A rapid shifting and bouncing of the mattress jarred me from my sleep around 2 am. In the darkness, I heard Twi mumbling something and crying. I clicked on the lamp on the nightstand and rolled over to see her grabbing at something that wasn't there.
Ugh, here we go again, I thought before going into my late night routine.
“Twi? Babe?” I whispered as I gently shook her. “Wake up.”
“No! Don't leave me, Sunny!” she cried out. “Please! I'll do anything. Just stay with me.”
“Twilight, you're dreaming,” I said a little louder. “C’mon, babe. Wake up.”
“No-oo-oo,” she cried. “I love you. Please don't go.”
“I'm not going anywhere.”
She paused a moment as her crying softened. “You...you're not?”
I noticed her eyes had begun fluttering open to adjust to the light in the bedroom. They still were filled with tears until I gently wiped them away.
“No, babe. I'm never leaving you,” I told her with a smile. “But I do think it's time for us to talk about what's going on in your head.”
“Now?”
“Yes, Twi,” I replied. “These nightmares that you've been having have been getting worse. Each night I've got to wake you up from said nightmare and I'm really getting concerned.”
“...”
I let out a sigh and caressed the left side of her face. “It's about the accident, isn't it?”
She slowly nodded in response before holding my hand against her cheek.
“Let's start small. Okay?”
Another slow nod.
“Tell me what you remember about that day after you left for work,” I said.
“I...can't.”
I tilted my head in confusion. “You can't remember or you can't tell me?”
“I can't tell you. It hurts too bad just thinking about it,” she whimpered.
“Would it make it easier if I told you about something that's been hurting me?” I asked.
“Does it involve me?” she replied.
“Actually, yes. It does,” I answered. “But not how you think.”
“Huh?”
“Remember your very first sleepover at my old apartment?”
“Yeah. How could I forget that after what happened?”
I felt my resolve start to buckle as I continued my story. “Well, when you found me with my arms cut, I was trying to make a major decision in my head.”
“What...what kind of decision?” she asked.
“I was trying to decide whether or not to finish the job,” I said as I looked away in shame.
“Finish the job?” she paused momentarily before my admission sunk in. “Sunny, were you thinking of committing suicide that night?!” she asked in shock.
I barely nodded in response.
“You're not just saying this to make me feel better are you?”
“No, babe. This is the honest truth.” I turned to look her in the eye once again. “I've been holding this in for too long. I should have told you before but every time I tried, I didn't know how to tell you.”
She reached up and wiped away a tear that I didn't know had escaped from my eye. “Oh, Sunny. Why in the world would you want to do that? Especially with our friends in the apartment with you?” she inquired softly.
“Well, remember when I told you that I was pretty messed up?”
“Mhmm.”
“That's what I meant. I just didn't want to admit that I was planning to end my life that night,” I said as I held back my tears.
“But why, Sunny?”
“It's because of how I was treating you,” I said. “I felt like a hypocrite. The way I treated you those first couple of weeks wasn't dissimilar from how the girls had treated me before the Battle of the Bands.
“I saw the hurt in your eyes daily,” I continued. “And I saw the reluctance to be around me before we went to bed.” I paused to wipe my face. “But when you surprised me in the bathroom, held my hands, and embraced me, the reluctance and anguish in your eyes disappeared. What I saw in its place was love. Not love of that of a sister but romantic love.
“After seeing how you were there for me in my darkest time, I knew that I would always be with you during your dark times,” I finished up my spiel with a hug from Twi.
We just sat in the bed embracing each other for about five minutes or so as a wave of relief began to wash over me. You finally did it.
“Sunny, I don't know what to say,” she said as we rested our chins on each other's shoulders.
“Just please open up about what is bothering you,” I said, pulling back. “If I know what has you so worried, maybe I can help you get through this. That's why I want you to start at the accident.”
She turned to sit on the edge of the bed, looked down at her lap, and began to fidget.
“What is it?” I asked, placing a hand on the small of her back.
“What I remember is...talking to Cadence on the phone,” she said.
“Okay. That's a start.”
“It...it’s not okay. I had called her so that she could try to calm me down on my way to work,” she whispered. “I had said some nasty things about you.”
My heart sunk at the sound of that while she stopped to regain her composure; what little she had to begin with.
“I called you so many names. It was mostly ‘bitch’ and ‘whore’, for the record,” she admitted. “Anyway, Cadence reminded me that if I ever became pregnant, I would probably be as moody as you. Hearing that distracted me just enough that I nearly ran a red light and dropped my phone in the process.
“While I was retrieving my phone from the passenger side floorboard, I heard a loud screeching of tires. I sat up just in time to see a car surrounded by smoke caused by the other driver locking up the brakes. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital,” she said. “Please don't be mad at me.”
“Mad at you? Why? Because you called me a bitch while you vented to your sister-in-law?”
I saw her slowly nod in response.
I chuckled softly. “Twi, I probably would've done the exact same thing.”
“Really?” she asked as she looked over her shoulder.
“Mhmm,” I said as I pulled back against me and nuzzled the back of her neck. “You were mad and needed someone to talk to. All that pent-up anger needed some outlet. It's natural.”
She clasped my hands together around her waist. “Thanks, Sunny. I do feel better now.”
“But?”
“I don't know how to tell you about my nightmares.”
We sat together for a couple of minutes before an idea popped into my head. “I need my hands, babe,” I said, wiggling free.
“Why?”
I told her to take off her top and bra as I reached into my nightstand for my lavender lotion. After squeezing a small amount in my hand, I began rubbing Twi’s shoulders. “Because I'm hoping this massage will relax you enough to tell me about your nightmares.”
I felt her shoulders slump slightly as she began. “Okay…”
Twi sat in front of me - in silence - on the bed as I slowly worked the lotion into skin. I made sure to be gentle around the areas that she recently had casts removed from so as not to bring any discomfort to her back and shoulders.
"C'mon, babe," I said softly, my thumbs were circling the base of her neck, "the sooner you get this off your chest, the sooner we can start getting a peaceful night's sleep."
She continued to sit there, staring straight ahead, until what could only be described as a soft sob escaped her mouth.
"Twi? What's wrong?" I asked as another sob followed behind it.
"I…" was all she could say before the short sobs became a steady cry.
I stopped massaging her and gently turned her and held her head against my chest as her body shook in rhythm with her crying. "Twi, talk to me. What has been bothering you? Is it the nightmares?" I asked softly.
She sniffed loudly and slowly nodded.
"Then will you please tell me about them," I pressed.
"Why? What's the point?" she asked, slightly muffled because of her face being pressed against my breasts. "If I tell you, you're just going to make sure they come true."
"Babe, I'm not going to make any of your nightmares come true," I said softly as I stroked her hair. "The only to get over this is to talk to someone about it. I'd like to be the one to help you if I can." I lifted her chin so that I could stare into the sad, violet eyes that I fell in love with two years prior. "Please?"
"Sunny...I…"
I leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. "I promise nothing will happen," I said.
"I...guess so," whispered Twi.
"Whenever you're ready, babe."
"Well, they always start the same. You and I are always doing something together. Watching television, out on a date, making dinner; you know, mundane activities," she said as her voice started to waver slightly. "Then suddenly I will hear the sound of tires screeching and everything around us turns pitch black."
"How black is it?" I asked. "I mean, can we still see each other?"
"No. It's like we're trapped in a void. Kind of like if we were in space but there aren't any planets or stars," she clarified. "But I digress. A minute or two later - in dream time, not our time - a faint green light begins pulsing."
"A green light?"
"Mhmm. A beeping in the same rhythm as the pulse light will slowly fade in."
"A beeping?"
She nodded and said, "It turns out to be the sound of a heart monitor. The pulsing light eventually goes solid and that's when things start to get weird."
"How so?" I asked.
"I go from seeing out of my own eyes to - what would be the best way to put it - an out-of-body experience," she said slowly. "I see myself lying in the hospital bed and you're towering over me with your arms crossed."
I raised an eyebrow in both confusion and intrigue before urging her to continue.
"You say a bunch of nasty things to me-"
"What kind of things?" I interrupted.
"You accuse me of wrecking the car on purpose with the intention of killing myself. You also tell me that we're both better off with me this way...that I'm only loved by my parents and Shining Armor," she whimpered. "Then you tell me that you're going back to Equestria and will b-be destroying th-the mirror s-so that you wo-won't h-have to...p-put...put up w-with m-me an-anymore."
"I really say that in your nightmares?" I asked she began bawling.
Then she gave a slow nod of her head before continuing. "A-and then, you...you tell m-me that...that you a-appreciate me filling th-the gap in y-your heart...while...while…"
"While what, sweetheart?"
She reached around and clung to my body so tightly that I thought that she was ripping my purple nightgown. "Oh Sunny. Please, please don't leave me for Applejack," she cried into my chest.
"Applejack? What does she have to do with this?" I asked, rubbing her back.
"That's who...y-you said th-that you truly want...wanted to b-be with," she sobbed.
It took a few moments to register what she was talking about but once it did it was simple. Roughly two months ago, Rainbow and AJ had had a really nasty break-up. While we never found out what the cause of it was, it was bad enough that Applejack quit the Rainbooms and - to my knowledge - hasn't spoken to Rainbow since then.
"Oh, babe, as good of a friend that Applejack is, I'm not interested in her in a romantic sense," I assured. "You are the only one for me."
She pulled back slightly and allowed me to see a faint, weak smile. "Y-you really m-mean it?"
"Of course."
She leaned back into my bosom and we just sat there in silence. A few minutes later, her body began getting heavy and limp.
"Twi?"
"Hmmm?" she replied sleepily.
I kissed her on the crown of her head and asked, "Are feeling any better now?"
"A little," she said quietly. "But there are a couple of things still bothering me."
"What kind of things?"
I released her as she wiggled slightly. She stared at me with pleading eyes and asked, "If you're not leaving me, then what's with all the real estate magazines?"
It was then that I realized the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. Time to fess up. "Well, I was going to save this news for your birthday in a few weeks but I guess I'm breaking the news in the middle of the night," I said with a sly grin. "I have been looking to move out of here."
"Wh-what?!" she squeaked in shock.
"Calm down," I said. "Let me explain. The apartment is too small for me, you, and the wiggling alarm clock inside me."
The reference to Gleaming made Twilight giggle slightly as I continued to explain myself.
"I know how much you enjoy having your study and with us needing space for the baby, you won't be able to have it any longer if we stay here. So I've been looking into single-story, three bedroom houses with garages. That way you can have your study, the baby can have her bedroom and you won't have to worry about slipping and falling on your ass in the dead of winter," I explained. "I'm sorry for being so secretive about this but I didn't want to get your hopes up in case it didn't work out."
"So that…" she paused to let out a yawn, "...that's why you've been working like a fool."
"Yep. Is there anything else you need to ask me before I cuddle up with your half-naked ass?" I teased.
She reached up and nervously traced the scar on her face with her left hand while simultaneously tracing the scar on her abdomen with her right hand. "Do...do you still find me...attractive?" Twi asked, the volume of her voice decreasing with each word.
"Of course, I do," I replied softly. "Why would you think otherwise?"
"I have these," she said drawing attention to her scars. "And we haven't been intimate since before the accident. So I thought you might not find me attractive any longer."
I scooted back so that we could lie down. After we got comfortable - me on my right side and Twi on her back - I slowly ran my left hand down the length of her arm and took hold of her hand. "Babe, there are two reasons why I haven't been intimate with you," I said.
She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "And th-those are?"
I reached up awkwardly with my right hand and tucked her hair behind her left ear. "The first reason is because of how traumatic the last month and a half have been." I ran my fingernail gently across the same spot that she had previously done only minutes earlier.
"What do y-you mean?"
I released her hand and glided my own across her stomach. "The obvious reason right here. While I know there's nothing I can do about it, I know that I'm a constant reminder of your condition." I felt a slight shudder come from her, although I wasn't sure it if it was from a chill or something else. "I figured that whenever you were ready to be intimate with each other again, you would let me know." I said before softly kissing her lips. "Twilight, I love you with all my heart and nothing will change that. Okay?"
I sat up and my gaze met hers. A wave of déjà vu flowed through me - remembering when I realized she was the one for me two years ago.
"Are you okay, Sunny?" she asked.
"Yes. Yes, I am," I replied as I traced a finger down her bare chest. "I have you. That's all that matters."
Her eyes began tearing up once more as I said that. "Really?"
I ran my right thumb along her jawline to her chin then booped her nose with my finger. "Yes, really."
She smiled at my playfulness and then asked, "If the first reason is because you didn't want to force it if I wasn't ready, then what is the second?"
"It's not so much a reason not be intimate, as it is a reason to find you attractive," I said as I straddled her legs.
"And that would be…?"
Finally! I thought as I leaned down and locked lips with her's. After a minute of sharing that passionate kiss, I released her lips and replied, "Chicks dig scars."
