Untouchable
Twilight and Rarity ran down the winding hallway of the inn, gasping for air as the lights around them constantly flickered as if somepony was playing with the power.
“Rarity! She’s gaining on us!”
“Just keep running!”
THUNK!
They both lurched to a stop as an axe went flying past their heads and embedded itself in the wall in front of them just as the corridor turned again. Twilight quickly ran over and started pulling on the axe.
“C’mon! C’mon! W-why won’t it come out!?”
“Twilight! Forget the axe!”
Twilight began to hyperventilate as she heard the sounds of someone charging after both of them down the hallway. Little black specks started appearing in her vision.
“I-I can’t! R-rarity, I can’t do this! I-”
Rarity grabbed Twilight’s hoof and started dragging her away as fast as her hooves could carry her.
“I’m not leaving you here, Darling! This way!”
A scream erupted from almost right behind them. The sound of someone yanking the axe out of the wall spurred them back to a sprint, but both of them knew they wouldn’t last much longer like this.
“Wher-where-where is it!? Ah! Darling! In here!”
Twilight darted into the room Rarity had just ducked in. Seconds after, they closed and locked the door.
“A...A...A bathroom!?” Twilight panted out between labored breaths.
Rarity had, indeed, led them into a tiled bathroom. All Twilight could see was a shower, toilet, sink, blinds, and a few other amenities. What little furniture in the room had already been stacked in front of the door by Rarity.
“A stool and a bucket!? Is that really all we have!?”
Twilight had her back pressed against the door. She shook her head a few times trying to clear the spots while hoping her heart would stop trying to jump out of her chest soon.
“Well, Darling, if I had the time, or if Rainbow was still with us, we could have done some scouting first. I’m working with what I have on hoof!”
THWACK!
Just to the left of Twilight’s head, the tip of an axe appeared in the door.
“And so am I!” Starlight screamed from the other side of the door. The axe tip disappeared.
Twilight scrambled away from the door just as Starlight took another whack at it.
Lightning cracked just outside, lighting the bathroom up for a few seconds.
The Window!
Twilight opened the curtains to find a small, barred window. Desperately, she used her magic to try to yank the bars apart, but her strength was a pale comparison to what it was before she had entered the inn.
“This isn’t fair! I never agreed to this!” Twilight whined, still working at the bars.
“Twilight!” Rarity cried out, grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her away from the window.
“This is all your fault Rarity! I told you I didn’t want any part of this!”
THWACK!
“I know, Twilight, I know!” Rarity’s eyes filled with tears until a few bled free from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. “But it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I promise it.”
Twilight looked into the deep blue eyes of Rarity, her friend. One of a handful of mares she would trust her life to. “R-really? B-but how?”
“Because, Twilight,” Rarity spoke in a hushed tone, as if comforting a small foal. “The virgin never dies in a horror story.”
Twilight blinked.
Rarity blinked back and smiled.
“What?”
“It’s true, Darling!” Rarity went on in a happier tone. “You’ll be fine. When Starlight breaks through the door, I’ll distract her and you just-”
“What in the hay makes you think I’m a virgin?” Twilight interrupted, glaring at Rarity, who simply scoffed.
“Oh, Darling, there is nothing wrong with it. It’s just-”
“Well, it sure sounds like there’s something wrong with it.”
THWACK!
“Twilight, dear, now is not the time to get into this. Starlight-”
“I know what Starlight is doing, Rarity!” Twilight grit her teeth in annoyance and walked over to the door, taking a look outside from one of the many holes Starlight’s axe had made in it so far.
“Starlight!” Twilight yelled through the door. Starlight stopped mid-swing in surprise.
“Kiiinda busy here, Twi, just gimme another minute and I’ll-”
“Are you seriously not going to kill me because you think I’m a virgin!?”
Starlight looked back through the slit in the door at Twilight, confusedly.
“I mean,-” Starlight looked to the side briefly and let out a fake cough. “-I don’t just think it, Twilight. And, honestly, I promise I’ll try to kill you, but-”
“-You don’t think you will manage to? Because, what, I’m smart!? Or-or maybe because I defeated every villain I’ve gone up against so far?”
Starlight nervously laughed a little, using the butt of the axe to scratch the back of her head. “I mean, suuure. That’s exactly it.”
Silence hung between them for a moment.
“...It’s the virgin thing, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s the virgin thing.” Starlight confirmed. “Now, if you don’t mind?” Starlight pointed at the axe.
“This is ridiculous!” Twilight yelled an octave higher than normal as she turned away from the door.
“Oh, for Celestia’s sake.” Starlight groaned out.
“Twily-nana’s?” Rarity called out.
“Twily-nana’s.” Starlight confirmed.
“Twily-nana’s!?” Twilight almost screeched out. “I am not going Twily-nana's here!”
“Well, it sounds like your going Twily-nana’s in there.”
THWACK!
“Stop using that word! And this doesn’t make any sense! The virgin lives!? Wait-” Twilight put a hoof to her chin. Her eyes widened as she approached the battered door again.
“Hey, Starlight? Can I ask you something?”
“Yes? But could you make it quick? This door is oddly strong compared to the others, unless you wouldn’t mind unlocking it and-”
“NO!” Rarity screamed.
“You killed Fluttershy, right?” Twilight asked, shaking her head to dislodge the image that question brought up.” I mean, I saw it, with the lawnmower; but that wasn’t an illusion or anything?”
Starlight sighed in annoyance. “No, it was not an illusion, why?”
“Aha!” Twilight pumped her hoof in the air. “See? You DO kill virgins! So-”
“Darling?” Rarity interrupted, floating a few bits of wood in the air and trying to put them back into the holes Starlight had put in the door. “Fluttershy isn’t...well, you know.”
“What!?”
“Yeah, C’mon, Twilight, I mean, we aren’t that close but even I knew that much about Fluttershy.” Starlight chimed in.
“B-but-” Twilight sputtered.” Who? When!? How?”
“Darling,” Rarity gently places a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, “a lady doesn't kiss and tell.”
“Bull patootie!”
“Hmph, well, be that as it may. It is pretty obvious if you know her well.”
“Rarity, she is one of the elements of harmony! We are linked by the magic of friendship, I know Fluttershy like I know the back of my hoof!” Twilight argued.
Rarity grinned and patted Twilight on the head. “Twilight, sweetie, if you did, then how do you not know about her interest in more...amorous activities, let us say?”
Twilight blushed. “Why would I know that, Rarity!? I don’t think that kind of stuff about my friends!”
“You’re not helping your case on the not being a virgin thing, Twilight.” Starlight called out, taking another swing at the door.
Rarity lightly shook her head. “Ignore her. And it’s fine if you and Fluttershy do not share such things, Darling, but it also means you don’t know her as well as you think.”
THWACK!
“Soo...Fluttershy-”
“-Became curious and interested after her first year of helping animals and...let’s say, seeing some things she was not expecting.”
Twilight nodded before her eyes widened. Her stomach did a sudden somersault. “You mean she-”
“-has likely engaged in such actions more than I myself have.” Rarity confirmed.
“With those poor animals?!”
For a few seconds, everything went deathly quiet. Even the crickets outside the inn stopped chirping.
“Darling, no. Just, no.” Rarity, pressed her hoof to her forehead. “Stallions and mares. Sometimes several at once.”
“O-oh...”
“Twilight?” Starlight called out. “I’m really not interested in overhearing anymore of this kind of stuff, okay? Just...sort it out later if you survive this. I’m gonna, well you know, get back to what I’m supposed to be doing now.”
THWACK!
“...Learning things tonight I never wanted to.” Twilight sighed out. “Okay...what about Trixie?”
THUNK!
“Thunk?” Rarity questioned.
“Sorry, hit the side of the axe into the door by accident so it just kinda-”
“-What about Trixie!?” Twilight demanded.
“What about Trixie, Twilight?” Rarity asked, a touch of perspiration sliding down her forehead.
Rarity received a harsh glare. “You know what I’m asking, don’t make me have to say it.”
Starlight sputtered a bit from behind the door. “W-well you know...I mean, she’s dead, right? I totally killed her, so-”
“-B-but you couldn’t! She’s a virgin!” Twilight spit out as she stalked towards Rarity, pinning her to the wall.
“uhm...hehe...S-Starlight?” Rarity called out desperately. “A-a little help here?”
“On it!”
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
“She has to be, Rarity.” Twilight insisted, an inch from Rarity’s face.
“Why? What on Equestria makes you so sure that-”
“Because she told me and said it was okay if I was too!”
“SHE WHA- Wooooah!”
THUNK! CRASH!
After a few seconds of silence, Rarity called out to Starlight. “Darling? Are you okay?”
“Owww…, I’m okay, I just missed and slipped after hearing-Did she really tell you that!?”
“As untouched as the first deck of cards before a magic trick” Twilight said in a lecturing tone. “Like a pristine Princess awaiting her perfect chosen pony to finally unlock the gates and be theirs.”
“Uhm…” Rarity muttered.
“Her words, not mine.” Twilight said with finality. Her cheeks were getting increasingly red, though whether it was because of embarrassment or anger even she couldn't tell.
THWACK!
“Seriously, what is this door made of? All of the others barely stood up to three swings!!” Starlight growled out. “Well, you know Trixie, she likes to exaggerate and-”
“So she LIED to me!?” Twilight nearly shrieked.
“N-no Darling! W-well...maybe? Umm...uhhhh...” Rarity was sweating profusely, looking at the enraged Alicorn in front of her whose hair was starting to smoulder. “...You know what? I’m out.” Rarity said before swiftly walking around Twilight and unlocking the door.
Less than a second later, Rarity had an axe buried in her chest.
“Thank Celestia…” Rarity mumbled before falling over face down on the tiled floor. A crimson stain quickly started to form around her.
“Okay, just gonna roll you over for a second, and-”
Starlight pressed one hind leg against Rarity’s still form and with a wet squelch pulled the axe out, gently using a hoof to nudge her face down again afterwards. “There, now-”
“I did that too you know!”
Starlight looked over to Twilight, confused at the outburst and lack of fear on her face after seeing one of her friends killed. “What?”
“You know,-” Twilight’s eyes darted around briefly, as if to ensure secrecy. “-the sex thing.”
“No-” Starlight started to argue. “-You cannot still be on about-”
“But I have! My stamen has-has well, you know-” Twilight waved one of her hooves erratically in the air. “T-t-ouched another ponies p-pistil.”
“I swear to Luna, Twilight. Yes, I am a guidance counselor, but I am NOT having this talk with you! And your stamen!? Really?” Starlight pointed to a part between Twilight’s legs. “That’s plants, not ponies, and you’re not even the right gender. Now, could we please-”
Starlight made a half hearted lunge at Twilight with the axe, only to have Twilight dodge out of the way and continue talking.
“Starlight, you know me. I mean, know know, right? You’ve seen me bring ponies back to the castle before, haven’t you?”
“For meetings, yes, but never for THAT.”
Starlight tried flinging the axe at Twilight’s mid section.
“They could have been!” Twilight countered, using her forehooves and a burst of weak magic to knock the axe away at precisely the right angle so she wouldn’t get carved in two. “Maybe they chickened out, huh? M-maybe they stayed the night and we..touched butts together?” Twilight looked to Starlight questioningly.
Starlight put both hooves to her own face. “No, no Twilight. How...you’re a School Principal. How?”
Twilight refused to look at Starlight. “I mean, touched parts together! And, well you know...I just love feeling mine against stallion parts? Like, y’know, when we are around eachother like normal and...I’ve had sex!”
“Of course.” Starlight half-whispered to herself. Starlight briefly shook her body to clear her head and retrieved her axe.”Okay, so, here’s what is going to happen. You are going to run, and I’m going to chase. If you don’t, well.” Starlight put the axe to her own neck and made a slicing motion. “Okay?”
“Well,” Twilight huffed out, making several small glances over to Starlight and away again. “I would, but, what’s the point, right? Since I’ve had sex, I’m not going to get out of here alive anyways.”
“Twilight!” Starlight screamed out, thrusting the axe into the floor in exasperation. “Stop being ridiculous! Do you really want to die!?”
“Of course not! But, since I’m not a virgin, you’re going to catch me anyways, that’s the rules, right? It sucks but you’re just going to wind up killing me like you did with all my friends...who have also had the sex.” Twilight crossed her hooves and sat down on the floor.
“Ya know what Twilight? Fine! I’ll humor you even though you really shouldn’t be this upset about it.”
Twilight grumbled a bit, eyes narrowing. “Well, if I was a virgin, maybe I would have been okay with it if somepony didn’t lie to me!”
“Name one.” Starlight persisted. “Just name for me one pony you’ve had sex with.”
“Ummm...well, there was...ah, who could forget…” Nervously Twilight looked around for a moment. Eventually, to Starlight’s mounting horror, both eyes looked down at the still white corpse in the room.
“Her. We had a sleepover, and the beds got knocked around, a tree even fell on the house with how big the sex we had was.”
A rough gasp came from the corpse. Rarity began coughing up blood as she, inch by inch, moved her head to look over at Starlight. With the last of her strength, she shook her head. Rarity’s eyes then rolled to the back of her skull, and she was still again.
Starlight gave Twilight a dull look. “Allright, like she said earlier, I’m done with this.” She picked up the axe. “Are you SURE this is what you want?”
“Nopony wants to die, Starlight, but it’s not like I have a way out, right? S-since I’m not a virgin, I mean.”
“Fine.”
Starlight swung the axe down on Twilight, ready to end this charade. However, an inch before it hit, the axe impacted against something and fell back. Twilight’s eyes widened in shock.
“Are you kidding me!?” Twilight growled out.
“It looks like you’re a virgin, Twilight.” Starlight said with a dull tone.
“I’m not! Try again!”
Starlight swung again with the same result.
“Twilight, will you stop lying already!”
“Put your back into it, Starlight!”
Swing and a miss.
Twilight grabbed the axe out of Starlight’s hooves. “No! I deserve to die! I’ve had sex!”
Twilight tried to hit herself with the axe. With a powerful burst of force, the axe once more glanced off her and flew out of her hooves.
“You can’t be-”
Starlight never finished the sentence as the axe cut deep into her throat and embedded there. For a moment, Starlight blinked in shock as a river of blood flooded down her chest and legs. Slowly, mechanically, Starlight dropped to her knees, and fell over.
“NO!” Twilight cried out, shocked. “T-this can’t be!”
The truth was just too much for Twilight.
“Even SHE’s had sex!?”
Starlight weakly glared up at Twilight.
“Rarity? Really? Trixie would’ve been,” Starlight gurgled on the blood in her throat, ”more believable. Gahhh...”
Twilight glared down at the corpse of Starlight.
Starlight’s lifeless eyes looked up at Twilight accusingly. Or, at least, that’s what they screamed to Twilight.
“Quit bringing that con artist up already. This isn’t about that stupid blowhard of a mage you call your ‘best friend’! I could name a hundred mares more interesting and my type before Trixie’s name even comes close to being mentioned!”
Twilight turned around and started pacing the room, ignoring the little splashes she made as her hooves stepped in Rarity and Starlight’s blood.
“So, she’s dead and not a virgin! So that dirty cheat lied to me!? Who cares! That blue bint lies all the time; her whole career is nothing but lies! After this, maybe I’ll just ask Fluttershy to ‘show me the ropes’ if she is so good at it. We’re friends, unlike me and that stupid hack! Maybe I-”
THOMP!
Twilight fell to the ground mid rant as the hidden stairs in the ceiling came down, hitting her in the head.
“Oh, Trixie is so sorry about that.”
The blue showmare made her way down the ladder as Twilight found her senses again and got back to her hooves.
“T-Trixie!” She stuttered out, confused and shocked. “How are you still alive!?”
“Hmph.” Trixie gave Twilight a brief glare before turning around and pushing her nose into the air, refusing to look at her. “As you said, this ‘blue bint’ lies all the time, so why shouldn’t her death also be a lie?”
Twilight cringed in place. “O-oh...so you heard that?”
“Perfectly.”
Twilight did a quick glance around, confirming everypony else was dead.
“Hey, I was upset, I didn’t-”
A third voice interrupted the two.
“Well, this was not quite what we had expected. T’was fun to see, regardless.”
Princess Luna calmly walked into the bathroom and looked around.
“I guess it’s over now, right?” Twilight questioned, looking at Luna. Trixie briefly looked over to Twilight.
“Twilight, I wasn’t b-”
“-The two of you did win, though by means I was not expecting.” Luna interrupted.
Trixie looked at the both of them for a second, puzzled. Her eyes widened suddenly as if she just had an epiphany before her face once again hardened in anger. She turned her muzzle away from the two of them.
Luna casually removed the axe from Starlight’s neck. A few seconds later, Starlight began coughing and stood back up with a helping hoof by Luna.
“Thanks. Pony feathers, that ending was stupid.”
“I must agree, Darling.” Rarity seconded, standing up and giving herself a brief shake. She grimaced as she scratched a hoof over the smooth, bloodied fur where the axe had once been embedded. “All this red on me, it’s simply ghastly! Yes, it is true that white goes with anything, but I fear blood is an exception to that rule.”
“Speaking of rules,” Twilight asked, “what happened to my magic? I never agreed to losing it for this.”
“Twilight, if I let you and Miss Glimmer keep your full power, not only would this inn have been destroyed, but it would just have become a battle between the two of you. Where is the fun if everypony can’t participate in the event?” Luna asked calmly.
“Participate?” Twilight wrinkled her nose. “Is that what you call what happened to Applejack?” Twilight looked over to Starlight.
“Hey! How was that MY fault?”
“You cut the cord to the elevator! She was involved for all of five minutes before you turned her from Applejack to Applesauce!” Twilight retorted as Starlight rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, that is Horror 101, Twilight, never go into an elevator shaft for any reason. She should have known better. How could I not cut that cord?” Luna and Rarity nodded in agreement.
“Well it isn’t very fair if you don’t explain the rules before hoof, now is it?” Twilight argued with a huff.
“Hmph, Trixie would have expected the well read and dateless Twilight Sparkle to already know the rules to every genre out there.” Trixie retorted, a bored expression on her face as she continued to not look at Twilight.
Twilight groaned and walked over to Trixie, trying to get in front of her while Trixie continued to angle her head away. “I don’t read horror, Trixie! And what happened to ‘Run! Trixie will hold her off!’? How did you live through being alone with Starlight?”
“Darling,” Rarity said gently, placing a recently cleaned of blood hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “That’s a well known trope for the love interest to do.”
“I thought the theme of this was horror?” Twilight asked, confusedly.
“Well yes, but horror is often mixed with other themes, Darling. Few stories ever survive in their own little void.” Rarity went on, her tone taking a turn towards the dramatic. “Just think of it. The innocent heroine is trapped with one of her best friends in a small room. No way out, as the killer bursts through the door, taking the lovely, refined, and clearly more experienced mare out before the heroine’s eyes.”
“I’m not inexperienced! I’ve done...things.” Twilight interrupted a touch lamely.
“Cough, cough, c-liar, cough, cough..” Trixie hacked out suddenly. Twilight growled over at her while Trixie looked away and started whistling a tune.
Rarity continued, ignoring them. “Just as the killer closes in, the heroine’s love interest, who is thought to be dead, lowers a ladder for the heroine to escape with. The two hide in the attic, confessing their feelings and sharing the most intimate moment of their young, inexperienced, virgin lives before working to figure out how to stop the killer. A simple theme, yes, but a glorious mixing of the romance and horror genre.”
“It would have been glorious, until somepony took me out ahead of schedule.“ Starlight commented, staring disapprovingly at Twilight.
“Excuse me!?” Twilight said with a raised voice. “I told you I really didn’t like this idea, but I didn’t want to ruin everypony else’s fun! And why in Equestria did you think to try to lock me and Trixie in the attic together for this?”
Everypony else but Trixie groaned before Rarity stepped in.
“Twilight,” She said, exasperated. “this has been going on for months now. Will you please just tell us that you two are dating already!”
“Wait,” Twilight said, removing Rarity’s hoof from her shoulder as she looked around to everypony in the room. “D-did all of you set this terrible event up just so me and Trixie would confess to being a couple!?” Twilight asked, mouth agape.
Rarity looked deep into Twilight’s eyes and took her hoof, petting it gently to calm her down and show her sincerity. “We were hoping that the backbiting and rude comments would stop and you’d both be more honest, but when that didn’t happen we felt that somepony needed to...speed it along.”
Twilight was silent for a moment.
“Fine,” Starlight stated after Twilight's silence stretched a little too long for her liking. “Trixie? Would you please tell the rest of us if you and Twilight are dating?”
Trixie looked over at Starlight, her expression bored. “Trixie has nothing to say at this time.” she said in an almost monotone way before looking to Twilight. “Do you have anything to say?”
Twilight glanced around the room briefly, her cheeks turning red before she looked to the side and took her hoof back from Rarity. “Nope. There is nothing to say. I have no idea where you get these crazy ideas, Rarity. Trixie and I are not seeing each other.”
For a brief second, Trixie almost seemed like she was going to roll her eyes, but stopped herself. “Well, there you go. It’s not like Trixie would go out with a pony who insults her career and smells like dust anyways.” Trixie chimed in mechanically again while Rarity facehoofed.
With that misunderstanding out of the way, Twilight turned back to Trixie, catching her eyes for just a second before Trixie turned away again. “Trixie, were you in on this too?”
“Trixie the liar and bint was unaware of these plans.”
Twilight eyed her curiously. “Then why did you stay behind?”
Trixie scoffed. “Am I not benevolent? Risking herself for her fans is just what the Great and P-”
“Trixie!”
“...Virgins don’t normally die in horror stories.” Trixie shrugged and glared at Twilight. “And some pony was clearly taking the role of the heroine. What else was Trixie supposed to do to make sure she lived through this and won?”
“So when Starlight chased after you?” Twilight pressed.
“We had a nice talk about Trixie’s upcoming performance next week and what Starlight would do in it,” Trixie said, thinking back. “Then Starlight mentioned a good place for Trixie to hide, looked out the window, and saw Fluttershy near some animals and a lawnmower. Then she ran off.”
Twilight glared at her pupil furiously.
“What? You know what the plan was already, why would I axe her?”
“...Whatever.” Twilight looked over to Luna. “Can we call it now?”
Luna nodded and closed her eyes. Seconds later, her horn began to glow.
“Wait!” Rarity cried out, wide eyed and frantically pointing at Twilight as the glow from Luna’s horn got brighter. “Could you please just clear this up already Darling? I want to see you in a healthy relationship instead of bickering all the time!”
“Rarity, for the last time! Me and Trixie are n-”
“In a relationship!”
Twilight gasped and pushed forward until she was upright in bed, panting a little. A quick glance over to the open window confirmed that the night was still clear with a beautiful moon as she lay alone in her bed.
“Stupid Rarity,” Twilight muttered, calming herself. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
With a brief stretch Twilight stood up and walked over to the window, gazing over Ponyville briefly. By her calculations, it was only a few hours till dawn.
Without meaning to, and with nothing more than a cursory glance of curiosity, Twilight’s eyes flickered over the spot where a certain wagon was usually parked.
“Ridiculous.”
The lights were off in Trixie’s wagon, something Twilight observed just for the sake of Starlight. Nothing good would come of it if anything happened to one of Starlight’s friends, she thought.
She continued to look over Ponyville, counting time until the clock struck the quarter hour.
A pinkish light pulsed from the wagon’s window.
Twilight definitely didn’t have the slightest clue as to why.
The light briefly went out, and then on again, then out once more. Twilight’s horn in turn glowed bright for a few seconds before dying out.
Even if Starlight’s taste in them is terrible.
With that, Twilight went back to her bed, grabbing one of two movie tickets to a horror flick for tomorrow on her night stand and casually teleporting it into the much smaller of two dumpsters behind the castle. Spike always complained about never being able to open or use this one, but it’s not like he needed to anyways.
Slowly she made her way back under the covers and nuzzled in, briefly thinking about what the day ahead of her would bring. With any luck, nopony would come by in an hour and find that ticket, forcing her to deal with them throughout the movie she was going to alone in the afternoon.
The thought of Rarity screaming in exasperation came unbidden to Twilight’s thoughts for the brief few seconds she was still awake, before sliding away with her consciousness.