Due to issues at the university, a substitute teacher is needed for Sex Ed
Hey, everypony! This is so exciting I can't believe I get to teach this class to you! And I don't mean that this is not a serious situation, I mean we're in danger, but I have nooo doubt that Twilight will take care of it, and be back with us soon. But until then...Look, I don't mean to brag, but I definitely know a lot about this specific subject, as I've researched it quite extensively in the expansive archives of our schools, because being close friends and Guidance Counselor to the Princess of Friendship herself Twilight Sparkle, that is the Headmare by the way, I have been able to access the royal archives and get really into the nitty gritty of the secretest things that sex could have to offer, available within our given lifetime, instead of the things that we are used to in sexual society. Now, Miss Sparkle didn't give me the most... specific instructions on how much of this immortality sexual royal archives information I could use, but if I know one thing about Twilight it's her thoroughness, so I'm pretty sure I've covered everything reality has to offer....
A Comprenhensive Summarizing of The Immortality Papers of Sexual Royal Archives of Transcendecity Rituals Within Alicorn Reason
"Hey, everypony! This is so exciting I can't believe I get to teach this class to you! And I don't mean that this is not a serious situation, I mean we're in danger, but I have nooo doubt that Twilight will take care of it, and be back with us soon. But until then...Look, I don't mean to brag, but I definitely know a lot about this specific subject, as I've researched it quite extensively in the expansive archives of our schools because being close friends and Guidance Counselor to the Princess of Friendship herself Twilight Sparkle, that is the Headmare by the way, I have been able to access the royal archives and get really into the nitty-gritty of the most things that sex could have to offer, available within our given lifetime, instead of the things that we are used to in our current sexual climate. Now, Miss Sparkle didn't give me the most... specific instructions on how much of this immortality sexual royal archives information I was allowed to use, but if I know one thing about Twilight it's her thoroughness, so I'm pretty sure I've covered everything reality has to offer...."
"Is there any questions?"
"Are there?" A dragon corrects with a snort.
Starlights blows a raspberry and scoffs. "Oh, I'm sorry, yes there is! Thanks for reminding me. Bleugh, scatterbrained. Did anyone take my salad?"
The class is satisfied with remaining silent.
Starlight finishes her name in cursive on the whiteboard. She adds a heart above the 'i' in 'Ms. Glimmer." as she continues. "It was in the fridge. No? Okay, well..uh..I guess it was no one, so I guess uh...well we can start then!"
Starlight does a final scan for any raised claws then returns to setting up.
"Uhm....Okay, well then we can start. Okay, Hmmmm, AAaahhhhhI'mnervous. Ahem... Hello students. My name is Starlight Glimmer." She references the decidedly black dry-eraser. "Most of you may know me already and I know what you're thinking, 'is that the guidance counselor?' Yes! Also, I'll be serving-I mean teaching, as your Sex Ed...Teachers. Unfortunately, most of the other instructors, are indisposed. But, even though the class has been out for a few weeks on account of the earthquakes, I am optimistic and I have a lot for us to learn, and...to share." She winced, that last-minute ad-lib didn't sound so good.
The class doesn't mention but yes, they did notice. They grow responsively silent, and Starlight is pleased.
She struts to the whiteboard and magically picks up the black marker, after deciding not to use the green one.
Every creature sees this and somepony raises a hoof.
Putting down the marker she turns and addresses the class. "Okay so, who has done the assigned reading on the study about trans-iiiiinnnngggg, yes, you, who are you?"
"...a student?"
"Oh! Yes! A student has raised their hoof. Yes, student, my student."
"Dew Drop, I think only a few of those papers were actually published, are you talking about those? Cause like, we all had the same information and we couldn't get to it. Are you talking about those studies? The information was in Celestia's handwriting and it said that it was-."
A harsh shush from enthralled pegasi.
"Oh! Yes! That is correct Drop!"
"Dew."
"Sorry.. Dew. Good job..Dewd! ....
"..."
"Uhm yeah, those studies! So, you didn't get them? That's kinda weird. Anyways, would it surprise all of you to know, that those studies were obsolete by about, 5000 years?"
The class is awash with ripe confusion.
"Oh wait, I have slides."
The students tense up, they all get the feeling Starlight might not be allowed to be saying what she's saying. But they are so curious, they do not stop her.
"Today, we're going to be talking about Transing!"
The students watch in silence, wary of what they were about to see. A dragon unwraps some gum.
"Ohhhyeah, uhm, well this one is just a magic scan of the page but I've highlighted... a segment of it."
The page ingloriously shows up on the magic projector.
A Comprehensive Summarizing of The Immortality Papers of Sexual Royal Archives; - Transcendecity Rituals Within Alicorn Reason-
Penned by the Early Solstice Immortal, Celestia within 3 Cycles of the Moon's forming. Give me an A, please.
I am so bored. Today I discovered all the secrets of the universe then it was time for me to EVOLVE again, if I wasn't the god to complain to, I would complain to myself all day long, but I'm so sick of hearing my voice because I've said ALL THE THINGS five hundred times over. I'm not sure many creatures understand what it truly means to be immortal. Ick.
Here's the Summarizing, thanks to my Professor Starswirl, he's a weird-ass, pony but he knows a lot for a mortal
Transcendity - A word my sister invented to describe surpassing the utmost a being can be within what is possible in the span of their existence. That is, to say, a way around infinity and to transcend space and time, stretching your corporeal self across the cosmos in ultimate bliss.
So, a transcendity ritual, is basically the highest form of sex within any given species, that is to say beyond understanding if one is seeks to understand. Words will fall short, (And really, they do.) but it's like the sensation that your (Assuming one has a sense of self) body, soul, mind, and feelings meshing eternally in an instant, then putting itself back together, as comically as it sounds, into a gigantic fireball resembling a heart shape if the transcendity ritual is powerful enough. It gives an amusing twist to some of pony history, my sister. Some significant moments in pony timelines have been about practicing this in public because of your influence. Like for instance, the incident centuries earlier where Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Twilight's (Twilight isn't here yet. I'll explain later) brother Shining Armor, who made a spectacle of themselves by reaching a transcendity climax, in public, in front of many ponies. Ugh, I'm just remembering sex, just...blegh. Transing, every time. Sex, not even 10,000 times, my sister, if you're reading. (Hi Luna.<3) Transing or bust! Alrighty, back to the summary. Transcendity ritual is melting and oozing yourself beyond words and feelings and eternally feeling like... Oh shoot! How do I describe transing sensation? It's like, it's the feeling of your sexual organs within the entire span of common existence, that is to say, every species (Waves hand) is melding with each other and cumming endlessly upon every molecule of sensation, at every rate you've ever had in your life, all at the same time, while you mix those two existences together with your transcendity mate (Hello Discord ;)) in every sensation and in every lifetime of existence. It's like, I don't know. Getting the universe pregnant or something like that. In short, that is the sensation of a Transcendity Ritual, I mean we're working on better things in the Lunar Logs, but it'll do for right now. Okay, so this round of ponies is evolving particularly slow, meaning they'll probably be content to not knowing anything about themselves for the rest of their life. Perfect transers. But they're just so stupid, is that mean to say? I mean, I'll probably just put it in the royal archives, so hey future me! I love ponies with all of my heart, but sometimes they're just stupid. One of the advantages of transing is the infinity of possibilities when an alicorn is exposed to that much raw magic, and we're talking Solid Magic, (I love it when Discord calls it Chocolate Milk) when an immortal within Alicorn Reason, is exposed to raw magic, the above-mentioned effects will likely topple any creatures existence. I've done it soo many times, (Luna, you might as well have an archive dedicated to your transing escapades.) We'll call it the Sexual Royal Archives. And ponies having trouble evolving do it all the time, they unleash a potential magic dead space upon the world, to make an orgasm heart. I love that they're so sentimental, so willing to break reality for just a little transing. I mean, I'm guilty. I've ended existence a couple of times for a little roll in the transcendental coil.
Section 2: Defining the parameters of Alicorn Reason
Alicorn reason is the paradox discovered by none other than Professor Starswirl of the early Equestrian Timeline (Is there something you didn't discover? I have to reference you in everything. It's either you me or Luna, we have to keep referencing each other, egh!)
Things possible within what is now known as Alicorn Reason, is the act of mapping reality so that time has meaning within the ether. The reason you called it that Mr. Bearded was because you created a time loop so that We (Us, Aetherials, You get it.) couldn't invent it, cause we didn't think about writing it down because back then writing had no meaning because language lacked cohesion. The first time an Alicorn set foot on soil, they knew about Alicorn Reason, but I guess you write it down and suddenly it's news...
"Wait, what about the part that isn't highlighted??"
"Shhhh!"
"Uh, I don't think that's important," Starlight quickly goes to the next slide. "I just wanted to show you a reference to the word. Now when we're talking about transing we're talking about a highly developed sense of-"
"It's the reading..." Someone in the back says to himself as he holds a scroll in absolute awe.
"Didn't Ms.Glimmer send that to us by Dragonfire?"
"Oh, so you've all read it! Great! Uhm, well that'll make this a whole lot easier...shall we review??"
Every Creature raises their hands, then slowly lowers them.
Surving An Auptonomaunt Orgasm From Merely Crying Provided By The Royal Lunar Sex Archives Of Canterlot
"Okay class, so this is how to survive An auptonomaunt orgasm from merely crying."
Starlight Glimmer switches off the light and hurries to her desk.
She takes a second to get herself looking dignified and sparks her horn. The projector pops on.
"So I guess we'll start with what we know already and that iiiiiissss-" She fumbles out, trying to get her magic slides working.
"We know how to survive (A slide pops on the screen, it has a red cross, a happy Sun and a glass of water on it), you know health, cleanliness, sunshine, medicine when we're sick and water when we thirst."
"Second, we know how to cry. (A slide of a pony in the fetal position, crying) You know 'boo-hoo my mare friend broke up with me!', 'Hey, I'm having a bad day wa wa wa', or you know; Tragedy, on an interspecies-wide scale, which will not happen because Twilight WILL be back with us soon."
"Third, we know how to have an orgasm! Or do we?? Ooohh, I see some of you ponies blushing out there, or is it just me? Oh, is she crying? Are you crying? Oh yeah, I guess that wasn't the best segue. Look every creature, Twilight will be back, we've dealt with far worse, many times before, and have been fine."
"So don't worry guys, we got this. But you know if Twilight were here she'd want you to focus on your studies. Because she is a brainiac, as always. Okay? Can we do this? Okay? Alright, guys! Okay, so Orgasms-"
She sparks her horn and a slide with the word "Orgasm" on it, appears on the screen.
"-are nature's little reward (She puts another slide on, this one is a duck on a pond.) for wanting to populate the earth- (A slide of the globe, with Starlight giving a thumbs up in the foreground, thus blocking most of the globe.) -expressions of love-(A slide of two ponies kissing, they are both goths.)-showing that we want to please our lover perhaps, (Slide of a tasteful photo of a couple in bliss) or using it at our ahem, personal-(A slightly over-pornographic picture of a pony masturbating)-liberation."
"Did you know that with these three things we could be well on our way as a species to-"
A student raises a hoof.
"Yes, dod-uhm, did you like a question?" Starlight Glimmer dimmed a little, and deflated into her desk chair, she looked pretty foolish. Everyone knew it.
But the student with the raised hoof takes pity on her on just asks his question. "Is this the same type of Sex Ed everybody learns Ms.Glimmer?"
She turns off the projector, and heads towards the back of the room."You know, I've never taken a Sex Ed class before, then again I've never written a curriculum for one before either, but having grown up with it, and having experienced a lot of it, I know lots about it and have researched it quite a bit. So I'm confident you'll all walk out of here with a con-"
She was going to say the word "confident" but got mixed up in complicated anxiety. So instead she froze up and forgot what she was going to say.
But she presses on. "...Smiling attitude about sex or so help me, Celestia, I will kill myself." She switches on the lights. The students rub their eyes, the light is a little harsh.
"But not really, I mean figuratively. Because no one is dying. We're safe here. Okay, every creature? We are safe. Say it with me. We are safe. Okay, let's move on okay."
"Now, we all know what an orgasm feels like huh? (Or do we??) Pretty good huh? What if I told you, that you could have orgasms, endlessly?"
A pony with a heavy Hispanic accent raises a hoof. But you can hear it even when he's silent.
"A..question..?" Starlight said, carefully.
"Wouldn't that like, scramble your brain or something?" Said the pony with a normal pony accent.
"Yes! I was hoping you'd bring that up becaaauuuuuussse-" She fumbles with the marker, realizing she forgot to take off the cap.
She scribbles something on the drawing board and the spectacle finishes with the sound of Starlight glimmer putting a bunch of dots on the board with her marker. Which goes; "Boop pop bbup bup bup bup boop bop pop bop bop boop boop bop bop booop boop boop bop." The students kinda lean out of their seats and are anxious to see what it is.
The board reads: "Lunar Pleasure Chart"
The students are agape with indifference, one pony raises a hoof but then forgets what he wants to ask and puts his hoof down.
A griffin speaks up. "It's just a bunch of stars."
"Yes, they're stars! They are stars." Said Starlight, a little too Pictionaire-ingly.
She presses on. "So... Stars... ahem. In a letter from Princess Luna to Celestia, to further the Lunar Sexual Archives, the text of Princess Luna's description of an Auptonomaunt Lunar Orgasm is at our disposal."
No creature raises anything. Their eyes all drift to the board.
A dragon claw is raised.
"Yes? Dragon! No, I mean your name...I'm sorry, which is-"
"Faeda-"
"Faeda. Question?"
"Do you have slides?"
"I do! Oh my gosh, I forgot, thanks for reminding me! I actually have that description highlighted so...thanks Faeda!"
Some ponies' hooves hit their foreheads while Starlight mumbles. "Uuuhhhhhhhhhhhh-oh-wait-uhhhhhhhhhhhh-oh here they are."
Faeda grins.
The other dragons have pity.
The lone griffin is chewing.
The yaks' interests are piqued.
The ponies are embarrassed.
A pony named Slotted Spoon remains impartial.
The next slide comes on, which is a scan of a rather delicate-looking page that perhaps, should not have been scanned. It has the following words scrambled on it.
Hello Sister, you wrote and asked us to describe the Auptonomaunt Orgasm for the archives and seeing as we've got some time on our hands we will provide it to you.
A-U-P-T-O-N-O-M-A-U-N-T
The letters have no real literary significance, it's just that the letters look similar to constellations that we have named in our stay on the moon.
When you trace your hoof across those stars, along with the motion that is caused during an Auptonmomaunt Orgasm, you will get the shapes that look like the letters A-U-P-T-O-N-O-M-A-U-N-T.
The cosmos align and will roam about your soul and share its sensation with your entire timeline of existence.
That is to say, we could feel everything in the universe at once focused into our reproductive organs, for instance the clitoris and labia, endlessly cumming with the universe attached and sexually thriving for thousands of years. With the plane of the cosmos spread wide enough so that we won't be shattered by overstimulation or loss of sanity if we wanted to. The motion with which the cosmos weave through your very existence, when compared with the Lunar Chart, spell out "Auptonomaunt." We will provide the charts in separate letters.
The Auptonomaunt sensation is known to be caused by crying. This is within Alicorn Reason, assuming that one knows enough to make such magic come about, but extends to empathic lesser creatures depending on how powerful their alignment is with immortality. When we are crying, we cry with such ferocity that the empathy latent in all things surfaces. The stars take pity and mesh our existence with the universe, calming our soul, so as to not send the world into chaos. Our cry is split apart by the cosmos and shared among trillions, thus lessening the pain of our woes and subduing our rage.
If we happen to be masturbating at the time, one will experience what we call an Auptonomaunt. The stars vibrate across your existence in a certain shape and pattern, but we have refined it to where the frame of your existence is focused only on your sexual plane, that is our clit and labia, but it is up to us to spread the cosmos wide enough so that we do not lose our minds in the rapture of universal pleasure.
Crying is the way in which our essences push against the universe, the Auptonomaunt is the pull. You need to cry and it is necessary to keep crying when following through. Thus, one can survive the orgasm and push against your existence with your tears to avoid being squashed between reality and voided of space. Sometimes this can be achieved by other creatures' tears depending upon the measure of their grief, but the quantity must be monumental. Sometimes it takes trillions of tears to achieve a single alicorn Auptonomaunt.
We have on occasion used the dreamscape and forced as many creatures as we could into crying in their sleep so we could harvest them. I became addicted to the Auptonomaunt Orgasm and tried to extend the night so I could harvest more tears within nightmares. But after a while, we were able to achieve an Auptonomaunt by merely crying, our body had become so filled with sorrow that the stars took pity of their own volition and our tears were all we needed to achieve nirvana and our madness turned into pleasure.
When one is cumming with the tears of the universe, one learns to be an optimist.
One gets lonely when one is among the stars.
Thank you for the Lunar Archives my sister, they are keeping my sanity.
LNM
A pony named Slotted Spoon raises a hoof. "Uuhhhhh-"
Alicorn Reason and It's Effects On The Common Pony When Engaging In A Non-Transcendent Means Transcribed From The Musings Of Princess Celestia
"Okay students!" Starlight Glimmer said confidently.
She then takes a full minute to hack and cough, it's long enough to where somepony might start to get concerned.
A yak raises a hoof. "Is little Glimmer pony, okay?"
"I am! *wheeze* I'm good. *wheeze* Okay, here we go!" Much to the students' dismay, she starts running in place in a sort of, get up and go, way. Exacerbating her condition.
The students cringe. "Miss Glimmer don't-"
"Whoo!! Now, I'm tired. *hack* *cough*" The silent classroom fills with the sound of wet coughs and the air is a bit uncomfortable. The only one unconcerned with Starlight Glimmer's health, was the mare herself.
A pony raises a hoof.
Starlight holds up a finger, as if to say "one sec" and proceeds to cough for another interminable amount of time, somewhere during this hacking fit the student puts their hoof down. "Oh. No more questions? *cough* I am good, I have a bit of flu, but I am -heugh- okay. I am holding down the..."
Every creature holds its breath.
It sounds like Starlight is about to either lose consciousness or projectile vomit.
A pony is about to raise a hoof. "Holding down the -UGRH-fort while Twilight is gone and-WILL YOU PLEASE *hack hack cough wheeze* STOP CHEWING THAT *cough* GUM!"
A griffin freezes, she swallows her gum.
Starlight uses a hoof to steady herself, she exerted way too much energy...
She looks as if she will faint but forces some words out of her body while sweating profusely. "I. just. hate. when. gum!...................................................................heugh...........................................................................................ughblleh..............................................................................................................Video. day! *wheeze* we......are. going. to. put. on. a. video.........couldsomeone-"
A pegasus with foresight and sympathy to her plight has already sprung into action. She switches on the video that Starlight had prepared.
Some pleasant music plays softly in the background with something on the screen saying "Your Body and You."
Ms. Glimmer, feeling that her duty was for the most part done, collapses as gracefully as she can into her chair, it squeaks in protest while student gives her a bucket.
Starlight buries her face into it, and from within the occupied bucket echoes a - "heugh!"
After which she promptly passes out.
A pony named Slotted Spoon raises a hoof.
A terse pegasus replies. "Who the buck are you raising your hand for dumbass? Our teacher is passed out."
An ass whines in protest.
Slotted Spoon thinks through what he's about to say, out loud. "Now, I am not uhhh, one to, be uh...a member, of like, of the uhhh, complaint... uhm....uh group, for like, this ....uhh school for obvious reasons, but uhhh- like, okay, so it's like....Ms. Glimmer-"
A shy pony speaks up. "Should we go get the nurse?"
The same terse pegasus shoots back at the shy pony and addresses the class. "The nurse is gone, she left this morning! Half of the staff is gone! Like we should be doing! It's been a week, I don't think Twilight is coming back! We need to get out of here!"
Another echo from the bucket fills the classroom. "Twilight IS coming back!" She pulls her head with a little effort out of her vomit catch and addresses the students. Her eyes are horrifying, red, veiny and she looks a few shades paler, but her resolve seems to be stronger.
"Twilight. Is. Coming. Back." She declares with conviction.
The pegasus loses her will to be antagonistic at the horrific sight of Starlight Glimmer's flu-ridden face.
"And I would like every creature to *cough cough* to make no mistake about that! The staff left, *coughcoughcough* because they don't know.."
Starlight takes a deep breath."...what I do! This institution, *cough* is the safest place on this earth to be right now... Because I don't know if you know, but there a whole lot of creatures out there, right now, who wouldn't mind hurting you or seeing you dead. Twilight did not leave us unprotected, I helped her on the enchantments myself! I don't know about you, but there is no one else I'd rather trust with my life than Twilight Sparkle! I've seen that mare do unprecedented things, things beyond belief or even reason. SHE WILL SOLVE THIS. It's just that...this kind *cough* of problem takes time, *hack* lots of it! But until then, we are going to hold down the last bastion this world has against hatred and intolerance. WE are going to strengthen ourselves for the horribleness pouring in on us from all corners of the world, and put our faith in The Magic of Friendship! Like we always have! And learn about bucking sex!"
A pegasus raises a hoof.
Starlight devolves into another coughing fit but just points to the raised hoof.
"I'm sorry Ms. Glimmer." Said the crying pegasus.
"It's okay." Starlight said, looking the complete opposite of okay. She scrambles to the table with as much intensity as her weak body allows and shuffles through her papers.
With a subdued intensity, she runs her hooves through her mane in frustration, her notes are a jumbled mess and out of order. Her highlights were smudged from her tears and her face was hot.
"So because I can't teach for shit, and apparently I can't keep your mind off the impending doom our world is facing, I'm just going to tell you what it was like the last time I had sex."
A pony raises a hoof.
"No questions, this is a lecture!"
He rescinds.
Starlight Glimmer finds her footing and takes a deep breath, holding back a cough as she did. Her eyes are red, her skin is pale and her breathing is labored.
"He was an attentive lover and his butt was so amazing that I drooled when I looked at it. He treated my pussy well. Carefully slow with my clit so as not to overstimulate and to increase the number of orgasms I could take before exhaustion. He worshipped my body like a bucking sculptor, he labored intensely over every inch of me with his hooves and mouth, leaving no stone unturned. With the attention that he paid to my body, it was impossible to miss any one of my erogenous zones and whenever he encountered a spot that I particularly like, he would press a hoof to it and say "found one" cocky colt, this one. So by the time he was done, I was practically begging for his cock, because I'm a mare who doesn't like to wait for things, as you all well know! I asked him over and over to fuck me like the dirty mare I was, but he refused and insisted on eating out my damned pussy instead. After which, I asked him to fuck me again but he persisted and proceeded to kiss, like, bite and suck and breathe on every inch of my thighs that didn't belong directly to my vagina and I was pissed because by now, a pool had formed under my fucking hips and ruined my sheets but I was moaning and writhing too much to protest. He made biting sounds with his teeth near my vagina, which sounds odd but you had to be there trust me, it was really hot. As soon as he got to my vagina, after taking his fucking time, he kissed my labia and I about creamed myself. All the teasing and sloppy kisses had made my pussy beyond slick, and even his gentle peck of a kiss brought a string of my juices trailing from his mouth to my pussy when he pulled back and told me that I was "his beautiful toothpaste tube." Which I thought was incredibly cute, but in hindsight, I think it was just because he was treating my pussy like a sentient queen. After he was done kissing my slit, he let his tongue sit on my pussy, and I was begging for him to do something else, bucking my hips wildly in an attempt to get him to fuck me or just for Celestia's sake, lick my clit. Which he got to admittedly, but not before circling my labia majora with his godly tongue, teasing me ever more and I started to feel a lingering heat build-up inside my pussy and at the base of my clit. He stopped and kissed me on the lips. I pushed his head back down and told him to, "Eat." He obeyed me but not before giving me one more, long lingering lick starting at my taint, up through my slit, and ending on my clit with a gentle flick of his tongue. I came. After which he sloppily kissed every inch of my pussy, being sure to let me know how good I tasted and how much he adored me while I told him to "fucking shut up, you wonderful pony." He paid little attention to my clit at first, mainly focusing on literally consuming my juices which after just cumming for the first time, felt like heaven. He worked his way up my marehood and eventually got back to my clit, he spent a little time making circles around my clit with his tongue while using the edge of his hoof to tease my entrance and I came again. A little harder this time, so he backed off a tiny bit and set his tongue again on my pussy, which felt, fucking good after another orgasm, not too much stimulation just...like AGH! So good. This colt, wasn't even fucking done. He slowly built me up two more times and made me cum so hard that I had to be left alone for a second, while he confidently put on a condom, because as old as I am, I am not ready for kids. But more on that later, because when he mounted me, I could feel his cock twitch with excitement, and he pushed the tip against my clit. I now refer to that as the clit-kiss...Ahem but anyways, he started to push inside me, and because I had cum about 5 times already, it slipped right in and I immediately felt him fill me up, but he fit like a glove so I unexpectedly came again. He was gentle but hungry as he pushed his beautiful dick inside me, and I was reduced to a moaning groaning mess as I told him how good it felt. At this point, he wouldn't shut up, which was great because I love it when somebody talks dirty to me, but he also spoke tenderly and told me that I was a princess, which if I was at all coherent during these moments I would've scoffed at, but I enjoyed the sentiment. He took his own pace when sliding in and out of me so as to fuck up my walls with endurance! He had a problem with endurance, so he let me know that he was just going to take it slow at first. Which I was fine with because, I don't think after that many orgasms I could've handled being fucked hard. And he did, he took his own pace and it was so cute when he was about to cum, but pulled out and started kissing me until he could continue. He was so sweet and tender, look safe sex and all that but I wanted this colt unsheathed, so I used my mouth to take off his condom and told him to stick it in raw, which he wasn't a fan of, but I was insistent. He stuck it in, and came right away. But the way that he clutched my body while emptying his cum inside me is something I still think about on lonely nights. He collapsed onto the very wet bed and I laid back as happy as a clam, with his cum leaking from my pussy. Sooner than I thought though, he was ready for round two, and mares, did he ever fuck up my little pony walls. I came more because he took it on himself to occasionally stimulate my clitoris when fucking me. He would stop and pull my mane every once in a while and call me his "wonderful mare" which wasn't that dirty but I liked it. He fucked me so hard that night. I think we went until morning. I came A LOT probably like..10 times or something, I lost count at one point. He wasn't big, big surprise, not many colts are if you've seen a lot of them, but he used his cock like a champ and made me cum more times than any lover previous, who all, by the way, had giant dicks and no sense of foreplay. His girth fit me nicely and his length was not too long! Just hoo very nice. We kissed and made love until morning and he left. I was heartbroken because he was not mine, he was another mare's. But hey, my life goes on! I continue to live! We are going to continue to live. That is exactly what. We....will...That concludes our lesson today and class is dismissed."
Starlight Glimmer collapsed. Feverish and having bigger coughing fits than before.
The shy pony, blushing madly spoke. "We need to get her some help." The shy pony rushed to her side, and felt her forehead with her hoof.
A pony raises his hoof.
The shy pony, looks around not knowing if the raised hand was for her. "Um...yes?"
Look, I'm gonna be honest, I'm a sub on occasion, and I had never seen anyone approach anything remotely like the things that were in your class. I feel uncomfortable with that last sentence, but I don't think I could word it any other way. Your class, albeit, a little concerning at times, turned me into a different dragon. The amount of stress you must've been feeling during those classes! Yet, you still had the courage to go on, even when on the verge of physical collapse! It gave me new life. I wrote this shortly after your class in a students column; "The undeniable stones on Miss Glimmer were intense. It was the most embarrassing, and painfully informative class I have ever taken, and I will remember that for a long time. I mean, people asked me what it was like with the Guidance Counselor, being my teacher and I tell them that "It's like being guided by the gentle hand of a COLOSSUS ROCK MONSTER." She is but a pony, but a dragon no doubt, within. Able to breathe fire at an alarming rate, all-consuming, but in the form of a little bitty pony."
The dragons got off easy, how did YOU manage? You taught us during that tragedy that Pony Sex is THE way to have sex. Look, I'm not saying you cured my fury or anything, but it got a firm kick to the stones. I'm a dragon. Expressing affection. You must know how hard this is. Please understand, I think you are wonderful and my...sympathies.
My stomach turned.
-Faeda
P.S. Sorry about the gum. I didn't chew it but I brought it into class.
Ms Glimmer,
Thanks for keeping us all together, if I had gotten my way, we might have suffered the same fate as some of the staff. I can't say I'm happy to be alive right now, but I am alive, and I owe that to you.
I also learned that Princess Luna used to masturbate to our tears and Celestia hasn't had sex in thousands of years. It's one of the few things, that can still bring a smile to my face.
-Wind Rush
Hello,
Do you remember me?
I was the grifggriffon.
You made me swallow my gum. You put me you put stars on the board
Faeda brought the gum?
you said dodham did you like a question
Not me.
-Brunhilda
Okay, here's the thing Ms. Glimmer,
I don't know much about english. I am hoping that you will understand me anyways. I didn't grow up with much, but me having an education was important to my Madre so she made it happen, and here I am today. I am forever grateful to your class. In the face of an impending inter-species war, you were teaching us about how Princess Luna masturbates. The cojones on this broad, okay? (I'm sorry for your loss by the way) My madre prays every day for her bro.) But you were like the wind, okay? The way that you were kinda like, stumbling around, like looking like you was dying, was like cute as fuck, okay b? Bouncy and inspiring us through those incredibly painful times, holy shit mama! You were as amazing as a lady, you know?
Oh, by the way, I started doing that thing you said in your class, to my girlfriend shortly after that. I like, really started to step it up. And it brings me much joy now as I know how to please my Mamacita, she like it. Miss Sparkle, I have to be honest, most of the guys were attracted to you in our class, but after THAT, we grew into really important ways of life. Before that class, most guys were like "She the girl to fuck. She the girl to fuck." but after that, we were like "We all wanna marry her bro, move aside hombre, okay dude?"
Just letting you know this, if it's not outta the question. I got a ring, for my girl, can you fit it?
-Juanita Costa Bravo Normalaccentian
Dear Ms Glimmer,
I really don't know if you remember me. I mean, I never spoke up in class or anything. I was holding a job in animal care and didn't know if I should take the time for classes. That being said, I'm so glad that I was going to Friendship University during the Inter-Species war. You were right, there wasn't a place that I would have felt safer than in your care. I am still a little shaken up over what happened with Cloudsdale, but nevertheless: I felt compelled to write you about your class. "It's awkward, but nobody else is going to do it for me." I thought as I left your class with an apocalypse outside, no less. Even in the most dangerous circumstance, our species had experienced, you pressed on... teaching us a Sex Ad class. I felt compelled to put myself out there with confidence thanks to your class.
About you:
-A mare who teaches a class in the midst of a genocidal war
-A mare who exposes classified information to her students because she wants them to know. Even when they bring embarrassment to the throne.
-A mare who had Pony Flu in class and still taught.
-A mare who was secretly holding up an entire third of the entire campus defenses, by herself.
-A mare who taught me what it was like to cum
-A mare who had so much faith that she led us through the darkest of creature times.
-You put faith in us
-You put faith in me
If you could do all that, I can certainly open up to new people and make lasting friendships.
-Gentlehoof Starshine
Honestly Starlight,
You do one thing 5000 years ago and nopony lets you forget it.
Ponies are so stupid sometimes.
Is that mean to say?
Thank you for your actions during the war. Your work was invaluable.
-Celestia
Dearest Aquaintance Starlight Glimmer,
We will see you in your dreams now.
-Luna
Dear Starlight Glimmer. Well this has been a long time coming. But I thought I would it would be appropriate to write around this time of year. The Times I spent at FU, were among the greatest of my life, amidst the worst days of my life and I owe it practically all to you. I NEVER thought, I would see a teacher have the guts to expose Celestia and Luna's PERSONAL SEX DIARIES and LETTERS to us in class?? I mean wow, that takes an extreme amount of courage to approach the subjects that were deemed never to see daylight by Celestia herself! But you did it, (Did you get in trouble?) and that was impactful for me. Because of what you taught, (Sorry you were sick that day by the way, but you were A TROOPER, Miss Glimmer.) After that class, I started approaching sex and speech in a VERY different way, for one: Most of guys won't admit this because it's kinda embarassing but the way you just rapid-fire rattled off your last sexual encounter in tremendous detail, made me rethink getting back on the road to fix my stutter. By the way, most of the guys were pretty stiff by the end, I mean I jacked it right in the bathroom after. I also stopped my cheating ways then and there and started being committed, and you know what, I'm married now. I have my own family and I support them by teaching what you taught me to other ponies and making a pretty nice living off of it, by the way. I'm not rich or anything, but I'm definitely not struggling and my family and I are veeery happy.
Your actions during the war will always be remembered. You kept us safe.
Thanks again, Starlight, you've given me hope for the future and a way to pursue it.
Starlight audibly gulped, and she was pretty sure she heard it echo across the dreamscape. It was silent and still but the tension was palpable. The Princess of the night found out you were reading her diaries. And her letters to Princess Celestia (From the moon). This Alicorn is about to fuck you up. There were a few things bouncing around her head.
1.I'm not gonna die but I'm probably gonna suffer."
2.How long can dreams last?
3.Subbing is the worst.
"Look-" Starlight began, but was cut off by the environment rapidly changing around her. Suddenly she was home. In her room and in her bed. well it WAS home and it used to be her bed. A lovely cottage in the middle of nowhere, or maybe not so lovely. "It's not quite like I remember." She thought. Starlight looked down at her cutie mark. It was an equal sign.
"Can't say I didn't have this coming." Starlight sighs, and tucks herself further in, accepting the impending doom.
"Have what coming toothpaste?"
She helplessly moans at the touch of her lover but a sad sigh escapes her lips. "Please don't make me relive this again." Starlight whispered, hoping Luna would have mercy.
Somepony whispers in the distance.
"No, you weren't."
Another echo from the dark.
"No! You were fantastic, okay?"
Whispers.
"What would your girlfriend think?"
The bed rustles, and the woods creaks like an old ship at sea.
"It's not-"
"Can't we just-" Another monstrous creak, the room grows dark.
Starlight moans softly and the silence is shattered like glass. "FINE! Just turn my brain to mush! That's probably the only reason I liked you in the first place!"
Starlight is stunned to silence, but somewhere in the ether, she hears a familiar mare. "You ungrateful son of a bitch!"
"Wait, I-"
The ship approaches, it incoherently large, and it looms over her bed like a colossus beast. The sails don't make a ripple and the water doesn't make a sound, the only noise penetrating the darkness is the groaning of rotting wood.
She is on deck. Luna is present but remains silent. She stares at Starlight glimmer with no clear expression.
"I'm sorry, I-" She was interrupted again, a faint noise caught her ear and she found herself walking towards the captain's quarters as the sounds steadily increased.
As she closed the distance, the ship ceases its protest. Silent except for what lies beyond the door.
Moaning.
Groaning.
Bliss.
Agony.
Starlight reaches out to push the door open but rescinds.
"Do it." She hears Luna sternly whisper.
It's not enough to make her open the door, she starts to back away from the room.
"NOW!" Luna roars and the doors fly open, and Starlight is violently ushered inside by an invisible force.
The sound of giggling pierces her ears, and she looks up.
Wet flesh hitting wet flesh.
Unbridled words.
"Please-" Starlight whimpers, "make it stop."
"So how many of you colts have marefriends huh?"
"Psh, all of us."
"Hmm, and yet you wanna fuck me more? Why is that?"
"Because," A very young colt steps forward. "-it makes us happy." He says plainly as he slowly slides his cock inside of the mare. She lets out an animal like moan, and roughly bucks her hips against his erection. Countless dirty things escape her lips as the young colt violates her.
Starlight watches herself in horror as the sounds from her past bounce all over the Captain's quarters.
The ghost of the mare she started laughing and moaning lewdly. "MMmmmm, ooohhhhhhh Oohh fuck that little pony pussy! Hahahammmmhm, Does your mother know that you've been fucking me so good, little col-" She is silenced by another pony forcing his cock into her mouth and immediately moans from the taste.
Starlight slobbers all over his dick while stroking another pony's cock with her free hoof. She slowly lick's an older pony's dick and lets it go deep into her throat with a slight gag. It unsheathes from her mouth in a wet gasp and she giggles in delight, using her magic to fondle another pony's balls. "And how about you? Don't you have anything to say?" She says to a mare, who is sitting in the corner.
The mare's face is expressionless as she walks across the room. She straddles Starlight and starts kissing her neck and body. There are tears in her eyes. "I just want to please you." She says sadly.
"You do?" Starlight sparks her horn, and the ponies back away, leaving just her and the mare. "Well now's your chance."
Enclosed in a circle of aroused ponies who are pleasuring themselves to this spectacle, one of them says "Shit..." and ejaculates onto the mare. It hits her face and she immediately revulses and is about to wipe it off when-
"Hold on. Don't you waste it. Eat every drop." Starlight coos. Then grins mischievously, and pointedly says. " And I mean EVERY. DROP." She gestures with a hoof to the floor where some of the sperm landed.
The mare hesitates only slightly but then presses a hoof to her face, feeling the cum sink into her pores, she wipes at the white substance and it comes off leaving a little trail between her hoof and cheek.
"Well?" Starlight says, goading her on. "Isn't gonna eat itself."
The mare licks her hoof, getting a liberal amount of cum between her lips. She moves her mouth non-stop, unsure of how to deal with the texture and taste before closing her eyes, pushing a few more tears out of her eyes, and swallowing. She then slowly gets on the floor and starts licking the floor clean.
Starlight smiles. "Good girl."
"I want her to eat mine too!" A pony says pushing his way past the circle. He shoves his cock into the Mare's mouth and immediately cums. It is heavy in texture and yellow. The Mare's eyes widen and she coughs out all of the offensive fluid and starts gagging, feeling ready to throw up.
"Oohh everypony wants a taste of her, do they?"
They all nod, stroking their dicks furiously.
"Go ahead."
The ponies start to approach, one holds her down while another prepares to put his dick inside her.
"NO PLEASE!"
"Hold it!" The ponies halt at Starlight's voice, the girl tries to squirm away but the ponies hold her tightly. Starlight gets off the bed and trots over to where the pony is being held. "Tell you what, Sunshine I'll make you a deal."
The ship groans. The cabin shakes. The circle of ponies dissappears in a cloud of soot and the scared pony drops to the ground.
"You fuck me, and I won't let them touch you."
The sound of splitting wood, a crack begins to form on the keel. "No, don't show me this!"
"But I-"
A spark from Starlight's horn. The frightened pony looks down in awe, between her back legs, was a fully erect penis and she could feel it throbbing, hitting her stomach in arousal.
Starlight grins as she trots over to the bed and lays her front legs on it. "Come and get it, Sunshine."
The ship settles and all is silent. The pony named Sunshine hesistantly approaches Starlight's wet and ready haunches. Her tears are dry now and her eyes have an undeniable hunger within. She mounts Starlight, prodding her entrance. She shivers and starts panting heavily.
"You want to fuck that pussy?"
Sunshine's is at war inside herself. Somewhere deep inside screams at her not to. This is not right. This is wrong. Something is up. Sunshine's newly formed cock slips into Starlight's pussy a bit and she loses control of herself. "Yes, I want you so badly" she whispers hungrily.
"Do-" before Starlight can finish she yelps in surprise as Sunshine begins humping ferociously and her shivering protests are brought to a halt and they are replaced with vulgar, breathy mutterings. "Oh goddesses, it's so good. Your pussy is so good."
"Mmm and I love that cock, it fits me so well. Ahhh! Ahh!" Starlight moans loudly, and praises her lover every chance she gets, between moans and switching positions she worships Sunshine's dick.
"I never thought it would feel so good." Sunshine says, losing herself a bit in the moment. "It's so wet and warm, oohhh I think I'm gonna cum."
"You are huh?"
The ships hull splits with a CRACK!
"Yes, I can feel it coming."
"Can you now?"
Silent waves rush to fill the cracks.
"Ohhh goddesses, here it comes!"
"Cum inside of me. Give me that cum."
"Ohhh I'm cumming!!!"
Sunshine fills Starlight with her cum, as she shudders with pleasure. She collapses onto Starlight, heaving and sweaty.
The ship begins to sink. The ghosts of a former crew holler in fear.
Starlight moans one last time, feeling the hot semen drip out of her. She slowly starts to laugh.
Sunshine reacts, she looks down and her dick is gone, her gaze fixes on Starlight and her stomach gets a big knot in it. Something is terribly wrong. Starlight Glimmer is laughing at her. Why?
"What-" Sunshine starts coming to her senses and looks around.
The ship is gone. Starlight's laughter echoes through the quaint cabin. The crew no longer hollers, there is no wood splitting. Still laughing, Starlight magically opens the chest a the foot of her bed.
Sunshine's heart drops at what she sees. Her special somepony is in the chest, gagged and tied up. He groans in protest but something is strange. She immediately goes to him and takes off his gag. She is horrified and starts manickly apologizing but is stopped when she hears.
"I'm sorry..." He can't even look at her.
"For wh-" Sunshine stops short, her eyes are fixed on what's between her boyfriend's legs..."No." She says, tears filling her eyes.
"So." Starlight begins. "How does it feel? Fucking me with your special somepony's dick?" She finishes by sending a spark to her horn and Sunshine's eyes glaze over.
"It felt nice, thank you." Sunshine says with a smile.
CRACK! Starlight's cabin collapses in an instant, as debris falls to the ground it fades into nothing and the world crossfades to a field of white nothingness.
Starlight weeps into the blank cavas of a world and her cries bounce against this existence and amplify back into her ears.
Luna stands behind Starlight. Starlight feels her presence and turns around abruptly, her eyes red with anguish. "Just kill me."
Luna has a staisfied expression on her face, yet she cries as well. "You're ready."
"Wha-OH." Starlight's eyes fill with lunar light and her body becomes hot very rapidly.
Starlight is currenlt in the process of cumming with the force of a thousand moons. Suddenly, nothing esle mattered and the world was good. "Oh." she says, seeing galaxies unfold before her.
"We'll talk after. Your actions during the inter-species war were honorable, Starlight Glimmer. By the way, thank you. It's about time someone taught what I've written, my sister was dead set against it." Luna said as she dissappeared into the night.
"The Universal Rules For Transcendental Rituals" Translated Into Mid-Equestrian Hoofian: An Abridgement By Starswirl The Mage
I'm afraid I can no longer tolerate your mischief. My teeth have been grinding more than often, due to the discovery of your Lunar Sex Archives, -Yes, I know- in the Starswirl the Bearded Wing, no less! I don't find any of your parodic prattle about your schooling very amusing little filly. My wing of the library is reserved for the most important spells in ponykind, and because of your actions, I now have to close off the wing to the public. Only a few people will be allowed in and it will be heavily guarded, it makes my research feel quite useless. I hope it was worth teaching a small generation of ponies how to'basically, jack off with the galaxy's tears'I nearly went bald, trying to undo the damage you dealt to ponykind, there is only so much that towels and a meager neutering spell can do. You, two minxes, have undoubtedly soiled my name forever. I'm going to be cross when she comes back.
On a more personal note, if you know what's good for you, you will stay away from Discord, I don't like the influence he's had on you as of late.
Attached is an abridgment of a particularly harmful article from your Lunar Sex Archives (Of all things, honestly), I've had to erase a lot of memories. If you don't cease your behavior, Luna won't be the only one who's trapped.
Progressive. About. Sexsive.
Starlight caps her dry-erase with a prideful click.
"You see up until recently no one had any access to this section of the library as it has been sealed off for nearly a thousand years. But since I was such a hit with the students, I'm sorry I don't mean to brag -sniff- Twilight has put me in charge of the future of your sexual education, so I've decided it's time to get..."
Ms. Glimmer magically fumbles for her pointer. "Progressive. About. Sexsive."
A pony raises a hoof.
"Yes...you had a question, mister..."
"Dodham."
She magically points at the pony with her pointer. "Right, Dodham, did you like a question?"
A griffin's gum bobble pops.
Not waiting for a reply, Starlight Glimmer prepares the next slide in her presentation.
A pony whose name contains Juan says. "Uhh, yeah Ms. Glimmer, you keep showing us these slides, right?"
"Oh. Yes! You noticed!" She points to the three words she wrote...in black marker...on the ancient script.
"I've highlighted the pertinent parts." Starlight Glimmer says, beaming at her preparation.
Juan continues. "Yeah, the thing is Ms. Glimmer, we can still see the stuff that's not highlighted. I didn't want to say anything, because, you know, I'm a curious pony yo. But now, it's like, I don't want you to get into trouble, you know?"
A griffin stretches the gum from her mouth while several dragons cough in succession.
Starlight Glimmer blinks in confusion. "Well, to be honest, I skimmed this part, what does it say?"
A dragon speaks up, abruptly. "Ms. Glimmer, I'm sorry, it is my burden to bear! I saw that you were making a grave mistake and my honor was misplaced!"
A yak chimes in. "I just yak, but even yak know what 'incriminate' mean."
Starlight Glimmer begins to sweat and in a panic, removes the slide.
She refers to her hard copy and begins to sweat.
A smattering of apologies.
A pegasus floats above her seat, rising to Starlight's defense. "But we won't tell anyone will we?! Right?"
Half-hearted mumbling.
The floating pegasus clops her front hooves together threateningly. "RIGHT??"
"I tell half of school, Belinda love gossip." A yak chimes in.
The sound of Starlight Glimmer's face hitting the desk.
Belinda frowns. "I not supposed to tell?"
Starlight Glimmer peels her head off her desk defeatedly and grimaces. "Well then, why don't I just tell you about the time I enslaved someone for my sexual satisfaction."
The pegasus nervously floats down to her seat.
Another yak raises a hoof.
Starlight presses on. "Questions after!"
The yak lowers his hoof.
"I promised myself that I would get through this class, I promised Twilight. And by Celestia's sweet plot-"
A shy pony gasps and blushes, the class begins to speak up.
Over the hubbub, the teacher continues. "I am going to finish this class!!!"
The class falls silent. "Twilight might not return this time. Let's be honest here. I've sent messages but so far I haven't heard back."
"I wanted...I wanted all of you to learn something but-" She starts to well up "But I'm not qualified! Please... stop... CHEWING THAT GUM!"
A griffin silently spits gum into a wrapper, and shamefully discards it.
"I'm just not qualified...I have committed some of the worst sexual crimes you can imagine, fantasies none of you have even considered, and let me tell you... I've thought about committing those again to several of you... I don't know when you have complete control over your own society - I mean, it's just - I've changed though! Now they're just echoes of who I was but I can never forget them! I can never forget!"
Starlight is crying, the classroom is dead silent. The substitute sex ed gently sobs into a desk drawer, trying to compose herself.
A dragon raises a claw.
"Questions! After!" Her face is dripping with smudged makeup, her horn lights up in a flash and her makeup is redone.
She lowers her claw.
"Moondust and Sparkle Dew were a couple of the unfortunate victims. I was jealous, I guess... of her Uhm..friend. He just gave her So. Much. Attention. I thought my conformity spell was supposed to counteract stuff like that but maybe my calculations were wrong or something. To any outside observer, it would've seemed like Sparkle Dew was in love with Moondust, even though it was impossible. He was so beautiful, I swear. Even though I wanted the village to look more or less the same, there was always something...different about him. But...but he never seemed to give me that same attention. So I... I made her...Uhm... fuck me with his dick, while he was locked in a trunk.-
Every creature gasps.
"- The most fucked up part is that I studied portal spells for a month to be able to do that horrifying, awful thing. I erased their memories but they were never the same after that, I instilled a deep sadness into both of them, one that no amount of time was going to erase. I made them...I made them as happy as I could after that, with every spell I could think of but I- I -well I couldn't undo it. I can't undo it. I deserve to be miserable forever for that. B-but-...well you creatures don't. I'm sorry, I'm trying but I don't know much about sex, I think I've warped what sex is and what it represents. I'm not fit to teach you about it."
... .. .
A pony raises a hoof.
"You had a question, mister Dedham?" Starlight mutters weakly.
"Dodham... Ms. Glimmer, did you really do those things?"
"Yes, Dodham, it's what happens when you have too much power over your fantasies. Nothing is enough."
The class gently rabble-rouses of current events.
There is an ominous rumble outside.
Every creature turns to look in the direction of the rumble and exchange nervous looks. Eventually, their gazes slowly float back to Starlight who is throwing all her papers away, her horn lights up with literal burning intent as she glares at all of her research in the trash bin.