Lyra Heartstrings becomes the showrunner for a hit new kids show: Only Human
Name: Lyra Heartstrings. Occupation: Cartoonist.
Lyra makes a big splash in Equestria when she gets her new animated series for children on the worlds No.1 network. The show in question: Only Human, which centers around a group of these mythical creatures called 'humans', straight from Lyra's imagination, who become friends as they overcome life's obstacles together.
With the help of her executive producer, Bon Bon, Lyra starts to make an unprecedented impact in Equestria. Making friends, enemies and... other.
Can Lyra make it in the world of television? Will the Equestria take to these new 'humans'? You'll have to tune into the Pub network every Saturday at 1PM to find out!
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 1: The Pitch
By Smoking Gun
Canterlot was known for two key aspects. The first was its royalty. Tourists would come from all over Equestria just to take pictures of the Palace or to catch a glimpse of Celestia and Luna. The second aspect was the Pub network, whose building rivaled the size of the palace and was in the dead center of town. Pub was Equestria’s number one television network, specializing in children's programs (licensed more often than not). The executives that dwelled inside had seen everything. They’d seen the best of the best, the worst of the worst, and everything in between. But they were not prepared for what was about to step through the doors of the meeting room.
“The board will see you now, Miss Heartstrings,” said the secretary, never once taking her eyes off her hoof-file.
On the couch was a light green unicorn, clad in a very nice-looking business suit. Next to her were several slides that she had brought in, as well as a briefcase. Unfortunately, she was unable to hear the secretary over the sound of her own heartbeat. Sweat dripped from her forehead and onto her lovely suit. Her forelegs shook with anticipation while her hind legs went limp, almost like the blood had left them.
“Lyra Heartstrings!”
Lyra’s head shot up, revealing her tangelo eyes. She was so nervous that even her pupils were shaking. “Oh yeah. This thing,” she said with a joking tone in her voice. She jumped off the couch and levitated her items with her as she headed to the meeting room. The secretary didn’t even bother to offer her a complimentary glass of water while she was waiting, leaving her thirsty while she lost her fluids from all the sweat.
Like she was stepping onto a theater stage, Lyra’s demeanor changed as she entered the meeting room. She looked confident, strong and more than prepared—although the sweat stains were still on the collar of her suit. “Ladies and gentlecolts, thank you so much for giving me this opportunity!” she said happily.
“Don’t thank us yet,” replied a female executive at the end of the room with her two colleagues. Examining her surroundings, Lyra took note of the fact that she had a good few meters’ worth of space to herself. On the other side of the room, with their backs to the window, were the executives, sitting behind a very expensive-looking mahogany table. Lyra took note of the fact that one chair at the table was empty. “My name is Miss Synergy. These are my associates, Mister Paradigm and Mister Structuring.” The two other executives nodded as their excuse for a greeting. “Now, you are...” Synergy asked a little pompously.
I was kind of hoping they would have at least known my name before I walked in, the unicorn thought to herself.
“Lyra Heartstrings, Miss Synergy. I’m here to pitch my show to you.” Lyra had been to enough of these to know that you have to come in with self-confidence; otherwise, she would just get the boot again. But that confidence started to drain as Lyra noticed the execs sharing a rather condescending look, complete with cocked eyebrows.
“Miss Heartstrings,” piped up Paradigm. “We think it’s important before you start that we make it clear to you that we receive several pitches for new shows every new season. We’re not saying this to break your spirits—”
Yeah you are.
“—but we think it’s only fair that you understand this fully before we proceed. We should also note that we take video recordings of all meetings.”
Lyra was more than familiar with the first move. It was known as the “wear down entrance.” The idea was that if the executives went into a pitch session that they knew was going to end in a refusal, they would slowly break down the aspiring young storyteller before they delivered their pitch. This tactic became popular among the film and television circuits when there was a disturbing amount of writers going insane and tackling executives out the window. The recording part, however, was new. Luckily, the unicorn knew the one defense a pitcher had to have to get through this: stay strong. Don’t let them get to you. Keep going and never doubt yourself.
“Perfectly understandable,” Lyra said nonchalantly. “We’re just discussing things, aren’t we?”
“That’s true,” said Paradigm slowly. “It would probably be wise actually to start these discussions. Wouldn’t it?”
“Absolutely!” When Lyra looked hard enough, she could see that her positive attitude was making the executive’s skin crawl. Before she could say anything, Lyra’s attention was once again drawn to the empty chair. “Shouldn’t we wait for—”
“Our fourth is running late today. However, she has given us the green light to go ahead without her. Now, please proceed with your presentation.”
Now they’ll ask me to introduce myself.
“Why don’t you fully introduce yourself to us?” suggested Structuring.
Bullseye!
“A fantastic idea! As I mentioned earlier, I’m Lyra Heartstrings.”
Remember, Lyra—give them the cliffs notes and move on.
“I moved here from Ponyville a few weeks ago after graduating as a screenwriting major from Ponyville School of Art and Design—which brings us to this moment.”
Smooth work, girl, she thought to herself with a cocky grin on her face.
“To the point. I can appreciate that,” remarked Synergy with a nod. “Tell us, what brings you to the Pub network as opposed to another Equestrian network?”
You can do this, Lyra. You rehearsed this!
“The Pub network is synonymous with great television!” she said with great emphasis. Lyra knew that if there’s one thing executives love; it’s having smoke blown up their plots. “Transmorphers, Daring Ducks, Cuddle Kittens. Those shows have captured the hearts of audiences. Who wouldn’t want to have their creation as part of the Pub family?” At least in this version of the speech, Lyra didn’t give away the fact that she had been to four other networks prior to this.
“Quite the flattery,” remarked Synergy.
“Not flattery—truth!” retorted Lyra. The unicorn could almost see the executives sign the contracts already.
“Now, I believe you have something to present to us.” Structuring nodded towards materials that Lyra had brought towards the room.
“Ah, yes. That thing!” Lyra jested, making the older executives crack a small giggle.
You’re doing great, Lyra. Now it’s showtime!
Using her magic, Lyra levitated the first of many slides. “Allow me to present you Only Human!” The first card revealed the logo of the show, which had a distinct cartoony feel to it.
The executives shared the same confused expression. “Only... what?” asked Synergy.
“I’m glad you asked.” Heartstrings brought up the second slide. “Humans are creatures of my own design. They walk on their hind legs... I’m sorry. Their ONLY legs. Also, instead of hooves, they have these appendages called ‘hands’. Think claws, but not as scaly. And to top it all off, no tails!” The slide in question held a pencil-drawn image that more or less met Lyra’s description.
Paradigm leant forward in his chair, squinting at the design. “I presume that’s your design for these ‘humans’?”
“Well... more of a rough sketch.” Lyra was starting to feel uneasy.
“It’s a series of sticks with a circle for a head. And I believe that there are some scribbles for hair.”
Deep breaths, Lyra. Deep breaths.
She may have gotten straight A’s as a writing major, but there was a reason she wasn’t an animation major. Doing the project on her own meant that she would have to take up art responsibility, assuming that once the project was picked up, a professional animation studio would take care of the rest.
“I’ll admit that this is more a ‘basic template’ for the humans. However, what’s important is the story of these characters.” She dropped the second slide and pulled up the third. This slide had six different humans standing together in town. Unfortunately, different only went as far as different hairstyles and additional circles for breasts on the females. “The series follows six of these humans, three boys and three girls, each with their own unique personalities and skills.”
Lyra noticed the executives staring blankly at her, and her left hoof started to shake. “Y-you see, we have Sarah, Justin, Diane, Clark, Claire, and Peter.”
Still no reaction from the judging ponies.
"They would start off not really liking each other. But over the course of the series, they put their skills together to overcome life’s obstacles and grow close because of it.”
Still, nothing.
Stay calm, Heartstrings! You’re not out yet!
“Each of these characters has their own thing going on.” She brought up the fifth slide. “Whoops. Sorry, I skipped a slide,” she said, sweat starting to seep out. She pulled all of the cards in front of her. “No, that isn’t it. Wait a minute, I didn’t forget it, did I?” The cards eclipsed her view of the executives, making it impossible for her to see them sharing the same bewildered expression.
Lyra dropped all the cards in a fit of frustration. “It doesn’t matter where it is. First, we’ve got Sarah, who works as a scien—”
“That’s enough, Miss Heartstrings,” said Synergy with a raised hoof, signalling Lyra to be silent. “I think we all know where this is going. You’re presenting a children’s show that would bring in both boys and girls. These ‘humans’ of yours would serve as an interesting new species that would catch the audience off-guard but would still be accessible due to the characters’ personalities. Would you say we’re correct?”
Of course they’d know. They’ve probably heard a pitch for an identical show before breakfast.
“Yes, Synergy.”
“Miss Synergy,” she corrected.
“Miss Synergy,” replied Lyra with a great deal of frustration. “I understand that you might feel—”
“Underwhelmed?” interrupted Structuring with a wise-ass smirk. His associates let out little chuckle. Lyra didn’t join in.
They’re laughing at me now? she thought frantically.
“Apart from your... interesting creatures, this is very similar to many of the shows we’ve said no to. What exactly makes these humans so special? What makes them more compelling than Transmorphers, for example?”
You mean those heartless hunks of metal that do nothing but shout one liners and punch each other?
“What makes them compelling are their hearts. These are characters that fillies and colts all over Equestria will be able to relate to, as well as learn valuable lessons from.”
“We’re doing morals now?” inquired Paradigm.
“I was planning to get there, but yes. Each episode would be themed around one core concept that would help kids grow into better adults. As opposed to just learning action quips they can quote at school the next day.”
Oh crap. Why did I let that slip?!
“So...” said Synergy as she leaned forward in her chair, making it creak. “You’re saying that Transmorphers has nothing but action?”
Tread lightly. Tread. Lightly.
“Well. Trans—”
“It’s OK, Miss Heartstrings. We’re well aware of the demographic that Transmorphers is catered to. Something like ‘Only Human’ would fall into the same field as Cuddle Kittens.”
“You mean that poorly written, cutesy-wootsy waste of airtime?” Lyra retorted.
Lyra froze as shivers traveling down her spine.
I’m bucked.
“Ah, so maybe the Pub network isn’t as perfect as you led us to believe,” snickered Paradigm. “That’s quite alright. The most important thing in business is that everypony is honest with each other.” His colleagues joined in the snickering.
They’re just screwing with me now!
Any confidence that Lyra had left flew out the window. “I didn’t mean to offend. That just kind of slipped.”
“Clearly,” Synergy said with a cocky smirk. “May I have a closer look at your samples?” Lyra knew that this couldn’t end well, but that couldn't stop her from levitating the slides over to the table. The executives looked through each of them. “Wow. I do have to admit, I can truly feel the essence of this universe that you’ve created, Miss Heartstrings.”
Hearing the laughs come out of the executives mouths shattered Lyra’s self esteem like glass. She knew this was it.
“As long as we’re being honest, Miss Heartstrings, please tell us, how many other studios have you shown this creation of yours to?” asked Synergy.
“Four,” she whispered. Unfortunately for her, they heard it clearly.
“You’ve show this to four other studios?” she asked with the same kind of fake impression that only a true jerk could give. “And what did they say?”
Lyra squirmed for a brief moment.
“Don’t call us. We’ll call you,” she said with great reluctance.
Synergy’s chest started to bounce as she did her best to contain her laughter. “A very interesting choice of words.”
The unicorn’s eyes started to water.
“Miss Heartstrings, you’re young. Fresh out of university. Don’t be surprised if these studios don’t take your creation as far as you were hoping. This is a great learning experience for you. I would recommend taking your vision to a... smaller platform. Perhaps a web series would be best suited to your art style.”
I've got to get out of here before I buck them through the window.
“Thank you all for your time. Maybe I’ll just leave those with you.”
It’s not like I’m going to need them anymore.
The broken unicorn magically lifted her brief case of the ground as she headed for the door.
“Wait! One more question.”
Lyra turned to Paradigm, who was holding up the card with the show’s logo on it. “Why exactly did you name the show ‘Only Human'? It’s quite curious.”
This part Lyra could recite in her sleep. “Because they’re flawed, just like ponies. They try and they fail but they’ll always get back up. That’s what my humans do,” she said with a single tear running down her face.
“Very inspiring words. I’m sure we could all learn from these humans.”
“Yeah... sure.” Lyra pulled the door open.
“Actually,one last detail,” said Structuring. “Don’t call us. We’ll call you.”
That smarmy little...
“Thanks for your consideration.” And with that, Lyra closed the door behind her, power walking towards the door, leaving nothing but tears in her wake.
BING!
Thank Celestia that the elevator had just decided to open up as she trotted toward it. When the door opened, Lyra could have sworn she saw a cream-coloured pony exit it. But who cares? She just needed to get out of there.
Pushing past the cream pony, she hit the ground floor button as quickly as she could, letting emotions out as soon as she thought the door was closed. Little did she know that the pony she just ran past was still in earshot when she started crying.
The cream pony opened the door to the meeting room, greeted only by the laughter of her fellow executives. “Did I miss something funny?” she asked.
“Don’t worry, Miss Bon. We have it all right here—and we recorded the whole thing,” greeted Synergy. She hoofed over the first slide she could grab hold of. Bon Bon examined the slide that had just been given to her. The only thing on the card was a single stick figure with a poorly drawn circle for a head.
She raised her eyebrow in curiosity. “Can I get a look at that recording?”
Ditzy’s Muffins wasn’t the busiest store in Canterlot, but it always had a few decent ponies in there, enjoying the fresh, straight-out-of-the-oven muffins. Chocolate chip, banana, strawberry, they named it and Ditzy had it on a platter for them. The aroma practically lifted them off their feet. Hoping the sweet scents of the baked goods would lift her spirits, Lyra dragged herself into the restaurant, taking a seat at the only available table, which was seated for two.
“Lyra!” shouted Ditzy, the store owner. She flew straight over the counter and gave her friend a big hug. “How’d it go?” she asked, smiling at her.
“Well—” she began heavily.
“Wait! I just remembered. I baked you your favorites.” She flew back over the oven set she had behind the counter, pulling out a fresh platter and laying it in front of the depressed unicorn. “A batch of blueberries! On the house.”
Looking through the steam emanating from the muffins, Lyra could see Ditzy smiling warmly at her with her wall eyes. “Damn it, Ditzy. You know I can’t say no to these.” It wasn’t much, but Lyra’s morale was just a little bit stronger after taking a nice, slow bite out of her favorite treat.
Ditzy took the seat across from her. “I’m guessing by the tear stains on your suit that it didn’t go well.”
“Mmhmm.” That was the only way Lyra could respond while eating her muffin. “Nat ohnly ded thei—”
“Swallow, silly,” chuckled the pegasus.
“Not only that, they laughed at me in the process. Keeping my artwork—”
“Stick figures.”
“Whatever. I’ve been to five studios now, but that had to be the first time they actually laughed.”
“I thought it was supposed to be a comedy,” she said playfully.
“Oh shut up.” Despite her words, Lyra was actually starting to smile again. Ditzy did have that effect on her. It was one of the reasons they were friends.
Ditzy poked her head pasted Lyra, noticing several customers waiting impatiently at the counter. “Got to go. But I want to hear all about it later.”
Lyra was now left alone with her muffins. “Trust me, you really don’t.” They may be delicious, but they weren’t good enough to make her forget about her last five meetings. One by one, shut down completely.
“Sloppy.” The unicorn raised her head, seeing a cream-coloured earth pony standing in front of her, holding a slide under her foreleg. Lyra noticed that she had a dark blue mane with pink highlights. The ends of her mane were done up to look like sweets. “Poorly drawn. Hastily put together. Missing slides. Shall I go on?”
Didn’t I see her back at Pub? she wondered.
“No, please don’t. I’ve had enough people say those words to me already.”
“People?” the mare asked with a curious look.
“Ponies. Sorry, I got used to saying people when I was working the story for my show out.”
“Uh-huh. May I sit down?”
I really want to tell her to buzz off, but I wouldn’t want to kick out a potential customer for Ditzy.
“It’s a free city. Do whatever you want.”
As soon as the earth pony sat down, she grabbed one of Lyra’s muffins. “Blueberry? They’re my favorites. You really shouldn’t have.”
Lyra watched the mare eat away at the muffin and wondered what the hay was going on.
“Anyway, I know I said some kind of mean things to you a second ago—”
Oh really?
“But I like what you’ve got.”
“Like what, exactly?” asked Lyra.
“Your show, doofus. I watched your pitch to Pub,” she said, pulling the slide up to her eye level. “I have to admit, despite how amateurishly you put this together, I see something in this. I see something in you, Heartstrings.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look, you’ve clearly got an idea. You love what you’ve got rattling in your head. You know how to talk to executives... up until a point at least. You know how to sing, Lyra. But you need to learn how to dance.”
“I’m sorry, but could you maybe slow down and just tell me who you are?!” shouted Lyra.
The earth pony extended a friendly hoof to Lyra, who shook it against her better judgement. “Bon Bon. Junior executive for the Pub Network.”
Oh great! Another one of these jerks.
“Is there something I can do for you, Bon Bon?” asked Lyra with a cautious hint in her voice.
“Actually, I’m here to do something for you.” Bon Bon held up the slide she had brought with her. It was the first slide in Lyra’s presentation, the slide that had the ‘Only Human’ logo on it. “I’d like to bring your humans to life.”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 2: Development Hell
By Smoking Gun
Lyra sat dumbfounded as she stared at the mare holding up her title card. “You want to do what?”
“I want to get Only Human on the air. Even if you don’t,” said Bon Bon before taking another bite of the blueberry muffins in front of her.
“What do you mean by that? I’ve put my heart and soul into this!” said Lyra angrily.
“Well, you strolled into the biggest network in all of Equestria with nothing more than badly drawn slides, no financial backing, and no test material or any clue as to what the hay you were doing. I know I’m just the junior executive, but trust me, those are not the actions of somepony who wants to succeed.”
Lyra may not have been able to form words, but her face spoke clearly enough.
She’s right. What was I thinking?
Bon Bon laid the title card down next to her. Her face didn’t look as snarky as it was when she first sat down. Her eyes gave off waves of empathy, lifting Lyra’s spirit a tiny bit. “You’re young. Tartarus, I’m young. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It just means there’s more room for greatness.”
Lyra discovered that Bon Bon had a rather infectious smile. “Wow… that’s very kind.”
“It’s true. But don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve got a long way to go. First thing’s first—how many followers do you have?”
Lyra’s face was one of utter confusion. “I’m sorry. What do you mean by ‘followers’?”
“Twitter, Facehoof, Friendster. How big of an audience do you have at the moment?”
“I don’t have any of those things.”
“That’s your homework. Get a Twitter account and a DeviantArt page. Post like your life depends on it.”
“Wh-what are you talking about? Why do I need followers?”
“Because as much as I hate to admit it, Only Human has nothing else to go with.”
Is she giving me a pep talk or a beat down?
“What do you mean it has nothing else?” asked Lyra with an annoyed tone.
“Look at the other shows on Pub. Transmorphers, Cuddle Kittens, what do they have in common?”
Lyra’s eyes rolled away from the light-coated mare as she searched for an answer.
Bon Bon continued, “They’re all franchises. They’ve been around for decades. They have toys, movies, and millions of bits in merchandise sales. Why do you think they’re on the air now? It’s because all executives see is a recognizable logo that people will spend money on. Only Human came out of nowhere for them with no names or brands attached. Just some no-name mare with a tear-stained dress.”
“Stop it, you’re making me blush,” retorted Lyra with a deadpan expression.
“Heh, you’re funny. I like that. It’ll make the press junket easier for me.” Bon Bon took on last bite of her muffin before standing up. She placed a business card on the table. “Come to my apartment tomorrow—we’ll talk shop. And I’m gonna keep this, by the way,” she said, nodding towards the Only Human title card.
Lyra shot up from her chair. “You want me to come to your apartment?”
“Yes. Around 12 would be great. Bring any other materials you have for the show with you. We have to knock this out as quickly as we can.” Bon Bon trotted away from the table. “Bring some of those muffins with you too.”
Once Bon Bon shut the door behind her, Lyra sank back into her chair, in utter befuddlement.
Ditzy flew over to the table and picked up the crumb-filled plate in front her of friend. “She’s cute.”
“Oh shut up!” Lyra’s eyes retuned to the business card, which was now in her hoof.
“So what did she want?” asked Ditzy.
“She works for Pub and wants to make Only Human. She wants me to come to her apartment tomorrow and talk about…” Lyra turned her head up to her pegasus friend, who was looking at her with one arched eyebrow and a cheeky smile plastered across her face.
Lyra blushed and looked away angrily. “Shut up!”
The next day, Lyra found herself standing before a tall, dark building with gold ornaments around the top. here and there. She stepped past the silent doorstallion and headed straight for the elevator. She searched the number pad for the number Bon Bon had written on her card, only to find it at the very top of the list. She was in the elevator for a good while before reaching the top. As the door opened, Lyra saw that the door opened directly to a huge penthouse suite.
“Lyra, come in!” said Bon Bon, descending from a staircase that led to what she could only assume was the bedroom. “I’ve got some cider over there,” she said as she pointed to a table in the living room.
“Thanks. I brought the stuff you wanted,” she said with trepidation as she stepped into the penthouse.
“Great. Leave it on the table.”
Lyra gently laid her saddle bag over the table, picking up the cup of cider after her hoof was free.
“Please, have a seat.” Bon Bon sat on the couch adjacent to the table. Lyra made a point to put a good bit of distance between them. The light mare pulled her cider close and took a long sip. “We should probably start by getting to know each other better.”
Celestia, I’m glad I can’t see Ditzy’s face right now.
“Well, I graduated from—“
“I know that part. Tell me about you. Who is Lyra Heartstrings?”
I’m really glad I can’t see her face.
“Well, I’m… I don’t know. I’m not sure what you want me to say. I thought we were here to talk my show.”
Bon Bon silently nodded as she laid down her cup. “I’ll start. I graduated from Canterlot University two years ago.”
That’s just a year before me. Is she seriously only one year older than me?
“I don’t mean to brag… Actually I do. I kind of rose through the ranks quickly. Made a lot of contacts, shifted paradigms. Boring stuff.”
“Actually, that’s something I wanted to ask you,” interjected Lyra. “What exactly is a paradigm?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s just a word that business ponies throw around to make whatever shtick they’re selling you on sound more professional. You have to give them credit, though; it’s an impressive-sounding word, isn’t it?”
Lyra was too confused to keep drinking her cider. “Wait, isn’t one of the executives named ‘Paradigm’?”
“Yeah… Don’t believe anything he says. He’s one of those fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of stallions. A good one, though, I’ll give him that.”
Wow, she’s really being honest with me.
“You OK, Lyra?” asked Bon Bon.
The green mare had to shake herself out of her daze. “Sorry, it’s just—you’re the first executive that has acted the smallest bit human.”
“Human?”
“Pony, sorry. I’m still in Only Human mode,” she said with a nervous chuckle.
“A great segue if I ever hear one. Give me the full deal on Only Human. Tell me, in your own words what the show really is.” Her encouraging tone helped the smile return to Lyra’s face.
“Only Human is about these creatures called humans. I made them up myself. It’s about three girls and three boys, each of them having their personality and skills. They’re not exactly big fans of each other at first. But over time they learn to become friends, accept each other for who they are, and make each other better.”
Bon Bon smiled and nodded as Lyra finished her speech. “I like it already. Can I see some of your work for it?”
“I guess.” Lyra levitated a large a thick notepad out of her saddlebag. “If you flip the corners, you can see a little animation I did of how they walk and run. I take it by now that you know I’m not an artist.”
“Just because somepony can draw, that doesn’t make them an artist.” Bon Bon flipped through the pages of the notebook, letting the stick figure come to life. She stared at the animated creature with confusion.
“Is something wrong?”
“This is how they run?”
“Well—yeah.”
“It looks like they’re karate-chopping wind.”
Lyra looked away to make sure Bon Bon couldn’t see her embarrassed blush. “I admit it looks weird. But they’re new creatures. It’s gonna be weird to everybody at first.”
“Everypony,” Bon Bon corrected.
“Damn it!”
She laid the book back down on the table. “We’ll have to work on that. Do you have any stories outlines or scripts?”
Lyra grew a sly smile as she levitated a thick leather-bound book out of her saddle bag. “One or two. I’ll have to check.” She opened the book, revealing hundreds of pages of sketches, theoretical scene outlines, script samples, and a few drawings. The thing about these drawings was that they actually looked halfway decent.
“These don’t exactly look like your work.”
“I had a couple of my art buddies from school draw them up for me. It’s the most expensive graduation present a student can give you.”
“Do you still have their numbers?” asked Bon Bon as she looked up at Lyra.
“Well… yeah. I think.”
“I’ll have to grab those off you before you go.”
Bon Bon continued sifting through the book, speed-reading the story and character notes that Lyra had written down. It was clear that the unicorn had been improving them over what must have been years. Detail by miniscule detail, the world of humanity grew with every page, showing Bon Bon an ever-expanding world, filled with these new creatures. “Wow… I can see you’ve been at this for a while.”
“Eeyup! As pompous as this sounds, writing makes me feel like a genius. I just let this stuff pour out of my head and I love every bit of it.” She paused. “Sorry if that was too—“
“No!” Bon Bon closed the book and laid it on the table. “Don’t apologize for feeling good about what you do. You know you can write. Don’t stop. Whatever you do, don’t stop.” Hopping off the couch, Bon Bon trotted over to her office desk near the opposite wall. Next to her computer was a script, which she tossed across the room to Lyra. “Memorise that—we’re going to shoot it and show it to Pub.”
Lyra began flipping through the pages, noticing that the script couldn’t have been more than fifteen pages. “What is this for? All I see are references and blank pages.”
“Only Human will get on the air, I promise. The problem is that you can’t expect the executives to pour millions of bits into something that isn’t a safe bet. And nothing makes people feel safer than nostalgia,” explained Bon Bon, walking to a door near her desk.
Lyra shot up a look of confusion. “People?”
“Ponies!” Bon Bon started to break out into a fit of giggles. “You’ve got me doing it now.”
Lyra joined in the giggling as Bon Bon opened the door, which led into a dark room. The earth pony flipped the lights on.
The two mares were in what looked like a low-budget public access show set. A cheap camera was aimed in front of a small green screen. To the left was coat rack full of costumes. “Wh-what’s all this for?” asked Lyra, staring at the impromptu set.
“We’re going to have to shoot your pitch now. Only Human is still fresh in the minds of Pub. Granted it’s the butt of a joke, but they’re talking about it. And in the end, that’s what matters.”
“Uh huh…” Lyra sifted through the wardrobe, pulling off what looked like a cheap business suit.
If I knew I needed to wear something, I would have brought the nice one that Ditzy bought me.
Lyra slowed down mid–suit-up, looking up at Bon Bon, who was adjusting the settings on her camera. “Hey, Bon Bon. Earlier you said that just because a pony could draw didn’t mean they’re an artist. What does that mean exactly?”
Bon Bon lowered her hooves from the camera, looking back at Lyra with a warm smile. “It means that art isn’t just pretty pictures. It never has been. Art is about a pony taking their creative talent and making somepony else feel an emotion, or several.” She started to advance towards Lyra. “Whether it’s a book, a sculpture, a painting, whatever, art is about making ponies feel something.” She laid a reassuring hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, looking deep into her eyes. “Your story made me feel like I had just seen something special. Granted, I’ve only skimmed it, but the fact that you had put so much effort into making something so detailed and positive was enough to make me feel confident about all of this. Like it or not, Lyra, you are an artist!”
Lyra blushed but didn’t turn away. All she did was return Bon Bon’s supportive smile. She placed her hoof on Bon Bon’s. “That’s,” she began. “I… Thank you.” Using all of her strength, Lyra made sure she didn’t shed any tears. Aside from what she had heard from friends and family, that was the nicest thing anypony had said about her work.
“Don’t mention it. Now come on. We’ve got some executives to impress.”
Ditzy’s Muffins closed at night, complete with a “Closed” sign hanging on the door. Still, that never stopped Lyra from coming in. Using a key from her bag, she unlocked the door, making sure to re-lock it after stepping inside. She ascended a flight of stairs towards the back and pushed open the door at the end to reveal a small apartment. On the couch was Ditzy, who jumped up as soon as she saw her roommate.
“So... How was your date?” the wall-eyed mare cooed.
“There was no date. The business meeting I had, however, turned out just fine, thank you very much,” she said as she laid down her heavy saddle bag. “She was supportive and creatively driven. She was so… so…”
“Beautiful?”
Lyra shot a glare at Ditzy. “I was going to say ‘confident.’ She talked like she knew everything there was to know, yet she can’t be more than a year or so older than me.”
Ditzy smiled uneasily. “It sounds like she’s a bit too good to be true.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lyra, I know how badly you want to get this show made. But she does too. I doubt she has any malicious intent, but she’s in a position to make a lot of bits off you. She might be nice, she might be supportive, but just keep in mind that she might not have your friendship at the top of her priority list .”
The green mare shook her head, still finding it hard to stomach the possibility. “You’re right. Do you always have to be right?”
“Only when I want to be.” Ditzy wrapped her hoof around Lyra and guided her to the couch. “Come on, Desperate Housemares is on.”
“But that show’s horrible.”
“I know, right?” she laughed.
The next day, Lyra power-walked into the Pub building, opting to leave her suit at home with Ditzy this time. As the elevator opened, she found a certain mare inside waiting for her.
“Right on time! Let’s go,” said Bon Bon.
Lyra joined Bon Bon in the elevator as she pushed the button for the top floor. “Not gonna lie, I think we’re gonna kick flank today!
Ditzy was right—she is cute.
“As long as we’re being honest, I should let you know that I’m nervous as all Tartarus right now,” said Lyra, hooves shaking. Bon Bon wrapped her hoof around her, just in time for the door to open.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 3: Viral Marketing
By Smoking Gun
The two mares trotted down the hallway, their eyes fixed on the large wooden door that led to the executive’s office that Lyra had once stood in. The secretary hastily put down her hoof file when she saw the two beam lining for the entrance.
“Hey!” shouted the secretary. “She can’t go in there now,” she said, pointing at the light green unicorn.
“Actually, she can,” said Bon Bon as she and Lyra kept walking to the door. She didn’t even turn her head.
“Why?” asked the shocked employee.
“Because she’s with me.”
Bon Bon pushed the door open, startling the three executives inside. Sporting a confident smile, she stood before her co-workers stood before her co-workers. Lyra, standing behind her, fidgeted slightly.
“Miss Bon, thank you for joining us so... theatrically,” remarked Synergy. She peeked over Bon Bon’s shoulder. “And... Miss Heartstrings.” Lyra had trouble discerning if Synergy’s face was one of surprise or disgust.
The unicorn stepped forward with a forced smile. “Hey everybody—”
“Pony,” corrected Bon Bon.
Lyra bit her tongue to keep something questionable from coming out of her mouth again.
I wonder how long I can go before I say something stupid in front of these guys again, thought Lyra, keeping her forced smile up.
“So,” began Paradigm, “what business brings the two of you back here... together... without an appointment?”
Lyra raised her hoof, only to be interrupted by Bon Bon shover her hoof in front of her.
“I’ve brought Miss Heartstrings here today because she forgot to tell you who she really is,” said Bon Bon, giving everypony in the room a intrigued expression. “She’s the pony that’s going to change this network.”
Lyra’s pupils constricted along with the rest of her body. Bon Bon glanced back at her with a reassuring smile before turning her gaze back to the executives, whose looks were more akin to confusion.
“Excuse me,” said Marketing with disbelief.
“You’re excused,” Bon Bon quickly retorted. “You see, Only Human is going to be the final push that the Pub needs to dominate foal's programming in Equestria.”
Would have been nice to tell me that.
“I thought I was pretty clear before, but whatever,” Bon Bon said quickly. “Lyra Heartstrings over here is going to be our new golden ticket. I’ve taken the liberty of uploading her video presentation to the server. Why don’t we pull it up now?” she gestured.
For a brief second, Synergy scowled at Bon Bon before returning to a civil smile. “Miss Bon, Lyra has already presented her vision to us. We already passed. I’m sure she appreciates your support, but our decision is final.”
Bon Bon took a few steps forward, bringing herself a mere few inches from Synergy’s face. “Firstly: It’s ‘Miss Heartstrings’ to you.”
Lyra’s eyes widened as she gulped. Why do I feel the sudden urge to say ‘I’m not with her’?”
“Secondly,” Bon Bon continued, “as I recall, I wasn’t there for the presentation. I never got to have my input.”
“That’s because you weren’t there. We had to move ahead without you,” said Synergy, matter-of-factly.
“I've been promoted to your level. We’re equals here,” retorted the cream pony. “I didn’t give you the go-ahead to make a judgement call without me. Granted, just one pony’s opinion wouldn’t have changed things, but I think it’s only fair to both Miss Heartstrings and myself that we give her a second go.”
Synergy glared straight at Bon Bon, looking deep into her eyes. “You were lucky to get promoted at your age. It would be wise for you to—”
“Wouldn’t want the board of directors to think that their staff can’t work together as adults, would we?” Bon Bon cocked her left eyebrow and turned the corners of her mouth up.
Inhaling and exhaling deeply, Synergy sank back into her chair. “Please have a seat, Miss Heartstrings,” the executive mumbled.
Grabbing one of the spare seats in the room, Lyra positioned herself in front of the television, making sure to give herself a reasonable distance.
Opting not to sit in her executive chair, Bon Bon pulled over another chair and sat next to Lyra, giving her a nod and a reassuring smile.
“Aren’t you going to join us, Miss Bon?” asked Structuring, nodding towards Bon Bon’s usual seat.
Bon Bon didn’t turn to her co-worker. “I prefer the view from here. But thanks.”
Opening her laptop, Bon Bon started sifting through the various video files on the Pub servers.
Lyra leaned over to Bon Bon, keeping her face angled towards the screen. “How were you able to get the video done so quickly?”
“I got top marks in my film editing class,” answered Bon Bon. “Plus, having enough money to buy computers that you use for nothing but rendering doesn’t hurt either.”
I never thought a pony talking about computers could sound hot.
Finally finding the file, Bon Bon turned down the lights with a switch that was built into the table and sent the video to the wall-mounted television with the tap of a key.
Oddly enough, the video started out in black and white. Floating through space were various sketches from Lyra’s Only Human Bible. They floated towards the screen as eerie music played. Coming on camera from the right was Lyra, walking on her hind legs, wearing a blazer and sporting a confident smile while holding an unlit cigarette in her right hoof.
“You’re about to enter a world of opposable thumbs and motorized vehicles, where nudity is taboo,” she said, looking directly at the camera. “A world of flawed creatures with great dreams. A world without magic. A world with unlimited possibilities.”
After the last sentence, Lyra and her sketches faded away, with an image of a door taking their place.
“You open this door with your new hands and step into the world of... Only Human.”
As the door opened, several shards from off-screen came together to form Lyra's logo
Back in reality, Bon Bon leaned in close to Lyra and whispered in her ear, “I’m not gonna lie, I only knew about the Twilight Zone from random clips online.”
“That’s fine,” returned Lyra. “I had no idea what the hay we were doing, so I just went with it.”
The two giggled for a couple of seconds before returning their attention to the screen.
The next scene in the presentation took place on a sheet of lined paper, the kind that Lyra would have used back in school. A drawing animation generated the sketches from Lyra’s book onto the page while Lyra gave a voice-over.
“The show follows six humans in particular: three boys and three girls, or ‘men’ and ‘women,’ that all study at a university together. Name of university pending.”
Bon Bon leaned towards Lyra. “Where did you get those names from? Did you pull them from somewhere? Are they scientific terms?” she whispered.
Keeping her eyes on the screen, Lyra whispered back, “In all honesty, I pulled those words out of my flank.”
The two started to giggle again, until Structuring promptly ‘shushed’ them.
The humans appeared one by one on the screen. The first was a female in a lab coat with her hair done up in a ponytail. “This is Sarah, who is a biology student. She is a sceptic, an elitist, and a total bookworm.”
A male with long black hair came second, wearing a blue shirt, a red jacket, and thick spectacles. His physique was rather muscular. “This is Clark, a journalism student with a uncomprisable moral code and a kind and generous heart, as well as a built-in drive to help those in need.”
The next girl appeared. She was wearing tight jogging shorts, a sports bra, and running shoes. Her physique was particularly noteworthy compared to the other two humans: Her stomach, arms, and legs were well defined, and her gluts were drawn to look firm. “Next is Diane, the athlete. She’s competitive, headstrong, and, well... shall we say, a bit thick-skulled at times?”
“She’s the idiot of the show, isn’t she?” whispered Bon Bon.
“Wait for it,” Lyra answered.
The next male entered. He was shorter than the others by a fair bit. He had curly hair, skinny arms and legs, and a less-than-attractive smirk on his face. He wore shorts, flip-flops, and a T-shirt that was clearly too big for him. “This handsome devil is Justin. He’s the cocky, wise-mouth, prankster, up-to-no-good member of the group.”
“Oh, there he is!” exclaimed Bon Bon, who was, once again, shushed by Structuring.
The final female appeared. Humans may have been a new concept to everypony in the room, but it was clear that this one was the bombshell of the cast. Her breasts were large, her figure was curvy, and she had long hair, thick eyelashes, full lips, and long legs. “This hot momma—”
Why the hell did I say that?
“—is Clair. She’s a fashion expert who wages war on all things unfabulous. However, she has a tendency to be vapid, self-centered, egotistical, and manipulative when she wants things to go her way.”
And the final human took his place next her. “And last, but certainly not least, is Peter.” This human didn’t look like the others. His skin was a dark brown, he had a broad build, and he was wearing incredibly fancy clothes, including a top hat, coattails, slacks, and a cane. “Peter is the ‘fancy lad’ of the humans. Always doing what he can to stand out from the crowd, he wears the most expensive and fancy clothes he can get his hands on, often putting himself into an elitis mindset when he interacts with other people.”
Structuring turned to Bon Bon and Lyra. “So, is he supposed to be the Zebra of the show?”
He was quickly shushed by the two of them.
The sketches of the humans disappeared from the screen. In their place was Lyra, sitting in a huge chair, wearing a smoking jacket, carrying a corncob pipe—which blew bubbles—right in front of a fireplace.
“Now, I don’t always create creatures in my free time. But when I do, I make them flawed, but I make them brave.” Lyra smiled warmly at the camera. “Humans are creatures that are naturally prone to failure. They fall, they lie, they make mistakes, just like us ponies. So, what makes humans so special? They’re special because none of what I just said matters. If they fail, they try again. If they fall, they get back up. Humans are the representation of what ponies can be. Their flaws and natural distrust of each other early in the series will not matter. Why?”
The camera cut to a close-up shot of Lyra. “Because they’re only human.”
Suddenly, Lyra was replaced with the logo for the show.
“Only Human is a Lyra Heartstrings production!” proclaimed Lyra’s voice-over.
With no more words, the video ended.
With the video reaching its conclusion, Bon Bon rotated her chair to face her fellow executives, Lyra copying her. Without saying anything, Bon Bon slipped off her chair and trotted back over to her usual spot next to the executives. Synergy, Paradigm, and Structuring gazed blankly as she took her seat.
“I trust the four of us are ready to make a decision in regard to this new product?” asked Bon Bon, quickly winking at Lyra.
Synergy leaned towards Bon Bon. “Miss Bon—”
“Don’t talk to me, talk to her,” Bon Bon said, pointing at Lyra, who was smiling nervously.
Synergy took a deep breath and adjusted herself to face Lyra, who just kept on smiling. “Miss Heartstrings, we appreciate the effort that you’ve put into improving your presentation, and while it is a much more convincing presentation than your last one—”
Really?
“I believe I speak for my fellow executives—at least most of them—when I say that this still isn’t a viable investment on our part.”
Lyra’s smile started to wane until Bon Bon suddenly raised her hoof.
“Excuse me, Miss Synergy, but I don’t really see how it wouldn’t be a wise investment.”
Forcing a smile onto her face, Synergy faced Bon Bon, staring straight into her eyes. “Only Human has nothing attached to it. No media attention, no financial backing, and no place in the public conscience.”
“Actually...” Bon Bon opened her laptop again and launched a web browser, heading straight for YouTube. “Only Human has more going for it than even Miss Heartstrings knows.”
Oh, Celestia...
Lyra turned her head to the T.V. She saw the cursor head for the search bar, and the words “Only Human Pitch” appeared in it. The very first result was a video titled “Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production.” The thumbnail for the video was the image of Lyra on her hind legs, wearing a blazer.
Suddenly, everypony—excluding Bon Bon—shared the same expression of shock and horror, going wide-eyed and slack jawed.
I’m going to jail. I don’t know how, but I am going to jail.
“Miss Heartstrings!” shouted Paradigm. “Publishing content in regards to your pitch directly violates the contract you would have signed to present your show to us!”
Oh, that’s how.
“Mister... Y-y-y-y-you see I have no idea-”
Bon Bon interjected, “Miss Heartstrings had nothing to do with this little leak.” All eyes were suddenly on the junior executive. “You see, Miss Heartstrings left this presentation in my care. I left my laptop on, unprotected and unattended. There are plenty of news hounds out there who would do anything to get the scoop on our upcoming developments.” Bon Bon started playing with her mane as she looked away, sporting a cheeky grin. “Obviously, this fiend hacked my computer and posted the video on YouTube... not that there’s a way to tell who did for certain.”
The only sound that broke the silence was the humming of the television in the background. That was until Lyra started to hear her own heartbeat. It sounded like her heart had taken a trip up to her brain and started a mosh pit.
She is going to jail.
Synergy breathed in, deep and slow, not breaking eye contact with the cream mare. “And what exactly has come of this ‘little leak,’ Miss Bon?”
“Look in the comments.”
Everypony looked back to the T.V., which showed nothing but positive comments, up-votes, and “likes” across the board.
Bon Bon continued, “If I may direct your attention to the top comments, we can see that ‘XxKandiSucaxX’ said that Only Human looks ‘Sawiiit,’ while ‘SlenderMare’ adds ‘Toats.’”
Lyra scanned ahead and started reading the other comments. One by one, she saw nothing but positive expectations, optimism, and humour, all about her show.
She knew this would happen, didn’t she?
“Before we continue, I’d like to show you two more things.” Bon Bon scrolled up to show the description attached to the video. “You’ll note that the description explains the premise of the show, as well as Lyra’s background. Including her education, age and experience—or lack thereof. The second is the hit counter. I don’t believe I need to explain why that many digits are important. Now, imagine the sort of attention we could get for this. A rookie with nothing more than a dream stepped forward to produce one of the best new concepts in television history. We get good press and Lyra gets her show, everybody wins.”
“Everypony,” corrected Lyra.
Wait... did I just do that?
“Everypony, I’m sorry,” remarked Bon Bon with a smile. “So, Miss Heartstrings, my associates and I have a choice. We can green-light a show that will bring us nothing but good press and new interest, or we can let the public outcry that’s bound to result from us shooting down your project eliminate what positive place we still have in the public’s mind.”
Bon Bon’s smirk was not directed at her fellow executives, who just stared in amazement at her.
I can’t tell if they’re impressed or are planning to kill her... or both.
Structuring and Paradigm turned their attention to Synergy who kept her eyes fixed on Bon Bon. She then looked to Lyra, who was clearly sweating in her seat. Synergy then closed her eyes, processing her position. Lyra shot Bon Bon a worried expression while Bon Bon just smiled and winked at her.
Synergy finally spoke up. “Twenty-six episodes, oriented to the female demographic, Saturday mornings a few weeks before we kick off the new seasons of our other shows. We need to be ready to fill up the schedule when the show falls flat on its flank.” She stared deep into Bon Bon’s eyes. “Well?”
Female demographic?
“Don’t ask me, ask her.”
Before Lyra could prepare herself mentally, she was staring Synergy down. The executive stared daggers into the unicorn.
Breathe, Heartstrings. Breathe.
Without warning, Synergy chuckled, showing off a predator’s smile that did nothing to calm Lyra’s nerves. “Well, Miss Heartstrings? It’s your show. It’s your call.” Synergy’s eyes narrowed, and she continued smirking. “Are you ready to give humanity life?”
This is it, Heartstrings. This is what all your hard work was for. Your friend took a risk to get you here. Don’t let her down. Don’t let yourself down!
“I think that’s quite all right,” Lyra said confidently. “I’m ready to move forward if the Pub will have me.”
“Oh, we’d be more than happy to own you, Miss Heartstrings.”
Come again?
“Mister Structuring,” asked Synergy, “would you be so kind as to have the legal department write up some contracts for Miss Heartstrings to sign tomorrow?”
“I’ll get on that immediately.”
“Wonderful. Now, Miss Heartstrings, you’re new to this industry, so it’s only fair that I make something very clear to you before we proceed.”
If she says ‘seven days,' I’m out.
“We are partners in this venture. We are a team now. If you follow our lead, take our input, and listen to our advice, we promise you will have an amazing experience under the Pub banner. But in order for this to work, we need your word that you’re prepared to work with us—work with us very closely. Do I make myself clear?”
Lyra gulped. “Yes, Miss Synergy.”
Synergy’s smile went from freaky to warm and welcome in a flash. “Excellent. We’ll have you come in for the signing tomorrow. We should have a public announcement ready by next week. Until then, you’re dismissed.” Synergy looked to the cream pony sitting next to her. “Both of you.”
Lyra followed Bon Bon into the elevator silently, looking back over her shoulder to notice the secretary shooting her a glare. Once the two had entered the elevator, Bon Bon pushed the button for the ground floor, the two waiting in silence for the door to shut. The second it did, Bon Bon quickly hit the emergency stop button. Lyra gave her a confused look.
“What was that for?”
Bon Bon didn’t turn to face Lyra. She just kept her face towards the door, smirking a little bit. “You can do it now.”
“I’m sorry?”
“They aren’t looking. You can do it now,” the cream pony said out of the corner of her cheeky-looking mouth.
After a brief pause, Lyra shook her head and turned back towards the door, mimicking Bon Bon. After a few more seconds of silence, her lips turned up, growing wider and wider. Her lips parted, revealing her pearly whites. Giggles started to sneak out from her grin until she exploded into laughter and cheers. The unicorn bounced up and down and started hopping around Bon Bon, who just watched on like a proud parent. Lyra’s cheering started to bounce off the walls of elevator, almost tripling the volume in Bon Bon’s ears.
Back in the lobby, the secretary, who was now joined by Synergy, stared at the elevator door with bemused expressions on their faces as they bathed in the giddiness that was emanating from the closed metal box.
“Excuse me, Miss,” asked the secretary. “Should we tell them that we can hear them?”
Synergy did not respond.
After a few minutes or laughter and cheers, Lyra finally came to a stop. Sweating and smiling, she gave Bon Bon a hug with what energy she had left.
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she said as she squeezed the air out of the earth pony. “You have no idea how much this means to me!”
“Trust me,” Bon Bon gasped, “I have a rough idea... you can let go now.”
“Oh, sorry.” Lyra released Bon Bon, letting her breathe again. Sharing a little giggle, Bon Bon pushed the emergency stop button once more, sending the elevator down to the ground floor.
“Let’s get you out of here,” said Bon Bon as she started to get her breath back. “Your sweat is starting to fill up the room.”
The elevator opened to the foyer. The two mares trotted out, sporting confident smiles as they strutted past the other ponies in the room. Lyra noticed a bunch of other ponies giving them odd looks.
They’re either paying attention to my ecstasy or my B.O, either way, I don’t care.
The doorpony held the door open as they trotted down the stairs before eventually reaching the sidewalk. Their smiles were still holding strong.
Lyra turned to her new friend. “Bon Bon?”
“Don’t mention it,” brushed off the junior executive. “I was doing my job. I saw potential, and I got it green-lit. Besides, you already said ‘thank you.’”
“I don’t care.” Lyra was standing only a few inches from Bon Bon. “I know this is rare for anypony and I... THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU—”
“Easy!” Bon Bon raised a hoof in the air, signalling Lyra to calm down. “You’re welcome. How’s that?” she asked with a wise-smirk.
Lyra took a few breaths, and her heart rate moved closer to normal, though it was clear that her excitement wasn’t dissipating any time soon. “Better, hehe. So... now what?”
“We wait for the announcement next week. Then we begin production, casting, animation, all that good stuff. Until then, I suggest you chillax. You’re gonna be busy beyond belief once we get into things.”
“Sure,” she said slowly. “Hey, Bon Bon, what did Synergy mean when she brought up that whole ‘female demographic’ thing?”
Bon Bon’s eyes flicked from left to right. She shifted uncomfortably before speaking. “It’s... how we’re gonna market the show. It’s how we’ll have to make the show in order for it to be a viable investment.”
“But I made the show for boys and girls. That’s why there’s an even amount of them in the cast.” Lyra’s smile Lyra's smile had been replaced by a look of concern.
“That’s true... and that’s why we have to make it for girls.”
Lyra didn’t respond with words. She just stared with an arched eyebrow, gazing at Bon Bon until she elaborated.
“You see, when half the core cast of a product consists of females, it is considered a ‘female demographic’ product by its investors. In this case, because you have three females as well as three males, the show will be targeted towards our female viewers more than our male ones.” Bon Bon started to sweat when Lyra remained silent. “It’s just the way executives do things.”
“So let me get this straight,” began the unicorn. “Because there are just as many girls as there are boys, it must be made for girls?”
“Focus groups over the past few decades have shown that’s how audiences have viewed it.”
Lyra looked away and shook her head with disbelief. “Wow. That is... almost sickening.”
Bon Bon quickly put her hooves on Lyra’s shoulders, causing the unicorn’s gaze to return to the mare in front of her. “Forget about that crap. That’s just for the stupid marketing department to worry about. I’ve seen what you’ve got. I know what this show is going to be. You won’t have to worry about that. You got a show on the Pub Network, for pony sake!”
Lyra’s smile returned. “Heh, I guess that’s true,” she said with a light shrug.
I’ve only known her for a couple of days and she already knows how to keep me smiling.
Bon Bon released Lyra. “We’ll talk about what you’ll need to do next later. I’ve got some other stuff to take care of, but then I’m all yours.”
You bet you are.
Bon Bon continued. “Until then, take a load off.”
Lyra lunged forward and gave her friend one more hug for the road. “Yeah, yeah. I know I’ve said thank you already.”
“OK, OK,” laughed Bon Bon.
Lyra let go, giving her a moment to stare into Bon Bon’s eyes. The two blushed and smiled before turning away.
“I... I should head home. I’ve got some stuff to take care of,” mumbled Bon Bon.
“Yeah, me too,” added Lyra. “Last time I made Ditzy worried, she put up lost dog signs with a picture of me on it.”
Bon Bon let out a chuckle. “Sounds like a real friend, right there.” She started to walk backwards. “Well... see ya!”
“Yeah,” returned Lyra. “See ya... and stuff.”
The two turned away from each other and headed opposite directions on the sidewalk. Bon Bon gazed over her shoulder, only to catch Lyra on her hind legs, doing ballerina twirls down the street.
Ditzy’s Muffins wasn’t particularly busy during the evening, so Ditzy would take the opportunity to get the cleaning done early. She would take the all-purpose cleaner and spray down all the windows and tables. Wiping away, over and over and over again in silence. A content smile hung off her face as she hummed to herself, soaking in the light of the twilight sky that bounced off her freshly cleaned furniture and signs.
The pegasus’ humming was disrupted by the sound of the bell hanging over the door making its usual noise when a customer walked in. The customer in question was a green unicorn, twirling into the muffin shop with a goofy grin and a song in her heart.
“Somepony get laid?” Ditzy asked as she put her cleaning equipment on the counter.
Lyra stopped twirling and brought herself face-to-face with her roommate. “Better. Only Human go greenlit!”
Lyra froze in place, on her hind legs, with her forelegs in the air as she awaited Ditzy’s response. Ditzy stared straight at her with a blank expression.
“No, seriously. Did you get laid?” Just as Lyra’s smile started to fade, Ditzy erupted into laughter. Ditzy ran up to Lyra and gave her a big hug. “ I’m kidding, dummy. Congratulations! I knew you’d do alright.”
“Really?”
“For the sake of your rent, yep.”
Ditzy released Lyra, leaving the two free to head up the stairs to their apartment.
“You should've seen it!” exclaimed Lyra as the two reached the stairs. “We just strutted in—”
“You’re right. I should’ve seen that.”
Lyra socked her in the arm as they entered the apartment. “We showed them our presentation, which it turns out Bon Bon had leaked on the net beforehand.”
“Hoof,” corrected Ditzy. “Wait a minute, is that legal? Was she allowed to do that?”
“Barely, and that’s what’s so awesome about her! Just listening to the way they talked, it was like drama. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s working together? It was a total play. This was some Breaking Bad stuff right here!”
Ditzy’s only reaction was a roll of her wall-eyes.
I’m never gonna get used to that.
“I’ll pretend that the reference you just made wasn’t that dumb and let you continue,” groaned the pegasus.
“Because she leaked the video, it got a whole bunch of positive attention from ponies across Equestria. All that attention would have given the Pub bad press if they refused my show, so Bon Bon was able to get them all to green-light it. They’re making the announcement tomorrow and we’ll be on in time for next fall. Ditzy, it’s happening! I knew if I kept going thing would work out. Just like my little hu—”
“Wait!” Ditzy suddenly had her hoof up to Lyra’s mouth, cutting off her speech. “You’re saying that this mare that you met only a couple days ago came to you and helped you get your show on the air. Not only get your show on the air, but get it on the air by going against her co-workers.”
“Yeah!” said Lyra with a giant earnest smile.
Ditzy didn’t respond verbally. She stared at Lyra, who continued to hold her smile until Ditzy finally spoke up. “I’m just gonna stand here until you realize what’s wrong with that.”
“Oh, it’s OK. Because Bon Bon didn’t tell me she was going to leak the video, I have plausible deniability. I don’t get sued, and the show gets on the air.”
“That’s not the... argh!” Ditzy facehoofed. Upon removing the hoof, she wore a more somber expression. “Sweetheart, I think you’re moving a little too fast here.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lots of things. Firstly, let’s look at this whole leaking situation. You got lucky this time, but what happens if she tries something else and puts your career at risk? Do you honestly still trust her after this?”
“Totally!” she proclaimed with not an ounce of irony. “She did that for me. She did it to get my show on the air.” Lyra started to turn dreamy-eyed. “She’s so cool, Ditzy. She said I was an artist, got my show on the air, we hugged, and—”
“Stop.” Ditzy shoved her hoof straight into Lyra’s mouth. “Stop right there. I think I’m starting to see the problem here. Sweetie, do you remember our talk last night? The one about going too fast? The one about this Bon Bon?”
Lyra shifted her eyes back and forth, doing her best to keep smiling. “Maybe?”
“Lyra, I know she seems like a great mare. She’s helped you out, talked you up, got your show going, but I think you’re getting way too far ahead of yourself. Especially considering the delicate situation she’s recklessly put you in.”
“Ditzy, you’re being ridiculous,” she scoffed back. “I haven’t been moving too fast with anything.”
“No, of course you haven’t. You just strutted out of university, went straight to a bunch of the top networks in Equestria with a set of creatures that you pulled out of your flank with no money or experience under your belt, and already wanna shack up with some mare you just met.”
Lyra looked at the ground. “I didn’t say I wanted to ‘shack up.’”
Ditzy gently laid a hoof on her Lyra’s face. “Sweetie, I don’t doubt that she’s very nice, but really stop and think about where you are right now. Bon Bon has put you in a very bad position with these ponies who are now your employers. She seems young and reckless. It’s great that you’re gonna get your show on the air, but I think it’s a seriously bad idea to be pursuing this girl, especially right at this second.”
Looking into Ditzy’s good eye, Lyra showed utter disappointment plastered across her whole being.
We JUST talked about this... and I already jumped the gun.
“Ditzy... I don’t know. She just seems so cool and she did a really good thing for me. Only Human is getting made, we’re gonna be seeing more of each other and... I don’t know.”
The grey pegasus smiled at her. “Lyra, you got a T.V. show green lit. How many ponies can say that? It wasn’t because some mare leaked your video. It wasn’t because she helped you make a video. It’s because you made something that ponies want to see. My suggestion at this point would be to just focus on making the show as great as you possibly can. Focus on your work, keep it professional but friendly with Bon Bon, and maybe when things have calmed down... who knows? Besides, I want to get to know Bon Bon myself... to make sure I don’t let my girl get snatched up by some hussy.”
Lyra pulled Ditzy in close for a hug, nuzzling up against her head. “Thanks, Ditzy. I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s fine, sweetheart. You just needed somepony to slap some sense into you. Speaking of which, I have an idea of what you can do while you’re waiting for the announcement to come out.”
“And what’s that?”
Grabbing hold of Lyra, Ditzy turned her around to the clothes hanger behind them. She gestured towards a cleaning apron laying on the floor at the foot of the wardrobe.
“You can work on keeping up your half of the rent until that T.V. money starts to come in.”
The two shared a laugh as Lyra levitated her apron off the ground and strapped it to herself. Lyra trotted to the door, only for Ditzy to dash in front of her.
“And before you even think about it, the answer is no.”
“Think... about what?” asked Lyra with trepidation in her voice.
“You’re a big time T.V. writer with your own show on Equestria’s number one network, and I’m a muffin store owner. I am clearly out of your league.”
The pulled-back curtains allowed the light of Luna’s moon to illuminate Bon Bon’s penthouse. The blue light glistened off all the metal objects on the room, creating a beautiful shine. Trotting straight out of the elevator, Bon Bon’s entrance triggered the automatic lights, shattering the moonlight effect. Heading straight for the kitchen, she pulled out some canned apple cider before slumping onto the couch. She turned on the wall-mounted television to Desperate Housemares and watched in silence for a few moments, only to be halted by her ringtone. With a groan, she reached for her phone and answered.
“Yellow?”
“What do you think you’re doing?” the pony on the other side of the line growled into their phone.
Bon Bon chuckled. “Sup, Synergy. I was just looking for some crap to watch. Unfortunately all the shows you green-lit aren’t on right now.”
“Clearly you don’t know, so I’ll tell you,” Synergy continued, ignoring the junior executive. “You’re not thinking. At least not like a business pony should.”
The cream pony muted the T.V. “Are you sure? Because the meeting I went to today ended with me and a young writer getting a show green-lit. What meeting did you go to?”
“I went to the meeting where you acted like a spoiled child, thinking you could undermine us in front of a mare who is now our employee, not to mention the rest of Equestria. I know I’m some old-timer who’s probably outdated, but those are not the actions of a pony who wants to make friends.”
Bon Bon’s smirk slowly faded as she sat up straight and placed her can of cider on the table in front of her. “I was simply doing as you taught me. Be aggressive, be smart, pay attention to the way Equestria thinks. That’s exactly what I did.” Bon Bon swallowed the spit that built up in her mouth as she was talking. “Plus, I saw a pony who was in a similar position to me not too long ago. I got to move up the ranks with a bit of help. I thought she deserved the same help.”
“Well, look at you on your high horse!” Synergy shouted. “You’ve been an executive for a year. Get over yourself!”
Sweat dripped from Bon Bon’s forehead and onto the couch.
Synergy continued. “You two are made for each other. A couple of foals who ran before they could walk. You know what happens to ponies that do that? They fall, and they fall hard.”
Bon Bon’s breathing quickened. “Is that supposed to be a threat?”
“‘Threat’ implies that I’m going to do something about this. I won’t have to. You two idiots have set yourselves up. And when the board sees you for the unstable, unprepared little filly that you are, you’ll be relieved of your duty. The reason I’m frustrated is that this little exercise in heroism of yours is going to cost us a lot of time and money—time and money that we could be spending on projects that are being made by people with actual experience!”
Bon Bon paused for a moment. “Did you just say people?”
The phone went dead silent for a little too long. Not even the sound of Synergy’s breathing came through.
Bon Bon gulped, and the senior executive on the other end of the line said, “Look, let me give you one piece of advice. I’ve seen the way that mare looks at you, and I’ve caught the way you look at her as well. This whole deal is probably going to break this girl’s career. Do her a favour and don’t break her heart in the process.”
Without another word, Synergy hung up. Bon Bon lowered her phone onto the couch and looked up at the T.V., not bothering to unmute it, watching the romantic leads of Desperate Housemares chew up the scenery silently. She looked back down at the Only Human title card that was resting on her living room table.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 4: A Necessary Troll
By Smoking Gun
“And two sweeteners, a dash of honey and a hint of Tahitian vanilla--”
And a boot up your flank.
Lyra bowed with a smile to her customer. “Sure thing, ma’am. Won’t be too long.”
At least it wouldn’t be if you weren’t so prissy about it.
Adjusting her apron, Lyra turned away from her customer and maneuvered her way through the customers and furniture. Looking over the line in front of the counter, she could see Ditzy keeping up her giddy smile as she took customers' orders, giving them their numbers and sending them to their chairs. In between the customers, she would bake the muffins, but let the smell out through the sides so she could dance in the aroma as she worked. The best part was that she didn’t even realize it. Lyra would catch her doing the same thing when she would make muffins in her off-hours. It wasn’t a show, it wasn’t a sales pitch, it was pure, unadulterated joy.
“This sucks!” shouted Lyra as she tossed her order pad on the counter.
Ditzy quickly flew around, bringing her a few inches from Lyra. “Keep it down,” she whispered. “We have very lovely customers who don’t wanna hear you complain.” Ditzy and Lyra looked back to the waiting customers, giving a nervous smile to settle the tension. It didn’t work.
“Now,” started Ditzy, “what’s the problem?”
Using her magic, Lyra levitated the order pad into Ditzy’s face, showing the order she had just taken. “Am I making coffee, or am I playing Jenga, here?”
Ditzy took the floating pad and examined it herself. She glanced up a Lyra with the corners of her lips turned up. “I don’t know what you’re complaining about. It’s only a little bit better than your scripts.”
Lyra’s face didn’t change, but the scent of blood boiling was starting to overwhelm the cooking muffin’s. Speaking of which...
Ditzy dashed to the ‘dinging’ oven, pulling out a platter of perfectly crisp muffins, sending the patient customers into the air.
Huh... I thought only hobos did that.
Waving Lyra over to her, Dtizy whispered into her ear. “I’ll take care of the coffee, you serve the customers. You learned how to do that in college, didn’t you?”
Lyra’s bemused expression did all the cursing for her.
Ditzy playfully punched her shoulder. “Relax, gorgeous. When you’re winning the Emmy, remember to thank you sexy, talented, muffin maker friend.”
Lyra cleared her throat. “And I want to thank my jerk of a roomie, for inspiring me to get out of her immediate area.”
The two mare’s giggling was cut short by the shouting of the customers behind them.
“Go! Go!” shouted Ditzy. “Until your show is on the air, you’re working here. Now get to it!”
“She’s working for us, now!” shouted Synergy as she stormed into the boardroom that overlooked Celestia’s sun rising over the palace and shining onto their city of viewers. “The announcement's gone live. There’s no turning back now.”
Trotting around the desk, she took her usual seat at her long desk. She slouched in her chair, resting her upper-torso on the mahogany table. The back of her chair blocked the sun, covering her in a cool shadow. Looking up, she could see her fellow executives stand before her, standing in the light.
“I don't suppose either of you know where Bon Bon is?” she asked with a hint of venom.
“I believe she said she was attending to some talent,” spoke up Paradigm.
Synergy mumbled something to herself, no doubt something she wouldn’t put in a press release. “I swear to Celestia...”
“Synergy!” Structuring’s shout startled Synergy upright in her chair, still keeping her shielded from the sun. “Sorry about that, but this isn’t the best attitude that any of us can take at this point.”
Synergy rested her elbow on foreleg-rest of her chair, laying her heavy head in her hoof. “And what do you propose? We be happy for these twits? Why not?!” She pushed her chair back, making a banging sound as it hit the back window. “Let’s give them a second and third season while we’re at it!”
Structuring rolled his eyes at the display. “Dear, you need calm down.”
“Calm down? Calm down?!” she said as she trotted around to the front of the desk. “Do you have any idea how much will be riding on this? Our reputation, future licensing, merchandising sales—”
“Synergy?” perked Paradigm.
Synergy shot back a glare. “What?”
“You’re pacing again.”
Looking down at the carpet, Synergy could see the path she had been walking on, slowly rise back up, watching it return to normal, taking the opportunity to try and calm down. It didn’t work.
“She walked right through that door, and presented us nothing of substance, nothing with any kind of backing, not even a theme song!” She ran her hoof through her mane. “I mean, what kind of idiot does that?”
“This one, right here!”
Lyra hoofed over a small platter with a banna-berry muffin to the overly-muscular pegasus on the opposite end of the counter.
“YEAH!” he thanked as he went back to his seat.
Ditzy approached Lyra as she wiped the sweat off her horn. “OK, I think the rush is over for today.” Ditzy put some cleaning cloths and a spray on the counter, in front of Lyra. “You can start cleaning now.”
“Finally!” Lyra proclaimed as she levitated them off the table.
Ditzy shot her a confused look as Lyra trotted to the opposite side of the counter. “Since when did you like cleaning?”
“Since I got sick of serving, I’m sure I’ll come back around when the stench of bleach coming from the bathroom puts me in a coma.”
With the customers at their chair, enjoying their meals, the two mares could finally share a well earned chuckle. Taking a deep breath, Ditzy leaned over the counter, looking down at the crumbs on the counter.
“Look at it this way,” she said, turning her gaze up at her friend. “You won’t be here much longer.”
“Hey!” Lyra slammed her hooves on the table. “I’ll always be here.”
Ditzy chuckled. “You know what I mean.”
“And you know what I mean.”
The two mares share a warm smile. “Ditzy, thank you for letting me stay with you while I get myself together.”
“Hey, free labor is always welcome. Just promise me you won’t give up all of your freedom as soon as you move out.”
Lyra paused for a moment. “Give it to who?”
Ditzy arched her brow. “You know who.”
Lyra blushed as darted her eyes from left to right, shuffling back lightly. “I’m not worrying about that. I’m playing it cool,” she said as she brushed her mane back. “I’m a career woman, now.”
“Mare,” corrected the wall-eyed mare.
“Whatever,” shrugged Lyra. “I’m not just gonna drop everything I’ve got going on in my life, just for—”
“Hey, girl!”
Lyra and Ditzy turned their attention to the front door as a cream colored mare stepped through, wearing only her saddle bag.
“Bon Bon!” Lyra’s face lit up like the sun outside. Her magic faded as she rushed over to the executive, dropping the cleaning equipment on the counter, causing the spray to spill all over the counter.
Lyra had to bring herself to an almost screeching halt to stop her from running into Bon Bon.
Mustn't hug. Mustn't hug.
Lyra cleared her throat and stroked back her mane, which had more than a few crumbs in it. “Hey, Bon. What’s up?”
“Nothing much,” she shrugged. “Just the announcement of Only Human making it to the press.”
Lyra stared blankly at her friend. “Come again?”
Bon Bon chuckled as she took a seat at the last free table. Reaching into her saddle bag, she pulled out her laptop and opened it up, restoring the session she had on before. “They made the announcement early this morning. Everypony knows about it now. At least the ones that are up this early.”
Bon Bon’s giggling was cut short by the smell of soap approaching behind her.
“You’d be surprised how many there are.”
Bon Bon turned around, laying her right foreleg on the back of her chair, seeing Ditzy standing right behind her. Without getting off her chair, she smiled at her. “You must be Ditzy!”
“Yeah, Ditzy Doo,” she said as she shook Bon Bon’s hoof. “And you must be Bon Bon.”
The smile on Bon Bon’s face started to slip when she felt a sticky substance on Ditzy’s hoof. She pulled her hoof back to see it was clean and bubbly. She rolled her eyes towards Ditzy, who laughed as her good eye glared at Lyra.
“Sorry, our cleaner isn’t very bright.”
“I’ll admit, she wasn’t very bright, but you can’t deny that there was a small something in her.” Paradigm took his usual seat next to Synergy. He could almost see the steam rising from her brow. “You remember Lost? That show was green-lit by accident essentially, and look what happened.”
Synergy slowly rolled her head to her colleague, not even showing the slightest bit of amusement on her face. “This isn’t Lost. It’s a show about shaved chimps in jeans.”
Structuring’s chuckle brought on Synergy’s glare. “Sorry... it’s just now that I think about they do look...” His voice trailed when he realized that Synergy hadn’t blinked while he was talking. “Sorry.”
The peeved mare took a deep breath, her exhale leaving a light fog on the table. “I can’t let her ruin us.”
“Hey now!” Paradigm inched himself closer to Synergy while still in his chair. “She isn’t going to ruin anything. You’re starting to overreact.”
“She... and her... gaah!”
Tossing her hooves in the air for a second, she let them flop down to her sides. The room was dead silent as her chair started to turn. She quickly shut her eyes as her body began to enter the sunlight, which was now high above the buildings behind them. “I've really screwed up, haven’t I?”
“Sorry, I kinda screwed up there.”
“You think?” Ditzy remarked as Lyra wiped away the soap that had splashed on her earlier.
Once done, she laid down the cloth and took a seat next to Bon Bon. “You gotta check this out. They put out the press release today.” Lyra quickly turned to Bon Bon. “They said good stuff, right?”
“What else would they say?” Bon Bon said with slight smirk. Ditzy rolled her eyes when she noticed Lyra’s cheeks beginning to light up.
“So,” Ditzy took a seat next to the cream mare. “Lyra’s told me a lot about you. I hear you’ve been a great deal of... help in getting her show green-lit,” she said through a forced smile.
“Lyra’s the one who got her show green-lit,” she said, nudging the unicorn with her elbow. “I just... made her look good doing it. Speaking of which...”
Bon Bon pushed the laptop over to Lyra. Examining it, Lyra noticed several tabs opened in browser, all of which had ‘Only Human’ in them somewhere.
Lyra gave the laptop a confused expression. “Why do you have so many tabs opened?”
Was I asking the computer that?
Bon Bon scooched her chair over to bring herself closer to Lyra. “I want you to see how many people are talking about this.”
“Ponies,” corrected Ditzy.
“Whatever.” Bon Bon continued, “granted, this is all part of the news cycle, but just think of how many ponies are gonna hear about the show, and we’re still getting started."
Taking control of the laptop, Lyra scrolled down one tab, reading the details of the article as presented by the Pub.
‘The Hub Network is excited to announce that joining the fall, Saturday morning lineup will be a brand new, original show entitled ‘Only Human.’ Created by up-and-coming talent, Lyra Heartstrings, the story of the show centers around these amazing and wonderful creatures called ‘humans’ who go on amazing hijinks together.’
The rest of the article went on to detail the licensing agreement...
And lots of other things I don’t care about.
Skipping down to the bottom, she noticed a comment section, currently 30 comments and climbing. Ditzy and Bon Bon couldn’t help but smile as Lyra’s face lit up, reading the comments on her show.
“So, how does it feel?” asked Bon Bon.
“How does what feel?” Lyra replied.
“Being the next big thing.”
Lyra scoffed, playfully. “I’m so not. There’s not much for them to go on, but people- shut up!” she shouted at her friends before they could say anything. “But ponies seem to be at least interested. They wanna know more!”
“And that’s how you get them hooked. Leave them wanting more.” Bon Bon patted Lyra on the back as she continued to read out the comments below. Bon Bon scooched her chair back to where it was before, giving Lyra some room.
The air began to feel stale between the two silent mares at the table, the only sounds coming from the chatting customers, most of which were on their way out the door.
“So how did you and Lyra meet?”
Ditzy looked as though she was woken from a nap. “Sorry, what?”
“You and Lyra. How’d you guys meet? She just mentioned she was living with you.”
Bon Bon could already see the nostalgia in Ditzy’s eyes. “Oh, we met back in high school. While Lyra was in art school, I worked as a mail mare and saved every bit I had. Around the time she graduated, I had earned enough to start up this,” she said, spreading her forelegs to show the restaurant they were in. “It’s been a dream of mine. Lyra needed a place to stay after graduation, so I let her stay with me and work off her rent.”
The junior executive nodded, the corners of her lips turning upward. “Wow, that’s very generous of you.”
“Lyra was the best friend I ever had. Making her scrub tables and cook was least I could do.”
The two mares started laughing, letting the awkwardness roll off their back. As Ditzy started to calm down, she notice Lyra hadn’t spoken in a while. She was just staring at the screen, her smile was nowhere near as bright as it was when she started. In fact, it looked like she wasn’t pleased at all.
“Lyra?” asked Ditzy. “Everything OK?”
Lyra leaned back, making the chair screech across the floor for a moment. “Yeah, I’m... I’m fine. No problem.” Lyra kept nodding her head for a cartoonishly long amount of time.
I’m guess I’m just gonna keep doing this until she says OK.
Bon Bon peaked over, gazing into the monitor. “This looks like crap.”
Ditzy shot Bon Bon a confused expression. “What?”
“That’s what one of the comments says.” Bon Bon grabbed hold of the laptop and pushed it of to Ditzy, who quickly read through what was on screen.
“Really?” she asked, gazing over the screen. “That’s it?”
“Then why is it highlighted?” The wall-eyed mare waited for a response from Lyra. She didn’t get one. “Also, in the response section, somepony started to type out ‘Shut your stupid internet face.’”
Lyra’s straight face cracked. “Okay... I’m a little annoyed. Who wouldn’t be? Right?”
“Don’t worry about it,” started Bon Bon. “Just a troll. He just want’s to—”
“So?”
Lyra and Bon Bon looked up at Ditzy, who was sporting an annoyed expression, aimed straight and Lyra. “This is what’s bothering you? Someone no-face loser says your show looks like crap without even seeing it?”
Lyra squirmed in her seat. “Well... it hurts and... who does he think he is, anyway?!” Lyra’s volume started to attract a few wandering eyes around the restaurant. “He hasn’t seen any of-of-of th-th-the character development. He hasn’t see the action, the suspense.”
Lyra got off her seat, making a screeching noise as it slid back across the tiled floor. She started to circle the table she and her friends are seated at. “He just reads a few lines and he thinks he can... how... aragh! Who the hay is this—”
“Lyra?” perked up Ditzy.
“Yeah?”
“You’re pacing again.”
Lyra looked around the store, noticing several heads quickly turn away and return to eating. It was suddenly a lot quieter now.
Ditzy raised herself up from her chair, bringing her face to face with Lyra. “Sweetheart, grow up.”
Lyra stood perfectly still in front of roommate. “Wh-what?”
The pegasus leaned in close. “I said, grow up.” It wasn’t often Ditzy had to break out her serious face with Lyra. “One guy, ONE GUY says something stupid about something you did, and you’re gonna get worked up over it?”
“No, I was—”
“No, listen.” Ditzy bought herself a bit closer, so that she could whisper without being heard. “One stupid comment, on a stupid website, about a stupid press release doesn’t warrant your attention, or concern. Stop crying like a baby, and grow the hay up.”
Ditzy’s wonky-eye almost went straight as she stared straight into Lyra’s. A liquid shimmer in Lyra’s tangelo eyes caught her attention, just as Lyra trotted towards the front door, closing it behind her.
The muffin mare quickly looked around the store, nopony was looking at her, except for the cream mare, sitting at the table next to her. Ditzy and Bon Bon locked eyes before she spoke up.
“What?”
“What are you talking about?” asked Paradigm.
“I was careless,” Synergy replied. I was careless and I let this happen.”
“Woah, woah, woah,” Paradigm said, waving his hooves for a moment. “Karen, you’re acting very odd about this. Could you please just tell us what’s going on?”
Synergy looked to her left, seeing Structuring take a seat next to her, both of her colleagues were smiling warmly at her. She adjusted herself, straightening her back as spoke.
“We gave Bon Bon a chance. She showed us that she’s this young go-getter. She’s great at what she does, she hasn’t made any bad decisions before. But now she’s gone the other way with how this is supposed to work. She’s let some ignorant little girl walk in, and get her own show. What if... What if it works?”
Paradigm leaned in close. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean, what if this hot, new girl comes in, pulls this gutsy move, makes a huge success? What does that say about me? About the three of us?” Synergy laid her spectacles on the table. “What if we’re not good at this anymore?”
The two stallion chuckled, bringing themselves in closer. “Karen, if this is a success, I think it says that you were savvy and hip enough to see an opportunity and you took it,” explained Paradigm with a welcoming smile.
Synergy looked up at him. “But I didn’t. I let them through because I was scared.”
“Don’t fret over it, dear.” Structuring laid a hoof on her shoulder. “I hear it’s very human.” Structuring withdrew his hoof, seeing a rather displeased look on her face.
Paradigm continued. “What we’re trying to say is that maybe you don’t need to be scared or aggressive. Now, neither of us are going to say that Lyra didn’t act foolish in the way she came in here, but we are saying that we should be professional and help her achieve the success she wants. She’s part of the company now, and her success is...”
“Our success,” Synergy finished with a small grin creeping over her face. “I suppose I have been a fair bit aggressive against the girls.”
Structuring spoke, “How aggressive, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Well... When I saw the press releases online, I may have posted a negative comment on one of them.”
Paradigm leaned back in his chair. “Alright... why exactly did you do that?”
“I was frustrated and scared... that and I was hoping she would’ve read it. I don’t know, I wasn’t the right frame of mind.”
Synergy’s two colleagues started laughing, and she couldn’t help but join in.
“Come on, dear,” Paradigm tried to say through his laughter. “What are the odds of her reading one bad comment?”
“What are the odds she’ll come back in at some point this year?”
Later in the afternoon, Ditzy’s Muffins was essentially dead. No customers meant she could clean, restock, whatever needed to be done. Taking the opportunity to clean, she continued to scrub the tables as she looked outside, seeing Lyra on the steps by the front door.
“She’s been sitting there for hours. Is she ever going to come back in?”
“You tell me,” remarked Bon Bon, who had taken a seat on the couch by the far wall. “You known her better than I do.”
“I’m not so sure,” Ditzy mumbled.
“What was that?” asked Bon Bon with a slightly annoyed tone.
“Nothing.” Ditzy shrugged her off and went back to scrubbing.
Bon Bon slid off the couch, trotting straight over to the opposite side of the table that Ditzy was cleaning. “Look, I don’t know what that was earlier, but I think it’s safe to say that Lyra’s a bit more upset with you than she is at some troll.”
Ditzy slammed her cloth on the table. “Oh really? Is that what you think? Well let me tell you something, Little Miss TV Big Shot: You don’t know anything about us, and you don’t get to talk about how we feel. So why don’t you give your marefriend out there a big kiss and go back to your big penthouse. I have real work to do.”
Bon Bon paused as Ditzy went back to cleaning. “What do you mean ‘real work?’” she scowled.
“I mean that thing that Lyra has never done at any point in her life!”
Somepony had hit the mute button. The entire room had been filled with silence. The two mares both looked equally as shocked at each other. Ditzy stumbled over to a nearby bean bag and collapsed into it.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
Bon Bon took a seat on another bean bag next to her. “It’s OK. Do you wanna...?
“Just give me a second.” Ditzy shifted in her bean bag, positioning herself so that she was looking straight at Bon Bon. “Before I met Lyra, I was still... well, like this,” she said, gesturing towards her eye. "Learning was hard for me at a young age, nothing out of the ordinary for somepony with wall-eye, it was just harder to read and tell distance. I was picked on all throughout my school life, I never went one day without getting teased and bullied. So, I made a point to excel in what I did. I became a stronger reader with the help of a little extra tutoring, became one of the top scoring students at the school, I was essentially everything that everypony thought I wasn’t.”
Bon Bon nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
“They were just some stupid kid, don’t worry about them,” Ditzy shrugged. “Anyway, in my last few years of high school, I ran into Lyra in my cooking class. She was the only pony whoever just treated me normal right out the gate... although, I think that may have been because she wanted me to do her assignment for her.” Ditzy was thankful for the chuckle break. “So we became friends, did everything together for a while. But then she went off to college to become a writer and I wanted to open up this restaurant. I already told you the rest.”
Bon Bon spoke, “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what this has to do with what’s up with you guys right now.”
“It’s about that job I mentioned. I busted my rump for three straight years, denying myself every luxury I could to make sure I could pursue my dream. I studied day in and day out, I learnt to ignore the nasty things others would say to me. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am... and Lyra got it all served to her on a platter. She has her own show, and she only just got started.”
Bon Bon took a moment to gather her thoughts, sharing a few deep breathes with the pegasus next to her. “You’re right. I’m not the pony to talk about these things with,” she let out with a laugh.
“Told ya,” Ditzy replied, smirkingly. “I know this is kind of heavy, but the problem right now is that I should be happy for her, but I just got angry because I didn’t think she was appreciating what she had.”
“Maybe you should tell her that.”
Ditzy flew off her bean bag and gently landed on the tiles. “What do you mean ‘maybe?’ Of course I’m going to.” Ditzy trotted over to the door, holding it open for a second before stepping out. “Bon Bon, thank you for listening.”
“Sure.”
The two smiled and nodded before Ditzy finally stepped out. Gazing through the window, Bon Bon saw Ditzy take a seat next to Lyra. After a few minutes of inaudible discussion, Bon Bon’s smile grew when she saw the two wrap their hooves around each other.
The creamed colored mare poked her head out through the door. “Hey guys, you feeling hungry?”
Lyra had suck back some mucus hanging out of her nose. “Yeah, actually.”
“Awesome. I’ll whip us up some of my favorite muffins: the alcoholic kind.”
Ditzy helped Lyra back onto her feet. “I thought blueberries were your favorite.”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 5: The Writers Room
By Smoking Gun
Three years ago:
“Lyra, why are you here?”
Lyra’s eyes were starting to dry out from staring at the clunky desktop in her dorm. The desk was littered with empty coffee cups and scrunched-up lecture notes while her monitor had an incredibly wordy document open, with several YouTube videos in the background.
“What does it look like, Lauren?” she growled at her roommate, still gazing at the monitor.
Lauren, a unicorn with a white coat and red mane, casually tossed her almost-full saddle bag onto her bed and let out a sigh of relief. “Chill, Lyra. I just didn’t expect you to be up this late.”
“Aren’t you?” Lyra paused. “Oh, goodness, am I hallucinating?”
“That’s what I’m wondering.” Lauren approached the desk, looking over the papers and document on the table. “Isn’t this your Film Production assignment?”
Lyra looked back at the computer, holding her stare for a moment. “I certainly hope so.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be a group assignment?”
“It could be,” Lyra said, shrugging as she went back to typing.
Lauren’s eyebrows arched as she leaned on the one of the few free spots on the desk. “Were there no groups left for you?”
“At this point, probably.”
Putting her hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, Lauren spun her around, looking straight into her bloodshot eyes. “Lyra, why are you here?”
Today:
“Why am I here?” Lyra hid her bloodshot eyes behind a large pair of stylish shades, although the sun wasn’t exactly cooperating with her. “Since when do writers have to get up at six in the morning?”
Bon Bon, who was standing next to her, chuckled at the sight of her zombielike friend. “I know that feel. You ever heard the expression ‘executive hours’?”
Lyra nodded.
“So not true!”
The two mares trotted through the Pub production lot. Entering the main gates, the two passed several warehouses, outdoor sets, and office buildings, all of which were still dwarfed by the size of the Pub Tower. Thankfully, it brought Lyra shade for a few moments.
Bon Bon stopped Lyra in front of a brown five-story office building marked ‘W.P-04.’
“Here we are. I’ll just give you a quick tour before I head out,” Bon Bon said as she guided Lyra inside.
Stepping inside, Lyra found herself in a typical foyer, complete with a few poorly placed ferns and a wild racoon. She looked past the plants and the reflective elevator doors, finding nothing out of the ordinary.
Unless you count the accoon in the corner.
Bon Bon led her into the elevator and pushed the button for the second floor. The elevator took them to a long, uninteresting hallway that stank of fresh paint. As they walked out of the elevator, they saw that the office in front of them had a piece of paper, poorly sticky-taped to the door, that read “Only Humin.”
Please tell me I didn’t misspell ‘human’ in the paperwork.
“Yeah, sorry about this,” Bon Bon said with a nervous chuckle. “We’re still finalizing the logo - that, and I think they misspelled the title.”
Oh, thank Celestia.
“It’s fine, I’m sure it’ll... what do you mean, ‘finalizing the logo’? What’s wrong with the one I had in my bible?” Lyra asked in a slightly hurt tone of voice.
Bon Bon’s eyes shifted from left to right as she forced a smile. “Oh, nothing, nothing at all. It’s just some bureaucracy, legal... clarification crap that would probably bore you.” Silence filled the hallway, broken only by an awkward cough from Bon Bon.
The awkward cough? For real?
“Oh, look at the time!” Bon Bon said, not looking at anything. “I’ve got to get to casting call. Actors don’t have to get up as early as us, you’ll learn to hate them for it.”
“Um... are you sure you don’t want me at the casting? This is my show, right?” Lyra asked hesitantly.
“Absolutely. This is just the preliminary stuff. You’ll get final say. You have my word,” Bon Bon said, nodding her head enthusiastically.
Lyra let out a sigh of relief. “Right. So I guess I should get to it.”
Bon Bon pulled her in for a hug. Thankfully, she couldn’t see Lyra’s blushing face from where she was. “You’re gonna knock it out of the park!”
Don’t let your hoof wander. Don’t let your hoof wander.
“Will do, boss,” Lyra squeaked out.
Bon Bon released her. “Speaking of getting to it, I have to book. I’ll call you afterwards,” she said as she trotted to the elevator door.
Don’t stare. Don’t stare. Stop staring.
Reaching the elevator, Bon Bon turned back to her unicorn friend, winking at her. “Go get ’em,” she said before the doors closed.
If you insist.
Lyra gazed back at the door to her show’s office, taking a deep breath before finally entering. The room inside looked just like the rest of the building: boring. The first thing she found was an empty receptionist desk. She gazed down the hallway and trotted to the very end, passing several small offices before reaching the biggest one. The door was already open, so she walked straight in. She noticed that she had a fairly nice view of the shopping district of Canterlot, with a large desk facing opposite the window so that she could see who came into the office. There wasn’t much else of interest in the room—
Unless you count the accoon in the corner.
Until she noticed what was printed on the front door:
“Lyra Heartstrings—Show-Runner.”
Lyra just stared, soaking the words into her eyes. The corners of her lips turned up, revealing her pearly whites. She looked back into her office with her empty desk and the lovely view out onto the city.
It’s actually happening. And to me, of all ponies. Feeling a sense of freedom in her solitude, Lyra shed a single tear, letting it drip over her smile.
“The other offices have better views.”
Lyra almost jumped out of her skin. Taking a deep breath, she turned around, seeing a young unicorn colt standing behind her. His mane was beige, and his body was a light brown. “But I’ll admit, it’s all right, considering all the others on this floor,” he concluded.
Lyra took another deep breath, trying to keep her heart from jumping out of her chest. “Please don’t do that again. I almost jumped out the window.”
“Sorry about that,” he said as he offered her his hoof. “Name’s Touch Type.”
She smiled and shook hooves with him. “Lyra Heartstrings. So... are you the secretary?”
“I’m your junior writer, actually,” he replied. “I sit in on meetings, take notes of what everypony says, prepare your pitches, maybe throw in a few—”
“Hold on a second,” Lyra interrupted. “What do you mean, ‘pitches’? I already made my pitch to the executives.”
Touch Type paused for a moment before answering. “Your episode pitches,” he said with a hint in his voice like he expected her to know what he was talking about. “You know? You have to pitch individual episodes to the network before they sign off on it.”
“We have to do that, as well?” Lyra asked with disbelief.
Touch held his gaze of surprise at her for a while. “You really didn’t know that?”
Lyra chuckled and blushed. “Sorry, kinda new around here.”
Touch looked down at the ground, breathing audibly as he nodded. “Uh-huh.”
Silence.
If he coughs, I swear to—
“Let me show you around,” Touch said brightly.
That’s... better? Lyra followed Touch back down the hall, passing offices similar to hers but much smaller.
"Everyone on staff gets their own office, although some will have to share,” he explained before reaching the kitchen area. “This is the kitchen, or—as I like to call it—‘The Green Room.’”
Lyra chuckled. “Like the green room they have on movie sets?”
“No, because of the fungus in the corner,” Touch said, gesturing towards the green fungi growing out of the wall.
Lyra’s face constricted a fair bit as she took a step back. “They had the time to put my name on the wall, but not clean the place?”
Touch raised himself onto his hind legs, spreading his forelegs out and smiling. “Hey, this little slice of heaven is all yours.” As if on cue, the raccoon from Lyra’s office ran past him in the background.
Please tell me that raccoon isn’t my secretary.
“Come on, everypony’s waiting in the writers’ room,” Touch said as he continued down the corridor.
“Wait,” shouted Lyra. “When did you all get here?”
“Right after you did. They sent me to get you.”
Lyra followed Touch through the door at the very end of the office and discovered the largest room she had seen thus far. In the center of the room was a large circular table with enough space to fit eleven ponies. Each seat had a computer in front of it; one of them had a tablet and stylus hooked up to it. The far wall had a projector sheet hanging in front of it, with the projector hanging from the ceiling. There was a water cooler in the corner near the door and a printer and scanner on the opposite side of the room.
As Touch had promised, Lyra found five other ponies sitting at the table. Their chatting ceased as soon as they saw her.
Touch took his seat next to Lyra’s spot at the head of the table. “Shall we begin?”
“All right, ladies, let’s begin.”
Bon Bon stood before a packed room of mares sitting at tables and comparing scripts, filmographies, and Twitter followers. Bon Bon held in her hoof a tablet with a list of names.
“I have a list with all your names, as well as all the characters you’ve asked to audition for. We’ll call out the names in no particular order, you’ll come in and read your lines, and we’ll call you if you make the next round.”
Bon Bon knew that these ladies were veterans of the business and didn’t need this explained to them, but it was all part of the show.
“First on the list is... Fleur de Lis.”
An elegant white and pink unicorn gracefully brushed her hair back as she stood up, levitating her script and purse as she followed Bon Bon into the recording studio. The room was bourbon coloured and had a freshly cleaned carpet. A small set of stairs led Fleur up to the recording booth, which was transparent, as the only thing surrounding it was soundproof glass. Stepping inside, Fleur laid her script on the podium, which was conveniently attached to the microphone. She walked up to the mic.
Bon Bon took her seat in the control area of the studio. A unicorn stallion was operating the mixing board, adjusting several identical-looking knobs. She sat down at a table, which had room for two. Two copies of the audition script were laid out in front of each chair. Bon Bon opened the script and looked up at the first candidate.
“Can you hear me in there, Fleur?”
“Loud and clear!” Fleur called back.
“At least there’s somepony who’s listening.”
Bon Bon shot around in her chair and saw Synergy standing right behind her. “Did you just get here or have you been waiting for a chance to startle me?”
Synergy smirked. “And if my answer was both?”
“Then I’d believe you.”
Synergy took her seat next to Bon Bon. “So who do we have first?” she asked.
“Fleur. She’s auditioning for...” Bon Bon’s voice trailed off as she searched for the character names on the list. “Diane and Clair.”
“Then let’s get started,” Synergy said, looking up at Fleur. “Why don’t you start reading, dear? Start with Clair.”
Fleur cleared her throat with a dainty little cough. “Sarah, darling,” she said elegantly, “if you are seriously considering a global catastrophe, we should at least look good for the occasion.”
Bon Bon leaned over towards Synergy. “She’s good.” Synergy nodded in return.
“Excuse me,” called Fleur. “But... this isn’t the actual script, is it? It looks like it might need a punch up.”
Bon Bon chuckled, creating a smile of relief on Fleur’s face. “Of course not. These are just slug lines until the real script comes in.”
Bon Bon glanced to her side, noticing Synergy staring straight at her with a blank expression. “This is Heartstrings’ original script, isn’t it?” Synergy asked.
Slowly, Bon Bon grew a grin as her eyes shifted nervously. “Nnnno?”
The two executives looked back to their auditionee, noticing her holding up her cell phone to the script.
About an hour later, Fleur left the recording room with Bon Bon following her. “OK, ladies, I’ll say this now so I don’t have to say this to anyone else: The next pony that tweets or instagrams the script will be escorted out.”
Lyra smiled to her crew and waved. “Hello, everybody.”
“Pony,” corrected everypony in the room at once. The loud noise bounced off the four walls, coalescing in Lyra’s eardrums.
Great, now it’s surround sound.
“Thank you,” she said through gritted teeth. “I’m Lyra Heartstrings. Call me Lyra. I’m the show-Runner... according to my door, and I guess, I should let you all introduce yourselves because you’d all know who I am and why am I still talking—”
“Lyra, it’s OK,” Touch said as he laid his hoof on her shoulder, guiding her ever-so-subtly down to her chair. “Let’s just go around the room. Ink, why don’t you start?”
On Touch’s left, a blue-coated earth pony with a dark mane was sitting beside a white pegasus with a blonde mane. “Howdy, Miss Heartstrings. Ah’m Ink Splash, and this is mah wife, Feather Quill.”
Feather leaned past her husband so she could make eye contact with Lyra. “We met in writers’ room on the last show we worked on, Emerald Knights. We’ve been working as a team ever since.” She gently laid her hoof on her husband’s.
Lyra’s head tilted as she smiled. “Aww, that’s so sweet.”
“It is until ya get into an argument ’bout character interactions,” remarked Ink. “If ya’ll ever figure out howta win one of those, do be so kind as to let me know.” Suddenly his wife's grip grew tighter.
Looking to her right, Lyra saw a unicorn mare with glasses. Her mane was a light brown, while her coast was a slightly darker brown. “I’m Short Hoof. I’ve written for Little Justice, Spectacular Spiderham, and Transmorphers. I’ve also been nominated for two Critics’ Choice Awards. And that’s really all I have to say right now.” Short lay back in her chair patiently.
Lyra did the only thing she could: nod. “OK, then... and you?” she said as she gazed to the last unidentified face next to Short Hoof.
This last mare was a white unicorn with a frazzled blue mane and eyes covered by a pair of thick purple shades. “Vinyl Scratch. I’m the show’s composer.”
“Awesome! What have you worked on before?”
Vinyl shrugged. “I don’t know... Internet stuff, I guess. I operated under the alias ‘DJ PON-3.’ And before you ask, autographs are 15 bits.”
“If you’re the composer, why are you here now?” Lyra asked.
Vinyl chuckled. “I’m supposed to help you guys with song lyrics when you need them, and then I write the melody for them afterwards. Apart from that, it’s just excuse for me to drink and get paid for it.”
Lyra glanced around the room. “But there aren’t any drinks in here.”
“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” said Vinyl as she gestured towards the water cooler. “That’s actually vodka.”
Lyra took a moment to process the information. “And how exactly do you plan to compose anything if you’re drunk?”
Vinyl smirked. “Well, I’m not gonna know if I don’t try, will I?”
She’s... got me there.
“Okie dokie,” Lyra proclaimed, putting her hooves together. “Shall we all get started?”
“We shall.” Touch used the computer at his seat to turn on the projector, which then showed the same script that was on each of their monitors. “We’ll work through the pilot script for now, just so we can have something to put into production.”
Lyra perked up. “OK, does anyone have any questions about the script so far?”
Short raised her hoof. “The first problem I have is with the name of the school they go to. Can you scroll down to page three, please?”
Wait... did she say “problem”?
Touch scrolled to page three, highlighting the name of the university as stated in the stage directions. Short continued. “The University of Manhattan?” She tilted her head forwards for emphasis. “The University of... MANhatten?”
Lyra nervously smiled as she raised her hooves in the air. “Get it?”
It looks she wants to beat me with that monitor.
Short took a deep breath. “A little on-the-nose, don’t you think?”
“It’s named after a made-up creature,” retorted Lyra. “In what world is that on-the-nose?”
“Let me rephrase,” said Short. “It’s way too puny.”
This little... “Well, it’s not like the city would be called ‘Manehatten,’ so why call it that? I saw an opportunity for a good name and I took it.”
Great job, Lyra! Now don’t let her know how much she scares you.
“Why? Why does it have to not be named Manehatten? Are there no names in this universe? Have the humans branded everything? Can you answer that?”
Lyra’s eye started to twitch when she noticed Short’s mouth start to creep upwards. She started to raise herself in her seat. “You know—”
“Ah have a question, myself, Miss Heartstrings!” shouted Ink, just in time.
Finally! Somepony to keep me from saying stupid stuff.
“Son, why don’t ya take us to the bottom of page 15?” As requested, Touch took them to the page. “This whole conversation between Diane and Justin.” Ink’s eyes narrowed. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.
That’s how you know they’re about to say something bad.
“Ah understand that this is all about their relationship and character building... but it could use a fair bit of tweaking, ya see?”
“Um... may I ask what part needs to be tweaked?” asked Lyra, forcing herself to look relaxed.
“The whole thing,” Ink stated bluntly. “The dialogue is clunky and doesn’t flow very well, and ‘gorgeous’ isn’t spelt ‘G-E-O-R-G-E-S.’”
Where were you then, autocorrect?!
“Not to mention the fact that it kinda rushes through things, ya know?”
“No I don’t,” Lyra growled.
If I did, I wouldn’t have done it.
Ink Splash continued, gesturing towards the projection. “Fer starters, they start off hating each other, Justin cracking jokes around her, she’s being kind of a two-dimensional twit—” He quickly turned back to his showrunner and bowed his head. “Pardon my language, ma’am.”
“Pansy,” muttered Vinyl.
“And by the end, if the dialogue is any indication, it looks like they wanna knock boots.” concluded Ink. “If ya don’t mind me saying, that is.”
Vinyl nodded. “Nice.”
Lyra nodded her head. “If you don’t mind me saying...” She leaned forward, putting her elbows on the table. “If you don’t mind me saying. And what if I did?”
Ink’s expression of concern was dwarfed by his wife’s. “Miss Heartstrings,” she said deliberately, “my husband is simply doing his job in trying to help this script be as good as it can. Just like everypony here.”
Lyra and Feather locked eyes, their pupils constricting to pinpoints. “Well, Feather, have you ever heard of things being the way they are for a reason?”
“Maybe you screwed up for a reason.”
Immediately, Lyra turned her head to look straight at Short Hoof, who was lying back in her seat and staring straight at Lyra. “You know, so you could learn a thing or two.”
Showing her teeth like an animal, Lyra placed her hooves on the foreleg rests of her chair, preparing to push herself up. Her energy faded when she felt Touch Type laying a hoof on her shoulder. “Miss Heartstrings? You OK?”
Lyra stood up, pushing her chair back as she stormed out the room, leaving nothing but an awkward silence in her wake. The humming of the computers kept some noise going while a brief flickering of the projector helped liven the mood for a few seconds.
Taking a deep breath, Touch Type slowly pushed his chair out and exited the room. “You’ll have to excuse me.”
“You’re excused.”
And with that, the last actress left the recording room. The waiting room was silent, and the there was no sound left to be recorded. Bon Bon and Synergy had both let their manes down and had hung their suit jackets on the hook near the door behind them. There were several coffee cups in the bin next to the desk, as well as several doodles Bon Bon had drawn on the back of the script.
“Well, I don’t know about you,” began Synergy, “but I am beyond done for the day. We’ll look over them with Heartstrings tomorrow.”
Bon Bon was looking through the assortment of application forms that the mares had filled out, along with the headshots they had sent in. “We still don’t have one yet.”
“Have one what?” Synergy groaned.
“Clair. The few we had were OK, but I didn’t really hear one that stuck out to me. If they don’t stick out to me, how will they stick out to Lyra?”
Synergy circled the table so that she was now in front of Bon Bon. “Who cares? If nopony amazing auditioned, what are we supposed to do?”
Bon Bon didn’t raise her eyes to meet Synergy’s. “Lyra cares. This is her show, remember?”
“Yes, and we can thank you for that,” Synergy slyly. “Lyra will have to be disappointed this time around.”
“No,” Bon Bon stated as she kept her eyes to the actress papers. “There has to be one out there. There has to be somepony who can ace playing a selfish, looks-obsessed, manipulative, fancy, stuck-up twat.”
“Hello? Anypony here?”
The two executives turned their heads to the waiting room door, which had been cracked open. The two slowly pulled it back so they could peek into the waiting room. It had a lone occupant. She was a stunning unicorn with a white coat and a styled purple mane.
“Pardon me, darlings. I heard this was the room to be famous.”
Lyra chugged down a second cup from the vodka cooler in the green room, wiping what was left from her lip. She then went straight to pour another.
Gotta stay hydrated, right?
“You don’t deserve this.”
Lyra turned to find Touch Type standing with her in the green room, looking far more serious than he had when they had first met that morning.
“I know,” Lyra agreed. “If you listen to them, it sounds like I—”
“No,” Touch interrupted. “I meant all of this. You don’t deserve any of what you’ve been given.”
Lyra gently laid her vodka cup back on the tray of the cooler. “Wha—”
“I know who you are, Heartstrings. You wandered straight out of university and tried to apply for a top-level position. And to make it more insulting, it had to be here as opposed to the other four you went to. Did you think the fifth would be the charm?”
“Wh-what do you mean, ‘insulting’?” Lyra stuttered.
Touch slowly approached Lyra as he continued. “I graduated two years ago. I started in the mail room and finally got a chance to work in the writers’ room. I have to work a night job at a diner to help pay bills. But you... you got everything you wanted served to you on a platter, and you don’t even have the decency to take help. You want to work all on your own - is that it?”
Lyra sheepishly smiled. “Well I think there’s a racoon in here somewhere.” Her smile quickly disappeared when she heard a growl come out of Touch’s mouth.
“Let me get this straight,” he started, pointing towards the writers’ room. “You have a room full of incredibly talented and experienced writers who want nothing more than for you to succeed, and for your show to go on and do great things... and you want to go in there, and tell them no?”
Lyra froze in place, her face stuck in a state of horrified realization. Her eyes lowered to the ground, and she hung her head. She looked back up at Touch, who was still staring at her with the same look of frustration. Inhaling deeply, she trotted past him, heading straight into the writers’ room.
Everypony in the room anxiously looked on as Lyra took her seat. Taking a moment to clear the lump from her throat, Lyra spoke. “You’re here to help. And I didn’t accept it. And even if I didn’t, more ponies are gonna come in and put their hooves in this as well, regardless of what I do. But you’re here with me, now, trying to make this as good as it can be. And I said no.” She looked up with a sincere look on her weary brow. “May I take it back?”
Ink and Feather smiled and nodded. “S’all right,” Ink said, nodding. “I remember the first time I sent in a spec script in days of Talk to the Hoof. They didn’t even give me a proper critique. They just said ‘Stop.’”
“Was it spelled S-T-A-H-P?” Vinyl asked, chuckling.
“The point is, we understand how hard it can be take criticism. Especially when it’s something that’s your baby,” added Feather.
Lyra glanced over to Short Hoof, who was leaning back in her seat, not showing any real emotion. “Whatever,” Short said, shrugging. “Just keep the bitching to a minimum, OK?”
Lyra chuckled and nodded before looking over to Vinyl. “Hey, Vinyl? You ready to try that experiment of yours?”
“Hold on a second.” Vinyl got off her seat and walked over to the vodka cooler in the corner of the room. Rotating her head around, she poured the contents straight into her mouth for a disturbingly long period of time. Finally pulling herself away, she returned to her seat and burped. “I am now.”
The orange late afternoon sky bounced off all the windows in the lot as Lyra exited W.P-04.
Natural light hasn’t hurt this much since college. Looking back to the office, she saw the other staff writers follow her out. Ink and Feather trotted up to Lyra, side by side.
“Thanks for being patient with us,” Feather said before yawning.
Lyra chuckled nervously. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”
Keeping their heads still, the couple looked at each other, holding a straight expression. “Ya’ll have a good night, Miss Heartstrings,” Ink said as he nodded his head.
As the couple walked off, Lyra spotted Short Hoof carrying an unconscious Vinyl Scratch on her back. “I’m going to get this one home before she starts remixing her own vomit.”
Lyra smiled and waved. “Nice meeting you, Short Hoof!”
“I’m sure it was,” Short replied as she carried the DJ off into the distance.
With no one left to say goodbye to, Lyra started trotting through the lot, heading straight for front gate, keeping her eyes as best shielded from the horrible, life-giving sun.
“Lyra! Over here!” called Bon Bon as she ran over to Lyra, stopping short before running into here. “We found her!”
“You found who?” Lyra asked, almost nervous about it.
“Clair. We found your Clair!” Bon Bon’s eyes were almost the size of the sun in the sky. “I know we were gonna consult with you before we cast anyone, but trust me, you’ll love this.”
Stepping to her side, Bon Bon revealed a white and purple unicorn approach from behind. “Honestly, Miss Bon, I should let you know that I’m not accustomed to running, or most physical activity.”
Oh, Celestia, no.
Bon Bon extended her hoof towards the beautiful unicorn. “Lyra, this is Rarity. You probably recognize her as one of the Elements of Harmony.”
Rarity offered her hoof. “A pleasure, darling.”
Lyra stood frozen in time for a moment before finally smiling, offering her hoof to Rarity. “Nice to meet you, too. It’s an honor to meet one of the Elements of Harmony.”
“Please, the honour is mine. I saw a casting call in an entertainment magazine a few days ago, so I thought, why not? My sister Sweetie Belle loves Pub programs, so I’m sure she’ll be ecstatic when I return home.”
“I’m... I’m sure she will be,” Lyra said, struggling to make eye contact.
“Oh.” Rarity turned to Bon Bon. “Remember to send me the negotiating meeting details tomorrow. I’ll need to organize my time in Canterlot, and that will certainly help.”
“No problem, Rarity. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Certainly,” Rarity trotted off and waved to her new employers. “Good evening, Lyra. I glad I can be part of the team.”
When Rarity had her back to them, Lyra allowed her face to become blank.
“And she’s an Element of Harmony. I mean... can you imagine the ratings we’re bound to get?”
“Yup.”
“I mean, she’s perfect, she’s...” Bon Bon’s voice trailed off, leaving a space of dead silence. Looking bemused, she stared straight at Lyra. “You based Clair off of her, didn’t you?”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 6: Standard Deviation
By Smoking Gun
Three Years Ago:
“A bit two dimensional, don’t you think?” spoke Lauren as she looked over Lyra’s shoulder.
Their dorm-room looked significantly messier in the daylight. The light exposed clothes and pieces of paper strewn across the room, unmade bed sheets and saddlebags with the contents looking like they were going to pour out like a waterfall.
“It’s a drawing, it’s supposed to be 2D,” Lyra shrugged as she continued drawing.
Laid out on the table was a cheap looking drawing pad, lying around it were several pencils, pens, and screwed up pieces of paper.
“Not what I meant.” Lauren continued to examine what Lyra was drawing. “I’m not sure this is covering what the assignment is asking for,” she said with a worried expression.
“We’re not getting assessed on the quality of the art,” Lyra retorted.
“Actually it’s...” Lauren levitated out of her saddlebag the assignment sheet, scanning for the marking criteria. “Twelve percent of the mark,” she said with a little smirk.
Lyra turned her head over her shoulder and just stared at Lauren, looking un-amused. After a moment, she returned to her work.
Lauren continued. “I’m just trying to help. The point of this is to create an interesting character. Go off the bullet points you wrote.”
“I am!” Lyra pointed directly at the monitor at the end of the table.”She’s a spec-ops vet, uses silent weapons and disguises.”
“Oh, does she have a cardboard box?”
Lyra glared over her shoulder again.
“I’m just saying, the point of the task is to create a character with depth without having to spell it out. Show-don’t-tell, that kind of thing. And looking at this...”
Lyra groaned. “Come on, Lauren. What’s wrong with his?!” She telepathically levitated the paper right into Lauren’s face. The picture was an oval with four sticks for legs, a not-so-perfect circle with two small dots inside for the face.
Lauren arched an eyebrow. “You forgot the tail.”
“I was getting to that, smart-ass,” Lyra returned before placing the paper back on the table
Lauren sighed as she watched Lyra struggle to form coherent shapes together as she burned through the lead. Gently laying a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, she guided her off her chair, moved Lyra’s paper out of the way, and laid a fresh piece in its place. Manipulating several fresh pencils around her with her magic, some of which even matched her pencil-themed cutiemark.
Over the proceeding minutes, Lyra watched Lauren craft a heavily detailed drawing of a mare in camouflage gear, wearing a bandanna and an eye-patch. She held it up so that Lyra could soak the whole thing in.
“I’ll admit, I kind of based the design off something from memory, but you get the idea,” she said with a chuckle.
Lyra sighed and hung her head. “I get it, you can draw, you don’t have to rub it in.”
Lauren’s eyes darted back and forth. “I’m giving it to you, stupid.”
Lyra’s eyes widened. “No, I can’t take this. This is too-”
The white unicorn pushed a hoof into Lyra’s mouth. “Just remember to hold onto it,” she said as she got up from the chair, letting Lyra take hold of the drawing. “Consider it as a reminder of a lesson.”
Lyra’s eyes stared at the sketch for moment before lowering it, revealing her roommate behind it, smiling at her.
“Nopony is as simple as we think.”
“A bit simple, don’t you think?” Synergy asked as she gazed at monitor that was mounted on the wall of her office. Standing next to her was a cream earth pony, holding a remote in her hoof.
“It’s just a starter. We’ll have something with more depth coming soon,” Bon Bon retorted as she shifted in her chair.
The two were examining sketches of the humans from Only Human, the current one was of Clair. Her sketch had a limited amount of detail, barely capturing the core details as outlined in Lyra’s notes.
“Study groups have shown that simpler character designs turn off viewers. They say it ‘shows a lack of effort.’” Synergy tilted her head, putting Bon Bon in her line of sight. “I certainly hope that isn’t the case.”
“Of course it isn't,” Bon Bon retorted, not looking back at Synergy. “We’ll have a animation team ready to collaborate and build a far more detailed model.”
Widening her eyes, Synergy spun in her chair so that she was facing her colleague. “You’re telling me that you don’t even have an animation studio attached yet?!” The senior executive extended her hoof towards the giant window behind them, which overlooked the production lot below where the writers room and other studios were located. “We have over ten, pick one!”
Bon Bon breathed in deep before responding. “A lot of the groups I’ve tried negotiating with have been busy... other commitments.”
Synergy’s lip corner turned upwards. “Too busy for a show that only two ponies in this whole organization have faith in. Go figure.”
Bon Bon shook her head, looking back to the monitor and pressing down on the remote, bringing a new human up; Clark.
Synergy examined the drawing for a moment. “Which one is that supposed to be again?”
“That’s Clark,” Bon Bon answered. “He’s one of the main humans. He’s Lyra’s favorite actually.” The sound of her name brought back a little bit of Bon Bon’s smile.
“Oh? And why is that?” asked Synergy with a condescending tone.
Bon Bon leaned back in her chair. “If the script is anything to go off of, he’s got... a nobility that no one sees anymore.”
“Nopony,” corrected Synergy.
“Nopony what?” Bon Bon returned, not looking at her senior executive.
Rolling her eyes, Synergy looked back up at screen, examining Clark’s slide. In the bottom right hand corner, there was another image of the human, except Clark’s glasses were gone, his hair was brushed to one side and a few other details that Synergy zoomed in on: a split lip and small bruises around his face.
“Miss Bon,” began Synergy. “Do my eyes deceive me, or has this particular character been in an altercation?”
Feeling a sinking feeling in her chest, Bon Bon shifted in her chair. “Well... good versus evil, exchanging blows, that sorta thing you know.”
Synergy continued. “You know that girls don’t take well to violence. I would suggest you get your show’s content under control.”
“Excuse me?” asked Bon Bon, trying to hide the irritation in her voice.
A smile stretching across her lips, Synergy leant back into chair. “Oh, just looking out for you and your employees. Making sure you can be the best you you can be.”
It took all Bon Bon’s strength to keep her glare from reaching her smug superior.
“You really should be thanking me.”
“Why would I thank you? You haven’t done anything yet,” Lyra said as she closed the door behind her.
“Of course I have. I’m improving the ambiance,” Vinyl retorted with a smirk. Her face was lit up by the mixing board in front of her, as well of the light from the window positioned in front of her that looked into the recording booth.
Lyra found a table with an open script placed in front of two empty chairs. Glancing to the side, Lyra found Short Hoof perched up on an empty desk with a lit cigarette in her hoof. Lyra waved the second-hoof smoke from her face.
“Short, do you mind taking that outside,” Lyra said, trying to hold her breath.
Short took another puff before answering. “Is there anything in the script that says that I don’t smoke?”
Lyra blinked once in silence. “No—”
“Then I’m in character,” Short retorted as she went back to smoking.
She’s... got me there.
Sighing, Lyra took a seat at the desk and placed her saddle bag on the floor. She looked through the script, noticing all of Clair's lines highlighted in purple. Looking up, she noticed that the recording booth was empty.
“Where’s Rarity?” asked Lyra.
“Maybe she’s letting her newfound stardom go to her head,” chuckled Vinyl.
“Lyra still has the record,” Short interjected. “She tried to be a showrunner right out of college.”
Keeping her head down, Lyra rolled her eyes towards Short, who was sporting a smirk.
Vinyl extended her hoof in Short’s general direction. “Nice!”
Short returns the hoof.
Lyra was suddenly startled by the the door to the recording studio being slammed open. Rarity trotted in, sporting a gaudy saddle bag. “Sorry I’m late everypony. I ran into Fancy Pants on the street and we simply had to catch up.”
As Rarity settled into the booth, Vinyl looked back to Lyra and Short with a cheeky grin. “She’s wants the D.”
“She wants the D?” Lyra repeated.
“Everypony wants the D,” Vinyl stated in all seriousness, nodding her head.
“Excuse me,” Rarity called out. “I’m ready when you ladies are.”
“Sure thing!” Vinyl shouted back. Lighting her horn up, Vinyl telekinetically adjusted all the knobs and computer setting on the recording station in front of her.
Lyra hopped off her chair and stood over Vinyl, watching her work her magic. “Wow, you really know you’re way around this thing,” said Lyra.
Vinyl scoffed. “You should see me when I’m not high.”
“Are you high?!” Synergy shouted as she stood over Bon Bon’s shoulder.
Not looking back at her, Bon Bon kept her vision locked on the monitor in front of her. “I think it’s at least worth a shot.”
“It really isn’t,” retorted Synergy. “Going to these freaks is like asking a meth-cook to be your chemistry teacher.”
Synergy was pointing straight at the monitor, which had a dark-green, stylized logo that read ‘Deviant Art.’
Bon Bon sighed. “There are plenty of talented ponies on here.”
Synergy walked away and gazed out window of the office. “If they were talented, they’d be working here.”
“We’re going to have to give them a chance at some point,” Bon Bon said as she rotated towards Synergy. “May as well give them on a project where we have nothing to lose.”
Synergy slowly turned back to Bon Bon. “We both know that there’s plenty to lose, but considering how many idiots we have attached to this already, we may as well keep going.”
Synergy took a seat next to Bon Bon, who was typing into a message box. “What are you doing now?”
“I’m talking to somepony who might be able to help us out. He’s got a lot of friends who work with him in an independent studio and they’re looking for their big break. I’ve seen some of their stuff before and it was impressive.”
“Impressing you clearly doesn’t take much, does it?” Synergy asked, knowing she wouldn’t get an answer.
Bon Bon clicked the ‘send’ button on the window, returning her to the front page. “Now we—”
Bon Bon was interrupted by the ‘ding’ sound of a new message.
“Wait?”
“Was that from the site?” asked Synergy.
“No,” answered Bon Bon. “It’s from Skype.”
Opening skype, Bon Bon found the application opened in the Pub’s executive’s account. There was a message from one ‘Color Palette’ that read ‘We should talk face to face.’
“We have one of those?” Bon Bon inquired.
“We have it for long distance calls. Question is how he has us as a contact.”
Bon Bon clicked the video call button, only to be answered immediately by a navy-blue stallion with a red mane and stubble. The camera was only able to show everything from the shoulders up. In the background, the two executives could see several sketches hung on the wall, the resolution of the screen was too low to be able to go into greater detail.
“Evening mares,” the Color Palette began. “Now, I hear you have a job for us.”
“Come on, we’ve got a job to do,” shouted Vinyl.
Lyra was sitting at the table, resting her weary head on the table next to the script. “Oh really? I thought our job was watch you play with knobs for hours on end.”
Short chuckled. “Like she does every night.”
Vinyl laughed and offered her hoof again. “Nice.”
“Wait,” began Lyra. “She just insulted you.”
Vinyl shrugged and smiled. “Got to give credit where it’s due, right?”
The mares turned towards the recording booth after hearing a dainty cough into the mic. They saw Rarity sitting patiently in her chair, smiling politely at her colleagues. “I hate to interrupt you all, but will we be starting soon?”
Lyra smiled as she raised her head off the desk. “Sure thing, Rarity!” Lyra flipped through her script to the first page where she could see Clair’s lines. “OK, Rarity, please turn to page—”
Lyra was cut off by the sound of a loud ringing sound erupting from Rarity’s saddle bag. Looking straight at the bag, Lyra saw Rarity levitate a purple, gem-encrusted cell phone out of the bag, and hold it up to her face.
Rarity glanced at the caller-ID before looking back the mares. “I’m sorry, everypony, but I have to take this.”
Lyra stutterd. “B-but we have—”
Before Lyra could finish, Rarity answered. “Fluttershy! How are you, dear? No, of course you’re not interrupting.”
Vinyl glanced back at Lyra, who was staring straight at Rarity, wide-eyed and slack jawed. The DJ smirked, “You mad?”
“I hope you’re not mad, I just figured we should get right to it, my boys and I have been looking for work for a while now,” Color Palette said apologetically.
Bon Bon kept up a friendly smile while Synergy faced-hoofed and shook her head.
“Good thinking,” Bon Bon responded. “First things first though. I’m Bon Bon, junior executive, and this is Synergy, senior executive.”
Color nodded at Synergy. “Nice to meet you, Miss Synergy.”
“I’m sure it is,” Synergy mumbled.
“So!” Bon Bon continued. “You’re interested in animating and editing Only Human?”
“Very interested,” insisted Palette. “We have a whole team of animators ready to go, we’ll just need to head into negotiations.”
Synergy raised a curious brow. “One moment, if all of you are working freelance, how are you supporting your team when you have nothing to do?”
Palette casually responded, “Oh, we usually just eat the flesh off our interns.”
Silence. Nothing but silence followed as Bon Bon and Synergy stared wide-eyed and slack jawed at Palette before he bursted into laughter.
“Just kidding, we don’t have any interns.”
“We need some interns to deal with this,” Lyra grumbled as she rubbed her temples. Vinyl and Short Hoof had joined her at the desk. Vinyl was rolling her shades across back and forth in front of her while Short Hoof was on her third smoke.
Lyra waved the smoke out of her face yet again. “We’re gonna asphyxiate if you keep that up.”
“Trust me, the only thing sucking the oxygen out of the room is her,” Short Hoof said, gesturing to Rarity, who was still on her phone.
“Well, she certainly isn’t helping,” Lyra remarked. She then gazed over at Vinyl, who had yet to show any signs of discomfort. “How can you not cough with all this smoke in the room?”
Vinyl glanced up at Lyra. “Ninety percent of my time in college was spent in rooms full of smoke. The other ten was in cars full of smoke.”
Lyra just stared blankly at Vinyl. “I’m just gonna let that one go.”
Lyra lit up her horn, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper that was folded in four. She folded it out, examining the drawing from years ago. Lowering the paper, she gazed at Rarity, who was still going.
The fact that she’s still got air in her lungs at least means that she’ll be efficient when she finally does start acting.
Vinyl couldn’t help but noticed her showrunners’ sour expression. “What's that?”
Lyra sighed as she looked over to Vinyl.”Just a reminder.”
“Can you just remind me when the meeting is?” Palette asked as he tapped away at his keyboard.
“Let’s say Tuesday week?” Bon Bon responded as she jotted the date down in her digital journal.
“Great, see you then,” Palette responded with a smile. He turned to Synergy, whose expression had yet to improve. “Miss Synergy.”
Synergy barely gave him a courtesy nod before he logged off.
Bon Bon exhaled as she laid back in her seat. “Well, good to see you’re still a great conversationalist in your old age,” she quipped with an annoyed tone.
Synergy shot off her seat and trotted towards the door. “I’m beginning to see your habit of picking up talentless wannabes.”
Bon Bon raised herself from her chair. “Or maybe you’re just seeing that I can find talent where you can’t.”
Synergy was only a few steps from the door before she shot back at Bon Bon. “You did hear what he said, didn’t you? He had us as contacts because he already applied. I’m just thankful I didn’t have to deal with him myself the first time around.”
“So?” asked the junior executive. “Just because he didn’t succeed at first doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try again.”
“Miss Bon,” continued Synergy, “here’s a lesson I wish I had made clearer to you before you were promoted: Go for those that have proven themselves. The reason we go for the experienced creatives is because they know what they’re doing.”
Bon Bon looked straight into Synergy’s eyes. “Then how are the new ones supposed to get a chance?”
Silence. Nothing but silence filled the room as Synergy and Bon Bon glared into each others souls. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, Synergy closed the door behind her.
“Bye, Bon Bon.”
“Hey, Bon Bon!” shouted Lyra as her favorite executive stepped through the door.
“Hey, Ly- KAK! KAK!” Bon Bon had to raise her hoof to her mouth to keep herself from dying. “How has the fire alarm not gone off?”
Short Hoof chuckled. “Oh, I destroyed my nemesis years ago.”
Bon Bon had found the three mares with pens in their hooves, making small alterations to the script with different colored ink. “So what are my favorite typewriter monkeys up to?”
“Our actress has run into some personal issues,” Lyra said, shrugging her shoulders towards Rarity, who was using a hoof-file as she continued to talking to Fluttershy. “So we figured we may as well do some last minute punch-up.”
Vinyl raised her hoof. “You know what this scene needs more of?”
Lyra clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. “Vinyl, I swear to Celestia, if you say ‘the D’ one more time—”
“I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt.” the musician responded with a cheeky smile.
“So!” Lyra interjected. “How’s the hunt for our animators?”
Bon Bon smiled awkwardly. “You want the good or the bad news?”
Lyra arched her brow. “Do I even need to answer that?”
Bon Bon continued. “The good news is that we do, infact, have a wonderful, friendly team of animators ready to work with us... but Synergy isn’t too happy.”
Synergy scoffed. “You sure that isn’t part of the good news?”
That warranted a giggle from everypony in the room, even Rarity. The gang suddenly shifted their attention to Rarity, who was sitting calmly in her chair.
“I’m ready,” she said without a hint of self-awareness.
Lyra slowly raised a hoof, struggling to keep the anger off her face. “One moment, please.”
Rarity nodded. “Just try not to be too long.”
Feeling the blood starting to run down her nose, Lyra snorted quickly to keep it from dripping onto the desk. She rose from her chair and turned to Bon Bon with bright smile.
“You want to stick around for the recording?”
“I’m not sure if I want to,” Bon Bon answered.
Lyra looked almost heartbroken. “Why not?”
“Apart from the smoke inhalation, I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with stuck up, self-centered, ignorant bitches.”
Looking past Lyra, Bon Bon spotted Rarity giving her an almost offended expression. Bon Bon quickly waved to her. “I’m talking about your character, dear!”
Rarity smiled and nodded in response.
Bon Bon continued to Lyra. “I’m sure you understand.”
Lyra grew a sly smile, she looked over her shoulder to Short Hoof, who gave her a nod, as well as Vinyl when she turned to her. Lyra looked down at the script, and then glanced up at Rarity.
“Rarity,” called out Lyra, “could you read your line on page forty-seven?”
Using her magic, Rarity flipped through her script until she found her line. “Do you want me to just read it now?”
Lyra shrugged. “May as well, we’ve wasted enough time already.”
Rarity cleared her throat before reading...
“Sarah, sweetheart, that little bit of kindness that you seem so eager to avoid could make you happier than you think. Everybody has a life outside of this university, and it’s not always as easy as yours or mine, some people need that extra hand, that friendly smile and nod as they walk by. The kindness we give others is the same kind we give to ourselves. The happier we make others, the happier we ourselves are. Whether it’s generosity or some super-heroics, the good will always come back to you. Try it. Think of it as an experiment, if you will.”
As was the case with voice recordings, the only thing that followed that reading was silence. Silence and smiles. Lyra nodded at her star.
“Great job, Rarity. We’ll have to call it a day with that,” Lyra called out, looking at the clock hanging over Rarity’s head.
Rarity waved bye to everypony as she packed up and left the studio.
Lyra looked back at Bon Bon with a incredibly confident smile as she saw Bon Bon’s face, which looked to have been hit with shock and awe. “Let me show you something.” Lyra levitated her old-looking piece of paper in front of Bon Bon, showing her a sketch of a commando pony moving through the bushes.
“Rarity may get... easily excited by trivial things, as does Clair, but that doesn’t make her a two-dimensional being. She has a family she loves, friends she cares for, as well as the lives she’s helped save as an element of harmony. Sometimes it’s easy to forget... but nopony is as simple as we think they are.”
Bon Bon coughed before responding. “You think that’s true for everypony we know?”
Lyra glanced over at Short Hoof, who was enjoying the last cigarette in her pack, not really listening to anything other than her own thoughts.
“I’m sure she’s trying to quit,” Lyra responded with a chuckle.
Bon Bon kept up her worrisome look. “That’s not who I was talking about.”
The two shared a knowing silence as Lyra searched her mind for an answer. While she thought on, Lyra looked down at her drawing, the words of her roommate echoing in her skull.
“Honestly... I don’t think so.”
Bon Bon was a little shocked to see the green unicorn looking back up at her with a warm, hopeful smile.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 7: Ship It Hard
By Smoking Gun
Two years ago:
“Woah, woah, woah! Way too fast,” Lauren proclaimed as she gazed into her monitor. She saw several animated sketches of her's in video editing software, and her mouse hovering over the timeline; one layer for each sketch.
“Let’s slow you down a bit and—”
“She said ‘we’ll see!’” shouted Lyra as she slammed through the door to their dorm, sending a startling tingle down Lauren’s spine.
Lauren took her attention away from the monitor, finding Lyra with her face buried in her pillow as she laid on the lower half of their bunk-bed. Lauren could’ve sworn that she could’ve heard a wide variety of obscenities being muffled by the pillow.
“Sweetheart?” began Lauren, “Who said what?”
Lyra lifted her head, revealing lines of tears running down her face, her pupils large and her mouth incapable of smiling. “Carrot Top!” she cried before dropping her brow back into the tear stained pillow. “She shot me down...”
After standing awkwardly for a few seconds, Lauren took a seat next to her friend, nervously looking at the cream coloured ceiling. “Umm,” she started as she patted her on the head like puppy. “There there. I’m sure she’s not worth your—”
“Of course she is!” Lyra shouted as she rotated her head so that she was looking out into the dorm. “That’s why I asked her out!”
Lauren withdrew her hoof, startled by Lyra’s shrieking. She sighed and wiped her brow. “Honey, I think you need to chill. Don’t you think you’re being a little too...” Laurent trailed off, her face contracting and showing her teeth, struggling to form anything resembling an emotion.
Lyra arched an eyebrow. “A little too what?”
“Too hipster...” Bon Bon said as she through the sheet of paper into the bin beside her desk. “Too mainstream...” Another paper joined the several that had already found a home in the trash next to rotten apple cores and Vinyl’s crude sketches.
“Knock! Knock!” called Lyra as she pushed the door open, bearing a giant grin, and her saddle bag hung over back.
Bon Bon’s bored expression faded in place of a relieved smile. “I said I had an open door policy for a reason,” she said as she waved Lyra in. “It was so you could just walk in.”
Lyra laid down her saddle bag and took the seat across from Bon Bon’s desk. “And thanks to moving into the office with the rest of us, I literally can walk in now.”
Raising an eyebrow, Bon Bon pushed her chair to the side, revealing the Hub Tower behind her. “As opposed to the fifty feet you would’ve walked before?”
“I’m a business mare, now!” Lyra proclaimed before she shared a laugh with Bon Bon. “And laziness is serious business!” she added before sighing her laughter away.
“So,” began Bon Bon, “What brings you to my side of the office?”
“Funny you should ask,” Lyra responded as she levitated two tickets out of her saddlebag. “Ditzy had to work late, so she gave me two tickets to Ponyacci tonight. Whatdya say we give humanity a break and have some fun. We’ve been working for months now, we deserve a break.”
“We all do,” Bon Bon said as she sighed and sank into her office chair. “Unfortunately that’s not possible, at least not tonight.”
Lyra looked down over the table, seeing several documents in a huge pile next to Bon Bon with one of them laid out in front of her to read. “What’s all this?”
“These are pitches for the freelance slots for the first season and the possible second season,” Bon Bon explained, gently laying her hoof on the top of the pile.
I’m sure those would be thrilling if I had the energy to care... wait, what?
Lyra leaned towards Bon Bon. “Why would we need freelancers? We have five...” Lyra trailed off as her eyes wandered to the corner of the room for a moment before returning to Bon Bon. “We have four-and-a-half-writers on staff.”
Bon Bon chuckled. “It’s part of the deals with the Writer’s Guild of Equestria. We have to allow fifteen percent of a season’s worth of episodes to be written by freelancers as opposed to our current staff.” Bon Bon laid her head into her hoof and groaned. “Unions!”
Lyra stared back, blankly. “The union was how I got the pitch with the Hub.”
“And I love them!” Bon Bon returned with a huge grin and wide-eyes.
Lyra coughed and shifted awkwardly in her seat. “Sooo, is that a no?” she asked with a hint of disappointment in her eye.
Bon Bon returned the look. “It’s a ‘we’ll see’. Maybe when this is all over.”
Lyra nodded, doing her best to keep up a warm smile for her friend. “Sure, later.”
Lyra pushed her chair back, levitated her saddlebag back onto her back and trotted out the room, making sure Bon Bon couldn’t see her frown as she left.
Left alone in her office, Bon Bon rested her elbows onto the desk, not caring that she was messing up the the nice paper that the pitch was printed on. She laid her heavy forehead in her hoofs, exhaling down onto the paper, lifting it slightly.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“No, for real. What the hell are you doing?” Lyra asked as she entered the writers room. Her look is fixed on Vinyl, has hung a portable mirror on the other end of the writers room. On the end of the desk, she has some make up, perfumes and a variety of shades laid out before her.
“I just told you, I’m getting ready for a hot date,” Vinyl responded, keeping her eyes on the mirror as she applied her mascara. “That reminds me, I’ll be heading out a bit early today.”
“Yeah, I don’t care about that,” Lyra said as she sat down in her chair at the head of the table. “What I care about is why you’re getting ready here.”
“I haven’t slept in my own bed for a couple days now,” Vinyl responded as she turned away from the mirror. “I was up late at a gig, I ran home and grabbed some make-up and ran over here.”
Feather Quill spoke up, “And in case you’re wondering, no, she hasn’t done any work today.”
Vinyl scoffed. “Ambiance, remember? And just where have you been all day, Miss Heartstrings?”
“I was meeting with our new art team, they just handed in the pilot.”
All sounds in the room suddenly vanished, leaving all eyes in the room on Lyra.
“So?” Ink Splash started. “How’s it lookin’?”
“Come on, Heartstrings,” interjected Short Hoof. “How’s your vision looking?”
Lyra looked down at the desk for a moment. A smile slowly grew across her face, one she was trying to keep hidden. “I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.”
“We wrote the damn thing,” said Short Hoof.
“You can’t spoil an experience,” Vinyl added. “Speaking of which, Imma head and get some classy tail. See you all in the morning... maybe!”
“Woah woah!” Lyra called out, making Vinyl freeze as she donned her shades. “It’s only three, we can’t leave already.”
“Actually,” started Quill, “While you were out today, we were able to knock the last few scripts. Of course, we left the finale for you to do.”
Short Hoof chuckled lightly. “You should not show up more often.
Lyra’s only response to Short was a bemused stare.
I’m sure I’d come up with something clever if I had any energy left.
Lyra brushed her mane back and leaned into her chair. “If you guys wanna call it a day, go ahead. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
One by one, each of the writers packed their things and left. At least that’s what Lyra assumed happen as she had her eyes shut the whole time. When all sound left the room, Lyra was prepared to drift away into sleep until she picked up the scent of roses. Flashes of fuchsia, cobalt blue and cream passed through the mind before her eyes opened, revealing Vinyl sitting beside her.
Lyra rubbed her eyes. “Vinyl? How long have I been out?”
“Less than a minute,” the DJ responded.
“Don’t you have a date or something?” Lyra said as she rested her forelegs on the table.
“I’ve got a couple minutes,” Vinyl started. “She shot you down, huh?”
All thought and movement on Lyra’s end suddenly shut off, leaving a scared silence in the room.
I’m going to have to kill her, aren’t I?
Lyra quickly regained her composure and smiled and Vinyl. “Who? What do you mean shot—”
“Bon Bon, numbnuts. You asked her out, she said no, am I right?”
It took Lyra a couple of seconds for her mouth to start moving again. “How on earth...”
“Equestria,” corrected Vinyl.
“Wherever we are,” Lyra continued, “How could you possibly know I like Bon Bon?”
“I know because you have it plastered all over your face every time I’ve seen you with her. You’ve got that grin. Plus, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve caught you staring at her flank.”
I guess I will have to kill her.
Vinyl continued. “Hey, it’s cool,” she said, punching Lyra in the shoulder. “I totally get it, when we first met, I’ll admit I snuck a peek at you once or twice.”
Lyra could feel her face going from green to red. “Thanks?”
“You are most welcome,” Vinyl said without a hint of irony. “The important thing is to never let it get you down.”
Lyra tried to focus her brain power on removing the blood from her face. “She didn’t shoot me down. She’s busy. We’re all busy.”
“Yeah, well, she needs to stop being busy and start getting busy.” Vinyl continued when she noticed Lyra’s blank expression. “She needs to loosen up and have some fun, but she’s an exec. She aint takin’ a break until we’re all done I guess. Until then, get out and have some fun!”
Lyra was hesitant before asking her next question. “Don’t suppose you could... help me with that? I’ve been working non-stop since the show got greenlit... before that even.”
Vinyl gestured for Lyra to get off her seat. “I already have plans... but, I can take you with me at first to show you how it’s done.”
“How what’s done?” Lyra asked.
“How getting the mare’s is done! Come with me to pick up my date and you’ll see how to get it's done. Come on,” Vinyl insisted as she guided Lyra to the elevator.
As the elevator door shut behind her, Lyra glanced over her shoulder, looking for any signs of Bon Bon behind her. She found nothing. All Lyra found was the sound of cheesy elevator music.
“Sooo,” Lyra started, breaking the silence. “Who’s the lucky mare?”
“Her name’s Octavia. She’s a cellist for the Canterlot royal symphony. They’re playing at the art’s center downtown.”
“Wow... she sounds cool. So you’re heading down their to pick her up?”
“That’s one way to phrase it,” Vinyl responded with a cheeky grin.
The elevator made a ‘bing’ sound as it hit the ground floor. Vinyl led Lyra out as the trotted to the main entrance.
“So how’d you guys meet?” asked Lyra.
“I don’t know,” Vinyl responded. “You can tell me after tonight.”
Vinyl continued trotting until she realized she was only hearing one set of hoofsteps. Turning around, she saw Lyra, several paces behind her, with a confused look on her brow.
“I’m sorry,” began Lyra, “but are you saying that you haven’t even met this girl?”
Vinyl rubbed the back of her head and looked at the ground. “Well... not up close yet. But I’m planning on correcting that tonight.”
Lyra couldn’t form any words to respond to that.
Vinyl continued. “Now I know what you’re thinking. I saw her at the Treble Clef. It’s a bar for musicians. I was there a couple weeks ago and I saw her there and... Lyra, have you ever met a mare so hot that you just had to ask her out?”
Lyra’s eyes shifted from left to right. “Well... once or twice.”
“Then you can understand. Come on, it’ll be fun!”
“For you, maybe.”
“YEP! DEFINITELY YOU!”
Lyra’s voice was already horse, having to scream over the top of the thumping music of Treble Clef.
I swear, I’m gonna bleed out via my ears!
Vinyl, who was standing right next to her, pulled her in close to lit up her horn with magic. “Hold still, boss.” A wave of magical energy seeped into Lyra’s ears. Suddenly, all the loud noises were gone.
Lyra stuck her hoof into her ear to check her eardrum was still there. “What did you just do?”
“Volume control spell,” Vinyl responded. “It filters out all unnecessary sounds, even if other ponies can hear it.”
Without the vibrations of the music shaking Lyra’s eyes, she could finally examine the club she was in. The walls were a dark blue while the floor was a neatly polished grey. The volume control spell made for an unintentionally hilarious effect when Lyra looked at a group of ponies moshing up-and-down to no music at all.
“So where’s Octavia?” Lyra asked.
Vinyl nodded as subtly as she could to the bar behind her.
Peaking over Vinyl’s shoulder, Lyra spotted a grey mare with a dark mane, spotting a pink bow around her neck. She was sitting alone at the end of the bar, circling her hoof around a glass or raspberry schnapps.
Wide-eyed, Lyra nodded. “She’s beautiful.”
“I know right,” Vinyl said as she joined Lyra’s nodding. “Go sit in one of the booths over there. The volume control spell will let you hear what we’re saying as long as somepony isn’t talking to you. Just order a drink and pretend I didn’t bring you here.”
If only...
Lyra trotted over to a free booth and took a seat on the surprisingly comfy velvet seat, laying her saddle bag next to her. Before her eyes could find Vinyl, a waiter quickly dashed into her field of view.
“Enjoying your night, ma’am?” he asked with a gentle smile.
“Well, I’m certainly trying to,” Lyra responded, catching a glimpse of Vinyl taking a seat next to Octavia and saying something to her.
I’d listen to them, but I need to deal with this guy, I guess.
The waiter continued. “Can I get you anything?”
“Sure, just grab me some fizzy cider.”
The waiter looked a little bewildered as she magically teleported the note to the bartender on the opposite end of the room. “And done.”
Maybe now he’ll—
“So what brings you here tonight?”
Of course not.
“Oh, my friend brought me here,” she said, gesturing in Vinyl’s direction.
The waiter quickly glanced back at the DJ. “Oh! You’re with Octavia then!”
Lyra shook her head. “No, no,no! I’m with the white one next to her.”
“I see,” said the waiter. “I just assumed you were with Octavia in the orchestra.”
Lyra’s curiosity was written over her face. “Why would you think that?”
The waiter pointed straight at her flank. “You’re cutie mark, ma’am.”
Lyra looked down at her cutie mark: a golden lyre. A mark she’s had for longer than she’d care to remember.
“Oh, this is just something I’ve just got. I actually work in television with my friend over there.”
It took a moment for the waiter to be able to respond. “If I may ask ma’am, if you work in television, why do you have that for a cutie mark?”
Lyra didn’t respond, she just looked away, trying not to make eye contact. Thankfully the sudden appearance of her drink broke the awkward silence.
Taking the hint, the waiter gently lowered the drink onto the table before leaving. “Enjoy your evening, ma’am.”
Lyra took a deep breath before levitating her drink up to her mouth. Before taking a sip, she looked over to where Vinyl and Octavia were, finding the spot empty.
Wow, she works quick.
Returning attention to her drink, Lyra tilted the glass... only to be interrupted by a hard thump hitting her table, causing some of her cider to spill out onto the table. Looking at the source of the thump, Lyra found Vinyl with her forelegs on the table.
“We can leave now,” Vinyl said with a chocky sound in her throat.
“Why?” asked Lyra. “Did you get her to leave with you that quickly?”
“We..” Vinyl swallowed. “We can just go. This scene’s getting old.”
Looking closely, Lyra spotted several droplets seeping out from the bottom of Vinyl’s shades, staining her face with the mascara she had put on earlier. “Vinyl, are you—”
“I said ‘Let’s go!’” Vinyl cried as she ran for the door, slamming it open and startling the bouncer outside. Lucky for her most of the inside guests had not turned on the volume control spell.
“Vinyl!” called out Lyra as she ran out into the street.
She looked to the left and the right, but found nothing. Stepping to the other side of the street, she found herself standing underneath a lamppost, alone in the city, with nothing but the tears of her friend that had dropped onto her leg back in the bar to keep her company.
“Where have you gone?”
“Where have you been?!” shouted Ditzy as Lyra closed the door to the muffin shop behind her.
“I told you I’d be with Vinyl,” Lyra responded. She had come home so late that there were no customers in the whole restaurant. Except one.
“Really?” asked a ticked Ditzy. “Then explain that!”
Looking over to the corner near the windows at the front of the shop, Lyra spotted a while unicorn, lying against the wall with their mouth, belly and the immediate area around them covered in muffin crumbs.
Ditzy continued. “And in case you’re wondering, no, she didn’t pay for any of those. She just said ‘I know the boss’ and started eating everything she could.”
Lyra sighed, rubbing away the sweat she had built up on her walk home. “I’m sorry, she ran off after we went to the bar.”
“What the hay happened?” asked Ditzy.
“I’ll go find out. You head upstairs, I’ll clean all this up.”
“Thank goodness, I’m too tired to deal with this.” Ditzy proclaimed as she flew up the stairs, closing the door behind her.
Lyra slowly trotted over to Vinyl, taking a seat next to her, but not too close.
Don’t wanna get crumbs all over me... again.
“So how’d it go?” asked Lyra.
Vinyl, no longer wearing her shades, slowly turned to Lyra, devoid of any semblance of emotion, minus the tear stains on her face.
“Sorry, it was the only thing I could think to ask!”
Vinyl didn’t say anything. She looked up to the ceiling, knocking the back of her head against the wall she was leaning on. “You should’ve heard her. That bitch she...” Vinyl’s sniffling returned.
Lyra laid a gentle hoof on her shoulder. “Vinyl, trust me, it’s not as bad as you think.”
“What would you know about it anyway?” Vinyl snapped back. “You’re gonna end with Bon Bon!”
Whatever Lyra had to say next flew straight out the window.
“That’s right,” Vinyl Continued. “I’ve seen how she looks at you, too.”
This isn’t about Bon Bon. Vinyl needs me now.
“Vinyl, I know it hurts, but just listen.”
Vinyl ignored her friends words. “She was cool, classy, talented, and she shot me down.” Vinyl took a moment as a wave of tears came rolling out. “What does that say about me?”
“Absolutely nothing!” Lyra returned proudly. “I know how you feel, trust me. But let’s really look at this. You’ve had no interaction with Octavia before this, have you?”
Vinyl shook her head.
“No, you haven’t,” continued Lyra. “Now, if she had walked up to you, with you knowing nothing about her, and she asked you out, would you say yes?”
“Yes!” answered Vinyl. “She’s awesome!”
“But you wouldn’t know that, would you?”
“I... I...”
Lyra smiled as she lit up her horn with magic. “A few years ago, an old friend taught me a lesson: Before you can be a somepony’s girlfriend...”
Out of her saddle bad, Lyra produced two tickets. She hovered them onto Vinyl’s lap, smiling warmly at her.
“You have to be a good friend first.”
Vinyl picked up the tickets, examining them closing. “Who the hay is Ponyacci?”
Lyra chuckled as she helped Vinyl to her feat. “I’ll tell you about him on the way. But let’s get you cleaned up first. This is... at least eight kinds of pathetic.”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 8: Meet The Fans
By Smoking Gun
Several months ago:
“Too heavy!”
Lauren dropped the cardboard box marked ‘P.P.F’ on the floor so hard that it kicked up the dirt on the floor that had been concealed by the rug, which was rolled up and standing up near the door next to the girl’s mattresses.
“Miss Heartstrings!” called Lauren. “Would you please take a break from your busy schedule to help us move out!”
Lauren could see Lyra lying against the end of the bunk bed, facing away from her. In Lyra’s hooves, Lauren could see a lined notebook with several pencils and erasers floating around it thanks to Lyra’s magic.
“I’m talking to you!” Lauren trotted over to Lyra’s side. “What are you... what?”
Gazing down at Lyra’s book, she saw several sketches that didn’t resemble anything she was familiar with. The first was a sphere with lands that didn’t look anything like Equestria. Surrounding it where random objects, including: what looked like a carriage, except with no pony at the front. A large, vaguely bird-shaped object with windows down the side. Moving to the next page, Lauren found six stick figures, three of which had additional circles around what she assumed was the chest area. Each of them had their own names: Sarah, Clark, Diane, Justin, Clair and Peter.
“What’s all this?” Lauren asked.
Lyra turned away from her pad, looking up at Luren with a beaming smile, her eyes were practically sparkling with excitement.
“Hope.”
“Hope she knows how to read,” Synergy scoffed as she watched the paper emerge from the printer next to her desk.
“I’m certain she does,” returned Bon Bon as she grabbed the paper from the printer, taking a moment to examine it. “Press responses look good.”
“But?” Synergy asked, eyes looked straight at Bon Bon.
Bon Bon returned the look. “But I’m not a hundred percent certain that Lyra will agree.”
“Good,” Synergy returned as she slumped back into her chair. “About time something happened she didn’t like.”
Bon Bon glared at Synergy, ignoring the beautiful morning canterlot skyline behind her. “You’re starting to sound bitter in your old age.”
“No, I’m just anxious.”
“About what?”
Synergy sighed. “The premier’s in a week. So far, the production staff has consisted of a college graduate, a country hick, a pompous chain smoker, wannabe animators and D.J. I’m certain whose blood-alcohol level is 90%.” Her sight was fixed on Bon Bon again. “And then there’s you. You’ve made every conceivable bad decision ever since Heartstrings walked through the door.”
Bon Bon scoffed. “She’s a better leader than you give her credit for. She’s pretty human when it comes down to it.
Synergy was frozen in place. “I’m not sure if I can form a response to that... You’re telling me that she’s a better leader than me because she’s ‘human?’”
Bon Bon tucked the press paper into her saddle bag before turning for the door. Before walking, she looked back over her shoulder. “I’d rather be human than whatever you are.”
With the door shut, Synergy was left alone, staring blankly in the direction of the door. Sighing, she laid back into her chair, her face gazing up at the ceiling. The peaceful silence was broken by the sound of Structuring pushing his way through the same door that Bon Bon had just left through.
“Miss Synergy, are you alright,” Structuring asked.
Synergy didn’t respond, she just kept gazing upwards, breathing deeply. Structuring took his normal seat by her side.
“Karen, is everything OK?”
Synergy’s head dropped down to normal level. A few more seconds and she was facing Structuring. “What time is Heartstrings’ interview scheduled for?”
“I believe around one... ish?”
Synergy smiled. “Would you be a dear and bring it up when it’s being broadcasted?”
“Sure,” said Structuring. “May I ask why?”
Structuring felt a tingle down his spine when he took a moment to absorb the sight in front of him. Synergy, with a faint smile, and a small shadow cover part of her face.
“Moral support.”
“Thanks for the moral support, everybody,” Lyra said as she waved bye to her writing staff.
Please don’t correct me. Please don’t correct me.
Vinyl enthusiastically waved back. “Go kick some flank, filly!”
Oh thank goodness.
“You’ll do wonderfully, deer,” said Feather Quill, sitting next to her husband as usual. “Just stay on script and keep that beautiful smile up.”
With half a hoof out the door, Lyra paused and turned back to Feather. “Script?”
Feather nodded. “Oh yes. Whenever show producers do any kind of promotion for shows, they’re given a very... specific set of things they’re allowed to say.”
“You won’t be able to say anything,” interjected Short Hoof. “If you’re doing something awesome, you can say it’s awesome. If you’re being forced to do something crappy, you can say it’s awesome.”
Lyra turned her attention to Short Hoof. “How do you—”
“Heartstrings, I’ve been in this industry longer than you think. I’ve developed three screenplay’s and a coke addiction. I know what I’m talking about.”
Lyra looked to the floor, but nodded anyway. “Right, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Short continued. “It’s fine, kid. Trust me, it’ll be over before you know it. Then you can kick back until the premiere airs.”
Lyra kept nodding, feeling little droplets of sweat run down her forehead, brushing past her horn. Her breathing grew heavier and heavier, her heartbeat joining in on the fun. Lyra jolted a little when she felt a white hoof being laid on her shoulder.
“Lyra?” asked a worried Vinyl. “You OK?”
One deep breath later, Lyra smiled at her DJ friend. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just stage fright I guess.” Lyra looked around, seeing worried expression on her staff members. “Hey, there’s a reason I’m not on camera.”
“Darling, you really should be on camera more!” the makeup artist said as she applied the copious amount of blush to Lyra.
Yeah? Then why am I looking like a clown right now?
The incredibly strong lights around Lyra’s mirror felt like they were going to burn her flesh off, or at the very least melt off the makeup. The light made it near impossible for her to keep her eyes open, but the few times she could peek at her mirror, she looked almost like Ponyacci, who she saw a couple months ago.
“All done!” said the makeup artist with a chirpy tone. “I’ll go check what time you’re on.” The artist left the room, turning off the lights on Lyra’s mirror.
Now alone, Lyra finally soaked in the reflection in the mirror.
I look like a slutty cupcake.
“Knock Knock!”
Lyra looked over her shoulder spotting Bon Bon by the already open door, slightly smirking. She was quick to throw her hooves in front of her face. “Go! I’m hideous!”
Bon Bon chuckled as she trotted into the room, bringing herself right behind Lyra. She wrapped her forelegs around her, making Lyra drop her hooves. “Nonesense! You look stunning.”
In the reflection of the mirror, Bon Bon was grinning ear to ear while Lyra looked like somepony had just died.
Bon Bon continued. “You look as colourful as Rainbow Dash!”
“And about as elegant,” Lyra added.
“Oh shush,” said Bon Bon.
The moment of silence that followed gave Lyra a chance to soak in the reflection: Bon Bon, with her hooves wrapped around her, tightly, but still warm and welcome. Bon Bon looked flawless, her eyes shimmering beautifully in the mirror.
She’s the one that needs to be on TV... but right here is good too.
Bon Bon cleared her throat with a cough. “I have something for you to skim over before you go on.” Reaching down, she pulled out a piece of paper. “It’s a list of things you can and can’t say.”
Lyra levitated the paper out of Bon Bon’s hoof, holding it in front of her face, reading every word as quickly as she could.
Looking down at Lyra, Bon Bon noticed her left hoof shake a little it. Looking back at the mirror, she saw Lyra’s breathing picking up speed. Her chest was growing in size with each breath. Moving her eyes to Lyra’s face, she saw little drops of sweat start to run over her makeup.
Bon Bon moved to Lyra’s side, lowering herself to her level. “Lyra? Honey? What’s wrong?”
“I... Iackktck.” Lyra quickly covered her mouth to keep any phlegm from hitting Bon Bon. “Ikkt.... I’m fine,” she said, trying to keep her brave face up.
“No, you’re not!” returned Bon Bon.
Well, so much for her not worrying.
Bon Bon continued. “What’s wrong? You know I’m not Synergy. I’m actually here to help.”
Closing her eyes, Lyra slowed her breathing down, keeping her heart from punching it’s way out her chest. Opening her eyes, she saw nothing but her friend, her hoof laying on hers, with ears perked, ready to listen.
“It’s not stage fright,” said Lyra. “It’s the pitch. I don’t know if you know this, but Pub wasn’t the first place I went with Only Human. Each one I was shot down. The only reason I’m in this chair is because of you.”
Bon Bon saw a small tear trickle out of Lyra’s eye, she opted to ignore it. “Go on.”
Lyra sniffled before continuing. “One of the...” Lyra swallowed some phlegm build up. “The key themes of the show, is hope. Hope for the future, for the goodness in other people, for the will to defend yourself, for the right to make your voice heard, the right to—”
“Lyra,” interrupted Bon Bon. “I understand,” she said with a warm smile, tapping Lyra’s hoof.
“Sorry,” Lyra continued. “I went through four other studios before I came to the Pub. That might not sound like much, but there were at least a handful—”
Don’t correct me!
“Of executives. Each and everyone of them said no. No, after no, after no.” A few tears were running down Lyra’s face, it was obvious the makeup had dried. “You were the only yes I ever got. And at the time, that was all I needed. It was all I wanted.”
Bon Bon smiled. “I said yes because I believe in this. I believe in you.”
“What about them?” Lyra said, gesturing towards the door. “What about the millions and millions of ponies that may or may not be watching me?”
More and more tears ran down Lyra’s face, dripping off her chin and onto the floor. “I nearly gave up hope after a few no’s. What’s gonna happen after a few million?”
Bon Bon brought herself in closer. “Lyra, you’re not going to get millions of no! It’s just a little promotional work. Just smile, and say what’s on the paper.”
“That’s the thing,” said Lyra. “I can’t.” Lyra held up the paper to Bon Bon. “Have you actually read this?”
Bon Bon sighed. “Yeah, I admit—”
“It’s crap!” Lyra turned the paper so that she could read off it. “Fun for girls demographic 5-13! Enjoyable for parents! Fun toys! What the hell is this?!”
Lyra’s heavy breathing returned, but feeling Bon Bon’s hoof on her gave her the strength to calm down. “I’m sorry Bon Bon... but I can’t deliver this garbage. That means I have to deliver the same pitch, the same way I gave it to you.”
“And?” Bon Bon asked, trepidatiously.
“The same pitch that only got one yes.”
Lyra laid back in her chair, letting her tears roll down the side of her face, her heart was still racing, almost loud enough for Bon Bon to hear it. “I can’t put myself out there again. I just can’t.”
Lyra felt herself being pulled forward as two forelegs were being wrapped around her back. Eventually, she found herself resting her torso and head on Bon Bon, who was holding her tightly. She raised a hoof to Lyra’s head and brushed her mane up and down, each stroke slowing Lyra’s heart. Bon Bon pulled herself away just far enough so that she and Lyra were eye to eye. Bon Bon looked deep into Lyra’s eyes and smiled.
“Hope for me.”
The make up artist returned, tapping on the door. “Five minutes, Miss Heartstrings!”
Bon Bon tried to pull herself away, only to feel Lyra grab hold and pull her back in so tight it was starting to hurt Bon Bon.
“Don’t go, please,” Lyra squeaked out.
“Why?” asked Bon Bon.
Lyra tilted her head so that her mouth was right next to her ear. “I’ve never felt so calm in my life.”
“Aren’t you excited!” chirped the Stage Director as she led Lyra down the corridor.
“Oh, my heart’s racing!” Lyra responded, keeping up a giant, forced smile.
Good thing Bon Bon cleaned my tears.
Pushing through a large door, Lyra found herself in what looked like the sets they would record late night talk shows in. A large set with a desk and a few chairs was surrounded by expensive looking cameras, huge lights hanging from the ceiling. The only thing that seemed off to Lyra was the distinct lack of chairs for an audience, as well as the small size of the room that the stage was in. Looking at the stage, Lyra saw a large white and red sign that had the logo of her interviews...
‘IPN.COM’
The Stage Director pointed Lyra towards one of the chairs at the far end of the desk. “Take a seat right there and we’ll start shortly.”
Lyra took her seat on the stage whilst the other ponies in the studio continued to set up for the interview. Lyra noticed that her red chair was rotating slowly, smirking slightly at the sight. Putting her hoof on the table, she spun herself around as fast as she can, giggling herself stupid, not noticing several of the work ponies looking at her. Once she slowed down, Lyra noticed Bon Bon in the shadows, laughing at the sight of Lyra smiling ear to ear.
Who would’ve thought an executive and a spinny-chair would make my day?
Lyra saw a unicorn stallion approach the stage. He was wearing a navy blue blazer, a slicked back mane, and hipster specs. He took a seat on the opposite end of the desk and offered his hoof to Lyra.
“Name’s Chatter Box,” he said. “How are you doing?”
Lyra shook his hoof. “Much better now, thanks.”
“Let me guess: our makeup artist?” Chatter Box said with a chuckle. “I feel like I’m made of clay after dealing with her for so long.”
The laugh the two ponies shared was cut short by a loud ringing sound and the Stage DIrector returning. “Live stream starting in thirty seconds, everypony!”
Glancing back at Bon Bon, Lyra took one more deep breath, smiled...
And have hope.
“Quiet on the set!” called the Stage Director. “Three! Two! One!”
Lyra remained silent, so did everypony. Everypony except Chatter Box, who allowed for a few seconds of dead air at the beginning.
“What is up, everypony?!”
Why would he bother asking if he knows they won’t answer?
Chatter Box continued. “We are here with the creator of the upcoming Pub show, Only Human, we’ve got an exclusive look at it later. Joining me, in the studio, the show’s creator: Lyra Heartstrings!”
Heh... that’s got a ring to it.
Lyra nodded and smiled. “Thanks for having me, Chatter.”
“No problem at all, Lyra. So, Only Human, I have no idea what it is!” Chatter said with a laugh. “What is a human, exactly?”
He better be playing it up for the camera.
“Well, no one does really, apart from me, so you don’t have to feel so bad,” Lyra returned, mimicking Chatter’s laugh. “Humans are these creatures I created. They’re bipedal, mostly hairless, and some of them go on crazy adventures.”
“So why not ponies?” asked Chatter. “Why did you have to create these new creatures?”
“Why create Transmorphers?” retorted Lyra. “I made humans because I felt like I could really use a blank slate, new creatures that weren’t familiar and played out. Something everybody can get on the ground floor with.”
Chatter paused for a moment, looking confused. “Everybody?”
“Sorry,” said Lyra. “It’s another way of saying human.” Lyra started laughing. “I’ve been writing my show and immersing myself in this world for so long that... I’ve gone to far! Go on without me!”
Bon Bon breathed a sigh of relief, watching Lyra and Chatter have a ball up on the stage.
“What about your audience?” Chatter asked, continuing the interview. “Some of the promotional stuff that I’ve seen, which has just been a few posters from Pub, the show looks like it’s going for more of a little girl audience. Is that who you’re writing through?”
Smiling, Lyra shrugged. “Why do I have to narrow it down to just one group?”
Bon Bon stood in the corner, wide-eyed. “Oh crap.”
The Stage Director was quick to shush her.
Lyra continued. “I know the danger of being all-things-to-all-ponies, but I didn’t want to make a ‘boys show’ or a ‘girls show.’ I wanted to make something everyone can enjoy. There’s a stigma out there that shows for younger audiences, especially girls, have to be dumbed-down so that they can understand. I didn’t need a show to be dumbed-down when I was a kid, and kids nowadays certainly don’t need it either.”
Chatter Box was silenced for a moment. Eventually, he chuckled and nodded. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I love hearing that. Me and the guys at the site love watching shows that are typically aimed at younger audiences, but are actually really good. I’m really happy to see that continue.”
Bon Bon felt like she could breathe easy again. She watched the interview continue, Lyra smiling the whole time as she elaborated on the universe she had made, a smile that only grew larger and larger.
“Atta girl.”
“What is this girl doing?!” shouted Structuring from his chair. “She just completely ignored what we printed!”
Structuring and Synergy had the boardroom all to themselves, the lights had been turned off, darkening the room to allow for a better view of the monitor in front of them. Structuring was sitting forward in his chair, resting one of his forelegs on the table. Synergy was laying back in seat, calm and silent.
“You might have been right, Karen,” continued Structuring. “This girl might do more harm than... Karen?”
Structuring noticed his colleague, sitting silently in her seat. She showed no sign of frustration, distress, anger, no emotion at all.
“Mister Structuring, would you be able to do me a small favor?” she asked, keeping her gaze away from him.
“What is it?” he asked.
Shifting in her seat, Synergy turned herself towards Structuring. “I’d like you to write up some invitations for me.”
One Week Later:
“Welcome to the party!” Lyra shouted, throwing her forelegs around Feather Quill and Ink Splash. “Come on in, we have muffins, muffins, and more muffins!”
The three ponies stepped inside Ditzy’s Muffins, which was already packed with customers. Turning their attention to the side, they found a red couch positioned in front of the wall-mounted television. Sitting on the couch was Short Hoof and Vinyl Scratch.
“Take a seat!” insisted Lyra. “Get comfy!”
Taking a seat on the couch, Quill and Ink noticed a giant platter of muffins on Vinyl’s lap. “Hope you guys didn’t eat. We’ve got free muffins all night!” she said as she stuff banana berry muffins into her mouth.
Turning to her side, Vinyl saw Ditzy, hovering about her, crossing her forelegs. “I didn’t say they were free.”
“You didn’t say they weren’t.”
“Ditzy, can you help me with something,” Lyra called from the main entrance of the restaurant.
Ditzy touched down in front of her friends. “Vinyl be ready to cough up the bits this time.”
“I’ve seen how much she gets paid,” said Lyra. “Trust me, she can afford it.”
“So what’s up?” asked Ditzy.
Lyra sighed. “I’m not going to be here for the premier. I have to watch it somewhere else.”
“What? Why?” Ditzy asked with shock.
Lyra levitated a letter in front of her friend. “The Pub invited me and Bon Bon to their big theatre room to watch the premier. I’m on rough terms with them as it is, so I may as well go. I have to be there in, like, twenty minutes. I’ll be home soon.”
Lyra pulled in Ditzy for a quick hug before dashing out the door. Ditzy approached the window, watching Lyra run to the closest taxi.
“Be quick, Lyra.”
“Wow you got here, quick!”
“Yeah, I guess I did,” Lyra said as she stepped into the Pub theatre.
The theatre was a lot bigger than she thought it would be. It was giant, predominately purple in color, and was covered with posters of other shows and movies they had produced.
Maybe Only Human will be up there.
The secretary, who was sitting behind what would have been the box office, pointed Lyra towards a giant door off to the side. “The showing will be in that theatre right there. Just step in and the others will be with you shortly.”
Lyra gave the secretary a friendly nod as she entered the theatre. It looked a lot like the main hall, except there were hundreds of comfy looking seats and a giant screen at the end. Lyra stepped down to the gap between the front row of seats and the screen, seeing a single table near the wall.
“It’s rather large, isn’t it?”
That voice...
Lyra slowly turned her head, seeing a middle-aged mare in a suit standing by the main entrance. Carrying an expensive looking saddle bag over her back. She was smiling down at her like nothing was wrong. Nothing at all.
“Nice to see you again, Lyra,” Synergy said as she trotted down to the front.
“Hey, Synergy. Long time no see.”
Lyra gulped as Synergy stepped down the final step, bringing her and Lyra eye-to-eye.
Synergy nodded towards her saddle bag. “Would you be a dear and empty my bag?”
Using her magic, Lyra pulled out an expensive bottle of liquor and three glasses. Lyra wasn’t sure what it was, but it looked far too blue for her blood.
“Put it down on the table for me, dear.”
With the glasses and drink on the table, Synergy uncorked the bottle and started pouring them. “It’s an old tradition that the producers and creators of the show watch the premier together, sharing a bottle of refined apple cider. One of the most expensive drinks available... at least legally.”
Lyra’s heart rate started to pick up again as she glanced back at the door, seeing no other pony follow Synergy in. “Miss Synergy, I don’t suppose you know where Bon Bon is?”
“Running a little late, I suppose,” Synergy retorted as she poured the first glass of cider. “There might have been a mistake on her invitation.”
Lyra slowly took a step back. “Why would there be a mistake on her invitation?”
“Because...” Synergy slowly turned her head, staring over her shoulder, straight at Lyra. “You and I are long overdue for a talk.”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 9: Original Air Date
By Smoking Gun
When I was in my last year of highschool, I realized just how different I was to everybody else. When other girls would go shopping or on dates, I would marathon TV shows online. One show that had a surprising impact on me was a show called ‘Volatile.’ The show was about a weapons designer who doesn’t receive the money he needs for his wife’s emergency surgery from the government. So, in an act of desperation, he starts producing weapons for Equestria’s enemies, encountering terrorists and politicians as enemies.
Without spoiling it, the character went deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. You would still route for them, despite all the selfish things they would do. He would fight terrorists, and even cops that would try and bring him in. It taught me what I consider one of the most important lessons any writer can learn.
The role of villain is up to the audience.
“Because...” Synergy slowly turned her head, staring over her shoulder, straight at Lyra. “You and I are long overdue for a talk.”
Guess I was going to have to deal with this at some point, right?
“Don’t play stupid, Lyra,” interrupted Synergy. “At least no more stupid than you have since we met.”
I’m dead, aren’t I?
Synergy poured the second glass of cider, waving Lyra over to her. “We’re going to be here awhile. May as well quench our thirst.”
Gulping, Lyra slowly walked towards Synergy, one step for each heart beat. Eventually reaching her, she levitated her glass as Synergy picked up her’s with her hoof. “To... to what will we toast?” she asked, trying her best to sound brave.
“To understanding,” Synergy said, tapping her glass to Lyra’s.
“Understanding what?” asked Lyra as she watched Synergy take a sip.
Pulling the glass from her mouth, Synergy looked directly into Lyra’s eyes. “It occurred to me a while ago that I may have come across as antagonistic.”
No?!
Synergy continued. “When in actuality, that was you.”
Lyra stared blankly at Synergy, who continued to enjoy her bubbly. “H-how have I been antagonistic?”
Synergy sighed. “Lyra, regardless of whether or not you were in on Bon Bon’s little ploy to get your show on the air, you still allowed it to happen. You allowed your pathetic excuse for entertainment to take precedence over the importance of others. Those are not the actions of a pony who has the best leadership skills.”
It took all of Lyra’s strength to maintain eye contact. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I know you don’t,” Synergy said as she laid a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, smiling straight at her. “But it’s OK. Before tonight is over, you’ll know exactly what you’ve done.”
“What did you do?!” shouted the overly muscular customer, sitting at his table as he stared at the T.V. He turned to Ditzy, who was in the midst of serving some customers. “Turn the game on!”
With all the muffins off her plate, Ditzy tucked the plate under her shoulder, and hovered in front of the angry customer.
“You like games? Here’s one. It’s called ‘What Did That Mare Put in my Muffin?’” she quipped, smirking straight him.
The customer slouched back into his seat. “I’ll be good.”
Ditzy gazed back over at the television, where the Pub was running several ads, made up of a mixture of toy commercials and home loan pitches. At the base of her vision, were the heads of Lyra’s writing team, as well as Vinyl’s bloated stomach, which had a few extra muffins resting on top of it.
“Ditzy! Over here!”
The muffin mare turned to the main entrance, spotting Bon Bon smile at her as she closed the door behind her. “Bon Bon? What are you doing here?”
Bon Bon stopped a few feet in front of Ditzy, glancing around the room for any signs of Lyra. “I was coming by to pick up Lyra. Is she not here?”
“No, she said she had to leave early,” Ditzy said, glancing at the clock near the exit. “She’s probably there already.”
“Oh?” Bon Bon glanced down at the floor, letting her mind run around a bit before looking back up. “In that case I’ll just—”
“Wait!” Ditzy grabbed Bon Bon leg. “We really should talk.”
“Can it wait?” asked Bon Bon. “I think that—”
“Not really,” Ditzy interrupted. “Come upstairs, I really need to speak with you.”
Bon Bon looked back at the clock over the exit. Sighing, she turned to Ditzy. “OK, let’s go.”
Following Ditzy through the crowd, Bon Bon found herself right at the door that lead up to Ditzy and Lyra’s apartment. “Wait,” she called Ditzy, who was already half-way up the stairs. “Shouldn’t you let ponies know you’ll be away?”
“You’re probably right.”
Ditzy trotted back down the stairs, walked to the back of the counter and pulled up a sign from under the locked register, placing it on the counter, facing the restaurant. Ditzy returned to the stairs, leading Bon Bon upstairs.
One patron stared in confusion as he read the sign on the counter.
‘Buck Off’
Closing the door behind her, Bon Bon found herself in a messy apartment, covered in loose papers, clothes, and a dead potted plant in the corner.
“Is something wrong, Ditzy?”
Ditzy looked back at Bon Bon, any semblance of a smile had vanished from her face. “How do you really feel about Lyra?”
“I can’t say I’m a fan,” Synergy said, keeping up a smile.
“Ah, you just haven’t given me a chance yet.” Lyra could feel the first few drops of sweat drip out of her forehead.
Stay calm, Heartstrings. She can’t kill you in here without leaving evidence... unless the cleaning crew is in on it.
“That’s the thing, Lyra. You never should’ve been given a chance.”
Her continuing smile did nothing to calm Lyra’s nerve.
Synergy continued. “Let me ask you a question. Did it ever occur to you to work your way up from the bottom?”
Lyra didn’t answer. Not like she could think of one anyway.
“I... I guess—”
“Here’s a hint: the answer’s no.” Finishing her glass of bubbly, she laid the glass back down on the table. “Did I ever tell you how I started?”
Lyra’s lips could barely open before Synergy continued.
“I was in the mail room. I would come in at seven in the morning and pick up each letter and package, look at who they were supposed to go to, divide them up, and carrying them up the stairs. All day, everyday.”
Lyra could see the nostalgia dancing in her eyes as she chuckled.
“Back in those days, they still had the ‘this concludes our broadcast day’ line before it cut to static. Nowadays they just play infomercials. I never understood that move, personally. The same amount of ponies will watch them.”
Lyra could feel her spine tingle as Synergy gazed into her eyes. “I’m sorry, was I boring you?”
“N—”
“Well take a seat, I’m not done yet.”
Complying, Lyra dropped into the nearest theater seat.
“As I was saying,” Synergy said as she gazed off into the distance. “After a few years I eventually became the secretary to the executives upstairs. One of my duties was to sit in on meetings and take notes, making sure every word that came out ponies mouths was recorded. Cameras and audio recorders won’t as readily available back then, even at production studios.”
Synergy’s gazed down at the floor, a smile stretching across her brow.
“You look happy,” Lyra said, backing as deep into her seat as she could.
“I’m just remembering him.”
“Who?”
Synergy looked into Lyra’s eyes, smiling tenderly. “My husband, I met him back in my secretary days. He was this up-and-comer in the short-film business. He came to us with this pitch for a comedy show about cops who ended up causing more crimes then they stopped by accident. It might not sound groundbreaking, but back then, no one had ever attempted something like that before in a T.V. show.”
Is... she blushing?
“To this day, I don’t remember if I loved the pitch because it was a good idea, or because of how handsome he looked that day. He dressed up in spunky, navy blue blazer with his hair neatly groomed back. These days, if you look like that, you get beaten up behind the playground.”
“He was the sweet one. I kept working at the Pub while he acted in whatever projects he could find. Five years later, I quit the Pub and married him. Thankfully I had plenty of money saved up.”
“Aww...”
Did I just ‘aww’?
Synergy took a rather large sip of her drink. “One day, he comes up to me and tells me that we should start our own production company. Something where we didn’t have to live in fear of executives or focus groups and make whatever projects we want. Of course, I was thrilled at the idea, so we put our money together, started a business, and put his cop show into production, we even wrote it together.”
“How’d that go?” Lyra asked.
he regretted asking that as soon as she saw Synergy’s smile fade.
“It failed. We couldn’t get it off the ground. People kept signing on and dropping out, production was hell, and when we finally got something done, ponies hated it. They booed the two of us out of the premier.”
Lyra gulped. “I’m so sorry.”
“Anyway,” Synergy continued. “We were left strapped for cash, we took odd jobs for at least three years, trying to make it by after the entertainment industry abandoned us. I’d say it was hell, except I was him. Nothing could be bad as long as he was there. Eventually dealing with losing his jobs and supporting me became too much for him.”
“W... What do you mean?”
Keeping her gaze aimed squarely at the huge screen in front of her, Synergy finished her glass. “Shows aren’t the only things that get cancelled, Heartstrings.”
Before Lyra could form a response, Synergy hopped off her seat, and walked back to the table with the booze. “A few months later, Pub contacted me and offered me another job.” Synergy turned back to Lyra, with another glass in hoof, “As an executive.”
Um.... wut?
“They recognized the hard work I had done in the past, my initiative to start an enterprise of my own, and they thought it would be a way to repay me. I needed the money and... well, the rest is current events I suppose. But during my early years as an executive, I was exposed to all the mistakes I made with my husband. I had skipped straight to making the project without putting any consideration into what has to go into it, so that all the money and labour that goes into it pays off.”
Is this going where I think it's going?
“I’ve had an eventful life, Lyra. And even though this doesn’t apply to everything, in the world of business, you get what you deserve.”
Yep.
Step by step, Synergy brought herself closer and closer to Lyra, all traces of happiness were gone.
“You, Lyra Heartstrings, deserve nothing.”
“She, at least, deserves to know.”
Bon Bon was frozen on the opposite end of the room from Ditzy, not sure what facial expression to use. “How do I feel about Lyra?”
Ditzy nodded. “Yep. And I’m not letting you leave until you answer me.”
Bon Bon felt her heart rate pick up as she swallowed her extra spit. “Well... I feel that Lyra’s a good girl. She’s smart, funny, a good friend. I think she’s great.”
Ditzy’s expression was still and emotionless. “Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear.” She walked right up to Bon Bon, bringing them uncomfortably close together. “Do you love, Lyra?”
Bon Bon’s jaw started to hurt, as it was trying desperately to hit the floor. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You know what I said. Do you love Lyra?”
Bon Bon started to blush. “Why would you think that I was in love with Lyra?”
“Because I’m not an idiot,” Ditzy said as she turned away. She walked over to the couch and took a seat, waving Bon Bon over to join her. “And I’m certain the only one that hasn’t noticed is Lyra.”
Reluctantly, Bon Bon sat next to Ditzy, not looking her directly in the eye. “Ditzy, I’m—”
“Look,” interrupted Ditzy. “I just want you to listen to me. Lyra is in a fragile state right now. She’s poured her heart and soul into something that tonight could make or break. You helped her get to this point, and, you know, good job and all, but I’ve been letting Lyra go on with this without telling her what I really think.”
“And what do you think?” asked Bon Bon.
“That it’s going to fail,” Ditzy said, bluntly. “It’s highly unlikely that this will take off, regardless of what Lyra does. It’s the sad truth that T.V. shows fail more often than not. Am I right?”
Bon Bon nodded. “Yes, that’s true.”
“I let Lyra go ahead with it because it’s her life, and it’s up to her to experience it herself. And regardless of whether or not she succeeds or fails, I’ll be here for her.”
“You’re a good friend,” Bon Bon said with a smile.
“Yeah... it’s a shame I can’t say the same for you.”
Bon Bon’s eyes shot open. “Excuse me?”
“You agreed to help produce Lyra’s show. You’ve been nurturing her as a product. A means to make money and further your career.”
Ditzy could see Bon Bon’s pupils shrink to microscopic size. “How dare you! Lyra’s my friend!”
“For how long? What happens if the show tanks? Will she still be your friend?”
“Because Lyra cares about you too. If you just walk out that door when the show fails... it’ll break her. I’m not going to let that happen.”
Bon Bon shook her head, wide mouthed for a moment. “I wouldn’t do that to her. As for how I feel... It’s complicated.”
Ditzy archer her left eyebrow, staring at Bon Bon in silence until she lowered her head.
“No it isn’t. I love her. It-it-it-it’s just that she sho—”
Ditzy shoved her hoof into Bon Bon’s mouth. “Don’t tell me, tell her.” She removed her hoof. “Odds are that if Lyra goes down, you will too. Look, you two are both young. You both have a lot you could go on and do after this. But before any of this goes down... just tell her. Let her know she didn’t walk away from this empty handed.”
Bon Bon raised her hoof, opening her mouth to speak, only for Ditzy to shove her hoof back into her mouth.
“Shut up.”
The two mares shared a little giggle. With the laughter faded from the room, Bon Bon stood up, trotting for the door. “Even without me, it’s good to know that she’s got you looking out for her.”
Ditzy nodded as she stood up. “One last thing... Lyra hasn’t talked too much about her, but... who is Synergy?”
Bon Bon sighed. “Somepony dangerous.”
“You’ve made a very dangerous decision, miss Heartstrings.” Synergy said, looking down at Lyra as she stood before the sitting mare. “You’ve also been ludicrously lucky.”
Sure as hay don’t feel like it now.
Lyra cracked a smile. “Oh, I knew it was dangerous. Filling out those forms could’ve killed me from boredom.”
Synergy sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hoof. “You are all kinds of stupid, aren’t you?”
She’s your boss. She’s your boss. She’s your boss.
“Let me explain to you how this should’ve gone. You start off as an intern. You work on several shows, and when you have enough experience under your belt, that’s when you come in with your idea. Not before!”
Don’t sit here, Lyra. Stand up for yourself!
Lyra stood up, matching Synergy’s gaze. “I took a chance. I knew the risks.”
“Oh is that true?!” Synergy’s eye’s widened, her green stretching wide. “Did you stop to think how this would affect somepony like me? Or your co-workers?”
Lyra opened her mouth, but no words came out. She just stood there.
Synergy continued. “If you produce a bad product, everypony is effected. That includes all your friends in the writers room, those wannabe animators you picked up, Bon Bon, even me.”
“How?” Lyra asked.
Why do I already regret asking that?
“Well, let’s see. You’re writers and animators are out of work, despite all the hard work that they all have put into their careers. Bon Bon looks bad in front of the board of directors, so she gets fired. Our stocks go down, I look bad, I possibly lose my job. Did you consider any of those factors?”
Lyra was silent for a moment before speaking. “Can one show really ruin so many ponies careers?”
Synergy shrugged. “Depends on how expensive the show was... and how badly it flops, which brings me back to you. All the numbers, statistic, past research, all of it points to Only Human bombing. No one can connect to these ‘humans’ of yours, they’re too different, and there’s no reason for them to tune in.”
Lyra stood her ground. “It’s well written, if I do say so myself.”
Synergy rolled her eyes, turning back to the champaign. “I’m gonna need more to drink.”
Lyra continued. “The show covers themes that most kids shows don’t have the guts to talk about. They have the structure of adult shows.”
“That’s your first mistake,” Synergy said as she poured her next glass. “Kids aren’t adults.”
“They will be at some point,” Lyra retorted. “They need real plot points, the sort of things that happen in real life.”
“Uh-huh.” Synergy didn’t even turn back to Lyra as she raised her glass to her mouth.
“It’s true,” insisted Lyra. “For example: this conversation now is a typical hero/villain confrontation.”
Synergy was suddenly perfectly still. Her glass not even at her mouth, she gently laid the glass back down onto the table. “What did you just call me? Villian?”
Lyra’s heart stopped. She couldn’t blink or move any part of her body.
Oh crap.
Synergy’s breathing grew louder and heavier. Turning to face Lyra, her eyes were wide open, her pupils locked straight at her. “I don’t care if you bitch about me behind my back.”
Synergy stepped closer. “I don’t care if your show fails.”
And closer.
“I don’t care, if you and Miss Bon run off and get married in the sunset!”
Until she was a mere few centimeters from Lyra’s face. “But I’ll be DAMNED IF I’M GOING TO SIT HERE AND LET YOU CALL ME THE BAD GUY!”
Synergy and Lyra stood perfectly still, all while Synergy was huffing and puffing. Lyra had to use her magic to keep her feet glued to the floor.
“How can you look at me, a pony just doing her job, trying to make money for everypony, and call me the villian?!” Synergy sneered.
“I...” Lyra could barely form words. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Buck you, Lyra Heartstrings!”
Lyra gasped, “I’m sorry. It’s just... You haven’t exactly been supportive of me. A pony who’s an employee of yours!”
“Gee! I wonder why?!” Synergy probably couldn’t have picked a more loud or condescending tone. “You’re an arrogant child.”
“I’m human,” Lyra said, loud and proud.
Synergy inhaled as deeply as she could before talking in much lower volume. “You mean pony?”
Lyra took step forward. “Bitch, I know what I said.”
The humming sound of the projector suddenly filled the room as a light came down from the back wall, shining on the giant screen.
Synergy shook her head. “Humanity is going to come crumbling down on your head. And I’m going to sit here and watch it happen.”
The sound of a cough caught the two mares attention. Turning back to the entrance of the theatre, where Bon Bon was standing, glaring straight at Synergy, who was smirking back at her.
Lyra could already feel her heart calm down at the site of her.
“What was I interrupting?” asked Bon Bon.
“Progress, Miss Bon,” Synergy said, as she took her seat. “Progress.”
Bon Bon trotted down to the front row, bringing herself close to Lyra. Sharing a warm smile, the two pulled each other close. Bon Bon could feel Lyra taking slow, deep breathes, the type you take when a pony would need to decompress from something. The two quietly took their seats next to Synergy, gazing up at the footage being playing on the screen.
“Coming up next,” said the television announcer. “The special time premier of Only Human! Only on the Pub!”
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Special: Synergy By Corey W Williams
“You have ELEVEN new messages.”
BEEP!
“Um ... hi. Hey. It’s um ... it’s me. Karen. I um ... I hope you get this, Daily. Give me a call back. I’m sorry for the calls this time. I’m not drunk this time or anything. Please call me back.”
BEEP!
“Seriously, please call me back. I’m not drunk. If I’m slurring or anything, it’s just cause I’m tired. I work long hours and ... yeah, call me back.”
BEEP!
“Okay, so yeah, maybe I’ve been drinking a little. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, not anymore. But you know, I’m still alright. I just want to talk, okay? Call me back ... please ...”
BEEP!
“OH, look at you! Big stallion too busy to return a call to his ex-wife! Too good to be talking to an executive, huh? I know that’s what you’re thinking, that I’m just a huge sell-out. That’s why you won’t call me back. Well at least I actually HAVE a job. How dare you judge me, you pretentious little shi--
BEEP!
“Okay, look, I’m sorry. I lost control there. I mean, I said some things, but you know, that was five minutes ago. I’ve matured a lot since then. Like... that’s all in the past now. We have to move on. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Call me back. I promise I won’t yell.”
BEEP!
“YOU ARE SOME PIECE OF WORK, YOU KNOW THAT?! I mean ... I call you practically crying and you won’t even call me back?! How cold is that? You never used to be like that. It was ... I mean ...
“You ... you used to be the sweet one.”
BEEP!
“... what happened to us? Really? I was always the cold one before, not you. Heh ... I remember when I used to get angry and yell about work or production and whatever. I remember going off for hours at a time ... and you’d always used to give me that smile and say ‘Feel better now, sweetie?’ And if it was anypony else saying that I’d punch them in the face, but the way you did it ... it didn’t matter how mad I was, I’d always laugh.
“You’d always find a way to do that. You could always make me laugh.
“... I miss that.”
BEEP!
“Do you remember the night of the premiere? After we got booed out of the theater? We ran and somehow we ended up at the fountain at the mall. There was some crappy music playing over the speakers and my makeup was running down my face. I was screaming at ... well, everything really.
“I just couldn’t believe it. How could something we poured our heart and souls into turn out to be such a failure? I was sitting there crying, saying I was so sorry because ... well, that was why I worked so hard on it, after all. It was your dream. I felt like it was all my fault. Like I failed you. You didn’t say anything.
“And eventually I grabbed you and yelled ‘WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE? SAY SOMETHING!’
“And then, without even looking at me, you said ‘Hey, are they playing Safety Dance?’
“And I said ‘Um ... what?’
“And you were like ‘I love Safety Dance, we should dance to it!’
“And I sat there for a minute, thinking to myself that my husband has obviously gone insane and that, as if this night wasn’t terrible enough already, now I’d have to have him committed. Because clearly, insanity is the only explanation for somepony ever saying that sentence after being thrown out of a theater.
“I just started stammering. ‘But ... but the premeire--!’
“And you remember what you said, right? You said ‘It doesn’t matter.’
“I said ‘What are you talking about? It was your dream! I ruined everything!’
“And then you gave that little cocky smile you always loved to give.
“You held out your hoof and said ‘We’ll figure it out. Right now the only dream I have is dancing with you.’
“It was the corniest, trite crap I’d ever heard. And it still managed to make me blush all the same.
“... you know, you’re the only pony on this planet who could have gotten me to do that. We danced at a fountain to the Safety Dance, in front of a mall full of ponies. I was shocked when a bunch of ponies joined in, jumping up and down like idiots. It was foolish, embarrassing, and ridiculous, just like the damn song.
“I had a smile on my face, even after getting booed out. And you were laughing like you always were. I remember thinking ‘You were always the strong one, Daily.’ As hard-assed as I always was ... as I still am ... you were always the strong one. And I knew that no matter what happened, I would be alright as long as I was with you.
“Do you remember? It was one of my favorite memories ...
“It was one of my favorite memories. Until you left.”
BEEP!
“You were the one who left, Daily. I just want you to remember that.
“All those hard days when we were just trying to get back on our hooves, when we worked and failed together to try and get things together ... it wasn’t fun. I know it wasn’t for me, but I know it really affected you. And I can understand, you know? I’m not insensitive. You always were the creative, so odd jobs like janitorial duty and working as a desk clerk would always seem demeaning. I know I didn’t like them either. It was a big shock after being heads of our own production company, after all.
“It was rough, but I tried to hold things together. I really did. You know that, don’t you?! You do realize that, right?! I did everything I could!
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. I feel so stupid! It started off with little things ... you wouldn’t talk quite so much after getting home. But you said you were just tired. And I believed you.
“I believed you ...
“But then you would seem more distant. It would seem like we hardly said anything at all. That little twinkle in your eyes seemed to fade out. You stopped smiling as much ... then you stopped smiling at all.
“I noticed that, I noticed that, and I still didn’t see it coming!
“I saw you working late at night writing something and I was actually happy, I thought it was great you were thinking about production! It showed you still had hope, like I did. I was happy ... I didn’t say anything. I was thinking you were going to surprise me with it.
“And well ... yeah ... I guess you could call it a surprise.
“... do you remember that? You seemed really nervous and sad ... it was hard for you. I can at least give you that ... it was hard for you.
“And then you said how you didn’t think you’d ever be able to make it happen, that you’d never be able to make your dreams of production come true ... until you were on your own.
“You didn’t want to worry about me dragging you down. You didn’t SAY it like that, of course. But you didn’t have to. I cried, I begged, the only time I’ve ever begged for ANYTHING, and you couldn’t even look at me.
“I wanted to hold it together. I really did.
“You were the one who left.
“You.”
BEEP!
“You know ... I bet I know why you don’t want to call me back. You think I’m a sell-out. You think getting drunk and ranting to you all upset on the phone is something I deserve, now that I’m an executive. Don’t pretend like I don’t know that’s what it is! After all, you were the one who called an executive a ‘heroin-addicted vampire with a third-grade education’ at the staff meeting where we finally quit. You hated executives! We both did. And now you think I’m a big hypocrite for it all. How mature of you!
“You’re just like the new skank I work with. Oh yeah, I bet you and her would get along swimmingly! SHE doesn’t care who she affects with her crap either!
“Well guess what? You and I ... back then we failed because we had no clue what we were doing. All we really cared about was what WE wanted, OUR vision. And the sad thing is that that only gets you so far!
“We didn’t understand sacrifice. We didn’t understand compromise. I do now ... but I don’t think you do. Maybe if you DID, you wouldn’t have left. But no, it was easier for you, wasn’t it? It was easier for you to leave!
“You don’t understand sacrifice. You don’t understand that in the position I am, there ARE no easy decisions. There ARE no right answers. If I make a decision that benefits one pony, it will inevitably affect dozens, hundreds of others, maybe more! Every decision has a risk, every decision has weight.
“You don’t understand. You don’t understand having to decide whether to pick up the show that’s an innovative, interesting idea but is so controversial it might cause media backlash! You don’t understand having to decide whether to hire the one voice actor who actually acted better, actually deserves the part or the other one who is more famous and would be a bigger draw to give the show a better chance to last! You don’t understand deciding whether to cancel a show that is critically acclaimed, but is so expensive to make that having it last another season might drastically affect the budget of every other show on the network!
“And this is not something I just have to deal with every now and again. I struggle with things just like that EVERY DAY. I have to get up knowing that every decision I make is going to benefit some ponies and completely stomp the dreams of others! I’ve had to make the call to put writers with families out of a job! The one I actually talked to on the phone actually cried right there. Do you know what that DOES to you?!
“Even if I quit, which would be a dumb, DUMB idea, but even if I did ... I still wouldn’t get away from it. Because I’d always worry if the one who replaced me would be worse, if they would care less or be even more of a bitch than I am.
“That’s something we never realized. That’s why we failed. The second you become an executive ... become a leader ... you’ll never get away from it.
“No matter what you do ... you’re gonna carry that weight.”
BEEP!
“... I ... look, Daily ... I’m sorry.
“I’m sorry for calling you like this, over and over again. For ranting like this. I ... I really am. I just ... I got drunk and ... I didn’t call to yell at you or anything. I didn’t call because I thought I could, I dunno, win you back or whatever. I just ...
“I miss you. I really do. I ... I don’t really have anypony to talk to. Nopony who’d really care, anyway. I’m just ... I’m lonely. And ... afraid.
“I hate admitting that, but I am. I’m afraid every day I get up. I’m afraid that one day I’ll look in the mirror and not recognize the mare staring back at me. That one day there won’t be anything left of the mare who danced with you that day at the fountain.
“But most of all ... I’m afraid that when she’s gone, no one will even notice. No one will even miss her. Not even me.
“I just ... I just want somepony to talk to. I spend so much time alone, I can’t stand it. I feel like nopony knows the real me. Nopony but you. I don’t want to lose myself. I ... I need you. Even if you don’t love me anymore, I need you. I just ...
“I just need somepony to talk to.
“... please ... please tell me when you listen to this ... you’ll call me. Please.
“Please.”
BEEP!
“End of messages.”
That was the last message, but Synergy already knew that before the answering machine said so. She sat on the worn living room couch, taking in all that she had heard.
When Synergy first woke up with the hangover from hell and saw the message on her machine and heard her own voice, she almost laughed. Though she didn’t remember much about last night, she must have gotten sauced if she got so drunk she called her own house phone by mistake. Again. She didn’t know what it was about the cell phone that made it a lightning rod for drunken stupidity, but there it was.
But then she listened to the messages, the ones she didn’t even remember making. And she realized who they were meant for.
She didn’t think it was funny after that.
Synergy stared at the answer machine for a long time. Despite her best efforts, there were tears clinging to the corners of her eyes.
She thought about everything she’d heard in her own voice, things she’d never said ... thing she’d never even known how to articulate before. At first she was thankful that Daily hadn’t heard it. After all, it was just her rambling like an idiot ...
But all of that emotion ... Synergy couldn’t remember when she had displayed that much emotion. Maybe if he could just hear it ... maybe if she sent the tape from the answering machine to him ... maybe.
Synergy thought about it for a long time. She was already late for work, but she barely cared. She wanted to send it to Daily, wanted it more than anything else she’d remember wanting.
Eventually she sighed and hit the button on the answering machine. The machine chirped at her.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 10: The Man in the Moon
By Smoking Gun
“What is a man?” asked the creature.
He strutted before the auditorium full of creatures that looked like him. He was walking on two feet, fully clothes, had no nuzzle, no tail and was sporting a goatee.
“What is a woman?” he added. “These are the questions that all of you will have to answer soon. You’re all at the age where you must ask yourself what it means to be human. So your homework for this semester: look in the mirror and ask yourself ‘who am I?’”
Glancing back up at the smaller humans, he caught several of them giggling and raising their ‘hands’ into the air and hitting them together.
The human at the front continued. “Oh yes, and reading through your expensive and large textbook. Class dismissed.”
The younger humans piled out of the auditorium, carrying the books and chatting along the way. However, in the front row, one human remained: A Caucasian, female with long, brown hair, wearing a white jacket was resting her head on her clenched fist, staring in disbelief at her professor as he packed up his notes, not paying any mind to the students as they left.
She slammed her hands on the desk, pushing herself up from her chair.
“Excuse me, Professor Morrissey?” asked the girl. “Can I ask you a question?”
The professor checked his watch. “Sure, I ended class a bit early anyway.”
The girl stood tall and straight in front of Morrissey. “What kind of homework is ‘ask yourself who you are?’”
“It’s the kind that’s important to human studies, as you’ll come to find out one day. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.”
Without another word, he packed up his things, and exited through the staff door at the base of the auditorium.
“It’s an important question, actually.”
The girl yelped, jumped back and turned around at the sound from behind her. She saw a tall, male human, with Caucasian skin, long black hair, thick glasses, wearing a blue shirt and red jacket. “At least that’s what Ma and Pa told me back on the farm.”
The girl didn’t respond, she was frozen in place, looking petrified at the sight of the male.
The male cleared his throat and offered his hand. “I’m Clark. What’s your name?”
“Sarah,” said the girl, not offering her hand in return. “And I fail to see how your ‘Ma and Pa’ has anything to do with this.”
Sarah stormed past Clark, grabbing her things and heading up the stairs, leaving Clark alone in the auditorium with the echo of the door slamming behind her.
“Nice to meet you too,” he said at a whisper.
The angle focusing on Clark suddenly pulled back at fast speed, revealing a large campus of building with hundreds of humans walking around. Pulling back further showed that the campus was one small part of a large city, full of humans. Even further back, was the reveal that the city was just a spec on a blue and green ball floating through space.
The camera stopped when it reached the moon, however, it was not unoccupied. A shadowy figure, who was clearly wearing huge, spikey body armour was standing in the centre of a crater, looking up at the beautiful blue planet.
“A man… is nothing…” he said as the planet reflected in his black eyes. “But death!”
The screen cut to black for a moment before a title card appeared.
‘Only Human’
“Couldn’t finalize a theme song in time, could you?” Synergy remarked. The middle-aged mare hand sunken into her theatre seat as she looked up at the screen, not looking directly at the mare sitting next to her.
“I’ve been informed by my producer that pilot episodes of shows don’t often have theme songs,” Lyra answered, not looking directly at Synergy. She was sporting a smile so confident that it could induce vomiting in nearby executives.
“She’s got a good one too,” Bon Bon added, who was sitting next to Lyra. Bon Bon was joining Lyra in pleasant demeanour as she too gazed up at the screen, which was now playing commercials.
“Do you think you two can wait until a later time slot for your flirting?” Synergy sighed, refusing to look either of them in the eye.
Lyra and Bon Bon quickly glanced at each other before looking back down to the floor before they could see that the other was smiling and blushing at the thought.
Is it weird to be thinking about kissing her while watching a kids show?
Lyra peaked by the corner of her eye at the cream coloured mare to her left. The pretty colours and lights from the screen where bouncing off her eyes and coat, creating a beautiful sheen around her, making her smile all the more enchanting.
And I suddenly don’t care.
Synergy rolled her eyes. “Just keep it in your metaphorical pants until—“
“Shhh!”
Synergy was startled by the sudden appearance green magical energy in the room.
Her horn ignited, Lyra had generated a partially see-through construct of a hand that her humans had. The fist was clench with index finger was raised, hovering in front of Lyra’s mouth as she shushed Synergy.
“The show’s starting again soon.”
Synergy shook her head. “It’s going to be a long show.”
“Not as long as I was expecting,” Rarity observed as she laid back onto her fainting couch. All lights in Carousel Boutique were off, not including the illumination from the T.V. “A little bit of music would have been appreciated.”
“Yeah, what you said,” agreed Sweetie Bell as she watched the commercials play out before her. “So when’s your part?” the light coloured filly asked.
Rarity busted into a fit of laughter. “Oh Sweetie Bell, the show is my part!” she exclaimed as she pointed to herself. “You’ll see my character soon, but you’ll see that the plot practically hinges on me!”
Sweetie Bell’s nervously darted left-to-right. “You mean it hinges on your character, right?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Also yes.”
“How about no?!” Ditzy proclaimed, glaring at Vinyl.
“Come on, babe,” Vinyl cooed as she patted her lap as she sat on the couch. “It’s kind of the only way I can tip you tonight.”
Vinyl’s chuckling was interrupted by the feeling of grey hoof smacking her across the cheek at what must have been hundreds of kilometres per hour. Vinyl couldn’t see her, but her fellow writers, who were also sharing the couch, rolled their eyes and looked away, hoping to not be associated with the D.J.
“Ouch, you got a mean right hook,” Vinyl said with a smirk, looking over her purple shades at the glaring muffin mare hovering above her. “Come on, babe, I was just messing with you!”
Ditzy arched an eyebrow. “You mean you were simply jesting the idea of sleeping with me in place of paying me for my muffins.
“Also yes.”
Ditzy dropped herself to the ground, folding her wing by her side. “For future reference: that sorta thing doesn’t pay my bills.” Without another word, Ditzy trotted away, spotting two customers in the distance raising their hooves, hoping for some service.
Once she was a fair distance away, Vinyl leaned towards Short Hoof. “She wants the D.”
“Shut up, Vinyl,” Short Hoof remarked as she noticed the commercials coming to an end.
‘Written by Lyra Heartstrings’ was written across the bottom of the screen as Only Human returned to the screen. The image behind the text was of a establishing shot of a university campus, the buildings were a mixture of cream and red, including the sign that read ‘Manhattan University.’
“I’m never gonna get used to that,” Synergy groaned as she rested her head into her right hoof.
‘Executive Producers: Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon’ were the final credits to appear at the bottom of the screen. The camera had rolled through the campus, passing through several random humans in the process, stopping in front of blue building in the middle of the campus labelled ‘Juice Bar.’
The camera cut to inside, seeing skinny human male with curly auburn hair, a blue shirt and matching pants standing at one of the tall tables in the middle of the bustling bar.
“And so the cab driver said—“
“I have something more important to focus on right now, Justin,” remarked the human standing next to him.
This human appeared very different to Justin. He was much taller and had a dark brown completion. He was wearing a fancy red smoking jacket, as well as top hat with a matching red piece of fabric wrapped around it. He was examining a black walking cane in his hands.
“I’m beginning to believe the shaft isn’t real mahogany.”
Vinyl chuckled, “Hehehe, shaft.”
Justin and the other human froze mid-sentence at the sound of high pitch laughter coming from off-screen, their eyes slamming shut at its sharpness.
“Oh my goodness, Darling!”
The camera cut to a low shot of a woman’s feet in purple high heels. Panning up, the camera held a loving shot of a beautiful woman in a white, slim fit, low cut white dress. She had a diamond necklace that drew attention to her generous cleaves. Still, it couldn’t detract from her beautiful face that was framed perfectly with long blonde hair.
“I had no idea the Halloween party was getting started early,” she said, laughing at the boys general direction. “Or are you just ‘fashionably’ late for last years?”
The tall, dark human chuckled. "I was thinking it was halloween, considering how much skin you're willing to share with your peers."
"Are you serious?" Synergy growled at Lyra.
"Of course not," Lyra said as she tilted her head for a moment to meet Synergy's eye. "It's just a show for little girls."
"Are you serious?" Sweetie Bell mumbled to herself.
"Sorry, did you say something, Sweetie? Rarity asked from the fainting couch.
"Nothing," Sweetie responded timedly, "It's just that... you're girl seems... I don't know, mean."
Rarity shook her head and sighed. "It's called 'character development', Sweetie Bell. It might pay to research it sometime."
Sweetie Bell turned back to the screen, making sure Rarity couldn't see her roll her eyes. "Sure... sometime."
"Sometimes I wonder if any of you men are any different from the last," the blonde human said as she rolled her eyes, keeping up her snarky smile.
"Sometimes I wonder if anyone besides me has any sense of class," the tall, dark male retorted.
The blonde waved her hand in an expecting manner, "And you are?"
"Peter," he answered.
"Clair."
Clair and Peter stepped closer to each other. Clair chuckeled and looked into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, where are my manners? I'm sorry that I made of fun of your pompous wardrobe and cheap accessories."
"And I'm sorry for not taking well to your sanctimonious quips," Peter retorted, returning a smirk.
"He's also sorry for not introducing me," Justin said as he poked his head up from behind Peter's shoulder. "I'm Justin."
"I'm sure you are," said Clair, not even glancing in Justin's general direction.
Looking hurt, Justin stepped out from behind Peter. "Well... it's true."
The camera moved past the three squabbling humans over to the empty bar. An older, male human with grey hair washing some glasses. His face lit up at the sight of something off-screen.
"Clark, my boy!" he shouted. "How's the fight for truth and justice?"
Clark stepped up to the bar, resting his satchle by his feet. "Slowly, Perry. One root beer, please."
Reaching into the fridge behind him, Perry pulled out a root beer, popped the cap and slid it across the bar to Clark. "Journalism degree still working out for ya?"
"I have faith that it will," Clark said before taking a sip of his beverage.
"Well, if you're looking for a story, you can always do one dem human interest pieces on the handsome bartender," Perry suggested, still polishing the glasses.
"I'll keep that one in my back pocket," Clark said with small laugh.
Before taking another sip of his drink, Clark glanced over to Peter, Clair and Justin, arguing not to far from the bar. "What are they arguing about?"
"Who cares," Perry said with a shrug.
"I do," Clark said as he put down his drink.
Clark brushed a few strands of hair that were hanging over his face as he approached the fight, only to feel a hand pushed up against his chest.
"You don't want to get invovled in all that," Justin said, looking back over his shoulder at Peter and Clair, keeping his hand on Clark's chest. "They've resorted to throwing big words at each other.
"Well, sticks and stones and whatnot," Clark said, trying to push past Justin.
"Please don't. It's like trying to punch a couple of well dressed dictionaries. Also, I don't even know you."
Clark's eyebrow arched over his specs. "I'm Clark, and I wasn't exactly planning on pu—"
"HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH!"
Clark and Justin barely had time to turn their heads before someone came barreling through them, pushing Clark to the side and knocking Justin to the ground.
"That was Vinyl's line, wasn't it?" Bon Bon asked, glancing over at Lyra.
Lyra smiled and turned back to the screen. "I can neither confirm nor deny."
"That was totally my line," Vinyl said, nodding and smiling proudly on the couch.
"Yes, despite my pleas otherwise," Short Hoof said, rolling her eyes.
The camera was now at Justin's point of view, and it was quite immersive. His vision was blurred, and he was seeing twice as many lights as usual hanging above him. Feeling something crawling on him, Justin saw a blurry, double-visioned girl on top of him. The girl had a heavy tan and short brown hair and was looking confused down at Justin.
"I did warn you to get out the way," she said to Justin, only to get a chuckle in response.
"Funny," he began. "I never thought I'd end up with two girl on top of me."
”Perhaps you didn't hear me the first time," Synergy said as she sifted in her seat so that she was facing Lyra. "Are you bucking serious?"
Lyra didn't turn back to face the executive. "Perhaps you didn't here me last time. It's just a kids show."
Even from Lyra's side, Bon Bon could hear Synergy calming herself with slow breathing.
"Honestly," shuddered Synergy. "What kind of animals do you have working for you?"
"He wants the D," Vinyl snickered, nodding to herself.
The other writers on the couch remained silent looking like they were all a mixture of confused and scarred. The only one who was able to break the silence, eventually, was Short Hoof.
"... What?"
"What?" the taned girl asked as she dashed off Justin back onto her feet.
Anyone looking at the girl could see that she was actually rather short considering everyone standing around her. She was wearing a sports bra, jogging shorts and running shoes, which complimented all the sweat she was covered in.
Justin stumbled to his feet, "I said—"
"I heard you, dork." The girl took a moment to examine Justin as he stood before her. "By the look of you, I'd say one girl would be too much for you."
"Sorry, darling," interjected Clair. "I must agree with the scruffy ruffian."
Tanned girl checked out out Clair and chuckled. "Thank, Fancy No-Pants."
Clair gasped. "Excuse me, miss, but I don't believe we've been introduced."
"Guess I'm too fast for the rest of the people around here. The name's Diane, that should make it easy for you to shout my praise when I'm at the Olympics next year," Diane said with a thumbs up.
Clair and Peter just stared in bemusement at Diane while Justin bursted into laughter.
"I didn't know there was a sport around running into people," he said through his cackling.
"Something tells me you don't know a whole lot about physical activity," she said through a smirk.
Justin was about to make his witty retort before pausing and looking at Clark. Diane, Clair and Peter saw the journalism student staring at them, slacked jawed and with wide eyes.
"You people are just... acting opprobrious."
Justin furiously rubbed his head. "Can I go one minute without someone throwing big words at me?!"
"I just hate seeing people arguing for no good reason like this!" Clark insisted. "I can tell just by looking at you guys that you're better than this."
Clair brushed her hair to the side. "While I'm... flattered, I don't associate myself with schlubby men such as yourself."
Clark glanced down at his wrinkled jacket. "I love this jacket, it was my Pa's."
"And I'm sure Pa's proud of you," Clair said as she strutted out the bar. "But I'm sure he'd appreciate a little suede every now and then."
Clark looked on in dissapointment as Clair walked out the bar until he felt Justin nudging him.
"I wouldn't be looking so down if all that was walkin away from me."
Diane roller her eyes. "Look, I can see that you don't have the greatest reflexes, but if you see me coming your way, it'd probably best if you stepped to the side."
Without another word, Diane stormed past Justin, knocking him with her shoulder. After getting a good distance from him, she resumed her run, jumping over cars and any other object in her way.
Peter walked over to Justin and tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you checking her out or just glaring at her?"
"I can neither confirm nor deny."
Giving him a shove, Peter guided Justin out of the bar. "Come on, you can walk me to my British history class."
"Right," Justin said dryly. "Wouldn't want to miss a whole two hours about puffy wigs and tea, right?"
Peter nodded. "Now you're getting it."
Left standing alone, Clark hung his head, feeling someone tap him on the shoulder. Turning around, he saw Perry smiling at him, still polishing dirty glasses.
"You forgot to pay for your root beer."
"We'll be back! Only on the Pub!" shouted the announcer as the commercial break began.
"Well!" called out Synergy as she turned to Lyra with rage in her eyes. "You truly have crafted a likable cast, haven't you?"
"It's called characer development," Lyra responded with a small smirk. "Look into it sometime."
"How deep are we even into this?" asked Synergy.
"About 10 minutes," answered Lyra.
Synergy hung her head. "All three of us will be lucky if we live through this."
"You're lucky I'm not asking you to do your usual chores," Twilight said as she rearranged the books on the shelves around her home with her magic.
"Yeah, that' because I finished them early, remember?" Spike responded as he continued staring at the T.V.
Twilight chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure we'd be able to find something for you to do."
"How?" asked Spike. "We organize the library every week, like somebody comes in everyday just to give us something to do."
Twilight lowered the book she was holding, looking confused at Spike. "Somebody?"
Spike shook his head. "Sorry, I was watching that show Rarity told us about."
Taking a seat next to Spike, Twilight levitated some potato chips out of Spike's bowl and into her mouth. "Isn't that the one she has a role in?"
"Yeah," Spike answered. "You just missed her first scene."
Twilight facehoofed. "Oh goodness! How could I have forgotten to write this down in my to-do list?"
Spike shrugged. "Because watching T.V. is, like, never on your to-do list?"
The librarian looked down as she blushed. "That's... not incorrect. So, how's Rarity's character?"
"Weird," said Spike. "She's mean, shallow, and makes jokes at people who dress differently from her. It's nothing like her, but she seems to be doing a good job."
The dragon glanced over at Twilight when he heard the sound of snickering coming from her mouth. "Twi? Are you laughing?"
"It's nice to see everypony laughing," remarked Feather Quill as she looked over the couch at the patrons who had been watching the show."
"You know," started Vinyl. "Until watching this, I never realized how smart we were."
"And I never noticed how high, drunk and flirty one pony could get in a writers room," quipped Short Hoof.
"I don't recall you complaining that night you took me home on our first day," Vinyl cooed.
"That because as soon as you got home, you through up in the kitchen sink and passed out. I only stayed to make sure you didn't choke in your sleep."
"Is that why you were naked in my bed when I woke up?"
"We're always naked, you putz."
Short Hoof and Vinyl looked to the side, seeing Ditzy staring at them.
"If you want, I can wrap up some alcoholic muffins for you?"
"You should've told me we would need more alcohol than what I brought," Synergy snarled.
Bon Bon chuckled. "But, Synergy, alcohol would only eclipse your senses and you wouldn't be able to appreciate Only Human."
"That is, in fact, the plan, Miss Bon."
"My roommate makes the booze-muffins for $9.90 for a ten-pack," interjected Lyra.
"Normally I'd take you up on that offer, but something tells me I've already given you enough money for nauseating products already.
"We're back to Only Human! Only on the Pub!"
"Stupid... worthless... meaningless," mumbled Sarah as she sat at he library desk.
Synergy smirked. "I like this girl."
Sarah had been flipping through her Humanity Studies text book, which she could have sworn was thicker than her whole body. From one page to the next, she was capable of speed-reading most of the book, each chapter more frustratingly useless than the last.
"I had a feeling you were a fast reader."
Sarah ceased her reading, glancing up at familiar face standing before her. "I don't suppose you're here to convince me this thing was worth the book store price?"
Clark chuckled. "I think here's a digital version you can get for cheaper."
Sarah slammed the book shut, blowing air in Clark's face."Even a digital version of this thing would still be too heavy for it's own book."
Clark sits down opposite Sarah. "I admit, it's not the most gripping read, but it's not like we've got a say in the matter."
"I'm already regretting this course," sighed Sarah.
"Why's that?" asked Clark.
"Let's just say other people isn't something I'm passionate about."
"Well that's... a bit dark."
Sarah rolled her eyes. "Clark, was it? I'm going to tell you a hard truth I've learned studying silent. People are worthless. We're nothing special. We're a couple of guests in an amazing universe. Studying other people is not only boring, but a waste of time."
"Aaaaaand that's even darker," Clark responded. "Look, I know it sounds old fashion, but I'm a firm believer in this: Everything matters. Everyone matters. That includes you."
Sarah sighed. "While I appreciate the sentiment, but human studies aren't for me." Sarah hung her head, "humanity just isn't really my thing."
BOOM!
"JEEZ!"
A startled Synergy backed into seat as the explosion echoed through the theaters surround sound system.
Lyra snickered. "I can pull up my foreleg rest if you need to cuddle me."
Synergy smiled and looked at Lyra. "You can do that, but keep in mind, if you do that, there will, literally, be nothing between you and me."
Lyra slowly turned back to the screen.
"What the...?"
As the dust cleared, Sarah looked up, finding an entire wall of the library had disappeared. The remaining brinks where burnt and smoking. Looking out the new window, Sarah found several cars on fire, a knocked down tree, hundreds of people running in fear, and a giant purple light coming from the athletics field.
"Huh... Clark... CLARK?!
Sarah looked back to where Clark had been sitting, finding only a pair of broken glasses. She picked up the glasses, put them in her pocked and ran over to the hole in the wall.
"Clark?! Where are you?!"
Sarah eventually spotted Clark, running towards the chaos, pushing past all the other panicking civilians.
"Oh, you idiot!"
At top speed, Sarah ran past all the other people, finding Clark trying to lift up a tree trunk.
Sarah ran over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Clark! What are you doing?! We have to get out of here, right now!"
"Not without him!"
Looking down at the log, Sarah found Justin, trapped under the log.
"Don't mind me, just waiting to die," Justin said, laughing nervously.
"Not today, buddy," Clark said through clenched teeth. Summoning all his strength, Clark finally rolled the log off of Justin, letting him climb to his feet.
"Justin, was it? I need you to run and get whatever help you can. Make sure they have fire extinguishers and a way to move rubble. Now!"
"Right!" Justin called back as he ran into a portion of the university that hadn't been destroyed.
"Sarah!" Clark called. "I need you to stay with me. You're a lot smarter than me, and if want to save anymore people, we're going to need you, now follow me!"
Before Sarah could get anything out of her mouth, Clark had already started running to the next set of screams.
"Clark, wait!"
Clark turned around, seeing a panicking Sarah. "Sarah! I need you!"
"I can't do it!"
Clark's eyes widened in horror when he saw a purple light start to engulf the area that Sarah was standing in. He looked up in the sky to see what looked like a shadowing ball of energy plummeting to the ground. As fast as he could, Clark ran to Sarah, through her over his shoulder, and made a made dash to the nearest open door he could find, slamming it behind him as the energy ball crashed into the ground and exploded, taking out several nearby structures. As for the building he and Sarah were in, the walls had all been cracked, looking like they could collapse on them at any moment.
Clark gently placed Sarah on her feet in front of him. "Sorry, but I don't think we'll be able to stay still for much longer.
"Then what the heck are you two doing?!"
Looking at the opposite end of the room, Clark and Sarah found Diane. It appeared as though she had ran through the other side of the building.
"Diane? What are you doing here?" Clark asked.
"I was running to see what all the action was."
Sarah was slackjawed. "You're telling you decided to run... towards the death and destruction?"
"Yeah!" Diane answered with a huge grin. "What are you two doing here?"
"Well..." stuttered Sarah. "We were running around, looking for people that need help."
Diane arched her brow. "So... exactly what I was doing?"
Clark stepped forward. "Diane, I don't suppose you have any idea what's going on?"
"Not yet," Diane said, pointing out the broken window. "But I'm pretty sure it's coming from the athletics field."
Diane did a quick round of stretches in front of the other two.
"Excuse me?" asked Sarah. "But what are you doing?"
"Getting ready for whatever's out there. Just follow me..."
Suddenly, Diane dashed through weakened wall, the camera angle and the animation made it look like she was in mid-strut.
"I've got a shortcut."
Synergy leaned into to Lyra. "It looks like she's karate chopping wind."
Running through the Diane shaped wall in the wall, Clark and Sarah stepped out onto the streets, seeing Sarah make a mad dash for the athletics field, loosing sight of her as she ran past the trees.
"Hey guys!"
Clark and Sarah saw Justin, with Peter by his side, run up to them from the safer side of campus.
"What are you doing?!" Sarah shouted. "Clark told you to get help!"
"I did," Justin said, pointing straight at Peter. "Look at this guy!"
"I'll help in whatever I can," Peter said, stepping forward. "Right now, we need to figure out where these attacks are coming from."
"Diane thinks they're coming from the athletics field," Clark explained.
"They are," interjected Sarah. "I saw some kind of purple light coming from the field.
"Back up a minute there," said Justin. "Diane? This girl wouldn't happen to be Latino, really competitive and surprisingly strong for size?"
Clark and Sarah nodded in unison.
"HELP!" screamed Diane from the distance.
"Great, and she's got a loud mouth, too," Justin groaned.
Rolling his eyes, Clark lead the group, running towards the field, pushing through the trees.
Pushing through the trees, the four humans found Diane, kneeling by a Blonde girl that was lying on the ground, while something off-screen emitted a bright purple light.
"Save me from this whiner!" Diane called out.
"But how am I supposed to run with broken heels?!" the blond girl asked.
The four humans ran over to her.
"Hey, you were that loud mouth girl from the bar," said Peter.
"My mouth is perfectly sized, I'll have you know!" Clair shouted.
Vinyl quietly snickered to herself.
Clark picked up Clair, craddeling her in his arms. "Everyone, just be ready to—"
THOOM!
The humans turned to the bright purple light, which, upon visual inspection resembled some sort of black hole, the kind they would have found in their astronomy books. The doorway became hollow, allowing a shadowy figure to step through it.
The individual stood at 7 feet tall, had pale skin and a goatee. He was wearing medieval style armor, complete with helmet with goat horns on the sides and a glowing purple gem on his belt buckle. Taking a breath, he let out an amount of cold smoke that, for a moment, covered his black eyes.
"I'm guessing that's the bad guy?" asked Justin.
Diane, who was standing behind him, cracked her knuckles. "Good guess."
"KNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEL!" shouted the armored man, letting out more cold air. "Kneel before, Arthur!"
Sarah looked up at him in shock. "Did he say Arthur?"
Arthur placed a hand around the hilt of his sheaved sword. "Kneel or die!"
"Heck no!" shouted Justin as he ran away from Arthur.
Diane ran straight towards Arthur, running past Justin. "Heck yes!"
The camera now in front of her, Diane dashed straight towards their armored foe, wearing a giant grin. "Stand back, nerds." Using her powerful legs, she jumped into the air, winding back her fist, ready to land the finishing blow. "Diane's got—"
With his giant hand, Arthur grabbed hold of Diane's throat, holding her close to her face. "Do you honestly expect me to let a child stand in my way?"
Examining the girl in his hand, Arthur saw Diane letting a few tears run down her face while frost from his hand spread to her neck.
"Sorry about that, child," Arthur said with a sinister grin. "Hell is colder than they'd have you believe."
Arthur casually tossed Diane back to the group, having her land directly on Justin.
"Oh, goodness, why?" Justin called through clenched teeth.
Seeing the hurt, almost weeping Diane on the ground, Clark turned back to Arthur,clenched his fists, and slowly made his paces towards him. The wind had blown his hair to one side, creating a spit curl look across his forehead.
"Clark!" called Sarah. "What are you doing?!"
Clark ignored her, continuing his approach he was finally a few inches from Arthur, looking straight in his black eyes.
"Who are you and why are you hurting these people?" Clark asked.
"I hurt them, because they need to learn," he answered. "I am Lord Arthur of—"
"Of Camelot!"
Clark shot back around, seeing Sarah standing right behind him.
"I remember you," she continued. "You're Lord Arthur of Camelot. You were a dark wizard from the middle ages that was banned to the moon for a thousand years for attempting to conquer the human race. Of course, that was all from a children's book."
Arthur scoffed. "Of course that's what they'd reduce me too. I was trying to save the earth, and, as I suspected, they banished me for attempting to rid them of their violent, stupid ways. And after seeing that your first course of action was to attack me, I can see that a thousand years hasn't changed anything."
"Regardless of what you're doing, you don't have say in our future!" Clark shouted. "What makes you think you have any right to hurt those that don't comply to your view?"
"I'm the strongest there is!" he answered. "I will brutalize all those who stand in my way."
"Only the weak succumb to brutality," Clark answered, without a single hint of fear in his voice. "You can destroy as many buildings as you want, but humanity stronger than you give it credit for. Leave, and don't come back until you're ready to play nice. The last thing any of us want to do is hurt you!"
Diane got back on her feet, raising a finger in objection. "He doesn't speak for me!"
"You heard me," Clark said,taking a step forward. "Leave. Now."
For a moment, Arthur and Clark stared each other down as one sized the other up.
"You are brave," Arthur said as he raised his sword over his head. "You shall be granted a hero's death."
Clark looked down, letting shadow cover his eyes. "Someday, maybe." He suddenly looked up, grinning. "But not today!"
Without warning, Clark turned around, grabbed Sarah, and rolled out of the way, leaving two blinding lights to hit Arthur in the face.
"Hey! Your majesty!"
Looking around the light, Arthur realized that Justin was in the drivers seat of a car, which was barreling towards him at full speed. "Your chariot awaits!"
Pushing the door open, Justin barreled out of the car, making a few 'snapping' sounds.
Before Arthur could act, the car rammed into him, pushing back through the portal, but it as still open.
Diane ran to Justin, lifting his head off the ground. "Hey, what the heck was that supposed to be?"
"An epic one-liner," he answered. "What else?"
THOOM!
The humans looked on in horror as Arthur stepped back through the portal, except his sword was gone this time.
"That sword was mine since I was a child! And now it's in the vacuum!" he shouted. "You shall die first!"
"Common, Chuckles!" Diane picked up Justin, cradling him in her arms as she ran away from Arthur at top speed. "Let's roll out!"
Synergy, once again, leaned towards Lyra. "Remember when we first met? Do you remember what you said about 'action one-liners'? Do you, Miss Heartstrings?"
Lyra smiled, continuing to watch the show. "I believe I said 'buck you.'"
"I said ENOUGH!"
Clark lunged into the air, uppercutting Arthur in the face. It looked like a mosquito had bit him.
"I really don't want to do that again," Clark said as he held his grazed fist. "Especially since that hurt me more than it hurt you.'
Arthur wound his fist back, throwing a punch straight at Clark's face... only to be caught by Peter, using all the strength in his upper body to hold it back.
"A gentleman never throws the first punch," Peter said as he wound one of his fists back punched Arthur square in the jaw, knocking him to one of his knees. "But he always throws the last!"
Wiping the blood from his lip, Arthur glared at Peter, who was standing before him. "You dare?"
"I do!" Peter, removing his cane, which was attached at his hip, he placed it in his hand. "Are you familiar with bartitsu? In case you don't, it's a gentleman's martial art. It's a fighting style that utilizes fists, fine clothing, and best of all... canes!"
Flipping his canes in the air, Peter grabbed it by the bottom, and swung the handle straight into Arthur's face, knocking him flat on his back.
"You're going to wish you never made me walk out here bare foot!"
Looking up, Arthur saw Clair, standing over him. "I may not be much of a fighter, but I know more than anyone about fashion, and that includes fashion history." She pointed down at his knees. "You're wearing armor from when you put away. Meaning that you're wearing a collection nuts and bolts."
She reached down to his knee plates, pulling out a few loose screws causing the leggings to cave in, immobilizing Arthur.
"Good luck trying to walk with no leggings." Clair quickly turned back to her school mates. "And before anyone says anything, I'm wearing stockings!"
Back at the group, Diane ran over the Sarah.
"Hey egghead!" she began. "I don't suppose you have a permanent way of putting this dude out for good?"
"I think I do, actually," Sarah said, pointing to the gem on his belt. "That gem is glowing the same way the portal behind him is, my hypothesis is—"
"Please refrain from using big words," Diane interjected.
Sarah continued. "If we destroy that gem, it might force him back into the portal, otherwise, he would've closed it on his own."
"And how do you propose we do that?" Diane asked.
"By doing something I'm sure you're good at: hit it. Hard!"
Diane glanced over at the athletics equipment, seeing a few javelins. "I'm really starting to like you."
Picking up a javelin, Diane and Sarah walked over to Arthur, who was still attempting to get back on his feat.
"You think you've won this easily?" he asked with venom in his voice. "You're just like they were. They thought a thousand years of isolation would change my nature. They were wrong about me! I'll never change! And neither will any of you!"
"Oh shut up!" Diane shouted as she rammed the javelin into his jewel, not entirely shattering it, but still damaging it.
"Oh dear God," Short Hoof mumbled to herself.
"What now?" asked Vinyl.
"I just realized we're having a girl ran something sharp into a man's 'jewel', which just so happens to be right on top of his crotch."
"You need me!" Arthur shouted, spitting at the girls. "You're all animals! I'm here to tame you! To keep you all safe! You're all monsters without me!"
Glaring at Arthur, Sarah snatched the javelin from Diane and raised it over hear head. "We're stronger than we think we are!"
With all of her might, Sarah plunged the javelin into the jewel, finally shattering it. The portal behind them began to flicker and suck Arthur back through it. Flying back towards the gateway, he made one last grab at the ground, glaring up at the girls.
"I will ret—"
THOOM! THOOM! THOOM!
A blinding flash of light began to erupt from the portal. The two girls ran back towards their new friends, all of the humans grabbing close hold of each other as the light engulfed them.
After a moment of silence, the light had vanished. There was nothing left on the field but the smoke and kids.
"Well... that was a thing," remarked Justin.
"A loud thing," Peter said as he looked up at the hill, seeing several silhouettes behind the smoke. "We're being watched."
Slowly, a loud round of applause broke through the smoke as it cleared, revealing hundreds of people looking down on the kids, smiling at them as they cheered their names.
"Wait a minute... Is that...?"
Ditzy squinted at the T.V, noticing one particular human that stood out to her. She had blonde hair, a messengers uniform on, and a pair of wall-eyes.
Ditzy chuckeld. "You clever bitch."
"That was an interesting choice of words," Clark said as he placed his hand on Sarah's shoulders. "We're stronger than we think we are. Does that go for you as well?"
Sarah looked into his eyes, and returned the smile he was giving her.
"I certainly hope so."
Executive Producers: Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon.
"Congratulations, Lyra!" Bon Bon said with a round of applause. "That was... Lyra?"
The houselights came on as the closing credits started to roll. Lyra was no longer in her seat. Synergy, however, was exactly where Bon Bon left her. Except Synergy wasn't looking up. Her face was buried in her hooves.
"You..." Synergy growled as she raised her head. "Colossal..." Her eyes filled with pure rage, Synergy shouted at Bon Bon. "BUCKING IDIOT!"
"What's wrong? The show turned out fine!"
"You did, what might possibly be, the WORST job you could've done!" Synergy yelled as she stood to her feet. "I asked you to make a show for the female demographic, what I got was a slug fest, pretending to be better than other shows that are far more superior and honest than this piece of trash!"
"Excuse me?"
"You're excused for the last time, you self entitled bitch! When the number come in, I'll present it to the bored, and have you and that skank out of this city for good!"
Synergy stormed out the room, leaving Bon Bon alone with her thoughts. She slowly exited the theater heading to the box office mare that was just about to leave.
"Excuse me, do you know where Lyra Heartstrings went?"
"Yeah," the mare responded. "She said something about a roof."
"Raise with roof with me, Mother Buckers!" shouted Vinyl as she stood on the couch, leading to the rest of the store to give the writers a round of applause.
Ditzy stood near by, watching the credits roll to a close. The final credit was a video of lyre playing a few sweet notes before text faded in at the bottom of the screen. The text read 'A Lyra Heartstrings Production.'
The muffin mare shed a single tear as she smiled. "That's my girl."
Vinyl, now on the floor, grabbed hold of of Ditzy, and leaned down to the ground like they had been dancing.
She leaned into the muffin mare, "Kiss me, woman!"
The only sound louder than the applause and laughter, was the sound of Ditzy smacking Vinyl across of the face.
"You like it rough, huh?"
"Well that was rough," Bon Bon remarked as she closed the door to the roof behind her.
To her relief, Bon Bon found Lyra near the edge, looking out at the city, gazing into the city lights and illumination of Luna's moon.
Bon Bon took her place right next to Lyra. "I'm surprised you didn't stay."
"Why?" Lyra asked with a chuckle. "Not like I don't know how it ends... That and I didn't want to deal with Synergy."
"We'll both have to deal with her later, for now, let's just enjoy the view."
A few minutes of silence passed the mares by as they gazed out onto the busy streets. Even with the spectacular view, Bon Bon couldn't help but glance back and forth at Lyra, who had the light of the moon bouncing off her eyes. It was like they were sparkling. Every now and then, there tails would casually swing into each other.
"Did I ever tell you about my time in college?" Lyra asked, breaking the silence.
"No? Why?"
Taking a deep breath, Lyra turned to Bon Bon. "In my final year, we were told to present a completely original concept for a show. I had come up with the humans before, but I hadn't fleshed it out fully. I gave what I had to my professors, and they gave me a passing grade... but they told me never to pitch it. They said the idea of creatures that challenged morality and society was too much for the general pony populous to handle. They were convinced that Equestria wasn't ready for humanity."
The green mare looked deep into Bon Bon's eyes. "What do you think?"
Bon Bon put a hoof on Lyra's shoulder. "I think there's always hope... Do you remember what I said when you were at my apartment that one time?"
"Yeah, you said, put on these costumes for the camera."
The two shared a quick laugh before Bon Bon continued.
"You asked me about being an artist, and I told you that being an artist was all about making the audience feel something... You've made me feel something... You have from the day we met."
The two mares turned to face each other, each with their hooves around each other, letting the moonlight sparkle in their eyes.
Someone in Canterlot, a young stallion, lacking a cutie mark, and sporting a cream coat with a flaming red mane hopped off his couch and trotted over to his office desk, where his laptop already had his blog open.
Giving his hooves a quick stretch, his began typing...
Hello Everypony,
My name's Samuel, and I just watched a show about these creatures called 'humans'.
Let me tell you about them.
Firstly, let me say the show isn't perfect. It was rushed in parts, some of the jokes didn't work and it ended rather abruptly. That being said, it was still more that just a show... at least that's how it looked to me. It was a reminder.
"Tell me how bad it is," Synergy said as she walked into the control room.
The control room looked like a military command center, each screen showing the status of various shows aired by the Pub. There was only one stallion that was stupid enough to work so late.
"How bad what is?" the worker asked
"Only Human. Do we have any preliminary ratings yet?"
"Well... we do... but I wouldn't describe them as bad, like, at all."
"Excuse me?" Synergy stormed down to the screen, shoving the worker aside. "What am I looking at?"
"Well, the ratings started low, but word went viral about 15 minutes in and the ratings just... I don't know, exploded. Nearly a couple million from each demographic was tuned in, especially the 5-12 year old girls. And on top of that, digital sales have put a massive strain on our servers and the numbers keep coming in... Miss?"
Synergy hung her had over the screen, watching the ratings number climb higher and higher, looking like it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. She didn't make a single noise, but a few drops of water left her face and dropped onto the screen.
"Ma'am? What do you want to do?
Synergy looked up at the worker, mascara running down her face. "I suppose we should start counting."
The show was a reminder to every young filly and colt watching at home that you aren't perfect, you can be scared, you can be selfish at times, but it's OK. Because that's who you are.
And nopony should ever change who they are.
We are creatures with dreams. Creatures of fear. Of courage. Of humour. Of love.
For all our mistakes, for all our misteps, non of it matters... and yet, every step, everything we do, all matters.
Why?
We're Only Human.
A Few Days Later...
'Transmorphers Fans' read one subforumon the page. Samuel had seen nothing but unoriginal names for various show fandoms on the cartoon discussion. 'X fans', or 'fans of y'. Each show had the same boring discussions, the same boring names, the same boring everything.
Scrolling further down, he found subforum he had set up a few minutes ago. 'Only Human Fans' was the first thing that came to his mind. He stared at it for a good little while, letting random combinations of words and phrases tumble through his head.
After a few more moments of silence, his eyes winded and his hooves made a mad dash for the keyboard. His status as an admin allowed him to do many things, including changing the names of subforums. He cleared what was written in before, replacing it something more... memorable.
Homies.
End of Volume One
More Smoking Gun Stories!
Chyrsalis gets in touch with her inner thespian in Method Actress!
Octavia and Vinyl take on the mob and alcohol poisoning in Club Harmony!
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 0: Pre-Production
By Smoking Gun
Three and a half years ago...
"Everypony dreams," echoed the booming voice through the speakers. "But what is a dream?"
The voice in question was coming from a stallion behind a podium on a stage. He had several hot lights pointed directly at him, but he paid them no mind. His attention was directed at the thousands of younger ponies looking back at him.
"Typically," he continued, "a dream is when we go to sleep, and the random thoughts and images we've had throughout our day come back at us without any kind of filter, becoming something new. That explanation is only half right."
He caught a confused expression from one mare in the front row - taking note of it, he continued.
"Through everypony's life, they get these random collection of images and sounds... we call them family, friends, jobs, experience. And at some point, we dream. Maybe not during sleep, but at some point a random collection of the components of your life are suddenly going to form together in a way that gives you the inspiration you need to create something. And that's what we're here to help you do."
He spread open his forelegs, presenting the building that they were all sitting in. "Welcome to Ponyville School of Art and Design. Here we will give you all the tools you'll need to create something that will make you rich, make you happy. For those of you who don't know, my name is Professor Gaiman, and I'm here to teach you how to dream. So dream, and dream big."
"Big whoop", remarked one pony leaning against the hallway. He was one of many students who were around campus, some chilling with new friends, others rushing around to get settled in. And then there was one other, who wasn't sure what she was doing.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
The green mare levitated a piece of paper in front of her, which showed a map of the campus, with a big red circle over one of the apartment blocks. After what felt like hours of walking, she found herself walking through the front door, seeing ponies her age with luggage, trying to fit through the doors, stairs and elevator. She nervously approached the desk.
"Excuse me, I'm Lyra Heartstrings. I'm looking for my room," she asked.
The elderly mare at the desk rolled he eyes and she looked at the monitor by her side.
"Room 23, third floor. Your roommate is already there, "the desk mare said with an annoyed growl.
Lyra smiled. "Thanks."
Bitch.
Lyra levitated her suitcase up the stairs, eventually reaching the third floor. Her ears were overwhelmed with the chatter of students around her getting to know their roommates.
She eventually found room 23, and slowly pushed the door open.
"Hi, I'm—"
"Duck!"
Lyra couldn't process any information before the football hit her square in the forehead. She rolled onto her back, landing on the hallway carpet. Gazing up, she saw a large stallion, wearing a football jersey standing above her.
"Sorry, freshman. Only seniors can play dorm ball," he said as he leaped over her body, running off to join his friends.
"Noted," Lyra growled as she helped herself to her feet.
"Finally, he's gone."
Lyra looked into her new dorm, spotting a mare with her back to her. She was white, had a flaming red mane, and a horn.
"He ran in here to hide the ball from his bros," the unicorn continued. "It's like Scooby-Doo... only with more douch-baggery."
The unicorn turned back to Lyra as she walked into the room, she was smiling. "I'm Lauren, animation major."
Lyra shook her hoof. "Lyra Heartstrings, writing major."
Lyra was startled by Lauren's sudden burst of laughter. "Oh, I see you want to be unemployed."
Lauren whipped away a single tear from her eye as she began setting up her computer. Lyra was frozen.
Bitch.
"W-why do you say that?" Lyra asked as she brought in her suitcase. She put it on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed placed on the right side of the room.
"Writers aren't exactly known for their job security," Lauren said as she turned to face Lyra. "But don't worry about it for now, follow your dreams, I say."
It wasn't difficult to pick up the snarkyness in her voice.
"I'm sure plenty of writers find work," Lyra said, attempting to add subtle snarkyness herself.
"Only the great ones," Lauren retorted, as she took a seat on the office chair that clearly came with the room.
Lyra took a seat on her bunk. "Well, maybe I'm one of the greats in-the-making."
Lauren smiled to herself. "And maybe we'll team up." Lauren turned in her seat, her hoof raised as high as her foreleg would let her. "Lauren and Lyra taking over Canterlot, one timeslot at a time."
Lyra's eyebrow arched. "Lyra and Lauren," she corrected.
Lauren smiled and nodded her head. "Quick on your hooves. Maybe you will be one of the greats. But you'll have to let me go first."
Lyra walked over to Lauren, looking over her shoulder to see the monitor. "WHOA!"
The screen was filled with heavily detailed sketches of ponies and objects. It looked like something Lyra would see in a comic if it hadn't been inked and colored.
"It's just some stuff I did in high school. It helped me get my scholarship."
"Wow... that's amazing," Lyra added.
"Are you kidding?" Lauren asked in disgust. "This is pathetic. The proportions are all wrong, the shadows aren't consistent, and they all look high as hell."
Lyra was frozen once again. "I'm sorry."
"It's OK," said Lauren. "I wouldn't expect somepony who wasn't an artist to know. Like with me, you couldn't expect to know when you... misspelled a word I guess."
"Oh hehehehe," Lyra retorted. "Maybe you should be the writer."
"Maybe I should," Lauren said with an ever-growing smirk. "Not like it takes actual work."
The two snickered to each other before going quiet.
"Did... did we just become friends?" Lyra asked.
"Nah," Lauren answered. "Not yet. At the moment, we're banter-buddies. We keep each other's minds sharp. Speaking of which..."
Using her magic, Lauren opened up a mini-fridge she had in the corner of the room, pulling out a can of 'Father energy drink'.
"Want a sip?" Lauren asked, popping the can open.
"It's ten in the morning," Lyra answered.
"Yeah, but I haven't slept in days."
Lauren started downing her energy drink, not watching Lyra as she walked out.
"I'll be back soon, I've got to speak to somepony."
"You wanted to speak to me?" Professor Gaiman asked, looking up from his desk.
"Yeah, just about some stuff," Lyra said nervously, standing in the doorway to his office.
"Well don't just stand there, come in," Gaiman said, waving her in.
Lyra closed the door behind her, taking a seat at the desk. "Sir, I'm a writing major and... Am I not going to have a job?"
Gaiman sighed. "It is true that finding work as a writer right out the gate... can be very rare. That's not to say you'll never find work as a writer... just be prepared to not be living glamorously at first."
Gaiman's smile was comforting to Lyra.
"Thank you sir... is there any other advice you could give?"
"Not now," said Gaiman. "Wait until you're closer to graduation. We'll speak more about it then."
Lyra nodded, getting up and walking towards the door. Suddenly, she stopped, looking back at her professor.
"One more thing sir," Lyra began. "This may sound weird, but... when you look at me, what do you see?"
Gaiman paused, and looked Lyra square in the eye for a moment. "I see a blank slate."
Lyra paused, not knowing how to respond to that. She saw Gaiman returning to his work, so she nodded, and slowly closed the door behind her.
Almost three year later...
Blank.
Why is it blank? It shouldn't be blank!
She kept staring at the paper, it wasn't getting any less vacant. She looked to the left slightly, seeing a mostly-empty cup of coffee by her side, sitting on a folded up napkin, acting as a coaster. Her coffee may have been gone, but that didn't stop the invigorating smell from filling her nostrils. She looked around at the coffee shop she had taken refuge in, seeing several of Ponyville's citizens laying back, enjoying their cups of Joe and probably being more productive than she was.
"I thought you hated coffee."
Lyra's face lit up, spotting a grey pegasus in a blue mailmare uniform float in through the door. The pegasus touched down in front of Lyra's table. The two hugged each other tight.
"Ditzy!" Lyra called, sounding a bit wheezy from the hug. "How was work?"
"Only a little less painful than an iron maiden," Ditzy remarked as she pulled up a free chair, sitting next to Lyra. "So what brings you here?"
"Lauren invited me," answered Lyra. "She said she could do a pow-wow for my assignment."
"And how much has she helped?" Ditzy asked.
"So far all I've been able to do is hopelessly suggest that she refrain from looking like a douchebag who writes their screenplay in public to look cool."
Ditzy and Lyra saw Lauren exit the bathroom and take her seat at the table.
"Hey Lauren," Ditzy said with a nod.
"Hey Ditzy," Lauren answered. "How was work?"
"Only a little less painful than an iron maiden."
"You already used that joke," Lyra said, still looking down at her paper.
"It's still one more joke than you've got down."
Not moving her head at all, Lyra rolled her eyes up towards Ditzy for a moment, before returning to the paper.
"So," Ditzy continued. "What's the assignment exactly?"
Lyra spoke, still looking down at her blank paper. "Every writing major has to pitch a concept for a television show for their final semester. The due date is a month away and I still don't have anything to show."
Ditzy's face lit up. "I've got something you can use. It's a taught-sexy-thriller about a local mailmare who stumbles upon a conspiracy that only she can unravel."
Lyra stared at Ditzy blankly.
Ditzy continued. "Don't worry. She has a creatively challenged sidekick."
Lyra sighed, gazing down at her blank slate of a paper, leaving behind any semblance of happiness. She looked back up, feeling a gentle hoof on her shoulder. She saw Ditzy smiling at her.
"I'm sorry, honey. I'm just trying to make you laugh."
"Laugh at what?" Lyra asked. "It's hopeless."
"There's always hope," Lauren remarked.
Lyra slowly turned to Lauren, sporting a look of disbelief... and a little insult. "Since when?"
Before Lauren could respond, all three mares felt the same thing; a rumble. It was coming from the floor and building up the chair, running to the tip of their spines. Everypony in the coffee shop could feel it, even the cups on the tables were starting to rumble, with more than a few spilling over.
And within a moment, the rumbling stopped, and nopony had made a noise.
Lauren cleared her throat with a cough. "Well... that was a thing."
BOOM!
Lyra couldn't make out anything. From her perspective, it looked like the wall behind Lauren exploded from the outside-in. Before any of the wood from the wall hit her, she felt a sudden loss of gravity, flying back while still in her seat. Time seemed to slow down as she saw everypony, including her friends fly away from the exploding wall. Until suddenly noise returned, and Lyra went flying, full speed, into the other wall, head first, bouncing off and onto the floor.
It went black for a moment before the colors slowly started to return. Lyra saw several ponies running away in all directions, screaming at the top of their lungs, not that she could hear it properly.
The next thing she was was Ditzy touching down in front of her, putting her hooves to the side of Lyra's head as she shook her as hard as she could.
That can't be good for me.
It looked like Ditzy was signalling Lyra to stay put and that she'd be right back. But for whatever reason, Lyra struggled to her feet anyway. Half her vision went red as she stumbled into the alley through a whole in the one still-standing wall. She put her hoof to her forehead, feeling a pool of liquid pour from a gash at the top of head. She could hear little bits and pieces of sound coming through as she approached the main road, all with her last sentence echoing in her head, like somepony was forcing her to listen.
Hope? Since When?
She stepped onto the main road, falling flat onto her belly. She used her forelegs to push her up... and was greeted by a rainbow. A circular rainbow high in the sky that lead a trail down to Lyra. Right before the trail collided with Lyra, the trail quickly turned, all in time for Lyra to be able to hear everything clearly again.
"Made you look!"
The image before Lyra looked like it was out of an eighties-era magazine. Six familiar looking ponies were locked in battle with a chimera, a part Lion, part snake, part goat beast as it tore the buildings around it apart.
The rainbow had come from Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom, with Rainbow Dash had used to build up speed and deliver a right hook to the Lion's jaw. Twilight Sparkle was releasing a blast of magical energy at the snake head, while Rarity was attempting to weave a rope around the creature's leg (not to any avail). Applejack, on the other hoof, was having more lucky with her lasso. Pinkie Pie was riding her party cannon, shooting confetti into the ear of the lion head, smiling and laughing the entire time.
Did Lauren put something in my drink again?
Looking at the goat head in the middle of the creature, Lyra saw Fluttershy, using her famous stare on the creature.
"Now, now," Fluttershy cooed. "You've had enough for today, so let's all calm down and..."
Fluttershy looked up, seeing the snake head, with it's jaw wide open, charging at her, thankfully Rainbow Dash was quick enough to push her out of the way, carrying her on her shoulder.
"How do you stare at something with three heads?" Fluttershy asked.
"With great difficulty," Rainbow Dash answered.
"Twilight, dear, if you would be so kind!" Rarity called.
Lyra looked at the chimera's legs, seeing that Rarity had been able to bring it down to it's stomach, Applejack's lasso was wrapped around the snake jaw, Fluttershy was, once again, staring down the goat head, while Rainbow Dash and Pinkie were distracting the lion head.
Concentrating, Twilight teleported herself into the air, bringing herself to the lion's eye level, and blasted it with a transparent beam of magic, causing the creature to vanish from sight. Twilight landed on all fours, whipping the sweat from her brow.
"Wooo! That was exhausting."
Twilight looked over her shoulder, seeing a disoriented Lyra, half her face covered in blood, staring straight at her.
"Oh my goodness," Twilight added. "Are you OK?"
Lyra didn't attempted a response, instead opting to collapse into the dirt.
"They didn't give you an extension, did they?"
"Nnnnope," said Lyra, gazing up at the top bunk. Thankfully her bandages weren't slipping over her eye anymore. "I'm too close to graduation for them to push it back."
"Still, that's just dickish," said Lauren, poking her head down from the top bunk. Lauren dropped down from her bunk, bringing herself to Lyra's level eye-level. "I'm gonna get you some dinner."
"Honestly," Lyra said with a shake of her head. "I'm fine. We both just need some rest."
"You're delusional," Lauren said as she gave Lyra a peck on her bandaged area. "I'll be right back. Try not to get a hemorrhage or something."
Lauren closed the door, leaving Lyra alone and laughing.
"Don't jinx it," Lyra proclaimed, slowly letting her laughter die down.
It felt like Lauren had been gone forever. For whatever reason, silence just made time slow down. Lyra had been advised not to move her head too much, so she couldn't roll off the bed to watch one of her usual videos.
The new Achieve Mares would be out today.... Wait.
Lyra suddenly inhaled deeply and levitated a piece of paper and a pen over to her, scribbling her life away.
"You're doing that thing again," said Lauren as she stepped into the room, carrying a pair of hay sandwiches. "When you think really hard, you stick your tongue out. Won't thinking too hard kill you at this point?"
"Hasn't stopped me yet," said Lyra, not taking her eyes off the paper.
"Did you finally come up with something?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah," Lyra answered. "But I need more to fill it out the middle. I need to go to Sugar Cube Corner tomorrow."
"But I need you here"
Lyra smiled, still gazing at her paper. "Research trip."
It's OK, Lyra. Just pretend you're a fangirl with agoraphobia.
Lyra sat at the middle booth on the far end of Sugar Cube Corner, eating a few green cup cakes and a can of 'Father Energy Drink'.
If Lauren asks, I was researching diabetes.
The better part of an hour went by before the door to the restaurant opened again. Six, brightly colored ponies stepped through the door.
Perfect. Just be cool.
After placing their orders, the mane six took their seats at the booth behind Lyra, luckily not noticing her. Subtly, Lyra placed a voice recorder on a table and pressed play. Lyra leaned back in her chair, twitching her ears as she listened.
"How awesome is it that we get free food now?" Rainbow Dash asked as she dug into her food.
"I've always gotten free sweets," Pinkie answered. "It comes out of my check, but it's still fun."
Lyra snickered, putting her now empty can of Father on the table with a crunch.
"Ah don't know if Ah feel right about this," Applejack added with a worried tone. "We did cause an lot of damage to the town."
"To be fair, Applejack," Twilight began. "The Chimera did attack the town. We couldn't really control it."
"The pour thing just got riled up," added Fluttershy.
"Well maybe it would have if somepony hadn't attacked it first," Applejack said, glaring straight at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow took a break from eating her cake. "What?"
"Admit it," continued Applejack. "You just wanted to punch a lion in the face, didn't you?"
Rainbow paused before answering. "Do you not?"
"Oh dear, look at you."
Lyra was startled by Mrs. Cake suddenly appearing at her side. She had her hoof raised like she wanted to touch Lyra's bandages
"Sweetheart, you want me to get you some ice?" she continued.
"I'm good, thank you," Lyra insisted. "But you can take my drink."
"Sure thing, sweetie." Mrs Cake took all of Lyra's rubbish onto a platter before walking away.
Lyra laid back in her chair, sighing to herself.
"I remember you," said a familiar voice.
Lyra shot up, her eyes wide in shock. Looking beside her, she saw a worried looking Twilight Sparkle, a mere few centimetres from her.
"You were at the chimera attack. You look like you were hurt pretty bad."
Lyra quickly moved the recorder to her side. "Oh yeah, it was nothing a little bit of sleep couldn't fix. I'm OK now, though."
"Wow, awesome bandage!" Rainbow added as she joined Twilight. "Can I see your scar?"
"Oh... I... I don't know if I should take my bandage off yet," Lyra stuttered.
"You'll have to excuse Rainbow," Twilight said as she glared at Rainbow. "She's been all sorts of rude lately."
"Oh! What's that?"
Tilting her head up, Lyra saw Pinkie Pie poking her head over the booth, pointing directly at Lyra's voice recorder.
Well buck.
Lyra levitated the voice recorder in front of Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
"I... well... I was hoping you would... record my voice mail?"
Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but Rainbow Dash quickly snatched the voice recorder.
"Yo calla! This is Rainbow to the D-A-S-H representing the comuni-Kay of... what was your name?"
"Lyra Heartstrings," Lyra said with nod.
"Lyra Heartstrings!" Rainbow continued. "Drop it at the tone!" Rainbow placed the recorder in Lyra's hoof.
"Thank you... so much," Lyra smiled.
"No problem, I won't even charge you my usual fee," said Rainbow as Twilight started to push her away.
"It was nice meeting you, Lyra," Twilight grumbled, still trying to smile.
"You too."
Looking down at the table, Lyra found a folded up piece of paper that wasn't there before. Opening it, she saw, written in blue, a phone number. Underneath it was written...
'Call me, sugar flank - R.D.'
“Too heavy!”
Lauren dropped the cardboard box marked ‘P.P.F’ on the floor so hard that it kicked up the dirt on the floor that had been concealed by the rug, which was rolled up and standing up near the door next to the girl’s mattresses.
“Miss Heartstrings!” called Lauren. “Would you please take a break from your busy schedule to help us move out!”
Lauren could see Lyra lying against the end of the bunk bed, facing away from her. In Lyra’s hooves, Lauren could see a lined notebook with several pencils and erasers floating around it thanks to Lyra’s magic.
“I’m talking to you!” Lauren trotted over to Lyra’s side. “What are you... what?”
Gazing down at Lyra’s book, she saw several sketches that didn’t resemble anything she was familiar with. The first was a sphere with lands that didn’t look anything like Equestria. Surrounding it where random objects, including: what looked like a carriage, except with no pony at the front. A large, vaguely bird-shaped object with windows down the side. Moving to the next page, Lauren found six stick figures, three of which had additional circles around what she assumed was the chest area. Each of them had their own names: Sarah, Clark, Diane, Justin, Clair and Peter.
“What’s all this?” Lauren asked.
Lyra turned away from her pad, looking up at Lauren with a beaming smile, her eyes were practically sparkling with excitement.
“Hope.”
"Thank you, Miss Top. And congratulations," said Gaiman to his student as she stepped exited stage left.
Taking a deep breath, Lyra trotted out with several pieces of paper in a folder, levitated at her side, stopping in the middle. At the base of the stage, she saw Professor Gaiman looking up at her.
"Miss Heartstrings," he began. "I hope you're feeling better."
"I certainly hope I am for the next few minutes."
Taking her papers out of her folder, she placed them on one of those things that projects paper onto the screen behind her.
Seriously, what are these things even called?
The first paper she showed was a cartoon logo she had drawn that read 'Only Human.' It had been drawn to have a pseudo-3D effect.
"For my final television concept pitch, I present Only Human. The ongoing, partly-episodic, story of six friends who protect the world around them, whilst building a friendship around their conflicting personalities."
She switched to the next piece of paper, which had each of the humans on it with their corresponding names. "The story takes place on a fictional planet called 'Earth'. I call it 'Earth' because these creatures cannot fly. They are humans, and they have more restrictions then us ponies. They're ape-like creatures, who are regularly clothed, greatly varying in size, shape and color."
Lyra caught Gaiman's expression of interest, smirking in response.
"Three boys and three girls, they have greatly conflicting personalities, and are forced to live near each other in the city of Manhattan."
Gaiman's laughter made Lyra's laughter grow bigger.
"The humans are ponies, even though they're different. But that's what make them special. Greatly flawed, naturally angry and scared of many things, they're better than that. They may not all see it, it might not all be visible to them, but friendship is always there. There's always hope. Without friendship and hope, what's the point of anything? Humanity is hope personified."
There was a moment of silence before Lyra chuckled.
"Sorry, do you have any questions?"
Gaiman leaned forward in his chair. "A couple. Firstly, what inspired this?"
Lyra quickly glanced up towards her bandages, and parted her mouth, but Gaiman raised his hoof.
"Don't worry, I get it. Second question: What do you hope to achieve with these humans?"
Lyra's eyes darted from stage left to stage right. "I honestly don't know. I'd like to see what ponies do with them. But for now, I just want to make kids happy, and teach them that friendship and hope is all you need. With those, the rest is easy."
There was a lengthy moment of silence. Lyra sweated as she watched Gaiman make his deliberation. After what felt like an eternity, he spoke.
"Good. Not great. Firstly, if I was assessing you on artistic skills, you'd fail very quickly. But the idea, the concept has potential. It will take a lot of work, it's far from ready, but it looks like something I would show my children."
Lyra jumped up and down, giggling like an idiot.
And I don't even give a buck!
"Congratulations, Miss Heartstrings. You're dismissed."
"Wait!" Lyra said. "On my first day I asked you what you saw me as... you told me I was a blank slate. I just have to know... why would you call me something like that? It hurt."
Gaiman stared straight at Lyra, giving her a look of disbelief. "You took that as an offense? Lyra, a blank slate is one of the best things somepony as young as you could possibly be. A blank slate isn't hindered by lack of imagination, energy, or societal weight. A blank slate is free to be whatever it wants... all with a little hope."
Lyra slowly smiled, nodded, packed up her things and left the stage as another pony took her place.
Stepping backstage, Lyra found Lauren waiting by the exit, smirking her flank off.
"So," she began. "Graduation drinks?"
A few days later...
"Are you ready to go?" Lyra asked.
"Pretty much. Are you?" Ditzy responded.
Lyra looked back at Ditzy's less-than-stellar appartment, which was now completely empty.
"Yeah, I'm just so thankful for you letting me stay with you."
"Stay?" Ditzy asked with a feigned shock. "You're my bitch, now. You'll be cleaning, cooking, feeding me grapes, and whatever depraved things that I can think off."
The two laughed, until it was cut off by the cough of a familiar face.
"Was that out of context or was my theory correct?" asked Lauren with a chuckle.
Ditzy floated out of the room. "I'll give you two a minute."
Lauren, wearing a saddlebag, trotted up to Lyra and gave her hug. "I'm gonna miss you. Promise me that the first network that picks you up isn't going to screw you out of your pay check."
"I promise," Lyra said as she released Lauren. "So what about you? What are your plans?"
"My boyfriend and I got internships at an animation studio in Manehattan. We're heading out tomorrow. Before I left, I wanted to give you your graduation present."
Lauren levitated something out of her saddle bag; a thick, leather bound book. She flicked through the pages, revealing several, highly detailed sketches of six humans, vehicles, locations and other things. "I couldn't stand the sight of your doodles, so I made you this. There's plenty of blank space so that when you're ready, you can more of your own images to it."
Lyra looked away so that her tears wouldn't stain the pages.
"Lauren," Lyra said, looking back at Lauren. "You.... This is..."
Lyra grabbed hold of her friend... not wanting to let go. Ever.
"Just promise me one more thing," said Lauren.
"What?"
"The hope in your eyes, the hope you had when we met, NEVER loose it."
Today...
"And the rest is current events," Lyra said with a smile, leaning back on Bon Bon's couch.
Sitting next to her, Bon Bon sat there, looking stunned, complete with a slack jaw. "Lyra... the chimera... record... WOW! I can't say that I expected any of that."
"What were you expecting?"
"I honestly thought you went into the jungle and the monkeys just adopted you as one of their own, then humans spawned from that," Bon Bon said with a hint of a smirk.
"Hmmm... you know, I never did call Rainbow back."
"Can I ask you something?" Bon Bon asked after punching Lyra's shoulder. "Why are you telling me this now? I just invited you for dinner and the implied sex."
Lyra looked over at her Only Human book, which she had put on the coffee table earlier, and opened up to a fresh set of pages. She then levitated several drawing pencils and started going to town.
"The boys in the animation department have been giving me drawing lessons," Lyra said with a smile.
"Lyra, come on," Bon Bon insisted.
Lyra didn't look up at Bon Bon, but she did keep smiling. "When you first invited me up here, you asked me who Lyra Heartstrings was, what my history was, what I am. Recently, I think I've finally figured it out."
Complete her sketch, Lyra showed something spread over two formerly blank pages. A giant chimera locked into battle with her six humans in the exact same layout as her memories of the mane six.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 11: And We're Back
By Smoking Gun
"You ever get that sense of impending doom?"
Lyra at one end of the table, looking down at the contract in front of her. Bon Bon sat opposite her, with the morning sun rising from the window behind her.
"That tense feeling between you stomach and lungs that tells you something bad is going to happen?"
"Yeah," said Bon Bon.
"Why do I feel that looking at this?"
Lyra wasn't looking at Bon Bon. Her eyes were locked on the document, specifically the title...
'Only Human - Season Renewal'
"I think you might be a bit paranoid," Bon Bon said with a sweet smile. "Only Human is getting a second season! Congratulations!"
Lyra looked up at Bon Bon. "Except we need one more signature."
"That's the beauty of it," Bon Bon explained. "It's already been approved. She has to sign it. If she doesn't she's fired."
Lyra chuckled. "That won't make getting the signature any more fun."
"You want me to do it?" asked Bon Bon.
"No... it has to be me. I need to make things right with her."
Lyra pulled the contract off the table and placed it in her saddle bag. "You remember that we're...?"
"I remember," Bon Bon said with a smart-ass expression. "Miss Heartstrings is moving into her first apartment tonight."
"Yep," Lyra said, looking proud, "and you'll be joining me for dinner; help me break in the dinning room."
"And the bedroom," Bon Bon added "And... basically every other room in the house."
Lyra broke into a fit of giggling. "Heheh... we're not actually gonna have dinner, are we?"
"Probably not," Bon Bon said with a quick wink.
"We talkin' sex dinner?"
Lyra turned with a yelp, seeing Vinyl, poking her head through the door to Bon Bon's office.
"VINYL!" Lyra shouted. "What are you doing?!"
Vinyl smirked. "I came to tell you that the guys wanna talk to you, but I'm wondering if I should break out the scented candles and whips."
Lyra turned back to Bon Bon. "I'll see you tonight, alright?"
Bon Bon winked and waved goodbye as Lyra as she stepped out of the office.
"Did the ratings come in?" Lyra asked as she walked Vinyl down the hall to the writers room.
"Yep, but I did hear what you and Bon Bon were talking about. When were you gonna tell us?"
"After I got Synergy's signature," Lyra explained. "I'm gonna get it before I start moving into my apartment."
"House warming party!" Vinyl cried.
Lyra gave Vinyl a bemused look. "If you throw me a house warming party, I won't have a home to live in."
"That's how you know you're doing it right."
Lyra pushed the door to the writers room open, inside she found her three other writers Ink Splash had his foreleg wrapped around Feather Quill as they gazed into their laptop, and Short Hoof was playing on her phone, looking bored as hell.
"Howdy, Lyra," Ink Splash remarked. "The ratings for episode 17 came in."
"We're up 2.7% from last week." Feather Quill added.
"So when were you gonna tell us about the renewal?"
Lyra's jaw went a little slack. "How could you possible know?"
Short Hoof waved her phone. "Vinyl told me."
Lyra looked at Vinyl, who took her seat next to Short Hoof. "Now imma tweet it real quick."
"No you won't!" Lyra said as she took her seat at the head of the table. "I was already kinda-sort-maybe involved with the leak of information before and Synergy was pissed."
"Doesn't she hate you anyway?" asked Short Hoof.
"Well... yeah. But if we're going to be here for another year at least, I need to smooth things out with her." Lyra explained.
"Why?" Feather asked. "You two are now rarely ever going to see each other. Why would you need to smooth things out so quickly?"
Lyra's head sunk. "Because I don't think she deserves most of the flack she's been given."
"Buck you, Lyra Heartstrings," Vinyl said, impersonating Synergy. "Imma watch humanity fall on your head because I haven't had a stiff one since Dinosaurs were willing to offer!"
Vinyl paused for a moment, then levitated over a pad and pen, and started writing. "This is gold."
"Vinyl, please," Lyra moaned as she rubbed her head. "I have to speak with her to get the showed officially renewed. Please, if any of you see her, be nice."
"She called me a coke addict," Short Hoof mentioned.
"Aren't ya?" Ink asked.
"I'm a coinsure."
Lyra sighed. "Synergy tried to be like me, and she lost her husband over it. She nearly lost everything. If you lost as much as she had, you'd feel the same way. Let me straighten things out with her, and we can put this all behind us."
Short Hoof leaned in towards Lyra. "She's a network executive. I don't care what happened before. She has more than any of us."
Lyra didn't say anything. She slowly got up out of her seat and walked out of the room.
Vinyl put her hoof to her mouth. "Tell her we said 'eat a D—'"
"Everypony says hi," Lyra said nervously, standing in the doorway to Synergy's office.
Synergy was alone. She was using her foreleg to lean up against the window that overlooked the studio and all of Canterlot. She gazed blankly out the window, almost like Lyra wasn't actually there.
"Did you redo the office?" Lyra asked as she gazed around the room. "I like it. A lot more mahogany. It's like between seasons of shows were they update the sets, so they kind of look the same, but not really."
No response from Synergy.
Lyra cleared her throat. "So how are Paradigm and Structuring? It looks like you guys don't share an office anymore."
She had taken note of the new desk. Before, the desk was wide enough to site three ponies, but now it was only a one-seater.
Lyra sighed. "Look, I know you hate me. I remind you of stuff, and you know what? I totally get that. I don't expect us to be friends anytime soon, but we should at least be professional."
The unicorn levitated over the contract out of her saddle bag, placing it on Synergy's desk.
There was a minute when absolutely nothing was said or done, until Synergy finally pulled herself away from the view. She signed the document, and went back to looking out the window, not even acknowledging Lyra's presence. Lyra levitated the document back to her, placing it in her bag.
"I'll see you around, Synergy," Lyra said with a hint of defeat in her voice as she turned for the exit.
"Did I ever tell you about the bats?" Synergy asked, still gazing out the window.
Lyra blinked in confusion as she turned around. "The what?"
Synergy slowly turned around, although her gaze wondered around the carpet and her desk. "My Great Grandfather and his brother inherited a large sum of bits after their parents died. So they took their money and bought some farmland a few miles outside of Manehattan. A few weeks in, they almost lost the business... because of the bats."
The executive slumped into her chair, still gazing into space. "They had bought farm land over a cave, a cave infested with fruit bats. They would come out at night and eat all the fruit before they could sell it the next day. One day, they went into town to try and find an exterminator, only to get turned down by each and everyone they found... until the last one."
Lyra shot Synergy a confused look.
Synergy continued. "They found this one exterminator in an old, run down shop. They asked him if he could take care of the bats, and he said he would be there in the morning. My Great Grandfather and his brother went back to the house, having to hear the bats one more time. When the bats would eat, they'd let out these screeches, like they were being merry over their feast."
Lyra's eyes darted around the room, almost like she was looking for an escape route.
Looking over at Synergy, Lyra realized that she wasn't blinking. "The next morning, the exterminator showed up, towing a wagon behind him. He told the brothers to wait in the house and not come out until he was done. My Great Grandfather lost his patience and went down to the entrance of the cave. It was too dark for him to see anything."
Why is she mumbling?
"He couldn't see anything... but he could them, the bats. They were screeching, but not the happy screeches from when they ate, these were cries... agony, grief, fear."
Sweat trickled down Lyra's forehead.
Synergy thumped the desk with her hoof. "Then, all he could hear were thumps. One after the other. Thump... thump... thump. The bats weren't hanging around anymore."
Without warning, Synergy's eyes darted up to Lyra's, making the unicorn freeze up.
"And before the sun was up, all the bats were gone."
"I don't want you gone!"
Lyra struggled to pry Ditzy from her, her forlegs were wrapped tightly around her torso while Ditzy's head was on it's side against her chest. Poor Ditzy was crying.
"Who will make fun of ugly customers with me?"
"I'm sure you'll find somepony," Lyra said as she looked around the restaurant. It was closed for the afternoon, so most of the tables just had boxes of Lyra's stuff on them. "You know I'm not gone right? The guys and I will come down for lunch everyday."
Ditzy's hold became tighter. "It won't be the same!"
"You have to learn to let go."
The two ponies looked to the entrance, seeing Bon Bon trot in.
Bon Bon continued. "Now let go of my Lyra before you suffocate her."
"Never!" Ditzy proclaimed.
"OK," Bon Bon said with a shrug. "I guess I'll just have to do horrible things to my Lyra while you hold on and watch.
Ditzy was silent for a moment before releasing Lyra. "I'll miss you, babe."
Lyra gently hugged Ditzy. "I'm not going far."
"Speaking of going too far..." Bon Bon mumbled.
Lyra looked over at Bon Bon, seeing a laptop hanging over her back.
"What's that for?" Lyra asked.
"An interesting article came up that you should see." Bon Bon said as she placed the laptop on a free table. "I think I figured out where our extra ratings have been coming from."
Lyra released Ditzy, took a seat at the table, and read the article titled 'Unusual Fandom Emerges From Children's Show'.
"So," Ditzy said as she turned to Bon Bon. "Congratulations on the second season."
"All the congratulations should go to Lyra... I wouldn't be anywhere near this successful without her."
Ditzy chuckled before descending back into her serious voice. "Yeah... imagine that."
Bon Bon looked to Ditzy, giving her a worried expression. "Are you.... are you still being weird about me?"
Ditzy arched an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you be?"
Bon Bon glanced over at Lyra, who wasn't reading the article anymore. She was sporting a look of shock and confusion. Ditzy and Bon Bon trotted over to the desk.
"Honey?" Ditzy asked. "Are you OK?"
Lyra didn't say anything, keeping up her confused visage.
"Lyra," Bon Bon leaned in towards her. "You OK?"
Lyra's lips trembled and her throat croaked as she tried to get one simple word out of her mouth.
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 12: They're Called What?
By Smoking Gun
"Now that's just wrong," Ditzy groaned as she watched the movers in the kitchen.
"What's wrong now?" asked Bon Bon as she exited the bedroom.
The two were standing in Lyra's new apartment, with Lyra overlooking the city from the balcony window. The furniture was set up, and the electronics plugged in. The movers Ditzy was addressing were in the kitchen, standing by the spice rack over the stove.
"These guys don't understand funcksway," Ditzy answered. "The spices need to be turned ninety degrees so they face the living room."
The movers rolled their collective eyes as they put the finishing touches on the remaining furniture. They quietly head out the door, but the leader waits on the other side.
The head mover cleared his throat. "We're all done here, ma'am. Now, there's just the matter of the... tip?"
"Ah, right!" Ditzy said as she smiled and nodded. "Here's one: Learn a goddamn thing or two about interior decorating. Ditzy slammed the door in his face. "Idiots."
"A bit rough there, don't you think?" Bon Bon asked nervously.
"You gotta be straight forward with ponies you're paying to do a job," Ditzy explained. "The movers I initially hired to set up my restaurant couldn't do anything right and wouldn't listen to a word I said. I just kept wondering if I should kill them then-and-now, or if I should give them bad press and watch them slowly loose money and starve."
Bon Bon darted her eyes around the room, looking for a new topic. "Lyra! Do you like your apartment?"
Lyra was standing upright, leaning against the balcony window that looked out over the city. "Was 'humanes' not taken?" she asked herself.
Bon Bon put her hoof on Lyra. "Honey, don't worry your pretty, little head about it. And hey, more viewers means more money, right?"
"More money than I'm making," Ditzy mumbled to herself.
Lyra looked back to her friends, smiling. "Sorry, guys. I'll be fine. And the apartment looks great, Bon Bon."
The three mares gazed around the apartment. It didn't look particularly special, but had lots of nice things to fill it up, and a view to kill for.
"I can't believe I finally have my own home... ish thing."
Ditzy wrapped her hoof around Lyra. "And just think of all the wonderful things you have to look forward to now. Like bills... and taxes! Plus, you don't have to sneak around me when I'm working when you want Bon Bon to come over."
Lyra blushed as her eyes darted around the room. "In my defense... I got nothing."
"As much as I hate to leave so soon," Bon Bon said as she pecked Lyra on the cheek, "But I have a lunch meeting to at Sky High."
Lyra gasped. "Who are you meeting there? I thought that was just were the one-percent went to get high."
"Oh, they do that, too," Bon Bon said with a nod. "But Structuring wants me to meet him there. Don't know what for, though."
"Maybe you'll get a promotion," Lyra said, poking Bon Bon in the tummy. "Just remember me when you're at the top of the food chain!"
Lyra and Bon Bon turn to Ditzy, who just stared at them until she spoke. "If I let my eyes roll while watching you two, they'd be on the floor, begging somepony to step on them." Ditzy looked up at the clock. "And if you'll excuse me, I have some ponies to feed."
"Ditzy? Everything OK?" Lyra asked, letting the concern show in her voice. "You seem angry."
Ditzy leaned up against the door frame, sighing, her body slumped up against it, and her posture went bad. "I've been working so hard. I'm sorry, just give me a day or two to relax. Why don't you guys come over this weekend, breakfast on the house."
"We're grateful, Ditzy," Bon Bon added.
"Yeah, I'd certainly hope so," Ditzy mumbled as she closed the door behind her.
"Anyway," Bon Bon continued. "I couldn't forget you, you'd be one of my favorite groupies."
"Ah, you must be one of my groupies!" Vinyl said from the comfort of her swivel-chair.
"You know good and goddamn well who I am, Miss Scratch," said Synergy, standing in the door way.
"You're right," Vinyl continued. "What I don't know good and goddamn well is why you're in my studio."
Vinyl spread her forelegs out, gesturing to her decked out studio. On the walls were several photos of her at concerts or with various ponies she knew, along with hoof-drawn sheet music and her framed degree from university. At the front of the room is long desk that takes up the length of the wall. On the desk is a large computer, with a giant monitor hooked up to the wall, a key board, and mixing board took up the remaining space. Underneath the table was a wide variety of musical instruments.
"Because it's none of your business," Synergy responded.
"Actually, if you plan on hanging out with me while I'm trying to work, it will be," Vinyl said, without a hint of concern in her voice.
Synergy sighed. "Fine... but is there something else I can sit in?"
Vinyl looked over to the empty chair that was identical to hers. "What's wrong with it?"
"Because knowing what I know about you, I can only imagine what sort of filth has occurred in that chair."
Vinyl groaned. "Firstly, if you wanna run down to store and buy a chair for yourself, go head, but we've already spent the show's budget for this season. Secondly, I'm already sitting in my sex/drug/other chair, that I one have for guests. Usually welcome guests, but I'll make an exception for you."
"You flatter me," Synergy mumbled as she sunk into the chair.
"So, as you were saying, why are you here?" Vinyl asked, raising an eyebrow over her trademark shades.
"There's been some..."
"Restructuring?" asked Vinyl.
Synergy let her head sink into her hoof. "That son of a bitch... You're familiar with our senior executive, Structuring?"
"I'm sure I would if I cared," Vinyl answered.
"Well, he's had the bright idea of-"
Synergy was cut off by the 'ding' sound of the computer.
"Yes!" Vinyl screamed. "Rendering for the new track is done!" Vinyl turned to Synergy, holding her hoof in the air. "Give me some dap!"
Synergy sat in silence, staring at Vinyl.
Vinyl continued. "Make my hoof shine!"
"And I want these glasses shining, along with wine you'll have inside each of them," Structuring said to the waiter that stood before him.
"Of course, sir."
The waiter left the table, leaving Structuring at the table, with Bon Bon sitting opposite him.
Structuring continued. "You've gotta be straight forward with ponies you're paying to do a job."
"So I've heard," Bon Bon said, taking in the view around them. "So why exactly did you bring me here?"
"Look around you, Bon Bon. Do you like it?"
"Sure," Bon Bon answered. "It's classy, food's good, great view-"
"Exactly," Structuring said. "All this and more is about to be at your... well, let's say finger tips."
Bon Bon chuckled. "Thanks... but why?"
"Because as of the moment we get our Cabernet Savenjoin, you'll be promoted to executive of development. You'll be in charge of all the new shows we'll be putting into development."
Bon Bon was frozen in her chair. "I'm sorry what?"
Structuring smirked. "You know good and goddamn well what I said."
"I know, I know.. it's just... why? Why now?"
Structuring's eyes darted around the beautiful restaurant. "Well, Karen has been acting a bit..."
"Crrrrrrreepy?" Bon Bon answered.
"I was going to use a different word that started with 'c', but that works too," Structuring said with a shrug. "You see, if this Only Human business has taught us anything is that we need a creative mind in charge. Karen used to be able to fill that spot herself, but she's become so bitter and tired from her work all these years, that I think it's best that she be relocated to your old position as the supervising producer of Only Human. Who knows, maybe in a year or so, that creativity and burning passion she used to have might come back if she's in a creative environment."
Bon Bon nodded. "OK, I can buy that, but why take me away from the show?"
"Well," Structuring began. "You were able to get Only Human made, so your the most logical candidate. Besides, I think it's best that you keep your distance from Lyra."
"What?!" Bon Bon yelled, drawing some attention from their fellow patrons.
"During business hours, at least," Structuring explained. "This work has been known to tear couples apart. It's for the best if you keep your home-lives and home. Besides, I've heard you two have had trouble keeping your hooves to yourself during work."
Bon Bon scoffed. "Come one, like... 3 times, that happened."
Structuring raised his brow. "Per day?"
Bon Bon glared. "Shut your old mouth, Simon."
"You'd be making two-hundred-fifty grand a year if you take this job."
Once again, Bon Bon was frozen.
"Still want me to shut up?"
"Will you please shut up?" Synergy groaned.
Vinyl chuckled. "If you wanna stay with me-"
"I don't!" Synergy shouted. "I can't stand being around Lyra, and this studio is basically my oasis from her, so I don't want to be here."
"No," Vinyl said, glaring through her shades. "You just need to be."
Synergy rolled her eyes and groaned. "Please, continue."
"As I was saying, the first part of my creative process is to generate a mentally stimulating environment, I do so with the proper aromas. I get said aromas by lighting my candles."
Vinyl levitated a cigarette lighter and lit up something that Synergy couldn't see. Synergy poked her head over Vinyl's shoulder.
"Scratch," Synergy growled. "That's a blunt."
Vinyl continued to light her blunt. "Let the aroma relax your nerves."
"Good God, it's Burning Mare all over again," Synergy said, facehoofing.
"You were at Burning Mare?" Vinyl asked.
"Yes, Vinyl, I lived in the 80's," Synergy answered. "Although I put all that behind and grew up. Must you be inebriated all day? I only drink at business meetings."
"That reminds me," Vinyl gestured towards the water coolers. "You probably don't wanna drink out of our water coolers."
"Like I would touch anything that had your lips on it," Synergy growled. "Why must you feel the need to do drugs and pretend you're being creative. Is reality too much for you to handle?"
"If reality is sharing an office with a bitch who has criticize everything I do instead of letting me do my job, then yes."
Both mares went silent. Synergy sunk back into her. It must have been a good hour-or-so of Vinyl grunting in frustration as she tried to adjust some settings on a sound effect.
"Stupid, damn, crackle won't go away!"
Synergy examined the the screen, the mixing board, and the settings on the monitor. She quickly pushed Vinyl out of the way, making ever-so-slight alterations to mixing board and the audio editing program Vinyl was using. Rending the final product, the sound effect was coming through crystal clear.
Vinyl went slacked jaw.
"When my husband and I were making movies, we had to figure out how do to audio as we went. It took years before we figured out that celery was a great way of making the sound effect of somepony's neck snapping," Synergy explained with a shrug.
Vinyl retracted her jaw and started chuckling.
"And what is so funny?" Synergy sneered.
Vinyl continued chuckling. "Did you two figure that out between midnight sessions of boning on the editing bay?"
Synergy remained silent, blushing like an apple.
Vinyl continued talking. "Did he push the equipment off first or did you guys just kick it off as you went?"
After a moment of silence, Synergy broke out into a fit of giggles. "You may not be as dumb as you look, Miss Scratch."
"Please, that's Duchess Scratch, to you."
"Don't be an idiot," Synergy said, before the two shared a quick laugh.
"Look," Vinyl began. "Can you promise me that you'll at least try to be bearable?"
Synergy paused, feeling a sinking, guilty-esque feeling in her stomach.
"Deal."
"What is the deal, here?" Lyra asked herself.
Lyra was sitting on her new couch with her laptop on the coffee table. The light was the only thing illuminating the apartment, along with the lights of Canterlot outside. Lyra scanned a number on her computer screen before levitating her phone over to her. She dialed the number and waited until someone picked up.
"Hello?" an adolescent voice asked over the phone.
"Hello, is this Samuel? The founder of Humanity Daily?" Lyra asked.
"Who may I ask is speaking?" Samuel asked.
"My name is Lyra Heartstrings, I heard you were a fan."
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 13: Know Their Meme
By Smoking Gun
"Well, this is different."
Lyra stood over the hill that overlooked that housing complex. She could see several two story houses that all had the exact same green coloring. The field of houses was surrounded by a large fence with barbed wire running across it and a gate acting as the main entrance. The sign outside read 'Canterlot Military Housing.' She trotted down the road and approached the front gate. There was a booth with a mare wearing camouflage color clothing.
"Excuse me," Lyra called to the military mare. "My name's Lyra Heartstrings. Somepony is expecting me?"
The mare's face lit up. "Ah, yes! Sammy is expecting you." She pushed a button and the gate to the housing opened up. "Tell him Drill said hi!"
Lyra nodded to her Drill as she walked down the roadway. The houses all looked the same, but the outside actually had a very diverse array of flowers, trees and water fountains. Rainbow lorikeets flew from tree chirped as they flew from tree to tree, flying right past Lyra's head. Lyra levitated a note out of her saddle bag and checked the address written on it. She lowered and found herself in front of a house with a matching number on it. She knocked and waited, hearing the sound of hoof steps rushing down the stairs.
The door swung open and on the other side was a young looking unicorn stallion with a cream coat and a red mane.
"Miss Heartstrings!" he said to her as he shook her hoof. "Thank you so much for coming."
"Well thank you for having me, Samuel," Lyra chuckled. "Although, I admit this isn't what I was expecting."
Samuel led her inside. "Yeah, nopony ever does. Part of the deal when you have a military Dad."
Lyra closed the door behind her and examined her surroundings. The house was fairly dark in color, the furniture was unremarkable and there were very few pictures hanging from the wall. She gazed on the one framed photo hung near the door. A grey coated stallion with a short-cut mane stood next to Samuel and saluted whoever was holding the camera.
"Dad loves saluting," Samuel remarked as he levitated over a glass of water to his guest. "I think he saluted the pizza guy one time."
"This just keeps getting weirder," Lyra remarked as she took a sip.
"What do you mean?" Samuel asked.
"Sorry, I don't mean to sound insulting... This all just feels so... not real."
Samuel chuckled as he walked Lyra over to the dinning room table. "It's just a military base, nothing special."
Lyra sat down next to Samuel, who was at the head of the table. "It's not that... well, actually it is. But that's pretty much why I'm here."
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"We can start with this," Lyra said as she leaned towards her host. "What in God's name is a homey?"
"What in God's name are you doing?" asked Synergy as she stepped into the music room. She stood still as she watched Vinyl, lying on the floor, moving her body across the carpet.
"I'm doin' the worm," she answered. "This is my morning workout. Get hyped! Come and join in!"
Synergy closed the door behind her. "I will do no such thing. Now tell me if this room has wi-fi."
Vinyl jumped up onto her hind legs and started boxing in Synergy's direction. "Think you can take me, bitch?" Vinyl huffed.
"I think I can sit here and ignore you for the next several hours," Synergy answered as she took her seat. She lifted a laptop out of her saddle bag and. "Lucky for you there's Wi-Fi in here. Otherwise I'd have to communicate with you out of boredom."
Vinyl took her usual seat at her workbench. "Well, you know what they say about mare's when their bored," Vinyl said with a wink.
"You mean one stabs the other until they can have a bubble bath in their blood?"
Vinyl sunk back into her chair and turned away, examining her master monitor. " I'm Sorry," she mumbled.
"I'm glad," Synergy remarked, continuing to type away at her laptop. She glanced over to Vinyl who was quickly putting back on her trademarked shades.
A good while passed with absolutely with no words exchanged, just a horrible silence. Eventually, Vinyl climbed off her chair and left the room. She came back and placed a cup of coffee and put down in front of Synergy.
"Try it," Vinyl insisted. "I made it myself, so you know it's horrible."
Synergy sighed. "Scratch, what are you trying to do?"
Vinyl sighed as she collapsed back into her seat. "I usually work by myself. Short Hoof or Lyra will come and visit me every now and then, but I'm usually by myself. Now you're here with me and I was hoping I'd have somepony cool to talk with."
"Ha!" scoffed Synergy. "I highly doubt you'd find me cool. In any case, I'm not chatty in most cases. Don't take it personally."
"Hmmm... how about my place?"
Synergy froze in place, her hooves hovering over the keyboard. "I beg your pardon?"
"I mean dinner," Vinyl continued. "Isn't that employees used to do? Invite their bosses over to their place for dinner?"
"How old do you think I am?"
After a pause, Vinyl shook her head and turned back to the screen. "Again, sorry. Didn't mean anything."
Synergy took a deep breath and rested her head in her hoof. "Hypothetically, if I came, what would be on the menu?"
Vinyl smiled. "What are you hungry for?"
"I'm not hungry, thanks," Lyra insisted.
"Are you sure?" Samuel asked as he stood in the kitchen. "We've got... let me check. We have salad and what I think is orange juice."
Lyra chuckled. "I'm good, thanks. As I was saying, how exactly did you discover the show?"
"I was channel surfing," Samuel said as he sat back down. "I just watched it and I didn't want to change the channel. Lots of other ponies did."
"You mean stallions?" Lyra asked. "Grown stallions, like you?"
Samuel nodded. "Yep. Is it so shocking that you have fans?"
"Kind of," Lyra remarked. "When I was getting this pitched, a big deal was made out of this being a show for fillies, and a stallion like you is suddenly watching?"
"You do realize I'm not the only one, right? Ponies talk about it every week, write stories, make memes. All kinds of stuff."
Lyra raised her brow. "Meme?"
Samuel levitated his laptop over and showed it to Lyra. "Yeah. They're just dumb little internet jokes."
Lyra examined the screen and found a wall of images and fanart of her characters from the show. She clicked on one that was a beautifully drawn and colored portrait of all the humans together as they fought their enemies.
"This is beautiful," Lyra said as she examined more of the art. "How often does stuff like this go up?"
"How often the artists have free time."
Lyra clicked on a random image, which appeared to be a screenshot from the pilot episode. It was the scene of Diane running through the broken wall. However, the image had been altered. Diane was holding a jug of Coolaid in one hand and a Slim Jim in the other.
"I don't get it," she remarked.
"Trust me, it's funny." Samuel said. "Homies are just ponies that love your show despite what it might have been intended for. Did you mean to write a show for girls?"
Lyra shook her head. "I wanted to write something good."
Samuel nodded. "Well, good job. You know... it's actually great that you came to see me. I was hoping you'd might be able to attend something next week."
Lyra arched her brow. "Attend what?"
"Well, we're having a convention at the Canterlot Royal Hotel for Homies across Equestria. I was wondering if you, or anyone else that works on the show might like to come by, host a panel, sigh some merchandise?"
"We have conventions?" Lyra asked. "Wait, there's merchandise?"
Samuel levitated a something from upstairs. Down the steps floated a plushie of Sarah, complete with lab coat. "I got this on Ebay."
Please tell me I'm getting paid for that.
"Wow, that is... I mean yes! I'd love to come! I'll ask the others if they'd like to come too. Maybe we can bring some cool stuff to show."
Samuel's face lit up like a neon sigh. "That's awesome! Thank you so much!"
Lyra smiled. "Anytime."
Without warning, the door slammed open, shaking the portrait on the wall. Lyra took a second to make sure her skeleton hadn't jumped out of her skin and turned to look at the doorway. A large stallion that matched the one in the portrait entered the room, closing the door behind him.
"Samuel, you know you're not supposed to sit at the head of the table."
The boy quickly moved to the seat opposite Lyra at the table. "Sorry, Dad."
The large stallion approached Lyra. "You're also not allowed to invite guests over without telling me."
Lyra rose to her feet and offered her hoof to him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I was just meeting with Samuel... and that doesn't sound much better. My name's Lyra."
After an awkward moment, the stallion finally shook Lyra's hoof. "I'm Colonel Chain Command. Will you be staying for dinner?"
Glancing back at a terrified looking Samuel, Lyra shook her head. "Nah, I have to get back to my friends. But I appreciate the offer. I'll email you, Sam! By the way, Drill wanted me to tell you she says hi!"
Lyra trotted for the door and took one last look at Sam. He was still hunched over the table, but he was still able to look to her. Sam nodded and smiled as Lyra closed the door behind her. Lyra quietly trotted towards the front gate, occasionally looking back at Sam's home. None of the lights were on.
She made her way to the same hill she was on earlier that afternoon. Looking back on the complex, the houses had started to turn their lights on. Samuel's was still dark.
The lights outside of Vinyl's house were surprisingly bright. Synergy tried to see through the drapes, but couldn't see much expect for the Vinyl-shaped silhouette trotting back and forth inside. Synergy took one last look at the vodka bottle she had brought, wondering if it was big enough. Vinyls' house was no doubt covered in old pizza boxes, crappy records and the random bums she probably called her friends.
Synergy walked up to the door, knocked and waited. "Maybe bringing a bong would have been better etiquette for such an occasion," she mumbled to herself.
Vinyl pulled the door open, looking like usual self - shades and everything. "Synergy, come in. Also, sorry about the mess."
Synergy stepped inside and was absolutely stunned; the place was white. The wooden floors were spick-and-span, the walls were a clean white, and soothing hip hop played in the background.
Vinyl continued. "I usually have the place looking better than this."
"No," Synergy said, standing in shock. "It's... it's fine. Oh, and I brought this."
"Sweet, Vodka!" Vinyl levitated the bottle into the kitchen and led Synergy inside. "I'll save that for the coolers at work. I've got some wine inside."
A ding sound erupted from the kitchen.
"Pasta's done!" Vinyl rushed into the kitchen and pulled out a steaming pot of pasta off the stove.
As her host prepared dinner, Synergy examined everything around the house. The living room had a huge T.V. mounted on the wall with sleek black couches and a coffee table surrounded by large speakers. The dinning room had a beautiful black table with matching chairs and a beautiful bouquet of flowers in the center. The walls were adorn with album artwork and framed photos of Vinyl with various ponies Synergy didn't recognize... except one. It was a photo of Vinyl with her foreleg wrapped around Lyra's shoulder, and a banner above them read 'Happy Birthday Lyra.'
"You look confused," Vinyl spoke up. "You cool?"
Synergy sighed and shook her head. "Scratch, can I be honest with you?"
Vinyl placed two delicious looking bowls of pasts on the table. "Have you ever not been honest with us?"
"Touche. Look, I hate to sound rude—"
Vinyl smirked. "When has that ever stopped you?"
Synergy scowled. "What I mean is... I wasn't expecting this. For one thing, how can you afford a house?"
"I can't," answered Vinyl as she placed two wine glasses on the table. "My Dad left it to me after he died. I don't have to pay mortgage or anything."
"I... I'm sorry about you Father."
Vinyl shrugged. "I've grieved, it's fine. Let me guess, you thought it would be dank and messy or something?"
Synergy looked away nervously. "Maybe."
"It's fine, I get it." Vinyl poured wine into the two glasses. "Don't get me wrong, when I had my own apartment, it was pretty much weed, hot dudes, and more weed. Occasionally Short Hoof would come over and we'd watch crappy movies. But after a while, ponies just kind of... I guess assumed that I was always loud-messy-party-animal-Vinyl all the time. I needed it when I was playing clubs and making albums, so I made my home my escape. A nice and quiet retreat from what ponies expect of you, you know?"
A smile slowly grew on Synergy's face as she nodded. "I think I do know. It's a nice home, Scratch."
"Yeah, I wanted to take care of my Dad's place. Least I could do for him. Now sit down and eat!"
Vinyl pulled out a seat for Synergy.
"Such a gentlepony," Synergy remarked. She was about to sit down, until she felt two hooves pressed up against her flank.
"Not when I'm in the bedroom," Vinyl whispered as she leaned into Synergy's ear.
Synergy's looked over her shoulder with a death glare. "Don't push it, Scratch."
"Don't write me off yet," Vinyl chuckled as she took her seat opposite Synergy. "I did just make you dinner."
Lyra pressed the buzzer that had Bon Bon's name next to it, waiting patiently as ponies walked on the street behind her.
"Hello?" Bon Bon called through the buzzer.
"Excuse me," Lyra answered. "I heard there was a beautiful mare up there who owes me dinner."
Lyra heard the sound of a buzzer as the door swung open. She trotted in and took the elevator up to the top floor. Even though she had been there plenty of times, Lyra kept forgetting that the elevator opened up straight into Bon Bon's penthouse.
Just as gorgeous as it was the first time I was here.
Bon Bon walked out of the kitchen and waved her in. "Hey! I got the pasta ready."
And speaking of gorgeous...
Lyra walked into the kitchen and saw Bon Bon pouring pasta onto two separate plates. She wrapped her hooves around Bon Bon and kissed her on the neck.
"Let's be like those dogs and share one big plates."
Bon Bon turned to face Lyra. "Does that make you my bitch?"
Lyra tapped the tip of Bon Bon's nose. "And that makes you mine."
The two shared a tender kiss and nuzzled each other.
"How was your day?" Bon Bon asked. "Did you go see that kid?"
"Yeah... I'll tell you about that later. How about you? How did your meeting with the executives go? You get a promotion or something?"
Bon Bon slowly grew a nervous smile as her eyes darted from left to right. "Yeah, good news and bad news..."
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 14: Humanity Daily
By Smoking Gun
"They're called what?" Vinyl asked as she slouched in her writer's chair.
"Homies," Lyra answered. "Three, two, one..."
The other writers at the table jolted in their seats and Vinyl exploded into a fit of laughter as she whacked her hoof on the table. Lyra shook her head as she waited for Vinyl to calm down.
Vinyl wiped the tears from her eyes. "Are the Diamond Dogs 'Home Dogs?'"
Lyra pressed against the back of her chair, which had a jacket and tie slung over it. "Can you please remember to keep the jokes to yourself when we get there?"
"Buck that," Vinyl answered. "I could keep this up for hours."
"Maybe you should have scheduled a panel for it," Short Hoof suggested. "Dignity and You: The First Place You Went Wrong."
"Are you sure you want to go to this thing?" Feather Quill asked.
Lyra nervously smiled and shrugged. "Why not, right? It'll be fun."
"Hell yeah, it'll be fun," Vinyl said. "Just imagine, thousands of ponies sitting right in front of you, watching in silence, asking tough questions, judging every movement you make. It'll be a blast."
Lyra's right eye twitched as Vinyl got off her chair, walked over to the young show runner and rubbed her shoulders.
"Breathe, girl. Breathe," Vinyl said assuredly. "Now kiss me."
Lyra pushed her hooves away and Vinyl stepped back, giggling.
"Darlin', you don't have to do this," Ink Splash piped up. "We'll represent ya'lls best interest... Most of us will, at least."
The entire room looked back to Vinyl, who was smirking against the wall behind Lyra.
"Yeah, I was just gonna tell ponies your most intimate sexual details.
Lyra raised her eyebrow. "You don't know any of that."
"I didn't say it had to be true."
Hearing the sound of a throat-clearing-cough, the writers turned to the door, finding Synergy standing in the doorway, staring with bemusement at her employees.
"Do I even want to know?" she asked. "Before anyone says anything, the answer is no."
"We're just getting ready for the convention tomorrow," Feather Quill answered. "We're all checking in at the hotel tonight."
"Oh," Synergy said as she nodded her head. "So you're attending a weekend on the studio's dime for the sole purpose of receiving praise from your fans?"
Vinyl raised her hoof. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bucking awesome."
"Shut up," Synergy directed at Vinyl before looking down at Lyra. "Just promise me you won't cock it up as badly as I think you will."
Short raised her Hoof. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bucking awesome."
Synergy shook her head and groaned. "You ponies have no idea how lucky you all are. In my day, most company trips where to stock holder conferences. Do you know what a stock holder conference is like?"
Everypony shook their heads.
Synergy continued. "It's essentially two hours boring ponies saying a bunch of words that don't actually mean anything to a bunch of ponies too board to pay attention."
Vinyl shook her head. "So it's everyday of your life?"
After a pause, Synergy cracked a smile. "I may be boring, but I'm still making five times what the rest of you do."
Vinyl shook her head again. "The rich bitch has a point."
"And on that note," Short Hoof said loudly as she stood up. "I think we should start leaving about now."
Short Hoof was the first out of the room, followed by Feather Quill and Ink Splash, who tried not to make eye contact with Synergy. Vinyl was next to leave; she winked at Synergy before dawning her purple shades and heading out the door.
"I'll be there in a second!" Lyra called.
Lyra stood up and levitated the tie hanging off the back of her chair and wrapped it around her neck. A good five minutes must have gone by of her not being able to figure out the knot.
It's like these things are designed to kill the fragile and stupid. Or in my case, just stupid.
Synergy sighed and turned Lyra to face her.
"Hold still," Synergy said as she took hold of Lyra's tie. "For God sake, how do you not know how to do your own tie?"
What you do, don't say anything that'll piss her off... I'm dead.
"I... I've never had to wear one before. I usually just stick to blazers, but I thought I might try something new," Lyra said as she planned her escape.
"Maybe you should have asked Bon Bon to teach you," Synergy suggested.
Lyra's eyes sunk to the floor. "I tried. But she's been so busy since she got promo... relocated. I wanted her to come, but she couldn't. I don't know when she'll be free again."
Synergy cracked a smile as she worked Lyra's tie. "Sounds about right, that mare is going to be swamped for a while. If you two plan of sticking with this farce, I suggest you get used to it."
Lyra shook her head. "I know, I know... I'm just disappointed."
"Well, if you expect the worst from ponies," Synergy said as she tightened Lyra's neat-looking tie. "You'll never be disappointed."
"We know you won't be disappointed," the bellhop said to Vinyl as she hoofed over the room keys. "Enjoy your stay."
"I will if you come with the room," Vinyl responded as she batted her eyelashes.
"Vinyl!" Lyra called from inside the room. "Just get in here!"
Levitating the keys, Vinyl turned to head back inside the hotel room, looking back over her shoulder to the bellhop. "You know my room number." She then closed the door.
Vinyl stepped into the small hotel room. It was complete with two small beds that were separated by a bedside table, a T.V. on top of a cabinet, a mini bar, and bathroom.
"Last time I was in a room like this, it was when I was on tour," said Vinyl.
"Really?" Lyra responded. "You were on tour?"
"Yeah, except when I was there, there wasn't enough bedspace for all the-"
"Got it, thanks."
Vinyl crouched down and opened the minibar. Lyra could hear her snickering.
"What is it?" Lyra asked.
Vinyl levitated over a brown bag of nuts. On closer inspection, Lyra saw the name of the nut brand was 'Deez Nuts.'
"What genius decided on that name?"
"I'm more confused as to who puts nuts in a fridge."
"Hotels that want to be extra Fancy Pants," Vinyl answered as she strutted over to the cabinet the T.V. was sitting on. "And I don't mean the actual Fancy Pants."
Vinyl opened the cabinet and examined the contents. After a few seconds of searching, she gasped. "Lyra! Porn!"
Lyra rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure hotels have had that for a while."
"No, you don't understand," Vinyl insisted as she turned to face her roommate. "This isn't the sort of porn you have fun with, this is vintage stuff. You know, plumbers, school fillies, all the clieches! On VHS no less."
Lyra's eyes slowly moved left to right. "So... this is like going to a museum for you?"
"Hell yeah! Gotta pay tribute to the classics. Let's see, we've got... Screw My Wife, Please! How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Plug and... Big Bootyed Bitches Volumes one, two and four."
"I'd prefer it if we didn't watch any, thanks."
"Come on, where's your sense of-"
"Vinyl," Lyra said nodding her head towards Vinyl's bed."You wanna sit down for a minute?"
"Oh... kay?" Vinyl answered as she took laid down on her bed. "What's up?"
Lyra shrugged. "I don't know... how are you?"
Vinyl slowly blinked. "Good, thanks... and you?"
Lyra quickly shook her head. "Good, yeah. I was just wondering... are you really good?"
"Yeah," Vinyl answered. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just, with all the laughing and the sex jokes and stuff... you seem like you're... I don't know. Trying too hard, I guess?"
Vinyl snorted and laid flat on her bed, staring up at the filthy ceiling. "Why the hell would I try too hard? I don't even need to try."
"You just did it again."
"Lyra," Vinyl spoke up, sounding frustrated. "Where are you going with this?"
"You just seem nervous, that's all. I don't know why you would be... Vinyl?"
Lyra saw Vinyl looking up at the ceiling with a sad expression.
"Are you nervous?"
Vinyl rolled her head to face Lyra. "Maybe. Maybe yeah."
"Well, you've done concerts before, right?"
"That doesn't make it easy. All those judging faces, expecting an exact thing, and if you don't deliver they turn on you... It doesn't matter how deep the ocean is, you either swim or drown."
"But you were making jokes about it back at the office."
Vinyl turned her head to face the ceiling again. "That wasn't exactly for you."
Lyra rolled off her bed and sat next to Vinyl. She wrapped her forelegs around Vinyl, she reciprocated.
"It's O.K," Lyra said. "Everypony is going to love our loud, funny Vinyl."
Vinyl gazed at her reflection in television, seeing her eyes starting to water. "Yeah... yeah that's me." She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes before Lyra let go of her.
"Let's just go to bed," Lyra suggested. "A little sleep might do you some good."
Vinyl nodded silently.
Lyra turned off the lamp on the bedside table and the whole room rent dark. The two mares naturally rolled in their beds to face away from each other.
"Hey, Lyra?"
"Yes, Vinyl?"
"Can I still watch the-"
"Not with me in the room."
The hotel room went quiet for a moment.
"Hey, Lyra?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you leave the room for about ten minutes?"
"Rarity says she'll be here in about ten minutes," Lyra said as she put her phone away.
"That's great," Short Hoff interjected. "She's only about twelve hours behind the rest of us. Bucking actresses."
The writers were all sitting in a giant room that was just one of several throughout the convention center. There were several tables and chairs that nopony seemed to be using, with the exception of the few towards the back corner near the door where the writers were sitting. A coffee machine sat next to the door on a tray, and a television screen on the wall highlighted the room as 'occupied.'
"So, what's the plan?" Ink Splash asked.
Lyra opened her pamflett and examined the schedule inside. "It looks like we have a big introduction panel, then we can start breaking up into other things. The animators will be there, too."
The writers turned to the door, seeing a stallion with a clipboard in his hoof. "Ten minutes, everypony."
Vinyl slid her hoof across the table and rested it on Lyra's.
"We'll make each other O.K, right?"
Short Hoof, Ink, and Feather placed their hooves together as well.
Lyra smiled. "No. We make each other strong."
"Lyra! Are you ready?"
Lyra turned around and found Samuel running into the room with a saddle bag on him. "You bet we are."
"Good," Samuel said as he levitated something out of his bag. "I was thinking you could wear this."
Lyra took hold of the object. It was a form replica of a human hand with the index finger pointing up.
"When the hay did they start making these things?"
"Some of the sewers made it."
"We have sewers?" asked Feather.
"Just follow me," Samuel said as he trotted out the door. "We've got a lot of everything to show you."
Nine minutes later, the writers found themselves backstage, hearing the chatter of what must have been thousands of ponies on the other side. No one had the intestinal fortitude to peak beyond the curtain. The ponies were caught by surprise as Rarity ran into the room, huffing and puffing.
"My apologies, everypony," she said as she held a make up mirror in front of her. "I hope I didn't ruin my make up on the way here."
Taking a deep breath, Lyra put on the foam hand as the curtains pulled back, her with the bright lights. As her eyes adjusted, she went deaf as thousands of ponies cheered in joy as they all took their seats at the long table before them.
"And now!" called Samuel, who was moderating. "The creator of Only Human, Lyra Heartstrings!"
"Lyra! Lyra! Lyra!"
Slowly, Lyra grew a giant smile that stretched ear-to-ear as she raised her foam hand into the air.
