> Falling Down
>  by RoccoRoccs
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Too Quick To Regret
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sky of amber and gold cast the last of the sun's waning glow across the country side road, gently lighting my way as I trotted alone. The soft rustle of leaves on the trees filled the air around me with gentle white noise, soothing to the ear enough but to me it was just another reminder that I was alone out here. By all accounts this was a perfect fall evening, one that lovers would spend atop a hillside while sharing their 'I love you's'. 

Oh how I miss days like that. I don't mean the kind of longing that you have for your favorite treat or a fun day you once had. No. I mean the kind of missing that is filled with regret for not appreciating it more, the kind that leaves you heart sick and hurting for hours on end and the mere thought. Irony is cruel in the way it works. Moments you wish would drag on forever, end in a blink but pain drags on for eternity. 

The landscape around me was all too beautiful to the unstained eye, but for me it was just a reminder. I had never been here by my own volition, but I had see this place many times. I sat in the same spot I always had, gazing across the train tracks into the far bank across. Even now in the full breath of fall, the beauty around me was tarnished with the memories of the day that everything changed. The golds and browns around me were black and choked with think smoke. The lovely grass was burning and covered with wreckage. 

Three years ago on this day marked the date of the 'Fetlock Train Derailment' that took the sleepy town of Fetlock from nowhere, to headline news. If only briefly. Normally stories like that burn on and on, deep into the headlines for weeks. But with everything that was going wrong with world, it was little more than a snip-it in the town paper. Ponies died in that crash yet it was swept away in a fury of wartime stories and propaganda. 

It was as if they had never even existed only a day after the crash. What about them? Did they just not matter enough? Were they considered an acceptable casualty? Did the rest of the world just not care enough to talk about it? For ponies everywhere I very much doubt they would give more than there two bits worth of pity towards what happened. Few ponies walked away from the crash unscathed and hundreds more lost their lives in the in fallout. 

The loose gravel below me flowed red with blood that day, the air filled with screams and despair while everypony choked on the sooty air. But the rest of the world didn't care, they left the families to grieve and the survivors to recover. Everything just... moved on. Those who didn't die went back to their daily lives and tried to cope as best they could. Those who didn't make it were left to their families to be mourned and buried. Everypony just moved on! 

But what about me? I was here that day. I was on that train with my wife and two kids! We were on our way back home to Ponyville from our vacation on the cost. Were we just more numbers that were going to be lost to the world? I know ponies hate talking about accidents but... fuck! We will drone on and on about the war, but we can not comprehend that live could be lost at random. I guess that is that all to familiar personality we all seem to share like a cutiemark, the same but always different. 

Sitting here now, with a trail of failure behind me, I can still close my eyes smell the burning fuel from the engine. My body shudders with every shock from the exploding rail cars as if I were being pounded by waves of fire. Waves of smoke move in and out of my blurry vision as I search the wreckage for familiar faces. My throat burns with every gasp I take for air as I use all my strength to toss broken bits of wood and metal in my desperate attempt to find them. My muscles burned and my right side was alight with pain from my own injuries, but I pushed forward. 

The fire was all around me, the heat was stifling and brutal, but in my last breath I lifted a door from the same car I remember being thrown clear of. Ponies like to lie to themselves about death, we all do it. We like to say 'oh there in a better place' or 'They went quick'. But there was no amount of lying that could take away the sight of my wife clutching our two kids laying there crushed. The most sobering moment of my life was the most pain I had ever felt. 

I threw myself to them, praying for miracles and hoping I was wrong. I held them close and... I cried. There was nothing left I could do but cry. Even the pain of loosing a wing, having it ripped from my own body by a window could not compare to that. It wasn't just pain, it was worse. It was just... emptiness. I curled up around my family and closed my eyes, praying to go quickly. Maybe if I was lucky, I could see them just one more time. I felt the world around me going black and I gave in to the pain. 

Two weeks later I awoke in a Ponyville recovery ward. I had been placed in a large room with other ponies who had some how managed to escape my families fate. Bandages covered my body, the smell of metal filled my nose from the fresh blood on them. The air was no longer filled with the roar of fire and explosions, but moans and groans of ponies who were slowly bouncing back from their injuries. 

It was like a clean break. I was at peace with it all ending, I wanted to be with my family again! How had I lost them and somehow managed to not die! I spent days without answers, not for lack of trying. My jaw had been wired shut. When The doctors finally had time to spare I got to learn the full extent of my injuries. Broken jaw, three missing teeth, detached retina that they 'somehow managed to fix', shattered rear hoof, burns over a 20% of my body and of course, a severed and lost right wing. 

I'm sure they did their best to save a pony who did not want to be saved, but the blame could not be placed on them. Honestly the blame could not go to anypony. The conductor was on his third triple shift and the track had worn and buckled from the increase in traffic, there was nothing that was going to stop it from happening. In a lot of ways, to me this was worse than if the train had been attacked by Zebras or something. At least then there would be a face behind the crime, but this was much more visceral. It was cruel and vile... It was random. 

My recovery was complicated by my own lack of will to get better, but due to the wonders of modern medicine, I somehow made a near full recovery. Now, sitting here, I have nothing but bad dreams and a small stump on my shoulder to remind me every day of what happened. There is not a single night that I don't replay the event in my head. Every night the last thing I see before I fall asleep, is what was under that last door. 

The hardest thing was not falling asleep, but waking up to silence. I would give anything to hear Lolly screaming at the top of her lungs at my son Cedar for trying to put his little brother in the dishwasher again. Things we take for granted or even hate are things that mean the most to us when they are gone. Every room in the house was filled with painful reminders of what once was. I hated it. I wanted to move but... I was to afraid that if I did I would let that memory go. 

The report came out not long after the funeral, I was told that none of them had traces of soot in their mouths and therefore they had passed near instantly. Where I was comforted in that they had not suffered, I could not help but wonder if I had been spared to suffer for them. If that be the case, when was enough enough!? It's not like I want to feel this way! I want to be happy again, I want to smile again without faking it. But how could I without them?

Every time I came close to climbing out of my hole I would feel that cold grip loss clawing at my hooves, pulling me back down to that low place once again. I had tried so many times to just end it all, but each and every time I woke up hours later sick and sad. It had its own odd catharsis to it, as if the mere act of trying gave me just enough life to fight for a few more months. But it was a fleeting high, just another cruel joke. To live, I had to try to die over and over again. Crueler still, the real pain never came from the cuts, it came from the regret of doing it. 

Maybe somewhere deep down I still had part of me that wanted to live, some distant part of me that was screaming in pain from what I was doing to myself. That little will to live that refused to let me press hard enough or cut far enough. Maybe it was the ghost of my wife and kids in the back of my mind that didn't want to see me go out like that. Through the blood and tears, maybe there was something down there that still made me regret enough to not go through with it. 

I just want the pain to go away but I'm terrified that even death wont be enough to kill off the memories. The last time I tried I blacked out, but somehow found a towel to stop the bleeding just in time to pass out again. I was a victim of my own mind. Too depressed to live, too scared to die, but forced to keep trying. Regret kept me trying, regret kept me alive and regret was causing the pain of not forgetting. 

I stepped down the hillside and placed a hoof on the rail. The vague tremble of the steel bellow gave hint to what was to follow. I stepped forward onto the ties and looked down the long abyss that was the B-line and watched as the setting sun disappeared behind the valley the rails carved through the hills. The still air was growing louder, as if I were still standing in the fiery wreckage. Even the air seemed to vibrate as all the memories came flooding back. 

"Please... I don't want to hurt anymore." I spoke softly to myself. "Please..." 

My tears fell at my hooves as I craned my head back to take one last deep breath. The horn of the quickly approaching train was even muted by the peace I was feeling in the moment. There can be nothing to regret if I never had the chance. How fitting an end to this tragedy that it happen here. Maybe that was what I was missing, it needed to happen here, it had to. This is where I was supposed to die, with my family. 

The roar grew deafening as did that prickly feeling of regret, but this time there would be no coming too, there would be no dish towels and there would be no razors... Just ending. My hear pounded in my chest as every muscle in my body ached in restraint. Despite its wanting for me to run, I forced myself still. I could feel the heat from the trains light on my back, this was it. I was going... home.  

"Lolly... Can you hear me?" I cried as I waited for the darkness to take over. 

I pinched my eyes shut as the tear streamed down my face. My teeth gritted and my legs danced as my body tried one last time to save me from myself. Any second now. The earth shattering impact I had been waiting on had not come from my back, but my side. I felt my limp body crumple into a ball on the far hillside, knocking the wind from my chest. I cracked my eyes open to watch as the train that was meant to take me home shot by like a rocket. I tired to move but it felt like my body was being crushed. 

Did it... work? I was winded, but was I dying? I expected more pain than this. The train clacked along as its last car passed by, leaving me for dead on the hillside. I closed my eyes again and waited for that cold feeling of dying I had once felt before. But my peace was shattered by a hoof that was touching my cheek. 

"Lo... Lolly? Is it you?"

I opened my eyes hoping to see the bright red mane of my long gone wife but I felt my heart sink when I saw... it wasn't her. But whoever this pony was, she was pissed. Well, scared? Pissed and scared? She was also yelling at me but all I could hear was a dull ringing in my ears.

"What are ya? Stupid!?"

"Huh?" I mumbled

"You could have been killed ya moron!" 

Great... I lived... again. Why was I so bad at this!?

"Hey! You pushed me!?" 

"Well somepony had to do it! Had I not you would be a greasy stain on the tracks!"

Even better... Not only did I not die, I was freaking saved. I was so close and this mare just had to do her civic duty and push me out of the way. My heart was still pounding as I pushed myself back to my hooves. Wow this is embarrassing, it's one thing to come too in my house after something like this, but for somepony to actually save me... I was mortified.  

"Well... thanks." I said as I tried to 'remove' myself from the situation I had just cause. 

"HEY!" She shouted, freezing me in my tracks. "Why were you standing there all starry-eyed, talking to yourself on the tracks anyhow?" Her curt voice gave way to worry as she ran up to my side. 

"I was just... taking in the view." I said, thinking quickly for any excuse to keep from looking like a fool. 

"Uhuh... Then why were you crying?" 

"Look, I don't know you well enough to get into this. I just want to go home."

"Well if you ask me, somepony who spends his time on the train tracks might not know anypony well enough to have somepony to talk to." 

"Yeah well, I guess that's my decision to make." I said as I started back up the hillside. But, like a flash, there she was again, right in front of me, this time trotting backwards. 

"So, where we heading?" She said playfully. She can not be seriously this naive.

"Home." 

"Where's home?"

"None of your business."

"None of your business... Never been. Sounds fun." 

"Ok look... you can't seriously be trying to walk home with me after that." I said rolling my eyes.

"Oh yes I can."

"Persistent aren't you?"

"Hey, somepony needs to make sure you don't stop to 'take in the view' at a dam or something." Ok, not naive... just a massive butthole.

"Fine. Come if you like. But it's a hell of a trot to Ponyville."

"I got time. So stranger... If we are going to be going all the way to Ponyville, I suppose you wouldn't mind indulging me in why you were trying to buy a ticket to the great beyond."

"You know... for somepony who just stopped somepony from trying to kill himself off, you sure are..." Ah shit...

"So you were trying to kill yourself..." Well there goes that cheerful attitude. This is way worse than that gay stallion saw the marks on my legs at the pharmacy. At least he knew well enough to leave me alone after a few tries. 

"...Yes. i was trying to kill myself. There, happy? I wanted to get hit by the train you pushed me out of the way of." I shouted.

"But... why would you do that?" There it is, that freaking sympathy that everypony thinks makes things all better because a stranger cares.

"Because sometimes pain doesn't go away. Sometimes you just want to wake up and not cry or hurt anymore! Sometimes you just want things to stop getting worse, even for just a damn second!"

"But doing that won't take away things getting worse, it will only take away the chance for things to get better! Suicide is the WORST thing ever!" She said trying to put a hoof on my shoulder... but she was rather short for a full grown mare... I presume.

"Hey how old are you?"

"What does that have to do with..."

"How. Old. Are. You? Maybe this is the last thing I want to talk about right now, eh?"

"Oh... OH! Uh, twenty six."

"YOU are twenty six... But you're so-"

"Short? Yeah, I know. Nopony knows that better than me. But hey! That just means that I'm the perfect size to hug, am I right?" She said with a nudge. 

"Heh. I guess so."

"See! There's a smile!" She said with a shiver as we set off again. 

"Yeah and less of you to keep warm." I said as I crawled out of my hoodie and passed it to her with my one good wing.

"Won't you get cold?"

"Nah, the cold doesn't bother me that much. I kind of like it." 

"You are one depressing buck..." She said as she tried to craw into my jacket, but for her, it was more of a tent. I did my best to tie it back to take up all the slack, but she still looked ridiculous.

"You know, you don't strike me as the type."

"What type is that?"

"The sad mopey type."

"Oh? And what prey-tell is the sad mopey type?"

"Oh you know... They are always grey and wear black clothes all the time and look at the ground and junk. You on the other hoof, you are white and have a blue mane... not the mopey type."

"Oh for the love... Looks don't make the pony."

"I don't know... You look like you should be a happy buck!"

"Yeah well, I guess happiness is only skin deep. Say, don't you have somepony waiting on you? Like, are they going to send search parties or something?"

"Gee, way to put off the creepy vibe there bucko."

"I just want to make sure I'm not about to be brought up foalnapping charges."

"HEY! I'm a MARE! Not a FOAL! I'm fully capable of making my own decisions!" She shouted at me, but her anger was cut short by my smirk. "Oh... you're being an ass..."

"I guess you could say I'm being a-"

"Don't you dare say it..." She said giving me a shove.

"Ok, Ok... That was too far. I'm sorry. Also, for mare of your size, you are uncommonly strong."

"When you are as small as me, you have to be strong. When I was a filly, one day I woke up and everypony was bigger than me. Tends to lead to a lot of picking."

"Can't say I know what you mean, but I guess I could understand."

"Say, didn't your mom ever tell you that its rude to not introduce yourself?"

"My name is Chance."

"Hi Chance, nice to meet you officially. My name's Cherry... Cherry Shortcake."

"WOW, How did you survive school!?"

"It wasn't easy, but they never see the groin shot coming from that low." She said with a smirk.

"Point taken."

"So... Chance, tell me. Am I going to have a place to sleep in Ponyville? Or are you going to make a little mare trot home all alone?" 

"I guess you could sleep on the couch, but you better be gone in the morning."

"That's cool. I can handle that."

So the two of us trotted side by side towards town. Her trying to make me laugh, me faking smiles and chuckles and trying to make sense of what had just happened. Sure I was still pretty pissed off about not ending things the way I had wanted to, but even through my depressive thoughts, I had to admit that it was nice to talk to somepony. Even if it was for a moment. I had shut myself in for so long that I barely spoke to anypony without talking about my family. It actually felt good to talk for once about something other than the weather. But never the less, I will just ride this high like all the others and wait for the ax to fall again.
> Chapter 2: Persistence
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Light pierced the blinds of my darkened room, lighting colors of blue and yellow on the faded Wonderbolts poster on the far wall. The room showed the same old signs of neglect of three years of dust across the vivid purple walls and sandy yellow hardwood floors. This was my office true enough, but I had found solace in here after the accident. I never could bring myself to sleep in our bed after the fact, I struggled to close the doors to Cedar's and Lop's rooms. I don't know what hurt the most, the fact that I couldn't stand to see their rooms or the feeling of closing their doors for the last time. 

The knowing that little hooves would never turn the knobs and ease them open in the dead of night to creep into our bedroom when they had a bad dream was visceral. It was a new kind of hurt that nopony talks about for fear of being looked at as mopey or macabre in their thoughts. It actually physically hurt, as though parts of my body were being removed by force just to do so. 

Sometimes I wondered if I had two ponies inside me fighting for dominance over my live and how I felt. One of them wanting nothing more than for me to hurt all the time and to cry over the past all the time. It would force me to do things that hurt myself to try to end the very pain I was feeling caused by the other pony who was trying to get me to forget everything. The happy pony in me wanted to close out this chapter of my life, but it needed closure. Things like cleaning out the rooms of my kids, sleeping in my own bed and possibly selling this house and moving on with my life. But everything he wanted me to do hurt the other pony.

He would tear at the fabric of my sanity, forcing me to cut myself just so I could feel something different, something real that I could see. He would buck and fight for control anytime I would take a step in the right direction towards letting this all go. Some days it was easy to silence that feeling deep down that hurt so much, but others it would take control and try to make me end it. It was like play with matches in gas soaked clothes. One day he would win and it would be over. The happy pony in me had to win the fight between them every single time, but the dark part of me only had to get lucky once.

That had nearly happened last night, like so many other nights before it. Part of me was beyond grateful for what Cherry had done but a much bigger part of me wanted to do nothing more than make her feel the same pain I was. I think it is a need to feel validated in my actions. Maybe I just wanted ponies to not think that I'm being overly dramatic when I do stuff like that, maybe I just wanted them to have a taste of what I was feeling for once. 

Granted part of it was annoyance from them saying "Cheer up!" or "Turn that frown upside down!"... Well golly frickin gee! I never thought of that! Here, let me take these razors and make blood soaked collage to stare at for a while! I'll just not be sad! It was so simple! Was I born without that personality type where I just can't let things go? Maybe I'm just different. Or... Maybe they are all colossal morons who refuse to feel anything except happiness. Oh  how joyous that feeling must be.

I sat up on my now very worn down couch and hoofed around for my pack of cigarettes. Finding the pack wedged between the cushions, I scooped them out and subsequently broke all of the remaining sticks. 

"Great! nothing like a three quarter smoke breakfast!" I mumbled as I flicked the lighter open, took that first drag of the morning and waited for the nic to hit my system.

Stars above did that feel good. There was nothing like a little taste of stimulant first thing in the morning. Some ponies drank coffee, I never had a taste for it, but this... this was my vice. One of these days I really needed to cook a actual breakfast and not just wait until four in the evening to eat something. Pancakes would be awesome! I would give anything for a big pile of fluffy, sugar coated goodness like that one day... 

I sniffed the air. Ok, now I am going crazy... I swear I could smell them! The air around me was filled with the delicious scent of warm pastries. I stood up right, waiting for the dream to end and the alluring aroma to be replaced with the rank that was the smell of my office. But it never happened. It wasn't a dream, it was real. 

I trotted downstairs only then remembering that Cherry had stayed the night on the couch in the living room. She wouldn't be so comfortable to just wake up and cook breakfast, could she? I mean I know she's persistent and all but beyond that and how short she is... I really don't know anything about her. My nose had barely cleared the kitchen door when I was attacked.

"MORNIN! Ain't it a beautiful day? I made pancakes!" Cherry belted. Wow, that is way too much energy for this hour... what was it? Seven? Eight am? I looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked,

"TWELVE PM!?" 

"Eyup! You slept in sleepy head! Well, I did too, but hey! Who doesn't from time to time."

"How late was it when we made it here?"

"Like two am or something?" She said as she stopped to think... and accidentally letting a fresh half cooked cake slide out of the skillet and onto the floor. "Whops! Oh, I'll get it later." She said as she stepped in the mess.

"Hey! Come on now!"

"Oh, please... It's not like I'm making it worse. Seriously, when was the last time this place was cleaned." She said as she blew a pile of dust off the toaster, placed a few slices of old bread in it and set it to cook.

"Careful! You will ruin the aesthetic!"

"Yeah, yeah... Hey, don't you have a job or something? Do you always sleep this late?" She said as she once again turned her attention to the stove.

"No... I haven't worked in years."

"Oh come on with that! How can you afford this big house and all this stuff without a job?"

"The house is paid for."

"Whoa... What are you? Rich or something?"

"Not exactly, no. I though you were going to leave in the morning. What happened to that?"

"Gee... Thank you Cherry for make me pancakes! I know I look like I haven't seen food in years but I'm actually flush with food!"

"Alright! Ease up will ya? I'm not a morning pony."

"Well good, because it's noon and you are being rude to your house guest."

"Why are you doing this?" I said as I sat at the table to finish my smoke.

"Well... When I woke up this morning, I went looking for food... After I found your liquor collection the the fridge, in most of the cabinets and pretty much everywhere else food hides... I went to the store to get pancake mix."

"You don't need to spend your money on me. I'm just some random buck."

"Look, I wanted pancakes. You have a stove. Do you want pancakes or not?"

"Fair point."

I bit my tongue. I wanted her out of my house! she was just... Just... Making herself at home as if it were her own! I had not touched anything since the accident, not a pot or a pan! The kitchen was Lolly's domain and she hated anything being out of place... Well, truth be told the whole house was her domain, I just fixed things when they broke. The bedroom, the bathrooms, the living room... Now the shed out back and my office? Those were mine to call the shots in, but outside of that, I was basically the repair pony. 

Cherry dropped a plate in front of me filled with a those hot gooey cakes I had waiting all this time for and sat across from me. And now she was sitting in Lolly's spot... Everything she was doing was so incredibly nice and so incredibly infuriating at the same time. I did my best to hide the anger away long enough to eat an actual meal for the first time in months. 

"So... Chance. You live in this house and don't owe rent on it, you don't work and judging by the the liquor in this house you damn sure are not worried about money... What gives?" The question stuck me as impolite seeing as we had just met, more so it took me off guard. I was eating tasty food and feeling no pain for the first time in a while, so I did something I never thought I could. I slipped up.

"Law suites do that sort of thing."

"Oh, you sued somepony! That makes sense now."

"What!? How!?"

"Well you make your money suing ponies and you could not live with the guilt so you tried to off yourself!" She said in excitement.

"What!? NO! I never-"

"Can't say that I blame you, the guilt must be hell!"

"NO! Stop! Just stop... That's not even remotely close... Where do you get off!?"

"Well, if not that, then what? You know you owe me that much for saving you, right?"

"I don't owe you a damn thing! I didn't want your 'help' and I don't want to talk about it!"

"Look bucko... You may think what you were doing was the right thing for you, but I know better than that! You think pain just goes away when you die? No! It doesn't! You hurt ponies you didn't even know!"

"You have no clue what I know about death!" I said through my teeth. "You want to know about hurt? You want to know what it's like to be on that end of the stick?" 

"Calm down... It's not like I shot your puppy or something. I just want to know is all." She said as calm as a cucumber. 

"Why should I tell you anything!" I shouted as I slid the plate of half eaten cakes into the floor. "Why!? What make you so damn special to me!? What make you think you should know my problems!?" I shouted. What was her deal!? Any reasonable pony would have ran by now.

"BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE!" She screamed as she bolted upright. "I've stood in your place and I've felt the pain! What makes you think you are so special that you get to just end it all and no one can hurt for you!?" The sudden outburst threw me off guard. What did she know about what I was going through!? How could she be so damn arrogant!?  

"Oh what the hell do you know, to you I'm just another sad buck with too much time oh his hooves! You think I want to be this way? You think I went there last night to get attention!?"

"NO! No... I know you didn't." She said as she put a hoof on my shoulder."I know that what you need right now... is somepony to talk to. You think doing that will make things better for you, but it won't. You need to get passed whatever it is that is driving you to that point."

"You know, for some random mare, you see to know a lot about me... What exactly do you know?"

"I know what it's like to hurt. I know what it's like to shut the world out to the point that you are all alone with nothing but the nightmares. I know what it's like to hate yourself." She said as she trotted into the living room.

"You know about hurt? I mean I know you are short and all, but the teasing couldn't have been that bad." I said as I followed her.

"It's not the teasing that hurt so much... it's when they don't say anything at all." She said as she put her saddle bags over her haunches and started for the door.

"Hey... listen. I didn't know... You don't have to leave." I said trying to stop her.

"No, I do. I have chores to deal with, it's just lucky that my chores are here in town at my families shop."

"Look... I'm sorry for the way I acted. It's just... a lot of what I'm going through, I never talk to other ponies about it. I can't! I feel like they can't relate or that they don't want to hear my sob story for fear of-"

"Make them sad? Yeah, tell me about it. Everypony just trots around in a cloud of happiness all the time as if nothing er wrong with them."

"Yeah... That! Listen, if you have time, I think I would like to see you again. I don't know what i'm doing, maybe I'm just on autopilot here, but I feel better after talking with you. Knowing I'm not alone here, you know?"

"Trust me, you are not alone. But you have to actually talk, not scream."

"Yeah! I mean... Yeah. Sorry about that."

"If you like, I could bring some stuff over later and maybe cook us some dinner?" She said with a smile. 

"Yeah, I think I would like that."

"Well, you try not to get into trouble while I'm out, I'll see you soon." And with a flick of her tail, the door closed. 

"Bye... Cherry."

This had to be the strangest 24 hours I have had in a LONG time. In less than a moment I went from hating somepony to wishing they wouldn't leave. What was so wrong with me that I could swing my emotions like that? Was it a need to vent? Maybe talking really did help me. Or, maybe she's a spy sent here from the Ministry of Moral... No that's just silly...

Wait, did my mopey ass just think of something... silly? No, noway! Whoa that's weird. Hello strange emotion I have not felt in a while, how are you? Don't mind the blood stains and razors, it's been a weird week... month... years. And I'm sad again, awesome. Guess I'm just so deep in my place that even something funny can trigger all kinds of depression. What hell I live with just to breath a little longer.

The hours ticked by, some of which I spent staring off into space. I was great at that, I could have gone pro in fact if not for my bum wing. But even though that dark part of my brain wanted nothing more than to atone for somepony giving a rat's ass about me by standing in silence, I some how managed to do something truly amazing. Something so earth shattering that even I was amazed... I did the dishes AND I trimmed the grass. 

I was rather proud of myself when I had finished, It had not been touched for... Well to be honest I had adopted a 'twice a year whether it needed it or not' approach to lawn care. This was hell for my neighbors seeing as one of them was trying to sell their house next door to what equated to a haunted house and the other was the town florist. She was always so sweet towards me. She even trimmed my grass a few times, granted it was probably because she couldn't see anything passed it, but it was still nice of her. 

Her lawn was always perfect in every way. Roses blooming, grass was neat and tidy with out the nearest sign of a weed in sight! To be honest I had kind of a 'dad crush' as Lolly used to say on her grass. But being in the trade afforded her so many tricks and what not to keeping it perfect. Me... I was just another buck who slaved away for the government. Now, if she had ever needed insight on the inner workings of inter pony relationships, I was just the buck for the job!

Come to think of it, I did notice that she was watching me with a little smile on her face when she came home and saw me mowing the lawn. I bet she was thinking 'Oh thank goodness, I was about to do that myself!'. Now the other ponies next door... Well there was not getting passed the fact that I hated them... him... whatever. Was that just some kind of a dad thing? My dad hated one of his neighbors too, so did his dad come to think of it. What was it about the Dinkles that I hated so much!? I even botched the trimming near his shrubs to the point of nearly sending one of them to shrub heaven!

Look at me, sitting here waiting for a mare and not being depressed... Thinking about all these old memories that were not sad at all. The alien feeling of not dealing with pain or regrets was an old friend I had not dwelt on in quite sometime.  I was even thinking about my old job back in Canterlot, I was even THINKING like a investigator again. Well, kinda. Before I would just try to make Dinkle talk himself in a circle for fun, but hey, it was a start. 

But I know that eventually all this will come crashing back down. I was just riding a serious high of endorphins from nearly dying yet again. It was like the closer I got to actually pulling it off, the better the high was. Was I becoming numb to the feeling of surviving? Was my body being forced more and more to the limit of what it could take for me to have these rare moments of happiness? 

It scared me to think that maybe one day I would go too far. Maybe that I would actually succeed in making it back home. It never scared me before, why now? Was it the taste of happiness? Was it talking to the short mare who stopped my attempt? What was it!? Better feeling as I was, I was confused and still scared. Was this all going to crash harder than it ever had before? I guess I will have to wait and see.
> Chapter 3: Pain Shared
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Seconds?" Cherry asked as she helped herself to a fourth round of cherry cobbler.

"Ugh... No. More. Cherries..." I groaned from my fetal position under a mountain of dirty plates.

Despite my new found demeanor of happiness and longing for verbal stimulation from another pony, I had clammed up the moment Cherry trotted through the door. It was as if I were a young buck again who had tried to and somehow succeeded in asking a mare out on a date. I was just along for the ride at this point and trying not to snap again like I did before. 

It was so strange! I harbored no real emotional connection with this mare, no affection nor any attraction but I was acting as shy as pony at his first day of school. I guess it was a shared bond of sadness that was linking us together, that or her quirky, over powering want to be near me. Either way, I wasn't the most comfortable pony to be around and if she wanted to take the time to have a poke at the old buck with a broken heart, so be it.

"Well, I guess I just can't get enough of them! They are my namesake after all." She said sitting back down to the table with what remained of the cobbler... There was half left... She was going to eat all of it. 

"Where do you even keep that stuff! You are so small!" 

"It good!" She said in protest.

"Good yes, but gosh is it filling."

"So, Chance..."

"Cherry..."

"If I ask you what your deal is again, are you going to try and vomit all over me again with more self pity?

"No... not pity... But I think I did swallow a few pits so no promises."

"Cute. So spill it, why do you live in this paid for house, have no job, no friends and what amounts to no life?"

"Gee... Don't make me seem TOO appealing..."

"You want to get through this or not!? I'm just saying like it is."

"Fine... The house is paid for because a law suite that I didn't file. Ok? Satisfied?"

"You know that I'm not... Why the law suit and how the hay can you collect on something you didn't file?"

"We are really doing this, aren't we..."

"Oh yeah. We are."

"Ok... It was three Years ago yesterday, me and my wife-"

"You were married!?"

"You want to know this or not!?"

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"AS I WAS SAYING... Me, my wife and my two kids were on our way back home after a weeks vacation on the coast. I flew us there in a rental chariot but we decided to bring the kids back by train so they could see the country side... It was my idea. Cedar loved trains and his little brother loved looking out the window at all the mountains and fields. I thought a easy ride back would help us hold on to the feeling of being on vacation a little longer. 

I didn't want it to end. I had been swamped at work with pier reviews and new marks to evaluate... My kids thought their daddy was spy." I said with a laugh. "To them I was their superhero, but to me, they were the real hero's. But after months of working in that field... I wasn't feeling all that super, I barely felt like a pony at all. Everypony thinks working in the government sector is this big glamorous job, they think we are all spys or agents of some kind...

But what nopony knows is just how soulless it truly is. Ponies you see everyday on the street and think nothing of, ponies in high positions of government, even ponies who are in our own agency... Everypony get's evaluated at some point for something if needed. Nopony was off the table, not even Princess Luna. 

We would get a mark and evaluate. That was the job. Don't ask questions, don't turn it down... We just... dug. We would dig their lives apart one shredded moment at a time all without them knowing. It felt... wrong. We would find things out about them that nopony but them should know, things that would drive them to the edge of where I am if they ever came to light! All in the interest of public safety... 

There was something remarkably foul about the work, as if you were not just reading the worst thing about somepony, but actually exposing them. So to say that it took it's pound of flesh was an understatement. Things had started to turn south for me pretty hard mentally after the attack at Littlehorn. Everypony became suspect and the work had tripled. So when the chance to get away came, I ran for it. I scooped up my family and ran to the coast for some very much needed r&r. 

So I guess you could say I never wanted the moment to end. Everything was just better, just like that. We were all together for the first time in forever it felt. All my worries about work were gone, Lolly and I had some close time together, we all played on the beach... It was heaven. I had actually started thinking on the train ride back about quitting my job and working free lance you know? Maybe something in the private sector?

But that thought never got the chance to even become an Idea."

"So the what happened?" Cherry asked with near baited breath... or a yawn, I couldn't tell.

"Then, the world ended around me. Right there, on that train. Everypony likes to think about forever... They like to think they will live forever or this moment or that moment will last forever... But nopony ever likes to think of what is just around the bend. The conductor was tired, the tracks we were on were worn and buckled from neglect... That's what the report said anyhow. 

One moment I'm sitting across from Lolly and the next..."

"It's ok... Let it out."

"The next I woke up in a field missing a wing. I looked back to the train and it was a mess... The cars had buckled and collapsed atop one another. Even while I was dazed and bleeding I knew there was no hope, but I ignored it. I ran down the hillside the what was left, but it was all burning. Everything was on fire, the fuel from the engine had leaked or been sprayed in every direction. It was like standing at the gates of hell, but the feeling... That damn feeling of hopelessness it was what hurt the most.   

I pushed myself forward through the flames, throwing bits of wood and broken glass out of my way. I dug for what felt like an eternity before I saw the door to our cabin. I don't know how many bodies I saw along the way... twenty? thirty, maybe? Each time my heart stopped when I saw a bit of tail or a leg just being covered up by debris. But there was no sign of them... at least not until I lifted the door out of the way.

I looked down... and... all I could see was their faces, just their faces looking back up at me. Their eyes closed, Lolly had wrapped them up into a little ball under her. She did her best, Cherry. She did what any mother would do, but it wasn't enough! I crawled down to them and tried to wake them. I knew I was too late but I just kept trying. I didn't want to believe it, so I tried to carry my family to safety, but with only one with I was going nowhere.

I didn't know what to do, so I just curdled up on the other side, looking back at Lolly to protect our boys. I knew there was nothing I could do, so I just prayed that I would go quick. I wanted them back so bad, that I was willing to chance there being an afterlife so I could see them again. The smoke started to roll in and the fire howled that goddess awful roar as it crept in. The last thing I remember is the searing pain. There was just so much pain... The fire was burning me, the smoke was choking me and the loss was crushing me. 

I just wanted to see them again. We were all just so happy, I wanted it back! I wanted them back! But all I have left are the memories. I woke up in a hospital back here in town a few days later. They said the impact had taken them quickly... They said I would never fly again... They said that I would recover. But did I? Did I really recover?

The other night, when you found me, that was the spot. That was were I was supposed to die. Not that night, but back then, with my family. I guess I just thought if I did it there, maybe I would see them again. After the reports came out, a lawsuit was filled on behalf of the families that were lost. The M.W.T was forced to pay out to the survivors. Though, to be honest, I doubt the lawsuit was needed. Applejack herself came to see me in the hospital, she looked dead on her hooves at that. I guess a full day of talking to ponies who were hurt by your company does that to you. 

The M.W.T payed off my house and set aside something of a trust so that I wouldn't have to work again. The irony of it all is that I work for Ministry of Image and the Ministry of Moral. So I highly doubt that anypony else got the same treatment. It was kind of them, but all it did was leave me with nothing but my thoughts. "

Cherry sat in stunned silence, judging by her face, she was there mentally. It was as if I had recorded the events of that night and played them back for her. Her eye's glistened with tears, but then again, mine were too. I had only told a few ponies about what had happened that day. To everypony else I had just been in a bad accident that cost me my family, enough though it was, few knew why I felt the way I did. 

Cherry was now one of the few outside of the offical reports that knew what had happened. Had I done the right thing? Did unloading on the twenty something year old mare really help me in anyway. As strange as it was, seeing somepony else cry right in front of me over what I had endured that day did somehow feel validating. It was like I was right to feel the way I was and that maybe self pity was not the only thing I was feeling. 

"I'm so... so sorry Chance..."

"It's ok, you could never of helped it. It happened and now I'm here."

"I know... I know I couldn't of helped. I'm just so sorry!" She said as she came to my side to hug me. "i wish I could go back and stop it from happening. I wish I could change things for you, but I can't."

"It's ok, Cherry. You helped just by listening to me. Nopony else did." I said as I wrapped her in a hug.

What was I to this mare? Why did she care so much? Can ponies really and truly connect over sorrow? Is it really that fluid? Was the pain I was feeling enough so that she could feel it too? I had so many questions but the hopelessness kept them at bay, for the moment it just felt good to sit here and let somepony hug me. It was freeing to talk, but it felt so much better just to feel somepony care. 

"Hey, thanks for listening to me."

"Anytime Chance, anytime..."

The two of us had to have spent an hour just holding each other. I had all but completely grown fond of her heartbeat when we separated and found our way to the living room. As long as the moment lasted, it was still fleeting. But with the sun on its way down and Fetlock and hour's trot out of town, we both decided it would be best if she were to head home. 

Like any good buck would, I offered to escort her on the long journey. Understandably, after all I had shared, we both elected to not take the train, but instead to trot our way. We spent the time talking about Lolly and the kids, it was as if she knew them by the way she listened so intently, then again, I had spilled enough about them to write a book. But this time, there were no tears, we were laughing about the good times. 

"Hey Chance?"

"hmmm?"

"You know, I was thinking. You should probably get a job or something."

"Me? Get another job? Why?"

"Well, sitting at the house all day can't be good for you... If the last three years have not proven it to you yet that is."

"I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea. But where would I go?"

"What about that Ministry you were talking about... the M.O.I or M.O.M? Would they take you back?"

"Shortcake, I don't think that would be a good idea. I was growing to hate that place before the crash, now I don't know if I could go back."

"Think about it, ok? I mean, you seemed to be good at it by the way you talked. Maybe there could be something else you could do."

"I'll think about it... Maybe I'll drop by my old office tomorrow and kick some rocks around."

"Oh! The one in Canterlot!? I'm going to be there tomorrow! We could get lunch!"

"You!? What on earth are you doing in Canterlot?"

"We have a delivery going out that way and I could take a break afterwards! I know the really awesome little bistro there, we can get take out and hang out by the falls."

"Yeah? What would it be that you would want exactly? I think I owe you two meals at this point."

"Oh! Oh! I love their cherry pie!"

"...Shocker..."

"Hey! I like cherries! It's-"

"Your name sake... I know."

"SEE! Now you're getting it!" She said as she stopped in the middle of the road. "Welp, this is my stop! I can take it from here." I cast a glance down the long roadway to the small burning lights down the road, this whole area must be her families land. As far as I could see there were cherry trees picked clean, no doubt her doing. 

"You sure I can't take you the rest of the way? Seems a bit far."

"Nah, I can hack it! Besides, dad doesn't like randoms ponies showing up unannounced. Oh and Chance... Go check on that job thing... I really think it would be good for you."

"Ok... I will."

"Well, so long stranger! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Cherry and thanks... for everything."

The two of us parted ways, not even a hundred meters from where we had just met. To think that she would have been here the day it happened, just down the road. To think that she was the one that would push me out of the way of that train at the last minute. Talk about happenstance. I aimed my nose back south towards ponyville, still hurting, but the weight on my shoulders feeling lighter by the day. 

As much as I hated to admit it to myself, being around her had a strange effect on me. It was like for the first time I actually wanted to get better. I felt like when she was there that I could open up and let the demons out. It was just so crazy that I never saw it coming. I still felt the way I did, I don't know if there would ever be any changing that. But maybe... just maybe I could let go of a little of that pain. Maybe I could shoulder it a bit more. Maybe the ax wouldn't fall for a while.
> Chapter: 4 Tell Nopony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. Chance is it?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Mr. Chance... I see here that you have extensive experience in several fields..."

"Yes ma'am."

"It say's here that your previous position was third in command to the targeting officer, would you care to elaborate a bit on the subject."

"Ma'ma many of the things what we did were marked 'Tell Nopony'. Currently I am unaware of their levels of classification."

"Yes, well please if you will, describe your job to me."

"Yes, of course. My primary objective was to gather and filter all information in regards to national threats as to the best of my ability and equipment at hoof." 

"Very good... It says here you also have experience in the fields of technical targeting, resources analysis, political analysis, counter terrorism analysis and pony resources analysis... I take it you served under Directorate of Operations Targeting Officer... one Mr. Bastion? Very impressive Mr. Chance."

"In dark times, our work is the last Bastion of hope. It was our motto."

"Do you mind informing me as to where you have been for the last three years?"

"I suffered a traumatic incident that took some time to work through... But I assure you that it was in no way work related."

"Yes. I have read the incident file, you have my condolences."

"Thank you, Madam. It has been a trying time for me."

"Well, your background check is clean and as soon as your name found our roster Mr. Bastion was quick to send his own recommendation."

"Yes Ma'am. But If I could have a single request, I would want to work under a diffenet department if possible. Nothing against Mr. Bastion, but I feel like a change of pace might actually help with what remains of my recovery. Where I feel that I am fully capable of fulfilling any job title or duties that are assigned, I feel as though this last change will solidify my mindset."

"Spoken like a true analysis. Mr.Chance... Do you feel that the position of Director of Targeting would fit your needs?"

"Madam, that is quite the shift in rank."

"Call it a hunch, but I have seen the files, that is all I need to know that you could handle the position. Though I will say that the position does not come with international territory. It would mean that you would have access to domestic files and logistical information only."

"Domestic coverage... I'm familiar with the field. But again, I have to question the directive. Madam, are you sure that the M.O.M needs another domestic terrorism unit?"

"The current climate of the matter would fall into negative clearance and therefore be restricted to department heads."

"Madam... I know that I'm a civilian until I sign the documents. But I can not help but wonder if I am signing on to something that would be beyond my capabilities. I wish only to know if I could fulfill the tasks laid before me to standards needed. I maybe a civilian at the moment, but I am still a government employee at heart."

"Very well... At the risk of you not taking this position, and I assume you know the costs this information would atone..."

"I do."

"The Office of Interministry Affairs has passed this down to my desk. Suffice to say that the need is there. If you were to take this position your branch would be in charge of tactical targeting on domestic soils."

"Wait... TACTICAL domestic targeting?"

"Yes..." The director let out a long sigh and stood. "The dire need for homeland logistics of a tactical nature have come to light. Unfortunately, for me to tell you more, you will need to sign the documents." She said as she trotted to my side and slid the enrollment packet in front of me. 

This was big... I just came in for a job interview, not some homeland tactical invasion investigation crap... As curious as I was as to why the OIA would want such a thing, a bigger part of me was just rolling with the punches. Even still, that analyst in me craved to know more, I wanted to help, I need to know more. So, without nearly another thought, I signed my life away to the government once again.

"Mr.Chance... or should I say Director."

"Please... Chance is fine."

"Very well. I suspect it to be best to bring you up to speed... Two months ago the OIA intercepted an interministry transmission of supposed collaboration between a ministry and high value target in Zebrica."

"Wait... WHAT!?"

"Please... Try to hold your voice."

"Madam, I restrain... But are you suggesting that there is actual treason being enacted within one of our ministries!?"

"That is how the file reads. The official answer is that there is nothing more secure than the fate of our nation withing the ministries grasps."

"And the actual answer?"

"The actual answer is much more... complicated I'm afraid. From the information gathered it is possible that this could be an Alicorn Level threat." 

"Luna's grace..."

"Indeed. Your branch will be operating within Canterlot. You will be assigned your own team but it is important that you understand just how sensitive this matter is... It has been concluded that a full scale land invasion or attack is possible from what we have gathered thus far. Your work is going to be... stickily speaking... off the record."

"Madam, what level clearance is this?"

"None existent. Now, director Chance... I'm afraid that this is were we part ways. All documents will be sent to your office, all the details about your mission as listed and enclosed documents are here."

"Madam, if I may ask. Why not transfer them to a pipbuck, I had one in my last position."

"This information is conclusive and extreme sensitive... As such it is not marked. It has come to light that we are not sure who it is that we can trust. Discretion is paramount, but your timely appearance has afforded us an opportunity. You and your staff will be keeping a low profile throughout your investigation. Now, if there is nothing else, you can have the rest of the day to get your affairs in order. We expect to see you bright and early in the morning."

"Yes Madam... Thank you."

"Thank nothing of it. Oh, and Chance... WE expect results. I guess you could all this, your second Chance. Tell nopony."

"Thank you Madam."

"Please... Call me Limestone."

I was floored. I expected to be able to get my old job back... but Director!? This was HUGE! It was also terrifying in every since of the word. Domestic work was usually very humdrum, but tactical domestic targeting!? That's invasion protocol, it was reserved as imitate threat level measures. Had the war really gotten that bad behind my back while I was out being sad? If I had not been depressed before, I was very much so terrified now. It was trading a razor blade for a buzz saw, at least with depression and suicide I was only standing a chance to hurt myself. But this... this could hurt everypony if I screwed up. 

If nothing else it would damn sure give me something new to worry about. If what I saw in the reports and what Limestone said was true, success was not just validating, it was going to be a necessity. The pressure of preforming this well at that level right out of the gate was not lost on me in my curiosity, but I was starting to feel sick with worry. The little analyst pony who I had not seen in years was in full work mode, but I had to ignore him for a bit longer. I need to talk to Cherry about this! I was worried I had just been pulled from the fire just to sit on a landmine. 

I doubt seriously that she knew just how deep I was about to fall down the proverbial rabbit hole of bureaucracy when she told me to get my job back. But this was for Equestria, it was my duty. I had sworn on scrolls to work my flank off to help protect my homeland, but this was almost too much... almost. But I had to admit, this was way cool! I mean, who would ever think that for a moment that somepony like me could undermine a threat that was meant to level a nation. 

I trotted to the town square to where Cherry had told me the bistro would be hiding. The Brown Buck was a little hole in the wall joint located on the corner of Matterhorn and Wingleaf, right in the town square. It had been so long since I had seen Canterlot... so much had changed. It was just another reminder that even though my world had ended, everypony else's had surged forward at breakneck speed. With all the new buildings and towers, one thing remained the same.

The Castle held a special place in my heart, it was the one symbol of equestria that marked our home. It was grand... regal even now among the steel beams and black glass towers around it. None of them could block its beauty for a moment. I had stood there, in the front lawn and swore to the princesses and country to protect this land as to the best of my abilities. Before me laid a marble statue of Princess Celestia and Princess luna holding between them the sun and moon. It was my favorite statue, I came here often on my lunch breaks and watched as the water would flow down their ivory statues.

I broke myself from my trance and made a b-line for the bistro where I had placed my order earlier. I had arrived in Canterlot early for the interview and figured that it would be best to use my time wisely... Ok maybe I gawked at the statue a little. But who can blame me, I was quite the fan of Luna's... 'form' if you will. I trotted to the counter where the spiky maned young buck was waiting for me with his overly enthusiastic greeting.


"GREETINGS! Welcome to the Brown Buck! My name is Truffle, how my I assist you?"

"I have a to-go order, name's Chance."

"Yes sir! Here we are, Mr. Chance! One Cherry pie! MMMMMM! My favorite. That will be six bits." I passed the coins across the table and grabbed the bags with my one good wing. "Oh! I'm sorry sir, I forgot to apply your discount."

"Wait, what discount?" I said befuddled.

"Your military discount of course." He said, motioning to my missing wing.

"I'm not in the military..." I said bluntly. 

"Oh! My bad. How'd you lose it?" He said a touch offended. What the hell was wrong with him!? 

"As if it were any of your information, I lost it in a train accident when I was thrown from the window."

"Ouch! that had to hurt!"

"Yes, it did and it hurts even more to talk about."

"I bet." He said without a care in the world. 

"Listen kid... Do yourself a favor. The next time you see somepony with a disfiguring injury, maybe not make it a priority to point it out."

"Listen dude... I was just curious, there is no need to be a grouch about it." I was shocked. What gave this buck the stones to talk to a pony like that!?

"Is your head up your ass for the warmth?"

"Excuse me sir! I was just curious!" He said sarcastically. Deep breathing... Deep breathing Chance... Take it easy."

"Look you narrowed eye'd pinch nosed bastard. I lost my wing when a train crashed carrying me, my two kids and my wife. I was ejected out of a window that ripped my wing off my body. I lost my family in that crash. Maybe it's not something that I want to talk about. Maybe I don't want everypony bringing it up because I'm still dealing with the trauma of it all. K?"

"Celestia... I'm sorry."

"Don't... " I said putting a hoof up and trotting away.

Now I remember why I don't go into public... I can't control myself. Before the accident I was just an ass, but now I was an entitled ass. It was like I was running on auto pilot the entire time I was chewing that kid out. He couldn't have been more than eighteen years old and I just took a simple misunderstanding to a whole new level. No... He was an ass and had it coming! If not for that tone in his voice I would have brushed it off, but the tone of ones words betray all manners of things. His told me 'shut up old man, I know I was wrong but I refuse to show any sign of remorse or correction.'. 

"HEY!" A voice shouted, scaring me half to death. "You just gonna stew yourself right over the edge of the falls or are ya gonna have lunch with me?" Cherry shouted from behind me. I looked down and I was a few steps from trotting right off the sidewalk and into the water of the cascading falls bellow. 

"HO! Oh crap..." I shouted, jumping back.

"You know, I know you want that whole death by your own motives thing... but I doubt you would be happy when the papers read 'pegasus falls to his death'."

"Yeah well, I had a moment." I said sitting down beside her.

"So... how did it go?" 

"Good... good-good-good-good-go-oh-Celestia I screwed up."

"Oh now, you didn't get your job back..."

"No... I didn't."

"Oh... Chancey..." She said hugging me.

"I got a high level job with my own department." I mumbled into her chest.

"CHANCE! That's wonderful! I'm so happy... Why do you look like you just had to pay your taxes?"

"Because of the stress that comes with it. I'm going to be... doing things that I used to do... but I never thought it would be 'these' things..."

"Oh? Like what buddy? Oh! Are you going to be a spy!" She said in excitement. 

"No... Well, kind of... Look, I can't actually talk about it. But suffice to say it's important work." I said resting my head on the table.

"Are we... happy about it?" She asked as she began to rub my back. I would never tell her this, but she was doing it in a way that Lolly used to do when I would collapse after a long day at work.

"We are... confused and we are scared."

"Chance... Maybe this seems bad, but what if it's not? What if this is just what you need to get back on your hooves?"

"I want to go to bed..." I said as I curled my hooves around my  head.


"Oh... You will have plenty of time for sleep later. But for now... there is pie to be plundered!" She said eagerly as she tore into the bag from the bistro and shoved her head into the tin. I looked on in astonishment, the splash was more than enough to cover my face as well. Wow did she ever love cherries...

"What? You want some?" She said offering me a hoof full of pie

"No, doll. You can have it." I said with a laugh. 

"Your loss!"


The two of us sat there, covered in cherry pie and watching the sun begin to set. It had been a hell of a day. First I had to take a cab to Canterlot at the buttcrack of dawn, file my papers with the OIA, wait for a background check from the MOM, pass a medical evaluation at the ministry of peace and do a interview at a OIA satellite office here in Canterlot. It was all very fluid but all very tiring at the same time. 

Cherry helped ease the screaming in my head by telling me about her day out with the family followed up by the experience of doing deliveries in Canterlot. For her short size she sure seemed to get around great. Of course I was hearing her side of the tale, such things tend to be less than factual, but I trusted her enough with details about day to day life.

"You know... It's going to be a long walk back to Ponyville."

"Yeah... I was just thinking about that." I had spent so much time listening to her ramble on and on about her day that I had missed the last ride back on the commuter carts. I honestly could have listened for hours more if not for it growing so cold out. Just hearing her speak put my mind at ease.

"You know, I'm going to be staying with a friend here in town tonight... you could join."

"I don't think that is the best idea, I don't want to intrude on your friend like that."

"Oh com'on! It will be fun! We can share a bed and make it like a slumber party! I can put my cold butt on you in the middle of the night! It will be great!"

"As tempting as the feeling of two ice cold butt cheeks is... I think I need to get home and get some things in order. I have a lot to get done tomorrow."

"Suits yourself! You are missing out on one amazing cold butt!" She said giving it a shake.

"Oh I'm sure..." I said as I rounded the bend to the trail down the mountain.

"You know... there is another option."

"Cherry no."

"Look, it wont be that bad, I promise!"

"Cherry, there is no way I'm doing that."

"Com'on. I'll go with you and stay the night. It will save me time on the way home."

"Cherry..."

"Chance, you have done so great today, and i'm proud of you, I really am! But you have to keep pushing forward."

"I don't know Shorty..."

"Don't call me that! Look, it will take you hours to trot your way home and it's cold... Just do it for me."

"Cherry there is no way in hell I'm taking that damn train home!"

I sat there in a sea of anger, stewing my brains out that I was being put in this position. I hated everything at this moment... I hated Cherry for suggesting it, I hated the sound of her stupid voice, I hated the feeling of the bench I was sitting on... My heart was racing and I was covered in sweat, my only consolation was that the trains beer mare was active and serving drinks. I was going to kill her.

"See! Nothing to it!" Cherry said, leaning her head into my shoulder and looking up at me with a massive forced smile.

"Every hair in your tail... I'm going to pull out every hair in your tail..." I said though gritted teeth as my hoof had a white-knuckled-grip on the hand rail.

"Now Chance..."

"Just... one at a time. Until you have a bald butt and everything..."

"Steward!? More whiskey on ice please!" Cherry shouted.

"I hate this Cherry." I said with a groan.

"I know... But my heart is about to explode! What if something-"

"HEY! look at me... Nothing is going to happen." She said as she guided my head to her lap and began stroking my mane.

"Lolly used to stroke my mane like that..." I said as I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry!' She shouted in shock as she cover her mouth.

"It's fine, you couldn't have know. She would stroke my mane when the world was just too much for me... I remember this one night, I had just got home from work. I had been hiding money away to surprise her with the vacation I planned behind her back... Money was tight back then, my saving was not making it any better, but I was trying so hard for her to not see it. I had just paid the bills and I had about five bits to my name... She just sat me down and played with my mane and the world just melted away..." I was in another world all together, partly from the six or so drinks I  had before I got on the train and the other three I had before I got cut off. 

"Oh my gosh Chance! I'm so sorry! I could not have imagined what that triggered by me doing that! I had no clue! I'm so, so so-"

"Hey Cherry?"

"Yeah?" She said half crying, half hiccuping from stress.

"I never said stop."   

"Yo-you sure? I mean, you want me to?"

"Yeah... Not everything was bad back then I guess."

"Chance that's so good! I'm so proud of you!"

"Less talky... more head rubby..."

"Oh! right!" 

There I was, on a damn train... But with Cherry there with me it wasn't so bad. I felt like if I had been by myself and somehow found my way on here, I would clawing at the walls to be let off. I would rather take my chances trotting on the tracks. But having a friend close by helps and wow was this relaxing! I was on a train... I had a job and a nice mare stroking my mane... it was just so... relaxing.
> Chapter 5: A Rude Awakening
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been nearly two weeks since I had heard from Cherry, but it was not for lack of trying on her part. I would come home from a long day of staring at papers and listening to voices played through a tinny mechanical headset to find various confectioneries waiting for me. We had adopted a series of notes over time. Little light-hearted messages to remind the other one that they were still alive or to try and make the other one laugh. It was so strange... The feelings I was having for her were not of a attractive nature at all. 

She was a pretty mare, but her personality and mine connected on a completely different level. It was like a strong friendship or even something like siblings. What we had was a near spiritual connection to each other. It wasn't something that I feel either of us really wanted to sully with thoughts of love or sex. Truth be told, I can't say that I would mind if such a thing were to happen on its own, but neither of us were trying to move in that direction. 

We were friends, best friends even, but nothing more than that. We were the ears that the other needed when times got hard or the shoulder to cry on when things were just too much. Even through our notes I could feel that we both had been making progress towards a better life. Me with my depression and darker thoughts and her with her lack of self worth and self image. I had been so selfish the first few weeks that we had talked... When I finally saw my own folly by not asking enough questions, I began to pry into Cherry's life.

I had learned that she was hurting still, even after all this time past her resolution. I had just assumed that she had been teased and picked on growing up, just as anypony would have assumed. But I had never thought that scars could run that deep or that the lack of words could be so deafening. She had in fact been picked on for her height over the years as she was growing up making her childhood a... difficult one. 

Nopony wanted to play with her when they began to out grow her and had resorted to name calling and pranking her at every opportunity. But the real pain came later on in life when she was nearing graduation. Ponies just stopped talking to her. Nopony wanted to date her, everypony just assumed she was a filly and ignored her when she would speak and due to the stigma she had been placed with growing up, most ponies shunned her all together. 

She had said that it was not what ponies said about me, it was what they wouldn't say. I was that lack of validation of being in a conversation, that nonexistent social life thanks to a few cruel words and remarks that stuck with her. The time alone and the time sat watching others, wanting desperately to be part of the group or to be heard... all had been taken from her and left as a victim of circumstance. To everypony else it wasn't their fault that she was short, she did not adhere to the social decorum. 

It was like some kind of twisted joke that the very same ponies that had teased and tormented her had grown up, paired up and started families in her small town. It was a life that Cherry wanted. Nothing special, she didn't want diamonds or gold, she didn't want money beyond measure... She just wanted somepony to talk to, maybe somepony to call her own. She just wanted an average run of the mill life that we feel is due to us at some point. Something that seemed to be given so freely that it was almost a mild inconvenience to our lives to obtain it. 

She was just another pony, I could see that, but why couldn't anypony else see it!? Things had become too much for her after the death of her father. With the family looking to her as the oldest to get things done, she shouldered the load and picked up the slack. Long hours in the field, long nights making deliveries, barely getting any sleep all caught up with her in time. She missed her dad dearly, she wanted to do more for her family but with her little sister just now growing old enough to work the fields, it was all on her to set it aside and pull the plow as she said.

There was no team cheering her on, no awards, just work. When her day had finished and she trotted to her little bedroom for what little sleep there was to be had, she was alone. Nopony to share the bed with, nopony to talk to about what was hurting her... Just silence. 

I had not known what she meant when she told me that the silence hurt the most, but now I could identify with it on a whole new level of pain. One night it had come to a head. She was over worked and had been stiffed on two of her deliveries. It had been money they all needed to get by for the month. She was broken and barely breathing air when she stumbled to the train tracks on the cool evening. The sun was setting on another day when she stepped onto the tracks swearing that she couldn't take the pain anymore. 

That was her point. The world had found just the right amount of weight to break her down to the lowest point of her life. She wouldn't tell me what brought her back around, what had saved her, but I had to assume that it was a lucid moment in what seemed like a nightmare for her. She told me she bucked up and dug deep. She said that she didn't want the world to get the best of her. 

From that point on she was the mare she wanted to be. Gone was the timid mare who barely spoke, if she was there, everypony knew it. Even if they ignored her, she would move on passed them and live her life to make her happy, not them. It was surprising to hear a mare of her age have that insight to overcome those odds. My father used to say that his hard won knowledge was that he had learned that we, as ponies, buy things we don't want with money we don't have to impress ponies that we don't even like. It was a simple statement that said volumes for society. There was countless causes and effects of the matter but one thing was an absolute fact... Ponies are assholes.  

"Director! We have traced a communication from the M.O.P to an unknown server in Zebrica!" The grey mare named Clack shouted as she barged through the door. I had been lost in thought, the long hours and sleepless nights had left me longing for a talk with Cherry about how this job was stressing me out so much that I had been re-reading her last note over and over again. To be honest, I think some pee shot out when Clack threw the door open.

"This is what we have been waiting for! Tell Click to request authorization for camera feeds at the M.OP from the O.I.A on a alpha level! I want everything!"

"Sir! That's a delta level clearance request! Such a thing would need your signature on it!" She said out of breath.

"If there is a camera in the bathroom I want it! I'll meet you in central control to sign the papers." I said as I stood.

"Sir... forgive me, but do we really want to send out an order of that level? A ping like that could come back on us."

"Clack, if this is a 100% hit on one of the ministries contacting and unauthorized server of one of our enemies... the probabilities are endless. The ministries are our main line of R&D, if somepony is compromised or worse, a double agent, it could turn the tide of this war and I assure you it will not be in our favor!"  

"Copy that sir!" She shouted as her white tail shot out the door and down the hall, no doubt to find Click. The two of them were rarely see apart... good ol Click and Clack, sisters but Luna have mercy they are enthusiastic. Day one Clack ran into my office to tell me that she thought Zebras had taken Click because she had not seen her in over five. Whole. Minutes...

Sweet girls... Crazy as all hell, but very smart. I trotted down the hall to central to inspect the data myself. If this was true then what Limestone had said was true, there was a leak in the dam that needed to be plugged... A leak that I would find and that I would plug myself! But first, I had to be sure. There was no going off half cocked, this had to me solid evidence before I could send out the order for the hunt.

"DIRECTOR ON DECK!" 

"Damn it Palomar! This isn't the navy! Sit down!" Specks shouted. The room, apart from Palomar, stood silent. My little team was all gathered here to pour over the findings and see my reaction. This was a major moment for us. From an order to a small underground team and we were about to see the fruits of our efforts. Results had been demand of us and results are what we had been working on since day one. We were nopony to anypony, operating on first names and code names only.

Despite the swiftness at which things came together, we were already operating as a unit. We played off one another to the point of telepathy and watched out for one another. They came from all trots of life, some the navy, some the air-force and others from OIA logistics. Nopony here had officially worked for a ministry, but rather the O.I.A or civil-service. Officially, we did not operate at all. Nothing was left to chance, even Limestone had no clue as to what was going on apart from ordering the assignment. 

I leaned into the monitor to see the data, but there was none. Just a sole audio file had been pulled from the transmission, but in many ways this was much worse. Audio meant that somepony was connecting directly to somepony... or some Zebra else. 

"Have you listened to it yet?" 

"No sir. Not yet." Tinker said as he passed me his headphones.

"Who found it?"

"We all did sir. We were running a routine check of the outgoing mail when it lit up the servers." Clack said from behind me.

"Something like that is ballsy." Palomar said over my shoulder.

"Or very clever... if they were wanting something to go unnoticed, hiding in plain sight would afford them that." Koppy replied.

I placed the fur lined muffs over my ears and took Tinker's chair. With a hoof tap, I played the audio file. there was so much static that the voices were muffled beyond recognition. 

"Put this on intercom, Tinker."

"Roger-doger." With a few swift clicks, the room filled with muddy white noise. The sound was near bludgeoning and piercing at the same time. 

"Great Flanks! What is that!?" Palomar shouted.

"It's been shadowed! Tinker! Run it through the filtering software and back the gain down!" Clack shouted over the cacophony. Gradually, the static reverted to a males voice and the muddied tones swapped tones to a high pitched voice.

"Is that..."

"This suffering has to end. I have a solution for both sides. We have found a way to heal everypony in the clap of a hoof and every Zebra. What is the point of fighting and suffering if we all live in the end!" The mares voice sounded desperate, pleading and tired. But even still you could feel the passion in her words as she begged for an end to the war.

"Yes. We are listening. But I fear that any further communications via our coms will hinder the process. This will require a face to face transaction."

"THIS IS NOT A TRANSACTION!" She shouted, I had never heard her shout before, it was... un-nerving. "This is not a transaction. This is the end of all this madness! I just don't want to see anypony get hurt anymore!"

"Very well. We will set up a meeting point and be in contact directly. For now however, it would be best to end these communications."

"Promise me this will end! Promise me!"

"We give you our word."

The transmission ended with a pop and a hiss. Nopony wanted to speak, nopony dared to breathe. I looked around the room at the stunned and shocked faces, but I could only see one thing. Heart break. The very thought of one of the ministry mares colluding with Zebras was grounds for treason. But the fact that the voice we heard was none other than Fluttershy's... Brought tears to the eyes. 

She was being played. We could all hear it. Anypony with a logical mind would know it just by the tone in the Zebra's voice. What had gotten into her head!? What had happened that could have pushed her to the point of swapping secrets, if that was what she was doing, with Zebras!? How did one of the most loved of the ministry mares fall so far!?

"Sir..." Clack said, trying to jar me. My world had been turned upside down. I had always looked up to her as the compassionate mare she had always seemed to be. But this was different, she sounded so desperate in her please, but how could she be so... so... stupid!

"Um... Sir? What do we do with this information?"

"Forget the orders."

"Sir!?" A collective gasp said.

"Forget the orders, Tinker. Pull the file for me and delete the records of this."

"Sir that's..."

"Treason. But this is weapons grade explosives we have on our files. Best not to leave anything to chance. We will deliver this information ourselves..."

"Rodger-dodger sir!" Tinker said as he worked his magic. "Click. Clack. Front and center." The two mares shot to my vision at attention. "Listen closely... Go to the OIA hub down the block and get in contact with Sassafras in the cafeteria, order one yellow cupcake. Say nothing more."

"Sir?" Click asked.

"Are we celebrating or..." Clack responded. 

"No... Just do as I asked. You will be given a yellow cupcake, then come back here. Don't talk to anypony else, if they say hi, you ignore them. I don't care if Celestia herself trots in front of you, you do as you are told. Understood?"

"Can we eat the cupcake?" They both asked in unison. I sat on my haunches and began to squeeze my head in my hooves.

"Yes... you can eat the damn cupcake... No leave before I have a stroke!"

"Yes SIR!" They both shouted as they ran out the door. 

I had given THE order. It was an emergency signal to a contact with the OIA that marked we had a house of cards scenario under way. Things had not fallen yet, but they are on their way down. I had reflexively signed over the documents to Tinker to order a full observance snatch of any and all access to the four major MOP operation headquarters. On the outside my team saw the stone cold pony they had come to know. Numbers and data was my forte', they knew nothing more.

But on the inside, I was ruined the same as they were. They didn't show it much, but their faces were broken with the marks of betrayal and heartache. The whole nation loved Fluttershy, she was the element of kindness, a shining light to all those hurting and she had just pushed us all in front of the bus. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, indeed. Part of me wanted to believe that this was all a dream and that it wasn't actually happening. 

I have no clue as to what spell she was talking about, but such a thing that could heal everypony in the 'clap of a hoof' means something huge! If something like that were to become weaponized it could have monumental consequences! Stone cold as I was, I was freaking out in my mind. I was mid panic attack as I found my way back to my desk and my hidden bottle of whiskey in the bottom drawer. 

I poured a glass and prayed for the numbness to hit me quickly. I wanted to forget this day. It was like somepony handed me the future and it was nothing more than fire and brimstone. What do you do when you are staring down a barrel like that!? I know what I'm doing, I'm getting shit faced.

Hours passed, Click and Clack finally found their way back to my door after me wondering if Zebras had gotten them.

"Sir..." The both said.

"What..." I said from the floor. 

"Um sir? Somepony is here to speak with you."

"Great, show them in and fetch another glass... also more whiskey, I lost all mine." I couldn't help but grin at the yellow cupcake stain on Clacks lips. I guess she got to the icing first.

"Oh I think I can find my own way, thank you." A gravely voiced buck said as he sat in the chair across from me. "Please, would you mind closing the door?" Click and Clack closed the door softly and retreated slowly down the hall.

"Mr.Chance... I don't believe was have had the pleasure of meeting."

"Pier review..." I stammered from the wall that was holding me up.

"Ah yes. I remember now. I suspect that you are aware of who I am?"

"Yes. Golden Blood. Everypony in the OIA know's you."

"Ah, well. I suspect you have information for me, otherwise I would not be here."

"Yes sir... I said stammering to my hooves. "Drink?' I asked, passing him the half empty bottle of whisky from my other drawer.

"No thank you. I have never been a fan of spirits."

"Very well." I said as I opened the bottle and took a shot. "Here. It's all in there."

"Oh I do enjoy a good file as much as any other pony, but I can not help but wonder... What is it that you have found to have reverted you to such a state."

"Oh just some light treason. End of the world stufffffffffffff. You know, the usual."

"Treason."

"Yes sir."

"Where?"

"Ministry of Peace."

"Who?"

"Sir... it's Fluttershy. She has been contacting a source in Zebrica. She claims to have some spell that can cure ponies, lots of them all at once."

"I am aware of such a spell... But such things do not lie within the MOP. Are you certain?"

"Yes sir."

"Then your work for the day is done. I'm sorry, but I must be going."

"SIR! Did you here me correctly!? I said that Fluttershy is passing off ministry tech to the Zebras, sure as houses!"

"Yes, I did. I will review the file and address the matter. We expected results, you have delivered them and for that I thank you, indeed so does the nation. But such a matter must be handled delicately. You and your team will continue to operated as ordered. I have granted your request for access to all MOP communications and surveillance. A new prime directive will hit your desk Monday morning."

"Sir? What do we do until then?" I asked as he began for the door.

"Go home. Take the rest of the day and the weekend off. I suspect that your team will manage without you."

"Why me? Why do I get to go home? Everypony in that room over there got hit just as hard as I did. Why do I get special treatment?"

"Chance... I have seen your file. I have no clue what it was that brought you back from such a tragedy, but whatever it was, I suspect that you need a little more of it at this moment. If what I'm holding here is conclusive, I suspect we will all need some of it. Now come, I have arranged a chariot to bring take you home."

And just like that, the matter was out of my hooves. I wanted nothing more than to have not been the one who found out about the matter, but it was my team who uncovered the rabbit hole and it was going to be my team that went down it. The very feeling of having to not trust Fluttershy of all ponies was so... wrong! She was so perfect! How did this happen!? 

I was screaming and crying in my head, my heart felt like it might explode and the alcohol in my blood was boiling. I have never felt so alone in this world. If this came to light in its worst outcome, I would die alone. So many ponies would be hurt by this, so many more lost! What would happen if the Zebras got their hooves on this and made it into something that could wipe us all out in a flash!? What would happen to our world if such evil was unleashed.

Through my questions and thoughts in my head, one thing stood out above all. Even though I was dealing with treason of a high ranking official, possible leaked information about spells that could end the world if fixed to do so and the fact that Golden Blood himself came to my office... One thing was being screamed at me over and over again in my mind. 

"I-I need Cherry."

"Pardon?"

"I need my friend right now..." 

"Come, Chance... Let's get you home." Click and Clack said as they helped me into the cart destine for ponyville.
> Chapter 6: Give Me Strength
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darkness, but it had to be somewhere around noon? Maybe one o'clock? I had refused to open my eyes from my safe place down here on the floor of nearly an hour. You see, when you are on the ground gravity can't play cruel tricks on you like slowly making your head droop to the ground, leaving it in the perfect spot to  crash into the corner of the coffee table. If I wasn't hung over before, I damn sure was now. That or I had a substantial head wound, come to painfully think about it, my head did feel wet. 

The last time I was this committed to the carpet, I was covered in blood then too. Oh how irony is a bitch. Here I am, trying my best to keep self-harm at bay only to get sloshed and be murdered by a piece of furniture. I couldn't help but smile at what Cherry had commented about a ironic falling death of a pegasus, oh how the world plays its tricks. To be honest, the other reason I refused to open my eyes was because I was afraid that when I would I would be laying in a hell of war-torn destruction.

After all, I had my hang over for a very good reason. I still felt the sting of betrayal, I was still dealing with the heartbreak. How could Fluttershy of all ponies collaborate with Zebras!? I remember meeting her when I was just an intern years ago! I had been just a field agent at the time, nothing more than a government bean counter with a bulletproof vets and a clipboard. I had been assigned to the Lunar Terabithian Desert to assess the losses after an attack on a base camp.

Everything was going to plan, I had tallied the cost of the equipment and was working through the munitions depot when we were attacked again. It wasn't anything spectacular, just a few rouge Zebras that were holding up on the north end of the camp who were quickly dealt with. Sadly, I had been farmed out to the MOP at the time and with it being such a high priority incident, Fluttershy was very much so on deck at the time. She was spared, mercifully, so were all the troops on the base. 

But a stray round had found its way through the munitions tent I was working in and was stopped my right shoulder. I laid there for a while, I guess my brain was trying to figure out if I was dying or not. But after nearly thirty minutes I rose to my hooves and let my wings carry me to the MOP treatment tent. Everypony was shocked, not because I had managed to find my way back to the tent after being shot. No, it was just a flesh wound. But because I had pretty much stopped a bullet by pure chance from hitting a create of high explosives. 

Don't think for a moment that my name sake wasn't used for several jokes after that. The whole rest of the week was filled with "It was by pure CHANCE we didn't all blow up" And "I need to get some of that CHANCE armor, I hear it's lucky". But I digress too much. The point to this is that Fluttershy had come expecting injuries, not casualties. The few left standing were near as makes no difference, unharmed. Then here my lucky flank comes, bullet still lodged between my left shoulder and wing, white coat covered in blood and sand. 

To me I was having the worst day at work ever, but to her... to her I was the whole world. Few ponies can comment on what it is like to receive medical care from Fluttershy herself, but I can. Be it a minor injury, be it that there were tons of trained staff around and even be it that I was more or less being a cry baby about everything at the time, she still made it her top priority to see me through the pain. 

Her bedside manner was second to none! She also must have saw an opportunity to teach a few of the cadets and staff, because I was made into quite the spectacle. But even still, she managed to mend my wound and have me resting comfortably soon after. Even after all this time, I remember what it was like to look into her face and see true compassion and a reciprocation of pain. It was so damn rare to see from a doctor, even rarer to see on a battle field, but it was something that had always stuck with me.

But how did this happen!? Was it compassion that was driving her to this point of contacting the enemy herself to try and see an end to all this? Was it the pain she was feeling from so many lives lost and so many more injured? I could imagine that only seeing the dregs of war would wear on even the most hardened of ponies, but for her it must be torture. I  guess it takes strength to be gentle and kind, but at what point does it become too much for her? She was the element of kindness and war was the most unkind thing that could ever happen. 

Had she finally snapped? Was she being bribed? Even from my home here on my floor I knew that even with the order to take the time off, my brain was not going to rest for a moment. I knew that my team was going to dig until they hit bedrock on this, leaving nothing to chance. I could only pray that they found blackmail or infiltration. I don't know what I would do if I found out that she had orchestrated this entire affair on her own. 

"Chance!? You home?" A voice shouted from the door.

"Uuuuuhhhh... Define home."

"Chance, could you open the door please?"

"But the floor is so comfy..."

"Please, it's important."

Well, it can't be Cherry, she has a key... unless she lost it again. If that were the case then the Chance Haven home was about to be forced to adopt an open doors policy to strangers... Just the thing for the head of an investigative organisation. I stumbled to my hooves with a pounding headache and somehow found my way to the door. Please be cloudy outside, please be cloudy outside! Damn it... It was fierce partly cloudy!

"Chance? Are you ok?" Roseluck asked in recoil.

"I was over served last night... otherwise I'm here."

"Ok... What about the blood?" She said, looking at my mane.

"Oh, that. I got into an argument with a table. It won."

"Oh! Ok. I was worried that..." She stopped herself before she could say what we were both thinking.

"No, no... it's ok. You though I tried to kill myself... Again." I said, brushing the comment off. I looked back to she her staring at me in horror, hooves over her mouth, standing in shock. Oh yeah, I can't talk to ponies like that... 

"Hey, look. That was the wrong way to- OOF!" I was tackled. The cream yellow mare was hugging me with too much force for a pony who had murdered two bottles of whiskey and raided the cabs mini bar on the way home.

"Oh Chance! I'm sorry I didn't come talk to you sooner! I couldn't imagine what it has been like for you dear! I wanted to, I DID! But I was too scared! Every time one of those ambulances would leave your house I always thought the worst! Please don't think ill of me! I was just so scared that after seeing you look so happy all month and not seeing you head to work today that you... you..." The mare was now squeezing me half to death, if she was showing that she wanted me to live, then it was going to be very ironic when I passed out on her. Her tears said enough, she actually cared about me, but was too scared to talk to me. I can't say I blame her. 

"Rose... Luck... Need... Air!!!" I managed pushed out.

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

"It's ok..." I said, stifling a dry heave. "It's not your fault that I was so mopey all the time. I was working through some serious stuff and chances are, I would have been less than kind had you tried."

"But... what about now?" She said as she shy'd away from the door.

"Well, I met somepony who helped me with talking about it. I guess you could say it was a chance meeting."

"Oh? Is it a he somepony or a she somepony... If you don't mind me asking?" Roseluck grew a brilliant shade of red as she began rubbing her leg with the other. Oh no... she couldn't possibly be serious. Me? She was interested in... me!?

"O-Oh! She... It's a she somepony. But just a friend! A very strange friend." I blurted out. what was happening here!? blow her off, say you are shagging the brains out of Cherry and send her on her way! 

"That's great! I mean, I'm happy to hear that! So Can I come in." Oh no! Absolutely not! This is not happening! I forbid it!

"Sure! Don't mind the mess, I had a rough night at work." Damn it brain! Do as I want you to!

"Oh it's fine! Just a bit dusty. Do you want to talk about it?"

Rose let herself in and found a place on the couch to sit, I on the other hoof was searching my brain frantically for an exit strategy. I had not 'chatted' with a mare since Lolly and I were still together, and now here one was, in OUR home! I paced a bit and sat before I made too much of an awkward scene, Luna knows the last thing I wanted to do was make one of my neighbors uncomfortable. I did still have to live next to her, assuming we don't get blown up at any second.


"I... can't really talk about it."

"Nonsense! I might not be that mare friend of yours, but I feel guilty for not coming to you sooner. Call it a free one on me!" She said nervously.

"No, like, I can't talk about it to anypony. It's official stuff." I said tapping my hoof on the table.

"OH! Like, spy stuff?" She said with a wink.

"Sure... We can go with that."

"Ok, how about a vague explanation, something... not on record?" She said with a hopeful glint. See this is not what they teach you in training. Espionage and guilt can be kindred to a point of not having a clear answer at all. I studied Rose cautiously... Why had she just now came to talk with me, why did she care now that I was starting to get thing back on track.

"Rose, thank you for checking on me, but stuff like that is like handling raw explosives. One mistake and it's not just my neck on the line."

"I understand... I'm sorry I pried. Oh! I must look like such a fool!" 

"No-no! It's ok, really! I get this a lot. It's boring anyways."

"Boring enough to come home three sheets to the wind? Look, I know it must seem strange to you, but I like seeing you happy. I remember the smile and little wave you would give me when I would head off to work every morning. Truth be told,after my own relationship ended, I never knew how much I would miss something like that."

"I take it that it's still a fresh wound?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah... It was a long time coming, but it officially ended two weeks ago. I was starting to think tragedy was contagious...Not to down play your situation with mine! Please don't think that!" She said, hiding a tear.

"No no... We all have our burdens to bare. I'm sorry to hear things went south for you."

"It's quite alright... Hey, look at me, making a fool of myself at my neighbor's house... Not awkward at all!"

"Now, don't go getting all shut in like I did. Take it from me, two or three days like that is enough for anypony."

"Hey, look at the time! I have some hay to fold or some aprons to eat... I mean fold! Crud." Oh good! I made the poor mare stammer her words like a teenager. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut on things, and right now my gut says I can trust Rose... just a little. I had to do something to smooth things out a bit at the least. Maybe opening up a bit wouldn't be so bad.

"Wait... Say you were to learn something..."

"Learn something?"

"Yeah, something... about another pony... And that something altered your perception of them, not just like, bad but like, super bad!"

"Oh! Is it the mare friend you talked about." Ok, there is not faking that. She really had a thing for me and was worried that Cherry was a threat. Either that or she was the best i had ever seen.

"No, not Cherry. She's not part of this."

"So... you are only telling me?" She said, looking up to me from under her bangs.

"I guess so, yeah. I mean I would talk to her about it, but she is not here for some reason... Odd, she usually turns out about this time too..." I looked back to rose and... Oh come on! Why did mares have to use that look! That's just not fair, here I was going on and on about Cherry and Rose looked like I had just trampled her garden. "Anyway... your ears are more than great to listen to me, so forget all that."

"Ok. So who is it?"

"I can't say, but suffice to say it was somepony who I looked up to greatly. Say somepony like that had done something that you never thought they would. Say that the very act hurt you so much that you couldn't stop thinking about it and that you would never think of them the same way again. Say they did that to you and then you found out that the very think that they did didn't just hurt you, but other ponies too. Then, to top it all off, you find this out through doing your job and you have to act on it. How do you even do you job knowing that it means hurting the pony you admire, even if they did such a thing?"

"That is a very good question... I guess if I had to related it to myself, I would do my job."

"What if doing my job meant that it would have disastrous effects no mater what I did."

"Chance... Sweetie. It's no secret that you work for the MOM. We all know it. We know that you work marking ponies who have done thing... wrong. Is this... something that could lead to a lot of ponies getting hurt?" I didn't say anything, I just bit my lip. "I would say then that you would have to consider things... If you do you job, I assume it could save ponies lives? Am I doing this right?" I nodded. "Chance, you have to do your job then. Not just for you, for other ponies out there. If this pony cares about you in the least, they will be sorry for what they did, but they will understand if you tell them why. Think about what it was like for you to loose Lolly and the kids, you wouldn't want that for everypony else, would you?"

"No... I don't." I said bleakly.

"This must be some pony you are talking about to have you this messed up. I'm truly sorry that they hurt you like this. They must be a real bad pony." 

"If only you knew the truth... you would be sitting here with me on the floor... Thanks for listening. I needed to let that out." I said, offering a hoof to her side gently.

"Anytime, Chance... Anytime..."


The two of us chatted a bit more, mostly about the Dinkles being assholes and how bad one of their shrubs looked before Rose had finally felt that she had wore out her welcome. Truthfully? I don't think that was possible with her, she is just so sweet, she has this innocence about her that I found rather attractive. It was that feeling I got from Lolly when we had first met. She was strong and confident, but it was not without limit. It was that limit of what she could emotionally handle that I found attractive. It made her real to me, not just another mare who said "Smile smile smile!" when they saw a sad pony, but somepony that went deeper than a few coats of paint.

"I really enjoyed talking with you, maybe we could do it again sometime? Maybe over at my place for tea?" she said rather shyly considering I had basically devolved national secrets to her, vague that they were.

"I think I would like that."

"I think I might put a pot on tomorrow." She said leaning in closer.

"I think I might come by around two thirty?"

"I think that might be nice." She said, giving my cheek a peck.

"I think... I mean, see you then!" I stammered.

"Bye!" She said, giving me a wave as I closed the door.

"HUBA-HUBA! Whose the new... LUVA!?" Cherry said from the kitchen. Did I just pee myself!? I did. I definitely just pee'd a little. Once I had found a spatula to pry myself from the roof, I found the strength to respond.

"Luna's butthole! What are you? A freaking ghost or something!?"

"I'll go with, or something. You should watch that creative language, other wise Luna might just make you a ghost. " she said as I trotted through the kitchen door.

"How long have you been here, exactly?"

"Hm... The memory isn't what it used to be, but I would say... between some work related trauma and you getting your bologna hole slobbered on." 

"Cute... So, if you over heard all that, What do you think of... all this crap."

"Well, from what I heard... I would kill her." 

"Cherry, please. This is serious!" I said squeezing my head.

"I am serious! If the mare did you that dirty, use your spy powers to make her pay! I would." She said as she helped herself to my fridge.

"It ain't that easy. This whole mess is something of a national thing. Not to mention the mere though of doing that to her-"

"HA! I knew it was a mare!"

"How could you possibly know that!?" I said in frustration.

"Because silly... Only a mare can mess a buck up that bad." She said as she sat at the table with a fresh apple. "It's our special power we have. Ew, you eat these things?" She said, taking a big bite and spitting it out.

"Wow... I officially hate mares now."

"Oh don't be like that! I'm a mare an you love me!"

"In a psychotic kind of way I guess."

"There you go! Now, if it were me in your hooves, I would make her pay for it. If you cared enough for her, and it sounds like you do, I would let her know just how bad it hurt me." Cherry said as she played with the half eaten apple.

"Well this just sucks. It's like being a mountain climber and being too scared to climb the biggest mountain out there."

"Yeah, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Chance, you are a friend to me, if this mare really hurt you by doing what she did, then you need to make it known. As bad as it sucks, you can't let other ponies hurt you without telling them they hurt you. Take it from me, the worst thing you can do is let stuff like this just slide. It just makes it worse."

"Your right... I hate this, but I have to do it." I said resting my head on the table. I was just so damn tired. My brain felt like it was over heating between the emotions and the liquor left in my system. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to a warm fire and fall asleep.

"I know. I'm usually right. No thanks needed. Now, let's get you cleaned up! You smell like an old bar rag."

"Oh no, you are not helping me."

"Oh come on... What am I going to possibly see that I can't already."

"What is wrong with you..."

"A LOT of things. But what's your hang up on stuff like that? Me and my sister used to bathe together all the time."

"I ain't your damn sister, Cherry. I'm a middle aged buck with a alcohol problem and a sever allergy to living."

"Com'on... I'll wash your mane..." She sing-songed. 

"That does sound nice." I said rather shyly,

"Baby, if you think me playing with your mane feels good..." She said, as she lead me to the upstairs bathroom.

"DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!" I shouted turning beet red.

I was too tired to fight it, but the warm water I was sitting in felt so damn good! Cherry had made more than good on her promise as well, her washing my mane was the single best thing I had felt since my wedding night. Every movement gave me goosebumps, but despite the good feeling I was having, I declined her invitation to wash my tail. That was just too much. I was already fighting the urge to be aroused, that would just end very badly. 

Not to mention the very thought made me feel uncomfortable. As great as sex would feel right now, doing that with Cherry would feel more like having sex with my own sister than even a friend. Even if washing my tail was something she would do as something more of a joke to make me feel awkward, there would be no hiding the big problem that would soon come of it. 

"So... Whose the mare..." She said sweetly.

"I can't tell you that, you know better."

"No, not that mare, the one you were square dancing tongues with silly."

"Oh! Her. That's Roseluck, she's my neighbor."

"Oh dear! Do we have the hots for the neighbor?" 

"What!? No! I mean... Maybe!? What's it to you?" I stammered.

"Nothing, just girl talk is all."  

"Well, if you must know, I do think she is cute."

"Awwww! Chancey has a crush!"

"Shut up with that! If anything she has a crush on me."

"Yup! I could tell. She has a thing for you, and probably has for a while now." She said as she began rubbing my back.

"Oh com'on! Like she would want a sad old buck like me."

"First off, you are not that damn old. You are what... twenty nine? Thirty?"

"Try thirty two." I said grimly. 

"Oh no! Thirty two!? Off to the old ponies home! Oh no? Did I forget to get you your prune juice? Crap! I forgot your depends too!"

"Oh shut up! I'm not that old."

"So... What's stopping you from going over there and checking out her garden?"

"CHERRY!"

"What!? If you ask me a little romp in the woodshed would be good for you!"

"I'm perfectly fine without the woodshed, thanks." I said with all the maturity I could muster while being washed like a foal.

"Wanna bet?" She said cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh no... don't you-"

"Oh just think about it!' She said wrapping her hooves around me from behind. "Her soft hooves running all over your body... The feeling of breath on your neck... That sweet sweet smell mares have when the moment is just right!" She said softly into my ear as her own hooves began to rub my chest. "And don't forget, these wings of yours, I hear that Pegasi have very, very... VERY sensitive wings." She whispered as her nose began to caress my one good wing. The very feeling of somepony else touching my wing like that sent all the blood from my brain right to my crotch.

"OK! That's enough!"

"What's wrong, are we... Pent up?"

"NO! I'm fine, it's just too soon is all!"

"You can't hide everything behind your depression." She said, glancing down. If there is a deeper shade of red on earth, it had yet to match my cheeks. "Face it, you NEED this." She said as if she were a damn doctor. Never mind the slue of emotions I was going through, now I was horny. Great... Thanks, circumstance...

"Maybe you are right... Maybe I do need to do... that."

"See, I know you don't think its right, but moving on is never easy. It's just one more mountain to climb... or in your case, quite the tower."

"CHERRY! why do you have to say things like that?"

"Because you are cute when you blush." She said, giving my wing a nuzzle. That's just not fair!

"I hate you sometim-" My heart was frozen by the feeling of a hoof on a very sensitive area of my body... Oh wow! WOW! It had been a REALLY long time since I felt that! "W-What are you doing..." I said with a huff. I felt her warm breath on my ear as she whispered sweetly back to me.

"Helping out a friend."
> Chapter 7: A Fly On The Wall
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Acts that I had once though of as atrocious had started to become common place to me, everything from exposing details about private lives to requiring my team to research menstrual cycles had become the norm. Even for ponies I admired, or at least used to admire. Fluttershy was now under full investigation, whether she knew it or not. Her every line of communication tapped and her ever move tracked. We had done everything short of planting an actual bug on her at this point.

Her life had become our own, her every move under intense scrutiny, we watched for everything. I put Click and Clack on round the clock shifts to monitor her sleep patterns and body language, watching for anything that could tip us off to take a closer look. We had deployed Tinker as a recruit for the field medical staff at the MOP in hope what having a set of hooves on the ground would some how lead to creditable 'murmering' as we referred to it. 

I had taken everypony's advice on the matter and gone full bore into the investigation and not let up. It hadn't been Rose's plea for me to protect as many ponies as I could nor was it Cherry's want for me to get revenge. I was driven by the ponies I cared about, albeit a rather small number consisting of both Rose and Cherry, but also the safety of my team. But they actually meant something to me, they were my support, they had shown me side of themselves that I had not seen in a pony in a very long time. 

Something like that is fleeting and rare in this world and to most ponies it's not something they care about. But, to me it meant the world. I guess when you are in my line of work what you value in a pony is a bit more... credible. It's one thing for them to pay you a cheap complement but it's a whole other world when they open up and show you who they truly are. I guess I valued ponies who I could be around for more than a few moments and tell who they were. 

It's a strange way to live but a honest one nonetheless. I guess that is what attracted me to Cherry. Sure that one moment in the bathtub was amazing, but it was still just a moment. I had worried that it would ruin our friendship, but she has a way of brushing things off like that that are so contagious that even I with all my thoughtless logic could not disagree with. Granted I was not exactly Like her, I was dealing with that complex emotion of lust that wants things to go farther, but I knew deep down it was for the best to leave that thought right where it was. 

Besides, Roseluck was really starting to grow on me. Things were moving slowly but they were moving in the right direction for things to get serious. It scared me, I was worried that I was doing something wrong every time I was around her. It felt like I was cheating on my wife every time i had a thought about her that was beyond the weather. Even when I would drag my pictures out and remind myself of that terrible day and that I was alone in this world, I still felt... wrong. 

But, even with all that weighing on me, any demons I had stood silent when she kissed me. The first time it happened I nearly fell off my hooves, I went through ever emotion in the book before finally settling on 'screw it' and kissed her back. I was spinning my wheels, even with Cherry cheering me on I was still too scared to make the first move towards anything more than high school stuff. That was something I was going to have to work through in my own time. Thankfully, Rose was every understanding, she even asked if it was ok if she kissed me first. I knew right then that I really liked her. 


"SIR! INTEL COMING IN!" Click and Clack shouted from the end of the hall.

"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT TOP SECRET INTEL ABOUT OUR SECRET MISSION? I DON'T THINK THEY HEARD YOU IN ZEBRICA!!" I shouted back.

"Hey! Don't blame us for the lack of funding! We didn't build the place!" Clack replied as I trotted closer.

"Seriously, why don't we have an intercom? It would make things easier!" Click said.

"Because, telecoms can be tapped, anypony can listen in with enough effort... But don't worry, the way you two scream every-damn-thing, I doubt there would be any effort at all!" I growled.

"Sorry! Aren't we a grouch today!" Click commented.

"I'm very grouchy when I'm screamed at, yes." 

Click leaned into Clack and pulled her head close to say "Trouble with a mare, for sure!". Clack nodded in agreement.

"I seriously hate mares... " Mumbled as I trotted into control. Behind by back I could hear a quiet 'called it' and a hoof bump. That's it, when this assignment is over, those two are cleaning toilets. 

"What do you got for me?" I asked the team.

"Sir, a time and a place has been set up for the meet. Tinker confirms that a document was delivered to Fluttershy's desk at 1300 today, sir. We have solid intel from the cleaning pony that Fluttershy herself has scheduled an overnight in Manehatten shortly after receiving the documents." Specks said as he marked the time.

"Have Tinker move in for a solid copy."

"Nothing doing, Sir. The documents were destroyed shortly after reading."

"That's as close to a smoking gun as we are going to get. Ministries are required by the OIA to retail all mail for documentation as of last week. Can we get a conformation that Fluttershy has been adhering to OIA guidelines?"

"We can confirm that Fluttershy has been operating in accordance to the guidelines sir!" Click and Clack said from behind a stack of documents. 

"Then that is all we need. Palomar!"

"Yes sir!" 

"Be on point, as soon as she moves, you are heading out. We will need to set up tails to keep tabs on her so I'm ordering Backtrack and Shadow along with you. You three are going to be our eyes on the ground. We will make the arrangements."

"Aye-aye SIR!" Palomar replied! "Alright, you heard the buck! Hop-to! Off the bench!" He shouted to Backtrack and Shadow.

"Click! Clack! You to get to digging, if Fluttershy made a reservation somewhere, I want to know when and where! Keep and eye on her secretaries and her close staff, but don't leave anything to chance. We MUST know where she is going to be."

"YES SIR!" The both shouted. "Um sir? Can we order pizza for lunch? Click forgot her's and I ate mine already but I'm still hungry."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to get pizza delivered to an underground bunker with no address?"

"Oh! I could go get it!" Click shouted.

"NO! You two dig, send somepony if it makes your sparkly butts happy, but get your heads down and dig!"

"SPECKS! YOU'RE ON PIZZA DUTY!"

Ok... This is real, this is happening. I was freaking out and excited at the same damn time! I honestly wanted to run for my life to somewhere safe, but I couldn't. I had to see this thing through. I wanted to keep my friends safe, I wanted to keep my country safe! It was my job to do this! Ministry mare be damned! If she had truly slid this far down the flag poll then it was time to take her down. 

"Can I get a witness!? Cuz I can hold a grudge like nopony's business!"   

"What in the hell is that!?" I shouted over the loud music.

"Work music! After we found out it was Fluttershy, we were all kind of hurt. But after seeing you take charge of things like you did, we decided we needed motivation!" Click shouted back.

"Seein' double vision, show me what you got and I'll show you what your missin'!"

"That's oddly... steadying. Also very specific to revenge." I said listening to the lyrics.

"I know right! Clack found it!

"You got me acting like the old me, but you don't even know me."

"Alright now damn it..." I said to the speakers. "There is no way in HELL this song can be that accurate!"

"It's just a song sir..." Specks replied while taking money from the twinkle twins.

"Do you want us to turn it off?" Clack replied.

"No... Leave it on. I think I like the odd motivation it gives me. You have my grace." I said trotting out of the room.

"SIR! It's 1430!"

"CRAP! I'm going to be late!" I shouted as I ran down the hall for the exit.

Rose had made reservations for the cavern on the green near the Castle for 1500! It was a forty five minute run at best and there was no time to call a cab. Oh what I wouldn't give to have two wings again. I hit the door in a dead sprint, throwing it nearly off the hinges in my haste. I did everything but fly as I ran down the alleyway and out into the streets in my endless search for more time. It was our first real date since we kissed, what kind of message would I be sending if I was late? Would she even wait on me? Would she just leave?

"TAXI! TAXI!" I shouted as I chased down one I had just saw leaving the curb.

"I GOT A FAIR ALREADY!" The runner shouted back to me.

"I'll COVER BOTH OF OUR COSTS! PLEASE!" I shouted back in my haste.

"HE'LL WHAT!? LET HIM IN! LET HIM IN, BOY!" A voice shouted from within the cart.

"Oh thank Celestia..." I said as I climbed on board.

"Damn, boy. You must hate walking as much as I hate paying." The old buck said with a chuckle. 

"I'm late, DRIVER! CAVERN ON THE GREEN! There is extra in it for you if you break as many laws as possible."

"Yes sir!" The buck shouted as he took off at a break neck pace. The force threw both me and the old buck back in our seats so hard that I though I swallowed my tongue.

"DAMN SON! Names, Sorrows, Sorrows Light." The old buck said, extending a hoof in my direction.

"Chance! Chance Haven. SIDEWALK!" I shouted as the driver hopped the curb and began screaming down the sidewalk to avoid a pile up at a light.

"Well Chance Haven... Mind telling me why you are risking death to get to this cavern you are talking about?"

"I'm late." I said, trying to get my tie off and wrap my self in my scarf. 

"Oh? Is she pretty?" The old buck said with a grin.

"No. She's beautiful and I can't believe she is even having anyth- CAFE TABLE!" I shouted and a round white table came flying over our heads with food still on it. "-thing to do with me."

"Now, now. Don't be so hard on yourself kid. When I met my wife, I didn't think I was good enough either."

"Yeah well, imagine going through all that all over again."

"AH, divorced eh? Well things get better." 

"Worse, widowed. Lost her and my two kids. Lost my wing too, but that's whatever." I said as I tried to tie my scarf.

"Luna sakes son. I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my wife a few years ago."

"It's fine. You didn't know. So you can im-" 

"Heading right!" The driver shouted. I was now on top of the old buck. The cart bucked and rose up on the two left wheels as we hit the apex of the sharp curve. 

"AHHHHHH!" Both myself and the old buck screamed.

"-Imagine what it must be like to start all over again. I mean, who would want to do that?" I said holding my hooves up.

"I would kid. In a heart beat. If it meant getting that chance to fall in love all over again, I would." Sorrows said with a smile. I couldn't help but mirror it. I had been thinking about all the bad that could come of me moving forward and never once thought about anything good that could happen. I remember that feeling of falling in love vividly, it had haunted me as something I lost, but here I was in the prime opportunity to do it all again. I had been taking time for granted with my self pity. 

"Thanks, Sorrows."

"Thanks for what?"

"Thanks for FRUIT MERCHANT!"

"What does fruit have to-"

The old bucks words were cut short as he was pelted with apples and oranges from the now over turned cart. We were not even on a street! This was a market place, every where around me ponies ran for their lives as the buck driving the cart ran for dear live, all for five bits. I had just closed my eyes when the cart skittered to a halt outside the cavern.

"Cavern on the green, sir. That will be twenty bits." 

"Here's a hundred, take him where ever he wants to go for the rest of the day. Sorry for everything Sorrows."

"Sorry? Free fair AND free lunch?" He said munching on one of the apples."Kid, if she knew what you just did to get here in time for that date of ya'll's, she would propose to you!"

"I think it might be a while before that." I said with a laugh. 

"Don't wait too long, time moves faster than you think. ALRIGHT SPEEDY! TAKE ME TO THE PALACE!" The old buck shouted and in a flash, they were off. "I want to see if we can jump this thing into the court yard!" I heard the old buck say with glee, I would like to think I gave him a good time if nothing else... I hope he doesn't get arrested.      

"There you are!" Rose said from behind me. Oh no! I was late! She was mad! My life was over! "I Thought you might be early."


"Early?" I said looking to my watch. 1451. Damn that buck can move! "I mean, yeah! Wouldn't miss for the world!" I said trying to hide the fact that I was still sweating from the ride over.

The two of us made our way into The Cavern to find our table. This place was, in a word, 'swanky'. Even with my status at the OIA, I felt very out of place among the well to do ponies and socialites who frequented this place. I had heard tell that Princess Celestia even had a hard time getting a table at this place, so how Rose managed to pull this off was beyond me. All I could think was that she must have her own pool or resources to pull from if she, in a moments notice nonetheless, found a way to pull this off.

We were silently greeted and shown to our table. It was... odd. But the hostess gave the impression that she may have not spoke the same language as us, that or she didn't speak at all. Where it did add to the experience of 'fine dining' in its own way, it was still very off putting. At least our table was nice, it had a beautiful view of the castle's garden. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Celestia could not get a table here, yet here they were stealing her view

"So, how was work? Catch any bad ponies today!?" Rose said eagerly.

"Rose, I think your idea of my job might be a bit more glamorous than it actually is."

"Oh none sense! You work for a government agency! You track bad ponies and zebras all day long! How cool is that!?" She whispered to me across the booth.

"Well, I guess it is kinda cool. But, if you must know... Yeah, we did! Though i'm still not trilled about it."

"Oh no... is it that 'somepony' you told me about?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Still having mixed emotions I take it? Chance, you are doing the right thing. Don't let them hurting you like that spread to other ponies too."

"Yeah I am. I'm still doing my job, well might I add. I'm throwing everything I have at this but, even if it does feel... wrong. My own hang ups on the matter are useless to the investigation, but damn does it hurt." I said playing with a loose sugar packet.

"Oh, hunny... Don't beat yourself up over this. That is what they want. I know it doesn't mean two pricks of a thorn, but if it helps, I'm proud of you." Rose said, reaching for my hoof.

"Good evening! Welcome to Cavern on the Green!" I looked up to greet our waiter and... CLACK!? What the hell!? I made eye contact with her and gave my best 'get the hell out of here' look I could manage. "O-our specials are... oh fiddles! OH! Soup!"

"Your specials are soup..." I replied flatly. Seriously, what the hell was she doing here, posing as a waitress no less!

"Chance? Are you ok?" Rose asked, obviously seeing the anger in my face.

"Huh!? Yeah-yeah! I'm fine. Just thought of something that happened at work today is all. Oh you are going to love this. A mare that I work with disobeyed a direct order I gave her so I made her use HER tooth brush to clean out the toilets. It was hilarious!" Clack fumbled the menus with horror. "Rose... dear. Would you mind asking the bar mare for a bottle of red wine. I feel like drinking a bit tonight."

"OH! I thought you would never ask! I would really love some wine! You know what that stuff does to me." She said giving me a wink and running off to the bar.

"Ooh~la~la boss!" Clack said. I reached up and grabbed her tie, yanking her head down to eye level.

"What the hell are you doing!? Why are you posing as a waitress!? Why the HELL are you wearing a mustache!?" 

"I'm in disguise!" She said in glee.

"Damn it Clack! Ponies wear a disguise take their name tags off from their government job first! Also... MARES DON'T HAVE MUSTACHES!" I growled.

"Sir! I have a urgent message! That's the whole reason I'm here! This came across our desk just a few moments after you left." She said wiggling her ridiculous mustache.

"Let me see that..." I said snatching it from her hooves. "What am I looking at here?"

"Well... *wiggle* It's a chat transcript- ah... from- ahh theeeee- Ahhh!" I threw a hoof to her nose to keep her from sneezing. "From the OIA, sir. *wiggle*.

"Chance?" Rose said, returning to the table with a bottle of red and two glasses. "What's going on here?" Damn it, we were had! No use in keeping secrets now... The last thing I wanted to do was lie to Rose this early in our relationship.

"Clack... Take that ridiculous thing off..." I said pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Hi!" She said as she threw the mustache across the room in enthusiasm."I'm Clack, Agent Chance is  my boss."

"Oh! So you ARE an agent!" Rose said accusingly. 

"Yes..." I sighed.

"Sir? The document?" She said, sliding the folder to me.

"I hate you so much... When I get back to the office I swear-"

"Chance... She's just doing her job." Rose said patting my hoof. I skimmed the doc quickly, hoping to make a show of it so I could rush Clack off. But something stuck out like a sore hoof. It was an expenses report being transferred by light text. It was a coded transfer protocol used by the OIA only, how Clack had undone the cipher was beyond me,WHY she had decoded it was even further away. 

"Clack..." I growled.

"Before you start... We got bored." She said as if it were a legitimate excuse. 

"You got so bored you decoded a OIA document. A document that is a Delta level clearance just to look at in it's coded form... An act that could not only bring down an investigation, but one that could cost you your job. Then you carried into public, to a busy restaurant where anypony could get their hooves on it..." I said coldly.

"Yes! But look at the data! Can I sit? I feel like I should sit." Clack said, using her butt to push Rose down the booth. "Hi, Clack, pleasure to meet you." She said extending a hoof.

"Rose. Pleasure..." She said meekly. This date was going awesome! I bet she files a restraining order."Chance? Should I go?"

"No..." I said letting out a long sigh. "You might as well be here for this. If you are going to be involved with me, I guess that means my job as well." I said as I re-opened the document. 

46...........................................Apple.crate.32count
116.........................................Ream.paper.500count
200.........................................Toilet.tissue.soft
1.............................................Petty.cash.1791GB
1.............................................Expense.travel.556
5000......................................Whiskey.750ml
741........................................Bobby.pin.standard


"Well?" Clack asked excitedly.

"Well... I wouldn't mind knowing why they need 5000 bottles of whiskey." I said flatly.

"Sir... Look at these two expenses... 1791.00 bits labeled GB and the travel expense for 556.00 bits."

"SO!?" I said in anger.

"Look at the next page." She said, flipping through the folder. "Somepony just arranged travel to Baltimare, then classified the document. We thought it was an error at first, but Click went back and double checked and it was torched!"

"That's nowhere near enough to fund an operation, not to mention the funds would not need to be appropriated. Why would they expense this?"

"Directly? We don't know sir. But somepony booked a room at the same hotel as Fl-" I shoved a hoof in her mouth. "Sorry, our mark. on the same day!"

"Somepony in the OIA want's to be there for this, but they don't want it on the books..." I said, tapping a hoof on the table.

"You know a pony named Click? Are you two friends?" Rose asked politely.

"Friends!? We are sisters." 

"OH! So you are Click and Clack! That's so cute!" 

"I know right!?" 

"HEY! Ease up on the mare Clack. I don't want you letting something slip... again. So watch your tongue young lady." I said 'politely'.

"Sorry boss. I mean, sir. If somepony in the OIA want's to be there, why did they torch the docs? The whole thing is being overseen by them, why hide it?"

"Maybe they know the pony you are watching?" Rose asked.

"Rosy, I'm not really comfortable with you getting involved in this." I said pleading for her to back down.

"No no! Hear me out. I think I get the gist of this... If 'they' are trying to catch this bad pony you are looking for and put you in charge of it, then they would have all the information on them, right? So what if some one over at 'they' knows this pony you are looking for and has the power to pull the money out to go there 'they-self'."

"She might be right boss." Clack said, tapping her hooves."If somepony is soft in the OIA, then they could be trying to go there to mess things up."

The two mares stared at me, patiently waiting for me to respond. But I was lost in all this. If somepony at the OIA wanted to get close to Fluttershy during this deal, then why would they hide arrangements. OIA docs follow a strict protocol of being left unaltered and viable per clearance level, deleting them would be grounds for an investigation. The rules were even affirmed by Luna herself and are upheld by Golden Blood. 

Whoever it was that did this wasn't just playing with fire, given the right circumstances, they were playing with at the very least their own life. But who could have done it? They would have to have the rank to submit a classified travel arrangement, appropriate the funding and then have a higher rank to burn the files. Whoever this was understood the inner workings of OIA protocol, had rank and wanted to get close to this whole thing. Given the gravity of the situation and the secrecy they were going through, they had to be up to something. 

You don't just do that. The OIA doesn't delete mistakes.

"Clack, get back to the office. I want you to go after this. Get click to chase that petty cash down and you follow the travel lead. See if you can get a name, somewhere."

"Sir, that's beyond our control! We can't just go stomping around a OIA mainframe, we could be fired!" She said, just a touch scared for a pony who had just done that very thing.

"Clack, if this goes south-"

"I know, I know, the results could be disastrous... Sir, we are all in the dark here. We know that you have been pulling documents from the MOP, the OIA and last week you requested secured documents from the MAS. The entire team is worried that we are working on something big but have no idea what we are doing... Sir."

"Clack, we are."

"We are... what?"

"Working on something... massive."

"How massive, exactly?" 

"You are stepping WAY outside your pay grade and you might not like the bill you are about to get!

"Sir, please. If something bad is going to happen if we fail, we need to know." I looked at the two mares across the table. I was being asked to turn loose of state secrets, this was treason at the least. But the pained expression they both wore worried me more. Rose wanted me to trust her, I could see that clearly. Clack was scared, the kind of scared that you get when you walk into a dark room and hear a growl behind you. Truth is, I was scared too. I was terrified even. So with a deep breath, I said a prayer and let loose with it.

"Listen. Fluttershy is talking to Zebrica, we know that." Great one sentence in and Rose was already looking horrified. "What you don't know is that the MOP has been working on something called a Mega Spell. It's a underlying spell framework that allows smaller spells to be augmented in scope and intensity. If this is all strange to you, don't feel bad. I had to look it up too."

"But, what does that have to do with this investigation?"

"Everything. It was a collaborative effort between the MOP and the MAS. It has already been used once at the Battle of Shattered Hoof, the damn thing brought EVERYPONY back to life... Even the zebras. It was a disaster."

"H-how is saving ponies lives a disaster?" Rose asked, trying to hide the horror on her face.

"Because the MAS weaponized it. A spell that size that has been weaponized could take out an entire town. I don't mean a small town... I mean like... Manehattan. That tech in the hooves of Zebras... Well disastrous doesn't come close."

The table was silent for far longer than I had planed. I knew telling either of them would have consequences, but I had to get it out for my own good. I had done my best to not put the puzzle pieces together, trying desperately not to think about it, but somewhere deep down, I already knew what was going on. If Fluttershy succeed in trying to end the war by giving Zebras Mega Spells, then she would end the war. But the result would be that neither of us would be left to write the books. 

"Sir? Permission- hurk!" Clack said, holding her hooves to her mouth.

"Go to the mares room. Luna knows I already did my share of puking over this."  I had finally accepted it. I let late puzzle piece fall into place and now I knew that this wasn't just a simple investigation anymore. What would happen to Cherry if I failed. What would happen to Rose or Click & Clack? The world's weight was crushing, I wanted nothing more to scream at the top of my lungs and run out of here. Just then, I felt a hoof on top of mine. I looked down the the cream yellow fur covering my own.

"Thank you, Chance..." I looked up to Rose who had tears in her eyes. They weren't sad or fearful tears, they were happy?

"For what? Telling you the world could end one day soon?" I said sarcastically. 

"You trusted me." She said with a smile. 

"Yeah, I guess I did. But why are you not throwing up next to Clack right now? did you understand what I just told you?"

"I did... But I trust you too. I know you can do this." She said, grasping my hoof in her's.

In that moment, everything washed away. My job, my fears and my lack of confidence in myself disappeared to leave me with nothing more than a smile. I had forgotten what it was like to have somepony believe in you. My team had always looked up to me, watching my every move for guidance. Cherry was the driving force that pushed me to get through all of this, she was a true friend... But Rose believed in me, she trusted me. Even though I gave her what amounts to me and my team basically trying to save the world, she still believed I could do it.

I knew it was daft, but something in me wanted to push just that much harder to get this thing done. It was that little extra kick that nothing else could give me. I wanted nothing more than to pull her across the table and tell her I loved her right then and there, but I didn't want to wreck this. I wanted this to work between us. Even if we both knew it deep down, I still wanted her to say it first. Call it that lingering lack of self esteem.

"I'm not hungry." Rose said, pulling me closer to her.

"You need to puke now? I can take you to the bathroom?"

"No... I'm not sick either..." She said, batting her lashes. 

"O-OH! Oh well... um..." I stammered. Wait, NOW!? 

"Get a cab." Her predatory tone said it all.

"Get the check!" I said, running for the door. "Don't follow us, Clack! Get back to the office!" I shouted as I passed the bathroom.

Well... she didn't say it. But that would work!
> Chapter 8: A Chance of Rain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had come so far from that dark place I had been hiding in for so long that i had nearly forgot what days like today brought to the table. I had woke up at nearly six a.m., being startled awake by the thunder and rain beating on the window pain. The sun was just beginning to push it's way through the clouds, casting a soft blue and grey light around the landscape. I had made myself a pot of coffee and resided myself to staring out the window to watch the rain wash away the night to make way for dawn. 

I stood there quietly, sipping my hot coffee and taking in that sweet smell that always comes during a morning thunderstorm. It was one of the few things in this world that I truly loved. Lolly, the kids and I used to crawl into our bed our just sleep the day away, forever listening to the piter-patter of rain drops on the roof. It was one of the few thing I could remember about them that didn't send me running for the liquor cabinet every time it came up. So, even after the accident, when ever it would rain I would star for hours out the window. It was as if I could still feel that small connection to them somehow. 

I had told myself that Lolly was the only mare for me and that if I ever lost her that there would never be a replacement. Well, I had been half right. There will never be a replacement for her, but there is also no one mate for anypony. While I will always love her and she will always have a place in my heart for all eternity, Cherry had told me something, just the other night. Her words were that if Lolly could see me know, she would be happy to see me back on my hooves. She said that she would be proud of me for facing my demons head on and taking my life back.

It had made me wonder that if it were me who had been lost, the first thing I would have wanted Lolly to do is forget about me. I wouldn't want her to suffer because I was gone, I would want her to remember me forever and smile. So that's what I'm doing now, staring out the window hopelessly and smiling. I will miss my kids, I will miss her and I doubt I will ever stop missing them, but it's time for me to move on with my life. It's time I started living for them rather than living without them. 

Cherry had stayed the night again, still refusing to take her eyes off me for a moment. Ever since the little incident in Baltimare during the exchange, she had feared for my life. Even with me telling her that it was nonsense to do so, it was like she was constantly on the look out for me. I swore that every day of the few months since the indecent happened it was like she was growing more and more nervous. Just about the only time I had away from her was when Roseluck was around me. She claimed it was to keep her from worrying that her and I had a thing, but I think she is scared of her.

Every time we would hear a knock on the door, she would run to the back of the house and wait to leave. It was cute in it's own way, but I actually really wanted the two of them to meet. Rose was my marefriend and Cherry was my now best friend, I felt wrong not introducing the two of them, but that is what Cherry insisted on. She claimed that she didn't want to take away from 'us' time between Rose and I, but I still felt ill about it. Rose was even starting to get curious as to why she had not seen her around the house either.

If she kept this whole avoidance thing up, Rose might actually start to worry that something IS going on. The two of them are both very protective of me despite my rather freedom giving like perception of what a relationship is. I like to think of my partner as somepony I can trust explicitly with my heart. I can't stand that type of mare who is constantly up my butt about where I am, who I'm with or what I'm doing. It just... rubs me wrong. Needing somepony and needing somepony in your life are two very different concepts, but someponies blur them together. For me, somepony that needs me, is somepony that can not stand on their own, they can't handle life without somepony there all the time. Where that's fine for that type of pony, I like to think I need something... more.

Rose doesn't need me at all. She has her own business, her own friends and her own home! She is strong and independent without the least of a care in the world about it. To me that shows me so much more than sex or mere words can provide. To me it shows me that she doesn't need me, but rather she wants me. Reliance is a rare thing to beholden for anypony, but for ponies like Rose it comes natural. So for her to want to spend her days with me by her side... That's as close to true love as words can quantify.

Together we are very strong, we can take just about anything that come down the pipe so long as the other is right there by the other's side. Not out of need, but out of wanting to support the other one. We want each other to succeed, we want to be happy together and care free and we want to see this through together. Even with me loosing my job over mine and my teams little stunt to track down Fluttershy and catch her in the act ourselves, she still stood by me and nudged me on. With our relationship still blossoming, I finally said those three little words that I tend to not throw around lightly to her and asked if she want us to move in together.

It was an amazing day that one, filled with tears and smiles for the both of us. Her because she knew that she had done the impossible and found a way to get close to me. For me it was that I had prove myself wrong and that I was worthy of love again. But for the both of us it meant that we would never be alone again. So, even with OIA reviews, job losses and nervous breakdowns, love still found a way to make it all work between us. 

I had testified to the crime of snooping a little too close to the OIA during a covert mission, taking full resposiblity for my teams actions under order. It was a plea bargain, but one I very much so doubt that anypony saw coming. In exchange for my testimony, I requested that my team be granted access to Stable 2 in the event of the unthinkable. I knew it was a selfless act myself, a selfless act that would at the very least show companion towards them for everything we had been through together. I had hoped that  putting my neck on the chopping block would afford me to stay out of prison, but the OIA's own need for discretion did that for me.

I imagine that the fact that they would have to execute a pony in town square would draw a few questions as it always did. But all it would take is one word from my lips to ruin the whole show. So instead, I signed a gag order and resolved to never speak of my time at the OIA to anypony ever again. The things I learned there were vile, dark and hazardous with contact. Nopony needs that information but me. Whether our days be numbered or numerous, let them live without worry or fear of what's at the front line of life in equestria.

The only regret I will carry from that day is that I didn't get close enough to see the face of the Zebra she was talking to that night. If I had got a make on them, it would have been the end for them and every Zebra around them. As far as I know the secrets were never passed, but everything is just as far as I know. I knew that my team was safe and that I was with Rose again, that was all I needed. But what my team did for me, rather Rose and I, blew me off my hooves. 

They lobbied within the system to allow for Rose and I to be grated access to Stable 2 in the event of tragedy. I had begged for Cherry to allow me to claim her as my younger sister, but she claimed to rather be with her family if something happened. I can't blame her one bit, It's exactly what I would do. She turned it down without hesitation claiming that we all have a time and when her's comes, she wanted to be with the ones she loved if they couldn't be with her. Such a sweet mare.

"I'M UP!" Cherry screamed from the downstairs couch. Ah, there is that sweet and very loud mare now! I trotted down stairs to greet the sleepy mare back to the world of the living. 

"I see you slept well." I said, offering her a coffee.

"Barely..."

"I take it you are still spending most of the night glued to the window?" 

"I swore I heard something. When are you going to let that go?"

"When you let go of the glass. Cherry, I know it's scary to be under surveillance form the OIA, they are hardly inconspicuous about it. But you have got to let this fear go that something bad is going to happen to me."

"Chance... I have a gut feeling that something bad will happen... OK? Just, let me see it through."

"If something bad is going to happen, then why is it that they have backed off. Patrols are down to once per day and the line isn't even tapped anymore."

"I don't care about that lines or the patrols. Chance, from what you said, they are none-too-pleased with you over what happened in Manehattan. If they want you dead-"

"Then I would have died right then and there... No warning, no waiting... They would have ended the moment they caught us snooping around. The OIA has a very clean record of no mistakes."

"Then, why are you still alive?" She asked, looking more pained for the truth than usual.

"If I were to put a hoof on it." I began, looking out the same window next to her. "I would say they still need me for something. A random ghost from their past came out of nowhere and set up a covert listen post over night. He put together a team in a day and nearly over threw their entire mission because two of his key loggers got bored. You either kill somepony like that, or you keep them as an asset."

"So you think they are going to keep you around in case they need you?"

"I don't think it, but it's possible. Me standing here months later is the proof. The fact that Cherry and I are being allowed entrance to a Stable. There is also the possibility that they might want me to work for them again under a silent designation. Golden Blood himself told me that I showed great talent, but also a keen disregard for protocol. Such a thing is looked down on."

"Yeah well... I still have a bad feeling about all of it. If not from that... OIA place... then something is bad wrong. Don't you feel it?" Cherry asked. Her eyes were bordering begging rather than reasoning. It was as if she knew something was going to happen soon and we needed to be far away from here. "I still wish you would take me up on moving out the my families farm. I think it would solve all of this."

"Cherry... I love you for how protective you are towards myself and Rose. But there is no need for any of that. What would the OIA think if I were to suddenly run off to a remote location in the dead of night?"  

"Probably that you decided to move!"

"Or that I was trying to hide something. Look, with me out in the open, right here were they can see me, I'm safe from them. But the moment that I start going all aloof and running around, they are going to start taking closer sniffs until they decide that I'm too much of a hazard. If something like that happens, it's best that I not be near your family."

"Maybe you are right. But that is not going to calm this fear down."

"I know, I know. You got it in your got that something bad is about to happen."

"I do... I really do." She said as the two of us stared down the skyline of Canterlot from the window. 

Maybe she was right. Nothing really felt the same since that day in Manehattan. It was as if there was a separation of the universe that happened in that exact spot. The OIA had fooled Fluttershy into meeting with them to pass off documents to an undercover agent... But the whole thing stunk to high heaven. He body language was off, the words she used were wrong and the deal was not concealed like you might think. 

Everything was painted in a perfect picture of grey and white. No black to be seen, no stark conclusions to be made, just grey. At the time I calked it up to her believing she was doing the right think and slipping into that all too familiar nurse like persona that she had at my bedside. But had I been wrong? The only other conclusion was that she had already met with the Zebras or their sympathizers earlier. But how!? My team was on her from the moment she set hoof in Manehattan, watching her every move. 

Could it be possible that she fooled us all? No, she couldn't have. Even with the massive dread hanging over my head, she still couldn't have gotten it passed me, my team, the OIA, Golden Blood and the half a million bits worth of listening equipment. Maybe a dead drop, but even then, we had tails on her gathering everything she left. She couldn't have made it passed us... Then again, she did set this thing up after all. What else was outside her nature when she felt that she was right enough to follow through with a plan like that. 

"I'm heading home. I saw Rose making her way over here and I need to check on my little sister."

"Sure you wont stay? She has heard a lot about you and would love to meet you face to face."

"No can do! I got chores to finish and trees to kick. Speaking of, I best kick rocks before she gets here. I think she has news for you or something."

"What makes you say that?"

"She's been standing at your door since I woke up." Cherry said as she rushed through the backdoor and out into the rain. 

"Chance? Are you home?" Rose said through the door. 

"Doors open, hun. Come on in." 

As soon as the door opened, I knew the look. Soft eyes that had been crying, tense frame as if they were ready to be hit with an ax and that damn downward look as if she didn't want to make eye contact. She hadn't been waiting to knock on the door, she had been waiting for the rain to cover the evidence of tears on her face. I know this look and I know what was to follow, my only regret now was not forcing Cherry to stay longer. I was going to need her after this, I can feel it.

"Chance?" A meek voice said under those crimson bangs.

"Yes dear?" I replied as I put a blanket over her. She was shivering cold and drenched with rain, but by feeling her you would have never guessed she had spend that much time outside.

"Can we... Can we talk?" Oh hell... Not those words. Ok buddy, grit those teeth! Bite that leather and hold on tight, this is going to hurt. I offered her the couch to sit on and I guided her to the living room. I took my place across from her, doing my best to hold in the questions and fears as I wait for her to speak.

"Chance... It's been going so well between us." No, not today. Not on the one happy day I had left to hold on to. Please, Rose. Don't sully this one too. "And I'm so happy for you with how well you have bounced back from all of... this. Honestly, I wish I was as strong as you are sometimes. But then I remember that you hurt for so long, I can't even imagine what it did to you to lose Lolly and the kids. What pain it had to take to take a buck like you down to that level." Sure... Build me up. I'm ready for it, this is going to suck, I just know it.

"It was... hard. Rose? Why do I get the feeling that all these complements, this sad expression you have is leading up to something much more... painful." I said a touch coldly. She knew I hated stalling and she knew I hated flattery even more, why was she doing this.

"Chance... I don't know how to say this... But I think you would just want me to come out and say it."

"Rose... no... Please, don't-" I started.

"Can I borrow some money?" Wait what!? I had build all this up... in my head!? She wanted money!? That's it!?

"Oh Celestia! Oh Luna... Oh Rose, you made me think-"

"OH NO! No-no-no! I would never!"

"Because it sound like-"

"I know! Oh gosh I'm so sorry! To think what that would have done to you!" She shouted as she wrapped me in a hug.

"Then... Why the tears? If it's money you needed, I have plenty to spare. I was fired sure, but the OIA still payed out on my pension and I still have the ministry money coming in!"

"Chance I have worked for everything I have ever had. Ever since I was a filly I have wanted my own shop growing and selling flowers and now... Nopony wants flowers anymore! They all just look at me like I'm a silly mare wasting her time selling dead sticks! I wanted to bring a little beauty to this world, especially now with everything going on! But now... I owe nearly two thousand bits for rent. I'm nearly four months behind and I don't know what to do!" Rose sobbed into my shoulder. My heart was about to explode, it was like I had been pushed from in front of that damn train again! 

"Rose, I have the money. Let's get you caught up on rent. I know it's bad right now, but one day it's not going to be. Sure there is a war and ponies are trotting around in a haze of media and mire, but one day they will snap out of it. When they do they will be so sorry they didn't stop to smell the roses sooner." I said as I brushed her mane with my one good wing.

"Is that what happened to you?" She asked, those emerald eyes glistening with tears.

"That is exactly what happened to me. If you ask me, this world needs a few more roses and a few less wars."

We hugged it out, laughed about how I thought I was being broken up with, grabbed our coats and headed for the bank. I can not believe I let my imagination get the better of me, but when you have been tempered to see nothing but negativity, it tends to happen. My heart sank when Rose came through the door looking like she did. I nearly broke the way she spoke! I ca't believe that... She was this close to me.

I could imagine how ashamed it must have made her feel, how degrading it was to ask for money from her colt-friend after all we had been through. More over, all that she had worked for. We had been together for a while now and I could tell that she was one of the hardest working ponies I had ever met. She put her business first and herself second when it came to seeing to it growing and flourishing. I can see why it had hurt her so much to stoop to borrowing money from me, but I can't understand why she would think for a moment I would ever look down on her for it.

If anything, it was just another sign of how much she trusted me with the matter. Just one more brick in that wall of the life we were building together. Had she not come to me, then I would have been worried, but she did. Honestly, I couldn't be happier right now! I was getting the gratification to help somepony I loved and I was putting some of that OIA blood money to good use, rather than snooping.

With out nearly a care, I trotted to the teller and withdrew not just two thousand bits, but forty five hundred bits, in two separated bags. If Rose was going to show me she trusted me, I was going to repay the favor and use the only thing I had left to work with, money. Truth be told, it was more fluid than I would like to admit, but what do you want from me? I spend three years isolated, living on nothing more than cold beans and liquor. Despite the sounding, it was not a lavish lifestyle in the least, so I had a few extra bucks kicking at the door.

The two of us trotted through the rain, laughing and splashing each other as we tracked down her landlord. I was actually quite shocked that she even had a landlord considering it was a flower stand. But as does many things in this world, flower stands sit on land, land is owned by somepony and that somepony usually wants money for it. It was ridiculous, but ponies gotta eat, so who am I to judge. 

Rose and the land lord talked for far too long for this to be a simple transaction so I did wander a bit around the town center. Nipped into a few stores, looked at stuff I didn't need, I even bought a few things I had been looking for. Then, while keeping a close eye on the two of them talking in the rain, I found the perfect gift for Rose. It wasn't much, in fact I didn't think too much of it at all, but I was counting on the adage that 'it's the thought that counts' seeing me through. When you really boil it down, I honestly don't have much to offer somepony other than a few bits here and there and maybe the odd interesting conversation. 

But Rose saw something more in me, something I didn't, rather something that I couldn't. Maybe it was a broken and tired pony that she hoped to nurse back to life, maybe it was the conversations we had. Whatever it was, I knew that she saw something I didn't deep down and I could only hope that little spark of something never died out. After all, I was fond of the way she looked at me.

"All finished?" I said, trotting out of a second-hoof book store. 

"Paid up and in advance for one month. He didn't like it at first, but I talked him in to letting me open tomorrow to have a sale."

"Well good for you miss Rose! So what are the chances that a buck could get a sneak peak at the good a little early? I hear the florist has some pretty hot looking carnations in stock!"

"Well... I could be pursued to maybe let you have a little peek! Got something in mind for a special somepony?" Rose said as she reached her nose up to mine.

"Oh you have no idea!"

Rose showed me to her booth and raised the shutters and all at once my nose was filled with that delightful scent of fresh cut stems and nectar. I knew the smell well, Rose wore it often... Except on fertilizer day, for that I would need a clothes pin. She had arranged pre-built bouquets fit for the castle, all neatly tucked away in brown wrappings that had become trademark to her style. She even had a little station set up to make custom orders for her clients, all stocked with fresh picked and cut flowers ready to be wrapped. She certainly knew her craft. I trotted to the front of the stand and placed my hooves on the wood counter and worked up all of my charm.

"Say miss, what do you have for somepony who you are in love with, but don't know how to say it?" I said with a wiggle of the eyebrow.

"Oh where to start... Maybe some Peruvian Lillie's with a touch of Foals Breath, or perhaps Tulips are more your style." She said leaning over the counter. 

"No..." I said as I escorted her back to the street. "I'm old fashioned, what do you have that says... 'I love you and I want you for the rest of my life?" I said in my best gentlebuck voice. Rose scoffed a bit, the fact that I was being a difficult customer had to be the most ridiculous thing in the world to her. 

"Well. You you just can't get with the times..." She started as she reached back and pulled out a single red rose from her stall. "I guess it's a oldy but a goo-" Rose stood in shock.

"Rose, there is only one flower that will work. You know that." 

"Here!? Now!?" She stammered. 

"I don't have much to give you. But I can give you my trust, my loyalty and my heart." I said while holding out the golden  rose with a diamond in the center. "I saw it and I knew it was time."

"You saw this rose and thought it was time for what?" She said, heart looking to jump out of her chest at any moment.

"No, I saw you trusted me enough to help you, just like you helped me. Rose, will you marry me?" 

The street center stood silent as we all waited for her to answer. Had I done this too soon? I would like to think I know what true love is after everything I had been through, but did she? Would she say no? Would she leave me standing there, the world letting me down one more time? I had so much riding on this moment in my life that I didn't know what to do if it all went wrong.

"YES! Oh goodness yes!" She screamed, scaring the wee out of me in my trance of my world flashing before my eyes.

From train tracks to rose gardens in the rain, my life had changed again. I had found love and lost it all in the blink of an eye. I had seen first hoof how life can through you a curve ball and do its best to burn everything around you. I found the lowest point on earth, only to be brought back from the brink by dear friends and now lovers. I had never thought for a moment that my life would turn out like this, but here I am in the pouring rain, kissing the mare I love.
> Chapter 9: Time Hides All Wounds
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time, that universal constant that we all live by. For some of us it moves too slow to even comprehend, for other there is never enough of it. A priceless, invaluable asset we are all given freely at birth that is paid out with every breath and heart beat. Try as we might, we all try to cheat for more of it, bargaining with our creators with outlandish promises of gold and loyalty for just a few more moments. In vain we scream to the heavens that what we have left is never enough and that we just need a little more. No drug could ever come close to its intoxication or addiction because as little as ponies know it, the mere act of breathing is euphoria.  

But for some, enough is too much. When you have been beaten and broken to the point of no return, when you have seen the gates of hell from your front porch and when the mere act of breathing becomes agony, time is endless. I know, I was there once myself. I bargained for less and traded my only soul off for a quick ticket back in the middle of the night more times than I can remember. I screamed to the heavens for them to take me back, just let me live in that moment for a little longer, give my life to somepony who wants it. Was it so much to ask? Would it not balance out? 

Far greater ponies than I have trotted across this land who were cut short on time, seemingly by random circumstance. But no one sacrifice could pay the toll of time, no gift, no pledge or stack of bits. Our days are truly numbered from the start and out destinies finite in their plan, few if anypony can change them even slightly without consequence. There is not much that any of us can do about it short of force of will and making the most of it. 

I was once told that suicide doesn't remove the chance of things getting worse, it erases the any chances of it ever getting better. Maybe I'm still here because I have a purpose, maybe I just knew deep down that I didn't want to truly die or maybe the universe is cruel in it's fairness. Everypony gets the same shot, everypony has the chance to make the most of their lives if they try and nopony is too low to be picked up with enough effort.

I woke up today in a bed in a new home. It feels like years ago, but it was at the most a few months since I had stood on those tracks. I had found that spark inside me that I missed all these years, better yet, other ponies had found it too. I had not recovered on my own and in many ways I never will. The damage that I had done to myself is ever lasting, but it's meaning has changed. The scars I saw as failed attempts were a road map of where I came from and how hard the road I trotted was. The darkness of my past wasn't a constant reminder of my loss, it was the void I climbed out of that showed me just how much I could take. 

But now, laying here next to rose in the outskirts of Ponyville, I didn't feel sad about any of it. I couldn't laugh it off either. It was something else entirely, something that felt like it was always nipping at my hooves, digging for a chance to dig its claws in. It should scare the hell out of me that with a slip I could end up right back in that dark place. But it doesn't, if anything I look back on all that jagged road I crossed and see how strong I was to take it on the chin. I'm proud of what I made it through, something I never thought I would be. 

I looked over my shoulder to see Rose's sleeping form. If I had anything to claim as a prize for what all I had endured, Rose's love for me was too much of a gift. I doubt I will ever feel I deserve it, but it's mine and I will protect it with my life. Speaking of, her love tends to wain without coffee and some jam toast when she wakes up. She's worth it, but Luna save me if we are out of caffeine in this house... Celestia send it to the sun.

I chanced a peak out the door to check for the paper. Oh thank goodness, it looked like rain, that meant a lazy Saturday in bed with my mare. Rain meant I could turn her alarm off and let her sleep in while I made breakfast. Maybe I could clean a bit too, do some chores maybe? Oh the never ending pursuit to trick her into staying in bed so we could snuggle the day away. 

Sure enough, just like clockwork, the little buck that delivers my paper every morning had again dropped it off on time... in the mud... under the shrubs. He keeps this up and he will have a job in the government in no time, I swear. I shook what I could of the muck and mire from the pages and trotted back inside. Well, I guess it was still legible, if nothing else I could use it for mulch in the flower beds. I saw that Golden Blood had found his way onto the front page yet again, I guess not everypony can stay hid forever, not even him.

I ventured a guess that he had been brought up on charges yet again for something his creepy ass did and tossed it aside in my never ending quest for coffee. I poured the water in the brewer and looked out the window. The Castle just wasn't the same with that giant bubble around it, it ruined the aesthetic of a once beautiful city that I had always loved. I knew that it was necessary given everything that was going on, but I wish it wasn't. 

Everything has gone so well for me and Rose since I left the OIA, but I have had yet another demon on my back that has been growing heavier by the day. We had undermined Fluttershy's reckless attempt to stop the war in a way that would have ended in flames, hadn't we? I had found my own information through a few sources that the OIA had intercepted a one way communication stating that 'the plans were ready'. Even sitting here with not direct link to anything creditable, the words felt ominous to say the least.

As the days drug on, I felt that weight on my shoulders growing as I got lost in my own happy little life. There had to be something that I missed otherwise I wouldn't be picking myself apart like this in my free time. Rose says it's just another scar that will have to heal in its own time. A deep fear that now that everything is going so well that I was just worried it would all fall down again. Maybe it was my learned behavioral pessimism, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe Fluttershy had found a way to get the message through. Maybe she had already done it by the time we found her out and carried through to martyr herself. 

I mean if the war ended, why would you bring up the one mare who ended it on charges? The public out cry for the sweet, shy mare would be unheard of, she wouldn't spend a moment in the papers under slander. But if it failed, then we would all be dead anyway. Seemed like a nihilist win win if I had ever heard one. I guess that when your whole concept is kindness, war can go a long way to eroding and blurring the lines of your own morals. 

Even If I was just reasoning with insanity at this point, I could not ignore the logic. I had even contacted the OIA with my very own profile that I had worked up on her, marking her as a textbook example of moral breakdown. I'm sure that my letter found it's way to the OIA screening room and right into the trash. Had it not, we all would have seen the difference it would have made. Had kindness found its way to harm and betrayal or was I just pissing in the wind at ghost from my past?

With a fresh plate and two cups of coffee, I carefully trotted up the stairs and to the master bedroom. 

"Rose? Honey? I made coffee." I said softly, trying to rouse her from her sleep.

"Hm? What time is it?" 

"About eleven A.M."

"Eleven!? I'm late!" She said with a start. A Very, very sleepy start at that.

"Babe... It's ok. It's going to pour soon. It's been looking terrible all morning."

"Terrible you say. What a tragedy that the Pegasi picked today of all days to schedule rain." She said with a smile. 

"Isn't it though? But seriously, the rain is a tactical move, I promise that my fellow Pegasi are not conspiring to help me keep you in this bed." I said as I crawled back under the sheets and wiggled myself behind her.

"That's a good thing, I would hate to think that all of Cloudsdale would know about our love life."

"Not saying I wouldn't do that." That remark earned me a elbow to the ribs. "Hey! Can you blame me?"

"Stop! You are going to make me blush!"

"Oh? Are Rose's cheeks turning all... Rosie?" I said in my best dad voice.

"Not a... Chance."

"Crap, I forgot that my name has far more puns tied to it."

"Yeah well, at least you are cute..." She said as she snuggled into me.

"I wish we could just lay here forever and listen to the rain." 

"Me too honey. But don't you have to meet Cherry today? I thought you two were going shopping for the rehearsal dinner?" 

"Yeah... But trust me, I much rather stay right here in bed than take a long trot to Fetlock in the rain."

"You know..." Rose started.

"You know better than suggest the train there."

"I'm just saying that the train is much warmer than trotting for an hour."

"I know, but when have I ever complained about a long walk in the rain... Except when it takes me away from you?"

"Speaking of Cherry, when am I going to get to meet her? We have been together for nearly a year now and I have yet to even see the girl?"

"That's all her. She very... private as best as I can describe her. Sweet mare, but she had this strange hang up about being seen together with me, especially in front of you. To tell you the truth, I honestly couldn't tell you why she agree'd to come out in public with me today. Usually she just wants to hang out in private."

"Chance? Should I be... Worried about her?" Rose said over her shoulder. It was rare that she showed any signs of jealousy, even more rare that she showed signs of insecurity, but i could tell this whole 'secret friend' thing was starting to ware on her.

"Of course not. First of all, she is way too young for me. Second she is way too energetic. Third..." I said as I grabbed a hoof full of her flank. "Her booty could never come close to your's, babe." The squeeze earned me a hoof to the ribs, a light hoof but still, a hoof none the less.

"Stop! You have to be going soon. Do you really want to leave the house all 'hot and bothered'?"

"I suppose you are right." I said as I sat up.

"Just... Don't be gone too long, the bed gets cold without you." Rose said, giving me a peck on the cheek as I started for the door. 

"I won't dear. I promise."

Rose was one of those almost supernatural forces in my life, like a goddess in her own way. She was the anchor that was keeping my sanity ashore in a hurricane. I know for somepony looking from the outside in, all the lovey-dovey stuff has to be near sickening, but for us it was something more. It was, in words, ironically romantic. It was a sign that the two of us were comfortable around one another enough to let go of fear of ridicule for saying something silly or foalish. 

In its own way, it was just another showing of love we have for one another, just one more step closer to each other we had taken. I think every relationship has the cutesy phase followed by a longer, more interesting ironic cutesy phase. Lolly and I used the same pet names for years come to think of it and my dad had called my mother 'sugar bottom' until the day he died. I guess it was a constant in relationships, but a well marked one nonetheless.

I trotted down the old town road towards Fetlock, splashing in the puddles made by the ensuing down pour. The last time I had seen rain like this was when they held Big Mac's funeral. The sky's were meant weep as we all did on that day, by the looks of it, a similar tragedy had befallen our country once more. I just wish I had read the paper before I had left to know what it was I was meant to morn today.

With nothing but rain behind me, I found myself at the familiar cross roads I had seen so many times before. Even with my new state of vigor and my new outlook on life, I could still smell the burning fuel and hear the screams. I guess what they say is true, pain fades but scars linger on. As much as I wanted to see myself passed this even, I was doomed to feel it for years to come. Staring out at the foggy grey tracks, the feeling was faint but still all too real even now. 

"HEY! DON'T DO IT!" Cherry shouted from behind me. 

"What!? I wasn't... I mean I couldn't!" I stammered.

"Whoa now, take a chill pill, Chance. I was just messing with you." She said, trotting to my side.

"Do you think... it will ever go away?" I asked.

"No... I don't think love like that fades."

"No-no. The... feeling, I get when I pass by here?"

"Chance, you big dumb pony. You loved you family, it stands to reason that losing them took a toll, but to think that the pain will go away is... is just foolish."

"Wow, way to put it softly." I said sarcastically. Given where I was standing, I would have thought I would have been afforded a little tender love. But not from Cherry.

"Chance. When you close your eyes, can you see them?" 

"Every night." I said with a sigh. "But I also see Rose and you too! I see our futures as bright as day, just like I saw with Lolly and the kids."

"Exactly! You loved Lolly and the kids. You still do! You always will. That love is stronger than anything else in this world, so seeing what took it all away will always hurt you, but you have to push passed it. If you don't then you will fall back into that same dark place you always talked about. You wouldn't want them to see you like that, would you?"

"No... Never." As strange as her words were to me, they made sense, perfect sense in fact. Forgetting the love I have for my family would be just so wrong. Forgetting what took them from me also felt wrong, as if it was a constant reminder of how precious life is and how it all can end in a moment. I will miss them like crazy for the rest of my days, but to live my life in a hole of self pity and regret would just tarnish their memory. I had done that for long enough.

"So... How is Rose? She still keeping you up at night?" Cherry said with a nudge.

"And the wee hours of the morning. Things are great. So, are we going to stand here in the rain or..."

"Yeah, here's the thing. My little sister came down with the flu the other day and I can't really trot about town."

"Why is it always something? Why is it you won't meet Rose or just eat a simple meal in public with me. It's not like we are having an affair, if anything all this sneaking around makes it look like you and I are having one!"

"Chance... I can't explain it now. But you have to understand that I don't want it to be this way! I want nothing more than to eat a nice dinner in a restaurant or just... trot through town. But I can't!"

"WHY!? Cherry, I don't mean to get cross with you, but this is ridiculous! You know everything about me! My darkest fears, the number of times I have tried to... you know, you even know exactly what happened the day of the crash! Not eve Rose knows the things you do. But I have no clue who you even are outside of a friend!"

"You know who I am! Just because I haven't taken your hoof and showed you every little detail of my life doesn't mean you don't know me! Chance, I'm dealing with my own problems, much smaller than your's. I put other ponies first and deal with myself second, I was raised that way. Right now I'm helping you get passed this and move on with your life. I can't say why or how, but just know that I made a promise to somepony that I would help and that is what I'm doing. Please don't take that away from me."

"Take what away!? I'm great now because of you! I'm engaged, I'm actually happy for the first time in a long time and I actually see a future ahead of me that does not involve whiskey and train tracks."

"Please Chance? Please?" Cherry looked up to me with those big stupid eyes of her's and gave me an actual pout. Call me old fashioned, but I'm a sucker for it. 

"Ok, Cherry... But you have to promise me that you will let me help you, some day."

"Ok. But Chance, you might not like the price of that. You may have to pay it sooner than you think."

"For what all you did for me, there isn't one I'm not willing to pay." I said, giving her a hug.

"Chance, I'm scared." 

"About what?" I said, perplexed.

"Something big is coming. I know it. I mean I don't feel it, I know it is." She said as the two of us trotted to the barn near by.

"Like what, exactly?" 

"I'm not sure but nothing has felt the same since you got let go from the OIA. It's like the skies stay cloudy now and even the thunder has a tone about it. It's like something up above is trying to warn me that something is coming."

"Cherry, that's weird even for you."

"No-no! I mean, it's a feeling, but I can't shake it. Every time I think that the skies are going to open up, they just get darker. I really wish you and Rose would reconsider my offer to move closer to Fetlock."

"Nothing doing, we just moved! Moving again would be a nightmare for us, plus we have the wedding to plan still, Rose even has me out shopping for the rehearsal dinner months in advance!" I said jokingly, hoping to get a smile out of Cherry. But there was no clearing the grey skies that were her face. It was like every time we saw each other, she grew more and more drained of life. 

"Chance, promise me something, ok?"

"Anything."

"Promise me that you won't go back to the tracks?"

"Cherry, your house is by the tracks. How am I going to..." I wanted to believe it as a joke, maybe some crazy stunt she was pulling, but her eyes said it all. She was crying, even more so she had been crying for quite some time now, I just hadn't noticed. "What's wrong?"

"Please, just don't come back here. Not until it's safe for all of us. I don't want something to happen to you or to Rose. Please, just... wait this whole thing out... for me."

"I wish I knew what had you so shook up..."

"Just promise me. You said you would." She said, throwing her hooves around me.

"Ok... If it means that much to you. I will stay away. But I expect you to keep that lunch date you set."

"I promise. You will see me again."

"You better, Rose is heading out of town tonight to that place you told me about to reserve a spot to have our cake made. I'm going to be bored as all get out without her to play with." I said with a sly grin.

"Gross!" Cherry spat out between whimpers. I had to admit, she was cute as she could be when she was crying. Reminded me of my own kids when they would get scared. A little weird but still very cute. 

The two of us held one another for longer than I thought was acceptable for two friends before finally parting ways. Off in the distance I could see the faint silhouette of a young pony in the window of the old farm house at the end of the road. Cherry made tracks in the rain towards it as if it were on fire. No doubt it was her little sister waiting up for her to come in from the rain. Before she made it to the porch, the fog rolled in, leaving nothing but a amber glow of the lantern by the door. 

Cherry, the mare who had saved me from myself had turned out to be more than one layer deep. If anything thing she was just like a cherry, sweet as can be, until you find the pit in the middle. She had gave up so much to help me, skipped work, stayed over at my house, she even helped me with... that problem before I went to see Rose. 

Part of me wondered if not pursuing her romantically had been a mistake, but a bigger part of me knew that there was something that that would doom it from the start. I had no clue as to what that something was, but I just knew it deep down. Maybe it was her rubbing off on me, maybe she had given part of herself to save me that night and the part I got gave me her senses for these things. But regardless, her and I had a special bond together, almost like brother and sister but... deeper.

It felt like we were cut from the same cloth. I knew I had to get her to open up somehow, I had to help her through whatever it was she was dealing with in the same way she had helped me. It felt wrong to feel as good as I did now without her feeling the same way. But even I had to agree with her that something just felt wrong with the world. 

Nevermind the war, the politics or even the constant shortages. Something was just off. Like the grass and the flowers had lost their color. It has to be the lack of sun... but what if it wasn't what if it was something more insidious waiting around the bend for us all? Whatever it was, it was making me feel anxious to get back home to Rose. I need to see her before she left for Hope over night.
> Chapter 10: A View Of Nothing Else
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was shook awake by a clap of lighting, the resulting boom shook pictures and trinkets from our bedside shelf, waking me from an otherwise peaceful mid day nap. What was with the Pegasi!? This has been going on for days now, the ground was beyond saturated and we were experiencing flooding in some places. If they kept this up the least of our worries would be Zebras, we would need boats. If this was a tactical advantage then it was the strangest I had ever seen in all my days. 

I threw the covers off me in anger so that I could storm my way down stairs to make a pot of coffee. I hated being woken up from a good nap, I always felt tired and grumpy when it would happen. Trotting downstairs I noticed a faint glow coming from our home terminal in the corner. Sleepily, I fumbled my good wing around to pull up the mail file to see what junk we had gotten in today. I was surprised to see that for once I had not gotten another offer to reverse my receding mane line, but an audio file from Rose. 

I eagerly hit play, If nothing else hearing her voice would help calm me down a bit. With a pop and a whistle, the screen cam to life and the speakers gave birth to that tell-tale static that these damn things always made. Seriously, we have tech to replace body parts lost in combat, but a clear signal was beyond our comprehension.

Hi hunny! I made it safe as houses to Hope! I'm staying at Lilly's house for the night, I hope you don't mind. Oh it has just been so long since I had a chance to catch up with her. They canceled the rail service for the day, I asked if I could get a return train home in the evening but they are not saying one way or another. Typical Equestria Transit for you I suppose... I did however get the cake ordered and finalized the arrangements! I just wish I could be home with you tonight, Lilly is awesome but I need my snuggle buddy to keep me warm at night. I requested a ticket home first thing in the morning for the inconvenience, no telling if I will actually get it but... I hope I do.

I miss you, Chance. Love you!   

Aw, how sweet of her to check in! I had forgotten how nice it was to have somepony worrying that you are worrying about them. I need to be sure to reply to her... right after some coffee so I don't sound like a withered old buck that smoked twenty packs of cigarettes a day. I trotted to the kitchen and started a fresh pot and looked out the window. Damn that pink spear looks VERY pink today. 

I guess that Golden Bloods execution was cause for added measures of security, but I had never seen so much pink in my damn life. It was positively glowing with a ghastly hue that painted the mountains around it with a sickening glow of... just freaking pink! It gave my stomach an uneasy feeling just staring at it. It made me anxious, I know Luna herself said it was to be seen as a glow of strength, a slowing of how strong our defenses were, but why not blue? She was blue, I like blue, just make it frigging blue!

I pulled myself from the window and took my coffee to the front porch. I just couldn't look at it like that any longer. Residing myself to leaning on a railing and looking out over the countryside, I sipped my coffee and took in the view of ponyville far off in the distance below. At least it wouldn't change with it's happy little houses and patch work roofs. Far beyond it lay the town of Cottonwood, even in all the rain I could just make out the faint glow of street lamps glowing away. I could even nearly see the edge of Hope from here.

I had to give it Rose, when we sold both our homes and move to the country, she knew exactly were to pick a location. Situated at the foothills of the mountains on a rolling hillside, our little home was surrounded by wild flowers and trees that bloomed in the spring time. For her it was heaven, a garden of joy that needed little tending to and plenty of visual praise. It was beautiful here, even the air felt better with it's sounds filled with babbling brooks and soft rustling of trees. Even when I was in a full blow panic attack, just sitting out here on the porch could take all the worry away.    

Rose was happy, I was happy and more importantly, we were happy together. But Cherry... The poor mare. Despite telling me repeatedly to stay away from her farm, had sunk to MY little hide away multiple times. You would think that she would ease up on the whole 'distance' thing especially since she herself did not abide by her own rules. But no. She maintained that I was exactly where I needed to be, right here in the mountains with Rose. 

Maybe she saw something change inside of me that I couldn't. I know that I am happier here, that much is undeniable, but even still, why keep up the weird act? She kept telling me I was 'safe' here. That keeping distance from every aspect of what happened would help me recover and that she didn't want me to go back to that dark place. Honestly, I was in fact feeling numb to the feeling of what happened. I was still sad, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I was still sad. The loss still hurt to the point that I had been avoiding the topic of having more foals in my life. 

Even with my recovering going well, somethings still felt like they were miles from ok with me. But maybe, just maybe if I keep my mental door open, I could take whatever life throws at me. I want Rose to be happy and I know that foals are something she wants... but I just need more time. 

I sat staring at the cities' skylines, willing the stress away when suddenly, the rain stopped. Wow, that was abrupt, I mean I'm super happy to see the freaking sun for the first time in forever, but still. Usually, the Pegasi tapper these storms off softly, not just flip a switch. Staring at the sky wondering what on earth was going on, I felt that warm glow of the suns rays on my face. Oh this is just amazing! I had forgotten just how good the sun feels.

I closed my eyes and let the soft patterns of light dance through my eyelids. The quick moving patterns were bright and intense as the clouds were parting, beautiful in their own way. I cracked my eyes open only to close them quickly again due to the intense light. I had forgotten the sun was that bright! It had been so long since I had saw it that my eyes were not adjusted in the slightest. I raised a hoof to block my eyes from the pain and... 

Everything was dark around me, trees cast long shadows, too long for four P.M. The mountains to the east and west were also dark, holding that grey tone from the cloud cover. Everything was dark, except Cottonwood. I squinted my eyes and tried to focus in on the bright light that was coming from the town. Was I imagining things? Had the coffee gone bad? The whole town of Cottonwood seemed to glow with a bright light that was slowly fading to a green hue. 

I watched as the light began to fade to a sickly green hue as it expanded further and further outward from the town's center. Soon, I could see what it was making the light, but I wish I couldn't. How? How could they!? We had defenses in place that detect these things! How could they have found a way into the town center undetected? Despite my fractured thoughts, one fact stood out in a see of many, many questions. 

"That's not the sun. That's an explosion!" 

I let out a sharp gasp as the reality of what had just happened just hit home, and buy home, I mean my old home. The blast had spread as far as the outskirts of Ponyville, leveling everything in it's wake beneath a sea of balefire. Cottonwood was none-existent, nothing but a sea of fire and green glowing plasma. I watched as the blast wave raced across the hills, ripping trees from the root and throwing them like match sticks high into the air. Everything that it touched was destroyed seemingly instantly.

I stood in awe, I knew what I  was seeing, but my brain refused to put this all together. The fear flooded my body, gluing me in place. I could feel the heat all over my body growing more and more vivid as I watched homes filled with ponies being simply vaporized into nothing. My heart broke as I realized that those homes had ponies in them, helpless to what was happening in the world around them. 

It felt like hours passed by in seconds, but I looked on in horror for all of it. It wasn't until I watched the blast wave crest the hillside only a mile or so from my home that I finally moved. My wing flew open in panic to carry me away, but it did little more than throw me closer to the wave of destruction that was coming my way. I scrambled to my hooves and ran towards the mountains behind our little home. 

That's when the sound wave hit me, nearly knocking me from my hooves and forcing me the few steps I had left to make it the cave ahead of me. The concussive force was so extreme that I felt it in my soul and it left me dazed, confused and my vision blurry. No other thought crossed my mind other than getting to the limestone caves and somehow getting as deep as I could. I raced down the dark corridor, smashing into every wall along the way. Guided only by memory, I found the little alcove in the rocks I had remembered and threw myself into it. 

I covered my ears and braced my body for impact with the wall as I jumped. Sitting in my curled up ball, I was reminded of this feeling. I was the same as the night I had stood on the tracks, but this was so much worse. I wanted to live, I knew I didn't want to die and I was sitting and waiting for it to happen. I felt the tears begin to fall as the world began to tremble beneath me, every small pebble that fell atop me sent a shiver through my frame. 

The blast hit with a massive force. It was as if the world jumped a few meters into the air, throwing me side to side. The air was press from my chest and I felt something my my face pop as the pressure grew. My ears felt like they were about to explode the more I was being crushed, my guts hurt and my eyes began to swell. I was in agony. Everything hurt as if I was being crushed by some invisible force that pressed down on everything around me. 

I felt my right ear give way, the sharp pain sending me towards the ground in search for any form of salvation. I could feel warm blood every were I moved, I could taste and smell nothing but metal and adrenaline and my couldn't breath. So this was it, I was going to die and this is what it was going to feel like, brutal and out of control agony. Even in the dark cave, light found it's way through to show me how red my vision was becoming. The blood was rushing to my head and squeezing my brain. 

As suddenly as it happened, I felt the pressure begin to fall away. Slow at first, but it began to rush away faster and faster as the blast pressure resided, creating a vacuum in it's wake. I was now being suffocated, my ear popped again but this time the dull pain that was persisting was sharp and immediate as blood began to flood down the side of my face. Air from deep in the cave whooshed by the alcoves entrance, pulling with it dust, rocks and musty air as the elements fought for balance. 

I kept my head down just as we had been taught in the academy in the event of an explosion. My body was being sand blasted, it felt like my skin was burning and my every hair was being ripped from my body, but that was nothing compared to my feathers being pulled one by one from the root. I screamed in pain as the world went from pressurized to vacuum over and over again. Seconds felt like days, I prayed for death to end the torture, but the relentless onslaught was beginning to calm.

I laid there for I don't even know how long, trying to find the strength to stand. But every time I got the courage to move, I will feel another explosion rock the ground around me. Mercifully, the blast waves were either too far away or on the wrong side of the mountain from me. My thought were left to wonder about Rose and Cherry. I was crying harder than I ever had that I had ran for shelter. Nopony could have survived that explosion, nopony. 

What had they gone through in terms of pain, what had they had to see themselves? I was hiding in a cave like a coward, would they have had the chance to get away? What if Rose was hurt somewhere? What if she was dying? What about Cherry? She's my only friend! The thoughts that raced through my head were just as every bit painful as what I had gone through. 

I wanted to run to them both, I wanted to storm out of this cave and find them. I needed to know if they were ok. I just wanted to hold Rose one last time, I wanted to see Cherry's stupid face one more time! I can't go out like this, ponies need me! I need them! Once the earth's trembling had slowed, I pushed myself to my hooves and used a wing to guide me through the pitch black cave. What would I see once I was outside? Would there even be an outside? 

I peaked around the corner of the rocky entrance and saw my worst fears. Our home was still standing, if only that. The roof had been ripped from the wooden trusses and disintegrated into every direction but up. Large beams were thrown so hard that they had broken the stone around the cliff face, making massive dents in the landscape. Even the air was tainted a dirty brown that hung like fog around me. Everything was just... brown. 

I peaked around the corner of my home and was left in shocked horror. Everything was gone. Cottonwood was nothing but a burning crater off in the distance. Ponyville had been nearly leveled in the outskirts where my old home was, but looked to have not taken the full force of the blast thanks to the geography of the land. Parts of the Everfree were burning and a small corner of it was nothing more than a bald spot of what it once was. Everything I knew was nearly evaporated into a cloud of dust.

My worst fears realized, my worst nightmares lying ahead of me and my panic at full blown attack, I looked away. I couldn't look at it, it was too much. Thousands, hundreds of thousands of ponies were dead or dying ahead of me in my once beautiful view. I felt my guts wrench in pain as I threw up a pool of blood at my hooves. But the ground was not the only thing that was bloody. In the reflection of a nearby broken pain of glass, I saw myself. Blood had been pouring from my hurting ear, my nose was a waterfall but my right eye... 

One of the blood vessels in my right eye must had ruptured, because all the white around the purple iris was now bright crimson. I stared at the reflection for far too long, this is what I had once wanted, I wanted to be dead but I had never imagined what it might feel like. But this was it. Nothing but pain and sorrow. 

I glanced back at the burning town and took a step closer. I felt my legs wobble and give out beneath me, sending me to the still warm and wet grass. I was so weak from blood loss that I couldn't even stand or sit. I had been through so much in a manner of moments that my body was shutting down. I gave a bloody sniff and began to cry again. 

"R-Rose... I don't know if you're out there... But If I don't die on this hill, I promise I will find you." 

I tried to blink the tears from my eyes, but they kept my vision blurry still. In front of me I could see three shadowy figures. One tall, two short. Try as I might I could not see them, but I could... feel them. Even though I couldn't see them, I somehow knew them, they were my old family. I closed my eyes and waited for death to swallow me whole. I waited for the pain to fade, but it never did. The world was growing dark around me as I began to feel weaker by the second.

Just please make this quick. I want to go home, I want to be with my family again! Don't tease me like this, just let me let go of everything so I can see their smiling faces when daddy comes home for the last time. Please, I will give anything, my life, my body, my last breath. Just as the world was nearing total darkness, one of them spoke.

"Not yet Chance... Not yet... Not like this." 

It sounded like Lolly. No Lolly, don't leave me. Please, not again, I can't... I... I can't... But before I could speak, I felt myself fade away to nothing as my eyes closed one last time. Please make it quick... Please.
> Chapter 11: I Don't Belong Here
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dry... My mouth felt like it was filled with chalk dust as my body began to come back to life. Everything ached, but at least it was nothing in comparison to the pain I had felt back in the cave. My tongue was glued to the sides of my mouth with dried blood that had pooled in my mouth for... however long I had been out. I had to pry my eyelids open with my hooves from the where they had matted together. That awful taste and smell of metal was still filling my senses as I tried to clear my nose to breath. 

Everything my eyes saw held a grey hue to it, painting my world in a monochrome pattern of depression like I had never seen before. I was in my home, though I had no clue how I managed to crawl into the half collapsed building in my state. I didn't remember anything passed passing out in the grass in the front yard. I wanted to believe it was all a dream, that I had just had an episode of physios that brought on me passing out to a nightmare. But the taste in my mouth and heavy chest told me otherwise. 

With little strength, I mustered to my hooves and wobbled my way to one of the walls to look out a window. My worst fears were quickly brought back forefront to my mind as I gazed out across the obliterated landscape that was once my home. I wanted to know how they had pulled this off, the annalist in me craved answers, but none if it would matter at this point. Nothing could have survived that happened. Nothing. 

But even with all the reason I could find in me, I still needed to know if Rose was still out there. I had only just now noticed the blinking on my pipbuck, trying to tell me to get to the stable at once. Maybe Rose had made it. Maybe she was safe underground. But how would I ever know? I couldn't head to the stable now, most of the place would be on fire still. 

My heart ached from loneliness and worry, had something happened to her and I found her out there, I already knew what that would do to me. I barely survived the last time I had seen such a fate, I know I wouldn't make it this time. Chances are I would just lay down beside her and wait for it all to end. I didn't want to go on knowing she was gone, I wouldn't be able to, I don't have that kind of strength. 

I nosed the door open, a cold rush of musty, smokey air stung at my nostrils and eyes and I stepped out into what I could only describe as hell. Fires still raged in Cottonwood, they had spread to much of the Everfree forest boundary. All through out Ponyville the roads were silent and seemingly void of life. Houses that had once been painted as part of the landscape were crumbling and still collapsing before my very eyes. Though much of it seemed untouched, I knew all too well that the clicking on my pipbuck even at this distance, gave the warning of deadly radiation. 

Explosions of that magnitude had to give off some form of excess energy, in this case I had been magical radiation that could cripple a pony on hours. The resulting cloud of radioactive dust had settled across much of ponyville, It had to have, I was watching the smoke from Cottonwood drift over the town. Chances are everypony in town were either dead or dying at this very moment. The very thought forced me to pinch my eyes shut in heartache.

I looked to Hope. Much of the blast had done little damage to the small town in the distance, the smoke had not even found its way into the valley yet. If I ever needed motivation that Rose was still out there, this was it. Even in my tired state, with everything hurting and my body weak, I knew I had to leave. If not to find Rose, then to try and fine anypony who would have made it out of this alive. It wouldn't be long until the clouds of fallout found their way all around equestria, covering everything in a blanket of deadly dust.

I gathered what few things I could find that would be of use. Bottles of water, canned food consisting of apples and peaches mostly, a flashlight, a crowbar in case I needed to bust any doors open, and a first aid kit. I remember scoffing at Rose when she insisted on us getting the 'family sized' kit with five healing potions and four bottles of Rad-x... But now, I just wish I could thank her. I took my belongings and placed them in a set of saddle bags and pause to have one last look around. 

I may never see this place again. For a while it was my home, it was our home. But now it was little more than a bombed out shack in the woods, resembling nothing of my memories. I looked to the table near the door where the picture of Rose and I rested. It was the day we moved in, she had just found out that there was a wild garden in the back yard, I had never seen her so happy. I reached for it and pulled the picture from the frame and tucked it safely under the band of my pipbuck. Maybe it I kept it nearby, It would bring me some comfort, or at the least give me something to look at at night. 

I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I wanted to just lay down and cry, but I had to be strong, I had to find her. I was terrified and felt near death enough as it was, but I had to get moving before it was too late. I gave the house one last look and tried to see it as I had when it was still our home, but it was not use. This wasn't my home and I don't belong here. I took just enough time to leave a note, promising to return if Cherry or Rose somehow found there way back here. I took my time to thank them both for being such important parts of my life and left it stuck in the door jam. 

The trail I chose to take was on the outskirts of town, I thought it better to avoid the town centers in hopes of avoiding dosing myself more that I already was. I took an extra Rad-x and trotted passed the bombed out houses along the old running trail. At a distance, nearly and hours trot to this location, this part of town looked untouched, but I could not have been more wrong. Everything had been damaged, buildings were crumbling apart from a few, stone walls wore cracks like tattoos and even the ground had been ripped apart. 

No place my hooves found were even, the concrete beneath me was little more than rubble, cracking further and rolling with every step. I would get glaces into town as I passed by the odd house, seen more and more destruction as far as the eye could see. I had been so far from the blast and I had nearly been killed, I could not imagine how strong the forces were here with nothing to dampen the force.

I rounded a corner that would bring me to the Maple Split in the running trail but my route was blocked by trees that had been tossed in the court yard. This was bad, it meant traveling into town, if only for a few hundred yards or so. Radiation was bad enough when the constant clicking reminder on my hoof, but I was more afraid of what I would see. I took a shallow breath and turned into Market Square, trotting carefully. 

It was worse than I had imagined. The Market was still standing, shielded from much of the blast from the buildings, but that wasn't what hit me. It was the smell. That metallic odor of blood and bile filled the air around me, assaulting 
my nose like acid. I recoiled from my spot when I saw that I was standing in a fresh pool of blood near a mound of rubble. I didn't want to think of what could be under it, even though deep down I knew. 

Through the haze of fog, I could make out bodies, seeming to glow in a pastel light to my unwilling eyes. The harder I tried to not see them, the more they stood out. The air was musty and still, what I could only describe as the loudest silence I had ever hurt tore at my thoughts as I searched frantically for a way out. Finally, after what was surely only moments but felt like hours, I found the running track access and darted down it. But I was froze in my tracks by a sound that broke the silence.

"H...Help..." 

Oh no... no, no, no, no! I don't want to look! But I had to, I glanced down at the corner of the building that had crumbled under the weight of the collapsed roof to see a mare. She couldn't be out of her teens, crushed under a beam of wood that had seemed to have hit her in the middle of the back. I had often wondered what hopeless looked like when I was in my dark place, but to see somepony else wearing the same look just hurt so much more.

"Oh dear Celestia!" I shrieked. 

"Please... Help!" She whispered. 

She wasn't bleeding that I could see, but she was badly hurt. There was no telling just how bad her injuries were, but judging by the world around us, she had just been pinned. Had she been seriously hurt, she would have already died, but there was no telling what the radiation was already doing to her. I pulled my crowbar from my bags and wedged it under the beam and began trying to work it loose.

"What's your name, dear?" I asked as I pushed with all my strength.

"S-Sage..." She spat out through gargled coughs.

"Ok, Sage. We are going to get you out of here, just hold in there." I said as I worked to the beam. I was terrified, I had to save her, she was just a kid compared to me.

I used nearly all my strength, fighting the fallen wood with everything I had. Every time I thought I had it moved, the wood would crumble and it would let the bar slip free. I worked feverishly for what felt like and hour before I managed to get the beam to lift and move out of the way enough that I could pull her free.

"Com'on girl. Com'on!" I said as I tugged at her front hooves. "Stay with me now! Just give me a good hard kick!" 

"I... feel so... c-cold."

"Oh no! Don't you say that!" I said as I fell back with her body cradled against mine. 

"T-Thank you for saving... me..." She mumbled back to me. 

"We are going to get you out of here! I promise! Just hold on for a little longer and I will-"

I looked down to see her limp body in my hooves, what was left of it. Her body bellow her belly had been crushed, leaving bone and sinew exposed in a fresh pool of blood. I had wanted to badly to save her that I had not took the time to see if what I was doing was the right thing. The moment she saw me, she was doomed. The beam had been keeping pressure on her wounds, the moment I lifted it, she bled out. 

I fell back in horror, I had never seen a pony so devastated by injury, not even in textbooks. I looked at her lifeless body, so young and fragile, struck down by the malice from on high and I felt nothing. Seeing her like this meant that she wasn't alone, other ponies had suffered similar fates if not worse, she was just a taste of what was to come. I wept for her, I cursed myself as a murder who wanted to do the right thing, but it was all in vain. 

There was no court to hold a trial about my actions, there was just what was left of this world. This was the norm now, no oversight, no law, just nothing. It was worse than any hell that I could imagine. I bushed her eyes closed with a wing and did my best to ease her back below the beam that had once crushed her. I didn't want to leave her like this, but what choice did I have, the most I could do is leave her to look as if she were sleeping. 

I trotted in thoughtless silence to the edge of town where the nature trail took over from the once concrete pathway. Apart from a few broken trees, this area looked to have been untouched by the explosion. It gave me hope that maybe Rose was still safe, but my pipbuck clicking had yet to ease up. It was nearing yellow in the town where I had spent far too long, but here it was edging back towards the green. Thank goodness for that. 

I was still broken hearted over what had happened, but I was hard to cry over a pony I barely knew. Even still my chest ached over her and what she had to go through, only to be killed by my own haste to help. Try as I might, I could not shake the feeling of how bad I felt over it. I tried to reason with myself that I had done everything I could, that I wanted to help, but it was all in vain, I wanted to be held accountable for it. The only thing that was keeping me moving was the hope that I could see Rose, just one more time. 

I trotted for hours, praying to see somepony, anypony. Any form of life that could give me comfort from this hell I was living at every turn. I saw body after body laying along the trail, all of them frozen to the ground from where they fell. I could see their hoof tracks where they had staggered and fell from their injuries and radiation poisoning. It was surreal, I had expected to feel sad or even overwhelmed, but what hurt more than everything else was the fact that I was beginning to fell numb to it. I didn't want to feel that way, I want to morn them, but I was being exposed to so much so fast that my brain was shutting down.   

Finally, I found the town of Hope. I had prayed that it would have a few ponies left alive, but the town was silent. It had never been a large town, mostly industrial in nature, but it had still thrived in the war economy. Doors were left wide open to every house I passed, leaving little to the imagination that anypony lived here anymore. I trotted through town, looking for anything that resembled Lilly's apartment row, but I had been on the go for so long that my mind was numb. Everything looked the same in the near dark evening light. 

Despite the bombs, the Pegasi had held the cloud cover for so long that it would take days to begin to clear. That meant an even darker night than usual in a place that was little less than a living nightmare. But despite my odds, I found it. It was still standing, some of the homes even had lights still burning! I felt my heart flutter as I ran to the doorway of Lilly's little apartment. With a shove, I forced the door open to... nothing. 

"Rose! Rose! Where are you!" I shouted, but there was not reply. 

My heart sank, I looked throughout the house but there was no sign of anypony. They had all been evacuated. Part of me felt a wave of relief flood over me that they had gotten out in time, but my heart yearned to find her just that much more. I looked out the front door into the quickly darkening streets, there was no way I would find my way around much longer in this. If they had not been evacuated, they would surely come back, wouldn't they? 

I shucked off my bags and curled up in the floor into a ball. Maybe they would come back soon. Maybe they would find me here. Maybe they made it to one of the Stables here in town. Rose did have a OIA pipbuck like me, it was one of the few that could actually grant you access after they had locked down, at least to gen-pop Stables. Maybe she had made it to safety. 

I opened a can of peaches but I never got the chance to eat them, I passed out right there. My body had had all it could take for the twelve hours I had been on the move. My brain played a symphony of memories of everything I had ever loved. I saw Rose, laying under the cover next to me, smiling that hopeful smile she always wore. I saw my team back in Canterlot, laughing about a bad joke Click had told and eating pizza as they poked fun as intel they had just uncovered. But what woke me from my sleep, was Lolly. 

I saw her and the kids, playing in our back yard together. Try as I might, I could never force myself to open the door. They were so happy, they were safe and not hurt and I was forced to look at the life I had missed out on for so long. The dreams I was having were a direct result to what all I had seen. It was my mind trying to sooth me in my fractured state, but even in my dreams they were just out of reach. 

I woke to what little light was filling the room. It was daylight, or at least what the world knew as daylight. I took in what I could keep down of my still open can of peaches and started back towards the door. There was nothing for me here either, except there was something. By the door laid a note that had been clearly written in haste. It was from Rose! She must have known I would come for her!

Chance, if you are reading this, then maybe you won't mind to come a bit further. I know you would have come looking for me, but know that I am safe. We are leaving for the Stable 12 as soon as I write this, it's located near the Hope Solar Array. If you find this, I will be waiting for you there. I pray that you do. 
I know I shouldn't think this way... But I know our time together was short, but it was everything to me. Every smile I ever had is yours. You gave me your heart, and I gave you mine and mine is yours to keep. I know you miss Lolly, but know i miss you every bit as much at this moment. If you made it this far, I know you are hurt and tired, but please keep moving. I know you can do it, I have faith in you.  

Right beside the door way, just under the table where her note laid was a MOP first aid kit and three apples, all taped together with with words 'From: Rose', drawn with a little flower. Even in the darkest time of her life, she had thought enough to pack me a lunch and some care items. The very act brought tears to my eyes. I opened the kit up and took a healing potion as soon as my hooves found it. I washed it down with a fresh apple as I searched the contents for what I only prayed was in there.

"Jackpot!" I said with a grin and I spun the top off the bottle of Buck. 

I was going to need this to make it to the Solar Array. It wasn't that far, but I had little energy and I could already feel my body beginning to draw up from hunger. As the potion worked it's magic, I began to feel less and less of the aches and pains I had felt from being run through the ringer of the explosion. I had horded the five from our house in hopes of helping somepony with them. But these were from Rose, she left them for me and me alone so I could make it to her. 

I trotted out of the door way and pointed my nose north. Her note and that little care package were just what I needed to push me forward. I don't know if it was the fear of dying or the desire to find her that had kept me going this long, but whatever it was, I was moving. With my blood pumping high octane Buck through my system and my belly full of apples I all but ran out of town towards the Everfree where the Solar Array was located. 

My mind, though still full of dread that I would find her laying along the freshly beaten trail, was eased by every passing hillside. The distance seemed to stretch on and on as I galloped through the mud, every step feeling like I was running in reverse rather than forward. Before long though, I had found my way to the back of the Array where the Stable door was hidden. It was common knowledge that it was hidden just inside of the Everfree near a hillside and with a little luck I found the cave entrance. 

I ran down the winding passageway, I didn't even take the time to pull out my flashlight, instead using my wing to drag along the wall to guide me. The amber glow of the security lights began to illuminate the walls around me as the narrow passage widened into a large room. I had seen Stable doors being made, I had seen them being installed, but I had never seen one quite this large before.

Standing easily ten times as tall as I did, the large gear shaped door had been effectively sealed. I knew that by now the doors would have been shut tight on every Stable in all of Equestria, but it did not stop me from feeling that sickening feeling of worry that they would never open again. It was no secret that I had never actually been a fan of the Stable project from the start, but how could any of us have know just how invaluable they would become to life. 

I trotted to the control terminal and began to punch in the codes needed to speak with the overmare. Such protocol was unheard of in the Stable-Tec guidelines, but I was counting on the fact that I might know somepony in charge. 

"HALT! Cease your activities before protective measures are activated!" A familiar voice rang out through the cave. "Identify yourself!"

"OIA designation C44-19, Chance Haven!" I replied with authority.

"Chance!? We thought you were dead!" Another voice shouted. Good to hear Click made it ok. 

"Yeah-yeah! Me and Click thought you were apple sauced!" And there is Clack...

"Quite you two!" The over mare bellowed. I let out a chuckle at her anger, it was so nice to see that from the outside in for once. "C44... We have you on record as missing from roster for entrance. Exactly where have you been?"

I had been afraid of this... With the bombs freshly dropped I had worried that suspicions would have arose from my absence. Rightfully so, but still infuriatingly frustrating. Angry as I was at the impromptu questioning, I had to abide by the rules and procedures if I were to get in at any point in all of this.

"I was at home madam. I woke up the bombs being set off everywhere." I spat out. I then proceed to go into vivid detail about what I had seen, every detail about what I had seen from my front porch and my time in the cave. I even told them about seeing Lolly in my delirium as I passed out. I left nothing to spare as I described just how horrific seeing it unfold was. There was a long pause after I finished, only radio static filled the cave as I waited for a response.    

"And after that?" The Overmare asked, her voice sounding more fractured than it had before.

"And after that... I walked through hell. I watched as everything I ever knew crumbled in the aftermath. I held a mare as she passed away in my arms. I felt hope grow and slip away over and over again. I saw a world that nopony ever should, a world where nopony ever belongs in. I saw hell itself." I cried out.

Another long silence hung in the air between myself and the monitor in front of me. I was on trial for the very act of surviving and making it this far. As much as I understood the reasoning why, I wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs to open the door. But doing anything other than I was told would lead me right back out of this cave I worked so hard to get to.

"Why?" She asked. I was set back on my haunches by the question.

"Madam?" I asked in confusion.

"Why did you come here? Given your past we had thought that something like this would be within your wishes. Death beyond your own control, freedom of suicide and depression at the hoof of somepony else. Tell me, why." The radio broke with yelling and screaming from Click and Clack yet again.

"THAT'S CHANCE OUT THERE! NOT SOME FILTHY ZEBRA!" Clack screamed.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING TO HIM AFTER ALL HE HAS BEEN THROUGH!" Click affirmed.

"SILENCE! YOU TWO BEST LEARN TO RESPECT COMMAND BEFORE YOU FIND YOURSELVES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT DAMN DOOR AS WELL! Chance, answer the question." The Overmare repeated. 

I thought I had an easy pass into the Stable. But this was getting personal beyond belief. But what she said had merit to me. Why had I done it? Why did I trot for miles over broken ground rather than lay down and die? I had wanted death so badly for so long just so I could see Lolly and the kids again. But I was here, I was standing right here! I was barely alive, sick with radiation and I knew I had broken bones that were slowly infecting. Even in my dreams I had wanted nothing more than to stare out that window at Lolly and the kids playing forever.

Yet, I got up and I moved. I did little more less than run here the first chance I could. I know I had thought it was Rose that brought me here, and in many ways that was very true. But was that really enough for me? I loved Rose, nearly as much as I did with Lolly, with time I'm sure it would even equalize even. But was that really why I came here, or was I running through the motions of the advice of an apparition?

No, that couldn't be it. I knew why I was here, I knew exactly why I was here!

"Because... it is what she would have wanted for me. She wanted me to be happy." I said with a sniff.

Another long pause followed. This time however, the silence wasn't broken by a loud siren and the clanging of metal. Jumped as the giant gear broke free from its mountings and began to slide out of the way. Sparks shot from the corners of the cogs as it ground at the steel along its journey. I breathed a sigh of relief, stood up and trotted to the platform. In the amber glow I looked more like a zebra than a pony from the matted blood in my coat, but that didn't stop Rose from tackling me. 

"CHANCE!" 

"ROSE!" We both screamed in excitement. 

The two of us fell to the iron grating and held on for dear life. We had both seen the world end and somehow our love had carried us both through the Bale Fire to be together again. At this moment in my life, I had never felt more right, I had never felt more loved and I had never before felt like I was more home.

Home isn't a house, it's that feeling of not being lost anymore. I had lost mine so long ago and for a long time I had wondered this world lost to everypony but myself. Just another forgotten soul, too broken to fix, but not broken enough to pass on. But one day somepony found me and showed me the way back. I was tired and weary, I didn't want to make the journey alone, so they trotted beside me. I was scared, so they held my hoof and I was passed my breaking point, but they carried me back. They brought me back from hell, they brought me home. 

"I'm home. I finally made it home!"
> Chapter 12: Nothing Lasts Forever
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bright lights filled my vision as I woke back to the world of the living. I don't remember much passed Rose tackling me, I remember being so over whelmed with joy that I was crying, but apart from the euphoria, I was lost. My brain was a conglomerate of fractured memories, each more checkered than the last in terms of clarity. I remember seeing Rose, I remember the endless sea of gray, I can recall a few snippets of conversations between Click and Clack when they came to see me in the recovery ward. But beyond that, I truly was lost. 

The lights, though very bright, still seemed to find a way to be blurry to what was left of my faculties. I was moving, ever so slightly, but I was moving nonetheless. I could hear things even, it was as if somepony was speaking to me but their words were gargled and muted. What was going on? Was I dead and had still yet to fully wake? Was I in the Stable? Did I actually make it, or was I still wondering the abyss lost in delirium? 


"Chance? Can you hear me, Chance?" A buck seemed to say, but I was still very groggy as my hearing came back to me. I nodded my head to the blurry figure and tried to focus in on him, but it was like I was looking through some opaque plastic.

"Good! GOOD! Ok, Now I am going to take the protective covers from your eyes now. Try not to open them fully until they have had a chance to adjust." He said. Slowly, I felt tape being pulled from my face and muzzle. I tried to hold still as it ripped hair from hide, but it was... difficult. "Now then, tell me what you see?"

I was staring at a sea green buck with blond mane and tail. I was that I was in a recovery ward as I had suspected and I could see nothing but grey outside of that. Beside my bed held all manners of things in terms of equipment, various machines and apparatuses were stacked in the corner, looking to be freshly disconnected. To my other side sat a easy chair with a table next to it. It looked to have had somepony sleeping in it judging by the small stack of books and blanket draped over the seat. Had Rose been here the whole time? How long had I been out? I tried to open my mouth to speak, but the words came out as more of a chirp than an actual sound.

"H-how... Long..." I started but failed to finish. I looked up to the buck with sad eyes that I could not communicate with him and hoped he knew what I would want to know.  

"How long have you been out? About three days now. I have to say that you are lucky you made it here when you did. I doubt that you would have made it much longer out there." He said as he passed me a cup of liquid and urged me to drink.

"Three days? How bad was I?" That's what I needed, water! Oh how I have never felt something so nice on my lips before!

"Pretty bad... You had..." He started reaching for the chart at the foot of my bed. "Radiation poisoning, two broken ribs, broken nose, some internal bleeding from a lacerated spleen, ruptured blood vessels in the face, hooves and right eye..." He said as he turned the page. "Bleeding stomach ulcers from said radiation poisoning, ruptured ear drum, sever lacerations to the legs and torso, several impact injuries such as hematomas that had to be drained and a missing wing, though I suspect that was an old injury." He said with a sniff.

"Wow... Just... wow." I said in disbelief. 

"Wow in deed... the fact that you even made it here is a miracle. I don't know what kept you going kid, but I can only hope that we all can find a little of it to get us through this." He said as he looked to the door that was opening. 

Tired and weary, Rose trotted through the door with her head hung low from exhaustion. She looked terrible, as I expect she would if she had been sleeping in a chair for as long as I had been out. I wanted to run to her right then, but despite the magic of healing potions and modern medicine, I was still too weak to raise up a hoof, rather than my entire body.

"Rose!" I shouted in excitement. I guess she had been expecting me to be asleep because the coffee she had been holding was now all over the doctor. 

"Chance! You're awake!" she shouted back as she ran to the bed and very promptly climbed inside the railing with me. "They said... They said you might not wake..."

"Hey... I'm here, aren't I? Wouldn't miss the chance to be with you for the world."

"Well..." The doctor said, closing his notebook with a satisfying thump. "I do believe you are in good hooves now, I'll let you get some rest." He said as he trotted through the door. "Oh, just one more thing. I know you two are happy to see each other again and all, but try to not over exert yourself, Chance. Just because we have magic that can heal, doesn't mean we have magic that can replace your energy levels safely. Ok?"

The two of us held one another for hours it felt like. Mean, my hooves falling asleep at the pads, her, face buried into my chest listening to my heart beat away like a drum. At the time I had no clue that I had been injured so severely, I just thought I was over reacting to a bloody nose, but broken bones? Radiation poisoning? Internal bleeding? How on earth did I make it the near forty miles to hope from our house? Even with taking the most direct route, I should have died long ago back in ponyville. 

I guess all those years of suicide attempts had tempered my body to high levels of stress that others could not handle? Was it the fact that even though the world around me had become an obliterated landscape of fire and destruction, I was already used to it from years of self torture? Maybe that or... something else saw me through all this. Maybe, just maybe I had a little help from somepony from beyond. I'm not one to believe in such things, I'm a fairly logical pony about stuff like that, but even I was perplexed by my own stamina. 

"Does it hurt?" Rose whispered.

"No. Nothing hurts anymore. Well, maybe knowing what all was wrong with me at the time... but-"

"No silly... Your wing. Does it hurt for me to be laying on you like this?" Rose asked politely. 

"What are you talking about..." I said with a laugh. I had been missing my wing for so long that honestly until somepony said something, I totally forget that i'm missing most of the time. "Rose, My wing is on the other side."

"No dummy, your NEW wing." What on earth was wrong with her, I didn't have a new OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE TWO WINGS!? "WHAT!?" I shouted and I leaned forward to see for myself. Sure enough, I had two full wings! What in the world!

"The doctors asked me about you missing a wing and I told them that you had lost it long ago, but they insisted that they wanted to try and graft a new one for you."

"I have... two wings..." I said, near hyper ventilating.

"Chance, I didn't know what to tell them! I swear! I know you still miss you family and you wore you injuries as reminders but, I didn't know what to do! They made it sound that you owed them as much to try it for fixing you up in such bad shape!"

"I... Have... TWO, not one, two... wings..." I said, searching for that familiar anger than I had been expecting to emerge, but i didn't. I was... happy? I couldn't be happy about this, I was still morning the loss of my family, my missing wing was something of a reminder... But had I confused it? Had it been a reminder of my family or a reminder of what happened to me?

"Oh Chance... Please forgive me!" Rose cried into my chest once more. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, so I just hugged her. "You're not... mad at me?"

"No, hun. I'm not mad." I said with a smile. "If anything, I feel better. It was my passed that was hurting me all those years, maybe it's time I moved on from it. I will always miss Lolly and the kids, but they are in here, not out there somewhere." I said tapping my chest. I felt her relax a bit more into me and squeeze me a bit tighter, thank goodness, crisis averted.

"So, what now?" She asked as the two of us laid in my hospital bed.

"Now what? We are under ground, nothing can hurt us here, right? I guess we adapt."

"Don't play coy with me... You and I both know what you are thinking about." 

"Well... I mean if we take it easy and you close the blinds..." A hoof jabbed me in the chest, followed by a flood of apologies, followed by... the look. "Ow! What!?"

"You mean to tell me, you are not even remotely worried about Cherry..." Rose said, looking rather upset with me.

"What do you mean-" My face fell flat. I had forgotten her! Oh dear Luna! The poor girl! She and her family was out there all alone in all of this and I was just lying here in comfort the whole time. I'm sure I made the right choice by coming here first, by the sounds of it I had nearly died right at the doorstep. But Had I remember for even a moment after I got to hope to run to her, I would have. I was so obsessed with knowing that Rose was safe that I ran right to her. "I was so worried about you that I came straight here... Oh no, the poor girl!" I said in horror.

"Good answer... But Chance, I know she means the world to you, you have to go and get her!"

"Rose... hunny... We are in a Stable. The fact that I got let in is a miracle. Me getting back out again is never going to happen." I said, partly broken hearted, but also kind of relieved. I wanted nothing to do with that hell outside after what all I had seen.

"Don't be so sure about that..." A voice said from the doorway. Limestone... I had guessed she picked this location as her own personal stable. I guess I was right. "This turn of events has left us... rather unprepared to say the least. We had known of a Zebra threat for quite sometime prior to hiring you on, but we had not anticipated their actions being so swift."

"Madam... Isn't this, you know, confidential?" I said, motioning to Rose.

"Nothing is confidential when there is nopony to leak it to, director. We had been preparing this stable for over a year after it had been built. We stripped out the Stable-Tec monitoring equipment and created something a little more... home like. But, I'm afraid that much of what we had planned to bring in was not due until next week. It has left us with a crippled system to say the least."

"So you have half a stable..."

"Barely, yes." She replied as she took a seat near my bedside.

"So what does this have to do with my friend, Cherry?" I asked.

"Nopony here has seen the outside since the bombs have fallen. Nopony here truly wants to. But you, you have. You have already given us valuable data just from your pipbuck's geo locator. Unfortunately for us, most of it was grim to say the least. We suspect that levels above fifty feet will have settled out to little if any radiation, making it safe for-"

"Somepony with wings... I get it." I flapped my new wing... My cursed remedy that was now looking more and more like a mutual bribe.

"Yes. Chance, you have to understand that you being here is an oddity. There are few if any other Pegasi in any of the ground based stables. Your injury is what landed you in this very stable rather than one in Cloudsdale."

"What does that have to do with anything!?" I shouted. Now I was pissed. They fixed me up, fed me and now wanted to send me right back out there. Sure I could find Cherry, but now it was at the gain of a somepony else.

"Chance... Cloudsdale was bombed at the same time as Cottonwood. The Stable up there never stood a chance." Limestone replied somberly. I sat back in my seat. I knew ponies who were destine to go into that stable, friends even, old friends but friends nonetheless. I was being faced with an option of fall in line or suffer the consequences, With Limestone the overmare of this Stable, I was sure to have hell to pay if I did not at least try.

"What do I have to do..." I said burying my hooves in my face.

"You and a few others will be granted selective access to the Stable. Your role in this Stable will be to search and gather intel about the surrounding damage to the area. If you find resources that could be useful to us, you will be required to report them back to me personally. We do not need much in the way of tech, but our food supplies are very limited and we have no way of sustaining the aquaponics department with out seeds."

"So you want me to go back out there, to the world that nearly killed me in a single day, to bring you seeds..." I said flatly. You would think that I would have a more interesting mission given that they sowed a freaking wing on me so I could fly again.

"Yes, but not just that..." She said as she stood for the door. "It is no surprise to you I'm sure that we all are in a position of bewilderment over what happened. Equestria retaliated as soon as the first detonation happened, firing everything we had in equal mass towards Zebrica. Thanks to your work we were able to deduce that they had acquired the mega spell tech from the MOP and we too were able to come up with something of our... own design, in the event of of course. That being said, we suspect that if there are any forces to the south that survived, they might get the idea to come snooping."

"So counter recon. Tell me, what about the fact that everything is Rad soaked and will be for quite sometime? If there is a team that is going out daily, what makes you think that they themselves are not being exposed?"

"Exposure is compulsory with the duty, but we have taken steps to minimize exposure. Radiation suits that are built more for expeditions rather than short term exposure, re breathing units that we have scavenged and re-engineered for long term use, we even have a new IV usage Rad-x that can prevent exposure for up to 24 hours. Precautions have been taken-"

"But are still highly risky to exposing everypony in the stable!" 

"Yes, well. At the moment we are doing what we can to survive. Chances of us making it more than a year without the supplies we need are null. Chance, if there was anypony else out there that could do this, we would ask them, but you are it. Now, if you decided to accept my proposal, I could be persuaded to grant access to the Stable to your... friend and her family. As well as resources, it turns out that we are actually under populated as well. We are designed to operate at between 200 and 450 ponies." 

"And how many do we have now?"

"171 of the original 350 designated ponies made it to the Stable. Since then we have lost another twelve to exposure prior to making it here... You were nearly lucky 13. You can see Click and Clack at the gate if you decide to lend us a hoof... Luna knows we need it." She said as she trotted out the door and down the hallway.

I laid there in silence. Of all the thing I had thought of that I could do in a Stable, going outside was the very last thing on the list. Hell, it wasn't even on the list! Door's close and STAY closed in Stables. I should know, I spent nearly a year researching Stable-Tec and their subsidiary for any signs of a threat. If anypony knows Stable rules, it's me. So to think that the doors would not only open again, but do so several times throughout the day was madness to me.

It would expose everypony here to Radiation, various forms of industrial fallout, contagions that could have mutated and Celestia only knows what else. In the book of bad ideas, this was on the cover. Sure a cold is no big deal... out there. But down here a simple cold can and will infect and entire Stable population making way for increasing levels of severity. I was against the idea, I hated it even, but not just for political reasons. Oh no, I had plenty of my own reasons to worry. 

As she had said before, I had seen what was out there and knew what to expect. Chances are that the scavenging teams had not seen passed Hope and had possibly been ordered away from Ponyville entirely. I had seen it and I wanted nothing more to do with it. But still, that old prideful feeling of helping out wanted me to go. As much as I hated it, I already knew what was going to happen the moment I got out of this bed. If not for everypony else's sake, then for Rose and her alone. She was part of what saved me from myself and I had sworn to protect her the moment she said I love you to me. 

Not to mention that Cherry was still out there and I had made a promise to her that if something bad happened, I would know what to do. As far as my brain could figure, that either meant come check on her or stay away. Seeing as staying away was going to drive me insane, I had to go with checking in on her. I mean, she would expect me to, wouldn't she? The whole damn world exploded, surely she would be waiting for me to come around to say hi. 


"What are you going to do?" Rose asked as she curled up next to me.

"Oh... probably something stupid." I said as I tried to relax for a bit longer.

"You're going back out there, aren't you?" She asked with a broken tone.

"I don't think I have a choice. The Stable needs supplies and apparently other ponies. The Stable does include you and I after all... Without food we won't make it a year." 

"I don't wan't you to go... I just got you back." Rose cried back to me.

"Rose, I love you, you know that right?"

"Yeah... I know."

"Then let me do this. I don't like it or want to do it. But the sooner that this all comes to an end, the sooner we can both relax."

"What if you get hurt again!? Or-or... What if something worse happens!?" She howled. 

"Then we cross that bridge when we get there. But I know this much, if I can get back here little more than dead once, I think I can do it again. Besides, I won't be alone." I said with a smug smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I have a small plan that might get me in trouble a bit, but for now, let's just call it insurance."

The two of us enjoy our time together more than usual. Call it the chances of never seeing one another again or just that desperate desire to not let go, but whatever it was it was as if we were one. At one point I could swear I felt our hearts beat as one, both pounding away waiting for the other one to take a break. I didn't want to leave, she didn't want me to leave, but we both knew it was going to happen at some point.

Nothing lasts forever, nothing. The bombs have shown us all as much.
> Chapter 13: Worlds Apart
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Unit three, radioing in from the north end of Hope. Can you confirm you have visual, over!" The radio squeaked in my ear.

"Rodger dodger! I have visual on you unit three! Unit two, over." 

"Unit three. Can you confirm that you see this super weird rock from your 20? over." 

"That is affirmative unit three, I see the super weird rock. Moving in to take a closer look, over!"

"Copy that unit three, proceed with caution. I'm less than 1 mike from your position if you need assistance, over."

"Would you two shut the hell up. You are standing right next to one another!" I shouted over the coms.

"Sorry Chance." Click replied.

"Yeah-yeah, we are just excited, that's all." Clack affirmed.

"Look, there is nothing you should be excited about out here other than getting back to the Stable with some goods. You two need to keep an eye on one another while you are out here, not on the ground. Just because the world ended doesn't mean that accidents did too!"

"Yes, sir..." The two of them replied as if I had just shot their puppy.

"Look... If anypony understands coping mechanisms, it's me. If this is how you two blow off steam from all of this. That's fine. Just... please be careful. Can you confirm?" I said in a playful tone. I was being too hard on them, I need to lighten up my damn self if I was going to be out here too.

"Rodger dodge you old codger!" The two of them shouted in glee. 

"HEY! I'm only three years older than you both!"

"Yeah, whatever you old fart!" Clack said with a laugh. I was going to leave them out here... all alone... tied to a tree. Yes, that sounds excellent. I should do that when I get back. 

I set my nose upwards for the fifty meter mark and carefully acceded. From at this height, my pipbuck's clicking has began to slow astronomically from the lack of radiation and fallout. Thank heavens for that! I began the slow trip towards Fetlock, all the while thinking of reasons as to why I should just turn around. I didn't want to go against Cherry's wishes anymore than she wanted me too, but she did live on a farm. Chance of there being seeds there were better than good, not to mention I know for a fact that she will have something to eat laying around.

Rationing in the Stable had been mandatory since day one and for somepony who was on the mend from a traumatic experience, it did not bode well. Chances were that I might actually find something note worthy along the way as well, after all with a set of wings on my back, I was capable of covering far more ground than the other crews. Through my flight I took the time to listen in to Click and Clacks banter. If I could relax just right, I could swear it was like listening to a radio comedy back on my porch. I even had to stifle the odd chuckle from time to time.

"Unit three, I have first contact with the S.W.R. Over!"

"Copy that unit three. Deploying scientific poky stick. Over!"

"Unit two, please confirm that the S.W.R has moved slightly."

"Copy that unit three, the super weird rock has indeed moved."

"Unit two, please be advised, we wish to be referred to by our call sign, Burrito. Over!"

"Copy that unit three, we will take it under advisement. Uh... Yeah. Unit two will proceed with call sign Burrito. Over!"

"Rodger that unit two."

"Burrito, we are no longer acting under that call sign, please be advised. We will be proceeding under call sign Broken Wind. Over!"

"Rodger that, Broken Wind. Please preposition yourself to my left side, Broken Wind. We have a sudden change in wind direction."

I don't know if it was their perfect execution of deadpan or if it was their stupid names, but I was crying with laughter. So much so that I forgot to fly for a while and ended up nearly crashing into an Equestrian Military Vehicle that had been abandoned. I trotted to the driver side to retrieve the manifest, all the while praying that I would just find a abandoned vehicle and not... something more. I clutched the handle and gave it a yank. 

"Oh thank Celestia... It's empty."

I fumbled with the clipboard with my wings. Hey, I got them back and I planed to make the most of it, get off me. According to the manifest, this was a shipment of nothing more than some standard service gear, armor and a few med kits. Well, if nothing else, the med kits might come useful to us if something bad were to happen and after hearing Click and Clack and how well they were taking to the outside, they will need all the armor they can get.

I pried the back gate on the EMV open with surprisingly little effort, oh, it was already open... That's not protocol at all. I looked at the lock and noticed a little bobby pin hanging out of the lock where it had been picked already. Who was here before me!? Even more, who had the time to pick a damn lock out here!? Sure the rad levels were fairly mild where I was standing, but taking the time to pick a damn lock in this mess was suicide!

I lifted the gate and saw that much of the inside had already been pillaged of useful items, save for one medic kit and a suit of armor. I snatched the armor and claimed it as my own and shut the door. Well, that was a let down... or was it? If this lock was picked then that can only mean that there were survivors out there somewhere! I had wagered that everypony had simply ran like hell for the horizon when the bombs fell, trying to put as much distance from the cloud as they could. 

Maybe some of them found their way back to get their belongings or maybe even hunt for food. It had been several days now since the bombs fell, how long would an uneducated pony about radiation realistically stay away from the damage? I know I would want nothing to do with this place after what happened, but somepony else might think it was safe to come back. It was an unsettling thought that rang in my mind as I acceded once again.

"Click... Clack. Do you read?" Nothing. "You two better answer me..." Still nothing. After letting out a sigh, I tried one more time. "Burrito... Broken Wind... Do you copy?"

"Loud and clear Chance!" The two of them shouted. I really hated those two, they nearly gave me heart attack. 

"You two numb skulls know how to paint?" 

"Yes, sir!" 

"Good... good... Find some paint, find some wood and I want you to paint a sign for me."

"Sir yes sir!" The two of them shouted back.

"Now listen... this isn't hoovsee's painting time... It needs to be legible. I want the sign to say 'Danger! Radioactive fallout present!' got it?"

"We got it. Want us to put a message on there as well? Something like... Radiation is dangerous and can hurt you?"

"Sure... whatever. Just make sure everypony can see it."

"Rodger dodger, old-"

"STOP CALLING ME OLD!" I shouted.

"Then what should we call you? We have call signs... You need one too sir!" I can't believe I'm dealing with this level of stupidity... I went to Quantihoof for fuck sake's! 

"Fine! My call sign is Shithawk. As in, a shithawk that is going to shit on you both from up here if you don't stop talking and get back to work!"

"Rodge, Shithawk! We are on it!"

My head was now pounding... I couldn't tell if I was being exposed to more radiation or if i was nearing another nervous breakdown. With little to see from where I was and Fetlock, I set my mind to traveling as fast as I could while there was still some light out. Despite it being nearly a week since the bombs dropped, the Pegasi were keeping up the good work with the cloud cover to minimize the fallout's travel. Even the wind was clam, for as long as I could remember there had always been some kind of wind current when flying. 

This was just alien to me. Things I that had come second nature to me when flying were all being relearned as I flew further from the Stable. But, by far the biggest set back about flying out here by far was the total lack of bearing I had now that everything was destroyed. Nothing was the same apart from the layout, if not for the road connecting Hope to Fetlock, I would be totally lost. With nothing but a few miles to go, I tuned into Radio ClickClack to see what new thing they had found to poke this time. 

"Hey Burrito?"

"Yeah? Broken Wind."

"What's a shithawk?"

"I have no idea... but if I guessed... I think it's a big bird that swoops down and puts poop on you."

"I DON'T WANT POOP ON ME!"

"Contain yourself, Broken Wind! We have a mission to do! Now, pass me that can of pink paint."

Oh good, they found paint. Nothing says danger, keep out like a big pink sign... Somehow, I wasn't surprised in the smallest amount, but I was still curious as to how two mares could be so daft. I loved their cute humor and foalish antics, but they were out in a wasteland painting a big pink danger sign. Nothing could embody those two more than that. Whatever, words are still words, surely ponies would read the sign. 

I looked down in time to see the barn on Cherry's farm. Without a thought I began to descend, all the while watching my rad meter slowly creepy higher. Thankfully it must have been a stray cloud that was passing by because by the time I landed the needle had found it's way back to the green. For a moment I was worried this whole place had been soaked. 

"Burrito... Broken Wind... I made it to Fetlock. I'm at the cherry farm." I called out.

"Fetlock!?" The two shouted. 

"Sir, you are in Fetlock already?" Clack asked. 

"Yes. There is very little in the way of anything useful between here and Hope. Best note it in the logs."

"Sir, that's kind of far for an expedition, if something were to happen. Please be careful."

"This is commander Shithawk you are talking to... Pride of the Equestrian Airforce! I got this!" I said in my best snarky tone.

"Rodger that! Radio in every fifteen with your status." Was that Clack? Being serious!? I should have had my recorder going. 

The farm had hardly been touched apart from some cherries that had fallen from the tremors. Radiation level were low, low enough that somepony could have stuck out the world ending if they needed too. It gave a little hope to a bleak outlook I had had towards the fate of the Cherry family. I carefully trotted towards the old farm house, looking for signs of movement as I went, but I was froze in my tracks by a familiar voice.

"I knew you would come." Cherry said from behind me. My heart leaped in my chest, sending me flying in her direction. 

"CHERRY! YOU'RE ALIVE!" I shouted and I flew to hug her.

"Easy now big boy. Just because I'm standing here doesn't mean you can just tackle me like that." She said with a smile as she put up a hoof.

"Cherry, I've been worried sick about you! I'm so happy to see you!" I said as I dropped to a trot and skipped up to her.

"Keeping that promise I see." She said as she turned towards the end of the road and started walking.

"Cherry... What's going on here?" I said as run to catch up to her.

"Chance, come over here and have a seat next to me." She said as she turned down the road and began to climb the hillside by the tracks.

"You told me to not go near the track again... What is this, a joke?" I said as I sat down next to her.

"Chance. Do you know were we are sitting, right now?" She asked.

"Yeah... I do. This is where we first met. That's were you pushed me off the track and into a bed of wild flowers." I said flatly. If she wanted a trip down memory lane, this was the wrong way about going about it.

"Exactly. But look closer. Those are not wild flowers." She said, pointing a hoof. I had never really noticed before, truthfully, I had never really cared. But if being with Rose has taught me anything it was that those were not wild flowers but rare red Orchids. Rose hated selling them because they were a funeral flower as she called them.

"Did you plant those? After the crash?" I asked in confusion?

"No." She giggled. "Those flowers were not for the crash, Chance." She said with a sigh. 

"Ok... Now I'm really lost. What are you driving at here? I flew all this way, nearly died finding Rose and now you are making me think about the one thing that I don't want to think about after the world has ended." I said in frustration.

"Chance... Those are my flowers. My mother planted them." I looked on in silence. I was still confused but was working the pieces back together when she spoke again.

"Chance, you are not the only pony to have stood on those tracks. I told you I was there once too, I was once that low. Dad had died, mom was sick and the farm was looking to me to pull up the slack. I had a little sister to think about who at the time I was practically raising by myself... All while missing my father like crazy. It took it's pound of flesh from me the same as it did you." She said as she trotted down the hillside.

"Cherry... I had no idea." I said as I followed.

"It's ok... I never told you. So, one afternoon I was looking at old pictures of dad and I and it finally hit home. I was exhausted and scared. It was all just... too much for me, you know? I couldn't take it anymore. So I packed my things away, put my album away and trotted down here to the tracks. I must have waited hours out here for a train to come..." She said as she picked a flower from the patch on the hillside and laid it back down a top stone.

"You tried to kill yourself here too, didn't you?" I said in disbelief. I had always assumed she had tried the same thin I had, but thinking and hearing are two different things.

"I didn't try, Chance. Three years ago I stood right here and ended my suffering. But had I known the consequences of what I had done, I never would have left the house." 

"Cherry, you are standing right here, you can't be-" I said as I reached for her, but my hoof went right through her as if she were air."No... It can't be... I could feel you before!"

"Chance, I didn't have long here, but I would like to think that I helped you through the dark when nopony else could. I wanted you to have what nopony could give me. A second chance." I fell back on my haunches. I couldn't believe what I was hearing or seeing! Cherry... was a ghost!? 

"All this time? You were a-"

"Ghost? Honestly, I have no clue what I am. All I know is that when that train hit me, I couldn't move. It was like my body had been thrown from my soul and I was glued in place. I watched the train crash, I watch you come back here month after month, I couldn't do anything but watch. I was my punishment. To see the consequences of my own selfish actions."

"You... Caused the accident? The train derailed because, of you!?" I was angry, I felt betrayed but what good was it now? I was hurting more by the second, but it was all for not. I had been told that the conductor had fallen asleep, but even still they story had never held water. Hand the Rail line covered up the story? Had they tried to avoid a lawsuit by making up something a bogus as that?

"Yes. Chance, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't tell you. I promised I wouldn't. I had to help you, when you stepped on those tracks, it was the first time I felt like I could move in years. I knew I had to make things as right as I could for your sake!"

"So what... This was all just in my head... I get it, i'm going insane." I said in frustration.

"See for yourself." She said as she pointed towards the patch of flowers.

I trotted to them where she had placed the one flower she had picked. It was atop a polished stone that had been placed there long ago, three years ago if the date read correctly. I brushed the flowers to the side and noticed the engravings that had been chiseled by hoof into the granite.  

''Here lies Cherry Shortcake. Sister, daughter and forever loved and missed. Taken too soon from us, but forever in our hearts."

"I watch my mother place that there. I don't think I ever really stopped crying."

"All this time..." I said in disbelief. "Why? Why help me like this?" 

"Chance. I kept my promise. I wanted to do right for once. Did I do right?" She asked with a smile. 

I stood shocked. Cherry had done the very thing I had tried to do, but succeed. She caused the crash that I was in that claimed my family in her attempt. I should be mad, but I had been there myself. I knew what it was like to hurt like that, I knew what I would do to stop the pain and screaming in my head. The only thing I didn't know, was just how bad it could be on the other side of those tracks. I had sorrow for what happened, she had guild on top of that.  

In a way, she might have been the only pony who truly knew what it would take to save me from myself. Maybe it was fate tying up a loose end, maybe it was all just in my head, but whatever it was I was at a cross roads. I could feel it in my chest, I was letting go of that pain for the last time, it was the final puzzle piece to my recovery. Even with the world around me gone, I was finally... happy. I had made it back home from my long journey and who better to have shown me than somepony who had been there. 

"Yes, Cherry. You did right. But, I have to know... What promise did you make? To who exactly?"

"See for yourself..." She said as she turned to trot away.

"Chance..." No... No here, not now... I turned and for the first time with my eyes open, I saw Lolly.

"L-Lolly!?" I shouted as I ran to her. 

"Yes, dear."

"You sent her. didn't you?"

"She was the only one who could truly help you."

"Hunny, I'm so sorry I couldn't fin-"

"Shhh... None of that... You did everything you could." She said as she put a hoof to my lips. I could feel her. she was right here with me for the first time in years. Right there, on that spot, I broke. I was crying as hard as the day after I had woken up. 

"I-I miss you. I dream about you and the boys almost every night." 

"I know dear... But it's time to let go. We will always love you, no matter what world we are in. But don't miss us, we want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Chance. You gave us the best years of our lives, don't cry for us."

"Lolly, I don't want to forget you and the kids!"

"And you wont. We are always with you, right here." She said, pointing to my chest. "Everywhere you go, we are with you. Don't worry, we will meet again one day. The boys and I will be waiting for you until then." She said as she kissed my cheek and began to fade away from me.

"I-I love you, Lollygag." I said with a tear soaked grin.

"I love you too, Second Chance." She said with a smile before drifting off to nothing.

"I'll see you all soon..." I said through the tears. I turned to see Cherry standing right behind me. 

"You know, you still have a promise to keep..."

"I know, but I still don't know what you meant by that."

"Chance... you big dumb idiot..." She laughing. "Do me a favor and watch over my little sister. She is going to need somepony very soon, think you can handle that?" She said, giving me a hug. 

"I will. I promise. HEY WAIT! I have a question... Just one"

"Make it quick."

"That night, in the bathroom..."

"Yes, that was from Lolly. Freaking gross... She owes me BIG for that." 

"I knew it." I said with a laugh. I couldn't let Lolly go without crying and I damn sure could not let Cherry go without picking on her, one last time. And with that, Cherry was gone. 



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



In hindsight I should have known she was a ghost, but who would have thought such a thing. It's been months since that day on the tracks, despite the profound impact that it had on me, I told nopony about it. Sure Click and Clack had their questions, mostly wanting to know why I was talking to myself and crying so much. But thankfully much of the conversation was muted due to radio static so I just rolled it all under stress and let them believe whatever they wanted to.

Things have been going amazing between Rose and I. We are expecting soon! In fact, very soon! I guess you can't have as much fun as we did without some sort of consequence, but in this case it was a consequence I was more than happy to deal with. The moment that Rose found out that we were having a filly, she knew the name to give her. Cherry Pop.

She is going to have a lot to live up to, but I'm not too worried, she had a big sister to take after! Cherry had been right in that her sister was safe as houses in the old farm house, if only. The poor filly was rad sick from eating raw cherries covered in fresh fallout. I had gotten there right after she had passed out by the looks of it. Talk about a stressful flight on new wings, shes only 13 but built like a tank! How can a mare so small be so heavy!?

But she's doing great now. Even with Cherry gone, her little sister Rainier is a wealth of stories to be told about her. some sad, but most of them funny. Click and Clack decided to appoint themselves as Godmares over the both of them. It's a little scary, but they get along great together. Click and Clack are on about the same mental level so I really should not be surprised. But all the same, I have to live as long as possible so those two don't corrupt my kids. 

The Stable finally has found enough supplies and enough ponies to make things work. It was slow going but once the word got out to the settlements, they began to flock to the place in droves. Today we are at a healthy 291 ponies and growing stronger by the month. The added population had another benefit, much needed answers as to where everypony went. 

According to them, some settled just outside of Fetlock in a small lake front community for a while. But once the fallout reached the water supply, many of them pushed deeper into the central Equestria. Canterlot was an utter loss to the world, being left as little more than a pink cloud of gas that melted everything it touched. It was a fate worse than death to have been caught inside the cloud, some even remarked that they rather have died of radiation. I wept for the lost kingdom, but there is little time for that down here. 

It's been hell, too much for many of us, but with every passing breath things get better. Looking back I don't know how I survived it, honestly I have no clue how any of us did. But everyday we take one step closer to normal and one breath less sad. It was a hard traveling for me, but I guess that's how it goes when you take the long road home.