Chapter 1
Equestria really isn't so bad, now that you've gotten used to it. Mostly gotten used to it, anyway. These horses can be pretty weird. Not that you're complaining, since part of that weirdness is that they're letting you stay in a big castle with the royalty—rent free. That's way better than what you had back on Earth.
It's almost enough to make up for the lack of internet. Even that isn't as bad as you thought it would be at first. As far as you're concerned, the internet was made for two things: shitposting and porn. You may not be able to do the first (as easily; they gave you a journal so you could "record your observations about Equestrian culture," which you're pretty sure writing about what losers all the nobles that also hang out in the castle are counts as) but the second is not a problem.
Because ponies don't wear clothes. Even the princesses just wear a bit of jewelry and nothing else. You're the weird one, wearing your suit all the time while everypony else is just naked all day. And those tails don't cover everything, they swing around all over the place. The mares just don't seem to care if somepony, or someone gets a glimpse of their stuff.
When ponies see you around the castle, you're usually pitching a tent. Actually you're pretty sure there's a couple ponies around here that have never seen you without a boner.
That was partly just because you didn't go out much and were generally pent up when you did. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than magical talking horses to tear you away from being a NEET.
They sure liked to try, though. You had woken up from your late afternoon nap (as opposed to your early afternoon nap or after dinner nap) to a letter from Princess Luna inviting you to her chambers. Even your social skills were enough to tell that this wasn't just a polite request like when your mom tried to get you to come to game night.
So after dinner, since you hadn't yet convinced these horses to take your meals to you, you did not go back to your room, but to Luna's. You didn't mind too much. From what you had gathered, she was pretty much a social idiot like you, and had had a giant temper tantrum a while back 'cause ponies weren't paying enough attention to her, and so now she took anything she could get. Point was, she hadn't said anything yet about you staring at her butt.
It was a nice butt to stare at.
Well, you were feeling pretty fine, going to spend the night with a pretty horse. You swaggered right up to her door. She didn't answer, though. It was one of them batponies.
"Ah, Anon, my lady has been expecting you," the mare said. "Let me take you to her."
"Oh, uh, thanks," you say, like the suave gentleman you are. "What's your name, by the way?"
"I am Lavender Bloom, one of Luna's maids."
"Nice to meet you," you say. She's cute; you'd tap that. Both because she's a maid and you're in to that kind of thing and because she's straight up hot. She looks like she's got some good stuff under that tail of hers.
The peak of Mt. Anon once again graces Canterlot Castle from within your pants.
Lavender leads you into Luna's chambers. Her rooms are a lot fancier than yours. She's got more than one, for one. But you can't complain too much about that. She is a princess, you're some random dude that showed up one day—you're still not sure how, but no way you're touching tequila again after all this.
Anyway, she leads you on in (did I mention you're drunk? because these horses might not have invented the internet yet, but they do know how to make booze, specifically wine. you weren't into it so much back on Earth, but fuck if you're going to pass it up). Luna has a lot of shit, honestly you're worried she's turning into a hoarder. You'll have to talk to her about that. Possibly. Depending if you get laid or not. Your services don't come free after all.
Turns out her Highness has the right idea about things: she's laying on her bed as you walk in.
"Anonymous," she says, "thank you for coming. We have been worried about you."
Hmm. You weren't expecting that. "Worried? About what?"
"You have been secluded, keeping to yourself."
"I guess? I'm not really the most social person…"
"You have been unsatisfied."
"What, not at all. Everything has been just great. I really can't complain about anything you have done for me." A little ass-kissing never hurt anyone, right.
"That is not what we meant. You have often been observed in need of relief—it seems you men are not so different from stallions—we would not have you go without it."
"Just so we're clear, we're talking about—"
"Your arousal, yes. You have been seen many times in a state of need, yet we have not heard of any of our ponies helping you to relieve it." You are trying to pretend not to know what she's talking about, but your boner isn't having any of it; he is standing tall and proud. Luna continues, "As it happens, we are also in need." She narrows her eyes and smirks. "So, what say you? You scratch my back and I scratch yours?"
It's all you can do not to blow your load right there. "Uh, sure. I'm down for that."
"Good," she says, "You know, I do not believe I have ever gotten a good look at your body; I look forward to it." She punctuates her statement by licking her lips.
It's a bit weird to here, but also goddamn sexy. You strip right there, without waiting for any further instruction. She watches you the whole time, as you take off your suit piece by piece. You go from the top down, hanging your jacket on the back of a chair, then taking your shirt off, folding it and putting it on the seat. Your pants are next, and she watches very closely as your dick springs out of your shorts, because of course you're already hard.
"Marvelous," she whispers.
Yeah, you are feeling sexy.
"Well, come over here and we shall begin."
Who are you to disobey a princess? You go and sit down on her bed, next to her. Your dick sways with every step, feeling like it's going to burst.
And then, casually, like it's nothing at all, she leans over and takes you in her mouth. You have to hold on to her head and neck to keep from collapsing backwards. She slurps on your cock and your eyes roll back. You never realized how much longer horse mouths were than human ones until now as you feel her tongue swirling around your meat. She pulls off of you for a second to suck on your balls. You moan loudly, and hardly even notice as she returns to your cock. It all feels too good to keep track of specifics.
You run your fingers through her mane to give your hands something to do It feels like a shock as they brush against the cold metal of her crown. You don't know how you had managed to forget that it isn't just anypony giving you this magnificent blowjob, it's a princess. This is royalty with your dick in her mouth.
She bobs her head slowly. You can feel your head tickling the back of her throat each time she bottoms out, but she doesn't show any signs of discomfort. Not even the slightest gag. And when she pulls up her tongue drags along your entire length with all its soft warmth. Her lips drag too.
You barely even notice when you cum. You just spend the entire time in ecstasy. All you know is that you're suddenly filling her mouth up with jizz. It doesn't even come out in ropes; you cum so hard that it's a spray.
But Luna keeps her mouth closed tightly around you, and she slowly lifts her head once you're done, not letting a single drop escape. Your dick pops out from between her lips, and then she swallows the whole load in one gulp. Then she licks her lips, "Mmmm."
All you can do is sit, panting. You let yourself fall back on the bed. You feel fantastic, your balls are fucking empty, there is nothing that could ruin this.
Luna stretches out next to you. "You are a tasty one, Mr. Anonymous. We enjoyed that." You are about to thank her, when she whispers huskily in your ear "Now it's your turn."
You can do that. You may not be an expert on horse beauty, but you can sure tell that Luna is a damn good looking mare. You are ready to go down on her like the gentleman you are. "Alright, let's get started," you say with a grin.
"Excellent," and Luna rolls onto her back, and spreads her legs to reveal the long, thick, horse dong twitching against her belly.
…
You were not ready for that.
You don't move. You don't say anything. All you can do is stare at her shaft. It is a dark, midnight blue. A bead of precum is leaking out. Most importantly, it is a penis.
"Is everything alright?" she says.
It's not, but you can't exactly tell her that. Also you have no idea how long you've been staring at her dick. That's pretty gay. Like, you might have had a futa folder back home, but an IRL dickgirl is another thing entirely. But, shit, you have to say something. "Oh, uh, everything's fine. I just wasn't expecting… uh… that," you say in a tone that you hope isn't offensive.
She doesn't say anything, just raises an eyebrow.
"What I mean, is I'm not really, um, used to dealing with, uh, cocks other than my own."
She sighs. "I see. Well, if you are so unsure, then perhaps we shall have to arrange for another night, and you can please my marehood."
So if you understood her correctly, she can switch what kind of junk she has at will. That's kind of hot. You are also sure that she's disappointed, which isn't. Well, if it gets you some royal pussy, you suppose you can try something new. Once… "No, no, no. I'm h-happy to learn… I just… I'm not sure how to start? I've never done this before?"
She perks up at that. "That is not a problem." She sits up on her haunches, her cock swaying parallel to her body. "Lavender," she calls.
The batpony from earlier walks over. She's been here and watching the whole time, you realize. That's a bit awkward.
Luna addresses her maid. "It seems Mr. Anonymous does not know how to properly administer a blowjob. Would you be so kind as to instruct him?"
She bows. "Of course, my Lady." She sits down in front of Luna and looks at you. "Well come here then."
You shift yourself over to be next to her. Oh God, Luna's cock looks so much bigger when it's right in front of your face. What have you gotten yourself into? Welp, there's no backing out now.
"Now," Lavender says, "this is your first time, and your mouth is small, so you will not be able to take all of the Royal Member at once, but you can still do a thorough job of pleasuring it. The first thing is lubrication. Make sure the whole thing is wet with saliva. Like so." She gives her side of the cock a long lick. Then she gestures for you to do the same.
You hesitate, but finally lean in. You shut your eyes tight and stick out your tongue. It is taking a lot of effort to ignore the fact that you are about to touch a cock. It's not gay if it's a feminine penis. You almost flinch as you misjudge your approach and feel it brush against your forehead. Finally your tongue makes contact with the hot skin. It… doesn't taste much different from normal skin, it's a bit salty. There is a deep, musky smell to it, but as long as you keeps your eyes closed, you can pretend it's something else. You slowly lick upwards until you reach the rough edge of her head. You pull back. Finally you let yourself open your eyes again and look at your mentor.
She nods. "Good. Now do it again. A bit more enthusiasm, this time. Ideally, you should make eye contact."
Fuck. She is right about that. It's always been hot as fuck on the receiving end when they look at you. Well, it's all you can do to touch her again at all. You'll just have to work up to that. You lick her again, eyes open this time. You force yourself to go back for a third time, and to press harder.
It's still a dick, but you're starting to get a little bit used to it.
Lavender puts her hoof on your shoulder. "Let's move on to something else now. Something a little more intense." Was the candlelight glinting off her fang like that before?
"Intense?"
"Yes." She gestures downward. "The Princess especially enjoys having attention paid to her balls. Do everything you can with them: lick them, suck them, and, of course, smell them. They're wonderful, I can tell you. Just let yourself enjoy it."
So you know how you were kind of getting used to touching Luna's dick with your tongue? Well that didn't prepare you at all. Once you touch her balls there is no going back. Because what if you like it? "Calm down," you tell yourself. "Just relax. She is a chick. Even if you enjoy this, you're not about to start sucking off dudes."
Your little pep talk is interrupted when Lavender decides to move things along. She puts her hoof on the back of your head and shoves your face into Luna's balls.
Immediately your nose is flooded with a deep, heady musk as it comes to a rest just between Luna's sack and her shaft. You sputter at first, but you know what you have to do to get out of this: you suck Luna's balls like a bitch. She's shaved down there, or however it works with magic horse junk. So that's nice, at least. It's only smooth, stretchy skin—infused with the taste and scent of sweat and musk—that your tongue massages, pushing around the heavy balls inside. The intensity of the experience overrides your misgivings, and you go all in. You suck her balls and take them into your mouth. But she is too virile and plump for you to fit both at once; you close your lips around one of them at a time, pulling it away until the skin is taught, and then letting it pop out. You hear a few quiet moans from Luna as you service her. That spurs you on even more.
When Lavender releases your head, you don't even notice. She has to go back and pull you away from the Royal Sack. "Alright, now you're getting it. But now it's time to give her something more. She's getting desperate."
You look at Luna. Your ministrations have left her panting. You see her cock twitching in time with her pulse; you can tell it's rock hard. There are several shiny streaks where pre-cum has dripped down from her tip. You know what's happening next, you don't need anypony to guide you to this.
You still hesitate, not because your afraid of the gay—lust has washed away your inhibitions by this point—but for more practical reasons. You don't need to be an expert cocksucker to see that there's no way your getting much of that monster of a penis into your mouth.
Trembling you bend down to see just what you can do. You grasp her shaft in your hand. Her skin is soft over the diamond under it. You rub a little, but mostly just hold it steady as you go in for the kill. You don't need to turn around to know that Lavender is looking at you with approval.
You lick one craggy edge of Luna's head. You lick around in circles. Luna is breathing heavily, you are too. The knowledge that you are making her feel so good is exhilarating. The drops of pre she's spattered with don't remain for long as you lap up the salty slick liquid.
You open your mouth wide. You wrap your lips around as much of the circumference of her tip as possible—it's not much. It's astonishing how big she really is. Your lips are taught, and your mouth is full of meat, hot, throbbing, horsemeat. It tastes delicious, but not in a carnivore way, in a different way, a sexy way.
You suck on her like a popsicle. Fuck it, you are enjoying this. You are going to get this princess off. You slurp on her. Your tongue is swirling around like crazy. You rub her shaft against your face. You're going to get her off, no matter how much cock you have to fill your face with to do it.
You're getting so into it, that you almost don't notice Lavender joining in on the other side of Luna's dick until you feel her cheek against yours. Just when you thought this couldn't get any hotter.
"MMMmmm," Luna moans as you double team her.
The slurping gets louder and the cock gets wetter as you two continue. You have no idea how Luna has lasted this long; it feels like you've been blowing her for hours, but by God, you're not going to stop now. You take a break from her tip and start stroking her shaft with your tongue. You make long strokes along her whole length, from the balls to the head. The whole thing is thickly slathered in saliva by this point.
You are about to head down for another stroke when Lavender stops you. She gestures toward Luna's tip. It's finally happening. You look at the Princess. She has a hungry look in her eyes.
You go back to the head, as the other mare goes for the balls. Instead of taking it from the side like before, you approach from the front. You cover as much of the flat surface as you can with your mouth. You grip her with your lips and tongue, and bob your head back and forth. Your hands are busy jacking her off at the same time.
Luna doesn't last long under that onslaught. You feel her cock pulse. Your mouth is flooded with hot thick salty liquid. You choke and pull back, sputtering. But that was only the first wave. Another massive spurt is following right behind, and it catches you full in the face, painting it white. You can't move, you sit there frozen as she firehoses cum all over you. Her seed splashes across your face and then drips down in globs onto your body—and Lavender's.
You keep sitting, stunned, long after Luna's orgasm subsides. After a little while you swallow unconsciously, since your mouth is full of liquid, and it's only as you feel the thick load go down your throat that the situation sinks in.
You are kneeling, covered in jizz, in front of the horse whose dick you just sucked. Slowly you turn yourself around and lay on your back. Nothing prepared you for this. You really don't know what to do. You don't even know how you feel about what you just did, which is unexpected: you thought would be really regretting it by now, but… You raise your head a little and look down your body. Your dick is hard and standing at attention again.
You guess you're a cocksucker now. You don't know what to think, but your dick has never lied before. You look at your dick and you know you're going to do this again. "As long as they're futa mares," you think, and let your head fall back.
You feel something wet on the side of your face. It's Luna nibbling at your ear. "Thank you, Anon. You did a very good job there." Her eyes drift downward. "I see that got you excited again. Don't worry, I won't leave you in need. Lavender! please take care of the human for me, I'm feeling tired."
The maid dutifully obeys. She climbs on top of your cum-covered chest, and maneuvers your boner into her cunt, and she rides you to sleep.