For Your Efforts
Capper moved through the crowd trying to get nearer to the stage, getting ready to hear a speech.
Over the last few days he had found more altruism in himself then he ever believed possible. His biggest concern just a few days ago was trying to clear up a debt to a Mole Rat in order to save his worthless hide. However, thanks to far too many risks to his liking, he had helped save a princess, gathered together a crew, and contributed to the destruction of a dark tyrant. He was a con-artist, and he would be until he shuffled off this mortal coil. Despite that undeniable fact, a respected Oligarch was going to step up to a microphone and congratulate him on front of thousands for his heroism.
And the scary thing was... He felt like he had actually earned that praise. He hardly knew what to think about that.
He knew that the celebration was only halfway done, and Songbird Serenade was taking five, so the microphone was free for Princess Twilight Sparkle to say a few words. Rainbow Dash had told him that he, among others, would be thanked by name in a small address made by the princess to the crowd. And so he looked at the empty stage until Twilight Sparkle took to the microphone
"Excuse me," Twilight said softly. "Can I have your attention for a moment?"
The crowd fell silent as the princess began to speak.
"Thank you," she began. "I've heard a lot about what... I've... Done to help Equestria from all of you today... And I want to thank you for your kind words but... I feel like I've been dishonest with you."
No, you haven't, Capper couldn't help but critique the speech in his head. He was a good con artist because he never said this kind of thing out loud. Trust me, filly, I know dishonest. You've been fine.
"During my adventure I..." Twilight seemed ashamed of saying the next part. "I faltered. I betrayed the trust I tried to gain, I forgot the lessons I learned from my mentor... And what's worse, I said I would be better off without my friends."
About that, Capper continued the imaginary dialogue in his brain. From what I understand, your trust in your friends literally gives you superpowers... How exactly did that thought even cross your mind?
"And not only was I amazingly, astoundingly wrong about that," Twilight said softly. "The Storm King couldn't have been stopped if I hadn't made new friends. I had to trust in the goodness of strangers, and give them a reason to trust me. We should all give our trust a little more freely."
Absolutely, said the darker part of Capper's brain. What's getting mugged when you make good friends, right?
"And so this is a thank you," Twilight continued. "A sincere thank you to all
of the new friends we made in our journey. First, a thank you to Princess Skystar and Queen Novo of the hippogriffs. Who are at this very moment reopening trade relationships with our fair nation. They have a long night ahead of them."
I offered to help, Capper sighed internally. But you guys were worried about me as ambassador. Why? I could sell ice to the yaks. Give me give minutes in that room, and I'll have them selling Mount-- Oh, that was the problem, wasn't it...
"And to Captain Celaeno," Twilight smiled. "I was originally told that I couldn't officially thank pirates, but a friend of mine told that official that he could sit on the tallest tree in her orchard and spin."
Thank you Applejack, Capper thought, giving a broad smile. You're the one I like. Also, I might want to avoid Pretty Bird for the time being... We managed to put aside our differences to deal with the Storm King, but now that we're done she might...
"And finally," Twilight said. "To Capper. You taught me the value of being your best even in the worst of surroundings. And anyone has the ability to inspire."
You know I've never thought of it like that, Capper thought, envisioning his future. I'm not a crook! I'm inspiring! That will work for me later... Maybe I'll go into politics. Also, thanks Twilight. To my surprise, it really was my pleasure.
"This... All of this... Is for you," Twilight smiled. "These accommodations, for your comforts. This adulation, for your accomplishments. And finally, our eternal friendship, for your efforts."
The accommodations are perfectly comfortable, Capper thought. The adulation is something i can get used to... And I think that friendship is the first of its kind I'm interested in keeping.
"So please! Enjoy yourselves!" Twilight smiled. There was some loud applause and the crowd dispersed back into the party.
Capper looked around the party and took note of the ponies and other assorted people in it. Many smart commoners, a few intelligent nobles, though not many... And a couple of fairly easy marks.
Capper wondered if it was right to take advantage of any of these people. They had brought him here to congratulate him on his heroism. No... It was wrong to try to fill his empty wallet with shady grift from these kind folks. It was just wrong.
Filling his empty bed, however... Heck, he wouldn't even have to lie...
The cat-man smiled and went on the prowl.
Skystar caught up with her mother on her way to the palace. Queen Novo had been running through some points of negotiations in her head, and she wanted Skystar to watch. Skystar wasn't super keen on the idea of skipping a party to talk about reopening trade negotiations... But she was technically grounded, so if this was the best she could do to see her friends, she'd take it.
"Mom!" she squeaked as her mother flew to the castle balcony.
"What has been taking you so long, Skystar?" Novo said.
"I was... Okay, I was getting some punch," Skystar admitted. "I'm sorry. It just looked so good."
"Look, I'll admit I'm happy you've made friends," Novo smiled. "And I promise there will be time to spend with them, but this is important stuff I want you to see! One day, you're going to be queen. So it's important you know how to conduct yourself when dealing with leaders of foreign nations."
They both landed on the balcony. "Mom," Skystar asked. "Are you going to be okay...?"
"I'll be fine," Novo reassured her daughter. "It's just the first time I've dealt with a foreign power since..."
Skystar put her talons onto her mother's shoulder. "Dad would be so proud of you," she reassured Novo. "You've done such a good job since he's been gone."
"Keeping our people isolated and xenophobic?" Novo gave a grim smile. "Hiding us underwater to get away from others... Exactly what your father wanted, I'm sure..."
"You kept our people safe," Skystar reminded her. "You've turned me into... Well, something presentable. Mom, he would have been so proud of you... Like he always was."
Novo smiled and hugged her daughter. "Thank you, honey," she said softly. "I know he'd be proud of you too."
Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight came out to the castle balcony. "Novo," Celestia said warmly. "It's been far too long."
"Tia!" Novo said, as she approached the princess and kissed her on both cheeks, with Celestia returning the favor. "I love what you've done with your mane. I don't think you've met my daughter, Princess Skystar."
"It's an honor to meet you, Majesty," Skystar said modestly.
"A greater one for me, I'm sure," Celestia smiled. "Novo, I believe you've already met my protoge."
Twilight Sparkle stepped forward. "Your majesty," she began. "I can't apologize enough for the incident with the pearl... Any punishment you feel is necessary--"
Novo raised a talon to stop her. "If you had something that could free my people, I would have torn this castle down around your ears to get it," she reassured Twilight. "All is forgiven."
"I heard what happened to Albion," Celestia said sadly. "Novo, I’m so sorry... I wish I could have done something."
"It's alright," Novo smiled. "I wasn't asking for the help we needed anyway. On a lighter note, I hear your sister has come back!"
"Yes, thanks to Twilight," Celestia smiled. "I'm just so happy to have her home again."
"Good... I'm glad," Novo said. There was a long pause. A tense one. As if one of the world leaders were waiting for the other to draw her gun. "I guess that only leaves us with one question..."
"What's that?" Celestia said sweetly.
"Why exactly should the tariff I pay on imported goods from Equestria be equal to that of your tariff to us, when you can ship your goods much more easily considering your kingdom's high Magic-User population?" Novo said frankly.
Skystar's jaw hit the ground, along with Twilight's. Princess Celestia didn't even flinch.
"Well," Celestia said softly. "Some things never change, do they, Ambassador Novo?"
"Queen Novo, now, Tia," Novo reminded her.
"And it took Albion long enough." Celestia smiled.
Novo gave a little chuckle of appreciation. "Five percent cut, before we open the routes back up," she said firmly. "Or ours can go up by five percent. Take your pick."
Skystar had heard of a friend of her mother's, a mare from a far off land with a keen eye, and even keener wit. This skilled negotiator became Novo's rival in everything. From horseshoes, to foot-racing, to a mere battle of words. It was a friendship Novo appreciated. She described her rival as a whetstone. Something to make sure her mind stayed sharp.
"Oh, Novo," Celestia said with a devilish grin. "I've missed our little chats.
Celaeno cut through the thick crown, looking for Capper. She had two of her scariest crew behind her.
When Capper came to her a few days ago and begged her for help, she nearly gutted him like a fish and used him to make a tennis racket. The chrome-plated nerve of the idiot to walk up to her when he had owed her that much money for that long... But then a weird thing happened. He got sincere... More sincere than Celaeno had ever seen him. It was only when the name "Twilight Sparkle" was mentioned that she knew Capper was telling the truth. So she and her crew came together to help their new friends against the Storm King.
The Storm King was defeated now though... and Capper did have a major debt to repay.
Celaeno found him sitting at a party table surrounded by females of all different species, looking as puffed up as ever. "'These heroes have faced the Storm King several times and escaped,' I said..." Capper was scarily good at working a crowd. "Modesty forbids me from saying Princess Twilight was absolutely right about me being an 'inspiration,' but..."
"Yes, an inspiration," Celaeno spoke up. "Like how he came to me, quite literally on his knees, and begged me for help. Or how before that, he literally tried to sell the ponies he so inspired into--"
"It's good to see you, Pretty Bird," Capper said. "How have you been doing?"
"Where's my money, Capper?" Celaeno asked point blank, as the gaggle of women began to back off. "Three thousand bits, for services rendered."
"I...," Capper looked like he was trying to come up with a lie, and then he seemed to give up. "Look, I don't have it," he frowned. "I'm probably never going to have it. I'm a deadbeat, and if I were to get it I'd only end up in debt to someone else... So do whatever you want to me, but have it wait until after the party, will you?"
Celaeno was taken aback. There was that sincerity again. He really had resigned himself to a potential beating. He didn't care about his future, or the next score. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy himself tonight. Because tomorrow he would face the music and let himself be overtaken by the beasts he'd been running from all of his life.
Well, Celaeno was no beast... and she aimed to prove that. "How about you work it off?" she said, and almost immediately regretted it. This was Capper she was talking about.
"Excuse me?" Capper asked, obviously confused.
"Good, not-so-honest work," Celaeno clarified. "My crew could use you. And that silver tongue of yours... You've also been around more than the rest of us. You'd make a good navigator."
"You're asking me," Capper said, his face lighting up. "To be a pirate?"
"Swashbuckling treasure hunter," Celaeno clarified.
Capper gave her an exasperated look. "Pirate."
"Yeah," Celaeno said frankly. "Are you in?"
Capper seemed to consider that for a minute. "... Maybe," he said. "What would I need to do?"
"Rule number one," Celaeno said firmly. "No conning the crew. This is your family now, and we keep to the code. You stay loyal to the family."
"Fair enough," Capper smiled. "Rule two?"
"You con anything from anyone else," Celaeno continued. "It gets added to the haul, that's split equally among the crew during shore leave. If I catch you skimming, Capper..."
Capper raised his paws to calm her down. "I'm offended you'd even think of that, Pretty Bird," he said defensively. "Anything else?"
"You have problems, you come to me," Celaeno said softly. "I look after my own."
Capper smiled and blushed despite himself. "I could use that," he said sincerely. "Okay... So what do I have to do... Cut my paw to make a blood oath?"
"Nope..." It was Celaeno's turn for a devilish grin. "Initiation."
Capper suddenly looked very nervous. "Initiation?"
"A game of drink," Celaeno explained. "Polly, Flint, if you could fetch the rum."
The two crewmates flew back to the shop to fetch the liquor. "You beat me, and I take care of scrubbing the galley for the next week... You lose, and you take care of it for the next month."
"Seems a bit unbalanced," Capper smiled.
"You don't know how disgusting the galley can get," Celaeno said, taking a seat across from Capper. "And how much I truly hate cleaning it."
"You seem confident." Capper folded his arms.
"No one has ever beaten the captain," Flint called down. He and Polly were carrying a keg of rum. They landed, and dropped two tankards in front of the competitors.
Capper looked at the tankard, and then at Celaeno. "Nah," Capper said happily. "Come on, Pretty Bird... I can't do this. Your crew idolizes you, I can't embarrass you in front of them."
The two crew mates made some noises of reaction. "That is surprising," Celaeno smiled. "I didn't expect I'd ever have to hear that from a pussy."
Polly gave a sharp laugh, but Flint was confused. "What?... He's a cat... What's funny?"
"Oho," Capper laughed, pushing his tankard forward. "Its on now, Pretty Bird."
"'Captain' Pretty Bird, to you," Celaeno smiled.
The Tankards were filled, and the competitors took their positions.
"DRINK!!" screeched Polly.
What Skystar was witnessing was equal parts fascinating and terrifying.
Novo and Celestia had been back and forth with the tariff negotiations since they began. Neither of them giving an inch. Throughout the negotiations they had started playing games. Celestia won the round of checkers, so Novo insisted they move to chess. That ended in a stalemate, so they moved onto darts, which came to an abrupt end when one flew out the window and a scream was heard from the party below. From there they moved to a foot race until they realized that even for an immortal, age can occasionally creep up on you. That's when they had brought out the pack of cards and had started playing poker. And all of this was happening while two shrewd diplomats were being frightfully good at their jobs.
"Like I keep saying, Tia," Novo said as the cards were dealt for the next hand. "My people face more challenges when it comes to shipping, especially when you're dealing with seaweed. Perishable items, across a desert in that heat... Do you understand the cost of not only shipping the goods safely, but keeping my people safe in the process? Ante."
"Perhaps you should look into cutting costs?" Celestial said sweetly, as she threw five bits into the pot. "You could save a lot of money by using that pearl of yours to help with shipping... After all, with THAT you can travel by water. Twenty."
Novo raised an eyebrow as twenty bits fell into the pile. "I actually hadn't thought of that... That might knock three or four percent off of the tariff. See your twenty, raise you ten."
"Oh come on, Novo," Celestia rolled her eyes. "You know better than that! We can sit here until someone turns us both into glue, you're not getting that increase. Reraise."
"I think you're bluffing," Novo said, biting her lip and looking at the table.
"I've got an eternity to waste here-"
"No," Novo clarified, pointing at the pot. "I think you're bluffing."
"Oh, right," Celestia shook her head. "Sorry. Call?"
"Call," Novo nodded, her two-pair didn't stand up to Celestia's full house, so she grunted as Celestia took the pot. "One more hand?"
"I'm game!" Celestia smiled.
Twilight leaned in close to Skystar's ear. "Have you ever seen your mother like this?"
"Not once," Skystar responded. "It's majorly freaky. She's like a machine."
"I'm usually in the room when there are discussions like this," Twilight said quietly. "Celestia doesn't get this... Intense. It's super weird... I wonder how many places we'd have conquered at this point if she had acted like this to other diplomats..."
"If these two ever got together, they could conquer the world if they wanted," Skystar confirmed. "Scary..."
"And this... Is what we have to learn how to be in the future..." Twilight looked at her mentor with admiration. "More than a little intimidating..."
Skystar pondered her future. "How are you at poker?" she asked Twilight.
The two princesses laughed as Celestia called the hand.
Mook number 12114 realized he should come up with a name, since he was suddenly free now. He wasn't working for the Storm King anymore, and the nice yellow pony had explained to him that the only reason he had helped the Storm King enslave people is that he was a slave to his own emotions... And the vat he was grown in never appreciated him for the lumbering brute he tried to be... No. That was all behind him now. He was his own monster now. He needed a name.
Digby. Digby seemed appropriate. He spent most of his days digging holes, but he never asked what would go in them. That would have to change. He would decide what went in the holes now.
Digby had been wandering around the big party that the ponies had been having celebrating the death of his boss. It seemed a bit excessive. When the Mooks would celebrate the death of their enemies, it just meant an extra bowl of gruel. But these ponies were singing and dancing and taking the day off work. He was concerned about the odd light feeling in his heart, and wondered if he was sick. The pink pony told him that he was having "fun." And it was nothing to worry about.
This was certainly a less dangerous life than henchmanning, but danger was far from absent. Earlier that night a dart had fallen from the castle and hit Mook 71713.
... Ralph. He would now be known as one-eyed Ralph.
Since then he wandered into a sizable crowd cheering on the Cat-Man and Bird-Lady to see how much gruel they could choke down before one of them got sick. Not an uncommon challenge. This gruel was funny, though. It seemed to make them wobbly on their feet, and make them lose focus. This seemed counterproductive, as gruel was supposed to keep your mind sharp for that evening's ruthless oppression... Perhaps this was more of that "fun" the pink pony was talking about.
Soon the Cat-Man collapsed, and the Bird-Lady rose sneakily to her feet. "ULMPH!" the Bird-Lady said defiantly, before collapsing herself.
There was cheering by the other Bird-People, and the pony with the rainbow mane reluctantly handed five of those coins they had been passing around all night to the pony with the funny hat.
The noise seemed to die quickly as four ponies... Maybe two ponies and two Bird-Ponies? Anyway, they entered the area, and suddenly all of the noise came to a halt. Digby understood immediately. One of them was the boss, and they had done something inefficiently.
"What the heck are you doing?!" said the purple pony that Commander Tempest sent him to capture. Hardly any point now. "This is supposed to be a celebration of friendship and a reopening of diplomatic relationships, and you two are getting drunk."
"I think we're well beyond drunk," said the smaller of the two Bird-Ponies. "Can I -"
"No," said the larger Bird-Pony flatly
"Queen Novo, you have my sincerest apologies once again," the purple pony said plaintively. "I can only imagine how offended you must be..."
"I'm only offended that nobody invited me," Queen Novo replied. "I could drink anyone here under the table, if you'd give me a chance."
The purple pony's jaw hit the floor... But the large white pony seemed to give a very devilish grin. "Novo," she said sweetly. "We've both made concessions during these negotiations... Let's not get ridiculous..."
"Celestia," Novo said quietly. "The last time we did this we--"
"The Badlands are a natural landmark," Celestia said happily. "Just as much as that mountain was. Anyway, we're more experienced now... And we have our protégés to look out for us."
Novo looked at her daughter and smiled. Then turned back to Celestia. "You're on," she said gleefully.
"Twilight," Celestia said calmly. "There is a bottle of Griffon Pit Brandy behind the throne."
"This seems... dangerous," Twilight said shakily.
"You call it dangerous," the smaller Bird-Pony smiled. "I call it foreign relations!"
As Twilight raced back to the castle, Novo and Celestia moved the Cat-Man and Bird-Lady out of the way, and sat across from each other. Digby began to feel restless... He should be doing something. Working. He had never thought about it before, but he liked working. Maybe he's sweep up the confetti. This "fun" was a perfectly fine for these ponies. But for him, it was natural to work. And since no one was forcing him, there was very little pressure if he failed.
And it occurred to him as Twilight returned with the bottle that it must be nice to be thanked for your efforts.
" Three... Two... One... DRINK!"