Item 1:Alarm clock
I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS MISSMATCH OF STUFF!
What you are about to read is a creation by the inspiration I got from of staring at an alarm clock.
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Twilight gritted her teeth in frustration, her horn glowing brighter and brighter by the second as she worked the object in her magic back and forth, but because she'd forgotten to turn off her alarm clock her efforts were futile and when she couldn't take it anymore. “WHY CAN'T I CUT THIS BREAD!?” She roared and tossed the broom aside and looked through her kitchen for something to help her on this near impossible task, then something blank and shiny caught her eye, she looked up at it with huge eyes of awestruckness. “My search. Is. Complete.” She said with marely tears in her eyes, she picked up the object in her hooves and a beam of light shone on the object in her hands.
She lifted it high over her flank and with a mighty swing she brought the frying pan down on the bread, but the frying pan turned to ashes on impact. “NO!!” The unicorn screamed and held the dust in her hooves. “I killed it, I'm a murderer.” Then the ashes spontaneously combusted and turned the ashes to ashes-ashes.
“AW yeah!” Rainbow dash screamed and smashed through the library walls in a sonic rainboom, she got up and stared dramatic on the ashes-ashes, then she stood on her hindlegs over the ashes-ashes and moved her legs up and down and started T-bagging the ashes-ashes while holding a M16 over her head.
The ashes-ashes couldn't take the humiliation of being T-bagged by a mascot of Skittles and set itself on fire once more and it evolved into ashes-ashes-ashes, then Rarity bucked the door open and pointed a finger epicly at Rainbow Dash shouting. “Fabulousness!” Rainbow Dash was too slow to dodge as the fabulousness of Rarity's door opening skills and her skin burned off, then her skin grew back out leaving that entire scene completely pointless, but the ashes-ashes-ashes couldn't handle the fresh air that seeped in through the non-existing open window and it burst into flames and became the almighty, Super-brugsen.
Super-brugsen then ate Twilight Sparkle and forced her to buy it's crappy discount junk, but Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz flew in and punched Super-brugsen in the face making it spit out Twilight high in the air, then Snailman came in slowly and somehow caught Twilight just in time. “My heroes.” She screamed in joy.
“ARGH! A talking horse!” Snailman and Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz cried and ran off in the sunset and burned to death as they ran into it. Fluttershy then came out of the nowhereness nowhere and poked Super-brugsen with an air-conditioner and since the tomahawk is a impactable instant kill on retrieval Super-brugsen was banished to Pluto in the next two thousand years, ten months, two weeks, five days, twenty hours, nine minutes and three seconds, but Super-brugsen used hacks and was transported back to Equestria.
“0mg, u fucking h4ck3r.” Hitler said and ran through Ponyville with his hand raised high and then shot himself with a bag of water, then Celestia flew down and used her admin powers to ban Super-brugsen from the country, then a bullet penetrated Trixie's skull as Applejack 360 no-scoped her from sweet apple acres, Applejack then saw a tank drive by and drove over everything it came across and wasn't stopping, nor did it tip.
Then the hatch opened and a human Russian recon soldier threw his arms up and shouted. “BITCH I'M FLAWLESS!!!” He then crashed into a mailbox and the tank was split in the middle, then burst into flames and became the fearsome. “OH SHIT I'M ON FIRE!” And became the fearsome. “SOMEONE GET SOME WATER!” The fearsome. “OH GOD IT HURTS!” Fuck it. And then Leeroy Jenkins ran into Sugarcube corner.
“LEEROY JENKINS!!” He yelled his trademark battle cry and bumped into Pinkie Pie in a business suit and the sight of the logic in Leeroy's eyes transformed Pinkie Pie into Mythbusters and she then started blowing shit up because this story needs destruction, then Godzilla came out of the ocean in japan, so we don't have to worry about him, for now.
“DUN DUN DUUUN.” Rainbow Dash said with rhinos stuffed up her nostrils, then one of the rhinos spoke with the voice of Ace Ventura. “Kinda hot in these Rainbows.” Rainbow Dash then screamed for no reason, which made Fluttershy scream, which made Applejack scream making Rarity scream making Pinkie mythbusters scream and because she haven't been mentioned for some time now, Twilight screamed, then they stopped and looked at each other for a second, then Twilight gasped dramatic and pointed at the ground.
“A ROCK!” The others gasped and started bowing at the rock and worshiping it, but Celestia didn't approve of this and tried to banish the rock to the sun, but the rockness of the rock was too rocky for her and her stomach inflated and she became a green hot air balloon with sunshine and smiles, the rock then took over the world and enslaved all of the ponies to build a statue of it, made out of water and dinner plates, but out of nowhere came a brony and at that moment the entire universe collapsed, but Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz, came and revived the universe with the defibrillators he just unlocked and because of Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz's actions, the rock was very happy, which could be seen on it's face.
“...” The rock said to Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz, Brumbass who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming bzzzzz saluted the rock and went to make a banana split with the Titanic, but suddenly a horde of Russian ponies kicked the door open and freed the slaves with the help of vodka and a garden hose. “...” The Russian ponies saw the panic and fear in the rock's face, then the rock gave them the finger and Brumbass who's name will be repeated a lot more times just to annoy the reader took off his mask and revealed himself to be Mick Øgendahl the funny danish comedian who flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee when you hear him humming you know he's coming.
“TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER!!” Shouted a voice and the rock was turned into a grape flavored milkshake by the wheel of hats
Twilight blinked and she looked at the bread in front of her and the broom she held with her magic. “That's the last time I eat sugar before bedtime.” She said and walked up in her bedroom and turned off her alarm clock, then it spontaneously combusted.
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Next time I'll look at a toaster.