Living for Others
How I Came to Love Celestia
B_25
She summoned me at midnight.
I stood in the hall of her private chambers. I knocked on her door. She answered.
“Come in.”
The voice filtered past the wood. Pushing the door in, the room revealed itself, large but empty, aside from a table and a bed, a ceiling high window and not much else. At once, Princess Celestia waved to me from across the table, gesturing for me to come in.
“Please, take a seat, Sir Spike.” I came to the table, sitting down, crossing my legs, feeling my armor stabbing into my thighs. “I've already gone through the trouble of boiling us some tea. Would you care for a cup?”
“No, but thank you, princess.”
“Shame.” Princess Celestia was sitting painfully tall, in her own room, like she would on her throne. She tossed a glance over her back. “Could I interest you in a snack at least? You look famished.”
“No, but thank you, princess.” I fear she would offer me something else, so before she could ask, I spoke up, “Forgive me for asking, but is there a reason you summoned me, princess?”
“There is,” she began, “but could we speak before it? It's been a while since you and I last talked.” She giggled, looking into her cup of tea. “You've become so busy ever since you earned your armor. Don't tell me Spikey-Wikey isn't looking to a chance to come out.”
“You... spoke to Rarity recently?”
“Only in letters.” Celestia looked back at me, with an eye covered by her mane, and the other filled with intensity. “Have you not been writing back to them? They worry about you.”
“I... know they do.” Now it was my turn to look down, wishing I had taken the tea so I could justify my gaze. “And I worry about them as well. Just been busy is all. Preparing ourselves against the dragons have been... well... you know.”
“I do.” Celestia nodded. “And if you do not wish to speak right now, then I will not force you.” Her eyes flickered to the center of the table. “See that scroll there? Read it for me.”
I picked the scroll up, letting it unroll before my eyes, reading the words on the parchment. It wasn't written in the language we were speaking. The letters were long and archaic in design, big and simple in meaning, all with a boom in her voice regardless of the wording.
“The dragons have written you a letter?” I asked without meaning to. “Not any dragons... but the... Dragon King?”
The scroll dropped from my claw. A golden aurora manifested around it, catching it inches before the ground and gently levitating it back onto the table. I had to blink a few times to make sure this wasn't some dream.
“Indeed it is,” Princess Celestia said. She closed her eyes. “It was delivered only earlier today. You could read the words, couldn't you?” She smiled. “Can you tell me them?”
I almost couldn't speak. “I-It was a summons to the Badlands. The Dragon King himself w-wants to meet you.” I shook my head, steadying my breath. “Have you thought about it? Do you plan on meeting him?”
“I do.” Celestia opened her eyes. “This may be our one chance to settle the conflict between our two lands. We can't afford to not take it.” She shook her head. “I plan to leave at once after this meeting. There is only a day before summons expires.”
“And you plan to go it alone?”
“If I must.” Celestia rose from the table, walking toward the window. “You already know the letter demand I make the trip without informing anyone.” She stopped in the moonlight, gazing out into the sky. “The Dragon King agreed to keep himself to the same restriction. The only exception is I'm allowed to bring a guide.”
“Have you decided?”
“The letter decided for me,” Celestia said without looking back. “You must decide if you will come alongside me.”
“Of course I will.”
Celestia turned around, her body bathed in the moonlight, her expression unreadable. “You're not going to inquire about the danger? About this perhaps being a trap? You hold no doubts?”
“None that I care for.” I stood up from the table, staring at her from across the room. “I'm not sure what to make of this letter, but you're right to not toss it.” I bowed, closing my eyes. “I'll do my best to protect you, my princess.”
“Even if it may cost your life?”
“Even if it will cost my life.”
We left.
There wasn't much to be done in the castle. Collecting nothing more than my bag and sword, I met Celestia at some passage in the hall, all while avoiding roaming guards, before leaving the castle on our adventure.
We walked in silence down the slope of the mountain, carrying toward the station at the bottom. We weren't in any real rush to get there. I was just trying to adjust to how strange this was: the sudden and spontaneous summons.
It didn't bug me. It should have. It really should have. I tried never to cross into the Badlands. It was the home to dragons, but to date, those were not the worst creatures it housed. It was a place where the strong thrived and the weak went to die.
I glanced at Celestia, and then, at myself.
We reached the bottom of the mountain without much trouble. There was a train at the station, held by none other than Celestia. We were given no trouble when we got aboard, only a nod from the conductor. We took our seats as the train pulled out from the station.
“We should reach Dodge City by morning,” Princess Celestia said. We were walking down the cart, and I took the seat to the right, while she took the seat to the left. “This train is not meant to take any stops, so please leave your gear wherever you like.”
I set my stuff underneath the seat in front of me.
There wasn't much do on the train. The sights outside the window were cast in darkness, and even the bits we could see were without life. I focused my gaze on Princess Celestia every once in a while, surprised by what I saw, for I did not see it often.
Princess Celestia had forgone all articles. She was a tall mare of a white coat, a billowing mane, and a presence that still drained and filled me simultaneously. Beautiful. She was beautiful. Even by sitting, she made my heart race, something that hadn't happened in a while.
“We're about to pass through Ponyville.” I shook my head, realizing my eyes were on her chest, and quickly raised them. Celestia was smiling softly at me, nodding at the window next to her. “You may wish to look before we depart for good. Old sights render new ones more bearable.”
I was tempted to decline her request, but unable to fight my memories, I got up and approached her seat, sitting next to her. Celestia was kind enough to close her eyes as I stared past the glass, seeing the silhouette of a certain boutique greet my gaze.
“Do you miss home?”
“Who doesn't?”
“Do you miss your friends?”
“I... of course.”
“And the letters they used send you?”
“I've been busy.”
“Do you know it's a crime to lie to a princess?”
I sat back into my seat, feeling the wood at my back. “What do you want from me, princess?”
“The truth, Spike.” Princess Celestia hummed from the side of me, keeping her eyes closed. “I know this is all so sudden to be asking of you, but from how this trip may go, I would at least like to know what has caused your year-long silence.”
I tilted my head back, no longer looking out the window. “Has it really been that long?”
“Time goes by quick for those who have plenty of it.” Something soft laid itself on my shoulder, and the weight almost broke me. “Is that a lesson you've learned recently, Spike?”
“You knew?”
“The symptoms were familiar,” Celestia said. “Has the comprehension of the near immortality of dragons not been pleasant?”
I wanted to say something to her. Celestia was so close to me, leaning her head on my shoulder, her body against my side, with her heart so opened to mine. It felt wrong to decline her help, to refuse to talk, but that's what I knew I had to.
“You'll hurt me if you keep silent.”
“And it'll hurt me if I speak.”
“You know you can't leave them, Spike.” Celestia nuzzled underneath my chin, freezing me. “You can't just go silent on them like this. If anything, they're the ones you need to talk with the most.”
I let my head fall forward, where I fought the urge to cry, my body feeling hollow, my mind in despair. It had gotten to me. It'd had gotten to me so many time, so unexpectedly, that it could make me sick to my stomach at the mere reminder.
“I just don't want to see them die,” I said aloud for the very first time. “I can take the distance. I can take them growing older.” I shook my head. “But I can't see them growing old, I can't see them... dying.”
“Death is a difficult realization.” Celestia brought her hoof over my throat, laying it on my other shoulder. “Painful for the immortals as much as the mortals. But you can't lose that limited time together because of that realization.”
I actually chuckled. “The distance wasn't for my sake.”
Celestia pulled away. “What do you mean?”
“It was for them.”
There are three types of beings who dare to enter the Badlands.
First are the dragons. Reasons are simple: they were born there, they fight there, some rule and some die there, and that's all about there is to it. Second are the prey: weak creatures who wound up there by chance or circumstance, without a way out, cowering every second of their lives.
Third are those who choose to go to the lands on a suicide mission, either out of obligation, like Princess Celestia, or out of choice, like me. The lands were a place to thrive or to... die.
We'd pulled up to Dodge Junction without hassle. Celestia had urged me to get some shut-eye during the trip, but I never sleep much, so I kept awake, watching the world and her sleep, doing my best not to think. Thinking alone was torture.
It was calming to watch Celestia sleep. I'd moved back to my seat after our awkward talk. She lay down across her own bench, her head cradled between her forelegs, her mane billowing over her eyes.
I felt bad. It wasn't right for somepony as important as the princess herself to get called away from her home without any notice, forced to be stuck onto a train without a bed, sleeping like she was homeless. I had neglected to bring a blanket on this trip, so all I could do was slip off the long jacket I was wearing and drape it over her slumbering form.
The cart began to slow while accompanied by the screeching of distant wheels. Getting up, I walked over to Celestia's bench, crouching before her, bringing a talon to her face... only to keep it an inch from her fur.
Could anyone blame me? When could I ever get to witness a sleeping princess again, especially this close up? She was majestic. She was peaceful. She was cute. Beautiful when awake, as all princesses are, but cute when she slept for she became a mare once more.
“Celestia?” I whispered into her ear, shaking her neck gently. “We've pulled in. It's time to go.”
She cracked only an eye at first. “Spike? What... nnghmm... is the matter?”
“The train has reached its destination,” I said. “But we still need to reach ours.”
I left at once to the front of the cart, where my sword and satchel hung from a hook, left there by me the night before. I grabbed the sword by the strap, deciding to take my time so Celestia could take her time waking up. I pulled the blade out from its sheath.
Sharp. Clean. Reflective.
I slid the blade back in. Throwing the strap over my head, it came to rest over my right shoulder, the sword against my back, pressing against it after I fastened the strap. I tied the satchel around my waist, cracking my neck while I did so.
“Thank you for lending me your coat.” I turned around to see Celestia standing behind me, her muzzle at my chest, eyes directed at my feet. “You were far too kind to do that. Would you care to have it back?”
“Keep it.” I turned back around, approaching the cart door. “Best to have something covering you. At least, until we make it to the Badlands.” I opened the door, taking a step onto the small platform connecting the two carts. “Besides... it's chilly out anyways.”
We made it into town alright. The moon still hung above us. We walked through the streets with ease.
“Rather nice town, is it not?”
I looked around. It was a small patch of land with a few houses. “I suppose.”
“I was here when it was founded.” Celestia walked next to me, my jacket draped along her body, its sleeves dangling by her forehooves. “The land was rich with cherries. The founders could have done away with making this a private farm, and yet, they wanted one last safe haven before the Badlands.”
“They still alive?”
“Spike, countless families have passed since they last drew breath.” Celestia smiled at me, her one eye trained on me. “But it's because of them those families could have still lived in the first place. It was become of them that so many were born and saved.”
“The dead can still save ponies?”
“You're smarter than that, Spike.” She was right. I was being a pain the butt. “Tell me, Spike, do the dead bother you?”
“The dead can't ask silly questions, so no, princess.” I sighed. “The living, on the other hand, can annoy me to no end.”
Celestia kept walking next to me, not yelling, not huffing, not even glaring at me. Guilt pricked at my heart. Never before would I have dared to speak to a princess this way. But something within me was hollow, didn't care, and went along with everything because it had no choice.
“May I tell you a story, Spike?”
“Of course, princess.”
This time she stopped walking. I stopped a few feet in front of her, turning around to face her when I saw she was staring off to the side. So I did the same, spotting a distant field, boxed in by fences, the land sprouting tombstones.
“It is where the best and worst stories are told.” Celestia kept staring at the graveyard even as I looked at her. “The dead can no longer talk, but their words are still written and spoken as if their stories still continue. Paying your respects is both a meeting and a farewell.”
I wanted to make a joke about having a tea party with a skeleton, but knowing better, kept my mouth shut.
“Do you see the grave in front of the rest?” she asked. “The one all by itself?”
“You mean the broken one with the writing gone?”
“That is the one.” Celestia looked back at me with an impassive expression. “Tell me what comes to mind at seeing that. Do not think, for I will know the moment you try. Speak, and care not for what words come out.”
I looked at her for a few seconds before sighing. Looking back at the grave, I let my eyes do all the work, and reported what I saw. “I see a grave older than the rest, of somepony who lived some sort of life in the past, then died.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“That there is no point to any of this,” I replied. “The stallion lived a full life, and none of it mattered. I'll never know his name, what he did, who he loved, or what any of that meant to him. It's like he never lived at all.”
“Would you like to know how he died?”
“I... I mean... y-yes...”
“Very well.” Celestia came up next to me, and together, we two immortals gazed upon the graveyard. “You are correct in your feelings. This stallion's life, his name, has been lost to both death and time.” I heard her giggle, and my heart fluttered. “But his story still lives on despite the decades separating us.”
I looked over at her. “What was his story?”
“He was a stallion who wanted to help,” Celestia said. “And like you, he saw no value in his life, and decided to live for others. Hailing from Canterlot, he attended a prestigious university, but wisdom and knowledge only depressed him further.”
“Don't tell Twilight this story.”
Celestia didn't giggle. “He learned to become a doctor in a city without sickness. His fellow graduates resided in their homes, never leaving, waiting for their patients to seek them. This stallion, however, was different from the rest.”
“His grave is a long way from home.”
“This became his home shortly after his death.” Celestia kept starting at the grave, blinking and watching, like she was seeing something moving rather than the stillness of stone. “The stallion left everything, his family and friends, in search of the weak, sick, and poor.”
“He spent his life wandering?” I asked. “Did he end up exploring the world?”
“It was his intent before he died,” she replied. “But the only place where he traveled was the Badlands itself. Back then, the unwanted were left there, to keep sickness and such at bay from the rest. It... also helped keep the dragons and other such creatures at bay.”
I only raised my claw in response to that, staring deeply into the scales of my palm and the cracks in-between.
“The stallion brought aid to those who needed it most,” Celestia continued. “But there was only so much one stallion could do. His mind was so filled with wonders, and his hooves with so little experience, used to the cool pavement of Canterlot, and not that of burning sand.”
My claw dropped to my side. “How did he die?”
“Dragon attack,” Celestia answered. “He survived the encounter, but had no materials to aid his wounds.” She dipped her head. “He made it out from the Badlands alive, searching for a town, and had he found one, I don't doubt he would have lived.”
“That was it!?” My body, once hollow, filled with rage. “This stallion lived, wanted to do something, died, and that's that?” I shook my head. “That was the story? That's what the dead have to tell us? That they can die easily, that their lives never really mattered, that their tombstones would break without anyone caring?”
“That was the end of his story,” Celestia said, her voice calm, never even having to flinch while I exploded, “but his parent's story went on. Those whom the stallion helped found his body. They soon sought his parents, who disowned him for leaving, yet cried at seeing his body.”
I exhaled heavily, closing my eyes.
“And then they did something that was quite unexpected of the two doctors.” Celestia's fur brushed against my side, but I didn't dare open my eyes. “They sold their home and their possessions and buried his son exactly where he had died.” I heard her sigh. “Many years ago, we stood at his grave together. The parents swore to make a town here, out of their son's wish to help others, all so those who escaped the Badlands still had a chance to live.”
I opened my eyes and, looking around, at the buildings that once meant nothing, were now like beacons of hope in the distance. Even though I would never need these buildings or the aid of another, I felt glad for their existence, and I didn't know why.
“So... this town was made to help ponies?”
“Most towns are,” Celestia said. “And so are the dead. Even now, when my duties exhaust me, I think of this stallion sometimes, of his simple goal to help those he could, and at once, I'm inspired to do a little more.” She looked over at me, smiling. “The dead may be gone, but their stories inspire us still. Their qualities are eternal.”
Celestia said no more. We continued to walk. She was kind to leave me to thoughts, which was something I never thought I'd say. This whole town seemed like a place of nothingness, and maybe in a way, it was.
But these buildings were here because of that stallion. His parents made this place, where ponies were born, where those who wandered were helped. His story still lived on, somehow. Even if it didn't, this town and its qualities still lived on, unsure of its source, yet still paying its respects.
It didn't fill me with much but, at least, it made me feel something.
“Princess Celestia!” I cried. “Please stand back!”
I stood tall and held my ground. Bringing my claw over my shoulder, I gripped the hilt of my sword, and as the giant scorpion was upon me, pulled my blade out and struck downward, slicing through its stinger that was inches away from my neck.
At once I spun to the left, tilting my blade to the side, using my momentum cut through the two arms of the second scorpion. Both hissed at me as I stepped back. Standing still, I watched them, waiting, gripping my blade.
But they turned around and scattered across the land.
I flicked my blade to the right, watching the green goo splatted in a fine line. Twirling the blade for effect, I slipped it back into the sheath over my back, turning back around to the princess. “I'm sorry about that, Princess Celesta.” I bowed my head. “Are you alright?”
“Perfectly fine, Spike.” Celestia walked next to me, facing forward. “Let's continue while the sun's still up.”
We journeyed across the Badlands sweating and glancing everywhere. It wasn't any place for a princess to be, but Celestia held her own. Knowing I had an alicorn behind me gave me a boost in confidence, but at the same time, doing well in battle often made me feel disappointed in myself.
“You are quite skilled with that blade.”
I shook my head. “Only because I have talons. If another dragon learned how to hold one, I'd be doomed.”
Princess Celestia started to giggle next to me, and for a second, I thought head had gotten to her. “You okay? I still have some water left.”
“No, no. Nothing like that.” Celestia glanced over at me, naked in her white fur, her mane still somehow blowing despite the heat. “You've changed is all. You know, it wasn't long ago that Twilight wrote me a letter about you.”
We continued walking down a winding trail that cut through the lands. The only track to ever exist here, though of course, it was never finished. “What did she say?”
“That would you would take a compliment as though you were a king.” Celestia giggled as soon as the words had left her. “Twilight would keep writing me silly and angry little letter like that. You were always so active and talkative.” She shook her head. “And here you are now! Unable to take a compliment.”
I actually chuckled. “You're right. Whatever did happen to me?”
“You grew up,” Celestia said. “It happens to the best of us.”
I shook my head slightly. “It's a lot more than just growing up.”
“It's growing up forever that you dislike.”
“Yeah.” I don't know it was the walking, the heat, or the previous story, but for whatever reasons, my feelings left me more easily, despite my desperate attempts to keep them locked up. “Did you know it used to make me sick? Thinking about death.”
“Ironic for an immortal.”
“That's the thing: I didn't know that.” I shook my head as we came around a pillar, one slim at the base, and yet, heavy at the top. “It made me sick to my stomach that I was going to die. That death was nothing. No thinking, no feeling, no doing, no anything.”
“Did it ever cause you to cry?”
“All the time,” I said, looking back at her. “Twilight used to let me sleep in her bed when it happened.” I chuckled. “It was the only way she could get any sleep for school the next day. Wanna know what she told me that always calmed me down?”
Celestia blinked. “The average dragon's lifespan?”
“No,” I replied with a smile. “She told me that everypony dies. That I wouldn't be alone when it would happen.” I sighed and looked forward, catching the distant red mountains that blocked the horizon. “She told me that, maybe, it easier to die than to live and be alone.”
Celestia was silent at my side for a while. The weird part was I hadn't told anything about this to anyone—not even to Twilight who, by now, forgot about those talks. For the longest time, it felt like I was alone, forced to bear these thoughts and feelings, while life went on around me.
I knew other ponies thought about death, were scared about it, and would do anything to have the immortality I so desperately wanted to get rid of. I'd been alone for so time, letting books and practices steal my time, but never enough to steal me away completely.
Even a mission like this had failed yet to scare me.
“Twilight holds some wisdom,” Celestia said to me, “but duty comes before wisdom.”
“Spike... are you okay?”
“No.” My arm was around her neck, my knees bent while we stumbled, not far from giving out. “But... we need... to get to... the top... of this... slope...”
I coughed out blood and watched it splatter on her pretty white coat. For once, my hollow body was filled with something, pain that threatened to consume me. At the edge of the slim slope, I saw the ground far below, my feet twisting, needing just one 'stumble' to go over.
But I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that—not with Celestia holding onto me like she was. Her horn was glowing gold while we came to the top of the mountain. It was flat and small, out of sight and covered by the night, though I was not expecting the moonlight to be reflected from the surface.
“W-Water?” I said, groaning. Looking over to at Celestia, I nodded. 'I... I think I can take it from here.” I pulled my arm back and did my best to stand tall, feeling only the cuts and slashes on my back tear further.
“It appears to be a hot springs,” Celestia muttered from my side, walking on ahead. “I wonder if the water is safe for entry.” She came to its side and laid down, dipping a hoof into the water, moaning at the touch. “Perfectly warm.”
“You fancy a bath?”
“I fancy getting you cleaned.” Celestia came back over to my side, this time, using her magic to pull off my coat, my sword, and my satchel. “Get undressed. Your gear won't provide any further use.”
There wasn't much I could do on my own, due to the soreness of my limbs and body, and so I let the mare undress me herself. It was strange to feel Celestia hooves over my body, stripping away at that which protected me, letting her hoof grace across the wounds underneath.
“Get in the water,” Celestia commanded. “It'll sting at first, but I promise, it's for the best.”
I did as I was told. I stumbled toward the small springs, feeling the ground give to water, raising from my feet to my ankles, and when I felt a small ledge, I sat down on it, the warm liquid rushing to my chest, stinging me everywhere.
“Good.” Celestia stood next to my discarded equipment, where she opened my satchel and felt around inside. “Is your first-aid in the front pocket?”
“Don't waste it on me,” I replied, letting myself sink further beneath the surface. “I'll be fine. My wounds will close up on their own.” Red mist carried throughout the water. “Something could happen tomorrow. I'd rather you have it.”
“Spike,” Celestia began, pulling out a sewing kit from the second pocket, “I am as much responsible for you as you are for me.” She came into the springs, her white fur becoming wet, her mane floating across the surface as she came behind me. “Keep still while I care to your wounds.”
And I did just that. It was tense to be in the same water as Celestia, knowing she was behind my back, cleaning my wounds, laying her hooves on my scales, watching me intensely as she helped me. Her mane mixed with my blood, the most horrible red infusing itself with her strands.
“You were very brave today, Spike,” Celestia said from behind me, her voice calm demanding, like she was about to spring a twist, “yet very foolish at the same time. What made you think you could take two creatures of their size?”
“Only way to make the smaller guys back off,” I wheezed out, wiping the lingering blood from my lip. “I was able to take down the first by jumping onto his back. The the second that caught me by surprise.”
“Was it surprise?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“What I mean is that I watched you fight.” Her hooves pressed into my back, the softness and wetness meshing again my scales, making a squishing sound. “ I watched you fight a lot today. You're good. Perhaps one of the best guards I've ever seen fight.”
“Even the best get caught off guard.”
“That's not what I saw,” Celestia said, her voice filling with rage. “When the giant brought his club down on me, you raised your sword in time to sway the strike to the side. You killed him before he could take another step toward me.”
“So you're complaining that I did too good of a job?”
“I'm complaining that the second, angered by the death of the first, came to attack you... you hesitated.”
“I was out of breath.”
“You were not!” Water splashed as she came around me, her hooves sinking into the water, her head just above the surface. “You fought that ambush perfectly without a wasted breath or movement. But when the second giant brought his club down on you, what did you do? What did you do!?”
I turned my head away, clenching my eyes.
“Exactly that!” There was a growl in her voice that shocked my heart into beating faster. “You closed your eyes and turned your head! If I didn't... if I didn't cast that spell... that attack would have killed you!”
The sound of dripping water assaulted my ears. Something grabbed my face, turning it back, and when I opened my eyes, I saw her, Princess Celestia, her mane draped over back, exposing both of her eyes as they glared at me.
“Is there something you're not telling me, Spike?” Celesta nearly shouted. “All those strange comments on this trip... the way you look at everything... I thought I was seeing the pain of a fellow immortal...”
“That's a lie.”
“What do you mean, Spike?!”
“It means that I don't want to live!” I shouted back, feeling a growl inflict itself into my voice. “It means that I don't want to stay around and watch everyone that I love die! I don't want to go around telling stories around some campfire about better time!”
I shook her hooves off from my face. “There's no point in living forever if you don't have something to live for!” Water poured down my face. It wasn't from the springs. “I have to die, Celestia, before they have the chance to.”
It was hard to see her beautiful face through the tears that my eyes held. I cried in such a disgusting way that only made me hate myself that much more. Here I was, someone with endless life, wanting to end it.
Celestia must have stared at me like I was crazy. I couldn't see her expression anymore, or couldn't really care for it anymore, now that I felt dead everywhere. Though that wasn't true for when I felt her chest collide against mine, her fur matting itself to my scales, all while she laid her muzzle on my shoulder.
“It's okay, Spike, it's okay.” Celestia rubbed the back of my head, continuing to whisper into my ear. “You're not the first to have felt this way. You're not alone.”
“Twilight lied! Not everpony dies!” I cried louder and harder. “She was excited. Excited! She was excited when she told me the lifespan of a dragon!” I buried my face into the wall of white fur. “She told me I didn't have to die! Oh, why did she tell me I didn't have to die!”
“Because she was happy for you, Spike!” Celestia draped her muzzled over the back of my neck, where I felt her tears on my scales. “She was happy that you would live on! That you could take everything she gave you and pass it on to the next generation!”
“It should be her!” I cried and shouted and whine and everything pathetic of a dragon combined. “Twilight should still be alive and I should have been the one to have died! She was the hero! She was the master of magic! She was the one with all the friends! I'm useless! Useless, useless, useless!”
“Don't!” Celestia nuzzled at my cheek while her tears merged with my own. “Don't say things like that! She nuzzled harder and faster than I almost pushed her away. “She loved you, Spike! She gave you everything she had. They gave you everything they had!”
“And for what!?” I fired back. I didn't mean to sound so mean, to want to hurt someone so kind to me, but her kindness was wasted on a fraud that belonged six feet under. “For me not to talk to the only friend left? The mare I rejected because I couldn't see her grow old!?”
“Spike, listen to me, please.” Celestia became still, holding me in her embrace, while my blood changed the color of the water around us. “I am about to tell you something else no pony else has heard. Lisrwn carefully, alright?.”
I continued to sob.
“Long ago, oh... so very long ago, I was once like you.” Her voice was fragile in a way I'd never heard before. “Young... and scared... free from death... never considering what it truly meant to those close to me.” I heard her voice crack for the very first time. “I fell in love... with a stallion... whose name I can't even remember!”
My eyes shot open. The princess quivered in the water, shaking and crying, holding onto me tightly. I didn't think, I didn't feel, I only acted, my arms wrapping around her body, pulling her closer to me, letting my claw rub her back.
“I loved him... Spike... I loved him so much.” Celestia sniffled. “But when his final days arrived, I knew truly what death meant for me.” She exhaled heavily, taking a moment to speak again. “I was unable to handle it at the time. I couldn't face it... or him... so I... so I...”
Celestia didn't finish. She didn't have to. We held each other close, crying not for those who had to face death, but for ourselves, those who deserved the tears least of all. What was the point to it all? Watching life from the sidelines... just what were we meant to do?
“We... must live on, Spike.” Celestia lifted her muzzle from my neck, and for the first time since the embrace, we pulled away to face each other. “We immortals are the historians of the past, we are the guards of the present, we are the assurance of a positive future.”
I shook my head like a lost kid. “I don't understand.”
“That is our immortal duty, Spike,” Celestia said to me. “That the quality of the dead pass back on to the living. That the stories told never fade from memory. We must guide life so it may never cease completely.”
And then Celestia told me something I'd never thought I hear.
“For the sake of your friends,” Celestia said, “you must live.”