> Hearth's Warming Cards
>  by canehdianbacon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Hearth's Warming Eve
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the time of Hearth's Warming Eve in the town of Ponyville. The winter's cold wind bit down on the establishments made of stone, wood, and hay that housed the residents of the town. The thatch of the houses moved and deformed in response to the wind and frosted at the windows due to the temperature. The ponies that populated those houses moved about as they hurried through the snow that constantly gathered at their hooves. Likely focused on gathering various items for their respective holiday traditions, they sped through the plowed paths of the market. The bells that mounted the walls of the various stores chimed without end as the ponies trotted with haste. 

The winter's bite did not have the same affect on Twilight Sparkle's crystal castle, however, as the structure stood its ground with ease against the wind and snow. Though the windows of the castle did frost, the solidity of the crystal material defended its occupants with its strength and thickness. 

Within the large monument of a home, the Princess of Friendship sat peacefully in her library room. Twilight had planted her haunches in one of her best comfy reading chairs as she pursued her favourite activity. Her breathes were slow and controlled as she turned the page of her current amusement. Her horn shimmered faintly with magic while the page turned, the paper shimmering with the same transparent glow. 

That same glow quickly shifted from the novel to the bookmark that lay on the small coffee table beside the alicorn. She brought the bookmark down onto the novel that she held in her hooves, the mark now resting on her current page. 

Wrapping up her reading session, she stretched her muscles and limbs in preparation for her expected company. Twilight shuffled off of her comfy chair and set her hooves on the carpeted floor. She then made her way out of the library and towards the front door, hooves clopping from carpet to the marble, crystal-like floor. 

The wide foyer of the castle was spacious as always. However, this time it was festooned with holiday decorations from corner to corner. The long, red carpet that lie on the crystalline floor was now adorned with fluffy white powder here and there for the illusion of snow. Wreaths of green and red along with bells of gold hung from the picture frames on the walls. Ribbons and fabric of red hung from the rails up top that belonged to the higher floors of the home. 

Finally, Hearth's Warming wouldn't be complete without the famous tree. The model of wood and pine stood tall and assertive in the foyer, easily standing nearly a dozen ponies tall. It was covered in many decorations of red, green, gold, silver, and yellow. Bright lights also wrapped around the tree, these ones colours of yellow, red, and blue. At the bottom of the tree rested over a dozen presents, each individually wrapped in a unique wrapping paper of its own. Finally, at the very top of the massive tree was the magical fire of Hearth's Warming itself. The fire burned bright, lighting up the room with its radiance of pinkish-magenta.

The magical fire could be seen in the reflection of Twilight's eyes as she gazed into its welcoming flame. The alicorn was suddenly knocked out of her haze when she heard a loud knocking at the door behind her. The sound echoed off the walls of the long foyer, the volume overcoming the sound of the faint sound of the flame at the top of the tree. 

Pinkie Pie. Twilight concluded in her mind, nearly saying it out loud due to her excitement.

Before Twilight even began trotting over the the door, she craned her neck up to call loudly for her best assistant and friend. "Spike! They're here!" Twilight called with projection in her voice.

Once Twilight had approached the door that had yet to cease its loud knocking, she pulled on the nob and opened the creaky door. However, the door didn't even have a chance to creak as Pinkie Pie burst through the entrance without warning. 

"Surprise!" Pinkie shouted out into the interior of the castle, sliding down the red carpet on her knees all the while. Confetti had dispersed across the floor when Pinkie had entered, having it mix with the decorations already laid out in the room. Twilight had reared back in defense against the crazed onslaught that is Pinkie Pie, having not expected the sudden outburst.

"Calm down there, Pinkie Pie. 'Bet you wanna save your energy for the party." Applejack commented as everypony else began to enter the castle.

"I'm sure the party has already begun for Pinkie." Replied Rainbow Dash, shuffling her wings around to rid of the snow.

Before Twilight could welcome everypony, she saw Spike rushing down the large staircase with a present in-claw. "Hey, everypony!" Spike called, stealing the words right out of Twilight's mouth. 

The five friends began brushing themselves off from the snow on the large brown mat laid out for such purpose. Rainbow Dash set herself on the ground as she stomped her clothed hooves down onto the fuzzy surface of the mat. She then shook her head to and fro, hoping to get the snow off the blue toque she sported. Applejack did the same, only she removed her stetson to wipe the snow off of it with her naked hooves. The earth pony then used the stetson to brush off the snow on the sleeves of the turtleneck sweater she wore. On the contrary, Rarity removed her head wear altogether, setting it on one of the coat hangers to the right of the entrance. Fluttershy did the same, gently placing her earmuffs on the hook beside Rarity's. Finally, Pinkie Pie simply shook herself primitively, flinging wet bits of snow around on the floor, the walls and her friends.

"Ah!" Rarity exclaimed in protest to Pinkie's actions. "Pinkie, darling? Would you please not shake yourself around like a dog?"

"Oops! Sorry, Rares!" Pinkie replied, her voice enthusiastic, yet apologetic to Rarity's request.

"Would somepony please close the door?" Rarity kindly asked no pony in particular, the open entrance letting in the cold wind and allowing the warm atmosphere of the home to escape.

"I've got it." Fluttershy answered timidly as she used her left foreleg to close the door, shutting out the cold wind.

Once Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy had removed their respective scarves, hoof and head wear, Twilight then deemed it necessary to offer a proper welcoming.

"Welcome, everypony!" Twilight began. "I'm so glad you all could make it this Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"Of course, Twi! We wouldn't miss it for all of Equestria!" Applejack heartily responded, tipping her hat in appreciation.

"Yeah! I mean, unless some super evil villain escaped Tartarus and began inconveniently ruining Hearth's Warming Eve by laying waste to all of Equestria, I'm super duper sure we wouldn't miss this!" Pinkie Pie added, glancing towards a particularly interesting part of the wall as she ended her sentence. 

Twilight rolled her eyes in a friendly fashion as Pinkie performed her usual wacky behaviour. Seeing as Spike had placed his last little present under the tall tree, Twilight spoke, "I believe Spike and I have prepared everything for tonight!" Announced Twilight, taking extra precaution as she glanced around the foyer. Seeing as everything was formally set up as she intended, from decor to tables laid out with snacks and drinks, Twilight smiled in succession with her friends' combined ooh's and aah's.

Pinkie Pie was especially interested in the layout as she gazed at the various pastries, munchies, punches, and assorted cheeses and crackers that Twilight and Spike had generously prepared. "Mmmh!" Pinkie sounded, already digging into the snack-feast, “Wow, Twilight! It looks like you and Spike spent all today and yesterday on this!"

This comment caught Spike's attention as fast as Rainbow Dash caught the glass that fell off the table due to Pinkie's flailing tail.

"You should've seen Twilight getting all worked up over preparing the food!" Spike humoured, earning a glare from the blushing alicorn.

"It does look positively delightful, Twilight!" Rarity complimented, letting Twilight regain her dignity.

"Not as delightful as you." Spike muttered towards Rarity under his breath.

"What was that, Spikey Wikey?" Rarity questioned.

Now it was Spike's turn to blush. "Uh-nothing!" The little drake stuttered.

"Thanks a bunch for invitin' us over for the holidays Twilight!" Applejack spoke, clearly aware of Spike's rather uncomfortable situation. "It really means a lot to spend Hearth's Warming with you gals without any horrible threat destroyin' Equestria."

"It really is nice to spend some time with you all again, even if it is away from the animals for a few days." Fluttershy gently added.

"There's no way I would miss out on an awesome Hearth's Warming Eve party with you guys that would potentially be more awesome than last year's!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, now hovering a few feet in the air with the help of her wings.

Listening attentively to her friends, Twilight turned her neck back and forth, glancing around at everything and everypony that populated the room. Observing all the carefully placed decorations to the proportioned food and drinks, the Princess couldn't help but feel warm inside. Finally, completing the setting was her six best friends, following Twilight's gaze while they smiled in contentment. 

"Feel free to dig in, everypony!" Twilight once again began. "If you want, I can go get some games or activities we can play while you're occupied with the food?" 

The group of friends responded to her suggestion by collectively nodding in agreement. However, just as Twilight began to trot down the hallway perpendicular to the foyer, Pinkie quite literally beamed as she was reminded of something.

"Wait!" Pinkie exclaimed, her mouth currently stuffed with a chocolate chip cookie. After quickly swallowing, Pinkie made an announcement of her own. "There's no need to get games or activities Twilight, because your's truly has already brought one!"

The friends' attention, including Twilight's, was shifted to Pinkie after she made her claim. However, everypony looked a little confused as Pinkie didn't seem to have any such thing on her at the moment. Suddenly, Pinkie had shoved her left hoof into her mane and began rummaging around inside the cotton candy-like forestation. As the pink pony was busying herself with this current task, several questionable objects fell out of her mystery-mane. First, a container of baking powder fell and rolled across the red carpet, spilling some of its contents and mixing with the fake powder and confetti-festooned floor. Next, a baby blue mane brush with little strands of Pinkie's hair entangled within it dropped from her mane. After that, Pinkie had unexpectedly began struggling, as if something she was trying to pull out of her mane was very heavy. Suddenly, Pinkie had yanked something multicoloured out of her pocket dimension. After some heaving, she finally managed to complete her task when she used both hooves to heave the massive item out. 

Finally, Pinkie Pie threw the item out of her mane with a breath of relief. However, that item revealed itself to be none other than Rainbow Dash herself. Clearly blown out of their minds, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike all had their jaws dropped nearly to the messy floor. The five had collectively began glancing around in all directions possible to try and infer how Rainbow Dash ended up in her mane and how they hadn't noticed. 

"Wh-what?! Uh... Pinkie!" Twilight Sparkle stuttered with her tongue tied. "How did you do that?!"

The other friends weren't fairing any better as Rarity was virtually speechless. Fluttershy's eyes were as wide as dinner plates and Spike's were busy darting around the room in search for an answer. On the contrary, Applejack had already gotten over the strange happening while she straightened her stetson.

"To be honest, I can't even say I'm surprised." Applejack said with a defeated sigh, breaking the silence.

Rainbow Dash was still recovering from the experience, rubbing her head with her hoof as she groaned. "Ow..." Rainbow croaked. "Wha-what happened?"

As per usual, Pinkie Pie didn't seem very phased by the supernatural slight-of-hoof that just happened. "Oh! Hey Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie shouted. "How did you get in there?"

Taking Applejack's comment to heart, the group concluded that they shouldn't question Pinkie's magical abilities any longer. However, still quite uncomfortable with what just happened, Twilight helped Rainbow Dash back onto her hooves.

With Rainbow Dash feeling mostly recovered, Pinkie resumed her search for her lost item. Inserting her hoof back into her mane, she continued shifting her appendage left and right. Unbeknownst to Pinkie, Twilight performed a shield spell around her and her friends, uncertain if something potentially dangerous would be brought out of Pinkie's mane.

After a few more seconds of searching, Pinkie finally felt what she was looking for. Without any struggle, she brought out a rather large, rectangular shaped pink box, courtesy of Pinkie Pie. She placed the pink box next to the red carpet, beside the tree, and signaled her friends to follow. After everypony had gathered, Applejack observed the bright pink box and spoke.

"Cards Against Equestria?" Applejack asked, her eyebrow raising up a few inches. "Uhh... What is it?"

"Duhh! It's a card game!" Pinkie answered in her bubbly voice. 

The rectangular box that was laid out on the marble floor was a bright pink and had blocky white text on the face of it that read Cards Against Equestria. A card game for horrible creatures. Pinkie grabbed both ends of the box with both her hooves to lift up the lid that covered what was hidden inside. Tossing the lid aside, Pinkie's gaze was followed by her friends' as they all glanced to observe what was inside. Even Spike got in on the action, slipping in between Twilight and Applejack's legs to see.

The contents of the box were a bunch of assorted cards, placed vertically and stuffed to the brim. The cards were clearly organized into two sections. Once section was populated with little white cards. On the contrary, the other section was filled with black cards of the same size, this section being much smaller than the section of white cards. Both sections were separated by a centimeter-thick divider. 

While Pinkie's friends were intrigued by the contents of the box, Pinkie began explaining the instructions to them. 

"This is Cards Against Equestria! A card game for horrible creatures!" Began Pinkie. "It's a hilarious game that only the bestest of friends play, so I thought it would be perfect for our Hearth's Warming party!"

Listening to what Pinkie just said, as well as looking at the vague details that the box provides, the group of friends now seemed to have mixed opinions.

"Oh." Said Rarity. "Well that doesn't seem too appealing."

"Oh my..." Joined Fluttershy. "That sounds like a bit much."

Rainbow Dash, however, seemed pretty enthralled by the details of the game. "It does seem pretty cool, though!" Countered Rainbow.

"Let's give it a shot!" Added Applejack.

Finally, Twilight broke in the conversation.

"I don't know girls. It seems kind of..." Twilight paused, trying to think of the right word without hurting anyone's feeling. "Mature."

"Oh, come on, Twilight!" Pinkie responded. "It'll be fun!"

"Yes, but..." Twilight paused yet again, this time her gaze shifted down to the dragon at her legs. "What about Spike?"

Everypony then focused on the dragon Twilight had just mentioned and began to think over it. In return, Spike turned his attention to everypony around him, seeing all of them thinking.

"C'mon, Twilight. I can play!" Spike protested.

Twilight saw his pleading eyes, the sharp pupils in them growing ever larger. "I-I'm not sure Spike."

"I'm old enough!" Spike replied, quickly turning his attention to the age label on the pink box, then back to the alicorn. "Remember the time I beat you in Ponopoly three times in a row?"

"That isn't the same, Spike. This game seems pretty adult."

Spike then shuffled his wings as a sign of his growth. "I'm telling you, Twilight! I can handle it!"

Looking around at all of her friends, Twilight was unsure if she should let him in on the mature game or not. After a few seconds, Rarity suddenly spoke up before Twilight could make her final decision.

"I wouldn't want to leave poor Spikey Wikey out of the fun." Rarity commented. "Because I'm playing, too!"

Spike's face lit up as much as the tree when Rarity made that comment.

"Yeah!" Cheered Rainbow. "There's no way I'm gonna leave any of my friends out of this!"

"I say let 'em play, Twi! What harm could possibly happen between friends?" Applejack added.

"Yay." Fluttershy said.

Finally, with her friends' encouragement, Twilight came up with her choice. "Okay, Spike. You can play,” Twilight sighed.

"Yes! Thanks, Twilight!" Spike celebrated. 

With the group of seven friends cheering along with each other, Pinkie Pie grabbed a hoof full of cards from the box in which they originated and shouted in excitement.

"Alright, everypony! Let's get this started!"
> Round 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

While everypony was getting ready for the night ahead, Pinkie Pie busied herself by dishing out the necessary amount of cards to the space that the friends were holding the game in. Pinkie had mentioned that the game may take a couple hours and that they may want to get comfortable. In response to this suggestion, Twilight, Rarity and Spike had gone upstairs to get pillows and blankets so the group didn't have to sit on the hard, marble surface of the floor. Twilight had told Applejack to put the kettle on, as they had agreed on having hot cocoa a little later. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat with Pinkie Pie as she set up the game, waiting patiently for everypony to return. Though, Rainbow was having a bit of a tougher time waiting than Fluttershy was.

"So, Pinkie. What's this game about?" Rainbow asked, obviously tired of waiting.

"I think we should wait until everypony is here before we explain the game, Rainbow." Fluttershy interrupted.

"Don't worry, Rainbow! I'm sure they'll be back any second now!" Pinkie said.

A couple seconds after Pinkie made that comment, Applejack trotted around the corner in her stetson and turtleneck sweater. "Hey, y'all! Sorry that I took a little bit longer than I had hoped." Applejack apologized. "Twilight didn't exactly say where she kept her things."

"It's alright. You're just in time! I think I've got everything set up now!" Replied Pinkie.

As Pinkie finished her task, the two pegasi and two earth ponies observed the finished product. There were seven stacks of ten white cards laid out side-by-side around the area, the stacks forming a circle-like shape. In the centre of the makeshift circle were two stacks of black cards. It was hard to tell how many cards were in the stacks of blacks cards since there were clearly many in the stacks. Also in the centre were five stacks of white cards, these ones also holding many cards in them.

Before the group could ask any questions, Twilight, Rarity and Spike came stepping down the stairs. Held in Twilight's magical aura were three purple pillows and four neatly folded blankets. In Rarity's aura were two more of the same pillows and three more folded blankets. Finally, Spike held the last two purple pillows, one in each arm.

Joining the group, the trio gave out blankets and pillows to each one of their friends equally, leaving one pillow and one blanket for each pony and dragon. 

"Apologies for the wait, my sweets!" Rarity apologized.

"No worries, you three!" Pinkie was quick to interject. "Go ahead and sit your tushes down at one of the decks that I laid out!"

The remaining three friends hastily took their seats next to the remaining three decks to keep anypony from waiting any longer. Twilight was sat beside Spike, and beside him was Rarity. Beside Rarity was Pinkie Pie, then Rainbow Dash, then Fluttershy, and then Applejack.

"Before you pick up your cards, let me explain the rules of the game first." Clearing her throat, Pinkie began. "In each of the white decks laid out in front of each player are ten cards! Those cards are yours to use! The game is played by rounds and each round, everypony takes turns being the Card Queen!"

"What about Card King?" Spike asked.

Pinkie took a second to think about Spike's suggestion but ultimately came to her conclusion.

"Nah! We'll stick to the Card Queen!" Pinkie light-heartily replied, earning a sigh from the dragon. "When it's somepony's turn to be the Card Queen, they pick up a black card from one of the two decks in the centre. They then read out the question or the fill-in-the-blank statement on the card. The other players then have to use their white cards to try and find the funniest, wackiest, most fantabulous answer possible! Once they find the white card they want, they give it to the Card Queen. Once all the cards are in, the Card Queen reads out the answers and chooses the best one! After that, the respective player earns a point and then we rinse and repeat!"

Listening closely to her instructions, her friends slowly nodded in approval while taking in the information. As everypony was beginning to understand what Pinkie had just explained, Rainbow took it into her own hooves to end the waiting. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this started already!" Rainbow exclaimed impatiently.

Without further ado, Pinkie told everypony to pick up the white deck in front of each pony and dragon. Once all the white decks had been snatched from the floor, everypony's expressions changed from excited to horrified faster than Pinkie could ever say 'cherry-chimi-changa'. There was a long moment of silence before Twilight finally found the courage to break the lump in her throat.

"...Umm... uh... P-Pinkie?" Twilight struggled.

"Yeah?" Pinkie knowingly asked.

"...What in Equestria are these cards?!"

"What do you mean, Twilight?"

"W-what do you mean 'what do you mean'?"

Twilight's protests were interrupted by Rainbow Dash's uncontrolled laughter the was coming from across the confused alicorn. Rainbow's rapid gasps for air were beginning to cease when she tried to speak.

"Twi...Twilight!" Rainbow attempted to speak through her laughter. "What are you complaining about? These are hilarious!"

"Yeah, Twilight! Lighten up!" Responded Pinkie.

This pulled Rarity's attention from her reaction to the cards in front of her, her expression as if she'd seen a ghost. "Excuse me, Pinkie Pie, but you cannot possibly think this is appropriate!" Rarity shouted, trying to sound reasonable towards her pink friend.

Next to Twilight, Applejack was trying to hide her chuckles as she read the words on the cards that she hid behind her face. "...Oh boy." Applejack gathered herself. "This is definitely somethin'."

Spike and Fluttershy, sitting across from each other, were not fairing very well. Fluttershy hiding behind her long pink mane and Spike covering his blushing face with his wings.

"...Oh my." Fluttershy mumbled.

Spike didn't want to draw any attention to him, both because he was afraid that Twilight was going to rethink her decision of letting him be here and that he was currently feeling very hot in the cheeks.

Between Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, and Rainbow's heated debate, Twilight did indeed try to rethink her choice.

"C'mon, Twilight! It's gonna be fine!" Pinkie told the princess.

"Yeah! You and Rarity agreed to it!" Rainbow added.

"Yuh sure did, Twi!" Applejack said.

Rarity listened to her friends as she couldn't find a way to argue against their collective encouragement. "Ohh... I suppose I did, didn't I?" Replied Rarity, biting her bottom lip in uncertainty.

Twilight felt as if she was against the world as she tried to reason out of the onslaught of friendly arguments. However, after a half-minute, she succumbed to her friends with a sigh. "Ughh. Alright! Fine! We'll play!" Finalized the princess.

Finally, with another great cheer from Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, and lesser of a cheer from Rarity and Twilight, the group began their night a fun and debauchery. Pinkie began by leaning over to pick up a black card in her hooves. "Okay! I'll be the Card Queen first!" Announced the pink pony.

"So, after you say the statement, the rest of us put in the white card, right?" Applejack asked.

"Yuppers!" Pinkie confirmed, clearing her throat again as she began to read out the statement on the jet black card in the hoof. "What's that smell?"

The group of friends began re-reading their cards as they thought to themselves and searched for the best possible answers. It didn't take long for Rainbow and Applejack to submit their answers to the patient Pinkie Pie. Soon after, Rarity levitated her chosen card over to her pink friend. However, it took the remaining Twilight, Spike and Fluttershy a little bit longer to find the will to participate. 

"Time's running out, you three!" Pinkie Pie teased.

After a few more seconds, Twilight slowly levitated her card over to the Card Queen. This encouraged the last two players to quickly submit their cards, not caring too much about which one was submitted.

"Alright, everypony! Let's get to it!" Pinkie said with her hooves full of her friends' submitted white cards. "What's that smell? Puberty!"

The first answer received a few laughs from the friends, Rainbow being the centre of most of the laughter. Even Spike got a little chuckle from the unexpectedly tame card.

"What's that smell? A foursome with the princesses!" Pinkie presented the next answer, this one earning much laughter and blushes alike from the group.

"Ha ha! Does that mean you too, Twilight?!" Rainbow questioned.

Twilight decided to ignore the question as she was far too concentrated on not showing the heated blush her face was sporting.

"What's that smell?" Pinkie interrupted. "The hiccups!"

Unfortunately, this answers didn't entertain the group as much as the last one. It did, however, help Twilight's blush die down and allowed her to breath.

"What's that smell? D-Donut Joe's cum-filled eclairs!" Pinkie said, stuttering due to her laughter.

Rainbow and Applejack howled in laughter as they rolled across the floor, trying to contain their breaths. Twilight's blush instantly returned even stronger than before as Pinkie, Rainbow and Applejack laughed. Spike and Fluttershy did little to hide themselves anymore as they knew it would be useless against the game.

"What's that smell?" Pinkie began again, now having gathered herself enough. "Sweaty, male farmers."

Applejack had an especially strong scoff to this answer.

"What's that smell? The rusty horseshoe of the Headless Horse!" Pinkie announced the final answer, this one not earning as many laughs as before.

"Okay, so, now what happens?" Rainbow asked.

"Now, I pick the best answer and whoever's it is gets the point!" Pinkie said, beginning to think of which one was the best. "Who had Donut Joe's cum-filled eclair?"

Rainbow hesitantly put her hoof up, questioning her phrasing. "Uh-I did, Pinkie." Rainbow answered.

"Congratulations! You got a point!" Pinkie shouted.

"Yes!" Rainbow replied in realization, snatching the black card from Pinkie as a point. "Aww yeah!"

"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot. Everypony has to pick up another white card from one of the five white draw decks in the middle, bringing everypony back up to ten!" Pinkie reminded. After everyone nodded in their understanding, Twilight raised a hoof to speak. "Yes, Twilight?"

"I have a question", the alicorn spoke. "How many cycles of this are we going to play?"

The pink pony took a moment to think on it while munching on a cookie she snatched from the table behind her using her mane. "Well, my dear student, this game is traditionally played with ten rounds in a session." 

Many of the friends cringed in the thought of enduring ten rounds of the frightening game. Fluttershy gave an especially loud squeak due to Pinkie's news, pulling her blanket up a little closer to herself.

"Don't you think that's a little..." Twilight began, struggling to find the proper words. 

"Extreme?" Pinkie finished, "yeah, I know! Which is why I've been giving it some thought. This is all your first time playing this amazing game." Pinkie explained, gesturing to all her friends, "which is why, as a form of training wheels, I hereby declare that this game of Cards Against Equestria is to only have five rounds!" Pinkie announced into the spacious foyer, yanking a brown gavel from her mane and repetitively smacking it onto the marble floor below.

"Okay, sugarcube!" Applejack shouted, "we all appreciated 'yer change in rules but Ah think that's enough of the hammerin'!"

After quickly ceasing the loud cacophony by shoving the gavel back into her mane, Pinkie started the game again. "Alrighty, Rainbow! It's your turn to be the Card Queen!" Pinkie said to her left.

Setting her white cards face-down at her hooves, Rainbow quickly picked up a black card and spoke in a clear voice. "The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by blank." Said Rainbow.

"Ooh! Interesting..." Pinkie happily commented.

After the players debated with themselves, cards were passed and levitated to Rainbow. "The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by the miracle of childbirth." Rainbow started, not getting very amused by the answer. "The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by vegans." 

For the first time in what felt like days, Twilight actually got a little bit of a giggle out of this answer.

"The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by deadly food poisoning,” continued Rainbow. Most of the group got a little chuckle out of this one. "The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by Griffonstone politics,” Rainbow said, "lame.”

"I'm not sure how that would affect a trip to Appleloosa at all." Agreed Twilight.

"The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by dying." Rainbow resumed.

"Yup. That'll do it." Applejack commented.

"The class field trip to Appleloosa was completely ruined by inflammation of the frog." Rainbow said, sounding confused. "Uh... What?"

"The frog is a part of our hoof, Rainbow. It's the triangular part behind the keratin of our hoof that expands down the back of the hoof and leg." Twilight elaborated.

"Gee. Thanks, Princess of Vocabulary.” Rainbow responded.

Applejack seemed amused by Rainbow's comment as the two shared a hearty hoof-bump.

"Hey!" Twilight defended, "I am not the 'Princess of Vocabulary!'"

"So, who wins, Rainbow?" Pinkie asked.

"Umm..." Rainbow thought hard, "this round was kinda weak. Whatever, I'll go with the deadly food poisoning. Who had that?" 

"Ooh! Me me me! I did!" Shouted Pinkie.

Rainbow passed the card over to Pinkie Pie, who was eager to stuff it into her mane. After every pony and dragon had drawn one more card from the white piles, Pinkie spoke. 

“Oh! Guess what? It's Fluttershy's turn!" Pinkie shouted yet again.

Fluttershy was instantly brought back into the world as she froze as still as ice, yet feeling as hot as the fire that burned above her. "Oh-um... I-I don't think I need t-to be the-um... Card Queen." The poor pegasus stammered.

"But you have to, Fluttershy! It's how the game works!" Pinkie retorted.

"Please, Fluttershy?" Begged Rainbow. "We're all here with you in good company, pal."

"It's okay, Flutters." Applejack added. "You don't have t'read the really bad ones if ya don't want to."

Fluttershy contemplated over her options carefully as she hid behind her long, pink mane. Would she disappoint her friends by backing out of the spotlight she despised so much, or would she step out of her comfort zone and into the spotlight with her friends? After what felt like minutes, she made her ultimate decision. 

"I-I'll do it." Fluttershy confirmed. The shy pegasus leaned to pick up a black card from the centre of the circle. When she took it into her shaking hooves she read it out as loud as she could muster. "Daddy, w-why is mommy crying?" Fluttershy stuttered.

Apart from Fluttershy, the group was quite amused by the question, offering some laughs and giggles. After a few more seconds of waiting, the pegasus was given all of her friends' answers. Taking a deep breath to ready herself, Fluttershy began her turn. "Daddy, why is mommy crying? Two hundred bits worth of c-cocaine." Fluttershy said.

Even for a start, this sent the group wild with laughter, Rainbow clutching stomach while trying to regain her senses. 

"Twilight, what's co-", Spike began to ask.

"Spike!" Twilight interjected before the dragon could finish that sentence. "It's... it's nothing."

"Daddy, why is mommy crying?" Fluttershy paused before she went any further, clearly phased by the words ahead. Eventually, she managed to squeak the answer out. "My dad's dumb f-fucking face."

If there was someone in the group other than Fluttershy who didn't go wild by the last card, they definitely went wild now. As Rainbow wheezed on the floor, even Twilight was laughing while her hooves covered her face from the world. Pinkie Pie was on her stomach while slapping the floor below over and over, the sound of hoof against marble-crystal resonating throughout the foyer.

"Holy Celestia! That was too good!" Shouted Rainbow Dash.

"You said it!" Pinkie complimented.

"No, Fluttershy did!" Applejack added, earning a few giggles from the two.

"Daddy, why is mommy crying? Crippling social anxiety." Fluttershy continued.

Contrary to the last card, this one didn't earn any laughs from anyone, mostly because they were painfully aware of who was reading the cards. After a few moments of awkward silence, Fluttershy resumed.

"Daddy, why is mommy crying? Magic overdose."

"Huh. Is that even a thing?" Rainbow asked rhetorically.

"Actually, it is!" Twilight, the Princess of Vocabulary, once again began. "Unicorns and alicorns can suffer from a form of overdose by tiring of magic use. This can result in massive migraines in most cases and in some, more severe cases, even a coma."

While Twilight went on, Rainbow moved her fetlock up and down while sticking her tongue out, imitating the alicorn.

"Okay, Ms. Cheerilee! Thanks, but I think that's enough!" Applejack said.

Fluttershy halted their heated debate by continuing her previous task. "Daddy, why is mommy crying? The first grey pube."

Much laughter was erupted from that answer as Fluttershy grew an uncomfortable blush once again.

"Laugh all you want, but grey hairs are a big deal!" Rarity spoke up. The unicorn’s comment erupted even more laughter into the circle.

"Why are you so concerned about grey hairs, Rarity?" Began Rainbow, giggling while she went. "You got anything to hide?"

"You of all ponies should probably be concerned about the colour of your mane and tail, Rainbow." Rarity suggested. "I can definitely say that grey isn't part of the rainbow!"

"And lastly, daddy, why is mommy crying?" Fluttershy said. "Surgical horn removal."

Twilight and Rarity especially cringed at hearing that card, fearing for their horns' safety.

"I think I'd prefer the magic overdose, myself." Twilight nervously said.

"Me too." Added Rarity.

"Me three!" Pinkie shouted, earning confused glances from her friends. "What?"

"I think the 'dumb face' one wins." Fluttershy spoke.

"Oh!" Rarity beamed. "I believe that's me!"

Gently levitating the black card she earned from the pegasus, Rarity had reminded everyone to pick up another white card. Once everyone was ready, Applejack realized it was her turn.

"Oh, yeah. I think it's my turn now." Applejack said, picking up a black card. "What's fun until it gets weird?"

Once again, everyone began looking to the cards they held in their grasp as they hurried to get their answers in. Soon enough, cards were given to the farm pony as a few chuckles were shared throughout the group in advance. "Alright, y'all. What's fun until it gets weird?" Applejack began. "Eating ass."

The unexpected kickoff had Rainbow and Pinkie laughing already, while Fluttershy squeaked and Spike still decided to remain silent.

"What's fun until it gets weird? Getting inside up to the elbow." Applejack said in a monotone voice. However, she had realized how long it had taken her to understand the answer the second she finally got it. "Oh Celestia! That's 'jus nasty!"

"Oh my goodness..." Fluttershy vocalized.

"I don't know. It could be fun!" Pinkie admitted. "Though, I would have to wash my hooves real good if I ever wanted to touch cupcakes ever again!"

"Pinkie, darling, please! Don't elaborate!" Rarity pleaded.

"What's fun until it gets weird? Erotically preening pegasus feathers." Applejack continued.

Suddenly, the attention in the room was then clearly drawn to Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Twilight, being the only ones in the group with pegasus wings.

"Whaddya lookin' at me for?" Rainbow asked the multitude of shifting eyes.

"I suppose it is kinda weird." Applejack said. "What's fun until it gets weird? Using every excuse to have sex on Hearts and Hooves Day." 

This is answer resulted in a few chuckles around the group.

"What's fun until it gets weird? Third base."

Fewer laughs were shared by the friends this time.

"Well that was kind of a dud." Rainbow commented.

"Don't you fret, Rainbow. There's still one more card." Applejack quickly responded. "What's fun until it gets weird? Having a penis."

No one expected the sudden explosion of laughter in response to the final answer. Rainbow and Pinkie return to their places on the ground, laughing out loud. Twilight, Rarity and even Fluttershy got a few little giggles out of the answer. The only one that wasn't laughing was Spike as his blush returned with a vengeance, of course, being the only guy in the group.

"I gotta pick that one!" Applejack said, after regaining her composure.

A few seconds later, the singled-out dragon himself put up his claw, signifying that it was indeed his card.

"That was your card, Spike?!" Twilight exclaimed.

No more words had to be said as Spike took the black card he earned with haste and without making eye contact with the alicorn, wanting to move onto the next turn. After everyone had picked up a white card to add to their now even deck, Twilight levitated a black card into her hooves as she was the next Card Queen.

"What gets better with age?" Twilight spoke clearly. "Oh, boy. Here it comes."

"I guess you'll know pretty soon, won't you, Twi?" Asked Pinkie Pie. "If Celestia and Luna lasted as long as they have, surely you will too!"

Twilight refused to answer her question and instead focused on getting all of her friends' cards into her magical grasp. "What gets better with age? Penis envy,” Twilight answered in a displeased tone.

Several laughs were heard amongst the group of friends in response.

"Yeah! No kiddin'!" Replied Applejack.

Rolling her eyes playfully, Twilight continued, “what gets better with age? The amount of gay I am."

Some giggles resonated through the circle as well as a few playful, knowing glances towards a particular rainbow pegasus of the group.

"What gets better with age? A b-bigger, pinker vagina?!"

Laughter had suddenly exploded throughout the friends yet again as Twilight struggled not to laugh herself. 

"I'm not sure if that is entirely true." Wondered Rarity.

"Who cares?! It's hilarious!" Pinkie laughed.

The laughter was soon to calm down to a halt as Twilight resumed her turn, "what gets better with age? Canterlot's standards of beauty."

This card didn't spark much laughter from anyone, however, it did spark the attention of a certain unicorn. "In what way does it imply 'better'?" Rarity asked rhetorically. "If it implies the evolution of Canterlot's fashion business, I can definitely say that that is indubitably true."

No one except Spike seemed to be paying much attention to Rarity's comment as Twilight continued.

"What gets better with age? My worthless son." Twilight hesitantly said. "What th-."

There was, once again, an extremely awkward silence that was present within the group. Suddenly heating up again, Spike took it into his own claws to break the silence.

"I-it's just the game, Twilight. It's nothing." Spike told her. "To be honest, it was kinda funny..."

Trying to lighten the mood, a few giggles were heard in response to Spike's attempted revival of the atmosphere. Having no hard feelings had, Twilight finished her last card.

"...And finally, what gets better with age? Full frontal nudity."

With the mood enlightened, many laughs were heard from the last card as Twilight began deciding on the winner. "I think..." Twilight thought. "Who had the bigger, pinker vagina?"

"The vagina belonged to none other than moi." Pinkie said in a sultry tone.

"I don't think that your phrasing is necessary, Pinkie Pie, darling!" Rarity demanded.

"Of course it is!" Pinkie countered as the group laughed along with her.

Spike crawled over to obtain a black card for his turn as the Card Queen when he asked, "are you sure we can't make it the Card King?" Spike asked Pinkie.

"Nope! Tough luck, Spikey!” Pinkie quickly answered.

Spike took a second to choose which one of the two black decks to choose from. Once he made his choice, Spike immediately blushed a bright, tomato red in contrast to his purple scales.

"Um..." Spike hesitated. "W-when all else fails, I can always... m-masturbate to blank." The group didn't even have a chance to the choose from their cards as they exploded with laughter. "Oh no." Spike muttered.

"Are you sure you still wanna read, Spike?" Twilight asked politely.

Spike carefully considered what he was about to get himself into as his friends began searching through their own decks, eager to make the dragon as uncomfortable as possible. Even beside the drake, Spike could see Rarity's eyes scanning back and forth for her best shot at Spike's dignity.

"I can do it, Twilight." Spike reassured his foster mother. "Just promise you won't hold back!"

After Spike's nervous, snarky remark, Twilight joined her friends in searching for a way to make Spike's cheeks explode with embarrassment. After a very quick minute, Spike received all of his submissions from the ponies around him.

"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to a sad hoofjob,” Spike said, a few laughs were had throughout the group from this card.

"Does that even make sense?" Asked Pinkie. "Who's doing the masturbating here?"

"Maybe Spike's masturbating to a porno of a sad hoofjob?" Rainbow added.

"Can we please leave my name out of this?" Spike begged.

"Tell that to the cards." Applejack told him.

Groaning in defeat, Spike continued, “when all else fails, I can always masturbate to Queen Chrysalis' and Princess Cadence's secret sex tape." The reaction from the group was immediate as Spike finished announcing the answer.

"Woah! What the heck?!" Rainbow shouted.

"I suppose it does sound believable, though!" Rarity laughed.

"Mhm." Fluttershy agreed.

"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Sassy Saddles' secret stripper sessions."

"Wow! What a tongue twister!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"I'm starting to see a little bit of a theme here," Twilight thought aloud. A few nods and mumbles of agreement were heard from the group in response to Twilight's inference.

"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to fear itself."

This card didn't get much of a reaction from anyone. Not even Pinkie Pie broke much of a grin, nor a giggle.

"Sorry." Fluttershy apologized. "I didn't have many good cards."

"At least you didn't make me suffer!" Spike complemented.

"It may not have made you suffer, but that was so bor-!" Pinkie began, but got cut off as Rarity used her magic to pinch Pinkie shoulder to spare Fluttershy's feelings.

"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to the ponies of Canterlot." Spike resumed.

Unbeknownst to him, Rarity and Twilight avoided eye contact with the drake as they tried to stifle their laughs.

"...And finally, when all else fails, I can always masturbate to..." Spike's eyes widened as he saw the card in front of him. The dragon's tomato coloured face returned while he tried to vocalize the sentence. Next to Twilight, Applejack knowingly laughed and snorted, trying to let Spike finish his sentence. "Um... when all else fails, I can masturbate to... m-mom." Spike stammered, covering his face after finishing the statement. 

Applejack released her breath that she held as everyone laughed out loud. Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie ended up in a heated, entangled clump of laughter and tears as the three cried out to catch their breath. Even Fluttershy couldn't protect Spike's pride and let out of few good laughs of her own.

"Oh my goodness!" Rarity cried, wiping her leaking mascara with a handkerchief. 

Spike rolled his eyes back and forth through the slits in his fingers that failed to hide his increasingly red face. 

What have I done to myself? Spike thought through the slowly decreasing laughter.

"Okay, Spikey!" Rarity said. "Are you ready to decide the winner?"

"I'm pretty sure it's obvious!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Spike didn't bother making it a challenge for himself as he just wanted to get his turn over with.

"Whatever." Spike sighed. "The 'mom' card wins."

"Yee haw!" Applejack celebrated, already having no doubt of her inevitable victory as she swung her stetson in circles in the air. After she had taken the black card that she had earned, everyone acquired another white card for their deck. Next, Rarity happily levitated a black card towards herself for her turn as the Card Queen.

"Oh! This is going to be interesting...." Rarity cleared her throat. "How did I lose my virginity?"

The group's laughter returned after hearing Rarity's card. 

"Oh yay! We get to pop Rarity's cherry!" Pinkie cheered. "I like cherries! The maraschino kind are the best! No, wait! Chimicherrychangas are the bestest! Even better than bestest, they're the bestest, cherry-est, cherry treat ever!"

"Five bits says Pinkie's got a card related to cherries." Rainbow challenged Applejack.

"You're on, Rainbow!" Applejack accepted.

After some careful deciding, Rarity was given all of the cards necessary. Rainbow and Applejack were sitting impatiently in their places as they waited for the other to be proven wrong and earn their bits.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Rarity began. "Summer Sun Celebration hangover parties."

A few laughs were sparked from this card.

"Wow! What a way to celebrate the princesses!" Pinkie said.

"Do 'ya think this is linked to the 'foursome' card?" Rainbow asked.

Applejack, Pinkie, and even Spike laughed at Rainbow's reference.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Continued Rarity. "Sapphire Shores."

"I can definitely imagine that!" Applejack snorted.

"And how exactly do you think that is a likely scenario?" Rarity questioned. However, a few seconds after, she began to reject her question. "A-actually, don't answer that."

"Are you sure you don't wanna know how you lost your virginity to Sapphire Shores?" Rainbow teased.

"Quiet you!" Rarity demanded before moving on. "How did I lose my virginity? A big, yak dick!"

Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie were back to howling as they cried out in laughter. "I can imagine it now!" Pinkie cried.

"Don't put that image in my head, Pinkie!" Twilight cried back in disgust.

"Yak penises of Yakyakistan actually vary in sizes." Fluttershy said, timidly.

The group went silent in response to the pegasus' unexpected comment.

"I-it's just a little fact..." Fluttershy finished, blushing.

"Thank you for your input, Fluttershy, darling." Rarity told her. "How did I lose my virginity? Various domesticated and not-so-domesticated animals." Rarity looked over to Fluttershy once again, not expecting her to make any more animal-related comments this time. "How did I lose my virginity? Balls."

Rainbow and Applejack attempted to contain their laughter but it just ended up as a few snorts through their noses.

"Hilarious." Rarity said in a monotone voice. "And lastly..."

As Rarity hung on her words, Rainbow and Applejack were on the edge of their seats with their eyes wide and ears ready as they still held up their previous bet from earlier.

"...How did I lose my virginity? One unforgettable night of passion."

"Dammit!" Rainbow shouted in defeat as she lost her bet.

"See? Told 'ya!" Applejack told Rainbow. "Alright, Rainbow. Live 'n learn. Hoof 'em over."

"Jokes on you, I don't even have any bits on me!" Rainbow retorted.

"What?!" Applejack shouted.  "Oh, why you son of a-!"

Applejack and Rainbow's heated fight was interrupted by a sudden high pitched, ear piercing sound coming from the kitchen.

"Oops." Applejack said. "That must be the kettle."

As Applejack stood up from her seat to go tend the kettle in the kitchen, everyone else got up from their seated positions.

"I suppose a good stretch is in session?" Rarity suggested as everyone agreed.

"And some hot cocoa!" Spike announced with pleasure.

"So, who wins that card, Rarity?" Twilight asked.

Rarity took about half a minute to think about her decision.

"I suppose by popular opinion..." Rarity hesitated. "I'll go with the yak penis."

Not too surprised with that outcome, Twilight gladly levitated the black card in her own direction. "In that case, I'll be taking that, thank you!" Twilight said.

A little surprised by the fact that Twilight was the one to play that card, Rarity allowed Twilight to take it from her own magical grasp. After a minute of waiting a stretching limbs, Pinkie Pie asked everyone in the group.

"So, is everypony enjoying this wacky, super duper fun game or what?!" Pinkie asked.

Rainbow Dash strongly nodded in approval, while Fluttershy and Spike gave shy, weaker nods of their own.

"It's questionable, but I guess it can be quite fun." Twilight admitted.

"I am quite entertained, myself!" Rarity added. "I suppose I could recommend it for other occasions."

After everyone had given Pinkie their current review of the game, Applejack called from the kitchen.

"Hey, y'all! Who's in the mood for hot cocoa?" Applejack shouted.

"Oh, you bet I am!" Spike responded as he began to fly to the kitchen.

As the ponies watched Spike go, Pinkie asked again, "so, is everypony ready for round two?" Pinkie asked.

"Aww yeah!" Rainbow replied instantly.

Having yet to respond, Twilight looked to Rarity, who nodded in approval. The princess then turned the other direction to look to Fluttershy, who gave a nice 'yay'.

"I think we're ready!" Twilight confirmed, as the remaining five of the group began trotting over to join Applejack and Spike in the kitchen for some much needed cocoa.
> Round 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkie Pie loudly sipped at her hot cocoa eagerly as the warm, sweet liquid traveled down her throat to join the other two helpings she already gulped down. Spike joined her in bliss, slurping at the cup that he held at his lips. Spike's hot scales and dragon nature allowed him to gulp in down without worrying about burning himself as it warmed his cold-blooded body. Across from Spike was Rainbow Dash, quickly blowing on her cocoa so she could enjoy the same, sweet experience as Pinkie and Spike.

On the contrary, Rarity and Twilight blew at their's at little more quietly, the unicorn trying to preserve her couth nature. Fluttershy, however, stuck to letting hers cool down without the assistance of blowing as she sat comfortably with her blanket surrounding her all sides.

"Spike? Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked. "I think you should slow down with your cocoa. Applejack hasn't even come back with her own yet."

"I'm sure it's fine, Twilight." Spike reassured. "Do you even know how much hot cocoa mix you bought?" Spike ended with a laugh, Pinkie joining in agreement as she licked her chocolate mustache.

"You're never gonna drop that, are you?" Twilight asked with a deadpanned expression.

"Not until all the food is gone!" Spike replied. "Which will probably be never!"

Twilight rolled her eyes in disapproval as the friends laughed along with the dragon. Soon after, Applejack rounded the corner once again, hot cocoa in hoof.

"Alright, y'all. I'm back; we can start now." Applejack announced, joining everyone at while she sat.

A second later, Pinkie zipped back into the kitchen, leaving a little puff of smoke in her trail. A couple seconds later, she had zipped back into the spot she had just sat in, new cup of cocoa in hoof.

"Alright, everypony!" The party pony began. "Round two here we come!"

Everyone then set their cocoa aside as they picked up their respective decks to resume the game. While they did this, Pinkie grabbed a black card from the centre and began her turn as Card Queen.

"What's the gayest?" Pinkie read. Everyone laughed at the bizarre first card. After given some time, all of the cards were then given the Card Queen. After Pinkie had all the cards, she shuffled them and began to read out.

"What's the gayest? Princess Celestia talking dirty!" Pinkie exclaimed, everyone shared another laugh at the first submission.

"Hey, Twilight?" Rainbow asked. "How about that foursome card?"

"Drop it, okay?!" Twilight demanded.

"What's the gayest? Your weird brother." Pinkie continued.

Rainbow laughed until she couldn't breath, already knowing what to say to the blushing alicorn.

And Twilight knew all too well what was coming.

"D'ya think it's talking about Shining Armour?!" Rainbow cried, trying to steady her laughter enough to speak. Twilight didn't even bother retorting against Rainbow's onslaught as her friends laughed along with the pegasus. After about half a minute of torture, everyone was calm enough for Pinkie to continue.

"What's the gayest? Swamp fever breakout." 

This card didn't earn any laughs or reactions from the group. Though, Fluttershy cringed at the memory of her experience of the strange encounter with the lethal illness.

"What's the gayest? The gays,” the friends got a good kick out of the submission that Pinkie read.

"That does make a lotta sense, I guess!" Applejack commented.

"What's the gayest? Southern Equestria!" Pinkie laughed. 

"Hey!" Applejack countered, soon glancing to a certain pegasus who was giggling knowingly to herself. "Did you play that card, Rainbow Dash?"

"...Maybe." Rainbow snickered.

"And lastly, what's the gayest?" Pinkie began to finish off, but then raised a confused eyebrow at the white card in front of her. "Opening your mouth to talk and a big penis flops out?"

Pinkie's friends looked just as confused as her as they made several awkward glances of their own.

"Well, that certainly does not sound... sanitary." Rarity said.

"That is the seventh strangest thing I've ever heard." Applejack admitted. 

After a few seconds of debating with herself, Pinkie chose a winner of the black card. "I think I'll go with Celestia talking dirty! Who had that one?" Pinkie announced.

Sitting comfortably under the embrace of her blanket, Fluttershy raised a hoof above her head to answer.

"That was your card, Fluttershy?!" Rainbow blurted.

"Mhm." Fluttershy blushed.

"Congratulations, Fluttershy!" Twilight applauded. The friends that surrounded the pegasus gave their applause as well. After everyone had picked up a new white card to refill, Rainbow then picked up a black card for her second turn a the Card Queen.

"In a world ravaged by blank, our only solace is blank." Rainbow announced, then quickly asked. "Wait, why are there two blanks?"

"Oh, yeah!" Pinkie beamed. "I forgot about pick-two's! These cards have the other players play two white cards instead of one. Each card fills in a part of the sentence!" Pinkie elaborated.

"Okay, so I imagine we want to place our first card on the bottom first, then the second?" Twilight asked Pinkie.

"You got it right between the eyes, Twilight!" Pinkie confirmed. "Make sure to place your two cards you want to submit separate from the other submissions so no one gets mixed up. When the Card Queen read a submission, they'll flip both cards over, reading the one on the bottom first!"

After the friends had taken in Pinkie's information, they all quickly began roaming their respective decks in search of their best possible answers. The group took their precious time, this being their first pick-two after all. After about two minutes, everyone gave Rainbow their pairs of cards, making sure to keep each pair separate from the others. 

"Everypony's answers are in?" Rainbow asked her friends, everyone nodding in approval. Rainbow then picked up the pair closest to her hooves and began. "Okay... here goes. In a world ravaged by poor life choices, our only solace is masturbation!"

The first submission got an immediate reaction from the friends. Rainbow was already satisfied with the answer as she had fallen onto her back, laughing as her chest gasped for air to supply her spastic lungs. Pinkie, Applejack, and even Spike got a good piece of the contagious laughter. Soon enough, the laughter had calmed down, allowing Rainbow to continue.

"In a world ravaged by boring vaginal sex, our only solace is Daring Do and Caballeron erotica!" Rainbow said, her laughter returning.

Apart from everyone else's laughter, Twilight looked disturbed by the sentence that had just entered her ears.

"Uhh... I-um..." Twilight stammered, not knowing how to respond to such a statement as she blushed once again. "Okay, first of all, it's Dr. Caballeron! Secondly, that... that's just sick!"

"Oh now, Twilight. Don't pretend y'all haven't imagined somethin' like that before!" Applejack teased the alicorn. "We know how much you love those books!"

Twilight had to face facts as didn't have anything to retort against her friend's comment. Blushing to herself, she sat with her hooves crossed while her friends giggled to each other.

"Onto the next one!" Rainbow said. "In a world ravaged by penis breath, our only solace is a good sniff!" Rainbow began laughing hysterically yet again, unable to contain herself. "My stomach hurts!"

"I would not dare partake in this sniffing." Rarity claimed as she waved her hoof out in disgust towards the pair of cards, as if trying to waft away a stench in the air. After Rainbow had finished laughing for now, she continued.

"In a world ravaged by everything, our only solace is some Celestia damn peace and quiet!" Rainbow chuckled, but not laughing nearly as hard as she had at the last couple submissions. "In a world ravaged by quesadillas, our only solace is a dragon's appetite." Rainbow said.

Everyone's gaze had once again shifted to Twilight, seeing her disturbed face had returned. Knowingly, Pinkie Pie scooted over to her right and around the circle. Now behind Twilight, Pinkie began to whisper into the alicorn's ear.

"I can imagine it now. A world taken over by a cheesy, gooey, sticky, rich, evil army of quesadillas!" Pinkie said dramatically, falling onto her rump with a hoof over her forehead. "How can you ever save us from this horribly horrific disaster, Twilight?!"

"Pinkie, cut it out." Twilight said, having enough quesadilla trauma for now. After Pinkie had returned to her original seat, Rainbow allowed herself to continue.

"In a world ravaged by foal abuse, our only solace is pulling out?" Rainbow ended. "Yikes."

"I suppose I have finally succumb to this game's dirty nature." Rarity said, indicating that this was her card.

After some careful debating, Rainbow made her decision for the winner of this black card. "I think I'll go with with the 'Daring Do' and 'boring vaginal sex' card." Rainbow said. "Who had that one?"

"Of course you would go for that one, wouldn't ya, Rainbow Dash?" Applejack sighed.

Pinkie Pie gleefully leaned to her left towards Rainbow Dash, allowing the curls of her mane to snatch up the black card that Rainbow held in her hooves.

"I'll take that, thank you very much!" Pinkie exclaimed as she retreated back to her seat.

While the remaining friends busied themselves with picking up more white cards to balance out their deck, Fluttershy gently swiped a black card from one of the decks provided.

"Oh, boy. I suppose it's my turn again." The pegasus stated, sucking in a deep breath before beginning to announce what was written on the card. "Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about blank and am now troubled with blank. May I have some advice?"

"Wow! More double trouble!" Pinkie shouted.

This card got Spike's attention as he finally began to speak up for the first time in a while. "Woah, Twilight! I think you should've gotten to read this card!" The drake stated as he laughed along with the rest of the friends.

"I don't know, Spike! With the stuff that Twilight's heard tonight, I think she finally would've broke if she had to read something like that!" Applejack added.

The group then began sorting through their respective decks of cards once again, trying their best to claim the black card at hoof and call themselves the Queen or King of this night of debauchery. After about a minute of waiting patiently, Fluttershy had all of the cards given to her and she began to read aloud.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about... big fat s-stallion meat and am now troubled with prematurely e-ejaculating like a total loser. May I have some advice?" Fluttershy struggled to say clearly.

As per usual, the group of friends combusted with combined laughter as Fluttershy attempted to get her barrings.

"Oh, boy." Fluttershy muttered. "This is going to be a lot of reading."

"Don't worry, darling. I have complete faith in you!" Rarity supported.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about the magic of friendship and am now troubled with mental illness. May I have some advice?" Fluttershy continued.

This submission had the friends turn their heads towards each other as they tried to make sense of the sentence that they just heard.

"I... am confused with how those two cards are connected." Twilight wondered.

"I've just tried to stop asking questions by now, Twi." Applejack responded.

As Twilight shrugged in acceptance, Fluttershy resumed her reading.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about politically empowered earth ponies and am now troubled with jobs. May I have some advice?"

Rainbow and Pinkie immediately began their giggling fits in response to the statement.

"Woah, woah!" Applejack demanded a pause. "Now jus' what in the hay is that supposed to mean?"

Her surrounding friends refused to respond to Applejack's question in fear of a good possible apple bucking to the muzzle. Deciding things may get hairy very soon, Fluttershy hastily moved onto the next submission for the turn.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about Saturday changeling 'feeding sessions' and am now troubled with doing the right thing. May I have some advice?" Fluttershy said, quicker than usual.

Pinkie Pie especially got quite a strong reaction from this one as she fell over onto her back laughing out loud. "I definitely think we know what that one means!" Pinkie shouted. This comment got everyone else's laughter engaged in the raunchy fun. After a few more seconds of laughter, Fluttershy continued her speaking.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about Mage Meadowbrook's cure for cancer and am now troubled with that bitch. May I have some advice?" 

This submission revived the laughter instantly as the friends clutched their sides. Even Fluttershy had a difficult time keeping her breathing in check after what she just read aloud.

"Oh, Celestia! That is horrible! Twilight cried as she steadied her breathes.

"Then why are you laughing?" Rainbow replied, wiping a tear from her eye.

"I can't help it!"

"Then I suppose you could write that to Princess Celestia herself!" Rarity jokingly suggested. 

"Spike!" Pinkie shouted. "You'd better start taking a note!" 

Everyone laughed hysterically at Pinkie's suggestion. Unbeknownst to Twilight and everypony else, Spike was actually tempted to grab a quill and parchment behind Twilight's back.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about Viagra and am now having trouble with child support payments. May I have some advice?" Fluttershy continued, already breaking into a quiet giggling fit.

"Definitely not payments that I would wanna pay." Applejack chuckled.

The friends collectively laughed along with Applejack's comment.

"That was a good one!" Rainbow added, enthusiastically. "I'm surprised Fluttershy managed to get through all of those!"

"Which one do you think wins, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.

Fluttershy allowed herself a good few moments to think on the decision, flipping through all of the submissions once again to help her choose.

"Oh, I'm not sure." Fluttershy debated. "They were all pretty funny." After a few more short moments of careful thinking, the pegasus came to her conclusion. "I think I'll go with Mage Meadowbrook's cure for cancer. Who had that one?"

To Fluttershy's right, Rainbow Dash triumphantly spread her wings in celebration for her point.

"This bitch!" Rainbow cockily announced.

Everyone around her giggled at Rainbow's suitably dirty use of language as the multicoloured pegasus gracefully accepted her second black card. As everyone took a moment to refill their decks, Applejack grabbed a black card from one of the two decks to begin her turn.

"Alright, y'all. Here goes." Applejack started. "I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain blank again."

After Applejack was finished reading, she could tell by the snickering faces and muffled giggles around her that her friends were thinking of exactly what Applejack was thinking.

"Now y'all better get 'yer minds outta the gutter, 'ya hear?" Applejack demanded in a more serious, defensive tone. "My granny has nothin' to do with this rotten, horn-swogglin' shenanigans."

The laughter decreased a bit after Applejack's demand as the friends moved their attention to the decks in front of them.

"Whatever you say, AJ!" Pinkie teased.

After a few more moments of time, Applejack was given the amount of cards necessary and cautiously began reading aloud once again, obviously fearing for her dignity. "I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain... gloryholes again." Applejack said in a monotone voice, clearly not impressed with the first submission. 

The friends around her began rolling in an instant as laughter exploded across the room. While the friends laughed off their enjoyment, Spike was again tempted to tap Twilight on the shoulder so her could ask what in Equestria a gloryhole was, however, soon decided against compromising his position among the friends.

"Alright, get'cher laughs out now while the night's still young, you unripe, worm-infested horse apples..." Applejack attacked, mumbling out her words towards the end. Not even allowing her friends to finish their fits of laughter, Applejack interrupted them by continuing her reading, trying to get it done as soon as possible. "I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain Cards Against Equestria again."

A few chuckles were heard in response to this card, contrary to the last one.

"Oh, yeah! That's definitely not something you'd want to be showing to Granny Smith, is it?" Rainbow directed towards her farm pony friend.

"I swear to Celestia, Rainbow! If you even think about spilling these beans, you won't hear the end of it!" Applejack threatened, quickly resuming her task at hoof while her friend laughed to herself. "I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain the fat half of Princess Celestia again."

The laughter among the friends was quickly revived by this submission as even Applejack's mood was enlightened from her upset state.

"Which half are you planning to swear to, Applejack?" Rainbow continued to tease as Applejack decided to respond with a strong, playful eye-roll and a hearty brow-flex rather than heat up the argument.

"I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain a mating display again." Applejack chuckled.

"Oh, my..." Fluttershy said, holding a hoof to her mouth to cover her grin.

"I'm sure everypony has been given the talk at least once in their childhood." Twilight said.

"Heck, I've given the talk before." Applejack added. Suddenly, the earth pony noticed that after that comment, the attention in the room was quickly, awkwardly shifted towards her direction. "What? Applebloom needs to know these things for when she begins to get involved."

Having their questions answered, the friends broke their collective attention towards Applejack.

"I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain crippling debt again." Applejack continued, taking a second to absorb what she just read. "I think that's pretty genuine, actually."

"Yeah, let's never let that happen." Twilight agreed.

"And lastly, I really hope my grandma doesn't ask me to explain a world-ending parasprite infestation in which they eat you out." Applejack completed. 

The group of seven paused in their actions right after they had heard the final answer.

"Pardon me?" Rarity asked rhetorically.

"Uhh..." Pinkie began. "Even I don't know how to respond to that one."

The friends responded with various mhms and nods as the ponies shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Wanting to break the unscheduled silence, Applejack began to decide the winner of the black card.

"Let's see..." Applejack began. "Who had crippling debt?"

Next to the earth pony, Twilight raised hoof to answer.

"I'm proud to say that I don't have any crippling debt but that is indeed my card." Twilight answered.

As the card was passed over to Twilight, everyone routinely began refilling their decks up again in preparation for the next turn. Twilight then picked up another black card for her turn as the Card Queen.

"Oh!" Twilight exclaimed. "This one is interesting. Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm blank!"

Her surrounding friends giggled at Twilight's impression of the famous pony singer as she tried to put the appropriate pitch and tone into her voice.

"Ooh! I have an idea!" Pinkie interjected. "You should totally sing out every card!"

The group soon nodded to Pinkie's suggestion, leaving Twilight's face a shade of magenta against her purple coat.

"Yeah! That would be awesome!" Rainbow added.

"I do think it would be quite entertaining!" Rarity complemented.

"I think you should do it!" Fluttershy cheered.

Hearing her friends' collective agreements, Twilight really had no choice but to succumb to the game.

"Okay, fine!" Twilight sighed. "I'll do it."

With her decision concluded, the group began enthusiastically shuffling through their cards for answers. After almost a minute, Twilight was given all of her friends' submissions and begun reading, or in this case, singing.

"Okay..." Twilight cleared her throat. "Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm pretending to care!"

The group began laughing even before the alicorn was finished her singing as they cheered her on with supporting snickers and snorts.

"Wow! You go, girl!" Pinkie shouted.

Taking her friends' support, Twilight began to awkwardly continue.

"Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm a fart!" Twilight vocalized.

The group laughed to the child-like humour as Twilight endured through her friends' enjoyment.

"Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm queefing!" Twilight solo'd yet again.

"That one actually sounded surprisingly on-beat!" Rarity mentioned.

Beginning to feel more comfortable with this routine, Twilight began a little more confidently.

"Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm... a brain tumour." Twilight attempted to recover after the unexpected pause. "Well, that's... not ideal."

"Believe me, I wish I had better cards." Applejack answered.

Deciding to move on quickly, Twilight began yet again.

"Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm a timberwolf's dried, green semen." Twilight resumed, not even attempting to recover that one towards the end. "Gross."

"You could say that again." Rainbow added.

"...And finally..." Twilight started. "Razzle dazzle! Glitz and glam! Not just a pony, I'm ghosts!"

“I can see it, I guess.” Pinkie said.

At last, Twilight had a few moments to catch her breath as she had finally finished her round of unorthodox singing.

"Finally!" Twilight panted tiredly. "Screw it! The pretending to care card wins, I don't even care!"

Rarity beamed in her good posture, levitating the card she earned rightfully into her hooves. After Twilight had steadied herself and everyone had given their decks a refuel, Spike grabbed a black card for his turn. 

"Unicorn ponies like blank." Spike announced. "Oh, boy."

"You better be ready for this one, Spike!" Rainbow said.

"That's not what I'm afraid of..." Spike responded, glancing towards Rarity.

The unicorn to the drake's left took this chance to ease his blushing face.

"Don't worry, Spikey." Rarity began. "Remember, the game said it, not you."

Nodding in approval, Spike began to take in the cards that the friends around him started to give him. Rainbow Dash especially seemed to be taking her precious time, likely thinking of the perfect way to indirectly describe her unicorn friends. Once Spike got the final card from the group, he shuffled them and read.

"Unicorn ponies like a really cool hat." Spike began. 

Rarity's finely trimmed eyebrows raised quickly to this unexpected card. "Oh! Well, that one wasn't so bad." Rarity sighed.

"I wouldn't count on it..." Spike cautioned, eyes already pasted on the next card. "Unicorn ponies like not reciprocating oral sex."

The friends had another round of laughter from this card. Rarity and Twilight, however, seemed less enthusiastic about the situation that their friends were currently snickering over.

"Why did I even bother speaking?" Rarity sighed, this time in defeat.

"Unicorn ponies like daddy." Spike continued.

Another few giggles were shared between the circle.

"Who's daddy are we talking about here?" Pinkie asked no one. "We talkin' about Hotty Hothoof, Condo Flanks, Bright Cock n' Boss, Black Light, or Big-Neous Cock?!"

After a couple awkward glances, the group exploded with laughter at Pinkie's random reaping of nicknames of her friends' various parents. For the first time of the night, even Spike had fallen onto his back trying to catch his breath.

"I didn't hear Fluttershy's dad in their, Pinkie!" Applejack said, laughing all the while.

Next to the farm pony, Fluttershy squeaked in protest to Applejack's comment. Luckily, Pinkie came back from laughter to save the pegasus.

"Mr. Shy?!" Pinkie shouted. "How can I work with that?! I mean, seriously! I bet the writer spent at least fifteen minutes trying to come up with some material for Mr. Shy!"

Contrary to Pinkie's last few comments, the friends only gave directed, confused stares at the pink pony. A good few moments were spent on various mixed umms and head-scratching. Not knowing how to respond to what Pinkie just said, Spike took it into his own claws to continue the game.

"Uhm..." Spike broke the silence. "Unicorn ponies like an older mare."

With the group's attention now integrating back to the previous task, some giggles were revived upon Spike's reading.

"Unicorn ponies like a silicone dragon tail." Spike blushed hard yet again, having some semblance of what the card meant. "I think I'm gonna avoid asking any questions about that one."

Next to the drake, Twilight nodded in approval. "That's a good choice."

"...And finally, unicorn ponies like scrotum bathing." Spike finished.

A quick second after Spike announced the last card, Rainbow Dash paused mid-sip of her cup of cocoa, nearly choking on the warm beverage. The pegasus tried to swallow her mouthful the fluid with haste while avoiding succumbing to her urge to laugh, little streams of hot cocoa trickling out of the sides of her mouth and down the sides of her face. As Rainbow struggled, her friends spent the few moments laughing both at the final submission and Rainbow's display.

"Ew!" Rarity shrieked at the card. "What can one possibly imply by that disgusting phrase?!"

"Are you sure you want to know that, Rarity?" Twilight questioned, silencing the gagging unicorn.

Once Rainbow was finally done her cocoa episode, Twilight wrapped her magic over a cloth from the snack table behind her and levitated it over to the pegasus, gesturing for her to clean up the spillage left on the carpet and her face. As Rainbow busied herself with that task, Spike decided to choose a winner.

"I've gotta pick the scrotum bathing!" Spike exclaimed. "That was hilarious!"

Immediately stopping her cleaning, Rainbow Dash threw herself and the cloth up in the air in celebration, indicating that it was her card.

"Yes!" Rainbow shouted, hovering in the air. "Scrotum bathing for the win!"

Rainbow quickly swiped the card from Spike's claws, soon returning to the ground and adding it to her points. After her outburst, Rainbow noticed Twilight eyeing her critically and raised her brow in question.

"What?" Rainbow asked.

"Aren't you going to finish something?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow followed Twilight's gaze up towards the ceiling, seeing the dirty cloth hanging over the ribbons and wreaths that decorated the railings above.

"Heh heh..." Rainbow chuckled, casually rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment. Rainbow was quick to appease Twilight, flying up to grab the cloth and continue her chore. While Rainbow busied herself, everyone else refilled their decks and Rarity levitated a black card towards herself to begin the last turn of the round. 

"Oh, Celestia save me..." Rarity sighed, her eyes on the card before her. "What totally destroyed my asshole?"

The group of friends instantly broke out into laughter from the card.

"No way!" Rainbow shouted in excitement. "This is going to be awesome!"

Contrary to Rainbow, Rarity was completely drained of her excitement and clearly just wanted the round to be over so she could at least soon enact her revenge when it came to Rainbow's turn as the Card Queen.

"Don't worry, Rarity!" Pinkie empathized. "We know that you would never do anal to that degree!"

As the friends laughed with each other over Rarity's rather vulnerable predicament, cards began to get passed onto Rarity in order to carry on with the game. After a few more moments, Rarity had a small stack of her friends' cards and began to read.

"I'm going to suspend all of your discounts at all my shops after this..." Rarity glared, noticing her friends' snickering reactions. "What totally destroyed my asshole? Multiple stab wounds."

Light-hearted giggles resounded throughout the group from the first submission of Rarity's turn.

"Oh no! Hurry, we have to find Rarity's dirty perpetrator!" Pinkie shouted to the ceiling dramatically.

"What totally destroyed my asshole? Showing all the colts my pussy." Rarity exasperated.

This time, the group, excluding Rarity, exploded with laughter once again from the horrible statement.

"What the shit?!" Rainbow shouted. 

"I suppose everypony's gotta find a way to make a livin' somehow." Applejack shrugged humourously.

"Okay! I get it!" Rarity interrupted, quickly moving onto the next card. "What totally destroyed my asshole? Magical enhancements."

Much to Rarity's pleasure, fewer reactions toward the unicorn were made from this card.

"That sounds like something you would do, Twilight!" Pinkie commented.

"It is not!" Twilight plead. "I'm... not into anal sex!"

Twilight quickly returned to the reality of her statement, realizing just what she had revealed. Already knowing that there was little way out of her embarrassing situation, she refused to make an effort to defend herself from her friends' incoming onslaught as they erupted with laughter.

"Wow! Who woulda thought?!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "The Princess of Friendship likes it missionary!”

"Don't worry, Twilight!" Rainbow snickered. "I'm sure you could learn a thing or two about anal in one of your books!"

"Is it one of Starswirl's famous spell books?" Applejack joined in.

While the friends gave Twilight the firm roasting, Fluttershy and Spike laughed along, choosing against contributing to the conversation at hoof. As the teasing began to ease, Rarity continued on towards the end of the round.

"As much as I would like to resume this verbal debauchery, I'm afraid I have to go to the little filly's room soon." Rarity admitted. "What totally destroyed my asshole? Interspecies marriage."

A few goods laughs were the group's response to this submission.

"I don't think I see myself marrying anypony else than my own species, thank you very much." Rarity claimed.

Next to the unicorn, Spike's current mouthful of cocoa was particularly tough to swallow, having just heard what his lifetime crush had just stated. Placing his cup down in a visibly defeated manner, he mentally reminded himself to lock his bedroom door when bedtime rolled around.

"What totally destroyed my asshole? Getting eaten out by a dog." Rarity shivered, being reminded of her experience with a specific trio of unmannered dogs. "Ew."

"You haven't seen anything like that happen before, have you, Fluttershy?" Applejack asked the quiet pegasus.

"I don't think so..." Fluttershy pondered.

"At last, what totally destroyed my asshole? T-three dicks at the same time!" Rarity shrieked.

The friends' uncontrolled laughter returned instantly, Applejack falling onto her stomach while Rainbow and Pinkie fell over each other. Even Twilight had recovered from her thorough verbal reaming and released a few giggles.

"Don't pretend like you're not into that, Rares!" Rainbow teased. "I'm sure you'd totally rock being sp-!"

"Okay! Enough! Showing the colts the pussy wins!" Rarity interjected.

"Whoo wee!" Applejack cheered, having now gotten her second point. "Finally! Let's get this show on the road!"

With the round finally over, the group began to get up from their seated positions to take a much needed break. Rarity was the first of the seven, quickly standing up on her hooves to trot down the hallway to the right of the foyer and to the washroom. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Spike were next, all three standing to rush back to the kitchen to see who could get at the last of the cocoa. After them, Twilight stood up, offering a good stretch and hearing her bones and joints pop in response. Then, the alicorn began trotting over to the kitchen as well, encompassing a few near-empty bowls and plates from the snack table in her magic and bringing them with her.

"I'm going to go to the kitchen to refill some of the chips, popcorn, cookies, crackers, cheeses, punch..." Twilight said towards Fluttershy and Applejack who remained seated but paused midway through her sentence. "...Y'know? Now that I say that, maybe I did stock up on too many snacks..."

Fluttershy and Applejack giggled at Twilight’s characteristic habits of over preparation.

“I’m sure Pinkie and Rainbow would like that, Twilight.” Fluttershy responded in kind.

Twilight nodded in approval and continued trotting to the kitchen to forward her task. Now, it was just Fluttershy and Applejack left sitting in the foyer as they watched the alicorn turn the corner. Breaking the silence, Fluttershy broke out in a yawn and stretched her legs out.

“So, Applejack?” Fluttershy began, catching the farm pony’s attention. “I assume your Hearth’s Warming is going well?”

“It is now.” Applejack chuckled. “In all my years, and I’m sure in all of my granny’s years, I’ve never seen a game like this before!”

The two ponies shared a couple hearty laughs before a sudden startling crash interrupted the moment. Fluttershy and Applejack looked towards where they heard the cacophony of what sounded like various pots, pans and various other household items.

“Pinkie Pie! Be careful!” Twilight called from the kitchen.

“Sorry!” Pinkie responded brightly.

Applejack and Fluttershy glanced towards each other before turning their attention back towards the kitchen when they heard Rainbow yell out in shock. “By Celestia’s giant ass, what is all this, Twilight?!” Rainbow called. “Just how much food did you buy?!”

The two ponies still sitting could hear Twilight’s ughh crystal clear, even from the foyer. “I get it! I over prepared!” Twilight retorted.
> Round 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

With the friends' new cups of hot cocoa refilled, everyone began to gather once again to their circle. Fluttershy and Applejack were already seated, waiting patiently for their friends to return. Twilight was the first to return to her seat, holding her cup in her magic while she planted her rump on the cushion below. Soon after, Spike, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash came to sit, barely managing to avoid spilling their respective drinks. 

"Is Rarity still in the washroom?" Rainbow asked, growing impatient.

"Now just hang on there, Rainbow." Applejack began. "There's no need to rush. I'm sure you can occupy yourself with your cocoa while we wait for Rarity."

"But it's still too hot to drink!" Rainbow complained.

"Well then, do as my granny would say. 'You should put that mouth 'o yours to work and quit yappin' and get to blowin'!'" Applejack suggested, though, quickly realizing the context of what she just said. "... Er... wait! What I meant to say was-"

Rainbow's expression turned from a frown to barely being able to contain her laughter as her cheeks inflated. As Applejack stuttered, the friends joined Rainbow as they laughed uncontrollably at the farm pony's embarrassment.

"Y-you know that's not what I meant!" Applejack argued.

"Oh, sure, Applejack!" Pinkie joined in. "Are you sure you're sure that you're sure?"

"Maybe Granny Smith found her own way to make some bits outside the farm!" Rainbow laughed.

"And maybe she realized not wearing dentures is not so bad!" Pinkie added, leaning in towards Applejack's direction with lidded eyes.

Applejack blushed hard and cursed under her breath as her humiliation eased from laughter to giggles from her friends. Before Applejack and Rainbow could begin the next Equestrian war with each other, familiar rhythmic hoof steps were heard from down the hall, indicating the Rarity had finally returned from her trip to the washroom.

"Apologies for the wait, everypony." Rarity beamed, seemingly to have been looking extra pretty after her break. Spike was especially impressed once again by her pretentious nature. "Okay! Shall we dare continue this horrid, torturous experience?"

Nodding in unison, the friends picked up their cards to prepare themselves for the third round of the game. Clearing her vocals with a couple incomprehensible noises, Pinkie Pie picked up a black card for herself and read aloud.

"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was blank!" Pinkie shouted dramatically. "Oh no! What happened to the poor breezy?! Hurry, everypony! Bring in your answers!"

Mostly ignoring Pinkie's uncontrollable shouting, the friends searched their decks for such answers. Fluttershy was the first to submit her's, obviously feeling more confident to participate in the game. Applejack followed after her and soon, all of the friend's submissions were in Pinkie's hooves.

"I know that saying this probably won't make a difference but how about we refrain from thinking of this princess as me, okay?" Twilight suggested, careful with her words. "Or Princess Celestia, or Princess Luna, or Princess Cadence?"

Twilight's gaze was focused specifically on Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash as she finished her sentence. However, the only response she got from the three stooges were a few knowing giggles and fits of laughter.

"Ugh. Whatever." Twilight exasperated, allowing Pinkie to continue with the turn.

"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was Sugarcube Corner's cream pie special!" Pinkie read the first card. The friends reacted quickly as laughter resounded throughout. Applejack even snorted uncouthly and aloud, trying to silence her reactions to the gross humour.

"I don't know whether to be hungry, disgusted, or aroused!" Rainbow laughed.

"I've had a lot of cream pies in my time, but none of them were a breezy cream pie!" The group's laughter halted at Pinkie's comment, triggering a few flushed faces and awkward coughs."You can take that however you want!" Pinkie said, confidently. "Let's move to the next card: Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was who really bucking cares!"

The group was amused by Pinkie's reading once again while everyone laughed at statement. 

"The grammar is a little off but I suppose it works!" Twilight mentioned as Rainbow rolled her eyes at the egghead.

"Now I really wish I had that who really bucking cares card." The multicoloured pegasus stated. The friends responded to her indirect insult to Twilight with playful laughter.

"It's okay, Twilight. We all know your priorities, even if they are the most boring and meaningless priorities in all of Equestria." Pinkie Pie attempted to compliment.

"Gee. Thanks, Pinkie."

"Anytime, your majesty!" Pinkie responded, bowing her head in familiar fashion. "Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was an incurable homosexual!"

The friends laughed once again at the combination of cards. 

"One could assume that with all those colours, they would be a bit fruity, don't you think?" Rarity asked towards Fluttershy.

"Um. I suppose so." Fluttershy said, unsure how to respond.

"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was reaching an age where hay with hash browns is better than sex!" Pinkie resumed, laughing at the words she had read.

"Ain't that somethin'?" Applejack joined.

"Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was participating!" 

A few weaker giggles were heard from Pinkie's enthusiastic statement.

"Well. That one was a bust." Rainbow said, harshly. unbeknownst to the pony, Twilight scowled in denial towards the collective disapproval.

"Finally, to finish this off..." Pinkie began. "Then the princess kissed the breezy, and all of a sudden the breezy was exploring each other's buttholes!"

Thankfully, much more laughter was heard from the group from the vulgar statement of the final card of the turn.

"Well that's disgusting." Rarity said as she failed to resist commenting on the uncouth card, her friends cringing along indicating their obvious agreement. Furthermore, Pinkie's current mouth full of cocoa was particularly difficult to swallow, having to force to down her gullet with an audible resistance.

"Bleh!" Pinkie joined. "There goes my appetite."

Now it was Spike's turn to unleash a defeated sigh of his own. "I don't suppose that one is gonna win, is it?"

"I'm all for ass play, but not when I'm trying to drown my taste buds in delicious chocolaty goodness!" Pinkie replied, then taking a few moments to think aloud while stroking her imaginary beard. "I think reaching an age where sex is bested by the delights of a greasy, scrumptious breakfast in bed wins!"

Rainbow suddenly spread her wings and leaped up in the air to celebrate. "Yeah! As much as I loved my years as a senior in flight school, nopony can go wrong with a hearty breakfast!"

After Rainbow snatched her rightful black card from Pinkie, the pegasus also took one from the draw decks to begin her turn as the Card Queen while the group quickly went to refilling their decks.

"He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and blank." Rainbow read out the black card. "This one better be good!"

"This sounds an awful lot like a description of me." Spike commented while the group began searching their decks.

"Now, don't go diggin' yourself into a hole, Spike." Applejack warned the drake. The friends took a few more moments to choose their playing cards, Applejack being the last of the group. "Alright, Rainbow. Go ahead and tell us about Spike." Before the dragon could retort, Rainbow began.

"He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and the dick of a 40 year-old stallion!" Rainbow started, already laughing with her head to the ceiling.

"Who's to say that a stallion of age is out of order?" Rarity protested, not showing it in her expression, but her voice spoke of confidence. "For all we know, one could be of your tastes, Rainbow!" 

Rainbow Dash audibly gagged at Rarity's comment. "Ew! Gross! I don't know about you, Rares, but I don't think I'm into guys twice my age." Rarity playfully rolled her eyes while Rainbow continued with the game. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and being sexually attracted to children."

Contrasting many other moments of the game, no one had any witty remarks to say about the sentence that was just read aloud.

"Okay then." Rainbow exhaled through her teeth. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and a big brain full of knowledge and depression."

After a few moments of laughter from the group, Spike knowingly spoke up. "I think we know who that one is talking about!"

Twilight glared at the drake, grinning while trying to think of a verbal comeback. "I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not, Spike."

"After all, everyone knows you're the biggest egghead." Rainbow interjected. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and the safe word."

"Very true!" Rarity said, joining the fits of laughter.

"What's your guys' safe word?" Pinkie asked her friends. "I always prefer something that starts with a vowel!" Pinkie's friends looked confused and thought for a moment.

"I know I'm gonna regret askin' this, but why is that?" Applejack asked, trying to engage in conversation.

"Safe words with vowels are always easier to say when you're in the moment of intense, steaming hot pleasure!"

"Okay, Pinkie! We did not need to know about your preferred safe word!" Rarity shouted.

"Maybe we have a new egghead." Rainbow added. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and thinking about how bits are a universal currency."

As the group sat confused, Twilight raised her hoof to her chin and thought out loud. "Now that I think about it, it is kind of fascinating how-"

"Don't. Even. Start, Twilight." Rainbow asserted. "He's just like one of the mares, y'know? He's caring, he likes slumber parties, a good book, and a face full of an Ursa Major's cum!"

Instantly, through the sudden fits of Rainbow's, Applejack's, and Pinkie Pie's laughter, Spike was so caught off of guard from the nasty card that he accidentally lost control of himself and spewed a cloud of greens flames from his mouth onto the deck of cards he held in his claws.

"Oh, Celestia! Spike! What did you do?!" Twilight exclaimed, trying to tend to the cards currently engulfed in flames and threatening to spread its dangerous embers to any other vulnerable objects in the its radius. Panicking and unsure of what to do, Spike thought quickly and decided to stuff the fiery paper into his mug of cocoa. Luckily, the fire was quickly quenched by the leftover liquid contained in the mug, creating a audible sizzle in response.

After letting his claw rest in the mug for a few moments, Spike sighed in relief, thankful that a potential disaster was avoided. "It's alright, everypony! I've got it."

Everyone in the group joined in Spike's comfort, clutching their chests and taking breaths to ease themselves. Rarity had held her hooves out to protect her carefully prepared mane and tail while Fluttershy had come out from hiding behind Pinkie Pie. 

"Are you okay, Spike?" Fluttershy asked carefully, Spike nodded in response.

"Is Spike okay?!" Pinkie asked, rhetorically. "What about my cards?!"

Everyone turned their attention towards Pinkie with questioning expressions, mouths open and eyebrows raised. Spike then reached back into the mug of cocoa and took hold of the rather worn laminated paper. "What do you mean, Pinkie? Your cards are just fine. They're just a lit-"

What Spike held in his claw wasn't the cards, however. Grasped in his claw were wet, black, squishy clumps of paper dripping with liquid, void of any remnant of their previous existence. Pinkie Pie stared at Spike anxiously, eyes darting back and forth between his face and his claw.

"Well. Looks like I'm not gonna be allowed to borrow from the Pies ever again." Pinkie said, sighing in defeat.

“It’s not so bad, Pinkie. Just think abo-“ Spike began, but quickly realized what Pinkie just said. “H-hang on. Did you just say the Pies?!” 

The ponies and the drake looked confused, glancing left and right between each other to see if anyone had answers.

“Oh! I didn’t tell you guys, did I?” Pinkie asked the collective, her sullen mood now gone to the wind. “Didn’t I tell you that I borrowed this game from the rock farm?”

The ponies joined Spike in his surprise, their jaws hanging virtually to the floor and their eyes kept wide and unflinching, as if a ghost just saw a ghost. 

“Woah woah woah!” Rainbow Dash commanded. “You’re telling us that you got this game from your farm?!” After Rainbow repeated what her friend had just said, Pinkie Pie nodded repeatedly in approval.

“Well, technically, it’s my family’s farm, but yeah!” Pinkie confirmed.

“But...” Twilight began. “B-but it’s so...”

“Fantastically horritorturous?!”

“Controversial and inappropriate?”

“An awesome game unmatched by any others?!”

“Questionably entertaining and makes you question your moral integrity?”

“Funnier than any issue of Power Ponies that I can recall?”

“I-it’s not really my cup of tea.”

After she listened attentively to what her friends had to offer, Twilight sighed in submission towards the argument. “Okay. You win. I don’t think I’ll ever understand this, but you win.”

"It's okay, Twilight! It still seems like you're having fun and that's all that matters!" Pinkie replied in kind.

After some unifying agreement to Pinkie's optimism, Fluttershy came to a terrifying final thought. "So... why was this game at your farm anyway?" She asked carefully.

"Isn't it obvious?" Pinkie asked. After not receiving an answer, she continued. "It's a family tradition!"

"Say what, now?" Applejack asked.

"A family tradition! We do it on every holiday so we can have the best laughs ever!"

Various ohs and huhs followed Pinkie's answers to her friends' questions. "It just seems so... such an oxymoron!" Twilight blurted.

"How do you think Maud got such a love for comedy?" Pinkie raised the question. After a few moments, the question went without response as the group thought in silence. "It's okay, you guys! How about we get back to the game to get our minds off of this nonsense?"

Glancing back to the submissions, Rainbow Dash didn't have to think much on who won the card. "Based on Spike's over-the-top reaction, I'm definitely going with the Ursa Major!"

"That'll be me." Applejack answered with attitude. "Looks like I might be catchin' up, Rainbow."

"In your dreams." Rainbow replied. tossing the card lazily over to the pony while everyone restocked on white cards. 

The friends focused their attention back onto their decks while Fluttershy grabbed a black card from one of the two decks, knowing it was her turn. "Oh, boy. Here we go again."

Unfortunately, Spike seemed to still be without a deck of white cards, as the corpse of the previous one lay on the carpet beside the drake. "Uhh... Pinkie?" Spike asked the pink pony. To assist him, Twilight levitated ten more white cards from the decks available towards Spike, giving him a new deck to work with. "Thanks, Twilight."

Now ready to continue, Fluttershy was gestured to begin reading. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: blank."

The group was off quickly, exploring the confines of their decks for the win. Characteristically, Rainbow Dash was the first to submit this time, giggling to herself all the while. "This one is the winner without a doubt!"

Once the rest of the submissions were given to Fluttershy, she began her turn. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A lifetime of sadness."

Little reaction came from the friends from the first answer as the group sat in relative silence. Fluttershy then flipped to the next answer. "Okay. Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A mare on the brink of orgasm."

Much laughter followed the second answer for the current turn, contradictory to the first.

"Now we're talkin'!" Rainbow cheered, enthused that the cards began to pick up.

"Oh my goodness." Twilight mumbled, hoof held to her face. "That is horrible!"

In a haste to get her turn over with, Fluttershy began to read out the next card. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: B-bitches." Even more laughter followed Fluttershy's unexpectedly foul mouth. Taking a deep breath and shaking off her blush, she continued, "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret door in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A pukwudgie in sunglasses f-fucking your wife!"

The circle of friends howled, both in horror and in laughter, at Fluttershy's reading. Rainbow and Pinkie clutched each other with their hooves as they fell over with smiles plastered onto their faces. Applejack attempted to hide her obvious grin by holding her stetson over her face and Rarity mistakenly let loose an audible snort through her nose. Twilight's pursuit to preserve any remnants of Spike's innocence was made fruitless when Spike joined his friends in their laughter, shielding his face with his claws even though his laughter was obvious.

"That is the best card!" Rainbow wheezed, struggling to stand. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but you have to choose that one!"

Fluttershy attention was erected when Rainbow called her name, her eyes widening through the feathers of her wings that hid her face from the world. "Um... let's just see what-um... other answers there are first." The pegasus mumbled, barely loud enough for anyone to hear. 

"I'll be honest. I'm not sure that I'll be able to top that." Applejack commented.

"Then, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." Fluttershy replied, regaining her confidence. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A massive collection of foal pornography."

The group's response to the submission was quite silent, apart from Rarity’s, “eugh!”

"Okay. Last and possibly least..." Fluttershy humoured, earning a few giggles from her friends through her embarrassment. "Dart is a lonely colt. But when he discovers a secret passage in his closet, he meets a magical new friend: A passionate Saddle Arabian lover."

Some laughs resounded from the final answer, though, Rainbow and Pinkie remained quite unflinching, as it was more tame than the others.

"Meh. It was alright. But I'm still for that pukwudgie card, though!" Rainbow enthused.

"Let's allow Fluttershy to decide, Rainbow." Twilight retorted against the excited pegasus.

After a few moments of thinking, Fluttershy came to her conclusion. "I think I'm going to go with the Saddle Arabian lover."

"What?!" Rainbow shouted in outrage. "How could you not pick the pukwudgie?!"

"Personally, I'm not overly fond of reading out descriptions of profanity involving the intercourse of innocent creatures and cheating lovers. Maybe next time, you could submit an answers that most likely suits me if you want a point?"

Rainbow sighed in acceptance. "Okay, Flutters. I'll choose more carefully next time."

"Thank you."

"It was a pretty funny card, in my opinion." Rarity admitted, breaking the silence with a few shared laughs. 

With the point of the turn still not given, Applejack raised her hoof. "By the way, that card was mine."

"What?!" Rainbow exclaimed yet again as Fluttershy gave Applejack the black card.

"Looks like we're tied, Rainbow!" The farm pony bragged. With Fluttershy's turn done, the group then refilled their decks once again to prepare for Applejack's turn as the Card Queen. Picking up a black card, the farm pony began.

"It's a family recipe. Creme of blank!" Applejack announced with caution. The friends were already off deciding which one of their cards to play seconds after Applejack presented the card. "Ain't that just a coincidence."

"It's like this game knows which card to play before we even pick it!" Rainbow Dash commented. 

"I wouldn't jinx something like that, Rainbow." Twilight warned. "If Pinkie says that this game comes from a tradition of her family's, I wouldn't be too surprised.

After a few moments, everyone's cards were into Applejack's hooves, now prepared to begin the debauchery once again. "Alright, y'all. It's a family recipe. Creme of period poops!" The group's reactions were instantaneous as Applejack snorted obnoxiously. "You've gotta be kiddin' me!"

"I'll admit. That is pretty disgusting!" Pinkie whimpered, bringing her cotton candy-mane over her eyes.

"It's a family recipe. Creme of a ball of earwax, semen, and old pubes!" Applejack continued, barely holding herself together. "What in tarnation?!" 

Twilight was seen visibly shaken by the gross description that Applejack had to read out. The rest of the friends' conditions dulled in comparison to how Rarity was holding up, or rather, lack there of. The unicorn gagged, trying her best to keep her mouth shut as her eyes widened in horror to her current predicament. Luckily, Rainbow Dash acted quickly, flying over to the nearest trash can and back, bringing the cylindrical tin with her. 

While Rarity relieved herself over the garbage can, Rainbow patted her on the back, flapping her wings all the while. Applejack then attempted to draw attention away from the situation.

"Uh... I'm gonna try to get through these last ones quickly." Applejack interjected, scrambling. "Let's see-uhh... it's a family recipe. Creme of the morbidly obese!" 

Little reaction came from the card at hoof. "It's a family recipe. Creme of necrophilia!" Contradictory to the last one, this card actually got a reaction from Pinkie and Rainbow. "It's a family recipe. Creme of tiny, rancid farts!" The friends' enthusiasm began to pick up with the recent card, everyone joining in to have a quick giggle. With the awkward silence finally destroyed, Applejack continued without resistance. "And finally: it's a family recipe. Creme of horse cocks with the circumference of a horse hoof!"

The final card of the turn had finally broken everyone into laughter, slight blushes ever present due to the current subject matter. Even Rarity had been somewhat revived from her small minute of shock-sickness as she willingly blended in with the breeze of laughs.

"See?" Pinkie began. "There's nothing that a little laughter can't fix!"

The group then turned their attention to Rarity with new eyes, obviously checking to see if she was feeling better. Rainbow flew over to the garbage can that lay in front of Rarity, moving it out of the way. "You good, Rares?"

Rarity took a few moments to flourish her mane using her magic. "I suppose I'm as good as one could be, with the activity we're so willingly indulging in..." The unicorn cleared her throat, swallowing down her previous sickness. "Just take it like a lady and shake it off, as they say."

Pinkie's ears perked up at Rarity's words. "Huh? I've never heard anypony say that before." 

Without responding to Pinkie's bizarre comment, Applejack shifted through the small stack of submissions, looking for the winner. "Who had the 'period poops'?" 

Shamelessly, Pinkie Pie raised her voice again. "I did! I had the period poops!" Quickly, Pinkie snagged the point card from Applejack's hooves using her mane. "And I'm not going to tell you which one...!" 

The rest of the friends shifted uncomfortably in their seats while eyeing each other, already knowing what may come next if anyone said anything else that would enable their pink friend's mouth. The group collectively plucked white cards from the decks provided to restock their own. After that, Twilight knowingly levitated a black card of her own from the one of the decks, beginning her turn once again.

"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from blank." Twilight projected. "Oh no. This one's going to be bad."

"What makes you say that?" Pinkie asked naively. A moment later, next to the pink pony, Rainbow Dash began laughing hysterically, clearly due to her cards.

"Oh yeah! This one's gotta be it!" Rainbow enthused, slapping her submission down in front of Twilight. The alicorn received the rest of her friends' submission soon after began reading aloud.

"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from a world without magic." Twilight started. 

Spike scoffed loudly after Twilight finished, turning heads towards him. "I'm guessing that 'foal' doesn't apply to Cozy Glow?" The group groaned and shook heads in agreement to Spike's call out.

"Don't remind me." Twilight rolled her eyes. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from s-some of that good dick!" Twilight covered her gaping mouth with her hooves. Her eyes widened the same, though, still victim to the sight of the sentence she just read out. She cursed under her breath, punishing herself for even reading such a heinous sentence. Across from her, Rainbow was having the time of her life, laughing until her lungs could take no more while she pointed teasingly at the alicorn's picture-perfect face.

"You like that, Twilight?" Rainbow shouted.

"No, I don't! Oh, Celestia, Rainbow! That is horrible!" Twilight couldn't help but retort against both the cards and her friend's non-stop laughter. 

"It is pretty sick." Applejack said, holding back a few snickers of her own.

"With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from gay thoughts." Twilight continued, sighing in mental exhaustion as she finished the card. The submission got a few hearty giggles from the group, Rainbow still snickering while Twilight sucked in a breath. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from what Lord Tirek would do!" For the first time, Twilight actually triumphed after reading the recent submission. "Now that is a donation worth giving!"

Everyone in the group partook in a few moments of laughter from Twilight's comment, easing emotions in the room. 

"Wow, Twilight!" Rarity exclaimed. "It almost sounded like this game humoured you."

"I'm just acknowledging the only logical answer I've seen tonight." Twilight retorted with a hint of spice in her voice. "With a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from a salty surprise." With this card, tensions in the room were revived upon the friends' recently destroyed innocence.

"Now that is a surprise I'd be willing to partake in!" Pinkie blurted, happily. "No matter if I'm on the giving or the receiving end!" 

"Pinkie...!" Twilight cried, sighing in failure. "Alright. Let's get this last one over with: with a small donation of just ten bits, you can save a foal from an alicorn prince with enormous wings and a tiny dick!" The group erupted with laughter in an instant at the final submission of Twilight's turn.

"Hey, Twilight! You know who I'm thin-"

"'What Lord Tirek would do' wins!" Twilight interrupted before Rainbow could strike at her morality. Rarity then casually levitated the black card into her collection, claiming it as her own.

"Thank you, darling. I'll be taking that." The unicorn said. While Twilight straightened her posture, her friends then refilled their decks again, allowing Spike to lean over and take a black card into his claws.

"Okay. Here we go!" Spike enunciated more confidently. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you blank!" The group stirred in equal interest with Spike as they begun shuffling through their decks. 

"Hey, Spike. You should read this in Caballeron's voice!" Rainbow teased. Spike was suddenly placed at the centre of unwanted attention once again, his friends eyeing him eagerly. Luckily, Twilight unexpectedly came to his rescue.

"Just because I sang during my other turn doesn't mean you have to do the same, Spike." Twilight reassured, kindly. However, reminded of his best friend's sacrifice, Spike found it inside his loyalty to return the favour.

"I've got this, Twilight." Spike replied. Clearing his throat, he put on his best accent to imitate the exotic antagonist's voice. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you making the penises kiss." The first card kicked off with a healthy amount of laughter from the group as Spike rolled his Rs to the best of his ability. Across from the dragon, Rainbow was having the time her life with his impressions.

"Not bad, Caballeron the dragon!" Rainbow complemented. 

"I never knew you could roll your Rs!" Twilight enthused, allowing Spike to continue reading.

"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you soup that is too hot." Fewer giggles were the friends' response to the second submission. "But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you... euthanizing old dogs?" 

Fluttershy audibly gasped at the dark card, not expecting the sudden depression in mood. The rest of the group wasn't very excited about the insensitivity of the matter either, with Applejack flexing another eyebrow at attention.

"What in zap apple seeds did I jus' hear?!" The farm pony exclaimed.

"Well that's a bummer of a card." Pinkie added while Rainbow patted Fluttershy on the shoulder.

After a few moments to gather himself, Spike felt comfortable to continue. "Let's hope this one isn't as depressing: But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you a penis-shaped planet." Luckily, a good few moments of laughter followed Spike's reading, reviving the mood in the group.

"Wouldn't that be a sight t' see!" Applejack chuckled as laughter dispersed among the friends. 

"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you ooey gooey changeling goo." Spike voiced, shuddering at the weird sounds the card described. "That sounds gross."

The group agreed unanimously through various nods and mmhms. Pinkie, however, felt it within her to object. "I dunno! It sounds like a pretty good cupcake recipe!" Those gestues of agreement from the friends were quickly returned and replaced with ones of rejection and disgust.

"Please do not think of distributing whatever cupcakes you're thinking of, Pinkie!" Rarity cried.

"Just a suggestion!" Sang the party pony.

"But before I kill you, Daring Do, I must show you AIDS transmitted by eye contact." Continued Spike while groaning in displeasure. "First the changeling card and now this?" It didn't take Spike terribly long to decide on a winner for the turn, due to the amount of gross cards described in explicit detail that he had to read. "Who had the 'penis shaped planet'?"

Scoffing in disapproval of Spike's phrasing, yet still managing to put on a smile, Rarity raised her foreleg. "I did, darling."

Wow, Rarity! You're killing it!" Pinkie complemented while the unicorn claimed her point.

"'Expect the unexpected' is what I tell myself." While Rarity added her point to her stash, she snatched another black card from its previous home, preparing for her turn and the finale of the round while the others prepared themselves. "Blank: kid tested, mother approved."

The group's reaction to the new black card was immediate: mouths obstructed with hooves, eyes wide, and a few odd grins populated the circle. The collective knew that this was going to be violent once a kid card came into play yet again.

"Alright, y'all. Last turn of the round, let's not potentially get banished to tartarus for verbal molestation." Applejack warned. 

Once another few moments of time were given to let everyone choose their submissions, Rarity began the onslaught. "Shaft: kid tested, mother approval." The first submission sounded results as the friends exchanged a mix of giggles and depressed sighs once again.

"Now what did I jus' say?!" Applejack protested, holding back giggles of her own.

"Oh, come on, AJ!" Rainbow countered. "Suddenly you're some saint?"

"Maybe when it comes to fillies and colts, yeah!"

"Onions: kid tested, mother approved." Rarity interrupted quickly. Predictably, the card didn't get much of a response from the unicorn's audience. "That one seems to have silenced you two." Rarity gestured towards Rainbow and Applejack. "Onto the next! Chopping off a bit of the horn: kid tested, mother approved."

Both Twilight and Rarity were really the only ones who reacted to the card, cringing in disgust.

"Do I have permission to complain about that one?" Twilight asked Rarity.

"Yes, I suppose so." Rarity agreed. "A timberwolf made out of penises rather than wood: kid tested, mother approved!" Finally, the cards seemed to have picked up as the friends released their collective laughter.

"Okay, now that wanna see!" Rainbow cried.

"No doubt you've seen it in your dreams!" Pinkie added.

"As much as I can't stand them..." Fluttershy squeaked. "That's just cruel." Fluttershy earned a few curious stares from her friends after her comment, making her swipe her gaze back and forth in question. "What's wrong?"

"For a sec', I thought you were gonna agree with Rainbow on that one." Applejack spoke, gaining a nod from her ponies supplementary to her.

"What?!" Fluttershy exclaimed, blushing profusely.

"Moving on!" Rarity stole the conversation. "A religion that's just sex: kid tested, mother approved." Instantly, Rarity brought her hoof onto her muzzle. Hard. "Oh, Celestia, forgive me..."

“Imagine the diseases!” Twilight judged, swatting her hoof as if a smell had invaded her nostrils.

"Finally, let's get this done with." Rarity sighed, flipping to the last card. "Slowly easing down onto an eclair: kid tested, mother approved." The friends erupted into cacophony as the cards yet again assaulted the innocence of fillies and colts around Equestria.

"I bet they've gotta be Donut Joe's eclairs!" Rainbow added, laughing.

"Hey! My eclairs are pretty good too!" Pinkie complained, somewhat offended by Rainbow's choice of preference. "Just you wait. I'll make a batch of 'em for the new year and you'll be easing down on 'em all you want!" 

Clearly perturbed by Pinkie's vocal lap dance she was giving to her friends, Rarity was quick to steal the conversation once again. "I think I'll give the point to the penis-festooned timberwolves."

Hollering in victory, Applejack stood on her hind legs while steering her forelegs in familiar fashion. "Another one for the Apples! You're gonna eat my dust, Rainbow Dash!" Enthused, the farm pony added the card to her collection. In response, Rainbow Dash huffed in disregard towards her friend.

Apart from Applejack's and Rainbow teasing, the rest of the group gave collective, bone-popping stretches to wake their bodies up from the long session of sitting on the marble floor. Pinkie Pie yawned loudly with her legs extended into the air.

"What a round!" Pinkie exclaimed to the ceiling. "Good job, you guys!"

Rarity took a moment to tend her mane and tail after the rather mentally exhausting round. "It almost sounds like you're saying we're making Equestria a better place."

"You're definitely making it a funner place!"

"For you maybe." Fluttershy added.

"C'mon! If we can make it through just two more rounds, we can call it a night." Pinkie replied to the protests kindly. The group looked to the left and right of each other, gesturing in concurrence with one another.

"Alright, Pinkie. Two more rounds it is." Twilight finished. 

In response Pinkie gleefully exploded with excitement, fortunate that her friends had the will to stick around. "Yes! Thank you all! And I promise, if you didn't have that great of a time," Pinkie glanced over to Fluttershy's direction, "then I'll totally make it up to you if you want to do something for the new year!" 

Cheering collectively, the friends hugged it out in the centre of their little circle, glad to have talked out what's to come later in the night. Twilight was especially glad to have had Pinkie give the okay for two more rounds, more than ready to have the ever-present musk of embarrassment lingering in the air to finally dissociate. "That sounds great, Pinkie Pie."

Suddenly, the alicorn felt a particular build-up in her gut. Standing up from her seated position, Twilight began trotting in the direction of the washroom. "I'll be in the restroom if anyone needs me." As she turned perpendicular to the rest of the foyer, a knock sounded from the large, front door. Turning the other direction to tend the door, Twilight furrowed her brow, curious as to who may be about at this day and hour. Quickly glancing back at her friends, she saw them looking her way, also at attention from the knocking. Shrugging her shoulders, Twilight turned the knob and pulled in her direction, revealing the mysterious guest.

Standing in the cold, surrounded by a now early sunset, wrapped up cozily in a scarf, a toque, seasonal hoof-wear and other garments alike, was none other than Princess Celestia herself. Her mane and tail disobeyed the flow of the strong wind, contrary to her scarf. The snow came to rest on her coat, instantly being encompassed by the ocean of pristine white. Her hooves, still accompanied by rather royal-looking fashion, though a bit larger than her usual golden slippers, seemed to shimmer under the glow of the starlight. 

Twilight was already so startled by her mentor's presence, she almost failed to realize that the princess was staring directly at her own gaze. "P-Princess Celestia! O-oh my gosh! I-I-I didn't know you were g-going to be here! I-I would've prepared the whole town for a greeting a-and Spike and I would've made more food and-"

Before Twilight could have a heart attack, Princess Celestia respectfully interrupted her panicked rambling. Holding up her hoof in a gesture to pause, she spoke regally, with a soft smile to finish. "Greetings, Twilight."

Taking a deep, deep breath, Twilight gave herself a moment to calm her senses, all the while hearing her friends giggling behind her. Though, still unable to find the words for a proper greeting, Twilight fended better than her previous attempt and settled on one single word of greeting. "Hi!" Giggling awkwardly, Twilight moved to the side, gesturing to let Celestia inside.

After giving her thanks, the princess of the sun trotted into the castle, the door frame just large enough to fit her stature. Patiently, she began removing her scarf, toque, and even her hoof-wear. Noticing this, Twilight questioned. "I assume you'll be here for a while?"

"I assume you're all wondering why I make my presence here, especially on a night like tonight." Princess Celestia began, taking off her last shoe and placing it adjacent to all the other clothing that lay on the the floor and coat hangers alike.

"That's definitely what I was wonderin'." Applejack spoke up.

"Me too, princess."

"Me threesies!"

"As was I."

"Um... me too."

Observing the friends' unified confusion, the princess finally gave light to an explanation. "I was brought here because of a message that I received earlier today."

Gasping audibly in shock, Twilight rushed towards her mentor, anxiety once again plastered onto her face. "Was it something bad?! Oh my goodness. Was it about Tartarus?! Did Cozy Glow escape?! Was it something from one of the kingdoms because of what happened with the students?! Oh, I just knew someth-"

"TWILIGHT!"

The alicorn turned her attention to the sudden outburst calling her name. Her head reared to her friends, all six of them standing up, clearly a bit irritated with the return of her brain's expedition of nonsense.

"Sorry." Twilight apologized, both to her friends and to the princess. After taking yet another deep breath, Twilight returned to her normal state. "So, uh. What was the message, princess?"

Bowing her head down in respect, Princess Celestia began for a second time. "The message that I received was actually from Spike! He told me about the lovely night you all are having with a new, and rather, debaucherous card game. To put it frankly, he invited me to join in and I thought that it was a lovely idea!"

Oh.

Oh no.

Twilight's calmed state didn't last long at all. The hyperventilation, the eye-twitching, rapid glancing from left and right, it all came back in a matter of seconds. Once she managed to at least get control of her legs, Twilight turned towards Spike, who was currently hiding behind Applejack.

"What?! Are you crazy?!"

Now Twilight was in her heaving, heavy breathing stage. Staring at her own reflection on the reflective floor, Twilight wheezed for air. Taking a couple moments, she marginally caught her breath, turned her head to Celestia, and squeaked. "How much did he tell you?"

Before the princess could answer, Pinkie Pie raised her serious voice. "Umm... Twilight?"

Hearing her friend's voice bring her back to her senses, Twilight noticed a strange wetness at her hooves. Reluctantly looking downward, she nearly fainted.

Twilight had wet herself.
> Round 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight Sparkle had never been one to attend marathons, much less many other sporty activities. Of course, Twilight did attend physical education during her school years, as it was mandatory. Though, if it wasn't for her perfect record, or the education that came with the class, she would've been glad to skip the class anytime if it meant benefiting her other more important studies. Being the proud, shameless bookworm that the alicorn is known to be, the only marathons Twilight had bothered to overcome were reading marathons. 

However, these claims were quickly being put to shame as the disheveled princess paced circles around her bedroom. One hundred. Two hundred. Maybe even three hundred laps, Twilight trotted restlessly around the once well-kept space. The pony panted out her spent breaths, her voice hoarse and exhausted. Her eyes twitched in tandem with every fourth lungful of air, yet never blinking. Her pupils not focused on anything in particular, unable to take in any new information with her brain already bursting. Twilight's head was so full that her legs moved on auto-throttle and her lungs still had yet to rest their exercises. 

All the while the alicorn paced around the room, surpassing her 350th lap, Spike watched with anticipated boredom. Leaning against the door to prevent her leave, Spike sighed while shaking his legs to prevent them from falling asleep. Mentally admitting that the pony was likely never going to stop, the dragon finally spoke up.

"Twilight!" Spike shouted, breaking the alicorn out of her trance. "Are you okay?!"

For the first time in what felt like hours, Twilight blinked. Twilight blinked and gasped and breathed and focused and paused. Finally, she focused her eyes on the drake before her, blinking many times to rid the red in her eyes. 

"Am I okay?!" Twilight repeated, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Oh! I don't know, Spike! Am I okay?! How about you write a letter to Princess Celestia and ask her yourself!"

Spike tried to step backward, only to be reminded he was stopped by the door. "Twilight, I've already told you." Spike held his claws out to his side in defense. "It's okay. Celestia isn't gonna be mad at you."

The red in the pony's eyes were replaced with tears, building up in her sockets as she sighed in frustration towards the ceiling. "She's not gonna be upset with me after I stormed off upstairs instead of dealing with my problems at hoof?!" Twilight exclaimed. "It was already humiliating enough after I..."

"You lost control of yourself and peed on the floor." Spike finished for her. 

"No thanks to you." Twilight retorted. "You know how I get when I'm around Celestia!"

"And you know how I get when I'm around Rarity!" 

Twilight sharpened her eyebrows and stopped for a moment to think, her slight hyperventilation still audible in the silence. "Was... was having Princess Celestia come here an act of revenge against me, Spike?"

"No! Of course not!" Spike sputtered. "I wrote to Celestia because of what a great time we were having and thought she'd enjoy the company of joining in!"

Twilight huffed and turned away from the dragon, clearly still frustrated. "But... you should have told me beforehoof."

Now it was Spike's turn to huff at Twilight. "You wanna know why I didn't tell you, Twilight?" Spike questioned, making the pony turn her head back to him. "I didn't tell you because I also know how Celestia gets when she's around you."

After a moment, Twilight shifted her hooves to face the drake. With her attention, Spike continued, "I didn't tell you because I knew that Celestia would never get upset at you just for having a good time. It's Hearth's Warming Eve, for Celestia's sake!"

Spike began walking closer to the pony that raised him, looking to the floor in uncertainty. "Look, I'm sorry for having Celestia come here without warning. It was a rash decision that I thought was a great idea at the time." Spike apologized, laying a claw on Twilight's shoulder. "I just wanted to surprise you with a good time. You seemed pretty uncomfortable from the game and I thought seeing another friendly face would cheer you up."

With hearing Spike apologize, Twilight's breathing finally eased back to normal. "I'm sorry too, Spike. I suppose I kind of overreacted when I saw Celestia at the door... again." Twilight giggled, bringing Spike under her neck in a warm hug. The moments that passed by were moments that the two savored, embracing each other's warmth to fight the cold of the night. 

Spike was first to break away from their connection, walking towards the door to reach for its handle. "Alright, Twilight. Before we go join the others, I think we may wanna get you cleaned up." Spike suggested, gesturing to the pony's frazzled mane, uneven coat and baggy eyes. 

Following the dragon's gaze, Twilight sighed in disgust. "Ugh. I think you're right." Spike then opened the door and began to walk in the direction of the washroom when Twilight stopped him. "Spike! Wait!"

"Huh?" Spike halted, leaning inside the room's entrance. "Yeah, Twilight?" Twilight had opened her mouth to speak but soon closed it to think about her words carefully. "Did you need something?"

Clearing her throat, Twilight said, "I just wanted to thank you, Spike. I'm sure that this night has been pretty awkward for you too." The alicorn locked eyes with the drake. "But you've been handling it like a champ. I know that on every Hearth's Warming, or any other given holiday, there's a sudden conflict that the girls and I usually have to deal with and you're either pushed to the side or happen to not be there. In such cases, we may be seen as heroes and you may be seen as the sidekick..."

"What are you trying to say?" Spike interjected, concern written on his face.

"...I'm trying to say that, tonight, you've been my hero." Admitted Twilight, smiling gently. "I feel like, now that I've had some alone time, I've been trying too hard to make everypony have a good time that I've been sacrificing my own ability to relax. I feel like I owe you an apology because you seem to be handling it fairly well."

"Definitely wouldn't be the first time you've freaked out over something like this!" Spike humoured, earning a chuckle from Twilight. "Anyways, apology accepted. Now, let's get you cleaned up. I'm sure the others think you had a heart attack or something."


----------------------------------------------


Silently flapping his tiny wings, Spike came flying down the stairs that led to the main foyer of the castle. Following in his enthusiastic movements was Twilight Sparkle, trotting down the steps and alerting the others of their presence. The first to discover their return was Pinkie Pie, of course.

"Hey, girls! Twilight's back!" Announced the pink pony. 

"Are you alright, Twilight?" Added Fluttershy.

"We thought you had a heart attack!" Shouted Rainbow Dash.

Twilight blushed timidly to her friends' concerns, finding her reflection from the crystal floor very enthralling the closer she got to the group. "Yeah... I-I'm sorry about my unexpected outburst. It wasn't right of me to just get up and leave like that, especially as your hostess." Twilight spoke, noticing the knowing, sharp glance the Spike was giving her.

"Don't you fret, Twi." Applejack comforted. "Y'all had every right to be stressed, or embarrassed, uh-or whatever it was that y'all were feelin'." 

At last, Rarity trotted towards Twilight while lending a helping hoof to her shoulder. "Indeed, Twilight, darling. You should not feel that what happened earlier was your fault. You couldn't have seen it coming." Rarity finished, receiving a warm hug from the bookworm currently returning an equally focused stare towards a blushing Spike. "Speaking of which...!" Rarity's pause was Twilight's queue to turn her head back, revealing Princess Celestia to her eyes, the alicorn ruler trotting out of the kitchen.

"Hello, Twilight." Celestia loudly greeted while a warm expression blanketed her face. "I couldn't help but notice the rather sizable hoard of food and snacks in your pantry!" As the princess covered her mouth with a hoof to suppress a giggle, Twilight blushed, seeming to increase the very temperature in the room with the heat of her face. Celestia's laughter quickly faded, realizing that she had made a mistake letting her pupil become uncomfortable yet again. "My apologies, Twilight. That was insensitive of me."

"N-no! It's alright, princess!" Twilight stuttered.

Celestia was quick to shush her, bringing her hoof to her own chest. "It was unfair of me to assume that you had been notified that I had been on my way here. It was also normal of you to be stressed to prepare for an unexpected guest such as myself, especially during your collective engagement with this exciting game of yours.”

“You’re not upset with me?” Twilight cautioned, taking a deep breath. “E-even with all the panic I’ve had?”

“Of course not.” Celestia eased. “All of that panic and distress is happening...” The princess directed her hoof to Twilight’s forehead, “in here. I would never be upset at you for responding to a situation naturally.”

Twilight looked down sheepishly, giggling at her overreaction. “Thank you, princess.” Taking a few moments to hug each other, reconciling their mutual understanding. Once Twilight had reestablished her common ground with Celestia, she then brought her attention to her friends. “So, umm. D-did you clean th-“

“Yup!” Answered Pinkie.

"...Was it-“

“Yup!”

"Did it-"

"Yup!"

"...We're talking about the sa-"

"Yup!" 

"Come on, Twilight! We've been waiting so long it feels like it's already next Hearth's Warming!" Rainbow complained. Pinkie Pie, Spike and the enthusiastic pegasus immediately made their way to their previous seats, desperate to continue where they left off. 

"Princess?" Twilight called, taking the one last precautionary measure necessary before resuming their game. The sun goddess turned her attention from the friends to the alicorn of the group. "Allow me to finally ask you. Would you like to join us tonight?"

Grinning from cheek to cheek, Celestia's sparkling teeth were enough of an answer for the group. "Of course, Twilight. I'd love nothing more than to join you tonight!" The seven friends cheered aloud to their new addition for the night as they all trotted to their makeshift circle.

"While you were gone, I gathered an extra pillow, blanket and cup of cocoa for you." Rarity explained to Celestia, pointing to the newly acquired goods that lie on the floor next to the others'. "I found it may be thoughtful to have you sit beside Twilight. Is that alright?"

Both alicorns gave each other knowing glances, grinning all the while. "Sure! Of course that's fine!" Twilight answered awkwardly. At last, everypony and dragon found their spot on the crystalline floor, planting their respective tushes onto the purple pillows next to the massive tree that stood tall in the foyer. With Celestia now in between Twilight and Spike, the group picked up their individual decks they had left off with while Twilight dealt a deck of cards to the princess beside her.

"Okie dokie lokie, princess! Let me be the first to ask you." Pinkie began. "Do you know how to play?"

Celestia, once given her cards by Twilight, took a few moments to look at her deck. In seconds, the princess' expression evolved, her eyebrows raising and grin climbing up to her ears. "Thank you, Pinkie, but I think that I will be able to learn as we go."

As Celestia giggled giddily to herself, Pinkie drew the first black card of the round, as usual. "All right, ladies, gent and princesses, let's begin with the first question! What killed my boner?" The group kicked off with a few good laughs from the absurdity of the black card while already skimming through their decks looking for the win. After given some time, Celestia was last to give her submission to Pinkie, smiling knowingly while she levitated the paper laminate. "What killed my boner? Fake testicles!"

"I guess that'll do it!" Applejack commented as the friends laughed hysterically at the first submission.

"What killed my boner? You!" Pinkie continued, her giggles extending. "What killed my boner? Ass to mouth!" Everyone's ears were met with a mixture of laughs and disgust once Pinkie finished the card.

"Eugh!" Rarity sounded. "That is... disgusting."

"What do you mean, Rares? I thought you loved to keep it interesting." Rainbow teased. The unicorn retaliated with the fling of a chocolate chip into Rainbow's mane using her magic.

"What killed my boner? Mommy going away forever." Pinkie resumed, clearly not as enthused as before.

"I'm not sure whether to be sympathetic or grossed out." Applejack wondered aloud.

"What killed my boner?" Pinkie advanced, pausing for a moment to read the card before her. "Lathering my cock in a marinade, covering it with a condom, waiting four hours, then grilling it well done?"

The group was at a loss for words, unable to respond to whatever they just heard until Rainbow broke the silence. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." Added Spike.

"No idea how that one got in there but it looks like it's going in the trash!" Said Pinkie. "What killed my boner? An ancient magical artifact used to persuade ponies into becoming asexual!"

"Well, that makes sense, I guess." Commented Twilight. 

"Sounds like another one of your Darin' Do fanfictions." Applejack mentioned to Rainbow and Twilight.

"You should ask Quibble. He'll give you some real content." Defended Rainbow, rolling her eyes.

"That's a funny name! Quibble!" Pinkie snorted. "What killed my boner? Friction!"

"I would think it's the other way around." Mumbled Spike as the others laughed.

"I don't think I could see it but it is definitely funny!" Celestia remarked. "So, now we choose which one wins?"

"That's my job!" Answered Pinkie, taking a few moments to think it over. "Who had the fake testicles?" Barely able to be noticed, Fluttershy slowly raised her hoof to answer. "Wow, Fluttershy! I didn't know you had fake testes!"

"Oh boy..." Fluttershy muttered, taking the point. "Okay, Rainbow. Go ahead."

"Already on top of it." Rainbow stated, having picked up a black card. "Blank and blank: A love story! Awesome! Another two-part!"

"I'm assuming you already know what's going on, princess?" Twilight asked Celestia, getting a nod for approval. The aforementioned princess was quick to submit her answer, giggling adorably. In another few moments, the answers had been submitted.

"The pirate's life and Discord: A love story." Rainbow began. "Huh. I didn't know you were a pirate, Fluttershy." Next to the pegasus, Fluttershy's face flushed red. "Hipsters and snails with legs: A love story." The group's reaction to the sentence was mostly silent, with the exception of the sipping of cocoa.

"That's something I never hoped to imagine." Rarity sighed.

"Wouldn't be the first thing." Spike added.

"Excessively fluffy kittens that are ugly as sin and 10 000 shrieking teenage fillies: A love story." Rainbow continued. "My ears are hurting just thinking about it."

"Guilty as charged." Rarity admitted, sparking laughter among the group.

"A fat foal who's born telling everypony to fuck off and a giant spider that can tap dance only on Tuesdays: A love story." Rainbow took a moment to claim a deep breath after her reading. "What a mouthful!"

"And what a strange assortment of themes." Celestia added.

"I think I could see the tap dancing spider." Fluttershy said. "I'd give it a little hat and a cane too!"

"Extra-terrestrial hermaphrodites and nerds that literally live in libraries: A love story!" The pegasus began clutching her stomach in laughter, unprepared for the bizarre cards.

"What in Equestria?!" Applejack exclaimed. As the friends laughed, Twilight rolled her eyes especially hard as she couldn't help but feel that the card was directed toward herself.

"Do you even know what a hermaphrodite is?" Twilight directed towards her multicoloured friend.

"Twilight, ever since I became a teacher, I've been exposed to all sorts of crazy and, not to mention, useless information!" Rainbow Dash riposted against Twilight, making the alicorn huff in disapproval. "The questionable sanity of the crystal ponies' Crystal Empire and a literal shitstorm: A love story."

The group collectively stopped for a moment to think on the most recent submission, no one really knowing what to say.

"I've discussed this issue many a time with Princess Cadence but the way the game is phrasing it is making me rethink old memories." Celestia commented, breaking the silence.

"I just assumed Cadence liked livin' on the edge!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Finally, Cozy Glow and anti-vaccine families: A love story!" The pegasus was first to burst out in laughter from the final answer with her friends joining very soon after.

"I've never thought of it but it looks like the game's got the situation right!" Applejack laughed. "That filly wasn't right in the head."

"As much as I wanna buck her in the face, I liked the 'hermaphrodites' more!" Rainbow finished, holding up the black card with a hoof. "Who's the extra-terrestrial weirdo?" Across from the pegasus, the princess herself regally raised her hoof. "Princess Celestia?! That was you?"

Already having snatched the point from Rainbow with her magic, Celestia grinned and said, "whether I am the winner or the extra-terrestrial weirdo, I will leave you do decide." Placing the first of her hoard down beside her stack of whites, Celestia then levitated another black over to Fluttershy, already catching onto the game's rules.

"Thank you, Princess." Fluttershy accepted the card. "First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: blank. Oh dear." Finishing her introduction, the pegasus listened patiently to her friends' giggles and card shuffling as she awaited the inevitable. Once all submission were in, Fluttershy continued, "first date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: exactly what you'd expect!" For one of the few times of the night, Fluttershy actually had difficulty containing her laughter from her gut as she erupted, snorting awkwardly in response.

"That has got to be one of the best card combinations I've seen!" Pinkie giggled loudly.

"Based on that reaction, I think I'm gonna just sit out this round! That was awesome!" Rainbow added.

Fluttershy agreed before putting the first submission down and moving to the second. "First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: puppies!" The pegasus was equally enthused by the second card as she was the first. "There... may be a clear bias affecting my decision." The group playfully rolled their eyes at Fluttershy's expected attraction to the card. "First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: Applejack's wardrobe."

"I don't even know what that's supposed to mean." Applejack said quickly before anyone could quip a response.

"First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: boring oral sex using only your breath." Fluttershy shrugged while looking directly at Pinkie Pie, expecting some witty remark.

"Whaddya lookin' at me for?!" Pinkie worried.

Shaking her head in saying that it was nothing, Fluttershy resumed. "First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: waking up back inside of the womb?" Fluttershy held the card in her hoof as far away from her face as possible, trying to escape the disturbing thought. "Eugh."

"Y'know..." Pinkie began. "I once had a dream that I lived inside a cupcake!"

Rainbow sighed impatiently. "Ah, shit. Here we go again."

"It probably wasn't normal-sized cupcake because the inside of it was big enough to be house! Or maybe I was really small. The floor was so comfortable and spongy too! And everywhere I went smelt like red velvet! Or was it chocolate? Red velvet-chocolate? Velvecolate?"

"M'kay, Pinkie Pie! That's good, sugarcube." Applejack called to the pink pony, gesturing to Fluttershy to continue.

"First date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: fake orgasms." The pegasus resumed, her face reddening again.

"Too real." Rainbow chuckled, the friends nodding and shrugging in either agreement or uncertainty.

"Finally," Fluttershy started, "first date: dinner. Second date: kiss. Third date: Jazz." The last submission had little to no effect on the group. 

"All right. Now that that's over, which one won, Fluttershy?" Rainbow blurted. After a moment of thinking, the butter-coloured pegasus made her decision.

"I'll go with the first one."

Rainbow leaped up into the air in celebration of her victory.

"Dammit..." Applejack mumbled. "Thought I had ya with the puppies." While Rainbow obtained her newly earned point and the friends reloaded their decks of whites, Applejack prepared for her own turn. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to blank." Once Applejack had everyone's cards in, she paused to say, "y'all don't quote anything I say, ya hear?"

"No promises!" Pinkie replied.

"It does seem like something you would say!" Rainbow added.

Sighing in defeat, the farm pony began her turn. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to forty-five minutes of full-hoof pistoning!" To no surprise, the group was met with mixed reactions to the first submission.

"Oh my-!" Rarity gagged.

"I stand corrected." Rainbow stated. Quickly, Applejack moved on from the card, eager to escape from the thought.

"We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to wearing pants."

"That's more tame." Fluttershy commented obviously.

"A good enough ensemble can be magic to one's eye!" Rarity sang. "Though, pants are a tough one to execute."

"We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to all the ponies I've killed." Applejack halted a breath.

"So that's the secret recipe to your family's success!" Pinkie beamed as her friend huffed at the allegation.

"Yeah, right." The farm pony moved onto the next answer. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to enormous female yaks." The card earned a good bit of laughter from the group.

"I don't think that I would be willing to challenge a yak at anything without delivering my last will and testaments." Rarity shuddered.

"You should see Yona in Phys Ed class!" Rainbow added. "After we got the floors waxed, she slipped and leveled one of the buckball baskets and she only got so much as a nose bleed!"

Twilight raised her brow in suspicion. "That was Yona?! But you said that a chitinous black creature with a second mouth and no eyes had appeared through a portal, broke the basket, started breakdancing and then dissolved into cherry-flavoured melted ice cream!"

"...I may have watched Alien versus Pony the previous night." 

"That's not the point!"

Ignoring their bickering, Applejack continue her task. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to poor ponies." Not receiving any praise or response from the group, the farm pony moved on. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to homework."

Rainbow Dash threw her forehooves in the air. "What's with these shit cards?!" Across from the pegasus, Princess Celestia laid her eyes on her, frowning slightly. "Uhh-I mean... What an unfortunate series of cards...!"

"Finally..." Applejack concluded. "We don't use magic in this country. Instead, we resort to natural selection. What in Equestria?"

"Let's not learn the context of that one." Twilight spoke.

Within seconds, Applejack made her decision on the winner as she found it rather easy with the lack of competition. "Who's got the enormous yaks?"

For the third time, Fluttershy answered with her hoof. "I did."

“Looks like Fluttershy is making quite the comeback!” Rarity stated, making the aforementioned friend blush. 

Twilight dished out white cards to everyone’s decks while taking a black of her own to read for her turn. “What helps Princess Celestia unwind?!” Twilight exclaimed, questioning the game itself for cursing her to this embarrassing fate. The sight of her friends made her think that they would die from laughter in mere seconds as they howled to Twilight's predicament. Princess Celestia couldn't help but express her enthusiasm either, a hoof concealing her obvious grin.

"What an unfortunate coincidence!" The princess announced, easing Twilight's heart ever so slightly. The group did Twilight's patience a massive favour as they offered their submissions at lightning speed.

"Now we're gettin' somewhere!" Applejack hoof-pumped the air. 

In her attempt to deal with her turn quickly, Twilight began reading off the submissions even as she interrupted her friends' commotion. "What helps Princess Celestia unwind? Sports." The alicorn let out a breath of relief at the more appropriate first answer. 

"Do you play any sports, princess?" Rainbow characteristically asked.

The sun goddess thought on it for a moment, bringing her eyes up to the ceiling before answering. "I was once very fond of table tennis..."

With that new information now stored in Twilight's mental library of useless information, she continued. "What helps Princess Celestia unwind? S-sucking each other's p-penises for hours on end?!" The group was back to laughing up a storm, sending echoes across the castle walls that only filled Twilight's head with more cacophony.

"Do you suppose you were once fond of that too, princess?!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, wheezing for breath.

"Next card!" Twilight shouted. "What helps Princess Celestia unwind? The true meaning of Hearth's Warming."

Celestia was surprised by the unusual card, however, no less amused. "Who knew this game could speak such truth? Gathering in peaceful assembly with friends does help me unwind!"

"That sure means a lot, Princess!" Applejack replied. "But don't get too comfortable jus' yet." Gesturing towards Twilight, who retorted with a nod.

"What helps Princess Celestia unwind? Shoving my horn up my ass and somersaulting to tartarus!" Twilight exclaimed, sending her friends into another series of laughs.

"I bet I can do that!" Pinkie concocted. "Watch me!" 

The pink pony then yanked an object out from her mane. The pink cone was revealed to be a silicone horn that was equipped with a string attached from its East and West ends of its base's diameter. Pinkie held the horn over her head while she brought the string over her chin, fastening it snugly onto her forehead. Finally, she used her forehooves to grab hold of her respective hind legs and before she could do the impossible-

"Oh my goodness! Pinkie, stop what you're doing right now!" Rarity cried, laying her own hooves on Pinkie's shoulder while she levitated the horn off of her friend's head. "You can compete with Rainbow Dash later."

"Aww!" Pinkie complained. "But how else will I use this horn that you let me borrow?" 

Now in complete silence, the friends turned their attention to a very, very red-faced Rarity. Knowing no other way out of her current predicament, the unicorn broke the silence.

"W-what in Equestria do you mean, darling?! I've never seen that exotic... thing in my entire life! I know not of its oral-er-origin!" Rarity unconvincingly stammered.

Applejack could see clearly through her friend's bullshit like an owl in the night. Instead of boycotting the poor unicorn, she decided to give Rarity the benefit of the doubt. "Ya heard her, Pinkie. Rarity ain't never seen that thing in all her years. Y'all better put that horn away before ya take somepony's eye out."

Succumbing to her peers, Pinkie disposed of the 'foreign' object, shoving it back into her cranial void. Once everyone was finally back on common ground, Twilight continued with her reading. 

"What helps Princess Celestia unwind? Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti!" The card earned some commotion from the group but nothing that sent anyone into laughter. Unsure of what to think of the card, the alicorn resumed. "What helps Princess Celestia unwind? Seeing my town burned down and my family slaughtered before my eyes?!"

"Can I say that these are shit cards now?" Rainbow huffed.

"I'll say." Spike added.

Sighing at the last card, Twilight finished. "Okay, last one. What helps Princess Celestia unwind? Being a motherfucking princess!" The finale of the alicorn's turn had left the group wheezing, contrasting the last couple cards before.

"Now that has got to be the best card in any situation!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"I suppose I cannot deny that statement!" Celestia laughed.

"I guess I've got to go with this one!" Twilight decided with ease.

Once more, Rainbow exploded with excitement, flying up and dancing in the air like a fish out of water. "Yeah! In your face, Applejack! How's it feel to get smacked with the princess card?" The pegasus began dancing obnoxiously above her friends in celebration of her lead against Applejack.

After a few moments, Twilight stepped in to interrupt. "Rainbow! It's Princess Celestia's turn now!" The alicorn explained, yanking Rainbow with her magic.

Patiently awaiting silence among the group, Celestia brought a black card to her face and cleared her throat. "If you could describe me, the Card Queen, using one of the cards in your possession, what would it be?" 

Twilight was the first to respond, facehoofing so hard that, if it weren't for the constant adrenaline fueling her system, she surely would've felt the bruising. "Are you kidding me?! Is this game rigged?!"

"Oh, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight..." Pinkie shook her head, grabbing the alicorn's attention. "Sometimes you just have to understand that the forces of the universe just have to do as they please!"

"I'm a mare of science! I don't always believe in that stuff! You know how hard it was for you to try and convince me that you have a 'Pinkie Sense' that can spontaneously warn you of incoming threats and dangers before they even occur." Twilight reasoned. "Is your 'Pinkie Sense' telling you that I just have to let fate decide whether I flip a bit and it lands on horns or tails?"

"Unfortunately, my Pinkie Sense comes with a voice addition sold separately but yeah, that's pretty much it!" Pinkie shrugged. "Unless, you have to reverse the act of six powerful, dense stones being atomized by going back in time, retrieving them before a certain sack-chin had possession of them, and then returning to the present to bring half the population of the universe back from the dead! Otherwise, the laws of fate must be followed!"

The rest of the group was speechless, having absolutely no idea what in Equestria their pink friend was lost in her own head about. One pony glanced to another, another to a dragon, and a dragon to Princess Celestia, who decided to combat the growing silence.

"You certainly have a vast imagination, Pinkie Pie." The princess said, earning another oblivious ear-to-ear grin from the pony. "Shall we continue?"

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." Rainbow replied, having not submitted an answer yet. Once a few moments were given to the seven friends to offer their contribution, Celestia began.

"I don't believe I need to announce the prompt every time for this one so I will just say the answer." The princess explained, receiving several nods. "I can be described as: Old penises withering away in their sheathes."

"Yikes. What a start." Spike chuckled.

"I can be described as: An ugly face." Celestia read, growing less and less enthused with every card she read out. "I can be described as: The passage of time."

"Sure shows how we think of our princess." Applejack quipped.

"It is not!" Twilight shouted, clearly sweating.

"I can be described as: Repression." Celestia nearly mumbled.

"...Right?"

"I can be described as: Getting fly-by shot."

"Oh my..." Fluttershy squeaked.

"I can be described as: A thirty-two ounce zit."

Rarity coughed.

"I can be described as: Jizzing into Starswirl's beard."

"Huh." Rainbow responded. "That one actually wasn't that bad."

Tensions in the room arose when, for the first time that night, Princess Celestia didn't wear a particularly excited expression on her face. Instead, the construct of regality was replaced with concern.

"I... regret to be the bringer of bad news but..." Celestia began, being careful with her words.

Pinkie gasped in trademark horror, covering her mouth with her hooves and almost encouraging her eyes to pop out of her skull. "Did you hate our cards?!" Another gasp. "Do you hate us?!" Followed by another. "Are you going to banish us to become the bearers of the curse to the Soul Stone?!"

"What's up with her obsession with stones?" Spike whispered to Twilight.

"Maybe it's something she gets from Maud?" The alicorn whispered back.

"N-no! No! I just..." Celestia stammered. "Wasn't expecting such an unrelenting bunch of cards for a first turn, that's all. I would never dislike you because of words written on paper."

Pinkie's hopeless pout bloomed into a gigantic smile once Celestia announced that she didn't want to horrifically gut the pink pony. "Oh, thank you, princess! Though, you might wanna tell that to Prince Rutherford too. He sent me a letter all the way from Yakyakistan to invite me to their Snilldar Fest but I had to cancel because of our plans! I could feel their smashing all the way from the north..."

Rarity laid a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder to comfort the shivering pony. "I'm sure that if Prince Rutherford was upset by your absence, Yona would have explained how special the Hearth's Warming traditions are to you."

"Upset? Why would he be upset? He forwarded his understanding after I told him I couldn't attend! It was I who was stuffing my mouth full of three tubs of ice cream because I couldn't go!"

"Well, if you really want to, nopony's stoppin' ya from bashing priceless items with the yaks, sugarcube!" Applejack supported. "We'll save you some cocoa!"

"Nah. It's all good! It's probably already over, anyway. After all, I wasn't talking about smashing smashing!" Pinkie lidded her eyes towards her friends.

"Say what now?" Applejack gave her brow an exceptionally sharp flex to Pinkie's obtuse reveal while ignoring the silence that followed from the group.

"What can I say? The yaks take their traditions seriously! And they were so kind as to invite me, their first honourary pony, to the After Dark Snillar Fest Smashing Competition as well! Hee hee!"

The seven remained silent during Pinkie's explanation, completely unsure of what to think of her tale. As much of a veteran as she was, even Princess Celestia was unable to synthesize a response. Acting quickly, the princess controlled the situation before it could become more heated.

"I will give this turn's point to 'jizzing into Starswirl's beard." Celestia announced.

"Oh, thank goodness." Fluttershy sighed. She then immediately became red and tried to correct herself. "Uh... t-that was my card, princess." 

"It's your turn, Spike." Twilight said as the appropriate cards were catered around the group.

Taking this as his queue, Spike equipped himself with a black card while everyone else quickly collected one more white. "I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see?" The card in play openly contrasted Spike's passive nature, raising the friends' voices.

"Wow, Spike! That was aggressive!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Got a stick up your butt or somethin'?"

The drake didn't bother entertaining the pegasus and, instead, told everyone to cough up their cards for him to read. Both Fluttershy and Princess Celestia took a particularly long time to offer their submissions, knowing all too well of what came after. Eventually, nature took its course and Spike received his ammunition.

"I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? Pork products?" Spike began. Meanwhile, Applejack discreetly coughed into her hoof. Failing to notice, Spike continued, "I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? Immortality spells?"

"Angry about immortality?!" Rainbow protested. "I think it'd be awesome if I was immortal!"

"Or dreadful." Quipped Rarity. 

"I wouldn't be so sure, Rainbow." Twilight started, fixing her posture. "Immortality spells are nothing to joke about. Should they get into the wrong hooves, the consequences could be catastrophic." After he speed-lecture, it was then time for Celestia to discreetly stifle a cough.

"I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? A pyramid of severed horns?" The dragon resumed, offering his disapproval before flicking the card to the floor with a claw.

"Ouchie!" Pinkie flinched.

"What would that even feel like?" Fluttershy shuddered. "Getting your horn removed?" Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, it was Twilight's turn to repress a cough as she remembered a rather explicit conversation she had with Tempest Shadow.

"I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? A yak succubus?" Spike furrowed his brow. "What the heck is that?"

"Nothing!" Twilight cried, nearly making Spike lose his cards once again. "I-I mean... it's nothing you should get worked up over, Spike!"

"Real smooth there, princess." Applejack chuckled.

Rolling his eyes, Spike continued, "I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? Brunch?" The group actually let loose a couple giggles at the submission.

"How... anticlimactic." Celestia shrugged.

"I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? Two shitty kids and a garbage husband?" Spike sputtered with his words towards the end of his reading. "What the hell?!"

"Yikes." Rainbow added. "That had some bite to it."

"In the spirit of the game, it is pretty funny though." Spike admitted, letting a few giggles out of his system. "And lastly: I work my ass off for this family every day and when I come home, this is what I see? Savagely beating a mascot?" Once his friends' laughter had absconded from their bodies, Spike made his decision on the winner. "I'll go with 'two shitty kids and a garbage husband.'"

"I'll be taking that one." Twilight said confidently. "Alright, Rarity. You're up up."

Repeating the process for the finale of the round, Rarity took to the deck of blacks while the others looked to the whites. Both decks looked significantly smaller than they did when the friends began. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with blank."

Rainbow Dash seemed to literally light up the room after listening to Rarity's black card. "Yes! Another Daring Do card! I've got this one in the bag!"

"Oh, how the mighty fall..." Twilight muttered ominously as she offered a card. Rainbow failed to hear the alicorn's voice as she was more determined on current black card in play.

"You better do your best impression of a 'dramatic trailer' when you read these out, Rares!"

"Darling..." Rarity's confident, smug and predatory glare towards her pegasus friend could have cut light itself. "My legal name is drama!" Swiftly, the group offered her their submissions, a combination of fear and enthusiasm fueling their hearts. Flipping her mane, Rarity stood up on all fours with her forehooves bent towards the others and her rump exposed, as if in a battle-ready position. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing while getting spit-roasted by an orthros!"

The group immediately imploded with laughter. The unicorn's performance left Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie and Spike rolling East and West, finding no land to catch their breath as they drowned. The remaining winged individuals tried to keep their composure but ultimately shattered, throwing their heads back and up to the ceiling, laughing out loud.

"Okay, okay. I'll give you that one." Rainbow admitted. "That was hilarious!"

"Your acting skills are definitely many moons above mine!" Celestia mentioned. Rarity gave her thanks and bowed respectively.

"Why, thank you, princess." Rotating her attention to the next submission, she got back into character, "in her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with a bass drop so huge it shatters the princesses' connection with the sun and moon and plunges the world into darkness!"

More laughter followed Rarity's delivery of the card while Twilight pondered aloud, "there has got to be a story behind that one."

"I'm certain that DJ PON-3 has something up her sleeve." Rarity responded. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with having a strong opinion about friendship!"

Much fewer laughs were born from this card.

"That one wasn't too good." Rainbow stated.

"Well, that's a strong opinion!" Pinkie replied, earning some giggles.

"In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with Princess Flurry Heart at fourteen!" Rarity continued, just barely holding her laughs.

"Woah! Ain't that somethin' to think about?" Applejack suggested, becoming lost in her own thoughts.

"Yeah! Imagine all the hormones comin' from the daughter of Shining Armor! She'd be cooped up for years!" Rainbow exclaimed, receiving sounds of agreement from her friends.

Twilight, however, did not join in with them. "I can understand that Shining can be super overprotective", the alicorn admitted, earning more nods, "but I'm thinking about where the rest of us will be when Flurry is that age. We'll be coming up on forty by then!"

Pinkie gasped, "oh! That is interesting! I hope I don't look like Granny Smith!" The party pony giggled as Applejack threw a half of a muffin at her, the treat landing on her eye.

"I don't have anything to worry about!" Rainbow claimed, slouching back. "I'll be in my prime even 'till the day I die!"

Ignoring Rainbow's optimism, Rarity subtly panicked. "Oh, Twilight! Don't make me even think about that! Imagine the face lifts... the botox... the sheer mounds of bits!"

"Quit your worryin', Rarity." Applejack demanded. "If anything's gonna change at all in 'bout fourteen years, it's gonna be the amount of cats y'all will have. Heck, I can see you mirrorin' Goldie Delicious perfectly!"

Rainbow Dash shrugged as if in disagreement with the farm pony. "Huh. I always saw Fluttershy being the 'cat lady'. But, y'know, with more birds, reptiles, bears, giraffes and tigers..."

Fluttershy giggled adorably, "I don't even know how I'll handle so many animals when I'm older."

"Well, maybe you can get a helping claw!" Spike said, triumphantly pointing at himself. "But, only if there's gems involved!"

Twilight giggled at Spike's joke and then looked to Celestia timidly. "So, princess, how old will you be once Flurry Heart reaches her teenage years, if you don't mind me asking?"

The co-ruler of Equestria returned her attention with a smile. "You would like me to answer that, wouldn't you?" Princess Celestia replied wittingly, causing everyone to laugh. 

Twilight, however, was confused by her teacher's response as she remained somewhat silent in her friends' laughter. The Princess of Friendship had a feeling like she had just been waved at by a stranger, only to realize that the stranger was waving at somepony behind her and had to act like the encounter never happened.

Shaking it off as nothing, Twilight moved her attention to her unicorn friend. "Alright! Next card, Rarity?"

Nodding in understand, the fashionista cleared her throat and read. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with a phoenix with freckles and buck teeth!"

A few laughs were earned from the card but they were mostly from Rarity's performance and not the answer itself.

Giggling slightly, Celestia blinked in confusion. "Is... is that supposed to be Philomena?"

"...Maybe?" Fluttershy spoke up. "But I don't think Philomena has freckles or buck teeth."

"Moving on!" Rarity exclaimed. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with self-loathing!"

"What?!" Rainbow objected, dropping crumbs of banana bread from her maw while the others laughed. "Daring Do doesn't loath herself!"

"Are you sure you didn't get 'loath' mixed up with 'loaf'?!" Pinkie teased, sending Applejack and Spike to the floor.

Rainbow sputtered, looking to the plated sliced of banana bread in her hoof. "Oh, hardy har har. Very funny, Pinkie."

"Finally, for the last card of the round!" Rarity announced, getting in her position once again. "In her very first feature film, Daring Do fights off exotic creatures while dealing with flesh-eating bacteria!"

"Oh no! Zombies!" Pinkie screamed, dropping all her cards in a panic. "Run for the rations!"

The friends laughed once more at Pinkie's aimless nature while Rainbow reloaded her voice when she swallowed a mouthful of bread and cleared her throat. "You call them rations but there's at least enough food there feed all of Canterlot two times over!"

Twilight rolled her eyes shamelessly while her friends laughed at her teasing once again. "Don't tempt me, Rainbow. I know a spell that will make you allergic to carbs."

"Ooh! I'm so scared! What will I ever do?!" Rainbow cried dramatically, dragging her hooves down her face. "You're gonna have to do better than that, Twi."

Twilight then fixed her posture confidently as she stared Rainbow down like a Appleloosan stand-off. "You better not come crying back to me once you realize that eating your beloved pasta and potato sandwich on sourdough of your childhood will feel like pulling out a tampon inflated with the amount of hot air in your head out of your large intestine..."

Everyone in the room, with the exception of Twilight and Rainbow, rocked the castle with enough force to awaken a dying star as they laughed. Nearly, only nearly, did Princess Celestia fall to the floor to try to regain composure. Rainbow, on the other hoof, was sitting with her mouth agape like she had just seen a ghost.

No. Two ghosts.

Scissoring.

Scissoring their fucking brains out.

"Holy shit, Twilight!" Pinkie shouted, breaking the tightrope of tension between the alicorn and pegasus. "Where did that come from?!"

Twilight was almost as stunned as Rainbow, not really knowing what to say to the party pony. "Uhh... was that too much?"

The friends looked to each other, as if communicating with their minds. Applejack decided to deliver an answer to the princess when she said, "just a tad bit outta 'yer league, sugarcube, don'tcha think?"

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! I-I guess that I was just trying to get into the spirit of the game?"

"And I guess we just were not expecting that from you, darling!" Rarity explained. "Definitely not expecting that from a princess, much less!"

"...Or an egghead." Rainbow mumbled, finally coming out from her conscious slumber.

"Rainbow..." Twilight exasperated.

"...I gotta say, Twilight," Rainbow admitted, holding her hooves up surrendering, "that... was pretty damn savage!"

Twilight felt a little more at ease due to Rainbow's sportsponyship. "I'm sorry, Rainbow. That was way too-"

"Hey." Rainbow interrupted, leaning back onto her elbows. "C'mon. I'm a Wonderbolt. Believe it or not, I can take a beating." The two laughed, sharing the intimate moment with just each other and resurrecting common ground. "So... where in tartarus did you find that out about me?"

"Find out what?" Twilight asked, obviously knowing the answer to the question. "Oh! The sandwich?"

"Yes, the sandwich!"

"Uhh..." Twilight thought, another smirk spreading across her face. "I... can't seem to remember. Remind me again what the sandwich is called, Rainbow? Maybe it'll come to me."

Rainbow groaned in frustration. "You already know what it's called, you liar!"

"I want to hear you say it!" Twilight sang.

Throwing her head back, Rainbow finally succumbed to the evil mastermind. "Ugh, fine. How did you know about the pasta and potato sandwich on sourdough?"

"As gross as it may sound, I actually wanna make it sometime!" Pinkie enthused, licking her lips.

Twilight brought a hoof to her chin as she thought. "So, you know that watchtower I had built so I could watch over the school in case something bad happened?"

"You mean spy on everypony to invade their privacy?" Spike quipped. "You even said it yourself that you 'had seen something between Gallus and Silverstream' and wanted to keep-"

"SPIKE!" Twilight cried everyone else giggled. Turning back to Rainbow, she continued, "I had been overseeing the school one day when I had began watching over Rainbow's physical education class. Basically, the students were talking about food and then Rainbow explained what her favourite dish had been growing up. I had then also learned that dragons don't just sneeze flames."

"If you can make me allergic to carbs, can't you make me fireproof as well?" Rainbow questioned. "Smolder nearly singed my perfect colours!"

"I'm sure that can be arranged," answered Twilight. "So, Rarity. Which card wins?"

Lighting up at the reminder, Rarity began scavenging the cards in play once again, reading them in her head. "Without delving too deep into Rainbow's friend's," she cleared her throat, "fan fiction, I can definitely see Daring Do getting spit-roasted by an orthros!"

"I will humbly take that, thank you very much." Twilight said with poise.

"Oh come on!" A certain pegasus cried out.

"We're in the endgame now!" Pinkie cheered.