> The ‘Ship’ in ‘Shipping’
>  by Elkia Deerling
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prelude
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the largest harbor in Baltimare, a ship was moored. But it wasn’t just your ordinary rowboat. This was the biggest ship ever built by pony hooves and probably lots of magic too. The S.S. Ocean’s Embrace rose out of the water like the skyscrapers rose from the asphalt in downtown Baltimare. Its solid, pink-and-red steel hull shone in the morning sun, casting a glow over the entire harbor. Hundreds of portholes dotted the side of the ship, and three gargantuan smokestacks reached for the sky, crowing the royal vessel. Not to mention the awe-inspiring anchor, which hung on a golden chain to the side of the ship. 

It was intended to be a cruise ship, and a luxurious one at that. There were tennis courts, restaurants, cafes, bars, pools, steam rooms, gaming halls, casinos, ballrooms, art galleries, a cinema, a theater, and probably even more nonsense ponies tend to waste their time with. 

Yes, yes, yes, you get my point. It was a really nice boat, let’s keep it at that. Why spend a whole page describing how “wonderful” the ship was? Ha! I could probably have popped up a much larger ship straight out of the dimension where the entire world is flooded, with just a snap of my fingers. Maybe ponies are just easily impressed. I don’t know. Point is: the way the ship looked wasn’t that interesting. What was interesting, however, was the fact that Twilight and her friends went on board as well. They probably thought this cruise would be a relaxing respite from all their life-threatening adventures, or maybe they thought it would bring them closer together and strengthen their friendship. My, oh my, were they mistaken!

They stood upon the main deck, hanging over the railing and waving together with the other passengers at the thousands of ponies standing on the quay, admiring the boat as if it were the most important thing in their lives. To celebrate its completion, it was going to sail from Baltimare all the way to Trottingham over the Celestial Sea. Its maiden voyage was supposed to be a cruise, a romantic cruise on the one day of the year where love actually seemed to matter: Hearts and Hooves Day. What Twilight and her friends didn’t know, however, and what they could have expected but at the same time not, was that things were about to get really… romantic. 

It was Hearts and Hooves Day, after all.
> Chapter one: the fast ship
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘How fast do you think this ship goes?’ Rainbow Dash asked, as she opened her locker.

A mumble went through the Wonderbolts team. They had just finished a live flight show, probably to celebrate the first few (nautical) miles without any disaster, entertaining the guests on the upper deck with their aerial acrobatics. Because that is what the Wonderbolts do all the time, flutter about or race through the sky in fancy patterns whenever ponies have another one of their many, many celebrations. They were all pretty tired and busy taking showers and clearing away their stuff in the dressing room. Of course they were all looking forward to nosediving into their beds, or, on second thought, maybe enjoy a cocktail or two in the evening bar on the main deck?

‘I believe you measure the speed in ropes or something,’ Fleetfoot said, stuffing a towel in her locker.

‘Who cares? We’re faster anyway,’ was Blaze’s intelligent answer.

Spitfire hung up her goggles and zipped out of her uniform. Then she gave Dash an irritated stare. ‘Just stop wondering about that and focus instead on the stuff that matters,’ she said. ‘Like your corkscrews. You spun way too slow. They looked like something a pony on her first day of Junior Speedsters flight camp would do with her eyes closed and her hooves trembling with nervousness.’

Dash’s content smile disappeared. ‘What? Really?’

Walking towards her, Spitfire punched her on the shoulder. ‘Nah, just teasing you. The performance was good.’

The smile reappeared. ‘Nice! Eh… I mean, thank you, ma’am.’ Dash saluted.

‘Ha! No need to be all stiff. See you tomorrow, Crash.’ And with that, the Wonderbolts exited the dressing room.

Rainbow Dash finished putting her stuff away and left too. In the hallway, she stumbled upon Soarin. He looked kind of tense, as if he had been waiting for somepony. Of course, Rainbow Dash didn’t notice such subtle details. ‘Hey Soarin, what’s up?’

Swallowing hard, Soarin traced circles with his hoof on the spotless wooden floor. ‘Eh… I wanted to compliment you on your performance. Your solo part was really impressive. The way you made that nosedive… I could hear the air screech. Really cool.’ 

‘Gee, thanks, Soarin. I liked your moves too,’ Dash said, letting the praise flow over her.

‘No, you don’t understand.’ Soarin stepped closer until he completely entered Rainbow’s personal space. He trembled as if he were nervous for a performance. ‘I don’t just like your moves. I like you! The way you move, the way you talk, the way you roll your eyes when Spitfire explains a difficult maneuver you obviously already master…’

Rainbow Dash showed a slim smile, which grew to a large grin in no time. She knew where this was going, and she liked it.

Bending through his knees, Soarin continued his pledge, which he totally hadn’t practiced a thousand times in front of the mirror. ‘You’re really awesome, Rainbow Dash. You’re the awesomest pony I know. More awesome than anypony on the team. Anypony in Equestria! You’re really special to me and I… I think I’m in love with you.’

Rainbow Dash let out a loud chuckle. She laughed right in Soarin’s face. His hopeful, puppy-eyed gaze turned into one of disappointment. This was probably what rejection felt like. ‘So… you don’t love me?’

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Rainbow Dash calmed down a bit. She playfully ruffled Soarin’s already messy mane with her hoof. ‘Of course I love you. I loved you from the moment I first saw you.’

Soarin dared to look into Dash’s eyes again. ‘Really?’

‘Sure. You’re a strong flyer, I’m a strong flyer, we’re a match made in heaven.’ Dash nodded. ‘You don’t want to know how many Wonderbolts posters I have in my room with hearts drawn all around your image. Of course I tried to hide my feelings, because, you know… my friends could never know that I was in love. I have a reputation to uphold, after all. Heh, AJ would tease me forever. But now that you speak it out like that, I think it is time to let my true colors shine as well.’

Without further a due, Soarin wrapped his hooves around his new marefriend and kissed her right on the muzzle. With equal passion, Rainbow Dash returned the kiss. It lasted for a few minutes, because they were fit, had big lungs, and could hold their breaths for a very long time. When it finally ended, they looked each other deep into the eyes.

‘So you wanna… well… do it?’ Soarin asked carefully.

‘Ah yeah! Of course I wanna do it!’ Rainbow Dash said, perhaps a little too loud. In one fluent movement, she scooped up Soarin as if he weighed nothing, and held him in her hooves like a baby. 

Soarin didn’t struggle, didn’t even look surprised. He was lost in the moment. ‘I should probably take a shower first.’

‘Nah, don’t bother,’ Dash said back. Then a sly smile appeared on her lips. ‘I think I like you better all sweaty and dirty.’

‘Eh… ok?’ Soarin mumbled, but didn’t get a chance to say anything more. With just a few flaps of her wings, Dash flew out of the dressing room, heading straight towards her sleeping quarters, all the while clutching her prize firmly in her hooves. 

* *  

Did I go a little too far with this one? Well, you wanted a fast ship, didn’t you? So did I. Shipping two ponies in two pages minus introduction and description was no small feat, I’d say. Oh, but you have seen nothing yet. Believe me, things were going to get a lot stranger. Onwards to the next cliché!
> Chapter two: the slow ship, a.k.a. the ship that drags on and on and on
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight had chosen a lovely spot to have breakfast with her friends. Their table stood very close to the railing, so that they could watch the sea slowly gliding by as they nibbled their sandwiches and drank their tea. But they were incomplete. Rainbow Dash was missing. 

‘How can a pony that fast be so tardy?’ Rarity asked with a frown. 

Applejack waved a hoof. ‘Relax, Rarity, it’s not as if we’re in a hurry on this relaxing cruise.’

‘No, but still…’ 

‘Maybe she just needs some more rest,’ Starlight Glimmer offered. ‘That performance sure looked exhausting yesterday.’

‘But so PRETTY!’ Pinkie said, her eyes sparkling like the fireworks that had set the sky ablaze.

Suddenly Twilight pointed. ‘Oh look, here she comes.’ 

Rainbow Dash hovered leisurely towards the table, but almost bumped into a waiter. Landing, she smiled to her friends. ‘What’s up, everypony?’

‘Oh my! What happened to you?!’ Rarity called with big eyes, as if Rainbow Dash were a ghost. She had spotted Dash’s messed-up mane, her ruffled feathers, and the bags under her eyes instantly. She had an eye for detail, after all.

‘Whoa, she’s right,’ Applejack said. ‘Had a rough night or something?’

Rainbow Dash looked dreamily into the distance, pretending to watch the azure sea. Then she let out a small chuckle. ‘Yeah, you could say we had a rough night. But it was good, soooooo good!’ 

‘Wait, who is “we?”’ Twilight asked, although she could very well have taken a guess.

‘Girls, I have something to tell you,’ Dash said. She turned around and gave a loud whistle. A second later, Soarin of the Wonderbolts came trotting from around a corner, as if he had been obediently waiting for Rainbow Dash to call him forth. That was the case, actually.

When he reached the table and stopped right next to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie said, ‘Nice! You finally got his autograph.’

‘Hehe, I got way more than that.’ Rainbow Dash wrapped a hoof around her coltfriend. ‘Girls, I’m in love!’

Her friends’ reactions were all the same: big eyes, gasps, and open mouths. When she finally managed to close her mouth again, Pinkie said, ‘Awwww! That’s so sweet. Congratulations, Rainbow Dash.’

‘I didn’t figure you for a romantic type,’ Applejack said with a teasing smile.

But Dash ignored that smile. ‘I’m not, and neither is Soarin.’

‘Yeah, we’re athletes, not sappy fanfiction writers or something,’ Soarin said. ‘But that doesn’t mean we can’t love each other.’

Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin, thinking this whole situation over, trying to find the logic in it. She could instantly see the click, but wondered why and how Rainbow Dash had kept this crush secret for such a long time, apparently. In the end she shrugged. ‘Well, I think I can speak for all of us when I say we are all happy for you two to have found each other.’

‘So are we,’ Rainbow Dash said. She wrapped her hooves around Soarin’s neck, jerked him to her, and gave him a smooch on the muzzle that was way too loud and passionate. Needless to say, Soarin didn’t mind at all.

Everypony watched them silently in the soundless vacuum of awkwardness, wondering when the kiss would be over. All good things come to an end, eventually, and so did the kiss. Rainbow Dash grabbed Soarin’s hoof and flapped her wings. ‘Now come on! Let’s get married!’

A second gasp went through the ponies, one of true shock this time. ‘Wait, WHAT?!’ Twilight called out.

‘Don’t you think you two are moving a little too… fast?’ Rarity asked.

Soarin laughed. ‘We’re pegasi, of course we’re fast.’

‘There’s actually a chapel somewhere on the ship that can marry couples in less than fifteen minutes,’ Rainbow Dash explained. ‘Just like in Las Pegasus.’ She nudged her love. ‘And now it’s time for a RainVOW Dash. Come on, let’s go!’ 

And before anypony could talk some sense into them or even try to stop them, the two lovebirds were gone. 

‘Shouldn’t we go after them?’ Applejack offered.

‘I’m not sure,’ Twilight said. ‘I have to think this over. Let’s eat first.’ So the ponies continued their breakfast, still a little haunted from the strange scene. Everypony, that is, except Fluttershy. She had been silent the whole time—as is usually the case—and couldn’t even take one single bite anymore. Normally her being silent meant she was at ease, quietly enjoying whatever she was doing and of course, the company of her friends. This morning, however, she was a different kind of silent. Constantly shuffling on her chair, she was sunken in deep thoughts, but nopony could have guessed what exactly she was thinking. In fact, she was gathering courage. 

Next to her sat Pinkie, who had no trouble at all with her appetite. She shoved sandwich after sandwich into her mouth, eating like a swine with curls in an all-you-can-eat restaurant. Of course she received many strict glances from Rarity, but seemed oblivious to them.

The display made Fluttershy smile, and her thinking frowns disappeared. Now, she thought, and tapped Pinkie lightly on the shoulder.

‘Hmm…?’ Pinkie said with her mouth full.
 
But Fluttershy had acted before thinking of the follow up, and was at a loss for words now. ‘Eh… Pinkie, would you… eh… um… I would like you to… That is… Do you think you can…’

‘Of course I would, of course I would like to, and of course I think I can… do what, exactly?’

‘I am… not sure,’ Fluttershy muttered. ‘I have to go and eh… do something. Will you join me?’

Pinkie dropped her sandwiches and stood up. ‘I love doing things. Lead the way!’

Fluttershy could feel the questioning stares in her back as she and Pinkie walked away, but she ignored them. This was her moment. They needed to get as far away as possible. All the way on the other side of the ship was a quiet place. The sun shone and made the Celestial Sea shimmer with a million diamond-like sparkles. The setting was absolutely perfect. Now the only thing Fluttershy had to do was make her move. But that proved to be the hardest part.

‘What did you want to do?’ Pinkie asked, putting her front hooves on the railing and sticking out her tongue to taste the salty air.

Fluttershy kept a little space between them. ‘I eh… actually wanted to talk to you about something.’

‘Hm… I don’t know… Talking about something is way below doing something on my list of things I like to do,’ Pinkie said.

Oh no! She was already messing it up! Fluttershy let out a small gasp. ‘But… it’s important, really important.’

Pinkie Pie turned her head and looked straight into her friend’s eyes. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Please continue, Fluttershy.’

‘Oh, ok then.’ She took a deep breath, let it out in a sigh. It didn’t help. She still had no idea where and how to begin. Pinkie staring directly at her didn’t help much either. ‘Um… Pinkie?’ 

‘Fluttershy?’

‘Yes, I just want to say…’ Should she just say it directly, right-in-your-face style? No, Fluttershy wasn’t like that. But how should she say it then? Was there even a right or wrong way to say it? A proper way? A subtle way? A Fluttershy way? 

Pinkie saw she was hesitating big time, and wanted to put her friend’s mind at ease. She wrapped her hoof around Fluttershy’s shoulder, much like Rainbow Dash had done to Soarin. ‘Amigo, you can tell me anything you want.’

A physical shiver went through Fluttershy’s body. But it wasn’t a shiver of cold, this was a shiver of warmth. It was a pleasant feeling which spread through her entire body. This was exactly how she felt all the time when she saw Pinkie, only now the feeling became amplified a thousand times. 

‘Are you cold?’ Pinkie asked.

‘N-n-not really.’ 

‘But you’re shivering and stuttering.’

‘I eh… I do that all the time.’ 

Pinkie giggled. ‘Oh yes, that’s true.’

That giggle, that cheerful, funny giggle, came like a magical chime to Fluttershy’s ears. It was squeaky and sharp but always invited ponies to follow her example and laugh along. Her giggle was probably what she liked most about Pinkie, together with her puffy cheeks and bright, cheerful eyes, always seeing the positive side of things. Yes, she had to do this. There was no reason not to do this. No more secrets. Fluttershy tried the tactical approach. She started from the beginning.

‘Well, when I saw Rainbow Dash and Soarin together like that, all happy and totally into each other, I realized that I am… totally into you as well.’ She gasped, the words had escaped her lips before she knew it.

Pinkie’s face was a frozen picture with a smile. 

Did she realize what Fluttershy had just said? Was this her reaction? Should she continue? She had to. She wasn’t finished yet. Fiddling with her hooves, Fluttershy gathered some more courage and said, ‘I realized I should open up as well, just like Rainbow Dash. I realized I should open up to… you.’

Finally Pinkie’s expression changed. To confusion, actually. She tilted her head. ‘What do you mean “open up?”’

‘Eh… I mean… open up my fee— open up—’

Pinkie suddenly jumped right on top of the railing like a true acrobat and started to sing like nopony was watching:

Open up your eyeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!
See the world from where you stand!
You among the mighty
My ears are at your comaaaaaaand!
 
It wasn’t even out of tune, but Fluttershy still jumped twice as high as Pinkie, flipped forward, and tumbled right over the side of the ship. She was too startled to flap her wings, but not too startled to keep from screaming, and yelled it out.

But Pinkie was quicker. She fell forwards, hooked her tail around the railing, and her front hooves around Fluttershy. Fluttershy kept screaming. ‘Easy, Fluttershy, everything is alright. Just calm down,’ Pinkie said, patting the yellow pegasus on the head with a hoof, but in doing so, Fluttershy almost slipped from her grasp. Pinkie managed to grab her again just in time. ‘Whoops, hehe.’

Gasping for breath, Fluttershy hyperventilated. Looking down and watching the wild, white foam around the ship’s side didn’t calm her down at all like her relaxing chamomile tea always did. 

‘Alright, ready to swing?’ Pinkie called.

Whether she was ready or not didn’t matter. Pinkie waved her tail back and from, until they swung like a swing in a foal’s playground. ‘Weeeee!’ Pinkie shouted out. She always knew how to see the fun in life-threatening situations. When she let go, Fluttershy yelled again. Then both ponies made a somersault, and landed back on the deck. Pinkie on her own four hooves as if she did things like this every day, and Fluttershy on her flank.

Only when she stopped shaking did Fluttershy look up at her friend, which took quite some time. ‘Pinkie, you… saved my life.’

Pinkie waved a hoof. ‘Aw, it was nothing. Besides, it was kind of my fault you fell overboard.’ She smiled an awkward smile. ‘Hehe. Sorry for that.’

Standing up carefully, very carefully, commanding her still-trembling knees to work, Fluttershy suddenly felt very guilty. Until now she had only kept Pinkie in the dark, and, even worse, become a danger to herself and Pinkie both. No more. She had to repay Pinkie for saving her, and the only way to do that was by telling her the thing she wanted to tell. A fire of longing, fueled by guilt, made her frown hard. It was now or never. Breathing in, she spoke the words. 

‘Pinkie, I love—’

‘CINNAMON NUTS! GET YOUR DELICIOUS CINNAMON NUTS RIGHT HERE! CINNAMON NUTS!’

It was none other than Bulk Biceps who interrupted her. Even if Fluttershy had wanted to try again, she couldn’t, because his cart squeaked so annoyingly when it passed by. Bulk did offer a friendly smile, though, and some cinnamon nuts, of course. Pinkie actually bought some, further stalling Fluttershy’s moment, and making her feel worse and worse without her realizing a thing. When Bulk Biceps moved on and Pinkie saw Fluttershy’s defeated expression emerge from behind the cart, she asked, ‘Hey, Fluttershy, what’s wrong?’

Maybe she should just give up. It was of no use. ‘No… it’s nothing, Pinkie,’ she said with a sigh. 

‘Oki doki loki! Wanna go back to the others and tell them about this exciting and adventurous conversation?’

Fluttershy made a small step, putting one hoof in front of the other, touching down on the shiny, wooden deck. An invisible force made her stop. It couldn’t end like this. If she didn’t tell Pinkie now, she would never tell her. She would be caught in an endless cycle of procrastinating, shedding tears of regret and crying herself to sleep every night. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Part of her longed to spit it out. Part of her longed to speak out her mind, for the very first time in her life. And that part was strong, laden with the power of love she didn’t even know she possessed. She sighed, and then took a deep breath. Time for attempt number three… 

‘Pinkie,’ she began, in a matter-of-fact kind of voice. ‘Have you ever liked someone? Someone who’s really special in your life?’

Pinkie skipped cheerfully. ‘Of course! I like my family on the rock farm, the Cakes, and Gummy. Oh, and you guys, of course.’

The key was to avoid the word “love” for as long as she was able. ‘Yes, but I mean not just like someone, but like like someone?’

‘Isn’t that the same thing but then 20% more intense?’ Pinkie asked.

‘Eh… kind of.’

‘Then I like like everyone I just mentioned. No, I don’t just like like them, I like like like them!’ 

Fluttershy felt like slapping a hoof to her face like Twilight loved to do as often as twenty times on average in a conversation with Pinkie Pie. But she ignored the urge. ‘Okay, let me put it another way. Have you ever liked someone—somepony—so much she gave you butterflies in your stomach?’

Chuckling, Pinkie Pie said, ‘Butterflies belong on your flank, not in your stomach, Fluttershy.’

To such a childish and ridiculous answer, Fluttershy had to think. ‘Yes, but I’m not talking about the animals in a literal sense, but figuratively.’

‘Like figure skating?’

‘No. I mean the feeling you get from seeing or being with somepony.’ Uh-oh, she was getting dangerously close to the word “love” this time.

Pinkie raised her hoof as if she were a filly in school. ‘Oh, oh, oh, I get it!’

‘Great!’ Fluttershy said. 

‘For example, being with you all makes me happy inside.’

Was she finally going to understand? Fluttershy pushed it further. Pinkie was heading in the right direction, and so was she. ‘And what else? Can you be more specific?’

Pinkie rubbed her chin, but didn’t need to think long. ‘Yes! You guys give me a warm feeling in my belly like eating soup. But unlike soup, the feeling you girls give me stays with me for the rest of the day.’

‘Yes, yes, good!’ Fluttershy nodded vigorously. ‘Now imagine that feeling, and amplify it a thousand times. Make it bigger, better, stronger.’

‘Imagining it… imagining it…’ Pinkie said, rubbing her temples, her eyes closed as if she were a psychic predicting somepony’s future. ‘Loving it… loving it… WOW! What a feeling!’

Now Fluttershy became enthusiastic as well. Her plan seemed to be working! ‘Exactly. Hold on to that feeling. That exact feeling is what I feel every time I… Every time I look at you.’

But Pinkie was so concentrated, she didn’t seem to grasp Fluttershy’s meaning. 

‘I actually didn’t fully realize I felt this way for you. I have… actually never felt this way about anypony before,’ Fluttershy elaborated. ‘Of course I adore all of my animals, but that feeling is different. As soon as I stepped onboard this cruise ship something changed inside of me, like a nymph transforming into a gorgeous butterfly. I suddenly got this feeling every time you talk or giggle or bounce up and down, or even sneeze.’

‘Yeah, your sneeze is really cute too, Fluttershy,’ Pinkie said. ‘It’s like a bird chirping but much softer.’

‘Wait… was that the only thing you heard me say?’ Fluttershy said with a blank stare. 

Pinkie nodded. ‘You lost me at, “I actually didn’t fully realize.” I’ve never heard you talk so much. Only Twilight talks so much, oh, and Starlight, of course. And sometimes me, hi hi h!’

‘UGH!’ Fluttershy growled like an ursa major, and that was no small feat for a pony her size. She stomped her hoof on the ground, frustration bottled up inside of her, something that almost never happened, mind you. Only Pinkie Pie had the invaluable talent of driving ponies insane. The volcano inside of Fluttershy was about to erupt. Overcoming every single barrier that held her back, Fluttershy grabbed Pinkie’s shoulders and shook. 

‘Hug time?’ Pinkie asked. 

Fluttershy’s face contorted with the explosion of emotions. ‘No! Yes! I mean no! I mean I would like to! I mean not yet.’

‘You’ve made me confused… and dizzy,’ Pinkie said.

‘Good! Good! I feel just as confused and dizzy as you.’

‘Why is that? I’m not shaking you like a milkshake shaker.’

But Fluttershy didn’t let go. She grinded her teeth, spit out the words, angry at herself, at her feelings, and a little bit at Pinkie too. ‘I just don’t dare to say that I… that I…’

‘That you… that you…’ Pinkie mimicked.

‘That I really LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL…’

Pinkie tilted her head, genuinely a little disturbed and amazed as well. She had never heard an L that long. ‘Eh…’

‘…LLLLLLike you, Pinkie.’ 

‘Oh, that’s nice. I really like you too, Fluttershy,’ Pinkie said. 

All the strength flowed out of her hooves. They slipped off Pinkie’s shoulders, and dangled limply aside. Her neck felt weak too, and she bent her head low. It was over. Fluttershy had failed in the most important mission of her life. Climbing the Mount Everhoof would have been an easier task, and it would probably have taken her a much shorter time to accomplish that challenge. 

As if on cue, more ponies arrived, intending on enjoying the view or just walking around the ship, and of course, ending Fluttershy’s and Pinkie’s moment of intimate privacy that had not been that intimate after all. Some of them stared at Fluttershy as they passed by, probably wondering why a pony could be sad on such a beautiful cruise. Pinkie was just about to ask that exact question, when Fluttershy promptly started walking. ‘Come on, let’s go back to the others,’ she said in a voice that may very well have belonged to a shadow.

‘Oh, ok then,’ Pinkie said. She skipped cheerfully back towards the table all the way on the other side of the main deck, but when she sat down, she discovered Fluttershy hadn’t followed her. 

The ponies had finished their sandwiches and had moved on to yoghurt. ‘You stayed away for quite some time. What have you two done?’ Starlight inquired.

‘Just talking, actually,’ Pinkie said. ‘Nothing too special, I think. Fluttershy just said that she likes me. Oh no, wait, she said she likes likes me, or likes likes likes me. Ah, I remember. She said she really likes me. Yes, that was it! Oh, and we almost fell off the ship, of course.’

‘Okay, that’s… nice,’ Starlight said, not sure what to make of that answer. She focused her attention on her spoon again.

But everypony else guessed exactly what had been going on. They all stopped eating and looked at each other thoughtfully. Twilight brushed her chin, and if she had a goatee, she would definitely have stroked it. ‘Two new relationships on the same day? That’s really strange, don’t you girls think?’

‘I dunno, she’s just a pony,’ Applejack said.

Rarity nodded. ‘I agree it is quite odd, but, love is love, and you cannot stop it. It is Hearts and Hooves day, after all, the day of love.’

‘Yes, but still, I can understand Soarin and Rainbow Dash,’ Twilight said. ‘I mean, those two are meant for each other. Same passion, same way of talking, same profession. But Pinkie and Fluttershy? That is a bit out of nowhere if you ask me. I didn’t even know Fluttershy liked mares.’ 

‘I’ve known all along,’ pinkie said, her cup of yoghurt already empty.

‘You have?!’ Twilight called.

A shrug. ‘Of course she likes mares. She likes us, right?’

Twilight facehoofed. Bad habit. ‘That’s not what I—never mind.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her later in private,’ Rarity whispered.

Twilight flashed a thankful smile at Rarity but the truth was that her mind was everything but at ease. A million theories started filling up her head, where normally her calculations and estimations resided. The whole affair produced a thinking frown on Twilight’s forehead she wasn’t able to lose through the rest of the day. 

* *  

My, oh my, talking about a slow ship! I can’t believe it took Fluttershy four and a half pages to express her burning love to Pinkie, and even then she only barely succeeded. Ah, well, Fluttershy will always be Fluttershy. I rooted for her, of course, and hoped she would eventually say what she yearned to say. Of course love itself is fun, as we could see with Dash and Soarin. But apparently, expressing that love can be difficult. Whatever. You know what they say: “better luck next ship.” This had been a great test for Fluttershy, and if there’s anything we can learn from this scene it’s that Pinkie Pie can drive anypony crazy without even breaking in sweat.
> Chapter three: the overly romantic ship, a.k.a. the sappy ship
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the evening of the third day at sea, a great ball was organized onboard the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace. It was supposed to be a masked ball for some reason, with live music and cocktails and dancing set in the most beautiful ballroom ever to sail the sea. Red velvet adorned the seats, whilst intricate wooden carvings of ships and sea creatures could be admired everywhere, from the roof to the stage. Golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting a warm, homely glow over the entire hall. It was at least twenty percent more beautiful than any ballroom on land, I daresay.

Anypony who thought of him or herself as rich and/or important had joined in on the festivities. Rumors had spread among the ship that even the captain and his wife would attend. Naturally, Rarity was there too. 

But it seemed she was not enjoying herself as much as the others. She sat alone at a table tucked away in the corner. Her friends hadn’t joined her, unfortunately. They all wanted to do something different, so they had decided to split up. Rainbow was with her husband, as could be expected, Pinkie and Applejack went to a pub quiz, Twilight and Starlight visited a museum about nautical stuff and things, and poor Fluttershy was still nowhere to be seen. 

So Rarity just sat there, lonely, a glass of wine her only company. It was only half-empty, because Rarity wasn’t in the mood for drinking; she was in the mood for dancing. With a bored look in her eyes and more than a little envy burning in her heart, she watched the dancefloor. There were quite a lot of handsome, sharply-dressed stallions around, but unfortunately they already held a mare in their hooves while they danced to the slow, romantic waltzes that were being played by the chamber music ensemble. Sometimes even a stallion, because we’re living in a modern age, after all. 

It was a heartbreaking scene.

Suddenly, she perked up. A mare in brilliant blue dress, as blue as the ocean reflecting the stars in diamonds, caught her attention. ‘What a beautiful dress…’ she mumbled out loud. But something was wrong with it. It wasn’t out of style or something silly like that, it was just… 

‘Hey, that’s my dress!’ She had hoof-crafted it all by herself. How could anypony else have gotten it?! Impossible, unless she had a doppelganger somewhere, like Pinkie often does. 

She got a fairly big clue as soon as she focused on the mare wearing it. The dress covered her tail, yes, but a lock of rainbow-colored mane hung out of her silk scarf, swinging with the rhythm of the dance, which instantly gave the dress-thief away.

‘Rainbow Dash,’ Rarity hissed through clenched teeth. Indeed, Dash was dancing with Soarin, ignoring the fact that she never danced waltzes and looked utterly ridiculous trying. Rarity hadn’t recognized Soarin because she could never tell those Wonderbolt ponies apart, and barely even knew who were the mares and who were the stallions. Both ponies wore masks which only covered their eyes, so they could stop and smooch now and then during the interludes.

That was enough motivation for Rarity to stand up. Cooking with rage, she marched towards them with the speed of a steam train. She was so focused on her goal that she didn’t notice a new pony appearing in the scene out of nowhere–or simply ignored him. It was a good thing they didn’t carry any drinks, as they slammed into each other. Rarity fell down and the stallion stumbled a bit. ‘My, oh my, I am so sorry,’ he said, immediately reaching out a hoof to help her up. 

Rarity snorted and her eyes shot up. But that irritated glance instantly melted away like an iceberg under the sun when she saw who was standing right in front of her. He was tall and well-built, exactly the same age as Rarity. His tuxedo with matching bowtie seemed to change color, very, very subtly, or that could also have been a trick of the moonlight through the windows. When Rarity took his hoof, a sparkling sensation went through her entire body. It was a feeling that was not altogether unpleasant. Even though he wore a slim, graceful black mask, Rarity was sure he had the most beautiful eyes of them all. The stallion smiled a perfect, toothpaste-white smile and winked at her. 

‘N-n-no I am the one who is s-s-sorry,’ Rarity said. Why was she stuttering? She never experienced any difficulties talking to stallions. But then again, this was not just any stallion. 

But she wasn’t Fluttershy. With a flick of her head she tossed a few locks of her lustrous, purple mane out of her eyes. Instantly, she regained her confident poise, and fluttered her eyelashes.

The stallion showed only a subtle hint of impression, visible by the widening of his smile. ‘Whom do I have the honor to bump into on this beautiful night?’

‘Rarity Belle,’ Rarity said, making a formal bow. ‘And the honor is all mine. May I have the pleasure of knowing your name too?’ 

‘But of course. My name is… Swing Step,’ the stallion said, hesitating only for a split-second.

Rarity tilted her head slightly.

After adjusting his bowtie, Swing Step quickly smiled his sparkling smile again. ‘Yes, yes, I know. You don’t have to say anything. I should really work on my dance skills, but that is quite hard to do all on your own.’

‘I understand what you mean.’

Swing Step chuckled, a smooth, rolling chuckle. ‘I highly doubt that. Surely a mare like you would get the stallions swarming around her the moment she stepped on the dancefloor, am I right?’

‘Actually…’ Rarity looked down and fiddled with a frill on her dress. 

‘Oh no!’ Swing Step said, looking as startled as if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. Of course, this was all part of the plan. ‘I apologize for making you uncomfortable, Miss Rarity.’ He pretended to think. ‘Let me make it up to you by offering you a dance. I know it is hardly any form of consolation, but—’

Rarity veered up. ’I’ll take it! I mean… that would certainly make me feel better.’

‘Then let’s swing!’ Swing Step guided Rarity to the dancefloor, and together they danced.

The two ponies turned out to be equally good dancers. Swing Step led like the true gentlecolt he was, and Rarity followed. They spun and twirled gracefully on the rhythm of the music, slowly melting together as one. One two three, one two three, one two three. Their eyes were always gazing at each other, and Rarity kept wondering what was behind that mask. Slowly, anticipation to a great reveal filled her up.  

‘Oh my! You dance heavenly,’ Rarity said.

‘I was thinking the same thing about you,’ Swing Step replied.

‘It feels as if you have clouds underneath your hooves, as if you are used to flying through the air, but you’re a unicorn. How could that be?’

Swing Step seemed to think, but didn’t miss a beat. ‘I dream a lot about flying. However, I am certain that after tonight, the only dreams I will have will be about you.’

Rarity blushed, but also kept the rhythm. ‘Why thank you. Such a charmer you are.’

‘No I mean it. I was looking out into the night sky for a long time before I came in, wondering what was wrong with it. Now I realize what the problem was.’

‘What was it?’ Rarity said, expecting something really romantic to be said.

‘Obviously, a star was missing, but I am glad I found it again.’ He grinned.

Her blush intensified. She closed her eyes and giggled. ‘Well you are as poetic as a writer, and as romantic as a prince. I am quite certain you are secretly of royal blood.’

Now it was Swing Step’s turn to chuckle. ‘I’m afraid not, but I do feel like a prince when I am in your presence, Rarity Belle.’

‘Don’t be silly.’

‘But I’m very serious. Your eyes are the jewels in Princess Celestia’s crown, and your dress is like the reflection of a thousand moons in the endless surface of the ocean. You made it yourself, didn’t you?’

That was the most colorful compliment she had ever received on her work. ‘I did. How did you guess?’

Swing Step let the fabric of the dress glide through his hooves. ‘Because I can see the creativity and passion and dedication shining right through it, blinding my heart. Only a true goddess could create something as heavenly as this dress.’

‘Well you have a fine taste yourself, Mister Step,’ Rarity said, patting his shoulder.

‘Just something I bought last minute,’ Swing Step said. ‘It wasn’t cheap, but with you in my hooves, I realize it is already worth every Bit.’

‘Really? I still think your attire is so unique, colorful, vibrant, intense, grandiose, probably exactly reflecting the personality of the pony wearing it,’ Rarity said.

‘I couldn’t have expected a better compliment from a pony with such an eye for detail and style.’

Rarity shuffled on her hooves. ‘Oh, it’s nothing, just years of experience in fashion.’

‘And years of experience in love, I’m sure,’ Swing Step added.

They kept dancing until the evening came close to an end. But neither one of them noticed the time, lost as they were in love at first sight. Now they were pressed together more tightly than ever before, and they could feel each other’s breath on their cheeks. As in response, the waltzes grew slower and sappier with every passing hour, but that could also have been because the musicians were getting tired. Swing Step, however, danced even slower than that. Rarity took notice. ‘Swing Step, is something the matter? Do you need to rest?’

‘Actually it’s the other way around,’ Swing Step said. ‘Don’t get me wrong, meeting you has already made this night the best one I have ever experienced in my life, but I feel like it can use a little more… pizzazz.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Love can be slow and graceful, but also fast and passionate. It’s hard to explain, but love always is. It’s about telling, not showing. I don’t know how to tell you, exactly, but I think I have an idea how to show you instead.’ And after a mysterious wink, Swing Step promptly let go of Rarity and headed towards the stage. Utterly flabbergasted, Rarity watched him go. He waited until the piece was over, and then marched right to the middle of the stage. His horn started to shimmer. When he glanced at Octavia, her cello transformed into a double bass. Then he looked at Lyra, and her harp changed into a trumpet. Under a chorus of sparkles and tingling magic, random musicians started disappearing, only to reappear a second later with completely different musical instruments in their hooves. 

Apparently they all knew how to play their new toys, or maybe it was Swing Step’s magic that made them move. The drums laid down a beat, accompanied by the saxophones to create a mysterious, longing, atmosphere. Slowly more instruments, trumpets, a piano, even a clarinet, joined in. The jazz song grew and grew, building towards a climax, but instead of it, the sounds dwindled away to make room for Swing Step, accompanied solely by the tenor saxes and a rapid piano. 

How deep is the ocean?
How high is the sun?
Nights don’t last forever
So let’s have some fun
 
How deep is the ocean?
How high is the moon?
How far can we take this?
Two ponies, one room?
 
How much passion do we share?
Is it more than I can bear?
May this cruise last forevermore
With you in my hooves it will never be a bore
 
I think I go blind ‘cause my eyes only see
The beautiful lady Rarity
One thing I know, the fact we will be
Together for all eternity
 
His voice was low, soothing, inviting, as it drifted towards Rarity’s ears, stroking and caressing them. It spoke of a hundred compliments, and a thousand expressions of love in a million languages. She stood by, mouth open in a silent gasp, much like everypony else. Nopony had expected this.

Then the song changed completely. All the musical instruments returned, in an over-the-top explosion of sound. The drums went mad, the trumpets screeched. Octavia almost dropped her bass as she tried to keep up with the rest, her hooves plucking the strings insanely fast. Everypony clutched their loves firmly in their hooves and went footloose. Only Rarity stood frozen as a lighthouse in a storm, but not for long. 

Swing Step jumped off the stage and approached Rarity. He danced all around her. ‘Come on, Rarity. Let’s dance once again.’

‘But… I don’t know how to dance to—’ she began hesitantly. 

‘Here, let me inspire you.’ And with that, Swing Step twirled around, wrapped his hooves around Rarity’s shoulders, and let their horns touch. The entire move took less than a second, but the effect was instantaneous.

The wild magic coursed through her body, filling her with energy from her nose to the tip of her tail. It startled her and felt strange, somehow familiar, as if she had been exposed to it before. Yet, it felt good at the same time, like the first touches of a revitalizing massage. She felt her own magic connect with Swing’s. Her legs started moving as if they had a life of their own. An eyeblink later, they were dancing once more, swinging it out on the dancefloor. They hopped, skipped, jumped, slid, shook their flanks and smiled widely, letting the energy out. 

‘Your singing was amazing,’ Rarity said.

Swing Step smiled his signature smile. ‘Thank you. Jazz is my secret passion. It’s so rowdy, so danceable, so… chaotic. But my singing is nothing compared to your dancing.’

‘I learned from the best,’ Rarity said. 

‘Actually, I didn’t do anything. Everything you do comes from your heart.’ He tapped her chest and then waved his hoof around in a fluent dance move. ‘I have a wild side, these ponies here have a wild side… Even you have a wild side, and I must say, it is beyond ecstatic.’

Rarity paused in shock, but her legs didn’t let her. She noticed Swing Step’s subtle transformation, but strangely enough, she liked it a lot. Her wild side awakened from deep inside of her. It was a wild side she knew she possessed, but always hid with ladylike calm, striking poses, and good manners. But tonight, none of that seemed to matter. Only Swing Step mattered.

He suddenly grabbed her, made her twirl around. When the last chord blew from the trumpets, Rarity was in his hooves, looking as if she had fallen but her savior had caught her in time. There they stood like the most romantic statue in Equestria, surrounded by a ring of ponies, who all let out a tremendous applause. ‘This is… magical, truly magical,’ Rarity whispered.

‘You are magical,’ Swing Step whispered back.

Their muzzles were inches apart. Slowly, Rarity craned her neck and pouted her lips. The romantic scene was almost complete. A kiss would be the finishing touch. She closed her eyes, waiting for their lips to meet…

But then fell to the ground. Rarity let out a squeak, more in surprise and shock than in pain. Flashing her eyes open, she turned around frantically. The music started again. A familiar waltz. Ponies were dancing. Everything was just too sudden. Rarity scrambled to her hooves, still gazing in every direction. She couldn’t spot Swing Step anywhere.

And so she spent the rest of the night’s anticlimax asking ponies if they had seen Swing Step leave. But every time she did, she gained questioning stares. Stranger still, nopnony seemed to recognize him when she described how he looked, or seemed to remember the jazzy intermission. At last she had to admit he was gone. The question of how and why was the only legacy he left behind, but it was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.

* *  

Tada! That is how Rarity’s night got saved by the handsome, smooth, attractive, handsome, suave, impressive, passionate, stylish, romantic, handsome, mysterious, and handsome stranger. Yes, of course there was a tiny little disappointment at the end, but she will get over that, I’m sure. Rarity is born to handle drama.
> Chapter four: the ship in danger, a.k.a. the crisis ship
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘So we were thinking, Sonic Boom if it’s a colt, and Cloud Twister if it’s a filly.’

‘Those are… eh… very nice names, Rainbow Dash,’ Rarity said, forcing a smile. Rainbow Dash looked at her friends’ reactions, so they all had to force a smile. Except Pinkie, of course, her smile was never forced. They were walking through the narrow hallway towards their cabins, ready to hit the hay after a whole day of fun. Only Fluttershy, Starlight, and Twilight were missing. About Fluttershy they had no clue, but they had overheard Twilight asking Starlight if they could do something special tonight. Nopony doubted that there was going to be romance again. 

It was late, and there was nopony around. That made the shock even bigger when they encountered some very familiar acquaintances. 

‘Oh no!’ Rarity stopped. Everypony bumped into her.

‘What is it?’ Applejack asked.

‘Well hello there, my friends,’ an unmistakable, suave voice called. ‘What a coincidence to meet you all here, isn’t it, brother?’

‘You could very well say that, brother,’ another voice, slick and smooth and equally unmistakable, added. ‘A nice surprise, I’d say.’

Everypony gasped, then frowned immediately afterwards. ‘Flim and Flam?!’ Applejack called. ‘What are you two doing here?’

Flim chuckled as he neared with his brother. ‘Whoa, what a reaction! No need to be so flabbergasted.’

‘Yes, ponies like us sometimes need a vacation too from all the hard work we have done,’ Flam said.

A disdainful snort from Applejack. ‘Yeah, sure. Counting all your money I reckon.’

‘Amongst other things,’ Flim said.

‘But don’t be mistaken, because counting money can be hard work. A million Bits are together much heavier than just one,’ Flam added.

Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at the two unicorns. ‘There is always trouble and scamming wherever you two go, so you better confess right now!’

Flim and Flam both reached for their hearts at the same time, giving the ponies the puppy-eye look. ‘We have done nothing wrong,’ Flam said. ‘At least not onboard this ship.’

‘Unless you could call winning all the money in the casinos a crime. And if you do, then we will be guilty of that soon, hehe,’ Flim said, smiling a naughty smile.

‘Oh really? Well, we still don’t believe you,’ Rarity said, the memory of The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 resurfacing in her mind.

‘Cross my hooves, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,’ Flim and Flam said simultaneously, performing the exact ritual movements in perfect synchronization.

‘Hey, that’s my line!’ Pinkie called. ‘That’s copyrighted!’

‘But we mean it. Here, look.’ Flim reached up and lifted the top hat Flam was wearing. ‘My poor brother busted his horn working days and nights. We really do need that vacation.’

The ponies’ frowns changed to gazes of wonder and surprise. Especially Rarity looked shocked at the jagged stump on Flam’s forehead. A tiny little bit of sympathy found its way into her heart. She had a horn too, after all. 

Flam slapped away his brother’s hoof and positioned the top hat carefully upon his head again. His cool had disappeared. Rubbing his moustache with his other hoof, he said, ‘Eh… but the actual reason is of course to… eh… grab a mare along the way.’

Applejack rolled her eyes. ‘As if mares would be interested in you two.’

‘Salesponies get lonely too you know?’ Flam said. ‘And besides, we can be quite charming when we want to be. You would come to realize that if you would get to know us a little better.’

’I think we know you two well enough,’ Applejack said.

A short silence followed, a silence full of judgement. Eventually, Flim cleared his throat. ‘Well, this is getting awkward. Let’s be off gambling, so these good little ponies can go to bed.’

After adjusting his top hat one last time, Flam said, ‘You said it, brother.’ Together, they disappeared.

* *  

Despite utilizing the most state-of-the-art navigational technology, combined, more often than not, with a lot of magic, the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace also had eyes in the sky. In a crow’s nest, actually a steel bathtub on a very long pole, two ponies, a mare and a stallion, watched the Celestial Sea together, armed with a bell, a telephone, binoculars, and a large searchlight. It was almost the end of their shift, and they were getting really tired. Taking turns with the binoculars, they scanned the sea for trouble, but couldn’t prevent their eyes from falling shut once in a while. I couldn’t blame them, for an empty sea, however romantic and beautiful, is not that interesting to watch. 

That’s why the stallion averted his eyes from the endless ocean and looked down at the main deck instead. 

‘Hey, keep your eyes in front of you.’ the mare said. ‘We get paid for spying the sea, not our passengers.’

But the stallion ignored her. Very romantic. ‘Do you know who that is?’ He handed her the binoculars, then pointed down, guiding her view.

She looked through it for a few seconds. ‘That’s Twilight Sparkle. She’s stargazing.’

‘Yes, yes, I know, but who’s the pony next to her?’

The mare thought for a bit. ‘I think her name is Starshine Sprinkle or something.’

‘Such a strange name, that can’t be right.’

Shrugging, the mare said, ‘It’s not as if she’s my neighbor. Don’t know much about her. Only heard rumors, actually. I believe she came from a village somewhere in the high north, ruled by a terrible tyrant who stole ponies’ cutie marks and ate them. But she defeated the tyrant all by herself and everypony got his or her cutie mark back. She’s a real hero.’

‘How could they have gotten their cutie marks back if the tyrant ate them all?’ the stallion said with a raised eyebrow.

‘How would I know? I wasn’t there,’ the mare snapped.

‘Ok, ok…’ Suddenly he ripped the binoculars from her hooves and peered through it. After a long while, he said, ‘She’s kinda hot, don’t you think?’

‘It’s the tail,’ the mare replied.

‘Yeah… I would love to stroke that tail in my hooves, maybe give her a massage…’

The mare chuckled. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Nothing. I think I…’ He hesitated, bit his lip. ‘Yes! I’m going for it!’ And with that, the stallion finished his quick decision and put his hooves upon the first rung of the ladder.

‘Wait, what do you think you’re doing?!’ the mare called, strict like a schoolteacher.

But the stallion kept climbing down, so the mare had to follow him. ‘I saw her first.’

‘Yes, through MY binoculars,’ the mare countered.

‘She doesn’t even like mares, I reckon,’ the stallion said.

‘Of course she does, she’s with Twilight, so she likes mares.’

‘That’s not how it works.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘No it’s not.’

And so they kept bickering all the way down the ladder, abandoning their post. They shouldn’t have done that. A mile ahead, something could be seen in the water, a vague silhouette jutting out of the sea, shrouded in nightly mist. But as the ship neared, it became painfully clear what it was: a colony of rock doves.

These animals are exactly what their name suggests: enormous doves with a skin of hard stone, as heavy as Bulk Bicep’s dumbbells but still able to fly. When they get tired they have the utterly romantic habit of huddling together and hugging each other tightly. Clumped together like that, they looked like an island in the sea, impossible to see on any map and too small to notice with the radar. You can guess what was going to happen.

They didn’t even move, probably didn’t even notice, as the ship collided with them. An ear-splitting screech any opera singer would be proud of could be heard over the entire ship. Wine glasses trembled on tables, pencils rolled off desks, even the steering wheel shook in the captain’s hooves. The ponies standing on the main deck let out a cry of surprise. The mare and the stallion screamed the loudest, stopped mid-stride, and looked each other in the eyes. They had never made a bigger mistake.

* *  

‘Sweet Celestia, what was that?!’ Applejack called, rudely awakened by the collision. She stepped out of bed but immediately retracted her hooves, as they splashed in the icy cold seawater. ‘The ship is sinking?! But how? It seemed so sturdy on the outside.’ Reaching for her pack, she got out some boots and slipped them on. There was no time to wonder. Everypony on board was in danger, and her friends could be too.

Her cabin was all the way at the end of the hallway. As she moved, the water kept rising at an alarming rate. Very soon her boots were useless, as the water came to her knees, stinging them with cold. SLOSH, SLOSH, SLOSH!
 
There were no ponies around. Probably already evacuated, she reckoned. At the other end of the hallway she could spot the door leading to the staircase. Taking the elevator was probably a bad idea. She quickened her wading.

Suddenly, a cry echoed through the hallway, making Applejack jump. ‘Can anypony help me!’ The voice was filled with panic, on the edge of desperate tears. Applejack was too alarmed to recognize it. ‘I’m coming!’ she yelled. ‘Keep yelling!’ Swiveling her ears around, she took a turn, leaving the door for what it was. The cry was coming from room 777. With a hard buck she kicked it open, revealing the damsel in distress. 

‘You?!’
 
‘No time for prejudices,’ Flam said. ‘Please help me, I’m stuck!’

Applejack needed only a split second to understand what had happened here. Flam was pressed against the wall, an enormous oak wardrobe stacked on top of his leg. ‘Where’s your brother?’

‘Probably still up there, enjoying the nightlife.’ Flam looked from the wardrobe to Applejack, wincing painfully. ‘I can’t move it, my magic hasn’t recovered yet.’ And to illustrate, a couple of flimsy green sparkles dripped out of the stump on his forehead. ‘Help me, please…?’

Yes, Flim and Flam were bad, but they didn’t feed on love or enslave ponies or steal all the magic in Equestria in a mad desire for power. Not helping him was out of the question. The water had risen again, and she watched it for a bit.

‘Are you… hesitating?’ Flam asked softly.

Applejack shook her head, a determined frown on her face. ‘No, I’m not. I’m going to help you.’ Without further ado, she positioned herself between the wardrobe and the wall, acting like a living jack. Front hooves against the wardrobe, hind hooves against the wall, she gritted her teeth and pressed as hard as she could. Her groans filled up the room. Despite the cold of the water in her coat, beads of sweat pearled off her freckled face. After a minute or two, her legs began to tremble. She let herself slide back into the water with a sigh of defeat. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t do it.’

An expression of shock flashed over Flam’s face. ‘What?! But you’re Applejack, the strongest, sturdiest pony there is. If anypony can do this, it has to be you.’

Applejack shook her head sadly. ‘Thanks for the compliments, but sometimes a gal has to accept her limits. Learned that the hard way.’

‘What now? What now, what now, what now?’

‘Easy, Flam,’ Applejack shushed. ‘We just have to figure something out.’ Tapping her hoof to her chin much like Twilight always did, she gave the wardrobe a kick. ‘This thing weighs a ton. What’s in it anyway? Solid rock?’

‘It’s more like solid gold, actually,’ Flam said.

Applejack gave him a glance. ‘Bits?’

Flam nodded, instant regret in his eyes.

‘Hm…’ Applejack kicked the wardrobe again, looking at the heavy oak wood. ‘If only we could empty it, chop it up like a tree. But where can we find a saw onboard a ship? There are no trees here.’

Suddenly, Flam perked up, but gritted his teeth against the pain. ‘There is an axe, a fire axe hanging near the emergency exit!’

‘What, really?’

‘Would I lie while in pain and grave danger?’

Applejack nodded. ‘Good thinking.’ She ran out of the cabin and stepped back into the hallway. Somewhere far away she heard water gurgling, streaming into the ship. But she ignored it, and followed the yellow emergency exit signs. An electric lamp popped, sending a shower of sparks flying into her mane. Quickly Applejack dipped her head in the water, as to extinguish them. When she raised it again she simply had to gasp. It was so cold!

There was a door, and there was an axe. She returned quickly. ‘Got it!’

‘Great! You go, Applejack!’

She moved into position, axe firmly gripped between her teeth. But before she could make the first strike, Flam squeaked, ‘Please don’t hit my leg.’

‘I won’t,’ Applejack mumbled around the axe grip, ‘not unless you scam me again.’ She got to work. Splinters flew everywhere as she made a jigsaw puzzle from the wardrobe with powerful blows. Flam couldn’t stop gazing in awe at Applejack’s strength and vigor, wondering how many trees she had felled in her life. A newfound appreciation made his eyes sparkle. With a tingling sound, golden Bits started streaming out of the holes. Flam tried to scoop some up but couldn’t reach them. ‘Applejack, can we take some with us?’

‘Nope.’

‘But… are you sure?’

‘Eeyup.’

When Applejack was satisfied, she grabbed the chunks of wood in her mouth and tossed them away, until finally Flam’s leg emerged from the pile of wood and gold. Applejack grimaced at the bruises and the blue skin. ‘Ow, that’s gotta hurt.’

‘It does.’

‘Can you stand?’

‘I… think so.’ Flam tried to get up but grunted and bent through his trembling knees. Before he could fall down, Applejack grabbed his hoof and threw it around her shoulder, offering some support. ‘I’ve got you. Come on, let’s move.’

Together they sloshed through the hallway. The water tickled their bellies with icy needles. It seemed to have risen even faster. But the door to the stairs was in sight. They neared painfully slow.

The ponies’ ears twitched, as they heard hoofsteps coming from that direction. A voice confirmed their guesses. ‘Yes, everypony’s up here. Close the door, for Celestia’s sake! The water’s still rising.’

‘No! Wait! We’re still here!’ Applejack shouted, but her yell got overruled by the piercing ring of a bell. A red emergency light flashed on. With a low, grinding sound, a steel hermetic door crept downwards, closing like the lid of a sleepy eye.

‘Horseapples!’ Applejack cursed. ‘We gotta hurry, Flam!’

‘Yes… I… see what you… mean,’ Flam muttered. The color had drained from his face. Whether it was the pain in his leg or the effects of hyperthermia that were making him talk like that, Applejack wasn’t sure.

Applejack kicked it up a notch, but she felt Flam’s step weakening, and almost had to drag the unicorn along. They pushed aside random debris in the water. Mostly clothes floating around like colored jellyfish. Both ponies’ eyes were fixed on the closing door. How big were their chances?

Suddenly, something snagged Applejack’s hooves. It felt like an eel. She stumbled and fell down. Flam went with her. As quick as she could, she scrambled up and reached underwater. ‘My lasso!’ she called, as a piece of rope broke through surface. 

‘We… don’t have time,’ Flam said. Applejack agreed, supported him again, and moved, leaving the lasso dangling at her legs.

The door was already halfway down.

In the moment of crisis, Flam reflected. This felt so unreal. Applejack helping him after everything he had done to make her and her friends’ lives miserable. And not to forget all the ponies he and his brother had robbed of their money with their countless scams. He didn’t deserve to be saved, especially not by Applejack, the most honest pony of them all. Flam closed his eyes and had trouble opening them again. The bell kept ringing. It centered his mind. 

‘Flam!’ Applejack yelled.

‘Hm?’

‘I think… We’re not gonna make it.’

Flam closed his eyes and nodded, making a solemn decision, one he would never regret. ‘Maybe I’m not, but you are.’

‘What’s that?’

Out of nowhere, Flam turned his head and kissed Applejack right on the muzzle. Applejack actually stopped and stared at him. ‘What in the hay was—’

‘Remember me like this,’ Flam whispered in her ear. He let go of Applejack, wobbled on his hooves, but kept standing. The kiss had awakened a strange power inside of him. It was something he had only rarely felt but could name very clearly right now. A tear escaped through the corner of his eye, as the emotion mingled with the power. He focused it into what remained of his horn, and added his own magical energy to it. It gave him enough strength to make his ultimate sacrifice. 

Before Applejack could guess what was going on, she felt herself rocket forwards, zipping through the hallway in a field of green magic. She reached the door, ducked under it, looked back. ‘FLAM!’

He was still standing there, eyes closed, screaming in pain and concentration. A fountain of green sparkles flowed from his horn, crackling like a dozen popping lightbulbs, overloaded and broken. He managed to open one eye, saw Applejack standing on the other side of the door, and smiled. He fainted, and fell with a splash in the water.

Applejack gasped in shock. A thousand decisions rushed through her head. If she went back in they would both perish. If she stayed out Flam would perish. ‘Hey, hello! Anypony! Help us!’ she screamed in a cracked voice. But of course the crew was long gone, coordinating the evacuation. Growling, she punched the solid steel door with her hoof. It was almost closed now. She sniffed, realizing her defeat, and let her head hang. 

That’s when she noticed the lasso floating beside her.

Her last chance, and Flam’s last chance.

Reaching down, she untangled it as best as her trembling hooves allowed. Then she slipped underneath the door. Her lasso swung in the air in the shape of a shaky ring. But she had to ignore the cold, the adrenaline rushing through her body. Narrowing her eyes, she took aim, jerked her neck, and let the rope fly.

It sailed through the air, then caught around the remains of Flam’s horn. AJ hoped that wouldn’t hurt. Drowning would hurt a lot more. Using both her hooves and her teeth, she reeled Flam in like a sharply-dressed fish. She had to submerge and swim underneath the door now. On the other side, she kept pulling. Flam’s horn appeared, followed by his head, his neck, his body, his hooves, his tail. 

SLAM!
 
The red emergency light went out, the bell stopped ringing. Total silence.

Applejack was still not sure if they were safe. After quickly checking his breath and heartbeat, she hoisted Flam upon her back and climbed the steps. All the while, she kept thinking about what had just happened. Had Flam just sacrificed himself? For her? As in, he had actually done something without a scheme, hidden agenda, or expecting anything in return at all? But why? And what was that random kiss supposed to mean? Her head spun, and she was sure that was not because of the exertion, worry, or the cold. She didn’t know what to think of this, and the more she mused about it, the more confused she got. 

So instead she focused on surviving and resumed her mission: finding her friends. The stairs and the rest of the hallways were all dry. They took her eventually to the upper levels. A little later, she emerged upon the main deck.

Groups of terrified passengers stood all around, most of them gathered at the sides of the ship. The deckhands were already busy with the lifeboats. Ponies were shouting, calling, running around, trying to find their friends and family. Huddled to the side, a string quartet played cheerful classical music for some reason. Probably to provide the soundtrack for the movie that would undoubtedly be made about the disaster. 

But one shout overruled them all. Of course only Pinkie’s squeaky voice could do that. ‘APPLEJACK!’ 

Applejack spotted her friends, ignoring the life boats, standing right in the middle of the main deck. She galloped towards them and fell into Pinkie’s embrace. The others soon joined. ‘We were so worried!’ Twilight said in the middle of the hug. ‘First Fluttershy was missing and then you! We thought you were already here, but couldn’t find you anywhere.’

‘We should have booked cabins next to each other,’ Rarity said.

‘It’s okay, girls.’ Applejack let go of the rest, then laid Flam’s limp body down on the deck. 

Starlight Glimmer threw a glance at the disheveled unicorn. ‘Wait a minute, that’s Flam!’

‘Yeah, I kind of saved his life, and he tried to save mine,’ Applejack said.

Everypony looked at Flam, thinking about what Applejack said. It did sound strange and implausible, almost like a lie. But Applejack never lied.

‘BROTHER!’ The sound of galloping hooves accompanied that shout. Flim appeared, standing out in a sharp suit as if this disaster affected everypony but him. As soon as he reached Flam, he dragged him some distance away from the pony friends. Then he hoisted him up by his shoulders, let his horn glow, and touched down on Flam’s stump. Brotherly magic was strong. A second later, Flam opened his eyes, coughing loudly. 

‘Where were you?! I was waiting for you,’ Flim said, almost shouting with worry.

Flam shook his head. ‘Ugh… I was… stuck.’

‘Stuck?! What do you—oh, never mind. Look at your leg! We need to get you to a lifeboat quickly. Come on! We’re first-class passengers so they will let us go first. Or else we’ll think of some way to skip the line.’ Flim supported his brother and got him to his hooves. 

But Flam hesitated. ‘No.’

‘No? What do you mean? Don’t be ridiculous,’ Flim said, continuing to drag.

‘I want to go with Applejack.’

Both Applejack and Flim perked up in surprise. ‘Why would you want to go with her?’ Flim said, finally stopping now.

Flam let go of Flim and did his best to stand upon his own hooves. ‘Because she saved my life down there.’

‘Okay, great, but now we’re reunited and it’s us against Equestria again,’ Flim said.

Shaking his head, Flam said, ‘Not anymore. I think I am… No, I know I am in love with Applejack. I want to share my life with her now, if she will have me.’

A shocking gasp went through Twilight and her friends, almost as big as when they had spotted Applejack. Flim’s reaction was different. He frowned. ‘WHAT?! You can’t be serious.’

‘I am,’ Flam said. ‘You knew I was still sleeping down in our cabin, but you didn’t come to find me. Applejack did. She’s a true hero.’

‘But she and her friends have thwarted our schemes and plans so many times! First the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, then the tonic, and of course the Hearth’s Warming dolls. Remember that one? We ended up fleeing for our lives from an angry mob, all our hard work—and money—gone!’ 

But Flam was undaunted. ‘And I’m glad she did, because she has made me see the error of our ways. I don’t want to be a conpony anymore. I want to become an example to others and to Equestria. I want to help ponies instead of robbing them. You should see it the same way.’

‘I don’t,’ Flim snapped. ‘We’re conponies, brother, that’s what we’re good at. The fact that Applejack did a little rescue mission doesn’t mean you should marry her. You’re obviously delusional because of your injury.’

‘No, brother. In fact, my head has never been clearer,’ Flam said.

Suddenly, Flim turned around, crossed his hooves. ‘If that’s true, then I think I’m going to have to search for a new partner. A new brother.’
 
Flam ignored him. He stumbled towards Applejack, and fell to his knee. ‘Applejack, tonight has changed me. All my life I have been selling things and scamming ponies. But now I think I just sold my heart, to you. And that is not a scam, my dear Applejack.’

Strangely enough, Applejack reached out with her hoof. She stroked Flam’s mane, until it was a little bit less frazzled. She too, felt changed somehow. Of course she was always happy to help, but after helping Flam like that, she felt even more than just happy. Her heart beat faster as she bent down, until their eyes were level. 

‘I believe you,’ she said, and then sealed her new love with a kiss. 

Flim said no more, but simply gagged and walked away, a heavy frown on his face. That was the last anypony saw of him during the entire cruise.

‘Great kiss, AJ,’ Rainbow Dash said, nodding approvingly. ‘Almost as good as mine.’ 

The rest of the ponies were still a little bit unsure as to what scene had just unfolded in front of their eyes. Had it been a love scene, more of a drama scene, or a bit of both? They looked around awkwardly, as if they didn’t know what to do when a ship was sinking with them on it. Their own thoughts were interrupted by a voice sounding through the intercom.

‘Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. It seemed we sailed into a little bit of trouble, so to speak.’ A nervous chuckle, filled with awkwardness. ‘I understand that you are afraid, but there is no reason to be. The leak in the hull has been contained, and the ship will not sink. I repeat: the ship will NOT sink.’ He let out a clearly audible sigh, probably because now he didn’t have to go down with his own boat. ‘Soon we will begin mending the ship and pumping the water out of the flooded compartments. Until that time, the main dining hall and sport facilities will function as temporary sleeping quarters. I, together with the entire crew of the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace, deeply apologize for this little disaster. And we wish you a pleasant remainder of your cruise.’

With a crackle, the intercom went quiet, and so did the ponies onboard.

* *  

Phew, that was a close one, wasn’t it? But it did work. AppleFlam—or FlamJack—is now officially a thing! Sometimes it takes a little effort to make ponies fall in love. Before we move on to the next over-the-top ship, let me ease your mind by telling you that nopony got hurt or perished in the would-be tragedy. That is, except for Flam, and maybe his brother, if you count emotional damage as well.
> Chapter five: the obsessive ship, a.k.a. the mass ship
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first rays of a new day seeped through the porthole of Starlight Glimmer’s cabin. She was snoring peacefully, as there was no unicorn talking in her sleep with her this time. But as soon as the rays touched down on her face, she yawned loudly, and opened one eye. 

Then the other eye shot open. She jumped on top of her bed. Her horn shimmered. She readied a battle spell in reflex, and aimed her horn at the intruder.

The stallion didn’t move a muscle. He stood there frozen, a smile plastered on his face and a plate of food in his hoof. Dressed in a blue and gold uniform, he looked like a crewmember.

‘What are you doing in my cabin?!’ Starlight called, holding her breath and keeping her horn straight.

‘Good morning, Starlight Glimmer,’ the stallion said. He closed his eyes and made his smile extra wide. ‘I made you breakfast.’

Slowly, the picture started to come together. Starlight relaxed a little bit—a tiny little bit. ‘That’s strange. I didn’t order any.’

‘I know,’ the stallion said with a chuckle. ‘It’s not much of an order, more of a… gift. A surprise gift.’

‘A… gift?’

He nodded. ‘I hope it tastes good. I’m actually not a cook, more of a watchpony. But the cook owed me a favor, so… here it is!’

Starlight’s horn went out. ‘You, eh, shouldn’t have.’

‘Of course I should.’ He stepped closer and put the plate of sandwiches on the bed. ‘Breakfast in bed is one of the best things there is. Besides you, of course.’ 

A frown. Did she hear that correctly? Starlight forced a smile. ‘It’s very nice of you, but I was actually planning on having breakfast with my friends.’

‘Oh…’ The stallion’s smile wavered just a tiny bit, but then returned stronger than ever before. ‘But you can have breakfast with me too, you know?’

‘Huh?’

The stallion stepped closer, put a hoof on the bed. ‘Yes, I can be your friend. Your best friend. Your bestest friend, maybe even your… lover.’

‘What?!’ Starlight jumped off the bed, so that it separated her from this strange stallion. ‘I don’t know you!’

‘That doesn’t matter. You can get to know me.’

‘That’s not how it works. Also, that’s the oldest pickup line in the book.’

But the stallion was undaunted. When he noticed Starlight shuffling to the right, he shuffled to the left. ‘That too, doesn’t matter. Love doesn’t have to be original; it has to be true. Look, I don’t know you that well either, but I do know that you are the most beautiful mare I have ever seen. That’s all that matters.’ 

Starlight sighed. She didn’t want to be rude, but she did want to end this delusional fantasy. ‘Okay, okay. I know the crewmembers are supposed to be friendly to the passengers, but you’re taking this a little too far.’

‘There’s no such things as going too far in love, and if I do go too far, we’ll just have to reset our boundaries,’ he said, looking with a dreamy and utterly sappy stare at Starlight.

‘There is no “we,” there is no “love.”’

The stallion smiled slyly. ‘You’re denying, that means you’re totally into me.’

Shaking her head wildly, Starlight said, ‘No!’

‘The more denial, the more love,’ he said, his voice as dreamy as his eyes. He bent forward.

Starlight’s eyes flashed left and right like a cornered animal. This was madness! How was she going to end this madness without breaking a heart or hurting the stallion’s feelings? She wasn’t good with things like this. Or actually, she had never even encountered a thing like this. Closing her eyes for a second, she thought. ‘I greatly appreciate your service, but now I don’t want you here anymore. How long have you been in here anyway?’

‘Long enough to notice how cute you are when you sleep.’ Suddenly he hopped on the bed and crawled closer, lips pouted. 

That was the limit. ‘Okay, that’s it. Out you go!’ Starlight called. She enveloped the pony in a field of magical energy, opened the door, and floated him outside. With a click, the door locked. Letting out a sigh, she fell down on her bed, reflecting on the craziness. Of course she hadn’t wanted to use magic or force or both, but he was just so—

She remembered something. Getting up, Starlight walked to the door, hoping the stallion was still there. When she opened, he was there sitting on the ground like a dog waiting for his owner. ‘Sorry,’ Starlight said, dropped two Bits in his lap, and retreated again. Never forget to tip, fillies and gentlecolts!

The stallion picked up the coins, slowly, as if they were holy relics. Then he smelled them, rubbed them against his cheeks, and finally put them in his shirt pocket. ‘I will cherish these forever.’

Only when Starlight heard the sound of hoofsteps fading away did she dare to move again. As quickly as she could, she slipped out of her pajamas. She wanted to be with her friends. A quick peek through the crack of the door revealed an empty hallway. She sighed and walked away, her step just a bit quicker than that of a cruise passenger having a good time. A few staircases and hallways later, she reached the breakfast restaurant where they had all agreed to meet up. Everypony was there and they smiled at her. Yet their smiles disappeared when they noticed her worried face. ‘Boy, am I glad to see you guys,’ Starlight said, grabbing a chair and sitting down.

Of course they instantly asked what was the matter. Starlight explained. 

‘Hm… that’s rather odd,’ Twilight said, making her all-too-familiar thinking gesture. 

‘Of course not,’ said Rainbow Dash. ‘Love is the most beautiful thing there is. You have to cherish it.’

Starlight frowned. ‘That’s easy for you to say, you have a 100% not-creepy coltfriend. You should have seen how fast that stallion went, and how far.’

‘Soarin and I went fast.’ Dash grinned and rubbed her hooves together. ‘And far…’

‘I have to agree with Rainbow Dash. Seize your chance before he’s gone forever,’ Rarity said, and stared through the window at the endless sea, far into the distance, as if Swing Step would be somewhere on the horizon, dancing to jazz.

‘Maybe there’s a reason why, just as with Flam and I,’ Applejack offered.

‘Yes, you are a pretty mare,’ Pinkie added.

Fluttershy winced. Did Pinkie mean anything by that? Was she in love with Starlight now? Her mind inflated the remark, and a pang of jealousy sizzled in her heart.

Shaking her head, Starlight said, ‘I don’t think so, it was just too random. You should have been there. Or… actually rather not. I wouldn’t want that to happen to any of you.’

‘Aww, don’t worry too much about that. Everyone knows love can drive a pony crazy,’ Pinkie said, reaching out and patting Starlight on the head from across the table. ‘We’ve got something super-fun planned this afternoon that will definitely clear your mind from all this madness.’

They let Starlight Glimmer guess exactly what this amazing activity was all through breakfast. When they were done eating, they paid a quick visit to Flam at the first aid post. He said he was doing better, especially now that Applejack visited him. After a quick kiss they were off again. 

You would think everypony had enough of water after the near-sinking of the ship, but that expectation proved to be incorrect. The swimming pool was packed with ponies, splashing carelessly and freely around in the warm water as if nothing had happened yesterday. Well, they were still on vacation, after all. The swimming pool aboard the S.S. Ocean’s Embrace was so popular, because it had the tallest waterslide in Equestria. But there were other facilities to enjoy as well, like steam rooms, a terrace with comfy deckchairs underneath heat lamps, a juice bar, and of course a broad, handsome lifeguard who looked with interest at all the pretty mares through his sunglasses. When Twilight and her friends arrived, he looked extra interested.

Very soon everypony found their places. Pinkie somersaulted into the water, followed by Rainbow Dash making a nosedive, followed by Applejack just doing a graceless cannonball. They splashed water onto each other, did swimming contests, and tossed a beachball here and there. “Super-fun,” as Pinkie would say.

Twilight, Starlight, Fluttershy, and Rarity draped their blankets over the deckchairs and installed themselves. Enjoying the comfortable warmth of the heat lamps, they looked at the three ponies in the water and laughed. I would have done the exact same thing. A little later, conversation started.

‘For a moment I was afraid this crazy love train—or love ship, actually—would keep us apart. But now that the opposite is true, I’m glad we’re all together once again,’ Twilight said, giving Fluttershy a glance while she spoke.

Fluttershy smiled awkwardly. ‘Yes, I know I acted a little strange, disappearing all of a sudden, and I’m terribly sorry for that. After the disaster, I realized I should stick with you girls. I know you would never judge me.’

‘Of course not, darling,’ Rarity said, and winked at Fluttershy.

But actually, the other reason was that Fluttershy had managed to gather some courage in her alone time, and was ready to try expressing her slumbering love to Pinkie again. When the right moment arrived, of course. 

Suddenly, a waitress in a flowered T-shirt and matching skirt arrived and placed a glass on a table next to Starlight Glimmer. ‘Your drink, Miss Glimmer,’ she said. 

‘But I didn’t order any,’ Starlight muttered, looking surprised from the glass to the mare, and feeling a déjà vu moment coming up.

‘It’s a complimentary drink… from me.’ The mare giggled and fluttered her eyelashes.

Starlight was starting to feel very uncomfortable. ‘So… do my friends get one too?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Then why just me?’

‘My, because you’re Starlight Glimmer, of course,’ the mare said, scooting closer to her, slowly, as if nopony would notice. 

‘That’s not really a reason.’

The mare nodded resolutely. ‘It certainly is. I love you. We all love you!’

Rainbow Dash saved her. ‘Hey Starlight! Are you joining us or what?’ she shouted from the pool.

In a split second, Starlight jumped off her chair and was off towards the pool. She didn’t actually feel like swimming, but she felt even less like madness. ‘Coming!’

She jumped into the water and swum together with the rest of her friends, threw some beachballs, had fun. But her aim was constantly off and her catches were always too slow, as she kept her eyes trained on the terrace. The mare, however, was nowhere to be seen. Good. After a while, some ponies spanned a net between two poles and marked off a field with buoys to create a makeshift volleyball course, right in the middle of the swimming pool. Of course Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie, and Starlight joined in. They enjoyed themselves and were even winning the friendly competition, despite Starlight clearly not being at the top of her game. She kept staring at the other players, mares and stallions alike, paying extra attention whether or not they were staring or paying extra attention to her. She swore she could see some longing gazes here and there, some dreamy eyes, some cheeky winks or challenging smiles. But that could also be her imagination, or her old paranoia from her dictatorial times. 

‘Hey, Starlight, are you feeling ok?’ Pinkie said. She knew a frown when she saw one.

‘You should have practiced more, haha!’ Rainbow Dash teased.

Starlight had trouble focusing on her friends. ‘Yes… I know. I think I’m just… bored or so. Can we do something else?’

‘Of course! We should go for the waterslide,’ Applejack said. ‘Looks mighty impressive.’

‘What?! Have you seen that line?’ Rainbow Dash said with a pained groan. ‘It will take hours. I hate waiting.’

Applejack poked her. ‘Don’t be such a party pooper. I’m sure the ride will be worth it, and besides, we have the best source of entertainment to distract us.’ She glanced at Pinkie.

‘Who? The floating toys? The competition swimmers? The swimming dogs?’ Pinkie guessed.

‘No you, you silly apple,’ Applejack said, then nudged her head. ‘Let’s go!’

The line was indeed endless. It went from the top of the ladder all the way down, then spiraled at least three times around the construction itself, around the entire swimming pool, up until the terrace. After a clearly audible sigh coming from Rainbow Dash, the ponies joined. 

They couldn’t believe how slow it went. After ten minutes, they advanced only one hoofstep. Rainbow Dash transformed into a groaning sighing machine with wings. Even Applejack wore a frown on her face, probably regretting her decision. Pinkie saw it all, and knew she was needed now more than ever. 

But just when Pinkie was about to crack the first joke, somepony, a stallion in swim shorts, joined the back of the line, threw a glance at the ponies, glanced again with his sunglasses off, and tapped Starlight on the shoulder. ‘Sorry, but are you Starlight Glimmer?’

‘Eh… yes?’

The stallion put his hooves to his muzzle and shouted, ‘EVERYPONY, STARLIGHT GLIMMER IS HERE, AT THE BACK OF THE LINE!’ 

Instantly, every head in the line turned around, every gaze was aimed at Starlight. A buzz of mumbling went through the waiting ponies, then, as one, they stepped aside like a parting sea. A path opened up in front of her, but she was unsure whether or not to go.

The stallion saw her hesitation, grabbed her shoulders tenderly, rubbed them a bit, and then gave her a push. ‘Go! You deserve it, you deserve everything in the wide world of Equestria!’

Starlight made some hesitant steps towards the ladder. For a moment she mused about this surreal situation, silently comparing it with everything that had happened before. When she looked back, she saw how the path closed behind her. ‘What about my friends?’

‘They are not you,’ a mare said.

She reached the top of the ladder. All the way to the back, she could spot the flabbergasted faces of her friends. Her brow arched. ‘Why don’t you let them go through too?’ 

‘Because we only want you, Starlight,’ somepony said. ‘Starlight! Starlight! Starlight!’

And the rest of the ponies—even those not waiting in line—chanted along. ‘STARLIGHT! STARLIGHT! STARLIGHT!’

But Starlight was not that easily defeated. ‘Oh no! If they are not going, I’m not going!’ she shouted above the chant. 

An unamused growling went through the line. Slowly, reluctantly, it parted again. Rainbow, Pinkie, and AJ trotted through it quickly, as if they were afraid it would close and squash them if they weren’t quick enough.

‘Well that was… weird,’ Rainbow commented.

‘Let’s just do the slide and then go somewhere else,’ Starlight said. ‘It seems the virus of insanity has spread here too.’

‘Not my fault,’ Pinkie said. ‘My insanity is 100% not-contagious.’

Applejack chuckled. ‘We know that, Pinks.’

Wanting to make up for the strange experience, Starlight let her friends go first. Applejack zipped through the tube, made some turns and twists, and then landed with a somersault into the water. Dash did the same, but flapped her wings at the end and did some loopings before she broke the surface. Pinkie was even more special, as she slid backwards, but bounced over the surface of the water like a flat stone when she reached the end. Starlight just went through and plunged unceremoniously into the pool. 

The moment she emerged, a deafening applause made the water ripple. It sounded as if she had just done a marvelous and utterly artful jump at a competition. That was the last drop. As quickly as she could, she paddled to the edge and hoisted herself up. While she was busy rubbing the water out of her eyes, she felt a towel being thrown over her shoulders. Tender hooves started drying her coat. ‘Thanks Twilight, I can always count on you.’

‘You can call me whatever you prefer, and you are very welcome,’ a heavy voice said. Not Twilight’s, unless she had transformed herself into a stallion. Starlight’s head snapped around. The lifeguard didn’t stop rubbing.

With a yelp, Starlight Glimmer cast a quick force spell to push the lifeguard aside, then bolted. Her friends saw what was happening, and galloped after her, not even taking the effort of rolling up their towels. Once they caught up with her, it took a lot of effort to ease Starlight’s mind again. While they talked they walked, as far away from the pool as possible, they reached the bow of the ship. With a pensive sigh, Starlight put her hooves on the railing and looked out over the Celestial Sea. Her friends did the same.

The view did wonders to clear Starlight’s mind. There was water as far as the eye could see, with tiny ripples on the surface, always in motion. A light breeze caressed their ears, blowing Rainbow, Pinkie, and Applejack dry. A few seagulls rode it, looking proud to be flying next to such a gargantuan steel fish. Down below, there were even some dolphins jumping out of the water in front of the ship, occasionally making that funny sound dolphins always make. The sun stood high on the horizon, casting a magical glow over the mass of water like a shiny, polished coin. It gave Rarity an idea.

‘Say, we’re close to the mall, so why not go shopping? I always find that really relaxing,’ she said.

‘Yup, until you peek into your empty wallet at the end of the day,’ Applejack joked.  

Rarity gave her a disdainful stare, accompanied by a snort, and then quickly turned her attention to Starlight again. ‘What do you think? Is it a grand idea or not?’

‘Eh… I don’t know.’

‘Oh please, Starlight. I’m sure not everypony on the ship has gone completely crazy,’ Rarity said.

Despite not really being in the mood to see or interact with other ponies, watching the longing sparkle in Rarity’s eyes made her give in. ‘Okay then. But let’s stick close together. Maybe I can hide behind you all.’

‘That’s the spirit!’ Rarity called, and turned around, already thinking about what goodies she absolutely didn’t need but wanted anyway.   

The S.S. Ocean’s Embrace had a shopping mall onboard, so that ponies could spend even more money on this already extraordinarily expensive cruise. But the shops were all duty-free, so of course everypony fell for the trick and bought themselves many new things. There were mostly clothing boutiques in all shapes, sizes, and price-ranges. The mall hadn’t been flooded during the “disaster,” so all the shops were open, doing good business with the countless shop-crazy ponies.

Twilight and her friends walked over the promenade, enjoying the modern architecture of glass bathed in sunlight. Trying her best to stay as inconspicuous as she could, Starlight walked in the middle. Maybe her chances of staying invisible would have increased if she wore a long trench coat and black-rimmed glasses with a mustached nose, but that idea didn’t enter her mind. Maybe one of the shops sold those items, but truth was that Starlight wasn’t that interested in buying anything. With her dictatorial past, she didn’t really possess such a materialistic mindset. In the end, however, she did find something nice for herself, a knitted purple sweater with pink stripes—probably the most girly one there was. With a content smile, she took it to the counter, where a bored-looking salesmare was reading a newspaper. Yet, when she saw who was approaching, she quickly tossed away the newspaper and painted a smile on her face, as if seeing Starlight made her day. It did, in fact.

‘This one, please,’ Starlight said, draping the sweater on the counter.

‘Excellent choice, Starlight,’ the salesmare said. ‘I wouldn’t have expected anything else from a pony like you. That would be fifty-nine Bits, please.’

Starlight tilted her head. ‘Really? I thought the price was different on the tag.’

The salesmare let out a loud giggle. ‘Yes, but that’s the price for ordinary ponies.’

Starlight didn’t like where this was going. ‘What do you mean?’ she said suspiciously.

‘Why, it’s Starlight Saturday, of course!’ The salesmare reached behind the counter to reveal a poster. It was colored blatantly bright purple, indigo and pink, with Starlight’s head in the middle. She looked as confused on the photo as in real life. Written in bold letters were two words: Starlight Saturday. ‘You get twenty percent discount,’ the mare explained.

Starlight’s mouth opened wide in a gasp of shock, dread, and surprise. 

Twilight, standing behind Starlight, took a peek at the poster as well, and shared Starlight’s bafflement. ‘Eh… it’s not even Saturday. It’s Wednesday.’

‘Hihi, I know, but otherwise it wouldn’t be such a pretty alliteration,’ the mare answered.

‘Oh no! Oh no, no, no!’ Starlight said, taking small steps back. She rubbed her forehead as if she had caught a fever. ‘This is too much, too much!’

The mare nodded. ‘Okay, what about forty percent discount?’

Leaving the sweater for what it was, Starlight galloped out of the boutique as quickly as she could, receiving many strange stares from the other ponies in line. 

‘Fifty percent, maybe?!’ the mare shouted after her. But Starlight was long gone.

Her friends found her sitting against the glass railing, staring far into the distance with bloodshot eyes. ‘What is wrong with these ponies,’ she mumbled, more to herself than to her friends. ‘Or… what’s wrong with me?’
 
Twilight crouched next to her and threw a hoof around her shoulders. ‘I don’t know, Starlight, but I honestly think it has nothing to do with you at all. Strange things are happening aboard this ship, things that are too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence.

‘Yes, it’s so strange,’ Starlight muttered.

‘I feel like I’m close to finding out, though. Your suitor in your cabin, your admirers at the swimming pool, and now this discount day in honor of you…’ She patted Starlight’s back. ‘I have the feeling something is very wrong, and I also think the explanation is more simple than we think. But what…’ She closed her eyes for a moment. Wrinkles appeared in her face. ‘The answer is on the tip of my tongue. I just can’t reach it.’

Rarity joined in on the conversation. ‘I’m terribly sorry for my suggestion. Apparently shopping wasn’t such a great idea after all.’

‘It’s ok, Rarity,’ Starlight said, doing her best to look kind of relaxed. ‘If you’re having fun, then I’m having fun.’ She got up. ‘Let’s continue our hunt for goodies.’

But Rarity wasn’t at peace with that. She got an idea. ‘Why not go window shopping instead? Then we can all enjoy ourselves without actually interacting with others. Who knew that salesponies could get that annoying?’

After a shake of the head, Starlight smiled a small smile. ‘Alright. I’ll give this another chance. Let’s go.’

And so the ponies continued their shopping spree, which wasn’t much of a shopping spree anymore. Knowing that they weren’t going to buy anything now, they moved on to the strangest, most alternative, most exclusive, and, above all, most expensive shops there were. They had a lot of fun laughing at the ridiculous price tags attached to “designer” products. A purse worth five hundred Bits? Hilarious! A pair of horseshoes made entirely out of silver? Laughable! A pair of sunglasses looking so fragile they might break if you put them on? (Worth a thousand Bits, by the way.) Ridiculous! Very soon they were hunting for the most expensive item sold on the ship, just for laughs. After browsing some more, they found it. 

In a jewelry shop all the way at the end of the promenade, a gorgeous pearl necklace shimmered in the display. The Treasure of the Deeps, it was called. The pearls were whiter than the snowiest iceberg. The silver of the necklace was as pure as a shy lover’s first kiss. The golden beads were as shiny as the scales of a fish. Etcetera, etcetera.

Both Starlight’s, as well as Rarity’s face was glued to the glass of the display, gazing in awe at the marvelous piece of art in front of them. The others soon joined and shared the same expression. Twilight looked at the price tag, and nearly choked. ‘That’s probably enough money to buy the entire ship!’
 
‘Eeyup,’ Applejack said. ‘That’s probably enough money to buy an orchard of golden apples.

‘That’s probably enough money to buy a pair of sport shoes with golden laces,’ Rainbow Dash said. ‘One pair for every week, I mean.’

Unfortunately they couldn’t gaze at it for long. The curtain was moved aside, revealing a pair of hooves. Carefully, the Treasure of the Deeps got removed from its pedestal, and then disappeared.

Rarity pouted her lips, her eyes still gazing through the glass. ‘The most beautiful things are also the first things to disappear,’ she mused, ‘no matter how good they can dance…’

‘What? Pearls don’t dance,’ Pinkie said, completely misunderstanding her comment. ‘Maybe the oysters who grow the pearls do, but I have never seen that in my life.’

The ponies were just about to move along, when a stallion, pure white and wearing a tuxedo as sharp as the ship’s bow appeared. He stopped. 

‘Oh, hello there,’ Pinkie said.

But the stallion ignored Pinkie, aiming his gaze instead at—yes, you guessed it—Starlight Glimmer. He extended his hoof, presenting a white box. ‘I saw you staring with longing at the Treasure of the Deeps, so I wanted you to have this.’

Starlight felt something brood inside her gut. ‘What is it?’ she asked with a toneless voice.

‘The Treasure of the Deeps, of course,’ the stallion replied, bowing down and offering the box to Starlight as if he were proposing to her. ‘I know they are not as shiny as your beautiful eyes, but I still think they would look great on a mare of stature like you.’

Starlight’s eyes became as round as the pearls. Her horn shimmered. Old reflexes took over. She growled and enveloped the entire stallion—box included—in her magic, shoving him back inside the jeweler—a little too far, perhaps. He slammed into a rack of rings, sending gold raining over the floor and rolling everywhere. 

A small smile curled on Starlight’s lips. It felt familiar, but frightened her at the same time. Suddenly a large blush appeared on her cheeks, and she looked around if anypony had noticed her actions. She stepped forwards towards the entrance of the jeweler, intending to apologize, but changed her mind. With large steps, she marched away from the scene of her crime.

Her friends had trouble keeping up. They were speechless. Except Pinkie, of course. She was never speechless. ‘You know, I would have taken the pearls,’ she said, smiling a good-natured smile free of any judgement. ‘Do you know how many balloons you could buy with that amount of money? Probably every single balloon in the entire world of Equestria.’

Starlight sighed. Nopony could ever stay angry or sad for long with Pinkie right next to him or her. ‘It wasn’t about the pearls, it was about the stallion. It was the exact same thing as with the one in my cabin. Random gifts, perks, attention, acts of friendship or even love… It just jars me to the core.’

‘I understand what you mean, this is not normal,’ Twilight Sparkle said. 

They reached some kind of square, with wooden benches here and there, next to giant palm trees planted in equally giant flower pots. Starlight sat down on one of the benches; her friends did the same. Pinkie Spotted something opposite of them, and hop, skip, jumped towards it. ‘Hey look, a bulletin board with activities.’

‘I honestly don’t feel like doing anything anymore,’ Starlight said. ‘I think I’ll just lock myself up in my cabin and read something until we reach Trottingham.’

Pinkie squinted and read the activity calendar. ‘But then you’ll miss… this movie here.’ She looked more closely. ‘Oh, I know this movie! It’s got everything a mare could ever want. There’s action, adventure, romance, and drama. It’s about a ship which hits an iceberg and sinks, super exciting. It’s called… Gigantic.’
 
‘Eh… I think we’ve had enough thrill after the actual almost-sinking of this here ship,’ Applejack said, making a face. 

Realizing her mistake, Pinkie said, ‘Oops, you’re right. I guess the cinema room will be empty when they show that one.’

The board sparked Rainbow Dash’s interest, and she zipped towards it, scanning the activities. ‘Hey, this looks fun! Indoor laser tag.’
 
‘Do you even know what that is?’ Rarity asked.

‘Nah, but it sounds cool.’

Rarity rolled her eyes. ‘Naturally.’

Fluttershy took a glance too. ‘Hey, we could go to a spa together and relax. What do you think?’

‘But we just came from the pool,’ Rainbow Dash said. ‘And I left my towel there.’ Then she realized what she should have said instead. ‘Eh, I mean, spas are for sissy ladies, not for die-hard athletes like me. No offence, Fluttershy.’

‘None taken. You have a point,’ Fluttershy said. ‘Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we let Starlight choose?’ 

After a quick nod, Pinkie jumped behind Starlight and pushed her gently, guiding her towards the bulletin board. ‘I don’t think I am in the mood for activities—’ she began, but abruptly cut off when she noticed a large poster pinned right in the middle of the board. It showed a bright red kite. Above it was written: Wednesday Kite Flight Fight Night.
 
‘Hm…’ Starlight said, scrutinizing the poster. ‘Look, everyone, it’s a kiting competition, this evening. Winner takes the prize: the Princess’s Pride.’
 
‘What’s that?’ Rarity asked.

Starlight was trembling with excitement. ‘Oh, nothing, only the biggest kite ever made!’

‘Oh! How big is it?’ Pinkie asked, trembling along.

‘It’s so big it will carry you straight into the air and make you fly like a pegasus,’ Starlight said. ‘If you don’t know how to fly it…’

‘And you know how to fly it?’ Rainbow Dash guessed.

Starlight rubbed her hooves together and smiled a longing smile. ‘I do, and I want it.’

‘That’s great!’ Twilight said. ‘I think all of us have flown kites when we were small, right?’ After everypony nodded, she continued. ‘Then we will all participate. It will be fun! Casual, free, laid-back fun.’

‘Yes…’ Starlight said. ‘It will be fun and fruitful. It’s just a shame this ship doesn’t have any sails. Could have made one giant kite out of the canvas.’ 

Everypony let out a laugh, not realizing Starlight was very serious. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon gathering fabric, wood, string, neon paint, and strings of light to make their own kites. With a little help from their personal kite-expert Starlight Glimmer, they had functional—and pretty—fighting kites in no time. There was supposed to be an award for aesthetics as well, so they made them as pretty and colorful as they could. 

When evening fell, the biggest deck there was got transformed into a battle arena. There was enough space to let the participants take off their kites, and of course, enough space for a jury to oversee the competition. A throng of ponies gathered together with their crafted creations. After a quick welcome from the announcer, and an even quicker introduction of the jury members, the fight was on. Everypony ran across the deck, their reels raised above their heads. In a matter of seconds, the air was filled with colorful kites. Of course the kites themselves were hard to see, but the lights strapped to them were not. It looked as if somepony had launched a firework show, but instead of disappearing, the colors stayed in the air, moving around to the left and to the right, up and down, diagonally and straight. They moved in every direction imaginable. The sky showed more colors than the Las Pegasus strip.

But the beauty betrayed the ferocity. The goal of the game was to slice the enemy’s line with your own kite. Everypony knew that. Everypony knew the stakes too. Of course, the slowest and most inexperienced kite flyers went down first. The sound of snapping lines was a symphony of defeat. Disappointed and sad ponies hurried towards their creations to reclaim them, then trudged away.

Twilight went down first, overthinking things, as always. She was followed by Fluttershy, who was way too nice for the others, and didn’t want to cut any lines for fear of hurting somepony’s feelings. Next up was Rarity, who was too focused on making the most beautiful maneuvers instead of attacking her opponents. After her came Applejack, who was used to flying kites for fun, instead of in competitions. Rainbow Dash threw her reel to the ground in anger, as her line got cut too. But that was her own fault, as she was way too cocky and risky. These competitions are about grace and subtlety, two things Rainbow would never understand. Pinkie Pie didn’t take this competition serious in the first place, and just tried to make the craziest, weirdest, most unorthodox spins and rolls, which cost her the finale place. Of course, she didn’t mind. She had fun, and that was what mattered most to her.

But Starlight knew there was more at stake. She was on fire, literally. Her kite, sporting orange and red neon lights, flashed through the sky like a living dragon flame. PLINK, PLOINK, PLINK, PLOINK, resounded, as she defeated opponent after opponent, slicing through their lines like a fiery scissor. She had participated in many kiting competitions before, so she knew how to play this game. Strangely enough, she had the feeling this went a little too easy. It was as if every kite she neared veered away from her, exposing its weak spot in the process. But she was too caught up in the moment, filled up with the rush of adrenaline every top athlete knew very well, to actually notice that. She just went for the kill, every single time. No mercy.

Very soon a ring of ponies formed around her, with her friends at the front. Only Starlight herself and two others remained. The fight intensified. All three ponies frowned in utter concentration, jerking their hooves this way and that, sharpening their turns and quickening their strikes. It was but a matter of minutes before a winner would reveal him or herself.

PLOINK! 
 
Starlight’s tense face instantly changed at hearing that sound. With tears in her eyes, she watched her kite catching the wind, then flutter far away and disappear into the dark sea. She had lost.

She threw a glance at the stallion who had beaten her. ‘Nice one,’ she said, admitting her defeat in a sporty way. The stallion, however, wasn’t attacking his remaining opponent right away. He kept his kite out of reach, and turned his head to Starlight, eyes almost as teary as hers. ‘I’m so sorry, Starlight Glimmer, I… I didn’t mean to…’

‘It’s a competition. You are better than me. I lost, that’s all,’ Starlight said with a lump in her throat. ‘But I can handle it.’

‘No, no it’s more than that,’ the stallion said with a shaky voice. ‘I made a terrible mistake, but I can make it up to you.’ Suddenly he jammed his reel into Starlight’s hooves. ‘Here, take my kite. It would make me very happy.’

‘What?!’ Starlight looked from the reel to the kite in the air. It looked sturdy and built with love. ‘But… this is your kite.’

‘Doesn’t matter. I just want to see you win.’

‘Why?’

‘Because,’ the stallion answered.

Starlight wondered what the hay was happening here. ‘But the number is different, when the jury notices it, they will know I’m cheating.’

The stallion shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about the jury, they will cooperate.’

‘How can you be sure?’

‘Because you’re Starlight Glimmer.’

Starlight Glimmer could feel something coming up, something crazy and insane and strange and familiar, but didn’t have time to think. Her opponent opened the attack. He made a quick dive, aiming the leading edge of his kite towards Starlight’s line. But Starlight was quicker. After a shake of the head, she countered with an arch to the left. Starlight bit her lip as she let her kite sail through the air like a pegasus in mid-flight. Spots of light aimed into the sky, illuminating the last two contestants brightly. They continued to dogfight for a very long minute, swooping closer, then back, then closer again.

The fight didn’t seem to end. Thanks to the spotlights, however, Starlight noticed her enemy’s weak spot. It was just a tiny handicap, but she spotted it anyway with her experienced eyes. Apparently, the right wing of her opponent’s kite was an inch shorter than the left. Being the ruthless pony she was, Starlight immediately exploited that weakness. She made a looping, pretending to retreat, but then moved in for a direct hit. The other kite couldn’t turn sharply enough to avoid the strike, and paid for it dearly. With a loud, PLINK, the line snapped. The kite fluttered soundlessly away into oblivion.

‘I… I won,’ Starlight whispered. ‘I won,’ she said. ‘I WON!’ she shouted. 

A chorus of cheers erupted from the spectators. Hooves and hats got thrown into the air. Applause resounded, hooves stomped upon the deck. 

But as Starlight reeled in the kite, she also realized it was not hers. Her conscience started speaking to her. She had cheated. When she presented the kite in her hooves to the jury, she held her breath.

The jury member glanced at the number, frowned, but then relaxed an eyeblink later. ‘Kite number twenty-five, Azure Waves—I mean, Starlight Glimmer—has won the Wednesday Kite Flight Fight Night kiting competition. Congratulations!’ And she sealed her judgement by offering Starlight a hoofshake.

Starlight knew that couldn’t be right, but was too caught up in the moment to actually feel bad about this unfair victory. She was about to feel a lot worse.

Like a stampede, the ponies in the crowd rushed towards her. ‘STARLIGHT, STARLIGHT, STARLIGHT!’ they yelled. When they reached her, dozens of hooves grabbed her and carried her high into the air. ‘We love you, Starlight,’ one stallion called.

‘Eh… thanks, I just… did my best,’ Starlight said with an awkward smile. She didn’t like this at all.

‘We want to be with you forever,’ a mare said, smiling maniacally.

‘Now that is maybe a little extreme,’ Starlight said.

‘Have my kite, have my kiss, have my babies,’ one stallion said, foaming at the mouth.

When Starlight glanced around, she noticed many ponies—both mares and stallions—foaming at the mouths. This wasn’t good. Suddenly the hooves let her fall right into the middle of the sea of admirers. She felt hooves stroking her hide, patting her head, and rubbing her tenderly. She felt hooves pulling at her mane, at her tail. In a fit of panic, she tried to spot her friends. No sign of them anywhere. Her panic ignited her old reflexes. Without even thinking, she summoned a forcefield of blue magic, expanded it like a bubble around her. It pushed aside the crowd, creating some space. And a way out. Starlight took a deep breath, and bolted through the gap.

She just wanted to get out of this crazy mob, not even interested in the grand prize anymore. Unfortunately, she couldn’t escape everypony on the ship for long. After a brief moment of confusion, the crowd followed her immediately, rushing towards her like mad shoppers on black Friday. 

The chase went on. Starlight galloped as fast as she could, not daring to look over her shoulder. But there was only so far she could go. Suddenly, nothing but water appeared in front of her. She had reached the bow of the ship. A dead end.

Already she could hear the madness behind her. When she looked back, she watched the crowd of ponies close in hoofstep by hoofstep from both directions. Smiles were on their faces, big, happy smiles. There was nowhere to go.

The steel railing poked into her back. She clambered over it and retreated further. Spreading her hooves, she had to keep her balance on the tip of the bowsprit. Far below her, the dark sea parted before the ship’s bow, which cut through it like a knife. In front of her, a throng of insanity gathered at the railing. Starlight didn’t know which danger she preferred. For a moment she expected some ponies to walk the bowsprit too, but that went too far, apparently.

‘Be careful, Starlight Glimmer! We don’t want you to get hurt!’ some random pony shouted.

Starlight shook her head, almost lost her balance. The crowd gasped. But she didn’t fall. ‘What do you all want from me? I don’t want anything from you. Just leave me alone!’

‘That’s just it, we want you!’ a stallion shouted, wiping the foam off his muzzle to make himself understood.

‘But I don’t want you all. I don’t want anypony. I don’t want love. Hay, I can barely accept the friendship of my friends in my heart. I…’ She sighed, which didn’t make a sound, as the breeze blew it away. ‘I’m having trouble accepting my past crimes. They haunt me every day, both when I’m awake and when I’m sleeping. How can I be ready for relationships or love if I can barely even love myself?’

‘But we are!’ said a mare, her hooves planted firmly on the railing, squeezing it. 

‘Yes, we’re ready. We can help you to get ready too. We can make you ready.’ Somepony else added.

Taking a moment to watch their faces, Starlight saw the exact same bewitched expression on all of them. She realized she was never going to get through to them. Not even one of Flim or Flam’s scams could get her out of here.

Then, one of the ponies said something that made the hairs on the back of her neck tingle and a shiver run through her very soul. ‘Starlight, be our leader! Rule us in the name of love!’

With a painful shiver, Starlight shrunk, wrapped her front hooves around the hair-thin bowsprit. Memories invaded her mind from the dark vault of her subconscious she tried so hard to keep closed every single day. She could barely speak. What could she say? ‘But… all of you…’

‘Don’t worry, Starlight,’ somepony said, whom she couldn’t spot. ‘We all love you equally much.’

Love you equally much… Equally much… Equally… Equally… Equally…
 
Those words opened the vault, let everything stream out. Starlight could physically feel something rumbling in her head, spreading like an ink stain through her entire body, until it reached her heart. The buzzing feeling gave her strength, an old, familiar strength. 

Suddenly, she frowned a frown so heavy it could put any villain to shame. With a jump, she stood upright. Starlight walked across the bowsprit, step by step, until she reached the railing. With a powerful, graceful jump, she took her place above everypony else, and scanned the crowd. Her head was raised proudly. Her eyes had obtained a terrifying glow. Her hide was grey and dull.

The crowd bent forwards; the ponies held their breaths. They had noticed the change.

This felt familiar, as if she were about to give one of her loyalty propaganda speeches to her horde of brainwashed subjects. Everything was the same as in the past, including that haunted look of blind obedience in everypony’s eyes. She took a deep breath. Her voice was official, radiating strength and authority with every word. 

‘The time for timidity has ended.’ 

A silence. Nopony dared to cough or even scratch their manes.

Starlight cleared her throat. ‘My second reign has come. This ship will belong to me, and you all will belong to me with it. Right now your behavior is not to my liking, but there are many ways to… alter that.’

A rustle of confused whispers went through the crowd. After a few seconds, somepony dared to speak up. ‘Does that mean you love us?’

A dark smile curled on Starlight’s lips. ‘Let’s just say that I will love you all equally much back.’

Before the ponies had time to guess what she meant, Starlight came in action. Summoning her old magics, she let her horn flare up with a frightening light. She captured the entire group in her field of magic, then shoved it aside like discarded toys. When her hooves touched down on the boards of the bow again, she put her first decree into practice. 

‘Let’s get organized,’ she mumbled, waving her horn. The group got separated and sorted. Mares with mares, stallions with stallions. Then she looked at an empty space and concentrated. A second later, two cages with bars made of pure, sizzling magic appeared on the deck. With a flick of the head, Starlight crammed the stallions in one, and the mares in another. It was a bit of a hustle to close the doors, but with a little pushing and pressing, she got it done. Breathing heavily, Starlight looked at her handiwork. ‘Do you still think I’m beautiful? Do you still want to be with me? Do you still love me NOW?!’

Everypony tried desperately to lie or hang in a comfortable position, but that was impossible. The front ones stared with eyes full of dread at the great dictator. They had realized their mistakes.

‘THIS is the real Starlight Glimmer!’ Starlight shouted at the top of her lungs. ‘If you want me, you get her too.’

The sound of hoofsteps coming from the right interrupted her. Had she forgotten somepony? When she looked, she saw her friends nearing. ‘What do you want?’

‘Starlight, what are you doing?!’ Twilight called. She stopped with her friends some distance away, assessing the situation in her mind. Her eyes flashed from the moaning ponies in the cages to the purple and pink dictator.

‘I’m ending this madness,’ Starlight hissed, ‘I’m solving this situation with magic, like I always do, and bend it to my will.’

‘But not like this,’ Applejack said. 

‘Yes like this. It is the only way. These ponies have given me no choice.’

Rarity stepped forwards carefully. ‘Look, darling. I get angry or annoyed sometimes too, but what you have done right now is a little… extreme.’

‘The language of extremes is the only language these ponies understand,’ Starlight said with a snort. Sparkles of magic sizzled out of her nostrils. ‘It is the language everypony understands. Clear, simple, no-nonsense, powerful.’

‘But locking ponies up in cages is no fun,’ Pinkie said.

‘Poor dears,’ Fluttershy whispered.

‘Yes, just look at them.’ Rainbow Dash gestured with her hoof.

Starlight looked at the two piles of misery in the cages. Her expression didn’t soften. If anything, it only hardened like a seashell. 

Suddenly, a familiar face appeared through the bars. Rainbow Dash let out a cry in surprise and shouted, ‘Soarin!’

‘Dashie!’ Soarin shouted back, grabbing the bars of the cage. ‘Help me!’

Rainbow Dash readied herself, and frowned almost as darkly as Starlight. ‘Now you’ve gone too far.’

Starlight narrowed her eyes. Her horn glimmered dangerously bright. When Rainbow Dash shot towards her like a runner after the starting shot, she launched a bolt of magic. Dash veered around it, but had to slow down as another one was inbound. Starlight fired shot after shot, lighting up the sky with a deadly searchlight of magical energy. The caged ponies watched, holding their breaths. 

Her friends came into action. They tried to get closer, but bumped their noses against an invisible wall Starlight quickly conjured. Placing their horns against it, Rarity and Twilight focused and managed to shatter it. In the meantime Applejack readied her lasso. She swung the noose into the air and then threw it at Starlight. With a quick teleportation, Starlight sidestepped it. Applejack looked defeated at the motionless rope, yet, the move hadn’t been useless. It gave Twilight an idea. When she saw Rainbow Dash distract Starlight with another aerial attack, she closed her eyes, disappeared in a flash, and reappeared above Starlight. With a WHOMP! she fell right on top of her. Before Starlight could recover or teleport away, she played her trump card. Her glowing horn touched down on Starlight’s.

Twilight used the exact same memory spell she had used to help her friends remember who they were, on the very day she battled that truly evil but highly clever mastermind Discord. Starlight Glimmer stopped struggling and froze. Everypony froze. 

Slowly, Starlight’s regular color flowed back to her head. When she spoke, her voice was completely different. ‘I… I am so sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ Twilight said. She continued her spell until Starlight looked like normal again. ‘This wasn’t you.’

Rubbing her head, Starlight sat up straight. ‘Except that it was me. I have never felt more me than ever.’

‘Then your feelings are lying to you, and you shouldn’t listen to them,’ Applejack said. She and the rest approached, and stood around her. Rainbow Dash’s murderous glances softened when she noticed the despair and regret in Starlight’s eyes.

A tear appeared. ‘Maybe… maybe I’m still evil. After that terrible mistake back in the village…’

Twilight wiped away her tear, and then embraced her. ‘Yes, you have made a big mistake in the past, but you have learned from that mistake. You are better now, and you definitely wouldn’t hurt anypony ever again.’

‘So how about releasing all of these poor souls?’ Rarity said, nudging her head towards the cages.

Without a word, Starlight let the spell slip. Two mountains of ponies spread out on the deck. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’ Starlight whispered.

‘Of course we can,’ Fluttershy said. ‘But I’m not too sure about the passengers…’

But whether or not the passengers forgave her was neither clear nor important. As soon as they were freed, they galloped away as quickly as they could, leaving only a cloud of dust behind. Only Soarin went the opposite direction, and took his place besides Rainbow Dash, nuzzling her. Then all of Starlight’s friends joined in on the hug, which lasted a good five minutes. When the moment of sappiness finally ended, they all got up and let out a collective sigh.

‘Glad this madness is over,’ Twilight said, sighing extra hard. ‘Finally, the chaos has ended.’

She couldn’t have picked a better word to describe this piece of art. But unfortunately, it did bring her to an idea. Her eyes flashed around, as she put the pieces of the puzzle together. The solution came to her in one word. There was always a name attached to the term “chaos” like a chord attached to a melody.

Twilight looked around, searching. Then she took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and screamed, ‘DISCORD!’

Oops, busted!
> Chapter six: the rabbit out of the hat
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was of no use hiding, watching, and enjoying the situations anymore. Out of nowhere, an inflatable mini pool appeared on the deck, then I jumped out of it like a cheerful dolphin jack-in-the-box. ‘Surprise!’

‘Discord?!’ everypony shouted with flabbergasted expressions adorning their faces—everypony except Twilight, of course. ‘I should have known,’ Twilight said.

‘And you did know in the end, so for that, you get a golden star!’ I snapped my fingers and made a golden sticker appear on Twilight’s forehead.

But she didn’t appreciate either the gift or the joke, ripped off the sticker and threw it to the ground. ‘You better start explaining yourself right now!’ she shouted, face all red.

‘Why so irritated?’ I said. ‘Are you not enjoying the little love spell I cast upon this entire pink bathtub?’

‘Love spell?!’ Twilight exclaimed.

‘Of course. You didn’t think this was all natural, did you? The fast ship, the slow ship, the sappy ship, the ship in danger, and the obsessive ship are clichés as old as Granny Smith.’

Twilight’s mind filled in the missing pieces. ‘So you set everything up yourself?’

‘I did,’ I said, patting myself proudly on the chest. ‘I find it one of my best works. It wasn’t even that hard. The boat offered a very suitable stage for many exciting scenes. But my magic didn’t do all of this, sometimes only the power of love was enough.’

‘Wait, so you were the one who made the ship crash?’ Rainbow Dash said. ‘With just the power of love?’

I shrugged. ‘Yes, the power of love and a little bit of birdseed. It wasn’t that hard, actually.’

Twilight had run out of patience, especially after the heartbreaking confrontation with Starlight Glimmer. She stomped her hoof on the ground and said, ‘Discord, this is all your fault. Now fix this!’ 

‘Why should I? You are having so much fun!’ I sank back into my little pool, flashed on my swim shorts and summoned my bath toys. They were two miniature ships, which I rubbed together while making smooching sounds. 

‘DISCORD!’ Twilight roared.

I didn’t like being yelled at. ‘The answer is no,’ I said calmly.

Rainbow Dash shot towards me and jerked my goatee. ‘You better fix this or I will, I will…’

‘Rip off my goatee?’ A second later, Dash found herself flying with a tuft of white hair in her hooves. With a disgusted shiver, she dropped it to the deck. Another second later, a new goatee grew from my chin. 

‘Quit it!’ Twilight called. Together with Starlight she let her horn glow and aimed it dangerously close to me. ‘No more nonsense. You have to make this right.’

‘I can’t, even if I wanted to,’ I said, gulping at the magical threat.

‘You’re bluffing,’ Starlight said, narrowing her eyes.

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Yes, you are,’ Starlight said.

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Yes, you are,’ Starlight and Twilight said at the same time.

Fluttershy saw this was not going anywhere, so she stepped forward and gave me a stern gaze. I never liked to see that gaze, and remembered it all too well. ‘Discord,’ she said, ‘this was not fun.’

‘Well, it was fun for Dash, Soarin, and Rarity. Oh, and for me, of course.’

But Fluttershy was undaunted. ‘Maybe it was fun for some of us, but not for all of us. Also, you let it get way out of hoof.’

I loosened my invisible collar. ‘Well… “out of hoof” is a very subjective expression.’

‘No it’s not. You have toyed with our feelings, you have endangered everypony onboard the ship, you have made Starlight very uncomfortable, and all of that just so you can have a laugh? You should be ashamed of yourself.’

Fluttershy stared so hard at me I thought she was about to use the stare itself. I sweated, despite the water being refreshing and cold. ‘I… eh… actually had another goal with all of this.’

A nod from Fluttershy, as she allowed me to explain my side of the story. I tried to do so as best as I could. ‘My only intentions were to let everypony enjoy Hearts and Hooves Day even more, and make it special.’

‘A little too special to my liking,’ Applejack commented.

‘Yes, but without my fabulous spell, you would all have been mere observers, and I wanted you all to celebrate this day they way it is intended. With lots of love.’

‘These ridiculous situations have nothing to do with love,’ Starlight Glimmer said.

I shook my head in confusion. ‘But that is exactly what love is, right? Ponies acting all crazy for each other in the most extravagant, over-the-top, and cliché ways possible?’

‘I’m sorry to say this, but I think you misunderstood,’ Fluttershy said. 

‘Then what is love?’

After a moment of thought, Fluttershy said, ‘Well… look at our friendship. It’s natural, laid-back and totally not forced whatsoever. That is what you did wrong. You can’t force love. It just happens.’

‘It just… happens,’ I repeated. My stare must have been the one of an idiot, perhaps as silly as Derpy Hooves’s. Yet, my mind was actually, genuinely blown. My whole world was upside down. 

Fluttershy stepped closer and put a hoof on my shoulder. That soft, tender touch always makes my heart glow. ‘I can understand your mistake and I forgive you, maybe the others too.’ She looked at her friends, but when only a forest of furrowed brows could be seen, she quickly turned her attention to me again. ‘Um… never mind. What I want to say is that we would appreciate it if you undid your spell.’

I stroked Fluttershy’s mane. ‘For you always, Fluttershy.’ With a snap of my fingers I dispelled my nonsense and floated into the air. ‘No need to fuss, everypony. As soon as you get off the boat, the effect of the spell will dwindle. Unfortunately I won’t be able to undo everything that has happened.’

‘What do you mean?’ Twilight said, expecting a catch.

I smiled my signature, amused smile and said, ‘Rainbow Dash, you might want to make a doctor’s appointment as soon as we reach dry land.’

‘Why? I feel totally fine,’ Dash said, tilting her head.

Haha! I could barely contain my laughter. ‘Yes, but it can never hurt to… test yourself, so to speak.’

Rainbow Dash still looked puzzled, but I could see Soarin got it. A wide smile appeared on his face which he wasn’t able to lose anymore. Until the moment he stepped off the boat, of course.

A small wave of relief softened Twilight’s iron stare. ‘Okay, great, then we’ll all get off at the very next stop and everything will go back to normal.’

‘Actually, um… Twilight?’ Fluttershy asked carefully. 

‘Yes?’

‘I would actually like to… you know… stay on the ship a little longer, if that’s ok with you, of course.’

Did she hear that correctly? ‘What?! But—’

‘Yeah, me and Soarin would like to stay together as long as we can too,’ Rainbow Dash said, swooping down and hugging her coltfriend tight, even going so far as to smooch him loudly and shamelessly on the muzzle.`

Pinkie jumped up. ‘Why not stay? Maybe I can find a special somepony too?’

‘And I think it’s best if I also hung around for a while longer,’ Applejack said. ‘I need to be there for Flam.’

A blush appeared on Rarity’s face. ‘Pour moi le même,’ she said, speaking fancy all of a sudden as she thought of her dashing mystery lover, winking at her from an unseen shadow somewhere onboard the ship. 

‘Eh… Rarity, you’re not going to find Swing Step again,’ I said.

To that, she gave me a stare more ferocious than that of an ursa major. ‘How would you know?!’

Raising my hooves in defense, I mumbled, ‘Okay, okay, never mind.’

A slapping sound shattered the awkward silence. It was Twilight facehoofing. Naturally, it was the only logical reaction. ‘You can’t be serious.’

‘What? Jealous?’ I said with a challenging smile.

‘No!’ she called.

I pinched her cheeks before she slapped my hand away. ‘Aww! Don’t be sad that I didn’t ship you. It is never too late for that, because I brought with me your one greatest love as well.’

Twilight jumped up as if a flyder stung her in her flank. ‘Oh no! No more tricks, you hear. I’ve had quite enough of—’

But it was too late. I snapped my fingers. 

‘NOOOOOOOOO!’

In a white flash, Twilight’s only desire and love in the entire world of Equestria appeared in front of her: a pile of dusty old books.

Finally, some recognition! First Pinkie Pie, then Rainbow Dash, then Applejack, then Starlight Glimmer, then Rarity, and then Fluttershy let out a burst of chuckles, pointing from the books to Twilight and back. Twilight herself showed a blush any tomato would be proud of. Her ears flattened, and she managed to summon a tiny grin. 

I always know how to joke myself out of a tight spot.

* *  

And so the cruise continued, but nothing really interesting happened, now that my fruitful endeavors had been discovered. I think you can guess the ending by yourself, so I’ll leave it open, just for the sake of it. Yes, you can say what you want to say about this whole “Ship” in “shipping” story, dear reader, but the fact remains that thanks to the one and only me, this certainly became the most interesting Hearts and Hooves Day anypony had ever experienced. Let’s do this again next year, shall we?

THE END