There is Nothing
“PLEASE HELP ME! CAN ANYPONY HEAR ME?!”
I felt tears stream down my cheeks while I watched my former teacher scream as she thrashed about in her padded cell, her forehooves were secured across her chest in a straight jacket.
“Can you figure out what’s wrong with her… anything?” I asked desperately.
The doctor looked to me from behind his spectacles and spoke in a somber manner. “I’m sorry Ms. Glimmer, we’ve tried every test possible but she has been completely unresponsive,” He turned his gaze from me back to Twilight who was sobbing uncontrollably. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
I felt as though I was going to fall to my knees and join Twilight’s wails. The doctor seemed to notice my oncoming breakdown and spoke again, “Do you have any idea of what might have caused this?”
I quickly replied, “No, she told me she was going to research some old scrolls, she walked up to her study and within fifteen minutes I heard her start to scream and break things, I ran up there and I found her like this.”
The doctor cupped his chin in his hoof and thought for a moment before speaking once again, “The last place she was at was her room? Perhaps something in there might give us an explanation as to what happened, do you think you could search there?”
“I guess but what would I need to look for that causes… this?!” I asked, outstretching a hoof to Twilight’s cell.
“Anything, anything at all that seems out of the ordinary.” He replied.
With that I left the observation room and into the waiting room where Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat in the chairs, they all looked as worried and as exhausted both mentally and physically as me. As soon as they saw me approaching they sprinted to me but before they could ask I spoke, “They’re not sure what happened to her yet, they’ve asked me to look through her room to see if I can find anything that could give us answers.”
They looked to their hooves in disappointment for a moment before Applejack looked up to me.
“What can we do ta’ help?” Applejack asked.
“For now, just stay here and let me know if anything changes.”
They all nodded in response before wishing me luck, I then left the hospital and walked back to the castle. At this point, the whole town had heard of Twilight’s mental breakdown, which didn’t really surprise me, she was a princess after all. What did surprise me though was that it seemed many ponies in town were quietly accusing me of somehow being responsible for what happened. I could hear pieces of their whispered conversations and feel their judgmental eyes as they watched me suspiciously while I passed. It hurt to hear these ponies I had come to know quite well whisper so many hurtful things about me.
“-had to have done it. She was the only one with magic in the castle.”
“-the cutie marks of an entire town, no telling what other evil magic she can do.”
I tried my best to ignore them as the castle got closer. As I entered the foyer of the castle I could hear a faint sniffling, as my eyes scanned the room I could make out Spike sitting in a chair, his face buried into his knees as he cried. When he looked up, his red and puffy eyes widened as he saw me and quickly, he jumped off his chair and ran to me.
“D-did they find out what happened to her?”
“Not yet Spike… I’m sorry.”
He looked down and I could hear his sniffling begin again. I reached out a hoof and took him into a comforting embrace. I could tell he really needed it, Twilight’s breakdown hurt Spike the most. I couldn’t blame him, Twilight was practically a sister to him and he had known her his entire life.
“It’s going to be okay Spike, I promise.” I said softly.
I hope.
It wasn’t much but it seemed to calm him a bit.
“The doctor wanted me to look around in her room to see if I could find anything that can help us figure out what happened to her.” I explained.
“What do you think you’re gonna find?” He asked wiping his tears away with his claw.
“I don’t know, but hopefully something.”
Afterwards, I climbed the stairs and entered her room. I felt a chill run up my spine, the room looked like a crime scene, it was still in the same state it had been in when I first heard Twilight scream. The glass of water she had filled had shattered on the floor, papers and quills were strewn about everywhere. For a moment, I wanted to chuckle, Twilight would be furious if she saw her room this disorganized!
I walked to her desk and inspected it. There were two scrolls on the corner of the desk, it seemed the parchments were practically ancient. Out of curiosity I opened one of the scrolls and looked at it. It had some type of a spell; it was written in old Ponish, the spell was one I had never laid eyes on before, one that I will refrain from writing down to protect anyone who reads this, one that should never be seen again by anypony. With it was what seemed to be the ramblings of a mad pony. There were two small messages that were written in rather scratchy writing “death, the end of life” and “see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing, feel nothing… there is nothing!” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, what was this doing on there?
On the other scroll, there was only another spell, this one seemed to be a reversal spell of the first, like a switch to end it. Perhaps, I thought, these spells could explain what happened to Twilight. Foolishly, I decided to try the mysterious spell; I informed Spike to keep out of the room unless I called him, closed the door and looked over the first scroll once again. I took a deep breath and began. I spoke the spell aloud, suddenly, I felt a powerful surge of magic, it rushed from my hooves all the way to my horn where a bright ball of energy began to form, there was a bright flash of white light and I screamed.
Then... there was nothing. It was pitch black, I stared at nothing for a few moments, trying to comprehend what just happened. Had I gone blind? Then I noticed I couldn’t hear my own voice. I couldn’t hear anything, it was complete and total silence! Had that magical blast really been that powerful, so much so that it was enough to rob me of two of my senses? I tried to open my mouth to call for anyone but I couldn’t even feel the vibrations of my own throat.
Okay Starlight, think… you’re deaf, mute, and blind… think. Think. THINK! What if I’m not blind? What if I was just teleported someplace really dark? Okay, focus and charge your horn.
I took a moment to calm my racing heart and tried to use my horn to illuminate where ever I had been teleported but I couldn’t! I couldn’t even feel the familiar sensation of the magic running through my body to my horn. It was like my magic was just sucked out of me!
At this point I started to feel the dam I was holding back in my tear ducts burst. I began to sob uncontrollably, at least… I think did. I couldn’t feel tears on my cheeks. I raised my hoof to feel for tears running down my face but I couldn’t feel my face, I swung my hoof, wildly through the darkness, trying to find anything that I could make contact with. I could picture my hoof touching my face but I couldn’t feel it. I brought my hoof back down to the floor but couldn’t feel it make contact.
It was like I had lost my very sense of touch!
It was like I was only a conciseness, floating, endlessly inside my own mind, not able to speak, see, hear or even feel any surface. The thought of being trapped inside this nothingness was indescribable mixture of confusion, panic, fear and sadness. If I had my sense of feeling, I know I would be able to feel my chest tighten and my knees growing weak, I could picture myself opening my muzzle and letting out an anguished cry. There was no sense of time in that place, there was nothing to feel time pass, no mane to grow or body to age, only darkness and a type of silence that could drive any being insane. A million thoughts shot through my mind, one stuck with me though, the other spell! If it was in fact a reverse spell than perhaps it could save me from that place.
I told my brain to yell the spell out loud, again, I couldn't hear my own voice but my brain’s impulses opened my non existent muzzle and shouted out the spell. I could only hope I pronounced it correctly, fortunately, it seems I did. There was another bright flash of light.The light engulfed the darkness, swallowing up everything, much like how the darkness had done only moments before.
I opened my eyes.
I was back.
I could feel the cold crystal surface on my legs as I laid on the floor, I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart pounding in my chest, the soreness in my throat from the screaming and sobbing, I could feel the claws of Spike shaking me, I could hear my sniffling and the shouts coming from the small dragon.
“Starlight! Snap out of it! Wake up!”
Hearing Spike yell at me alone, being such a stark contrast to the silence, felt like it was enough to make my ears ring. I reached out my forelegs and grabbed him and pulled him into a crushing hug as I sobbed.
“It’s okay Starlight, you’re okay.” He said patting my shoulder.
“How long was I like that?” I croaked.
“A few minutes I think, I was down stairs and I started hearing you screaming, when I got to you, you were just standing there, crying and you were just staring off into space, even when I was right in front of you.” He explained, “I was about to run and get help when you just said some weird words and it was over… what happened?”
“I think I know what happened to Twilight…”
“Please, anypony?” Twilight whispered, her voice seemed to be nearly completely gone at that point after so much time screaming.
After informing the doctor that I might have had a solution to get Twilight out of there, I was allowed into the room, the walls and floor were padded, preventing anypony from harming themselves. I felt a lump in my throat grow bigger and bigger as I stepped closer to Twilight, her eyes were bloodshot, her pupils little more than pin pricks, it seemed she no longer had any tears left to shed after crying for so long. Hesitantly; I looked back at the one way mirror and looked at my reflection, even though I couldn’t see them, I could feel the stares of multiple ponies watching me, hoping I could save their princess.
“Please work… please Celestia work.” I whispered to myself before turning around and looking to Twilight once again.
I stepped a bit closer and out loud, uttered the reversal spell. I waited for what felt like hours… nothing. Again I said the spell out loud, again nothing! I tried it again and again, each time louder than the one before. I kept doing it until I collapsed and began to sob once again.
I stayed in that padded room for a few minutes before I stood up and walked out with my head hanging low to be greeted with the disappointed faces of friends and hospital staff. I couldn’t make eye contact with them, I had let them down, I let everpony down… including Twilight. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months, Twilight still sat in that padded room, trapped within her own mind. Her begging and crying was replaced with mad mumbling's as she just sat. I’m certain even if by some miracle she was freed now, she would never be the same.
Her friends eventually stopped visiting her, giving up hope themselves, they couldn’t take seeing her that way anymore. They still stayed very close friends and comforted each other as they went through grief together, but they were never quite the same. I would visit sometimes and sit in the room with her, listening to her mad ramblings and whispers. I even stopped going at some point, my heart ached at the thought that she was stuck in that hell of nothingness forever. Equestria has changed, Twilight’s school has mostly fallen apart, with no headmare and all the professors too distraught to actually teach anything, most of the students returned to their respective homes.
They do keep up meeting every month or so which does manage to give me hope that they won’t completely lose their friendship. The princesses have also changed. In the beginning they tried desperately, to save her. They memorized the reverse spell and entered the void numerous times trying to find any sign of Twilight, they believed she could be somewhere in there.
Unfortunately, they never found her. Through their research they discovered that the only way the reverse spell would work was if the pony who cast the spell in the first place uttered the reversal. Twilight was the only pony who could free herself from that black void, all she had to do was remember that damned spell! I prayed everyday, hoping one day Twilight would think of the reverse spell. Eventually they gave up and locked those ancient scrolls away within the Canterlot Castle.
Celestia has not been the same since Twilight… left us. When she’s not on her throne, Celestia now spends most of her time in her chambers, hardly speaking to anyone. It took an extreme toll on her. For me; I haven’t spoken to any of my friends for sometime, they try to visit me but I never let them enter. I now only sit in my room in Twilight’s castle, thinking.
One thought has been bothering me though.
‘Death, the end of life’.
Is it just the mad rambling of a pony who lost his mind or is it truly related to the spell?
I believe I have come to a conclusion to answer that question. Did the unknown pony that create that spell discover what lies on the other side, or the lack of one rather? As long as there has been ponies, there has been the question of what awaits us for us in the next life, there have been ideas, but none proven without a doubt. Could that darkness be the place we go once we pass, once we take our final breath? Trapped within a place we can’t see, hear, or feel, floating in an empty void for entirety.
I don’t know.
But I suppose we’ll all learn the truth someday.
That’s what scares me.