Sharing The Secret
It was finally time.
Months of secret keeping, of sneaking away, of late night rendezvous, would all come to an end today. No more hiding. From their friends, at least. Smolder and Silverstream hiding their roles of hatchling and caregiver would cease now, at least to their friends. Now that Skystar and Ember both knew what was going on, along with Princess Luna, Smolder finally felt comfortable enough to tell her friends about this part of her. It was still terrifying to her to talk about this openly, but if The Dragon Lord herself accepted her, then her friends sure would.
Smolder and Silverstream were in Silverstream’s room, the dragon pacing the floor anxiously. Ocellus had gone to gather Gallus, Yona, and Sandbar for them, since the changeling was the only one of their friends who knew of this arrangement, and not by their choice, either. Granted, Ocellus had become a fantastic babysitter for Smolder in the interim, but her coming upon it had not been in either one of their wildest dreams. Perhaps, though, that was the best thing for them, because albeit unexpected, being able to open themselves up to someone had opened a door to others accepting them, and the pair of them being able to talk to others about it. Still, Smolder was uneasy, even with Silverstream’s reassurances.
“It will be fine, Smolder.”
“How do you know? How do you know they won’t be mad at us for keeping that secret?”
“Because they’re our friends. And even if they don’t know everything, they would know we had good reasons.”
“But what if our reasons aren’t enough?”
“Then we ask for forgiveness for keeping a secret. But it won’t happen. I’m telling you, they’ll understand.”
“But-“
Smolder didn’t have time to finish the thought, because the door to Silverstream’s room was opening, and Yona, Gallus, and Sandbar were entering the room, with Ocellus shutting the door behind them. Smolder’s anxiety shot up like one of those meters that tested ponies’ strength at carnivals after a strong buck. She tried not to show how anxious she was in her expression, and succeeded, but the fact that every muscle in her was tensed and she was rigid was enough to do it anyways.
Yona went over to her friend. “Why dragon look like Professor Fluttershy when scared?”
It was at that point that she realized all the tension her body was holding, and was able to marginally relax. “I’m just tense.” She said. It was even true.
“Yona friend need yak massage? Yaks massage best!”
Smolder winced at the thought. “Maybe some other time, Yona.” She really didn’t need a broken spine today.
Gallus spoke next. “You guys needed us for something?” He asked in his casually bored tone of voice.
“Yeah, is everything okay?” Asked Sandbar.
Smolder looked to Silverstream for help. Despite being able to keep their secret, she was still their resident chatterbox. Silverstream gave her a gentle smile and then looked at them.
“Everything’s great. We just have something to tell you.”
Gallus raised one eyebrow. “Alright.”
Silverstream had to think for a minute about how to explain this. Unlike any of the other times their secret had come to light, there was no dead giveaway in sight. This would be done with both of them as just friends, and not as hatchling and Mommy. It was difficult to do, describing something that had taken up such a large part of themselves without being in those respective places. It was a thin line to walk, and they both knew it. But they had to try, for their friends.
Silverstream slowly began to speak. “A while ago I was doing a class with Professor Pinkie Pie with her party canon, and the aim was off. I ended up crashing through Smolder’s window and she was…” Silverstream looked to Smolder to tell her it was okay to share this portion of it in case the dragon wanted to do it herself. Smolder gave her a nod, and Silverstream took a breath. “Smolder was wearing a diaper and had a pacifier in her mouth.”
Smolder physically cringed, waiting for the backlash, but it didn’t come. She dared open one eye, and saw that her friends’ faces were painted with confusion, but no disgust. At least, not yet. Silverstream continued on once her words had been given a while to sink in.
“I saw this sort of thing once before when I lived in Seaquestria. Seaponies who liked to act like babies. Seeing it didn’t really bother me at all. I offered to babysit Smolder that day so that she could play, and I became a Mommy to her.” She said. She paused again, before continuing. “Ocellus accidentally found out after a while, and we asked her not to say anything because neither of us were ready to talk about it. My Cousin Skystar, Princess Luna, And Ember all know. But most of the time it wasn’t intentional. You all are our friends, and we wanted to tell you. We just weren’t ready. You’re the first we’ve told by choice.”
The range of reactions differed between creatures. Gallus looked mostly indifferent, but mildly surprised also, Yona was confused, and Sandbar was as straight faced as any creature had ever seen him. Each of them were processing all of this on their own time.
Gallus understood exactly what they were saying. He didn’t have any trouble with the words or the images it conjured. What he was struggling with was his own disbelief. This was Smolder, a rough and tumble dragon who was hot headed and brash and sometimes rude. To think of her as being innocent or sweet, it went against the very image of who he had known her to be. He had known that she liked cute and silly things, but he hadn’t ever thought it would run that deep. But maybe that was the point? He had accepted her words at face value, then boxed them up and stored them in a part of his mind. He hadn’t looked deeper because he hadn’t wanted to. He hadn’t wanted to taint his own image of who he thought of her as with the parts of her he didn’t think were cool enough. He realized that was petty, and it also went against what he’d learned in Professors Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash’s class. He wasn’t being kind to her by doing that, nor was he being loyal to who she chose to be. He knew he had to change that. So, he would. Starting now.
Yona was confused. Yaks did not have diapers or pacifiers in Yakyakistan. It took her a minute to remember what those items were, and the only reason she knew what they were was because of Professor Fluttershy’s class. They had done a day where they had learned to take care of foals in order to care for animals in the same fashion. She understood now what Silverstream was talking about, but was still confused. Why would a dragon want to act like a baby? It was very confusing for the yak. Still, whatever the reason, the obvious fear in Smolder made her sad, and she just wanted to make her friend feel better.
Sandbar was the least confused or surprised in all of this. Out of every creature there, he understood what was being said the best, and he accepted it the easiest. Being as laid back as he was, what ponies or other creatures found weird or odd barely phased him. What mattered to him was if they were happy. If this had been going on for as long as it had, clearly Smolder and Silverstream were both happy with it. If they were happy so was he.
“Are you mad at us?” Asked Silverstream, who was clearly speaking on Smolder’s behalf since the dragon hadn’t moved a muscle.
Gallus scoffed at the idea, although Smolder mistook it for one of anger and let out a small whine, barely audible to even Silverstream, who was right next to her. His words though, made her finally move her head and look at them, when she heard him say, “Mad? Why would we be mad?”
Smolder uttered the first coherent thought that came to mind. “Because we kept a secret from you.”
“And you think we haven’t done that with stuff we’re too embarrassed to talk about? Please. We’ve all been there.”
“Yona not understand everything, but Yona want Smolder be happy.” Said the yak with a smile.
“If you’re happy, we’re happy.” Sandbar said, with a lazy grin.
It took Smolder more than a moment to process their words, before a grin broke out onto her face, and their acceptance washed over her like surf. Looking into each pair of eyes, she saw no anger, no traces of hurt, no disgust. Just kindness, and the kindness overwhelmed her, and she hugged them all at once as best she could. Even Yona’s gargantuan bear hugs were not enough to deter her cheery mood. At long last, the shackles of secrecy were off of her. There was no more having to worry about keeping the secret from them again.
Then, Silverstream was there beside her, wrapping a claw around her in a hug. Smolder leaned into it, uncaring about how it looked now. Her friends still cared about her, they weren’t mad at her, and they had accepted her. There was satin-wrapped comfort in that. Ocellus soon joined the hug, and Sandbar, Yona, and Gallus followed suit. Smolder was the center point of their circle of love and acceptance, and she basked in it as though it were a lava bath. When the hug broke apart after a while, Gallus spoke up.
“So what do we do now?”
They all exchanged looks before Sandbar spoke up. “Why don’t we let Smolder decide?”
The others nodded their consensus, and looked to Smolder, who was surprised and a little uncomfortable with the sudden shift in attention. She tried to form a response, but suddenly a headache was coming onto her. This happened very rarely, maybe once every three moons. It only happened when she was too overwhelmed by her own emotions. That was a rare moment for her. Usually only because she had been able to keep her emotions under control, and also because her friends had helped her deal with them before they got to that point. She had only experienced one during this time once, and she had slipped into her headspace then. She had a feeling that it might happen now. Instead of being fearful as she had been the last time it had happened and her friends were around, she felt peaceful. They accepted her, and she accepted herself now too.
Silverstream was keenly aware of what was happening. She wrapped a wing around Smolder, and gave her an understanding look. Smolder looked at her, saw everything in the mirror of her eyes, and relaxed suddenly. The headache didn’t abate in the slightest, but it didn’t seem as bothersome as it had before- though that might have been because her friends were around her. Silverstream, seeing that she wasn’t exactly in a position to speak, gave one questioning glance, and Smolder nodded. Silverstream turned to her friends.
“You know, Smolder hasn’t had anyone new to play with since Cousin Skystar visited. Do you guys want to play?”
“Why not?” Gallus said.
“Sure.” Sandbar replied.
“Yona say let’s play!” Yona stamped her hooves for emphasis.
Ocellus just smiled, and nodded.
Silverstream looked to Smolder, who looked a little far away in her gaze. Perhaps the headache had made it difficult to concentrate on anything, and she had tried to not think. In an odd sense, it was helpful. Smolder usually had to be deep into her headspace to hit that point, and it would end up aiding her regression process. Silverstream took her by the claw and led her to the bed. She didn’t have to look to know that Ocellus had gone underneath her bed to get some supplies out. Silverstream had learned to keep supplies in her room too, so that Smolder could stay in either room. Sure enough, Ocellus reappeared in Silverstream’s line of sight rather quickly, carrying the box that held Smolder’s things. Smolder herself seemed dazed, like she had been hit on the head and hadn’t quite come to yet. Her eyes were glazed over at least, and she seemed absent. Silverstream though, knew how to pull her back enough to get her to interact.
Silverstream didn’t think twice about getting Smolder diapered. It wasn’t like her friends weren’t expecting that portion of it from their conversation. What she was focusing on was Smolder, and giving her some relief from her notably drifting mind. In the back of her head she was worried about how her friends might take this- because seeing something was very different from hearing about it, and she knew that from experience. She tried though, for now, to just focus on Smolder.
Smolder herself was in an odd place. The headache dominated her attention, but a niggling voice inside of her mind was voicing doubt of her friends’ acceptance of her. It was one thing to say they accepted this part of her, but she knew very well it was an entirely different thing to see it first claw.
Soon enough, the diaper change was over, and Silverstream was smiling down at Smolder. She knew Smolder wasn’t going to fall too easily into her headspace this time around, since it would be her first time regressing by choice rather than need. Silverstream knew that she would have to be completely into her role to help Smolder get into hers. However, unlike Smolder, she never had an issue with getting into her role. Just being around Smolder was enough to do it. She had lost count of the times she’d had to stop herself from being so over the top in public because Smolder was triggering that instinct inside of her. But now, at least with her friends, she didn’t have to hide it anymore.
Silverstream leaned down to Smolder and nuzzled her affectionately, while taking in her scent- brimstone and smoke, foal powder, and a hint of cinnamon.
“There’s my sweet hatchling.” Silverstream’s voice cooed to Smolder, conveying her joy, her pride, and her love- all in spades.
Smolder’s odd feeling did not lessen- but Silverstream’s cooing settled her somewhat. The familiar sound was calming to her, and the voice in the back of her mind was stilled for a while, because she knew that she would always have Silverstream, if nothing else. She felt herself beginning to slip into that headspace a little- enough to smile at the sound without feeling embarrassed or self conscious about it. It wasn’t until Silverstream spoke to her that she realized that at some point she had closed her eyes. She opened them, and saw Silverstream’s face swimming in her vision. Perhaps a bit loopy from the headache, she grinned at her, and Silverstream’s gaze brightened even further if that were even possible. Smolder caught a flash of blue in the tail of her eye, and in a moment of lucidity after her lapse in memory, that her friends were there. The smile grew less bright, but it wasn’t erased entirely.
Silverstream backed away, letting Smolder sit up, and the tension inside Smolder twisted itself into a knot in her stomach. Sitting up at this moment, away from the security of the change itself, where it had felt that it was just her and Silverstream, made her feel exposed, like a small bird in a cave of ravenous monsters. She had to remind herself several times in that instant that she was around friends, not creatures who would judge her.
She sat up now, nerves as frayed as a worn blanket, as she looked into the faces of her friends. Sandbar was smiling, Yona looked calm yet still a bit confused, and Gallus was smirking a little- but not in a condescending way, strangely enough, and Ocellus was smiling and as serene as she’d ever been. Smolder was somewhat relieved, although her worry didn’t leave entirely. There was a silence, somewhat fraught with tension, as they waited for some creature to say something.
Sandbar, mercifully, broke the quiet. He was used to playing with his little sister, and Smolder had the same look on her face his sister did when she wasn’t sure she was in trouble for something. He hoped to calm her down. He stepped over to her, smiling calmly, and spoke gently to her. “What do you want to do, Smolder?”
Smolder nearly cowered at the question, not because of the intonation or the way it was posed, but by the question itself. She didn’t know how to answer that question. More so, she didn’t know how to answer it dressed like this. Usually Silverstream helped answer that for her. She managed to look over at the Hippogriff, who had a selection of Smolder’s toys available. Her doll, her blocks, her rattle, and a few books. Smolder appraised them the way she would looking for good gems to eat, but nothing seemed to stand out to her. She wanted something they could all do together, if they were going to do this. It was Ocellus who made the suggestion they eventually took.
“How about a game of find the gem?” Ocellus suggested. She and Smolder had played it many times together when she babysat.
“Find the gem?” Asked Gallus.
Silverstream clapped. “What a great idea!”
Ocellus turned to Gallus. “Find the gem. We hide something, and try and find it. Sometimes when Smolder has actual gems we hide those, but she usually finds them pretty fast, so we try it with something else.”
“Sounds interesting.” Gallus said.
“I’m in.” Sandbar smiled.
“Yona win game!” Cheered the yak.
“This will be fun!” Said Silverstream.
Ocellus turned to Smolder. “What do you say, Smolder?”
Smolder gave a shy smile, slow coming, and nodded.
The “gem” in this game was a small bead from Silverstream’s necklace that held the transformation pearl. They all got a good look at it, before covering their eyes as Silverstream hid it somewhere in the dorm room. When Silverstream was done, the search began. Gallus and Sandbar teamed up, as did Ocellus and Yona, and Silverstream- of course- paired with Smolder, trying to ease her into her headspace and help her along since the headache still seemed to be with her. Pointing out things Smolder may have missed, and saying things like, “Let’s look in here!”, “I would have never thought to look there- good job!”, and “I bet you can do it!” Slowly helped Smolder into her hatchling mindset. Soon she was giggling- always the first sign of Smolder being in her headspace, though not very deeply. Still, progress was progress.
The winner of the game, shockingly enough, ended up being Yona. Who found it hidden in Silverstream’s stash of preening and grooming supplies that were laid in a pouch and in a drawer. The Yak celebrated with several stomps, her friends laughing and clapping for her. Smolder was giggling and smiling now, and her headache seemed almost completely gone, barring an occasional twinge of pain. Her demeanor changed easily, from being nervous and jumpy to excitable and chipper. Her friends were seeing her- the real her- for the first time. Each of them took it in stride, being accepting to her as much as they could. It certainly was easier for some of them than others.
Sandbar found it easiest to take and to interact with Smolder from prior experience with his own Sister. Seeing all this wasn’t as gobsmacking as one might have thought for him. He didn’t have any preconceived notions to throw away about Smolder. He had accepted her from day one, and would continue to do so with this.
Yona was still very confused about the whole thing. But being in Equestria with all of these strange things was confusing to begin with. One more strange thing didn’t mean much now. And if Smolder was happy, she was too. Being friends meant being happy for the other one. She still couldn’t wrap her head around this all the way, but seeing Smolder happy made her happy. That’s all that mattered.
Gallus struggled the most with this. It wasn’t that he didn’t accept her. Nothing like that. Of course he did. But he struggled with the idea of this being a side of the Smolder he had come to know. The tough, brash, rude dragon he knew also had this completely innocent side to her. It was a dichotomy- one of Headmare Twilight’s big dictionary words that he only really remembered because he thought they spelled it wrong. It meant that they were two things that contrasted and were different. He accepted both sides of her undoubtedly, but he would need time to think that both of them existed in the same body. For now though, he would just try and focus on one part of her at the time, because no matter what he was struggling with in all of this, Smolder wasn’t struggling with this part of herself at all. That’s what was really important.
The musings of each of them were interrupted by a growl from Smolder’s stomach. Silverstream giggled.
“Sounds like my little hatchling is hungry!” She cooed.
Smolder just giggled and nodded.
Silverstream looked to Gallus, Yona, and Sandbar. “Want to help me get her lunch?”
They all nodded. While Silverstream made up Smolder’s bottle, the three others worked to help make Smolder’s lunch, with Ocellus giving instructions. Yona twisted off caps and happily mashed some food for her, Sandbar got out bowls and utensils, and Gallus was the one who was going to feed her. He had decided it from the second it was decided Smolder was eating. He figured if he wanted to get over his dumb dichotomy, throwing himself into this headfirst would be the best way.
With lunch prepared, Smolder sat on the bed, cuddling up to Silverstream, and opened up her mouth. Gallus easily got the spoon in that time, and Smolder was rewarded with some mashed vegetables. The second time though, she wouldn’t open up. In her eyes Gallus swore he saw a glimmer of the Smolder he knew, because she made him think it would be easy but instead made it a challenge. Gallus raised an eyebrow and smiled, accepting the challenge she put forth. Silverstream opened her mouth to say something, but Gallus raised a wing to silence her. He was going to do this on his own. He remembered some of what he had been taught in class about caring for Foals, and how making it fun was a good approach. But it was also a conventional one. Gallus was not conventional in the least, and besides- he knew Smolder.
“Open up, Smolder. Or I’m gonna have to eat these vegetables myself.” Gallus said with a deceptively wistful tone at the end.
Smolder pouted. What was he thinking? That was her yummy lunch! As Gallus raised the spoon to take a bite, her mouth opened wider than the entrance to a cave. Gallus fed her another spoonful, but had the decency not to look too cocky, because he knew with Smolder, the battle had only just begun.
He was correct too. The tactic he tried only worked once, so he had to get creative. A few times sound effects with the spoon made her open up, but eighty percent of the time, she would turn her head from the spoon and get mashed vegetables on her cheek. This was where Gallus really had fun. He used his wings to tickle her sides so she would open her mouth. Of course, though, Smolder easily adapted and tried to cover her sides, so Gallus kept coming up with new tickle spots. Her feet, her stomach, her neck, her back spines. It worked every time, no matter where she tried to keep him away from. By the time the strategically placed tickles had worked their way through, the bowl was nearly empty. Smolder, mercifully, opened her mouth for the last two bites with no tactics necessary. When the bowl was scooped clean, she was showered in praise, as was Gallus.
“What a good girl, eating all your lunch!” Cooed Silverstream as she wiped her hatchling’s face.
“That was some really creative thinking, Gallus.” Complimented Ocellus.
“You did it, Smolder! That’s a big girl to eat your lunch!” Praised Sandbar.
“Yak say Griffon smart. Yaks best at helping babies, but Griffon good too.” Yona nodded in approval.
“Thanks, guys.” Gallus smirked, and turned to Smolder, leaning in close. “You sure are a troublemaker.”
Perhaps to emphasize this point, or maybe just because he got too close, Smolder grabbed his beak with a claw, giggling. The other one made it’s way into her mouth to suck on.
“Real funny, Smolder.” Gallus grumbled sarcastically, but a ghost of a smile tugged at his face.
It was Silverstream who ended up saving him. “Now now, Smolder. You have to let go of Uncle Gallus’ beak or Mommy can’t give you your bottle.”
Smolder reluctantly let his nose go, and automatically leaned back into Silverstream’s lap to nurse from her bottle. She opened her mouth without any hesitation this time, and Silverstream popped it in. Smolder immediately got into the rhythm of nursing, eyes faillng shut for a bit, and then partially opening to look up at Silverstream, who was gazing at her lovingly. Smolder returned the look with her eyes gazing up trustingly at her Mama, and reached a claw up to pat Silverstream’s cheek. Silverstream’s wing overlapped the claw, as if she were holding it. It was the closest she could get with one arm under Smolder’s head and the other supporting the bottle. The light in Silverstream’s eyes was brighter than a thousand suns.
It was that scene, perhaps more than any other, that really drove it home for those observing how special this was to the both of them. Certainly it might not be conventional, but it was important. So the four of them gathered around to show their support. Smolder noticed their attention, but it warmed her, rather than making her unnerved. When the bottle was drained, they all gathered around her, and smushed her in a group hug.
Smolder, more than any creature else, was happy. Her friends accepted her, and through them, she had finally been able to completely accept herself. If they still loved her and cared about her, her shackles of self doubt finally fell off completely. She was finally free to let her unique light shine without fear of retribution from those she cared about most. She had her friends, she had Ember, Skystar, and most importantly she had Silverstream.
If she had them, she had everything.