One of Apple Bloom's favourite places to be was a little grassy hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres. She liked to come up here sometimes, sit and just think to herself, gazing at all the busy work ponies down at the orchard below, perhaps even with a snack or two in her hooves. Today, she had packed a slice of apple pie, but with no drink to match — in all her excitement in finally getting some alone time, she had forgotten her juice box again.
No, it wasn't that she had grown tired of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Her friends were usually busy on Thursday evenings anyway — Scootaloo was at Rainbow Dash's playing video games, and Sweetie Belle had taken up violin lessons. And besides, harvest season wasn't for another two months, so Apple Bloom was given a whole evening of chore-free time to herself. How could she waste such a golden opportunity?
She munched into her pie thoughtfully, watching the sun set slowly into the horizon, the acres and acres of apple orchards laid out like lush green blankets on a bed of soft soil. Squinting, she could almost make out Applejack loading a cart filled with barrels of apple cider. Or was that Big Mac? She couldn't tell; they were like ants, they were so far away.
"Some good ol' country music would be mighty nice right about now," she remarked out loud, licking crumbs of her lips. "Perfect for evening picnics."
A loud wail broke the tranquil silence. "EX-CUSE ME?!"
Apple Bloom jumped, almost dropping her pie. "Sweetie Belle? What the hay are you doing here? Aren't ya supposed to be at —"
"Oh. Violin class was cancelled today," Sweetie explained. "The teacher had an urgent —"
Suddenly, her face grew red with rage. "Hey! Don't you dare change the subject! I heard what you said! How could you let such nonsensicality escape your mouth like that?!"
Apple Bloom frowned. "Uh... what'd I say?"
"You said... you said..." Sweetie Belle shuddered, struggling to get the words past her lips. "...that COUNTRY MUSIC was GOOD!"
Now, Apple Bloom had witnessed many strange things in her life. She had witnessed a chaos-loving draconequus make it rain chocolate milk all over the streets of Ponyville. She had witnessed her friend being sentenced to Tartarus. She had even witnessed the day her older brother somehow managed to get a special somepony. But this... This was just plain weird.
And yet here she was, watching as Sweetie Belle gagged and groaned at the premise of having to listen to her favourite genre of music.
"What?" Apple Bloom cocked her head to one side in confusion. "What's wrong with country music?"
Sweetie Belle looked as if she was about to vomit. "What's wrong with it? Why, everything's wrong with —"
She was interrupted by the familiar screech of scooter wheels.
"Hey, guys!" Scootaloo greeted, taking off her helmet. "You'll never believe what Rainbow Dash told me today. Did you know, her real middle name is —"
"Scoots! I'm so glad you're here!" Sweetie Belle rushed to her friend, shaking her by the shoulders frantically. "Quick, I need you to help explain why country music is so bad!"
Scootaloo pulled herself away from Sweetie Belle's grip and raised an eyebrow. "Say what now?"
Apple Bloom sighed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness you're makin' sense," she said, rolling her eyes. "For some reason, Sweetie Belle thinks country music is bad, and..."
"No, no, no," Scootaloo shook her head hastily. "Seriously, Sweetie Belle? You need my help to explain why country music is bad? Does it even need any explaining?"
"Not you, too!" Apple Bloom groaned, smacking her forehead with her hoof in exasperation. "I love country music. What the hay's wrong with that?"
Her friends' eyes almost popped right out of their sockets. "She used the 'L' word!" Scootaloo whispered frantically.
"I know! She's a lost cause!" Sweetie Belle whispered back.
Apple Bloom was on the verge of exploding. "What the hay's wrong with me listenin' to country music?!"
Scootaloo gritted her teeth, but Sweetie Belle couldn't hold it in any longer. "Ugh! It's just so... guitar-ish... and their voices keep cracking...!"
"Your voice keeps cracking!"
"Those are squeaks! And they're cute!"
"No they aren't!"
"Are too!"
"Okay, okay, guys!" Scootaloo interjected, quickly stepping in between the two fillies before the argument escalated. She turned to look at Apple Bloom. "Look, it's okay if you like that kind of music, but..."
"But what?"
"We just think that there's other kinds of music that's way better than what you're listening to," Sweetie Belle added, finally dropping her hooves, which had been balled into fists.
Apple Bloom was furious. She'd spent her entire foalhood listening to all the country music greats. In fact, it was all she'd ever listened to! Why, country music was a part of her life, and nothin' could ever change that. To think that her best friends had the nerve to say otherwise...
"Well, fine then!" She blurted, startling the other two fillies. "If ya think I shouldn't be listenin' to country music, then what should I be listenin' to?"
Scootaloo's ears perked up. "Ooh, ooh, I know! Heavy metal!"
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Too loud," she complained. "How about some nice, classical music?"
"Too boring," Scootaloo retorted. "What about EDM?"
"You mean Electronic Dance Music? Pshh, more like... 'Extremely Disastrous Mistake!'"
"Guys, guys!" Apple Bloom groaned. "Quit arguing! Just... tell me what's popular right now, and I'll listen to it!"
She glanced at Sweetie Belle, whose face was scrunched up in contemplation. Scootaloo was scratching her head, as if trying to remember something. Well, whatever genre they pick, it can't be better than country music, Apple Bloom reminded herself.
"What about that band that made a comeback last month?" Sweetie Belle offered. "The uh... Frying... something or other?"
"The Frying Pones!" Scootaloo finished, her expression lit up like a Christmas Tree. "Yes, they'd be perfect for you Apple Bloom!"
"You should really check out their albums!" Sweetie Belle beamed. "They're so good!"
Apple Bloom smirked. "Please," she chuckled smugly. "It's a band named after a kitchen pun. How good can they possibly be?"
The sun had set, and Apple Bloom found herself walking back to Sweet Apple Acres alone, her now-empty lunchbox tucked neatly into her saddlebags. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had offered to walk back with her, but she declined; after all, it was quite a long way home, and she didn't want to trouble her friends too much.
The Frying Pones, huh? She thought to herself, making a sharp turn into the dusty lane that led back to the farmhouse. I wonder what kind of music they play. Won't be as good as country music, that's for sure.
Her thoughts were interrupted when her older sister, Applejack burst out of the farmhouse doors with a cardboard box balanced on her back. It looked quite heavy, too, as the orange mare was teetering and tottering back and forth, trying to keep the box from slipping off.
"Woah, what's in this box, big sis?" Apple Bloom hurried to help her sister, slowly easing the box to the ground.
Applejack wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Phew. Thanks, sis. It's Big Mac's old CD collection. He's been hoarding 'em for years and years now, and ah'd reckon it'd do him good to give 'em away to a local charity or somethin'.
A deafening outburst of tears erupted from inside the house. "Not my CDs!" The voice mourned. "My precious, precious CDs!"
Applejack grinned sheepishly. "He, uh... ain't too pleased about the whole thing."
Apple Bloom looked down at the box. It was old and dusty; surely Big Mac hadn't listened to these CDs in a long, long time. In fact, she didn't even remember her older brother even having a CD collection.
"Mind if I take a look?" She asked, glancing up at her sister.
"Sure," Applejack nodded. "If ya see anything you like, feel free to take it before Twilight comes to collect it. Just don't give 'em back to yer brother," She added, gesturing to the continued, loud wailing noises coming from inside.
"No problem. Thanks, sis!" Apple Bloom dove into the contents of the box, as Applejack made her way back inside. "Let's see what we have here..." She muttered, riffling through the plastic casings.
Linkin Pony, Thousand Hoof Krutch... uh... A Collection Of The Greatest Baby Shark Remixes... aha! The Frying Pones!
She whipped her find out of the box and read the cover.
"'The Frying Pones: The Lost Hayburger.'" She read out loud. "Seriously? This is supposed to be good? Why would Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo even recommend this to me?" She turned to look at the back of the CD (only to reveal the band's logo, a crudely-drawn picture of a sizzling frying pan), then turned it back over again. "And why is it so... fast-food themed?"
She shrugged to herself. Well, I did tell the others I would listen to them, she sighed, rather miserably. And so, reluctantly placing the CD into her saddlebags, she closed the cardboard box and trotted inside.
Apple Bloom sat on the edge of her bed, headphones over her ears, bopping along to the catchy tunes of The Frying Pones: The Lost Hayburger.
The Frying Pones: The Lost Hayburger Tracklist
1. The Lost Hayburger 2. Burnt Toast 3. Applecores 4. Sour Grapes 5. Sizzle And Fry 6. The Lost Hayburger (DJ PON-3 Remix) 7. Sour Grapes (Acoustic)
(Includes collectible TFP cards!)
The Frying Pones had turned out to be a pop punk band from Fillydelphia, with four members: Dark Raven on lead vocals, Bright Blitz on lead guitar, Woodland Breeze on bass guitar and Rapid Fire on drums.
Apple Bloom knew all of this. She had read their article on Ponypedia. Twice.
No, no, what am I doing? I'm not supposed to like this band. If Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo find out, I'll never hear the end of it!
But their songs are so good though.
My favourite has definitely gotta be 'Applecores'. Really hits close to home! In fact, I don't think I've related to any other song on a level like —
No! Apple Bloom, stop being such a silly filly. I only like country music, and that's final.
Knock knock!
"Apple Bloom! Are ya in there?"
The yellow filly let out a startled splutter, throwing off her headphones and stuffing them under her pillow. With a flurry of rapid clicking, she closed all of the tabs on her computer that could reveal any evidence of her newfound interest in the band.
"Come in!" She called, a tinge of guilt in her voice.
The door creaked open to reveal Granny Smith, who entered the room, with the same creakiness as the door. "Better oil mah joints soon, don'tcha think?" She chuckled, setting herself down rustily on Apple Bloom's bed.
"Ha! Ha! Ha... Yeah!" Apple Bloom replied, grinning, a little too widely. "Uh... Is there anything ya need, Granny Smith?"
Granny Smith frowned, as if something seemed off, but then smiled kindly at her granddaughter. "No, dear, just checkin' in on ya... There was some pretty loud music comin' from yer room, and, what with Applejack having to sort out her teaching plans and all..."
Apple Bloom twitched. "Music? What music? I dunno anything 'bout no music!"
She glanced down at her computer. The headphones had never been plugged in.
"Right... Ah see..." Granny Smith replied, unconvinced. "Well, whoever's playin' 'Applecores' at full volume should probably turn it a mite down during the screamin' parts, or they'll have to answer to mah baseball bat!"
She pretended to take a swing at the air, to prove her point.
"You know The Frying Pones?"
"Course Ah do! As a matter of fact, Ah've even met one've em!"
Apple Bloom's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Really? Which one? Bright Blitz? Dark Raven? Dark Raven's mah favourite!"
Granny Smith smirked. "Nah, Ah'm just pullin' yer leg. But Ah guess we both know who's been playin' all that music now, don't we?"
Apple Bloom flushed with embarrassment. "But... Then howd'ya know the name of the song?"
"Cause they've been screamin' the chorus so loudly all of Ponyville could've heard it!" Granny Smith exclaimed, then bursting out into song:
APPLECORES!!! FILLED WITH SEEDS!!! I WANT MORE!!! GIVE 'EM TO ME!!!
"Or somethin'," she added.
Apple Bloom was at a loss for words, her red hair blown back at the sheer force of her grandmother's screaming.
"Well, I'd best go check on the zapapple jam that's a-cookin' downstairs," she decided, getting up from the bed. "Do turn it down, dear."
Apple Bloom nodded slowly. She waited until Granny Smith had left the room, then reached for her headphones, making sure they were plugged firmly in.
Apple Bloom trudged blearily to school, squinting and rubbing her eyes as she lugged her saddlebags behind her.
Guess I shouldn'tve stayed up all night watching all of those TFP live shows...
APPLECORES!!! FILLED WITH SEEDS!!!
Great, now it's stuck in my head.
Once she started listening to The Frying Pones, she just couldn't stop. Live shows, interviews, try-not-to-laugh-compilations (which she failed), even fanfiction — it was impossible to resist. How did she even get so obsessed in just one day? She wasn't sure.
She opened her mouth, letting out the widest yawn she had ever let out in her life. She didn't feel like going to school today. It was one of those days where the sun was too bright, the road was too hot, the sky was too —
"Hiya, Apple Bloom!"
"GYAH!!! Huh?"
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had caught up with her from behind, giant rolls of paper in each of their hooves. "Did you finish your art homework?"
Apple Bloom winced. "No. I completely forgot we even had homework," she groaned.
"Oh. Well, that's a shame." Sweetie Belle frowned and looked a little closer at her friend. "Um, Apple Bloom, are you feeling okay? You look kinda... fried."
"Fried? I don't know anything about The Frying Pones! Who said anything about The Frying Pones?"
"Uh... Nopony said anything about The Frying Pones," Scootaloo replied, concerned.
"Well, did you check them out?" Sweetie Belle asked. "What did you think?"
"They were..." Apple Bloom didn't want to lie to her best friends, but what of the consequences? What if they told everypony else? What if... what if...?!?! She couldn't take any chances.
"Meh," she simply shrugged. "I guess I'm still a country music kind of filly."
"Oh," Sweetie Belle said, disappointed. "That's too bad. The vocalist, Dark Raven? He's my favourite."
Something clicked within Apple Bloom. Something tiny, like a spark, but explosive.
"Ohmahgoodness I know right? Dark Raven is the best! Did ya know he writes all the lyrics for TFP? That stands for The Frying Pones! It's too long to say, so it's easier to say TFP! But yeah, Dark Raven is mah favourite too, and TFP is awesome! Did you know TFP was founded the year I was born? That means I'm the same age as the band! Cool, right? What's your favourite TFP song? Mah favourite is 'Applecores'! It fits me so well, it's like they wrote the song for me, but obviously —"
She realised her friends were staring at her in shock, their jaws gaping wide open.
"I mean... I mean..." Apple Bloom's voice trailed off, and her cheeks turned the colour of her bow.
"I KNEW IT! YOU'VE BECOME A FRYFAN!"
"A Fryfan?" Apple Bloom stopped in her tracks. "What's that?"
"A fan of The Frying Pones, of course!" Scootaloo replied. "You know, 'fry' and 'fan' put together say —"
"We get it, it says Fryfan," Sweetie Belle chuckled. "Like a frypan."
Apple Bloom was confused. "So, you guys ain't gonna laugh at me?"
"Of course not! The Frying Pones is a great band!" Sweetie Belle smiled, clapping her hooves in excitement.
"Yeah!" Scootaloo agreed. "Even I listen to them from time to time."
"And you're completely fine with me being a fan of 'em?"
"Well, yeah, sure, as long as you don't get too crazy," Scootaloo reasoned, but Apple Bloom wasn't listening.
In fact, she was already lost in her own world, eyes twitching, a crazed grin on her face.
"Now, who'd like to present their art project next?" Cheerilee smiled, cheerily.
"Ooh, me! Me!" Scootaloo waved her hoof in the air ecstatically, then made her way to the front of the class. She unrolled her artwork for all the others to see.
"What is it?" One of the colts in the front row asked.
"It's Rainbow Dash's very own Sonic Rainboom!" Scootaloo replied. "Isn't it obvious?"
The class nodded slowly, nopony feeling like criticising her masterpiece: a blue blob surrounded by random splatters of rainbow paint and glitter.
"Great job, Scootaloo!" Cheerilee said, trying to smile. "It's a very... abstract piece of work?"
Scootaloo grinned and trotted proudly back to her seat.
"Now, who's next?"
Apple Bloom's hoof shot straight up in the air.
"Apple Bloom!" Sweetie Belle loudly whispered to the filly beside her. "I thought you didn't do your homework!"
"Ah managed to pull something together last minute," Apple Bloom replied, marching to the front, her eyes twitching ever so slightly.
She unrolled her canvas out onto the table, colts and fillies gathering around to take a look at her hard work. Most of the canvas was blank, but right in the middle, stuck onto the centre with Blu-Tack, was...
"Um, Apple Bloom? That's just a photograph of The Frying Pones."
"With ABxDR written on it," Scootaloo added.
Apple Bloom gestured frantically at the photo. "Do you not see? The Frying Pones are a work of art! Look at their beautiful faces! That's a routine of cleanse, tone and moisturise, everypony!"
"No, that's just makeup," one of their classmates added with a deadpan expression.
Cheerilee put a hoof on Apple Bloom's shoulder sympathetically. "Apple Bloom, it's very nice that you appreciate this band so much, but I think you've misinterpreted the assignment question."
"Misinterpreted shmisinterpreted. Ya told us to create a masterpiece! Well lemme tell ya, TFP are a living masterpiece. If you ponies can't see it, then that's your problem!"
She snatched her canvas off the table, rolled it back up and hurled it onto Cheerilee's desk with all the power her tiny hooves could muster. It landed squarely on the table, but tumbled off.
"There! You'd better mark that so good, it could join me and the rest of the CMCs!" She stormed back to her seat, her classmates all gaping at her as if she had gone mad. Scratch that, she had gone mad.
Cheerilee shook off her confusion, staring sternly at Apple Bloom, who had pulled out a Bluehoof speaker and had started blasting TFP music.
"Apple Bloom! Stop that right this instant or I will contact your sister!"
Apple Bloom couldn't hear her. She was headbanging violently, playing air guitar on the table.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo glanced at each other, their hearts, once as strong as horses, sinking.
What had they done?
"... And did you know? Woodland Breeze, the bass player? His favourite food is apple pie. My favourite food is apple pie! How crazy is that?"
"Apples are a staple food in Equestria," Sweetie Belle replied monotonously. "Most ponies' favourite food is apple pie. It's not that crazy."
"But it's apple pie. Apple pie. That's half of mah name! So technically, I'm 50% his favourite pony!"
"Can't argue with that logic," Scootaloo sighed.
The trio were heading for the clubhouse, just as they did every Friday afternoon, Apple Bloom skipping along without a care in the world, her friends trudging wearily beside her, their eyes haggard and exhausted from having to deal with Apple Bloom's antics. During lunch, the yellow filly had went around the cafeteria, asking students for their uneaten apple cores so she could start a collection.
"Applecores!" She had bellowed, banging a spoon onto a tray. "Give 'em to me!"
Up above, the sun was just beginning to set, but Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle only wished it would set faster.
"When we get back to the clubhouse, let's listen to TFP's new album. Well, it hasn't been officially released yet, but..." She dropped her voice to a whisper and winked. "... Ah know a way to find it, if you know what Ah mean."
"Mhm." Sweetie Belle grunted.
"Oh, aaand they're coming to Ponyville next week for a live concert! Can you believe it? Them! Here! The Frying Pones!"
"Have fun." Scootaloo replied.
"Wow, Ah really hope Big Mac buys me a ticket. Ah really wanna hear 'em live! And maybe, just maybe..." Her starstruck eyes glinted in the sun. "Ah'll get to meet 'em! Just imagine —"
"Well!" Sweetie Belle interrupted. "That's my cue to leave. See you later guys!"
Apple Bloom frowned. "Weren't you coming to the clubhouse today? We were going to listen to —"
"The Frying Pones. Yes. I know," Sweetie Belle groaned. "But I really want to go home now. I'll see you on Monday."
"Aren't we going to hang out on the weekend —"
"I'll see you on Monday!" Sweetie yelled, her back already turned.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo watched as the unicorn filly dashed off, until eventually, she disappeared over the horizon.
"Huh. Ah could've sworn her house was in the other direction," Apple Bloom muttered. Then her face lit up. "But you're still coming to the clubhouse, Scoots, so—"
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. "Rainbow Dash lives on a cloud. She ain't got no gardenin' to do."
"Gardening... for a friend!" Scootaloo added. "Heh, those pesky weeds, eh? Heh, heh, anyway, bye!"
She scooted off in the other direction, leaving behind a plume of dust in her wake.
“Welp, their loss,” Apple Bloom shrugged, then went on her way.
With nothing else to do and nopony else to be with, Apple Bloom made her way back to the farmhouse, only to open the doors to her sister's furious rage.
"Apple Bloom! What in tarnation have yah been up to?! The school called, and yah've been suspended! Somethin' 'bout causing a havoc in the class?!"
"Oh. Right. That," Apple Bloom shrugged nonchalantly, dismissing the fact with a wave of her hoof. "What can Ah say? They didn't appreciate TFP enough; why should Ah appreciate them?"
"Why you... You..." Applejack was at a loss for words. "Just wait till your brother gets home; he'll give ya a right talking to, all right..."
"Hey, yeah! Thanks for reminding me, Ah've gotta ask Big Mac for the TFP concert tickets Ah asked him to get." Apple Bloom turned to head out to the orchards to find her brother, but Applejack caught her by the ear.
"Hey! What gives?" The filly complained.
"You ain't going to no concert," Applejack said through gritted teeth. "Not until you learn how to control yourself! You've been suspended, for goodness' sake!"
Apple Bloom shook herself free from her sister's iron grip and stomped her hoof on the ground angrily, creating a little dent in the floorboards. "Just you wait and see. Nothin' can stop me from being the best Fryfan there ever was!"
"Oh Big Mac!"
Apple Bloom rapped on her brother's door, her voice all sing-song and innocent.
"Come in!"
She did so, and gazed imploringly up at the red stallion. "Did ya get mah tickets, big bro?"
She batted her eyelashes pleadingly, but Big Mac shook his head.
"Nnnope. Applejack told me all about your suspension. You ain't going to that concert after you pulled a stunt like that."
"Pretty please?"
"No can do, Sugarcube."
Apple Bloom pouted, but she had another trick up her sleeve.
"What if Ah gave you somethin' to sweeten' the deal?"
Big Mac narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"
Apple Bloom pulled out something from behind her back. Big Mac gasped.
"The Greatest Collection Of Baby Shark Remixes! B-but Applejack told me she donated 'em!"
"Ah managed to save a few for... bargaining purposes," Apple Bloom chuckled. "So, whaddya say?"
Big Mac gulped. Apple Bloom was a solid fanfilly, and solid fanfillies truly knew how to manipulate other fanfillies.
"Sweetie Belle, you've been calling her for nearly 10 minutes. She's not in there!"
"The clubhouse is the only place in Ponyville we haven't searched yet. She has to be!"
The two fillies stood outside the Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse, shifting their hooves uneasily as they waited for the slightest sign of their friend. On a cold, thunderous, Saturday night, the last place anypony would want to be was outside in the icy rain, but ever since the news, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had no choice.
"It's our clubhouse, too. Why aren't we going inside?"
The question, though obvious, hung in the frigid air unanswered. Yes, it was their clubhouse... but what with Apple Bloom's predicament...
CRASH! They yelped in panic as a bolt of lightning forked through the night sky, illuminating the fillies with a flash of blinding, deafening light, plunging into the ground mere inches away from where they had been standing. Through the rain beating down on their bodies, the stench of burnt grass filled the air.
"...I think we should go inside," Scootaloo muttered, breaking away from her shivering stance.
"Agreed."
It had all begun with the newspaper this morning. It was all over the front page of the Ponyville Express; even the Foal Free Press had decided to cover the story, headlining it in big, bold, capital letters. But no matter how clear the writing, how large the typeface... nopony could believe their eyes.
FILLY GONE MISSING OVERNIGHT, URGENT HELP WANTED
Last night, at approximately 10:35 p.m., the Ponyville Police received a chilling message, a cry for help from a family of which such a horrific tragedy has befallen. The call had come from the Apple family, residing in Sweet Apple Acres, regarding their youngest, a little filly named Apple Bloom.
"Our lil' sis is always running of ta places with her friends," the eldest sibling, Big Macintosh, informed reporters this morning. "But this... this we had never expected."
"When we went ta look for her in her room," the filly's older sister Applejack added, through tears she was struggling to keep on the inside, "The bed was made, and all that was missing were her laptop, her headphones and her saddlebags! We have no idea where she could be!"
When the matriarch of the family was interviewed, all she had mentioned was "a right spankin' once that filly gets home!"
Apple Bloom was last seen at 8 p.m. last night, leaving the farmhouse to take the family dog for a late-night walk.
To all the citizens of Ponyville: If you have any idea where this missing filly is, please alert the local authorities immediately. There is no time to waste.
Once they had forced the clubhouse door open, it didn't take that long for them to realise their mistake.
"Wha—" Scootaloo coughed and spluttered as she inhaled dust and debris into her lungs. "What happened to this place?"
What was originally a warm, welcoming treehouse, was now the opposite. Darkness shrouded the room, the only light coming from the pale moon shining through the open window.
Sweetie Belle noticed a candle on the table in the middle of the clubhouse, and, though it was unlit, went to put her hoof over it. Still warm. Somepony had been here very, very recently.
"Scootaloo!" She whispered to her friend. "The flashlight!"
"Right, right." Scootaloo heaved the flashlight out of her saddlebags with her teeth and flicked it on.
Sweetie Belle screamed.
"GYAHH! WHAT EVEN IS THAT?!"
She pointed to the wall of their beloved clubhouse, hoof trembling, the light emanating from the flashlight circling the horrific display that stood in front of them, taunting them with all of its crimson glory.
Scootaloo inched closer, sniffing the wall with her muzzle, then sticking out her tongue to lick the mess. "That's ketchup," she confirmed, "And that's supposed to be the logo of The Frying Pones."
Sweetie Belle gritted her teeth, hoping dried ketchup was easy to clean off wood. Nevertheless, the very smell would stay for weeks, a sour reminder of what the clubhouse had once become.
They continued to trudge around the clubhouse, gingerly avoiding the odd TFP trading card lying about. Posters and various fanart were plastered onto the walls with ghastly amounts of Blu-Tack: Dark Raven screaming into a microphone... Bright Blitz shredding a solo on his guitar... Oh, look! A photo of Apple Bloom's last birthday, which the Crusaders had celebrated together in the clubhouse. How nice.
Oh. Wait... Apple Bloom had photoshopped the faces of Dark Raven and Bright Blitz over Sweetie Belle's and Scootaloo's. Well, that hurt.
"Any sign of Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo asked, nervously peering inside a TFP snow globe. Because those exist, apparently.
"Nope," Sweetie Belle sighed. "You know, I kinda feel bad for not hanging out with her yesterday. Perhaps she wouldn't have run away if we were with her."
"Are you kidding?" Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. "I'm not gonna take the blame for all of this madness!" Then her ears perked up, hearing something.
"What is it?"
"Sshhh! Listen."
...filled with seeds... ...give... me...
"Do you hear that?"
Sweetie Belle nodded. Together, they made their way silently towards the music, making sure not to make any loud noises, for that might wake the beast that was Apple Bloom's fanfillying.
They found her huddled in a corner of the clubhouse, swaddled in swaths of blankets and quilts, her eyes glued to her computer so intently you could see Dark Raven's reflection head-banging in her gleaming irises. Her frizzled hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed in a month, her bright pink bow now drooping sadly to one side in a tangled sea of red, only parted by a pair of headphones turned all the way up to maximum volume.
The yellow filly hadn't heard them come in, nor had she seen them, so she carried on singing to herself as the next song began:
[PRE-CHORUS] Can't find my hayburger Where has it gone? Searching for it, it's just murder What did I do wrooooooong?
[CHORUS] What good is a side Of ketchup and some fries If nothing ever seems to pull it together
I just wanna take a bite So somepony tell me why It's gone, my lost hayburger...
Apple Bloom chuckled to herself. "But what most Fryfans don't know," she mumbled happily, "Is that the hayburger signifies the love Dark Raven had for his special somepony, which was lost over the years because of a misunderstanding between himself and the previous bass guitarist! It's simple once you look at the lyrics, really... and ah bet I'm the only Fryfan in Equestria who knows that!"
She giggled maniacally and carried on watching the music video.
"...How does she know that?" Scootaloo frowned.
"Beats me," Sweetie Belle sighed, a wave of pity flitting over her face for her poor friend. "If only we never told her about The Frying Pones —"
"DID SOMEPONY MENTION THE FRYING PONES?!"
Apple Bloom had thrown off her precious headphones, her grinning face now cocked to one side, one eye staring intently at her friends, the other rolled off to the other side. "IT'S SO GREAT THAT YOU'RE HERE, GIRLS. AH KNEW YOU WOULD COME EVENTUALLY."
Perhaps overuse of her headphones had caused permanent hearing damage.
"IN FACT, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME! NOW SIT, AS WE BINGE WATCH THE TV SERIES BRIGHT BLITZ STARRED IN AS A FOAL!"
Before Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo could protest, Apple Bloom forced them onto two nearby beanbags and typed madly away into her laptop. "IT'S FIVE SEASONS AND TWO MOVIES! WELL, ONE IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE, BUT IT'S ALREADY JUNE, SO WE'RE HALFWAY THERE, RIGHT? RIGHT?!"
"Apple Bloom, we're really not interested in —"
"OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAFTA THANK ME. IT'S MAH PLEASURE. NOW Y'ALL ARE GONNA SIT THERE AND WATCH IT WITH ME. CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FRYFANS! YAY!!!"
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo groaned in resignation, dreading the night that was to come.
Almost a week had passed since the incident. To Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, it had felt like an eternity.
Ever since the brutal takeover of what used to be a magnificent clubhouse, the yellow filly had only become even more obsessed with the band, contrary to popular opinion that that was even possible. Even after being returned to the confines of the Apple family farmhouse (in which the fanfilly had been sentenced to ten full days of being grounded, without bail), Apple Bloom had insisted on her 'fellow Cutie Mark Crusader Fryfans' to visit every evening, or else she would simply refuse to eat — no, not even Granny Smith's famous apple pies.
"What's..." Scootaloo squinted at the screen of Apple Bloom's laptop. "'FryFiction?'"
Apple Bloom wasted no time in replying. "FryFiction! The official fanfiction website for fans of The Frying Pones!"
She stuffed an apple fritter into her mouth proudly, pointing to the site with one hoof.
"Look! My story's even made it into the Featured box!"
Sweetie Belle leant in closer to take a look — not too close, though, judging by the stench emanating from her friend, Apple Bloom hadn't showered for the entirety of her sentence. Instead, the filly had doused herself in generous sprays of Le Parfum de la Poêle, the second official fragrance in Dark Raven's new spring collection.
"'Everything For You,'" the unicorn filly read aloud. "Well, the title doesn't sound that bad."
"But just look at the description," Scootaloo gagged, pointing.
Everything For You
after a series of unexpected events, dark raven gives up everything for her (a RavenxOC shipfic lol because why not)
Sweetie Belle winced. "Oh dear. This is going to be bad."
"Of course!" Apple Bloom chuckled. "Look at the number of likes it has! Look at the views!"
The story had 9 views, and 3 likes. 1 dislike.
"...right," Sweetie Belle inched away from the computer, afraid she'd have to unveil whatever horrors that Apple Bloom had decided to put on the internet. "Um, do you think we can go do something else?"
Apple Bloom frowned, then nodded slowly. "You're right. FryFiction does get a little boring after a while."
She refreshed the page with one last, longing look. No new notifications. Oh well.
She pulled up a new tab, the fresh page bare and naked without any signs of The Frying Pones anywhere in sight. At least she still had her TFP mousepad, she consoled herself, stroking the soft design of Dark Raven's signature with a light trail of her hoof. And, of course, her custom engraved TFP cider mug, her limited edition TFP plushies, her TFP pencil case, her TFP socks, her TFP mane extensions...
"Um, ahem... Apple Bloom, if you're done with us now, we should probably get going," Scootaloo coughed, inching away from the dazed filly.
"Yeah," Sweetie agreed, scratching away at the TFP temporary tattoos Apple Bloom had forcibly plastered onto her forehead. "What with it being a school day and all, and the science project being due tomorrow —"
"SCIENCE PROJECT?!" Apple Bloom whipped around in her seat, sending the TFP plushies on her lap flying. "Hang on a second, what day is it tomorrow?!"
"Wednesda—"
"TOMORROW IS THE DAY OF THE TFP CONCERT!" Apple Bloom spat fritter crumbs from her muzzle, unleashing a horrific display of half-chewed apple mush onto her friends. "HOW COULD AH HAVE FORGOTTEN?! OH MAH GOODNESS, AH'VE GOTTA GET READY!"
"Why would you have to do that toda—" Scootaloo began, before being flung off the side of the bed by two yellow hooves encased in a lifetime supply of TFP wristbands. She hit the wall with a thud, rubbing her aching head in annoyance.
"THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE! AH NEED TO LOOK MAH VERY BEST!"
"Don't look at me," Sweetie Belle warned. "I'm not getting involved in any of this. And no, I'm not asking Rarity to help you either."
"NOW THAT'S CRAZY TALK. I GOT THE TICKETS, REMEMBER? ALL THREE OF 'EM!"
The fillies paled. "All... Three?"
Ponyville Stadium had been visited by plenty of great musicians in the past. Sapphire Shores, Songbird Serenade... Even Countess Coloratura had made her debut here many years ago. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo knew this place like the back of their hooves; they had been here so many times.
And now, they'd be able to witness The Frying Pones do their worst to their best friend, in a musical concoction of loud noise, headbanging and fast-food themed lyrics.
In other words, they were not looking forward to it.
"Well, what are y'all waiting for? Let's go grab our seats!" Apple Bloom squealed as they got ready in the stadium toilets, her hair completely decked out in TFP paraphernalia. In one hoof, she gripped a blinding, flickering sign that screamed 'WE LOVE YOU DARK RAVEN!' in neon green, in the other, those three, fateful tickets.
"Hang on a sec," Sweetie gagged, pressing her head into a toilet cubicle wall. "I need a quick breather."
"She's right," Scootaloo agreed, one hoof against her own neck. "I feel like my trachea's closing in."
"Don't be such sissies. After all, it was the two of ya who introduced me to TFP in the first place! Those are just nerves from being excited!" Apple Bloom added in a singsong voice, dancing with her smudged reflection in the dirt-caked mirror.
"How long is the concert again?" Sweetie Belle gasped.
"Unfortunately, only three hours."
Scootaloo made a noise like she was about to faint.
"Aw, come on guys! It's gonna be awesome! Cutie Mark Crusader Fryfans?"
"Cutie Mark Crusader Fryfans..." They groaned, trudging out of the bathroom, into the deafening, speaker-blasting, sweat-stenching hall of TFP music...
AN UNFORTUNATE THREE HOURS LATER
"You know what, Scoots?"
"Yeah, Sweetie Belle?"
"That... Really wasn't as bad as I expected! Even if it did take forever to finish, it was great joining in with the fanchants! Those Fryfans really are dedicated, aren't they?"
"Yeah! It was actually pretty cool. Right Apple Bloom?"
Silence. Only their hoofsteps on the long streets back home echoed in reply.
"Um... Apple Bloom? You okay?"
The yellow filly looked like she'd been through a bloody battlefield, what with her ashen expression, quivering lips, chaotic hair and shaking hooves. It took her a while to stop, stand up straight and look at her friends with horrified, twitching eyes.
"That was... That was..."
"Awesome?" Scootaloo offered.
"The most incredible concert you've ever been to in your life?" Sweetie grinned.
Apple Bloom tried to breathe in, but her chest felt like an iron fist had crushed her ribs into jagged, painful fragments. Finally, she exhaled.
"That was... TERRIBLE! THEY SOUND HORRIBLE LIVE! DARK RAVEN HAS NO TONE, NO RHYTHM... HE SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THE HOGS BACK AT OUR FARM! THE ONE WITH THE INDIGESTION PROBLEMS!"
"He was fine to me," Scootaloo muttered, unable to take her eyes off the frantic filly.
"AND AS FOR ALL THE OTHERS! DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT MUSIC IS? I'VE SEEN KINDERGARTEN MUSIC CLASSES PLAYING BETTER THAN THAT! SCRATCH THAT, EVEN THE BABY CAKES COULD PLAY BETTER MUSIC THAN THAT... AND THEY'RE BABIES!!"
She stomped her hoof onto the ground in anger. "And to think I wasted so much time on such a terrible band! That's it, I'm going home myself. I'll see you at school!"
And with that, she stormed off, just in time to catch the bus. She didn't have enough money for the fare, though; she'd spent it all on TFP merch.
Weeks passed. Apple Bloom had cooled off from her anger, and had invited the rest of the CMCs to that little grassy hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres. As a sincere apology for ruining the past few months they'd had together (and for destroying their clubhouse with ketchup; an army of ants had colonized the tree shortly after), Apple Bloom had prepared a sumptuous picnic, with fresh apple pies, oatcakes and jam, icy strawberry milkshakes and, as it seemed fitting, three hayburgers.
"What an experience, huh?" She chuckled, munching into a slice of pie.
"Yeah," Sweetie agreed. "And you're right. Country music is way better."
"Please," Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Anything is better than what we've just gone through."
They shared a laugh. Apple Bloom smiled slightly, as the golden sun set on yet another day in Equestria.
"I'm glad I have friends like you. Those that'll stick with me no matter what, no matter how crazy I get over something."
"Are you kidding? We were about to ditch you by the end of that concert!" Scootaloo joked, punching her friend in the shoulder lightly. "Heh, only kidding."
"Hey, can you go change the song? We've heard this one already." Sweetie said, nudging Apple Bloom. "Just skip to whatever's next on YouHoof."
The yellow filly scooted to the laptop, where the mellow tunes of a ukulele filled the evening air. She squinted her eyes as she scrolled.
