Say Something Please
Hi there! It's a pleasure to meet you, Penpal!
I'm going to be honest with you, penpal. This is my ninth time trying to write this letter. I should just be myself, shouldn't I? No lies? You wouldn't really judge me, would you?
My name is Melody Breeze. I've never really done a match penpal service before. It’s really weird calling somepony that. A penpal that is. Should I call you Penny? It sure would be a lot easier if they told me your name. I really hope my letter isn't very awkward. I tend to be really awkward and think of the right thing to say two hours after a conversation ended. I just don't get into a lot of conversations with ponies. I suppose I should start by introducing myself.
I'm a mare that lives in Canterlot. I think I look ug pretty normal. I live with my friend alone in my little apartment. I'm a painter, so I get to work at home. It's a pretty cool arrangement! Every day I get to paint to my heart's content. Then, I leave the paintings in a locked box outside my front door. My agent picks them up and leaves the bits my last ones sold. I have groceries and new supplies delivered to me. It's pretty cool because I never really have to leave my home! In fact
Which works great for me! Canterlot is a scary busy place. You don’t want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, like any other city. There's shady ponies who walk the streets at night, looking to rob ponies of bits or take
Anyway! I signed up for a penpal service because I don't really get to go out much. Well, I also don't really want to go out much, I suppose is more honest. It gets really quiet here at the apartment. Really Quiet.
I suppose I should be completely open, huh? I think I need help. And... The point of a penpal is to be completely open with each other, right? To make close friends based on who you are, not what you look like, right?
I'm terrified of going outside.
There's so many things going on outside. It's so big. You never know who or what is around the corner. I know there's a lot of really nice ponies, but a lot of really nice ponies get hurt too. All it takes is one poor soul who is just a bit too optimistic.
I am
I was
I used to be one of those souls.
I... can't bring myself to go back out there. And worse? I don't think I can let anypony else in.
Even trying to get the mail, I run at a full gallop from my front door to my deposit box and back. Then I'll lock myself in my art room for hours at a time. It's not a very large room, but it has a window for some air circulation. In fact, it's where I am right now. Right now my room is a nice bright pink. Last week all four walls were blue and I painted stars all over the ceiling, since I wanted to get the night sky right on a new commission. I've got my bed in the corner of the room. Nothing special, but I can curl up in its many blankets if I really start to panic. It’s so comfy
Well, I'm panicking penpal. My agent is threatening to drop me.
Apparently my art has gotten too... dark. I've been drawing pegasi who lost their ability to fly. I painted a crying diamond dog, walking through a deep blizzard with no coat. I noticed the paychecks were getting smaller. Then...
Well, remember that night painting I talked about?
I've been painting the tree that's just outside my window. As the fall encroaches upon us, the leaves have been turning such brilliant autumn colors... but there are millions of autumn tree paintings. But the one I'm drawing is special. It's a night, under the moon and the stars.
Well, there's a pony under that tree. And it's me. Hanging from the tree.
Don’t you think there's a deep beauty to that idea? I mean, envision the scene. It's dark, but bright. It's loud, screaming with meaning and purpose, but subtle, nuanced. It's peaceful, but unnerving. Can you imagine the sort of discussions a painting like that could create? Like what was the mare's final thoughts? What was the purpose? How long had she been hanging there?
I didn't think... Well. There wasn't supposed to be a reason why it was me.
But I realized I've had a rope on my kitchen table for a week now, and the cider doesn't stop me from thinking anymore.
I talk to myself a lot. I think there's something about the way that my voice bounces off the walls of my house that makes me feel not so alone. Sometimes I'll narrate my life. I'm a terrible storyteller. I'm terrible at a lot of things, penpal.
I can look out my window and see other ponies. Usually they don't see me. See what they look like, but I'm beginning to forget what ponies sound like. It's been such a long time.
I feel so alone.
But hey, now I have a new friend! Who knows. If I have a really good experience with this penpal stuff, maybe I can get a few more. You wouldn't mind being my best friend, right?
That's probably a lot of pressure to put on your shoulders, isn't it? It's not really fair to you. I shouldn't be reliant on getting some sort of validation or response in order to motivate me to keep going, huh. I want to keep going.
I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to be stuck in this room for forever. That I'll die and nopony is going to notice. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared that all that will be left of me is some unsigned painting in a dentist's office. I realize that’s really dark, but they said be yourself on the instructions and-
Anyway. Yeah! So I joined up because I’m going through a really stressful time and I’m nervous of losing my job! Sorry about all of that! I’m terrible at tangents and making things all about me! None of that matters! I wanna hear about you!
What do you like to do? What’s your name? All I really have is the address to send this letter, so I’m still really blind to who you are. What do you do for a job? What’s your favorite food? I love taking a piece of toast and putting tomatoes, garlic, and just a little olive oil on top. It’s called bruschetta! You should try it!
Listen. I’m sorry, I know I unloaded a lot here. I promise I’ll try to be lighter in the future. But I really look forward to your reply. It doesn’t matter how long or short it is! I know we all have very busy lives. It could be a long, thought out response or even just a comment on something I said. I think I just really need somepony to talk to. To feel like somepony listened.
To know that somepony cares.
Please Looking forward to your reply,
Melody
P.S. Sorry about all the scratched out parts. If you thought this letter looked bad, you should see the other ones I did! Haha!