> Much Sense the Starkest Madness
>  by Comma Typer
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Why Do I Humor This Miserable Pony?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bar has this special pull, attracting just about anyone come nighttime. No one officially designated them as public gathering halls or something like that in Canterlot City. It's what they are.

In a bar, people drink for many reasons. Some look for love, others itch to party, more others just want to relax for good times. Of course, there’re those who don’t have time for fake smiles, so they ask the barman to be their ear to pour out to for the night.

I guess ponies do bars differently.

Here I am, minding my own business, when a pony—a unicorn, actually—sits beside me. The bartender doesn’t notice him; he’s flirting with a lady at the other side of the counter. Sloppy slacking amateur.

The pony doesn’t look happy. Kind of sad from the flattened ears. Means he’s not here for love, parties, or good times. Must have something on his chest. If that's true, someone should indulge him. Without our trusty barman to back him up, though, I step in for him.

“You look a little blue,” I say, inching just a little closer with a glass of dark and tan in my hand.

His ears perk up, dazed face rising into view. There’s that frown, the pout of a battered man—er, stallion. The collar and tie give him that nice touch of white collar troubles.

The horse didn’t reply.

“I said you look a little blue,” I repeat, wondering if he heard me. Wouldn't hurt to try again.

Took a couple seconds, but he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I do. What’s it to you?”

He turned to the side and stared at the collection of booze enshrined behind the glass cabinets.

That's not enough to shake me off. “Well, it looks like you have a problem. Maybe I can help you fix it, you know, Mister… uh, what’s your name?”

“Clean Desk,” he says casually. The table cutie mark on his flank tells all—and he sounds young, twenty-ish. He extends his hoof to me. “The name’s Clean Desk.”

“Nice name. Mine's Sight See.”

I put a shoulder on the counter, try to get chummy with him as I shake his hoof. I’m not sure if that’s working, though, but I say anyway, “So you got a problem at work? Crummy boss, overtime blues, or…?”

“I… I’m new here. Just moved in a week ago, honestly.”

I raise my eyebrows. A new neighbor in town certainly has surprises up his sleeves. “What pushed you?”

He fidgets with his hooves, slowly spinning them on the counter. “… I-I’m taking this internship from my college.”

That gets my attention. I want to butt in, but I let him continue.

“I-I chose this because, uh, it’s new... adventurous. I thought I could handle it, b-but I have two days left until it starts and I feel like I’m surviving by the skin of my teeth!... and I have to rack up two hundred clerk hours here during my stay...” Counting on his hooves, he goes on: “No magic here, talking to new humans daily, home a dimension away… I-I-I just w-want to say something, you see?”

I nod. His plight sounds familiar.

“Just to let you know, buddy," I say, "you’re not the first one to stumble around in a new world.” Pause, my mind shooting blanks for a bit. “I’m sure you made mistakes, hm?”

The stallion blushes, looks away in embarrassment. “Levitating people’s stuff around without asking for permission is one thing.” I grin madly to mess with his head. “What?! I didn’t know! I was just helping a lady carry luggage, that’s all!”

“But we're still not used to floating carriages,” I say, wagging a finger at him, “and that’s what spooked her, right?”

His drooped ears and his loosened tail say his silent Right.

“Still, I can relate,” I continue. “I had similar problems when I went to Equestria.”

Desk rolls his eyes, turning away from me to stare mindlessly at the counter. “Yeah... every human who goes to Equestria makes mistakes. That’s normal.”

That's the cue to floor him with my mediocre job. “You want to know what isn’t normal about me?”

He examines me, scrutinizes me with his skeptic eyes, seeing simple ol’ me with denim jeans and a leather jacket. Faux leather; unsettling herbivores who work with sapient cows isn’t a good idea.

He blurts out, “What?” at my teasing smile.

The moment comes: I unsheathe the call card from my pocket, then hand it to Desk for him to read.

He reads it. His eyes widen before he puts down the card, staring at me mindfully. “Y-you… you’re—“

“An administrative assistant of the Embassy of Earth in the Dragon Lands with specialization in Zebra Federation relations,” I say slowly and smoothly, breaking out into a toothier grin. “It’s less boring than it sounds.”

He isn’t undeterred by boredom since he says, “Wow! I didn’t know you work at an Earth embassy!”

I dismissively wave my hand. “Not really. I do most of the paperwork here. Just that almost all business trips take me to the Dragon Lands.” I flash a smirk. “Since you seem so interested... want me to tell you how I got the job?”

It's Desk’s turn to nod. “Anything to drown my troubles away.”

“Oh, it’ll do anything but,” I say with a sly smile. “But first… you need a drink, buddy.”

I look at the counter. No one's manning the stations. Poor soul this Desk is.

One glare down the far end of the counter and I call out, “Noble Grain! A bottle of Strong Redcap for the nice pony, stat!”

Grain huffs and puffs away from his would-be girlfriend, yanks a beer out of the shelves, and slams it on the counter before going back to his business.

I shoot another glare at him as I pop open the bottle, noticing Desk levitating his glass near me. “Hope you don’t mind something bittersweet.”

Desk grins back. “I won’t.”

Is this guy a heavy drinker?

I pour, catering to a horse’s liking for hops. He watches the beer settle before looking at me and asking—with ears bent, ready to listen—

“So how'd you get the job?”
> Why Don't I Just Do the Thesis?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It started almost a decade ago. News spread about a local high school’s secret portal to some parallel dimension populated by our alter egos but they're weird talking animal creature things. Said dimension overflowed with magic, stuff ripped from fantasy novels. You know how it all began, Desk: something to do with this camp counselor berserking with magic. An otherworldly stowaway plus a pony princess decided they couldn’t hide magic’s existence from us Earthies any longer.

Of course, with a new world comes new people... er, creatures to meet. Many of us watched the news for Equestria updates, see what those magic horses and what not are doing. However, a few took the extra mile: traveling to meet with their governments and also helping adventurous Equestrians into Earth for our governments.

I was in my last year of college, and my institution was desperate to be on the forefront of everything. Aside from promoting warp drives way too early, they wanted a slice of the Equestrian pie. After a couple deals with their magic counterparts and seven governments’ approval stamps, they boasted having an “all-expenses paid internship in Equestria! Gain inter-dimensional work experience and help unite the two worlds into a friendship for all time!”

It was also advertised as the alternative to a thesis. When you can get paid hanging out with real-life unicorns, why stick with an old-fashioned paper?

I went to the college’s newly-established inter-dimensional department. Had to be an early worm to skip the 10 A.M. lines. When I arrived, there's only one person: a bored clerk.

“Um… where’s everyone?” I asked, confused but secretly happy I could get all the paperwork done now.

“Not here,” she replied, pointing at me. “You’re the first.”

“That’s… strange.” I didn’t anticipate an empty room. I’d prepared for a noisy crowd. “I thought everyone would be fighting for a spot.”

“That was true,” she said... “until they saw the waivers.”

“Waivers? Heh-heh! Can’t be that bad, right?” I'd deliberately ignored waivers. Ordinary people fall into those magic worlds just fine in the novels.

Many died in those novels, but I didn't think that through.

She took out a stack of papers, enough to classify as a weapon. The clerk read out to me: “’McKimblewick University will not be held responsible for all forms of injury, loss, and liabilities which include suffering magic overabsorption, being eaten by a manticore or a cragadile or any other such magic creature, enslavement by a powerful evil, being thrown into a volcano or being subject to highly dangerous potions and/or spells, being ripped apart by inter-dimensional anomalies—‘“

Maybe that’s why. It's a little risky. Slight chance I might die. Or get killed.

I applied anyway. The clerk was certainly separating the wheat from the chaff, the brave from the cowards.





“Or were you too cowardly to do your thesis?” Desk asks smugly.

I give him a dirty look. “OK, that’s one reason.”

He rolls his eyes. I can tell from his drooping eyelids he’s on the way to getting tipsy… is his glass almost done? Must be a heavy drinker.

“OK, where was I?… oh, right—“





After I got everything signed, I went back to my dorm to brag about my accomplishment.

My friends were less enthusiastic than expected.

“Are you crazy?!” one of them yelled at me.

“You’re gonna get yourself magicked!” another said, whatever that meant.

“We know it’s a cool new world out there,” one more said, “but do you even have a back-up plan in case something bad happens to you?”

To them all, I replied, “Well, what could go wrong?”

“Everything!”

“… which is why I’ll attend the preparatory classes for the job! Safety makes the explorer, after all!”

“More like an adrenaline-junkie,” sneered one of those dear friends.

We certainly had our differences. Nevertheless, they ended up tolerating me, though they begged me to stay safe and to write back. Anything to keep in touch and to let them know I wasn’t mauled by a rock bear yet.

In the meantime, I took those preparatory classes. Brushed up on concepts like job shadowing, got a primer on international relations, and had a crash course on how Equestria worked. The first two I put in the back of my mind; I know they’d be useful, but when the time came, when the time came…

As for that last one, that’s what I loved the most—or at all. We learned the basics of Equestrian culture, how the neighbors fared beyond the borders along with their current political climates, the ABCs’ of magic and other fantasy elements that weren’t fantasies anymore. All I could think of was that each day brought me closer into this new world.

I started seeing more Equestrians and other magic beings roaming around on this side of the portals. Also more humans hopping over to the other side: first ambassadors, then heads of state, then companies’ PR teams.

Rare was the simple tourist during those days. One time, though, a passing pegasus waved. I waved back, then got nervous if I was just being awkward. Not a good first impression to an other-worlder, but I’ll take it.

Months passed. Before I knew it, classes were over and my internship was about to begin. I gave my aging father a visit, and he gruffly told me, “Don’t mess this up, kid.” I gave my friends and my professors a public goodbye even though my would-be co-workers yanked me away so I wouldn’t be an embarrassment.

After a short van trip, we reached the makeshift Equestrian Embassy which wasn’t a pretty sight back then: tall scaffolds and unpainted walls instead of the fancy Grittish house-like facade today.

The guards quickly ushered us through the door, told us to move fast so outsiders wouldn’t see our faces. Security reasons, I believe.

When we got in, we saw Equestrians everywhere: ponies scribbling away and recording stuff with their hooves and wings and horns, taking phone calls and serving coffee and cleaning the floor. Only a handful of humans were present, and they only served as sideliners to the ponies on front.

A suited mare came over to us, beaming with a ridiculous smile. “Oh, are you the McKimblewick interns?”

We had the name of the university on our clip-on IDs. She didn't have to ask.

She took one of our IDs to her hooves.

“Ah, yes you are! How wonderful to have you here! You must be so excited to have Equestrian job experience on your resumés! Follow me!”

So we did, going downstairs onto the basement floors. Meanwhile, she gabbed on about our great privilege, becoming pioneers in cultivating inter-world friendship and what not.

She led us into a big chamber where more ponies toiled, doing more paperwork and checking all sorts of Earth news. We must’ve annoyed their flow since they stared at us humans.

At the other side of the room was Canterlot High’s old horse statue.

Here it was: the portal, the gateway to another world where I could work with magical creatures... and it'd count towards my degree! I had goosebumps everywhere.

“… and as you see,” said our guide, “this is where we house the portal. You already know from the news and the pictures you have on those nifty phones of yours, but it’s great to see it up close, no?”

She rattled off more info about the portal: It wouldn’t turn us into ponies because Princess Twilight Sparkle modified it to help retain “cultural integrity” between the two worlds. There’s already more like it all over Earth and bigger ones would be made to accommodate more traffic years later. It’s also totally safe. No need to be afraid of getting ripped apart by inter-dimensional anomalies.

She also had that lengthy waiver by her side. Doing her best to assure us, and she’s off to a great start.

“So are you ready to begin your internship in Equestria?” she finally asked.

I bet the others just nodded with a humble smile. I must've grinned too wide—the mare winced in my direction.

“Well... alrighty, then!” She stepped aside to give us a clear path to this whole other dimension. “One at a time, and be sure to slow down while security checks you.”

So we formed a line, readying ourselves for the border crossing of a lifetime. One by one, those ahead stepped into the statue portal and disappeared.

I was nervous. Very nervous. I didn't want to mess this up, I didn't want to mess anything up.

It's my turn. I stopped right before the portal, got frisked by a few guard ponies in armor. Once they cleared me, I had the green light to go.

I gulped, staring at the portal—or the wall of marble. It didn't look out of the ordinary, but I'd seen people go into it like it was nothing! They looked so confident! Totally nothing to worry about there.

“Move, ya’ jerk!” a fellow intern cried out behind me. Calm down, buddy.

I took one huge breath.

To get rid of my fears, I pretended I had a death wish. Silently thanked everyone who'd been in my life even though they wouldn't hear me. They probably thought I was stupid to risk life and limb just to avoid a thesis.

I closed my eyes and jumped into the portal. Maybe screaming for dear life.





“What was the portal trip like back then?” Desk asks.

“Oh, not like today.” I pour more beer into my glass. “Walk through and you’re done? No! I felt like getting ripped apart in a rainbow rollercoaster, 'bout to puke—“

“But you’re not ripped apart, right?” he asks more. Asks dumbly, but some ponies take pride in their innocent image, so I don't know.

I stare him down. “’Cause I’m still here, ya’ jerk.”

I usually would mind calling someone a jerk, but I figured this would be fine. Not being sober would help anyone into the jerk label.

I'm not too drunk to continue the story for Desk. Don't feel it at all. I just started. Wouldn't be nice to leave him hanging.





After that doozy of a trip through rainbow space, I fell out the other side. I would've crashed were it not for something... warm? Tingly? Light?

I realized I wasn't touching the ground.

“Stay still, mister,” a voice rang out.

I opened my eyes to see a unicorn, her horn glowing. I didn't see her levitate anything, though... which meant that she was levitating me.

Was this magic?

Being dropped to the floor helped me find answers since I wasn't opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish. The colors were much brighter here, saturated to cartoonish levels. Not a dull shade in sight... and my eyes were already sick of it.

“Alright, follow me,” the unicorn said, and she turned around, trotting away.

I tried to follow her. I found out I'd been lying on the floor the whole time.

As I got up, blinking my eyes fast to get rid of the probably magic irritation, I took stock of my surroundings: crystal lanterns with green fire, stained glass windows above us, pegasi watching me from above too and recording stuff on their clipboards.

I also noticed the thickness of the air… OK, maybe not thick. Tense but in a good way. Was this magic too? I remembered that's what they called it: magic turbulence. Fancy term for when a magic world acclimatizes a being from a magicless world. The definition sounded dry, but now I was dazed and confused by this... turbulence thing.

“Are you OK?” she asked.

I said I was just fine... but I felt something in my stomach. Something rising there. I could feel the butterflies in my chest. Something I can’t contain, can’t keep in myself. I burst out:


I lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ve—


Got zapped before I finished the line.

“Shush!” and the unicorn kindly whacked me on the head.

“Ow! Why’d you do that?!”

She flicked her tail. Must've been put out. “There are ponies working here who don’t appreciate bad singing, mister.”

“Hey! Rude much.”

“Says the one who forgot to keep the turbulence under control.”

I didn’t remember out-of-nowhere musicals being part of magic turbulence. I recalled how ponies were a sang a lot though. They bust out songs at the drop of a hat. Maybe I was already succumbing to the magic. Felt embarrassed really quickly.

Maybe I would get magicked out here. Still, I’d already taken the step, so, no, I wasn’t backing out.

As I followed her through the crystal halls, I struggled to walk. Felt like trudging through clouds. After waiting for her to cool down, I asked her about that, and she told me to remember something from the guide… but then she said it's also turbulence. She went on and on about thaumic fields, adaptation spells, a list of safety rules for ponies so they don’t accidentally teleport us into the aether… incomprehensible magibabble, but for my sake. What a nice soul.

After more walking, we arrived in a conference room of more crystal walls. Some of my batchmates were there, sitting before an empty stage.

The pony escorted me to my seat and I sat down beside a partner in crime. The crime of being brave enough to be in Equestria, that is.

“How was it?” he asked.

As an average tween would go, I tried to play it cool. I crossed my arms. “Could've been better.”

I looked around. No one else was there besides us and a couple pony guards. Had to wait for the rest of our batch.

Slowly, more chairs got occupied. Ice broke and the room got louder. Chatter's all about our first impressions of this crazy world. I overheard one of us say it's just like that one bedtime story but a lot more grown up.

When the room was full, the lights dimmed. The spotlight aimed at the stage.

I heard clip-clopping from backstage.

My blood pressure went up. None other than Princess Twilight Sparkle had come up the platform. I'd only seen her in photos and TV before. Now she was here, one of the most powerful ponies in the land, standing a few meters away from my easily-blastable face. If she caught me squirming like a worm... hoped she'd lecture me, not punch my face. Or blast my face.

Back to what really happened: I couldn't forget the first words she said to us.

“Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Equestria! I trust you made it all safe and sound, right?”





“It was a speech to help us ease into Equestria,” I tell, remembering her I’m-so-excited-to-meet-more-new-creatures face.

“So what else do you remember from it?” Desk asks. Probably curious about what I thought of being so close to pony royalty.

“Heh... nothing much, sadly. She's just there to encourage us 'cause she's been in our shoes before.

"Anyway—after the speech, she accompanied us outside.”





If a castle's inside irritated my eyes, the outside assaulted them. The sun's glaring light beat down on me. The greener-here grass soothed them, only for everything else to shine with flooding sparkles.

Maybe I had to have a visual beating to appreciate relief. When my eyes adjusted, I saw a splendid landscape, a children's book come to life. A cozy little village full of cottages lay ahead, ponies trotting on simple dirt paths with a few pulling carriages. Even an average-sized dragon flew by! Soft and stylized clouds dotted the sky, and I watched a pegasus push a cloud into position. There's a huge farm on the side—never saw much of them in big city Canterlot... and speaking of Canterlot, there hung Equestria's Canterlot from the mountains.

Yeah, it was pretty cool. I congratulated myself for nabbing a fun and easy A (or A-) on my report card. Just imagine when we returned to Earth! Surely those who'd turned down this opportunity would be jealous of us non-thesis writers!

Even now, all eyes were on us. Pony journalists snapped pictures of us from the side. The newness of hairless bipeds still sold money on their newspapers back then. (Didn't they call us mini-minotaurs at one point?)

We entered Ponyville proper and more ponies looked our way. They observed us like exotic specimen while Twilight led us into town hall. A bit of privacy for the actual work, you know.

Once in the main room, we about-to-be interns gathered around as Twilight and her clerk friends sorted out the papers. She called out our names one at a time. They'd go up, Twilight would tell them they’re assigned to a metalaw attorney here or a museum curator there, then they'd follow this or that pony to their new job's meeting place for further instructions.

I waited. I got nothing. So did a few others. When all's over, the room was just the four of us plus the ponies.

“Huh? That doesn't sound right!” Twilight said, confused and scratching her horsehair. A head of state scratching her hair didn't bode well.

She re-read our paperwork. With a frown, she told us we simply didn’t have the ideal positions available. “You can try selling sofas and quills... but I’m sure you want something weightier than that!”

That's when Twilight thought of a brilliant idea. Turned out there's a diplomatic meeting by the dragons; the Dragon Lord herself would be there. (Explained that one dragon I saw.) There's a chance some random important creature would snatch us for help as long as the dragons had business here. Also, one of the meeting's aims was to understand human culture with Equestria's help, so we could also provide assistance with, well, our human culture... 'cause we lived in it all the time, don'tcha know?

We got out through the backdoor. Followed a hasty Twilight to an open field just outside town. Tables and chairs were littered on the grass with a few balloons there to lighten up the mood. Also there was a buffet table of food and gems.

And here there were dragons. Not too big, not rubbing their claws and threatening us, but still dragons. Fangs, scales, heat radiating from their bodies—that kind of dragon.

I and what's left of our batch looked at each other, terrified for our lives. None of us knew what we’re getting into with these dragons. All we knew: they came for diplomacy and understanding humans. They're also aggressive. Also could breathe fire and burn us to a crisp.

“Just remember to take your seats,” the princess reminded us, “and—“

“Twilight!”	

We turned around. It's a pegasus friend coming her way, I guess. Looked familiar.

“Just got news that someone fell down the mirror pool!”

The calm and collected princess gasped. “Wait... are we talking about Line Drop? The one assigned to mirror portal production?”

“I don't know, Twi! You're the one who put him there!”

Twilight whirled to us with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, but I gotta go! Really important business to take care of with Rainbow! Just stay safe!”

They're off, flying to save our poor friend. Wish I got to know Line Drop more. Hardly knew him.

Twilight also forgot to provide a substitute for herself.

In short: we were alone with a bunch of dragons oddly staring at us.

We stared at each other. Waited for the other side to speak first.

One minute was too long for me, so I waved at them and grinned as wide as I could.

“Sight, you're gonna kill us!” said my very concerned internmate.

“Roll with it, Blue Streak. Royalty put us here, so we gotta act natural.”

“Smiling like that is not na—“

I was brave enough to approach the dragons’ tables with a wave and my silly smile. The others had no choice but to follow me, though their smiles probably weren't that big. Or that unnatural.

The dragons didn’t say anything. They still stared at us fools.

Time to take this a step further.

There were some empty seats. To ensure things didn’t get any more awkward, I chose a table with only one dragon and one vacant chair. I sat there, made myself comfortable.

I extended my hand for a handshake—OK, limbshake—being an example to my friends and giving this nice dragon a positive first impression of humanity.

“Good day!” I said, stamping out my fears by being as stupid as possible.

The dragon blinked, gazed awkwardly upon my hand. We shook hands—er, hand and claw.

“My name's Sight See,” I continued, “one of today’s inter-dimensional interns. McKimblewick pride here, yes siree!” (No, I didn’t slap my knee.) “May I ask what's your name?”

She blinked again. Her face scrunched up in confusion. Probably confusion.

“I'm Ember,” she replied in a rough voice. She didn’t sound kind, but she also didn’t sound irritated. Good start.

“Ah, and what do you do? Like, what's your job?”

That’s when she crossed her arms. “I'm the Dragon Lord.”

OK. She was the Dragon Lord. The Dragon Lord. Ruler of all dragons. All those dangerous fire-breathing dragons.

I kept smiling for myself and for my friends who were politely hand signaling to me to get out of there.

“So you're ruler of the dragons?” I asked. Gotta admit, I was lucky my cavalier attitude didn't get me incinerated.

“Yes, I'm the ruler of the dragons.” She smirked with those happy fangs.

I planted my feet on the grass to not show any weakness whatsoever.

So I could be a bolder or dumber example to the other interns-in-waiting, I kept talking. “So, um, do you need something? You're here for, well, humans, too, right?”

Should've phrased it better. Otherwise, she'd literally serve humans.

Ember blinked at me weirdly. “... yes?” She looked past my shoulder.

I turned and saw my friends standing fifteen feet away, horrified at me for pushing the envelope too far.

“I forgot! These are my companions,” while I gestured to them, though they looked even more horrified that Ember was looking at 'em.

I kept going. “Actually—ahem!—we're wondering if there is anything we could do to help you and your dragons, especially with regard to understanding human culture better.” Still sounding cool and not scared so far.

Ember scratched her chin. Her smile disappeared.

I leaned back, wondering what was going to happen next. Leaping away and running in zigzags always worked against human robbers. Against dragon robbers... eh, they can fly and shoot fireballs at you.

Ember told me, “Yeah, sure. I could use a helping claw—ugh, a helping hand.” She groaned. A dragon's groan was more like a rumble, I found out.

“But we didn't plan that!” said another dragon from an adjacent table.

“Well, it's final!” Ember shouted.

I fell from my chair, heard screams from the other interns, hit my head on the ground, had my ears ringing.

Embarrassing myself in front of the Dragon Lord? Least of my worries. Now the dragon aggression I'd heard about came in full force. I forgot all formality. I was truly scared. I was hiding behind my chair. What if she burned me in her anger? Blamed me for making her subjects talkative? Sent me to the dragon dungeon where they filled the room with lava 'till I died?

Instead, I opened my eyes to see a scaly arm reaching out to me. It was Ember's.

“Uh, here.”

Didn't expect a mean dragon to help me.

“Sorry to disturb you,” she continued after she got me back on my two feet, “but that's how we really are. Most of the time.” My worst fears were realized and it hadn't been half an hour.

She was smiling again. I wasn't sure if it's because she could be her proud, mighty self and do away with diplomatic politeness. Maybe so. Hard to think of a polite dragon who said please every two minutes.

I noticed the dragon she'd told off, cowering behind his table. I calmly asked (hiding my shivering teeth) if he was alright. She told me he'd be alright. Dragons were usually a tough stock, she said.

Looking back again, I saw my friends silently mouthing, “Please, Sight See, leave! You're gonna die!”

Yes, there was a good chance I was gonna die thanks to my stubbornness. The logical thing to do was to politely end the conversation and return to my huddle of familiar humans.

“So what's the task here?” I asked, throwing logic out the window.

Ember rolled her eyes, which surprised me since it looked weird on a dragon. “I don’t know. Human manners, how your tech works, some advice on how to treat your kind… also manual labor if you can carry a ton of sulfur without wheezing. Can you?”

“Um...”

“Eh, I’ll take it.”

So we finalized the deal even though it was all Ember’s doing and I didn’t have a single word on it.

“How about all of you?” she asked my co-workers who met her with uneasy smiles. “I could use all the help I could get to understand this weird humanity thing. It’s for trade, building those embassy thingies… whatever allies do.”

Let’s say they declined the offer. One ran away in fear.

“Seriously?” Ember sounded mad. We already knew how a mad dragon behaved. We’re on edge now. “Come on! I promise I won’t bite! We don’t eat ponies anymore!”

They shifted their eyes around like goldfish, looked for a way out. Anymore wasn't all that assuring.

“I’m back!”

That was Twilight. We completely missed her approach since she arrived from above.

“You don’t have to worry about your friend Line Drop!” she began after she landed. “He’s fine!”

Her eye caught Ember. She nodded at her and she saw me standing beside the Dragon Lord.

“Oh! Sight See! I… um, see you’re already under Ember’s wing!”

“It’ll be my pleasure to help him,” she said, pointing at me like I was someone to be shown off.

Twilight noticed my friends again. Or what was left of them after being shaken to the core by the Dragon Lord and my insanity. Her ears drooped—a sign of sadness, I presumed. “Oh. I still see the stigma dragons have back on Earth.”

“Stigma?” Ember raised a brow, acting sassy. “Good to see our proud reputation across worlds.”

While they talked, I considered my options, all zero of them. If I’d only kept my mouth shut... but now, I didn’t know what being Ember’s new human assistant would mean. I wished it was shadowing her along, giving her tips on how to deal with humans while she taught me how dragons lived their lives—all while doing something safe like updating records for her kingdom. Preferably inside a high-security room.

As for the rest of my interns-to-be, Twilight said she’d accompany them back to the hall to consider other options. They’d been adamant on saying no to Ember’s offer. A part of me wanted to be with them for not-dying reasons, but I couldn’t back out now.

Before they left, Twilight asked if I was definitely sure on working for Ember. I curtly said yes and she went off.

There I stood, alone in a gathering of dragons with their Dragon Lord standing beside me, smiling at her acquisition.

Ember grabbed me on the shoulder, her grip heavy and stinging. Took all I could to not yelp in pain.

“Ready to get some work experience on the hard rugged ground? ‘cause I’m taking you to the Dragon Lands!”

Wished I could run away screaming.
> Why Don't I Stay Calm?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't run away screaming. She's so excited having me over, she dragged me to the train station. Turning tail would get myself literally fired. I had to grin and bear it.

We started with train rides towards the Dragon Lands. Ember could fly, but the average human would be too afraid to fly a pushy creature with no built-in emergency exits (unless you count falling to your death). She could save me, but that's a long shot.

The landscape outside could've been in a hundred museums with those bright colors and nice plants everywhere. Pegasus weather teams moved clouds about. Weather-on-demand, right?

But I was sitting with Ember and a few other dragons, her entourage, all staring at me. I felt like prey. That offended my independence senses.

“So what can I do for you?” I asked despite that. I was already getting worn down by smiling for the Dragon Lord.

“I like it!” she blurted out. “Your initiative will be useful!"

She wouldn't like my initiative to flee. I'd say it's the initiative to fold your cards.

“By the way, here's where we're coming from: your Convocation of Countries and our Convocation of Creatures have deals for building a portal network. It's so we can do what non-warring kingdoms do: trade, diplomacy, cultural and scientific exchange, tourism and citizens moving between worlds, insert other buzzwords here, yada-yada. For example, you know what we dragons have?”

Blame me for not remembering my answers to those preppie finals. Name three Dragon Lands' resources, tangible or intangible, that are not gems. Um...

“Draconian sulfur and our glassblowing tradition,” she said, freeing me from thinking too hard. “Turns out, they can speed up portal production. No waiting half a year for them to finish. We also have the zebras with their magic plants and potions getting into this portal thing too, so I'm sure both of us would like more human insight with you around, even if you're not a president. We get too many of them anyway.”

Ember crossed her arms again. Any show of disappointment in me from these dragons, I trembled inside.

“But there's something else,” she went on. “After I took the throne from my father, I told all dragons to stop raiding villages because it's bad and... inconsiderate. A lot harder than it sounds: I just ended a huge chapter of our history, changed a big part of dragon culture. Take our raids away, and what do we do?”

“I don't know, trade?”

Ember grumbled at me. It wasn't my turn to speak. Learned a life lesson that day: never interrupt a dragon.

“Anyway: more than a few dragons don't like what I did. They protest and riot because they think concepts like private property and social contract are wuvey-mushy pony stuff. When I learned you humans got around to them on your own, I was relieved. I could prove it's a moral issue, not ponish subjugation.”

I didn't like where this was going. “You want me to be an example... to your, uh, dissidents?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. We'll play by ear.”

I don't like ominous words. Ominous words coming from a dragon? Crept me out.

It was an awkward series of train rides after that. There's the pony cities with the exact same names as ours like Cinchinati and Chicoltgo. We also didn't talk much. I was too scared, Ember was too civil. She did ask some of her own questions, usually general stuff like where I lived and how it's like being a normal human on Earth. I think I answered well, though I kept an eye on the other dragons watching me. One wrong word, I'd be toast. Yeah, I don’t like being toast. It hurts and I like not dying.

We reached Baltimare, our final train stop because our destination was across the sea. We took an airship line which then was a brand new travel thing. Infinitely better than dangling from a dragon above an endless ocean.

Ride’s OK—I’d ridden hot air balloons before—and food’s good, although most of it was for veggie ponies... no offense, Desk. They also served gems for the dragons, so I got to see the Dragon Lord eat gems like candy.

Around noon, tons of dark clouds and smoke and dots filled the sky. Looking down the railing, I saw a barren coast of rocks. As we approached, the dots became dragons flying around.

Here there be the Dragon Lands. I wasn't ready for this.

Ember flew up and landed on the airship docks.

I was left with unfamiliar dragons again. I stood there, hoping my stillness would save my life.

“Good day, for I, Ember, lord and ruler of every and all dragons, have returned!”

Cue the cheers for their not-assassinated leader despite being in the open. Meanwhile, I might as well be a good target since the dragons’ breath fireworks almost hit our blimp.

Another minute later, the blimp alighted and the rest of us got down.

“And I’ve brought with me a good human helper!” Ember announced.

That struck fear in me. All those dragons with their thin stilted eyes, their sharp claws and vicious fangs, their lethal fire abilities...

“Be kind to him! We don’t want to be responsible for his death, right?”

So the dragons gave way, giving me and Ember a clear path. That’s when dragon guards hovered beside me. I was supposed to feel at ease, but I wasn’t. They’re still lethal dragons.

And it was hot. Very hot. Lava pits were nearby, and lots of heat-radiating dragons treated them like town squares. They ate, drank, talked, laughed by those pits, but I still got their attention. I was wholly singled out, though Dragon Lord Ember's presence shielded me from their eyes.

It was hard getting across the rough terrain. Wasn't my size. Dragons walked around just fine while I pulled my body up above ledges and over gaps. Add the sweltering heat, my fancy coat was dirty soaked.

I was an ocean away from the nearest exit home, I was with huge and smelly dragons, and I could fall into lava without knowing it. This was a horrifying nightmare.

Maybe my friends were right.

No, they’re not. I got this far. I’ll get my reward with unicorns and safe magic after this detour.

Farther down the coast, I noticed a tiny settlement. My heart grew warm. The buildings were human buildings. Other humans like me had to be here. I needed their help. Guessing my way around dragon politics wouldn’t end well.

“There’s the Earth embassy in progress,” Ember said, pointing at the tallest building.

It had a fresh style. It was also a safe haven. Fellow humans milled about or worked here and there. Yes, here's my refuge!

Ember tapped me on the shoulder. “So you want to help out with manual labor, work with important papers, or—”

“Papers, yes!” I cried out.

She stepped back, gazing at me weirdly.

I didn't care. I never loved paperwork that much before. From the bane of my existence, they became my only hope. They're in the embassy, away from the volcanoes and lava and perilous dragons.

But I was yanked away, pulled from the town's limits and farther into the Dragon Lands. My hopes were dashed. I clenched my teeth so they wouldn't clatter while I lost sight of common humanity. Or of still being alive.

It's treacherous stuff. Dragons flew over and past us, fire streaked in the clouds (thinking I'd get burned by the sparks), and the ground was uncooperative. I lacked the luxury of appreciating things like the Dragon Lord's massive throne because I had to watch my step and jump across the gaps... yeah, because I still had to worry about heights after the airship.

Despite all that, I didn't complain. If I did, they'd just say, “You asked for it!” Then they'd kick me down the nearest volcano, I was sure of that.

When I heard we were going to a volcano, my heart stopped for a sec. Did they know? How did they know? Did they read my mind? Were they gonna fire me now? Maybe they were doing that already; changed their minds last minute about me.

After lots of climbing and two sore knees, we got into a cave on the volcanoside. Torches lit the way, but I couldn't see five feet. All was quiet. My blood pressure rose to astronomical levels—this felt like one of those medieval executions, and I was the criminal. The cave's end would have the dragon executioner, ready to burn me.

Instead, what I found were two armored dragons guarding a table, a chair, some ballpens with a few quills and ink, and lots of papers.

“Hey!” Ember yelled at a guard, storming up to him. “It's incomplete!”

“Incomplete? What did I forget—oh...”

The guard put down a nameplate onto the table.

The Human Lord of Important Papers.

Real professional. Can't say they're wrong.

He also put down a little electric fan. Yeah, that'll help when it's a hundred degrees up here, mister.

“One thing I've learned as a leader was the importance of delegation,” Ember said. She pointed at the paper stack, then at me. “I trust you know what to do with that. You're about to graduate from one of those fancy university thingies, right?”

Doesn't mean I should labor in a cave with terrible working conditions.

“Don't make me regret stringing you along, Sight See. Make me proud.”

The menacing Dragon Lord left me, disappearing into the darkness.

Consider my situation. I was alone, far away from home, hot and sweaty and dirty, and fenced in by dragons.

They were watching me. Would they know if I was doing actual work or just scribbling random stuff? I was certain they'd know if I was goldbricking it. However, I had nothing else to do until Ember came back.

I sat down and skimmed through the papers.

Diplomatic treaties, business deals, innovative patents, suggestions from the everydragon: all to be approved or disapproved by me. I was thankful I paid some attention in class so I could understand technical jargon. Now economics and money numbers, I didn’t understand so well, but I put those to the side. I'd ask Ember about them later.

You’d think having absolute power over the dragons’ fate would be encouraging. It gripped my heart. It’s not even democratic. For all I knew, Ember would come up and throw everything under the bus.

Twenty minutes later, I was exhausted and bored. Took my sweet time reading and re-reading the papers. I surprised myself with what I discovered, only to use novelty as an excuse to be my own slacking amateur. I also needed real cold. The dinky little fan wouldn’t do.

I used my clout to take a leave, told the guards I’d rest from the heat, spend some time outside. Ordered them to stay there and guard the papers. I kept up my brave facade with them even though it's the very thing that banished me here.

Still hot outside, but it's tolerable. I coped by acting like I was on top of the world: before me spread the vast panorama of rocks and volcanoes and the murky sea in the horizon. All the while, dragons roamed around. I didn’t see any buildings, but I figured they didn’t need any since they had caves and lava spots.

“You know this sucks.”

That was Ember’s voice from above.

I looked up to the volcano’s peak. It was a minute’s walk from here.

I went up but not all the way. Only enough to peek with my eyes at ground level.

There stood Ember by the edge of the crater (I experienced first hand how hot convection could really get). She was busy talking with her subjects, holding a book in her claws.

I squinted my eyes to read the title by the lava’s glow: How to Be Nice to Ponies and Other Creatures (Including the Newly Included Humans)!

“You saw me lock up in front of them like a whelp!” she vented. “I know Thorax told me to humiliate others less often, but there’s some things I won’t compromise on... and asserting dragon dominance to these humans is one of them! We’re justified: they have vicious legends about dragons without even meeting us!”

The other dragons nodded. I didn’t.

Ember tapped on the cover, scratching it. “I understand not scaring humans off, but this is too sappy and sweet for my taste! Just embarrassed myself before them… which is why I’m done with this garbage!”

She threw the book into the volcano. I heard the flames turn on. I imagined they were burning that nice book up.

Just wasn't scared enough, 'cause now I got a dragon who couldn't care less about decent courtesy.

Something gripped my heel.

I screamed in pain—tried to, but big hands covered my mouth. I was being dragged away, dragged down.

I turned around.

It was a dragon four times my size. Big teeth, yellow eyes, sharp fangs, and enough body heat to slow roast me.

“There you are, scum!” he growled. Deep and scary voice, too.

“No, peace!” I said, cowering behind the ID I held up. “I c-come in peace!”

“Your peace is a lie!” and he ripped my ID out and crushed it with his claws. Now I had to pay twenty-five dollars for that, but getting out alive's more important.

“H-hey! What's your problem?!“

“You are destroying us!” he said, putting his huge finger on my lips.

Screaming for help wouldn't work; he might singe my tongue. I whispered, “D-destroying you?! I-I d-don't understand! N-no—you don't understand! I'm Ember's chosen! You can't do this to, uh, the Human Lord of Important Papers!”





Clean Desk chuckles, almost spilling his drink.

“Yeah,” I say, “it sounded better in my head.”

That doesn't stop him. The unicorn scrunches his snout up and imitates in a mocking tone, “'Oh, I do papers! Please don't kill me!'”

“You'd be dead in record time if you're in my shoes. Now... wait, what did the dragon say again?...”





“So what?! I'll show you!”

He gagged me with gems (horrible taste), grabbed me by the collar and flew away, hanging me from his fingertips.

I flailed, tried to scream through the gems—anything to catch anyone's attention, but Ember was only getting farther away. Looking down was no help: lots of hard rocks and fire hazards that'd kill me, and I got dizzy from all this flying too.

I'd vomited when we arrived in another cave. It was secluded from the open spaces back there. He dropped me to the ground, deep in the dark, and plucked the gems from my mouth.

“What do you see?” he muttered.

I had my eyes shut. I was too afraid. What if he'd reveal something horrible? Human slaves mining for sulfur? People jumping into lava by some mad dragon pretender to the throne? Endless grapes to feed the dragon for all time?

“Open your eyes, you excuse of a minotaur!”

So I did.

I saw another dragon, way taller than me. He's massaging his back with a backscratcher while wearing a tie with diamonds. By the side sat a golden throne. Crudely hanging from the cave spikes was a portrait made of gems.

He didn't notice us because the music from his ruby headphones was too loud.

“Um... I-I'm... terrified by your son?... is th-that your son?”

He picked me up. Choked my neck then shouted, “You are ruining our way of life!”

I was losing air. Felt light-headed. I thought I'd die now.

“Back then, we had our hoards to grow, our villages to plunder! Now this generation of whelps see the sacred gem hoard as useless clutter, and they despise plundering! All they want is to buy their way to a hoard—no, not even that! They buy strange contraptions to ease their life while we ancient souls had to endure harsh lives for centuries! You're making dragons soft!”

“B-But I-I'm just—“

“You are destroying us not with raids, but with smiles and trade... but I'll send a message to everyone, starting with you.”

He licked his lips. Flames lashed out of them.

Stuck in his grip, I couldn't run. I shrieked, hoping someone would hear, but no one's outside. Just me and him. To think I'd die in a cave in another world, to die alone here.

But if I was gonna die, might as well go out with a bang.

“What if you're wrong?!” I yelled.

The dragon blinked. “Those are bold words from you!”

“Yeah, but... but maybe it's good dragons are, uh, discovering how backscratchers work?” Not my best argument, but it's worth a shot.

”We have claws!... and if not, we can have someone else do the dirty work.”

“But that's not right!... and, uh, a-attacking other people and stealing their stuff is wrong!”

“Says the peace-loving human! It’s a matter of being a dragon, and this longstanding tradition is ours to preserve untainted and for you to get your grubby hands away from!”

He scratched his teeth, sharpened them.

So much panic adrenaline in my veins. I froze.

“Besides… food shouldn’t talk back.”

I heard flames rumbling from his throat. I closed my eyes, ready to squeal in burning agony.

“Flamethrower! What are you doing?!”

That was Ember. Whipped my head around. Yup, that’s her with her special crystal crown.

“I’m only cleansing ourselves from these aliens!” Flamethrower said.

“They're here to help us, and we're here to help them!” answered the Dragon Lord, pumping her chest.

"And they still have you! Don’t you see how they’re cramming their lies and garbage into our mouths until we have nothing left?”

“We're dragons, Flamethrower. We can do dragon things to them!”

“We'll just be their dragon variants if you keep at it!” and he squeezed my neck—could feel my face turning blue. Poor hostage me. “You’re the protector of us dragons, yet you allow them to take over our culture, our very dragon identities!”

I thought she’d shoot some fire at him. Instead, she took her crown and said, “So I'll just throw this away, huh?”

Flamethrower recoiled. “What?! No! That's purely dragon! Don’t throw away something so draconic!”

“Following your logic, I would.” She crossed her arms again, staring him down. “Weeks ago, my father gave me this history lesson: his great-great grandpa saw the first crown ever made… and it’s made by griffons. We just took their idea and ran with it, so this crown isn’t really ours, is it, Flamethrower?” And that smirk on her face… heh-heh!

“B-But—“

“And ponies took different ideas from other species and made it their own. Are they less pony now?” Without waiting for him—“Everyone's changing. That’s how it is. Let’s take what the humans give us and make it ours too, just like how we made the griffon crown ours.”

He squeezed me a lot more. Got to seeing spots. I felt I’d throw up acid.

“Your father would've never allowed such atrocities in his Dragon Lord days!” he shouted.

“But who's the Dragon Lord now?” She stretched her arms, telling him Hit me! “It's not him, it's not you, but it's me. You are my subject and I'm your lord... or shall I prove it with my bare claws?”

She cracked her knuckles.

“Argh! Fine! Have it your way, Ember, but leave me alone!”

He dropped me to the ground and retreated.

We left the cave, Ember flying away with me on her back without railings or seat belts or anything but just holding on to her scales.

“What were you thinking?!” she yelled at me. “You don't talk like that to an angry dragon!”

“I might as well be dead, so why not? And, hey… I got a dragon attitude, so give me credit!”

She rolled her eyes. “That's cute, but I don't think humans can withstand thousand-degree burns. You're better off being Lord of Important Papers back there.”

'least she still had a sense of humor.

I gotta admit, it was fun flying a dragon. It's horrendously scary, but I enjoyed it... a little. One fantasy activity to check off the list.

“Dragon Lord, Dragon Lord!”

We stopped mid-flight. I lurched and bumped my nose on her scales.

Another guard approached us. He looked scared. It's a bad sign when a dragon is scared.

“What is it?” Ember asked.

He pointed to the sea. “Dhamana's ambassador has arrived ahead of schedule.”

Ember groaned. “Can she wait?”

“Ishara says the sooner, the better.”

She rubbed her eyes. “Fine. I'll bite.” Turning to me, “Sight, those papers can wait.”

“But I thought they're important!“

“I can assign someone else to hold out until you come back with that university brain of yours. Besides, I said experience on the rugged ground, not theories on wallboards.”

I wanted to say It's chalkboards, but fear got me again. Experience on the rugged ground... was she just holding me in that cave until she found a more hands-on job for me? Maybe a job that'd get me too acquainted with lava. I wanted to talk to unicorns and pretty ponies, not scary dragons.

We landed by the airship port. Instead of just our airship, another was anchored there. It had sharp tribal markings all over. On deck, zebras went around, doing airship stuff. They wore cloaks and shawls and coats and rings and jewelries.

I assumed Ishara was the zebra stepping out of the airship, ready to greet us.

“Lord of all the Dragons, I believe,” she said.

Ember nodded, shaking her hoof as I got off the dragon. “You believe right, Ishara.”

“Indeed...” and she noticed me. “Yet who else do I perceive?”

Oh, no. They'd told me about how most zebras spoke in rhyme. I forgot how to respond. Whether to rhyme or not. Had to choose.

“Um, i-it's me... Sight See...?”

I extended my hand. Lucky my name sort of rhymed.

Was relieved I didn't anger them when she shook my hand.

“Your humanity and name is clear to me,” Ishara said, “but how you're here in dragons' employ, I don't see.”

I remember my fingers twitching. “Uh, I-I'm an intern from college. Ended up here to get some work experience!... yeah.”

She raised her brows. Not sure if that's a good sign. “You may be perfect for this hour, since this dilemma may turn sour.”

Ember crossed her arms again. She tapped her foot, too. Impatient. “Does it have to do with our trade deals for the portals?”

“Without any doubt,” she said. Ishara began trotting back onto the zebras' airship. “Now both of you come; don't dally about!”

So we went onto the airship—no, Ember shoved me to the deck.

OK, I was in an ambassador's airship. Stay calm, I thought to myself. Be silent, observe all the social and cultural cues.

Spices and herbs and other exotics—my sore nose couldn't take it. Witches and shamans crafted potions with special leaves and powders... I heard zebras of all different stripes speaking, some in Anglish (or was it Ponish here?), others in their own languages, all in rhyme. The crew's made of poets.

When they removed the anchor and we sailed farther away from my home and friends, I felt ashamed.

Felt stupid enough to get this far.
> Why Don't I Loosen Up?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trip wasn’t bad. I saw nothing but sea until the last minute, but I blended in. ‘least I attempted to. Stomach butterflies were so lousy throughout; I just wanted to have a decent conversation with anyone… which was bizarre. I was socially OK with other humans but got terrified talking to anyone else. Maybe that’s normal. Or maybe I’d start a war if I said the wrong word.

Talking to zebras was enlightening. Who knew asking for water could be an art? But they did it. They rhymed everything without fail. Me? I tried. They politely told me to drop it, covering their ears and all.

While we talked, I watched them do their thing: weaving clothes, brewing potions, cooking good food (but no meat). It was fun.

Still, the really good times happened before the really bad times. For a second, I thought we’d fall from the sky and drown or crash into Dhamana and burn. Even if we made it, I didn't know how I was going to be a decent guest. My professors hadn’t said much about Dhamana because it’s mostly reclusive… ‘sclusive. I knew only the basics: “loose ten-tribe federation made up of many sub-tribes; leaders change every ten years on a tribe-rotation basis.” (Had good memory if I put in the effort, I’ll tell ‘ya that.)

I got so distracted by everyone doing their thing, it took Ember three taps on my shoulder to get my attention. And a punch to the face.

“Ow! What was that—“

“Called you a dozen times, Sight See!” she yelled. Had her claws on her hips. Sassy annoyed dragon. “Oh, by the way, is on-the-spot deafness a human thing I have to ge tused to?”

If you keep shouting like that, I would’ve said. “Um, n-no…?”

“Alright. It’s just… argh, do you know what we’re dealing here? Any idea?”

Knew too well that feeling. Getting called to answer a question, but just turning up empty. Said professors would vouch for me on that.

I raised a finger, mustered my confidence. “Uh… it’s something to do with portals and how they are produced—yes, my superior?”

I think I came off cocky.

She punched me again. Hurt so bad. Almost fell. Then I actually fell. Couldn’t get up for a sec.

“I don’t know what’s your game here, Sight… but I’m the Dragon Lord, not you.”

Afterwards, a zebra bandaged my face. I was then helped up to face my uncooperative boss. Day’s not over yet, already had a bruise. At least a dragon gave it to me. How many people got punched by a dragon anyway?

Ember didn’t say sorry at all. She just went on about the deal like punching people’s socially acceptable.

“Long story short: Dhamana’s leader wants to finalize our trade-and-cooperation deal to get this portal thing a move on. They got their resources, we got our resources. We’re both ready. Problem is, huge things like this in Dhamana… we gotta present them to the ten-tribe council. That means enduring weeks of rhyming battles before it pushes through.”

I shuddered. Weeks out there. Weeks separated from all I knew. Weeks away from meeting a human again. On the bright side, Dhamana was connected by land to Equestria, but still…

Two hours later, I saw land. Large lands. Large savannas and shrublands. Dirt roads where zebras trotted, some with wagons and carriages. Looked farther down, saw a port. A few airships were there, but most were boats and ships. Many dhows there, sitting by the docks while zebra sailors unloaded their cargo. Up ahead, more plains, some cities, and a huge mountain.

This was it. Dhamana.

Our airship landed smack in the middle of land. That added to the charm. We were on a mission, after all.

It felt hot here. Colder than the Dragon Lands, but still hot. The spicy smells made it hotter. Now I had sweat and a burning throat.

Before I could ask for water, another zebra came up to us. Had lots of rings on his neck, a few on his ears, and a colorful robe. Must be important, so I waved at him when we got down. Wasn’t gonna do much if I just stood around. Hoped he wasn’t the supreme leader of all zebras.

“Shush!” and Ishara struck my shoulder.

“Ow! Not you, too!”

She clucked her tongue at me. “You had to be hushed, unless you be crushed.”

Alright. A dragon almost had me for lunch. Zebra martial arts wasn't a far fetch for me.

After Ishara cooled down, Ember and I let her talk it out with the mysterious zebra. The crew maintained the ship, but they had their eye on us. The I'm-watching-you kind of eye.

We kept quiet on the savanna grass. However, I felt the tension. Ember was glaring at me. Must be my pathetic excuse of a greeting.

Ishara returned to us. Didn’t take her long, but she looked agitated.

“Alas! Time outpaces even I. A thing—“ she pointed at the sea “—broils without me to die!”

I… didn’t understand it at first. “So is this a funeral?”

Both Ishara and Ember dagger-eyed me.

Great. I angered two bosses.

Ishara groaned, very disappointed in me. “Let me rephrase, restructure my words: ‘tis diplomacy, conducted by their herds.”

Still didn’t get it. “Herds? You mean Equestria?”

That’s when she smiled. I could tell it’s forced. “Undeniably so… and now you really do know?”

“I mean… you could’ve just said so, right?”





That doesn’t feel good to tell. I rub my aching forehead. Ashamed at my disgusting words from the past.

Clean Desk just stares at me. “Wow. That’s... really insensitive.”

He’s drunk, I’m not, but he’s making more sense. Yes, I was a cocky collegian. Doesn't excuse my utter stupidity.





After almost strangling me to death, Ishara left us, leaving on her airship.

By then, it’s just me and Ember as the other zebra got closer.  I instantly wore a big smile. Didn’t know what to do. I just stood there, a smiling statue.

“Good afternoon, guests beloved!” he said, bowing down. “Apologies—she’s wrongly rubbed!”

… if I knew I was gonna talk to zebras a lot, should’ve brought a rhyme dictionary.

He grinned. “Your vexation before me unravels! Variations mine—are these your babble?”

“Cut to the chase,” Ember said, tapped her foot again. “Who are you?”

He stretched his hoof to us. “You shall call me by the name of Telat’e: Dhamana’s he who others’ tastes do much see.”

My brain hurt processing that. “OK… uh, I’m sorry, sir, but what does that mean?”

Telat’e chuckled. “That means I’m Dhamana’s cultural mediator. Happy now?”

I almost fell down again. Took me off guard. “Wh-what? I-I thought—“

“Our speech is for others… not quite easy. Therefore, I won’t with you be queasy.” Caught himself rhyming before he coughed. “For those unaccustomed to our speech, I strive to speak as… straightforward as possible.”

“But I thought you all—“

He turned his head around and yelled… a native word, I think. A couple more zebras trotted from behind a tree. They had this decked out caravan fit for a king.

“Come, you and the Dragon Lord, with me. On the way we shall talk more—you’ll see.”

We got inside. It’s big enough to fit us, and there’s lots of fancy stuff inside: spices, herbs, fabrics, and gold.

The caravan zebras pulled us through the endless and hot savannas. Felt like forever. Or we’re going in circles as a prank and I was too dumb to notice.

“It’s true we speak in rhythms and meters,” Telat’e went on, “but it’s not as simple as using our tongue mindlessly. This is an art, making extraordinary even the most ordinary in our weaved words. It stems from the dawn of time and our herds.”

I digested that information. I also realized we’re getting off-topic.

“Uh, that’s good… but, how come you’re here to meet us?” I looked ahead. Still saw nothing but trees and dry grass. “Are you taking us to your leader or—“

“Our ruler, Medebenya, hurried to Equestria so he may speak with the princesses about… well, your kind.” He gently gestured at me.

So he’s the substitute. So far, so good.

“Medebenya is very much progressive… he’s truly opened up our lands to the larger world, to see that an abundance of extraordinaries exists beyond our limits, ready for us to behold if we open our forelegs—or arms, as you say.”

We talked like this for the rest of the trip. He’s fun talk. Even without rhyming, he still sounds like a mighty poet. Ember joined in, and we talked some more for the rest of the trip.

“Ah, raise your eyes!” Telat’e said much later. “There—our crown jewel lies!”

I looked up.

It's a sprawling city. Towering over the land: structures of stones, woods, bricks, mortar. It’s all held inside a city wall plus lots of gates. Outside, plenty of tents stretched out. Saw many zebras living their lives outside: singing, playing, building, telling stories—all in poetics.

“What never ceases at all: sharing this my joy… of our Idayimani, to these guests deployed.”

Telat’e is happy. I’m doing good so far.

As we got near, I noticed some zebras stand up and bow at the caravan. Felt the pressure. Don’t mess this up, they could see me. No burping. I almost burped. That would’ve been horrible. My first word to zebras, a burp.

Wasn’t all pressure, though. Lots of them smiled at us guests. Must be glad to see us non-zebras. A dozen foals galloped to keep up with our caravan. Must be excited. One of them kept raising their hoof, catching up to us. He almost hit me.

And then I high-fived the foal.

His friends cheered the lucky colt on. I think those were That’s cool!’s in another language. Now I’m the cool kid. Getting better now. Much better than being choked by a dragon.

We passed by the tents and entered the city city. Got a lot louder there. Crowds of zebras went everywhere, and it's not just zebras too. Griffons, hippogriffs, yaks, other dragons roamed about as well (no ponies, sadly). Lots of caravans and carriages, stalls and open-air markets, town squares for zebras to share their tales and verses to everybody.

At least zebras don’t have fire breath. Martial arts isn't off the table yet though.

“Stop!”

And the caravan stopped at Telat’e’s order. We’re in the center of Idayimani, the federal capital of all of Dhamana he said.

“Stay outside a bit, if you desire!” Telat’e said. “I shall have my lunch.”

With him and his lunch there, it’s now me and Ember outside, leaning our backs on the caravan. The zebra drivers unhooked themselves and ate their lunches too.

“Might eat as well,” Ember told me and so she went back in the thing. She had spicy cocoa beans. Too much for my weak tongue.

That left just me outside, watching zebra society and hoping I’d learn something.

Felt a tap on my hand. I turned around.

“Greetings to you, fortunate wanderer!” It’s a zebra with bags full of coins and other shiny stuff. “Shall we talk soon, about your gorgeous wealth?”

“My… wealth?”

“For shrewd merchants live in this land!” he continued. Pointed at the road of stalls and vendors. “They know some secrets—hear, and your riches will be grand!”

His words were in poetics, but I smelled this get-rich-quick scheme a mile away… half-meter away. Anyway, no way he’s gonna rob even my tie.

“May I inquire about your tie?” and he put it on his hoof, feeling it. “If it’s just right, bidders shall stand by!”

He was definitely gonna rob it.

I yanked the tie back. I said to the gaping-mouth conman… conzebra, “Thanks for the offer, but no thanks.”

“Do you not know how rare such—“

I stared at him, put my hands on his hips. Wore my serious face. “No. A no is a no. Scram!”

That might be cruel, but I learned in international relations class that sanctions are pretty good if talking just won’t do. Now if I could just sanction all concreatures…

Ember got out of the wagon, munching on cocoa beans. “I don’t get why you hate these. They’re so—what?!”

Had my face decorated with spit-filled beans.

“What’re you doing talking to Atalayi?” she shouted, pointing at the zebra.

So that’s his name. Good to know. He's using me as cover. “I’ve no time for wares to be rotten fruit, treated such by a savage and a brute!”

“Wait, Ember!... you know each other?!”

“Yeah, buddy,” and she was mad. “‘bout time we meet again.”

She pulled up her imaginary sleeves and approached a whimpering Atalayi. Which meant she’s approaching me. Ember had everything on her person now: fangs, claws, heat, a fire-spewing mouth.

I could’ve run away. I was on her side, had important business, and was decently honest. For all I knew, Atalayi was a crook who probably got this dragon mad. Probably even scammed her. Must've had it coming.

I kept standing between Atalayi and the raging dragon. Stupidity prevailed once again.

“Stand aside, Sight See!” she shouted. I felt things getting hotter. “He won’t get away from me this time!”

Now was a good time to run. But I felt pity for the poor zebra. He’s holding my knees, and I felt like I was standing between life and death. Then, for a second, I didn’t care about dying. I was gonna stand up for him and be a hero.

When she grabbed my neck, I regretted it. The hero's life wasn't for me.

She threw me away and I hit a wall.

My head hurt. My back hurt. Heard screaming. Too much screaming everywhere. Migraines came on. Heard Atalayi scream in his own tongue. Dreadful. Everyone running away, Ember picking up a crying Atalayi, opening her mouth wide for the burn—

“Ember, what misdeed are you committing?”

That’s Telat’e to the rescue. He jumped from his caravan.

“What is this I see? Setting chaos free?”

That’s when the zebra guards arrived, coming in capes and armor and spears and blades. Also sported chains.

“Wait… you can’t arrest me!” Ember cried out. “I’m visiting for diplomatic reasons!”

“That may be true, but crime is crime.” He turned to the guards to finish the rhyme: “Bring her with you; she’ll serve her time.”

I think Ember almost complained again, but cooler heads won and she let herself into custody. She’d be unprofessional if she kept whining at Telat’e in his lands.

So she's taken away along with Atalayi. Guess they finally caught him red-handed. No, red-hoofed.

Another guard propped me up. Gave me a bowl of something. Drank it while he massaged some powder on my forehead. After a minute, most of the pain was dulled. Still felt some, but it wasn't not breaking my head anymore.

“I give you my sincerest apologies,” Telat’e said as he came over. Sounded a little rattled. “I should’ve been better, watchful with my solemn eyes.”

I told him I’d be OK and then the both of us got back into the caravan. We saw the other zebras return to business as usual. No rabid dragon to run away from.

“For now, lamentably, we shall merely be two. Yet do not worry... Ember’s freedom? When the day is through.” Then he called out to the drivers, “Bring us to the Council do!”

Then we’re on the way to that council, wherever it was. Should’ve been wowed by this new land, but questions filled my mind. Would I really stay here for weeks? Was Ember gonna be fine? Was snail mail the only way to talk to my friends and family?

“Your features betray your thoughts,” he said, cracking a smile. “You worry about Ember, but you ought not, for she is not stuck in a cell.”

Now that’s out of the way. Aside from reading my mind. “So what’s she doing?”

He leaned back on his cushion. “The Dragon Lord shall do service to our fair community.”

“... like, um, sweeping the streets?”

“That,” but he smirked deceptively, “while being taught the basics of our rare rhyme.”

Rhyming lessons didn't sound so bad. Unless they handed out exams while someone spilled ketchup and mustard all over the road. Or pepper. Pepper-sneezing dragons should be avoided.

“I perceive other troubles ail you,” he said. I could feel his sympathy there. “Do not fear. I hope to bring you comfort without fail.”

A bump on the road rocked the wagon. Hit my head on the ceiling. That was fun, but not too bad… so I went back to him: “Well, how long am I gonna stay here?… in Dhamana, I mean.”

“Not too long,” he replied. Made his signature laugh again. “I take you are worried by our filibustering throng.”

Yup. Worried about filibusters speaking me to insomnia.

He cleared his throat. “They do debate and discuss quite lengthily. ‘tis useful since we are renowned for our premeditated, healthy rulings.” Looked out the caravan, very serious. “Be that as it may, we must comprehend the current speed of this world… and yours too.” Another chuckle. “Try as we might, it’s not sensible to fit such deliberations in a day.”

I chuckled back, hoping to be chummy with the guy.

He blinked at me weird.

Wrong timing. What was I thinking? What’s the protocol for chuckling with zebras?

“Ahem!… um, so, uh, we’ll help you speed it up?”

“Of course,” he answered, “but not without a loophole’s support.”

“Loopholes?” Didn’t sound so legal.

Telat’e pointed at me. “You and Ember are foreigners to Dhamana, correct?”

For some reason, I felt unsure. Suddenly being asked wasn't my forte. “Um… yes?”

“And you have your own schedule, surely different from ours, correct?”

“… y-yes?”

He leaned back again. So Telat'e's kind but smug and subtle. Ember’s opposite. No war between them yet, so I’m safe.

“Those who visit us have their own timetables, their own pace,” he went on. “We desire to respect that, for some equate our higher patience with analysis’s paralysis. Out of such a respect, an exception was created for a council meeting’s foreigners—that is, their reception would be shortened to reasonable hours.”

Had my mouth open at all those big words.

Telat’e groaned, scratched his mane. “Let me simplify: we can finalize the deal by sunset. No waiting for a week. Have you gotten that?”

That’s much better. Still: “… but I have to make sense to everyone with some rhyming, right?”

“Undoubtedly… oh, we’re out early.”

Past the window, there it was: one huge wood-stone dome, decorated with more tribal-like patterns. Stadium-esque.

We got off the caravan, got inside the massive lobby. Zebras filled the place. Like the markets but bigger and actually a little scary with so many zebras roaming around. When I saw the zebras speaking on soapboxes, though… this was politic’s town square. Talk and debate on laws, government, reforms, changing the official name to the Zebra Federation of the Ten Tribes, et cetera.

“Please forgive me for the disarray,” Telat’e said as we budged our way through. “Medebenya’s thoughts are the most forward of our day. Our generation hence feel unrestrained about their views.”

I nodded, we kept moving. Hard to resist activists shouting at me to help a cause; it’s all in attractive rhyme.

We got to some quiet halls and opened some big doors.

“So is this the room before the council’s room or—“

“This is the council’s room.”

I froze.

Looked up, saw the ten zebras with their fancy clothes and gold and facial markings. Sat on thrones around a big table.

This was it. Life-or-death situation. Glory or shame.

“Oh, um, uh—“ I bowed, waved my hand, smiled, stretched my hand, and flailed said hand. “G-good afternoon?”

Scattergun greetings. Yeah, that’s gonna work.

The zebras rose from their chairs.

I thought, Is this actually working?

One of them smacked a hoof on the table.

“To every zebra on this world’s face, you have proven yourself a disgrace!”

Anger a dragon. Anger the Dragon Lord. Anger all ten Dhamana leaders. Great. Can’t believe I was that stupid guy ten years ago.

“Our apologies we advance,” his neighbor said, pushing him back to his seat. “Unfortunate, his day, but only by chance.”

Keep calm. Keep cool, said that to myself. You’re not dead, you’re not dead. You’re still alive. I'm still alive. Why am I about to run to the toilet to cry?

I confess. I would've done it. Didn’t know where the toilet was though.

“Sight See is this human’s name,” Telat’e said, stepping forward for me. “And our deal with the dragons… that’s his game.”

The ten zebras nodded. I’m not gonna get executed yet. Hooray.

”Then we are pleased and welcome you to our fold. Now we’ll assume your best in our dialogue.”

Great. Unsarcastically great. Things were looking up.

“Oh, before I wholly forget—“ and Telat’e rummaged his saddlebag, took out something “—be armed with this resource… so you shall improve yourself yet.”

I took the thing.

It’s a book. The Anglish Dictionary of Rhymes.

The zebras gazed at me weird, just like the dragons.

Why do you do this to me?: My thoughts on Telat’e’s nice gesture.

“Do you not know our good rhyme’s flow?” yet another zebra leader asked.

He sounded innocent, but he’s putting nails in my coffin of shame. I gulped—don’t know how many throat lumps I ate.

Now you think I’d have learned my lesson.

“… well, uh, I know how your rhyme flows. I just need, um, more words!… ‘cause more words means more rhymes, am I right?”

Proof that I didn’t learn my lesson.

I’m sure it was Telat’e’s smile that made them accept me. Not my butchered non-rhymingness.





“… but you had those talks, right?” Desk asks.

“Yeah, we did.”

He takes another sip. “So how was it?”

I can answer, but I want some rest. Way too much story in a single block. So I look around, refresh my eyes.

Huh. Don’t remember that many Equestrians here before we started. Now there’s a pony couple in love, singing karaoke way better than my “screechy singing voice”. There’s a kirin spouting way too many words thanks to our truth serums… A.K.A., vodka. There’s a griffon bringing wine to the table. Don’t know how he isn’t kicked out yet.

That’s a good break.

I turn back to Desk to say: “It was… humiliating.” Takes time to tell the hard truth, you know?

Desk chuckles. His cheeks are red. Clearly in I’m-not-thinking-straight territory.

“It’s not that bad, but still...” I sigh, shaking my head. How did I get to this point? But go on: “I sounded like a toddler there. I… I was talking to Shakesplintian researchers!”

Desk rubs his hooves, not chuckling at my joke. “Well, what did you say?” Narrows his eyes at me. “Worst example?” So pesky. Wish I got the diplomatic permission to punch him.

Have to answer, though. I breathe in. “Um… ’We shall provide the glass heated by their volcanoes, but only if you accept this compromise… of—wait, what word rhymes with volcanoes—um... buenos?’”

He laughs. Laughs so loud. Everyone’s looking at us. Stop looking at us.

“Laugh that up, furball,” I say. No, I’m not drunk, I tell you. Seriously. “I’m much better these days.”

“Really, really?” he says. Still suspicious. Don’t like his tone. “What’s that ad they had for the phones? ‘Anything you need, we have an app for it?’”

How does he know I have the Anglish Dictionary of Rhymes app?

I don’t let it get to me. “It’s… agh, the meeting went OK. Telat’e gave me guidelines, official reports, had the draft deal on paper. The prepping lessons turned out useful… though I still had to keep up that smile. No one’s supposed to ask me too many questions.”

Desk nods. Looks pensive. Pensively pie-eyed.

“They didn’t get mad?” he asks. Keeps asking the right questions at the wrong time, this pony.

I just sit up. “OK… right before Ember arrived, we’re wrapping up. Just talk about last details, wait for Ember to arrive so she could catch up, sign the thing. The zebras were drinking, relaxing while we waited. I wanted to sample some of their drinks… sampled a bit too much.”

Desk chuckles again. I need the permission to stop his chuckling. Or sanction it.

But I’m in too deep. Gotta confess. I sigh. “OK… I said, ‘Hey! You got to think before you drink. Right, right, right?!’”

That pony’s jaw drops to the counter. “No. Way. No way you did that!”

“Yes way I did. Did that in front of Dhamana’s ten leaders… who, by the way, were completely sober.”

He holds his laughter in. Please keep it quiet. “D-did they try to kill you?”

“Even worse.”

Desk leans in. This is gonna be a good one to tell.

“They laughed.”





Yeah, I let them laugh. They smacked the table, hugged each other so they wouldn't fall. All of them. Even Telat’e. Et tu.

The first time they saw a drunk human goof around, it’s me. Glad to be breaking ground with y'all. Cultivating friendship between the worlds unexpectedly. Yay.

Don’t remember what happened after ‘cause I was plastered. Strong drink, I tell ya'. Yes, keep that mouth open, Desk. You’ll be a mosquito-eating champ in no time.

Next thing I knew, I woke up. Thought I was back in the caravan because of the wooden ceiling. That was until Ember’s face covered my vision.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

Rise and shine? That’s when I figured out: I was lying on a bed. Add to that tons of pain in my skull.

“Argh!… wher-wh-what a-am I?”

“You’re a human… with severe amnesia apparently.” Even when I’m down, she still strikes.

I sat up. My head hurt lots. Reeked of alcohol; I could smell it. The spices in the room didn’t help. They attacked my poor nose.

Speaking of room: I didn’t remember having a huge bedroom in a caravan. Threw me off.

“Ah, Sight See awakens!” Telat’e said. He’s sitting on a bedside chair, probably waiting for me to wake up. He held out a bowl of a weird liquid. “But first, take this medicine unshaken.”

I heard medicine, I yanked it (spilled drops on my knees). It looked like goop with pepper all over. Wasn’t inspiring, but Telat’e was the expert.

I drank it. Extra bitter. I bit my tongue. Did work, though: ‘round 75% of the hangover left me.

“He looks brand new,” Ember remarked. “Not sure what we’d do without you, Mr. Telat.”

Instead of saying, you’re welcome!, he flinched. “Ember! Do you dare devalue the honor of our names?”

Did he hate nicknames? Was this a cultural thing? Yes. Don’t tell me it’s obvious, Desk. It’s before we knew a lot about each other, and I still had a quarter of a hangover.

Ember rubbed her eyes. “Can’t you give me a break? I’m exhausted from your exhausting rhyming lessons.”

“At least we bring our felons back on their hooves, unlike how some deprive their villains of goods.“

Ember glared at him. “Was that an insult?”

“… I have spoken no indignity.”

Ember grumbled but calmed down quick. She yawned. Her breath was hot like summer (had to fan myself). “I’d like to clear myself, but… sleep.”

She turned away, headed out the door, yawned again.

“Catch me when we’re there,” she shouted down the hall.

Now it’s just me and Telat’e. We stared at each other. Didn’t know what to say.

“So,” Telat’e spoke up, smiling at me, “how are you this fine evening?”

“Less horrible… wait, evening?”

Looked around frantic for a clock. Found it. Somewhere around eight o’ clock. Enough time after the meeting to be lots of time. Too much time.

“How did the meeting go? Did we do it? Did we win?”

“The council was pleased with your surprising ease. I can surmise it is with the help of your institutions and their degrees.”

“Wait… you mean universities?”

Telat’e chuckled again. I wanted to ask why he’s laughing out of nowhere.

Oh. He set me up for a rhyme. He’s good.

Telat'e waved his hoof again. “Our analogue is rather freeform—not a teacher, but a mentor. One-on-one or ten at most taught for.”

I took the info in. Must be proud to share his culture with me. Might even ask advice from me. If he did, I'd tell him I had none.

But I had more important stuff to worry about. “Um… where are we?”

Telat’e stroked his chin, made him look wise. “We all are on board an airship, now on its way.”

“Um… what? On its way where… and what?” Didn’t expect to be in the sky so quick. What if I got sudden airsickness? Lame excuse, but you never know.

The zebra chuckled another time. Sure, this might abe a thing, laughing smugly at me. “What else but to begin our contract, in Ponyville’s Mirror Pool—for our pact?”

I heard those words.

My brain stopped working.

You know what? I shouldn’t be there. Or here. I should’ve been dead a long time ago. I just couldn’t believe it.

I slept.
> Why Don't I Just Throw in The Towel?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve heard of Ponyville’s Mirror Pool before. It’s a pool that duplicates stuff. Kind of like a mirror but magical. When we discovered the high school portal, the other side was a mirror. Didn’t take long for leaders to say, “Let’s mass-produce portals from that pool, no?” But it’s still a pool. I know too well: slippery surface plus prank equals splash.

Hearing that we’re going there scared me. Knowing my luck, I’d find new ways to fall into a pool. Had a nightmare about that. No, Luna wasn’t there to help me. She should've been there.

I didn’t want leave my bed. Might’ve gotten out of the Dragon Lands and Dhamana alive, but third time’s the (unlucky) charm. I just knew something bad was gonna happen this time.

And on cue, it began with Ember dragging me out of bed so I’d fall to the floor. The worst wake-up call.

“Ouch! Would you stop—“

“—doing that? No. I’m not gonna wait around and gently poke you awake.”

“Give me a break! I could’ve died!"

Ember glared at me. Again, don’t anger a dragon. Take it from me. She almost cooked me.

But she sighed. Took deep breaths. With a groan and an eyeroll: “Alright, Sight See. At least you have that use.”

Use. A dragon using me. At this point, why not?

“What use?” I asked anyway.

Ember groaned again, covering her face. “Why’d you have to make me say it?… OK, fine: You’re keeping me in check, keeping me from going berserk.”

“… uh, what?” The Dragon Lord complementing me. Not bad. Still unbelievable.

She groaned some more. She was… I remember her blushing. I made the Dragon Lord embarrassed. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

“You slowed me down with Atalayi. If you weren’t there, I would’ve toasted him. Who knows what everyone’d think of us dragons?”

This was my chance to redeem myself. Or something. “Why, thank you—“

“Come with me to the deck before you make me spill my feelings even more. Oh, and since there’s no important papers there, I’m giving you a new job: whatever it is they have at the pool.”

Couldn’t say no to that. If I did, might as well jump ship.

I followed her out to the deck. There, zebras did their thing with clothes-making and potion-making and other stuff, but now there’s a few dragons present too, mostly being guards or carrying big things. Guess we stopped at the Dragon Lands at some point.

Speaking of big things: crates and cargo took up lots of space. Had labels for draconian sulfur, volcanic glass, magic herbs and flowers. Didn’t have to ask what they’re for. They’re undeniable proof that the deal went through, and I helped. I was the happiest man on Earth. No, in Equestria.

We lowered down through the pegasi’s clouds (nabbed bland cotton candy from them). Then I saw Ponyville. My heart warmed. Finally, I was very close to home, back to where I should be in this whole internship thing. So wanted to jump down, kiss the ground, hug the first internmate I see and tell them to never leave me again. I was desperate.

We touched down. I looked outside. Ponies rushed to meet and greet us. They got a treat coming up for ‘em: the Dragon Lord, the cultural mediator of Dhamana, and that one boneheaded human. Of course, Twilight was there, scratching her head, searching for me. When she saw I wasn’t eaten by a rock bear, she sighed in relief. Then she greeted the leaders.

Wasn't in the mood for an antsy princess’s lecture, but I had to play the part of being there. I walked beside Ember and Telat'e, hoping my “importance” would keep Twilight away.

“So how was it, Sight See?”

That's Twilight asking, trotting beside me. Sounded so worried like I'm her son. I'm wondering if she treated Line Drop like a son too.

“You didn't get into any danger, did you?” she went on.

I kept the smile up. Wished I’d say, I'm OK, Mom. “Not really. I'm very much fine.”

“Then explain the bruise on your face.”

Oh. Right. That thing. Thanks Ember.

“I'm just... really clumsy. Should've been more careful.” I mean, it's technically true. I was clumsy. A clumsy good guy who stood up to danger. Or clumsy half-wit.

“If you say so.” She sighed. Really looking concerned for someone she just met this morning. “I... I just want you to be OK. It'd be bad if I welcomed you to this world only to let you suffer a magic curse or worse.”

“Well, thank you for the concern, princess.” Though she’s getting overbearing. But I guess a princess does have lots to worry about.

Twilight nodded, about to leave, but she turned to me again. “Just one more thing: where're you going?”

“With Ember and Telat'e. Still got work to do in the Mirror Pool. Maybe carry a few things, be a supervisor for a few hours. Who knows?”

“Alright... just stay safe out there.”

We said our goodbyes. I thought I was done with her until she called out again, trotting back to me.

“By the way, Sight, your buddies are in the new Ponyville Lodge. You'll go there to turn in for the night. Got that?”

My friends were already done with their day one shifts. I still have to do more work in a dangerous environment. Agh.

With Twilight gone, we journeyed towards the Mirror Pool. However, I noticed Telat'e’s dreamy eyes facing the Everfree Forest.

Got me curious. “What's gotten into you?”

Telat'e snapped his head back like he just woke up. “Excuse me for my improper inattention. A fellow zebra lives there, worthy of mention.”

“Really? Never heard of zebras living here.”

Telat'e chuckled again. This time, though, he wasn’t smug or calm. Sounded nervous. So I put two and two together. Nervous chuckle, dreamy eyes, the blushing cheeks I just noticed all had to add up to something.

“Are you in love?” I smugly asked.

Telat'e stared, stuttered at me. There it was! Love.

“F-for inspiration only, really!”

Raised my eyebrow, being more smug. Finally, a time when I could be cocky and it’s called for.

“You see, she is a rare mare! Zecora's one of the few who sojourned out of Dhamana without a care, during those days when we wouldn't to the world lay our hearts bare! From so many reports, she is well-traveled—a brave soul and sort!”

“And she lives in the forest too?” I asked, but then I paused. The forest looked off.

“That only makes her all more admirable as a folk!” he continued. “For Everfree's cockatrice, timberwolves, cragadiles, and poison joke—these beasts and terrors (and more!) she can put under her stroke!”

So the forest is infested with horrors. Poor me. Minutes ago, I thought I was home free. So close to catching up with my friends and sleeping in. So close to waking up to a normal day and work with unicorns. But, no, maybe I would get mauled by a rock bear after all. But come on! It’s just a pool. As long as I didn’t fall into it, I’d be fine. Still had a scary forest to go through.

We stepped into the Everfree. Ember was alert, Telat’e was fascinated, the dragon and zebra guards were, um, on guard. Then you look at me: smiling on the outside. Inside, I was scared at everything. The branch cracks, the spooky eyes, the growling from anywhere, shadows running. Creepy stuff everywhere, creepy alive stuff and creatures.

“Hey, stop holding my arm!”

I was clinging on to Ember’s arm for dear life and I didn't know. I stopped, but I the guards were already snickering behind me.

Facade’s falling apart. I’m falling apart. But just a few more minutes of this and I could rest. All I had to do was follow the signs. Literal signs. Arrow signs pointing to the right cave.

At the entrance, lots of construction ponies with their tools and machines. They welcomed us into the cave. Felt like they welcomed me to the final boss.

I stepped in. Was a bit of a tunnel. Scary tunnel with the spooky echoes of whatever’s inside.

Then we got to the cave itself.

Down there, ponies and other creatures went around, doing work: hauling heavy stuff, inspecting machinery and other tools, following schedules and recording measurements. Saw temporary shelters, probably for lab tinkering and literal sleeping on the job.

The Mirror Pool was there. I could see a line of huge mirrors dipped inside it plus a little pipe streaming the mirror water into huge vats. For later use, I guess. Either way, it reminded me of that show where they showed you how they make things. It's amazing: the mirror portals before they became portals.

Railings were by the pool, but that’s it for safety measures as far as I knew. And hard hats. They had hard hats. Pink hard hats even.

There’s Line Drop, looking at things and writing on a clipboard. Natch. Supervisor on the first day. And then he noticed me.

“Oh, hi, Sight!” he said, waving at me.

I waved back, faking my smile before Ember nudged me on the shoulder.

“Is he your friend?” she asked.

“Yes! That’s Line Drop! He’s with us.”

“Hm. I heard he’s the one who fell into the pool.”

I grimaced. Not a good time to remind me even though the pool is so big you can’t miss it.

“Fell down the Mirror Pool, you say?” Telat’e said. “I’m fazed he’s not in disarray!”

I coughed. Nervous cough. “I mean, if he’s fine, it’s not that bad, right?”

As we moved down to ground level. Underground level.

Before all this happened, I heard a tale about the Mirror Pool. Some friend of the princess copied herself tons of times. Heard they had a real scare. The whole town was swarmed with pink ponies. Even gave existential crises to the real mare.

So when Line Drop approached me, I almost screamed. I’m not having a zombie take me alive. I’m not gonna get cursed. I wasn’t, I wasn’t, I wasn't.

He said, “I heard you got snatched by the dragon leader, eh?”

“Not snatched!” I shot back, trying to stay in the dragon-zebra line. “I volunteered for this job… which is cool, by the way!”

“Heh. You volunteered to be snatched, I’d say,” and he giggled to his clipboard. Normal Line Drop.

He looked normal. His clones could be that good. I might've been infected with existential crises already. They might be hiding his body. Twilight’s a princess—maybe she’d given us a PR statement back in the morning, not the truth. And there’s the pool. There’re creatures behind me. All it’d take was a push and...

“Sight See?”

“Agh!”

Jumped back, bumped into Ember.

Got my senses back, but my head's still dizzy. Looked up. Ember was in fighting stance, glaring at me again.

“What’s your problem?!” she asked.

And everyone in the line was gaping at me.

I buckled. “Um… sorry! I just got, uh, surprised!”

“Yeah, you were.” Narrowed her cat eyes at me. “You know, subordinates usually don’t scream when I call them.”

Fumbled for words. “Um… a-heh-heh!” Nervous, I know.

She rolled her eyes. “Just stay quiet until I tell you what to do, OK? First things first: gotta announce this deal."

We stopped walking.

Ember flew to the air and shouted, “Everyone! Look at me!”

Everyone stopped what they’re doing, looked at her. I noticed a few terrified ponies. Somepony dropped his glass of water.

“From now on, you’ll be making portals much faster! The dragons and the zebras agreed to give you our resources and other helpful portal stuff. We’ll help connect our world to the human world faster so everyone wins, uh, faster. Happy ending ever after. You get me? Argh—you get me.”

What a laid-back speech. Everyone’s OK with it though. We had proof, after all: dragons and zebras in our line plus crates of helpful portal stuff.

Ember barked orders for this and that dragon and zebra. Bring the sulfur to the lab, send the glassblowing dragons to the mirror-making area, et cetera.

“Sight See! You’re under… that guy!”

I followed her scaly finger. Guess who’s there.

“Um, my name’s Line Drop, your Highness,” he said, looking up from his clipboard again.

Ember smiled. “Ah! That’s the respect I’d like to see!” She turned to me. “Sight, be like your friend.” She’s not that supportive. I’m not surprised if she treats her future children with a fly-or-die attitude.

“Line Drop, help him out. He has more experience with dragons and zebras than any other human in your batch.”

There’s the complement!

“But he sucks at keeping calm with dragons and speaking rhymes for zebras, so assist him with supervisory stuff or something.”

And there's the back-handed insult. Or back-clawed insult.

Ember went away to Telat’e to talk about more serious stuff. Just leaving me alone to fend for myself, I see!

”Ready for some hands-on training, See?” Complete with his welcoming hand on my shoulder. Doomed, I tell ya’.

OK, not all doomy. I was scared to go ten feet near mirror water, but I did decent ‘sides that. I took Line Drop’s words in: he taught me everyone's names and roles (‘least the old employees before Ember brought in more), gave me crash courses on what the jobs were and what this machine had to do with that material, even lessons on how to make your own mirror portal (though I was told to never try it at home. Or at all.)

I didn’t want to talk to him about the incident. Just seeing the pool already rattled me. What if he’s a clone but nobody knew? Might infect me with mirror disease. Yeah, paranoia to the max, but, Desk, understand: I should’ve died in the Dragon Lands or in Dhamana. I was scared a clone breathing on me would do me in.

After Drop’s boring but useful lectures, I had some idea of what to do. Some idea of a gist of an impression. Yeah. That. This pony has to not slack from the claw mirror pick-up thingy in the pool. That kind of stuff. Kept nodding to his words. Nodding was inoffensive. He thought I was 100% listening.

“Hey, I gotta go to the toilet.” Tapped me on the chest with a fist. "You got this, OK?”

I wish he didn’t do that. Didn’t run away and leave me alone like Ember. Alone to face everyone on my own. But I had to do it.

“Uh, OK, Drop.”

So he left. Still, I needed my training wheels back. Everyone whirled around me. Activities everywhere. Didn’t know where to start. So noisy and confusing.

“Now, Dragon Lord, go and behold! It’s Zecora, that zebra I’ve told!”

I beheld too. Didn’t go, though. Ember didn’t go too.

Another zebra came in, a mare. Huge earrings, gold neck- and earrings, saddlebags of flowers, herbs, extracts. One point for Telat’e and his “inspiration”: looks the well-traveled part, ‘least with the bags.

Speaking of the guy, I saw him. He got the hots for her, heart eyes and everything.

“Lovebird!” Ember shouted at him. “You got more important things—“

Telat’e went off to greet her.

I had a very bad feeling about this, but I let it slide. Telat’e was a professional. Surely he’d know his limits and get back to work, right?

Went to Ember just in case. Tried to fill the hole he’d left. Also tried to chummy up to her. Also wanted to tell everyone, Hey, I’m a big deal because I’m hanging out with Ember the Dragon Lord!

“There’s the love,” I said to her. Even nudged her shoulder. What cool humans do. Stupid cool humans like me.

Ember rolled her eyes. Maybe it’s a common thing for her. "He’d stop right now if he knew better. We still have to outline our next deal.”

“You already have a next deal?”

“Can you stop repeating what I say?”

I shut my mouth. Hard to argue with a dragon. Desk, just because I did it before doesn’t mean it’s gotten any easier.

“Embassies with each other. Dragon-zebra relations. All that good stuff.” Jerked a thumb at a flattering Telat’e and a puzzled Zecora. “But Mr. Lovestruck has other plans and—”

Thud!

Things got silent. I turned around.

By the railings, a pony and a dragon dirty-looking each other. Fallen box on the side. I guessed one bumped the other. Not the oh-I’m-sorry kind of bump.

Lightning wit time: I pointed at them and declared, “Hey! No fighting here, OK? We want to keep this clean and simple!”

They stared at me for a while. I was too much for ‘em, so they groaned, and returned to work.

I had some legitimacy now. I was the supervisor. Acting supervisor, yeah, but I’m a leader and that’s something. Perhaps I shouldn’t threaten sanctions all the time, but this was supervisor stuff, not complicated diplomat sorcery. But of course it was.

“This romance is gonna kill me,” Ember said, shaking her head at Telat’e flattering Zecora. “No respect for my time.”

I should’ve noticed her change in attitude a bit more. She might snap. Maybe I should stop her. Or maybe not because I did nothing. Getting choked by Ember twice wouldn’t be fun.

So I got very surprised when Ember stomped over to Telat’e, lodged her finger to his snout, and said… unnice things.

“You better stop smooching my time away, especially if you think impressing some mare is more important than international talks… Telat.”

That rustled Telat’e’s feathers. He glared at her. Looked down, pawed the ground.

Zecora had to be the newcomer, didn’t she? “Is there something of which I’m amiss?”

“Nothing,” he growled back, “only that Ember rudely hissed.”

“Really?” Ember crossed her arms. She wasn't ready to fight. Yet. “Getting too worked up about a nickname?“

“It is merely one syllable, one glottal stop—“

“OK, OK! You do you on the names, but how about how you’re wasting my time away?”

“I cannot act and be so serious all this time!” he lashed out. “Zecora is one I look forward to… sublime! To rest and be in awe: is that a crime?”

“Stop using this other zebra!” and Ember stepped forward, blocking Zecora from his view. “Admit it! You’re in love! You’re distracted!”

“And what about that love of mine? I cannot resist unlike your stoic shine!”

“Stoic? Me? You’ve seen me more than enough times. Takes a lot of work to hide the stress of opening the Dragon Lands up to everyone—“

“Yet you do not know the tax and toll on my head, this liberating of Dhamana and—“

“Oh, stop being so pleased with your sorry self!”

“Then cease having no care for my customs and sensibilities at random!”

“Uh, guys, c-could you please stop?”

That last one was me.

They looked at me. Mouths open, about to fight back. Actual fighting could've happened.

Couldn’t believe I said those words. Was in the moment, but still, I angered angry big names. I hoped I did the right thing. They weren’t shouting at each other—ust impolite whispers. But the moment the workers heard them shout...

“And who do you think you are butting it like that?” Ember said. Calmer, but still angry.

Didn’t know what to say. Looked down. Thought about it. Didn’t feel so good. I came here just to avoid a thesis. Who am I to butt in and be the peaceful middleman?

Then I heard the shouts. All too real.

All of us looked back. It’s the same pony and dragon from before, fighting again.

“Hey!” I shouted, running there, running out of breath. “Hey, stop doing that!”

But they tussled each other into the air. They went over the railing, flying into the pool.

I heard the splash.

Next thing I knew, two ponies and two dragons were fighting. All four looked the same. Couldn’t tell who’s who, but why thnk about that? There was more fighting and trouble to take care of.

I froze. Didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to ruin it anymore. I’d already done enough.

But it just got worse. Guards swooped in, got swatted into the pool. Now the guards are trying to kill their copies by turning them into magic streams, sending them back to the pool.

Why was I only watching? I was supposed to be the calm and collected leader, but guess what? Chaos. Fighting, more fighting. More throws, more of the same pony and dragon, hurting each other, innocent laborers, smashing stuff. Can’t even tell where’re the originals.

Speaking of smashing stuff, I heard glass crack. Reminded me about that thing Line Drop said. Don’t let the mirrors stay in the pool for too long.

“Hey! Pull the mirrors back up!”

Several ponies heard me, came to the rescue and pulled the mirrors out, but it’s too late. No, they weren’t broken or cracked. They’re fully operational.

Just got the wrong dimension. One where floating flaming centipede things lived.

Those monsters shot out of the portal. Scared just about everybody, even me. Enough to make me hide behind a rock. Yup. There I was, behind a dinky rock.

I just wanted to work with nice unicorns. What’d I get? A job I didn’t want. Got attacked by one dragon, then the leader of all of ‘em. Barely survived a zebra council where I embarrassed myself too much. Now, not even thirty minutes into this job, I destroyed everything: didn’t pay attention, caused clones, let thingamajigs terrify us for fun. Certainly set our worlds’ relations back decades.

I shed a tear. My throat was heavy. Ready to break down and sob it all out.

I had enough of this.





I put my glass away. Still a lot to go, but I don’t want to botch the ending for poor Clean Desk here. I mean, he’s looking at me like he’s won a trophy.

“But," he asks, "how’d you survive?”

I chuckle. Little habit I picked up from Telat’e. “Well, you know those times when you just sulk around? You just want to sink and cry ‘cause you think you can’t be better?”

That sets him thinking. “Huh. I’ve had some of that before. Even… um, uh, well, just this morning.”

The perfect set-up. “And I assume you didn’t stay sinking and crying the whole day, right?” You see, I like it when they set themselves up for a lesson.

“Er…” Ears turn up in realization. “Actually… yeah.”

I smile. He’s got it.

“Yup. We all get down. Young college me? He got down bad.”

I make my smile wider. Hope Desk opens his mouth in amazement.

“But you know what young me realized that day? You don’t stay down.”





I realized it then. A lightning bolt of wisdom. I’d think people would call me dumb, foolish, dead between the ears. They’d call me stupid. But if I’m gonna be stupid, might as well be the stupid hero.

I rose from my rock and screamed.

Just about everyone looked at me (except the fighting ponies and dragons and centipede things). Stupid heroism begins with stupid first steps.

“What’re you doing?!” Ember said, rushing to me. Grabbed my shoulder. “Are you insane?!”

“J-j-just getting myself back on track, Ember.” Surprised myself how I went from loud to calm. OK, shaky and nervous, but I didn’t shout at her after just shouting at everyone.

Felt like rocks in my stomach, but I just had to say it. I stared at Ember. Forced the words out: “Are we doing something for the… you know, the weird floating things?” Pointed at the centipede creatures shooting fireballs at fleeing ponies.

Ember glared at me. “I was going to rally the other dragons to fight them off, but a certain human screamed that thought away.”

I gulped. “Uh, I’m a good reminder…?”

“Agh. Never mind. Just don’t get yourself killed.”

She flew off. Ember then summoned all the dragons in here to team up and fight the centipede things.

OK. Maybe I’d have my heroics done some other way. Well, there’s Telat’e with other zebras…throwing magic spears at the pony and dragon clones, disintegrating them back to the pool.

Then my ears re-opened up to all the screaming and panic everywhere.

That’s it. I could—no, should help get everybody to safety. As the supervisor of this thing, it’s my duty.

I ran to open space, jumped around like a dummy, and shouted, “Everyone! Everyone! Everyone not fighting or needed out here, follow me to the shelter!”

So we did. Had too many close calls—fireballs landed inches away from us—but we made it, hunkered down inside. We locked the doors and windows tight.

There were noises and rumbles outside, but we’re safe and sound here.

I did the usual emergency routine. Roll call, listed down post-emergency to-do’s. I’m surprised I was able to do that without running away. No stage fright. I know my hands trembled like crazy though.

We stayed inside forever but then, out of nowhere, the noises and rumbles stopped. Stayed quiet. Was everyone dead?

I could feel their stares when I creaked the door open.

Same old cave. ‘cept the clones and centipedes weren’t there. Just the normal creatures. Still, I didn’t feel sure so I shouted, ”All clear?!”

“All clear!” That’s a pony outside.

I sighed… but the mirrors. “And the mirrors?!”

“For the chopping block! Too broken to fix.”

I sighed but it’s a bad sigh. Had to steel myself though. Turned around and told everyone they’re free to go out.

We got back out. A lot less claustrophobic now. Everyone’d ran away from work of course. Now they’re getting back to work. Or trying to: saw ponies shell-shocked, jittery, but they were trotting back to their stations, so...

“… well, it won’t take you three months anymore. With us, we’ll all have portals made in just… what was that again?"

“That’s two weeks or three,” Telat’e replied to Ember. Then to the pony portal operators ‘fore them: “Your time’s that free!”

“See?” and Ember spread her arms at them. “Don’t get all too gloomy about it.”

After they’re done with talking, Telat’e trotted away. Didn’t know why, so I looked. There she was, Zecora. Either she’s in love too or she’s very polite with unlikeable suitors.

“Sight See?“

That’s Ember. Crossed arms, glare. Walking to me.

I gulped, sighed, breathed, fixed my tie. Wasn’t just her body heat that made me sweat. Live-or-die time.

“I don’t know about you,” she said. Gruff as always. “You were pretty stupid out there. Actually, you're pretty stupid everywhere.”

I thought, Cut to the chase. Am I fired? Enslaved to her forever? On dragon death row?

She didn’t say any of that though. Instead, she smiled.

“But I gotta admit. You got guts. The dragons need humans with guts in their embassy thingies.”

I kept quiet. Too stupidly amazed to say anything.

“I’m afraid this is the end of your Human Lord of Important Papers stint. I’m sure there’s something a lot safer for you here in Equestria… but I don’t know.” Raised her brows. Gave me a cryptic smile. “I’ll just keep an eye on you and we’ll play by ear, OK? I can make something crop up after your university thingie.”

I must’ve mumbled out my OK. Nodded my head, dumb mouth wide open.

I just stood there when Ember left. Everyone else was doing things around me. My brain was malfunctioning. I was gonna be back with my friends tonight, ready to drop dead on the bed, but I survived. Survived to do something that had some impact on things. Big things. Couldn't believe it.

I was crazy. Had no back-up plan for the many times bad things happened to me. Was a kid who messed everything up. But hey, I bounced back. Even though I almost died and you should never ever be stupid like me, Desk… OK, maybe a little. It’s the don’t-stay-down part you should listen to more.

Now I felt like I was missing someone...

“Sight See!”

I looked back, saw Line Drop haggard, coming from the porta-toilet.

“I heard all the noises!” he shouted, horrified. “I tried to get out but I locked myself in! It's only now I got out!” Eyes darting everywhere. “Is everyone OK? What’d I miss?”

I chuckled. “You missed a lot, Line Drop. Let’s just say… thank you for the learning experience.”

He stared at me flatly. “… what?”
> Why Do I Embrace the Chaos?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I handed the job back to Line Drop. Went back outside, back to Ponyville. There’s Twilight’s doing panicky damage control ‘cause of a runaway centipede. Went to the lodge, met my friends again. Talked a good deal before we slept. People love survivor stories that way.

“Next day, got myself a job at town hall, assistant to an assistant’s assistant in handling Ponyville’s legal stuff with inter-dimensional travel… and the rest is history.” I point to myself, show my clean teeth.

I push my glass very far away. I was done.

Clean Desk looks up at me with those wide eyes. His breath is officially away. “Wow… I… uh, that was—“

“Encouraging?”

Desk looks down at his hooves. Slowly nods. “Y-yeah. I’ll… I’ll try to, um, bounce back—“

“And don’t be afraid to make mistakes,” I add, raising my finger. Having a hard time keeping it up. “You know… all those friendship lesson stuff you tell each other. That too.” I did read that Friendship Journal. Ponies have a habit of being telly with morals.

Desk nods and now he nods off. Sleepy eyes?

He drops asleep on the counter. Drool spills from his mouth. Alcohol-stinking breath. Empty glass filled more than five times.

Let him rest. Let the poor pony rest. It’s Saturday tomorrow. Monday’s far away.

I pat him on the back. Lean in to his ear. “You’ll do a good job out here. Promise me you’ll knock ‘em dead, ay?”

“Uh, should I call a taxi?”

I look up. Mr. Noble Grain, the man of nuisance. Now with more sweat on his bald head. Mr. Noble “I don’t want anyone to die while I’m here” Grain.

“Eh, can you ask him where he lives?” I ask back. “Very good time to ask him since he’s obviously not oiled.”

“Dead?!”

“Please! Take a joke!”

But I hear the door open. Another pony comes in, a mare. Looks twenty-ish like Desk here.

“Um, I’m looking for Clean Desk. He’s our boardmate at the Waldock Apartment—is that him?!”

Those huge eyes, her bent neck and head in absolute horror.

“Uh-huh,” I say, shrugging. “I guess so.”

She gallops up to him, takes the seat beside him and rubs his dirty mane. “Oh, no! Poor Desk!” Isn’t pointing hooves at me though, so fair game.

I glare at Grain. “Now you call a taxi, loverboy.”

“B-but I a-already broke up with her—“

“Tch! Quiet and call a taxi, heartbreaker!”

He glares at me, saying nothing before calling for a taxi. Kids these days. They make relationships last one hour. Back in my day, they lasted days.

While he calls and the mare comforts the drunken Desk, I get a text. Phone so bright, killing my eyes, but I read:

Ember is here with company. Wants you to join her. On trip to commission Pole Lock to make a gem painting of herself.

Heh. Ember had to give in to the trend sooner or later… but head hurts, feel pooped, think I’d insult Pole Lock, start a fight.

I politely text no. Much as I can text drunk. Head so heavy!

And then, it’s ringing?

“Sight See! Don’t tell me you’re going to pass this up! I’m sick and tired of everyone else telling me I should get my own portrait. If they’re gonna be like that, I’ll just get the best and make ‘em shut up!”

“Bu-ut wai-i—“

“Come over here ASAP or else!”

Call ends. Eh. Argh. Ugh.

I stare away and smile. I know this won’t end so well, but I haven’t had a bad feeling about things like this for a very, very… very long time.

Let’s ro… r-r-r… roll?

Then comes Grain to help me stagger out of the bar. "Know what, Nobel Grain? Stop helping me! I’m the admirable assistant of some empath with dragons and zebras! I can do this on my own!"

“Sir! You’re too drunk for this establishment—s-stop kicking! Just… just go do your thing outside!”

“Shut up! I got a grip to a tallery with ehis Tember, and I got a pem gainting to buy or else!”