Yaks Smash Sparkles ·
In beautiful peaceful Canterlot (for the next fifteen minutes at least), Princess Mi Amore Cadenza-Sparkle was visiting her aunt, Princess Celestia.
She chose to ask about her own kingdom's closest neighbors, "Auntie, I know my husband and sister law got off on the wrong hoof with the Yaks, twice, but why didn't you try to make contact with Yakyakistan before?"
Celestia said, "I actually sent an envoy to try and reconnect with the Yaks a couple decades before... but the envoy I choose... made some cultural mistakes."
A couple decades ago
Twilight Velvet said to the assembled crowd of Yakyakistan, including a young Prince Rutherford, "Hello Yaks! What a SMASHING good time right? I know you yaks don't like it when other yak on, so I promise to keep this brief. I've come to extend the pony hoof of friendship. There's no reason to keep yourself cooped up, we all need each other."
"She thinks Yaks aren't self-sufficient!"
"Yaks find her choice of words demeaning!"
"YAKS SMASH LITTLE PONY!"
Cadence's cousin, Prince Blueblood invited himself to helpfully add, "Thankfully then my mother Pureblood did save that horrible diplomatic disaster and prevented war between Yaks and Ponies. I learned everything there is to know about diplomacy from her!"
Princess Celestia remarked, "Maybe I really should stop asking the Sparkles to try and be diplomats with Yakyakistan..."
Priness Cadence said awkwardly, "Well... at least it's not history's going to repeat itself again."
A couple decades later
"I'm sorry mom! I didn't mean to almost star a war with Yakyakistan! I was trying to be friendly!" said Prince Flash Sparkle. The Yak envoys angrily pounding on Friendship Castle's reinforced front doors.
Princess Twilight patted her son the head understandingly, "It's alright dear, we've all been there."
"I'll get on it," Princess Blue Sky said, some family traditions endured forever.
In the depths below the Crystal Empire, sealed off in a cave named the Prison of Shadows that could only be opened from the outside by one of their own kind (therefore making it impossible to be opened, or so the Crystal Ponies thought), brooded the Umbrum, the shadow ponies.
Ira had asked a hundred times since she'd been born seeing nothing but these crystal walls that made up their herd's prison, but she asked again, "Mother, tell me again, why did the Crystal Ponies imprison us here?"
Rabia explained to her child, "Their love magic turns us ugly, so we can't make ourselves pretty. And since we're ugly, we must be evil. And because they couldn't figure out a way to kill us, they decided to imprison us instead."
Ira nodded, she'd been taught how even if one piece of an Umbrum survived, the essence of who they were remained and could be restored.
Ira always found this a little odd, but asked again, "But Radiant Hope's magic doesn't turn us ugly."
"Her magic isn't like Princess Amore's, who'd rather see her entire herd doomed than sacrifice even one for the good of everyone."
"Isn't that exactly what Radiant Hope is doing by helping us? You did say she was going to be my Sister-In-Law as soon as she rebuilt Sombra's body. She's dooming her herd for Sombra."
"Yes, she's giving Amore's herd exactly what they want. They'd rather have the entire herd doomed than sacrifice one herdmate? Then let's give them their doom my dear! I was willing to seal my own son's magic so he could cross the barrier, and be left in the freezing cold on the chance to be found by the crystal ponies, and if he died of exposure before he was found, I'd have been willing to try again with you. That's why we'll win, we're willing to sacrifice for the cause. Just as Radiant Hope is willing to sacrifice the rest of the crystal ponies to get what she wants. She understands the Umbrum way. Just as I'd expect YOU to sacrifice ME if it meant our ultimate victory."
"Yes mother, I understand," Ira bowed her head. "We will have our revenge at last. Though... I think we should have told Radiant Hope what happens when we're exposed to love magic, if crystal ponies see something ugly and think it must be evil, won't she think we must be evil?"
"Don't be silly, what are the chances of her bringing somepony with love magic into the Prison of Shadows?"
"Of course mother, and I guess I should have more faith in my future sister-in-law for thinking I'm evil just because some magic turns me 'ugly.'"
It was another bright and happy day in Ponyville. Everything was going just fine. And for once, this wasn’t an engraved invitation for a monster or ancient evil to attack out of nowhere.
Twilight wondered what Spike was up to, Spike was never lazy with his chores, but ‘it snows even in Florida sometimes’ as Sunset Shimmer told Twilight once, whatever that meant. The dishes from last night weren’t done, that was weird. Spike had told Twilight she should break down and hire some servants and guards at last like the rest of the Princesses, but he wouldn’t protest like this would he?
Twilight went up to Spike’s room, and found the little dragon hunched over his little table, and not reading his comic books for once. Instead, there were history papers, math problems, and language essays.
“Oh! Hi Twilight! Will be done in a minute!”
“Spike are you okay? You missed your chores, you NEVER miss your chores.”
“I did?! RATS! Okay I’ll get right on it!”
Twilight caught Spike in her magic as he tried to pass.
“Spike? What’s going on?”
“I… I’m sorry Twilight! The Castle is so much bigger than the tree house! And it’s way bigger than your apartment in Canterlot was! I tried to keep up! But… but’s just so much!!! And… “ Spike blushed. “I might have fallen behind in the home schooling Celestia gives me.”
“I… “ Twilight startled. “I… I admit, I was so caught up in losing the library, that I didn’t think how this new place might hard for you too… I’m sorry.” Twilight nuzzled him and put her wings around him. “Here, let me help you.”
“Is that even alright?”
“Princess Celestia trusted me to take care of you, what kind of caretaker would I be if I didn’t help you through your homework sometimes?”
Pinkie Pie happily hopped in place at Ponyville train station waiting for the train to arrive. Pinkie Pie wished her other friends were there, they always did everything together, even it didn't always make sense, like Applejack's apple tree delivery!
The train arrived right on time, announcing itself with a whistle. The train looked exceptionally pink and sparkly for some reason with heart windows. As it pulled up, everything was hidden in steam.
When a friendly breeze blew the steam away, another earth pony was face to face with Pinkie Pie. She had minty green fur, pink eyes, and her mane and tail were pink and light pink. Her cutie mark was three green and pink mints.
"HIIII MINTY!" Pinkie Pie said happily.
"HIII PINKIE PIE!"
"Welcome to Ponyville! Happy you could finally visit! I can't wait till my other friends meet you!"
"Me too! So did you make it legal yet here for ponies to paint the town in their favorite colors on their birthday yet?"
"I'm working on it! So did some stallions finally move into town?"
"Yep! Don't know how we got along without 'em before! Oh, I got you a Christmas present!"
"Really? Thanks!" Pinkie Pie opened the pink and green gift box that offered her. In it were a pair of balloon and mint patterned socks.
The two nuzzled.
"Rarity!" Spike said, "There a new pony in town and she's telling everypony they should shave their heads because manes are a sign of vanity!"
Rarity gave a small happy laugh and shrugged. "Thank you for telling me Spike. Don't worry about it. Our friends and I shall reveal she's naturally bald and wants everyone to be bald like her, or that her mane is odd looking and we just need to teach her a little self love, and everything will be fixed."
"... What if she just genuinely believes that ponies are better off shaving their heads?"
Rarity laughed and patted Spike on the head. "Oh don't be silly Spike, if somepony disagrees with us and claims to be good, they're always secretly a hypocrite, and/or are using it as a smoke screen for personal issues or some selfish scheme. Nopony who disagrees with us and says they're good ACTUALLY believes what they're saying."
"... Uh, Rarity, no offense, and not to say it's ever applied to us but... isn't saying that anyone who disagrees with you must deep down not really believe in what they're saying for its own sake what VILLAINS say?"
"... I have no idea what you mean Spike."
Silver Spoon's family were old money and Diamond Tiara's was nouveau riche. The friendship between the fillies and their families, while not rejected, was not encouraged by other elites.
Not that the average pony noticed, a wealthy pony was a wealthy pony. Such a division would be as inane to Applejack as a rivalry between carrot and apple farmers would be to Rarity.
Silver Spoon was drawn to the take-charge 'I get what I want', 'history is boring' filly like a moth to a flame.
So different from Silver Spoon's other 'friends' who obeyed their parents without question (like her), who could repeat several lines of poetry from memory (like her), who accepted or declined gifts (that they were told were ahead of time) based on what their parents had told them before hoof (like her).
This cost Silver Spoon her other 'friends' but that was okay. They were friends because their parents said they were friends.
Her mother Silver Platter was slightly scandalized. Her father Silver Axe however, noticed this was the first time he saw his filly truly happy.
The ultimate change to tradition came when Silver Spoon got a video game. It was the best (most expensive) there was, and came with the best (most expensive) game on the market.
Diamond Tiara played it for about five minutes before declaring too hard and never looking in its direction again and Diamond Tiara never played it again.
Silver Spoon did not play the game around Diamond Tiara.
But one time, Diamond Tiara found Silver Spoon unhappy coming over to play.
"The end of the game makes no sense, is too short, is really depressing, and the second ending is even shorter and more confusion, and more depressing!"
"I told you video games where stupid. Sorry you had to find out this way. Video games are just bad news." Diamond Tiara said sympathetically putting a hoof on her shoulder, after all, if she thought they were stupid, they had to be. Only losers like Button Mash played them.
"It's not the game that's stupid! It's the ending that's stupid! What's the point of doing a buncha hard stuff if buncha depressing stuff happens at the end?! I thought I was saving the world!"
Diamond Tiara frowned. She always got what she wanted. This was a fact of life. Silver Spoon unhappy, was not what she wanted.
Some time after, Silver Spoon received a special update to her game. Which gave a new gameplay option, and a new ending to the game. Which was much much happier and optimistic.
The end credits, had a new addition too:
Special Thanks to Barnyard Bargains For Their Generous Donation That Made This Possible.
Silver Spoon smiled a little bit more.
Princess Twilight and Sunset Shimmer sat in a room with other girls. All of them gagged and, their legs bound, and their hands tied behind their back.
Princess Twilight had wanted to visit the human world again (after finding out her memories of Flash Entry had somehow been erased). Princess Twilight also wanted to have a private 'chat' with Sunset over 'breaking up with people for them.' Sadly, Twilight, ignorant of such things, and not used to the idea of being vulnerable after not visiting the human world in so long, had taken a short cut. Sunset Shimmer had followed.
They ran into some nice looking and nice acting guys. One wearing a red jacket introduced himself as Capper. A name Twilight looked like she recognized.
A touch from Sunset and she involuntary saw exactly what these men were thinking (seeing Sunset and Twilight as 'merchandise'). But the girls were then ambushed by some thugs from behind. Which ended with some black eyed thugs, and the girls on the ground.
The girls had been stripped of anything valuable looking, including Sunset's geode.
Sunset was horrified about their situation, but Princess Twilight looked like she was having a nervous break down. Then again, slavery and 'creature trafficking' hadn't existed in Equestria for a thousand years, why should that have ever been on her mind? Twilight could only hope that somehow, someway, their friends found them.
That was when the roof off the warehouse they were in was torn off the walls. Revealing... Principle Celestia? ... With glowing white wings, dressed in a flowing white dress, her body glowing with power.
The kidnappers screamed in terror at the sight of her. Some fell on their knees praying. Some jumped out windows. Some fainted.
Capper's friend hugged himself back and forth saying, "This' all a nightmare. This' all a nightmare. This' all a nightmare. This' all a nightmare."
Capper tried to shoot her... a barrier blocked the bullets.
Princess Celestia floated down, guns melted, doors fused, ropes were undone from the girls and wrapped around the kidnappers instead.
"It's okay everyone, none of these men are going to hurt you," she said kindly.
Meanwhile, she gently hugged Sunset and Twilight, who hugged her back, their tears staining her dress.
The police had arrested Capper and his gang after Sunset Shimmer had called them.
The other kidnapped girls were being interviewed and comforted by the police and their families. Sunset wondered how people were going to brush off 'fiery glowing white angel saves kidnapping victims in plain view', 'publicity stunt' and 'mass hallucination' wasn't going to cut it. Maybe people would just ignore it?
"So how did you know something was wrong?" Princess Twilight asked.
"This world's Spike saw what happened when he was walking himself. He was unable to contact this world's Elements of Harmony, and wrote in the friendship journal... Thankfully I was visiting the castle at the time. I've been looking over half the city for you, asking questions here and there."
"I owe him several bags of doggy treats," Sunset said.
"I guess no matter the world, you can always count on Spike," Twilight said with a smile. Then sighed, seeing Capper in the police car.
"Something wrong?" Sunset asked.
Twilight sighed. "Capper, I know the him in our world... He tried to sell us into slavery when we were trying to defeat the Storm King but... he couldn't go through with it in the end thanks to Rarity, he helped save Equestria."
Sunset said, "I wish I knew what to say. Starlight told me how your world's Trixie had gotten a clue, and was sad to see Trixie here how she USED to be before she helped me with Wallflower Blush. Unless the country's about to be invaded by this world's Storm King in five seconds I don't think that's going to happen here."
The three held their breath. Nothing.
"But I should be able to do SOMETHING!"
Sunset couldn't believe it, only Princess Twilight Sparkle would want to reform a person who just tried to do THAT to them! Sunset wondered if Twilight be so forgiving if she'd seen into his mind as well.
Sunset really did wish she knew what to say. There was no rogue Equestrian magic here, no ancient evil, no emotionally misguided teenage girl given power to act out her personal grudges, only evil men doing evil things. It wasn't even that Capper didn't have a friend, Sunset saw in Capper's mind that he and his buddy would have done anything for each other.
Princess Celestia said, "Our lives are made of a thousand threads my little pony, a thousand experiences and a thousand choices. We never know what difference will change who we are or who we can become."
"It was all his idea! His plan! His idea! I just went along with everything! He's no friend of mine! I'll testify!" Came a panicked and frantic voice from the police cars. It was Capper's friend.
"Chummer... you can't..." The look of broken betrayal from Capper's face would have been no different if he had been shot in the chest.
'Looks like Capper's perceptions of his friend weren't what he'd thought they were,' Sunset thought sadly.
The three ladies just hugged each other.
"Sweet Celestia she wrote a book," Rarity exclaimed. She was dramatically pointing a hoof. Princess Twilight Sparkle and the other turned to look at the Manehatten storefront Rarity was looking at, and spotted several copies of a book with Suri Polomare's face. The books were titled 'Lost Dreams'.
Of course, Suri Polomare wasn't conveniently there for a signing, as Rarity had presumed would be their good fortune.
"'The tragic story of Buttons The Unicorn, as her hopes and dreams were crushed under the dog-eat-dog world of Manehatten and gave up everything to rise to the top?' This is a total work of fiction!'"
"Well... it IS in the fiction section you know..." Rainbow Dash pointed out.
"Oh... Uh. Good point."
"So, you interested in a copy madam?" Asked the book owner.
"... That would be nice yes."
One of the Gods of the griffins, Boreas, did Decree in a vision upon Gilda at her front porch: "Grizelda! Now is the time to fulfill your destiny and-"
"Get off the line! We're having a conversation here. I swear, he's worse that those door to door salesgriffs."
Boreas vaporized door, stepped in, and reconstitutes door without turning around. "We weren't done speaking."
Gilda gulpped, with all the fur on her back half standing up.
"I thought destiny was supposed to knock!"
"Knock knock." He knocked Gilda on the head.
Rota Fortuna as a silver griffon appeared for a moment and said, "I did. You told me to buzz off. Now you get Boreas. He's not as nice as I am."
Boreas said, "Behold, your mighty staff of office!" He handed her a cooking ladle.
"Well, that's a relief, I thought you were gonna say I was gonna be made queen or something."
"Are you kidding? By being the first griffin to produce something edible in centuries within Griffinstone, they'll be dragging you to the throne room within seven years."
"She shall be seated upon the Scone of Stone, for creating the first Griffonstone Scones that don't taste like stone!" Declared one griffin.
Princess Twilight said, "Punny Queen Gilda."
Queen Gilda snapped, "Who are you calling PUNY!?" She hopped off her throne and loomed menacingly.
Princess Twilight stammered, "No no, I said punny! PUN-NY!" Twilight sweated. "I meant to say that you're witty! You know, intelligent, funny..."
Queen Gilda frowned more. "Oh, so you think I'm funny, huh?!" Gilda waved her ladle threateningly. "Let's see if you're still laughing it up in my dungeon!"
Prince Blueblood said quickly, "Princess, your family curse! I TOLD you to let me do the talking! ... Your majesty, I urge you, pay no attention to my thoughtless and ill-mannered sovereign."
Queen Gilda said, "Huh, I like him better already! Say, did you bring any of those mini-fried doughnuts? With the powdered sugar?"
Prince Blueblood nodded. "Specially flown in fresh from the Appaloosa Grand Rodeo Carnival, majesty."
Princess Twilight askec confused, "How did you know to... never mind..."
Dash shouted, "Hey, Gilda! Why are these jerks in armor dragging me in here?"
The Griffon Royal Guard boomed, "Pony, you dared try to attack our queen on the street!"
Dash wished she could face hoof, "I flew up and slapped her on the back! And why was she wearing that goofy-looking outfit?"
Gilda in royal robes said, "Because I'm Queen Gilda now, Dash. They gave me the throne. Uh, how do I look?" She stood up and spread her wings majestically.
Dash firs said nothing. Then started spluttering. Then finally, "BWA-AHAHAHA! This is a joke, right? I mean, everypony knows Griffonstone is a miserable dump, but making Gilda queen? Were you all drunk on cider when you decided this?"
Gilda said flatly, "... Throw this dweeb in the dungeon for a few days."
"It's fine Rainbow Dash, I'm your jailer!" Gabby welcomed Rainbow Dash to her dungeon cell, more nicely furbished than most houses in Griffinstone.
"Who else would Gilda pick? Grampa Gruff? He'd forget to feed the prisoners and when they came to let them out all that would be left would be a pile of bones."
"Uh, you're not speaking from experience are you?"
Gabby said nothing.
She thought, 'She probably doesn't want to know how much he charged their families to get the bones back.'
(thank you for FanofMostEverything, Mtangalion, howard035, and Ardashir for helping for this drabble)
Diamond Dog's place in Equestria.
"And so Princess Celestia, as you can see. The Diamond Dogs have been ignored by Equestria for years. Diamondia has existed in a state of 'provisional government' again and again as its leaders have stepped down or fled rather than deal with the mess.
"And to make things worse, pony's encounters with exiled criminals has left everypony with the impression that all diamond dogs are slavers.
"Also, Diamondia is very very angry that Abyssinia now has an embassy in Ponyville, while Diamondia does not. I believe the general consensus among the people are 'Stupid cats! Bark bark! Chase them up a tree!'
"Diamomdia would be happy to trade with Equestria... we're very good at digging tunnels, Equestria has so many gems that their market value is laughable, while we still use them as currency. Also, we do wish to thank Prince Blueblood for helping advert a war after... the "crystal mutton" incident, involving cultural dissonance between our peoples."
Celestia shuddered, after giving some crystal sheep to the diamond dogs as part of a trade agreement, the crystal ponies didn't realize the sheep weren't to be for wool until after the crystal ponies returned from a visit to Diamondia red-eyed and shouting, 'let's get rid of the meat eating monsters!' Her nephew did deserve a medal for putting out that fire!
"We will be certain that he knows that he has Diamondia's gratitude. And we'll be certain to etablish a dog-house, er, embassy in Ponyville for Diamondia as well... on the opposite side of Ponyville from the Abyssinian's of course. Is there anything else?"
"YES!" Queen Trixie barked, baring her fangs, her blue fur bristling as she stood on her paws. "Can you get Starlight to undo this polymorph curse already!? Trixie wants her horn back!!!"
Diamond Tiara mind controls her mother into being nicer.
Spoiled Rich gave a vacant smile as her colorful swirling eyes tracked the pretty pocket watch swinging back and forth.
"I can't believe this worked!" Silver Spoon said.
"I paid a fortune for this hypnotist's watch, it had better've worked!" Diamond Tiara said, standing on a stool as she held the watch (somehow) in her hoof.
"Did you use your credit card or your mom's?"
"Not the point! Now mother, you can hear me?"
"Yes, Diamond Tiara, I can hear you."
"You are hypnotized."
"Yes, I am hypnotized."
"You will do whatever I say!"
"Yes, I will do whatever you say."
"Make her cluck like a chicken! Make her sing the merpony anthem!" Silver Spoon said. "Then let's go make my mother play in the mud!"
"No! Okay, maybe later! But first! Mom! I when I snap my hooves, you will wake up, but you will also be nicer! No more being mean!"
"Yes, when you snap your hooves, I will wake up, but I will also be nicer! No more being mean!"
Silver Spoon asked, "How do you snap your hooves?"
"Don't ask stupid questions!" Diamond Tiara said as she snapped her hooves.
Spoiled Rich blinked, her eyes normal and said, "Oh land's sakes Diamond Tiara, don't ya go bein' on that there high chair, ya could hurt ya'self, unless... unless ya want to that is."
Diamond Tiara cringed. 'I guess the last time she was nice was when she still spoke like a cowpony! I am SOOOOOO happy that I never picked up that stupid accent from either of them! It's worse than Apple Bloom's!'
"Now don't ya'all look nice in yer pretty new dress!"
Diamond Tiara said something muffled buried under the mountain of ruffles.
"Why of course Ah'll give ya mah wallet Mister..." Spoiled Milk said happily handing her wallet over the puny mugger holding her up with a banana. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes.
"Of course Ah'll sign this new darlin' little business contract! Ya'all asked so politely, of course Ah will. Don't bother to read it? Ya'all have'ta go visit yer sick mother right away? Alright. Ya'all such nice stallions!"
Diamond Tiera broke the glass case containing the fire-axe, the words 'In case of Flim and Flam, break glass' printed on the outside.
"Of course ya'can use our basement ta hide yer new little brood of eggs Miss Chrysalis, sorry, Queen Chrysalis. Ah'll offer up all the hungry youngin' my love when they hatch!"
The green light faded from Chrysalis' eyes before they could even get started. "What? But I haven't even... okay."
"Diamond Tiara! What have I told you about playing with that transplant from Trottingham?! He's the enemy!" Spoiled Rich snarled seeing Diamond Tiara playing with Pipsqueak.
The the Dark Swarm and Rainbow Swarm fought on the horizon, but Ponyville was used to this sort of thing by now.
Silver Spoon asked bewildered, "You removed the hypnosis?!"
Diamond Tiara exasperated, "I couldn't take having to listen to that accent day-in and day-out! It would be as bad as living with Apple Bloom!"
Filthy Rich said, "Diamond Tiara, now that you've made friends with Apple Bloom, the Apples and I agreed it's time you had a sleep over!"
Diamond Tiara groaned, she concluded the world was out to get her whether she was a good filly or not sometimes.
Rainbow Dash causing Rarity and AJ to swap personalities and getting off scott free.
Rainbow Dash had been bored, somepony had squealed that she'd been the one to blow up the winter wing of the weather factory and deny several ponies their winter snow across Equrstria, throwing sweater sellers into the red, blah blah, the point is, she was now suspended from the Wonderbolts until they found a way to pin this on evil mind control from Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, or some other evil overlord. And if that failed, they'd just say Rainbow Dash's friends made her do it, or they weren't pay enough attention to her and it was as much their fault as hers if not more so. The Wonderbolt's good name was sacred after all.
Pinkie Pie and Applejack had been making mountains of pies as a special order from Soarin' family reunion, so they were busy.
Scootaloo had apparently been pulled into a world where video game heroes were real and was off having an epic adventure and wouldn't be back for a while.
Fluttershy had been turned into a rabbit by Discord and was attending Angel's family reunion.
And not wanting to go near Rarity's Shadow Spade books, Twilight had gone to Friendship Castle to hang out, and wait for the heat to blow over.
Twilight had thrown together things of Starswirl the Bearded's she had collected over the years, and she was now expected to return, seeing as Starswirl The Bearded had, convolutedly, unexpectedly, suddenly, forcibly, turned out to be alive. Everypony in town was now taking bets to see how long before Applejack's parents returned from the dead, and Granny Smith was given a youth potion...
"Geeze... this guy sure collected a buncha magical junk..." Rainbow Dash said.
Now Rainbow Dash had had been warned many times not to touch magical artifacts, and had seen many times what had happened if you messed with magical artifacts... an interesting time and an adventure that usually resolved itself in an afternoon!
"Okay you magical doohickies! Which one of you is gonna unleash an ancient evil, send me to another world, or turn me into an Alicorn?"
As it was, Rainbow Dash unwittingly passed over the artifacts that would do the previous three things.
Instead she picked up a big glass marble split down the middle into two halves, it made Rainbow Dash think of Rarity's pretty polished trinkets, and her and Applejack playing buckball. She tossed it around a bit, and yelped as it neatly split apart with a click. Scared she'd broken it, she quickly reconnected it, and two wisps of light flew out.
"Okay, nothing too bad will happen."
The two wisps of magic found Rarity and Applejack, and subtly entered them at the same time, then at nearly the speed of light zoomed to the other.
"YEEEEE-HA!" Rarity cheered as she played rollerblades with Sweetie Belle, and entered the 'has always been here of course' Ponyville roller-derby!
"Remember Pinkie Pie, presentation, presentation, the first taste is with the eyes." Applejack told her friend as she arranged the pies just so into beautiful pattern.
"And this is my new line! Simple and direct! The perfect thing for outdoors rough and tumble!" Rarity displayed her new dresses. "Art and function!"
"And as you can see, by renegotiating our contract with Barnyard Bargains, we can increase profits for the farm, the family, and the good of Ponyville, I mean, we've had the same contract for decades, the market in Ponyville has changed since then! Not the least of which there being a princess with permanent residence here!"
Applejack explained, having given Granny Smith a nice glass of mundane warm milk that put her to sleep almost instantly that let Applejack have her say to her family without being shot down instantly.
"Sweetie Belle, you have the voice of an angel, but your drawings stink. Please foster your true talents instead of blindly following mine."
"That's really honest of you Rarity! Thanks!"
"Your son says he forgives you," Applejack told the dying stallion in the old folk's home, when his son had in fact said 'Good riddance!'
"I can now die happy!"
"And it's my opinion, the one who accidentally activated the magical personality swap orb, was none other than Starlight Glimmer!" Princess Twilight said.
"But I don't remember doing it! And I'm pretty sure I was in the Crystal Empire that day with Sunburst, Trixie, and Maud as stuffed toys trying to get Flurry Heart to turn us back to normal!"
"You must have been hit by an amensia spell, those happen all the time."
"BUT ONLY WHEN GOOD PONIES DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE THEM UNPOPULAR!"
"Well, that means you're popular now!"
"It does? It does! Yippie! That means I can finally take off this invisible 'Disagree with me t-shirt?'"
"It's fine Starlight, we've all worn it."
Rainbow Dash just whistled.
An AU where Starlight mind controls the princesses and takes over.
"And I just want to say again Princesses, thank you for all your help in deconstructing the monarchy, and establishing a egalitarian democracy. Ad thank you for aiding in the total redistribution of wealth on all of Equestria. And of course for eliminating species and tribe discrimination for the School, and for eliminatinng entrance examines. Gifted implies some ponies aren't special. And 'Unicorns' implies that pegasi and Earth ponies aren't special."
"Yes Starlight Glimmer, thank you for helping us see the light," said the Princesses together, their eyes swirling, and their cutie marks all uniform equal signs.
Tirek stood in his medium form. He grinned ear to ear, with swirling eyes. He stood along with Chrysalis, Sombra, Cozy Glow, Flim and Flam, Discord, Steven Gallop, Wind Rider, Storm King, Lightning dust, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (no longer needing her glasses), Spoiled Rich, and just about all other creatures in Equestria who had tried to conquer the world, or had just been incredibly rude to people or tried to con ponies out of their money.
"And all of you have now cured of your selfish and self-serving desires, don't you all feel better?" Princess Cadence said.
"Yes, we all feel so much better, thank you for curing me," they all said happily.
"And thank you for the new horn," a smiling Tempest Shadow said, her born replaced with a crystal synthetic.
"Of course! If we're to be all equal, I can't go break every pony's horn in the world! I'm not insane! We've now freed ponies, and Zebra, of their predetermined roles. Magic is now equally distributed among all creatures! And all labors are shared equally with the herd!"
"Now for our next step of making everypony in Equestria an Alicorn and making every dragon a Dragon Lord!"
"Yay!" Cheered little Flurry Heart, being held by Sunburst.
The Castle shook.
"What was that?!"
Outside the castle, was a giant ugly stallion, laughing evily-yet-insanely.
"BWAWAHAHAHA! I am the Unequalizer! BEHOLD MY EVIL! I shall make everything uneven and unequal! Nothing can stand in my way! Fall before me worms! I am better than all of you! BWAHAHAHHAH!" Said the insane-yet-evil unicorn with a twisted horn, and uneven sized pupils, his mustache curly on one side and like a lightning bolt on the other. His cutie mark classical art on side and modern art on the other.
"GO Elements of Equality! Save our city!"
One Blast With the Elements of Equality Later
"YA! You have cured me! I'm free of my evil inequality! From now on, I am the Equalizer! You've helped me see everything I thought about my original world view was completely wrong and I shouldn't try to find a more balanced view of it what-so-ever! You have saved me! Thank you!"
Princess Twilight said, "It was our pleasure! Friendship is equality!"
Scootaloo being able to fly using her own wingpower and with no drawbacks.
Scootaloo had... after year of intense therapy and support from her friends and family, had come to accept that she couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to fly. And she'd come to accept that she was 'handicapable' (whatever the heck that even meant). She could still go incredibly fast on her scooter, and could pull her two friends all the way from Ponyville to the Crystal Empire! Yes, she had finally come to accept after all these years that she didn't need wings to be happy, and there was nothing wrong with that.
- "My hero Academia" OST : All Might theme Song -
Then a meteor crashed in front of Scootaloo... except it wasn't a meteor, it was a pony... sort of... it was a pegasus, he had blond fur, piercing blue eyes, a wild two piece mane, and the biggest, most bad-flank wings Scootaloo had ever seen! His cutie mark was a winged horseshoe containing an exploding sun.
He looked at Scootaloo, and she felt his eyes digging into her very soul, searching out every nook and cranny of her life story.
"Young one!" He shouted heroically. "There is no time! My power! It must not die with me! The forces of evil even now are gathering! I! The power of All-Wings is yours! May you conquer evil with the might of good!"
Before her eyes, the stallion dissolved into sparkling golden light, and zoomed into Scootaloo, and Scootaloo's mass glowed white... when it faded... Scootaloo was the same... except... she looked at her wings, lush, pure, beautiful, fully grown, and fully function.
Scootaloo stared for a few seconds. Then grinned. "BUCK YOU FATE! BUCK! YOU! WHOO-HOO!" Scootaloo zoomed off into the sky, doing loop-de-loops.
"Grr! Where is All-Wings? He can't have gotten far! Soon he will meet his end!" Scowled an obviously evil looking pony who body was covered in pale pegasus wings from his face to his legs, and tail. His eyes crackled with red lightning. "Huh? What's that strange orange-"
And he was instantly knocked out as Scootaloo accidentally flew into him. "Ooops! I wonder who that is! Better save'em!"
"So I need to say I'm All-Wings, but I got hit by a youth ray?" Scootaloo asked in the office of Legion of Super-Ponies.
Wings-All now in a super-jail (obviously better than a regular jail), guarded by the beautiful Mane-Mist (a completely different pony from Mist-Mane).
"Don't worry, you'd be surprised how often ponies believe this sort of thing." Hum Drum explained.
"So I get wings and I get to be a super hero! THIS ROCKS!"
"You don't consider this a drawback?"
"NO WAY JOSE! Me and my friends spend most of our time in the background or getting rescued! This is a great turnaround!!"
"But you'll have to keep this from them!"
"Hey, I know this goes, they'll get superpower of their own or become my secret keepers soon enough."
Patch hypnotizes Ace into being Starlight's maid with a pair of those old mail order hypno glasses from the back of a comic book. (My Little Pony Tales.
"And that is why equality should be achieved by the elimination of laws that target particular group, not by punishing the exceptional and why standardized tests are not a conspiracy against less fortunate ponies," Starlight finished giving her speech at the school rally.
"YAAA!" Shouted Lance.
"I think what she's saying is cool!" Ace said.
"Thank you!" Starlight blushed.
Bright Eyes shouted, "I still think we should remove the 'school's out!' slide for safety!"
"BOOO!" Teddy angrily shouted.
"I second that boo!" Ace said.
"Bright Eyes, you shouldn't be overly cautious," Starlight said immediately as Ace's words hit her ears.
"Hey Melody, tell Ace to tell Starlight to stand on her head!" Teddy said.
"Why you little!" Melody snapped.
Patch didn't admit she was think the exact same things and went back to reading her comic (well, maybe more looking at the pictures), and saw something on the back that gave her a fun idea.
She quickly placed her order. And 2-3 weeks later, her prize arrived.
She visited Bright Eyes first, and asked,
"Hey Bright Eyes, wanna read this comic?"
"Sorry Patch, comics are more your speed than mine."
Patch put on the swirlie eye glasses. "Bright Eyes, you will read the cooooomic!"
Bright Eyes' eyes turned swirlie, "I will read the comic!"
She snatched the comic out of Patch's hands and began to mentally devour it, going from page to page until she stopped, her eyes went back to normal.
"There Patch, I humored you."
"But seriously, Magnet Pony came back from the dead because the Magnet Pony who died was Space Pony's twin brother Pretending to be Magnet Pony Pretending To be Space Pony? That's horrible story telling!"
"I just like looking at pictures of mutant ponies punching bad ponies."
"Hey Bon Bon, wanna sign up for exercise camp this summer? You said you were gonna remember?" Patch asked her friend.
"Uh, yeah, I know I did. But thinking it over, maybe I don't need to after all. I'm beautiful the way I am, that's what my mother and Cookie says whenever I stop by his family's bakery, yeah that's it."
Patch put on the glasses. "Bon Bon, you will sign up for exercise camp!"
"I shall obey Master!" Bon Bon and quickly ran down to the office, wrote down all her information, and handed it off to the mare at the desk, then blinked. "AAAH! What have I done?! Give me that back!"
"Sorry! No backsies! See you at exercise camp! Don't worry, you'll love the health food they serve there." The mare at the desk smiled.
"Health food?! Nooooo!"
Patch evilly cackled to herself.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SENT OUT THE PROTOTYPE HYPNO-GLASSES THAT ACTUALLY WORK!?" Said the CO to his general manager.
"It was an accident!"
"Find them quickly! There's a reason we only send out the cruddy hypno-glasses that never work!"
"Hey Starlight... " Said Ace. "Ya know, it would be a great idea if we took some of the funding from the Ponyville History festival and gave it to the soccer team, we could really use some new uniforms. That would be very nice of you."
"That's... I'm sure I can find some way to make it happen for you, I mean the team." Starlight said.
Patch frowned seeing this. She put on the glasses and tapped Ace on the shoulder who turned around.
"Ace, you will be Starlight's maid, wearing a pretty dress, ooooOOOOoooOOOO!"
"I shall wearing a girlie dress, I will be Starlight's maid," Ace responded swirlie eyed.
"Patch! What did you-"
"Starlight! You will not question this, but you will take lots of pictures of Ace that way!"
"I will not question this, but I will take lots of pictures."
Patch kicked back in Starlight's house, Starlight's mother working at the spa. Ace had put on the most pink, sparkly dress in Starlight's closet that nearly blinding to look at.
Starlight kept taking pretty pictures of Ace as he cleaned Starlight's house for her, putting all his effort and skill into making the place spotless. The floor, kitchen, bathroom toilets, Ace did it all with a smile on his face.
Starlight just smiled as Ace was her servant for the day.
But time flies and Patch realized Starlight's mother might be home soon, oh right, she could just hypnotize her too, but Ace's parents might wonder where he was, and Patch had never been to Ace's house... or seen his parents.
Then Melody stepped in at just that time, without knocking. "Hey Starlight, can I borrow your notes again? I have a major concert this weekend, so I can't waste time on studying and... what is this?!"
"Melody! This is nothing for you to worry about." Patch said with the glasses.
"This is nothing to worry about."
"This is nothing to worry about."
Then Patch got a super evil idea.
"Ace, you're done being Starlight's maid now. You will go on a date with Melody."
"I am done being Starlight's maid, I will go on a date with Melody."
"Starlight, you will not get jealous."
"I will not get jealous."
"Melody, when Ace asks you ..." Then Patch realized saying 'today' would actually be very stupid then 'today' is always today. She didn't want to leave Melody trapped with a hypnotic command forever. "In the next thirty minutes from when I'm talking right now, when Ace asks you on a date, you will say yes, and mean it."
"I will say yes. And I will mean it," Melody said obediently.
"Melody, will you go on a date with me," Ace said, now out of the dress.
And out the two went.
"I'm doing those two some good, they're both a pair of superficial egotistical ponies, they totally deserve each other!" Patch giggled.
"I am happy for them," said Starlight with swirlie eyes.
Patch went home, she got a knock at the door, and found a stallion wearing glasses he said, "Miss Patch? I'm from Hypno-Pranks Inc. I must inform you that we sent you the wrong pair of glasses, these are your real pair." He offered them.
"Wow! These must be even more powerful! Thanks!" Patch traded them and went into the kitchen to find her mother. The stallion beat a hasty retreat.
"Mother! You will skip dinner and go for just desert!"
"Not happening little lady!" Her mother smirked.
Patch startled and took off the glasses. "HEY! What the heck?! But these were working fine a minute ago!"
"Of course they were dear, your friends weren't just playing along at all..."
"They... were? Wow..." Patch felt a little silly now for thinking these glasses ordered from the back of a comic actually worked.
A young Apple Bloom brings home a 'lost kitty'...which is actually a skunk.
Note, my uncle ACTUALLY DID THAT once.
Once upon a time in Ponyville of the kingdom of Equestria (all attempts to have the term changed to the technically correct 'principality' had resulted in riots and revolts), there was an Apple farm called Sweetie Apple Acres.
And this Apple Farm was run by the Apple family (like the carrot farm was run by Carrot Top, and the Strawberry farm was run the Strawberry family! And the Orange Plantation was run by the Oranges. And the Pear farm run by the Pears, but we don't talk about them.). This included Granny Smith, (who never mentioned or spoke of her husband for some reason, while having a fully explained and in-depth reason of not mentioning her in-laws) Big Mac, (who would one day after foreshadowing with two other mares had suddenly made another mare the love his life out of the blue for no apparent reason, (which was totally different from when the Cutie Mark Cruesauders did that with Love Poison)), Applejack, and Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom even at her young age as a small filly was showing signs of being able to take things apart and put them back together again easily, able to mix the tree feed and apple pie ingredients and other concoctions together with just guesstimation, and finally had an artistic eye, and would most certainly get a cutie mark in one of those talents instead of something that had nothing to do what-so-ever with anything she'd shown promise in for years of her life.
I mean seriously, you should give these girls cutie marks in causing chaos, I mean, they're friend with the incredibly handsome and good-looking Discord, not that I've had the honor of meeting such a great and really great draconequus, and it would help these stick in the mud ponies that chaos isn't all bad, ow ow ow! Okay you stupid pretentious, self-righteous murder tree, back on track!
So little Apple Bloom, back before Diamond Tiara was taught that Apple Bloom was the 'enemy' by her mother... in spite of the Rich's most lucrative business deal depending on a continued good relations with the Apple Family...
So Apple Bloom was playing with Diamond Tiara, that age were memories fade, so everything is lively and new, well, unless the memory in question is particular traumatic! Oh why spoil the ending?
So the two fillies, much as Apple Bloom's parents had before them, wandered the apple fields, exploring all there was to explore... their eyes still a solid color rather when ponies got whites in their eyes as they got older. And since Ponyville is such a SAAAAAFE and PEEEEACEFUL town where monsters NEVER wander out from the Everfree Forest, the two were free range as free range foals can be! Just ask griffins from a thousand years ago, they're the most tasty! Oh wait, griffins don't live that long? Bah! Mortals die so fast... I hope Fluttershy is reading those 'how to become an Alicorn' books I sent her! I mean Discord sent her!
So the two foals wandered about, Apple Bloom telling Tiara what all the trees were called, in that bad pronouncement and poor grammar that ponies find adorable when it's spoken by a child, but think a cross-eyed pony is mentally retarded and shouldn't be trusted with her own filly if spoken by an adult! Happy that didn't go through right?
But then Granny Smith called out, "Girls! I've made apple-candy!"
Now Apple Bloom is not her sister, she doesn't have gluttony as her deadly sin, good thing she's always working it off right? She'd be rolley-poly if she didn't. But Diamond Tiara? Grasping desire practical runs in her veins! So of course she ran to the mention of apple candy first!
But Apple Bloom stayed behind... and she saw something with stripes... and much like decades later, her family would again not approve of her associating with stripped creatures (buncha redneck racists).
As Diamond Tiara scarfed down apple candy (her mother would make sure to hammer into her not to do such things again), Apple Bloom came in... carrying a cute furry black and white creature.
"Hey Diamond Tiara Ah found a kitty!"
"A kitty? I want it!" Diamond Tiara said, her mother never letting her have a pet (she'd just end up with a cat that thinks it's a dog anyway).
Granny Smith and Spoiled Rich turned to see Apple Bloom enter with her prize, and gasped in alarm and shock.
Diamond Tiara, as I said, grasping desire runs in her family, she took the prize by the tail... and pulled... The 'kitty' cried out...
And after the skunk had been cased out by Granny Smith... And Spoiled Rich took Diamond Tiara home for a good scrubbing...
Diamond Tiara... in the egocentric way children (and most adults) think of everything, and shifting blame to anyone but themselves, thought that SOMEHOW Apple Bloom had done that on purpose, and even as the memory eventually faded, a strong dislike of the filly formed in Diamond Tiara's mind, even as her mother hammered into her that the next Apple Matriarch should be made an enemy of and endanger their future contracts with their suppler of their biggest selling product...
"And that's the story of how you two became enemies!" Discord said.
Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom looked at each other.
"Uh... sorry about bringing the stunk."
"Sorry about, ugh, pulling on its tail... "
"That's it? Ugh! I was hoping for more drama! I'm out of here!" Discord vanished.
"Ya know... if you still want a skunk as a pet, I think I can order one," Diamond Tiara grinned.
"Uh... no thanks!"
That was when Pound and Pumpkin (now potty trained) trotted into Sugar Cube Corner, carrying a black and white furry creature, "kitty!"
"I am neither cat nor rat! Get out of this trap!" Zecora pleaded as he was carried by Pumpkin Cake.
"Comin' Zecora!" Apple Bloom said.
Discord practice his “hilarious” comedy routine with the princesses.
"Oh come on!" Discord exasperated. Luna, Celestia, Cadence, Flurry Heart, and Twilight Sparkle, had all been invited to a 'preview' of Discord's contribution to the yearly royal comedy night of Equestria.
"What is wrong with all of you!" Discord snapped. "I've been telling jokes and doing gags for half an hour and none of you have cracked a smile!"
"Discord... it isn't you personally... it's just..." Twilight began unsure.
"Tis that your comedy has been before all solely for thin own benefit, with all others being the butt of thin humor!" Said Princess Luna, former Element of Honesty. "Ye do not know how to tell a joke that does not rely on the humor of a sadistic bully."
"That's not true!" Discord protested. "I mean... a alcoholic pony chasing a floating 'free cider' sign over a cliff... that's totally funny!"
"If this was an animated cartoon where it was physically impossible for anypony to be actually hurt," Cadence said. "And if you were into that sort of thing... Which I'm not!"
Flurry Heart giggled.
"And you aren't either!" Cadence said quickly.
"But you using... recordings of your rampage across Equestria and slipping in funny sound effects doesn't work!"
"Oh I didn't add those sound effects later, they actually happened after I changed the laws of sound," Discord said.
"Not the point!" Twilight said.
"Dissy," Celestia spoke at last. "I will distance myself from my fury at seeing repeats of seeing my ponies tortured by you... Because I know you are still struggling with understanding that your actions were wrong... Well, they were wrong FOR YOU to do, not that you were given a free pass to do as you please because of your power."
Discord snorted, implying that yes, he still thought that maybe having great power didn't come with any responsibility.
"But if you really want to make ponies laugh... You need a baseline, something solid to draw your humor upon. Humor lies in consistency in the face of absurd, and to show you are not so above it all..."
"What are you saying?"
"I don't believe it... " Rarity said. "I simply don't believe it!" Tears of joy ran down her face. "I'm not the one being humiliated for the sake of a joke for once!"
A griffin, a lion, a goat, a dragon, a bat, a quetzalcoatli, a deer, and a sea-serpent, all with Discord's eyes and beard, in clown make up, engaged in a total melee with each other, throwing pies (Soarin' shed tears of loss), cakes, while shooting bananas, pizzas, while conjuring fire hoses from flowers they were wearing, and growing huge or tiny while making it look like a trick of perception for a second. And it was a riot.
"See Dissy? You just needed to not take yourself so seriously," Celestia smiled.
Rainbow eats Twilight's food and gets her books dirty, cue her staying in the hospital in a complete bodycast courtesy of Twi
Twilight Sparkle was going to have a great lunch. She'd completed her thesis on how different worlds would have different laws of magic, and it was no longer theoretical! She was going to celebrate! Her mom had sent her best desserts! She'd bought her favorite side dish from McPony, and she'd ordered dish from the Canterlot restaurant that Rarity and Pinkie Pie had helped, and some odds and ends she'd picked up a taste for while visiting the human world thanks to Sunset Shimmer.
And she had her favorite books nearby to read as she ate (being a Alicorn certainly had advantages).
Yes, everything was going to go just perfect! "It's almost too bad I can't share this with anyone, I mean, that would be a GREAT friendship lesson, that a meal is much more meaningful when it's shared... but it looks like everyone having jobs, on top of saving Equestria, and map missions, and teaching classes at my Friendship School... Starlight said something about me twisting the space-time continuum with my schedule and engaging the universe to end in a year... but I'm sure she's exaggerating! Time to eat!"
"HEY Twilight!" Rainbow Dash zoomed in through a window. "Don't have time to talk! My class and Wonderbolt training are kinda overlapping! So gotta eat and run! Thanks for the free meal! Bye in advance!" And like a flying stampede of swine, Rainbow Dash demolished Twilight Sparkle's carefully prepared lunch... food splattered everywhere... including on her precious first addition books that had been signed by Clover The Clever a thousand years ago (of course he was likely to turn up alive too like Starswirl, but that was besides the point)!
Twilight Sparkle was still in shock as her prefect lunch had been obliterated by the blue streak... Rainbow Dash zoomed off. "OW!" And hit a purple forcefield.
"RAIN! BOW! DASH!" Twilight turned into mini-Daybreaker.
"Aren't there laws that Twilight broke?" Rainbow Dash asked, inside a full body cast, laying on a bed at Ponyville General Hospital.
"Actually darling," Rarity said. "It's written into the Equestrian Codex, any who might eat a Princess' lunch shall be declared hostis equine generis and be stripped of legal protection regarding the incident... Eating a pony's lunch is a special kind of evil darling."
"So who is teaching my class?"
"Hi kids! I'm Lightning Dust! Now you might have heard how an evil clone of me encouraged an underage foal to try a dangerous stunt, but you just to need to know that just because you don't see somepony reform, doesn't mean they didn't... Who wants to ride on jet skis over sharks?"
All the hooves/paws/claws in the room shot up.
"I loved doing that back home!" One hippogriff said.
The other mane 6 trying to step in for Twi to fight a villain only to get beaten up badly and grudgingly tells twi to step in, who then easily beats the villain
The Mane Six were busy playing Ogres and Oubliettes (with Twilight standing in for Spike as Oubliettes Overseer), Twilight was trying to think how to subtly change some of the parts of her campaign world, to remove the expies of jerks and villains who they had since befriended when they were inevitably invited to join the heroes at their game.
The Friendship Castle shook, and a booming voice was heard, "Elements of Harmony! I am the Destroyer! Your world is at an end! I am invincible! You have no chance against me!"
"I guess the Princesses are busy again," Applejack remarked.
"You have to wonder what Celestia did before she had us," Pinkie Pie said.
"I'll have you know Celestia had done plenty by herself against would be villains," Princess Twilight said.
"Well, time to go to work darlings," Rarity got up.
Twilight got up too.
"No need darling, you know how these things always go. The villain always turns to be immune to magic, or feeds on magic, or otherwise renders it so our most powerful and logical solution with all the magic we have can't actually do a thing."
"It does seem that magic just exists to CAUSE trouble than to ever actually fix it," Applejack said.
"There was Cozy Glow, then we all teleport back to capture her," Fluttershy defended.
"Yeah but she was ALREADY BEATEN by then," AJ said.
Rarity said, "I sadly must agree on some points, such as my mane being ruined, the Smooze, Tirek, Starswirl's last spell-"
"What WAS that thing supposed to do anyway? If it wasn't to mix up cutie mark? It was a 'turn Twilight Sparkle into an Alicorn' spell all along or something? How goes that make sense?" Rainbow Dash said.
"I'M WAITING!" Came the booming voice again, the ground shaking as if it a giant foot was tapping.
"Just stay here darling! We'll be right back!"
Twilight sighed and went over her adventure notes.
Half an hour later, and having run at least two insurance companies out of business, and greatly increased the margin for several reconstruction companies yet again (though this would have happened with or without the heroes), the mane six panted, surrounding a black suit of armor whose touched the clouds.
"We've tried Fluttershy's animal, Rarity's gems, Applejack's apples, my Sonic Rainboom, WHATEVER IT IS PINKIE PIE DOES... We've tried everything but magic!" Rainbow Dash cursed.
The giant bellowed evilly. "AHAHAH! FOOLS! Magic is the ONE THING I am vulnerable to! I arranged this attack to coincide with Equestria's Mage Convention on the other side of the country!"
"I guess Spike forgot to forward Twilight's mail when he's in the Dragon Lands," Rainbow remarked.
Fluttershy said, "Uh, you do know that this is a land where a family of raccoons with no money can get across the entire country in less than a day right?"
"And ya did kinda just spelled out the way for us to beat ya right?" Applejack said.
"If I'm to guess darling, you just got this power, stumbling across it in some ancient ruin, got drunk on it, and decided to play 'king of the mountain' on 'Celestia's favorite town.'"
"SHUT UP! I will destroy you!"
"At this point darling maybe one of us should go get Twilight," Rarity said.
"Naw! This guy just he's vulnerable to magic, I beat a little 'zap' from you will make him crumble into dust on the spot!" Rainbow said.
"That isn't quite how magic works darling?"
"DIIIIIIIIE!" Shouted the black suit of armor, making the mane six get out of the way of the giant metal fist before it hit the ground sending up a dust cloud.
Twenty minutes later, the girls had lured the monster out of Ponyville and into Everfree... where they got protests from the dear of leading the monster into the environment of poor misunderstood pony eating monsters, instead of say to a densely populated area like Canterlot. But they were ignored and forced to retreat.
"Okay! That's it! I've broken nails on every hoof! It's going to take all day at the spa to get all the grim out of my fur now!"
"And we're going to have to call our game short at this rate, Spitfire won't want me to late to another performance because I was busy Equestria, but seriously Rarity, can't you damage this guy faster?!"
"I've tried! Rainbow! Go get Twilight! Now!"
Rainbow Dash zoomed back to Twilight's castle, and in the time it took Rainbow to explain things, the two then teleported back to the site of the battle.
"Okay girls! Stand clear!" The mane six did so, and in one blast, Twilight atomized the black armored giant. "Okay, that's done. Let's hurry back and hope we have enough time to get at least through the first part of the dungeon!"
"Alright," Fluttershy said.
"Works for me," AJ added.
"Right behind ya," Rainbow Dash said.
"Of course darling."
"Even a little fun is still fun!"
Still, Twilight to herself had to admit, 'A villain actually vulnerable to magic? What a concept.'
The mane 6 go drinking on a bar and eventually everyone but twi ends up drunk despite all having drank the same amount of alcohol, they discover twi has an stupidly high alcohol tolerance
"Okay girls! It's time to get drunk!" Princess Twilight Sparkle shouted.
"But I don't drink," Fluttershy said.
"Neither do I," Pinkie Pie added.
"I have a sip of wine on occasion darling but only for flavor," Rarity said.
"Ah can't afford to, work in the morning," Applejack said.
"Same here, weather work, Wonderbolt work, school work, saving world work, solving friendship problems given in a vague unhelpful way by a magic map, my schedule is really packed," Rainbow Dash said.
"Now now!" Twilight waved a hoof. "As Princess, I'll provide a royal exception for your duties tomorrow, and ask Celestia to loan you the cash to make up for any losses, since I haven't used my royal allowance in years... It is time to celebrate, and accord to my 'Guide to Heroic Celebrations' we have to get drunk!"
"I'm guessing one of the donators to that book was the cider industry darling."
"NO WE DIDN'T!" Applejack protested.
"Well girls! Won't worry, I have Starlight and Spike on stand-by so nothing goes wrong!"
"Isn't there a law against Princesses getting drunk so they don't accidentally blow up a kingdom?" Rarity asked.
"Oh that hasn't been enforced in years!" Twilight waved her off. "And it's just us girls... Oh and Spike and Starlight, but I've rented out this entire bar just to us tonight!"
Irresponsible Heavy drinking (is there any other kind?) later
"And that's why Soarin' is the hottest stud there is! Quibble Pants won't shut up!"
"Twilight, how long does it take dragons to grow up? Is there an aging potion you can give Spike? Or a youth potion you can give me?"
"So you see, I actually have another sister, but she's invisible, has three heads, and super long tongues," Pinkie Pie said.
"Apples, apples, apples, apples, apples, apples, ORANGES!"
"BIG MAC SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE!" Fluttershy bellowed.
"... I don't get it... I've drunk as much as they have... and I'm not drunk yet? Spike, can you please send a letter to Celestia!"
"Uh... sure..." Spike said uncomfortably, thinking Twilight had lost her mind a little for this one, maybe too many sleepless nights...
Twilight got a letter from Celestia a minute later,
"'In the middle of a intense negotiation with Queen Tiamat and Princess Haruhi! Better remember to erase that part!' Oh. I won't mention this. 'Dear Twilight Sparkle, you will find as an alicorn, it is a very bad idea to try and get drunk with your friends, as you'll find the amount needed to begin to affect your facilities will be insanely higher than those around you... and what's a good girl like you doing drinking anyway!?'... Now she sounds like my mom."
"I KNEW IT!" Twilight Velvet stormed in. "I knew I sensed it! The stars said 'your daughter will try to get drunk tonight' I didn't want to believe it! But here we are! You are in so much trouble young lady!"
"... Maybe this whole thing wasn't a good idea..."
"You think?" Spike said. Starlight remembered this was why he had booze banned in Our Town.
Celestia and Luna step down as rulers of Equestria. ("Yay! We finally get to take a vacation!")
"And with that!" Celestia declared dramatically, "We pass on our power to Princess Twilight Sparkle and the other Princesses of Harmony! After a thousand years of training, they are finally ready. No 'it's always a thousand years' jokes please. May their rule be long and prosperous!"
Luna added, "Indeed! We trust ye now with Equestria's future, to led all to a glorious one! Fair well!"
And the two teleported to a tropical island on the other side of the world not any maps.
"So more 'Princess' in front of our names," Celestia said.
"I still haven't forgiven you for that part, I like having 'Princess' on my resume."
"A necessary evil Lulu, because you know what this means right?"
"Of course I do sister..."
They shouted together. "VACATION TIME FOREVER!"
And they had until Equestria's sun burn up the atmosphere and boiled away the oceans to enjoyed their vacation. Let Twilight have the status and responsibility they craved... THe sisters could enjoy themselves again at last.
Applejack falls in love.
"Ah'm Applejack, but ya knew that already. Ah want ya to know, Ah never thought Ah'd fall in love. Ah was married to the farm. I figured Big Mac or Apple Bloom would carry on the legacy. It's not like the Apples are gonna go poof soon. And Ah'd never marry because Ah 'had ta' or Ah hope I wouldn't. Ah'm gonna marry for love if Ah do at all and... and.. Ah really hope that somepony can be ya! Ah know we haven't known each other that long or that well but... DANGIT! Life is too short dangit! It's crazy! Here ya are! Here Ah am! I can't take it anymore! Ah feel the fire buildin' up inside me! Ah can't hold it in anymore! Ah gotta know, you're the one Ah wanna spend my life with! So... please... tell me... will ya marry me?"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked out from behind the apple tree they were hiding behind. Looking at Applejack kneeing before her beloved, outlined by Luna's rising moon under the beautiful blanket of stars in the orchard.
"That wasn't... the worst love confession I've ever read, I mean, it SOUNDS LIKE something from Rarity's novels, not that I'd read them!"
"I'd never figure her for the mushy type... I mean, I figured Dash would get married before her!" Scootaloo said.
"... Ya do all realize she's proposin' to an orange tree right?" Apple Bloom said.
"Now don't judge Apple Bloom," Sweetie Belle said.
(Discord's notes: "HEHEH!")
Flim and Flam finally get reformed or caught.
"You see Twilight? Going back in time to meet Clover The Clever did not cause any disruptions in the timeline, besides, he'll turn up alive assuming the universe doesn't end," Starlight Glimmer said confidently.
Twilight stared in shock. "YOU HAVE altered the timeline Starlight! Look!"
"What? News paper? Flim and Flam in prison, so?"
"SO that isn't Flim and Flam! I've met them! They always have an escape plan! They always have some legal mumbo jumbo to save their sorry flanks! I know! I've tried! They always have some means of staying out of prison! They just pay a fine, maybe serve some 'house arrest', and move on with running their casino until the need for the thrill of a good old con becomes too strong for them! This would never happen! There's no telling how much more we've done to change the timeline! We have to go back!"
One Time Travel Trip later
"Oh no! No no no no! It's worse than before!!!"
"What? How is this 'worse?' It says here they've seen the error of their ways, and have reimbursed all the ponies they've conned over the years and have become legitimate business ponies."
"EXACTLY!!! Film and Flam are unredeemable!"
"Uh, I thought nopony was unredeemable!"
"You don't understand how it works! The bigger the evil, the more likely they can be redeemed! Nightmare Moon! Discord! King Sombra! The Pony of Shadows! You! All great evils! I'm certain we'll get Tirek and Chrysalis redeemed soon enough!"
"What about the Sirens?! They didn't reform!"
"Different world! Doesn't count!"
"And the Storm King?"
"Tempest Shadow did all his evil for him! But Svengallop, Lightning Dust, Suri Polomare, Wind Rider, Spoiled Rich, Zesty Gourmand, Gladmare, Sludge, the experts Fluttershy hired? None of them redeemed! And those clones we eventually found out about, they were just jerks but didn't know anything else, and were enslaved, and were rebelling and seeking the only means they had to their freedom they understood, and the Tree of Harmony KILLED THEM! Because the evils they committed was too small!"
"... But what about Diamond Tiara?"
"Oh she was evil incarnate!"
"I'm pretty sure a school yard bully doesn't match up with 'conquer the world.'"
"I bet you were never bullied!"
"What about Gilda?"
"SHE MADE FLUTTERSHY CRY! What could be more evil?!"
"If she wasn't evil, then she wouldn't have remembered anything she did while under the Alicorn Amulet's influence, it's scientifically proven fact that only bad ponies remember what they did while under mind control! The point is! Flim and Flam redeemed is a complete disruption of the natural order! Reality itself is falling apart! We have to go back in time and fix this again!"
Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. If they came back to Princes Flim and Flam, the protectors of Equestria, she was going to adopt the 'many worlds' theory.
Oh yes: Equestria!Discord goes through the Mirror Gate to Canterlot High.
"So tell me again what happened?" Princess Twilight Sparkle asked sternly.
Discord was sitting down next to the world mirror, wearing a towel for some reason.
"Well, Starlight had gone through the portal, and so have you, and I'm Discord, I can do anything I want, whenever I want, however I want... And I wanted to see if Celly and Lulu were principals, if I was a superintendent! Imagine, a world where no one can stop me because I'm just doing my job and still causing fear in Celly and Lulu... Of course that would mean I was, BLECH, enforcing the rules... Sounds more like Accord's doing!"
"From what Sunset told me, Tirek is just a video game character over there... Which I find very weird and consistent with the rules that have been established with that reality with how it parallels ours now that I think about it. Sunset didn't give many details, what did happen you got over there?"
"Well, I became a human, no dog for me! I wonder if Ember would make a cute dog in that universe... Well. The thing is, I had PANTS on... and I didn't feel like pants..."
"Oh..." Twilight had spent enough time in the human world to know where this was going.
"And they had the gall to arrest me, ME for 'indecent exposure', I wasn't naked! I was still wearing everything above the waste that crazy mirror gave me! And they said they were going to me a double whammy because I'd done it in front of a high school for some reason..."
Twilight sighed. "And you tried to use your magic, then remembered you didn't have any, shouted, protested, and came across as a crazy person... But thankfully Sunset realized something was up and messaged me, and their world's Fluttershy thought you were just confused and unwell, and shouldn't be held accountable for your actions."
"Nice to know that no matter the universe, Fluttershy doesn't give up on me..."
"Granted. I felt the same making friends with the girls. So Fluttershy pretended to be your niece, got the police to release you into their custody. And they practically THREW YOU back through the portal before you could cause anymore trouble."
"I may have had to give Sunset and Fluttershy some pointers to let their scheme work."
"I'm surprised you'd know the ins and outs of the laws of a city of a country, of a planet, of an alternate world."
"If I don't know all the rules, how am I supposed to break them?"
"... That... makes sense... which for you is disturbing."
"Thank you. But dear Fluttershy, the human Fluttershy, did tell me one thing first, your friends miss you, and wish you would visit, it's like there was some curse on you and them that kept you from even thinking about each other!"
"Oh... " Twilight realized, with Sunset, Twilight had thought of their friends in the human world as 'Sunset's friends', she hadn't even thought about Flash Sentry! She wondered how he was doing.
"You're blushing! Thinking of somepony? Or should I say, some human?"
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! And excuse me... I have to arrange a few days off and take a trip to spend time with some friends."
Bow Hothoof (Dash's dad) introduces Scootaloo to Rainbow Dash's grandmother: G3 Rainbow Dash.
Fate goes where it may, sometimes it works against you, sometimes it works for you.
Right now, it was working FOR Scootaloo... Scootaloo... wasn't exactly known for having loved ones to look after her... But on this winter weekend, she would be meeting and staying over with somepony that she very much considered family even if they hadn't met yet!
"I'm really gonna meet Rainbow Dash's grandma!"
"Yeah, my mother!" Bow Hothoof said proudly. "I think you'll be surprised by how much they look alike even for family!"
Scootaloo said, "Ya know, Rainbow Dash showed me a photo of a stallion who looked a HECK OF A LOT MORE like Rainbow Dash than you."
Bow Hothoof shushed. "We don't talk about that!"
Scootaloo blinked in confusion, but obliged. She was gonna meet Rainbow Dash Senior herself, she didn't want to ruin it by getting on Rainbow Dash's Dad's bad side!
What made Scootaloo very confused... was when the chariot they were riding for Scootaloo's sake brought them to the ground.
"She doesn't live in Cloudsdale?"
"She could if she really wanted to, but it's ... impractical for her, you'll see in a minute."
Rainbow Dash Sr's house was pink with green doors, with large outwards window stuff on the side, (Scootaloo was not an architect), with ... were those frills? And a big ribbon on the side with a heart shaped gold crest? All in all, Scootaloo thought this pretty house looked a lot like a purse without the straps.
The pair knocked on the door, and when it opened, Scootaloo did her best not to gasp.
She had the same colors as Rainbow Dash... and a Rainbow cutie mark, though hers was an arching rainbow between two clouds rather than a cloud lightning bolt. She moved with a grace and confidence that reminded Scootaloo a LOT of Rarity, and when she opened her mouth,
"Hello Bow darling, is this darling Scootaloo? She looks even more darling than I thought she would!" She actually sounded more Rarity than Rarity!
Her mane was done up in a rising ponytail behind her head, letting it taper behind her but always out of her way. ... And she was an Earth Pony. Scootaloo wasn't prejudice or anything, but ... but... an Earth Pony?
As Scootaloo and Bow were led into the house, Scootaloo saw more Rarity-ness... cloth, dress designs, and more! Scootaloo wondered how she managed without wings or telekinesis.
"Scootaloo, meet Rainbow Dash Senior! Mom? Scootaloo!"
"Oh she's such a darling! You know, I knew a Scootaloo when I younger, but she was an Earth Pony, and her cutie mark was a butterfly, she knew how to sting like a bee though, and she loved her sports..."
"So do I!"
"Well, that's simply dashing! So Bow has told me, several times, that you're Rainbow's biggest fan?"
Scootaloo found her hoofing. "You bet I am! There's not a pony who doesn't know more about Rainbow Dash than me! I know her inside and out!... Or I thought I did... she never talked much about her family..."
"... Yes... Rainbow wanted to make her own path, and Bow wanted to help make that happen, but Rainbow always detested having to rely on anypony for help, even when she was always winning to give it for others... It's what I told Rarity, oh yes, you likely don't-"
"I know who that is! That's one of Rainbow Dash's friend! Another Element of Harmony! She's a big fashion pony!"
"... I should have realized... Rarity was my apprentice, I helped teach her how to make it in this world... She wanted to follow her own path separate from her parents as well... "
"You taught Rarity?!... Ya know... you aren't wrinkly like Granny Smith, I expected Rainbow Dash's grandma to look more grandma..."
"I've... aged well. And I'm not 200 years old... I've lived an interesting life darling. And I've lived through some very big changes in the world when you get to be my age."
As for a moment, the way she moved, the way her stare said she was looking at her memories, she DID for a moment give off the vibe of being old.
Then it was gone.
"Now darling," she said with a smile again. "Bow has told me that you're quite the active filly! ... I figure that you're not the kind of pony who'd be interested in dresses..."
"Uh, yeah," Scootaloo admitted.
"Well, did you know I was the dashing reigning champion of sleigh racing in the land for three and a half years?" She opened her closet to reveal some winter gear and a pair of sleighs, one mare and one filly size.
"Three and a HALF years? How does that work?"
"Interesting times, interesting times."
"I... I wouldn't mind hearing about it." Scootaloo thought. 'Looks like this weekend is gonna be pretty dashing after all.'
"Mom are you sure about using that thing?" Bow asked.
"It's been a few christmas seasons since I went sleighing with someone, but I've still got it."
"Christmas?" Scootaloo asked.
"Oh, I mean, Hearth Warming Eve... don't mind me, then again, maybe mind me, unless you think you can't outrace an old lady."
The results are in, and the former subjects of the Storm Empire have voted for Tempest Shadow to be their new queen.
"It's over Yetis! The Storm King is dead! His war mongering days are over! You longer need to follow his path, to defy him was death, but now you are prisoners of his will no longer!" Tempest Shadow shouted to the assembled Yetis, her voice echoing off of the icy cliffs of the Yeti homeland.
Grubber just stood safe next to her.
The Yetis spoke in their won language that Tempest had taken the time to learn.
"So... are we correct in surmising, that the Storm King is dead, as you said of course. But also, you are the reason he's dead?"
"He self destructed to his own evil." Then Tempest Shadow realized what she'd said 'self-destructed' in the yeti-language was a transparent euphemism for 'I'm not going to tell you how they really died' because it was so transparent a lie. "Wait wait wait! I mean that he threw the Obsidian orb at Princess Twilight Sparkle, I took the hit, and ran into him, and the curse petrified him too, and he fell over the edge of the balcony and shattered while the Princess caught me, and restored me!"
"Well, I was wondering how long you were going to take," said another Yeti elder. "We were all waiting for you to betray him and take the power for yourself."
The rest of the elders nodded behind their masks.
Tempest Shadow startled... She suddenly wondered if the Storm King's refusal to heal her horn, hadn't been because he'd never meant to... but because she had given him reason to believe she'd betray him. She'd wanted power so she'd never have to rely on anyone ever again... Had the Storm King truly thought, like the Yetis here, that she was just waiting for her chance to betray him?
Shadow Tempest looked at Grubber, he answered the unspoken question. "Uh, yeah, I was waiting for you to topple the big guy and take the throne for yerself too!"
"We all figured you'd make your move after you'd conquered Equestria, and you'd either return our new queen, or the Storm King would be seeking a replacement second-in-commamd," said a third Yeti elder.
"So as it is," said the first Yeti elder, "We've already decided..." They knelt before her. "All hail the Storm Queen of the Storm Empire, lead us to glory, health and power, we are but your arms, guide our blades."
"As our Storm Queen commands."
"And stop calling me queen!"
"Yes Storm Empress."
"That's not-!... " Tempest breathed in deep. "I've returned with a new magic, one I once foolishly discarded, one I wish to share with the Yetis ... and the kingdoms the Storm King terrorized... the magic of Friendship."
A famous pony mathematician has a bone to pick with Starlight Glimmer. His cutie mark is... an equal sign.
"Where is Starlight Glimmer! I demand to see her immediately! I have a bone to pick with her."
The old unicorn stallion with a huge beard stood angrily banging on the front door of Friendship Castle, Princess Twilight really needed to bite the bullet and hire some guards.
Spike opened the door, and found the pony... and looked at his cutie mark, an equal sign.
"Uh, so Starlight stole your cutie mark and you didn't get it back?"
"THIS IS MY NATURAL CUTIE MARK!" He said, not looking that surprised at talking to a dragon. "I"m a mathematician!"
"Oh! OH! Sorry! Sorry! Okay! I'll get her!" Spike flew off.
Several minutes later, Spike came back with a meek but confused Starlight Glimmer... She hadn't left any cutie marks sealed had she? Besides that thief who stole souls, and that evil criminal master mind who bought and sold ponies' youth, and that ponies who rewrote innocent ponies' memories as a hobby, but she'd put those in jars in a trunk and dumped them into the deepest trench in the ocean.
But it wasn't any of those ponies she saw...
"Grandpa Gnarl Marks?"
Spike startled, "He's your grandpa?!"
"Indeed I am! On her mother's side if you must know! I'd heard about your failures, and I never wanted to see you again, and it wouldn't change the annoying ponies who try to 'save me' from having my own cutie mark! I had hopes for you again when I heard you'd inspired the changelings to revolution... Only to have a new monarch replace the old one?!"
Starlight seemed to shrink under his terrible gaze. "I'm... I'm sorry Granpa! I choose your cutie mark to honor you and your ideals!"
"And what happened to Our Town?! A perfectly equal community with no inferiors, no superiors, ruined because you couldn't stand to some contradiction! I thought I taught you better!"
"YOU DID! I... I just made some mistakes is all..."
"And HOW did you inspire the changelings to revolution?! 'Embrace your individuality!' ... Have you forgotten EVERYTHING I taught you?! I'm too old to lead Equestria into a world without princesses, princes, dukes, duchess', without the greedy elite using the masses like cattle. Did you even try to seize the means of production?"
"I... I wanted the transition to be peaceful, like you taught me, to have it happen over centuries like we discussed... Once Our Town showed ponies they didn't need to be part of a caste system between the haves and the have-nots, they would come in droves... And the retribution of wealth and the elimination of private property would be the next natural step."
"And you abandoned everything, for some selfish petty revenge, instead of keeping your calm and explaining to the rest of your community that your cutie mark was a necessary evil and that you intended to seal yours last?"
"... Fluttershy betrayed me... I gave her my trust and she abandoned it... I... had bad experiences with that."
"Yes, I remember, Sunburst. I heard he saved the Crystal Empire. I thought he was dead."
Starlight Glimmer gasped, "How could you say something that horrible! Let alone so... so... CASUALLY?!"
"Well, he wasn't was he? I thought it was a logical explanation for why he never spoke to you again."
"IT'S A HORRIBLE EXPLANATION!"
"Wait wait wait! So you turned Starlight evil?!" Spike asked.
"EVIL?! I didn't teach her to break time and space to fulfill a grudge! I could have understood it Starlight, if you were doing it save Our Town from corruption, to save all our hard work from going down in flames as it had, but you were only interested in revenge! WHAT A WASTE!"
"How do you even know about that?!" Spike exclaimed.
"I asked around. It wasn't exactly a state secret."
"I taught Starlight to inspire the proletariat to rise up against the bourgeoisie. I didn't teach her to throw a temper tantrum if things didn't go your way... I thought I had taught that temper out of you... I suppose you just became better at hiding it."
Spike said, "So I'm confused, are you a good guy or bad guy? I mean, you taught Starlight all that equality stuff, so you must be a bad guy, but you talk about tempers being bad, and that revenge is bad, and I wouldn't mind Blueblood being pulled off his high horse too... So I'm confused."
Starlight sighed. "He's my grandfather Spike. I went to him after I lost Our Town... he said I'd failed him and he never wanted to see me again."
"And I didn't until I'd learned just how far you'd fallen."
"Is that why you have a sign with his cutie mark cross out in your room? Oops!" Spike covered his mouth.
"N-not your cutie mark grandpa! I mean, it's just to remind myself not impose conformity on others!" Starlight Glimmer quivered, trying to make sure her head wasn't higher than her grandfather's.
"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SOCIETY!? They pretend that 'together we are one' when we're surrounded by ponies who are 'more equal than others.' And when YOUR selfish desires lead the world in flames, you abandon everything I taught you and go in talking about embracing individuality like Brand-New Rye-Bread?"
"I AM NOT A RYE-BREADIST!"
"Talking about individuality and replacing one monarch with another? Could have fooled me."
Starlight sighed. "Grandpa Gnarl Marks. I am sorry I couldn't live up your ideals. But I've had to accept that pony nature just isn't compatible with your vision. It will always lead to corruption, and misery instead. I'm sorry you had to see your dream fall apart. I know replacing monarchs is just a stopgap. I'm sure there's a better system than the one we're living under, but yours isn't it. I don't regret anything you taught me. You wanted ponies not to have to live under an elite. I don't want a pony with a garbage collection cutie mark to be treated as less than a person than a pony with a quantum physics cutie mark either. But I've met ponies that showed I was going about it the wrong way. Rarity, one of the Elements of Harmony, her cutie mark is for MINING, but she's a FASHION DESIGNER, and she believes in cleanliness and neatness more than anypony else I know!"
"Hmph. Typical Starlight, when something doesn't work out for you, you discard it and rally against it. Cutie Marks. Equality. You're still that same angry filly."
Starlight lowered her head.
"That's not true! Okay, she still has a temper! But so do a lot of ponies I know! And-! And-! Dangit, she's made friends! And not just 'we've defeated your evil scheme now so we're friends'-friends either! Ya know?! Okay. I'll admit, picking another kingdom's new ruler for them is stupid. But ya gotta transition these things! Besides! With the population of Princesses has been rising lately, everypony is bound to end up an Alicorn!"
"... That last part... is interesting," Gnarl Marks admitted.
"Uh... stay for tea grandpa?"
"Gods above, give me strength!" shouted an exasperated Applejack... but Leo inviting himself to dinner wasn't what she had in mind.
Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith sat around the dinning room table, staring at their guest of honor.
"When Ah said 'gods above, give me strength', this ain't quite what Ah had in mind," Applejack admitted.
"Well, don't go invoking the gods unless you mean it," King Leo said casually.
"Ain't ya 'gods from below' since ya rule Aquastria?"
"Ya mean that place where all those hippogriffs and seaponies came from?" Granny Smith asked.
"Oh no, that's Seaquestria," King Leo said, "My merponies get very very angry when you compare them to Novo's subjects. I don't mind though."
"It would be kinda nonsense if the sirens used to be hippogriff Ah guess," Applejack said.
"Who do you think gave that pearl to Novo to begin with? Do you think she just had it?"
"So yeah took times out of yer busy schedule just visit a pony whose group of friends visited ya once?" Applejack asked. "Just cause Ah said 'give me strength'?"
"Well, strength itself is one of the aspects of existence I am. And it really any different from what my cousin Celestia does?"
"It is a much shorter trip from Canterlot to Ponyville than from Aquastria."
"'Distance', 'here', 'there', I think your friend Pinkie Pie would point out that space has far more short-cuts than you think it does. And it's not like I'm an ungrateful guest. Don't you like the new crab apple trees?"
"They're, gonna be hard to buck," Apple Bloom said, not that bucking was her strength anyway.
"Yep," Big Mac said.
"At least they stop tryin' to pinch ya with their claws after a bit after ya buck'em!" Granny Smith said.
"It's before that, that's the problem," Applejack said, bandage on her nose.
"It's ain't any harder than harvesting Zap Apples if ya ask me!" Granny Smith said.
The literal royal sea-lion chuckled, "I promise they'll be a hit with the hippogriffs. They copied their undersea civilization after ours after all."
Apple Bloom asked, "Just what were ya askin' the gods above to give ya strength fer anyway?" Apple Bloom asked.
"... When the giant floating fish with a lion's head showed up invitin' himself for dinner showed up right after... Ah kinda forgot."
"Ah forget too, did Ah tell ya me and Tender Taps are goin' on a play date?"
"NOW AH REMEMBER! Gods above give me strength!" Applejack stomped a hoof... and the entire barn shook.
"Ask and you shall receive," King Leo chuckled.
Cozy Glow and Tirek pull a prank on the Guards in Tartarus.
Sealed in Tartarus, the tyrant Tirek and his apprentice Cozy Glow sat in cages next to each other.
"I'm bored," Cozy Glow said.
"I"m bored too," Tirek said.
"It's gonna be a bit until the next of our evil plan goes into affect."
"Won't your parents just break you out?"
Cozy Glow shrugged. "Not sure, my father was a demon and my mother was a jackal. My adopted parents have no clue of course. I don't count on them being able to bully or protest me into getting released though. At least I didn't get redeemed."
"Ugh! I know. A fate worse than never-being-heard-from-again, and they call us monsters. Still... I'm starting to think enduring those seven idiots for eternity would have been preferable to this boredom. Ugh!"
"Actually, that goes give me an idea on how to get rid of our boredom for a minute."
"Let's prank the guards," Cozy suggested.
"Not that wouldn't be amusing, I also think it would be rather stupid on our part."
"Good thing we're already sentenced to life in this place aren't we? We're already stuck together in separate cages with no amenities what-so-ever. We're already in the most high security prison in existence, and they don't turn villains to stone anymore or make villains already captured 'never-heard-from-again'. They legally can't do worse to us!"
"... Fine. What do you have in mind?"
As the new guards arrived, Tirek and Cozy Glow practically stage whispered to each other,
Cozy lead in, "Our plan has worked! Now that we are both in Tartarus, we can easily escape our cages, and get the key to the secret vault of incredibly evil weapons!"
"Quiet fool! What if someone hears that it is hidden in the stench-kows den?"
"Ha! Who is going to hear? The guards? They're so stupid! They'd just report it to the Element of Harmony, who'd then get the key themselves and get all the glory, while the guards will stay a joke who can't defend a cup of chocolate pudding from a parasprite! When they could have done it themselves and finally given the royal guard the recognization it so desperately deserves!"
Two incredibly stinky royal guards sat before Princess Luna, who was wearing a clothes pin on her royal nose.
"So tell us again, how did ye exactly think searching for a fictional key among the reeking cattle of the netherworld would improve the standings of the royal guards loyal service to the ponies of Equestria again?"
"It made so much sense at the time..." One of the guards said.
"And I thought they were making up the stench-kow part to throw us off," said the second.
"No, they're officially listed in the Equestrian Monster Manual, readith a book."
(EG!Scootaloo plays with her Tech-Deck--that's finger skateboard toys--while a tiny Pony!Scoots shows her up with some sick tricks, riding a fingerboard like a real skateboard.
A giant sized human Scootaloo squatted down among a model personal skating park, playing with her finger skate board. Comparing tricks with a tiny pegasus Scootaloo.
As the two did a steep race down a slop and up the opposite wall, giant Scootaloo stared at her tiny counterpart.
"H-hey! Flying is cheating!" The giant Scootaloo said barely being able to hold back a laugh.
"It's not flying it's hang-time!" The pony pegasus answered epically, her mane flapping in the air, her wings were not buzzing.
"This is a dream you know," Giant Human Scootaloo said.
"Yeah, I knew that as soon as I realized I was skating without a helmet, but it's MY dream!" Tiny Pegasus Scootaloo replied.
"No way! It's my dream!"
"Actually it's both your dreams!"
"Vice-Principle Luna/Princess Luna!"
"Pegasus Scootaloo is correct, I am Princess Luna, goddess of the night, guardian of the dream world. And you two are having a shared dream. It seems Princess Twilight left the portal between worlds open, and you both happened to be dreaming about skate boarding tonight, and this caused your similar minds to overlap."
"I don't get the appeal myself, but as the guardian of dreams I've seen many things that ponies prefer to keep private, fantasies and fears that are best left personal."
"Hey! There's nothing creepy about skateboarding!" Pony Scootaloo said.
"Or... playing with cool finger skateboards..."
"I meant the micro/macro thing."
"Oh," they said together.
"As I said, I am not one to judge. I've seen ponies who think seeing other all tied up and/or being all tied up themselves as fun. Others find being hypnotized and turned into another species while wearing a maid costume as the embodiment of bliss. Some find a zen like state in being turned to stone. Others think being turned temporarily into a cake and EATEN is fun. And then there are those who just think hooves are the most interesting part of a pony. I won't say who of course. But there are humans and ponies you both know who have interesting that are best kept private."
Both Scootaloos thought the same thing, 'Twilight Sparkle has a thing for mind control.'
"Yeah, I learned that after Gabby Gums."
"I learned that after Anon-a-Miss."
The two orange girls looked at each other.
"Used media to spread nasties secrets about everyone/everypony for selfish reasons?" They echoed. They then nodded.
"It seems that constants and variables do exists across all realities," Princess Luna mused. "Now this particular avatar of mine would like to see more of your skateboarding before Twilight remembers to close the portal and this shared dream comes to an end." Luna had a hat appear on her head, along with a 'Go Scootaloos' fang, and sat down in the bleachers.
The Scootaloos happily obliged.
Discord holds a villain still while the girls blast both of them with a rainbow preparing to get turned to stone, but being surprised that he wasn’t turned to stone due to him accepting the magic of friendship.
King Inferno, the previous Dragon Lord who had refused to given up his position when his term ended, and whom Torch had challenged and toppled, had escaped Tartarus, and if allowed to go unchallenged would destroyed Equestria, and pretty much any other kingdom he felt like.
But thankfully the Elements of Harmony weren't about to let that happen! They had the regalia to turn the giant dragon into a solid rock mountain! But for being a giant dragon, he was surprisingly fast, and his fire breath was somehow about to block the Elements of Harmony,
"Because of course it does! Nothing can ever be simple or easy for us!" Rainbow Power Applejack cursed.
Then Discord teleported behind King Inferno, who was, of course, somehow able to deflect the all powerful magic of Discord, because of course he could.
He grew to giant size and wrestled with the giant dragon. "I've got him! BLAST AWAY!"
"But what about you!?" Rainbow Power Fluttershy asked worried.
"Don't worry about me, just go for it!"
"I love you Discord!" Fluttershy shouted with tears in her eyes.
"I love you too!"
And the Rainbow of Light came forth, and washed over Discord and Inferno.
"NOOOO! NOT AGAIN! MY FIRE IS ETERNAL!" Inferno snarled as he was turned to stone. Discord prepared for his final fate... only...
"Huh?" Discord looked at himself, he wasn't stone, shrank himself back to pony size and checked himself over. "This is new."
"Discord!" Fluttershy hugged him. Then blushed insanely. "I! UH! WHAT I SAID!" Fluttershy was bright red all over and ready to faint.
"OH! RIGHT! WHAT I SAID!"
"So when's the wedding?" Rainbow grinned.
"So... anypony gonna ask why Discord ain't a rock?" AJ asked just that.
"Isn't it obvious?" Twilight said with a smile. "Discord has accepted the magic of friendship."
"Blech! Don't make it sound like I'm some sort of nice guy now!... I just happen to enjoy your company now and consider your continued existence worth risking my own for, and I know I can open to you without judgement, I occasionally offer boons without expecting payment in return, and I longer seek to twist ponies into abominations of themselves for my own amusement," Discord said.
"We're your friends too Discord," Flutterhy said.
Starlight attempts to flirt with Sunburst, but he's completely clueless.
"Oh Sunburst!" Starlight said. "Your glow is like the sunrise!"
"Really? I thought I was more an orange color than a sunrise."
"Your mane is only matched by your fiery passion!"
"I think it's because I forget to comb it that ends up looking like tongues of flame."
"Your eyes are like gems!"
"Really? Maybe it's because of my prolonged exposure to the crystal heart!"
"You are my light in the darkness!"
"Thanks, I know some good illumination spells."
"I wish for a night for joy between us!"
"Really? Did you know they released Dragon Trap?! I was saving it for your birthday!"
"Really? Let's have fun while reading Daring Do, and organizing books! Wait that doesn't sound right! Spike don't look over my shoulder!"
"Dangit! Why is this so hard? It was so much easier to write when I didn't know what I was doing!" Twilight fumed standing over her writing desk and her pros of Starlight and Sunburst.
Spike asked, "Didn't the Equestrian literally society ban you from writing romantic novels for a thousand years?"
"Uh, this isn't romance writing! This is simulations of possible relationships to cut-off friendship problems before they happen!"
"Hey Twilight!" Starlight Glimmer stuck her head in. "I asked Sunburst on a date! He said yes! Later!" He stuck her head out.
"W-what!? That simple?! B-but- Agh!"
"Life is stranger than fiction."
The Alicorn of Death, King of the Grim Reapers, Mortis asked one of his angels of death, "So, Ryuk, what did you learn as Mr. Cake?"
Ryuk said, "... That life is precious and not easily taken away."
Mortis nodded, "Good. Now, back to your assigned tasks."
Ryuk bowed, "Yes, sir. but... I have a really big favor to ask."
Mortis raised an 'eyebrow' or would with his skull face, "And what is that?"
Ryuk pleaded, " ...Please don't have me be the one to write Cupcake, Pound Cake or Pumpkin Cake's names in my Death Note!"
Mortis decided, "... Very well. But it'll cost you an apple. "