> Cards Against Creatures
>  by Dawn Flower
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Round 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Cards Against Equestria?” Gallus asked. Classes at the School of Friendship had ended for the day, so, the Student Six – of Sandbar, Gallus, Yona, Smolder, Ocellus and Silverstream – were all gathered in their dormitory. About half an hour ago, Sandbar had asked all of them to gather there so that he could talk to them about a new game that they could play together.

“That’s right,” Sandbar replied. “It’s a fun card game that we can all play together. That tagline for the game is: Cards Against Equestria: A party game for horrible people.”

That caused five eyebrows to raise in confusion. “Why Yona want to be horrible person? Yak best at everything,” she said with her signature yak pride.

“It does sound kind of strange,” Ocellus added.

“Plus,” Gallus interjected. “If the goal is to be a horrible person, pretty sure that griffons win automatically.”

Everycreature again looked at Sandbar quizzically, but the pony simply gave a light-hearted chuckle before continuing. “I know that it sounds strange the way I’m saying it, but hear me out,” he began. “The other day when I was having my councillor meeting with Starlight, she talked about how proud she was of how strong the friendship was between the six of us; saying that we represented everything that this school stands for.”

“Awww, that was nice to hear,” Ocellus cooed.

“Well, we did recently save all of Equestria,” Smolder offered up.

“Yeah, if that doesn’t get compliments on our friendship around here, I don’t think anything would,” Gallus added.

“Anyway,” Sandbar continued. “After all that, she then told me about this game. She said that it was a lot of fun to play with your friends, and that almost every round has you rolling on the floor laughing.” This got the other five to lean in closer in interest. “Although,” he continued. “She also said that the humour in the game can get kind of... well, raunchy.”

That got most of the others to pull back a little, except for Silverstream. “Oooooooooooooooooooooo, you mean like where Professor Applejack lives.”

Smolder simply turned towards the hippogriff. “Raunchy, not ranchy.”

“Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she drolled on. Then she deadpanned. “Yeah, I don’t know what that means.

Ocellus stepped forward to explain. “Basically, it means energetically earthy or...” She hesitated a moment. “”Sexually explicit.”

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence followed by that explanation, which was finally broken when Sandbar spoke up, scratching at his mane awkwardly. “Yeah, Starlight did say that was a lot of what the game was like, and it can make it really awkward with close friends. But,” he continued, now sounding more confident. “She also said that if you can make it passed all of that and still have a lot of fun, then that means that you have a friendship that can survive anything.”

Ocellus was the first one to have her interest peaked. “Oh, so it’s kind of like a test of how strong our friendship is?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Sandbar replied. “We can have a tonne of fun and make our friendship even stronger.” He then looked around the room at each of them. “So, what do you say? Do you want to play?”

The other five all looked between themselves. Finally, Ocellus was the first to speak up. “Well, if it will prove how strong our friendship is, then sure. I’m in.”

“And if it’s fun, then I’m in too,” Silverstream exclaimed.

“Great,” Sandbar said. He then turned towards the others. “What about the rest of you?”

Yona raised a hoof to her mouth. “Yona not sure. Yaks best at everything, so Yona not want to be worst person.”

Sandbar began to frown at her response. “Well, okay, I guess if you don’t want to.”

“That’s okay, Yona.” Silverstream spoke up. “You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, and we respect your decision.” This caused Yona to smile contently. “I guess this game is just going to be the one thing that yaks aren’t best at.” She added.

This quickly caused Yona’s expression to shift. “You take that back!” She yelled, pointing her hoof at Silverstream. She then turned to face to Sandbar. “Okay, Yona in.” She said with a stomp of her hoof.

“Great.” Sandbar smiled. He then turned towards Gallus and Smolder, who were the last two to join.

“Eh, sure, why not?” Gallus said, with a shrug of his shoulders. “It sounds like fun. Plus if we get into trouble with the teachers, we can just tell them that it was Starlight’s idea, so, hey, no consequences.”

Once Gallus had agreed to play, everycreature turned to look at Smolder. “Well, if everyone else is playing, then I’m not gonna be the one to spoil the fun, so, sure, I’m in too.”

“Awesome!” Sandbar exclaimed. “In that case, everycreature gather in the centre of the room while I explain the rules.” He then reached over and grabbed a small, black box, while the other five sat down on the floor, forming a circle in the centre of the room.

Opening the box, Sandbar pulled out two stacks of cards, one white and one black, with the stack of white cards being much bigger. “First off, we each start with ten white cards, which all have a statement written on them,” he began as he shuffled the white cards. “Then each player will take turns being the Card Princess, who takes a black card and reads off the statement on that, but it will have a blank space on it. The other players then select one of their cards with the funniest statement to match the black card, and the Card Princess then has to read them all out and select one of them as the winner. If you win, you get one point, represented by that black card, and the next player to their left becomes the Card Princess. You then draw another white card until you have ten again. Once everyone has been the Card Princess once, then that will be one round.” He explained.

“It sounds simple enough,” Ocellus spoke up. She then looked around the room and got affirmative nods from all the others. “So how many rounds does the game have?”

“Well, Starlight said that a game can have as many rounds as you want, though she recommended ten, so we’ll go to that,” Sandbar answered as he continued shuffling the cards. When he was done, he then began distributing the cards to himself and the others, one by one, until they all had ten cards.

Once everycreature picked up their cards and took a look at what they were, they all collectively changed expressions, realising exactly what this game would entail.

“Oh, wow,” Ocellus blushed as she read her cards. “These certainly are... raunchy.”

“Hahahahahahahahahahaha!” Silverstream laughed out loud. “Wow, I’m laughing already.”

“You said it,” Gallus said to her, with a smile of his own, though his was more devious. “This is gonna be good.”

“If the two of you are done making out,” Smolder chimed in, which earned her a glare from Gallus, but quickly turned into a blush when Silverstream looked at him.

“Alright, everycreature,” Sandbar interjected. “How about I be the Card Princess first so that you can all get a feel for the game, and then we rotate left?” He got five affirmative head nods in response. “Alright then.”

Reaching over, Sandbar took the first black card from the deck. “Alright, here go,” he began, reading the text on the card. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with blank.”

After hearing the prompt, the other five started looking through their cards, trying to pick out the one that would be the funniest match. After about ten seconds, they had all made their choice and handed the card to Sandbar. Once he had all the cards, he then quickly shuffled them so that he wouldn’t know beforehand whose card was whose.

“Alright, first card,” Sandbar began, picking up the first card. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with a negative body image that is totally justified.”

“That’s kind of more accurate than I was expecting from a game like this,” Smolder commented.

“Moving on,” Sandbar continued. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with inserting a mason jar into my anus.”

“Ouch.” Silverstream said, instinctively putting her talon around her nether region.

“Especially if that’s every child doing it to just one person,” Smolder added.

Gallus smirked. “See, now that’s the kind of thing that I was expecting from a game like this.”

Sandbar drew another card. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with a finger up the butt.”

The crudeness of the language made Ocellus blush, and she was inwardly wondering just how long she could last.

“So wait, does not include the hooved kids?” Silverstream wondered aloud.

Sandbar drew another card. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with vehicular manslaughter.”

“Yep, that is a pity,” Smolder deadpanned.

“And finally,” Sandbar began. “It’s a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with the Flores Genocide.”

That raised a few eyebrows. “What a Flores?” Yona asked.

“The Flores are a species of plant-like creatures,” Ocellus began, launching into one of her trademark lectures. “That went around stealing all of the water from a region, leaving all other plants around them to die. They also used the tactic of using their innocent appearance to pretend to be good and kind to fool everyone around them that they were good, and that the Crabnasty police that follow them to stop them were actually the bad guys.” Suddenly, her expression changed to become more sombre. “Eventually, the Crabnasties decided that enough was enough and just exterminated the entire species to stop them once and for all.”

When the rest of group noticed how emotional this was making her, she half looked away from the group. “I don’t really like thinking about that because... well, the Flores are a lot like what the changelings used to be like, and if things were just a little bit different, maybe the same thing would have happened to us, and we would been exterminated without being given that chance like we have.” She then began to tear up as she continued.

The sight made the rest of them wince, and Silverstream couldn’t resist pulling Ocellus into a comforting hug.

“Wow, deep.” Gallus said, sounding uncharacteristically wistful. “And this is only the first round.” He then turned towards Sandbar. “So, who wins this time?”

Sandbar suddenly remembered the game. “Oh, right.” He then looked at all of the white cards he had been given. “I think I’ll go with a negative body image. Who had that card?”

Still within the hug, Ocellus gingerly raised her hoof.

“Alright then,” Sandbar spoke. “That means you get one point. The points are represented by the black cards, so you hold on to this,” he said, passing the black card over to her.

Having now cooled down from her emotional outpouring, Ocellus accepted the card.

Simply looking between the group for a second, Smolder finally spoke up. “Anyone else see the irony in that the shapeshifter had the card about a poor body image?”

“Whatever, let’s just move on with the game.” Gallus interrupted. He then turned towards Sandbar. “So, what’s next?”

“Well, first we all draw one more white card to put us back up to ten. Next we rotate left for the new Card Princess, which is... you, Gallus.”

Smolder couldn’t but giggle at the notion. “You’re up, Princess Gallus.”

“Oh, don’t you even,” Gallus replied, pointing a hard talon at her. After everyone had drawn another white card, he then drew a black card and read it out. “Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is blank?”

Each of the students began searching through their cards, looking for the best match, now including Sandbar who was participating for the first time. Once everycreature had handed in their cards, Gallus began reading them off.

“Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is living a thousand lives, each more terrible than the last?”

“Yeah, that’s probably something that parents should be aware of,” Ocellus said.

“Must be pretty negligent parents to not already be aware of something like that,” Sandbar responded.

Gallus then drew another card. “Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is cutting off my nose with a scissors?”

Smolder raised an eyebrow. “So it’s happening right in front of them and the teacher’s still asking if they’re aware of it?”

“Definitely negligent parents,” Sandbar said again.

Gallus continued. “Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is the ugliest boy in town?”

“Wow.” Silverstream spoke up.

Gallus drew another card. “Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is the world’s largest baby, weighing over 700 pounds?”

“I think we can officially say that this is the worst teacher ever,” Smolder commented.

“I’m glad none of our teacher’s are like this,” Ocellus continued.

“And finally, Mr. and Mrs. Flower, we called you in because we’re concerned about Dawn. Are you aware that your daughter is getting deported?”

“Okay, I can’t decide whether the teacher or the parents are worse in this situation,” Sandbar spoke up.

“Whatever,” Gallus said. “I’ll pick living a thousand different lives.”

“Yes, Yona win!” Yona exclaimed, reaching over and grabbing the black card.

“Your also the next Card Princess, Yona,” Ocellus told her.

The young yak smiled and then took a new black card and read it aloud. “Why my moustache smell so bad?” The others quickly chose their cards and gave them to Yona. “Why my moustache smell so bad? Some real spicy shrimps.”

Sandbar gave a small, uncomfortable shrug at the idea of eating meat, while Gallus and Silverstream instead licked their lips, now feeling hungry.

“Why my moustache smell so bad?” Yona’s eyes suddenly widened when she read the next card. “Uhh...” She trailed off, nervously. “Huffing and puffing and blowing my stepdad.”

The rest of the group had similar reactions. “Wow, that is seriously messed up,” Smolder spoke up.

Wanting the move on, Yona quickly picked up the next card and read it out. “Why my moustache smell so bad? Hot lettuce.”

“That one is relatively normal, actually,” Ocellus said.

“And a big improvement over the last one,” Smolder added.

“Why my moustache smell so bad?” Yona continued, now starting to calm down from the earlier card. “Shit.” She was now less calm.

“That one’s more in between the previous ones,” Gallus said with a casual wave of his talon.

“And finally,” Yona began. “Why my moustache smell so bad? Authentic dragon cuisine.”

That card got a good laugh out of everycreature. “Yona decide, this card wins.”

“Booya!” Smolder exclaimed, standing up as she did so, and then taking the black card. “And I can speak from personal experience that authentic dragon cuisine would leave someone’s moustache smelling bad. Also, I’m a dragon so I can say that.”

Ocellus turned towards Yona. “I’m kind of surprised that you didn’t pick...” She squeamed a little. “You know,” she said, with a slight wave of her hoof.

Yona eyes popped open again in realisation, but quickly tried to hide it. “Yona not want to think about that one.”

“I think we’re all in agreement about that,” Smolder said with a wry smile, sitting back down again, earning some affirmative laughs from the rest of the group.

Inwardly, Sandbar was breathing a sigh of relief, actually glad that his card wasn’t chosen this time. He was also now slightly worried about the game moving forward, with the kinds of things that would be coming.

“Oooooooooooooo, that means you’re the Card Princess next, Smolder,” Silverstream beamed.

“Alright,” Smolder confirmed, reaching out and drawing a black card.

“I’m sure you like the sound of that, Princess,” Gallus said to her, giving her a knowing look.

“Shut it,” Smolder replied, giving him a similar look. She then returned her attention to the black card. “The sequel is here! Blank 2: Blank.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Sandbar chimed in. “Some cards have two blank spaces on them. For those, you have to submit two cards, in the order that you want them to be read out in.”

After being updated on the rules, the five players in this round took the time to pick out two cards, now putting extra thought into the order in which they would play each card. There was also a small amount of giggling coming from each player as they chose their two cards.

Once all of the cards had been handed up and in the proper order, Smolder took them all two at a time and proceeded to read them. Once she drew the first pair, she was already overcome with laughter and struggle to read it in one breath. “The sequel is here! Itchy Pussy 2: Explaining how vaginas work. Hahahahahahahahaha!”

This was immediately met with a cacophonous roar of laughter from everyone in the room, with many of them falling on to their sides laughing, not even caring how raunchy it sounded.

Raising a claw to her mouth to try and calm down enough to continue, Smolder took out the next pair of cards. “Okay, moving on. The sequel is here! Restoring Equestria to its Former Glory 2: Apep the World Serpent.”

These cards got a good bit of laughter, but still nowhere near as much as the first. Smolder then picked up the next set of cards. “The sequel is here! Anal 2: A Poop Emergency.”

The roars of laughter were back, though still not as high as the first set of cards this round. “That sounds like the title of an actual clop film,” Silverstream laughed.

“Wait, how do you know about does types of movies?” Gallus asked her, wiping a tear from his eye, from laughter.

“Oh, my brother has a huge collection of them. I stumbled on quite a few of them whenever I went into his room.”

While the rest of the group thought on the implications of that, Ocellus was curious about something else. “Wait, you lived underwater for most of your life. How did you have movies?”

“Magic.” Silverstream answered immediately.

Ocellus just blinked. “I don’t know what I expected.”

“Anyway, moving on,” Smolder continued, picking up the next set of cards. “The sequel is here! Seething with Quiet Resentment 2: The Yaks.”

That got another round of laughter from the group, except for Yona, who simply crossed her front hooves in front of her. “Yona not think that funny.”

“And finally,” Smolder began, picking up the last set of cards. “The sequel is here! Making Love to a Couch 2: Getting Fisted by a Man with No Fingers.”

This card again got some laughter, though it was now starting to die down.

“Well, I think we can all agree that this was the best round so far, and it was the one with me as the Card Princess,” Smolder announced with pride.

“You mean the round that you didn’t take part in?” Gallus asked snidely.

“I told you to shut it,” Smolder responded, waving a claw at him, derisively. “Anyway, I think we can all agree who won this round. Who had the itchy pussy?” She asked, holding up the black card.

Ocellus’ cheeks turned bright red as she raised her hoof. “Could you please phrase that differently?”

“Nope,” Smolder responded, flicking the card towards her. “Now you’re Card Princess.”

“Okay,” Ocellus replied, taking the black card for the point she won and then drew another to read the prompt. “Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants blank.”

The other five students began choosing their answers, and they had all chosen very quickly. With the cards in hoof, Ocellus began reading them off. “Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants a pringle.”

“Then they’re probably not that hungry.” Gallus mentioned.

“Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants a piping hot casserole, filled with beans and hair.” She moved on quickly. “Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants bisexuality.”

“Well, it didn’t exactly say what they were hungry for,” Silverstream commented.

“Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants clearly asking for no cucumbers in my salad and yet here we are.” Ocellus tilted her head. “The grammar is a little off there. And finally, Equestria is hungry. Equestria wants Barbeque World.”

That last one got a lot of laughs from the group, even Sandbar, who was the only one from a race that was strictly vegetarian.

“Okay, I pick Barbeque World,” Ocellus announced.

“Yes!” Smolder exclaimed loudly, standing up in celebration. When she sat back down again, she threw her arm around Ocellus’ neck. “See, we got each other’s back.”

“Oooooooooooooooooooooo, so now I’m Card Princess!” Silverstream piped up. She then quickly leaned over and drew a black card. “In the past, psychologists prescribed blank as a cure for homosexuality.”

“Oooooo, topical,” Smolder commented.

Silverstream simply tilted her head towards Smolder in confusion at that. “Why? Is anybody here gay? Because I’m straight.”

“I’m straight too!” Gallus shouted out, a bit too quickly, before quickly slinking back to appear smaller.

Sandbar gave Gallus a weird look before responding. “Well, I’m not gay, I’m nothing yet.” He then looked across from him. “Ocellus?”

“Well, changelings don’t really have a sexuality, since changing form includes changing our gender, so gender isn’t really a factor in relationships for us.” She then looked next to her. “What about you, Yona?”

Yona brought a hoof to her mouth. “Uhh, what best sexuality?”

“Okay!” Smolder quickly interrupted. “That’s another can of worms entirely. How about we just get back to playing?”

With that, everyone chose their card for this round and handed it over to Silverstream.

Beginning, the excitable hippogriff stood up and placed one claw across her chest. “As the Card Princess, I have a declaration to make, and that declaration is as follows,” she spoke in an obviously exaggerated tone. “In the past, psychologists prescribed doing crimes as a cure for homosexuality.”

The way that Silverstream did the address alone got a few chuckles, and then the contents of the first card got more.

“Well, that would explain why it’s not used anymore,” Sandbar commented. “Equestria has next to no crimes anymore.”

Silverstream continued in the same manner. “In the past, psychologists prescribed the Filly Scouts of Equestria as a cure for homosexuality.”

“Starting it young, huh?” Smolder commented. Her comment ended up getting more laughs than the card.

“In the past, psychologists prescribed assembling IKEA furniture as a cure for homosexuality.” She quickly moved on to the next card. “In the past, psychologists prescribed denying the past as a cure for homosexuality.”

“Now that sounds like an old fashioned cure for homosexuality,” Gallus spoke up.

“And finally,” Silverstream began. “In the past, psychologists prescribed DJPon3 digital surround sound as a cure for homosexuality.”

“Kind of ironic, considering the rumours surrounding Vinyl Scratch,” Sandbar said.

“What rumours?” Gallus questioned. “Aren’t Vinyl and Octavia a confirmed couple?”

“As a changeling who can sense the emotions of those around her and who has passed by both of them repeatedly, I can confirm that, yes, they are.”

Hearing about changelings being able to sense emotions like that, Gallus very discretely shuffled away from Ocellus a bit.

Silverstream then laid out the five white cards in front of her, trying to pick a winner. “Oooooooo, how do I choose?” She wondered aloud, whilst stroking her beak. After about five seconds, she picked up a card. “I pick ‘Denying the Past’.”

“Yes, Yona win again!” Yona loudly proclaimed, and reached over and grabbed the black card. “Yona best at this game!”

“Don’t forget that this is only the first round,” Gallus said, next to her. He then smiled. “But I’m having fun.”

“Me too,” Ocellus continued. “While I still wouldn’t feel comfortable using the kind of language in this game around my family or teachers, I feel fine doing it with all of you.” She then smiled through her red cheeks. “I guess that shows just how strong our friendship is.”

Sandbar also smiled. “I guess Starlight’s plan for us worked out, after all. Although, there are still nine more rounds to go.”

“I’m having fun! I wanna keep playing!” Silverstream screamed in excitation.

Taking her hands away from her ears after Silverstream’s loud exclamation, Smolder cut in. “Before we do, however, how about we take a break and get some snacks, and then come back up here for round two? We may be here awhile?”

Following a round of affirmations, the six students made their way out of the room. As they were leaving, after Sandbar, Smolder, Yona and Silverstream had passed through the doorway, Ocellus turned to Gallus and simply said, with a knowing look, “I felt that.”

Those three words caused Gallus to halt in his stride and his cheeks to turn red, as he simply stared at Ocellus. “Uhhh...”

Without missing a beat, Ocellus followed up with, “You’re lucky I’m a good friend. Your secret’s safe with me,” she ended with a wink.

When Gallus just silently grumbled to himself, the only thing that he heard was, “I felt that too.”
> Round 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After taking a short break to assemble an assortment of snacks for the long night ahead of them, such as cupcakes, potato chips, soda, and some species exclusive snacks, like gems for Smolder, the six students returned to their dormitory to continue their game of Cards Against Equestria.

“So, is everycreature ready to continue?” Sandbar asked, as they all returned to their sitting positions, with their cards and snacks in hand/hoof/claw. He was met with four affirmative head nods, and one muffled ‘mmmhmmm’ from Silverstream, through a mouthful of potato chips, as she flashed him a thumbs up.

“Alright then,” Sandbar said with a smile. “Since we’re starting a new round, I’ll be the Card Princess again and we’ll go around in the same order as last time.” Reaching over, he picked up a black card. “Starting off, 50% of all marriages end in blank.”

After hearing the prompt, the other five students quickly looked down at their cards, trying to pick out their reply. They were completely calm in their selection, with a few quiet giggles between themselves as they looked over their options, having gotten over the initial awkwardness of the game and its raunchy language from the last round, now being replaced with genuine enjoyment.

After about ten seconds, everycreature had handed up their cards.

“Alright, first card,” Sandbar began. “50% of all marriages end in one of them big city lawyers.”

“Accurate,” Smolder stated dryly, while taking a bite of a gemstone.

“Pretty sure you’re eating someponies college fund right now,” Gallus said to her from aside.

“No, I’m not,” Smolder responded casually, waving a claw at him. “They’re Spike’s.” She immediately followed up with.

Ocellus raised an eyebrow at that. “He does know that you took them, right?”

“Eh, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” the dragoness again casually waved it off. She then faced Sandbar. “So, what’s the next card?”

“Oh, right,” Sandbar remembered, picking up the next card. “50% of all marriages end in a legal grey area.”

“Also, accurate,” Ocellus chimed in.

“50% of all marriages end in an empowered woman.” That card got a few laughs from the group. “50% of all marriages end in getting half hard and trying to smoosh it in.” That card got even more laughter from the whole group, with them not even squeaming at the sexual reference.

“And finally, 50% of all marriages end in the Everfree Forest Café.” This card got a smaller amount of laughter from the group.

“They must have a weird clientele,” Smolder added.

“I actually like this one.” Sandbar spoke up. “It’s subversive to what you’d expect, but it still makes a strange sense in context. I’ll go with this one.”

“Yay, I won one!” Silverstream shouted out. “Ooooooooooooo, that was fun to say. Won one. Won one. Won one. Won one. Won one. Won one.” She continued.

Sandbar just rolled his eyes playfully at her and set the black card next to her. “Okay, Gallus, you’re Card Princess next,” he said, turning to address his griffon friend next to him.

“Huh?” Gallus asked, seeming a bit distracted. “Oh, right,” he quickly recovered, picking up a black card and reading it.  “Okay, this is another two card round. That’s right. I killed blank. How, you ask? Blank.”

The rest of the group looked down at their cards again, to decide their choice, putting extra consideration into the order that they would go in. When they had all decided, they handed them to Gallus.

Once he had all of the cards in talon, he placed each set of two in front of him, and picked them up in a random order, instead of shuffling them all. He then picked up the first two cards. “That’s right. I killed 72 virgins. How, you ask? Swordplay.”

There was a decent amount of laughter. He then picked up another two cards. “That’s right. I killed a man with the head of a goat and the body of a goat. How, you ask? Getting shot by a condor.”

Those cards got considerably less laughter.

“So… just a goat, then?” Smolder half-wondered.

“Maybe it was the legendary villain, Grogar?” Ocellus answered. “Although, the grammar feels a bit off on that one,” she noted.

Moving on, Gallus picked up another two cards. “That’s right. I killed a cold and indifferent universe. How, you ask? Founding a major world religion.”

The laughter was back with these cards.

“Probably the fastest slash only way to kill an entire universe,” Silverstream commented.

“That’s right. I killed a concerning amount of ponies. How, you ask? A bomb!”

This set got the loudest roar of laughter yet.

“Very good round,” Smolder noted, with a slight air tap.

“Very good grammar on that one too,” Ocellus said with pride.

“Finally,” Gallus began, picking up the last two cards. “That’s right. I killed racism. How, you ask? Famine.”

As expected, the laughter continued.

“Well, that’s one way to get rid of all the racists,” Sandbar spoke up.

“Take that, Chancellor Neighsay!” Yona suddenly screamed out. That then earned a huge roar of laughter from the whole group, with some of them falling on their side laughing.

“Okay, I pick that one,” Gallus said, while trying to stop his sides from splitting, holding up the black card.

“Yay, that’s me again.” Silverstream announced, happily clapping her claws together. She then reached over and took the black card from him.

Sandbar suddenly looked a bit worried. “Oh, man, we need to score soon, man,” he said, addressing Gallus. “We’re the only ones who don’t have any points.”

“Huh?” Gallus said, taking a moment to register his comment.

Sandbar raised an eyebrow. “Are you okay, man? You seem a bit distracted lately.”

“No, I’m fine,” Gallus assured him, with a wave of his talon. “Yona, you’re up next,” he said, picking up a black card and passing it to her.

“Yes!” Yona replied, quickly grabbing the card from him and reading it aloud. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate blank. I quit.”

Smolder smirked. “That certainly sounds like a yak thing to say,” she said, sarcastically.

That got a few wry smiles from the others, but Yona was not impressed. “For that, you have to read out your own card.”

Smolder reacted in confusion. “Wait, can she do that?” She asked, addressing the group.

Sandbar, who was the one most familiar with the rules of the game, answered. “Well, Yona’s the Card Princess, so anything she says goes.”

Yona gave Smolder a devilish smirk in response. Smolder, however, just sighed acceptably. “Fine, but I’ll remember that.” Her cool expression faded quickly, however, when she looked down at her cards. “Oh, boy.” This made Yona’s smirk even bigger.

When everyone had their cards chosen, Yona decided that Smolder would go first. Letting out a sigh, the dragoness simply stood up, wanting to get this over with. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate… braiding three penises into a Twizzler. I quit.”

The reaction was pretty much what she expected, with an awkward silence from everyone in the room, who couldn’t meet Smolder’s gaze.

“Whatever,” the dragoness groaned. “Ocellus, you’re next.”

“Oh, right,” the changeling piped up. She then read from her card. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate the fact that there’s a bread company called Bimbo. I quit.”

The awkward silence ended, with laughter coming from all of the students, even Smolder.

“Random humour!” Silverstream announced excitedly. She then read her card next, in the same excited tone. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate putting an apple in a little colt’s mouth and roasting him for dinner. I quit.”

The laughter died down a little bit, and Sandbar was up next. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate microaggressions. I quit.”

The laughter continued, and finally, Gallus went. “I hate this job. I hate this place. Most of all, I hate pretending to be one of the guys but actually being a Spider God. I quit.”

“Yona like microaggressions. It ironic.”

Sandbar smiled. “That’s my card,” he said, taking his first point.

Turning towards Yona, Gallus asked, “How do you even know that word?”

“What? Yona read,” she defended.

“Whatever,” Gallus waved off. “Anybody else find it ironic that in a game where the worst person wins, the griffon is coming in last?”

“Whatever,” Smolder waved him off like he just did. “Okay, I’m up next,” she said, drawing a black card. “What will end racism once and for all?”

“Famine!” Silverstream blurted out immediately, which caused everyone to burst out laughing, including Yona, who was in the middle of drinking soda at that moment, doing a spit take.

“You can’t reuse cards, Silver,” Sandbar spoke up, in between his laughter.

Silverstream just shrugged adorably, and she and everyone else went back to picking their cards. When they had all chosen, they handed them to Smolder, who quickly shuffled them before reading them out.

“What will end racism once and for all? Making out and stuff.” She then shrugged. “Probably,” she commented, now firmly back in the game, with all of her laughter and witty comments. “What will end racism once and for all? Hearthwarming orphans.”

“Going the weaponized cute route, huh,” Sandbar spoke up.

“What will end racism once and for all? Locusts.”

“Biblical.”

“What will end racism once and for all? A cockatrice.”

“Aaaand that would be the actual weapons route,” Sandbar added.

“And lastly, what will end racism once and for all?” Smolder hesitated just a second before saying it. “Just now finding out about the Flores Genocide.” There wasn’t much laughter this round, but the silence that followed was the same as the last time this type of card was played, and with a quick glance to the changeling sitting next to her and her reaction, Smolder could guess who had played it. “Uhh, I pick this card. Who had it?” She asked, guessing she knew the answer.

She was proven right when Ocellus gingerly raised her hoof. Smolder just gently handed her the black card she won, and another for her to read out next. “Okay, you’re up next, Ocellus.”

“Thanks,” the changeling replied quietly, using her magic to take both cards.

Noticing her friend’s sadness, Silverstream gave her a short hug. “Better?” She asked.

“Yeah, it was,” Ocellus smiled. Feeling better know, she held the next black card in front of her face. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die?” She asked, immediately ruining the moment.

While all six of them just giggled at the emotional 180 degree flip, the other five immediately got back into the spirit of the game and chose the best, and at the same time, the worst cards that they had and passed them to Ocellus.

“Okay,” the changeling began. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? A creature made of penises that must constantly arouse itself to survive.”

The laughter was instantaneous, with the idea of something was just too ludicrous not to find funny, completely undercutting the serious moment not two minutes ago.

Trying to stifle her laughter, Ocellus read the next card. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? A superhero whose power is he has sex with dogs and children.”

The reaction to this one was pure disgust, with many of them trying not to throw up in their own mouths.

“Let’s hope he never shows up in the Power Ponies,” Smolder commented. “That’s not R-rated; that’s just obsene.”

Ocellus moved on quickly. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? The toilet.”

“Makes sense,” Yona noted.

“But why would it be dying?” Gallus asked.

“He probably met that superhero,” Silverstream answered, which got more laughs than the card.

“What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? The Amish.”

“Wow,” Silverstream was the first to speak. “Now that’s horrible.”

“But probably accurate,” Smolder added.

Ocellus made a face. “Better not let Professor Pinkie Pie find out about this one.” She then read the final card. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? Informing you that I am a registered sex offender.”

That earned a huge roar of laughter from everyone. “Accurate on all three fronts,” Sandbar commented.

Ocellus held a hoof to her mouth to try and hold in her laughter so that she could think. “Let’s see,” she said, levitating the sex offender card. “This card was probably the funniest. But,” she continued, levitating that Amish card. “...if the goal is to be the worst person, then I have to go with this one.”

“Yes, I’m on the board!” Gallus screamed out, leaping to his feet and pumping his fist in the air.

Seeing his over-the-top attitude, Smolder couldn’t resist smirking. “What is wrong with you?” She asked in a playful tone.

“That,” Gallus answered in the same tone. “Is how you play Cards Against Equestria: Griffon Style.” He then started fanning himself. “Yes, yes, give me your hate. It gives me strength.” His hammy delivery earned another round of laughter.

Silverstream laughed into her claw, trying to hold it back. “Okay, my turn,” she said, drawing a black card. “Say it loud! I’m blank and I’m proud!” She announced loudly, with a smile on her face. “And,” she added. “I want each of you to read out your own cards. The Card Princess has spoken.” She said with her arm over her chest, as if she were giving a royal decree.

Each of the five students then began selecting their cards. Sandbar was the first to choose his and stood up immediately, eager to go first. “Since I’ve selected my card, I’ll go first.” He then gestured wildly, throwing his hooves in the air. “Say it loud! I’m a beautiful androgonous changeling and I’m proud!”

There was instantly laughter from all of the other students, with Sandbar then giving a mock bow in response.

“Aren’t all changelings pretty androgonous looking?” Smolder asked.

Ocellus suddenly stopped laughing. “Hey, that’s racist.”

“No, it’s a stereotype. There’s a difference,” Smolder defended.

Ocellus simply gave Smolder a soft glare. “Alright, let’s hear yours then.”

Smolder simply rolled her eyes. “I don’t really have any good cards for this round, so I guess I’ll just use this one. Say it loud! I’m having a wonderful time at the zoo and I’m proud!” She announced in an obviously fake enthusiasm.

Gallus, however, laughed at the hidden circumstances. “That actually does sound like you,” he said with a hidden meaning between the two of them.

Smolder’s eyes widened. “I said quiet, you!” she retorted quickly, though was only met with a knowing smirk. When Ocellus also started giggling, she turned back towards her. “Alright, let’s hear from Ocellus next.”

“Gladly,” the changeling happily acquiested. “Say it loud! I’m jumping off the roof with an umbrella and hoping for the best and I’m proud!”

Another round of laughter followed from the group.

Finally, Gallus stood up. “Well, your cards were all very entertaining, and they should serve as an excellent warm up for my amazing comeback.” He boasted, before taking in a big breath. “Say it loud! I’m drinking out of the toilet and eating garbage and I’m proud!”

The students were once again floored, literally, by their laughter, with many of them falling on to their stomachs. Like Sandbar earlier, Gallus did a mock bow afterwards.

Sandbar wiped a tear from his eye. “I take it that’s where you get all of your food and water back in Griffonstone.” Sandbar immediately regretted his choice of his words, as the cacaphonous laughter suddenly halted, being replaced with an awkward silence. “Uhh...”

No creature in the room said a thing, with all of the laughter and good times vanishing instantly.

Silverstream could tell that things were seriously – not funny – awkward, so she quickly tried to think of a way to diffuse it. “Uhh... I pick Gallus’ card. Congratulations, you win,” she said hurriedly, with a forced smile on her face.

“Huh?” Gallus suddenly snapped back, remembering the game. “Oh, yeah, right,” he stuttered, taking the black card she was offering him.

Seeing that things were starting to die down now, Smolder decided to speak up. “So, uhh, hey, how about we take a quick bathroom before we start round three?” She offered nervously.

“Uhh, yeah, good idea” Ocellus jumped in.

“Yona agree.”

“Yeah, sure,” Gallus agreed as well. All of the students then got up and shuffled out of the room, with Sandbar moving particularly fast.

Gallus, however, seemed to take his time.

Silverstream knew that Gallus still felt bad, so she tried to think of what else she could do to chear him up, and then suddenly, she remembered how she cheered Ocellus up earlier. Moving over to Gallus, she wrapped her arms around him in a big, gentle hug.

The sudden contact made Gallus jump slightly and turned down to look Silverstream in the eye.

Silverstream held him tightly and then looked up to meet his gaze. “Better?” She asked in an innocent tone of voice.

“Uhh, yeah, I really am,” Gallus stuttered, with an almost luminous blush on his face, though he honestly did feel better now.

Silverstream could tell this, so she beamed in response. “Good, I’m glad.” She then slowly released her grip on him. “Now come on, let’s go take a break.” She said in her usual bubbly personality. She then made her way out of the room, following the rest of her friends.

Gallus simply stood there for a moment, watching her leave, only making a move when he saw Ocellus move past him and suddenly noticed that she had been in the room the whole time. He was now blushing for entirely different reasons.

When Ocellus reached the doorframe, she stopped where she was, turned to Gallus, and simply gave him a knowing wink before continuing out the door.

A bit of his earlier expression returning, Gallus just grumbled to himself and left the room as well.
> Round 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a quick bathroom break to cool down after the drama at the end of the last round, the six students all returned to their dormitory to continue their game of Cards Against Equestria.

There was still an uncomfortable silence between the group, however. Sandbar scratched at his mane nervously. “Hey, man,” he started, addressing Gallus. “About what I said a few minutes ago. I didn’t...”

“Forget it,” Gallus cut him off, with a claw in his face. “It’s cool. We’re all getting caught up in the game, so we’re saying a bunch of crazy and stupid stuff. Really, it’s fine,” he said, with an understanding smile.

Sandbar breathed a sigh of relief.

“Besides,” Gallus continued. “I have more points than you right now, so that technically makes me worse than you,” he said, in a joking manner.

Sandbar laughed good-naturedly as well, before matching Gallus’ expression. “Oh, yeah. We’ll see about that.” He then turned to face the rest of the group. “You all ready?” When they all gave him affirmative expressions, he drew the first black card of the round. “All right.

“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s blank.”

Getting back into the game, the five students participating in the round went through their cards and handed their choice up to Sandbar. Taking the five cards and quickly shuffling them, he drew the first card. “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s penis envy.”

There was already laughter from the whole group once again, like the drama from a few minutes prior never happened. It felt good getting back into the swing of things.

“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s an 800 foot long pool noodle.”

There was less laughter this time, so Sandbar moved on pretty quickly.

“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s an infinite line of perfect cubes.”

There again wasn’t much laughter, save a small, amused chuckle, so Sandbar once again continued.

“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s late-stage dementia.”

The laughter was back up with this one.

“Finally,” Smolder spoke up. “This round was starting to sound pretty boring.”

“Last card,” Sandbar started. “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s wondering if it’s possible to get some salsa on the go.”

This card caused more laughter, so overall, this round was pretty balanced.

“Okay, that last one was good, but I think I’ll go with late-stage dementia,” Sandbar chose.

“Yes, I won!” Smolder announced, quickly grabbing the black card. “I’m coming for you, Ocellus,” she said, pointing a challening claw at her changeling friend, who in response, just tried to timidly hide behind her cards.

“Okay, I’m up next,” Gallus spoke up, drawing a black card. “What made my first kiss so awkward?”

Smolder sneered to herself. “Oh, this is gonna be a good round?”

Gallus, meanwhile, simply sneered as well. “Oh, it will, because you’re all reading out your own cards this round. The Card Princess has spoken!” He announced, in a similar manner that Silverstream had last round, which made the hippogriff giggle to herself.

After everyone drew another white card so that they were back up to ten again, the other five started going through their options. Since they would be reading out their own cards this round, that meant that they would be going in whatever order each of them made their choice.

Sandbar had chosen his card first, so he went first. “What made my first kiss so awkward? Poopy diapers.”

That got a good amount of laughs from the group. “Yeah, that would definitely be awkward,” Smolder commented. “Speaking of which,” she continued. “What made my first kiss so awkward? Slowly releasing a huge fart over the course of two minutes.”

There was again another round of laughter.

“That’s probably the text book definition of awkward,” Sandbar retorted.

“I’ll go next,” Silverstream spoke up excitedly, reading her own card. “What made my first kiss so awkward? Fragile masculinity.”

“That does make a certain amount of sense,” Ocellus commented. She then chose her card next, though she released a nervous sigh before she spoke. “What made my first kiss so awkward? …Penis breath.”

That earned a huge roar of laughter from everyone, and Yona even fell on her side from laughter.

“Wow, you’re one messed up changeling, Ocellus,” Smolder playfully teased her.

“It’s not me; it’s the cards,” Ocellus defended.

“Whatever,” the dragoness casually waved her off, leaving Ocellus blushing in embassasment.

Yona picked herself back up before reading her card. “What made Yona’s first kiss so awkward? A lifetime of sadness.”

That last card earned more of a small, nervous laugh than the others.

“That one’s a bit more sad than funny,” Sandbar noted.

“Well, whatever. I pick Ocellus’ penis breath for this round.” Gallus announced.

The Changeling immediately turned pink – though not literally – from blushing. “Can you please not say it that way?”

“No,” Gallus responded playfully, flicking the black card towards her.

Ocellus just grumbled and picked the card up with her magic.

“So, quick question,” Sandbar spoke up, looking around the room. “Has anycreature here actually had their first kiss?”

Each of the students all looked between themselves for a moment, and then all of them nodded their head from side to side.

“I haven’t, though not exactly from lack of trying,” Gallus spoke up. “It’s just kind of hard to kiss when you have a beak.”

“Yeah, I know,” Silverstream agreed. “I mean, I guess we could try and find out later,” she said, innocently.

Gallus blushed immediately. “Uhh… y-yeah, sure,” he stuttered.

Smolder just gave him a knowing look. “Smooth.”

Gallus just grumbled quietly himself in here direction, before turning to Yona. “Okay, Yona, you’re up next.”

“Yes, Yona Card Princess now,” she announced, drawing a black card. “Lifetime presents ‘Blank: The Story of Blank’.”

The other students all chose two cards, taking extra time to consider the order for them in which to be read. When they had all chosen, they handed them up to Yona, who began reading them out.

“Lifetime presents ‘The Sweet Forbidden Meat of the Monkey: The Story of Slaughtering a Peaceful Race of Aliens.”

That card got a small amount of laughs.

“Lifetime presents ‘A Day that will Live in Infamy: The Story of Grogar.”

That card got a little bit more laughter, as well as a bit of intrgue from the group.

“That kind of sounds like a documentary.” Sandbar commented.

“Who’s Grogar?” Silverstream wondered aloud.

“Grogar was a powerful necromancer from the land of Tambelon, who invaded Clousdale over a thousand years ago to learn the magic of weather manipulation, but he was defeated a sealed away by the great hero, Gusty the Great, and her unicorn warriors.”

Smolder stiffened a giggle. “Ladies and gentlemen, Encyclopedia Ocellus, over here,” she added, playfully.

Yona drew the next pair of cards and she started laughing immediately, letting the rest of them know that this would be a good one. “Lifetime presents ‘More: The Story of the Amount of Baby Carrots I can fit up my Ass.”

That card earned a huge roar of laughter from the group.

“The wording of that makes a disturbing amount of sense,” Gallus said in between his laughter.

Trying to stifle her laughter so that she could read out the next set of cards, Yona continued. “Lifetime presents ‘Quality Affordable Menswear: The Story of a Powerful CEO who wears three suits at once.”

“That also sounds like a documentary,” Sandbar said again.

“Maybe the CEO is one of Professor Rarity’s clients,” Gallus added.

“It would certainly be a big help for her business,” Ocellus joined.

“Last cards,” Yona began. “Lifetime presents ‘Teenage Pregnancy: The Story of Abort-Tron the Abortion Robot.”

“Wow,” Ocellus deadpanned in shock.

“Oh my Novo!” Silverstream gasped.

Smolder cocked an eyebrow at that in confusion. “Wait, ‘Oh my Novo’?”

“Yeah, you know, after Queen Novo, like how ponies say, ‘Sweet Celestia’.” Silverstream explained. She then suddenly brought a talon to her beak in thought. “Come to think of it, why do some species swear by their current rulers?”

“Ya got me,” Smolder shrugged her shoulders. “Dragons don’t go around saying ‘Oh my Ember’ or ‘Sweet Torch’.”

Silverstream’s face just blanked. “Huh. Weird.”

“Ahem.” Yona very loudly and intentionally cleared her throat, to get everyone to focus on her again. “Yona choose quality affordable menswear. It sound like real movie.”

“Yes, another point for me!” Gallus announced, taking the black card from Yona.

“Sidenote,” Smolder chimed in again. “I actually have a bet going that at least one student at this school will end up pregnant before they graduate.” That got her some strange looks from the other five. “What? Don’t look at me like that. It’s a common thing in dragon schools. You telling me there’s no teenage pregnancies where you’re from?”

“Do you have any particular ideas of who’s gonna get pregnant?” Silverstream asked her.

“Uhh… no,” Smolder sputtered out hastily. She then quickly drew a black card. “Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with blank!”

Noticing the dragoness’ rushed tone, but choosing to ignore it, the rest of the students chose their cards for this round and handed them up to her.

“Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with my ass!”

That card got a few chuckles.

“Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with a snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis!”

“Ouch!” Sandbar and Gallus both said at the same time, reflexedly covering up their junk.

Giving a slight smirk in their direction, Smolder read the next card. “Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with working so hard to have muscles and then having them!”

“So, just really hard buckball, then?” Ocellus asked.

“That Yak Buckball!”

“Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with ninjas!”

“Now that’s something I’d like to see,” Sandbar commented.

“But you wouldn’t actually be able to see them, because they’re ninjas,” Silverstream added, which got some more laughs.

“And finally, Introducing X-treme Buckball! It’s like buckball, but with Discord’s missing testicle!”

That card easily got the most laughs this round.

“Okay, now that sounds like X-treme Buckball.” Sandbar chimed in. “From the sounds of it, anything could happen.”

“Yeah, I’ll go with that one,” Smolder spoke.

“Yes, I win again!” Gallus announced triumphantly, standing up on his hind legs, so that he stood over the rest of the group as he spoke. “I hope you’re all enjoying your front row seats to the greatest comeback in history.”

Many of the students just rolled their eyes at that, though Silverstream couldn’t help but giggle at his cute, over-the-top antics.

“Okay, I’m Card Princess next,” Ocellus spoke up, levitating a black card over towards her. “What are my parents hiding from me?”

The other students began choosing their cards, though none of them seemed particularly excited about any of them. Noticing her friend’s reactions, Ocellus could tell that this would be a rather boring round, so after she collected all of the cards, she just decided to read them out rapid fire.

“What are my parents hiding from me? A balanced breakfast.

“What are my parents hiding from me? Nipple blades.

“What are my parents hiding from me? Free 2-day shipping with Derpy Prime.”

That card actually got a decent amount of laughter.

“What are my parents hiding from me? Shiny gadgets for sadness destruction.

“What are my parents hiding from me? Racially biased SAT questions.”

“Surprisingly, something that makes the parents look good for once in this game,” Sandbar noted.

“Yeah, but we’re not here for looking good,” Smolder responded.

“Still, this was a pretty boring round overall,” Gallus added.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Ocellus agreed, scratching at her neck a bit. “I’ll choose Free 2-day shipping with Derpy Prime. Who had that?” She asked, holding the card up in her magic.

“That’s me,” Sandbar responded, taking the black card.

“My turn again!” Silverstream happily announced, drawing a black card. “What’s the most problematic?”

The rest of the students quickly chose their cards and handed them up to Silverstream.

“What’s the most problematic? My son’s dipshit friends.”

“Aaaaaand the negligent parents return,” Sandbar announced, which earned even more laughter from the group.

Taking a moment to stifle her laughter, Silverstream continued. “What’s the most problematic? Being fat and stupid.”

“Probably,” Yona commented.

“What’s the most problematic? Getting trapped in a time loop.”

“Yeah, that does sound like it would be problematic,” Ocellus spoke up.

“You think anyone ever has gotten stuck in a time loop?” Gallus asked.

The other students merely shrugged their shoulders in response. Unbeknownst to them, downstairs, Starlight sneezed.

“What’s the most problematic? Fiery poops.”

There was another round of laughter from that card.

“I can speak from personal experience that fiery poops are indeed very problematic,” Smolder spoke up. “Sidenote again: if you are not from a species that can swim in lava without dying, then do not eat the Lava Foot Soup-and-Saltrice recipe.” She visibly shivered at the memory. “Trust me on that.”

Silverstream then drew the last card and when she did, she smiled instantly. “Well, forget all the other cards because this one wins. What’s the most problematic?” She then slammed the card down on the ground. “That bitch, Cozy Glow!”

“Yup.”

“Definitely.”

“Absolutely.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Yona agree.”

All six of them then immediately burst out laughing.

“I’m guessing that that’s one of Starlight’s personal cards,” Sandbar spoke up, wiping a tear from his eye, from laughing so much.

“Okay, who had that one?” Silverstream asked, trying to calm down enough to speak properly.

Ocellus raised her hoof and Silverstream passed her the card.

“Well, that’s another round done. Should we take another break?” Sandbar asked, addressing the whole room.

“I’m okay to keep going,” Ocellus responded.

“And I can’t stop now,” Gallus added. “I’m right in the middle of my comeback.”

“Yeah, this is so much fun I don’t want to top,” Silverstream agreed.

“Yona say keep going!”

With an affirmative from the rest of the group, Smolder gave Sandbar a sly smirk. “Well, you heard everyone; read out the next card. Chop chop!”

Sandbar smiled, happy that everycreature was enjoying the game. “Well, alright then,” he said, drawing the next black card. He then threw a quick glance to Smolder. “Though, I think I know why you’re so eager to continue, Smolder.”

Smolder just arched her eyebrow at that. “And why is that?”

“Ocellus is now beating you by two.”

“What?!”
> Round 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What makes life worth living?” Sandbar read out the first card.

The other five immediately got to choosing their responses, already guessing that this would be a good round. As they were choosing their cards, Smolder gave a challenging grin to the changeling to her left, intent on catching up to and beating her, even though she was also behind the griffon to her right; with Ocellus, it was personal.

Once all five cards had been handed up, Sandbar quickly shuffled them and began reading them out. “What makes life worth living? Prescription pain killers.”

First card of the round and there was already laughter from the whole group.

“Dark, sad and funny all in one,” Gallus commented.

Trying to calm down his laughter, Sandbar drew the next card, but as soon as he did, he quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “What makes life worth living? Tables.”

There was complete silence from everycreature in the room.

“Well that was boring,” Smolder blurted out.

Across from her, Silverstream just scratched at her neck nervously. “Actually, that one was mine. I didn’t have a good card for this round and I just wanted to get rid of it.”

“Understandable,” Sandbar said, shrugging his shoulders. He then drew the next card. “What makes life worth living? Being inside me.”

The laughter was back again.

“Somecreature has a high opinion of themselves.”

Everyone was surprised that it was Yona that said that.

“Okay, moving on.” Sandbar continued, drawing the next card. “What makes life worth living? Being a motherbucking sorcerer.”

This card also got a good amount of laughs.

“And finally,” Sandbar began, drawing the last white card. “What makes life worth living? Some god damn peace and quiet.”

There was another round of laughter from the group.

“Also true,” Gallus added.

“Yeah,” Smolder began. “Other than Silverstream’s, I’d say this this was a good round.” She then quickly turned towards her hippogriff friend. “No offense.”

“None taken,” she replied calmly. “Still though, tables are pretty awesome. Almost as awesome as stairs!” She exclaimed.

The rest of the group just rolled their eyes playfully, as if a way to collectively and silently say ‘That’s our Silverstream’.

“Alright then,” Sandbar spoke up again. “I think I’ll give this point to prescription pain killers.”

“Yes! Yona win!”

Sandbar passed the black card to Yona, and then turned to face Gallus. “Okay, Gallus, you’re the Card Princess next.”

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me. I think we’ve all got this game down by now.” He then drew a black card, and he immediately smirked. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t blank.”

The others all laughed just from hearing him read out the prompt. They then all got to picking out their choice for this round, after they all drew another white card so that they were back up to ten.

Once everycreature had handed up their cards, Gallus quickly shuffled them before reading them out. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t hot milk with ice cubes.”

There wasn’t any laughter for this card. “Eh, pretty lame,” Gallus said. He quickly changed expression when he looked up from the card and saw Silverstream looked downtrodden, and he blushed. “Uhhmm, moving on,” he said hastily, drawing another card. “ Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t huge big balls full of jizz.”

The laughter was back again, even Silverstream joined in, quickly recovering from her downtroddeness.

Feeling much better now, Gallus drew another card and read it out much more calmly, at least until he reached the end of the card. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t… a fetus.”

There was more looks of disgust than laughter from everycreature this time.

Gallus quickly moved on and read the next card. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t the ol’ penis in the popcorn surprise.”

The laughter was back and louder than before, with several of the students falling down from laughing so hard.

“Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t dumpster juice.” Gallus just shrugged, silently waving his talon in a so-so manner, not even looking for any hints as to who played it. “I’ll go with fetus card. It was definitely the most shocking.”

“That’s me,” Sandbar chimed in, taking the black card from his griffon friend.

“Yona’s turn; she Card Princess,” Yona said, drawing a black card. “Yona just love blank, but it make her barf every time.”

Smolder sneered to herself upon hearing the prompt. “Oh, this should be a good round.”

Everyone then drew another white card, and Silverstream immediately let out a scared scream when she read her card, but quickly placed both claws over her beak. “Nothing,” she said when everyone turned towards her, though in an obviously-not-okay-but-trying-her-best-to-hide-it tone.

“Uhhmm, okay,” Ocellus spoke up, in a worried tone, and then she and the others went back to picking their cards for this round.

Everyone then handed Yona their cards, with Silverstream handing up the card she had just drawn. Yona then quickly shuffled the cards before reading them out.

“Yona just love Fancy Feast, but it make her barf every time.”

The first card earned a good bit of laughter from the whole group.

“What is Fancy Feast, anyway,” Gallus asked.

“Cat food,” Sandbar answered. He then turned to face Yona. “You don’t actually eat Fancy Feast do you?”

“Of course not,” Yona replied, sounding slightly offended. Without letting him say anything else, she then drew the next card. “Yona just love a sticky tree hole filled wih nectar, but it make her barf every time.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, so Yona quickly moved on again. When she drew the next card, she snickered to herself before she read it out loud. “Yona just love having sex with your mom, but it make her barf every time.”

That card earned a huge roar of laughter from the entire group.

“Ooooooo, burn,” Smolder commented.

Suddenly coming out of her laughing fit, Yona now looked confused. “What Smolder burn?” Yona asked.

Smolder was about to say something, but she quickly brushed it aside. “Nevermind, just move on.”

“Okay,” Yona said with an oblivious smile, drawing the next card. “Yona just love drinking alone, but it make her barf every time.”

There was more laughter from this card, though a bit less from the previous card.

“Another sad one,” Gallus commented.

Yona then drew the last card, and when she did, she immediately knew both that it was Silverstream’s card and why she had screamed when she first read it. “Yona just love… running afoul of the Storm King’s army…” She couldn’t even finish reading it.

The rest of the group had similar reactions, and when they looked over towards Silverstream, she quickly looked away. “I-I just wanted to get rid of it so that I wouldn’t always be looking at it.”

Ocellus couldn’t help but feel for her friend, and almost immediately wrapped her in a comforting hug. She then non-verbally motioned for the rest of the group to join in, which they gladly did, comforting their friend through an obviously hard time.

As everycreature came out of the hug, Silverstream started to tear up, but they were happy tears this time. “Thanks, everyone.”

“Don’t mention it,” Sandbar replied. “It’s what friends are for.”

The rest of the group all replied with understanding smiles.

Yona then realised that she still needed to pick a winner. “Yona pick Silverstream,” she said, passing the card to her as she did so.

“Thank you,” Silverstream replied. “…again.” She broke out into her signature laugh, letting them all know that she was back to her normal, cheerful self.

“Well, if we’re finished with the feelings portion of the round,” Smolder began, trying to break the ice. “Let’s get back to being horrible to each other. I’m starting to fall behind.” With affirmative smiles from the rest of the group, she, as the Card Princess, then drew a black card. “What’s that sound?” She said. She then looked around the group. “For the record, that was the card prompt; not just a general inquisition.”

With another quick bout of good natured laughter, the other students started choosing their cards. When they were all done, they passed them towards Smolder, who shuffled them quickly and then drew one.

“What’s that sound? The graceful path of an Autumn leaf as it falls to its eastern cradle.”

There wasn’t much to any laughter from this card, though Ocellus gave a calm and peaceful expression. “Now that sounds calm.”

“We’re not here for calm,” Smolder retorted, drawing the next card. “What’s that sound? The rhythms of Zebrica.”

This card got a decent amount of laughter, particularly from Smolder. “I don’t know why, but I find that really funny.” She then drew the next card. “What’s that sound? Gang violence.”

The laughter from that card was more uncomfortable than genuine.

Moving on quickly, Smolder drew the next card. “What’s that sound? Playing my ass hole like a trumpet.”

The laughter was immediate and completely genuine, with several students clutching at the stomachs and falling on their sides from laughter.

Picking herself back up, Smolder tried to stifle her laughter so that she could properly read out the last card. “What’s that sound? Facillitating dialogue and deconstructing binaries.”

That card didn’t get much laughter, and the laughter from the previous card was starting to die down as well.

“Okay, okay,” Smolder began. “I’ll go with the rhythms of Zebrica. There’s just something about it that I find funny.”

“Yes! Yona win again!” Yona screamed out in triumph, quickly snatching the card out of Smolder’s claw.

The dragoness smiled good-naturedly at her Yak friend’s enthusiasm. “Well, congratulations, Yona. You earned it.”

“Yeah, now you’re ahead of Smolder,” Gallus added.

“What?!” Smolder exclaimed, her calm expression quickly fading.

That got another round of laughter from the rest of the student six. Smolder, meanwhile, grumbled to herself.

“So, what is the score at the moment,” Silverstream asked.

“Quick rundown,” Sandbar began. “Gallus and Yona are tied for second place, with four points each, and Ocellus is in the lead, with five points, and you, me and Smolder each have three points.”

Letting out a sigh, Smolder calmed back down, and with a sly grin forming once again, she playfully elbowed Ocellus to her left. “Not exactly helping the stereotypes about changelings, are you?” She joked.

“It’s not me; it’s the cards,” Ocellus defended.

“Excuses, excuses,” Smolder waved her off, playfully, which caused another small bit of laughter between the group of friends.

Ocellus puffed up her cheeks in slight annoyance, but didn’t say anything. Letting out a short breath, she then simply levitated a black card over to her and read it out loud. “What are all those whales singing about?”

The other students quickly chose their cards and passed them towards Ocellus so that she could read them out.

“What are all those whales singing about? Water.”

“Makes sense,” Gallus noted.

“And accurate,” Silverstream added.

Moving on, Ocellus drew the next card. “What are all those whales singing about? Holes.”

“Also makes sense,” Sandbar noted.

“And also accurate,” Yona added. This commentary got more laughter than the first two cards combined.

“What are all those whales singing about? Misogyny.”

That card got a good bit of laughter.

“What are all those whales singing about? Zoo animals.”

“Ehh,” Smolder motioned with a claw.

“And lastly,” Ocellus began. “What are all those whales singing about? This new documentary you just haaaaave to watch.”

That got a good bit of laughter, particularly from the way that she stretched out the word ‘have’.

“Okay, I’ll go with that one,” Ocellus spoke up, holding up the black card in her changeling magic.

“That’s me,” Sandbar replied, taking a hold of the card.

“Now it’s my turn!” Silverstream yelled out in excitement, reaching over and drawing a black card. “I get by with a little help from blank.”

Smolder smirked. “Good question. This should be a good one if you’re the one reading them out.” She said, crinkling her fingers.

“Nope, sorry,” Silverstream replied in her usual bubbly attitude. “I want you all to read out your own cards again. The Card Princess has spoken!” She said, again placing her claw over her chest, like she were giving a royal decree.

The others couldn’t help but giggle a little, finding her charm quite infectious.

“Well, you know the rules,” Sandbar began, as he adjusted his cards. “Since we’re reading out our own cards, we’ll just go in the order that we decide on our choice. So in that case, I’ll go first,” he said, picking out his chosen card. “I get by with a little help from an older woman who knows their way around the penis.”

The laughter was immediate and loud.

“So, is that confirmation that you’re straight?” Gallus asked.

“Bitch, I might be.”

His response caused yet another round of laughter.

When the laughter started to die down, Smolder decided to go next. “I get by with a little help from Hostice Care.”

“That’s pretty much how we’re all getting along right now.” Gallus added. There was a good bit of laughter following that. “Well, I guess I’ll go next. I get by with a little help from male sexuality.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, and from Gallus’ reaction, he wasn’t really expecting any.

Yona then stuck her hoof in the air, indicating that she wanted to go next. “Yona get by with a little help from ‘Principles of Corporate Finance’ by Filthy Rich.”

That caused another round of laughter.

Everyone then turned towards Ocellus, who was the last one to go, with Smolder taking a drink of soda while she waited. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she tried to prepare herself for their reactions to her card. “I get by with a little help from the burly mare waxing my pubes.”

Smolder immediately did a spittake, which just added to the laughter. Ocellus, however, couldn’t help but blush in embarassment.

In between his laughter, Gallus tried to form a response. “You need to stop being embarrassed of what your cards say. You’re never gonna win if you can’t even say them.”

“I don’t know. She does still have the highest score,” Sandbar interjected.

“For now!” Smolder emphasised, her competitiveness adding extra laughter from the group.

“Well, anyway,” Silverstream began. “I’ll go with Hospice Care, because it’s…”

“Yes, victory for Smolder!” The dragoness announced, leaping to her feet as she did so, snatching up the black card that was her point. Again, the other students couldn’t resist giggling at her overly-competitive attitude.

“Well,” Sandbar began, once his laughter started to die down. “That’s another round down. Should we take another break or keep going?”

Yona raised her hoof again. “Can we take bathroom break? Yona really need to go,” she asked, almost looking like she was doing a little dance as she tried to hold it in.

“Well, sure, I guess we can…”

Sandbar didn’t get a chance to finish as Yona barreled passed him and out of the room, knocking him over as she did so. Picking himself back up, he also made his way out of the room, along with the rest of the group of students.

As they were leaving, after Yona, Sandbar and Smolder had already left the room, Ocellus suddenly held her hoof out in front of Gallus to stop him. When he looked at her confusedly, she simply tilted her head in the direction of Silverstream, who still hadn’t left the room. When he looked back to Ocellus, she then whispered something in his ear, which made his eyes bulge in embarassment.

Giving her a knowing look instead of verbally responding, Ocellus merely tilted her head towards Silverstream again, this time like she was telling him instead of asking.

Gallus quickly relented and moved over towards Silverstream before she left the room. “Hey, Silver,” he started, calling her by the group’s little pet name for her. “You, uhh... still doing okay after you drew that Storm King card?” He asked, feeling nervous about the whole thing.

Silverstream suddenly looked downtrodden. “Yeah, I’m doing okay now thanks to all of you guys.” She said, again with another forced smile, and then looked away slighlty. “I guess the memories still hurt more than I thought.”

Seeing her sad, which in turn made him feel sad, Gallus decided to try what Ocellus had suggested and gave her in a comforting hug.

The sudden contact made the hippogriff return her gaze fully to Gallus.

“Better?” He asked, still sounding a bit nervous, but less so than a moment ago.

Silverstream started blushing. “I am now, yeah.” She responded, her expression changing again to reflect that.

Gallus likewise smiled when he heard that. Then his eyes once again widened when he felt her plant a kiss on his cheek.

Silverstream giggled, her usual bubbly personality returning fully. “Hey, I guess with beaks we can still kiss on the cheek. Good to know, huh?”

“Uhh, yeah, good to know,” Gallus stuttered.

Silverstream started smiling innocently once again. Once the hug ended, she then made her way out of the room, to use the bathroom like the rest of her friends.

Gallus simply stood there, watching her leave, his own blush now brighter than ever. He then suddenly remembered that Ocellus was still in the room with him when she walked up beside him, and his expression quickly became serious once again. “Not one word out of you,” he said, pointing a talon at her.

In response, Ocellus just mimed zipping her lips shut and gave him a knowing wink. She then made her way out of the room.

Gallus just grumbled to himself before leaving the room as well.
> Round 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once everycreature had taken a quick bathroom break, as well as restock their snacks, the six students all returned to their room to continue their game of Cards Against Equestria. They then all drew a white card so that they were back up to ten.

“Alright,” Sandbar began. “I think by now, we’re all familiar with the rules of the game, so how about we just jump right into the next round?”

“Sound good,” Smolder answered, clutching her cards tightly. “Now hurry up. I’ve got a comeback to make and I’m only one point behind Ocellus,” she said, giving the changeling next to her a challenging stare.

“Alright,” Sandbar laughed good-naturedly. He then drew the first black card of the round. “As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to blank.”

Gallus sneered. “Oh, this should be an interesting round.”

The other five students then all got to choosing their cards for this round, which they all did very quickly, and passed them towards Sandbar. The young pony then quickly shuffled the cards so that he couldn’t tell whose card was whose, and read them out one at a time.

“As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to not vaccinating my child because I am stupid.”

There was plenty of laughter from the whole group from the first card.

Sandbar then drew the next card. “As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to popping a penis pimple.”

There was a huge roar of laughter from the whole group.

Trying to stifle his laughter enough to continue, Sandbar drew the next card. “As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to a creepy child singing a nursery rhyme.”

That card got some laughs, but the laughter was now starting to die down.

“As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to a woman’s right to choose.”

“Whoa, that’s dark,” Smolder commented.

“But wouldn’t the mother not be using that choice if she already had five colts?” Ocellus wondered aloud.

Smolder just shrugged her shoulders. “Who knows? Maybe she started choosing because she already had five.”

“Anyway, moving on,” Sandbar cut in, drawing the last white card. “As the mom of five rambunctious colts, I’m no stranger to an unwanted pregnancy.”

“Dark,” Ocellus deadpanned.

That got another round of laughter.

“Okay this was a great round,” Sandbar spoke up. “I think I’ll give the point to ‘popping a penis pimple’. Who had that card?” He asked, holding up the black card.

“Oooooo, that’s me,” Silverstream waved, speaking up.

“Here you go,” Sandbar said, passing her the black card. “Okay, now Ocellus has five points and the rest of us each have four.”

“Can someone please overtake Ocellus, already,” Smolder cut in. “She’s been in first or tied for first every round now.”

“Calm down, Smolder,” Gallus responded, giving her a sly look. “The rest of us don’t have your love/hate boner for Ocellus, okay?”

That caused Smolder to shoot a glare at Gallus. “I don’t have a love/hate boner for her.”

“Smolder, it’s a pretty hateful boner,” Gallus replied instantly. That got a big roar of laughs from the rest of the group, including some light giggles from Ocellus.

Smolder, meanwhile, just crossed her arms and grumbled to herself. “Can you just move on with the next card, Princess,” she said in a mocking undertone.

“Fine, fine,” Gallus said, drawing a black card to read out. “Okay, this is another two-card round. And the Academy Award for blank goes to blank.”

Quickly getting back into the spirit of the game, everyone drew another white card so that they were back up to ten, and started going through them all, picking out their best two to go with the latest prompt. Two by two, Gallus took the cards from them, placing them down directly in front of himself and quickly shuffled them around. When everyone was ready, he picked up the first set of cards.

“And the Academy Award for Daddy issues goes to the gays.”

That card got an okay amount of laughs. 

Gallus then picked up the next set of cards and he immediately smiled when he saw what they said. “I really hope I’m right about who played these cards. And the Academy Award for not being a part of my son’s life goes to this kid I found.”

That card got even more laughs than the last one.

“Negligent parents strike again,” Ocellus commented. She was also pretty sure she knew who played those cards, though in a game like this, you couldn’t be 100% sure.

“And the Academy Award for soft, kissy, missionary sex goes to big beefy buckball boys.”

“Nice alliteration,” Silverstream noted.

“Thanks,” Gallus replied. He then picked up the next two cards. “And the Academy Award for the violation of our most basic of rights goes to a racist cloud that only rains on non-pony creatures.”

The laughter kept on coming, with the group firmly getting back into the spirit of the game.

“And finally,” Gallus began, drawing the last set of cards. “And the Academy Award for assassinating the Princesses goes to MechaTirek.”

“Okay, I’m gonna go with the negligent parents,” Gallus spoke up, picking up the black card for this round. “Who had those cards?” He asked, already looking at Sandbar, who already had his hoof in the air, giving Gallus a knowing look.

Gallus just smirked as he flicked the black card at him. “Dude, I’m starting to think you’ve got some parental issues.”

Sandbar just silently smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Gallus then turned towards Yona. “Okay, Yona, you’re up next.”

“Yes!” The yak responded, drawing a black card. “Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is blank.”

Everyone else first drew another two white cards, while Gallus only drew one, to get back up to ten. They then all picked out their choices and passed the cards to Yona. After a quick shuffle, she read them out.

“Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is how bad my daughter fucked up her dance recital.”

Everyone laughed hard at that card, except for Silverstream, who instead seemed to scoff at herself. “Well sorry, Mom, but it’s kind of hard to dance when we’re underwater and we don’t have feet.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence following that little outburst.

“Uhh, okay,” Smolder spoke up, trying to diffuse the awkward moment. She then simply gave Yona a look, telling her to move on.

“Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is an inability to pick up on social cues.”

The laughter was back again, including Silverstream, who seemed to have on from her little outburst.

“Pretty accurate, actually,” Gallus commented.

“More for artists than art, though,” Ocellus added.

Yona then drew the next card. “Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is saying ‘I love you’.”

That card didn’t get any laughter, though Ocellus did have a peaceful look on her face. “That sounds nice.”

“But not what we’re looking for,” Smolder quickly added.

Yona then drew the next card. “Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is magnets.” She then raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Magnets? How that work?”

Next to her, Smolder just silently shrugged.

Moving on, the young yak then drew the last card. “Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is abandoning all concepts and categories and seeing the world as it really is.”

There was a silence following the last card; however, it wasn’t an awkward silence, but rather a thoughtful and understanding one.

“Wow, that’s... surprisingly deep.” Gallus spoke up.

“Yeah,” Yona uttered, sounding uncharacteristically quiet. She was then immediately back to her usual self. “Yona choose this card!”

“That’s me again,” Sandbar said, raising his hoof, taking the card from Yona as she passed it to him. “Hey, now I’m in the lead.”

“For now,” Smolder quickly added, before drawing a black card, to take her turn as Card Princess.

Gallus gave her a sly smirk. “Too bad you can’t score on this card.”

“Eat me,” Smolder replied dryly. She then lifted the card up to read it. “You know who else liked blank? Tirek.”

The other students got to choosing their cards and passed them towards Smolder. She then quickly shuffled them before reading them out. “You know who else liked masturbating? Tirek.”

That card got a good few laughs from the group.

“Tirek masturbates?” Silverstream wondered.

“Well, he was sealed in Tartarus for over a thousand years,” Gallus replied. “There’s probably not much else to do there.” 

“Aaaaaaahhhhh!” Ocellus suddenly screamed out, rubbing her hooves against her head. “That’s not a mental image I needed right now.”

Ocellus’ reaction got more laughs from the group than the card did.

“If you’re not looking for bad mental images then you’re playing the wrong game.” Gallus added.

Smolder had to take a moment to compose herself from laughter before she could read out the next card. “You know who else liked tentacle porn? Tirek.”

“Aaaaaaahhhhh! It’s even worse now!” Ocellus screamed again, now falling flat on her face.

The laughter from the group was now even greater, with several of them falling on their sides from laughter, and it was more from Ocellus’ reactions than from the actual cards.

It took Smolder another ten seconds before she could continue. “You know who else liked lunchables? Tirek.”

The laughter was starting to die down now, and there was no reaction from Ocellus either. “Eh,” Smolder quickly shrugged before moving on. “You know who else liked licking feet? Tirek.”

That card got mostly the same reaction, as was Smolder’s reaction to it. She then drew the last card. “You know who else liked this boring ass bitch from work? Tirek.”

That card got a decent amount of laughter.

“You mean Cozy Glow?” Silverstream wondered aloud.

“Because that would be accurate. They are basically roomates now,” Gallus added.

“Haha, yeah,” Smolder agreed. “I’ll go with that one. Who had it?” She asked, looking around the room. When she saw Ocellus raise her hoof, she couldn’t help but faceclaw. “Oh, dammit. I gave her a point.”

The other students giigled a little to themselves, while Ocellus just gingerly used her magic to take the black card, still unable to meet the group’s gaze.

Gallus sneered in Smolder’s direction. “Seriously, Smolder, you’re gonna want to take care of that boner now before it goes critical.”

Lowering her claw from her face, Smolder just shot Gallus a glare. “Oh, I’m sure you know all about treating boners, don’t you? You sure you don’t want to take care of it?”

Gallus just waved her off. “Sorry, Smolder, you’re not my type. I like my girls to have a bit more feathers.”

“Well that’s a relief.” Silverstream suddenly blanked when she realised that she said that out loud, and now had all eyes on her. “Uuuhhh,” she stuttered. “Hey, Ocellus, it’s your turn,” she spoke rapidly, wanting to move on quickly.

Looking up again, Ocellus just gave her a knowing smile, having calmed down from the last round, and then used her magic to draw a black card. “What is Princess Luna thinking right now?”

The rest of the students started selecting their cards, with Silverstream choosing hers especially quickly. With all five cards in hoof, Ocellus magically shuffled them and withdrew the first one.

“What is Princess Luna thinking right now? Giving fidget spinners to homeless gri...” She stopped herself suddenly. “...people.” She quickly addended.

When the others started giving her weird looks because of her pause, she quickly moved on and read out the next card. “What is Princess Luna thinking right now? Loving Equestria.”

That card got a few laughs.

“Probably,” Smolder commented.

“What is Princess Luna thinking right now? Wandering into a sex temple and being plunged into a world of erotic mystery.”

The laughter was back in earnest from that card.

“Is Princess Luna horny?” Yona asked the room.

“Probably not,” Silverstream answered. “She was on the moon for a thousand years, so she had plenty of time to masturbate up there.”

“Aaaaaaahhhhh! Please stop it!” Ocellus screamed out again, clutching at her head, hard, with her eyes shut tight.

“No,” Silverstream said playfully, which got another round of laughter from the group.

Ocellus let out another annoyed groan, but let it go quickly since it was all in good fun. She then simply drew the next card and read it off. “What is Princess Luna thinking right now? Crushing the patriarchy.”

“Hasn’t Equestria pretty much done that already?” Smolder asked.

“Unless she want to do it to other countries.” Yona offered.

“Oh.” Smolder realised. “Then yeah, probably.” She added with a wave of her claw.

That got another round of laughter from the group.

“Finally,” Ocellus began. “What is Princess Luna thinking right now? Funnelling money through a series of shell companies.”

“Ooooooo, my cousin, Skystar owns a bunch of those,” Silverstream chimed in. “Yeah, she doesn’t really get out much.” She added.

There was a bit of laughter to follow.

“Okay, I think I’ll go with ‘crushing the patriarchy’.”

“Yes! Yona win!” The yak exclaimed, grabbing the black card for herself.

“Yes, now I’m Card Princess again,” Silverstream squealed in joy, drawing a black card. “What’s the gayest?”

Smolder started grinning instantly. “Oh, this should be a good round.”

There was a quick round of affirmations from all of the other students as they started selecting their cards. They all did so pretty quickly and passed them up to Silverstream, who read them out herself this time.

“What’s the gayest? The Great and Powerful Trixie.”

The laughter was instantaneous, just as expected.

“You know, I always suspected that there was something between her and Starlight,” Gallus commented.

“At least one way,” Ocellus added.

Smolder suddenly raised an eyebrow. “Really? Which one?”

“Oh, that’s not important right now,” Ocellus replied, simply waving her off.

Not dwelling on that comment for much longer, Silverstream drew the next card. “What’s the gayest? Scissoring.”

There was again a lot of laughter from the group.

“Yeah, that is pretty gay,” Smolder commented.

“What’s the gayest? A werewolf who instead of turning into a wolf just fucks boys.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, instead only awkward stares.

“That one doesn’t really work if the werewolf is a mare,” Silverstream noted, drawing the next card. “What’s the gayest? The milkmare.”

“You mean the unicorn mare with the huge crotch boobs?” Sandbar wondered aloud.

“Well, she’s probably turned a lot of mares gay,” Smolder answered.

That answer got more laughter than the card did.

“And lastly,” Silverstream began. “What’s the gayest? Bubble butt bottom boys.”

“Nice alliteration,” Gallus noted.

“Thanks,” Silverstream replied, mirroring their exchange from earlier in the round. “I’ll go with scissoring.”

“Yes! Yona win again!” the young yak screamed out in triumph, pumping her hoof in the air, cutting off Smolder before she could make a joke about Silverstream’s choice of words. She then reached over and took the black card that she won, with the rest of the group laughing good-naturedly.

“Well, that’s the end of round five, which means that we’re half way through the game,” Sandbar spoke up. “So, should we take a break here or should we keep going?”

While everyone else in the group was trying to think about which they should do, Ocellus was thinking about something else when she suddenly got an idea. “Hey, Silverstream,” she began, turning towards her hippogriff friend to her immediate left. “Since we’re half-way through the game now, how about you and Gallus go and give Starlight an update on how things are going?”

“Oooooo, that sounds like a great idea!” Silverstream agreed. She then turned towards the griffon across from her. “Don’t you think so, Gallus?”

Gallus was in the middle of giving Ocellus a knowing glare, but quickly dropped it when Silverstream faced him. “Uhh, yeah, sure does,” he stuttered.

“Great.” She beamed; then stood up, grabbed him by the forearm and started dragging him out the door.

Ocellus waved goodbye to them as they exitted the room, and once the door was shut, she immediately turned to address the other three in the room with her. “Alright, listen. We need to talk about Gallus and Silverstream. I’m guessing that you guys have at least noticed that there seems to be something between those two?”

Smolder and Sandbar didn’t respond verbally, and instead just gave her knowing smiles, telling her that, yes, they have noticed. Yona, meanwhile, looked between the pony and dragon on either side of her. “Uh, was it meant be a secret?”

Smolder smirked snidely. “Probably to everybody but those two.” She answered.

“Yeah,” Sandbar joined in, with a good-natured laugh. “I don’t have a sexuality and even I can see that there’s something between those two.”

“There absolutely is,” Ocellus joined the conversation again. “And unlike Starlight and Trixie, it goes both ways.”

Smolder quirked an eyebrow at that. “We ever gonna get an answer to that, by the way?”

“That’s not important right now,” Ocellus dismissed immediately with a wave of her hoof. “The point is, those two clearly have feelings for each other, but they’re both too nervous to say anything to each other directly. So, maybe there’s something we can do to help them along?”

“So, what?” Smolder chimed in. “You need our help for ‘Operation: Get Gallus Laid’ or something.

Ocellus eyes bulged in embarrassment. “What?! No, no, of course not! We’re way too young for that.” She said, with a rapid wave of her hoof.

“Yeah, Smolder, quit teasing,” Sandbar spoke up. “I think that this is a great idea.” He then adopted a determined expression. “From here on out, ‘Operation Hippogriffon’ is a go.”

Smolder turned and gave him a flat stare. “Wow, really? Did it take you all of five seconds to come up with that title?”

“Actually, yes, I did. Ocellus only finished explaining it five seconds ago,” Sandbar replied matter-of-factly.

Smolder just blinked in response. “Touché.”

Yona, again, simply looked between the pony and dragon between her. “Uh, how about, ‘Operation Gallstream’?” Yona chimed in. “You know, because of Gallus and Silverstream’s names?” She explained.

“I still think my name is the most apt.” Smolder commented.

“How do you know what that word means?” Sandbar asked.

“What? I read.”

While the three of them continued arguing about the Operation’s name, Ocellus just sighed quietly to herself. “This might have been a mistake.”
> Round 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a ten minute break following the last round, the six students all reconvened in their dorm room. When Gallus and Silverstream returned to the room after giving their update to Starlight on how their game of Cards Against Equestria was progressing, Silverstream started relaying that update to the group.

“So, we told Starlight how things were going with our game so far and she said that she was so proud of how strong our friendship was that we were able to laugh good-naturedly about such raunchy language, actually being able to help each other through rough areas that were brought up through the game, or that we haven’t threatened to kill each other yet,” the excitable hippogriff rattled off. “But she also said that the game was only half-way done, so we still have a way to go, but that she was also about ninety percent sure that we’ll be able to make it through the whole game with our friendships intact.” She ended with a smile.

“Well, of course we will,” Ocellus spoke up with a smile. “After all, we’re all such great friends, and more.”

“And what?” Silverstream questioned.

“Hmm?”

Huh?”

“Who?”

Silverstream just blinked twice. “What were we talking about?”

“We were just about to start round six of Cards Against Equestria,” Sandbar jumped in, laughing good-naturedly. He then drew the first black card to begin the round. “I have solved politics. My solution is blank.”

“Ooooo, topical,” Smolder commented with a sly grin, as she clutched at her own cards.

The six students, sans Sandbar who was the Card Princess, then began sorting through their cards, selecting their best match for the first black card of the round. When they had all made their decisions, they passed the cards up towards Sandbar, who quickly shuffled them before drawing them one at a time and began reading them out.

“Alright, first card of round six,” Sandbar began. “I have solved politics. My solution is ethnic cleansing.”

The laughter was immediate, with the entire group quickly getting back into the spirit of the game.

Trying to stifle his laughter enough to continue, Sandbar then drew the next card. “I have solved politics. My solution is all those things that aren’t sex.”

The laughter continued, just as high as the previous card.

“I have solved politics. My solution is hunting creatures for sport.”

The laughter was now starting to die down, so Sandbar quickly moved on to the next card. “I have solved politics. My solution is representing your entire race.”

“That is pretty much politics in a nutshell,” Smolder commented.

“That’s also basically what we’re all doing here,” Ocellus added. “Aside from Sandbar, of course. I mean, are there any other changelings, dragons, yaks, griffons or hippogriffs at this school besides us?”

That did get the other students to consider her question for a moment.

“Oh, I’m sure there are some in the background, somewhere,” Silverstream literally waved off.

“Anyway,” Sandbar spoke up again, getting back to the game. “Last card: I have solved politics. My solution is quacking like a duck in lieu of a cogent argument.”

The laughter was back once again.

“Too true,” Smolder commented.

“Agreed,” Sandbar agreed. “I’ll go with that one. Who had it?”

Yona began waving her hoof excitedly, signalling that it was her. Sandbar then passed her the card. The other five students then all drew another white card, putting themselves back up to ten cards once more.

“Okay, now I’m Card Princess again,” Gallus spoke up, drawing a black card. “Do NOT go there! Found blank in my Hayburger meal.”

The other students quickly got to selecting their cards for this round. When they had all chosen, they passed them towards Gallus, who gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first card.

“Do NOT go there! Found...” He hesitated a moment, with an uncomfortable look on his face, before continuing. “...an aborted fetus singing Happy Birthday to itself in my Hayburger meal.”

“Oh my gosh!” Ocellus blurted out.

The other students all had uncomfortable looks on their faces, and Yona stuck her hoof in her mouth, trying not to vomit.

“Okay, moving on,” Gallus spoke up quickly, drawing the next white card. “Do NOT go there! Found AIDS in my Hayburger meal.”

The reactions from the group were pretty much the same once again.

“Wow, that’s a whole new level of fucked up,” Smolder commented.

“Moving on!” Gallus said again, even faster this time. “Do NOT go there! Found the body of a 46-year old stallion in my Hayburger meal.”

While there was still some uncomfortable looks from the group, there was now genuine laughter from the group as well.

“Okay, that one was pretty funny,” Gallus said.

“Funny, but not too fucked up; as it should be,” Smolder added. 

“Do NOT go there! Found the pleasure of watching my boys wolf down my casserole and scamper into the woods in my Hayburger meal.” Gallus rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “Ehh.”

“Though it does make a certain amount of sense,” Ocellus noted.

“Finally,” Gallus began, reading the last white card. “Do NOT go there! Found crystal meth in my Hayburger meal.”

While there weren’t any uncomfortable looks from this card, there wasn’t much laughter either.

“What’s crystal meth?” Silverstream asked.

“Crystal meth is a hallucinagenic drug created from the inate magical properties of gemstones,” Encyclopedia Ocellus listed off.

Smolder suddenly froze in her motion of lifting a crystal to her mouth as she heard that. “Wait, you mean I’ve been eating drugs this whole time?”

“No, no, no,” Ocellus quickly spoke up, waving her hoof. “In order for you to experience the hallucinagetic properties of the crystals, you would have to grind the crystals into a fine, pink powder first and then inhale it through your nose.” She then suddenly blanked when she realised what she just said and turned fully to face Smolder. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Too late,” Smolder replied. The dragoness then started picking up a few of her gems and moved them to one side. “And I’ll just put a few of these aside for later.”

Ocellus just stared at her dragon friend as she gave her a knowing look. “I can’t tell if you’re joking and that’s very concerning.”

“Right,” Gallus said, rolling his eyes and drawing out the word. “Anyway, I think I’ll go with the body of a 46-year old stallion. Who had that?” He asked, holding up the blacl card.

“Oooooo, that’s me,” Silverstream replied, reaching for the black card, intentionally gracing his talon with her own as she did so, which made both of them blush.

Ocellus’ mind was now off Smolder and her possible future drug problem, and back on her ‘Operation: Get Gallus and Silverstream Together’.

“Yona turn!” The young yak suddenly shouted out, quickly reaching over and drawing the next black card. “Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was blank!”

Smolder immediately snorted laughing. “Oh, this should be good.”

Smolder and the other four students participating in this round all got to choosing their cards and passing them towards Yona.

“Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was plowing that ass like an apple farmer!”

There was immediately a roar of laughter from the group, half from the first white card, and half from the prompt itself and hearing Yona be the one to say such a thing.

“Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was squeezing the contents of a burrito into my butthole!”

The laughter continued, though it was starting to die down.

“Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was uncut daddy dick!”

The roaring laughter was now only a few light chuckles, both from the group not finding it that funny and from the novelty beginning to wear off.

“Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was a powerful release of vaginal air!”

The laughter was immediately back up again, this time entirely from the contents of the white card chosen.

Yona had to take a moment to catch her breath so that she could read the last white card, but when she first read it to herself, she then struggled to read it out loud because she was laughing so hard. “Hey guys, I finally figured out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was cancer of the pooper!”

The rest of the group had a similiar reaction, with some of them falling on their sides laughing.

“Yona choose this card.” 

“Yes, victory for Smolder!” The young dragoness announced, standing up triumphantly. Since the card had been hers, she had been able to maintain her composure better than the others had when Yona read it off. Since she was next to be Card Princess, she drew the next black card and waited until the rest of them had recovered from their laughing fit before reading it off.

“I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about blank?”

The other students promptly got to selecting their cards for this round, though some them seemed to struggle to come up with a good one. After thirty seconds, all five cards had been handed up.

“I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about respecting women?”

There was already a good bit of laughter from the first card.

“You know, from the way you phrased it, it actually sounds like something that someone is saying,” Gallus noted.

“I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about eating the last known bison?”

There was another good amount of laughter from that card.

“I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about vomiting seafood and bleeding anally?”

There was less laughter from this card, and instead of an awkward silence, it was more of a simply unfunny silence. Moving on, Smolder drew the next card. “I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about all the corn that has ever existed and will ever exist?”

There was only a little bit of laughter for that card, so Smolder quickly drew the last card. “I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with a fried egg and fuck it how about a hug?”

The laughter was now starting to die down, with only a few light giggles.

“Okay,” Smolder began. “I think I’ll go with eating the last known bison. Who had that card?” She asked, holding up the black card.

“That’s me,” Sandbar replied, as Smolder passed him the card. “Alright, Ocellus. You’re up next.”

Ocellus merely nodded her head in his direction and then used her magic to draw the next black card. “Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with blank and would like your advice.”

The other students all selected their cards and passed them to Ocellus, who gave them a quick shuffle with her magic before drawing the first one. As soon as she did, she immediately had to put a hoof to mouth to stifle her laughter when she read what it said. “Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with my vagina and would like your advice.”

The six students immediately fell over laughing, clutching at their stomachs they were laughing so hard.

“Gee, you think Headmare Twilight ever sent that letter to Celestia?” Gallus wondered aloud.

That immediately caused the whole group to fall over laughing again.

It was almost a full minute before the group were able to compose themselves so that they could continue. Ocellus then picked up the next white card.

“Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with being hunted by giant rocs and would like your advice.”

That card got a few laughs, but it simply couldn’t compare to the first one. Ocellus then simply moved on to the next card. “Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with liberals and would like your advice.”

“Liberals.” Silverstream grumbled to herself. Her comment ended up getting more laughs than the card did.

“Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with jumping in front of a train and would like your advice.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, but rather uncomfortable looks between the group.

“Dark,” Yona deadpanned.

Wanting to move on quickly and with an uncomfortable look on her own face, Ocellus drew the last white card. “Dear Princess Celestia. I’m having some trouble with achieving the rank of blue belt in Tae Kwon Do and would like your advice.”

“Boring,” Smolder commented. “I think we all know what card won this round, right?”

There was a round of head knods from the group, as they all agreed which card should win. Ocellus then levitated that card up, but before she announced it, however, she realised that this was an opportunity for her to make a funny retort, like what the others had done to her in previous rounds. With a smirk on her face, she then said, “Okay, who was holding my vagina?”

“Ooooooo, me. I was,” Silverstream replied.

Ocellus smirk deepened as she turned towards Silverstream and gave her the black card for the round. “Well, here’s the card, but please let go.” She then turned to face the group, however, she was met only with silence.

Silverstream, meanwhile, just blinked innocently at her. “Sorry, Ocellus, but I don’t like girls that way.” That comment ended up getting the round of laughter from the group that Ocellus had hoped she woule get with her comment. “Haha. High talon!” Silverstream announced, holding her talon up for somebody to meet it.

Gallus, who was the only other one there with talons, immediately got to his feet and met his talon with hers.

Ocellus, meanwhile, just grumbled to herself, annoyed that they didn’t see the genius of her own hilarious comment. “Just take your turn as the Card Princess.”

“Sure thing, Miss Grumpypants,” Silverstream answered in her usual bubbly demeanour. She then drew the next black card. As soon as she did, she again placed her talon across her chest. “As the Card Princess, I decree that you shall read out your own cards this round,” she announced in her over-the-top hammy tone. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. I fight for blank.”

The other students then got to selecting their cards. Yona had selected hers first, so she stuck her hoof in the air, indicating that she wanted to go first. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. Yona fight for a little boy with big dreams and potatoes for hands.”

There was a moderate amount of laughter for that card.

“Okay, I guess I’ll go next,” Gallus said, standing up as he did so. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. I fight for the beautiful backpacks of Rarity For You.”

He got a good bit of laughter for his card.

“That sounds like an advertisement,” Sandbar commented.

“You’re right,” Gallus replied. “I should be charging her for advertising.”

“Well, I’ll go next,” Sandbar spoke up in between his laughter. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. I fight for a stallion in a suit with perfect hair who tells you beautiful lies.”

That card got a few laughs, but not much.

After Sandbar had read out his card, that just left Smolder and Ocellus. The changeling looked towards her dragon friend next to her, to see if she was going next, but Smolder just gave her a silent take-the-floor arm gesture, indicating that she wanted Ocellus to go first.

Ocellus then floated her card up in front of her face. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. I fight for political correctness.”

That card actually got a decent amount of laughs from the group.

“Hahaha,” Silverstream laughed to herself. “I don’t why, but that makes a strange amount of sense to me. Anybody else feel that way?”

She merely got a couple of shrugged shoulders in response.

Smolder then stood up and pretended to dust herself before she spoke. “Well, let’s be honest, everyone; your cards are all duds this round, but fear not, for Smolder has arrived to bring fun and laughter back to Cards Against Equestria,” she announced, lifting up her white card and holding it out in front of her. “Some heroes fight for justice, others fight for honour. I fight for sluts, whores and bitches.”

There was immediately a huge roar of laughter from the whole group – easily the largest for this black card. Following her announcement, Smolder began doing some mock bows in response before sitting back down.

“Okay, I choose Smolder’s card...”

“Yes! Victory for Smolder!” The dragon announced, immediately jumping back to her feet. Her overly competitive attitude got a couple more chuckles from from the group, while Smolder took the black card as her point.

“Well, that’s another round over and done with,” Sandbar spoke up. “So, should we take a short break or should we keep going?”

“I can’t stop now,” Smolder responded immediately. “I’m right in the middle of my comeback.”

There was a bunch of affirmative nods from the other four students as well.

“Well, alright then,” Sandbar said, as he drew the next black card.
> Round 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Coming up next: Blank Wars.”

The rest of the students all looked down to choose their cards for this round. However, Sandbar quickly noticed from the expressions on their faces that they were all struggling to find good cards for this prompt. It was almost a full minute before everycreature had chosen their cards and passed them towards him, and even then, it was a bit reluctantly, giving him the feeling that the first card of this round probably wouldn’t be a good one. Once Sandbar had received the five white cards, he quickly shuffled them before drawing the first one and reading it out.

“Coming up next: Paedophiles Wars.”

There wasn’t much laughter from the first card, and the few chuckles that were there were mostly just pity laughter to break the silence.

Ocellus shrugged. “It’s not bad exactly, but the grammar and the way that it’s phrased is a bit off.”

Sandbar simply drew the next white card. “Coming up next: Opinions Wars.” The reaction to the second card was much the same as the first.

“Again, pretty much the same problem,” Smolder noted, taking a bite of one of her snacking gems.

“Coming up next: Fat Wars.” Sandbar again moved on quickly, drawing the next white card. “Coming up next: Content Wars.” That card actually got a few chuckles from him. “That one’s not bad. It kind of sounds like a battle between artists and content creators.” He then drew the final card. “Coming up next: Diversity Wars.”

“And we’re right back to boring ones again,” Smolder said again, vocalising the other’s thoughts.

“Yeah,” Sandbar agreed solemnly. “Anyway, I think I’ll go with ‘Content Wars’. I think that it fit the best. Who had that one?” He asked, holding up the black card for this round.

“That Yona’s card,” The young yak announced, with a proud smile on her face that she won this round. Sandbar then happily passed her the black card.

Gallus suddenly let out a sigh, as a way of getting everycreature’s attention. “Well, I think we can all agree that the first card of this round was a bust. Let’s hope that the next card will be better,” he said, drawing the next black card and reading it out. “Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about blank.”

The rest of the students all got to selecting their cards for this round, fortunately faster and with more excitement than the last card, which gave them hope that this card prompt would be better than the previous one.

After he had received all five white cards, Gallus gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about a massive collection of child pornography.”

There was already laughter from the whole group, happy to properly get back into the spirit of the game, and a little bit weird that they were all getting excited for something so crass.

“Yeah, there really isn’t,” Sandbar spoke up, completely serious.

Gallus then drew the next card. “Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about a full-on panic attack.”

“Again, there really isn’t,” Silverstream was the one to speak up this time.

There was a bit more laughter, though this time it was more for Silverstream’s comment mirroring Sandbar’s previously.

“Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about stapling a butterfly to a cow.”

“There really isn’t,” Yona spoke up this time, uncharacteristically serious, having gained a new fondness for insects after conquering her fear of spiders recently.

“Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about a real job with insurance and your taxes taken out and everything.”

“There really isn’t,” Smolder spoke this time. “I mean, that’s part of the reason why we’re at this school in the first place.”

“And finally,” Gallus began, drawing the last white card. “Seriously guys, there’s nothing funny about sexual tension.”

“Yeah, there really isn’t.” It was Ocellus who spoke up this time, giving Gallus a knowing look, with a cocky smile on her face.

Gallus simply rolled his eyes in response, not even bothering to dignify it with a response. “Well, anyway, I’ll go with this card. Who had it?” He asked, holding it up.

That was then immediately followed with Ocellus silently holding her hoof out towards him to give her the black card for her point, not dropping that cocky expression or eye contact with the griffon for a moment. Gallus, however, simply handed her the card, again not responding verbally to her and simply giving her a knowing look between them.

“Yona’s turn!” The yak yelled out, breaking the silence, with an excited smile on her face, drawing the next black card. “Coming to Bridleway this season, Blank: The Musical.”

“This card sounds kind of like the first card for this round,” Smolder noted. “Let’s hope that this one goes better than the first one did.”

There was a round of affirmative nods from the rest of the students, who then quickly got to selecting their cards, and things were already looking good, since there seemed to be more anticipation than the first card of this round, and everycreature had made their decision in less than half that time.

Once everycreature had handed up their card, Yona began reading them out immediately. “Coming to Bridleway this season, My collection of Neighponese Sex Toys: The Musical.”

The laughter was instaneous, and the whole group already had high hopes that this round would indeed be better than the first.

“Coming to Bridleway this season, Javolt the Science Colt: The Musical.” There wasn’t much laughter for that card, and instead it was mostly raised eyebrows. “Who Javolt the Science Colt?” Yona wondered aloud.

“And we turn to reveal…” Smolder drawled sarcastically, sweeping her arm to her left.

To the surprise of no one, it was ‘Encyclopedia Ocellus’ who began explaining. “He’s an eccentric donkey scientist, with his own science show in Manehatten. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually did have his own musical on Bridleway.” There was a collective ‘huh’ from the rest of the group. “You should look into his show sometime; even if you’re not interested in science, he’s still just funny to watch.”

“Ooooooo, maybe the school could have a field trip to Manehatten,” Silverstream chimed in.

“It would be a good oppurtunity to learn from different species,” Sandbar agreed.

Getting back to the game after that little tangent, Yona drew the next white card. “Coming to Bridleway this season, Zebra Children: The Musical.”

Smolder laughed a good bit at that. “I bet one of the songs in that show is the Rhythms of Zebrica.” Though like last time, she seemed to be the only one to find the humour in that card.

“Coming to Bridleway this season, Worshipping that Pussy: The Musical.”

There was once again good old fashioned fall-on-your-back-laughing-from-inappropriate-words-that-were-just-plain-funny-to-hear from everyone.

“And,” Yona began, drawing the last white card. “Coming to Bridleway this season, Flying Sex Snakes: The Musical.”

That card got the most laughter yet from the whole group.

Silverstream snickered into her talon, trying to calm down enough to talk. “Hey, can that be the name of our first band? The Flying Sex Snakes.”

“Then that musical could be our own biopic.” Ocellus added.

“So, does anyone here actually play an instrument?” Smolder asked.

“Well, one of us can play their ass hole like a trumpet,” Yona answered.

Everyone immediately fell over laughing once again. It was over a minute before they had calmed down enough to continue.

“Okay, Yona choose this card,” she said, holding up the Flying Sex Snakes card.

“Right here,” Gallus spoke up, coming out of his laughing fit, raising his claw and then taking the black card for this round as his point.

“Alright, I’m up next,” Smolder said, drawing the next black card. “Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to blank in these parts.”

Hearing the prompt, Gallus sneered to himself. “I feel like I’ve heard this somewhere before.”

Everycreature then got to selecting their cards for this round. When they were finished, they passed them towards Smolder, who gave them a quick shuffle before reading them out.

“Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to the magic of live theatre in these parts.”

“Sounds like something you’d hear in Griffonstone,” Gallus commented.

“Now, Gallus, he ain’t hurting nobody,” Silverstream added.

The commentary from the two of them got more laughs than the actual card did.

Moving on, Smolder drew the next card. “Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to turning poor people against each other so they don’t pay attention to economic inequality in these parts.”

“Again, sounds like Griffonstone.”

“Now, Gallus, he ain’t hurting nobody.”

There was again laughter from the whole group.

“Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to a seven hour bubble bath in these parts.”

“Definitely sounds like Griffonstone.”

“Now, Gallus, he ain’t hurting nobody.”

Laughter from the whole group.

“Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to shapeshifters in these parts.”

“Was this card made specifically to be about Griffonstone?”

“Now, Gallus, he ain’t hurting nobody.”

Laughter from the whole group.

“Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to flightless birds in these parts.”

“Do I even need to say it at this point?”

“Now, Gallus, he ain’t hurting nobody.”

Laughter from the whole group.

Smolder wiped a tear from her eye from all of the laughter. “You know what? Screw it, I’m just giving the point to Gallus this round,” she said, handing the black card to Gallus.

Accepting the card, Gallus smirked coyly. “Let this be a lesson to all of you: never underestimate a griffon in a game where the goal is to be horrible.” He announced to the group.

Silverstream giggled adorably at his antics, while Smolder just rolled her eyes at him. “Alright, Ocellus, you’re next,” the dragoness said, elbowing the changeling next to her slightly.

Without verbally responding and simply nodding her head, Ocellus then used her magic to draw the next black card. “Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of blank.”

Silverstream giggled at what the card said. “I like it when words rhyme.”

Gallus smiled. “Then maybe we should do it all the time.”

“I don’t think so, we’re not Zecora,” Ocellus added.

“It sound fun; I think we should’a,” Yona joined in with a smile.

“No, offense, Yona, but that rhyme was lame,” Smolder commented on her grammar.

“We’ve all gone now, so let’s get back to the game,” Sandbar finished.

The six students all shared a good-natured laugh following their impromptu rhyming session. Once they were finished, they then all got back to selecting their cards for this round. After everycreature had passed their cards to Ocellus, the changeling magically shuffled them all before drawing the first one. “Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of half-assed foreplay.”

First card of the round and it got a large amount of laughter from the whole group.

“Change it to ‘foreplay that’s half-assed’ and it fits perfectly,” Gallus noted, which got a round of affirmatives from the rest of the group.

Ocellus then drew the next card. “Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of 50,000 volts straight to the nipples.”

“Ouch,” Yona said instinctively.

“Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of passive aggressive post-it notes.”

That card simply got a few chuckles rather than a lot of laughter.

“Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of feeling the emotion of anger.” That card didn’t get much laughter, so Ocellus moved on quickly. “Ain’t it nifty? Barb and Bob hit 50, so get off your ass and raise a glass to 50 years of being marginalized.”

The last card got the least amount of laughter, so the group had calmed down by then. “I’ll go with half-assed foreplay.”

“That’s me,” Silverstream anounced happily, reaching to her right to take the black card for her point. She then immediately reached in the opposite direction and drew another black card to read aloud as the Card Princess. “What’s there a ton of in Elysium?”

Smolder suddenly raised an eyebrow. “What’s Elysium?”

“Elysium is the pony afterlife,” Sandbar answered. Looking across their assembled circle, Ocellus looked like she was just moments away from answering herself.

“Oh,” Smolder realised. Her expression then quickly morphed into a cocky smirk. “Well then in that case, this should be a good round… hopefully?” She added, hoping that she hadn’t just jinxed things, like she may have with the first card of the round.

The group then got to choosing their cards, which they again did rather quickly, and passed them towards Silverstream, who gave them a quick shuffle before reading them out.

“What’s there a ton of in Elysium? A whole thing of butter.” Unlike for the first card of the round, the strange grammar in the card worked to its advantage, earning a round of laughter from everyone.

“What’s there a ton of in Elysium? Hope.” There wasn’t really any laughter, so she moved on quickly.

“What’s there a ton of in Elysium? Me time.”

“What’s there a ton of in Elysium? Fading away into nothingness.”

“That’s a dark way to view death,” Ocellus cringed.

“And,” Silverstream began. “What’s there a ton of in Elysium? Déja Vu.”

“Well probably,” Smolder began. “I mean, eternity is a long time. Odds are good that even in heaven, you’re eventually gonna run out of things to do.”

Ocellus turned to face the dragoness. “That’s surprisingly deep for you.” Smolder simply shrugged her shoulders casually in response.

“Well, I think I’ll go with Déjà Vu,” Silverstream spoke up again.

“That’s me,” Ocellus answered, turning back the other way towards her hippogriff friend, taking the black card as her point.

“Well, that’s another round finished,” Sandbar spoke up, addressing the room. “So, should we keep going or does anycreature want to take a quick break?”

“Let’s take one more break for the bathroom and to stock up on snacks,” Smolder answered. “We’re in the endgame now.”
> Round 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a twenty minute break to visit the restroom, refill on their snacks, and draw another white card to put them all back up to ten, the six students reconvened in their dormitory to resume their game of Cards Against Equestria.

“Alright,” Sandbar began, as everyone sat back down in their circle. “Is everycreature ready to begin?”

Gallus silently flashed him a thumbs up in response, after shoving a clawful of potato chips in his beak, mirroring what Silverstream did a few turns prior. Across from him, the excitable hippogriff giggled a bit at the familiar notion. The other three students simply gave Sandbar affirmative head nods to show him that they were ready as well.

“Alright then, let’s begin,” Sandbar continued with a smile, drawing the first black card of the round. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by blank.”

There was already some light laughter from the prompt alone, which gave the group high hopes that this would be a good one, and unlike the first card from the last round, there seemed to be plenty of excitement from each of the participating students as they selected their cards.

Once everycreature had chosen their card for this round, they passed them towards Sandbar, who quickly shuffled them before reading out the first one. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by multiple stab wounds.”

The first got a few laughs from the group.

“That must be a pretty bad insurance policy if it doesn’t cover something as basic as that,” Smolder commented, as she took a bite of one of her snacking gems.

“Or it could just be a standard Equestrian insurance policy, since stabbings are practically non-existant here,” Sandbar replied.

“Funny, Griffonstone wouldn’t have that kind of insurance cover either, but for entirely different reasons,” Gallus interjected.

“No offense, Gallus, but after how you’ve described Griffonstone, I don’t think I’d ever want to go to there.” Sandbar was a little worried that he may have gone a bit too far with what he said, like he had earlier.

Gallus, however, simply shrugged his shoulders in response. “Hey, if that’s all you take away from this game, I’d call that a victory,” he said, not taking offense in the slightest.

Sandbar smiled good-naturedly. “Good to know then,” he said, drawing the next white card. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by your weird brother.”

The second card got more laughter than the first, from everyone in the group.

“That’s certainly something I could have used growing up with my brother,” Smolder commented. “Well, that is until we kicked him out of the cave when he started molting,” she added.

“You said it, sister,” Silverstream agreed.

Moving on, Sandbar drew the next card. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by a magician fucking up over and over again.”

“Trixie loses more assistants that way.”

Gallus’ comment got the most laughter yet, with some of the students falling on their sides laughing.

Sandbar had to wait and compose himself before he was able to speak again and read out the next card. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by powerful suction.” That card got a few laughs, but nowhere near as much as the previous one, so Sandbar moved on quickly and drew the last card. “I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover injuries caused by getting eaten out by a dog.”

This card got a few light chuckles, but on the whole, the group was starting to wind down now. Once they were done, Sandbar laid the five white cards out in front of him, to try and make a decision. “Hmmm, let’s see,” Sandbar began, tapping his hoof to his lip as he thought. “I’m torn between the ‘weird brother’ and the ‘magician’ card,” he said as he tried to decide between them. “I’ll go with the ‘magician card’.”

“Damn it! That other one was mine!” Smolder suddenly yelled out. Her overly competitive attitude got another round of laughter from the rest of the group.

“Okay, so who had the ‘magician’ card?” Sandbar asked, holding up the black card for this round. Ocellus raised her hoof in response and Sandbar passed her the card. The young pony then turned towards Gallus. “Okay, man, you’re up next.”

“You don’t have to say it, man; we’re all plenty familiar with the rules at this point,” Gallus responded as he drew the next black card. “Okay, this is another two card round,” he said as he glanced at the card before saying it out loud. “Step 1: Blank. Step 2: Blank. Step 3: Profit.”

The rest of the students got to selecting their cards, taking extra consideration to account for the order in which they would be played. Once everyone had chosen their cards, Gallus took them one at a time and laid the individual piles out in front of him. Once he had all five piles, he chose one at random and started reading them out. “Step 1: Loud scary thunder. Step 2: Sewing two hamsters together to make a double hamster supreme. Step 3: Profit.”

There was a moderate amount of laughter from the group.

“That sounds like a mad scientist’s get-rich-quick scheme,” Sandbar said as an aside.

Gallus then picked up another two cards at random. “Step 1: 10,000 shrieking teenage girls. Step 2: Believing women. Step 3: Profit.” This card set was pretty boring, so with an eyeroll to show it, he moved on quickly. “Step 1: Letting this loser eat me out. Step 2: Accusing a powerful man of sexual assault. Step 3: Profit.”

The laughter returned in ernest with this card, and Gallus found it particularly funny. “Certainly sounds like an easy way to make money if you have no morals,” he noted. He then drew the next two cards. “Step 1: Going an entire day without masturbating. Step 2: An arrangement wherein I give a person money and they have sex with me. Step 3: Profit.”

“Basically just a more direct version of the previous card,” Smolder commented. “Boring.”

“And finally,” Gallus began, drawing the last set of cards for this prompt. “Step 1: Forgetting everything you know about household cleaning products. Step 2: Many bats. Step 3: Profit.”

“So you employ bats as cleaning agents?” Ocellus wondered aloud. “That’s… certainly an interesting spin on things.”

After reading out all of the cards, like Sandbar did before him, Gallus lay them all out in front of him, face up this time, trying to decide on a winner. “Hmmm, it’s either gotta be the ‘mad scientist’ or the ‘sexual assault’ card,” he said as he looked over the five sets of cards, trying to make a decision, with the other five students anxiously awaiting his decision.

“I’ll go with sexual assault.”

“Torchdammit! It happened again!” Smolder suddenly exclaimed, facepalming in annoyance.

“Hey, you said the thing,” Silverstream said with a friendly laugh.

“Not now, Silverstream,” Smolder responded flatly after a defeated sigh.

Across from her, her hippogriff friend just casually shrugged her shoulders in response. “Anyway, that card was mine,” she said, speaking up again, now facing Gallus, blushing a little when she addressed him directly.

Turning towards her, Gallus blushed a bit himself as their talons almost touched when he handed her the black card as her point for the round.

“Yona up next!” The excitable yak suddenly yelled out, leaning forward and drawing a black card. “Blank. Betcha can’t have just one.”

After the sudden interuption, the rest of the students all got to selecting their cards.

“Okay, since the goal is to be horrible, I had better win with this card,” Smolder said, as she was the first one to hand in her card.

After being handed the rest of the cards, and a quick shuffle to randomise them, Yona drew the first card and read it out. “Illegal immigrants. Betcha can’t have just one.”

“Not in this economy,” Gallus interjected. “At least creatures sneaking into the country isn’t a problem in Griffonstone.”

“You done venting about Griffonstone?” Smolder wondered aloud.

“For now.”

After Gallus and Smolder were finished with their little back and forth, Yona drew the next white card. “Nipples the size of CD’s. Betcha can’t have just one.”

Laughter returned to the room once again.

“Well, if you have nipples that big, odds are good that it’s not going to be just one of them,” Ocellus mentioned.

“Boogers. Betcha can’t have just one.”

“And that’s how habits form,” Silverstream mentioned.

“Slaves. Betcha can’t have just one.”

This time the laughter was more uncomfortable.

“Wow, that horrible,” Yona added. She then drew the last card; however, she immediately paled, halting her momentum for the round. “…Little boy penises. Betcha can’t have just one.”

The entire room fell into an uncomfortable silence, with none of the students feeling like laughing at all.

“No, that’s horrible,” Ocellus corrected.

“Yona agree. Yona first thinking of choosing ‘slaves’, but instead choose this card.”

“Oh, this is just excessive!” Smolder suddenly exclaimed, throwing her cards on the ground in a fit. Smolder’s excessive competetiveness restored a bit of mirth to the group after uncomfortable silence of the last card, with a few light giggles from the rest of the students.

“Oh, by the way, that’s my card,” Silverstream suddenly spoke up, with an excitable smile on her face.

Turning towards her, Yona simply hoofed her the black card, also with a smile on her face, thanks to Smolder’s over-reacting erasing the awkwardness from the last card.

Across from her, Gallus had a dorky smile on his face, seeing Silverstream’s excited smile at winning the point. Turning towards Smolder, it then morphed into a cocky grin. “Well, look on the bright side, Smolder; for this card, at least you know you can’t win.”

“Eat me,” Smolder deadpanned as she drew the next black card, not even bothering to look up at him.

“No thanks,” Gallus responded immediatelly, in the same tone of voice.

The dragoness just grumbled before reading out the black card. “Blank is a slippery slope that leads to blank.”

The rest of the students all quickly drew another white card each, adding it to their hand, and then started selecting the next two that they would use for this prompt, and began passing them towards her two at a time.

After receiving every set of cards, Smolder began shuffling them around on the floor in front of her, with her enthusiasm for the game starting to return a little. She then picked up the first two cards. “Breastfeeding in public like a radiant Earth Goddess is a slippery slope that leads to hundreds of nipples.”

There wasn’t much laughter for those cards.

“Well, a breastfeeding Goddess probably would have hundreds of nipples,” Ocellus noted.

Smolder quickly picked up the next two cards. “A purse that costs 5,000 bits is a slippery slope that leads to preparing my asshole for sex.”

“That paints kind of a dark story if you think about it,” Gallus offered.

Next two cards. “Getting high with mom is a slippery slope that leads to being able to talk to elephants.”

“Accurate,” Sandbar noted.

Smolder picked up the next pair of cards and she couldn’t help cracking up when she read it initially, causing her to read it aloud with much more enthusiasm than the others. “Three dicks at the same time is a slippery slope that leads to having sex with a man and then eating his head.”

The rest of the students had the same reaction, with the whole room erupting in laughter.

“Well, it didn’t say which head she’d be eating,” Silverstream added.

That immediately caused a resurrgence in laughter.

Now re-energised, picking up the final two cards, Smolder again cracked a smile when she saw what the cards said before reading it aloud. “Drooling and mumbling into my pussy is a slippery slope that leads to yelling at my unborn son through my wife’s vagina.”

The students again broke out in laughter, with some of them falling on their sides laughing.

“Okay, that one was good, but I’m gonna have to go with ‘three dicks at the same time’,” Smolder spoke up, wiping a tear from her eye in laughter.

“That’s me,” Sandbar responded, holding his hoof out as Smolder passed him the black card as his point.

Smolder then lay back, with both of her claws against the floor behind her for support, letting out a contented breath. “Okay, I’m feeling better now; just needed a good laugh with some good friends and raunchy humor.”

Sandbar smiled. “It looks like this game can get you mad, but it can also help you feel better when you do get mad,” he noted.

“That’s good,” Ocellus spoke up. “Maybe we can included that in our final report for Starlight.”

“Sure thing,” Smolder replied, playfully elbowing the changeling next to her. “You’re up next, by the way.

Blushing a little from the contact, Ocellus then used her magic to draw the next black card. “Okay, this is another two cards prompt: I never truly understood blank until I encountered blank.”

After all drawing another two cards, now with renewed vigour, the rest of the group once again started selecting another two cards for the next prompt. Ocellus took each set of cards one at a time, setting each pile in front of her. Once she had all five piles, she picked one up at random and read them out.

“I never truly understood balls until I encountered my math teacher’s bulge.”

“Well, that’s pretty awkward, considering that our math teacher is Miss Rarity,” Smolder said with her trademark smirk.

“Moving on!” Ocellus quickly shouted out, drawing the next card, not wanting that particular mental image to have a chance to properly form in her head. “I never truly understood treating people as objects for self-gratification until I encountered lotion.”

“A.k.a: when puberty hits,” Gallus spoke up. His commentary caused more laughter for the card, giving it better context.

“I never truly understood announcing that I am about to come until I encountered a loser slut.” That card didn’t get much of a reaction, so she moved on quickly. “I never truly understood alcoholism until I encountered the inevitable heat death of the universe.”

“Dark,” Yona deadpanned.

As soon as Ocellus levitated the final card up to her view, she immediately had to bring her hoof to her mouth to stifle her giggling. She briefly felt a pang of regret before speaking up, but in the spirit of the game, and with how the others have been playing with her recently, she decided to run with it anyway. “Okay, I think the way that Smolder has been acting this round has made my decision for me,” she began, shooting a devilish smirk in the direction of her dragon friend, which looked out-of-place on the usually-shy-and-timid-looking changeling. “I never truly understood complaining until I encountered a dragon.”

The entire group, sans Smolder immediately burst out laughing, while Smolder’s steaming with rage from before returned in earnest. “Oh, you guys can just eat all the dicks!” She exclaimed.

“Not Gallus, he’s straight,” Silverstream spoke up in between laughs.

“Especially Gallus!”

The rest of them doubled-over in laughter, even Gallus, falling on to their fronts and backs in laughter.

Ocellus again tried to stifle her laughter so that she could speak properly. “Okay, who had that card?”

“Especially Gallus,” the griffon replied, who was currently on his back from laughter, raising his claw into the air to signal himself. Ocellus then simply floated the black card over, into his open claw.

The group then spent the next minute trying to calm down enough to continue with their game. Smolder, meanwhile, just sat with her arms crossed and a stoic expression on her face, one hundred and ten percent done.

“Yona think Smolder not having fun anymore,” the young yak noticed.

“Well, that’s Cards Against Equestria for you,” Sandbar replied. “Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.”

“More like sometimes you laugh with your friends and sometimes you want to kill your friends,” Smolder deadpanned.

Sandbar just chuckled good-naturedly. “Yeah, that’s probably more accurate.” The rest of the group of friends agreed with him on that.

Another moment later, Smolder finally relented and cracked a smile again. “Alright, let’s just play the final card and end the round.”

“Now that’s more like it,” Silverstream spoke up, in an excitable tone, drawing the last black card of the round. “Why am I sticky?”

Smolder couldn’t help but giggle slightly at the prompt, getting back into the spirit of the game once again, and along with the rest of her friends, started selecting her card for this round. Once everycreature had made their selection, with plenty of enthusiasm and no awkward pauses, they passed their cards towards Silverstream, who quickly shuffled them and then drew the first one.

“Why am I sticky? Bees.”

“Probably has something to do with honey,” Sandbar guessed.

“Why am I sticky? Poppin’ that pussy.”

That earned a round of laughter from the group.

“Yeah, that would get you sticky,” Smolder commented.

“Why am I sticky? Exactly what you’d expect.” The laughter continued. “I like this one,” Silverstream noted.

“Leaving it to your imagination,” Ocellus followed.

“Why am I sticky? Staring into each other’s eyes and cumming at the same time.” That card was similar to a previous one, so she moved on quickly. “And finally, why am I sticky? Sexual peeing.”

There was some more light, good-natured laughter from the whole group, but on the whole, things were starting to wind down now.

“I think this was a good round to end on,” Sandbar commented.

“Yup, just good old fashioned, vulgar humor that you’re only comfortable laughing at with your closest friends,” Gallus summarised.

“Yeah,” Silverstream agreed, with a faint blush on her cheeks as she responded to him. “Okay, well I’ll go with ‘exactly what you’d expect’,” she said, holding the card up.

Gallus raised his claw in response, so Silverstream passed him the black card for his point, this time both of them having light blushes.

Ocellus couldn’t help but give a knowing smirk witnessing their exchange. “Out of curiosity, Silverstream, what would have been your second choice?” Ocellus asked.

Silverstream brought a talon to her beak in thought. “Hmmm, I don’t know. Maybe… ‘sexual peeing’?”

Suddenly, Smolder dropped her cards. “I’m done,” she spoke very calmly. She then quietly stood up simply walked out of the room. As she left, the rest of the students couldn’t help but find her stoic acceptance to be amusing.

“Okay, let’s take another short break and give Smolder a moment to cool down,” Sandbar said as he watched her leave the room.
> Round 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After another ten minute break to give Smolder some time to cool off, the six students once again all reconvened in their dorm room.

“You okay?” Sandbar asked his dragon friend who was sitting across from him.

Smolder let out a sigh before responding. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… I can’t believe that I almost won five times in a row. I mean, what are even the odds of that happening?”

“Well, statistically speaking…”

“Rhetorical, Ocellus,” the dragoness cut off her friend. After letting out another sigh, she sat up straight again, and put on a more confident expression. “Well, I’m not out of this game yet. I’ll just have to buckle down, try harder, and get some really good cards.”

“And a lot of luck,” Gallus added.

Smolder just shrugged her shoulders in response. “Well, luck is random, so it’s not impossible, right?”

“Random humour!” Silverstream suddenly blurted out, which caused a light round of laughter from the rest of the group, getting them all back in the mood for another round of Cards Against Equestria.

“Well, even if you don’t win, you’re still having fun with all of your friends and that’s what matters, right?” Sandbar offered.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Smolder responded, with a light chuckle.

“Alright then, let’s get started,” Sandbar continued, with a smile on his face, drawing the first black card of the round. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and blank.”

The other five students all quickly got to selecting the cards, with all of them showing a lot of enthusiasm for the first prompt of the round.

“So this card is basically going to be Headmare Twilight’s Element, right?” Smolder wondered aloud. She then grinned to herself. “Then this should be a good round.” She was now completely back in the spirit of the game once again.

Everycreature selected their card in no time and passed them to Sandbar, who gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and going to bed at a reasonable hour.”

There wasn’t much of a reaction, but no one decided to comment on that fact to slow down the momentum or possibly jinx the round, so Sandbar decided to move on quickly. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and Sexy.”

The second card got the opposite reaction, eliciting a lot of laughter from the whole group.

“That good,” Yona commented.

“And true,” Sandbar added.

“Well, there you have it, everycreature” Gallus said, with a clap of his talons. “Sandbar’s straight.”

“Not entirely,” Ocellus cut in. “He could be bi, like me.”

“Well then, I hope the two of you are very happy together,” Smolder cut in herself.

“No, no, that’s not what I…” Ocellus began instinctively, but then she suddenly widened her eyes, looked at Smolder, and then her eyes drooped half-way. “You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?” She deadpanned.

“And she finally gets it,” the dragoness announced in a faux-excited tone. “It only took her nine rounds.”

“Moving on,” Sandbar continued. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and taking off my glasses and becoming beautiful.”

“Headmare Twilight wear glasses?” Yona wondered aloud.

“No, although it is actually something that I can picture quite easily,” Sandbar answered.

“Because you think she’s sexy?” Gallus teased.

“Maybe,” Sandbar just shrugged his shoulders, giving Gallus a smirk as he did.

“Well, quantum theory states that there are an infinite number of universes,” Encyclopedia Ocellus began. “So I’m sure that there’s at least one universe out there where she wears glasses.”

“Actually, if there infinite universes, then there also infinite universes where Headmare Twilight wear glasses, because infinite infinite and beyond comprehension,” Yona stated. She then noticed everyone staring at her unbelievably. “What?”

“Uhhmm, how do you know such advanced terms like quantum mechanics?” Smolder asked.

“What so hard to understand about this? Yak best at everything.”

“Well, anyway; moving on,” Sandbar continued, drawing another white card. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and discrimination against males.”

“Rounding out the matriarchy, huh?” Gallus commented.

“Hey, I’ll take all Princesses over somepony like Prince Blueblood any day, and I’m pretty sure that I speak for all of Equestria when I say that,” Sandbar responded. “And finally,” he continued as he drew the last white card. “As Princess Twilight said, the six Elements of Harmony are Loyalty, Kindness, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity and mind-blowing sex.”

There was more laughter from that card, but not quite as much as the simple ‘sexy’ card.

“Okay that one was good but I think I’ll go with ‘sexy’. Who had that?” Sandbar spoke, holding up the black card for the prompt.

There was suddenly a flash of green, and Ocellus transformed into a perfect copy of Headmare Twilight. “My name is Twilight Sparkle and I represent of the Element of Sexy,” she said in a very alluring voice, giving the rest of the group a seductive look with ‘bedroom eyes’ as she spoke.

The group immediately lost it and broke out into another roar of laughter.

“Okay, I’ll pay you twenty bits right now to downstairs and do that to Starlight,” Gallus said through his laughter, wiping a tear from his eyes.

Transforming back, Ocellus just shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe later.” She then simply used her magic to float the black card for this round from Sandbar to herself.

Next to her, Smolder noticed the changelings’ unusually playful side. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that Cards Against Equestria has had an effect on you.” She then smiled good-naturedly. “I like it.”

On Ocellus’ other side, Silverstream was tapping her claw to her beak as she was thinking about something. “Y’know I was wondering: we used the Tree of Harmony’s power when we fought against Cozy Glow, and since the Elements of Harmony come from the Tree of Harmony, does that mean that now we’re the new Elements of Harmony?”

“That’s actually something that I’ve thought about as well,” Ocellus spoke up. “First Princess Celestia and Princess Luna used the Elements, and then they later passed down to Headmare Twilight and her friends. Then we were able to establish a connection to the Elements and use their power, but Headmare Twilight and her friends are still connected to them. Of course, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are also likely still connected to the Elements, and it’s just that they haven’t had any reason or opportunity to use them lately, but we also don’t know if it’s because they can’t use them anymore because they have passed down to Twilight and her friends. This is a topic that would require a lot of study and research, but of course the Princesses are perhaps the only ponies who would know enough about the history and origins of the Elements of Harmony to be able to discuss them in that manner, and since they’re Princesses, you couldn’t feasibly call them up on a moment’s notice to…”

Smolder suddenly snapping her fingers in front of Ocellus’ face to get her attention. “Whoa, whoa, easy there, Encyclopedia Ocellus. Don’t go wandering off on us in the middle of a game.”

Ocellus suddenly snapped back to reality and realised that she was going off on a long tangent. “Oh, sorry,” she said, with an embarrassing blush on her face.

“There’s the Ocellus we know and love,” Smolder teased.

“It’s okay,” Sandbar replied. “Still though, if that is the case, I wonder which Element we each represent,” he wondered aloud.

The rest of the group then all started thinking to themselves about which Element of Harmony they may possibly represent.

“Well, I at least know that Silverstream here is obviously Laughter,” Smolder said, jerking her claw in the direction of the excitable hippogriff.

“Ooooohhh, because I’m pink like Professor Pinkie Pie?”

Smolder raised her claw, about to respond, but she quickly decided not to. “Yeah, Silver, that’s it; because you’re pink.”

Silverstream then beamed brightly.

“So who the Element of Sexy between us?” Yona suddenly asked.

“Gallus,” Silverstream blurted out. She then immediately realised what she just said and suddenly found everycreature in the group staring at her. “Uhhmm, I mean… Gallus, it’s your turn,” she stuttered. “W-we should really be getting back to the game.”

“Uhhh, yeah,” Gallus said, stuttering a bit as well, nervously scratching at the back of his head as he spoke. He then reached out, drew a black card and read it quickly. “Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like blank.”

Silverstream got to selecting her card quickly, raising her hand up to use it to block the incoming stares from the rest of the group, as well as to hide her blush. Gallus also did his best to look away, as well. The other four merely exchanged knowing looks between themselves before they also started selecting their cards.

Once everycreature had selected their card, they passed them up to Gallus, who shuffled them first, a bit more nervously then usual, and began reading them out in quick succession.

“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like sitting on my face and telling me I’m garbage.

“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like everything.

“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like my red hot pecker.”

The laughter from the group was steadily building with each card, with Gallus and Silverstream also steadily becoming less nervous with each card.

“Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like a bit on a string that keeps getting pulled away.” He then smirked to himself. “Do I even need to say it at this point?”

“Griffonstone. Got it. Next card, please?” Smolder noted.

Gallus just silently shrugged in affirmation and then read out the last card. “Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothing puts her in a mood like grunting for ten minutes and then peeing sand.”

The laughter was now starting to die down, so Gallus made his decision. “I’ll choose ‘a bit on a string that keeps getting pulled away’; that’s one way to always piss off a griffon.”

“Yes! Yona Win!” The young yak then reached over and took the black card from Gallus as her point. She then reached forward and drew another black card from the pile. “Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to blank.”

The other students all got to selecting their cards, with several snickers coming from some of them, indicating that this would be a good round. Once every card had been handed in, Yona quickly shuffled them before drawing the first and reading it out.

“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to the homosexual agenda.”

First card and the laughter was already high.

“That does seem to be something I’ve noticed that ponies have in high amount,” Smolder noted.

“Well, our population is about 70% mares, so…” Sandbar replied.

Smolder just silently nodded in reply. She then turned towards Yona and nodded at her to continue.

“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to a unicorn mare who won’t the buck up about humans.” Yona raised her eyebrow in confusion. “What humans?”

“Humans are a little-known-of species, who…”

“Remember to keep the lecture short this time, Encyclopedia Ocellus,” Smolder teased.

Ocellus, however, just rolled her eyes, with a playful smile on her face. “Never mind.”

Yona continued. “Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to being a slave to the capitalist system.”

“Must crush capitalism. Grrr,” Silverstream joked, which earned another wave of laughter from the group.

“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to anal beads.”

“Sounds like something that would change your life, alright,” Smolder commented.

“What are anal beads?” Silverstream asked.

“They’re beads. That go up your butt.” Smolder clarified.

“Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she drolled on. Then she blinked. “Who would want that?”

“I… I don’t know, Silver. I just don’t know.” She then turned towards Yona. “Next card, please.”

“Life for buffalo was forever changed when ponies introduce them to being sexually attracted to children.”

There wasn’t much laughter for the last card, so Yona then picked up two of the white cards that she had just read out. “Yona trying to decide between ‘homosexual agenda’ and ‘being slave to capitalist system’.” After a full minute of her trying to decide, moving her head back and forth between them, with the other five students simply waiting in silence for her to decide, she finally had one. “Yona choose ‘homosexual agenda’.”

“That’s me,” Ocellus responded, as Yona passed her the black card for her point.

“And before anycreature asks,” Gallus spoke up. “That other card was mine, not Smolder’s.”

“Eat me,” the dragoness deadpanned.

“You really gotta stop saying that, Smolder. I already told you I’m not interested.”

There was another small round of laughter from the group, while Silverstream instead lifted her cards up to her face to hide her smile and a faint blush again.

“Okay, well now it’s my turn as Card Princess,” Smolder spoke up, with a roll of her eyes, drawing the next black card. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with blank.”

The other students quickly selected their cards and passed them to Smolder to read out.

“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with a fuck-ton of oats.”

The first card was a simple card with simple, crude language, with not much to comment on, but got a lot of laughs.

“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with thoughts and prayers.”

“Haha, I like the rhyme,” Silverstream giggled adorably.

“Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with hydraulic legs.” Smolder cracked a smile. “Well, that would explain how she does all of those crazy stunts.”

“It’s just a book, Smolder. It’s not real,” Gallus interjected.

“Eat m… Whatever.” She then drew the next card. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with an older stallion.”

“You mean like her a Cabolaron?” Silverstream wondered. “Just like in Ocellus’ fanfiction!”

That statement immediately caused the whole room to blank and silently turn towards Ocellus in unison.

“Ocellus’ what?” Yona asked.

“Nothing! It’s nothing! Just move on! Please!” The changeling begged as she waved her hooves about frantically, with her cheeks burning bright red with embarrassment.

“Okay, I’ll file that away for later; although it kind of says a lot about you if that’s what gets you embarrassed after everything else that’s been said. Also, you writing ship-fics does explain a lot.” Smolder said with a smirk, discretely looking between Gallus and Silverstream as she did.

Meanwhile, Ocellus buried her face in her hooves.

“And finally,” Smolder began again, drawing the final white card. However, as soon as she caught a glimpse of what it said, she immediately burst out laughing, bringing her claw to her mouth to try and contain it. She then spent the next few seconds trying to compose herself so that she could read the whole thing out loud in one go. “Daring Do: She’s the mare, the mare with every man’s ultimate fantasy: a perfectly cylindrical vagina!”

The other students all had the same reaction, breaking out into laughter immediately, even Ocellus, who took just a little bit longer due to her previous embarrassment.

“Okay, this round’s winner is no surprise. Who has a perfectly cylindrical vagina?” Smolder asked, holding up the black card for this prompt.

“I do,” Silverstream replied, with a smile.

“Well then, you’re gonna make some lucky guy very happy one day, but as to the game, here’s your point,” the dragoness responded, passing her the card. While Silverstream simply happily accepted her card, Smolder threw a knowing grin towards Gallus, who just blushed in embarrassment. “Okay, Ocellus, your turn,” she followed up with, elbowing the changeling next to her.

“Alright,” Ocellus began, drawing a black card, her embarrassment having faded by now. “What’s that smell?”

The others got to selecting their cards and passed them to Ocellus rather quickly. She then gave them a quick shuffle using her magic and then raised the first one up to her face to read it out. “What’s that smell? Dead birds everywhere.”

“So we’re back in Griffonstone?” Gallus deadpanned.

The whole group immediately lost it, falling into a cacophony of laughter.

“Oh my gosh!” Ocellus gawked through her laughter.

“I regret nothing!” Gallus exclaimed.

Ocellus quickly drew the next card. “What’s that smell? A lettuce sandwich topped with ketchup, cheese and a beef patty.”

Smolder started licking her lips. “That sounds good. I could really go for a burger right now.” 

“Gems, meat and vegetables. So what? You’re an omnivore now?” Ocellus wondered.

“Pretty much?” Smolder responded flatly. She then took another bite of one of her snacking gems. “Coming from the creature who literally eats emotions.”

Ocellus merely responded with an eye roll. “What’s that smell? Onions.” There wasn’t much of a reaction to that card, so Ocellus drew the next one.

“What’s that smell? All manner of horrors.” There again wasn’t much of a reaction, so she drew the final card and she immediately winced when she read it, but after nine rounds of this, it was only a little bit, showing how far she’s come with dealing with things like this, and like Smolder said earlier, where her priorities lie in terms of embarrassment. “What’s that smell? …an asshole that’s had a lot of dicks in it,” she stated flatly, maintaining a straight face throughout.

The rest of the students had the opposite reaction and erupted in laughter.

“Okay, that last card was good and fits well in the spirit of the game,” Ocellus continued. “But purely for Gallus’ comment, I’ll pick ‘dead birds everywhere’,” 

“Right here,” Gallus raised his claw as she floated the black card over to him.

On her opposite side, however, Smolder crossed her arms and gave her a look. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” She spoke eerily quietly.

“I swear I didn’t,” Ocellus defended herself. “It’s the cards.”

Smolder just grumbled in response. “Well then the universe is doing on purpose.”

“Yeah, probably,” Gallus answered, with a wave of his talon.

The dragoness turned towards the griffon on her right, and after holding a stare for several seconds, simply said, “I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response this time.”

“You kind of just did,” Silverstream pointed out.

“Ha, good one,” Gallus told her, almost on reflex, as he almost immediately started blushing, though he didn’t seem to notice that he was, himself.

“Thanks,” Silverstream replied, also with a blush on her face from being praised by Gallus. The hippogriff then took her turn and drew the last black card of the round. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of blank.”

Smolder grinned. “Everycreature, take notes; some of these could come in handy for us in the future.”

“Heh heh, you’re right,” Silverstream giggled. “I guess these cards could be used as excuses. In that case, I want each of you to read out your own cards. The card Princess has spoken!” She spoke in her usual ‘decree’ manner.

Everyone then started selecting their card for the final prompt of the round.

“Well, since we won’t have to hand up our cards this time, we’ll just go in the order that we’re ready. I’ll go first,” Sandbar began. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of blue smoke from my anus.”

There was a moderate amount of laughter for Sandbar’s card.

“Well, that probably is something that you could get out of your homework for,” Gallus commented. He then lifted his own card up so that he could read it out. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of being too old for this shit.”

There was, again, a decent amount of laughter for Gallus’ card.

“Yona next!” Yona shouted out excitably, having chosen her card. “Yona sorry, Professor, but she couldn’t complete her homework because of hilarious forgetting disease known as Alzheimer’s.”

Yona’s card got the most laughter yet.

“Yeah, that could also be a good way to get out of homework… if you could prove that you actually had Alzheimer’s, that is,” Smolder commented. “I didn’t really have any good cards for this prompt, so…” She began. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of emotions.”

As the dragoness predicted, there wasn’t much laughter for her card, but she didn’t really mind it.

“It’s actually not bad, exactly,” Ocellus told her. She then read out her own card. “I’m sorry, Professor, but I couldn’t complete my homework because of slowly being poisoned.”

There was again a decent amount of laughter for Ocellus card, though the laughter was mostly starting to die down now with the end of the round.

“I’ll go with the ‘Alzheimer’s’ card…”

“Yes! Yona win again!” The excitable young yak interupted, quickly snatching the black card for her point from the hippogriff’s claw.

“Well, that’s nine out of the ten rounds down now,” Sandbar began. “So should we take one last break before the final round or should we keep going?”

“We’re coming up on the end of the game. Let’s not lose any momentum now,” Gallus replied.

“Yona agree. Let’s keep going.”

The other three also nodded in agreement, to go straight into the next round.

“Well alright then,” Sandbar smiled, drawing the first black card of the final round.

While Sandbar was drawing the black card, Gallus threw a smug look towards Smolder. “Well, for all of your talk at the start of the round, you weren’t able to score. I guess luck wasn’t on your side, afterall.”

“Ea…” She immediately stopped herself, and then just let out a sigh. “I need a new comeback.”

“Yes, you do,” Silverstream told her, completely serious.
> Round 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate blank,” Sandbar began, reading out the first black card of the final round of Cards Against Equestria.

After all drawing another white card to put them all back up to ten, the rest of the students all quickly got to selecting their cards for this prompt. There was no hesitation – from the crass language on the cards, or unsure looks from any of the students, which both gave the group hope that the last round would start off well, and showed just how far they had all come with this game since the beginning.

Once everycreature had selected their card and passed them to Sandbar, he gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate getting fingered.”

The laughter was immediate.

“Good old fashioned crude language, as this game should be,” Gallus noted.

“So was it the first time or just a memorable one?” Smolder asked.

“Why not both?” Silverstream wondered aloud.

Once the laughter for the first white card had begun to die down, Sandbar drew the next one. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate my huge penis and substantial fortune.”

There was again more laughter from the whole group.

“Two things Gallus will never have,” Smolder shots fired.

“Two things Smolder desperately wants,” Gallus immediately fired back.

Sandbar grinned good-naturedly at the two of them as he drew the next card. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate freedom.”

“Boring. That not fit with this game,” Yona commented.

“Agreed,” Silverstream agreed.

“Come on, let’s keep this train rolling,” Smolder continued.

“Well, alright,” Sandbar replied with a contented smile as he drew the next card. “When I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate fucking my therapist.”

The laughter was back in earnest once again, with many of the students clutching at their stomachs in laughter.

“Quite the memorable moment,” Smolder noted.

“And finally,” Sandbar began, drawing the last white card. However, as soon as he looked at it, he immediately blanked. “Uhhmmm…” He began. “…when I’m a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate… plugging a toaster into a mule’s vagina and then beating her because it doesn’t work.”

The rest of the group were completely silent for a moment, looking between each other, with similar looks to Sandbar on their faces, more confused than bored.

“Uhhmm… okay,” Ocellus stuttered.

“Yeah,” Sandbar said slowly. “I’ll choose ‘huge penis and substantial fortune’. Who had that?”

“Yona does,” the young yak spoke up, waving her hoof in the air excitably, breaking the uncomfortable silence. The silence was then further broken up by some light chuckles from some of the other students, at the way that Yona had responded, although Yona didn’t seem to catch on. “What?”

“Never mind,” Gallus said with a wave of his talon. “Now it’s time for my final black card,” he continued, drawing said black card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on blank.”

The rest of the students all drew another white card to put themselves back up to ten and then quickly got to choosing their card for the prompt. Once they had all chosen their card and passed them to Gallus, he gave them a quick shuffle before drawing the first one and reading it out. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on incest.”

There were a few light chuckles for that card.

“That sounds like a changeling thing,” Smolder commented.

“Hey!” Ocellus interjected, sounding offended.

“Relax, that’s a bug thing, and changelings are like bugs, so it’s just a stereotype,” the dragoness defended.

“No, it’s racist. There’s a difference,” Ocellus responded immediately, mirroring another moment between her and Smolder from earlier in the game session. She decided to keep the fact that under Chrysalis’ rule some changelings actually were paired with their siblings to herself.

Next to her, the cocky dragoness simply silently shrugged her shoulders at her in response.

“Anyway, moving on,” Gallus continued, drawing the next white card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.”

“Oh, so that was Cozy Glow’s problem – she was just high,” Silverstream interjected.

The group immediately lost it, breaking out in laughter once again.

“Okay, is mentioning Cozy Glow in this game to be horrible just going to be an instant win?” Sandbar wondered aloud.

“It would be the most good that she’s ever done,” Ocellus replied.

“Ooooo, burn,” Smolder said from beside her.

Yona raised an eyebrow at the dragoness. “What Smolder burn this time?”

Smolder was again about to respond to her yak friend, but once again just brushed it aside. “It’s nothing.” She then turned to Gallus. “Next card.”

“Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on sweet sweet vengeance.”

“Cozy Glow then, Cozy Glow now,” Sandbar commented, earning more laughter than the card.

“Nah, she’s locked up in Tartarus. I doubt we’ll be seeing her ever again,” Gallus reassured him. He then drew the next white card and couldn’t help but smirk when he saw what it said. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on murdering our parents.” He then drew the last white card. “Kids, I don’t need drugs to get high. I’m high on corn.” He then chuckled a bit to himself, though he was the only one. “That’s actually pretty good.”

Across from him, Silverstream blushed just a little bit.

“So, Princess Gallus,” Smolder began. “What’s the verdict?”

Looking up, Gallus just smirked. “I choose ‘murdering our parents’, here you go Sandbar, I know it was you, get help, Yona it’s your turn,” he said all in quick succession, flicking the black card in Sandbar’s direction, without even turning to face him as he did so.

Neither Sandbar nor anycreature else said anything to contradict this, which confirmed his suspiscion. Sandbar just picked up the black card with a silent smirk.

“Now it Yona’s last turn as Card Princess,” the yak said as she reached out and drew the next black card. “Help! My son is blank!”

The rest of them all got the selecting their cards for this prompt, which they all did quickly and passed them towards Yona.

“Help! My son is falling into a bottomless void!”

“Help! My son is drowning in a sea of water!”

“Help! My son is eating pussy bad!”

Ocellus seemed to wince a bit in response. “That card seems to have some… unfortunate implications.”

“Incest implications,” Smolder spoke up, in a snide tone. “Any particular reason you were the one to point that out?”

“Shut up,” Ocellus replied bluntly, raising her cards up to block the dragoness from her field of vision.

“Ooooohhh, catty. Rawr,” the dragoness mock growled in her direction.

“Get room, you two,” Yona deadpanned. However, before either of them could respond to that, she drew the next white card to continue. “Help! My son is reaching an age where BBQ chips are better than sex!”

There was a bit of laughter for that card but not much.

“Help! My son is getting killed and dragged up a tree by a leopard!”

“A pretty average round if you ask me,” Sandbar commented. “Definitely better than a boring one, though.” The other students all nodded in agreement with that.

Once every card had been read out, Yona put a hoof to her mouth, taking a moment to think and trying to decide on a winner. “Yona choose this card,” she finally spoke up, still holding the ‘leopard’ card.

“That’s me,” Silverstream replied happily, as Yona passed her the black card for her point.

“Alright, now it’s time for my last card of the game,” Smolder began, drawing a black card from the pile. “Drugs + blank = a really bad time.”

The other students quickly got to selecting their cards, with more enthusiasm this time than the last one. Smolder had received everycreature’s cards in short order, and after a quick shuffle to randomize them, began reading them out.

“Drugs + jazz = a really bad time.”

“Isn’t that basically just the life of every jazz player?” Gallus wondered aloud.

“Yeah, basically,” Smolder gave him a look before drawing the next card. “Drugs + sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g = a really bad time.”

That card got a bit more laughter than the first one.

“Wouldn’t it be drugs plus what comes after kissing that would lead to a really bad time?” Ocellus wondered aloud.

Smolder just silently shrugged her shoulders at her in response before drawing the next card. “Drugs + hard-hitting investigative journalism = a really bad time.”

“Yeah, that would certainly lead to a bad time,” Gallus noted.

“Is the journalist the one doing the drugs or investigating the person doing the drugs?” Sandbar asked.

“Either one would fit, really,” Smolder answered. “Drugs + free samples = a really bad time.”

“Free samples of what, exactly?” Ocellus wondered.

Smolder smirked at her. “I think we all know what at this point in the game.” She then drew the last white card. “Drugs + seeing what happens when you lock a bunch of people in a room with hungry seagulls = a really bad time.”

The last card earned a lot of laughter from the group.

“Okay that one was pretty good, but I think I’ll go with ‘k-i-s-s-i-n-g’. Who had that?”

“Me again,” Silverstream answered.

Smolder simply passed the black card to her hippogriff friend. “How does it feel, whoever played the ‘seagulls’ card?” She suddenly yelled out to the whole group. No creature responded to it and instead they all just laughed at more of Smolder’s hyper-competitiveness.

“Okay, now it’s time for my last card as the Card Princess,” Ocellus spoke up, using her magic to draw a black card from the deck, which after ten rounds had gotten a lot smaller. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make blank disappear. And since this is going to be the last round and we haven’t done it yet, I want you all to read out your own cards.”

“I’ll go first then,” Silverstream said excitably a moment later, having already chosen her card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make the most eligible bachelor in Equestria disappear.”

“I’m sure you will, Silver,” Ocellus said with a knowing grin.

“Huh?”

“Who’s next?” Ocellus said quickly, turning back towards the group.

“I’ll go next,” Sandbar spoke up. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make a stallion two times the size of a stallion half his size disappear.”

Smolder rolled her eyes in his direction. “Lame.” She then moved to read out her own card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make a big problem disappear.” Her card got the most laughs yet.

“That actually sounds like a proper boast,” Ocellus noted.

“And Trixie is the kind of pony that would boast about herself a lot,” Gallus added.

“She's a boast buster!” Silverstream exclaimed.

“Yona next,” the young yak called out. “You can call Yona The Great and Powerful Trixie, because she about to make the cool smoking guys disappear.”

There wasn’t laughter for that card, so Gallus, who was the last one left, moved to read out his card. “You can call me The Great and Powerful Trixie, because I’m about to make twenty bits disappear… aka, any business transaction in Griffonstone. Come at me!” He quickly added.

There was once again laughter from the whole group, though more from what he added than the card itself.

“Well, Silverstream’s card was good, and Gallus’ comment made his better, but I think I’ll go with ‘a big pro…”

“Yes! Victory for Smolder!” The dragoness yelled out as she stood up triumphantly.

“You sure seem excited for some who literally can’t win,” Gallus noted, with a sly grin on his face.

“Hey, at this point I’ll take any victory I can get. It doesn’t matter how minor it is – winning is winning.” The young dragoness rationalised.

Ocellus just rolled her eyes at her dragon friend in a playfull manner, and then floated the black card over to her, which she took with enthusiasm.

“Well, time for my last card now and the last card of the game,” Silverstream began, with an excitable smile on her face as she drew the last black card. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?”

After drawing another white card from the pile, which was now also much smaller than when they started, to put them all back up to ten white cards, they all got to selecting which of their cards to play for the last time. After they had all chosen their cards and passed them up to Silverstream, she gave them all a quick shuffle before drawing the first card and reading it out.

“Well, here we go for one last time,” the excitable hippogriff began. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Hiking up a hillside, covered in bear semen, yelling ‘I’m the queen of the forest!’.”

First card of the last prompt and the whole group was already laughing hard.

“Is it weird that I could totally see Professor Applejack’s Granny doing that?” Gallus asked.

“Yes. Yes it is,” Smolder answered bluntly, though with a sly smirk on her face at the same time.

“What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Smashing my doodies through a cheese grater.” There was more uncomfortable looks than laughter for that card, so Card Princess Silverstream decided to move on quickly. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A vagina that beatboxes when it’s horny.”

The whole group started laughing once again in response. A moment later, however, Silverstream started leaning in close to Ocellus’ thighs, which made the changeling stop laughing and start blushing nervously. “Uhhmm, what are you doing?”

“Trying to listen to the beatboxing,” Silverstream said in her usual, excited, bubbly tone.

“Wh-what?!” Ocellus blanched, now turning almost completely pink. “Why would you say something like that to me?”

However, instead of a response, it just caused another resurgence in laughter from the whole group, now sans Ocellus.

Once everyone had calmed down enough to continue, Silverstream read out the next card. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? My ugly face and bad personality.”

“That one’s pretty nice, actually,” Sandbar spoke up. “It’s the kind of support that any Grandma would have.”

“Am I correct in assuming that you not only have a complicated relationship with your parents, but also a very close one with your Grandma?” Gallus asked from beside him.

“Maybe,” Sandbar responded, not elaborating on it further. Gallus, meanwhile, just gave him a playful eye roll in response.

“What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?” Silverstream continued. “Having fingers for teeth.”

There was some laughter for this card, though it was offset a bit by the truly disturbing image.

Once every card had been read out, Silverstream gathered them all up in her talon once again and then selected one of them in particular. “Well, you know what they say: first is best. I choose ‘hiking up a hillside, covered in…”

“That Yona card!” the young yak interupted. Silverstream then passed her the black card, which made the yak smile as well.

“Well, that’s it then,” Sandbar began, looking around the room, with a content smile on his face. “We managed to complete a full ten rounds of Cards Against Equestria, and not only did we not kill each other, but I’d say that on the whole, our friendship is now stronger than it’s ever been.”

“That’s true,” Ocellus agreed. “All of the sarcastic comments aside, we managed to take it all in stride, not get too bogged down by and were even entertained by all of the raunchy language, and we were even help each other through some hard times, and possibly even more,” with a very quick blink-and-you’ll-miss-it glance between Gallus and Silverstream. “I’d say that this game was a huge success.”

There was a round of affirmative head nods from everyone in the room.

“It was fun,” Yona said.

“It was funny,” Silverstream added.

“It was raunchy,” Smolder noted.

“It was helpful,” Ocellus continued.

“It was great way to spend time with great friends,” Gallus finished.

Sandbar could only smile in response, happy to know that his and Starlight’s plan to strengthen their group’s friendship was a huge success. “That’s good to hear. I guess now all that’s left is to count up the number of black cards we each have as our points to determine the winner.” He then started counting his own cards. “I’ve got nine.”

“I’ve got nine, too,” Gallus spoke up next, holding up his cards.

“Yona have twelve black cards.”

Smolder counted her own cards and her eyes drooped a bit as she held them up, knowing that she likely came in last place. “I’ve got seven,” she deadpanned.

“I have eleven,” Ocellus said next, holding the cards up in her magic.

“And I have twelve,” Silverstream beamed happily.

“So that means… it’s a tie between Yona and Silverstream?” Gallus mentally worked out the math in his head.

“Oh, no!” Smolder shouted out. “I did not sit through ten rounds of this just to have it end in a tie. We need some way to pick a winner.”

“But how?” Ocellus responded to her.

After hearing that, Sandbar began tapping a hoof to his chin in thought. “Well, I suppose we could have one more card between Yona and Silverstream, and have the rest of us vote on it. Although, since that leaves four of us left to vote, it could just lead to another tie.”

“What if we asked Starlight to join in on the voting?” Ocellus suggested. “She could act as a tie-breaker, and since she was the one who started this game, it would be fitting that she help end it as well.”

“It would be an interesting way to have this whole thing come full circle,” Gallus added.

“Book-ends!” Silverstream blurted out.

The whole group seemed to agree that this would be a good way to end the game, with another round of affirmative head nods to signafy this.

“Well, alright then,” Sandbar continued. “Everycreature get ready. Yona and Silverstream draw another white card, Smolder, you and Gallus go and get Starlight; and prepare, everycreature…” He put his hoof over the deck of black cards. “For the very last Card Against Equestria.”


To Be Concluded…

> Bonus Round
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five minutes later, the six students all met back up in their dorm room, now accompanied by their guidance councillor, Starlight Glimmer, who, in addition to checking up on them and reviewing their progress, would also act as the tie breaker for the final, bonus round of Cards Against Equestria.

Instead of sitting in their usual circle, Smolder, Gallus, Sandbar and Ocellus all stood beside Starlight, whilst Yona and Silverstream stood across from them, with their hands at the ready, having already drawn another black card so that they were both back up to ten.

“Well, I have to say, from everything I’ve been told, I’m impressed,” Starlight began. “You were all able to play a full game of Cards Against Equestria, and not only were you able to keep your friendship in tact, you were all able to just have fun in spite of the raunchy and offensive language, and you’ve all come out of it even better friends than you were before. As your guidance councillor, I couldn’t be more proud of you all,” she said as she looked around the room at the six friends, who had proven with this game that they clearly had a strong friendship that could survive anything. “And I’m equally impressed that you all made it through an entire game without any broken friendships, bodily injuries, or projectile vomiting,” she added, only half joking.

“Did any of that happen when you played this game?” Ocellus asked in response.

Starlight suddenly got a thousand-yard-stare for a moment as she recalled when she played the game with Trixie, Maud and Sunburst. “Mostly the latter,” she eventually responded, awkwardly. There was then another short pause before she spoke up again. “Also, while I am proud of all of you, if Twilight finds out about any of this, I knew nothing about it, alright?”

“Relax, this whole game never actually happened, right?” Smolder replied with a knowing wink.

“Right,” Starlight responded with a similar wink. She then faced forward again so that she was facing the two remaining finalists, Silverstream and Yona. “So then, are the two of you ready for the tie breaker?”

“Ready,” Yona and Silverstream both said in unison, with strong looks of determination on their faces.

“Well, alright then,” Starlight replied, taking the final black card from Sandbar and levitating it up to her face so that she could read it.

“Anybody else find it strange that even though Ocellus was either in the lead or tied for the lead in every round, not only did she not win, but she didn’t even come in second?” Smolder asked the group.

“Well, actually she wasn’t in the lead or tied for the lead after round six,” Sandbar clarified.

“That’s Cards Against Equestria for you,” Gallus interjected. “You can never be sure how it’s gonna go.”

“It isn’t over until the last card is played,” Silverstream chimed in. “Speaking of which,” she continued. “Play the last card!” She yelled out suddenly in anticipation. 

Starlight just smiled good-naturedly. “Alright then,” she said and lifted the black card back up to her face once again. “In this series, we’ll explore life’s big questions. Who are we? What is our purpose? What is the meaning of blank?”

Both Yona and Silverstream immediately looked down at the ten cards in their hands, trying to decide which one to play, which would decide the victor of the entire game, while the other five eagerly awaited their choice.

Yona was the first one to make a decision, almost immediatelly, as if she had already chosen which card to play before the prompt was even read. “Yona have this card for awhile, but could never find a good time to play it, so she need to play it now,” she said, holding the white card out towards Starlight, who took a hold of it with her magic, holding it text-side down so that neither she nor the students behind her could see what it said for the moment. With the first black card in hand, so to speak, Starlight then turned to look towards Silverstream, awaiting her choice.

The normally excitable hippogriff was now deep in thought, trying to decide which card to play, with her free talon hovering over the tops of different cards in her hand, as she tried to pick one. Eventually, she made her decision, smiled and passed the black card to Starlight.

Now that Starlight had both black cards suspended in her magic, she quickly shuffled the two of them around until she could no longer tell which card belonged to who. Once she had, she then drew the first card and read it out. “Okay, here we go,” she started.

“In this series, we’ll explore life’s big questions. Who are we? What is our purpose? What is the meaning of filling Chancellor Neighsay’s refrigerator with ground pork?”

The laughter from the students behind her was immediate, and Starlight couldn’t help but laugh at the scenario as well.

“Man, what even is that?” Sandbar wondered aloud in between bouts of laughter.

“I’ll tell you what it is,” Smolder answered. “The perfect graduation prank.”

“As your guidance councillor, I have to point out that pranks like that are not condoned at this school,” Starlight interjected.

Smolder took a break from her laughter to look at Starlight with a raised eyebrow, as if to say, ‘Come on, it’s Neighsay’.

Seeming to pick up on what the dragoness was trying to convey, the purple unicorn then added, “However, since this whole game never officially happened, I can’t exactly say that I knew about it beforehand, so…” she drew out, before simply ending with another wink.

When everycreature had ceased their laughter, Starlight then lifted the second black card up to her face. “In this series, we’ll explore life’s big questions. Who are we? What is our purpose? What is the meaning of assorted pickles?”

The second card got a few laughs, but noticeably less than the first card.

“I can’t really explain it, but the reading of this one sounds funnier than it normally should,” Gallus spoke up. “What’s the deal with assorted pickles?” He added, in a bit of an exaggerated tone.

Gallus’ extra read caused a bit of extra laughter from the group, but it quickly died down once again.

“Alright then,” Starlight began, turning back towards the four students behind her. “You’ve heard both cards, so now it’s time to vote for the winner. Since this is your game, I’ll leave the voting to the four of you, and I’ll only get involved if you need a tie-breaker. Sound good?”

The four students simply nodded their heads in affirmation.

“Alright then,” Starlight continued, holding up the first card. “Who votes for ‘filling Chancellor Neighsay’s refrigerator with ground pork’? For clarification, I mean the card, not the act” she hastily added.

In response, two hooves and a claw were raised, from Sandbar, Ocellus and Smolder, respectively, which also clearly showed that Gallus’ vote was for the ‘assorted pickles’ card.

Starlight smiled. “Well, that’s three out of four votes, so that settles it. This cards wins.”

“YES, YONA WIN!” The young yak screamed out in triumph, tossing her cards in the air as she did so. “YAK BEST AT THIS GAME!”

There was then a round of celebrative cheers from the other five students as they all gathered around Yona to celebrate.

“Congratulations, Yona. You earned it,” Sandbar cheered.

“Yeah, you maintained a high score throughout the whole game and then pulled ahead at the end,” Ocellus added.

“Yeah, just like Ocellus, but without the ‘pulling ahead at the end’ part,” Smolder joked.

Ocellus turned to give her scaly friend a flat look. “Are you done taking shots at me?”

“Hey, I take what I can get,” the dragoness casually remarked, with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Oh, go and treat your love/hate boner,” the changeling deadpanned.

The delivery made the rest of the students burst out laughing, except for Starlight, who didn’t have the context and just looked confused and slightly disturbed at the mental image. Cards Against Equestria in a nutshell she thought.

“Although, doesn’t Yona winning Cards Against Equestria technically make her the worst creature here?” Gallus inquired, jokingly.

“Well, look, this game may be about being the worst creature, but winning is still winning,” Smolder rationalised. “Just like coming in last technically makes you the best creature, which is also technically winning, so technically, victory for Smolder.”

The others couldn’t help but chuckle one last time at Smolder’s over competitiveness at ‘winning’.

“Well, I’m glad that the game that I was told about, that could make your friendships stronger than ever did it for ours and turned out to be a success,” Sandbar spoke up, with an aside glance at Starlight Glimmer, for being the one to tell him about the game in the first place for that very reason.

Starlight was also happy that her little experiment proved to be a success. These six students clearly had a truly unbreakable friendship, as strong as that of Twilight and her friends.

“Well, it looks like you guys didn’t need a tie-breaker after all, so I’ll just leave you to enjoy your celebration,” she said as she made her way out of the dorm room.

Watching Starlight leave the room, happy that her and Sandbar’s test was successful, as well as Yona happy at being the winner, and Smolder happy that she could technically claim victory by way of being the ‘best creature’, Ocellus realised that that just left one thing left to do, as she glanced between Gallus and Silverstream.

“Congratulations at winning, Yona. Your last card was way better than mine,” Silverstream congratulated her opponent, while tossing her own cards up in the air in celebration, like Yona had previously.

“Thanks, Silver, but your last card was funny too.” Yona offered.

“Are you kidding me? It was a train wreck compared to yours; and that was the best card that I had. Frankly, I’m surprised that I even got one vote because even I wouldn’t have voted for it.” She then looked down and started pawing at the ground, looking dejected, having made herself sad. “I bet it was just a pity vote.”

“No it wasn’t,” Gallus spoke up immediately to reassure her, before Ocellus even got a chance to signal him to do so to cheer her up. “I really thought that it was funny.”

“Oh, you’re just saying that,” Silverstream playful waved him off, with a visible blush on her face.

“No, really. There was something about the card that just radiated a natural energy that I couldn’t help but find funny. You’re so naturally bubbly and energetic that you can make anything funny.”

“Yeah, I’m the resident genki-girl: random humour all the way,” she said with a wave of her talon.

As the two of them were talking and focused on each other, Ocellus silently signalled to Smolder, Sandbar, Yona and quietly hustled them all and herself out of the room to give the two of them some privacy.

“I mean it. You’re funny, fun-loving, fearless, friendly,” he listed off, counting each one on his talons.

“Nice alliteration,” Silverstream joked.

“Thanks,” Gallus smiled and blushed himself before continuing. “Plus you’re strong enough to stand up for yourself, and strong enough to admit when you need help. You’re bubbly and smart, and you’re always first to help somecreature in need no matter what. Not to mention really cute,” he added, a bit quieter than the rest, a bit embarrassed to openly say that part. “You’re like the complete package.”

“I’m still nothing compared to you,” the pink hippogriff waved him off modestly. “I mean, you’re strong and brave, yet sensitive and sweet, you always have a cool comeback so that you can fight back without violence like a bully, and you never give up, whether it’s winning a game or helping your friends,” she continued, clutching at her chest, her blush now almost luminescent. “Plus you’re, like, super-mega-hot,” she blurted out at the end, now absently rubbing her neck in embarrassment and looking away at being so blunt with her feelings. “All of these things… it’s kind of why I have a crush on you.” She admitted.

Gallus was likewise caught off guard by her bluntness. “Wait, you have a crush on me?”

“I know, I know, it was a stupid thing to just come out and say, since there’s no way you see me as anything other than a friend, and now I’ve gone and ruined our friendship so I won’t have even that, and it will make things so awkward that I’ll have to transfer schools and I’ll never see you or the others but especially you ever again, and this is just the worst way that things could have possibly gone!”

“No, no, not at all,” Gallus corrected her, waving his arms out in front of him to get her to calm down. “I… actually kind of have a crush on you too,” he admitted.

Silverstream suddenly halted in her freak out mid-pose and turned back to look at him. “Wait, you have a crush on me too?”

“Well, yeah,” Gallus slowly came out and finally admitted as well. “I mean, I really meant all of those things that I said; you’re amazing.

“Back when we were all being tested by the Tree, and you hugged me after I helped you out, I started to feel weird whenever I was around you. Griffons aren’t exactly experts when it comes to friendship or even liking each other, and since we’ve been learning all about friendship at this school, I just figured that I liked you as a really good friend, but after Ocellus mentioned the emotions she was able to feel from me about you, and the way we were all acting and opening up while playing this game with no filters, I started to realise that there was more. I just never would have guessed that you would feel the same about me.”

“I do,” Silverstream answered, placing her claw in his own. “That moment in the Tree’s cavern or whatever it was, is one of my favourite moments now.”

There was a short moment of complete silence in the room between them as they simply stared into each other’s eyes, with them only just now realising that the others had left them alone, but barely reacting to it, just being lost in this moment.

“So,” Silverstream started speaking up again. “If we both have a crush on each other, and we both admitted it to each other, does that mean that we’re, like… Very-Special-Somegriff’s now or something?”

“Uh,” he chuckled nervously. “I guess. I mean, if you want to be.”

“Yeah, I would,” the excitable hippogriff replied, smiling, feeling like she was melting inside she was so happy. “So… what do we do now? I mean, how are things going to be different now; between us and the others?”

“Well, I don’t really know myself,” Gallus began, awkwardly scratching at the back of his head as the reality of what was happening was still occurring to him. “Since we’re both new to this, how about we just go along at our own pace and figure things out as we go?” He said with a charming smile.

Silverstream swooned at the sight. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

The two of them then came together and embraced each other in a deep, caring hug; the first of their now official relationship. The moment lasted only a few seconds, but to the two young lovebirds, it was a moment that they would never forget.

As she pulled away from the embrace to look him in the eyes again, the excitable and no-longer-a-single hippogriff suddenly got an idea of what they could do next. “Hey, why don’t we go somewhere we’ll have a bit more privacy in case the others come back?”

“Uhhmm, and do what exactly?” The young griffon asked.

“Well, while it’s true that we can’t kiss with beaks…” She began. She then leaned in and gave him an alluring gaze. “… I’m sure there’s something else I can put my mouth on.”

As she then proceeded to take his talon in hers and began leading him out of the room, Gallus’ expression quickly morphed between a contented feeling of pure bliss, to a quick look of confusion, to a moment of realisation, to a different expression of pure bliss.

“I love this game!”


The End