gruffly.
“Is Doc your name? I mean, just Doc.”
“Yes.”
“Cool.” Soarin said. His eyes wandered around aimlessly as the conversation abruptly ended.
“What about your cutie mark? It’s a bit of an odd one I must say.” Soarin said, pointing at the hourglass on his flank.
“It’s complicated.”
“How so?”
“I can’t really explain it too well. You’d have to ask my brother.”
“I see.” Soarin said, his curiosity aroused.  “Your brother sounds like an interesting pony, what does he do?”
“He runs the watchmakers shop, does a lot of fooling around with clockwork. He travels a lot, well not as much as he used to. He’s got quite a few interesting stories to tell if you’re keen. I warn you, you might want to keep an open mind if he starts telling about his adventures though...”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“In fact, when we’re done with the weather, we could go meet him if you want. He should be in today.”
“Sounds great.” Soarin said.
 
As Doc had predicted, the two of them had very quickly gotten through their assigned duties, leaving them jobless for several hours. Within two hours of being woken by Doc, Soarin had placated his angry stomach with a large meal and had followed Doc through Ponyville to his brother’s shop. The shop itself was nestled just off the main street through the town and was a small but friendly looking establishment. A small sign hung from the roof proudly bearing the name of the shop and an hourglass not unlike Doc's cutie mark. The front window was packed full of gizmos and other complicated pieces of machinery.
“Looks nice.” Soarin murmured.
“It gets better.” Doc said smugly.
Doc opened the front door, a small bell ringing out as the door swung open. Soarin’s eyes widened as he entered the shop.
The walls were covered with an amazing array of clocks and clockwork devices. The centre of the shop was dominated by a large, glass circular desk which had hundreds of intricate clockwork pieces on display. A quiet ticking noise permeated the shop as the devices clicked over; fulfilling whatever purpose they were designed for.
“It’s beautiful.” Soarin breathed.
“It gets quite a reaction out first time customers I hear.” Doc replied smugly. “Clockwork is an amazing thing, so beautiful and delicate, yet so useful. Every one of these devices you see has some use.”
“Amazing.”
“I’ll be just a minute!” A voice called from the back of the shop. It sounded identical to Doc’s.
“That’s odd, he sounds just like you.” Soarin said to Doc who was carefully examining a fragile device hanging from the wall.
“Wait for it…” Doc mumbled.
A brown earth pony trotted out from the back, a complicated array of magnifiers sitting on top of his head. Soarin’s jaw dropped in surprise. Bar the wings, the two ponies were identical.
“Sorry about that, just doing some urgent repair work for a customer out back.” He said as he trotted out. His eyes swivelled and focused first on Doc then Soarin.
“Hey, Doc. Good to see you.” He said to his doppelganger. “Who’s this?”
“Come on now Doctor, you should know him. He is famous after all.” Doc said with a smirk.
“Um, Hi. I’m Soarin.” Soarin said, looking between the two ponies.
“As in Soarin the Wonderbolt Soarin?”
“Indeed.”
“A pleasure meeting you, I’m The Doctor.”
“Okay that’s just even stranger.” Soarin said, his head spinning.
“What is?” They said in unison.
“Where do I start? You look the same, you talk the same, and you even have the same cutie mark. That’s pretty... odd. To say the least..” Soarin said uneasily.
The twins laughed in unison.
“It’s complicated.”
“Tell me about it.” Soarin muttered, rubbing his head.
“So, what brings you two to my humble shop?” The Doctor asked.
“We have a break from the Weather control, nothing is happening for another few hours so I thought I’d bring Soarin down here to meet you. He did seem ever so interested in hearing about us.”
“Fantastic, come with me. I just need to finish up out with this job out back. Maybe we can have a spot of tea as well, nothing like a good tea to get the synapses working!”
 Soarin shook his head and followed the jovial pony into the back of the shop.  A large workbench with a disassembled clock on top filled most of the space and a few chairs lay scattered around. A small kitchenette branched off the back wall. Much to Soarin’s surprise there was another pony there.
“Sorry about that Ms Sparkle, just some visitors.” The Doctor said, sitting down at the work bench again.
“That’s okay Doctor.” She said, turning to face the two stallions. Her eyes brightened.
“Doc! How nice to see you again. I haven’t seen you for awhile.” She said giving Doc a warm smile. “And Soarin is it? I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Yes ma’am. And you are?”
“I’m Twilight Sparkle, but please, call me Twilight.”
Soarin nodded, squeezing into the crowded area with some difficulty.
“I feel like I know you from somewhere. Have we met?” Soarin said, looking at Twilight.
“Not personally, no. I believe you know Rainbow Dash though, she's one of my good friends.”
“Well I hope you’re nothing like Rainbow Dash then.” Soarin remarked. “She’s a pain in the arse.”
Twilight scowled. “Rainbow can be a little hard to get used to, but she is a valued and loyal friend so please watch what you say bud."
Soarin bit back a retort at a wary look from the Doctor. Something told Soarin he wouldn’t tolerate the two ponies fighting in his shop.
“Sorry.” Soarin muttered.
“That’s alright.” Twilight said back, giving him a small smile. “Doctor, how long until you are done?”
“I’ll be just a moment Ms Sparkle.”
“For the seven-hundred and thirty-second time, please call me Twilight.” She said with a playful look.
“Whatever you say, Ms Sparkle.” The Doctor replied, not looking up from his work.
He tinkered with a few pieces, carefully slotting them together before replacing the housing over the top. “There we go, all finished.”
“Thank you, now if you Gentlecolts don’t mind, I have business to attend to.”
“Gentlecolts?” Soarin said quietly. “Certainly can’t be any of us she’s talking about.”
“I use the term loosely.” Twilight said snarkily, levitating the clock off the counter and walking towards the front of the shop. A quiet ringing announced that the unicorn had left the building.
“I swear I know her from somewhere.” Soarin muttered.
“You know her from that time in Can-.” Doc was cut off by a look from The Doctor.
“Not yet Doc.” He refocused his gaze on Soarin “So, Soarin. What else brings you here? Surely you’re interested in more than our just us.” The Doctor asked, replacing his bizarre headgear with a more normal set of reading glasses. For a reason Soarin couldn't describe, the glasses made him look indefinitely smarter.
“I was interested by your job. It sounds very cool.”
“Yes, I suppose you could say it is cool.” He responded with a smirk. He reached a shelf above him and pulled down a strange spider-like looking contraption. He wound a small lever on the side making the small machine bounce across the table top in rapid, small hops.
“A favourite seller of mine.” He remarked proudly as Soarin watched the machine bounce around erratically.
“What about this one?” Soarin asked reaching for a small ball.
“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you.” The Doctor said flatly.
“Why, what’ll ha- ARHGGH!” Soarin yelled as the ball expanded and clamped itself on his hoof.
“Told you.” The Doctor said with a hint of amusement.
“He doesn’t listen does he?” Doc said as he watched Soarin try to remove the ball.
“Little help maybe?” Soarin asked. Doc sighed and pressed a small button on the back of the ball, making it retract back into its original form.
“Thanks.” Soarin muttered, rubbing his hoof.
The two brown ponies shook their heads and smiled.
“So, what’s up with you two. Why are you…?”
“The same?” The Doctor finished.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to know something Soarin?”
“What.”
“You’re the second pony to ever ask that. Maybe no pony notices it, or maybe they just don’t care.”
“Your point?” Soarin asked.
“Just letting you know.” The Doctor replied.
“Anyway, We're not actually brothers. We use that as a cover story of sorts.” Doc said.
"Then when did you met each other?"
“It was awhile ago, after the best young fliers competition a few years back. You know the one where Rainbow Dash did a sonic rainboom.”
“She can do a sonic rainboom?” Soarin asked, mouth agape.
“Soarin, you were there.”
“I was?”
Doc raised an eyebrow at him. “You were one of the guest judges.”
“I… I… Don’t remember.”
“Hold on just a moment, I’ve got something here that might help.” The Doctor muttered. He leapt off his chair and walked over to a small door set in the back wall. Carefully, he unlocked the door and slipped inside. A few loud crashes and a few words best left unspoken came from the room as The Doctor rummaged around. Soarin’s eyes shot open with surprise as he heard a few splashes
“Got it!” He yelled out after a particularly loud splash.
“Let me guess, it was under the ancient archives section on the third floor of the library right next to the pool?” Doc yelled out.
“Yep!”
“What did I tell you about leaving stuff there?”
“It’s too close to the lip of the rock climbing wall, I know!”
"Maybe you could learn a thing or two from that librarian about organising your shit!"
"Too busy!" The Doctor yelled back
"To busy doing what ? Snogging her?"
"Hey that was one time and she slipped!"
"I know what I saw!" Doc called back.
"Shut up!"
Soarin looked at Doc incredulously, ignoring their somewhat friendly banter. “Rock climbing wall?”
“Don’t ask.” Doc said back with a grin.
The Doctor reappeared in the doorway. “Got it.” he said breathlessly.
“What?” Soarin asked, deciding it would be best for his brain to not try to figure out why The Doctor was soaking wet.
“Recording of the competition. I don’t have a projector here though, well, not one I easily bring out here at least.”  He said, throwing the casing at Soarin. “Hang on to it. Watch it when you get the chance.”
“Right, thanks.” Soarin said, deftly catching the metal cylinder. He looked at it closely, wondering what memories it would hold.
The Doctor shook himself dry, his spiky mane flying chaotically in all directions.
“Right, where was I?”
“Something about a competition.” Soarin mumbled, staring at the film canister.
“Oh yes, well what happened was-.” The Doctor started
“-some artist chose-.” Doc continued, taking over.
“-to use an exact clone-.”
“-of him except he was me and I had wings-.” Doc continued.
“-so he competed in the competition and much to his surprise after the competition had ended-.”
“-I found him. I mean, found The Doctor as I was him so I did what he would have done. The fact that two of me existed-.”
“-should be impossible but we’re not complaining.” The Doctor finished.
“Pretty cool right?” They said in unison, both wearing stupid grins.
Soarin narrowed his eyes and put a hoof on his head.
“What the heck? Do you two-.”
“Always finish-.”
“-each other’s sentences?”
“Yes.” Soarin groaned. “Please for the sake of my sanity, don’t do that again.”
“Okay.” The two said in unison.
“ So… Let me get this right. You’re,” Soarin said, pointing at Doc.” A clone of him.” He said, moving to point at The Doctor.
“Exactly.”
“But how?” Soarin said confusedly.
“As I said, an artist used an exact copy of me but with wings. Simple see? I still don’t know whether they were being lazy or if it was merely an oversight though.”
“No! Not simple!” Soarin cried. "What artist, who made you? I don't understand!"
“I don’t think he understands.” The Doctor whispered to his doppelganger, oblivious to Soarin's discomfort.
“The pink one understood fine though.” Doc shot back.
“She’s special. She knew of the conditions for the existence of our reality and of the great Studio-B overlords before we told her. Maybe this isn’t common knowledge like we thought.”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE TWO ON ABOUT?!” Soarin yelled.
The two brown ponies looked at each other.
“How about we forget this conversation ever happened? It will be much easier that way.”
Soarin frowned, he felt like whatever the twins had tried to explain was being hastily covered up.
“What the hell, deal.” He said. “Just don’t ever talk about what you were talking about.”
“It’s settled then. We won’t talk about that wall over there and anything to do with it as long as you don’t ask us why or how we’re clones.”
Soarin spun around. “What wall?”
“Exactly.” Doc said. “Now shhh.”
“What?” Soarin said, thoroughly confused.
“There is no need to be upset.” Doc said, patting him gently on the back.
“I’m not upset…” Soarin said slowly.
“Excellent! I’ll make some tea then.” The Doctor cried out, disappearing into the small kitchenette.
 
 Thankfully for Soarin, the twins didn’t bring up any more mind shattering topics and after tea was served, The Doctor deigned to tell Soarin about some ridiculous adventure he had gone on years ago.
“Now I’m not saying it was aliens. But aliens.” The Doctor said, holding his forehooves out in front of him.
“Bullshit.” Soarin said. “Aliens don’t exist.”
“Think what you want, but I say aliens.” The Doctor said, waving dismissively.
“Hate to break this lovely argument of yours, but we are supposed to be getting back to… Yikes! An hour ago! So, maybe we could wrap this up quickly? Rainbow Dash doesn’t appreciate tardiness. Bloody hypocrite she is.” Doc muttered under his breath.
Soarin shot up off his chair. He didn’t particularly want to face an angry Rainbow Dash either.
“Nice meeting you Doctor, maybe you can finish that story of yours sometime.”
“You can count on it.” The Doctor replied, lifting his mug of tea up. “Doc, make sure you drop in sometime when you have the chance, there’s something I need to chat to you about.”
“It’s not about... that is it?” he said motioning to the back door with his head.
“Indeed.” The Doctor said with a nod. “Now shoo, don’t want your boss to rip your wings off now do you?”
“Nope!” Doc said, making his way back through the shop, Soarin on his heels.
“He was joking about the wing ripping right?” Soarin asked as they rushed outside.
“He’s kidding. Rainbow Dash would never rip our wings off.”
Soarin face turned to one of relief.
“She’d obviously kick us in the balls.” Doc finished, watching with amusement as Soarin suddenly cringed.
 
 “And where do you think you’ve been?” Rainbow Dash asked angrily. “I had to come over here and do your work for you.”
“Umm…Sorry?” Soarin said, discretely covering his gentlecolts area.
“Don’t let it happen again.” She said gruffly, her wings snapping open in irritation.
“Yes ma’am.” Soarin said.
“Drop the ma’am shit.” Dash snapped. “Now you two get back at it. No more screw ups okay?” She flared her wings again and flew back towards the south.
“We’re lucky right?” Soarin asked Doc.
“You have no idea.” Doc said. “She would normally go ape-shit if one of us slacked off on duty.”
“Doesn’t she do that all the time though? Slack of I mean.” Soarin asked, remembering the supervisor’s words from a few days ago.
“She’s got double standards.” Doc muttered rolling his eyes. “Just deal with it.”
Soarin grumbled loudly but complained no further.
“I’m going to catch a whole lot of shit for that tonight.” Soarin mumbled.
"What's happening tonight?"
"Dash invited me over for dinner and a movie." Soarin grumbled.
"How romantic."
"It's not a date." 
"That's bollocks. It's a date."
"It's not a date okay!"
"Whatever you say lover-boy." Doc said winking at him. 
"Thank you!" Soarin said exasperated.
"Just try to keep it down this time will ya?" Doc laughed, flying away before Soarin could catch him.
 
Luckily for the two stallions, the rest of the afternoon passed without incident and before long, Soarin found himself unwillingly in front of Rainbow Dash’s cloud home. While the house was beautiful, Soarin personally thought the building was a brash and arrogant overstatement. He knocked on the door, hoping for some reason that Rainbow would have called off their dinner date-that-somehow-wasn’t-a-date. Lady Luck was elsewhere however and much to his disappointment, Rainbow opened the door, a smug expression on her face.
“Good to see you Soarin, thought you mightn’t show up after what happened this afternoon. Good for you though, I’d have to beat your arse tomorrow if you haven't have shown up.”
“Oh my arse has had enough pounding from you already thanks.” Soarin remarked wryly. He passed a casual look over the inside of Rainbow’s house, getting his first good look  at the house’s interior.
“Welcome. Make yourself at home.” Dash said, inviting him inside.
“Roomy.” Soarin remarked, looking up at the high ceilings.
“Your observation skills serve you well once again Captain Obvious.” Rainbow Dash remarked snarkily. 
“That’s Commander Obvious to you.”
“Whatever, I’ll be right back; I just have to go get the projector from Twilight. I’ll be back in a few minutes okay? Just make yourself comfortable.” She zoomed out the door in a blur of rainbow.
“Thanks.” Soarin mumbled. He walked around the room, noting the numerous pieces of Wonderbolt’s merchandise around. A signed poster of the team hung proudly next to a framed pair of flight goggles. A small photo at the front of a table caught his attention. Picking it up gingerly, Soarin noticed it was a picture of him and Rainbow Dash, dancing by the looks of it. She was wearing an elegant flowing rainbow dress while Soarin was in the standard Wonderbolt dress uniform.
 
‘Looking good Dash!’

Soarin smiled as a flash of memory came back to him. He admired the picture for another moment before placing it down again and moving to the next piece of memorabilia.. A small thought rose up in the back of his mind as he admired Dash's décor. ‘Could they have been friends?’ he wondered silently. ’More maybe?’. He shuddered. It felt strange thinking of himself from a third-person perspective, He looked again at the suavely dressed stallion in the picture. He felt like a completely different pony. He certainly wasn’t that dancing stallion who was enjoying time with Rainbow.  His grin turned into a scowl, regardless of what he had once thought of Rainbow Dash, his thoughts of her now were different.
“I see you found my collection.”
Soarin looked around, surprised he had been caught off-guard so easily. Rainbow Dash was in the door, a large projector grasped in her legs. She plopped it on the floor softly before bouncing happily next to Soarin.
“It’s quite a stash.” Soarin remarked. “You seem like quite the fan of the squadron.”
Rainbow Dash oulet t a tiny squee, quickly regaining her composure before she slipped into fangirl mode. She took in a deep breath to steady herself. “I admire you guys a lot. You’re my inspiration and my ambition.”
“You want to join the Wonderbolts?”
“You have no idea.” Rainbow said, bouncing up and down a little on the cloud.
Soarin nodded. “Good luck.”
Rainbow nodded and smiled. “Thanks.”
The two stood there for a few moments, lost in thought. Soarin felt a strange comradely connection with her that he hadn't felt a few minutes before.
“Enough of this, I declare dinner.” Rainbow Dash announced cheerfully. ”And a movie.”
“If it’s one of those mareflicks I’m not going to go kill myself.” Soarin said with a pout.
Rainbow smirked at him. “Do I really look like one to get a mareflick?”
“Maybe?”
 
“A rom-com? Seriously?” Soarin asked as he sat down with a plate of food. “I thought someone like you would be more into ‘Celestial Wars’ or a ‘Daring Doo’ film”
Dash shrugged. “It’s a good film and I haven’t seen it for a while. Besides, Georgian Lucas really messed up the last Daring Doo film adaptation. I mean Daring sheltering in a fridge? That’s just ridiculous. And no matter what he says, Han shot first.”
“Han did shoot first.” Soarin agreed, chomping down on a large potato.
“Exactly, now shut up.” Dash said as the projector whirred into life.
Soarin muttered under his breath but obediently shut up and watched the movie. It was a typical rom-com; two likeable characters apparently made for each other and kept apart by some complicating circumstance. Soarin lost track of the plot early on, not really caring what was happening or why. He grinned slightly as he boredly watched the two leads argue over something or other.
“So this is what I don’t get” Rainbow Dash piped up. “She’s angry with him for cheating on her with another mare, but he still likes her so why does it matter?”
“I’m going to hazard a guess here, but could it be because cheating on your partner is wrong?” Soarin said obviously.
“Well, yeah, but he still likes her so what’s the big deal? I don’t understand why ponies get so worked up with the apparent emotional attachments that go with having a fling.”
“Huh?”
“Sex comes with too many emotional attachments. I mean, sure he still shouldn’t have done it but I see nothing wrong with having a good roll in the hay every now and then.
“Says the one who I’ve woken up next to twice in the past three days.”
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Rainbow shot back. “It wasn’t bad for me.”
Soarin raised an eyebrow. “I thought you would have rather have forgotten about it.”
Rainbow shrugged. “It was a little weird at first cause you know, you’re well… you. But really in honesty, I don’t see the big fuss that ponies make about it. It was fun and I don’t feel any different about it.”
“Are you calling yourself easy?” Soarin joked. He immediately regretted it as Rainbow punched him hard in the chest.
“I didn’t say that!” Dash scowled, punching him a few more times for good measure. “I just don’t see the need for emotional attachments; it’s just a natural thing that ponies do.”
“So you’re all for casual sex?”
“If you want to put it that way, yes.” Rainbow Dash said, leaning over backwards to look at him. “Haven’t you ever felt the need for a more physical connection without emotional attachments?”
“I’ve had a few one night stands in my time.” Soarin admitted grudgingly.
“Horny bastard.” Dash said with a smirk.
“Hey!”
“I’m kidding; the point is they feel good right? It just feels… natural, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t think natural is quite the right word there, but I see where you’re coming from.”
“I mean, I’m sure it could be nice to be in a more ‘normal’ relationship, but I’ve never had any success in that department.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Soarin remarked, surprised that he actually meant it.
“Yeah…” Dash mumbled. “What about you? Anypony special in your life?”
“Not that I can remember.” Soarin said sadly. It occurred to him that if he had been in a relationship, he wouldn’t remember it.
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
The conversation petered out, the movie still running although neither was really paying attention at this point.
“Soarin.” Rainbow Dash asked, pulling herself a little closer.
“Yes?”
“You don’t really like me do you?”
“Soarin hesitated for a moment. “You could say I’m warming. But that might be overstating it a bit I think.”
“I want to propose something.” Dash said, disregarding his response.
“What?”
She looked around awkwardly. “I’m sure how to really say this…”
“Just spit it out.” Soarin said, unsure if he liked where this was going.
“This conversation we just had… got me thinking…
“Uh oh she’s thinking, this is bad.”
Rainbow scowled but continued “I want to try something... a casual relationship… one without emotional attachments.”
“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
“I don’t know, am I suggesting what you think I'm suggesting?”
Soarin rolled his eyes. “Are you suggesting that we be friends with benefits?”
“Yes.” She said, her eyes betraying her eagerness.
“You serious? Soarin asked, his ears perking up slightly.
“Why not? It’ll be fun.”
“I don’t really like you."
“Then it works out perfectly.”
“We’re not even friends.” Soarin countered.
“Then we can be co-workers with benefits.”
Soarin stared at her for a moment.
“You’re seriously suggesting I start a de-facto, casual relationship with a mare that I’ve only known for three days and would describe my feelings for as ‘frosty’ at best.”
“Yes.” Dash said.
Soarin was silent for a moment.
“And you expect me to say yes to this crazy idea?”
“Yes. Okay, maybe not expecting, hoping.”
Soarin was silent again.
“Why me?” He finally asked.
Dash bit her lip. “I don’t know. Because you’re here, because you’re hot and because you have no idea how many fantasies I’ve had about you banging my brains out.”
“What?” Soarin.said, slightly taken aback.
“Forget that last one actually.”
Soarin stared at her for what felt like minutes, his brain ticking over slowly.
“So…?” Dash asked.
Soarin stared blankly at her. This night had gotten a lot more interesting.
“So I guess we should just start.” He said awkwardly, unsure of how they should go about this.
Dash grinned. “You, Bedroom. Now.”
“What’s wrong with the couch?” Soarin objected, patting the fluffy lounge underneath him.
“My room has better lighting and since we’re not even friends, I don’t have to worry about whether I look bad or not.”
“But you’re good looking, you’ve go-“Soarin started to say but he was cut off.
“Ah nannaanana. Shhh. That sounds like it could be emotionally supportive. Lock that down.” Dash said, trotting up to her bedroom.
“Your arse is too tight and your mane smells.” Soarin said, changing his angle of thought.
“Much better!” Dash yelled offhandedly.
‘This will be... interesting.’ Soarin thought, a small grin appearing on his face.
 
 
“And then I banged her brains out.” Soarin said simply, moving a cloud a few meters to the left.
“Boy, that escalated quickly.” Thunderlane said, wide eyed. “I mean, that got out of hoof real fast.”
“Yeah, I suppose so.” Soarin said, thinking about how rapidly last night had escalated.
“But friends with benefits? Really? That never works out.”
Soarin shrugged. “Whatever happens, I don’t care. I’m only getting good things out of it.”
“Horny bastard.” Thunderlane muttered.
“Hey!” Soarin objected.
“Look, I’m telling you now it won’t work out.”
“You sound so sure.”
“I am.” Thunderlane asserted smugly. “I know Rainbow Dash. It’ll never work out.”
“She’s different to most other mares.”
“I know she is.” Thunderlane said boredly.
“Then what’ll happen? She doesn’t like me and I sure as hell don’t like her.”
“Give it time...” Thunderlane said, trimming a large cloud down to size with a few quick movements.
“And nothing will ever happen.” Soarin said confidently.
Thunderlane was silent, a large grin plastered on his face.
"What?" Soarin asked, "No counter, no comeback?"
Thunderlane shook his head.
"Then why are you grinning?"
"Because you're afraid."
"Of?"
"You're afraid that you might end up liking Dash!"
"Bullshit, I'd never like her, definitely not my type."
Thunderlane chuckled knowingly.
"We'll see."
 


> A Mission and a Menace
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have Benefits: Chapter 5
        A Mission and a Menace

“So what now?” Soarin asked, lazily flopping back on a cloud. He and Thunderlane had spent the best part of the day bringing an unscheduled bank of cirrus clouds under control. While the thin wispy clouds had proved little challenge for the experienced weather operator and the rookie, the sheer amount of cloud that had unexpectedly shown up had exhausted the both of them.
“Nap sounds good right about now.” Thunderlane muttered, flopping down a cloud a few meters away.
“Lazy arse.” Soarin admonished.
“Give me a break, I’ve been clearing those clouds for the past five hours while you’ve been doing is playing around with your dick or something.” Thunderlane retorted, yawning loudly.
Soarin rolled his eyes, Thunderlane had turned out to be an endless source of dick jokes.
“Thanks, nice to know my help is appreciated.”
“Whatever Soarin.” Thunderlane mumbled before closing his eyes. A few minutes later, the quiet sound of snoring emerged from his makeshift cloud bed.
Soarin sighed and flopped his head back onto the cloud. ‘Guess a nap couldn’t hurt...’ . His eyes drooped shut, fatigue overcoming his will to stay awake. As he snoozed, he was oblivious to the whirring of a gyrocopter drawing closer, nor did he see the demented grin of its pilot.

Soarin could feel something was wrong, the cloud under him wasn’t soft and fluffy, it was hard and unyielding. Celestia’s bright sun no longer shone down on him and the air felt too cold. His eyes snapped open in panic; much his surprise, he was inside what appeared to be a bakery. The room was pitch black, the only source of illumination was from a solitary candle on top of a delicious looking, expertly crafted cake. The small pool of light provided no sense of comfort as it cast menacing shadows around the bakery. Small flutters of movement came from around the edge of the room, further increasing the growing sense of unease in Soarin’s mind.
”Hey sleepy head.” A bubbly yet dangerous voice came from the shadows. 
The owner materialised out of the darkness next to the cake, her normally pink coat was a sickly shade of red that reminded Soarin awfully of blood. She appeared to be hiding something sinister Soarin couldn’t see in her forehooves. 
“Pinkie?” Soarin said uneasily, his legs shaking slightly, whether that was from the cool draft or the off putting scene, he wasn’t sure. Picking himself off the cold floor where he had been lying, “What’s going on?” He asked with uncertainty.
“Well when I said I was planning a ‘Welcome to Ponyville.’ party for you I was being super serious. I mean really super-duper serious. I mean, who would joke about parties like that anyway?” She shook her head seriously. “Really serious business. So when you ran away and didn’t want to be friends and have lots of fun at your super awesome patented Pinkie party, I got sad. Really sad. That got me thinking. Who wouldn’t want an awesome party? Big Meanies like you who don’t like having fun and don’t deserve parties!” She moved a hoof in front of her, revealing a wickedly sharp knife. 
Soarin gulped and backed away.. “I-I-I like fun! I love parties.”
“You’re just saying that.” Pinkie shot back, her wide smile still in place. She advanced towards Soarin, Knife clenched between her teeth. Her mane was rapidly losing its puffiness in a way that Soarin would have found comical if the situation had been less horrifying.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?” Soarin asked nervously as she advanced on him.
“Something I should have done when I met you...” She growled, transferring the knife to a hoof.
‘Oh shit, this can’t be happening, No no no no no!. I’m too young to die, I have too much to do! Achieve my dream... wait did that... Fall helplessly in love... Wait... did that too... Drink a town dry, well there was that one time in Dodge Junction....Shit... Well getting stabbed to death by an insane pink mare was’’t on the list!’  He thought desperately as Pinkie advanced upon him. Panic overcoming him, Soarin’s knees buckled and he was reduced to a cowering, quivering wreck. He shut his eyes and waited for the end, waited for the pain of cold steel slipping between his ribs.
It never came.
Instead a blinding flash of light even visible through his shut eyelids and a deafening yell of “SURPRISE!” enveloped him.
‘Oh now she’s going to... Wait what?’

Soarin cracked open an eye cautiously, the previously dark room was now awash with light. The curtains had been pulled back, inviting in the suns warm glow. Dozens of ponies stood around the edge of the room, looking at the cowering Soarin curiously. 
“Surprise!” Pinkie yelled belatedly, deftly spinning the knife around and offering it to Soarin hilt first. 
“A-a-a party?” Soarin asked dumbfounded. 
“Uh-huh!” Pinkie said, nodding so fast Soarin was sure he head would fly off and buzz about the room.
“But- the creepy room, the knife... Your insane look.” Soarin said, lifting his head up.
“The room was creepy because all the lights were off, the knife is to cut the cake and I couldn’t help having a bit of fun while I was at it!” Pinkie buzzed happily.
Soarin swore quietly. It all made sense now. “You call that a joke?” He yelled, “I almost needed to get a new pair of pants!”
“You’re not wearing pants.” Pinkie pointed out.
“That’s not the point. Don’t do that again!” Soarin yelled. He hadn’t realised that all the other ponies in the room were staring as he gave Pinkie a piece of his mind.
“Of course I’d never do it again, I mean why would I throw a second ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party? I can’t welcome you twice, that would be like a re-welcome or a second coming party.”
Soarin’s eye twitched as once again, Pinkie completely missed the point.
‘Stay calm... Stay calm...’ He thought as the pink pony bounced up and down in front of him, the knife jiggling around dangerously in her mouth.
“So do you like it?” Pinkie asked, oblivious to Soarin’s displeasure.
“It’s...” Soarin said, his eye twitching madly. He was aware of the anticipation building in the room.
“Your eye is all funny!” Pinkie said, flicking her head back. The knife flew out of her mouth and embedded itself perfectly in the cake. A few quiet murmurs broke out from the crowd. “But you like it right?” She asked, her eyes tearing up.
“It’s... Great.” Soarin said grunted through his teeth, finally bringing his eye’s twitching under control. ‘Let’s get this shit over with...’ he thought, putting a fake smile one would have if their tea had salt instead of sugar but were too polite to point it out.
“Woooh! Let’s get this party started!” Pinkie yelled out enthusiastically, buying Soarin’s blatantly fake reaction. She then proceeded to complete a backwards cartwheel whilst putting a needle down on a record on a record player, blasting loud music across the bakery. Soarin cringed slightly as the loud, obnoxious music assailed his ears. ‘This would be fun... If I was deaf.’ he thought sourly.

Within the hour the party was in full swing, several more ponies, including the rest of the weather, team had arrived. Dozens of ponies, mostly ones Soarin didn’t know, or didn’t want to know; chatted, danced, or stuffed themselves with the seemingly endless supply of goodies that Pinkie was churning out. Soarin had forced himself into a corner, both to avoid being snuck up on, and to avoid The Pink Menace as much as he could. He watched with muted interest as a pair of stallions, a snow white pegasus and a deep red earth pony, hoof wrestled a few tables away. A small crowd had gathered to watch and place bets on the competing heavy weights. Soarin was glad he wasn’t fighting, he was sure that despite his athletic background he was sure either one of the hulking brutes could have literally turned him into paste. 
For the most part though, the majority of the partygoers ignored Soarin, or at least decided to ignore Soarin after any attempts of conversation resulted in being virtually being stone walled. For the seventeenth time, Soarin wondered if he could make a break for it and hope nopony would see him escape but immediately dismissed it as foolish. Anytime he left his sheltered alcove, he was instantly accosted by Pinkie Pie. Even after he had just seen her walk into the kitchen, she would appear in front of him with a platter of cupcakes or drinks. Just the thought of that mare made his head hurt. 
Soarin spotted Flitter and Cloud Chaser sitting at a table talking with Thunderlane, hastily averting his gaze when Cloud Chaser gave him a wink from across the room. 
‘Here’s trouble.’ he thought when he spotted a rainbow mane belonging to his friend-that-really-wasn’t-really-his-friend bobbing through the crowd towards him. He shrunk back a little, hoping she wouldn’t see him.
No luck.
“Hey Soarin, nice party Pinkie has thrown for you right?” She asked, spotting the stallion.
Soarin inwardly sighed, besides the music it was a nice party. Perhaps it would be more enjoyable if he wasn’t continually being harassed by mares or being threatened with sharp knives wielded by an insane pink pony.
“It’s alright I guess.” He said as Rainbow Dash slid down next to him. She eyed him playfully.
“Lighten up a little. You’ll have more fun that way.” She tugged his hoof. “Come dance with me.”
Soarin flashed a ‘You’ve gotta be kidding me’ look at her.
“No.”
“Come on you fun sponge.”
“No.”
“Urgh, I can just feel you sucking all the fun out of the air!” She complained.
“You’re pretty good at feeling me if I recall correctly.” 
She punched him hard on the shoulder. 
“Enough with the innuendo.” She growled.
“It’s enough when I say it’s enough.” Soarin said, rubbing his shoulder where she had hit him.
“Whatever, now come dance.”
“I’m not nearly drunk enough to consider dancing.”
Rainbow procured two bottles of beer out of nowhere. 
“Good enough?”
“How did you do that?”
“Not important.”
Soarin wrinkled his nose up. “I’m not a fan of beer.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Frankly, I find most beer like making love in a canoe.”
Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow.”Making love in a canoe?”
“Yes. It’s fucking close to water.” Soarin replied, the corners of his mouth tilting upwards.
Dash chuckled lightly. “Funny. But do you know what?”
“What?” Soarin asked cautiously.
“I don’t care, now come dance!” She said, dragging Soarin roughly to his hooves. She pushed him to the crowded dance floor and started dancing to the party track on. Soarin stood dumbly and looked at her.
“Comeon filly! Dance!” She yelled above the music.
“I don’t know how.” Soarin mumbled.
“Bullshit, I’ve seen you dance.”
“I don’t remember how.” Soarin corrected himself.
“Here, I’ll show you!” Dash yelled taking his hoof in hers. She clumsily led him through a few moves, most of which Soarin thought were just a ridiculous mix of shaking, head banging or waving his legs around like an idiot.
“You sure this is dancing?” He yelled.
“Pretty sure!” Dash yelled back, her eyes beaming brightly. 
“I feel like an idiot!” Soarin yelled.
“You look like one too!” 
Soarin laughed, despite all odds he was actually enjoying himself. His sudden change in demeanour did not go unnoticed by his prismatically coloured friend. 
“Told ya, you just have to lighten up a bit!” 
“Who’s lightening up?” Pinkie Pie asked, suddenly appearing between them. She was bouncing up and down to the beat on her tail like it was a pogo stick. Soarin chose to ignore this physics defying feat.
“Soarin. Told him he had to lighten up!” Dash yelled. “And look at him go!”
Pinkie giggled at Soarin’s ‘dancing’ before looking up for a moment, as if she was trying to remember something important. 
“Oh yeah! There’s a pony here to see you Dashie! Looks like somepony who isn’t much fun. He wouldn’t even try my cupcakes!”
“A tragedy, I’m sure.” Soarin said sarcastically, remembering a sickeningly sweet cupcake he tried earlier. 
“A terrible, awful, catastrophic tragedy!” Pinkie said, oblivious to his sarcasm.
Dash thanked Pinkie and pushed her way through the crowd towards the stranger. 
“Any idea who he is?” Soarin asked Pinkie, aware that he was living dangerously.
“Well, he had a badge that said Weather Service, so I don’t know, maybe he’s with the dry cleaners.” Pinkie remarked dryly, rolling her eyes.
Soarin made a disgusted sound and left to follow Dash through the crowd. He’d rather fight a Hydra with a feather duster than stay near Pinkie.
“It’s not fair.” he muttered to Dash as he caught up to her.
“What?”
“Pinkie is totally immune to sarcasm yet uses it herself.” Soarin complained.
“She’s like that.” Dash retorted.
Soarin harrumphed loudly. “Still doesn't make it fair.”
“Soarin, stop bitching and shut up.”
The stallion they had been directed too looked like a typical pen pusher. Slick mane, expensive accessories, he had it all. He even emanated an aura of self-superiority.
“This’ll be fun.” Dash muttered crossly. “Wonder what he wants us to do now. I’m guessing shoving a cloud up that massive arse of his isn’t it though.”
Soarin shook his head Her absolute lack of diplomacy skills didn’t surprise him.
“Rainbow Dash I presume?” The businesspony asked snidely.
She nodded.
“Do you mind if we take this outside? It’s a bit...” He wrinkled his nose disapprovingly. “Loud in here. You can bring your lackey with you.” he said gesturing at Soarin. He gave the room one more condescending look before stepping outside. 
“Lackey?” Soarin growled. “Does he even know who I am?”
“He probably doesn’t care, he’s above you on the chain of command and that’s all he cares about.” Rainbow said with a shrug “Now come lackey!” She yelled, slapping Soarin’s flank.
Soarin glared at her but she was already outside and didn’t suffer the wrath of his baleful gaze.
“She’s gonna pay for that...”

“Okay, what’s up? I never get one of you...” Soarin hoped she chose her next words carefully. “Administrative, people out here unless you need our help. So it must be something important. you want us to do” Dash crossed her hooves and gave the stallion a less than friendly look.
“I represent the manufacturing division of the Equestrian Weather Service and you are correct in your assumption Ms. Dash, we do require your assistance..” He purred.
“What happened now, a few little clouds go rogue or something?” Dash sneered dismissively.
“No, due to an unforeseen fault in a new experimental prototype, lets just say... We have a small problem. Nothing your little team couldn’t handle though I’m assured.”
“And why have you come to us? There are plenty of teams on Cloudsdale better suited for this task.”
“The company has sunk a considerable amount of time and money into this prototype, If word of this little accident got out, it could cause a lot of bad publicity. Something we don’t particularly want to deal with. Your team is small enough and out of the way enough that we could use you without raising any suspicion in Cloudsdale. In addition, if one of you did blab, this little hamlet is small enough that no harm would come from it.”
Rainbow Dash glared at him as he smirked.
“What’s in it for us?” Soarin asked.
“You will be well imbursed for your service, I assure you.”
Both Soarin and Dash perked up slightly.
“Alright, what do we have to do?” Rainbow asked.
“Follow the directions in this envelope, and dispose of it after reading.” He pulled a small brown envelope out of his briefcase and handed it to Rainbow Dash. 
“Now if we are done here, I must leave. I have more important business that doesn’t concern rabble like you.” 
Rainbow Dash growled, eliciting another smirk from the businesspony.
“Good evening.” he said snidely, tipping his hat before taking off, making a beeline towards the Capital.
“Wow, what an arsehole.” Soarin said. 
“Tell me about it.” Rainbow muttered, tucking the envelope under a wing. 

“Ok, what’s going on? I totally had it with that mare back at the party.” Thunderlane complained.
“The only thing you were going to get Thunderlane, was a kick to the face.” Rainbow growled.
“Oh please, she was all over me.” Thunderlane insisted.
“Thunderlane, shut up.” Soarin barked. 
“Who put you in charge?” 
“Thunderlane, shut the hell up. Now.” Dash ordered. 
“Fine...” He mumbled. 
“Anyway, back at it... What’s happening? You kind of got us together in a rush.” Doc asked trying to get the conversation re-railed.
Dash ran a hoof through her mane before she continued. 
“Shit’s broken and they need us to fix it because we’re awesome or something. More or less some idiot cranked the controls on a new prototype up to eleven without reading the manual and now it’s broken and spewing clouds everywhere. Mr. Head-up-his-arse-so-high-it-goes all-the-way-through is apparently going to reward us for doing this discretely, so don’t blab to everpony about it ok? If you need to know anything else, just have a look through this file which never existed.” She threw the now unsealed envelope on the ground.
“Those machines have manuals?” Flitter asked, looking down at the brown envelope.
Rainbow Dash ignored her.
“So are you guys in or will I have to force you to go?”
The others all nodded their heads in approval.
“I’m down.”
“We’re in.” Cloud Chaser and Flitter said together.
“Let’s have a go at it!”
They all turned to look at Soarin, who hadn’t said anything. He flashed a small grin.
“I’m in, we’re getting paid just to get rid of a few harmless clouds right, how bad could it be?”

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” Doc yelled from the back of their loose formation.
“Sure I’m sure.” Rainbow Dash yelled back, pulling out the map supplied in the documents. Using the newly risen moon and stars for guidance, she pointed their approximate location out. 
“See, right where we should be!” she thrust the map in Doc’s face.
“Well you’ve done something wrong, because there’s nothing here.” Doc snapped. He lowered the map and gestured to open countryside. None of the pegasi had seen any signs of civilisation for the last few hours and the desolate landscape bearing no signs of any form of facility they expected the device to be in.
“And don’t you think if this was spewing clouds everywhere, we’d see them by now?” Thunderlane piped up.
“Are you saying I can’t navigate?”
“I’m saying we’re lost.” Thunderlane said snidely.
“We’re not lost. Being lost isn’t about knowing where you are, it’s about knowing where you aren’t. And I don’t give a shit where we aren’t.”
“I’m not sure if that’s incredibly profound or not.” Soarin muttered, his eyes scanning the sky for anything out of the ordinary. He shook his head, his vision slightly fuzzy. He frowned when the effect didn’t pass.
“Hey is it just me or does the horizon look kinda... fuzzy.” Soarin asked.
Nopony heard him, they were too caught up in the petty argument between Doc and Rainbow Dash about the ability of mares to read maps and navigate.
Soarin let out an exasperated sigh and took a few flaps towards the strange haze. 
“WHOA!” He cried out in surprise as a swirling mass or grey cloud suddenly appeared in front of him. He instinctively backpedalled and the massive cloud vanished.
“You guys see that?” He yelled out.
“See what?” Flitter asked.
“Big... Huge... Grey...Cloud thingy.”
“Sentences. Use them.” Doc snapped.
“There was a big huge cloud right there.” Soarin insisted, pointing his hoof at thin air. 
“There’s nothing there mate.”  Thunderlane said in a tone that made it quite clear that he thought Soarin had finally gone mad.
“How could you not see it! It was right there!” Soarin insisted. 
“How much did you have to drink at the party?”
“Shut up Thunderlane.” Soarin growled. 
“It was right here!” Soarin stated, flying back to where he had seen the cloud. 
What he had not expected though was the sudden cry of surprise from the rest of the weather team.
“Soarin!”
“Where’d he go?!”
Soarin spun back around. “I’m right here!” He yelled.
“Soarin, where did you go?” Rainbow Dash yelled back.
“I just flew a few metres forward.” Soarin yelled, the cloud rubbing up against his tail menacingly.
“We can’t see you!”
“Well come towards my voice then!” 
Rainbow looked from side to side before ploughing headfirst towards where she had last heard Soarin’s voice.
Predictably, she crashed headfirst into him, sending them both tumbling across the cloud strewn sky.
“Celestia damn it, I didn’t mean literally come at me.” Soarin snapped as they ploughed into a cloud. Several large bolts of lightning erupted harmlessly into the sky from the unstable storm cell.
“Sorry.” Dash muttered, trying to free herself from the tangle fo limbs they were in.
“Sheesh you guys, get a room. You’re alone for less than a second and you’re all over each other.” Thunderlane teased as the others landed more gracefully on the angry looking cloud next to them.
“Thunderlane, shut the hell up.” Dash growled, untangling her hind legs from around Soarin’s neck. The look she was giving the grey pegasus was positively murderous.
“Shutting up ma’am.” Thunderlane responded meekly.
“Keep it that way.” Dash muttered, leaping off Soarin and shaking herself off.
“Okay, what now?” Doc asked, poking a cloud above him experimentally causing a small spark of electricity to shock the curious pegasus. “This weather doesn’t look very friendly.” He mumbled, rubbing his hoof where he had been zapped.
“No shit.” Cloud Chaser grumbled, her mane standing on edge from the almost palpable electric charge. Soarin resisted the urge to laugh as Flitter played with her poofy hair.
“I guess I should have kept my mouth shut when I said harmless clouds.” Soarin said.
“Yeah, you should’ve kept your fat mou-.” Thunderlane started but was cut off from a venomous look from Dash.
“Here’s the plan, we split up and look for the machine which is making this mess and shut it off. I don't care if you have to pull it apart and eat the pieces, just shut it down. Mr. Arse-hat said we have to get rid of it so that’s all we have to do. From now on, these clouds have a somepony-else's-problem-field around them okay? He didn’t say anything about these clouds and I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m not game enough to buck one.” She paused and looked around the mismatched group as they nodded in agreement. “Thunderlane go with Cloud Chaser and take the left flank, Doc go with Flitter to the right. Soarin you’re with me. We’re going right up the middle.”
“Cosy.” Soarin remarked.
“Kinky more like it.” Thunderlane snickered.
“Did I ask for your opinion Thunderlane? No, so zip it.” Rainbow ordered. “Now if you lose sight of the clouds fly back the way you came. As we saw before this place seems to have some sort invisibility spell bubble thing around it. Whatever it is, I’m sure Twilight would have a field day with it. The bubble seems to also be containing them so lets try to keep it that way.” She flared her wings dramatically. “Any questions?”
The quiet rumble of distant thunder reached them.
“Good, let’s go!”

“So what’s the grand master plan, we find this thing and just tear it to pieces?” Soarin asked, flying through the dense clouds slowly so as not to strain his wings. The distant rumble of thunder had been constantly growing louder and if were possible, it looked as if the clouds were getting darker by the minute. Even without experience in weather keeping, Soarin could tell they were in for a near literal shitstorm.
“More or less!”
Soarin cursed as a light spattering of rain started, neither he or Dash had goggles. A bright bolt of lightning lashed out across the sky, leaving a bright afterimage burnt into Soarin retinas. 
“This weather is getting worse by the second! This is becoming too dangerous to fly in!” Soarin yelled out over the resulting thunder.
“As if, I’ve flown in worse in my sleep.” Rainbow Dash yelled cockily. As if on cue, another bolt of lightning struck out, missing her by a few meters. Despite the danger, Soarin found it oddly beautiful.
“Shit, you okay Rainbow Dash? Anything I can do to help?”
“Shut the hell up and let me fly!”
She pulled ahead of him slightly, giving his eyes another beautiful sight. ‘Shit, get it together Soarin!’ he mentally rebuked himself. 
‘But it’s such a nice sight.’
‘Stop ogling at her arse and fly you idiot.’
Soarin’s eyes snapped to the fore as he ducked under a vicious looking cloud that he hadn’t been paying attention too.
“Hey, trooper. Eyes front.” Dash yelled out. “Maybe instead of checking my flank out, you could keep an eye out for that damn machine? It’s got to be around here somewhere.”
Soarin flushed red with embarrassment as he averted his eyes.
He blinked in surprise as Rainbow suddenly vanished from in front of him in a near vertical dive.
“Found something!” She yelled out.
Following her in a much more controlled dive, Soarin spotted a large, drab looking cloud factory surrounded by a web of almost jet black clouds.
“Dash wait up!” Soarin yelled.
“I’m not the fastest pegasus in Equestria for nothing!” she yelled, remembering to pull out of her kamikaze dive.
“Yeah, I know.” Soarin deadpanned, dropping next to her. “Now what? You’d be mad to try to get through there, it’s far too dangerous.” Soarin said, scanning for a safe path through the ring of clouds in an almost defensive position around the experimental factory. Forks of lightning danced across from cloud to cloud, making finding a clear path through the unpredictable cell difficult.. The constant rumble of thunder pounded on Soarin’s ears. 
“Danger is my middle name.” She stated proudly, a cocky smirk appearing on her face.
“Oh you’re not going...” Soarin started but was cut off mid sentence as Dash whizzed past him past him towards the factory. “Yep, she is...” He muttered as she powered towards the volatile web of clouds. 
No way...” Soarin stuttered as she weaved between the clouds with apparent ease. “She’s gonna do it.” he breathed as as she neared the end of gauntlet.
He should have learnt by that point to keep his damn mouth shut.
A large bolt of pure white erupted out a cloud and lanced through the sky towards the  cyan blue pegasus. Soarin let out a strangled warning but it was drowned out by a deafening crack of thunder. Soarin watched in horror as Rainbow tumbled out of sky, thankfully into the somewhat stable weather factory. A comically loud crash of falling shelves came from the factory as she ploughed through a wall.
“DASH!” Soarin yelled, flying as close to the clouds as he dared. “YOU OKAY?”
No response.
‘Comeon, comeon comeon...’ He thought, flapping back and forth helplessly, watching for some movement.
“RAINBOW?” he yelled out again.
Chuck Testa.
Soarin eyed the clouds nervously. He had no urge to fly in there himself and help her. No way was he going to get his own arse singed to save hers, regardless of how good looking it was.
‘Aww hell.’ Soarin thought as he scanned the storm wracked skies for any sign of the other pegasi.
Again, no dice.
“Dash, if you can hear me, stay put. I’m coming in.” Soarin yelled cautiously, realising in hindsight how bad that sounded.
Steeling himself, Soarin lunged towards the largest gap in the clouds he could see, the odd tingle of electric charge building in his extremities. Ducking under a monster of a cloud blocking his path, Soarin felt his wings straining to keep him aloft as he pulled up on the other side.
“Oh not now!” he growled as he rolled through a small gap, the tips of his wings brushing gently against the edge of the cloud.
“GEWYAHH!” He cried out as a sudden jolt of energy lept over his wings. Panting heavily, he dove under another cloud, his wings aching painfully. 
“Comeon, comeon!” he grunted as he whipped between a gap in the cloud cover, careful to not let his wings touch the cloud again. He flared his wings suddenly to avoid a spear of lightning throw at him by the angry storm. 
“Almost there!” He told himself as his one of his wings started cramping from the extreme maneuvers. He dove over the last cloud in his way before touching down roughly on the factory floor. Taking a moment to let his throbbing wings recuperate, Soarin spied the hole Rainbow Dash’s unsubtle entry had made. 
“Hey Rainbow Dash, you alright?” he asked trotting over to the hole.
“What do you think you twat?” A gruff voice quietly answered from underneath a stack of destroyed shelves.
Soarin grinned widely, try to ignore the throbbing pain across his wings. 
“Nice to see you’re alive, thanks for coming to save me Soarin.” He said in a poor imitation of her voice. “I see you’re feeling particularly bitchy right now..”  Soarin said dropping back to his own voice with a hint of bemusement as he probed around in the rubble trying to find her.
“Soarin...” She warned.
“You seem upset. Have I rustled your wings?” Soarin asked cheekily as he groped around blindly. 
“Don’t make me.” Dash growled.
“Well at least you appear to be a good wrecking ball. You haven’t been putting on weight have you?”
“SOARIN!, GET ME OUT OF HERE.”
Soarin snickered lightly as his hoof struck something organic.
“That you?” He asked.
“Yes, now get your hoof out of my arse and get me out of this mess. I’m not in the mood for this right now.” Dash barked.
Soarin withdrew his hoof immediately and bounced on the pile, digging it away efficiently with his hooves.
“Hey Dashie.” He teased when her unamused face appeared.
“Fuck you.”
“I’d say something but I think Thunderlane already took my line.” Soarin replied wryly, unble to resist poking a little more fun at the trapped mare.
“I’m going to murder you, slowly and painfully.” Rainbow Dash growled, struggling to free the rest of her body.
“How is that any way to treat your rescuer? I risked my flank to save yours.”
“Maybe if you’d been paying more attention rather than gazing at mine I wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“Unlikely.” Soarin said curtly, shifting the last of the debris away. “You’ve made quite a mess.”
“What’s worse than Soarin dead in a bucket?” Dash asked, pulling herself up shakily..
“What?”
“Soarin dead in ten buckets. See where I’m going here?”
Soarin grinned meekly. 
Rainbow smirked. “Better, now lets get this machine off.”
Soarin stifled a laugh.
“What? Is there something on my face?” She asked, going cross-eyed.
“Have a look at yourself.”
“Wha- WHAT?” She asked, looking down at her legs. Her normally light blue coat was now a charcoal black. The patchy blue and black effect was a stark contrast to her usual impeccably clean coat.
“Now you look worse than a bad OC.” Soarin grinned.
“Soarin?”
“Yeah?”
Dash punched him square in the jaw, knocking him down to floor.
“Right! Got it.”

Following Rainbow out of the room, the pair found themselves in a large open factory space. In the centre of the room, a large complicated looking device towered over them. A large hole in the roof was positioned above the machine, allowing a constant stream of produced clouds to leave factory. 
“Would you look at the size of that thing.” Soarin said in awe.
“Eh, I’ve seen bigger.” Dash said throwing him a ‘If you know what I mean’ look which caused Soarin to flush red “Embarrassed Soarin? Nothing personal.” she said with a snicker.
“Drop it Dash.”
“Whatever.” She muttered, limping towards the machine. “Over there looks like a good place to start.” she said pointing at a set of controls which were attached by a series of thick cables to the roaring machine.
“You okay?” Soarin asked as she tripped over herself.
“Fine, never better.” She lied.
“No you’re not.” Soarin said, catching her as she toppled forward.
“I can stand.” She breathed, pushing Soarin away before falling to the ground again.
“You’re a stubborn mule, you know that?” Soarin asked, picking her up and draping her across his back.
“Put me down.” Dash complained. Soarin guessed from the look on her face and her struggles she felt completely undignified. 
“No.”
“Please, this is embarrassing.” she whined.
“There is nopony else to see you Rainbow so stop whining.”
“Fine...” She grumbled reluctantly, settling her head down on his back. “You, control panel, now. Hi-yah!”
Soarin chuckled again and moved over to the control panel.
Surprisingly, it was still on.
“You’d think they’d just you know... turn it off?” Soarin muttered as he looked around at the dizzying number of switches and dials. Most were turned up beyond eleven, there was even a particularly important looking one which read over 10000 and was steadily rising.
“You’re the expert, what the hell does this stuff mean?” Soarin asked his passenger.
“Those ones over there are the input controls, that one should be the release valve and those three over there control the temperature. Well they should at least. That number is the number of clouds produced and those dials show the saturation settings.”
“How does any of this help?”
“I don’t know, just bash random buttons and see what happens!”
“Alrighty then!” Soarin shot back, he peered closely at the board, reading the few letters under each button. One large red one labeled ‘MSTR STP’ appealed particularly to him. 
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained!” He said, jabbing down on the button. 
The loud roar of the machine slowly died down to a low whir and the stream of clouds suddenly vanished. A loud ominous groaning and a few muffled bangs were heard, making Soarin look around cautiously. 
“What did you do?” Dash yelled, craning her neck to look at the board.
“Shut it off I think...” Soarin breathed as the noises in the machine died down. A few dials on the control panel kept jerking sporadically but most dropped to zero.
“Well that was... Anticlimactic.” Dash summerised. as a pair of needles peaked in their red zones.
“Yeah.. a bit.” Soarin said slightly disappointedly as he craned his neck around, almost hoping for something to happen.

Then the machine exploded. 

> Surprise!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have Benefits
Chapter Six: Surprise!


“Hey, wake up!”
The voice cut through Soarin’s mind like a rusty knife through mildly warm butter. To say, that is, it went in clean but made one hell of a mess coming out.
Soarin groaned and rolled over.
“Come on you lazy arse, get up.” The voice said again this time following up with a prod to his side.
Soarin cracked an eye open and was greeted by the sight of an irate yellow Pegasus.
“Spitfire?” he hazarded “What are you doing here?”
The mare cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “I work here.” She said flatly. “Are you alright?”
Soarin shook his head side to side. “There was an explosion…” he said trailing off.
“Soarin, you’ve been sleeping there for the last four hours; if there was an explosion I’m fairly sure we would have heard it.”
“What…? We…?”
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Spitfire asked; a look of concern on her face.
“What about Rainbow Dash, is she alright?”
Spitfire’s face furrowed into a frown. “What’s happened to her?”
“She was next to me when the explosion happened.” Soarin gushed. “Is she alright?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about Soarin.” Spitfire said slowly She trotted next to him and stared into his eyes. “You sure you’re alright?”
“I don’t know!” Soarin yelled. “I was in a weather factory with her and I pressed a button and everything explo-“
“Soarin, calm down.” Spitfire cut in. “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now look at me. I need you to do something ok?”
Soarin took a deep breath. “Okay…”
“I need you to wake up.”
“What?”
“Wake up!” 
 
 Soarin blearily opened his eyes. It was dark. The soft light of the moon shone in through several windows, bathing the entire room an ethereal glow. Soarin craned his neck around and was surprised to find a pony-sized cyan ball curled up the base of his bed. Soarin let out a strangled sound of disapproval and hurled one of his pillows at the sleeping pony.
“MPHMAGH!” The ball cried out in surprise. It slowly unravelled itself into the form of Rainbow Dash, her rainbow mane somewhat dull in the pale moonlight.
“What was that for?” She grumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“What? This?” Soarin said, hurling another pillow at her.
Dash caught the pillow and threw it back.
“Thanks.” She growled.
“Sorry.” Soarin muttered insincerely “What are you doing here at this hour?”
“Can’t sleep properly. I’ve been cooped up in this damn hospital for the last couple of days and they won’t let me fly so I’m positively bursting with energy.” She explained.
“Swell...” Soarin deadpanned. “Wait days?”
“Yes, days. You’ve been napping.” She added with a smirk.
Soarin yawned quietly. “And what’ve you been doing then? Sleeping on my bed the whole time?”
“Well, no... I- Shut up.” She said abashedly.
Soarin decided not to press her for information and let his eyes drift further around the hospital room. They came to rest on a small collection of ‘Get well soon’ cards propped up against a modest bouquet of orange and yellow flowers.
“Who are they from?” Soarin asked pointing at flowers. The colours seemed vaguely familiar.
Dash’s mouth fell open and her face turned a deep shade of red. Her expression looked like that of a bunny caught in the headlights of a speeding yoghurt truck.
“Urh… Um… Me…” She squeaked, her usual bravado vanishing in a flash.
Soarin was silent for a moment.
“I didn’t imagine flowers to be your style.” He said finally.
Dash smiled weakly. “Yeah… Not really.”
Soarin contemplated this for a moment longer, slightly enjoying the embarrassment that he seemed to be causing.
“Then why did you get me flowers?”
The cyan mare’s jaw moved up and down but no sound came out.
“I… I… I don’t know. They’re nice apparently?” She managed.
Soarin watched as she fiddled with her hooves nervously. Her ear twitched nervously.
“Soarin…” She started.
“Yes Dashie?” Soarin teased, enjoying the scowl he received from using her pet name.
“I just… Just want to tell you something… “
Soarin’s body tensed up instinctively.
Her eyes flashed up at him for a moment before falling down to the bed sheet.
“Thanks.” She said throwing herself into a rough but friendly hug.
Soarin blinked, the genuinely friendly gesture surprising him.
“That’s not what I expected.” He said slowly, patting Rainbow on the back as a sign that she should stop crushing his ribcage.
“You saved my life. Twice. I’m pretty sure that deserves a thank-you at least.” She said eyeing him fondly.
“When you put it that way… I guess it does.” Soarin said with a half-hearted smile. “You owe me.”
“Suppose so.” She said, retreating from the famous flier with a grin.
An oddly companionable silence filled the room.
“So…  What have I missed?” Soarin asked, trying to fill the sudden gap.
Rainbow shrugged. “Not much really, I got a letter about that job that never happened and a visit from my friends. They’re all too busy doing something or other to visit me much though. The weather team is flat out trying to make do without us two so don’t expect any of them to come calling either. Almost forget, Doc dropped this in for you…” She leapt off the end of the bed and scrounged around underneath it for a moment before pulling out several metal film cases.
“What are these?” Soarin asked, flipping one over in his hooves.
“More film about you or something. He said you’d know what he meant.”
“Neat.” Soarin remarked, tucking the casing back under the bed. “Now I can watch myself crash even more.”
Rainbow Dash laughed loudly.
“Keep it down, you’ll wake somepony up if you laugh like that.” Soarin admonished.
She waved a hoof dismissively.
“Unlikely, you’ve got a room to yourself and the nearest nurse station is another eleven rooms away.”
“Where are you then?” Soarin asked. He had simply assumed that she would have been in the same ward as him.
“I’m on the other side of the hospital.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“Didn’t you hear the bit about my friends being busy?”
“It’s a bit late for visiting hours.”
“I wanted to see if you’d woken up yet.”
“Again, this early in the morning?” Soarin asked.
“I…I… I ju- I was worried and, well Soarin, I l-.” She stammered. 
“Just spit it out.” He cried out exasperatedly.
She shook her head. “Nothing, not important.” She said definitively.  
Soarin grunted but decided not to push the matter further.
“So how much longer are we here for?” He asked, changing the topic to something she might  talk about.
“Another week maybe. That’s what one of the doctors said.”
“A week with you? Boy, that’ll be fun.” Soarin muttered, sarcasm dripping from his words..
“Yeah… Fun…” Dash said, averting her eyes.
Another gap of deafening silence followed.
“So… Care to fill me in on what happened? All I remember there was an explosion.” Soarin asked, wiggling around to prop himself up against the bedhead.
Rainbow let out a long drawn out sigh.
“That useless piece of crap they call a weather machine exploded. Something to do with overpressure and metal fatigue or something boring like that.” She shrugged half-heartedly. “Thunderlane and Cloud Chaser found us. They brought us here. That’s about it.”
“Doc and Flitter are fine?”
“Besides the fact that Doc had to almost carry her out, they’re fine.” Rainbow said, yawning widely and stretching her legs out with a dull pop. “Hey you wouldn’t be up for a game of Battleclouds would you?”
“At this hour? I’m still half asleep. Go back to bed.”
Rainbow Dash groaned and threw herself across the bed.
“What am I supposed to do then?”
“Sleep like a normal pony?” Soarin hazarded, wishing she would get off his bed and leave him alone to sleep. The possibility of that fizzled into nothing as she rolled over and gave him a playful look.
“Sleep is for the weak.”
“Bloody hell you’re a hypocrite. Look, just leave me alone and come back at a reasonable hour if you’re so desperate for company.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?”
“You’re not supposed to have any visitors. At least not yet.”
“Why?”
Rainbow shrugged. “Hell if I know.”
“So let me get this straight, you’ve snuck in her in the middle of the night even though I’m not supposed to have visitors.”
Dash nodded.
“And you’ve gone to all this effort for me… why?”
“Because I’m your friend and that’s what friends do.”
Soarin scoffed. “Friends? I thought you were just in it for the sex. Last time I checked, I wasn’t your friend and you sure as hell weren’t mine.”
Her face adopted a hurt expression.
“What if I wanted to change that.”
“Well I don’t! You know what, I’ve had quite enough of you. First you wreck my house, nearly get me attacked by an insane pink pony then very well nearly get me killed. Twice. I’ve had quite enough of you and your pathetic fangirl attitude. Now just piss off!” Soarin said, his pent up anger from the last week boiling over.
Rainbow looked at him in mute shock.
“Dash, I didn-.”
“Why do I even bother?” She said, voice breaking and a small shiny smear appearing under her eyes. She darted off the bed and was out the door before Soarin could blink.
“Wait, Dash! Come back! I didn’t mean that” Soarin called after her, regretting that he had raised his voice at her.
Nothing.
“Damn it.” He growled, flopping back into his pillow.
‘She was just trying to be nice.’ A tiny voice said in his head.
“Shut the hell up.” Soarin grumbled, burying his head in the small stack of pillows.
‘You really are a huge dickhead. Can't even go ten minutes without hurting somepony.’
“Stop it.” Soarin complained, trying to hide from his own thoughts.
‘No.’
Soarin banished the conflicting thoughts from his mind with a shake of his head and knocked his propped up pillow down with a somewhat unnecessarily rough swipe.
“”Mares.” He muttered, feeling that the single word wrapped up his thoughts.
 
Soarin woke to a brown face peering intently at him.
“NGEYHA!” He yelped, his bed sheet flying off from his surprised motion.
“Sorry I startled you, I’m just running some routine checks.” The pony said sincerely, hastily levitating a clipboard away from Soarin’s flailing limbs before it could be turned into a projectile.
“Oh…right.” Soarin said embarrassedly.
The doctor muttered something under his breath as a knock came from the door. He tucked the clipboard away at the end of the bed and marched to the door, his head snapping around to look at an unseen pony.
“Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to leave, he’s not fit for visitors.”
“Pish-posh, he’s had worse. Haven’t you Soarin?” A white head asked, appearing around the doorframe. A bouncy yellow mane caught up its owner’s head a moment later. Despite the doctor’s protests the mare slipped past him in a manner similar  to a cockroach fitting under a door and bounced next to Soarin.
“Surprise, what are you doing here?” Soarin asked, amazed to see his former teammate.
“I was visiting a cousin in Ponyville and heard that you, as usual, had an accident and were in the hospital. Couldn’t just leave you to rot now could I?”
Soarin cocked his head in confusion. “You have a cousin?” He waved the doctor away and motioned for Surprise to take a seat.
“Yeah, like first cousins or something like that.” She said, waving a hoof around in a vague manner. “She’s pretty rad though, you met her yet?”
Soarin ran a list of ponies through his head that Surprise would consider ‘Rad’ and came to an unsurprising conclusion.
“I hope not.” He replied snarkily.
“Hey! Pinkie is a great pony.”
“Oh Celestia.” Soarin moaned, slamming his head into his fore hooves.
 
“So Soarin, what’s up my good chap?”
“Chap?” Soarin asked quietly.
Surprise nodded, pulling her chair up and listening attentively.
“You know the drill, new job, new home, new bullshit to put up with. Reminds me of basic training.” Soarin said sourly.
“Perk up, It’ll get better chum.”
“Chum?” Soarin whispered.
Surprise ignored him. “Just give it time, you’ve been here, what, a week?”
“Surprise, I’ve spent almost as much time unconscious as I have spent awake.”
“”Yikes.” The white flier said flatly.
“Yeah. Doesn’t help I’ve got a ton of other… stuff that keeps coming up.” He said, thinking back to that morning.
Surprise adopted a knowing look. “Oh I’d know that look anyway, who’s the lucky mare? Or stallion, if that’s what you’re into these days… Speaking of that, there was that stupidly sexy stallion out west. What was his name? Ah yes Braeburn” She shivered in delight at his name. “I bet everypo-.”
“Ahem.” Soarin said, cutting her off with a look.
“Oh right.” She muttered, her eyes going unfocused as she conjured mental images of the stallion. Those deep green eyes, the flowing mane…
“Surprise.”
 His charming voice…
 “Surprise...” Soarin said again, giving her a rough shake.
“Mm.. What?”
“Stop drooling.”
She let out a startled noise and wiped the thin strand of saliva hanging from her mouth away.
“Right, where was I?” She said, dumbly staring off into space for a moment. “Oh yeah, so who is she slash he?” she said, suddenly inquisitive.
“Gosh, I wasn’t expecting some sort of Spanish inquisition.” Soarin snapped. 
"Tell me." Surprise whined.
“Look, I’m not saying anything. I can keep my own secrets thank you very much.”
Surprise tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Ponies… Ponies… Who could it be… Well there was Blaze from the café, Windy from that nice theatre down in Canterlot, Wendy from accounting…” Surprise continued listing off every mare Soarin had ever even talked too, much to his horror. How she could pull off such a feat was best left unthought of, lest one (i.e. Soarin) go insane.
“… What about Marker from the dorm across the hall? He was a nice chap…”
“That was just a phase!” Soarin said suddenly flustered.
“…Bloomer from the market stall…” Surprise continued, oblivious to Soarin’s protests.
“…Storm Chaser from the auxiliary team, that flank, if I may say so…”
Soarin flushed red as Surprise continued the extensive list.
“…Scarlet from that neat little bar with the cloud shaped cocktail umbrellas… What about Rainbow Dash from the Grand Galloping Gala? Just saying, I’d rainbow all over her dash if you know what I mean.” She said noticing the change in Soarin’s posture as she mentioned her name.
“And… we… have a winner!” She said, putting two and two together to come up with something not quite, but fairly close to four.
“You can’t prove anything.” Soarin said defensively.
“Woohoo, what did you two get up to?”
Soarin remained silent.
“Boy that was fast.” Surprise said, getting everything she needed from Soarin’s unresponsive behaviour. “Looks like Spitfire owes me 20 bits when I get back to base.”
Soarin shot her a look that could have been refined and weaponised.
“Oh wow, the old ‘I hate your guts. You despoiled my fiancé, murdered my mother and burnt my house down. You also owe me money’  look. I’m so scared.” Surprise said holding her fore hooves up in mock fear.
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“I never said anything about her being your girlfriend.” Surprise said with a mischievous grin. 
Soarin swore under his breath.
“You like her though, don’t you?”
“Not at all.” Soarin snapped. “I find her egocentric, brash and frankly, up herself.”
“That doesn’t like the Soarin I know, you were practically fawning over her at the royal wedding.”
“Well… Things changed.” Soarin said grumpily.
Surprise sighed and drew her chair slightly closer.
“What did you do now?”
Soarin bristled at her comment.
“Why do assume it was me?”
“My mother taught me to stereotype, makes things easier.”
“That’s sexist.”
“It works.” Surprise said with a shrug. “Cut to the chase, what did you do?”
“Nothing!”
“Do I need to go grab Pinkie?”
Soarin’s eyes bulged out of their sockets.
“Okay, Okay! I’ll talk! Just don’t get her please!”
“Then get that big flappy thing of yours working and spill the beans, chum.”
Soarin glared at her once more for the blatant use of blackmail.
“Since I recovered my accident and met Dash y-.”
“Again.” Surprise interjected.
He gave her another withering look.
As I was saying, you could describe our relationship as frosty at best.” He hesitated for a moment, unsure of how much detail he should go into. “We kind of started off with an alcohol fuelled… fling.”
The white mare raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“Twice.”
Her eyebrows briefly became the highest organic matter in Equestria.
“She seemed somewhat determined to be friends with me despite the fact I kept pushing her away. Anyway, she invited me over for dinner one night and well… We ended up… You know.” He gestured theatrically.  
“Oh boy, this gets juicier by the second.”
“It was different though, she proposed friends with benefits and that’s what she got. Well, I wouldn’t consider her my friend though.”
“Uh-huh. And this is a bad thing? If I was you I wouldn’t be complaining.”
“I’m getting there.” Soarin said gruffly. “Anyway, next day I get literally dragged to one of your cousins’ parties and she dances with me. I’ll admit that I actually enjoyed it. I have to say, that for the first time since I’ve met her, I actually enjoyed being with her. Anyway, we do this thing I can’t tell you about and she nearly gets herself killed. Twice.”
“She loves doing things in pairs.”
Soarin pushed away the particularly disturbing mental image that surfaced in his mind.
“Whatever, I end up saving her both times and then we end up here.”
“I still don’t see what the bad thing is.” Surprise said.
“Hold your hippogriffs, nearly there. So at stupidly early hour this morning, I wake up and see her sleeping in a ball at the end of my bed.”
“Damn that’s cute.” Surprise said, her eyes narrowing.
“Anyway, I wake her up and she thanks me for saving her, gives me a hug which nearly crushes my rib cage while she’s at it as well. Long story short, she tries to be friendly and I get mad, act like a complete dickhead and kick her out.”
“You didn’t yell at her did you?” Surprise asked mouth agape.
“Yeah… I may have.”
“Wow, you went full dickhead mode. Never go full dickhead mode.”
“You’re not helping.”
Surprise clicked her tongue several times. “I’m guessing you feel rubbish about it?”
Soarin flinched. “Yeah, a bit.”
“Go apologise to her then. I’m sure two smart ponies like you can figure something out.”
“I guess.” Soarin grumbled reluctantly.
“After all, you wouldn’t want to break up with your girlfriend now would you?” Surprise said with a giggle.
“She’s NOT my girlfriend!”
 
After receiving clearance from the doctor to leave his room (No small part due to more blackmail from Surprise which involved a certain pink pony, gas masks and the hospital’s supply of Nitrous Oxide), Soarin moved as quickly as he could through the hospital, limping slightly from his injuries. According to his file, one of the metal spars in his forelegs had melted slightly from the lightning strikes, giving him some very impressive burns. Gritting his teeth, Soarin limped through the corridors towards the ward where a nice nurse had told him Rainbow Dash was lodged.
Knocking politely on the door, Soarin sincerely wished he had been banished to the moon rather than having to apologise to the irate Pegasus. 
Pushing the door open, he noticed Rainbow Dash sprawled belly-down across her bed a book shoved close to her nose and a veritable mountain of books sat on a trolley next to her bed. She looked up at the sound of the door opening. Soarin noticed her eyes were slightly red and puffy.
“Hey.” He said sheepishly.
“What the hell do you want?” She snapped, chucking her book away in a manner which would have had all of Equestria's librarians attacking her with blunt instruments whilst crying for blood.
“I wanted to say-.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” She snapped, standing upright. “I’m through with your.. your… arrogant, dickheaded… stuff.” She fumed, the words she needed not quite seeming to manifest.
“I want to apologise.” Soarin said quickly.
“Oh, you think that’ll just make it better? ‘I’m sorry.’ Well buck up boy, it won’t.  It won’t change the fact that you’re a fucking has-been, living on the high from his glory days he can’t even remember. You think that gives you the right to tread on and look down on other ponies? Well you’re wrong.” She spat, prodding Soarin in the chest for emphasis. “I’ve had enough of your shit, got it?”
“Dash, calm down.” Soarin said, trying to keep his voice level.
“Piss off!” She said, echoing Soarin’s tone from earlier that morning.
“Da-.”
Shut up! You don’t know what it’s like!” She yelled, her eyes starting to water.
“What, to be a professional flier and not some adrenaline seeking wanna-be?” Soarin jeered, his diplomacy dike starting to crack. “Actually having a measure of self control? I sure know what that’s like. Maybe you could learn a thing or two.”
Dash pounced and floored him in a heartbeat. She tried to land several heavy blows on his face but was blocked by Soarin.
“You bastard! What happened to you?!” She roared. The flurry of hoof strikes she had been raining on him slowed and stopped like a tap being slowly turned off. 
“You used to nice, you used to be cool. I liked the old Soarin, I want him back.” She growled, pushing his chest into the floor.
“Well you’re stuck with me sweetheart.” Soarin grunted, trying to get her off of him.
Dash glared at him for a moment longer, her gaze full of sadness and anger.
“I wish I’d never met you.” She growled, roughly shoving him out the door. “Now piss off.”
“Yeah, well. I wish I’d never met you either.” Soarin yelled as she slammed the door in his face. 
Waving away a few concerned staff members, Soarin attempted to nurse his wounded ego as he limped away.
‘Don’t need her anyway, good riddance to bad rubbish.’ He thought bitterly. 
He wished he was being honest when he thought that, but the dull pang in his chest told him otherwise.
 
 “Well, that went well.” Surprise said, chomping down on a pastry of some description. After being kicked out by Rainbow Dash, Soarin had plodded back to his room where Surprise had jumped on him and demanded answers. The white mare, deciding she was hungry, had then led Soarin to a cafeteria so he could tell her all about what had transpired.
Soarin mumbled and lay his head flat on the table. The quiet murmur of conversation from a few other tables reached his ears but nothing was interesting enough to listen to. 
“Cheer up sad sack.” Surprise said, shoving a small pastry under his nose.
Soarin sniffed it experimentally and shook his head. He didn’t feel hungry.
Surprise looked at him with concern.
Soarin never refused pasty.
Ever.
“Alright,your girlfriend hates you and beat you to a pulp, I can see why you’re down.”
Soarin couldn’t be bothered to complain so he just nodded his head.
Surprise shrugged. “It could be worse...”
“I don’t care. She’s nopony special.” Soarin muttered.
“If this is you not caring, I’d love to see you when you do.” Surprise said through a mouthful of pastry. 
Soarin snorted in disgust, pushed his tray of uneaten food away and stood up from the table.
“Hey, you going to finish that?!” Surprise yelled after him.
At this point in his life, Soarin wished he had fingers.

Shuffling out of the small cafeteria, Soarin found himself wandering the hospital aimlessly.
Either by cruel coincidence or his own mindless walking, Soarin found himself in the ward where Rainbow Dash was. He narrowed his eyes as he trotted silently past the door to her room.
“So... what do you think Dash?” a muffled voice said, catching Soarin by surprise. 
Realising that the voice had come Rainbow Dash’s room, Soarin, deciding to be nosy, softly pressed an ear against the door.
“I don’t know... I’ll think about it okay?” A slightly more feminine voice said.”Thanks for telling me though, it’s more than somepony else I know could do...”
“You mean Soarin?”
Soarin raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Whoever Dash was talking to sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it.
“Yeah.”
“Oh... So you like him?”
Soarin pressed his ear harder against the door.
“Yeah.. I don’t know how much of it was me me being a fangirl and how much of it was genuine feelings for him though. It's really hard to act on something like that y'know? I mean, I was never sure if he would just brush it off as fan love or if he'd take me seriously. Guess I know now.”
“Oh...” The voice said disappointedly.
“Was. It’s not like that anymore, I... I’ve moved on. He’s changed too much.”
Soarin frowned. ‘There she goes again, I don’t know what she means though... I haven’t changed at all. Least not that I know of.’ 
“Oh... Ok... I’ll see you around then?” The painfully familiar voice said.
“Yeah. I guess."
Soarin suddenly remembered he was conspicuously standing in the middle of the empty hallway, ear pressed against the door. He bolted for cover behind a covered trolley as hoof steps approached the door. He heard the door swing open and shut again. Soarin peeked around the trolley and saw the tip of a short cut tail vanish around the corner. 
‘Blast...’ he thought, pounding his hoof against the covered trolley.
*CLANG*
Frowning, Soarin lifted the cover and was surprised to find a video projector. A series of thoughts ran through his head. The idea fresh in his mind, Soarin tugged the trolley towards his ward.

‘Neat’ Soarin thought as he watched himself plough into the ground again. The picture faded to white as the film ran out of the projector. Soarin muttered a few choice swear words to himself and pulled another roll of film off the stack, this one helpfully labelled ‘The best worst night ever.’
“Boy, this sounds like a real barrel of laughs.” Soarin said to himself, grinning at his blatant use of sarcasm. 
Fiddling around with the projector for a moment, Soarin slotted the short film reel into the holder and flicked the switch, setting the projector into motion again.
Soarin watched with lazy interest as the camera panned over a royal hall decked with excessive decorations and filled to the brim with upper class snobs. He easily spotted himself in the crowd, his blue skin-tight flight suit standing out against the gaudy dresses and expensive suits.
He watched as he walked through the crowd, ignoring other ponies where he could and what looked like trying to hold back spewing polite profanities at ones he couldn’t.
“Hey... She looks familiar.” Soarin muttered, squinting at the projection. The orange mare he had met in the market was there selling baked goods from a stall. ‘What was her name? Jappleack? Applebuck? Applejack?’ he thought, trying to remember. His curiosity vanished as he noticed somepony else in the crowd.
“Rainbow Dash? What’s she doing there?” Soarin asked aloud. He watched in interest as she moments later, dived out of the crowd and saved an apple pie he had just bought. The two ponies talked for a moment and much to Soarin’s surprise, their conversation seemed friendly. He scowled as the image froze for a moment before fading to white again.
“Grand Galloping Gala... huh. Didn’t see that coming. What was she doing there though?” Soarin muttered to himself as he switched over the tape again, this one labelled ‘Wedding’.
Soarin again watched boredly as the film rolled but suddenly gawked when he noticed Rainbow Dash acting as a bridesmaid.
“She’s everywhere.” Soarin said dumbly as he watched the final ceremony unfold. He searched through the crowd for himself and eventually found him in the mass of ponies filling the great hall.
He noticed that during the recording, his older self couldn’t stop looking at the rainbow-maned  mare. As the wedding concluded, he watched as he trotted up to the mare and started casually talking with her.
“No, Soarin. What are you doing?! Soarin, stop! She’s a bitch!” He said, trying to deter himself from talking to her.
“Wait... what?” He muttered as they continued talking. She laughed as he said something obviously funny. 
“I’ve seen this before... We danced, didn’t we?” Soarin muttered, remembering the photo he had seen in Rainbow Dash’s house.
This was different though.
Soarin could see with his own eyes that they were enjoying each others company, he could see the genuine looks of friendship on their faces. He watched on dumbly as the night rolled on and the two grew closer. Projection Dash whispered something in his ear and a few minutes later the pair departed the party together.
Soarin numbly probed around and flicked the projector off.
“What were we? Friends... Lovers maybe?” Soarin guessed, surprised by the possibility. He flopped back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Something had changed though. Had he changed from the wedding? Was she really the bitch he knew her as? Was he actually just a massive dickhead aggravating her?” His head throbbed slowly as it occurred to him that he may of completely misjudged her character.
The thought scared him, he was suddenly aware how much of life he knew nothing about.
“Well this is... unexpected.” Soarin muttered, his heart beating quickly.
“What is?”
Soarin nearly jumped out of his skin.
“Surprise, stop doing that.” He murmured, casting a disapproving look at the sudden appearance of the snow white pegasus.
“That’s my name.” She said with mock cheer. He voice dropped back to a normal level. “So what’s unexpected?”
Soarin looked at her, a look of horror on his face.
“I think I like Rainbow Dash.”



> A Massive Fluster Cluck
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
Chapter seven: A Massive Fluster Cluck.
 
 
“What.” Surprise said flatly.
An awkward silence hung over the room as the two pegasi digested the new information.
“You’re right, that’s ridiculous. I can’t like her, that’s just silly.” Soarin said, stamping out the tiny voice of protest in his head like a bug. “I hate her, she hates me. Let’s just leave it at that.”
“I don’t think it’s ridiculous, just a little… strange maybe.”
Soarin scowled at her.
“I wouldn’t say you would hate her. You did try to apologise after all.” Surprise said quickly, patting his hoof gently.
Soarin sighed explosively.
“Yeah and she just shoved it back in my face.”
“She was upset, emotional. I don’t think she was expecting an apology so quickly.” Surprise said, hastily redirecting the conversation to safer ground.
You’re right. It’s just… I kind of feel bad about it. I may have done some things to her that was unwarranted and I probably got what I deserved.  I just have this… urge to make it up to her somehow.” He groaned. “Why do these sorts of things always end up messing with my head?”
“You’re over thinking things. Do you like this damn mare or not? Pretty simple question.” Surprise said.
‘If that’s a simple question the moon is square and made of cheese. It’s also home to a secret base of national socialists.’ Soarin thought.
He lay there for a moment, pulling faces at the ceiling.
“I don’t know.” He finally said.
“Bloody hell you’re useless.”
 




“Remember, you take these pills daily and no long stretches of running, flying, arduous activities…”
Soarin drew a small circle on the ground as the doctor prattled off the long list of things he wasn’t allowed to do.
‘Blah blah blah blah…’ he thought boredly as the doctor droned on. Soarin flexed his wings agitatedly, the past few days had been boring and lonesome as he hadn’t received any other visitors besides Surprise and the small collection of film reels from Doc had been exhausted quickly. Soarin had inconspicuously camped out the front of Rainbow Dash’s room a few times hoping to find out who her mysterious visitor was. Lady luck was elsewhere however and the pony didn’t make another appearance much to Soarin’s disappointment. He had seen the prismatic mare a few times around the hospital but she either ignored him or vanished before he could talk to her. She had checked out two days earlier and he hadn’t seen her since.
He huffed and returned to the present as the extensive list of prohibited activities continued.
“… Espionage…”
‘Well I suppose next week’s plans are off.’
“…Leading mass uprisings…”
‘There goes next Thursday’s workers rally…’
“…Inciting violence against the crown…”
‘Better return that Legion of the Damned to Tartarus then.’
“… Eating food with high sugar content…”
‘Avoid Pinkie Pie even more now.’
“Now if I can just get you to sign here, we can release you. Do try not to hurt yourself again.” The doctor noted wryly, finally finishing his assault against Soarin’s ears.
With a little too much enthusiasm Soarin signed the forms and vanished from the hospital foyer in a flurry of wing beats and a quick summersault.
“Hey, no stunt flying!” The doctor yelled after him.
 
With the doctor’s words ringing in his ears, Soarin buzzed out of hospital, glad to finally have the chance to fly through the open sky again. He flapped his wings a few times and went into a lazy spin, his mind racing from the simple stunt.
“Oi, dickhead!”
Soarin ignored the voice, assuming its owner was after somepony else.
“Hey, Soarin I’m talking to you!” The voice said again much closer.
Soarin flapped spun upside down and looked upwards towards the source of the voice.
“I respond better to my actual name for the record.” He said, locking eyes with his boss.
Rainbow Dash ignored him and flew through the sky a few metres above him.
“What do you want?” Soarin asked, trying to sound polite.
“You’re out of hospital.”
Soarin looked at her as if she’d grown a second head. “Well obviously.”
“I don’t like that attitude.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t like, me being one of them right?”
“It’s early enough that you can go help Flitter and Cloud Chaser in the south quadrant. Get going.” Rainbow said, brushing Soarin’s question off. She turned to leave.
“Hey, I’m not done with you.” Soarin barked, wheeling after her. “I want to talk to you.”
“Well I don’t.”
“Look, just give me a chance.”
Rainbow Dash was silent.
“Please?”
“Soarin, go away. Please.” She said flatly.
“What’s the big problem? I tried to apologise, I’m doing my best here okay? Look, I did some bad things ok, and I regret that.” Soarin mumbled.
Dash rolled her eyes and continued to pretend he didn’t exist.
“Hey, don’t just ignore me!” Soarin said exasperated. “Damn it, why can’t you just listen?! If you weren’t being such an immature li-.”
He was cut off by a blow to the jaw.
“Don’t go there.” Rainbow growled. “I’ve got enough things to deal with at the moment without you following me around begging for forgiveness. I don’t care that you’re sorry.”
“Isn’t that what you want though?” Soarin asked, massaging his jaw.
“Just go do your job. Please.” She said, whipping around.
 “I’m sorry.” Soarin whispered.
“I know.” She muttered before flapping off.
 
 
“See, what did I tell ya? She’s mad.” Flitter said doing a barrel roll with a cloud. She did the trick a few more times before poking her tongue out at her sister.
“There. 126 cloud rolls. Beat’cha.” She said.
“Yeah, yeah… Show-off.” Cloud Chaser muttered, planting her face in her own small cloud.
Flitter donned a triumphant grin and turned back to Soarin.
“Just give some time and some space. She’ll open up eventually.”
Cloud Chaser snicked softly, earning a disapproving look from Soarin.
“What’s the big deal anyway? Last I heard you two broke up.” Cloud Chaser said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“How many times do I have to say this, she’s not my girlfriend!” Soarin groaned.
Cloud Chaser failed to hide her enthusiasm remarkably poorly.
“No. Bad pony.” Flitter muttered, procuring a rolled up newspaper and whacking Cloud Chaser over the head with it.
Cloud Chaser whimpered softly.
Soarin shuffled his hooves and pulled a tuft of cloud out from the cloud and started playing with it in an effort to distract himself.
“I don’t know why I care so much.” He muttered. “It just seems so important now.”
Cloud Chaser and Flitter exchanged a knowing look.
“Soarin and Rainbow Dash sitting in a tree…” Flitter sung in an annoyingly childish voice.
Soarin screwed his eyes shut and folded his ears against his head.
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Cloud Chaser finished with a giggle.
“What are you, eight?” Soarin groaned as the two sisters started their little sing-song again.
“I must say, you’re turning the most delightful shade of red.” Flitter said playfully.
“Shut up.” Soarin said into his cloud, wishing it open up and swallow him whole.
“Aww, what’s the matter big guy? Too shy to talk to her about it? I thought you’d be plenty familiar especially after you autographed her inn- OW!” Cloud Chaser shrieked as Flitter hit her with the newspaper again.
“Give him a break. Not everypony is good with that sort of stuff. Have you ever had a girlfriend Soarin?”
“Not that I can remember. I mean, not a real one.” Soarin mumbled.
“See, look at the poor thing, he doesn’t know what to do.” Flitter crooned.
“Stop that.” Soarin snapped, feeling like he was being treated like a baby.
“Flitter!” Cloud Chaser complained, not understanding why it was okay for her sister to tease Soarin but not her.
“Alright, alright. Sheesh. Look Soarin, whatever beef you and Rainbow Dash have, I’m sure you c-.”
“What are we sayin’ about me?”
Flitter’s eyes nearly popped out of her head.
“Oh, hey Rainbow… Didn’t expect to see you here.” She said awkwardly.
“I work here.” Rainbow Dash said flatly.
“Oh… uh… really? How’s that going?”
Soarin let out a muffled groan and slammed his head repeatedly into the cloud beneath him.
“So um… What’s up?”
“I’m calling an early day. You two home and get some rest. You’ve had a busy day.”
She turned to Soarin.
“Soarin, I need you to cover for me over in the west quarter for an hour or so before you finish. There was a large storm front moving in when I left so hurry it up.”
“Bu- wha-?”
“That’s an order. Now get going.”
“But Flitter and Cloud Chaser get to finish early!” Soarin protested.
“Does it look like I give a shit? I’ve given you a job, now go do it."
Soarin let an annoyed look creep onto his face as Rainbow Dash spun around and flew off.
“Go get her tiger.” Flitter said with a wink.
Soarin ignored her and leapt off the cloud towards the west with a flurry of curses.
 
‘An hour?! Celestia’s balls, I show her an hour.’ Thought bitterly as he shoved his door open, his teeth chattering merrily away like a jackhammer. The storm had hit with a force comparable to the storm around the weather machine albeit on a much smaller scale and it had taken several hours for Soarin to bring it under a modicum of control only for the storm to disperse on its own.
‘I’ll bet that storm never would have reached Ponyville, it was made to be short and violent. She played around with me.’ Soarin thought as he rubbed his wings together, trying to get some feeling back in the numb limbs.
Rainbow Dash had also somehow failed to mention that the storm was not a rain storm which he had worked with before but a snow storm and much to Soarin’s surprise when he kicked a cloud it spat snow at him, covering him in a freezing layer of icy slush.
Within twenty minutes Soarin had almost been turned into an icicle from the continued barrage of snow and ice.
Soarin fumbled around his dark home, searching for the light switch.
“Bloody hell.” He mumbled through chattering teeth as he tripped over something on the floor. There was a tiny crack as a small cluster of icicles broke off his nose and embedded themselves in the floor.
Soarin lay sprawled over the floor, too exhausted to bother picking himself up.
“I’ll just to go to sleep here then.” He said to nothing in particular, bunching up a tuft of cloud from the floor to use as a pillow.
‘Too cold.’
Reluctantly, Soarin hauled himself off the floor and dragged himself up the flight of stairs to his bedroom.
‘Bed, what would I do without yoouuu?’ His thought trailed off dumbly as he pulled himself through his bedroom door.
His bedroom was missing.
‘What?! No, no, no, no!’ Soarin thought frantically as he searched the night sky for the missing room.
His bedroom had had a bad anchor to the rest of the house for a while now and now his reluctance to fix it had finally bitten him in the arse.
‘Bloody hell.’ Soarin thought as he spied the floating room drifting a few hundred metres away. Stretching his numb wings, Soarin flapped through the sky after his errant room.
After closing the distance and getting behind it, Soarin pushed the room slowly back towards the rest of the house, his strength sapped by his cold muscles and hours of weather clearing.
’Almost there…’
Now he just had to remount it.
“Get on there you bastard!” Soarin growled, shoving the room against the small mounting spar on the wall.
“I said on!” He roared, frustrated by his lack of success.
The room stubbornly refused to mount the spar.
“I. SAID. ON!” Soarin yelled, bucking the room hard.
Maybe a little too hard.
The piece of abused wall collapsed under his kick and the room sailed into the house, snapping the mounting spar and crashing into the house itself.
With a home built with of wood and brick, this would have led to a spectacularly loud crash and a hilarious pile of debris as both structures tried to occupy the same spot, but with a cloud house, the clouds passed through each other and reformed, effectively locking the bedroom inside the rest of the house at a crazy angle.
Soarin's eyes bulged.
A barely held back profanity too crude for this rating threatened to slip through his lips.
Soarin threw his head back and roared angrily, venting his frustration on a few poor unfortunate clouds that happened to be nearby, sending the fluffy white cumulus to whatever their version of hell was.
“You know what, screw it. I’ll just sleep on the floor tonight.” Soarin grumbled, bringing his temper under control.
Skirting around the chaotic structure of clouds, Soarin re-entered his lounge room and flopped down on the lounge, his wings falling open and hanging limply by his sides.
‘Could this get any worse?’ Soarin thought, his eyes slowly drooping shut.
 
 
“SCREEEEEEEEE!”
“Bugger, shit, banana juggling thundercu-.” Soarin garbled, waking up in an instant.
Rubbing his face, Soarin peered around for the noise. The sun had barely risen above the horizon and was casting a bright red glow across the room despite the grey sky.. A small flicker of movemnt in the shadows above him caught Soarin's attention. 
“SCRRREEE!”
Soarin’s eyes snapped around and came to rest on a large falcon perched above his head.
The bird blinked at him.
Soarin blinked back.
The bird blinked again.
“I’m not playing your silly game…” Soarin muttered swatting the air. “Now bugger off.”
The falcon didn’t flinch and watched his hoof expectantly.
“SCREEEE!”
“Shut up you cock-head, find somepony else to be an alarm clock for.”
The falcon made a clucking noise which could have been interpreted as laughter. It flapped its powerful wings a few times and landed on Soarin, its sharp claws tearing into his skin.
“Ow ow ow ow ow ow. Bloody hell, get off me! Your claws are like damn razers!” Soarin exclaimed rolling over to dislodge the bird. “What do you want? A chew toy? Food?”
The falcon bobbed its head up and down a few times.
“Well then get it yourself you tosser.” Soarin moaned. He yelped in pain as the falcon started nibbling his ear.
“Son of a-…” He grumbled, swatting he bird away. It flapped around for a moment before landing on his kitchen bench.
It screeched again, alternating between bobbing up and down and skittering up and down the bench top.
Soarin sat up, a lance of pain shooting down his leg from where the bird’s sharp claws had parted his skin. A few thin trails of blood ran down his leg and dripped onto the couch, turning it a shade that reminded him uncomfortably of Pinkie Pie.
“Bloody hell” Soarin mumbled, inspecting the half dozen or so small but deep cuts along his leg.
The falcon clucked triumphantly.
“Shut up.” Soarin snapped, trotting over to the small cabinet in the kitchen where he kept bandages.
The bird watched intently as Soarin expertly dressed his wounds.
A few soft taps came from the door
The falcon screeched again and darted across the kitchen, away from the front door.
A few more soft taps came from the door.
‘What new fresh hell is this?’ Soarin wondered, limping to the door and flinging it open with a leg.
“Whhaaat!?” He asked irritably.
“Oh… Um… Never mind. Sorry I bothered you.” An impossibly quiet voice belonging to a butter coloured Pegasus said hiding shyly behind her pink mane. She looked somehow familiar but Soarin couldn’t quite place her.
Soarin rolled his eyes. ‘Let’s try that again.’
“Sorry for sounding like a arse-hat, but it’s hard to sound nice when you’re woken up at the crack of dawn by an eagle who likes ripping things up, namely me.”
The Pegasus’ eyes widened slightly. “Oh my. I hope he hasn’t caused much trouble for you.” She whispered.
“Much trouble?” Soarin deadpanned. He showed her his in progress bandaging. “No trouble at all. I’ll take it the eagle is yours?”
“He’s a falcon.”
“Same shit, different smell.”
“I’m awfully sorry Mister; he was outside this morning when a loud crash frightened him off. I tried to catch him but he was too fast.”
“Well, just get rid of it will you?” Soarin muttered standing aside to allow the shy Pegasus inside. As she walked in Soarin realised where had seen her.
“Hey you look familiar… You were at the Grand Galloping Gala a few years ago weren’t you?”
“Oh… That…” She said, a faint blush appearing on her face.
“Nice work with the animal stampede, hilarious if you ask me.”
She let out a faint squeak and blushed fiercer.
“SCREEEE!” The falcon cried out as it spied the new arrival; it flapped furiously into the highest corner of the kitchen, trying to get away from the animal carer.
“Oh no… come down now, you’ll hurt yourself.” She said quietly.
“SCREEE!” The falcon cried again, flapping harder. It spotted Soarin, quickly reversed direction and swooped into his mane, hanging wildly from the end for a moment before disappearing inside. It poked its head out and screeched again.
“Get out of there.” Soarin said, trying to dislodge the stubborn bird.
“He doesn’t like me very much sorry. He seems to like you though…”
“Well I don’t like him.” Soarin said flustered. He managed to prise the bird out of his mane but let it go when it dug his claws into his hoof. It disappeared inside the dark blue tangle of hair in a heartbeat.
“Maybe you could keep him?”
“Ah-ha-ha, not likely. The little bugger could give me chocolates and a bouquet of flowers and I still wouldn’t li-…” Soarin trailed off, a stupid idea forming in his brain.
A crazy, stupid idea.
“Actually…”
 
“SCREEE!”
“Ah shut up you bastard.” Soarin snapped trying to open the door without letting the falcon out.
“Look, stay. I have to work and you have to do whatever it is you do, even if that be shit on the carpet and annoy my neighbours.”
The bird made another clucking noise.
“I need a name for you... I can’t just keep calling you profanities.” Soarin muttered as he slowly opening the door and slipped through. “Well… I could, but… Nah.” He concluded, screwing his face up in disgust.
Soarin shivered and spread his wings. A chilly southern wind had picked up overnight and was blowing over the town, bringing with it the first hints of winter.
Soarin clamped his mouth shut and flapped his wings a few times before leaping off what could be considered his patio. He glided a short distance above Ponyville before diving down sharply to land neatly in front of the pub. The low sound of chatter reached his ears and a few moments later Doc appeared around the corner followed closely by Flitter and Cloud Chaser.
“Morning.” Doc said cheerily.
Soarin nodded in greeting.
“Lovely morning, reminds me of Trottingham.” His wings rubbed together excitedly. “Love the cold.” He continued.
“Oh really?” Soarin asked.
“Well… I’ve never been there but I like it anyway.”
Soarin nodded again, vaguely recalling the far-fetched tale of Doc’s origin.
“How’ve you been?” Doc asked quietly, his eyes darting around nervously.
“Terrible.” Soarin responded curtly.
Doc clicked his tongue as the silence drew out inexorably.
“Soarin.” He stuttered. “What… What do you know about… you know?” He jerked his head towards the twins.
“Flitter and Cloud Chaser?” His brow furrowed in confusion.” I’d think you’d know more about them tha-.”
“No, them.” Doc said again, his face flushing slightly.
“What, mares?”
Doc nodded.
Soarin contemplated for a moment before answering.
“Enough.”
“Do you think you could give me... urh… some pointers or something?”
“The way I’m going you’d probably be better asking somepony else.”
“I thought you and Rainbow were-.”
Soarin cut him off with a sidelong glance.
“Oh. Right… Sorry.” Doc mumbled.
“Gonna head on in?” Flitter interrupted, holding the pub door open for her sister. A wave of warm air washed out of the small building and the smell of cooked food tingled Soarin’s sinuses.
“Uh… I’ll just be a sec.” Soarin said, his usual instincts to eat first and ask questions later being pushed off a cliff.
“Suit yourself.” She said, letting a flustered Doc past and closing the door behind her.
The biting cold returned and Soarin stamped his hooves against the ground a few times to try and get some warmth back in them, his eyes meanwhile searching the sky for his quarrel.
The furrow on his brow deepened as time ticked on.
Rainbow Dash was never late.
A pair of specks appeared in the grey sky and a few moments later they resolved into two pegasi.
“Thunderlane?” Soarin whispered as he noticed the grey stallion flying next to Rainbow Dash.
The two angled their flight path down and within a few seconds landed perfectly in front of him.
“Oh hey Thunderlane, hey Rainbow Dash.” Soarin said.
Rainbow Dash ignored him and shoved him aside.
“What’s her problem?” Thunderlane muttered as the door the pub swung open and shut, letting another blast of warm air into the street.
“You don’t want to know.” Soarin said,
“Eh, I might have an idea anyway.” Thunderlane said, a devilish grin appearing on his face.
“You look happy.”
“Got a problem with that? Thunder asked, suddenly defensive.
“Uh… no? I was just saying…”
“Right… of course.” He said, his talkative mood evaporating rapidly. He shoved the door opened and closed it again, leaving Soarin alone in the biting cold wind.
 
When Soarin entered the pub, the usually quiet building was bustling. The weather team was clustered around their regular table and several other ponies milled around the room. Much to his surprise a pair of griffons sat in the corner talking quietly.
Picking his way across the room, Soarin plunked himself down on a chair next to Doc and listened half-heartedly to the small pep talk Rainbow was giving the team.
He was more interested in the breakfast laid out in front of him.
“Winter is coming. We’d better brace ourselves for a busy week or two.” Rainbow Dash said, flicking through a schedule of some sort. “The up-tops are calling for an earlier deadline for winter than last year so we’ve got to the same amount of work in less time. I have total faith that we can bring winter in within the time though, especially now that we have a new hoof on the team. Soarin.”
Soarin looked up from his plate.
“You’re still new at this and as much as I hate to, I’ve still got a lot to teach you. As you may have figured out from yesterday snow behaves much differently from rain.” A quiet round of snickers went around the table as the team imagined Soarin helplessly clearing snow.
Soarin groaned; more lessons with Dash would be tantamount to a death sentence.
“Why can’t Doc teach me?” Soarin objected.
“If you want it done right, do it yourself.” Rainbow quipped, grinning in a way that made Soarin feel slightly uncomfortable.
‘Yep, I’m boned.’
 
“Again.” Rainbow Dash said, shoving another snow laden cloud towards Soarin.
Soarin growled and stopped the cloud with an outstretched hoof. He had been trying the same basic drill for the last five hours straight. Dash had been relentless and had only allowed a single, short break to allow his tired muscles to rest.
Taking a breath, he tore apart the cloud, breaking it down into small chunks.
“Stop!” Rainbow cried out.
“What now?” Soarin grumbled, hiding his irritation expertly,
“Too small, you’ll spend minutes on a single cloud. Speed is essential.”
“I’d like to see you do it better.” Soarin snapped.
Without a word Rainbow took a cloud, disassembled it and then reknitted it together in the space of a few seconds.
“Just shut up and stop questioning my every word, got it?” She retorted.
“Yes ma’am.” Soarin said icily.
“Again. And try to do it right this time.” She said, flinging another cloud at him.
Soarin gnashed his teeth together and started disassembling the cloud only to be stopped halfway through again.
“Too big, you’ll end up whiter than Celestia snorting sugar if you try to knock that around. Now, again.” She reassembled the cloud and hurled it at Soarin.
“I swear if she…” Soarin muttered under his breath as he diced the cloud.
“Stop!”
“What now, your highness?” Soarin snapped.
“Too small again, we’ve been over this.” She said, ignoring his scathing words. “Now, do it again.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“No.” Soarin said defiantly.
“You’d better think real hard about the next words that you say. Now do it again.”
“No.”
Soarin’s insubordination didn’t go down well with Rainbow Dash. Her eyes narrowed to vicious slits.
“I see what you’re doing. The snowstorm yesterday, the endless drills today. You really think I’m dumb enough to not realise what you’re doing? You’re deliberately wasting my time and making me look like a fool just so you get some… some sense of satisfaction? Some revenge?” Soarin said, trying to keep his voice level.
“You think I’d deliberately waste my time hanging around here with you?” Rainbow shot back. "I have better things to do."
Soarin blinked, he hadn’t considered that.
“Listen buddy, I’m teaching you this out the kindness of my heart so don’t you forget that. It might seem like I’m being harsh but I just want you to do it right. I might not like you very much but that doesn’t mean I have to go around being an arsehole. Maybe that’s something you should learn. Now do the drill again.”
“But… But what about the snow storm?” Soarin said flustered.
“I like to throw ponies in the metaphorical deep end. And then release a shark. Forces you to learn quickly. Now run the drill, I don’t want to have to tell you again.”
Soarin hung in the air for a moment.
“I’m… Sorry. I should have thought better of you than to be so petty.”
“Drop it.” She said, hurling the abused cloud at him again.
Soarin diced the cloud again, earning a silent but approving nod from Dash.
“Look, Rainbow…”
“Soarin.” She growled
“No, it’s something I need to get off my chest. Look… About what happened last week at the hospital… I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
I said some things I shouldn’t have; you said some things you shouldn’t have… Can we just put it behind us?”
Dash looked thoughtful for a moment
“I’m pretty sure you deserved everything I said.”
Soarin glared at her.
“Seriously though… I guess I should apologise too.”
“You don’t need to apologise.”
“I should though; I’ve been pushing you so hard over the last two weeks. I suppose I’ve just been wanting the old times back.”
“What do you mean?” Soarin asked, his ears perking up in curiosity.
“Actually, forget I said anything. It’s nothing.” She said hastily, slapping two hooves together. “Now run the drill again.”
Soarin diced another cloud into fluffy chunks, very much aware that he had heard something she didn’t want him to.
“So are we cool?” He finally asked.
Dash just shrugged.


> How Soarin learnt to stop worrying and love the Pink
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
Chapter Eight: How Soarin learnt to stop worrying and love the pink.
 
 
“Acceptable?!” Soarin fumed, “I pulled a cloud apart in less than 30 seconds! She and Thunderlane are the only ones who can match that and she calls it 'acceptable'?” He slammed the door behind him and threw his goggles on the bench in frustration. For the second time that week, Rainbow Dash had criticised his performance despite the massive improvements he was making. 
With winter just around the corner, the entire team had been flat out making preparations and Soarin found himself spending hours a day moving vast quantities of clouds from the weather factories in Cloudsdale to Ponyville or setting up large banks of snow clouds around town.
Hurricane, too interested in cleaning his claws paid his owner no heed.
“Yeah as if you’d care. As long as you’re fed and have a warm thing to steal warmth from you don’t care.” Soarin muttered glaring at the falcon. He shooed the bird off the lounge noticing with distaste the large amount of grey feathers around Hurricane’s small perch.
“The fact that you eat other birds is bad enough but would you mind a least eating them, ya know, somewhere else?”
Hurricane let out a quiet screech and started preening himself, happily oblivious to Soarin’s displeasure.
“Do you know what else happened today?” Soarin asked as if Hurricane was actually listening. “I got in a bet with Doc and Thunderlane. Loser had to provide a home-cooked dinner for the others. Naturally guess who lost? That’s right, me.”
Soarin threw a look at Hurricane who was still too busy preening himself to notice.
“So now those two are coming around for dinner tonight, now I know you don’t like guests but be polite.” Soarin said sternly “If you do what you did to that poor mail mare I will personally pluck you naked, stick you in a pot and feed you to the birds. I had to spend an hour convincing that poor thing it was safe to come out after you had your way with her.”
Hurricane clucked through his thick feathers, a gesture Soarin guessed either meant the falcon was amused or didn’t give a shit.
He still hadn’t quite figured that one out yet.
“Anyway, I have to go get some things for tonight, I’ll be back soon.” Soarin said, grabbing his saddlebags and opening the door again to leave.
While the falcon had bonded to Soarin like a newborn chick to its mother, Soarin still had reservations about the bird. Its tendency to leave half eaten pigeons at the front door was irritating but the Falcon’s  indifference to everything around it not concerning itself and quick temper reminded Soarin surprisingly of himself. The bird had caused enough issues with Soarin that he had considered dumping it with the shy caretaker who had given the damn thing to him more than once, but Soarin could never bring himself to do it.
He was determined to learn how to tolerate it.

Stepping through another small field of feathers, Soarin dropped off the edge of his cloud home, eager to get the small trip over and done with. Turning towards the market, instinctively banking further than necessary to go around the gaudy bakery known as Sugarcube Corner and its resident mad baker.
‘Insane more like it.’ Soarin thought with a grimace as he remembered the somewhat mind-scarring party Pinkie had thrown for him.
‘At least I got to dance with Dash.’ Soarin concluded, trying to put a positive spin his dour thoughts. He and the prismatic mare were barely on speaking terms outside of work, even then she kept conversation short and to the point.
‘Well at least she actually sometimes talks to me. Better than nothing I suppose.’ He thought, rubbing his jaw where she had hit him almost a week ago. With a week to grapple over his feelings for her, Soarin had come to the gut-wrenching conclusion that he liked her. Only Celestia knew why, but he did. How he, or anypony for that matter, could find the horrendous egotistical mare attractive (Other than physically) remained a mystery to him.
Naturally, he hadn’t told her.
A tantalisingly fragrant smell reached his nostrils, pulling him out of his thoughts. Looking around for the source of the smell, Soarin noticed with alarm he was closer to Sugarcube Corner than he would have considered safe. 
‘Much too close.’ he thought, alarm bells going off in his head. It was almost as if the bakery had uprooted itself from its foundations and come towards him.
As this was possibly Pinkie he was dealing with, Soarin didn’t immediately discard that possibility.
Or more likely, Soarin had just flown closer than he had anticipated and Pinkie Pie was not a space-time bending/defying pony.
A pink head suddenly appeared out of Soarin’s saddle bag.
“Hey Soarin!” A characteristically bubbly voice said
 
“OH shit!” Soarin shrieked, dumping the now heavy saddlebags off his flank with a twist. Soarin watched wide eyed as the bags raced towards the ground, expanding as more of Pinkie somehow appeared inside of them.
There was a loud crash a few moments later followed by another cheerful greeting to the unfortunate owner of the house Pinkie had just smashed through.
‘Fly you fool!’ Soarin thought dumbly as he watched Pinkie drunkenly clamber from the wreckage.
His wings taking a moment longer to respond, Soarin blasted through the air towards the market desperate to escape.
‘How did she do that?’ Soarin thought as he surveyed the market. Noticing a flash of pink, he did a quick loop and planted himself firmly on a nearby cloud. He peered over the edge cautiously, alert for any more signs of Pinkie.
‘I’m safe here, she can’t get me here.’ Soarin reassured himself. ‘Only pegasi can go on clouds.’
“You shouldn’t really drop me like that! I mean somepony could have gotten hurt and that would be just awful!”
“Pinkie?!” Soarin yelled incredulously as she appeared hanging upside down from the cloud behind him.
“Of course I’m Pinkie you great big goof ba-.” She looked around suddenly, noticing that Soarin had vanished again.
“What, do I smell or something?”
 




Meanwhile on a tiny planet called Earth; the third planet from the ball of gas known to the human race as Sol. The tomb in Westminster Abbey belonging to Isaac Newton started to creak and groan 
 
Isaac Newton rolled over in his grave.
“Damn it Pinkie.” 
 
 


 

 “Okay I’m safe here, she can’t possibly find me here.” Soarin whimpered to himself, rocking back and forth in a small cellar he’d found. After first checking the cellar for any other possible avenues of entry, Soarin bunkered himself down, happy to wait until the unbearable Pink pony called it quits for the day and left him alone.
“No way in hell she can find me.” Soarin murmured.
“Oo cah?” Pinkie asked from behind him. “Are oo layin ieo eek? Ooo ooh ca I lay?”
Soarin managed to contain a flurry of curses and slumped his shoulders in weary resignation.
“You...” he muttered under his breath. Turning towards the pink pony, Soarin noticed a three tiered cake delicately balanced on her tongue.
“How do you even do that?”
“Wa ‘is? I hav bo iea!”She giggled before swallowing the cake in a single gulp.
“You’ve got me,” Soarin said dryly, “What do you want?”
“Nothing, just wanted to say hi.”
Soarin’s jaw worked up and down furiously.
“You chased me halfway across town, broke the laws of physics several times with contemptuous ease and smashed a roof just to say hello?”
“When you put it like that it seems like I went to a lot of effort just to say hi didn’t I?”
Soarin stared at her blankly.
“No, you put in no effort whatsoever. I should feel offended and hate you forever.”
Naturally any normal pony would have detected the scathing sarcasm in Soarin’s tone and acted accordingly.
Pinkie Pie is not a normal pony however.
“No don’t say that, I’ll try better next time. Come with me I’ll make it up to you, Pinkie Promise” she gushed, practically dragging Soarin along behind her.
“Actually, I’ll be right thanks…” Soarin said trying to squirm out of her iron grip. “No really, it’s no trouble.”
Pinkie ignored him and continued gushing about how much of a bad pony she was.
As Pinkie dragged him through the streets of Ponyville a single thought flew through Soarin’s mind.
‘Shit.’
 
Hurricane’s head snapped up as the door to Soarin’s home swung open suddenly and a veritable tower of cakes, pies and other baked goods staggered through.
The bird peered at the mountain curiously, noting a small pale blue Pegasus underneath the massive pile.
Soarin gave the bird a disbelieving look.
“Don’t ask. Just don’t.”
 
“You cheated” Doc said as he examined a piece of pie thoughtfully. Whatever reservations he may have had about the meal were quickly banished as he scarfed the tasty morsel down in a few bites.
“You never said I had to make the dinner.” Soarin countered. “Just had to be home cooked. And this was cooked in a home.”
“He’s right you know.” Thunderlane said through half a slice of pie.
Doc shrugged. “Food is food, I guess.”
Soarin nodded in agreement, throwing a small piece of pie to Hurricane as he did so. The falcon sniffed the pie experimentally before shying away from the baked delight.
The three ponies munched in silence for a few minutes, Thunderlane belching loudly as he bolted down the remains of his meal.
“How’d you get all this anyway?” Doc asked as he more politely finished his portion.
“Pinkie Pie.”
“Ahh, I get it.” Doc said knowingly.
“You do? How? I didn’t even say anything.”
“It’s Pinkie, nothing more needs to be said. Everypony in this town knows she’s a little off her rocker.”
“I think all the mares in this town are a bit cuckoo if you ask me.” Soarin said dourly.
“I mean look at our own weather team for example, Flitter is obsessively trying to controlling her sister’s life, Cloud Chaser gets all dreamy eyed every time she even hears my name and Rainbow Dash, don’t even let me get started there.”
“I like Flitter, she’s nice to me.” Doc half mumbled.
“And Dash isn’t so bad, you just gotta get used to her being dominative and stuff.” Thunderlane said gruffly, a look of irritation crossing his face.
“And Cloud Chaser getting all starry eyed, not surprising. If I was gay, and I’m not, but if I was, I’d be hitting on you.” Doc concluded making Soarin shuffle in his seat awkwardly.
“Thanks guys. Just back me up why don’t you.” Soarin said.
“No problem.” The two responded in unison.
“Look, you’ve got to admit Rainbow can be a bit of a hard-arse right?”
Doc shrugged. “Not really, I think you’re letting your feelings from one or two bad experiences with her cloud your judgement."
Soarin opened his mouth to argue but was silenced by Thunderlane rising from the table suddenly.
"Shit, would you look at the time, I had better be off guys, I’ve got prior commitments I need to fulfil.” The grey Pegasus said making his way towards the door.
“Prior commitments?” Doc asked with a raised eyebrow.
“A date.” Thunderlane responded simply.
“Who’s the unlucky mare?”
Thunderlane’s eyes narrowed.
“Rainbow Dash, and for the record she is quite happy with me.” he snarled.
Soarin’s mouth fell open in surprise.
“Since when have you two been dating?” He asked, regaining control of his motor skills.
“Since last week. I talked to her while she was in hospital but we got back together the after day she got out.” he opened the door, letting a cold breeze through. “It’s only been a week but she seems happy enough.”
Soarin wordlessly opened and closed his mouth a few times. He suddenly realised that it was Thunderlane who had been Rainbow Dash's mystery visitor. He almost kicked himself in the head for not connecting the stallions rough voice to voice he had heard in the hospital.
“Now you will excuse me, I really should get going. You know what she does to ponies that are late.” Thunderlane muttered, going through the door and shutting behind him it with a soft click.
The following silence was deafening.
“Well you took that better than I expected.” Doc muttered off from the side.
 

“Better than expected?” Soarin quipped, “What were you expecting me to do? Turn into an evil deity and banish Thunderlane to the moon?”
“Well… no, but I was expecting some reaction other than.” Doc opened and closed his mouth in imitation of Soarin.
“Stop that.” Soarin grumbled, giving Doc a harsh glare.
“You’re just upset, it’s natural to be jealous in your-.”
“Jealous?!” Soarin spluttered, “Why would I be jealous?!”
“Thunderlane is with Rainbow Dash, you like Rainbow Dash therefore you are jealous of Thunderlane for being with Rainbow Dash and not yourself.”
“That’s ridiculous, where did you get that from? Who told you, Surprise did didn’t she?” Soarin grumbled not quite making eye contact with Doc.
The brown Pegasus looked at Soarin knowingly.
“I don’t like her!” Soarin snapped.
Doc continued staring.
“Would you stop that? You're not getting anywhere by doing that.”
“It would be so much easier if you just admitted it.” Doc said calmly, “It’s fairly obvious.”
Soarin remained quiet for another moment before letting out an exasperated sigh. “Alright! I like her, happy?”
Doc shrugged “Just confirming what I already knew. Doesn't change the fact you’re jealous though.”
“As I said that’s stupid, I’m not jealous of Thunderlane.”
Doc raised an eyebrow and blinked silently.
 “Okay maybe a little…” Soarin admitted, rubbing his hoof across the back of his head abashedly.
Doc blinked again.
“Fine you got me, I’m jealous.” Soarin mumbled.
“There we go.” Doc said softly, a smug smirk appearing on his face.
“Thunderlane doesn't deserve her... she could do much better.”
“Like yourself?” Doc asked.
“I didn’t say that." Soarin snapped, flushing red.
Doc leaned back in his chair and let his eyes wander.
"Alright look, this is what I don’t get. It’s the stallions like Thunderlane that always get the girl. Why? What is it about them that makes them so attractive? No disrespect to Thunderlane, but he’s a bit of a dick.”
“And you’re not?” Doc asked, an amused grin spreading across his face.
“Well… yeah…” Soarin scowled. “This is different. Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash were already together once and Thunderlane messed up, you told me. I’m a clean slate. Almost” He corrected.
“Thunderlane could have made it up to her somehow. Doc guessed.
“She could still do better.” Soarin said grumpily.
“If you had said this a month and a half ago when we first met I would have called you crazy. You, Soarin, mooning over a mare. Rainbow Dash at that?”
“Yeah, call me crazy. I had a hard enough time coming to odds with the fact I like her.”
“It takes one with ‘acquired’ taste, lets say, to see something in her.”
Soarin muttered a profane thought under his breath.
“It’s just a pity you’ll probably be friend-zoned in favour of somepony else.”
Soarin opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
“I don’t understand.” He finally managed.
“Look, I‘m no expert, but I like to think this… so called group of stallions that you mentioned are less of an emotional attachment for mares than say... you or me. They'd prefer to have us as friends where they can have the benefits of being friends without the possible emotional fallout of a relationship that goes south.”
“I don’t get it.” Soarin huffed.
“Me neither but consider this, what if they only got with these guys as they thought it less of a risk than have a real, emotionally attached relationship. You know, not as much of a risk of them being hurt by these guys as they can almost expect them to do something stupid.”
“That sounds like backward thinking.” Soarin said, pointing out the flaw in Doc's thinking.
“Maybe, quite a few mares are insecure with their emotions. True, nopony likes getting hurt but some of them just can’t stomach the thought of it.”
“You think that Rainbow Dash is emotionally insecure?” Soarin scoffed.
“Well she’s the one that wanted no more from you than to rut her brains out… so… yes? Maybe she was afraid of having a deeper emotional connection with you.”
Soarin flushed red.
“Okay when you put it that way…”
“It makes a lot more sense yes?”
Soarin nodded slowly then stopped. “Actually, she’s hinted at a much deeper past between us. Well, she let it slip out really. I don’t remember shit, but apparently we had a bit to do with each other a few years ago.”
“You saw the wedding tape?” Doc guessed.
“Yes, you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”
“Wouldn’t have a clue, sorry. Maybe you should ask her.”
Soarin wrinkled his snout in disapproval.
“She wouldn’t tell me.”
“Not that she’s with Thunderlane now.”
“Yeah...” His brow furrowed as Thunderlane was brought up again. “Still, I don’t like this whole thing. Maybe it’s me, but I can see it ending badly. In fact, I’d wager that Thunderlane does something stupid and Dash dumps him. In a week.”
Doc grimaced. “I don’t really like those sorts of bets, not my business... but... what the hell, deal.” He looked suddenly serious. “But if I sense your hoof in any of it, the bet is off and you’re going back to grade school to learn some damn manners.”
“Deal.”
A odd thought struck Soarin. “How do you know so much about this stuff? You were asking me for help the other day.”
“Guess I’m more of a natural than I thought.” Doc said suavely, running a hoof through his mohawk-like mane with a small grin on his face.
“An absolute mare-killer.” Soarin said with a small grin.
Doc chuckled quietly, a wistful look appearing on his face.
“This conversation has given me an idea. There’s somepony I need to talk to.” He said, a small twinkle appearing in his eye.
“This certain somepony wouldn’t be a certain twin I know by any chance?” Soarin guessed.
Doc winked.
“Boy, sometimes I think we run a dating service, not a damn weather patrol.” Soarin said with a chuckle.
“Hey you’re the ones with the hots for the boss.”
“Shut up and get out of here you bastard.”  Soarin said, a goofy grin plastering his face.
Doc nodded slightly and left the house in a flurry of wing beats, another blast of cold air assaulted Soarin as the door flew open and shut again.
The smile immediately fell off his face leaving no trace of the good cheer it had just held. Soarin leaned back in his chair, suddenly feeling very tired.
What if Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane did break up? What then? Would she accept Soarin or would she just pound him into the dirt like he had to her before?
What if they never broke up? What they get married, had kids and then, as an ultimately hilarious gesture, Soarin had to baby-sit them?
‘Calm down, that’s not going to happen.’ Soarin thought, dismissing the preposterous idea as easily as it had come it him.
There were too many ‘What-ifs’ and not enough facts, too many tin-foil hat wearers and not enough government agents to sweep them under the rug.
Soarin groaned in frustration, it was hurting his head thinking about it.
“I’m going to sleep.” he muttered, trotting past Hurricane and giving the bird’s feathers a good ruffle.
He climbed the stairs and paused at his bedroom door, examining the newly repaired seams.
Satisfied with the repair work, he crawled into his bed and stared at the ceiling.
Sleep didn’t come easily.
 
A series of rapid fire knocks rang out on Soarin’s door, jolting him awake. Soarin looked at the small clock perched on his bedside table.
Two o’ clock, it read.
‘Who could that be at this hour?’ he thought tiredly as another barrage of knocks assaulted his front door.
“Hold on, I’m coming.”
The knocking came again impatiently, waking Hurricane who squawked loudly in protest.
“Can I help you?” Soarin asked, the words dying in his mouth as he opened the door.
He was surprised to see an intoxicated Rainbow Dash leaning heavily on the door frame, a bottle of expensive liquor hanging loosely from her mouth.
“You rat bastard.” She slurred summing Soarin up in a few words.
Before Soarin could question her unexpected appearance or verbal slur, she collapsed to the ground unconscious.


> The part where things happen (This is that part)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
           Chapter nine: The part where things happen (This is that part).
 
Soarin sat down in the pub, a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hoof. While he usually hated the vile, bitter drink, Soarin felt he needed the caffeine hit more than he hated the taste. After Rainbow Dash’s sudden appearance in the early hours of the morning, Soarin had carefully carried her to his bed and tucked her in. He had checked her over but other than a bit of black discolouration around her right eye and a couple of scrapes and bruises she looked fine. He briefly wondered how she had gotten the multitude of injures and immediately dismissed the possibility of Thunderlane assaulting her; She was too tough for that and although Thunderlane may have been a bit of an idiot in Soarin’s eyes, he wasn’t a monster.
Nethertheless, being around Rainbow Dash when she was drunk normally ended badly for Soarin and not wishing to try his luck, he decided that sleeping on the couch was the wiser option.
Even so, he had lain awake for several hours, partly out of confusion and partly out of concern for his boss.
Checking up on her quickly before heading off for the regular morning meeting, Soarin had decided the sleeping mare was in no condition to work and left her where she was.
“Rough night?” Doc asked sliding into the seat opposite him.
“That would be an understatement.” Soarin muttered, resting his head on the cool table.
“Want to talk about it?”
Soarin cracked an eye open and stared at Doc.
“I assume this is more than just sleep deprivation.” Doc said wryly.
“Yeah, it’s Rainbow Dash.”
Doc nodded as if Soarin had simply confirmed his suspicions.
“She kinda… dropped in this morning.”
“Oh?”
“She was wasted, totally out of it. She swore at me and then passed out.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah…” Soarin muttered, letting the word hang for a moment.
“How is she?”
“Fine I guess. Still sleeping it off when I left this morning.”
“You didn’t..?” Doc asked.
“She was unconscious.” Soarin said.
“So no.” Doc said. It was more of a statement and less of a question.
“Yeah.”
“I see.” Doc said taking a piece of toast from a small pile and biting into it with vigour.
“How about you? How did your ‘thing’ go” Soarin asked, closing his eye again.
“Fine, fine.” Doc said, brushing the question off as easily as Soarin would devour a stack of pancakes.
Not having the energy to push the matter further Soarin took another tentative sip of coffee, sighing as the warmth of the drink spread to his extremities.
He was shaken out of his stupor by a hoof poking him in the ribs and sliding him across the chair gently, he cracked open his eye to see Cloud Chaser pushing him along. Flitter sat next to Doc, a distracted look on her face.
“Hey” Soarin rumbled, closing his eye again.
“What’s up big blue?” Cloud Chaser asked, grabbing a piece of fruit and munching slowly.
“Stuff.”
“Anything in particular?”
Soarin had no wish to tell Cloud Chaser or Flitter what had occurred last night so he shook his head slowly.
“Cool.” She said shortly, lapsing into silence again.
Nopony seemed particularly eager to start the conversation again.
“Where’s Thunderlane? Or Rainbow Dash? They should be here by now.” Flitter asked, cutting through the silence like a knife.
“I don’t know where Thunderlane is, but Soarin can help on the Rainbow Dash side.” Doc said. “If he wants to of course.” He added quickly as Soarin opened an eye and glared at him.
Soarin cursed under his breath and reluctantly told the twins what had happened last night.
Flitter looked shocked but her sister’s face was one of barely concealed anger.
“Sounds just like Thunderlane, he gets something good and he ruins it. I should know.”
“We don’t know Thunderlane did anything.” Doc said pointedly. “It could have been something else.”
“It was him.” She snarled. “Trust me on that. I hope she kicked his flank in.”
“Enough.” Soarin barked. “Let’s not jump to conclusions or anything… Let’s just… get our work done and I’ll talk to her about it later.”
Cloud Chaser grunted in annoyance but closed her mouth.
“Thank you…” Soarin muttered. “Now, here’s what we’re going to do…”
 
Down two veteran team members, the team struggled to get things done on time. Clouds were left unpacked or uncleared and snow fell on areas meant to remain clear. By the end of the day, they were all exhausted. Despite the fierce chill that dusk had bought, Soarin found himself sweating.
Landing tiredly outside his home, Soarin cautiously entered. He wasn’t expecting Rainbow Dash to still be here but he never knew what she might have done in his absence. Seeing no sign of the prismatic mare on the bottom floor, Soarin crept up to his bedroom and poked his head around the door.
He was quite surprised to see Rainbow Dash still sleeping.
Trotting in silently, he sat on the bed next to her. He felt strange... creepy almost just sitting next to her and watching her sleep but he wasn't sure how he could wake her up without receiving permanent damage. Maybe the simple way would be best.
“Hey.” He said quietly.
A rose eye cracked open.
“Hey.” She said with a loud groan.  “Uhhh… My head…”
Soarin repressed a slight grin.
“Where am I?” She asked, not lifting her head.
“My place.” Soarin replied softly.
“Why am I here? We didn’t..?” She croaked.
“No.” Soarin said simply. “Wait here, I’ll grab you some water.”
“Thanks.” Rainbow muttered, falling back into the bed.
Soarin trotted downstairs and fetched a jug of water along with a few scraps of food he found. He returned as quickly as he could without seeming like he was hurrying.
As somepony once told him, 'Fly casual'
“How do you feel?” he asked as she tentatively sipped on a glass of water.
“Terrible.” Rainbow muttered. “How long have I been out?”
Soarin glanced at the clock. “About sixteen hours.”
“Great.” She groaned.
Soarin nodded silently.
An inexorable silence drew out, interrupted only by the occasional sound from the town below. After what felt like hours,  Soarin opened his mouth again.
“What happened?”
“What...? What happened with what?”
“This morning.”
“Nothing.” She grumped, rolling over so he couldn’t see her face.
“You call showing up on my front door-step drunk at two in the morning nothing?” Soarin said, gently probing for information.
“I said it was nothing.” She said her voice oddly choked. It took Soarin a moment to figure out what was wrong about her voice.
She was crying.
“Dash, what’s wrong?” He asked. "Please, tell me."
She remained silent, her petite form racked by occasional sobs silhouetted in the dying daylight.
Soarin laid a comforting hoof on her shoulder; she flinched at the contact but didn’t move away.
“Thunderlane.” She said softly.
‘Kind of guessed that already.’ Soarin thought in frustration. “What about him?” he asked, trying to keep his voice level.
“I broke up with him.” She said, rolling over to look at Soarin. Her face was streaked with a few tears but no more fell from her eyes.
Soarin’s heart did a little backflip but he didn’t let his brief moment of celebration show.
“Tell me what happened.” he said simply. 
Dash sighed and shuffled next to Soarin. She sat like a cat, coiled up and ready to pounce.
 “We were out at this bar last night. Nice place, fantastic mood and the drinks come with little umbrellas.” She said with a small smile which quickly vanished.
“Anyway, it’s going okay when suddenly this mare comes up. You wouldn’t know her, I think her name is Cloud Kicker or something though. So anyway, she comes up and demands to know what I’m doing with her boyfriend. Thunderlane is looking pretty nervous by this point and Whats-her-name is getting pretty antsy when I tell her she’s got the wrong guy. I may or may not have called her a lying bitch…” She trailed off a moment and gingerly touched her black eye. “That’s how I got this. The fight got broken up pretty quickly which is a pity cause I would have kicked her arse to the Griffon Nation and back.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously.
“This just gets better and better” Soarin mumbled, ruffling his wings. They brushed up against Rainbow but she didn’t shy away like she had before.
“I storm out, pretty angry with Thunderlane and pretty angry with this other bitch. Thunderlane tries to call me back but I tell him to go bend over and screw himself up the arse. I then fly around for a bit. Try to calm down you know? Flying does that for me.”
“I know what you mean.” Soarin said back.
“Anyway, I get this great idea that I may have over-reacted a bit and that I should go apologise to Thunderlane… Or more so I can get an explanation out of him.” Her voice cracked slightly as she trailed off. “So I go to... to his place… but he’d already moved on.”
“Oh no…” Soarin said, eyes widening. “That was fast.”
“That’s what I said to the bitch with her legs wrapped around his neck.” Rainbow said her voice cracking as she broke down into a fresh wave of tears.
Soarin visibly winced; collecting the winnings from Doc when he saw him next didn’t seem quite so appealing now.
Unsure of what to do, Soarin again placed his hoof reassuringly on her back.
“There, there.” He said. “You don’t have to cry. Everything’s alright.”
It dawned on Soarin that he was absolute rubbish when it came to offering emotional support.
 “No it’s not, I thought I could trust that jerk and he runs off and cheats on me.” Rainbow snapped. “I thought he had changed, I hoped he had. I was willing to give him another chance. I don’t think I’m going to give anypony that luxury again.” She growled, “And I’m not crying… I’ve just got… got something in my eye, that’s all."
Soarin briefly wondered if that sentiment applied to him but quickly pushed the thought out of his mind.
“So you actually liked him?”
“I was willing to give him another chance and I’m here telling you about why it hurts… So yeah, I guess I liked him a little. He’s not such a bad pony… he just makes bad choices.”
A new thought emerged in Soarin’s mind. “Why come to me? Surely you have many other ponies who you are better friends with that would be much better at talking with you about... stuff. What about that sparkly vampire one?”
“Twilight? Bah, she’d know nothing about this. Besides, I was drunk, it was late and I wasn’t thinking with my head.”
Soarin nodded slowly. “Fair enough. Another thing I’d like to know, ‘You rat bastard’... care to explain?”
“Again. Drunk, not thinking clearly. Had this fantastic idea in my head that it was your fault. Wanted to give you a piece of my mind.”
“My fault?!” Soarin asked.
“It’s ridiculous; you’d lose brain cells hearing it.” She said,  burying her head in a pillow for a moment.
”I just… feel so… stupid.” She said inched a little closer to Soarin. “To be tricked like that again… I just wish something would work out for me just for once. I guess I’ll just have to be my own special somepony… again. Maybe I’m made out to be a loner.”
Soarin shifted uncomfortably. Despite the poor light Soarin could see her eyes had gained an unfocused, glazed appearance. The sobering thought was clearly having a profound effect on the mare.
“I mean, I haven’t ever had luck with a relationship… I mean… not a serious relationship at least… I could just never find the right guy for me. They’d always be in it for what they get could from me or be like Thunderlane and be distracted by the next mare that passed along.” She paused for a second as if coming to a sudden realisation. “You know what Soarin?”
“What?” He asked, turning his head to face Rainbow Dash. The light had completely faded now, leaving the room almost pitch black.
“I’ve only had one real relationship that worked out well.” She snorted in amusement. “Well, not perfectly as we’re not together anymore. But we ended on good terms at least. I managed to have one period of my life when I didn't fuck up and chase somepony off or... or... have somepony cheat on me. One. Just once. Guess that says a lot about me.”
“Really?” Soarin asked, feeling a slight tug on his mind as if he was forgetting something important. "I'm sorry to hear that. What was he like... that one guy I mean."
“He was a great guy. Funny, nice, cared about me but still gave me room. Real good looking too. Nothing at all like you, so don't get any funny ideas.”
“What happened?” Soarin asked, curious to how this apparently great catch had slipped through the net.
“He was already married to his job.” She said sadly.
“Ah.”
The two ponies lay there in the darkness, silence their only other companion.
“I should go.” Rainbow dash said finally, shattering the silence. "Thanks for looking after me." 
He heard the sound of rustling sheets and a moment later felt her warm body press against him. He hoped that she couldn’t feel his wings shifting uncomfortably. If she did though, she didn’t point it out. Soarin felt her head rub against his chest and was surprised to feel a tear run onto his leg.
 “Would you want to stay for dinner? I’ve got a small mountain of pies that need to be eaten.” Soarin blurted out. “I mean you don’t have to but they won’t last forever and it’ll be a waste for-.” A hoof appeared over his mouth, cutting his ramblings off.
“That would be nice, thank you.”
 
Dinner was served with a clatter of plates and the silent munching of pie. Unlike the night before which had been loud and jovial, tonight was more sullen. Dash still hadn’t opened up yet to her usual conversational self and Soarin was unwilling to start conversation lest he touch on an awkward topic. They ate in silence, only the occasional word passing between them.
It reminded Soarin uncomfortably of his first date almost two decades ago.
“So… How’s life?” He asked awkwardly.
“Shit.” She said back curtly with a flicker of a small grin. “Are you alright Soarin? That’s the third time you’ve asked me that.”
Soarin mentally kicked himself. “Yeah sorry, just a bit nervous... on edge, if you will.”
“Nervous? Why would you be nervous?”
“It’s nothing, honest.” He lied.
"You sure?"
Soarin glanced around the room nervously. He considered telling her how he felt but almost immediately discarded it. She had said herself she wouldn’t be giving anypony a second chance.
And he’d already blown his first one.
“Nah, it’s nothing.”
‘Another time maybe, when she hasn’t just broken up with her boyfriend and on the verge of BSODing’ He told himself.
“Soarin?”
“Hmm?” His head snapped up to look at her.
“Would it be alright, I mean if it’s not too much of a problem… could I stay the night?” she stuttered.
Soarin was momentarily taken aback. “Wha- I mean, are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She said scraping her hoof along the cloud underfoot.
“Okay, sorry for asking again. But why?”
She sighed. “I still feel really shit and I don’t want to fly home hungover.” It was a pathetic excuse and they both knew it, Soarin could have easily carried her home 
“Okay… I mean sure, if you want to go right ahead. I’m fine with sleeping on the couch again.”
“We can share your bed, we’re both adults here.” She said coyly.
‘That’s exactly what I was afraid of…’ Soarin thought, his suspicions confirmed. 
“I’m fine on the couch.” He said again.
“Suit yourself, don’t see why we can’t sleep together.” She muttered. “I mean, not like that… you know, I mean sleep together, not sleep together.”
“Because you’re emotional and not thinking straight; I don’t want you to do something you’d end up regretting.” Soarin said bluntly picking his plate up and carrying it to the kitchen.
“I didn't think you’d care about that.” Dash said, slightly surprised. 
“Changed haven’t I?” Soarin said with a small grin.
“Yeah… I guess.” She said looking glumly at her own empty plate.
Soarin stretched his back, popping a few joints and crawled onto the couch, pulling a blanket over him.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. Too much work and not enough sleep. I have you to thank for that.” He noted wryly.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t sweat it.” Soarin half mumbled. He stared at the floor, trying to clear his mind of Rainbow Dash.
It didn’t help when she appeared on the floor in front of him.
“Yes?” He asked in a somewhat irritated manner.
“Nothing, just thought I’d chill here with you for a bit. Bit cold though.”
Soarin sighed and shifted a little so there was room on the couch for her. She muttered quiet thanks and curled up on the couch next to him. Looked like getting sleep was out of the question.
“Dash.” Soarin asked, an unanswered question coming to mind.
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something? It’s a bit personal… But I’d like to know.”
She hesitated for moment. “Yeah sure, shoot.”
“Well, I watched a few tapes when I was in hospital and there was one at some royal wedding of some kind.”
“Shining Armour and Princess Cadance. “ Rainbow murmured.
 “You were there, I was there.”
“Yeah… And?”
“Soarin recounted the events of the video, a look of nostalgia appearing on Rainbow Dash’s face as he reached the bit about them.
“What happened that night? I mean, between us."
Rainbow sat in silence for a moment.
“A few things.” She said quietly. “We danced, we talked. We… may have kissed. Can't entirely remember.” She shook her head. “I’m not normally one for the sappy stuff, more of an action girl really, but I have to admit it was a very romantic evening.”
Soarin raised an eyebrow.
“We started dating after that.”
“Dating?” Soarin blurted.
“Yeah, I’m a bit of a sucker for a guy in uniform. You looked very sharp that night if I remember correctly.”
“I always look sharp.” Soarin corrected her.
“That’s a nice ego you have there, I wonder if I’m rubbing off on you. Oh wait, I’m actually awesome enough to have an ego.” She said cheekily.
“As if.” Soarin snorted. “Anyway… carry on.
“That’s it.”
“Really? Nothing else at all?”
“Nope.”
“Well... we dated. I didn’t know that.” He said slowly. “How long did that last for?”
“Two years.”
Soarin spun to look at her. “Wha-? Two years? But that would mean we stopped just before my-”
She nodded “Yeah. Just before your accident. About a month or two before it actually.”
A revelation passed through Soarin.
“He was me?”
“Who was?”
“Your one good relationship… was with me.”
Rainbow Dash was silent for a few seconds.
“Yeah.” She said simply. “It was.”
 
Soarin looked her in wonder. Suddenly, much of her behaviour prior to the fiasco in the hospital made sense.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.
“You probably wouldn’t have believed me.” She said. “You kind of disliked me. You seemed happy enough without the know-whats so I left it at that.”
Soarin felt a pang of sympathy for her. His apparent change of character had hurt her a lot more than he had thought.
Soarin nodded. “Point taken.”
“You had no idea how happy I was to see you awake again after so long. Even though we had separated a while before I still cared for you.”
“We split on good terms then?”
“Yeah, as I said earlier, you were too busy with being a Wonderbolt and I was too busy with my practice and weather duties. We hardly had any time together at all. It was… for the better. Besides, with me wanting to join the squad... fraternisation would have become an issue."
She took a breath to steady herself.
“You have no idea how happy I was to hear you had woken up after so long… When I ran into you that first night, I didn’t know what to think. Hope maybe?” She shook her head, “When I saw you had changed… it hurt. A lot. It was hard enough with the fact you didn’t even know me. I decided that it would be best if you didn’t know… let you live your life how you want to, start whatever new things you wanted to. I was a blast from the past. I dropped whatever vestiges of hope I had of you coming around and moved on. I spent several months while you were unconscious trying to forget you.” She pulled a disgusted face. "Damn, I sound like a school-yard filly talking like this." She shuddered.
Soarin grimaced and pulled himself upright.
“I’m sorry.” He said, unsure of what he could say to make it better.
She waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s behind me.”
Soarin ran his eyes over her face. Her rose eyes gleamed in the dim light revealing an immense amount of sadness that seemed to be contained in the glimmering orbs. Soarin guessed had it not been for her immense willpower, she would have been in tears again.
Again, a few sounds from the town below reigned supreme. The faint scraping of somepony moving a large metal object along the ground reached Soarin’s ears.
Rainbow turned to face him and Soarin realised just how close their muzzles were.
Tantalisingly close.
“You know… we could…” He said, glancing down then locking eyes with her.
“Could what?” She asked. 
A spark of energy raced down Soarin’s spine as her eyes flickered down to his mouth then back up to his eyes. With mind numbing slowness, they drew together. He could feel her breath on his fur, and another tingling sensation ran up his spine as their mouths drew closer..
Although he had shared a few more intimate moments with Dash before, this one, unlike the other times, felt for a lack of better word… real. He wasn't just doing it for fun anymore.
Soarin wanted it.
Soarin’s mind went into overdrive as barely a centimetre separated their lips…
A loud crash from below followed by the sounds of smashing glass dispelled the moment as easily as Soarin would kick a cloud. A loud flurry of curses not suitable in even heated conversations drifted through the air, waking several animals whose barks and howls added to the cacophony of noise. Hurricane woke at his perch and screeched loudly, causing Dash to jump in fright, her wings jumping to attention at her sides.
The moment lost, Soarin withdrew, his confidence evaporating into thin air. Looking rather shaken, Dash didn’t seem eager to repeat the manoeuvre.
Realising what had just happened, she backed away quickly and ran a hoof through her slightly frazzled mane.
“I should go.” She said finally. “I think I’m fine to fly home actually.”
“Yeah, probably a good idea.” Soarin said, echoing her.
She stood quickly, throwing a glance over her shoulder back at him.
“I’m sorry Soarin, I just don’t think I could do that right now. I... need some time to think."
“I understand. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Dash smiled painfully and moved towards the door.
“Hey Soarin?”
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Thanks, for everything. You’re a good friend.”
He forced a smile. “No problems.” The particular way she had said ‘friend’ made Soarin’s gut churn.
“I’ve umm… also.., I got these tickets…” Dash said sudden timid. Seeing the normally brash and confident mare act so shyly was a rare but pleasurable experience for Soarin.
“Tickets?” Soarin enquired.
“Yeah, from that weather job we pulled off. I got a pair of VIP tickets to the Las Pegasus air show.” She explained, a hint of excitement entering her voice.
“Neat.” Soarin said stunned. The annual Las Pegasus air show was the largest and most prestigious event in the entirety of Equestria. There were flight demonstrations teams from all over the world who performed and competed. During his career he had probably performed several times but like any of his memories from the past, they were vague and fuzzy at best.
“I was going to take… Thunderlane… but would you want… want to come instead?”
“Sounds great.” Soarin said, his forced smile becoming genuine.
 


> Monsters (Both woollen and not)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
                Chapter ten: Monsters (Both woollen and not)

 
Soarin tapped a hoof against the wooden platform impatiently. ‘Always late.’ He thought, ‘Fastest Pegasus in Equestria and she’s always late.’
He scanned the empty sky once more and sighed explosively. Turning around, he took a seat on the busy platform, Thunderlane shifted slightly to make room for the burly flyer.
“A hilarious irony isn’t it?” Doc asked from the next seat down, as if reading Soarin’s thoughts.
“Tell me about it.” Soarin muttered
The last few days had crawled by as the Las Pegasus air show drew closer. Soarin wasn’t sure whether he looked forward to the possibility of seeing his old squadron again or the fact he had a pseudo-date with Rainbow Dash more. He glanced around again, noting with a hint of amusement that Doc had a hoof draped over Flitters shoulder. Cloud Chaser sat on the other side of Doc, a somewhat envious look on her face.
Much to Soarin’s surprise, Dash had procured several more tickets for the show. One for each team member in fact, provided free of charge by the Equestrian Weather Service. Unlike his gold edged VIP ticket though, the rest of the team had to be content with regular day passes.
“Soarin?” Thunderlane asked, bringing the Pegasus out of his thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“Why am I here?”
“Do I seriously need to explain where babies come from Thunderlane? Look when a mare and a stallion love each other very much…”
“No, I mean why I’m here right now. I mean, I screwed up. Why am I here enjoying the benefits?”
Soarin shrugged. “Oh right… I don’t know. Just enjoy what you’ve got.”
Thunderlane looked like he was going to say something else but shut his mouth.
Soarin sighed internally and returned his attention to the sky. If it wasn’t cold enough that he could see his breath misting in front of his face, it could’ve been a nice day.
“Soarin?” Thunderlane said again.
“Yes Thunderlane?” Soarin asked, masking his annoyance remarkable well.
“I know you like Rainbow Dash and all and you probably hate me for… well… what I did… but I’m sorry okay?”
“I’m not the one you need to be apologising to, I’m not the one who you hurt, I’m not the one who placed their faith in you and then had it crushed and I’m certainly not the one who needs to think about his lifestyle choices.”
“Can you tell her I’m sorry?” Thunderlane said, cowering under Soarin verbal assault.
“No, you can do that yourself… Maybe then she won’t cut your dick off…. Maybe she’ll just crush it instead.”
Thunderlane balked at the prospect.
“And for the record, I don’t hate you. You did me a great service and I’m thankful for it.”
“I did?” Thunderlane asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“Yes, yes you did.” Soarin said with a small grin.
 
Rainbow Dash finally decided to grace them with her presence, something Doc thought was ‘Fan-bloody-tastic’ mainly as she had managed to fly through the half-open door of their carriage while doing a forward roll and simultaneously handing her ticket to a very surprised conductor.
Soarin just said she was just showing off, she had insisted it was an appropriate entry in relation to her ‘coolness’ and Thunderlane, being a smart pony, decided not to voice his opinion on the matter. 
As the train pulled out of the station, Soarin felt the car beneath him slowly grind into motion. Having rarely been on a train before, it was a peculiar feeling. He half listened to the activity of the rest of the team beneath him as the six pegasi settled into their car. A squabble broke out between Cloud Chaser and Flitter as they fought over who would get the other top bunk. Soarin, being fond of heights, had already taken the other one.
He stared at the ceiling, studying the grains of the wood above his head as the squabbling abated. Clearly the twins had figured out some form of mutual agreement or more likely somepony else had gone up there and taken it while they were arguing.
A long blow of the train’s whistle as it departed the station and started picking up speed tore Soarin’s gaze away from the patterns in the ceiling.
“Cosy?” Rainbow asked, hovering in the air next to his bunk.
Soarin raised his head quickly in surprise, banging it against the roof painfully.
“You could say that.” He muttered. “Yourself?”
“I’m in the middle bunk, always the best one.” Rainbow said back, holding back a snicker with some difficulty.
“You just like being under me.” Soarin said, putting his head back on the pillow. It felt strange, a far cry from the fluffy clouds he was used to.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Ha ha ha so funny, you’re getting as bad as Thunderlane. Now shove over, I want in.”
Encouraged by a few rough prods, Soarin hastily sat up and wriggled over on his bunk, making room for the mare to squeeze in between the roof and the bed.
“What’s up?” Soarin asked.
She tapped the ceiling. “Nothing, just wanted the better view from out the top here. Not much else to do at the moment other than look at scenery.”
“I thought the middle bunk was the best.”
“Shut up.”
Soarin grinned stupidly and returned his attention to the scenery that was now flashing by. The train had left the outskirts of Ponyville behind it and was heading west. In the distance Soarin saw the spires of Canterlot reaching towards the skies.
Half an hour of comparative silence past, the only sounds being the steady clacking of the wheels. The train let out another whistle and a moment later the sweeping fields were replaced by the black wall of a tunnel. Rainbow yelped in alarm as the interior of the car suddenly turned pitch black. Soarin let out a laugh as he heard her hit her head on the roof.
The lights flickered on, casting a ruddy light over the scene.
“Scared much?”
“As if, I was just surprised that’s all.” Rainbow Dash said. Her face turned red, whether from the close contact or from embarrassment, Soarin did not know.
“Yeah yeah, sure sure.” He said knowingly, tossing a glance at her. “You can get off me you know.”
“Right… sorry.”
“If you two love-birds are done up there, lunch is being served.” Thunderlane said, floating up behind them. Rainbow shot him an angry look and he backed away sheepishly.
Soarin’s stomach growled, reminding him it hadn’t received its usual midday meal yet.
“You know what, lunch sounds good.”
 
The group threaded their way through the train, ignoring the occasional curious look as somepony noticed an ex-Wonderbolt in their midst. The initial rush for lunch had subsided and a polite waiter showed them to an empty table not unlike their regular booth at the Ponyville pub. Soarin was positively drooling at the selection of foods on display, even more so when he realised it was a buffet.
“Would you like any drinks?” The waiter asked
“Cider. Lots and lots of cider. Apple if you have it.” Rainbow snapped.
The waiter looked slightly taken aback by her barked command.
Soarin pulled the waiter a little closer. “Please excuse her, she may not be very beautiful, may have no manners and may be a little obnoxious, boring and loud but on the other hand…”
He took a breath and paused for a moment, unable to think of anything. The waiter looked at him expectantly, amusement in his eyes. Soarin could feel the eyes of Rainbow Dash burning into the back of his skull.
“Sorry, I can’t think of anything.” He said finally, wishing that he had written his will before he left home.
“Very good sir.” The waiter said, the corners of his mouth turned up in a barely contained smile before trotting off to fetch their drinks.
“You’re living dangerously Soarin.” Rainbow muttered from across the table. Doc was biting his lip in an effort to not break into laughter. Soarin found the pained expression hilarious and had clamp his own mouth shut as well.
‘Do it and you’re dead.’ He thought.
“So, who’s looking forward to the air show?” Thunderlane asked unnecessarily in an attempt to diffuse the situation. Thankfully, it worked and a much more cheerful tone settled over the table.
“It’ll be great. I hear the Harpies have a really strong team this year. And the griffons too, did any of you hear about the rookie in… urhh… What’s their team called?” Doc chattered excitedly.
“The Roulettes?” Rainbow said helpfully.
“Yeah, new girl. Absolutely fantastic flier I hear.”
“No, I didn’t. Must admit I don’t really pay much attention to the other nations flight teams. Too interested on the best one there and the clear winners this year.” She said assuredly. There was no doubt which team in particular she was referring to.
“Well she’s the only female in an otherwise all male squadron; must have been hell for her to get there.”
“Impressive.” Rainbow said, not really meaning it.
“Will there be a performance from the dragon team this year?” Thunderlane asked.
“Should be.” Flitter said. “I hope there will be at least. I even packed some fireproof socks…”
“Soarin raised an eyebrow “Fireproof socks?”
Flitter glanced around nervously. “It can get cold up there and they make my hooves feel funny…”
Rainbow Dash slowly covered her face with her hoof.
“What, you got a problem with socks?” Flitter asked defensively.
“Yeah, they’re stupid if you ask me. I’m awesome enough without having these woollen… monsters covering my legs.”
“But they make you look so… sexy… and you feel like it too.” Cloud Chaser interrupted. She shivered slightly. “Well, at least I do. I have this absolutely stunning set of striped socks…”
Doc sank lower into his chair as if he were trying to hide something.
“Look, I don’t need socks and I don’t have ‘em.” Rainbow purred. “I’m good looking enough without them.” She shot a glare at Soarin.
“I think your socks make you look damn sexy.” Thunderlane said stupidly, abruptly cut off as an embarrassed looking Rainbow Dash clamped his mouth shut with a hoof.
A mental image of Rainbow Dash in socks appeared in Soarin’s head. He was glad that no one was paying attention to him or they would have noticed his wings trying to snap open uncomfortably.
“Damn it.” He murmured under his breath as he tried to subtly hold his fluttering wings down. ”Stupid sexy Rainbow.”
“I think that’s quite enough talk about… socks… I’m going to get some food.” Rainbow said, her cheeks still flushed red. She quickly stood up from the table and almost flew to the buffet.
“What do you think of Dash’s socks, eh Soarin?” Cloud Chaser asked cheekily, noticing his awkward position.
“Oh… urh… um... I’m going to go… urm… go get some food.”
“Ohhh, look at Soarin.” Flitter teased.  “He’s redder than a tomato.” She giggled. Her voice took on a more sultry tone. “Your chin quivers to imagine her soft, warm lips against yours… Oh to be locked in for eternity in a passionate embrace with sweet, sweet Dashie!”
Soarin was determined to make this the shortest lunch in history.
 
“Urrrghh… Never again.” Soarin groaned as he hauled himself through the train back towards the weather team’s compartment. Being a big eater, Soarin had demolished an alarming amount of the buffet in short order.
Perhaps he had eaten a little too much.
‘Rubbish’ he thought as he slid the door open and flopped down on his bunk. A satisfied groan came from his stomach as he spread out over the bed.
The combination of cold weather, warm food and the soft bed underneath him made him drowsy… he could have drifted off then and there.
The door slid open again.
Soarin peeked over the edge, a little surprised to see Rainbow Dash.
“Dash? What are you doing here?” Soarin asked. It occurred to him that he hadn’t actually seen her eat any lunch.
“I could ask the same of you.” She said, her voice emanating her foul mood.
Soarin fumbled out a poor excuse. “Lunch… wanted to finish… stuff.”
“Wanted to get some ‘alone time’?” Rainbow quipped, her sour tone lifting for a moment.
“No, not like that!” Soarin said flustered.
“Whatever.” She said with a sigh. Dash vanished from sight for a moment before the tell-tale creaks of a mattress told Soarin she was underneath him.
“I didn’t see you have lunch.” Soarin said, trying to make conversation.
“Wasn’t hungry.” She said back. 
Soarin sighed and looked out the window. After emerging from the tunnel the train was now chugging through open grassland. To the north a large snow covered forest grew and even further, Soarin could make out a speck of white that was the floating city of Cloudsdale. A glint of sun off something shiny on a nearby hill caught his attention but the beam of reflected light vanished as quickly as it had arrived. A flash of memory came to him, a sea of black on black, bottomless blue eyes and snarling mouths. He discarded the frightening memory with a shake of his head and returned his attention to the mare in the bunk beneath him.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just…” she trailed off into silence.
“Just?”
“It’s hard. Really hard.”
“Bow chicka bow-wow.” A voice from outside the door said.
“Shut up.” Rainbow snapped, flying off her bunk and pulling the door open to reveal Thunderlane.
“Thunderlane, how can you even hear us?” Soarin asked
Thunderlane shrugged. ‘Eh, I know when I’m needed.” He grinned for a moment before the door slammed shut on his muzzle.
“Ow! Son of a bit-.”
Rainbow snarled and bashed a hoof against the wall in frustration. She flew to her bunk again, hesitated for a moment and instead joined Soarin on his.
“As I was saying, it’s difficult having to be around Thunderlane so much… Especially when he seems quite happy to tell others things that I would rather he didn’t. And when he does things like... that.”
“Socks?” Soarin asked nervously, hoping his face would remain whole.
Rainbow grunted and hit him in the ribs.
“Hehe… sorry.”
“I’m used to smack talk from ponies it’s just… different coming from him. I just want to get off this damn train and away from him for a while.”
“Fair enough.” Soarin said. He fixed his attention on the white snow scape, hoping to catch another glimmer of the strange object he had seen before.
“Sorry for heaping all this shit on you, you’re like my personal shrink now.” She said, gently leaning her head on his shoulder.
Soarin shrugged “I don’t mind.”
“It’s such a nice day…” Rainbow said, wistfully examining the wonderland outside. “Such a pity we have to waste it in here.”
“Uh-huh.” Soarin agreed.
“Hey, you want to play a game?” Rainbow asked, gracefully leaping off his bunk without hitting her head like she had last time.
“What were you thinking of?” Soarin asked, poking his head over the edge again. He quickly pulled it back when he saw Rainbow’s arse waggling around in the air as she searched for something in her pack.
‘No need to make this anymore awkward.’ Soarin thought.
She returned a moment later with a stack of cards clasped in her mouth. “Cards?”
“Blackjack, poker, bridge, rummy, speed, strip jack, spades, hearts… The list goes on.” Soarin said, surprising himself with his knowledge of card games.
“I’m pretty ace at speed… strip jack could be fun.” She said with a sly wink. He felt his face flush. Dash grinned mischievously as she noticed his discomfort.
“In fact, I know something that’ll make it more fun…” She whispered, floating off the bunk again.
‘Please no… Please no…’ Soarin thought embarrassedly. She was playing with him and she was obviously enjoying it. There was no way if she came back with… that… that Soarin would be able to keep it together. He shut his eyes and waited for his impending doom.
“Hey Soarin, we gonna play this or what?” Rainbow asked, prodding him gently.
Soarin cracked his eyes open cautiously.
She was laying belly up, fore hooves behind her head and a pair of rainbow socks on her hind legs. She winked at him as she noticed his eyes open.
‘Don’t do it… do not do it… no no no no’
 
*Pomf*
 
“Aww hell…”
 




They watched the train from the hill, their charcoal carapaces gleaming in the sun. They knew the gleam of the bright sun against their shell could give away its position and frighten the prey away but they justified the better sight was worth the risk. They fixed its bottomless blue eyes on the rapidly moving train, moving themselves into position ahead of it.
Food…
They felt a shiver of excitement travel along their spines; an odd experience they occasionally felt after their separation from the swarm. The sight of fresh food added a sense of urgency to their mind. Driven by instinct, they moved closer.
Must… feed…
Its mission fulfilled, they pulled the scout back, a plan already formed in their mind.



 
 
“You’re a real dickhead.” Soarin growled as he painfully folded his wings back in. He tried to sound angry but his rebuttal came out more embarrassed than anything else. Ignoring the mare opposite him, Soarin spread the cards out and mixed them back together. He dealt the deck into and let Rainbow Dash choose  a pile.
“You like them?” She asked cheekily as she scanned through her hand.
“I thought you didn’t like socks.” Soarin said, flipping over his first card at the same time she did.
“Depends…” She moved a little closer as she rapidly playing her first and second card. “Who’s around to see me with them on...”
Soarin placed a trio of cards in quick succession, ignoring her  flirty attitude with great difficulty. He scowled as she drew back and flipped her fourth card over. He was mad. Not because she had nearly already won, but because of the mixed messages she was giving him. Barely a few nights ago she didn’t want anything to do with him and yet here she was flirting outrageously and wearing those… woollen monsters… He cursed under his breath as she placed her final card and scooped up the winning hand to reshuffle.
“Too good for you Soarin?” She asked, flashing a grin at him and giving him a good view of her flank as she reached forward to play the next round.
“Lucky.” Soarin said, knowing if he let her get to him it was all over.
Soarin won the next two rounds before being distracted by the most outrageously flirty look he had ever seen. The moment of hesitation was all the speedy Pegasus needed to claim her second win.
“That’s not fair, you cheated!” Soarin complained bitterly as he shuffled for their last round. The score was two each so this round would be the tie-breaker.
“Did not…I’m just… exploiting… my opponents weaknesses.”
“Weaknesses? Just because I find you attract-.” Soarin stopped mid sentence, his cheeks red.
“You find me attractive?” Rainbow asked slyly.
Soarin gulped. “Yeah… a bit.”
She put Soarin off guard with another impossibly flirtatious look. “Thank you, I find myself rather good looking as well.”
“How come I don't find that surprising...” Soarin said, the tips of his ears burning. ‘Tell her filly!’ He took a deep breath. “Say… Dash… Um… I don’t suppose we could go grab a bite to eat somewhere when we get to Las Pegasus? You know… together.”
She blinked in surprise. “You mean like date right?”
‘No!’  “Yes. I... I would like to get to know you a bit more.”
“We’ve already done the horizontal tango, I don’t how much more personal you could get.”
“That’s not what I’m looking for anymore.”
She looked at him and sighed heavily, her mouth contorted into a strange shape as she tried to get a word out but failed to. “Soarin, I hate to say this but I’m not ready to start dating again. Not so soon after what happened with Thunderlane. And especially not with you…” She paused for a second to gather her thoughts, realising she could have worded what she had said a lot better.. “I mean, not like that. You’re a nice guy… well you have been for the last few days at least. Its just that I’m not sure if I want to like you like that again. You hurt me too, don’t forget.”
Soarin growled lowly, making her blink in surprise.
“What, was it something I said? Look, I’m sorry okay, but I just don’t know.” She snapped.
“Then why all this?” Soarin fumed. “Why the mixed messages? Why the flirting, the socks and the effort to do stuff with me? Why bother? I feel like you're just pulling me along with a carrot on a string because you know I’ll do it.”
“I’m just being friendly.” She snapped back.
“Friends don’t do these things! They certainly don’t dress up in their stupid, sexy socks and play a game of cards while being an absolute flirt. You might call it fun, but it hurts. In here.” He thumped his chest and his forehead. “With all these mixed messages I have no idea if you’re genuinely interested or if you just want to be… to be... rut buddies or something.” Soarin yelled, throwing the cards down in a pile. “Cause if thats’ what you are going for, I’m not interested. Not again.”
He took a breath to steady himself.
“I... like you. I really do. I haven’t the faintest idea why I do but I know I do. The other night at my place, just after you dumped Thunderlane, I really wanted to kiss you. You have no idea how little I slept that night, that moment just playing over and over again.”
“Yeah, me too.” Rainbow said quietly.
The tension between them was palpable.
A sudden jolt as the train crossed a track switch snapped Soarin out of it.
“You have your reasons, whatever. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don't want to.” he said deciding to break the tension, he picked the cards up to reshuffle although at this point he had lost all interest in the game..
“Look, maybe we cou-.”
Any further conversation was cut off as the train suddenly slammed the brakes on. The sudden change in speed sent Soarin and Rainbow Dash flying across the bunk and slammed into the wall. Soarin tried to groggily stand but the emergency brakes came on, sending him flying into the wall with a resounding crash again.
The wheels squealed in protest as the train grinded along the icy rails, coming to a complete stop in a massive cloud of steam.
“Dash…? Dash… You okay?” Soarin asked, hauling himself up unsteadily.
“Fine…” A voice croaked back. “Just a few cuts and bruises, nothing broken. You?”
“I’m good.” Soarin said, toppling over and crashing drunkenly into the floor.
“I’ll give that engineer a piece of mind…” Dash groaned, falling off the bed and landing next to Soarin with a dull thud. “Ow.” She muttered dryly.
“Gotta… see what’s happening.” Soarin groaned.
He staggered the door, slid it open and found himself nose to nose with another pony. His stunned brain processed the scene for a split second before he recognised the interloper.
It was him.
 
Before Soarin could question his sanity, Rainbow Dash let out a loud cry and barrelled into the copy. A swirling ball of violence erupted in front of the surprised stallion.
“It’s a changeling!” Rainbow growled as the other Soarin snarled at her in a way a pony shouldn’t. “Go warn the others! Get the train moving, I got this one!”
Soarin didn’t wait around; he shot off towards the front of the train, a few confused passengers sticking their heads out of their compartments, confused as he was about the sudden stop.
“Get back inside!” he warned as a few ponies trotted out. They obeyed without question, a fact Soarin was most grateful for. While he might have been able to protect some of them, he wouldn’t be able to protect all of them… especially if his head didn’t stop spinning. He dashed through the reading car and caught sight of a distinctive brown mane.
“Doc! Are you alright?” Soarin asked.
“Just a bit shaken. What’s happening?”
“I don’t know, Train stopped and there’s a changeling on board.”
Doc paled. “Nasty buggers.”
“Do you know where the others are?”
“Flitter and Cloud Chaser are just over there and Thunderlane was in the bar last time I saw him.”
“Good, keep an eye on the girls. Trust no one.”
“What are you doing?!” Doc yelled after him.
“I have no idea!”
 
Soarin opened the door to the bar and crashed head first into what looked like a slightly tipsy Thunderlane.
“Heeeyy Soarrin buddy.” He drawled.. “What’s goooing on? I mean beshides the train being all rough and bumpy and the drinks going eveeerywhere... Such a waahste.”
‘Damn.’ Soarin thought. He had hoped Thunderlane would, for once in his life, actually be useful.
“You’re drunk. Go help Doc in the reading car.”
“Fuck you Soorin, I’ll do wut I wannnt. Now come ‘ere!” Thunderlane drawled, surprising Soarin by wrapping his fore legs around him and planting a strong kiss on Soarin’s lips.
“Ah loove ya mate.” He gurgled into Soarin’s mouth.
Slightly tipsy, in hindsight, would be a vast understatement. 
Soarin shoved the drunken stallion off him and ran towards the front of the train. 
‘Damn I’m getting more from Thunderlane than I am from Dash.’ Soarin thought bitterly.
He heard a scream and darted out of the corridor to find a mare pinned down by… a thing. It was pony like in shape but its legs were hideously deformed and full of holes, a set of white fangs jutted out of its mouth, threatening to impale Soarin as it snapped around to meet him.
Its wings buzzed in a manner similar to a beetle and it leapt at Soarin a vicious snarl coming from its impossibly wide maw.
Undaunted, Soarin swatted it out of the sky and pounded its head into the ground with his fore hooves.
“And stay down.” He said dramatically. Another hiss came from behind him as two more of the beetle-pony creatures clambered aboard.
“Running out of time!” Soarin muttered to himself, flicking his gaze between the two new changelings and the path back towards the head of the train.
Another five changelings appeared behind the other two, making his mind up for him. Turning on the spot he bolted towards the engine, a small horde of the creatures in pursuit.
‘Almost there’ he thought as he darted through the first class carriage. He was half way along when Rainbow Dash emerged out of one of the doors halfway along the corridor.
“Rainbow Dash! You’re okay!” Soarin said breathlessly. 
“Of course I am. One changeling is no match for the Rainbow Dash.”
Of course, even in times of great danger, her ego still shone through.
“Come on let’s go!” Soarin yelled, running past her. She paused for a second and looked back at the horde of changelings pursuing him.
“Good idea!” She squealed.
‘Almost there…’ Soarin thought again. He turned back to look for Dash, hoping she was keeping up.
She was gone, a changeling in her place.
‘Shit!’ Soarin thought. He had even told Doc to trust no one and here he was trusting the first pony he saw. He tried to run faster but the changeling was already on top of him.
A set of fangs sunk into the back of his neck and Soarin saw no more.
 
 



Soarin woke
Consciousness would have been a slight overstatement of his condition though… his blurry vision came back slowly but there was nothing to see other than an endless green haze.
A surge of panic ripped through the stallion as he tried to breathe in; inhaling the green liquid he was suspended in. Oddly though, his body seemed unaffected. Whatever the stuff was, it was providing him with everything he needed to stay alive.
‘Where am I?’ he thought dumbly, tracing back through his disoriented memories.
A black shadow shifted across the haze and Soarin numbly realised he was in some sort of sac or shell. He floated in confusion a moment longer.
‘Where am I?’ he thought again.
Deciding he would figure it out later, Soarin floated to the edge of his small bubble and tried to peer through the misty exterior.
The sight terrified him.
He was in a small nest of black winged creatures. A few other sacs, similar to his own, hung from the low ceiling. He guessed there would have been about twenty of the curious creatures below him. He reeled back as one floated past his small prison. The thing snarled at him and vanished from sight.
‘Changelings’ he thought suddenly ‘That’s what Rainbow Dash called them…’
Rainbow Dash.
The thought prompted something inside of him… something… it felt alien and unnatural. He looked around in panic as the tendril of thought examined his mind, pulling it apart in search of Rainbow Dash. The thing examined his mind curiously for a moment before viciously clamping down on thoughts concerning the blue pegasus.
A light blue blur flew past his bubble. Soarin looked again and saw Rainbow Dash floating in front of him. She pounded against his bubble, trying to break it open.
‘Dash! Get out of here! Go!’ he screamed in his head.
Rainbow ignored him. He felt a sense of success emanating from the thing in his head.
Rainbow Dash looked around in panic as several of the changelings rose from the ground and surrounded her. Soarin waved desperately to get her attention.
‘Fly!’ Soarin thought desperately. ‘Leave me, get out of here!’
Rainbow looked set to bolt but a pair of changelings leapt on her from behind. They bit and snarled as they tore the Pegasus apart. Several others from the pack joined in and within a heartbeat Rainbow was torn to shreds.
‘No!’ Soarin thought helplessly.
The fight descended out of sight as Rainbow was weighed down by a dozen changelings.
‘No!’ Soarin screamed pounding against the soft exterior of his bubble. ‘No...’
The presence in his mind tightened its grip around his mind and a smug feeling emanated from it.
It had him.
 
Time seemed meaningless in the bubble; there was no way to tell how much time had passed. Soarin could only feel the thing in his head sifting through his thoughts. A constant draining feeling, like his feelings were being pumped out with excruciating slowness, pulled on his mind.
It didn’t matter though. He didn’t care.
She was dead.
Rainbow dash was dead and it was his fault.
It was all his fault. Maybe if he hadn’t been so stupid on the train she wouldn’t have come to rescue him.
If he hadn’t fallen for their stupid trick…
He saw the memory of him and Rainbow sharing a pie in Applejack’s barn flash to the front of his mind. The other being roared in delight and tore the memory away from him and devoured it in a frenzy of hunger.
Soarin cried out in pain as the thought was stripped from his mind.
A scene of him playing in the park with a ball with two ponies he thought could have been his parents was snatched away and consumed. Soarin howled as the other being tore at his mind, ripping the thoughts of his parents out like he might empty a pistachio nut.
Soarin looked through his prison walls down at the corpse of Rainbow Dash.
‘Stupid trick…’
The thought bounced around Soarin’s head as the full meaning of it became clear. The body on the floor shimmered with green fire and changed into the form of a dead changeling. How could he had ever thought it was Rainbow Dash?
‘Stupid trick…’
The other growled as it felt its grip on him slipping.
‘It’s just a trick.’ Soarin thought stupidly wondering how he hadn’t noticed it before. The other howled in anger and ripped another cherished memory from his mind, making Soarin double over in pain.
No! the other hissed, the first intelligible thought he had received from it. Soarin grimaced and pushed against it, his will to fight renewed.
Slowly but surely the presence faded from his mind, its grip over him fading as he saw through its deception. Inexplicably the bubble under him burst, sending Soarin crashing to the ground. He shakily tried to stand, aware that he surrounded by dozens of changelings.
Finish him… he heard faintly in his head as the last of the other presence was banished from his mind.
As one, the changelings turned towards Soarin, their eyes gleaming with savage glee. Soarin shut his eyes and waited for the end.

Crack
 






> Soarin isn’t always lucky...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
Chapter 11: Soarin isn’t always lucky, but when he is…


Crack


Soarin opened an eye cautiously. Somehow, he wasn’t dead.
  Another ear splitting crack sounded around the cavern, reminding Soarin that if he didn’t do soemthing fast that fact could change very quickly. The changelings who were set to disembowel him hesitated and looked towards the roof uncertainly. With their co-ordination disturbed, the pack milled abut uncertainly as the hive-mind attempted to assess the situation. Another low rumble sounded from above, shaking a few stones loose from the ceiling.
  As one, the changelings rose into the air and filed towards what Soarin presumed to be an exit of some sort. Their path was suddenly bisected by a gout of purple fire which engulfed a good half of the creatures. The now steady rumbling was cut off by a multitude of loud shrieks that pierced Soarin’s ears and the fresh smell of roasted flesh made him gag.
  ‘What’s going on?’ Soarin thought, backing into a corner in an attempt to escape the disoriented changelings flailing about. Another violent shudder hit the cavern, sending a large boulder crashing to the ground where Soarin had just been standing. He winced as fragments of rock pattered against his fur. Another burst of magical fire came down the shaft, driving the changelings back again. In its wake was a figure that made Soarin’s broken spirit lift.
  It was a unicorn, or to be precise, several unicorns, he noticed.
“Hey! Over here!” He tried to yell, the cry coming out as more of a dull croak though due to the viscous liquid still clogging his throat.
    One of the unicorns pointed his horn at the ceiling and brought another rock down in front of Soarin, crushing a pair of changelings that he hadn’t even noticed were about to eviscerate him.
  ‘Screw this.’ Soarin thought as another boulder the size of a cart came down next to him. Darting out of his hiding place, Soarin leapt across the cave, oblivious the roars of the changelings fighting the armoured unicorns and the loud cracks of rocks smashing together. He managed to flap his wings a few times, dodging the fangs of a thoroughly ticked off changeling by scant centimetres and landed in an exhausted heap next to one of unicorns. He reached out with surprising difficulty and tapped one on the ankle, a move he saw in hindsight was not necessarily the smartest thing he had ever done.
   The guard spun around in surprise and pointed his horn at Soarin, ready to blow him away with a blast of magic.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me…’ Soarin thought as a brilliant blast of purple magic engulfed him.


 ***


Soarin munched on a chocolate biscuit happily.
Again, despite all odds, he was still alive.
  Not that he was complaining mind you, the biscuit was delicious and the added benefit of not being dead was a pretty good thing in his eyes.
Again, luck had favoured Soarin and the guard he had blundered into was smart enough to scan him with magic before turning him into a neat pile of ashes, something his hungry stomach was very grateful for. Soarin was of the opinion that if you were going to die, you may as well die with a full belly and a smile on your face.
He looked around the small camp he was in, a strange sense of déjà vu settling over him. A few other haggard looking ponies Soarin presumed had also been prisoners of the changelings sat around with dazed expressions on their faces. One rocked back and forth, slowly mumbling something about soap. Soarin felt a pang of sympathy for them, while he had not been on an active deployment for some time, he was more used to both the physical and mental strains that fighting could inflict. He involuntarily shuddered as the dead form of Rainbow Dash crept to the forefront of his mind. ‘I’d never let that happen to her. Not in a million years.’ He thought resolutely, taking another forceful bite of his biscuit and focusing on reality rather than fantasy. 
He took another look around the camp, feeling more at ease than he had for a long time. According to one of his rescuers the nest had been a small group of changelings that survived the battle of Canterlot years ago. Blasted away from the capital, a small cluster had landed in the mountain range near Whitetail Woods. Lost and isolated from the swarm, they had reverted to their natural instincts and bunkered down in the nearby mountain range. After several years of annoyance raids and abducting ponies, the guards had finally tracked their location down and, as Soarin had seen, obliterated them thoroughly and efficiently.
 


A guard trotted past him and Soarin took the chance to ask the young stallion a question. “Hey, I was on a train to Las Pegasus when we got attacked. You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to it would you?”
   The guard shook his head slowly. “Sorry, wouldn’t have a clue.” He looked Soarin over and a small hint of surprise in his eyes told Soarin the guard recognised him.
   “Commander Soarin?” he asked disbelievingly as he saluted sharply, his hoof hitting his helmet with a full thud.
   “I’m retired son; you don’t need to knock your head off on my account.”
“Uhh… No sir.” He said, a broad smile appearing on his face. “Never thought I’d meet somepony like you in a million years. Is it really true you beat a cave troll in single combat?” He asked in awe.
   Soarin shrugged, downplaying his apparent heroism. “Those sorts of stories tend to get over exaggerated.”
The guard’s eyes gleamed slightly. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you here sir?”
   “Please, call me Soarin. No need for such formalities.”
“No sir.”
   “Suit yourself…” Soarin muttered, rolling his eyes in faux annoyance. “Why am I here? I don’t know. I bit off more than I could chew, I tried being a hero. I was tricked.” He shrugged and his gaze became unfocused. “I let my feelings impair my judgement and because of that I failed.”
   “Sir?” The guard asked in confusion.
Soarin’s eyes flickered over the guard’s cuirass, the dual stripes of a corporals' chevrons standing out against the polished armour. “What’s your name corporal?”
   “Flash Lightning, sir.”
“Well you see Flash, you don’t mind if I call you Flash?” He guard shook his head, the metal plates covering it grinding against each other softly. “Do you know what it’s like to really like somepony Flash?”
   “No sir.” The guard replied stoically.
“What about your parents? Did you love them?” Soarin asked.
   “No sir, my mother died when I was just a foal and my father abandoned me in an orphanage.” The guard said, a hint of sadness tinging his otherwise emotionless face.
   “I’m sorry.” Soarin said empathically.
“You didn’t know.” Flash said back, discarding the sad memory with well practised ease. His face screwed up in thought. “So you let your feelings about somepony get in the way of your mission?”
   “Not entirely, what’s the first rule when fighting changelings?”
“Trust nopony, they could be an imitation.” The guard snapped crisply.
   “Exactly, I trusted somepony without thinking because of my feelings for them. I forget the most basic rule and I nearly died because of it. Knowing her, she probably tried to bust a few heads in to save me.”
   “So it’s a mare huh?” Flash said with a knowing smile. “Is she hot?”
Soarin looked at the guard sharply, noting his breach of discipline with an amused look.
   “Sorry, had to ask sir.” He replied sheepishly.
“I want you to imagine Spitfire.” Soarin said, noting the guard turning a pale shade of red. “Now triple it. No, quadruple it.”
   “No way.” Flash said disbelievingly. “I got a few pin-ups of her and she-.” He cut himself off, a trace of discipline asserting itself again. It promptly vanished again. “So what’s she like? Charming, funny, nice?”
   “Tasteless, boring and obnoxious I think sums it up fairly nicely.” Soarin said with no trace of sarcasm.
   “But then why would you li-… ahhh you’re joking right? You’re using that sarcasm thing the other guards like using on me aren't you?”
   “Wha- no.” Soarin said bluntly. “I’m serious.”
“Begging my pardon sir, but then why do you like her?” The guard asked, shuffling aside as a pair of unicorns trotted past them.
   “That’s a good question Flash. I’m not entirely sure myself, but I know in here that I do. Maybe it’s that whole opposites attract thing or her absolutely fantastic taste in baked goods or her harsh, blunt attitude. Something about it just clicks really well with me. Just took a while for me to notice it. I made too many damn mistakes before realising I liked her. Probably too late now.”
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Flash replied stoically. "You won't get anywhere if you don't try."
"You really think I've got a shot?"
The guard looked at him with a look that approached concern. “No sir, I don’t see it happening at all. I think you should go and get a check-up, see if you hit your head or something.”
“Lay off.” Soarin muttered, giving the guard a rough shove.
Flash trotted a short distance away before turning back to look at Soarin. “Whatever happens, good luck sir. She’ d be lucky to have you.”
“I’m always lucky.” Soarin quipped, a small grin on his face.


The following morning the guards broke camp with a speed that would have left even the harshest of drill sergeant grinning from ear to ear. Soarin watched in amusement as the general confusion that went along with a company of guards moving; ponies stacking and storing supplies, losing them, finding them again and getting in each other’s way in a remarkably efficient manner that to the untrained eye it would have seemed miraculous that anything actually got done at all.
   “Ready to move out, sir?” A unicorn asked as he appeared at Soarin’s shoulder.
“Quite.” Soarin said simply.
   “Very good sir.” The guard nodded and trotted off to wherever he had come from, leaving Soarin to his own devices.
 

After talking with a few of the other guards, Soarin had discovered the troop was based in Las Pegasus and was heading back there now their mission was complete. The pegasi attached to the troop had volunteered to take Soarin ahead and escort him to the floating city which was a little under a day’s flight away. He had graciously accepted their offer, leaving the slower Unicorns and earth ponies that made up the majority of the contingent to slog it back on foot. 
As Soarin watched, one of the junior officers leapt into the air and whistled loudly, the rest of his unit following in short order. Spreading his wings tentatively, Soarin took off after them. A small cluster of the guards broke off from the main group and moved around him, keeping in a loose circle a few wingspans away. They flew in silence, Soarin lost in his own thoughts and the sound of a half dozen steady wing beats.
 

***


The sun had started sinking below the horizon when they arrived at the mighty city, vast pillars of carved clouds arching into the sky and rainbows falling from the city to the plains below. Soarin caught sight of the massive airbase where the air show was held every year, its high walls and dozens of attentive sentries intimidating even from high above.     
   Dozens of lights twinkled in the rapidly approaching night and the score of pegasi landed without difficulty outside one of the cities massive hotels. Exhausted from the day’s flight, Soarin trotted inside, enjoying the shocked looks of several upper class twits as the phalanx of guards followed him silently.
   He approached the concierge’s desk with a smug look on his face, the poor pony's jaw so low an excavation team would probably be need to retrieve it. 
   “Don’t suppose it’s too late to check in?”
 
.
Soarin walked down the hall counting the numbers off slowly as he passed each room’s door. Once at the hotel, finding the team was much easier. A receptionist, intimidated by his heavily armoured entourage, had unhesitatingly given him a key and directions to his room, a large suite on the thirtieth floor. The well-dressed pony had also recommended a good shower for the undoubtedly smelly Pegasus. Soarin had simply grinned at that.
  ‘2209… 2210… 2211 … 2212… Guess this is it.’ Soarin thought as he inspected the number on the door. The sheer number of rooms in this place amazed him; even more amazing was they were almost booked out.
  He quietly inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open slowly. He barely had a moment to take in the sight of a luxuriously decorated room before he was tackled to the ground and all he could see was the beaming face of a light purple mare.
  “Hey Cloud Chaser.” Soarin groaned, winded by the mare’s attack.
“Soarin! We were so worried! What happened, are you okay?” She stood on him, preventing him from getting back to his feet.
  “Whoa, ease up turbo.” Flitter’s voice came from on couch. Soarin couldn’t see her until she poked her head above the back of the seat, a smile on her face. “How’ve ya been?”
  “Fine.” Soarin lied, still holding his gut from where Cloud Chaser had perhaps too enthusiastically knocked him down.
  “You’ve got to tell us everything… After those… those things attacked, we couldn’t find you. We thought you could've been..” Cloud chaser trailed off worriedly. Soarin nodded glumly, the mare’s tone of voice indicated that she had been more worried more than most of the others. 
"Yeah alright… just…” 
“What, what? Tell me!”
  “Could you get off me please?" Soarin wheezed.
“Oh… sorry.” Cloud Chaser murmured, helping him to his hooves. Soarin nodded gratefully and limped over to one of the couches dotting the living room. He sighed with relief as he sunk into the soft could.
  “Where are the others?” Soarin asked quietly, the long flight having taken more out of him than he realised.
“Doc is taking a nap, T-“
   “Was, you know how hard it is to sleep with one of you squealing about ever-.” Doc stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Soarin. “Good to see you in one piece.” Soarin nodded politely as Doc tried to straighten his bed-mane into something more respectable.
  “As I was saying…” Flitter said, tossing a quick glace at Doc. “Thunderlane is probably downstairs gambling and generally feeling sorry for himself and Rainbow Dash… well I’ll be honest… I don’t know. She’s gone.”
  “Gone? What do you mean gone?” Soarin asked, sitting up sharply.
“Gone.” Flitter repeated. "Out. When we got here she took her stuff and left." 
  “Where?”
“Gone out looking for you probably."
"She's worried about me?" Soarin asked, surprised at his own surprise.
"Worried?" Cloud Chaser scoffed. "She was an absolute wreck on the train, wouldn’t stop blaming herself for what happened to you and generally being a mood killer.” she continued, rolling her eyes. "As for where she's gone..." She shrugged  "Dunno."
  “One hell of a fun trip this is turning out to be… I get abducted, Rainbow Dash goes off into the deep end and Doc gets bad bed-mane.” Soarin muttered. “When does the air show start?”
“Tomorrow.” The other three pegasi said in unison.
“Good, I need some rest.” Soarin groaned, stretching out and popping a few joints in his back.
Cloud Chaser looked at him in confusion. “Shouldn’t we find Rainbow Dash, tell her you’re okay?"
“Wouldn’t bother, it’ll be too hard to find her now and well… she’ll be at the show tomorrow. No way she’d miss that.”


***

 
After a long, hot shower, Soarin found himself accosted by both the twins and Doc demanding to know what happened to him. Literally forced into a corner, Soarin reluctantly told them about the hive and as much as he knew about the battle; leaving out several personal details he’d rather keep to himself though. Their curiosity satisfied, the trio left him alone and settled down to play a game of Regicide over drinks. Not up for the strategic challenge of the game, Soarin quietly excused himself and headed down towards the casino the hotel was built on top of where a sweet-voiced croupier exchanged chips for him.
  “Hey, I don’t suppose you’ve seen a grey Pegasus by any chance, short white and grey mane around have you?” Soarin asked as he shoved the vibrantly coloured collection of chips into a small carry bag.
“Yes sir, He’s over at table 7.”
  “Thanks.” Soarin said with a wink.
He trotted over to the table in question to find Thunderlane hidden behind a small stack of shot glasses and an even larger stack of chips. Soarin slotted himself into an empty chair next to him when the hand finished.
  “Thunderlane.” He said simply, placing his chips in neat little stacks.
“Soarin.” He drawled, slightly tipsy. “I see you survived the changelings. Bash a few heads in did we?”
  “You could say that.” Soarin muttered as the dealer shuffled the deck expertly.
“I guess you’re here to hit me on the back of the head and scold me for being drunk, gambling and for violating your personal space.” Thunder muttered, following the dealer with his eyes as he dealt out the next round of cards.
  “Nope.”
“Well join me then, the night is still young and there is money to be won.” Thunderlane said, his demeanour suddenly improving.
  “And lost.” Soarin reminded him, slightly disappointed with his two starting cards.
“And lost.” Thunderlane repeated sourly, glaring at another pony across the table who Soarin guessed had beaten him before. He picked up his hand and peered intently at the cards for a moment               
“Alright chums, let’s do this.”


“Ok, I suck at poker, Maybe I should try blackjack.” Thunderlane said.
“I think you’ve gambled enough for one night.” Soarin said, ushering him away from the casino pit. “Besides, I think some of the croupiers were getting tired of you hitting on them.”
  “But they were good looking.” Thunderlane complained.
“And most of them seemed to be heterosexual males.” Soarin countered. “Honestly, are always like this when you start drinking?”
  “Not always.” Thunderlane muttered. “You’re cute by the way.” He added.
“Aww, jeez… Hey Thunderlane, remember how I said I wasn’t going to hit you for being drunk, gambling and for violating my personal space?”
  “Yeah?”
Soarin hit him roughly on the back of the head. ”I take it back.”
  Thunderlane groaned and cast one last longing look at the croupiers before Soarin shoved him out of the casino towards the bank of elevators that would take them back to their floor.
“You haven’t seen Dash since you got here have you?” Thunderlane queried.
Soarin shook his head. “No, why?”
“Well, when you do I’d watch out. Right now she’s somewhere between taking your head off and sucking your face off.” Thunderlane answered, indicating with a hoof what he thought of the mental state of their boss.
   “Oh, fantastic. And here I was going to take her out somewhere nice for dinner. Maybe the morgue can arrange a table for us then." Soarin said sourly.
"You try too hard for her." 
"What?" Soarin asked, stopping so suddenly that Thunderlane crashed into his rear-end.
"You seem so intent of getting her. Why? Any sane pony would have given up by now. Why are you so desperate?" Thunderlane said, his snout wrinkling up in an annoyed fashion.
"Because I want to be." Soarin said through gritted teeth. "I have not passed through hell just to be denied by some curious, drunk idiot who can't control his urges and a 'Come back later'. She sure as hell isn't perfect but she's a lot better than any of my other choices and unlike somepony I know, she won't run off on me at the promise of a good time." Soarin snarled, jabbing Thunderlane roughly. "Why am I so desperate? Because I like her, hell. I probably love her. That's why."
"I see." Thunderlane said levelly despite the imposing figure of Soarin towering over him. He seemed to regain a degree of sobriety before throwing it out the proverbial window.
“Soarin… let me give a piece of advice.” Thunderlane said.
   “I’m not sure I should take advice from you.” Soarin deadpanned.
“Hear me out. Once upon a time there was a prince who asked a beautiful princess ‘will you marry me?’
“She said yes?” Soarin guessed.
  “Shut up and don’t interrupt, didn’t you mother ever teach you manners?” Thunderlane snapped. “Now where was I?”
‘Will you marry me?’ Soarin muttered.
“Maybe… dinner and a movie first buddy… Oh yeah! Anyway, the princess said no, and you know what?”
“What?” Soarin asked as they stepped onto an elevator. Normally they would fly but the hotel enforced a strict no fly policy.
  “The prince lived happily ever after and rode carts and fucked with cute skinny girls and hunted and raced and went to non-naked bars and dated women half his age and drank beer, Applejack Daniel’s and Captain Morgan and drank milk from the bottle and never heard bitching and went to rock concerts and kept his apartment messy and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and had tons of money and he left the toilet seat up. The end.” He finished.
  Soarin blinked. “What?”
   “Sorry, got a bit carried away. I think there was some point to that..." His face clouded over for a second before his jovial look came back to the fore.
 “Ok, what’s the point to all that?” Soarin asked exasperatedly.
   “Something immensely profound I guess.” Thunderlane laughed “Your guess is as good as mine.”
  “And that is?”
“I haven’t the foggiest idea.” Thunderlane said as he stepped off the elevator.
    Soarin shook his head and followed, unsure if he had learnt anything from Thunderlane’s drunk rambling.
> ...but when he is...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends have benefits
        Chapter 12: Soarin isn’t always lucky, but when he is... (Part 2)

 “Welcome mares and stallions, colts and fillies of all ages to the annual Las Pegasus air show!” The loudspeaker blared across the crowd. Soarin winced inwardly as the grating voice was replaced by even louder rock music. The assembled crowd cheered as the gates into the massive stadium swung open. Neighis airbase was a massive, sprawling affair and the towering construction at the heart of it was no exception to the rule. Unlike the Cloudsdale Colosseum, Neighis was located firmly on the ground allowing access to unicorns and earth ponies as well as their airborne kin. A squadron of blue suited pegasi shot overheard drawing more whoops and whistles from the crowd.
  Smiling stupidly, Soarin picked his way through the jostling crowd toward the entrance marked ‘VIP’, reluctantly leaving the others behind to compete for entrance against the thousands of other ponies milling around the main entrance. Dozens of unicorn guards and pegasi provosts kept the crowd in check and prevented any plucky Pegasus from simply flying over the base’s high wall. Upon reaching the portal, a uniformed earth pony scrutinised Soarin’s pass before letting him through with a polite nod. He was ushered down a short hall and then escorted along a clear path to one of the buildings overlooking the  stadium. Another doorman held the door open for Soarin and ushered him inside a room with ceiling to floor windows which gave a panoramic view of the entire base. A few streaks of wispy smoke drifted across the sky from the Wonderbolt’s recent flyover; a massive dragon was visible in the centre of the stadium. A door set into the side of the room which presumably led down to box seats for the VIPs remained shut. A quiet murmur filled the room and several waiters moved around serving drinks and other assorted nibbles.
  A blazing yellow mare detached herself from the crowd and floated next to Soarin. Even with the full body flight suit she wore, Soarin could tell who it was by the distinctive mane.
  “Soarin.” Spitfire purred, another Wonderbolt Soarin didn’t recognise slotting in neatly behind her.  “Still have the uniform I see.” she finished, giving him a disarmingly thorough once-over with her eyes.
  “Spitfire.” Soarin said back, smiling warmly as he noticed an un-uniformed Surprise up to her regular antics behind her.
  “It’s good to see you again. How’s the civvie life coming along?” She tugged at the collar of his dress shirt.
“Shit. Whatever you do, don’t get discharged before your time.”
  Spitfire chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Her eyes spun upward at the white Pegasus hovering above her, a permanent marker gripped in her mouth.
“Don’t even think about it.” She snapped.
  “Think of what ma’am?” Surprise asked innocently, spitting the marker onto the floor.
“Exactly.” She fixed an eye on Soarin. "I’ll see you around; there are far too many arse-kissers here I have to be nice to and far too many I justhave to talk to..." She made an annoyed grunt "Not to mention competition.” She threw a glance at a massive griffon in a red and white flight suit talking with a mixture of races in one of the corners. “There are some familiar faces around though, may I suggest you start with her?” She said deviously, pointed through a gap in the crowd towards a lone mare in a flowing dress who was looking out at the stadium.
  “Yeah, not a bad idea.” Soarin muttered, moving away from his old squadron. He snagged a pair of elegant glasses filled with some foul smelling bubbly concoction and joined the mare by the window.
“Some view.” He said softly, making her jump in surprise. “Care for a drink?”
  “Soarin?!” she squeaked, her eyes opening wide.
Soarin grinned “Hey Dash, you miss me?”

She surprised him by punching him in the face. Hard. A ripple of shock passed through the assembled VIPs and a pair of guards moved forward to restrain her but Soarin waved them away.
“Ah ha… ow …” Soarin grimaced, wiping away an ugly smear of blood on a bandage one of the waiters offered him. A few nearby ponies threw Rainbow Dash a cautious look but slowly returned to their conversations. “Nice to see you too.”
  “Don’t ever do that again.” she growled.
“Say hi? Sure, I’ll just never say hi again, maybe you won’t punch me again then either.” Soarin joked.
  “Don’t do that to me again.” Rainbow snapped, turning to look at him a mix of concern and fear in her eyes. “I thought you died… or worse. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened, especially as it was my fault.”
   “How is it your fault?” Soarin asked.
“If I had dealt with that first changeling quicker I could have helped you, you wouldn’t have been fooled or captured. It won’t happen again, next time I’ll be stronger. Faster.”
  “You saw that?” Soarin asked.
“Yeah, I got into the car just as they were dragging you out. I tried to stop them… but there were too many. Even for me.”
  “Well I’m here now, so what’s the problem?”
“You could’ve died Soarin.” She said with concern.
Soarin shrugged. “I’ve nearly died several times, it's a thing that comes with the territory.”
  “You shouldn’t be so eager to throw your life away.”
“Listen sweetheart, I’m here and in one piece, can we just be happy about that?”
  “Somepony at least could have told me you were alright.” She muttered sourly.
“I would have told you but you weren't around were you? I appreciate your concern but you don't have to throw yourself after me when I something bad happens.”
  She blushed. “Shut up… just stop trying to die on me. I’d miss you. A lot.” She stuttered. “Not that, I like you or anything. I mean… maybe I like you a bit.” She stopped, cursed under her breath and snatched a glass of the foul smelling drink from Soarin and downed it one gulp. She looked away from him, an embarrassed sound coming from her mouth.
  Soarin grinned silently and looked her over. The usually tomboyish Pegasus was wearing a fantastic rainbow dress he had seen before. A few modifications had been made and the bouquet of flowers he’d seen her wear at the wedding was replaced by a golden laurel.
  “Nice dress.” Soarin said, trying to restart conversation.
She grunted. “Wouldn’t normally wear it, but I couldn’t get away with not wearing it for this. One of my friends was very insistent.” She rolled her eyes.
  “It suits you. You should wear it more often.”
She snorted in amusement. “Nu-ah, I can hardly fly straight with this stupid thing on and besides, I’ve got a reputation to maintain. Can’t be seen as a softy you know.”
  “You don’t like it then?”
She opened her mouth to protest. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”
  “You like it then?” Soarin guessed.
She looked at him dangerously “Don’t you dare tell a soul, or you’re dead buddy.”
  Soarin chuckled softly. “Is this what our relationship is going to be like, me getting little things out of you and getting death threats in return?”
“Who ever said anything about a relationship?” she asked, suddenly coy.
  “Just a suggestion. You know, make things a little more exciting.” Soarin said as casually as he could manage.
She leaned a little closer. “I know other ways we could make things more… exciting…” She let  the word hang in the air for a moment.
  “Oh really?” Soarin asked innocently
“There’s one place I can think of this dress would look better than on me…” She whispered.
  “Hmm… I was thinking of something a little less… arduous.”
“And here was me thinking you wanted to start off fast.” Rainbow sighed, inching closer to him.
  “I thought you weren’t after a relationship. Especially one with me…”Soarin said, slightly surprised by her quick change of mind.
“Did I say that? Guess I was wrong. You being gone for a couple days really gave me time to think… think about you said on the train about me leading you on. And you’re right… I did. I did it because I like you. I really do Soarin. I like you a lot.” She paused to gather her thoughts. “I thought about our previous relationship… why it didn’t work. Why we split. With you out of the Bolts we might actually have time for each other now.”
  “What about your dream? Don’t you want to fly with them?” Soarin asked, tilting his head towards Spitfire and the other assembled Wonderbolts.
“I reckon I’ve got a better shot now I’ve got a professional trainer.”
  “A trainer?” he asked stupidly. She gave him a knowing look. “Who, me?!” he spluttered.
“Duh.”
  Soarin gave her a quick look over. “You’re a little shabby… but maybe… just maybe I could do it.”
“Hey!”
  “Just saying… you’d also have to quit your job and enrol in officer’s academy. I’d love to see you in a uniform…” He trailed off in thought.
“You’re telling me.” She said with a devilish grin. “So… let’s just say there was a relationship… just hypothetically... how would we start?”
Soarin blinked in surprise but his face remained impassive.
   “Start simple… Nice place with a fantast-.”
“Too many words, you’ve lost me.” She said, cutting him off and brushing past him in a mocking fashion."Less conversation more action sweetie." She continued in a mocking tone. "Better luck next time."
  “I’m always lucky.” Soarin said assuredly.
“We’ll see about that.”

“Nice job back there Soarin.” A white Pegasus muttered appearing over Soarin’s shoulder as he and Dash moved to find their box seats.
  “Nice job with what?” Soarin asked, knowing full well what she meant.
“Oh I don’t know… just this.” She feigned kissing the air in a rather sloppy and unappealing manner. “I Spitfire now owe even more now, which is doubly bad as I lost a fair bit when she punched you in the face. How about next time you stop running your big mouth and kiss her, I’m sure everypony wants you to do it. Well, everypony except Spitfire of course.”
  “Do you guys have nothing else better to do than place bets on what happens in my personal life?” Soarin asked exasperatedly.
“Nope! We’re celebrities; do you honestly think we do anything useful at all?”
  “You’re in the military.” Soarin deadpanned.
“Military, schmilitary. This is a stunt flier’s job, not an active deployment role.” Surprise said dismissively.
  “Speaking of flying, why aren’t you down there with the others?” Soarin asked, pointing down the centre of the arena where several of the Wonderbolts stood in formation.
She shrugged. “I’m on leave; El Mucho down there is filling in for me.” She pointed at a brawny Pegasus at the back of the group that Soarin recognised had been standing behind Spitfire before.
Soarin grunted and sat in a chair probably worth more than his yearly payroll. Much to his amusement, Surprise leapt over him and sat in the chair on the other side of Rainbow Dash and launched a barrage of words in the direction of his equally surprised companion. Soarin ignored their mostly one-sided conversation and instead focused on the teams assembled for the opening ceremony. A blue Pegasus descended from the sky and took up position in the centre of the field.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls, creatures of all shapes and sizes!” His voice boomed across the stadium. If Soarin had wanted to listen to his companions talking he wouldn’t have been able to as the crowd roared loudly in delight.
  “Welcome to the annual Las Pegasus air show!” He paused for dramatic effect. “And what a display of flying prowess we have for you today, tricks that will amaze and fantastic contests of strength, valour and bravery! Now without further ado, please put your hooves, wings, claws and other appendages together for our home fliers, The Wonderbolts!”
The squadron rose into the air and scattered in all directions before reforming with a massive crash of thunder. The team was met with wild cheering as they touched down again in the centre of the arena.
“The Roulettes!”
  The griffons took to the sky an amazing trail of fire in their wake. A mighty screech echoed around the stadium, cutting through the cheers of the crowd like Pinkie Pie in a candy shop. Soarin instinctively ducked as the Griffon team blazed a fiery trail over his head. They completed a loop of the arena before settling down behind the Wonderbolts. He caught Surprise mutter something about hot curry but the meaning was lost on him as the announcer’s voice boomed out again and another team took to the sky in a blaze of pyrotechnics. Poking his head back up, Soarin watched the last two teams take off into the clear sky. A few drops of ice-cold water dropped onto his back, the snow on the roof melted by the griffon’s low fly-by. He shook the water off and returned his attention to the centre of the arena where the announcer was describing the first event for the day; the solo round.
  “One hoof-picked member from each team will dazzle you in an amazing display of aeronautical prowess! Would the selected member of each team step forward please!”
A half-dozen figures stepped forward, the ground shuddering slightly as the massive dragon in their midst placed his foot down.
  “Our first contestant is none other than the captain of the Wonderbolts, Spitfire! You may start when ready!”
Soarin exchanged a look with Surprise.
  “Twenty bits says she blows it.” She muttered under her breath.


           “I’m not sure what you constitute as ‘blowing it’ but I’m sure that’s not it.” Soarin said assuredly.
  “She almost lost control as she came out of the last corner, you could see that from here! How the judges missed that is beyond me.”
  “Bullshit, she was fine.” Soarin insisted, counting out twenty bits regardless in an attempt to shut the white Pegasus up.
  “The only way that could have been worse would be if he was dressed as an obese diamond dog with gender issues.” Surprise said, accepting her prize ungracefully. “What do you think Dashie?”
Rainbow sat up awkwardly, her face flushing red in embarrassment at the casual use of her pet name.
  “I thought she was fine.” She stuttered. "Very nice."
“Checking out Spits eh? Don’t worry, I would be too if she weren’t my boss.” Surprise said cheekily. Dash’s face turned the colour of red on her mane. “Just kidding kid, I know you’re not into that, or so my sources tell me.” She looked Soarin playfully, who was still trying to get the mental image that Surprise had burnt into his synapses out.
  “Yeah sure, whatever.” He muttered, distracted by the next flier who was standing at the starting plate. A mix of booing and cheering came from the crowd as the griffon spread its wings. ‘Her wings’ Soarin thought as he noticed just how much smaller the flier was compared to rest of her team. One of the large griffons muttered something which caused the girl to snap around and snarl loudly. A large portion of the griffon audience continued booing but it was thankfully mostly drowned out by the supportive cheering from the rest of the crowd. One of the dragons roared loudly, silencing many of the protesters.
  “What’s their problem?” Soarin asked, surprised by the booing.
Surprise shrugged. “Griffons are proud, stubborn creatures. Unlike us, gender equity is…uh... how do I say this..? somewhat poor.” She nodded to the now airborne griffon in the middle of the stadium. “She’s the only female to ever join the Roulettes. It was a big step for them and many griffons won’t stand for it.”
  “How do you know so much?” Soarin asked.
She shrugged again. “I travel. Point is, her team picked her for the solo round hoping she would crack under pressure and fail, then they would have a reason to kick her out. Or so I’d guess.”
  “She seems to be handling herself fairly well so far.” Soarin muttered, his eyes tracking the lone flier as she completed a dizzying number of spins.
“She’s good, I’ll give her that.” Rainbow Dash said. “Not as good as me of course, but credit where its due.”
  “You should go give her a run for her money then.” Surprise said impishly. Rainbow looked set to fly into the sky and compete against the griffon for a moment but she wisely forestalled the action.
‘Clever girl.’ Soarin thought approvingly, one of the guards would have gotten to her first anyway.
The griffon swooped in, tucking her wings to gain extra speed as she fell towards the ground, pulling up above the crowd at the last second, a trail of fire behind her. Rainbow snorted in contempt but continued watching with interest.
  “Oh now that’s just wrong…” Surprise said, her voice full of hate.
“What...” Soarin said, the word dying in his mouth as he saw what Surprise had seen. Small objects were being thrown from the griffons in the crowd below the flier, bits of rubbish, cans and some things Soarin may have thought were even more solid.
  “Bastards.” Soarin spat. His suspicions were confirmed a moment later as what look like a small rock flew up and grazed the griffon’s wing. She wobbled uncertainty in the air for a moment but managed to right herself. Soarin could only watch in horror as another barrage of debris was hurled at her, the guards patrolling the stands unable to stop all of the deadly projectiles. Still travelling at breakneck speeds, the griffon could do little to take evasive action and Soarin winced in sympathy as a few tore into her soft wings and underside. She wobbled dangerously in the air before losing control and slamming into a gracefully arching pillar. She bounced off the sturdy construction, ricocheted off another column and hurtled through the air out of control.
  “Get down now!” Soarin yelled, realising that the corkscrewing flier was heading straight for them. Without thinking he grabbed Surprise and Rainbow Dash and hurled them roughly underneath him as the careening griffon smashed into the stands. Soarin felt a set of razor sharp talon cutting through his skin then everything went dark.


***


           Soarin leaned back in his chair, unsure of how he had got there. He was on a station platform that looked suspiciously like Ponyville’s. He felt something was distinctly wrong with the scene but wasn’t until a stormy grey pony sat next to him that he realised what it was.
  “This is Ponyville, isn’t it?” he asked.
“I believe so, yes.” The grey pony said back. Soarin looked at him and was vague surprised to see that, aside from the lack of wings and colour, the pony was virtually identical to himself.
  “Then why is everything upside down?” Soarin asked.
“Yes, I thought was quite odd myself. Maybe things changed in the future.”
  “Hmmm.” Soarin said uncertainly. He had no idea who the pony next to him was but oddly found himself unwilling to ask. A purple ooze spread unstoppably across the sky, an awesome bass line pounding from it as it shot overhead.
“Soarin, why are we here?” The pony asked, leaning back casually.
  “That’s one of life’s great mysteries isn't it.” Soarin said. He repeated the question out loud. “I don’t know sir, why are we here?” He had no idea who the pony was, or how he knew his name, but it didn’t hurt being polite.
“Maybe because a griffon crashed into you, you pillock.”  The other pony said with a small chuckle.
Soarin nodded silently and watched as a train carrying strange looking spars of metal thundered by.
  “Am I dead?” he finally asked as the train disappeared into the distance.
“Do you feel dead Soarin?”
  “Not really. Then again, I don’t know what being dead feels like.”
“We've brushed death many times Soarin, with the regularity he drops by I thought you two would be good friends by now.”
He nodded to a shadow that seemed both shapeless and solid. “There he is now; go on, give him a wave.”
Soarin tentatively waved at the shadow, unsure how seriously he should take the strange pony next to him. Much to his surprise the shadow grew an arm and waved back. The shadow vanished only to be replaced by a barrage of baked goods which forced him and the grey pony to duck as the volley soared over their heads.
  “Am I going mad?” Soarin asked.
“I wouldn’t know, nice day for it though.” The pony replied as if insanity was something that could be forecast as easily as the weather.
  “I’ll ask again, I’m dead right?”
“You are what you make yourself to be.” The pony replied, unwilling to give a straight answer.
  “Give me a straight answer please.” Soarin said.
“No, you aren’t dead. Not yet at least anyway. If you were dead, I wouldn't be here."
"Who are you?"
"You."
  “I don’t understand.”
“Good."
"Wha-? I don-."
"Soarin, why did you save Rainbow Dash?” the white pony interrupted.
  Soarin was momentarily taken aback. “I- I don't know... It felt right I guess.”
“You realise that you could have died right?” The pony asked.
  “Yes.” He said unhesitatingly.
“You'd unhesitatingly throw your life away for her.?”
  “Well, no... Maybe.” Soarin said uncertainly.
"Have you thought about it? I mean, you just did then." 
"Yeah, I guess I did." Soarin admitted sheepishly
The pony raised an eyebrow but accepted his answer “You probably saved her life with great risk to yourself, why?” The pony asked again.
  “Because I care for her.” Soarin said simply after a moment of consideration.
“So much that you would risk your life without hesitation for her safety?” The pony asked again incredulously, flicking a small bit of his mane out of his eye. "Is your life so meaningless that you would do that?"
  “I’ve lost enough of my life that there isn’t much left to live for. I can’t remember most of my career, my life. I didn’t even remember somepony who was once important to me. My own damn childhood was ripped from me.” Soarin said bitterly. 
The pony sighed loudly. “Soarin, there is always something to live for. The future is a great unknown and you never know just when something great will come along.” The pony said, watching with lazy interest as another train nosily pulled into the station. “I think you have a whole lot left to live for; Your feelings for Rainbow Dash for example, is that not worth living for?”
"What if she says no again?" Soarin asked, suddenly worried.
"What if she says yes again?" the grey pony said back simply.
Soarin nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess."
“Then I guess you should probably tell her how you feel. How you truly feel.".
  “I guess it’s going to be like the movies and you’re going to tell me to get on the train?” Soarin asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous, that train is here to pick me and Death up for our twelve o’clock lunch appointment.”
Soarin shuddered as the shadow the pony had pointed out before seemed to meld into the seat next to him.
I HEAR THAT THEY HAVE THESE FANTASTIC SMALL ROUND BISCUITS WITH SWEET SPOTS IN THE MIDDLE WHERE WE ARE GOING. A voice said with a pitch and timbre of such depth Soarin had trouble describing it.
  “They’re fantastic, you have to try some next time you visit.” The mysterious pony said. “Now we really should be off..”
BRING SOME EARL GREY TEA NEXT TIME, I ENJOY WATCHING THE LITTLE LEAVES SPIN IN THE HOT WATER.
  “Nice seeing you Soarin, stay well.” The pony said with a nod of his head. He gave Soarin a tap on the shoulder and he was engulfed in another flash of bright light.


***


Soarin coughed dryly, hacking up a few chips of masonry onto the ground beneath him.'That can't be healthy'
He felt something soft beneath him and opened his eyes to see a surprised looking Rainbow Dash underneath him tapping him on the shoulder. He groaned loudly and rolled off her, careful to avoid an equally shocked looking Surprise.
   “Soarin are you okay?” Rainbow asked, leaping to her hooves.
“I think fine would be pushing it.” Soarin said. “Surprise, you good?”
   “Uh-huh.”
“What about the griffon?”
Rainbow lifted her head and looked towards the back of the stands. “There is a bunch of ponies helping her out. Nothing we can do for her.” She stared for a moment. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
   “Great.” Soarin coughed again. He tried to stand but his legs decided the ground was good enough for him and he didn’t budge.
   “You’re bleeding.” Rainbow said without concern, moving to his side. Soarin winced as she prodded a trio of deep gashes just behind the base of his neck.. “You need to get these patched up, you’re losing a lot of blood.” She said concerned, fumbling with her now tattered dress. There was a ripping sound as she tore a strip off and started to bandage Soarin’s wounds.
   “Won’t your friend be mad for ruining the dress?” Soarin asked.
“She can make a new dress but she can’t make a new you.” She grimaced as he realised just how cheesy her words sounded.
   “That’s bad.” Soarin grunted as she tightened another strip of cloth around him.
“Yeah sorry. Not my finest moment. Thanks by the way. For saving me.”
   “No problem. You should get out of the habit of being in danger. Then I wouldn't have to save your scrawny hide all the time.”
Surprise clambered to her feet, a little dust covered but otherwise no worse for wear. She looked knowingly between the two blue pegasi and mumbled a half-arsed excuse to leave them alone, presumably so she could take photos of them as proof for Spitfire, Soarin guessed with a small grin.
“What’s so funny?” Rainbow asked, seeing his smile.
   “Nothing, just thinking that’s all.”
“About?” She asked, lying on the floor next to him and cradling her head in her hooves.
   “About something a very smart pony told me. He told me I have a whole lot to live for and I think he was right.”
“And what do you have left to live for?”
“You.” He spluttered, cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.
Rainbow groaned. “And I thought I was being cheesy.”
“Yeah, we’re on a roll aren’t we?”
She nodded and lay head down flat on the ground next to his. Aside from the loud clamour of the crowd below them and the excited chattering of the other VIPs around them it was silent. Lost in his own world, Soarin let his gaze wander across the slightly grubby form of Rainbow Dash in front of him. It was just him and her, nothing else mattered. Not the throbbing pain across his back, not the battered griffon being carried off by a medical team and certainly not Surprise standing a few seats away with a camera aimed firmly at them.

'Just... say it.'
Soarin took a deep breath, wincing in pain as he did so.

'Maybe later...'
'Do it!'

   “I think I love you.” Soarin said suddenly, breaking the tension between them with the subtly of a sledgehammer.
The world seemed to take a breath, Soarin vaguely felt his face flushing and the light of a camera's flash going off in his peripheral vision,
“Funny you say that.” She said, edging a little closer to him. Soarin tensed as she wound her head next to his. "Don't tell anyone... But I think I might love you too.” She whispered in his ear. Soarin could barely express his surprise before she pulled his head across and kissed him.
It wasn’t a long or passionate kiss but Soarin put all his heart into it and Rainbow Dash moaned delightfully as she broke the contact.
   “You’re lucky that griffon didn’t hit you a little higher.” She said, nuzzling her face against his chest. “Would’ve ended pretty badly for you.”
   “I’m always lucky.” Soarin assured her.
“Not always.” She said, patting his wound softly.before grinning devilishly and pulling him into another kiss.  “But you might be tonight.”