'Tis the season, Anon!
“This time of the year is the worst, Thunderlane,” Anon said as he sat down in a chair next to the Wonderbolt, cracking open a cold cider.
“Nah, it’s great! You get stuff for free! What’s not to love about this time of the year?” Thunderlane shot back as he took a swig of his cider.
“Well… let me tell you a story about my first Heartswarming… then maybe you’ll understand,” Anon stated as he cleared his throat, “I woke up early one day and went downstairs. I could tell that this week was special, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. When I looked at the calendar, I discovered that it was exactly twelve days before Heartswarming.”
“Dude… I see nothing wrong so far,” Thunderlane said, “Unlike you, I actually like this time of year!”
“I did too. That is, until a knock came on my door. I told them that I was coming and to ‘hold their horses’,” he said. “That was mistake number one. When I opened the door, it was Pinkie standing there holding a leash where several earth ponies were tucked into the collar end.”
“Wait, Pinkie? Why was she-,” Thunderlane started to ask as Anon held a finger to his lips to silence him.
“All will be explained,” Anon interjected, “I told Pinkie that she should probably let them go. Her response was, ‘You told me to hold my horses Anon… so I found some horses to hold for you!’ she even said it in that disgustingly cheerful tone she’s known for.”
“Don’t worry, dude. I don’t get her either,” Thunderlane said as he took a gulp of the cider, “Last year she got me a battery because she thought I ran on literal energy,” he quipped as he rolled his eyes.
“Right. Anyway, I forgot I shouldn’t be so literal around Pinks, so I told her that she can let them go. ‘Okie dokie!’ was her response as she released the leash. I swore I could’ve heard one of them shout ‘Free at last!’ as he galloped over the hill cheering wildly.”
A short yet awkward pause hung heavy in the air as Anon cleared his throat. “So, anyway… I asked Pinks what brought her to my house because I figured her and her friends were doing some sort of ‘secret santa’ or whatever that day. She corrected me by saying it was a secret helper before she started bouncing around me with that same goofy look on her face.”
“Yeah… go on. What’s next?” Thunderlane asked.
“I was hoping that it was close to time as I told her that maybe she should be going off to do that or whatever, you know? However, she just shook her head and responds with ‘Nupe! Not without you, silly billy! You’re my friend too, you know!’ which I couldn’t help but groan at. I tried to explain my distaste of the season, and that seemed to placate her. However, I had to physically pick her up and set her outside to make her leave.”
“Yeah? Easier than the times she visited me! I usually had to push her out, or at the very least dupe her into leaving! You’re so lucky dude.”
“Yeah… not the word I’d choose, Thunder,” Anon said bemusedly, “Anyway… I knew something was up when she didn’t return until later. I knew I was in for twelve days of headaches.”
“Oh? What makes you say that, Anon?” Thunderlane asked.
“Well, allow me to explain. In observance of the season, I’ll even do so in song,” Anon said as he cleared his throat to prepare.
“On the first day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“Wait…” Thunderlane interjected. “...a pegasus in a pear tree? Really?”
“Yeah. A fully decorated pear tree with a pegasus sitting on top of it,” Anon said as he took a swig of the cider he nearly forgot he had in his hand.
“Dude, I would've told her I was good. I mean, a pegasus in a pear tree is not exactly a cheap gift! May I ask who?”
“Derpy, I think. Anyway, can I continue?”
“Yeah dude. Go on, I'll be quiet now.”
“Right. As I was saying…” Anon said clearing his throat again.
“On the second day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… two party cannons. Would it surprise you if I told you they were rigged to go off as soon as I unwrapped the present? No? Heh, didn’t think so. ... and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
Anon paused briefly before saying, “I put the tree outside, only to find it back in my foyer the next day. Derpy just waved and smiled at me when I saw her. At the time, I didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed with Pinkie. Anyway, continuing on…”
“On the third day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… three holiday cakes. They were vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry and filled with cherries, strawberries, and bananas respectfully. Didn’t want them, but didn’t want to tell Pinkie no, so I gave them to the local orphanage. The smiles on the fillies and colts faces was all the thanks I needed. ... two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.” Anon paused again to say, “I decided to put the tree back outside today, however I decided to let Derpy stay. After today, Pinkie started to mix it up a little with the first gift. Anyway, back on track again…”
“On the fourth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… four ninja hugs,” Anon sighed, “Still got the bruises from where she ambushed me for said hugs. I wasn’t amused, but it’s Pinkie. Can’t really stop her from doing it. ... three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree."
"Remember when I said Pinkie was mixing it up on the first gift?”
“Yeah? What about it?” Thunderlane asked curiously.
“Well… this time it was Rainbow Dash. When I asked what she was doing up there, her only response was ‘Don’t ask.’ I opened a window that she gladly flew out of thanking me as she left,” Anon explained, “Anyway, continuing on...”
“On the fifth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… five pink balloons… !” Anon palmed his face. “I told her that I would’ve gladly accepted purple or blue but she insisted. Said something about it being her favorite color and she figured it was mine too. Oh how wrong she was…” Anon said before he continued, “... four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“Dude, this was a bit… excessive, wasn’t it?” Thunderlane asked as he and Anon both took a swig of their respective ciders.
“Yeah, but… it’s Pinkie, this is normal behavior for her,” Anon unamusedly quipped as Thunderlane begrudgingly agreed.
“On the sixth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… six Pinkie playdates. Now I know what you’re going to ask. ‘Hey Anon, what’s a Pinkie playdate?’ Well I’ll tell you. It mainly involved me either helping her bake, being shot out of a party cannon, or even playing tic-tac-toe. I think I made her cry once because I was so much better than her at it so I let her win a few games so she would feel better.”
“Aha! I knew it!” Pinkie interjected as she leaped out of a nearby potted plant which caused Thunderlane and Anon to recoil in surprise. “I knew you were letting me win!”
“Not now, Pinks... I’m telling a story to Thunderlane about…”
“About your very first Heartswarming? Oooh! That was fun! So many cool presents! I-”
Anon gently gripped Pinkie’s mouth shut as he looked her in the eyes. “Can I finish my song or not?” he asked as Pinkie merely nodded, “Right… as I was saying, ... Five pink balloons…! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree. This time it was Fluttershy, who was too concerned about walking the streets at night so she decided to stay with me until morning. Moving on…”
“On the seventh day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… seven stallions prancing. Have you ever looked out of your window to see seven stallions prancing like little fillies in a toy store, only to stop and stare directly at you like they have been caught with their pants down? Yeah… needless to say I have never seen a stallion turn such a bright shade of pink before.”
“Yupparoonie! That was totally worth it!” Pinkie said as she rolled on the ground and kicked her rear legs in a fit of laughter.
“Ahem. Anyway, as I was saying, ... six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree. For the next few days, Fluttershy decided to stay with me and I stopped trying to put the tree outside. This didn’t stop Pinkie who would break into my house just to steal it so she could break back into my house just to place it back up!”
“Oh come on, Anon! You only figured that out because you had to use the bathroom at midnight that one time!” Pinkie complained as Anon glanced at her with a bemused expression.
“Yes. I even asked you to stop doing it, yet you continued!” Anon shot back as Pinkie flinched slightly. However she recovered rather quickly.
“Yupparoonie! I’m sorry, Anon, I promise never ever to do that again,” Pinkie said with wide eyes and a jutted lower lip.
Fortunately for Pinkie, the puppy eyes routine worked yet again on Anon as he gently patted her head.
“Apology accepted… now, let me continue, would you?” Anon asked as Pinkie nodded.
“Ahem… on the eighth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… eight tubes of paper. Yes, I said eight. Before you ask, they were tubes of wrapping paper. For presents. Didn’t really want them, so I ended up regifting them. ... seven stallions prancing, six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“Aww! You could’ve told me at least! I could’ve found something better for you!” Pinkie complained as Anon shrugged.
“Eh, I figured you already were doing enough for me. Didn’t want to burden you with any other potential gifts.”
“Okie dokie!” Pinkie exclaimed exuberantly as Anon rolled his eyes.
“Ahem. Anyway… on the ninth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… nine complex books. I knew something was wrong when Pinkie said that they were given to her by a friend. Twilight showed up a few hours later to collect all of the books and shot Pinkie a glare before leaving.”
“Whoopsie… I, eheh, should’ve warned you that I was just… um, borrowing them. I was starting to run out of ideas for gifts since you didn’t like any of my previous ones and…” Pinkie was interrupted by Anon’s hand gently clamping her mouth shut again. After a few seconds, Pinkie fell silent and Anon removed his hand.
“Oh, you think that was bad? It gets better! Anyway… ... eight tubes of paper, seven stallions prancing, six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“Oooh, ooh, ooh! I know what the next ones are!” Pinkie said in sing-song as she bounced around the room.
“On the tenth day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… ten pairs of socks. Now I know what you’re going to say, ‘That doesn’t sound like a bad gift Anon!’ Well… they weren’t human socks. In fact… they appeared to be made for horses. On top of that, they weren’t socks… but stockings! Black silk stockings with pink lace and small pink bows!”
“Hey! I got those from the best sock shop in town! They were crafted from the finest silk! I couldn’t find human socks so those were the next best thing!” Pinkie shot back as Anon groaned in response.
“Yeah, but… you had to pick up sexy stockings, didn’t you? Do you like my legs that much or are you just trying to make me into an exhibitionist?” Anon asked as an awkward silence hung in the air. Pinkie’s cheeks slowly turned colors until they matched the hue of her mane as Anon continued, ... nine complex books, eight tubes of paper, seven stallions prancing, six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“By then, I thought it was finished… but no. I forgot there were twelve days, not ten! So, I had two more gifts coming my way."
"On the eleventh day of Heartswarming, Pinkie gave to me… eleven feet of blankets. Eleven feet of hoof-stitched blankets, mind you. I could see the kind of detail and time she put into making it just right. I wasn’t even aware that hooves could do that! I ended up gifting it to the neighbor. She was so happy to get something that was so warm and cozy that she gave me some cookies.”
When Pinkie heard that, she started to sniffle. Anon glanced down at Pinkie and shrugged before he continued, … ten pairs of socks, nine complex books, eight tubes of paper, seven stallions prancing, six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree.”
“Finally, the big day came. On the twelfth day of Hearstwarming, Pinkie gave to me… twelve holiday scarves. They were nice, but they were just too big! Everytime I tried to walk around, they would get caught underfoot and make me trip! After a while, I just gave them away. Ponies even paid me for them for some odd reason. Don’t know why. … eleven feet of blankets, ten pairs of socks, nine complex books, eight tubes of paper, seven stallions prancing, six Pinkie playdates. Five pink balloons… ! Four ninja hugs, three holiday cakes, two party cannons, and a pegasus in a pear tree… !”
“But-but-but! I don’t get it…,” Pinkie said in a dejected tone of voice. “... Why didn’t you want any of my gifts?” Pinkie asked as Anon suddenly picked up Pinkie and settled her in his lap.
“Silly Pinks. You should know by now why I kept on throwing them out,” Anon started to explain, “I kept on trying to tell you, but you never let me… so now, I think I can finally tell you. Pinks… the only thing I want for Heartswarming… is you,” Anon said as Pinkie perked up and latched onto Anon for a hug.
“Really? You mean it?” Pinkie asked as she curled up on Anon’s lap and snuggled up to him, “It would’ve been nice to know sooner, Anon. I could’ve avoided buying you all of those gifts, you silly billy!” Pinkie said as she gently booped Anon’s nose, “So, what do you want to do now?”
“Let’s just snuggle by the fire, Pinks. I can’t think of a better way to spend Heartswarming,” Anon said as he draped an arm across Pinkie’s back and booped her nose.
“Guess that’s my cue, huh?” Thunderlane asked as he stood up and spread his wings. “Catch you later, Anon! Thanks for the story!” he exclaimed as he trotted out of the living room and saw himself out.
After Thunderlane left, Anon relaxed near the fire with Pinkie and listened to the soft crackle of the wood as it burned. While they snuggled, he looked out of a nearby window to watch the ponies that headed home to Heartswarming celebrations of their own.
“Hey, Anon?” Pinkie asked as she glanced up at him, “Do you think we could do this every Heartswarming?”
“With you, Pinks? How could I say no?” Anon asked as he booped her nose again. Pinkie giggled and nestled further into Anon’s embrace as the fire crackled in the fireplace.